EPIC RAP BATTLES: APPLEJACK VS GRIMMJOW

by Air Psyren

Rating: teen
Tags: Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, DJ P0N-3, Doctor Whooves, Other, Comedy, Random, Crossover
Length: 1569

A rap battle between Grimmjow and Applejack

It's a normal day, with Applejack bucking apples with the help of Vinyl Scratch. Suddenly, the Doctor appears being chased by a man he had accidently brought to Ponyville. In order to protect her pride and her farm, Applejack takes on Grimmjow in the only true way that can settle a duel. A rap battle.

Published 2012-10-15 10:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-15 10:00:01 UTC

The Battle

Sup guys, I am Psyren and I am here with my grand debut on this website. I only stared watching MLP about a month and a half ago, but I have fallen in love with the show and it's fandom. Seriously, you guys are amazing. Your music, fanfiction, and arts are incredible. I feel absolutly honored to be apart of the Brony community. Even though AJ is not my favorate pony, she is definatly awesome enough to go up against one of my favorite characters from one of my other favorite series, Bleach.

Applejack bucked a nearby tree, causing the apples to fall into the baskets she put under it. She looked over to see the white DJ assisting her. Though, since Vinyl Scratch lacked her power, it took her about three bucks in order to empty the tree.

"Thanks again for helping me with the harvest, sugar cube," Applejack said to her.

"No prob," Vinyl Scratch said nonchalantly. "So long as you save me three mugs of free cider when that time comes around, anyways."

Applejack rolled her eyes and went back to bucking apples.

Suddenly, a loud giggling is heard from the distance, slowly getting louder and louder.

"The heck is that noise?" Applejack squinted off into the distance, and soon saw Time Turner, or the Doctor as Ditzy liked to call him, running towards them laughing like a mad man.

As he got in close enough, Applejack put her hoof up to stop him. "Whoa, hold on there, cowpony, what do ya' think yer doin' makin' all this ruckus?"

"It was all a slight strange accident, hehe. absolutely brilliant. I step into, hehehe a machine of mine to do some... pft he... and then was a human cartoon, hmhm so rediculous...pft Ahahaha!" The Doctor was slamming his hoof on the ground in a fit of giggles.

"What's wrong with him?" Vinyl asked AJ walking up behind her.

"He's just talkin' some wierd mumbo jumbo again."

"Oi!" A man with cyan hair landed in front of the ponys. "Anyone care to explain how the fuck I got here?"

"What the heck is he? Is that a skull on his jaw?" Vinyl inquired. "Dude, that is sick!" Vinyl cheered.

"I was just mindin' my own business, sleeping in the Hueco Mundo deserts, when suddenly, I see this weird asshole in a brown suit watching me from a distance. Being the kind of guy I was, I decided to go kick his ass, but then he fled into this phone box thing and so I chased after him. It's bigger on the inside, by the way. So suddenly things around me begin to change and I found the suited prick being changed into a motherfucking pony!" The strange man ranted.

"Then he started chasing me and threatened it rip out my throat! It was exhilarating. It's amazing! I turned into a pony when I entered this dimension, but this cartoon character stayed the same! Most fascinating if I do say so myself." The Doctor explained.

Suddenly, the man grabbed the Docter by his neck, "Listen, you stupid farm animal, I want you to send me back, right now"

"Hey!" Applejack turned around and bucked the man in the leg, causing him to let out a sharp yelp before turning to the young cowpony with a face of pure rage. Applejack stared straight at the man, refusing to stand down, "Nopony threatens anypony on my farm. Especially one of my friends!"

"I'm your friend? I'm so happy." The Doctor said in total deadpan.

"Shut it!" The man snapped. The man stared at AJ before asking, "What's your name and title, you dumb horse?"

"My name's Applejack," She looked up to think for a second, "Element of Honesty, I guess..."

"I am Grimmjow Jaggerjacks, the Sexta Espada. And I'm gonna show honesty don't mean a damn when you're dead." Grimmjow charged up a small ball of blue energy in his palm.

"Bring it!" Applejack smirked at Grimmjow.

Grimmjow fired the ball in the form of a blast straight at Applejack. Quick on her feet, she spun around and bucked the blast, knocking his blast out to the side, causing it to eradicate a pre-bucked apple tree. She spun around again, so she was facing the now shocked Espada, unable to believe a pony deflected his blast, and flung herself at his stomach, knocking Grimmjow away by about ten feet. "How!?" Grimmjow looked up, recovering from the attack soon enough to greet Applejacks hoof with his face, causing him to fall down.

"Had enough yet?" Applejack mocked.

"You little..." Grimmjow muttered. He thrusted his palm forward, colliding it with AJ's hat.

"Was that suppos'd t' hur-" She began, when Grimmjow fired a quicker, but weaker version of his charged blast at AJ's head, point blank.

"Ha!" He laughed as smoke gathered around AJ from the blast, "Not so cocky now, are you, pony?" Suddenly, in a swift motion, Applejack's hoof uppercut Grimmjow's chin, knocking him to the ground. "Wha- HOW?" As the smoke cleared, Applejack stood there, cracking her neck, and spitting on the ground. Her hat lay on the ground, tattered and full of holes, while her mane was slightly singed.

"That wasn' ver'y nice. you done gone and killed my hat." Applejack walked over to her hat, grabbing it with her teeth and launched it into the air. "Ya'll better go back to whatever place you come from, or else I'll have to send ya' packin' myself!" Applejack stomped her hoof down, demonstrating her resolve, while her tattered hat landed on her head neatly as ponily possible.

Grimmjow grit his teeth. "Damn you! ..." Grimmjow gritted his teeth and suddenly grabbed his sword, "I'll rip out your throat! ROAR! PANTER-"

"Wait!" Grimmjow suddenly go blasted by wubwaves and flew backwards. Applejack looked over to see Vinyl Scratch smirking next to her Bass Cannon. "Sup guys!"

Grimmjow leapt up, cursing loudly before yelling at Vinyl, "What the fuck was that for!?"

"Look, iff you guys want to fight, go right on ahead, but if you continue to do so they way you are now, I don't think this farm will hold up."

Applejack looked around, taking notice of a destroyed tree and a few tiny craters on the ground, "I see your point ... Well what'd you suggest, sugercube?"

"Oh!" The Doctor jumped in excitement. "How about a rap battle! Do ponies know rap? I figure they do since they got classic, jazz, pop, blues, country, old ba-"

"A rap battle, eh?" Grimmjo thought. "Alright, I'm down."

"Then so am I!" Applejack retorted. "And if I win, you go back to whatever cess pool you came from!"

"And if I win," Grimmjow began, "I'll burn down your farm? Deal?"

"Wha'?" Applejack took a step back. She was going to refuse the terms, until...

"What's wrong? Scared?" Grimmjow mocked.

"I ain' scared of nothin'!" Applejack yelled angrily. They shook hand/hoof and walk a few feet away from one another.

"This is going to be a ball!" The Doctor squealed.

"All right! Everybody in place?" Vinyl asked. When she got the okay from the two, she smiled, "Ah yeah! Let's spin this shit!"

EPIC RAP BATTLES!

Grimmjow Jaggerjacks

VS

Applejack

BEGIN

Grimmjow

Okay! Push aside your Luna and Celestia, 'cause the king is in the house.

Why do I have to fight a tomboy, wouldn't be caught dead in a blouse?

You wear a hat indoors 24/7, every hour by the hour.

perhaps that is why, you'll never find yourself a suitor.

I'm a king among my men, putting Barragon to shame,

You're all a bunch of ponys, how FUCKING LAME!

I rip you in half and have your bones tend the fire,

Then I'll eat you as a rump roast, with a helping of cider.

Applejack

Oh, enough, shut your dumb trap, you inbred brat!

You're even more prissy than Rarity's little cat.

I may be stubborn as a mule, but at least I have common sense.

You defy all your orders, just to get smashed into a fence

And enough with the king, ya' big fat phony.

As the Element of Honesty, I know that's a bunch of bologna.

I'm an amazing hero, the cowboy pony, master of herding

Tell me, does your jawbone represent some XP in deep-throating?

Grimmjow
You'll regret that comment, you tiny little pony.

I'll rip out your throat and feed you to Yammy!

Come on! I trip you up and feed you in pie to your sister, the filly!

Then I'll blend ya apart, and have myself a nice Appletini.

Applejack

Let's see, you got a blabber mouth, an emo, and a skinny spoon,

While I got Big McIntosh covering me from a loom.

Now I have a theory, so don't get too angry, Little Miss Kitty

But as a panther cat, ain't you kind of a pussy?

Who won?
You Decide!
EPIC RAP BATTLES

"Alright!" Vinyl yelled, "I'll go count votes. We'll meet back here in one week with the results."

Applejack nodded and went back to bucking apples, feeling much more calm than when Grimmjow first arrived.

"Wait! What about me!? Where am I supposed to go for a week!?" Grimmjow stompped his foot..

"You can stay with me!" The Doctor said. "I'd be charmed to find out more about you and your kind!"

"Oh, Barragon, kill me now..." Grimmjow sighed