My Little Priestess - Worship is Magicby GeorgChaptersChapter The First - In The BeginningChapter The Second - Predictions of DoomChapter The Third - Persistence through DifficultiesChapter The Fourth - The Divine CatastropheLo, a Wild Apocrypha AppearethChapter The First - In The BeginningAuthor's Note This is a Dromedy, which is a cross between a Comedy and Drama, only without the humps. We will be taking up a collection at the end of the service, so have your checkbooks ready and remember to put commas in your numbers. Chapter The First - In The Beginning The Book of Harmony Chapter the First- In The Beginning And in the seventeenth century of the Divine Awakening, the Holy One reigned over the Theocracy of Equestria with a gentle and benevolent hoof. All who lived in the lands gave thanks and praise to She Who Raises The Sun And Moon, and rejoiced in her leadership. And yet, there was a darkness forming beyond the ken of mortals. The only signs were hidden in the stars, concealed in their movements and moods. The Divine Radiance could see, of course, but one more… ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ “Spike!” Initiate Sparkle shouted at the top of her lungs despite galloping into the Sacred Repository of Ancient Knowledge at a velocity far in excess of the traditional slow trudge with a recitation of each of the Six Aspects of Harmony. “Spike! Where are you?” “Here,” moaned the little dragon. He slumped out from behind the door from where Twilight Sparkle had inadvertently thrown him when she burst into the room unexpectedly. “You really shouldn’t raise your voice in here.” “I know, I know.” Twilight Sparkle waved a book under his nose. “This is important. I need you to get me the—” “Ahem.” Spike rubbed two claws together. Twilight bit her bottom lip, then let out her breath in a deep sigh. “Very well. O, Pure Flame of the Celestial Radiance, Blessed Hatchling of Light. Please go forth into the Archives and recover a tome about the Elements of Harmonious Worship for me? It’s called Predictions and Prophecies. Oh, and I almost forgot.” Spike held out his hand, palm upwards, and accepted the offering Twilight dropped into it. “A ruby! Nice.” He chewed away while looking through the bookshelves, eventually coming up with the requested volume. “Here you go, Initiate Sparkle. Read well in the Light of Day.” “Thank you, Spike.” Twilight had the book open before Spike even opened his claws and was paging forward as fast as her magic could move the pages. “E… E… Elements of Harmonious Worship. See Shadow in the Moon?” “Got it,” declared Spike, waddling out of the archival stacks with a book in his claws. “Creepy one, too. What’s going on to get you in such a state, Twilight?” “I’m not positive.” Initiate Sparkle read furiously through the dark book while behind her, Spike retrieved a sheet of Blessed Parchment and some writing materials. “Ah, HA!” declared Twilight. “The Shadow in the Moon, myth from olden pony times. A powerful goddess of Nightmare who wanted to rule Equestria, defeated by the Blessed Elements of Harmonious Worship and imprisoned in the moon. Legend has it that on the longest day of the thousandth year, the stars will aid in her escape, and she will end the reign of the Sun forever!” Twilight gasped. “Spike! Do you know what this means?” “Dear Divine Radiance,” murmured Spike under his breath while he wrote. “This is important!” declared Twilight Sparkle. “Her Radiance needs to be informed immediately! Spike, take a letter.” Initiate Sparkle looked over at the patient dragon, who was holding a quill and a golden collection plate. “Oh, yes. Almost forgot.” After the rattle of yet another gem into the plate (and a quick crunching noise that followed almost immediately), Twilight cleared her throat. “Oh Divine Radiance. My continuing meditations on your glory have led me to discover that we are on the precipice of disaster!” “Hold on,” muttered Spike while flipping through his Divine Dictionary. “Pr… Pre… There we go.” “Uh, brink?” Twilight shook her head and continued. “For you see, the mythical Shadow in the Moon is in fact the Nightmare who was banished to the Moon a thousand years ago. According to my calculations she's about to return to Equestria and bring with her eternal night! Something must be done to make sure this terrible prophecy does not come true. I urgently await your sagacious and wise words in response.. Your chosen disciple, Initiate Sparkle.” “…Sparkle,” muttered Spike with a flourish to finish the letter. “I’ll go put this in with the rest of the Invocations for Prayers, and she should read it tomorrow.” “No, no, NO!” Twilight plucked the scroll out of his grasp and waved it at Spike. “You need to send this to her right NOW! Tomorrow will be too late! The Summer Sun Ceremony is going to be tonight, and that’s the longest day of the thousandth year!” Spike gave her a cross look. “Your timing needs some work. The Celestial Bureau works at its own pace, after all.” “Just send it, Spike!” snapped Twilight. “I’ll… uh… get you some gems tomorrow, I promise.” The little dragon rolled his eyes, but still blew a gout of Sacred Fire across the scroll and sent it on the way to Her Divine Radiance. ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ On the day of the Summer Sun Ceremony, the Divine Radiance sent forth to the town of Ponyville her Beloved and Faithful Disciple, who with the Blessed Hatchling of Light were to proclaim the word of the Sun and prepare the way for the coming of the Divine Radiance and the miracle of the Rising of the Sun the next morn. ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ “I can’t believe you let me send that letter during Radiance Celestia’s morning tea,” muttered Initiate Sparkle from where she slumped in the Divine Chariot of the Holy Messenger. Two of the Sacred Band continued pulling it across the sky, paying no apparent attention to the Initiate committing minor instances of heresy directly behind them. “Right into her teacup! I splashed her with my words so she’s banishing me to the end of the Equestrian Theocracy!” “It’s not banishment,” said Spike, who was at least reading the scrolls which had been shoved into his arms before the two of them were practically pushed into the chariot. “It says here you’ve been promoted to… Quality Control Initiate.” “Banishment,” moped Initiate Sparkle. “Some fresh air to take your mind off those dusty old books,” read Spike while unrolling the scroll further. “And torture,” grumbled Twilight. “It also says here you should take this opportunity to make some friends,” said Spike. “Are those anything like worshipers?” asked Twilight, momentarily distracted from her musings on banishment and the possibility of turning them into a dirge of some sort, or a respectful hymn of mourning. “Uh… Yeah,” said Spike, although with two fingers crossed behind his back and a mental promise to tell this minor sin to the Divine Radiance during his next confession with the excuse of greater good, or averting a disaster, something like that. Her Divinity always forgave him those little indiscretions meant to keep Twilight out of trouble, and even gave him tummy-rubs if he was particularly obedient. It was good to be the Blessed Hatchling. Chapter The Second - Predictions of DoomSomething has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.Chapter The Third - Persistence through DifficultiesThe Book of Harmony Chapter the Third - Persistence through Difficulties Having achieved the Fourth Task with a little bit of scheduled time to spare, the Faithful Disciple and the Blessed Hatchling did travel to the hamlet of Ponyville, which was within a short walk, in order to begin work upon the Fifth and most difficult Task. For the recognition⁽*⁾ of Art is a skill which few Followers of the Light truly possess, and those who bring forth beauty from simple cloth or paper are the most Blessed of ponies. (*) It is written that recognition of your devotion to the Divine Radiance can be enhanced by the deposit of no fewer than fifty bits within the coffers of the Office of Divine Publication, PO Box 785, Canterlot, EQ, 00021 Once there in the humble hamlet, which was filled with the tumult of preparation, the Faithful Disciple and the Blessed Hatchling sought out the Keeper of Holy Garments, who awaited their arrival with great anticipation. Unfortunately, there was a small accident on the route… ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ “Watch where you’re going, you… blockhead!” shouted Twilight at the wagon which had just nearly run them down. “May your… body part gain… something terrible like boils or stinky hoof odor!” “That’s telling them, Twilight.” Spike shook the empty tin cup, which Twilight deposited two bits, then after a little bit more of rattling by Spike, one additional bit. “Cursing is against the teaching of the Divine Radiance,” said Spike, tucking the coins away into his Sacred Satchel. “I know,” grumbled Twilight. “It’s just—” A brisk breeze blew by, cutting off Twilight Sparkle’s explanation of her error, most likely because the breeze also contained a pegasus moving at a high rate of speed, which somewhat slowed when she collided with Twilight. “Whoops! Excuse me.” declared the pegasus, hovering over the muddy puddle where Her Divine Radiance’s Faithful Disciple was currently resting in meditative repose. Or at least it seemed to be some sort of mental exercise, because Twilight was holding very still and grinding her teeth. “My bad,” declared the pegasus in total violation of the Divine Radiance’s Guide to Good Grammar, Seventh Edition. “Let me help you.” Spike held out the Offering Can of Curse Indulgences and awaited the donation which was sure to follow. To his disappointment, Twilight merely yelped in surprise when the cloud the pegasus retrieved began to pour ice-cold rain all over her, then she staggered around in little circles after the ‘Rainbow-Blow-Dry’ was complete. Giving a quick, caustic glance at her dragon companion, Twilight Sparkle dug out a large gem and dropped it into his can. “Paying in advance,” she grumbled, then turned her attention skyward. ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ And lo, the Divine Radiance’s Faithful Disciple did chastise the negligent Skyborn for her carelessness using words most powerful until even the sky trembled at her wrath and the whole world did know of her displeasure. ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ “I’m going to need a bigger cup,” said Spike, holding out the Offering Can of Curse Indulgences and giving it a shake. “Since I said it all at once, it only counts for one,” said Twilight, looking around the empty sky which had likewise become vacant of any guilty bystanders. “And as for you.” Initiate Sparkle turned on the dragon, who was dashing away at his top speed. “Come back with my checklist!” she called out to no avail. Thankfully, the Blessed Hatchling was as out of shape as the Faithful Disciple, and the resulting race was more of a slow jog across the town until it ended in the next chapter. Well, stanza. Okay, I suppose stanzas are for singing. Just keep reading the Holy Scripture and reflect upon your transgressions of doubt regarding the Inscriber of History. Now scoot. Go on. Down the page. ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ “Well, I suppose we can go look at the Sanctum of Glory, the Holy Temple of Garments For Her Divine Radiance and how it is prepared for the ceremony first,” she grumbled, following in his clawed footprints. “Too bad we don’t have draconic sacrifices any more. I wonder if she’d like them brought back. We could call it Worship Classic. Naa, the little lizard is too useful.” ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ Thus did the Divine Radiance’s Faithful Disciple come to the end of her Day’s tasks by visiting the inner sanctum of Creator Rarity, the Keeper of Sacred Garments. Great was the stress placed upon the Faithful Disciple, for the worshipers of this small city had taxed her patience to the end with their ~~demands~~ requests and behavior, so great that she neglected her most faithful Divine Hatchling sorely⁽¹⁾. (1) That means a lot. — Thankfully, the most beautiful, glorious, graceful of unicorns did bring the Faithful Disciple into her care, adorning her body with the finest of cloth in the most current fashion as dictated by the Divine Radiance and the Supplicants of Knowledge who divine her intent by way of arcane and mystical rites most secret. This font of beauty did devote a great deal of her precious time in the forlorn attempt to make the Initiate acquire even a faint shadow of the Glory that surrounds the Divine Radiance, but no matter how she tried, Initiate Sparkle remained unchanged. Many garments were tried, but despite their inherent beauty brought out by the inestimable skill of the Creator of Sacred Garments, it was a lost cause, and great was the lamenting afterward. ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ “You done?” Twilight looked over Spike’s notes, took in the little doodles of unicorns in the margins, the page and a half of Rarity’s name written in loopy cursive, and a fairly good drawing of her, if one were to ignore the rays of light emitted from her face and the golden halo over her head. Then Twilight considered the way the little dragon continued to gaze in the direction that the Creator of Sacred Garments had vanished, undoubtedly on her way to bring back even more clothes for the Faithful Disciple to be sequentially stuffed into. “Yep, you’re done. Come on, Stinky-Breath. Time is wasting. We’ve got one more place to visit.” Spike jolted out of his stunned silence and dug his claws into the flooring. “No! Can’t I stay here? Twilight!” It did not help a bit. Twilight Sparkle continued to tow the dragon by his tail, headed in the direction of a tall tree-building nearby. ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ And Thus did the Divine Radiance’s Faithful Disciple arrive at the Ponyville Temple to Sacred Knowledge⁽¹⁾, prepared for the ceremony in all regards as it had been written. (1) Open from 10AM to 5PM daily for Inspirational Visits, with services every evening during the weekends. Free foalcare and valet wagon parking provided. — And there was much rejoicing as the Hour of Evening approached, for all was prepared for the celebration and the Hour of the Divine Radiance’s revelation. “I can’t help but think I’m missing something,” mused Initate Sparkle. “At least you’re not moping about being banished,” said the Divine Hatchling. ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ And lo, the Initiate did recall the revelation which drove her to this pilgrimage of faith, and retreated to a place of quiet to meditate upon the words of the Divine Radiance. ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ “Me and my big mouth,” grumbled Spike as the library door slammed. “It happens.” “Wha!” The Divine Hatchling sprang into the air and looked at the new pony. “The Maneish Inquisition!” The pink pony giggled. “Not them, silly. I’m Pinkie Pie, the Arranger of Unexpected Events. All celebrations, all of the time for the Faithful Worshipers of the Divine Radiance.” Her eyes narrowed, and a cold breeze swept across Spike’s bare scales. “You are a Faithful Worshiper, right?” “Right!” Spike grabbed a cupcake and doused it with a good dose from the Elixir of Holy Fire next to the snacks. “Let’s party, fellow worshipers!” Chapter The Fourth - The Divine CatastropheThe Book of Harmony Chapter the Fourth - The Divine Catastrophe And lo at this portion of the recitation of the Holy Histories there was a great calamity, striking all the records of events. Naught is known of the Return of the Darkness of Nightmares but inconsistent tales told by heretics and apostates, condemned to the eternal fire by their wicked lies. The Divine Radiance of the Sun has spoken all that needs said of this event, where her sister the Divine Radiance of the Moon and Stars was purged of the Evil Shadow of Greed and Pride, returned to the Light, and now sits at her right wing to the adoration of her worshipers, equal in all ways except stature. ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ “Did we get all of your disciple’s notes?” asked Luna as she pushed one more thick stack of paper into the glowing stove. “I think so.” Celestia counted the remaining boxes. “I swore all of her associates to secrecy, and promised the Divine Hatchling a bucket of gems every year to stay shut up.” “You spoil that lizard. And your disciple,” added Luna. “They helped free you,” pointed out Celestia. “And I may have mentioned something about a dragon bar-b-que in case anything unauthorized comes to light about the event.” Since the stove was still full of fuel, Luna cast a long look at the giant pile of remaining notes and pulled several sheets out at random. “An entire page of iambic pentameter poetry about some sort of river serpent. Two full pages detailing the speech she made to bring her disciples to a fervent state of belief in order to use the Elements of Harmony.” Luna turned the paper over with a frown before consigning it to the flames. “I wonder what really happened.” ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ And lo, the Faithful Disciple of Celestia, Initiate Sparkle, did triumph over the Six Trials in the Forest of Everfree. Upon setting hoof in the Ancient Castle of Radiant Dawn and Resplendent Dusk, she and her companions were enlightened to the remnants of the Relics of Harmonious Worship, and she did retire from her companions to meditate upon their nature for a time. ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ “They’re just rocks, darling.” Rarity nudged one of the dusty spheres with one hoof. “Holy rocks,” breathed Twilight. “Can you not feel the divine power radiating from the glorious relics of Her Divine Radiance? Does not their mere presence cause you to—” “Look, Twi,” said Applejack. “It’s been a long trip here through the woods, and I gotta hit the can.” “Me too,” said Rainbow Dash. “That makes three of us,” said Pinkie. “We’ll just leave you here with your rocks, Twilight—” ”Relics!” “Um, right,” said Pinkie, backing up slowly. “I hope there’s a bathroom here,” said Fluttershy. Rarity paused at the doorway, obviously struggling to find some polite words for the frazzled unicorn who was trying to hold all five spherical stones in one place. “They’re very nice rocks, darling. Quite symmetrical.” She slipped out the door during the resulting silence, following her new friends in search of a proper lavatory. ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ The gathering of worshipers tried their best to raise the Faithful Disciple’s spirits and allow her to commune with the Divine Radience’s wisdom, but great was her anguish, and she remained in deep consultation for many hours. Despite the adversity facing them, the humble Initiate Sparkle remained inconsolate during her meditation, never wavering in her determination to bring the Light into the Darkness and confront the evil which had engulfed the Nightmare. ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ “Twilight?” Applejack knocked on the dusty door while the rest of the ponies gathered outside tried to look in the other direction. “You’all need any help in there.” “I’m meditating,” came Twilight’s voice from inside. There was a distinct pause, and she added, “Can you see if there is any toilet paper out there?” “There’s some rocks—” said Pinkie Pie. “Relics!” “No, they’re just rocks,” continued Pinkie. There was a long pause. “Well… I suppose.” ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ Long was her vigil, until it was time to face the Shadow of Darkness who is also called Nightmare with all the courage she had gathered from her meditations as well as the magic she had learned under the tutelage of the Divine Radiance. ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ “Pick a card, any card.” Twilight Sparkle levitated a deck of playing cards in the direction of the glowering darkness looming across the ancient throne room and whispered over her shoulder, “Can’t you get that fire exit open?” “It’s locked,” whispered Rarity, “and I can’t pick it. Who locks a fire door?” “Maybe if we smacked it with this rock,” whispered Pinkie Pie. “Relic!” hissed Twilight. “If we can’t get them to work, they’re rocks,” countered Rainbow Dash. “What else can we do with them?” “Keep stalling,” whispered Applejack. “Maybe you should try speechafying like you did back in Ponyville.” “Right.” Twilight dropped the cards, which had started to catch on fire anyway, and announced in a loud voice, “You see, Nightmare Darkness, sworn enemy of the Divine Radiance, historical figure of great importance who was not mentioned in any of the Books of Radiance that I was permitted to peruse, even though I was the student of Her Radiance and should have been informed—” “Twilight!” hissed Fluttershy. “Focus!” “Oh, yes.” Initiate Sparkle struck a heroic pose, or at least one she had seen in a book at one time and which did not involve strange convulsions or twisting. “When these rocks—” “You said they were relics,” whispered Rainbow Dash. “Relics! When these Relics are brought together, a ‘spark’ happens. We become… a congregation!” “I thought that was a minyan.” said Pinkie Pie. Rainbow Dash placed one hoof in the middle of her forehead and said, “Wrong religion, Pinkie.” “And wrong gender,” added Rarity. “Plus we’re four short, anyway,” said Applejack. “Shhh!!” hissed Twilight. “I think they’re starting to glow.” “I lit the fuse on that one,” said Pinkie. “You should probably throw it now.” ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ Thus did the Faithful Disciple unbind the powers of the Elements of Harmonious Worship with the help of her acolytes, who embodied the merits of the Divine Radiance with such fervor that they banished the Shadow of Darkness which had bound the Radiance of the Moon and Stars since time immemorial. The reunion of the Divine Sisters was a time of great joy, and they did spread their love and appreciation upon the nearby town of Faithful Worshipers. As beholding to her station, the Goddess of the Sun ~~and Moon~~ did descend into Ponyville seated upon a golden chariot with her sister at her side. Once she had rested from her journey, she addressed the multitude gathered to hear her wisdom and proclaimed, “This is my Sister, who was taken from me, and now has been returned. Rejoice, for once again Equestria is reunited under our Divine Wisdom. Behold, the Goddess Luna, Radiance of the Moon and Stars!” And the assembled ponies cheered with great enthusiasm, for they shared in the joy of the Divine Sisters. And there was much rejoicing. ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ The silence was so thick, even the chirping of a cricket in the back of the crowd seemed ear-shattering, or at least until one of the assembled ponies quietly put a hoof down on it. Prioress Mare stepped forward, and after the prescribed placing of her forehead upon bare earth seven times, she addressed Goddess Celestia with a simple question. “What?” “I said she’s my sister,” snapped Celestia. “Well?” A great number of Books of Radiance were removed for discreet inspection out in the crowd, including one by Prioress Mare, who checked the index twice before looking back up at Celestia as if she had a question she really didn’t want to ask. “There’s going to be a revised edition,” said Celestia rather curtly. “Now make with the celebration.” ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ Thus was the Era of Peace introduced to the lands as the Divine Sisters returned to their thrones… Well, throne since they shared it on shifts, but a second throne had been ordered constructed from the finest materials available and was soon to be delivered. The Faithful Disciple and the Blessed Hatchling didst remain in the sacred town to proclaim the glory of the reunited Sisters of Radiance to all who were drawn to their Sacred Tree of Knowledge and Silent Meditation. (*) Open 9-9 weekdays, 10-5 on weekends. Occasionally closed due to religious observations and morning meditations. Knowledge checked out is due in two weeks with significant penalties for careless behavior or damage to the Sacred Vessels. Great was the celebration in the town as their new Caretaker of Knowledge took her position, providing hope to the downtrodden and the weak. With her new friends, she traveled to distant lands at the direction of the Divine Sisters, the Radiance of the Sun and the Radiance of the Moon and Stars, bringing light and wisdom to all. So it is written. ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ “Do you think she’s gonna make another break for it?” asked Rainbow Dash as the group trotted along the road. Applejack shrugged. “Don’t really matter. She’s slow enough we’ve been able to catch her every time. Asides, the Sisters would just send her packing back here if she violates the restraining order and makes it up the mountain again. We’re stuck with her. Praise the Radiance. Radiances.” “Amen,” said Pinkie Pie. “Unless there’s a second Divine Revelation, or an Apocrypha.” Lo, a Wild Apocrypha AppearethThe Book of Harmony Lo, a Wild Apocrypha Appeareth And on the eve of the Day of Most Light, the Goddess of the Sun and Moon did descend into the worshipers remaining after the Late Service and chastise them greatly, saying unto them, "Do you not have families and jobs to go to? Begone! Out of my rose bushes!" And the multitude did rise up and praise Her Holy Name before She departed unto her Tower of Light, leaving the Sacred Band of Stallions to guard her path lest any disturb her meditation upon the evening. And the Night did last a great span of hours, far more than the prescribed schedule written in the Holy Book of Radiance (*) (*) Current revision available at all worship institutions for 14.65b plus tax. — Great was the concern among the Faithful, for the Coming of Dawn was greatly regular as the beauty and wisdom of the Divine Radiance. Many were our concerns, for several began to weep and wail as their faith did begin to fail them, and the disorder did spread among the ponies until all were greatly disturbed. Then the Faithful did gather within the Great Southern Garden and did lament our wickedness in great volume, upon which the Paragon of Love did come forth to the window and call out, "Forsooth, mine aunt hath departed to Ponyville for the Rising of the Sun. Hold thy weeping and wailing, for it is distasteful to mine ears, and doth drive the Commander of the Sacred Band most wroth. Instead, raise thy voices in praise for the wisdom of my aunt, the Divine Radiance, and find somepony with a tuning fork for thy voices art greatly out of tune." And the ponies saw that the Paragon of Love was indeed disheveled, and certain sacred hairs of her mane were damp, as if they had recently been entreated by the Commander of the Sacred Band. Upon viewing her Blessed Visage, we were sore afraid, for the Commander’s wrath at having Sacred Congress with the Paragon of Love interrupted would be great indeed. So a peace settled upon the assembly, and we awaited the Rising with patience as She would have commanded, had She not been elsewhere. Long did the silence last until there was a loud cry, a great shout of joy from within the castle which shook the ground and rattled the Window of Prophecy. Upon the sound, the Sun did rise and a great happiness swept across the crowd, for both the return of the Sun, and the knowledge that the Commander of the Sacred Band had 'gotten some' and his wrath would be likewise muted. And lo, the Divine Radiance didst return to her Holy Sanctuary, borne on the wings of the Sacred Band within the Chariot of the Sun⁽¹⁾, descending from the sky to the eager cries of the Faithful and the welcoming wings of the Paragon of Love. (1) Be aware that calling it the Mighty Hot Radiancemobile hath been ruled Heresy, and subject to the most severe penalties. — ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ “...so we really need to sit down right away and get our stories straight for the worshipers,” said Celestia quietly to her sister as the chariot touched down. “A revised edition of the Books of Radiance is a necessity, of course. The increased revenue will cover any expense at bringing you into the pantheon, and—” “Hello, Auntie Celestia.” The perky pink Paragon of Love tilted her head to one side and regarded Luna. “I don’t remember you around the castle before. Are you new?” “Cadence, this is my sister Luna, the Divine Radiance of the Moon and Stars,” said Celestia carefully, eyeing Shining Armor a few paces behind her. “She will be ruling with me.” “That’s nice. I’m going to the garden for the afternoon. There are new butterflies there.” Luna watched the Paragon of Love sweep gracefully down the corridor, followed closely by the handsome Commander of the Sacred Band, but before she could ask the obvious question, Celestia lowered her voice and whispered, “I made her in the lab, just in case I needed a spare to raise the sun or moon. I think I cooked her too long.” “Do you think so?” Luna eyed the frisky tail as it vanished around a corner. “Too much pepper, I suppose. So what are you going to do with your Faithful Initiate?” Celestia shrugged. “Leave her in Ponyville and direct all my problems to her. It will be nice to take a break, and it should not affect revenue from the worshipers. I was going to follow the same plan with Cadence, but I’d need to find someplace full of complete rockheads for her to reign over.” Luna matched her sister’s amused snort. “True. I look forward to reacquainting myself with the world and your company. The world is far too large for one Radiance, but there is one thing that bothers me ever so slightly.” “What?” Celestia lifted her head slightly and let the sun slide below the horizon while her long-lost sister gently raised the moon. “Everything seems fine.” “Well, your student,” said Luna. “You plan on having all your problems directed to her. What if the increased worship she acquires causes her to become a Radiance also?” Celestia laughed. “Oh, like that could ever happen.”
Chapter The First - In The BeginningAuthor's Note This is a Dromedy, which is a cross between a Comedy and Drama, only without the humps. We will be taking up a collection at the end of the service, so have your checkbooks ready and remember to put commas in your numbers. Chapter The First - In The Beginning The Book of Harmony Chapter the First- In The Beginning And in the seventeenth century of the Divine Awakening, the Holy One reigned over the Theocracy of Equestria with a gentle and benevolent hoof. All who lived in the lands gave thanks and praise to She Who Raises The Sun And Moon, and rejoiced in her leadership. And yet, there was a darkness forming beyond the ken of mortals. The only signs were hidden in the stars, concealed in their movements and moods. The Divine Radiance could see, of course, but one more… ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ “Spike!” Initiate Sparkle shouted at the top of her lungs despite galloping into the Sacred Repository of Ancient Knowledge at a velocity far in excess of the traditional slow trudge with a recitation of each of the Six Aspects of Harmony. “Spike! Where are you?” “Here,” moaned the little dragon. He slumped out from behind the door from where Twilight Sparkle had inadvertently thrown him when she burst into the room unexpectedly. “You really shouldn’t raise your voice in here.” “I know, I know.” Twilight Sparkle waved a book under his nose. “This is important. I need you to get me the—” “Ahem.” Spike rubbed two claws together. Twilight bit her bottom lip, then let out her breath in a deep sigh. “Very well. O, Pure Flame of the Celestial Radiance, Blessed Hatchling of Light. Please go forth into the Archives and recover a tome about the Elements of Harmonious Worship for me? It’s called Predictions and Prophecies. Oh, and I almost forgot.” Spike held out his hand, palm upwards, and accepted the offering Twilight dropped into it. “A ruby! Nice.” He chewed away while looking through the bookshelves, eventually coming up with the requested volume. “Here you go, Initiate Sparkle. Read well in the Light of Day.” “Thank you, Spike.” Twilight had the book open before Spike even opened his claws and was paging forward as fast as her magic could move the pages. “E… E… Elements of Harmonious Worship. See Shadow in the Moon?” “Got it,” declared Spike, waddling out of the archival stacks with a book in his claws. “Creepy one, too. What’s going on to get you in such a state, Twilight?” “I’m not positive.” Initiate Sparkle read furiously through the dark book while behind her, Spike retrieved a sheet of Blessed Parchment and some writing materials. “Ah, HA!” declared Twilight. “The Shadow in the Moon, myth from olden pony times. A powerful goddess of Nightmare who wanted to rule Equestria, defeated by the Blessed Elements of Harmonious Worship and imprisoned in the moon. Legend has it that on the longest day of the thousandth year, the stars will aid in her escape, and she will end the reign of the Sun forever!” Twilight gasped. “Spike! Do you know what this means?” “Dear Divine Radiance,” murmured Spike under his breath while he wrote. “This is important!” declared Twilight Sparkle. “Her Radiance needs to be informed immediately! Spike, take a letter.” Initiate Sparkle looked over at the patient dragon, who was holding a quill and a golden collection plate. “Oh, yes. Almost forgot.” After the rattle of yet another gem into the plate (and a quick crunching noise that followed almost immediately), Twilight cleared her throat. “Oh Divine Radiance. My continuing meditations on your glory have led me to discover that we are on the precipice of disaster!” “Hold on,” muttered Spike while flipping through his Divine Dictionary. “Pr… Pre… There we go.” “Uh, brink?” Twilight shook her head and continued. “For you see, the mythical Shadow in the Moon is in fact the Nightmare who was banished to the Moon a thousand years ago. According to my calculations she's about to return to Equestria and bring with her eternal night! Something must be done to make sure this terrible prophecy does not come true. I urgently await your sagacious and wise words in response.. Your chosen disciple, Initiate Sparkle.” “…Sparkle,” muttered Spike with a flourish to finish the letter. “I’ll go put this in with the rest of the Invocations for Prayers, and she should read it tomorrow.” “No, no, NO!” Twilight plucked the scroll out of his grasp and waved it at Spike. “You need to send this to her right NOW! Tomorrow will be too late! The Summer Sun Ceremony is going to be tonight, and that’s the longest day of the thousandth year!” Spike gave her a cross look. “Your timing needs some work. The Celestial Bureau works at its own pace, after all.” “Just send it, Spike!” snapped Twilight. “I’ll… uh… get you some gems tomorrow, I promise.” The little dragon rolled his eyes, but still blew a gout of Sacred Fire across the scroll and sent it on the way to Her Divine Radiance. ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ On the day of the Summer Sun Ceremony, the Divine Radiance sent forth to the town of Ponyville her Beloved and Faithful Disciple, who with the Blessed Hatchling of Light were to proclaim the word of the Sun and prepare the way for the coming of the Divine Radiance and the miracle of the Rising of the Sun the next morn. ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ “I can’t believe you let me send that letter during Radiance Celestia’s morning tea,” muttered Initiate Sparkle from where she slumped in the Divine Chariot of the Holy Messenger. Two of the Sacred Band continued pulling it across the sky, paying no apparent attention to the Initiate committing minor instances of heresy directly behind them. “Right into her teacup! I splashed her with my words so she’s banishing me to the end of the Equestrian Theocracy!” “It’s not banishment,” said Spike, who was at least reading the scrolls which had been shoved into his arms before the two of them were practically pushed into the chariot. “It says here you’ve been promoted to… Quality Control Initiate.” “Banishment,” moped Initiate Sparkle. “Some fresh air to take your mind off those dusty old books,” read Spike while unrolling the scroll further. “And torture,” grumbled Twilight. “It also says here you should take this opportunity to make some friends,” said Spike. “Are those anything like worshipers?” asked Twilight, momentarily distracted from her musings on banishment and the possibility of turning them into a dirge of some sort, or a respectful hymn of mourning. “Uh… Yeah,” said Spike, although with two fingers crossed behind his back and a mental promise to tell this minor sin to the Divine Radiance during his next confession with the excuse of greater good, or averting a disaster, something like that. Her Divinity always forgave him those little indiscretions meant to keep Twilight out of trouble, and even gave him tummy-rubs if he was particularly obedient. It was good to be the Blessed Hatchling.
Chapter The Second - Predictions of DoomSomething has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.
Chapter The Third - Persistence through DifficultiesThe Book of Harmony Chapter the Third - Persistence through Difficulties Having achieved the Fourth Task with a little bit of scheduled time to spare, the Faithful Disciple and the Blessed Hatchling did travel to the hamlet of Ponyville, which was within a short walk, in order to begin work upon the Fifth and most difficult Task. For the recognition⁽*⁾ of Art is a skill which few Followers of the Light truly possess, and those who bring forth beauty from simple cloth or paper are the most Blessed of ponies. (*) It is written that recognition of your devotion to the Divine Radiance can be enhanced by the deposit of no fewer than fifty bits within the coffers of the Office of Divine Publication, PO Box 785, Canterlot, EQ, 00021 Once there in the humble hamlet, which was filled with the tumult of preparation, the Faithful Disciple and the Blessed Hatchling sought out the Keeper of Holy Garments, who awaited their arrival with great anticipation. Unfortunately, there was a small accident on the route… ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ “Watch where you’re going, you… blockhead!” shouted Twilight at the wagon which had just nearly run them down. “May your… body part gain… something terrible like boils or stinky hoof odor!” “That’s telling them, Twilight.” Spike shook the empty tin cup, which Twilight deposited two bits, then after a little bit more of rattling by Spike, one additional bit. “Cursing is against the teaching of the Divine Radiance,” said Spike, tucking the coins away into his Sacred Satchel. “I know,” grumbled Twilight. “It’s just—” A brisk breeze blew by, cutting off Twilight Sparkle’s explanation of her error, most likely because the breeze also contained a pegasus moving at a high rate of speed, which somewhat slowed when she collided with Twilight. “Whoops! Excuse me.” declared the pegasus, hovering over the muddy puddle where Her Divine Radiance’s Faithful Disciple was currently resting in meditative repose. Or at least it seemed to be some sort of mental exercise, because Twilight was holding very still and grinding her teeth. “My bad,” declared the pegasus in total violation of the Divine Radiance’s Guide to Good Grammar, Seventh Edition. “Let me help you.” Spike held out the Offering Can of Curse Indulgences and awaited the donation which was sure to follow. To his disappointment, Twilight merely yelped in surprise when the cloud the pegasus retrieved began to pour ice-cold rain all over her, then she staggered around in little circles after the ‘Rainbow-Blow-Dry’ was complete. Giving a quick, caustic glance at her dragon companion, Twilight Sparkle dug out a large gem and dropped it into his can. “Paying in advance,” she grumbled, then turned her attention skyward. ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ And lo, the Divine Radiance’s Faithful Disciple did chastise the negligent Skyborn for her carelessness using words most powerful until even the sky trembled at her wrath and the whole world did know of her displeasure. ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ “I’m going to need a bigger cup,” said Spike, holding out the Offering Can of Curse Indulgences and giving it a shake. “Since I said it all at once, it only counts for one,” said Twilight, looking around the empty sky which had likewise become vacant of any guilty bystanders. “And as for you.” Initiate Sparkle turned on the dragon, who was dashing away at his top speed. “Come back with my checklist!” she called out to no avail. Thankfully, the Blessed Hatchling was as out of shape as the Faithful Disciple, and the resulting race was more of a slow jog across the town until it ended in the next chapter. Well, stanza. Okay, I suppose stanzas are for singing. Just keep reading the Holy Scripture and reflect upon your transgressions of doubt regarding the Inscriber of History. Now scoot. Go on. Down the page. ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ “Well, I suppose we can go look at the Sanctum of Glory, the Holy Temple of Garments For Her Divine Radiance and how it is prepared for the ceremony first,” she grumbled, following in his clawed footprints. “Too bad we don’t have draconic sacrifices any more. I wonder if she’d like them brought back. We could call it Worship Classic. Naa, the little lizard is too useful.” ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ Thus did the Divine Radiance’s Faithful Disciple come to the end of her Day’s tasks by visiting the inner sanctum of Creator Rarity, the Keeper of Sacred Garments. Great was the stress placed upon the Faithful Disciple, for the worshipers of this small city had taxed her patience to the end with their ~~demands~~ requests and behavior, so great that she neglected her most faithful Divine Hatchling sorely⁽¹⁾. (1) That means a lot. — Thankfully, the most beautiful, glorious, graceful of unicorns did bring the Faithful Disciple into her care, adorning her body with the finest of cloth in the most current fashion as dictated by the Divine Radiance and the Supplicants of Knowledge who divine her intent by way of arcane and mystical rites most secret. This font of beauty did devote a great deal of her precious time in the forlorn attempt to make the Initiate acquire even a faint shadow of the Glory that surrounds the Divine Radiance, but no matter how she tried, Initiate Sparkle remained unchanged. Many garments were tried, but despite their inherent beauty brought out by the inestimable skill of the Creator of Sacred Garments, it was a lost cause, and great was the lamenting afterward. ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ “You done?” Twilight looked over Spike’s notes, took in the little doodles of unicorns in the margins, the page and a half of Rarity’s name written in loopy cursive, and a fairly good drawing of her, if one were to ignore the rays of light emitted from her face and the golden halo over her head. Then Twilight considered the way the little dragon continued to gaze in the direction that the Creator of Sacred Garments had vanished, undoubtedly on her way to bring back even more clothes for the Faithful Disciple to be sequentially stuffed into. “Yep, you’re done. Come on, Stinky-Breath. Time is wasting. We’ve got one more place to visit.” Spike jolted out of his stunned silence and dug his claws into the flooring. “No! Can’t I stay here? Twilight!” It did not help a bit. Twilight Sparkle continued to tow the dragon by his tail, headed in the direction of a tall tree-building nearby. ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ And Thus did the Divine Radiance’s Faithful Disciple arrive at the Ponyville Temple to Sacred Knowledge⁽¹⁾, prepared for the ceremony in all regards as it had been written. (1) Open from 10AM to 5PM daily for Inspirational Visits, with services every evening during the weekends. Free foalcare and valet wagon parking provided. — And there was much rejoicing as the Hour of Evening approached, for all was prepared for the celebration and the Hour of the Divine Radiance’s revelation. “I can’t help but think I’m missing something,” mused Initate Sparkle. “At least you’re not moping about being banished,” said the Divine Hatchling. ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ And lo, the Initiate did recall the revelation which drove her to this pilgrimage of faith, and retreated to a place of quiet to meditate upon the words of the Divine Radiance. ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ “Me and my big mouth,” grumbled Spike as the library door slammed. “It happens.” “Wha!” The Divine Hatchling sprang into the air and looked at the new pony. “The Maneish Inquisition!” The pink pony giggled. “Not them, silly. I’m Pinkie Pie, the Arranger of Unexpected Events. All celebrations, all of the time for the Faithful Worshipers of the Divine Radiance.” Her eyes narrowed, and a cold breeze swept across Spike’s bare scales. “You are a Faithful Worshiper, right?” “Right!” Spike grabbed a cupcake and doused it with a good dose from the Elixir of Holy Fire next to the snacks. “Let’s party, fellow worshipers!”
Chapter The Fourth - The Divine CatastropheThe Book of Harmony Chapter the Fourth - The Divine Catastrophe And lo at this portion of the recitation of the Holy Histories there was a great calamity, striking all the records of events. Naught is known of the Return of the Darkness of Nightmares but inconsistent tales told by heretics and apostates, condemned to the eternal fire by their wicked lies. The Divine Radiance of the Sun has spoken all that needs said of this event, where her sister the Divine Radiance of the Moon and Stars was purged of the Evil Shadow of Greed and Pride, returned to the Light, and now sits at her right wing to the adoration of her worshipers, equal in all ways except stature. ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ “Did we get all of your disciple’s notes?” asked Luna as she pushed one more thick stack of paper into the glowing stove. “I think so.” Celestia counted the remaining boxes. “I swore all of her associates to secrecy, and promised the Divine Hatchling a bucket of gems every year to stay shut up.” “You spoil that lizard. And your disciple,” added Luna. “They helped free you,” pointed out Celestia. “And I may have mentioned something about a dragon bar-b-que in case anything unauthorized comes to light about the event.” Since the stove was still full of fuel, Luna cast a long look at the giant pile of remaining notes and pulled several sheets out at random. “An entire page of iambic pentameter poetry about some sort of river serpent. Two full pages detailing the speech she made to bring her disciples to a fervent state of belief in order to use the Elements of Harmony.” Luna turned the paper over with a frown before consigning it to the flames. “I wonder what really happened.” ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ And lo, the Faithful Disciple of Celestia, Initiate Sparkle, did triumph over the Six Trials in the Forest of Everfree. Upon setting hoof in the Ancient Castle of Radiant Dawn and Resplendent Dusk, she and her companions were enlightened to the remnants of the Relics of Harmonious Worship, and she did retire from her companions to meditate upon their nature for a time. ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ “They’re just rocks, darling.” Rarity nudged one of the dusty spheres with one hoof. “Holy rocks,” breathed Twilight. “Can you not feel the divine power radiating from the glorious relics of Her Divine Radiance? Does not their mere presence cause you to—” “Look, Twi,” said Applejack. “It’s been a long trip here through the woods, and I gotta hit the can.” “Me too,” said Rainbow Dash. “That makes three of us,” said Pinkie. “We’ll just leave you here with your rocks, Twilight—” ”Relics!” “Um, right,” said Pinkie, backing up slowly. “I hope there’s a bathroom here,” said Fluttershy. Rarity paused at the doorway, obviously struggling to find some polite words for the frazzled unicorn who was trying to hold all five spherical stones in one place. “They’re very nice rocks, darling. Quite symmetrical.” She slipped out the door during the resulting silence, following her new friends in search of a proper lavatory. ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ The gathering of worshipers tried their best to raise the Faithful Disciple’s spirits and allow her to commune with the Divine Radience’s wisdom, but great was her anguish, and she remained in deep consultation for many hours. Despite the adversity facing them, the humble Initiate Sparkle remained inconsolate during her meditation, never wavering in her determination to bring the Light into the Darkness and confront the evil which had engulfed the Nightmare. ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ “Twilight?” Applejack knocked on the dusty door while the rest of the ponies gathered outside tried to look in the other direction. “You’all need any help in there.” “I’m meditating,” came Twilight’s voice from inside. There was a distinct pause, and she added, “Can you see if there is any toilet paper out there?” “There’s some rocks—” said Pinkie Pie. “Relics!” “No, they’re just rocks,” continued Pinkie. There was a long pause. “Well… I suppose.” ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ Long was her vigil, until it was time to face the Shadow of Darkness who is also called Nightmare with all the courage she had gathered from her meditations as well as the magic she had learned under the tutelage of the Divine Radiance. ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ “Pick a card, any card.” Twilight Sparkle levitated a deck of playing cards in the direction of the glowering darkness looming across the ancient throne room and whispered over her shoulder, “Can’t you get that fire exit open?” “It’s locked,” whispered Rarity, “and I can’t pick it. Who locks a fire door?” “Maybe if we smacked it with this rock,” whispered Pinkie Pie. “Relic!” hissed Twilight. “If we can’t get them to work, they’re rocks,” countered Rainbow Dash. “What else can we do with them?” “Keep stalling,” whispered Applejack. “Maybe you should try speechafying like you did back in Ponyville.” “Right.” Twilight dropped the cards, which had started to catch on fire anyway, and announced in a loud voice, “You see, Nightmare Darkness, sworn enemy of the Divine Radiance, historical figure of great importance who was not mentioned in any of the Books of Radiance that I was permitted to peruse, even though I was the student of Her Radiance and should have been informed—” “Twilight!” hissed Fluttershy. “Focus!” “Oh, yes.” Initiate Sparkle struck a heroic pose, or at least one she had seen in a book at one time and which did not involve strange convulsions or twisting. “When these rocks—” “You said they were relics,” whispered Rainbow Dash. “Relics! When these Relics are brought together, a ‘spark’ happens. We become… a congregation!” “I thought that was a minyan.” said Pinkie Pie. Rainbow Dash placed one hoof in the middle of her forehead and said, “Wrong religion, Pinkie.” “And wrong gender,” added Rarity. “Plus we’re four short, anyway,” said Applejack. “Shhh!!” hissed Twilight. “I think they’re starting to glow.” “I lit the fuse on that one,” said Pinkie. “You should probably throw it now.” ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ Thus did the Faithful Disciple unbind the powers of the Elements of Harmonious Worship with the help of her acolytes, who embodied the merits of the Divine Radiance with such fervor that they banished the Shadow of Darkness which had bound the Radiance of the Moon and Stars since time immemorial. The reunion of the Divine Sisters was a time of great joy, and they did spread their love and appreciation upon the nearby town of Faithful Worshipers. As beholding to her station, the Goddess of the Sun ~~and Moon~~ did descend into Ponyville seated upon a golden chariot with her sister at her side. Once she had rested from her journey, she addressed the multitude gathered to hear her wisdom and proclaimed, “This is my Sister, who was taken from me, and now has been returned. Rejoice, for once again Equestria is reunited under our Divine Wisdom. Behold, the Goddess Luna, Radiance of the Moon and Stars!” And the assembled ponies cheered with great enthusiasm, for they shared in the joy of the Divine Sisters. And there was much rejoicing. ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ The silence was so thick, even the chirping of a cricket in the back of the crowd seemed ear-shattering, or at least until one of the assembled ponies quietly put a hoof down on it. Prioress Mare stepped forward, and after the prescribed placing of her forehead upon bare earth seven times, she addressed Goddess Celestia with a simple question. “What?” “I said she’s my sister,” snapped Celestia. “Well?” A great number of Books of Radiance were removed for discreet inspection out in the crowd, including one by Prioress Mare, who checked the index twice before looking back up at Celestia as if she had a question she really didn’t want to ask. “There’s going to be a revised edition,” said Celestia rather curtly. “Now make with the celebration.” ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ Thus was the Era of Peace introduced to the lands as the Divine Sisters returned to their thrones… Well, throne since they shared it on shifts, but a second throne had been ordered constructed from the finest materials available and was soon to be delivered. The Faithful Disciple and the Blessed Hatchling didst remain in the sacred town to proclaim the glory of the reunited Sisters of Radiance to all who were drawn to their Sacred Tree of Knowledge and Silent Meditation. (*) Open 9-9 weekdays, 10-5 on weekends. Occasionally closed due to religious observations and morning meditations. Knowledge checked out is due in two weeks with significant penalties for careless behavior or damage to the Sacred Vessels. Great was the celebration in the town as their new Caretaker of Knowledge took her position, providing hope to the downtrodden and the weak. With her new friends, she traveled to distant lands at the direction of the Divine Sisters, the Radiance of the Sun and the Radiance of the Moon and Stars, bringing light and wisdom to all. So it is written. ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ “Do you think she’s gonna make another break for it?” asked Rainbow Dash as the group trotted along the road. Applejack shrugged. “Don’t really matter. She’s slow enough we’ve been able to catch her every time. Asides, the Sisters would just send her packing back here if she violates the restraining order and makes it up the mountain again. We’re stuck with her. Praise the Radiance. Radiances.” “Amen,” said Pinkie Pie. “Unless there’s a second Divine Revelation, or an Apocrypha.”
Lo, a Wild Apocrypha AppearethThe Book of Harmony Lo, a Wild Apocrypha Appeareth And on the eve of the Day of Most Light, the Goddess of the Sun and Moon did descend into the worshipers remaining after the Late Service and chastise them greatly, saying unto them, "Do you not have families and jobs to go to? Begone! Out of my rose bushes!" And the multitude did rise up and praise Her Holy Name before She departed unto her Tower of Light, leaving the Sacred Band of Stallions to guard her path lest any disturb her meditation upon the evening. And the Night did last a great span of hours, far more than the prescribed schedule written in the Holy Book of Radiance (*) (*) Current revision available at all worship institutions for 14.65b plus tax. — Great was the concern among the Faithful, for the Coming of Dawn was greatly regular as the beauty and wisdom of the Divine Radiance. Many were our concerns, for several began to weep and wail as their faith did begin to fail them, and the disorder did spread among the ponies until all were greatly disturbed. Then the Faithful did gather within the Great Southern Garden and did lament our wickedness in great volume, upon which the Paragon of Love did come forth to the window and call out, "Forsooth, mine aunt hath departed to Ponyville for the Rising of the Sun. Hold thy weeping and wailing, for it is distasteful to mine ears, and doth drive the Commander of the Sacred Band most wroth. Instead, raise thy voices in praise for the wisdom of my aunt, the Divine Radiance, and find somepony with a tuning fork for thy voices art greatly out of tune." And the ponies saw that the Paragon of Love was indeed disheveled, and certain sacred hairs of her mane were damp, as if they had recently been entreated by the Commander of the Sacred Band. Upon viewing her Blessed Visage, we were sore afraid, for the Commander’s wrath at having Sacred Congress with the Paragon of Love interrupted would be great indeed. So a peace settled upon the assembly, and we awaited the Rising with patience as She would have commanded, had She not been elsewhere. Long did the silence last until there was a loud cry, a great shout of joy from within the castle which shook the ground and rattled the Window of Prophecy. Upon the sound, the Sun did rise and a great happiness swept across the crowd, for both the return of the Sun, and the knowledge that the Commander of the Sacred Band had 'gotten some' and his wrath would be likewise muted. And lo, the Divine Radiance didst return to her Holy Sanctuary, borne on the wings of the Sacred Band within the Chariot of the Sun⁽¹⁾, descending from the sky to the eager cries of the Faithful and the welcoming wings of the Paragon of Love. (1) Be aware that calling it the Mighty Hot Radiancemobile hath been ruled Heresy, and subject to the most severe penalties. — ~ ~ ☥ ~ ~ “...so we really need to sit down right away and get our stories straight for the worshipers,” said Celestia quietly to her sister as the chariot touched down. “A revised edition of the Books of Radiance is a necessity, of course. The increased revenue will cover any expense at bringing you into the pantheon, and—” “Hello, Auntie Celestia.” The perky pink Paragon of Love tilted her head to one side and regarded Luna. “I don’t remember you around the castle before. Are you new?” “Cadence, this is my sister Luna, the Divine Radiance of the Moon and Stars,” said Celestia carefully, eyeing Shining Armor a few paces behind her. “She will be ruling with me.” “That’s nice. I’m going to the garden for the afternoon. There are new butterflies there.” Luna watched the Paragon of Love sweep gracefully down the corridor, followed closely by the handsome Commander of the Sacred Band, but before she could ask the obvious question, Celestia lowered her voice and whispered, “I made her in the lab, just in case I needed a spare to raise the sun or moon. I think I cooked her too long.” “Do you think so?” Luna eyed the frisky tail as it vanished around a corner. “Too much pepper, I suppose. So what are you going to do with your Faithful Initiate?” Celestia shrugged. “Leave her in Ponyville and direct all my problems to her. It will be nice to take a break, and it should not affect revenue from the worshipers. I was going to follow the same plan with Cadence, but I’d need to find someplace full of complete rockheads for her to reign over.” Luna matched her sister’s amused snort. “True. I look forward to reacquainting myself with the world and your company. The world is far too large for one Radiance, but there is one thing that bothers me ever so slightly.” “What?” Celestia lifted her head slightly and let the sun slide below the horizon while her long-lost sister gently raised the moon. “Everything seems fine.” “Well, your student,” said Luna. “You plan on having all your problems directed to her. What if the increased worship she acquires causes her to become a Radiance also?” Celestia laughed. “Oh, like that could ever happen.”
