ACT I

What is a Woman?

"Hey Trix, did you hear that Ms. Harshwhinny's out?"

Trixie’s eyes lit up with equal parts hope and disbelief, the news doing more to wake her up than any morning coffee. That was the first thing Lavender Lace said to Trixie as she walked through the glass double doors of Canterlot High, and apparently it was the talk of the school. Many iterations of the rumor floated around the bustling hallways as Trixie and Lavender made their way deeper into the throngs. “What, really? But she never misses a day!”

"Right? I heard there was a sudden death in her family, she had to take off for the funeral." Lavender explained, though it was just one of many rumors that circulated through the hallways of CHS, getting ever more outlandish as the telephone game went on.

“She won millions in the lottery and quit her job!”

“Didn’t you see those weird lights in the sky last night? She was abducted!”

“She knew too much, and the feds took her in. These rumors are just cover-ups!”

“She had an affair, leaving her husband and fleeing the country to be with her lover, Ernesto!”

“I thought his name was Juandissimo?”

“No silly, it was Ferrrnandooo~!”

“Uhh, y’all do know she ain’t married, right?”

“Not anymore,she’s not!”

“Maybe she fell through the portal Twilight came from, and now she’s stuck in horse-world!”

These were among the many iterations of the rumor floating around as she, Lavender, and their friend Fuschia Blush sat down in class. Obviously it was mostly bullshit, but it was fun! So much fun, in fact, that the sensible and rational Fuschia Blush even got in it! “I heard she crashed her car into a tree and wound up in the hospital!”

"Oh, poor Ms. Harshwhinny..." Said Fluttershy, sitting next to Lavender in the row ahead.

With time to process the news, Trixie broke out in a devilish grin. "Who cares why? We don't have to deal with Harshwhinny for... How long?"

Fluttershy let out a soft gasp before glaring at Trixie. "Trixie, that's not nice! I'm sure that, whatever happened to her, this is a very difficult time for her." Lavender simply frowned.

"Pft, whatever," Trixie scoffed, waving her hand dismissively at the Rainboom, "She makes our lives difficult all year, every year. It's called karma."

"I think she’s out for the week, maybe?" Said Lavender, looking somewhat uncomfortable. Trixie let out a soft laugh.

"A whole week without the worst teacher at CHS? Sweet!"

Fluttershy kept giving her a dirty look while Lavender looked down at the floor, letting the silence go on into awkward territory. Eventually Lavender cleared her throat and looked back up at Fluttershy, saying something about whatever manga she had been reading recently. Trixie couldn't care less, opting to look at her phone until classes began.

Then she heard the voice of a goddess in human form. “Good morning, beautiful!” Adagio cooed, sauntering over to the desk to Trixie’s right.

A chorus of fireworks went off in Trixie’s heart as she looked up at her girlfriend with a goofy grin on her face. Suddenly genuinely excited, Trixie set down her phone and greeted, “Morning, my love! How are you feeling today?”

Setting her bag down beside her chair, Adagio leaned over to bring her face to Trixie’s. “Doing better now, seeing the cutest magician in all of Canterlot High!” Adagio caressed Trixie’s face and gave her a quick, but still empassioned, kiss. After she pulled away, she purred, “Oh yeah, much better now!”

“Dagi! You’re going to get us both in trouble for PDA!”

Her smile not souring, Adagio sat down and gazed lovingly at Trixie, all the while remarking, “I still don’t know how you talked me into coming to this wretched place, where I can’t even give my girlfriend some tongue! You’re lucky I love you so much, Trix.”

“Aww, c’mon babe! It’s not that bad here! Besides, class also gets so much more bearable for me when you’re here!” At that, the two eccentric students smiled and held hands across the gap between their seats.

“Jeez, you two! Whipped much, Trix?” Fuschia Blush jested.

Adagio was quick to raise an eyebrow and casually retort, “Like you’re one to talk, Blush! You and Lace aren’t even in love with Trixie and you’re still at her beck and call!”

Lavender spoke up next. “It’s called being besties, Dazzle.” That particular nickname was the only thing Blush and Lace decided to use when addressing Adagio. Trixie couldn’t help but wonder if they had actually buried the hatchet, but at least they weren’t being as standoffish as they were before. The three of them giggled at each other while Trixie just gazed at the gorgeous yellow woman, basking in her splendor. It had been the better part of a month since Trixie and Adagio started dating each other, and this was her seventh day of High School shared with the love of her life. Trixie was ever grateful that Adagio was adjusting to school life, and even her best friends were starting to come around to the reformed Siren!

Adagio reached out to Trixie’s hand, smiling coyly at the blue magician as she said to Fuschia and Lavender, “I think you two are just jelly that I get to do this!” With lightning fast movement, Adagio closed the gap between her and her girlfriend and startled Trixie with a brief but deep kiss on the lips! As she pulled back and left Trixie discombobulated, she grinned smugly and teased, “...And you two can’t!”

“As cute as it is that you two love each other…” Lavender explained, “It is a bit much at times.”

“It’s gross at times, to be honest!” Fuschia chimed in.

That’s when it hit Trixie. “Dagi, did you steal my gum?!”

Like a cat proudly displaying a small animal it hunted, Adagio smiled wickedly and bared her teeth as she gnashed the small pink wad of gum between her canines. “What can I say? No matter what you pick, my favorite flavor is whatever you’re having, babe!”

Fuschia deadpanned once more, her point being proven. “See? Gross.”

Lavender backed her up by stating, “Blush is right, Trix; You are whipped!”

Ever ready to defend her great and powerful girlfriend’s honor, Adagio offered up, “Well, even if Trixie is the one wrapped around my finger, she is the one who talked me into this whole high school nonsense. I suppose that makes me the one who’s whipped!”

Lavender, Blush, and Adagio all laughed and started to rib each other playfully. Trixie remained silent as they all bantered, just enjoying the friendly conversation and smiling when Adagio reached out to hold her hand. Just her, her best friends, and the woman she loved.

Apropos of nothing, Adagio looked past Lavender to address the shy pink-haired girl. “Hey, Fluttershy! You scheduled for the shelter or the aquarium today?”

“Oh, umm, the aquarium. You want to tag along? I’m sure I can probably cover your attendance fee.”

Pursing her lips and shaking her head solemnly, Adagio answered, “Nah, I got other plans tonight, but hey, give my favorite leopard shark some love for me, will ya?”

"Hey Dazzle, did you hear about Ms. Harshwhinny?” Lavender asked.

Adagio grimaced at the teacher's name, but her interest was piqued. “What? What's she gonna spring on us today?”

“No, she’s out this week, something about a death in the family, or maybe a car crash. Jury's still out.”

Adagio’s beautiful red eyes and her wonderful smile widened in surprise. “Oh shit, for real? At least we all will be given a few days off from her!”

Vindicated, Trixie loudly and emphatically said, “Thank you! See Lace? Leave the grieving or healing to Nagatha and we can just take it easy while we’re not under her thumb!”

For the first time she could remember, Trixie was actually looking forward to English Literature. Ms. Harshwhinny normally made it into one of CHS' most miserable classes, but with a substitute replacing her, Trixie was ready to kick back and chillax for the week. She saw the substitute for the first time as he walked into the classroom. A young man who looked no more than a year fresh out of high school himself, with pale orange skin, spiked blonde hair, and a chinstrap beard across his jaw. His casual jeans and jacket look-- along with his chipper expression-- was a stark contrast to the dismal, dour décor of Harshwhinny's classroom. He leaned over the desk, getting Harshwhinny's material for the day ready.

Once all the students had filed in and taken their seats, the substitute spoke up. He had a friendly college guy kind of voice, but Trixie tuned him out and started scribbling plans for a trick into her notebook. "Hey everyone, my name is Gilded Gleam, you all can call me Gill. Unfortunately, Ms. Harshwhinny will be out for the week, but we will be continuing the coursework as normal while we wish her a speedy recovery.” A cacophony of snickers emanated throughout the classroom, causing "Gill” to roll his eyes. “I'm just gonna take attendance, then we can get started. Adagio Dazzle?"

"Present." Adagio answered, punctuating it with a loud pop from her gum. Trixie looked over to smile at her sweetheart before returning to her scribbles, mulling over the logistics of a trick she'd been workshopping.

I'd need the right volunteer... Definitely not Applejack. She could probably do it without knowing how. Does Bulk Biceps know how to rip apart a phone book?

"Pinkamena Pie?"

"Just call me Pinkie!"

Maybe Coach Will, it'd be pretty funny to roast a coach on stage... The hardest part is timing the throw so it hides the page already on the sword.

"Trickster Lulamoon?"

Like a car smashing into a brick wall, Trixie's train of thought was brought to a sudden halt. First came confusion. Had she misheard? Or had her legal name really just been broadcast to the class for the first time in years? Then came the panic. Trixie's heart had found its way into her throat, and her voice had fled the building. Everyone had heard it, everyone would know it.

"Trickster?"

There it is again. Say something!

"Uh-- Here!" Trixie looked up. The substitute was already moving on, but all around her she saw several kids looking her way. Pinkie Pie looked concerned, Adagio just looked confused, but there were a few, just one or two, who looked at her with smug grins. Attendance went on, but Trixie tuned it out in favor of the growing weight in her chest. She took a breath, trying to rationalize it.

It's whatever. He's a sub. He doesn't know your real name, so he used your legal name. You should have corrected him like Pinkie.

"I go by Trixie, by the way." Trixie called out, cutting off the kid Gill just called for

A stark contrast to the storm of emotions raging through Trixie’s heart, the substitute seemed utterly indifferent, barely acknowledging her as he moved on down the list. “Gotcha. Fluttershy?”

“Umm, here!” Fluttershy squeaked.

Trixie fidgeted nervously in her seat, the sound of various names and responses becoming muffled. Louder than the roll call taking place, Trixie heard nearly everyone speaking in hushed whispers that may as well have been shouted at her!

“Trickster? Isn’t that a boy’s name?”

“What if the real Trixie got replaced, and this person is just her doppelganger?”

“Ooo, does Trixie have a twin brother named Trickster?”

“Is Trickster just her real name and ‘Trixie’ is just her nickname?”

Somehow, the last one hurt the most. Trixie was her real name! Her papers might have said different, but they were wrong!

“Trixie? Babe? You okay?”

Trixie’s heart nearly leapt out of her chest and ran away screaming when she realized Adagio was looking at her with concern and whispering to her rather than about her! ‘Oh shit! I haven't told Dagi!’ Trixie panicked, her mind racing with worst case scenarios as the whispers all around her persisted. With all of her willpower, Trixie conjured her best reassuring smile to flash her girlfriend.

Luckily, Adagio bought it and flashed her a smile of her own. By this point, Gill had long since finished roll call and the class blended seamlessly into their first lesson. Although Trixie wasn't so lucky, still mired in the stress and fear. Even in the relative silence, she could swear she could feel the eyes of the whole class fixed upon her, and as the whispering died down, one voice cut decisively through all the others.

“I know what Trickster is.”

Author's Note

The name "Trickster" comes from The Longest Curtain Call by Trick Question.