“Happy birthday!” Pinkie shouted at the top of her lungs, her back hooves balancing her body upright as she placed a party hat on my head. After recovering from the noise of her outburst, I faced her with a smile and a slight blush.
“Aww Pinkie, you didn’t have to.” I replied.
“Are ya surprised?” Applejack asked, a smile brimming on her face.
“Because setting this all up wasn’t easy.” Rainbow Dash added, receiving an elbow from Twilight.
“What she means is we wanted to make sure your day was as special as possible.” Twilight interjected.
“Agreed, Twilight.” Rarity quipped, her sapphire eyes shining under the lights.
“We all helped to plan this together-” Fluttershy began, interrupted by the ever energetic pink pony.
“So let’s get this party started!” Pinkie cheered, cartwheeling over to start the music.
While this was far from my first “Pinkie Pie Party”, somehow the ecstatic pony never failed to make each one feel completely unique and full of heart.
This one was no different, with myself and my six closest friends all sharing treats and telling stories at Sugarcube Corner. It was a night to remember, and I treasured each moment it lasted.
Even in spite of an uncomfortable feeling I still felt creep in from time to time.
“Is everything alright, dear?” Rarity asked.
“Hmm? Oh, yeah.” I reassured, the expression on her face revealing her skepticism.
“You sure?” Fluttershy asked.
“Yeah, just…” I trailed off, thoughts of my life before coming here entering my mind.
Fluttershy gently placed an arm around me. “You’re homesick, aren’t you?”
I didn’t respond immediately. Surely admitting that would seem incredibly disrespectful and ungrateful, especially at a time like this.
Nevertheless, I knew they all knew. I gave a small nod, averting my gaze from the ponies surrounding me.
“We know things have been a bit unusual, just adjusting to everything.” Twilight admitted, turning to the other ponies, who all shared sad smiles. “I’m sure the princesses are working as hard as they can to help you find a way home.”
The tone in the room sunk momentarily at this comment. I rubbed the side of one arm with the other hand, silently acknowledging the uncomfortable truth.
“But we’re here to make sure your stay in Equestria is as comfortable as possible.” Fluttershy chimed, offering up her ever gentle smile.
I knew this was true, especially coming from the pegasus. After arriving in this world, she had been the first to give me a chance, quickly losing her fear of me when she sensed my gentle nature - something very similar to her own.
Over the last 12 or so months, she alongside the other members of the Mane Six had been eager to help me acclimate to life in this new world. The mare had offered to let me stay at her cottage, in return for helping to take care of the many animals that lived there. It was easy work once I’d gotten used to being around the small creatures - and once they’d gotten used to being around me.
Obviously Twilight had quickly informed the princesses of my presence in Equestria, and they were surprisingly accepting of me once the others assured them I wasn't a threat. Apparently there’d never been any recorded information about humans - a fact I was grateful for, as it meant starting off with a clean slate for my species.
This isn’t to say everypony had accepted me being there. There were still some who gave me a hard time for the mere fact I chose to live in Ponyville, though these individuals were few and far between, and they caused relatively few problems.
Though I'd kept it to all but a few, mainly The Mane Six and the princesses, the particular fact of the ponies being characters in a television show in my world was taken in stride by them. The fact I treated them as real as any friend I’d ever made surely helped matters.
Though certain elements like the surplus of grimdark fanfictions still unnerved them - a sentiment I shared.
Regardless, with so much time having passed, and the princesses, though keeping a positive tone in their letters, seeming to be making little to no progress on finding a way to return me home, my hope was waning. While being here in Equestria had been the experience of a lifetime, my longing for home grew stronger with each passing day.
Perhaps there really was such a thing as trouble in paradise.
I wiped away a small tear, the action not lost on any of my friends.
“Are you going to be alright?” Fluttershy asked, gently rubbing my back.
The feeling was very comforting, even uniquely so. Whether Fluttershy was strengthened by the Element of Kindness or vice versa, there was something very special about this pony, something that helped me to find peace even in the worst of times.
That simple gesture gave me enough strength to give a small smile. “Yeah, I’ll be okay.”
Though the party continued normally from there, I could tell the yellow pegasus still sensed something was wrong.
The cool fall evening painted the landscape with subtle blues over the normally bright and vibrant surroundings. Though some would find it to be a depressing addition to the cycle of the day, I found something calming about the muted colors, accompanied by the bright moon hanging overhead. I still couldn't quite wrap my head around the fact that this great lunar shape had to be raised and set manually on a nightly basis.
With a gentle breeze blowing, the incentive to get inside Fluttershy’s cottage once more grew ever quicker. The party had long since ended, and myself alongside the yellow pegasus now stood outside her humble abode.
“It's getting colder.” Fluttershy observed, giving a small shiver.
“It definitely is.” I agreed, “The animals will be hibernating soon, won't they?”
“Not for another month or two.” Fluttershy explained, opening the door to her cottage and stepping through. “We still have a bit more work to do before winter comes through.”
“And what will you do once the animals are asleep?” I asked, joining her inside the home and shutting the door behind me.
“Oh there's plenty of things to do for the next season.” She assured with a smile. “We need to plan out the bird nests, make blankets for the creatures to stay warm when they wake up, find food for them to eat for breakfast, and much more.”
“I thought the animals found food for themselves to last them through the season?” I asked, confused. “Why would we need to feed them when they wake up?”
Fluttershy gave me a quizzical look, tilting her head. “Is that how it works where you're from?”
“Good point.” I replied.
I checked the clock on the wall, and saw that it was almost time for bed.
“Well, I'd better head up to sleep.” I stated, “Good night, Fluttershy. I'll see you tomorrow for feeding the squirrels first thing in the morning.”
“Good night.” She responded, again with that small smile.
As I ascended the stairs, I couldn't shake the feeling there was a tinge of sadness in her eyes.
It was going to be another rough night, I could already feel it.
While I had been quick to assure the ponies I was perfectly happy waiting for word from the princesses, my time in Equestria had quickly become a waiting game. Each week played out the same, it seemed: Feed the animals, collect eggs, accompany Fluttershy to pick up groceries when needed, and when doing so make a stop by Twilight's home to see if there was any news from two rulers. Nearly every time, the answer was no.
On the odd occasion there was a new letter, it was often more of the same: “We're working as hard as we can”, “We have the best and brightest minds in on this”, “Don't lose hope” - everything one might expect. That latter point felt almost disingenuous. Could I really not lose hope when it seemed even they were steadily doing so?
And what of Twilight and company? I could see the disappointment on their faces whenever I shared the news in the letters, though they were quick to offer reassuring words and kind smiles. I could tell these were merely masks they put on, though.
In reality, they felt much the same way I did.
And so I laid awake in the bed, wondering how long until further word from the princesses would come in. A deeply unsettling feeling began to creep into my mind, one I had felt many nights resting in that bed.
Maybe there is no way home.
I shook my head. Surely that was pessimistic thinking. If I had made it here, even if by complete accident, surely there was a way to bridge the worlds once more. I would eventually see my friends and family again, and they would see how much I'd grown.
But when would that be? Months? Years? Decades? Would those I loved even still be alive when I arrived home? Would they remember me? What if time moved differently between the worlds, and when I eventually arrived it was already centuries in the future, those close to me having long since passed?
What if I passed before I had the opportunity to return home?
A tear rolled down my cheek and stained the pillowcase. I couldn't take another night like this.
Just then, the hinges on the wooden door leading to the staircase squeaked out a quiet tune. At first I thought it was merely the wind, but the figure I saw in the doorway confirmed it was no accident.
“Fluttershy?” I called out.
“Oh, I'm sorry,” The mare quickly replied, looking down at the floor. “I didn't mean to wake you.”
“You didn't,” I assured her. “but is everything okay?”
“Oh, I'm fine.” She responded, her smile quickly falling. “I was actually worried about you. Today seemed like it was rough on you, and I couldn't sleep without making sure you were alright.”
“Now that was the mark of true friendship”, I thought. For her to be caring and perceptive enough to pick up on everything…well, I still couldn't decide which was stronger: The Element or the bearer.
“I can tell something's wrong.” Fluttershy added. “Please, I promise you're not an inconvenience. You're my friend, and I want to listen. That's what friends do for each other.”
She stated the last part with a surprising amount of resolve and confidence, unusual for the normally mellow and reserved pegasus. This combined with her precisely chosen words helped to ease any apprehension I had. With my walls crumbling rapidly, tears began to show once again. I couldn't hold it in any longer.
Seeing this display of sorrow, Fluttershy quickly crossed the room to my side, placing a forehoof on my shoulder.
“It's okay,” she soothed, “let it all out.”
And let it out I did. The months of progressively growing pain seemed to come to fruition all at once. The many days and nights I'd held in tears, the fake smiles of assurance I gave more often as time went on, the fears of never seeing those on Earth ever again - all these and more formed the fuel for bitter weeping.
And yet, I couldn't help but find comfort in the presence of the pony next to me. She really had been with me through thick and thin, and though she didn't know exactly what it felt like to be in my shoes, her compassionate nature more than made up for it. There were few I was willing to open up to like this, but she was chief among them.
After a surprisingly small amount of time, I wiped the tears away and glanced at the mare. She wore that same smile she always had. It conveyed so many things with an incredible and genuine force. It was greater than she would ever admit, but those who had the privilege of being her friend knew it well.
“Do you feel any better?” She asked, her eyes reflecting a soft beam of moonlight.
“A little.” I admitted with a nod.
“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked, her tone warm and inviting.
I was about to start telling her everything, but realized it would be somewhat rude to have her standing or sitting on the wooden floor next to me the whole time. I quietly moved to the side of the bed, creating room for a third party. Fluttershy instinctively climbed on, laying atop the comforter and tucking her hooves underneath her, then returning her attention to me.
“Now, what's really going on?” She asked.
I wasn't sure exactly how much time passed, but it felt like at least a half hour. I first expressed gratitude for everything she and the other ponies in Ponyville had done for me, before telling her everything that had brought about those tears, all the feelings and fears I'd hidden deep down.
For her part, Fluttershy unsurprisingly proved to be a wonderful listener. She didn't say much at all, only nodding on occasion to show she understood.
“I just don't know if I can take it, Fluttershy.” I ended, looking away for fear of seeing disappointment on her face.
Of course, this fear proved to be unfounded.
“I didn't realize things were that bad.” She whispered. “I wish I’d known…”
At this point, I was too exhausted to even think of a good response. Instead, I gave a comforting smile, something the mare returned.
“You're doing everything right, Fluttershy.” I assured.
Then I gazed away for a moment, realizing I’d soon try to sleep again, and likely to no avail.
“Is something wrong?” Fluttershy asked, pulling me out of my thoughts.
I didn’t feel like saying anything more about my mental predicament. However, I didn’t want to lie and say everything was okay, either.
Then I had an idea. I just hoped it wouldn’t sound strange…
“Well, it’s going to be hard to sleep.” I admitted. “I’ve not been able to sleep peacefully for a while now, but um…”
Fluttershy tilted her head slightly in confusion. “But?”
“Promise me you won’t take this the wrong way?” I asked, only willing to glance at her from the side of my eyes.
“Of course.” She reassured, offering that same kind smile.
I took a deep breath. This was it.
“Could you like…stay here for a while?” I finally whispered, closing my eyes tightly and turning my head away.
The brief pause felt like it lasted an eternity. I braced myself for the worst.
“Why would I take that the wrong way?” I heard the timid pegasus ask.
I risked opening my eyes to glance back at her. I felt able at this point to make proper eye contact.
“I just don’t want you to think I’m…you know…trying to romance you.” I hesitated.
To my surprise, Fluttershy offered a smile to this. “Is that what you were worried about all this time?”
I nodded, unsure how to process the way the events had unfolded.
“I know you’re a friend of mine,” She assured. “and a very good one at that, but I know you don’t have romantic feelings for me. You already explained a long time ago that you didn’t feel those kinds of feelings for anypony, and that’s okay. I’m not hurt or offended.”
I simply sat there, blinking in disbelief. She may not have been surprised, but I certainly was. This had gone much better than expected.
“If you need somepony to stay here for the night with you, I’d be more than happy to.” She finished with a smile.
I felt my lips form words. “You really mean that?”
She gently nodded in confirmation. “Get comfortable, okay?”
I took a moment to process her words, but after regaining motor control, I gently eased my way back under the blanket, laying my head on my pillow - the tear stain long gone.
Fluttershy yawned deeply before laying on her side in a similar fashion, her head resting quietly against a pillow of her own.
I couldn’t help but notice the lack of any blankets for her.
“Are you going to be cold at all?” I asked in concern.
The pegasus shook her head. “We have fur coats for a reason. I promise I’ll be okay.”
With this, she closed her eyes and began slowing her breathing. i did the same, trying to relax as best I could.
And yet, I felt something missing. Was it worth asking just one more favor?
“Fluttershy?” I near-silently whispered.
“Hmm?” The pegasus opened her eyes slightly, turning her attention to me once more.
“Um…would you mind if…” I winced slightly, “would you mind if I hugged you?”
There was that peaceful smile once more.
“Of course not.” She replied, sliding over to be within hugging reach.
I reciprocated after a moment of hesitation, reaching an arm around her back and pulling myself close. She soon did the same, reaching a hoof around to hold me tightly.
Her fur was the softest thing I’d ever felt, more so than any fabric on the market, accompanied by a comforting heat from her body. It was like a warm stuffed animal.
Her grip was firm but gentle, like a mother’s love.
Her mane lightly brushed against me, proving to be even softer than her coat, a feeling like the finest silk.
I soon felt a gentle weight around my back, realizing she had covered part of me with her wing. It held me tight like a weighted blanket, crafted specifically to wrap around my side.
And like with everything else, it emanated kindness and compassion.
Ever since I’d come to Equestria - and even long before then, when I’d only watched the show - I’d dreamed of the opportunity to hug The Element of Kindness. I'd imagined the loving warmth that would radiate from her very being, a soothing balm to any pains or fears from the day. I never thought I would experience it.
But now, being there, embracing the pegasus pony, I realized nothing I could ever have imagined would have matched it.
Whatever feelings that day had brought on melted away in this embrace. My eyes grew heavy of their own accord, my muscles beginning to grow weak, my consciousness slipping away. The morning would come soon, but for now, it was time to enjoy the moment. It was time to remember all the good things I’d experienced since arriving here.
I remembered the true and honest Applejack, who'd won me over with her genuineness - and who I won over in like manner.
I remembered the ever-positive, laughter-fueled Pinkie Pie, who had put on parties regularly without fail, all of which I’d been invited to.
I remembered the ever protective and loyal Rainbow Dash, who initially was skeptical of me, but soon grew to be a valued protector and advocate.
I remembered the thoughtful and generous Rarity, who helped to make clothes for me during my stay, and had done countless other favors on my behalf, all while declining any kind of repayment.
I remembered the brilliant and insightful Twilight Sparkle, whose love for knowledge created many a discussion about my world, and whose promise to help me find a way home proved a true passion and priority for her, simply because it was for me.
And finally, I remembered the ever wonderful and kind Fluttershy, the mare embracing me. The one from whom I felt a compassion the likes of which I rarely, if ever, saw in my world, sprinkled with a degree of concern, but topped with a reassuring smile.
I quickly realized that I had much to be grateful for, including most especially these six friends of mine who had done so much for me, and for whom I desired to do so much.
And I would find a way to repay them. I didn’t know how, but I would.
But for now, it was time to rest.
Though the pegasus was now sound asleep, I couldn’t help but whisper one more thing, even if only to myself.
“Goodnight, Fluttershy.”
I could almost swear her smile grew just a little wider.
