Slay the Alicorn Princess

You don't take the table.

"You should have taken the table," the narrator insists.

"You'd have just fumbled it and tripped and broken your neck at the bottom of the staircase. Have you seen how winding this is, narrator-san?" the voice of the clumsy says.

"A respected term?" the narrator asks.

"I felt inspired by the bamboo," the voice of the clumsy explains.

"The bamboo is... at acute angles," you observe bamboo growing everywhich way. You gingerly step over some bamboo growing atop the bamboo stairs you are descending and you stoop low to avoid the bamboo stairs that are ascending at a strange angle above your head and you squeeze past a bamboo wall that gyrates in and out with the huffing sound of opening and closing.

"The staircase has changed a bit," you observe.

"You really messed things up," the narrator says.

"You are sounding like a bore," you say. "Unless you have something insightful to say, I'm going to tune you out. Maybe I'll even skip a few paragraphs."

"Don't do that!" the narrator says.

lorem ipsum dolor sin
now is the time for all good
what is love
baby don't hurt me
baby don't hurt me
no more
sin dolor ipsum loren

You arrive at the bottom of the staircase with only a few nicks and one squinting eye that probably was struck by a bamboo nodule when you were rolling to the bottom of the structure. And there, in a hall of densely packed green and yellow bamboo shoots, you see her--the Princess. She wears a pink kimono and a rice-field hat and she smokes a long stiff pipe, blowing out rings of smoke. Sensing your arrival, she puts down the pipe and rises, then bows.

"Barbaric traveler, I present myself to you. A princess, chained to this wall." She yanks at her chains. "Would you do me the honor of freeing me?"

"You look... different from last time," you note.

"Do I?" she looks at her clothing. "I try to keep myself looking sophisticated. Lady Rarity Appleblossom Serenity Moonflower advised me that clothing would help me attract your eye."

You trip over yourself, overwhelmed with her elegance.

"Sorry about that," the voice of the clumsy speaks up. "I always feel a bit more clumsy when around someone who is putting on alluring airs."

"I--"

She picks up the pipe and blows a smoke ring. You cough.

"And sorry about that too," the voice of the clumsy explains. "I find it hard to speak when smoke gets in my eyes."

"Your lungs, you mean?"

"No, my eyes. It's psychologically reactive."

"But you mean my eyes, right?"

"You and I, we're in this together."

"But not the narrator," you observe.

"No, not that obnoxious git."

"Hey!" the narrator objects. "If the world ends, we're all in this together!"

"But we can't do much about that. We're too clumsy and ineffective," the voice of the clumsy says.

You nod.

"What would you like to do?" the Princess asks, blowing more smoke.

"I'd like to... I'm sorry for bumping into you and for us colliding and falling to our deaths," you say.

"Are you?" She says. "Why don't you come over here and let me have a good look at you to see if I can sense your penitence."

You come over and cross across her chains. You trip and break them. And, she's free. She giggles and rises on her hooves, which themselves are tied to thick pieces of wood. She makes a resounding clip-clop sound as she retreats from you. "Perhaps you should spend some time down here while I leave by my lonesome. It's safer that way."

"It's always safer when you're not around," the voice of the clumsy agrees.

"I guess I could stay."

"You can't," the narrator says.

The sound of clopping goes up the stairs, then it stops at the top. You hear some thuds at the door. The clopping returns.

"Please present me the key," the princess requests.

"I don't have a key."

The princess' eyes narrow. "Let me out."

"I'll just fall down the stairs and we'll both... die again. That bamboo is dangerous!" You indicate your wounded eye.

a. Dash at her and scratch with your... claws?
b. Wait.