Slay the Alicorn Princess

"You're on a path in the woods," a conventionally cultured-sounding voice, speaking in your head says. "--and you're going to slay the Princess."

"Wasn't I just here?" You object.

"No. Nope. I've never seen you before," the voice you recognize as the voice of the narrator says.

"I think I--" you feel yourself. You seem essentially corporeal. "I think I died."

"You're very much alive."

"But I died."

The voice makes a clicking sound, then it hesitates. "Darn it. You died, did you now?"

"That's what I said."

"Then, we lost another universe."

"We what?"

"We lost another universe because YOU forgot to slay the Princess. Or, you failed. Were you not decisive enough?"

"I... accidentally freed her."

"How does that even happen?"

"I thought I was stabbing her, but instead, I stabbed her chains, which freed her."

"I wonder if I chose the wrong person for this task..."

"That's really what happened. I swear. I'm... not sure by what I swear, but I definitely swear."

"You could swear by yourself."

"I swear by myself, that's what happened and it was completely an accident."

"Well," the narrator sighs. "At least we've got another chance at this. Don't screw it up this time."

"I won't."

"Good."

"But she didn't seem violent."

"She ended the world!"

"I'm not sure about that. She seems to have just tripped and fell on me."

"--That sounds so utterly incompetently stupid I don't even want an explanation."

"Okay."

"You know the drill, so go down the road, up the hill, into the cabin, pick up the dagger, and stab her immediately before she can start to play her mind games," he pauses. "Or fall on you. Even if you like that sort of thing."

"I don't."

"If you do--remember--there's more to the world than just a falling princess. You could have many princesses fall on you."

"I don't meet many princesses. I think. Maybe. I might have worked for one before. My memory is a bit fuzzy."

"Don't trust your memory."

"But trust you?"

"Yes. I'm here. Your memory... isn't."

Since that's obviously the best explanation you've ever received for anything ever, you nod and set off.

Once you enter the cabin, you find it pretty much as you remember, except now there's a mirror wedged in the room's corner. It doesn't have a reflection as far as you can see from a distance.

Also, "There's no dagger," you mention.

"Oh, bleed my eyes out and crack my mirror into a thousand pieces--" the narrator says. "You've really messed up things this time,"

You shrug.

"Use the table to bludgeon her to death."

"That is an idea..."

"A terrible idea but it's all we have to work with."

"What about the mirror?"

"The what?"

"A mirror."

"There isn't a mirror."

"I see it right here," you point out the mirror.

"Nope."

You look into the mirror and see nothing. It's far too tarnished and dirty to be used, so you clear away some of the grime. And you see reptilian eyes staring back. "Woah,"

"Don't trip," a voice warns.

Startled, you stumble back and trip and fall.

"Who's that?" you ask.

"I'm no one."

"You frightened me. Show yourself!"

"I'm no one... except you. I'm in your head."

"That sounds crazy!"

"That depends," the narrator sighs. "I can hear the voice too."

"So both of my hallucinatory voices can converse?"

"I don't want to talk to him. His advice is bad," the unidentified voice says.

"Who are you?" you ask.

"I think... I'm your clumsiness."

"My clumsiness?"

"Yeah. I guess I'm the voice of the clumsy."

"That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard," the narrator says. "Voices... if that is indeed what you are... are supposed to be personifications of personalities."

"I'm a clumsy personality."

"Clumsy's an attribute, not a personality."

"Rather a limited worldview, don't you think?" the narrator suggests.

"Why are you entertaining the voice?" you ask, pushing yourself to your feet.

"It distracted me. But you're right. Get on with it and slay the princess before she ends the world."

"But where did you come from?" you ask the voice of the clumsy.

"The first thing I sort of remember is sensing you dying because you tripped. Or, someone tripped and fell... something like that."

"Get on with it," the narrator says.

"Things keep getting worse," you comment. "Maybe this time I won't be crushed, but I'll fail and the princess will escape end the world!"

"Remember: we're on a time limit. You're my only hope! The world's only hope! Matters will just get worse if you hesitate."

"But what can I slay her with."

"You can always bludgeon her with the table."

The dagger that had sat on the table last time is not there now. But the table itself remains. Four strong legs.

"I don't know about this..." the voice of the clumsy says. "Maybe a better weapon will present itself downstairs?"

"I wouldn't count on it..." the narrator says. "You're better off with a backup plan. If you go down with nothing, you will probably be stuck doing nothing.

"Nothing sounds good," the voice of the clumsy suggests. "It's hard to get hurt doing nothing."

GoTo:
A. Slay the Princess... with the table.
B. Go downstairs without the table.
C. Don't go downstairs. Stay!