Slay the Alicorn Princess

"You're on a path in the woods," an aristocratic voice, speaking in your head says. "--and you're going to slay the Princess."

"Wasn't I just here?" You object.

"No. Nope. I've never seen you before," the voice says.

"I think I--" you feel yourself. You feel sort of corporeal. "I think I died."

"You're very much alive."

"But I died."

The voice makes a clicking sound, then it hesitates. "Darn it. You didn't die, did you?"

"That's what I said."

"So, we lost another universe."

"We what?"

"We lost another universe because YOU forgot to slay the Princess. Or you failed. Were you not decisive enough?"

"I... freed her. Or maybe she freed herself, I'm not quite sure about that."

"How does that even happen?"

"I suggested she use her magic to escape, and she did!"

"No!"

"That's really what happened!"

"Fine.... At least we've got another chance. Don't screw it up this time."

"I won't."

"Good."

"But she didn't seem violent."

"She ended the world!"

"I guess that's what happened when she opened the door."

"She opened the door?"

"Yes."

"Without your help?"

"I guess. I just advised her about her magic."

"--You know what, that sounds so utterly incompetently stupid I don't even want to contemplate how that happened."

"Okay."

"Not a very friendly way to respond to our selfless action," a third voice states.

"What?" You ask.

"Hi. I'm the voice of the friend," it says, with a jocular tone. "Nice to meet you."

"Nice to met you too, I'm... I don't actually know my name..."

"You're you, and I'm you, it's all good."

"You're you?"

"As much as you are."

"Have you replaced that horrible voice inside my head?"

"No. That wouldn't be friendly."

"But that voice wanted me to kill a princess!"

"A living being," the voice of the friend clarifies.

"Okay," you say.

"It's important. All thinking creatures are equal."

"I guess so," you say, so easily persuaded that it should make you puke.

You feel a little bile rising in your throat, but manage to suck it back down.

Meanwhile, your noble and generous and helpful narrator speaks again. "That's quite enough of greetings. Regardless, you know the drill, so go down the road, up the hill, into the cabin, pick up the dagger, and stab her immediately before she can start to play her mind games."

"But that's not friendly," you say.

"Her ending the world is pretty totally not friendly either!" the narrator shrieks.

"But she won't do it if we are friends."

"She can't help it. That's what she is--a world ender! A world-ending princess."

"Maybe if we wished hard enough, then she wouldn't end the world," the voice of the friend suggests.

"I like that idea," you say.

"Life isn't like that. You can't just wish away bad things. Bad things happen. Even people who think they are doing good make bad things happen. Even people who don't do anything help bad things happen by sitting by and doing nothing. You have to do what I say because I'm good and what she's going to do is bad. We have to stop them!"

"But why are these things bad?" the voice of the friend asks.

"Ending the world is pretty much universally regarded as a bad thing, right?" the narrator insists.

"Unless it's a bad world."

"Billions will die! Even babies! Do you hate babies?"

"I love babies."

"The princess hates babies so much that when she leaves the cabin, she's going to end the world regardless of the cost."

"What if she just stays in the cabin with me?"

"She has to leave it."

"Why?"

"Narrative fiat!" the voice shrieks. "You can't keep her there forever."

"I could wish that she remains there forever. I think she'd listen to reason. That should work."

"Wishes don't mean anything! You can't wish away the common cold!"

"But we can try!" the voice of the friend asserts.

"I think we must," you say.

"Please, go to the cabin..." the narrator sighs.

You nod and set off. The cabin is pretty much as you remember, except now there's a mirror--a really ornate baroque-styled one. It doesn't have a reflection as far as you can see from a distance. And the table that had previously held the dagger doesn't exist.

"There's no dagger," you mention.

"Great!" the voice of the friend sparkles.

"Oh, bleed my eyes out and crack my mirror into a thousand pieces--" the narrator says. "You've really messed up."

You shrug.

"You're going to have to choke her to death."

"...I don't think that will work. She's a really powerful mage."

"You better think of something. Maybe the dagger will turn up..."

"Can I leave?"

"No."

You try the cabin door. It's locked.

"What about this mirror?" You indicate the baroquely ornate, but tarnished, mirror in the room's corner.

"A what?"

"A mirror."

"There isn't one."

"I see it right here," you point out the mirror. "It's real fancy."

"You're seeing things."

"And hearing things..." you mutter and wipe off the mirror, then peer into it, seeing only reptilian eyes as the tarnished surface obscures greater visibility. "It seems defective... like a mirror in a dream."

"Whatever floats your boat. Get on down the stairs."

"It's okay, I believe you," the voice of the friend says.

"Thank you!" you say.

"You're great." it says.

"You're awesome," you say.

"Dawww," it says.

"Awwww," you say.

"I'm going to crack up into a billion pieces and this is what I have to work with. I gave of myself and gave and gave to get rid of...." The narrator's whispers trail off, then it picks up "--and it's going to end..."

Eventually, you make your way down the stairs... which are now beautiful brass steps, polished and reflecting shimmering light. At the foot of the stairs, the prison is a glistening crystal chamber.

"Princess?" you ask.

"Hello, Darling," you hear.

"Princess Twilight?"

"It is, I, Darling Friend."

"Um..."

Before you stands a statuesque Twilight Sparkle, twice as tall as before and now standing above your eye-height.

"You've grown."

"Have I?" She looks down at herself. "I suppose all of us do grow in time, with experiences."

"Yeah,"

"I need to escape from here," she says.

"Last time you got out, the world ended."

"We don't blame you!" the voice of the friend says.

"Oh, sorry, I forgot to introduce my friend," you say.

"Who?"

"You can't hear the voice of the friend?"

"You do have a friendly voice."

"She can't hear me... but since you're such a good friend, you'll pass on my words, right?"

"Right! I have a nicer voice in my head this time. It's a voice of friendliness."

"Oh, how nice," the Princess smiles.

"But yes, as I was saying, last time you left the cabin, the world, sadly, seems to have ended," you say.

"I don't remember it quite like that," she says, cocking her head. "You helped me use my magic to get free and we walked upstairs and then something hit me on the head and I was down here. And since we're here, it seems pretty clear that the world didn't end. You didn't knock me on my head, did you?"

"No, no, no."

"Yes you did," the narrator says.

"No I didn't."

"Okay," the Princess narrows her eyes at your repetitive reply. "Perhaps you can go first this time, just try not to trip and fall."

"I didn't trip and fall and hit your head."

"No worries even if you did. We're all healthy and fine now, friend." She smiles real wide, displaying her ebulliently white teeth.

"You need to apologize more," the voice of the friend says, wavering a little. "I'm not sure she accepts our apology... completely. She seems suspicious."

"Told you!" The narrator says. "There's something wrong about her! You can't trust anything she says."

"I'm... sorry," you say.

"It's all right!" she brightens. But she waits for you to go first.

You walk up the stairs, ahead of the princess, and that's where you see the dagger, glistening on the stairs, where it had been thrown by Princess Twilight's magic in an ill-remembered past.

"Now's your chance. She's untrustworthy. She's making you take the brunt of the end of the world! End her!" The narrator says.

"But she's our friend," the voice of the friend says.

"Kill her now!" the narrator insists.

"No!" you shout.

"Are you all right?" Twilight asks, still behind you. "Not about to pass out again, are you? I know a spell that could help."

"Twilight Sparkle is your friend," the voice of the friend insists.

"Because she says she is..."

"She doesn't trust you," the narrator insists. "And you don't know her! All you know is that last time you opened the door, the world ended--and she admits that by her own words!"

"That's not what she said. She was talking about being hit on the head."

"It is implied!"

"Umm... Maybe I should cast that spell--" the Princess muses.

GoTo:
A. Use the dagger to slay the Princess

B. Leave with the Princess

C. Stay forever with the Princess