This Isn't A Home

I stood outside the large purple castle on the outskirts of Ponyville with Spike, staring up at it silently, the purple banner with my cutie mark emblazoned proudly on it moving in the wind.

The whole thing sparkled in the sunlight as I licked my lips nervously. I leaned down and wrapped a foreleg around Spike, nuzzling his cheek slowly.

I could never tell my friends this, but I absolutely hate this castle. I hate what it stands for. Not me being a princess, I love representing Equestria and being known as the mare who represents everypony, no matter who they are.

I lost so much just for this castle. This damn castle that doesn’t even feel like my home. The library was my home. It was Spike’s home. It was the home of Owlicious. All of my memories were in that place. My first true party, my first sleepover. Twilight Time with the foals of Ponyville. That time I spent an entire week following Pinkie around trying to get to the bottom of her Pinkie Sense.

This castle has none of that. Just empty halls. Countless empty rooms. An empty throne room and multiple libraries with empty shelves.

None of my friends would understand what I mean by hating this place. And how could they? They didn’t lose their homes. They didn’t lose everything they owned. I’m practically homeless. Just because I live in this large castle doesn’t make it home. Home is where you feel safe and comfortable at. I don’t feel comfortable inside this massive castle.

I don’t think I ever will.

Spike nudged me and looked up at me with a tired look. These past two days after Tirek’s rampage has been hectic. Getting lost in the castle trying to find a bathroom in the middle of the night, having to sleep with Spike because he has nightmares of the event.

I pushed down my anger as best I could and sighed. Damn that creature for scaring Spike, of all things. A dark part of me wishes Tirek got more than locked up. I’m just grateful nopony died during Tirek’s return. I don’t think I’d have forgiven myself. I don’t think even Celestia or Luna would have forgiven themselves either.

“Let’s go Spike,” I finally spoke and stood back up, folding my wings on my sides. “We’re going to town.”

“And doing what exactly?” Spike asked as I levitated him onto my back.

“I don’t know Spike. Just walking I guess. I don’t want to be around this place right now.”

“Alright,” Spike said and I felt him shift to sit more comfortably on my back. “Can we get shakes too?”

I gave a tired chuckle and nodded with a smile even though I knew he couldn’t see it.

“Yes Spike, we can get shakes. I believe I heard Mrs. Cake has a gem shake in right now for a certain dragon,” I teased and I could practically feel Spike perking up excitedly.

I took a step forward and started my trot to Sugarcube Corner. I could use something sweet. Plus, it’s an excuse to be outside for a bit longer. I always did have a fondness for being outdoors.

Every step of the way, ponies of various ages and tribes stopped to say hi. I did what I always do. Say hi, talk for a bit, take a picture if they were from out of town like a few were. All of the Ponyville ponies knew to not put me on a pedestal because of my wings. I just wish the rest of Equestria was the same way.

At one point, Spike tugged on my mane and I slowed to a stop as I turned to stare at the field Spike was looking at. I vaguely remember Rainbow telling me that was where Tirek and Discord had captured them at.

“Don’t look,” I told him and raised my right wing to block his view before turning his head to face forward with my magic.

Spike said nothing but nodded as I resumed trotting again at a bit of a faster pace.

“I got some bits. You can stay behind at Sugarcube Corner. I got some work I need to do real fast,” I glanced back at him and Spike eyed me suspiciously.

“Like what?”

I scuffed a hoof on the ground and rounded a corner, dropping my right wing back down to my side.

“Uhm going to our home and scavenging for anything that might have survived the fire,” I answered after a moment of hesitation. “There might still be some pictures of us and our friends. Hopefully some of your comics and action figures if we’re lucky.”

Spike winced and looked away with a sigh. I should have known just mentioning it was gonna be traumatic and he wasn’t even there. It was just a few days ago, after all.

“I want to come with,” Spike announced and I rapidly shook my head.

“Absolutely not. This is my responsibility, not yours.”

“I’m not a child anymore, Twilight,” Spike retorted with an eyeroll. I don’t remember him being so snarky. This is a new development. I should keep an eye on that.

“You will always be a child to me, Spike. It is my job to keep you safe and I failed you on that. It’s my fault you got captured,” I sighed as I looked down and felt Spike place his claw on my side. “I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t your fault. It would have happened anyway.”

“No, it wouldn’t have. You shouldn’t have been there. You should have been with me or with Octavia and Vinyl. They managed to hide a few ponies when he was in Ponyville. I should have left you with them. Those two were always good with you.”

“They’re good with me, but not like you. I don’t blame you for what happened. None of the others of your friends blame you either,” Spike answered and I frowned slightly.

“Our friends,” I answered a bit more forcibly than I should have. “If I remember right, you did tell me they purposefully placed themselves between you and Tirek when you got captured. They wouldn’t have done that if they weren’t your friend too.”

I made a mental note to get our friends and Spike to talk. Can’t really fix an issue if they don’t know one exists. Spike always did follow what I did, even if it was me telling my parents I was fine at Celestia’s school even when I wasn’t.

I slowed to a slow walk as we both looked in surprise at the crowd of ponies staring at what remained of our house and I forced myself to swallow anxiously.

“Excuse us,” I gently worked my way around Berry Punch and her kid to the front of the crowd. “What the....?”

A pile of flowers along with various letters laid in front of the librarys remains as we both stared in surprise.

“I don’t understand,” I muttered as I read some of the letters names and contents quickly. “Go on Spike. See if you can find anything of yours.”

He slid off my back as I licked my lips again, glancing back at the crowd of ponies.

“Thanks,” I muttered and they all nodded. The way they acted, you would have thought somepony died instead of us just losing our house. But I was grateful regardless.

They all slowly trotted away except for Octavia, Vinyl, Derpy, Dinky and the other five members of the Elements staring solemnly at us.

I joined Spike and started searching through the ashes of our past with a frustrated sigh.

I gave a faint smile and picked up a picture, my smile fading as I realized half of it was burnt so my parents were missing. Only me, Shining Armor and Spike remained and it started to crumple in my hoof.

A few tears made their way down my muzzle and I sat down hard on my plot, sniffing as Spike hugged me, tossing a half melted Power Pony aside.

I faintly made out the others joining in and identified the feeling a fabric brushing against mine as Octavia nuzzled the back of my head.

“It’s alright loves,” Octavia reassured us as Vinyl continued bobbing her head to her music. I was a bit surprised Rainbow and Applejack hugged us both. Physical affection wasn’t really their thing, especially not Rainbow.

“She’s right. You and Spike will be okay,” Applejack commented and she adjusted her hat. “Yall are strong. Yall look after each other pretty damn well.”

“Not around Spike. Don’t corrupt him with your dirty language,” Rarity chided with a frown and Applejack rolled her eyes.

“None of this would have happened if it wasn’t for Discord, freaking traitor,” Rainbow spat out and fluttered her wings in frustration as I shot her an angry look and she shrank back nervously. “Sorry?”

“Don’t talk about him like that. It’s our fault he joined forces with Tirek.”

“Uh no? He made the decision, not us. We didn’t tell him to do it. He has free will and he chose to do what he did. He gets whatever he deserves. Sorry Flutters, but it’s true,” Rainbow looked away as Fluttershy looked at her lap, idly petting Angel.

“No it’s not his fault. We never treated him as a friend. Only Fluttershy did,” I corrected with a scowl and felt my wings tense up like they did whenever I got upset. “He made the decision on his own but I can see why it wasn’t hard for him to chose sides. What kind of Princess of Friendship does that make me, offering friendship to random ponies but not a creature we’re supposed to reform? There’s ponies calling for his head, but those same ponies are perfectly content with leaving Tirek alone. That’s not right.”

Everypony fell silent as Rainbow gulped nervously and I took a few deep breaths to calm down.

“All I’m saying is we didn’t try hard enough with Discord. Only Fluttershy did. And we can’t ever make that mistake again. I can’t make that mistake. I can’t afford to,” I shook my mane and sighed. “It wouldn’t be right of me.”

Dinky and Spike sat hugging as she hoofed him her worn out teddy bear and I made another mental note to buy her a new one in the future as Derpy rested a wing on my back.

“We understand,” Rarity answered finally and shared a glance with Pinkie. “I nominate Pinkie first. She’s the one who would do the best before us all. Or you, Twilight.”

Pinkie nodded and took off in a pink blur towards Sugarcube Corner. Well, that solves that, I suppose.

“You know, I still owe you a shake Spike. Come on. You guys can come with if you wish,” I offered and Octavia shook her head.

“I would but this one here has too much sugar in her system as is,” Octavia shot her marefriend a look. “With all the energy drinks she’s had today.”

“And Dinky has dinner to get to,” Derpy nuzzled her foal. “Come along Muffin. Say bye to Spike.”

“Bye Spike,” Dinky leaned forward and kissed his forehead as we all melted a bit at the gesture as Spike turned pink and Applejack chuckled.

“Well, looks like somepony is embarrassed,” Applejack teased with a smirk and Rarity grinned at Spike rubbing his head with a claw sheepishly.

I rolled my eyes slightly and smirked as Spike started defending himself as I focused my gaze to the burnt remains around us. I think Spike and I will be fine in time.

Time does heal all wounds, as ponies say.