Feather-Light Understanding of Pegasi Mating Rituals
"I'm sorry, you did what?" Rainbow asked, tilting her head to the side.
Sitting at the corner café in Ponyville, Twilight Sparkle and her close friend Rainbow Dash enjoyed a nice breakfast consisting of oats, eggs, pancakes, and more than a few strawberries. At least, they were, until Twilight decided to share the events of her previous day with her prismatic friend.
"I said 'goodbye' and went into the theater. Why?" Twilight asked, tilting her head to the side.
Rainbow loved her friend, dearly. She was kind, fun, intelligent to an alarming degree, and sweet, but for all her qualities, the pony sitting across from her also happened to be quite dense when she wanted to be. Granted, she'd only been an alicorn for a few months now, and learning to fly had taken quite a bit of her time to learn the nuances of pegasi societal norms, but still!
"Okay, okay. Just... run this by me one more time. I need to make sure I didn't miss something here." Rainbow replied, slowly.
Twilight shrugged, "Okay. I was in line for the movie yesterday when I ran into Derpy. She's a nice mare and we get along really well, so we started chatting. While we were moving in line, she brushed her feathers against my cutie mark and-" She began, but halted as Rainbow held up a hoof.
"I thought I heard you right. Twilight, she brushed her feathers against your cutie mark." Rainbow replied, looking expectantly to her lavender alicorn friend.
"Okay... and?" Twilight asked, raising her eyebrows to match Rainbow's expectant look.
Rainbow immediately face-hoofed, "Twilight, do you not know what that means? Or do you just not care when ponies sexually harass you in public?" She deadpanned.
An aghast look instantly took over Twilight's face, "Sexual harassment!?" She exclaimed.
Now with over three quarters of the venue staring at them with concerned glances, Rainbow quickly hushed her friend and leaned in close, gesturing for Twilight to do the same.
"No need to announce it to the whole restaurant, Twi, but yes. Sexual harassment... You mean you seriously don't know?" She pressed, a genuine look of concern forming on her muzzle.
Twilight hastily shook her head, "No! Why would I know that!? I was a unicorn my whole life, in a city populated by ninety percent unicorns! Ponyville is seventy five percent earth ponies, and twelve percent unicorn, so I haven't exactly had a ton of pegasi in my life to show me what counts as sexual harassment in the avian world." She whisper-shouted, holding her head in her hooves.
"Its okay, it's okay. That's what you've got me for, alright. Now look, for future reference, any time a pegasus touches your cutie mark with their feathers, in any way, they're propositioning you for sex, or essentially saying they want to get frisky with you." Rainbow explained.
Twilight quickly nodded, "Okay... good to know... Derpy is a much more... forward mare than I would have expected." She admitted.
Dash scoffed as she leaned back in her seat, "Are you kidding? We had a nickname for her in high school. Called her "Slurpee Derpy" for a reason. That mare has been through more stallion meat than a changeling. Honestly what's surprising is that she's going after mares now too..." She shook her head.
Twilight shrugged, "Well, now that I know better, I'll be sure to not let it happen again. Derpy is a nice mare, but I'm more interested in stallions."
Rainbow nodded and continued to devour her pancakes. Twilight, seeing the conversation had come to an end, decided to finish off her scrambled eggs, but just as she finished her plate, a thought wormed its way into her head.
"Hey, Rainbow?" She asked.
"Hmm?" Rainbow inquisitively replied, through a mouthful of pancake.
"Are there any... other things I should be aware of with regards to pegasi body language? The wings, specifically?" Twilight replied, glancing down at her wings.
Rainbow swallowed her food and fixed Twilight with a worried frown, "Uh... don't tell me that more stuff happened with Derpy than what you already told me."
Twilight quickly shook her head, "Oh, no, no, no... no... not with Derpy."
Rainbow gave her a deadpan look once again, "Spill."
"Well... there was the time Thunderlane wrapped his wing around mine, kinda like as if you were holding hooves with-" Twilight began.
"Yep, that means he wanted sex." Dash interrupted.
Twilight deflated slightly, "Okay... um, there was also that time Flitter patted my back with her wing during the wingpower training for when we had to create a tornado to syphon all that lake water to Cloudsdale and when I looked back at her, she had one feather in the shape of a circle and another in the shape of another circle, and they were kinda mashing against each other..." She explained, her voice falling more and more quiet as she saw the look Rainbow was giving her.
"Seriously?" Rainbow deadpanned.
"There was also that time Spitfire gave me one of her primary feathers that fell out after the tornado..." Twilight sheepishly recounted.
"That was a proposition for sex." Rainbow muttered, quite bitterly, and with a small blush on her muzzle.
"Ugh... what about the time Fluttershy used her wing to tickle me at one of our sleepovers?" Twilight pressed, sinking into her chair in embarassment.
"Sex." Rainbow answered.
"Ugh! Why are so many things involving wings just about sex!? Have I been doing the same thing? I brushed my feathers through Flitter's mane last week-"
"Sex."
"I poked Cloud Chaser's chest tuft with my wing-"
"Sex"
"I gave a wing hug to Blossomforth-"
"Might as well have asked her to marry you."
"Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuughgh." Twilight groaned, sinking fully into her seat until just her head was level with the table.
Rainbow, seeing the clear level of embarrassment and shame her friend was experiencing, reached over and gently patted Twilight's wither with her wing.
"Thanks... this isn't you trying to proposition me too, is it?" Twilight grumbled.
Rainbow laughed, "Ha! As if. Nah, this is just the normal, friendly kinda wing patting. If I were to do it on top of your head, then you'd know I was trying to get into your bed." She explained.
Twilight sighed, "Well while we're discussing it, are there any other things I should know when it comes to wings?"
Rainbow tapped her chin in thought for a few moments, "Hmm... well you might wanna avoid waving with your left wing while facing straight on with a pegasus. That's like, one of the worst insults you can do."
Twilight nervously looked away.
"You've been exclusively waving with your left wing and making direct eye contact, haven't you?" Rainbow deadpanned.
Twilight shamefully nodded and buried her muzzle into her hooves.
"No wonder Crafty Crate was so peeved at you. You basically told him to go buck himself." Rainbow sadly shook her head.
"Not. Helping." Twilight pouted.
"Relax, Twi, at least you didn't do the cardinal sin of getting a wing boner in front of the whole town." Rainbow chuckled, though it quickly became apparent that she was chuckling alone.
Rainbow's mirth quickly died off as she saw the look of dread on Twilight's face.
"Uh, hehe... I should probably get you a book on pegasi wing cues, huh?" Rainbow sheepishly chuckled.
"YOU MEAN THERE WAS A BOOK FOR THIS THE WHOLE TIME!?!?!?" Twilight cried, her wings flaring wide in frustration.
A wolf whistle could be heard off in the distance.
Author's Note
I'm just a silly lil guy, posting silly lil one-shots every once in a while. This idea has definititely been done before but eh, I saw a picture in my Discord this morning and thought the idea was so cute that I had to write something short and silly about it. So here you go, the sex talk: Wings of Lust.
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