Loose Pages

Discord had to realize though, that finding a useful enough idiot in the royal city of Canterlot was easier to think about than being done. Of course, he could have teleported into the library of a typical, power-hungry noble, or a failed, yet overly ambitious mage, but he didn't believe these wouldn't tip themselves off sooner than his plan could come to fruition.

In other words, he needed a useful enough idiot, who still wasn't THAT much of an idiot. Or more like, somepony who was naive or innocent enough to help fast-forwarding his plans. And there was no better place for that, he thought, than one he already visited. One he was familiar with. One that almost became the chaos capital of the world.

Ponyville.

Discord-disguised-as-a-tome, or shall we say, Disctome teleported himself to Ponyville. Obviously, he would give a wide berth to certain individuals. At the same time, he didn't want to be found just lying on the streets. He needed somewhere to blend in. The most obvious place would have been the library, but that came pre-packaged with the worst possible candidate.

But what else was there? Luckily, he didn't have to wait much for a good opportunity.

Derpy Hooves happily trotted along Stirrup Street, pulling her small cart. She whistled a happy tune, but then promptly stopped as she arrived at her next address.

"Yup, and we're already here! Lightning Feather Shipping Company: You need it yesterday, we deliver it on time! Yessir!"

Derpy was just thinking out loud, and she felt some pride as she said that almost-royal we: that day, she was making the deliveries alone, as she didn't have anything too heavy in tow, and as such, she could feel in charge.

She checked the shipping manifest, just to be sure she had the right address, although she had exceptional memory. She never had problems with that. Almost never…

"Let's see: Stirrup Street 47, An…Ano…Ano…" Derpy squinted her eyes, then she realized she was looking at a smudge, and read the actual name the something-something was being shipped to. "Oh, Star Dancer! And the package is…a book!"

She quickly undid her harness, and looked at the top of the pile in the cart. Sure enough, a book lay there, just as the delivery queue requested it to be. Although, it wasn't wrapped. Dangit, somepony made a mistake! Derpy scrunched up her nose with slight disgust, and formal complaints and disappointed clients already swirled inside her head. Anyway, she grabbed the strange looking book. Wrapped or not, she could still deliver it.

But was it the right book? Derpy now couldn't be sure. The wrapping would state the name of the client and the address. She wanted to put down the book to rifle through the contents of the cart, but then, suddenly, she heard whispering.

"Listen to me…"

Derpy looked left and right. Who was that? Surely, she had some issues with her eyes, but she never had any issues with her ears. She heard that right, somepony -well, someone- was talking to her.

But there was nopony around.

"Here."

Derpy stared forward. Where?

"In your hooves…"

Derpy finally looked at the book in her hooves. Actually, it was more like a tome. Reminded her of the ones Doc Whooves had.

"Yes, it's the tome speaking, for ponies' sake! Listen to me-" but it was interrupted by a loud gasp, and Derpy's eyes got even more derpy than usual.

"A talking… tome! Now that's something I never shipped before!" she said, when her wonder subsided a little.

"Listen to me already," the tome finally continued, "you don't have the correct address for this delivery. Somepony made a mistake, but you can correct this mistake. Just take me where I say, and all will be well."

Derpy smiled at the tome, then cocked her head a bit. She landed, and sat down on her rump. For a few moments, she hesitated to answer. Her boss always said to her when the shipped goods start to talk back, it's time to take a break.

Well, technically, she was taking a break right then. So, she might as well find out where she had to take this very strange piece of literature.

"Where do I ship you?" she asked, in a very determined tone. She wasn't "Worker of the Month" five times for nothing.

The tome rumbled in her forehooves. A dark aura started to surround it.

It said, "I need to get to a magical focal point. One is near the northern edge of Whitetail Woods. I'm sure you know the place. And for a determined deliverymare such as yourself, flying there would be nothing."

"And who's the client?" came the question.

"Client? There is no client! Just get me there, and everything will be clear."

"Gee, I dunno Mister…Mister Tome. Whitetail Woods is quite the detour. I should be done with my Ponyville deliveries first."

Right then, it flashed through Disctome's mind that there is some difference between a "useful idiot", and an "idiot, who might be useful". But starting from an already de-powered state, teleporting all the way to Ponyville, and maintaining his disguise used up enough magical power that he was pretty much out of options. He needed to get to that focal point if he wanted to advance his plans. And a pony too, and this pegasus fulfilled the need for both transportation and host.

"You do not understand. There is no time! We need to get there immediately! Take off now, and I'll navigate you."

Derpy cocked her head once again, and slowly, very slowly, she put back the tome on the top of the pile of packages. But she still didn't get back into her cart's harness.

"What's the matter now?" asked Disctome. "Don't you trust a talking tome?!"

Derpy eventually decided that she could totally trust a talking, leather-wrapped grimoire. She took off, and pulled her cart along in the sky. She soared above Ponyville, and of course, nopony suspected she was hauling -among other things- a very conveniently packed chaos god. Not even Derpy suspected it. To her, Disctome was just your average, talking grimoire.

Of course, Derpy wouldn't be against sharing that information with just about anypony (not that she knew about the tome's true nature). Like, with one science-loving stallion, who passed just below.

Derpy slowed down, and called after him, "Yoo-hoo! Hey, Doc!"

"No, no! You cannot slow down! Fly along!"

"I assure you, we'll get where you want on time," Derpy calmed Disctome, who stirred and buzzed in frustration, but didn't have enough power to do something chaotic, or truly mind-altering.

Meanwhile, the Doc (properly Whooves Time Turner X) turned around, and greeted his friend.

"Hello there, Derpy. In a hurry, I see!"

"Hi, Doctor!" said Derpy after landing. "You must check this out. I bet you never saw something like this. Look!"

Derpy picked up the tome, and almost shoved it into the Doctor's face. The stallion took a small step back, and answered with a smile.

"I'm sure I saw a few tomes during my time, Derpy. But still, it's quite the looker."

"Oh, but this one is different, Doc!" Derpy continued, after pulling back the tome to a more comfortable distance. "This one talks. Listen."

Derpy held up the tome above her head like a stallion would a gramophone during a contemporary serenade (what musical instruments had on vinyl, really?). But Discord didn't budge. He stayed silent. This would not turn into some silly serenade.

"Hm, it seems you are mistaken. Your claim did sound pretty preposterous from the get go, but alas, this book won't literally tell tales, it seems. It wouldn't be scientifically possible anyway."

Derpy raised an eyebrow, and with a little frown, turned the cover towards herself.

"I swear it talked to me, Doctor. It said I should get it to some magical focal point near Whitetail Woods. It even urged me to hurry."

Suddenly, the Doc gasped, and his eyes went wide. "Did you just say "magical focal point"?!"

"No, the tome said it." Derpy gestured with Disctome, then added, with a giggle, "Oh, and I guess I said it too now."

The Doc put a hoof to his chin. "Well, I’m still not buying this talking tome thing. I guess you must have heard a rumor, then your imagination just ran wild. Still, it's something worth investigating. And since you're heading there, I hope it won't be too much of a bother if I go with you."

"Not at all, Doc," Derpy smiled, and put the tome back on top of the pile. "Actually, you should hop on. Faster that way."

Derpy playfully gestured towards her cart, but the Doc hesitated. He wasn't a big fan of flying, despite having ambitions of flying through entire dimensions. But eventually, his desire to study this focal point as soon as possible won over.

"Okay. But before we depart, let me take a look inside this tome. Goodness knows, maybe it's something that belongs in a library. Or a museum."

Doc Whooves opened the tome on its first page. Then he turned over a page. Then another, then another, with an increasingly weary expression.

"Derpy… This tome is…totally empty!"

He turned the book towards the grey mare, holding it open roughly in the middle. Derpy just shrugged with a little smile.

Meanwhile, Discord-tome was silently having a blast.

Derpy and the Doc were flying near the northern edge of Whitetail Woods now. But without the promised guidance, Derpy had a hard time finding the mentioned place. Especially because she had no idea what a "magical focal point" looked like. And the forest had a vast western-eastern expanse, so "northern edge" turned out to be a pretty vague position on Derpy's imaginary map.

The Doc chimed in, "Hmm. In my studies, I read about well-like structures that ancient unicorns built around these places. But we haven't encountered anything like that so far."

He supplemented that take with another "Hmm.", and a head scratch. But that didn't take down Derpy at all. She flew on, determined to make the delivery.

Eventually, they saw a group of ponies on the horizon. Or at least, roughly pony-shaped creatures, as they all wore robes. But as they got closer, they could confirm that the tight group was indeed made up of ponies.

"Oh my my. Are they some kind of cultists? Maybe we should give them a wide berth," said the Doc, with some worry seeping into his voice.

"Come on Doc, maybe they are the clients waiting for the tome! I have to check," said the top deliverymare of Ponyville, and landed not far from the group.

Derpy took the tome under her left wing, and trotted towards the black-robed party. And now being a generous distance away from Doc Whooves, Disctome talked again.

"Did you really have to bring along that fool? Besides, you just found the magical focal point. I’m actually kinda impressed. It's right in the middle of that area where the cultists are standing."

"Are you sure they aren't the clients waiting for you, Mister Tome?"

"I already told you, I don't have anyone who ordered me, or anything like that, you epitome of a simpleton!"

"Fine, okay," Derpy answered, a little offended.

Discord grumbled, but his plans actually came along quite nicely. But it would be hard to get past those Nightmare Moon cultists without some distraction. Good thing he still had his useful idiot. He had to admit, the dumb grey pegasus actually turned out to be an overall decent choice.

"Um, hello!" Derpy started speaking near the cultists, who were chanting something in an incomprehensible language, but who, upon hearing the interloper, diverted their attention to her, "You have a magical focal point here, right? Let me just put this down right next to it, and I'll be on my way."

"No, no!" Discord whispered, "I need to be right inside the focal point!"

"Um, put it down right into the focal point," Derpy made the correction, with a little nervous laugh.

The cultists so far just stared, obviously surprised at the nature of the interruption, but now, one of them yelled, "A spy! The fake one [author's note: fake one means Luna] sent her to sabotage our plans! Let's get her!"

The cultists stepped forward as one pony. Derpy took a step back herself, not sure what to expect. The biggest group hug she ever received? A lynching? Before she could decide though, Disctome talked again, "Throw me. Just throw me, one o'clock, roughly fifteen meters."

Derpy really didn't want to disappoint the strangest delivery item she ever dealt with, and threw. The grimoire landed about a meter short of the intended destination.

"Close enough." Disctome muttered to himself, while his useful idiot was being swarmed by Nightmare Moon cultists.