Trixie and the Vending Machine

by AyBlyat

Rating: teen
Tags: Trixie, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Profanity
Length: 3554

The Great and Powerful Trixie wants some peanut butter crackers. Unfortunately, the vending machine seems to be totally against her and causes the short tempered unicorn to reach her mental limits.

Trixie is feeling hungry for some peanut butter crackers and makes her way to a local vending machine to get some. Unfortunately for her, the pack of crackers she buys gets stuck in the machine. Trixie tries everything to get that pack of her beloved peanut butter crackers, but nothing works, causing her to become increasingly angrier and more frustrated. Will Trixie get her desperately wanted pack of peanut butter crackers, or will the vending machine ruin her day and cause her to explode?

Published 2024-11-13 19:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2024-11-13 19:10:01 UTC

Trixie and the Vending Machine

"The Great and Powerful Trixie needs some Peanut Crackers!" said the boastful magician, after she had arrived at a local vending machine in Ponyville.

The blue unicorn has had a pretty stressful week behind her. Finally cleaning up her filthy trailer, crafting bigger and better firework rockets, improving her magic skills, while also planned her next big tour, were all things Trixie did in that very busy week. A nice pack of her beloved peanut butter crackers felt like a good way to reward herself, for getting so much work done. She got a coin out of her little pocket and was ready to put it in the coin slot. However, in that exact moment, a white earth pony with a red mane jumped the queue in front of her.

"Hey, I was here first you stupid bitch!" yelled Trixie to that pony in a mad tone.

"Don't use words like these near my son you rude pony!" replied that pony back to Trixie, sounding more snooty instead of angry tho.

"You call me rude? You literately just jumped the queue with no hesitance! You are like the last type of pony to call anypony rude!" angrily yelled Trixie back as a response.

"All I am doing is giving my son a nice chocolate bar as a rewards for being the best and most adorable filly in all of Equestria!" the mother replied, still having a snooty tone in her voice.

The mother then bought a chocolate bar from the vending machine for her son. Her son was an orange filly with a yellow mane and seemed to be between 4 to 6 years old. Trixie was clearly not amused by the mothers behavior and the way how she privileged her son over others.

"By the way," the mother arrogantly said to Trixie afterwards, "just look at that huge plot of yours. You look like you have had enough treats and snacks."

"The Great and Powerful Trixie is just thicc with a healthy dose of chubbiness! Also, you say that while you are giving your own son diabetes!" Trixie furiously replied to that, but the mother was already walking from her and the vending machine.

After that she mumbled, "Why is is it always the biggest idiots in Equestria who have children. Fucking hate parents. No wonder everypony complains about kids these days," in an angry and grumpy tone.

She didn't let herself become overly angry tho and instead tried to forget about it, with a delicious pack of peanut butter crackers. She inserted her coin into the coin slot, selected the peanut butter crackers and was ready to enjoy her tasty treat. However, when she looked down into the compartment, there was nothing and when she looked up again, she saw that the pack was stuck between the glass front and the steel spring of an defect slot in the vending machine.

A medium loud "Fuck!" came out of Trixie's mouth.

Fortunately, Trixie had some more money with her, as she no longer lived in poverty and had earned a pretty good amount of money with her last tour. She thought it was a good idea to buy a second pack, that would push the one that got stuck down.

"Well good thing that Trixie has become greater and more successful over the last two years. If there is one thing better than one pack of peanut butter crackers, it's two packs of peanut butter crackers," she proudly said to herself, while buying a second pack.

She watched through the glass front how the second landed on top of the first one with a satisfied expression, but to her disappointment, it didn't help. The first pack she bought was still stuck in the exact same spot and position, with the second one lying directly on top of it.

Trixie became angrier and shouted "Fucking Bullshit!" as response of her second pack of peanut butter crackers, that she just bought, getting stuck in the vending machine.

Trixie didn't gave up and bought a third pack, hoping that one will finally push the first pack down.

"Well, they usually say third time's the charm and I am feeling pretty hungry. If there is one pony who deserves three packs of peanut butter crackers, it's me," she said to herself arrogantly, while buying yet another pack.

She once again looked through the glass front of the vending machine, this time with a less amused expression, to saw, the third pack landing directly on top of the other two ones and once again, it didn't help. Now, three packs of Trixie's beloved peanut butter crackers were stuck in the vending machine.

She loudly screamed "COCK SUCKING WHORE!" out of frustration.

Afterwards, she looked into her pocket and saw, that she had used up all of the coins she had brought along with her. Trixie started to become furious and a dark red cloud of anger began to erupt out of her horn. She didn't really cared about it tho. All what she wanted were those delicious peanut butter crackers and so, she violently began to kick and shake the vending machine. Trixie had some very strong hooves for a unicorn, stronger than many earth ponies. The vending machine tho, was made out material too robust for having even the strongest ponies causing a scratch to it and the packs of crackers inside of it, didn't move a single bit.

She eventually realized that kicking and shaking didn't help too and angrily shouted, "Suck my fucking crotchtits you stupid vending machine!" as the red cloud out of her horn became bigger.

Trixie then started to use her newer, improved and more powerful magic skills on the machine machine. With her magic, she tossed the machine in the air, shook it and brutally slammed it into the ground. But once again, the vending machine didn't got a single scratch and the three packs of peanut butter cracker were still stuck in the same spot.

Her anger increased, the red cloud became bigger and she loudly screamed, "FUCK YOU RETARDED SHIT MACHINE!"

Nearby ponies already began to notice Trixie's loud cursing and screaming, but instead of trying to calm her down, they just walked away and tried to ignore it. Trixie still continued to use her magic and fired a powerful vaporizing blast out of her horn, that she aimed directly towards the vending machine. However, her magical blast bounced off of the glass front, causing Trixie to almost hit herself with her own spell. Instead, the blast hit a tree, completely vaporizing it down to it's deepest roots. Trixie then began to angrily stomp on the ground with an extremely angry expression while randomly shouting vulgar words and things in gibberish. Eventually, one pony came up towards her and asked her about her behavior.

"Um Trixie? Is that you?" said Fluttershy, who was just walking by and quickly noticed her loud vulgar screaming, as well as the red cloud that came out of her horn and sounded concerned, "Why are you so angry? Did anything bad happen?"

Trixie immediately began to look at her with a furious expression and replied, "Shit things are happening now! This stupid fucking vending machine just wont let me give my precious and delicious peanut butter crackers!"

Fluttershy looked at her with an confused expression and asked her in reply, "Uh really? That's why you're so angry? I mean, sure it can be frustrating but is it really something to get this mad about?"

Trixie's right eye twitched and then she loudly screamed "OF COURSE IT FUCKING IS! YOU CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE THE SHIT I HAVE ALREADY BEEN THROUGH HERE!" right towards Fluttershy's face.

Fluttershy shook in fear and quietly replied, "Ok, I think I should probably get somepony else to deal with this. This is too much for me," and quickly ran away.

Trixie was still incredibly angry about the vending machine, but fortunately, a new idea on how to get on those peanut butter crackers popped up in head.

"The Great and Powerful might be known for her magical talent, but she is also highly experienced with pyrotechnics," she smugly said to herself and began to walk back to her trailer to get some of her fireworks.

She came back a couple minutes later with a massive load of her self crafted firework bombs and rockets. Trixie's firework crafts, were pretty dangerous. They used a lot of gun powder and napalm and can cause a lot of damage and fires. They were technically considered illegal, due to how dangerous and destructive they were, but a pony like Trixie of course didn't care about that. The only thing she wanted right now, were peanut butter crackers. She literately covered the entire vending machine with her firework bombs and rockets and chained them all tightly onto the machine. She also attached a thick and long fuse onto the mountain of explosives. She lightened up the fuse with her magic and ran to the back of a wall for some cover. She covered her ears with her hoofs and excitingly waited for the explosion. An extremely loud BOOM sound came from the vending machine. The explosion caused the whole ground to shake and could be heard from over ten kilometers away. The red cloud from Trixie's horn began to disappear. The overly loud sound of the explosion was highly satisfying for the blue unicorn and she was certain that this explosion was finally able to destroy the glass front of the vending machine and let her enjoy those tasty peanut butter crackers. She went back to the vending machine and saw the damage the explosion has caused to the ground and the wall the vending machine was located on. The vending machine itself tho, was still undamaged and the peanut butter crackers were still stuck in the exact same spot.

As soon as she saw that, the red anger cloud from her horn came back bigger than before and she loudly shouted, "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS PIECE OF SHIT OF AN VENDING MACHINE! THIS DOESN'T EVEN MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE! STUPID RETARDED MOTHERFUCKING BULLSHIT! I WILL KILL YOU AND YOUR ANAL BIRTH VENDING MACHINE FAMILY!"

Trixie once again began to furiously stomp and cuss around and to make things even worse she could see Snips and Snails coming towards the vending machine. Just thinking about these two was enough to bring Trixie's mood down. Trixie was eventually able to accept Twilight, but she could never forgive Snips and Snails, because they were dumb enough to brought an Ursa Major to Ponyville, which had completely ruined Trixie's life and career. She will forever hate these two stupid fillies. Trixie began to hide herself behind the wall, that she also had used as a cover for her explosion. She secretly watched the two fillies coming towards the vending machine. They quickly saw the three packs of peanut butter crackers that were stuck inside of it.

"Hey Snails," said Snips to his friend, "there are three packs of those delicious peanut butter crackers stuck inside there. You think we will get them?"

"Well I don't know," replied Snails, "the pony who must have ordered them, has probably already attempted it."

Trixie just silently stared at the two with an evil expression, being more than certain that these two with an IQ of a loaf of bread would never get the packs of peanut butter crackers and will probably just weakly knock on the glass, thinking it will legitimately cause the peanut butter crackers to fall down into the compartment. And that was indeed what they did, they just weakly knocked on the glass. Trixie was already ready to mock these two for their sheer stupidity, but then...

"Snails look, they fell down! Three packs of peanut butter crackers all for free!" happily said Snips after their seemingly weak and pathetic attempt of getting those peanut butter crackers, had actually worked.

They both laughed and giggled happily. Trixie tho was just shocked by this, so shocked that she accidentally jumped out of her cover and Snips and Snails quickly saw her. Trixie just quietly stared at them with a dead expression.

"Hey Snails, isn't that this untalented and arrogant magician we used to simp for?" curiously asked Snips to his partner.

"Oh come on Sips, you know that I have problems with remembering things that happened more than 10 minutes ago," replied Snails to him with a dumb sounding voice.

"Well her plot sure has gotten fat and she smells like a homeless pony," said Snips as a reply.

They both loudly laughed and walked away afterwards. In that exact moment, Trixie's brain exploded with anger. She was angrier and more furious than she ever was before, probably even more than any other pony was ever before. The red cloud from her horn grew into an enormous size, her eyes and body started to twitch and even lightning began to come out of her horn. Mass panic broke out in Ponyville, as Trixie's massive red cloud of anger began to cover the city.

Twilight and Starlight were in the castle and wanted to drink some coffee while relaxing on the balcony of the castle. But as soon as they stepped on the balcony, they saw the humongous red cloud in the distance, that covered nearly a quarter of Ponyville.

"What in Celestia is that?" asked Twilight, who was highly shocked at the sight of the massive red cloud.

"It kinda looks like a cloud that erupts of the horn of a unicorn when they are really angry, but this seems to be way too big for that," replied Starlight to her, who was also clearly shocked by this sight.

"Actually this is a cloud of unicorn anger, but I too have never seen one this big before. Somepony over there must be insanely angry. This is actually really dangerous!" Twilight responded, sounding highly concerned.

After that, the two ponies started to hear a voice from down below. It sounded like Fluttershy.

"Fluttershy? Is that you? We are up on the balcony!" Twilight yelled all the way down to her.

Fluttershy quickly ran up all of the stairs and hallways of the castle, to the balcony. It didn't take long for her to arrive to Twilight and Starlight. She was noticeably out of breath and in quite a hurry.

"Twilight! Starlight! Trixie is angry, like really angry and it's only because a vending machine doesn't want to give her peanut butter crackers. I thought you Starlight would know a good way on how to calm her down!" Fluttershy hastily told to the two.

"Wait, it's Trixie who is the cause for this massive red cloud because of what?" asked Starlight to her in concern.

"Massive red cloud?" asked Fluttery back to her, also sounding concerned.

"I'm sorry Fluttershy, but I think you're too late." Twilight said to her, while pointing towards the huge red cloud in the distance.

The three ponies silently watched the situation from the balcony, where they were in safe distance. It was too late to intervene and it would have been highly dangerous too. They were just hoping that nothing too bad happens and that nopony will get hurt, especially Starlight, who was extremely concerned about her best friend.

Trixie meanwhile was completely loosing control over herself and her anger. She screamed and cursed very loudly, punched nearby objects and stomped around. Eventually she began to charge up her horn with magic and it wasn't normal unicorn magic, it was anger magic. This type of magic was made by nothing but pure anger and frustration, that was bottled up in the head for too long until it exploded and calling it exploded in Trixie's case, was a severe understatement. Anger magic was incredibly powerful, destructive and dangerous and the angrier the unicorn, the more dangerous and destructive it was. The magical aura on Trixie's horn became bigger and bigger until it was like five times the size of herself. Eventually, her horn was fully charged up and in that moment, Trixie blasted out an enormous purple laser of mass destruction out of her horn, that she aimed directly towards the vending machine. It obliterated pretty much everything in it's path, causing a massive amount of damage to Ponyville. Houses, streets and even some localities got damaged or sometimes even completely destroyed by Trixie's destructive magical laser. Twilight, Starlight and Fluttershy saw how the laser pretty much destroyed an entire section of their hometown. The three just stared at it with fear and disbelieve. Fortunately, nopony got hurt. After that, the red cloud started to disappear and the ponies of Ponyville tried to calm themselves down from this massive shock.

Trixie was laying on the ground, on her belly with her head down. She looked up and slowly stoop up. She immediately saw the damage her rage has caused. There was a big and very long crater right in front of her, where the vending machine had originally stood. She took a look down into the crater and saw the vending machine. Still fully intact and undamaged, lying on its backside.

"No! This can't be true! This shouldn't even be possible!" she said to herself in desperation, while a tear began to come out of her left eye.

She walked into the crater to the vending machine, laid herself on top of the glass front and began to cry.

"The Great and Powerful Trixie, defeated by a vending machine. This is such a low point for me!" she said to herself, while desperately crying.

Trixie felt sad and defeated. Not only has she got no peanut butter crackers and had lost her money, but she had also caused massive damage to Ponyvile and had to live with the fact that Snips and Snails had gotten free peanut butter crackers because of her. She truly felt humiliated. However, while she was lying on the glass front of the vending machine, she noticed something. There was a tiny little crack in the glass. Trixie stopped to cry and began to punch and kick the glass on the spot where the crack was. The crack became bigger and bigger, the more Trixie punched and kicked the glass and eventually, the glass broke. Trixie was finally able to get to her desperately wanted and beloved peanut butter crackers. Tears of joy ran out of her eyes as she celebrated her victory. And it was not just peanut butter crackers, there were also other types of crackers, chocolate, chips, marshmallows and gummy candy, Trixie took it all with her. The only thing she left in the vending machine, was licorice, because she finds that stuff gross. She happily went back to her trailer, where she enjoyed all of those tasty treats, she got from the vending machine. A few minutes after she had come home tho, somepony knocked on her door. It was Starlight, who quickly came to her after the red cloud had disappeared.

"Trixie! Is everything fine?" she asked in concern, "Me, Twilight and Fluttershy saw that gigantic red cloud and this huge purple laser that destroyed everything in its path. Fluttershy told me that you were really angry and wanted me to help you calm down, but by the time she had arrived at the castle, it was already too late and we saw that massive red cloud in the distance. Were you really this angry? And is it true that it was just because you didn't got any peanut butter crackers?"

Trixie was just cozily lying in her hammock, while she indulged the big pile of snacks and comfortably replied, "Don't worry Starlight, it's all fine now. Not only did I got my peanut butter crackers, but I also got many other tasty treats out this vending machine."

It was a relieve for Starlight, to see that her best friend was doing fine. But there still was one thing about Trixie that to comment on.

"But one thing tho," she said to her, "do you really want to eat all of that junk for yourself? Hasn't your plot already gotten fat enough as of recently?"

After she had said that, Starlight began to feel a strangle around her neck and saw that once again, a red cloud was erupting from Trixie's horn. Starlight quickly tried to apologize to her.

"Ok ok, I am sorry," she hastily and awkwardly said to her, "maybe I worded it a bit wrong. It was meant to be a compliment, you know? I mean, mares with curves are like totally in trend now," and chuckled awkwardly.

But Trixie didn't listen to her excuses, instead she promptly kicked her away, while yelling, "Take that you flat commie!"

Starlight flew far and high, until she eventually crashed onto the balcony of Twilight's castle. Twilight and Fluttershy saw her landing right in front of them and were immediately shock by it."

"Starlight? Are you alright?" asked Twilight to her in concern.

Starlight slowly put her head up and replied, "Don't worry, everything is fine. Nopony got hurt and Trixie is doing fine, just don't make any comments about her plot size for the next... forever."

THE END