Principal Celestia sighed as she scanned through the document in her hands.
Filing insurance claims was never a pleasant matter even in the best of circumstances, but when the true explanation was something that would get you laughed out of court, it was the type of thing that made Celestia question all of her life choices.
And she had many, many choices to question.
Still, she cared about her students, cared about making sure that Canterlot High was a welcoming place where they could get a well-rounded education that would prepare them for the future. And so, she soldiered on, and only stared at the ornate, ancient wooden box on her table, a pang of regret wracking her heart.
Then, there was a knocking at her door.
It was an arrhythmic pattern that Celestia had never heard before, yet still recognized. “Come in,” she called out, wariness clear on her face as she reached out to a place a hand on the box.
The man who entered wore the most garish combination of pinstripes and polka dots that would make anyone with any fashion sense faint to look at it. He entered the room with comically large steps that had his whole body rocking, making his white goatee swing back and forth, though the top hat perched precariously on his head held firm.
He held a bright red apple in one hand, and presented with a royal bow, smirking the whole time as he said, “A gift to you, First Lady. I hear these things are good for your health.”
“Discord.” Celestia took the apple, inspecting it for any surprises. To her extreme surprise, it really did look like a perfectly normal specimen. “I suppose I should have expected you to appear in the wake of all the chaos that’s been happening around here.”
“Why, Celestia, are you implying that I’m predictable?” Discord held his hand against his liver. “You wound me.”
“You’ll live,” Celestia replied shortly. “I will admit, I was not expecting to find that my school contained within it a portal to another realm, so you have me there.”
“Equestria, they call it, because they take the form of magical ponies over there,” Discord explained with a grin.
“How delightfully whimsical,” Celestia commented. “And what’s our story there?”
“Oh, same old, same old,” Discord said with a wave of his hand. “You use me, I use you, you imprison me in stone for a thousand years. Though, right now, the other me is settling down nicely with the pony version of Fluttershy. As an adult, of course.”
“I see.” White-hot anger rippled through her body, and Celestia had to remind herself that it was a different Discord who had strayed.
"Oh, is that jealousy I hear?" Discord asked, doing a delighted piourette.
"You're mine," Celestia affirmed, forcing the anger down. "And don't pretend like you wouldn't have the same reaction if the Celestia on the other side had other dalliances." Her hand slipped away from the box, and all the evils carved upon its surface.
"And here I thought you told me you never wanted to see me again the last time we parted," Discord teased, reaching out to boop Celestia on the nose.
Celestia batted his hand away. "You had just ruined decades of very careful political planning towards world peace with a single assassination."
"And of an archduke of a country the world couldn't care less about!" Discord added proudly. "Sometimes, I surprise even myself with my genius. Often, actually."
Celestia allowed herself a good-natured smile. "You're lucky the ensuing war resulted in the invention of a way to mass-produce ammonia, or I might still be angry at you about that. As it was, I still needed some time to cool off so I didn't try to kill you again the next time we met."
“Ah, but what is life without that passion that inflames the humours!” Discord declared, falling to his knees as he addressed the heavens. “I would rather you spend an eternity tearing me apart limb-from-limb than a second engaging me in quiet contemplation."
"And yet you spent a century avoiding me." Celestia glared at Discord.
"Yes, and I'm very sorry for that," Discord said as he stood up again. "Especially when it's caused you to becomes soft and boring." He gestured towards her desk. "What happened to the woman who got herself burnt at the stake for leading armies, or crucified for rebellion? I can't think of a less fun job than school principal."
"This century is a bit too hectic for my tastes," Celestia admitted. "I'm taking this opportunity to observe before I decide what I want to do."
"Like I said. Boring." Discord snapped his fingers. "Luckily, I've spent the past century setting up a gift for you."
Celestia's eyes narrowed. "I swear, if this is another wooden horse..."
"You must admit, that one was hilarious." Discord let out a chuckle. "But no, I would never reuse a gift. That's why the horse is made out of stone this time."
Celestia's eyes widened. "Oh stars, did you actually create a portal to a land of talking equines just to make that joke?"
"Not just to make that joke, even if it was very funny." Discord leaned in, resting his elbows against Celestia's desk as he spoke with uncharacteristic seriousness. "Funny you should mention the wooden horse, actually— I arranged for some friends I met on my travels afterwards to be in town when the Fall Formal went down."
Celestia raised an eyebrow. "Are you talking about that enchantress who tried to—?"
"Not her, the Sirens." Discord shuddered. "They're from Equestria too, did you know?"
"I was too busy preparing for your arrival on my island at the time to pay too much attention to whom I was sharing the seas with." Celestia grinned. "And afterwards I was too shocked that I'd gotten seven years of domestic bliss out of you before you vanished."
Discord sighed. "Ah, what a horrific imprisonment that was. You're lucky I love you."
"Am I?" Celestia had meant the question to be teasing, but the guilt in Discord's expression gave her pause.
"No, I suppose you're not." Discord took his top hat off, staring down into it mournfully. "I truly am sorry for dragging you into all of this. You didn’t deserve it.”
“Oh, Discord.” Celestia reached out to cup his chin tenderly. “You’ve apologized for that so many times. It’s embarrassingly predictable, coming from you.”
“That tells you that I mean it,” Discord muttered. “But, I’ve been working on a way to make things right.”
A pang of longing wracked Celestia’s heart. “There’s no point crying over the past,” she said softly. “You made sure I knew all the risks when you gave me the Fruit, and I don’t regret destroying the Garden when I ate it.”
“I took your innocence, is what I did,” Discord snarled. “And as much as I would love to blame it on my nature, I did it because I wanted you. It’s a miracle you don’t hate me for it.”
“If we’re just going to rehash this conversation for the hundredth time, then I’m going to take this apple and stick it somewhere you won’t like,” Celestia threatened. “I’ve had all of human history to make peace with my decision, and I don’t need your self-loathing adding more stress to my life. Go drive a bunch of people mad with your flute or something if you're going to be maudlin.”
“I do have an addendum this time,” Discord replied. “As I said, the Sirens saw the otherworldly light show and, more importantly, understood that the magic originates from their world. They’ll be coming to investigate soon.”
Celestia pressed her fingers against her temple. “And why exactly have you decided to put this headache on me?”
“Well, my friend on the other said informs me that one Princess Twilight Sparkle will be able to stabilize a portal between worlds.” Discord paused dramatically. “The other you in that world also ate of the fruit, but she never fell from Grace.”
Celestia heart caught in her throat. “What? How is that possible?”
Discord shrugged. “I don’t know. But there’s more to it than that. Not only did that world’s Celestia and Luna never fall, in their world, ponies can ascend into a state of Grace as well. That’s why the Twilight Sparkle in the other world is a princess, apparently.”
If she hadn’t been sitting down, Celestia might have collapsed right there. “And the Garden? What happened to Paradise in their world?”
“Overrun by an apocalyptic slime monster.” Discord smirked. “My counterpart plays poker with it on weekends.”
“So it’s doomed no matter what,” Celestia said darkly. “I suppose that’s good to know.”
“Yes, well, nothing’s perfect,” Discord said. “But, it’s a chance for you. To return to what you were before I tempted you.”
The world slowed to a crawl as Celestia’s mind raced. To return to grace, yet still possess the knowledge that destroyed the Garden would be… she dared not think of it too hard lest she fall into despair. And yet...
“Not without you,” she said, knowing there could be no other answer. "Better to reign alongside you than to serve alone."
"My dear Eve'ning Star." The sadness in Discord's voice was millenia old. "You know that Chaos and Grace are opposites. I could only ever be your Adversary."
Celestia stood up, pulling Discord into a hug. "Then I will take an Adversary who makes eternity bearable."
"Oh, I'm bearable now, am I?" Discord asked in mock outrage, hugging Celestia tight. He smelled of wild storms and candy corn. "Absence really does make the pancreas grow fonder."
"I can't argue with that one." Celestia broke the hug, but pulled his head towards hers, intending on giving him a kiss.
Just before their lips met, however, the door opened once again.
Celestia practically leapt away from Discord. "Oh, hello, Luna," she said when she registered who had just walked in them, tamping down a sigh of relief.
"I see Discord has returned." Luna glared at him suspiciously. "'Tis as good a time as any for another millenia of meditation, I suppose. Do people still found monastic orders these days?"
"I hear doomsday cults are all the rage these days," Discord offered helpfully. "Bonus points if you have a nuclear bunker to hide out in and extremely bland canned food to subsist off of."
"Luna, please," Celestia pleaded. "Must you two always fight?"
"It's alright, Celestia," Discord said. "Strife is my nature, so I wouldn't expect the Night and I to ever get along. It's in our souls."
"I will never be anything like you, Chaos," Luna hissed. "Now, what foul business do you have in Canterlot?"
"He's bringing visitors from another world," Celestia explained. For a moment, the truth sat on her tongue, a heavy burdern that she wanted to speak into the world. But instead, she simply said, "And I think there is much we can learn from them."
Luna hesitated at that. "I see," she said after a moment, suspicion still suffusing her tone. "I will leave you to it, then." She nodded politely at Celestia. "Have a nice day, Sister."
And then she left.
Discord shook his head. "You burn down one library..."
"Don't," Celestia stopped him from digging himself deeper. "Luna will tolerate your presence eventually, assuming you behave yourself around her."
Discord raised an eyebrow at that, and Celestia sighed.
"Just hold yourself back from arranging any schisms for the next few years," Celestia asked, stroking his cheek with her hand. "She deserves a chance at grace, even if she is born of you."
"Fine, I suppose it's the least I can do, seeing as you've been more kin to her than I ever was," Discord muttered. "I reserve the right to try to make her have some fun, though. And not the boring kind that takes place in libraries." He stuck out his tongue, disgusted. "Do you know how much reading I had to do just to figure out which word to add to that Creed? Far too much, I tell you, even if that particular schism was quite spectacular."
Celestia smiled. "We can work on it together. This new era of information has done a little bit to curb her monastic tendencies, and even if she can’t find Grace, I'm hoping that she'll engage with the world a little more. This school has been a good start, but she still has a long way to go."
“An era of people who live in the night and slumber through that day.” Discord grinned. “How delightfully backwards. Everything’s gone all topsy-turvy.”
“Yes, so it has.” Celestia pulled Discord in for another kiss, and this time, there was no one to interrupt them. “Speaking of, do I need to worry about you with the Sirens heading our way? I don’t have a ship with a mast to lash you to, but we can probably find a boulder to chain you to until the danger passes. No eagle this time, I promise.”
“Last time you said that I ended up stuck underneath a rock for witchcraft. Several rocks, actually." Discord winced. "I didn't even know I could get chronic back pain until then."
"I did kiss it better afterwards," Celestia pointed out. "And you got your revolution in the end, just a little later."
"You could have asked nicely," Discord grumbled.
Celestia raised an eyebrow. "Would that have changed anything?"
"No, but I could have gotten some clever reply off before you had me arrested," Discord replied. "Really, where's the drama otherwise?"
"Speaking of drama, the Sirens," Celestia said, returning to her original point. "Can I trust you to stay away until after they're dealt with? I would prefer to have a contingency plan in place in case I succumb to them."
"Stay away from the creatures who can magically take away free will?" Discord pressed a kiss against Celestia's forehead. "You don't have to ask me twice. I'll be back when the real fun begins."
"Mmm." Celestia nuzzles herself into the crook of his neck. "Let's make sure of that, shall we?" She reached behind her, grabbing the old wooden box from her desk and opening it.
A wisp of light escaped, floating towards Discord. He jerked back and stiffened as it suffused his body. "W-What did you—?" he stammered, terror shining in his eyes.
"An Element of Harmony," Celestia explained, her hand cupping his cheek tenderly as flecks of stone already began to cover it like an infection. "That's what Twilight Sparkle called it. In the three days that I had it in my possession, I used that old box of yours to siphon a bit of Harmony from it." She closed the box, ensuring that its other occupant didn't escape. "It's nice for Hope ot have a little company sometimes."
Discord snarled. "I'll get you back for this." A hand tried to reach for her neck, but froze solid into gray stone before he made it halfway.
"I'll free you when it's safe to do so," Celestia promised, pressing a kiss against his cold lips. "For now you can rest, my Morning Star, until the time of the Pale Horse." As her lover's statue tipped over with a thud, she picked up the apple from her desk and bit into it, the juices dripping down her chin and dribbling onto the floor.
It tasted sinfully delicious.
