Home Again Home Again

by str8aura

Rating: teen
Tags: Anon, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Profanity, Random, Human
Length: 1130

The worst part of being in an HiE story is when you end up back on Earth.

After 100+ chapters of fighting PG-13 rated villains in a fic with several thousand likes, an HiE protagonist winds up back on Earth for a pit stop, and has to encounter their second hardest villain yet after the Princess of Knives: Their own family.

Originally wrote this as a stand alone furry story but decided I liked it better as a POE thing. Warning: No actual Fluttershy involved, I just wanted to use a Weaver pic.

This is my FIRST time writing a joke about bringing an unconventional partner home to your parents' house. What? Something about Gilda and Dash? Shut up, that didn't happen.

Published 2024-11-14 20:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-11-14 20:10:00 UTC

Escape From Equestria (205)

A flash of portal light, and two figures dropped into the middle of the street, crushing a parked SUV.

One, a murky green Earth Pony with raggedy hair, and the other a human- equally filthy, wearing a tee and jeans that had gone months without being washed, and covered in belts. a Sword was strapped to her back, gleaming in the evening sunlight.

Already, as Res lifted his head, he could tell that this new world was hotter than his home of Equestria. He began to swelter under his fur before he even identified Anon's groaning next to him as the two sat up.

"Where... Are we?" Res panted.

Still shaking from her near-death experience, and the quick escape they had pulled to leave the entire dimension where the Caribou King of Hunger resided, Anon nursed her head wound and surveyed her surroundings. She hadn't had time to punch in a specific destination for the spell; Anywhere far, far from the Caribou King's world was good enough with her. They needed to regroup, rethink their plans, and most importantly, evade detection.

As soon as she took in the street and uncaring passerbys on the sidewalk next to them, her eyes widened.

"Oh, God. Oh, no. Oh man."

Res turned to her, still on edge. "What? What is it? Do you know this place? It kinda looks like Ponyville, but... Worse?"

"Definitely worse." Anon sighed, looking up the driveway. "This is Michigan. This is my dad's house."

The door opened on the second ring, and a moustached older man in a stained wife-beater answered.

"Anon? Is that you?" He squinted as his daughter.

"Hey, dad." Anon smiled feebly, aware of her current state of cleanliness. "I... I had a haircut."

Her dad glowered. "Jesus, Anon. We haven't heard from you in ages. Where the hell have you been?"

"I've been... Uh, I left the states for a while."

"You left- What the fuck did you- What is this?" He peered down at the Earth Pony at her side, leaning on the doorway.

"This is Res, dad. This is my- This is my alien friend. Res, this is my dad."

"Hey." Res nodded awkwardly.

Her father groaned, rubbing his eyes. "Anon. You kidding me? You drop off the face of the Earth for a year, doing God knows what, you come back with a sword and a tattoo-"

Anon glanced down at her hand, emblazoned on the back with the Mark of Destiny that granted her psychokinetic abilities.

"-And an alien, and you drop in- You'd better not be asking for money again, Anon."

Caught between a rock and a hard place, her disappointed father in this world and the Caribou King of Hunger in the other, Anon's quick thinking and battlefield-honed wits saved her life yet again.

"...Happy Thanksgiving?"

Dinner was as you'd expect.

Anon's mother set the turkey down in the center of the table, quickly taking her seat next to Anon's dad, who still glared between her and her pony companion.

"I don't believe I caught your friend's name, dear." Anon's mom spoke up first.

"Recycling Bin, ma'am." Res responded politely, rising to his full height.

"Recycling, do you have any dietary restrictions I should know about?"

"Mildly allergic to pineapples. Swell up something fierce."

"How'd you two meet, anyway?" Anon's father spoke up, elbows crossed on the table.

"I crashed- I crashed into his barn." Anon swallowed.

"Fell out of the sky. Scared my cows out of their wits." Res commented, serving himself cranberry sauce.

"What were you doing in the sky, Anon?" Her father accused.

"There was this portal- Look, it was a long time ago. We've been travelling together. And... I thought I'd bring him here for Thanksgiving."

"You brought your friend for Thanksgiving?" Anon's father's eyes narrowed.

"It's... Well..."

Res looked at Anon for approval, taking her hand.

"We're... Dating, actually." Anon cleared up, squeezing Res' hoof.

"You're dating." He repeated.

"Yeah."

"You're dating an alien. An alien horse."

"Dear..." Anon's mom warned.

"I'm just saying! I am pointing it out. And you met him in a barn. Hell of a first date."

"Our first date was on a magic blimp, Dad. He's a civilized pony." Anon shot back.

"I get a little nervous in big crowds, actually. Tend to clam up." Res admitted.

"And what about kids, eh? I've been waiting on grandkids for a while. Never considered grandfoals." Anon's dad pointed a beefy finger at Res.

"Dear!"

"Well, that's none of your goddamn business, is it, Dad?" Anon sat up, offended. "We'll figure that out in due time, I'm sure. And if that's really your biggest problem, what if I had brought a woman home, eh?"

"A human woman?"

"Excuse me, Anon." Res stood up on his seat, mostly since if he had stood up on the floor, he wouldn't have been visible. "I really do think I should defend myself here."

Res took a deep breath, looking at his partner's assembled family, and exhaled.

"I'd hate to seem like a wet blanket here. I understand this is a lot to get used to, and maybe it seems like something we're doing to be shocking, or provocative- But I do love your daughter, from the moment I saw her. We've battled monsters and demons together- Power hungry humans, angry gods. And through it all, I've seen what a wonderful person your daughter is. I want to make her happy, and I swear I'll do anything I need to in order to do that. She wanted approval from the two of you, so I came with her- And if you could just try to understand, even if you don't approve, it would make her day like nothing else. And that's- that's all I need."

He sat back down again. For a moment they all ate in silence. Then, Anon's father spoke up.

"You're getting into fights, Anon?"

Anon dropped her spoon loudly. "It was for the fate of the multiverse, dad, I'm not getting into gang violence."

"Well, at least he can defend her."

"I- I'm the one with the sword!" Anon gestured wildly to the sword hung up on the hat rack by the door.

"Dears, both of you- Anon, your father is trying to be polite. Let's all just have a nice Thanksgiving together, alright?"

The rest of the table grumbled their mild agreement.

"Recycling, dear, would you like some Turkey?"

"I don't eat meat, ma'am."

Anon's father threw his hands in the air.

"Fucking hell. You couldn't at the least date an alien with some balls."

Author's Note

Please do not leave a comment correcting minor grammar mistakes. I'm perfect. There will never be grammar mistakes. You're hallucinating and should seek help!