Asexual Deviance

by Axolu

Rating: mature
Tags: Trixie, Sex, Spike, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Comedy
Length: 10051

Twilight one, two and three switch universes of different culture for eight days, shenanegans ensue.

Three Twilight Sparkles, three different universes, three different cultures. As the time streams start to mesh, these three ponies come in contact with one another through a universe-crossing spell matrix. Each one as curious as the others, the Twilight Sparkles decide to swap universes for eight days.

Welcome to cultural oblivion.

Inspired by the EqAD October 'Cloptober' Challenge

--
[Prologue - Clopitty Cloppy Clop, Solo, Implied F/F, F/F/F, Implied F/F/F/F/F/F, Bondage]

Thanks to Kossokei, Redcaby65, and Andro for edits.
Special thanks to Inky Swirl for tearing this to shreds with epic editing prowess.
Coporaptor did the placeholder coverpic.

Published 2012-10-27 15:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-11-05 03:36:00 UTC

Errare sine Culpa

Asexual Deviance

Errare sine Culpā - To Err without Fault

Axôlú
_-_-_

Twilight One

I woke up. Check.

I woke to the warm coating of my soft bedcovers. They were draped over me, keeping my body heat trapped in the fuzzy embrace. Sunlight shined into my window, further heating the covers as I lay soundly below them.

And with that warmth came the itch.

It seemed like a daily ritual by this point. Every hot summer day I’d wake up to this same itch. Every. Single. Time.

So, like any reasonable pony, I scratched the itch. Check.

I reached my hoof down, scratching my barrel and the covers as it traveled between my hind legs. Once my hoof settled in place, right where I felt that itch, I began to rub--slowly at first, trying to gauge the roughness at which I would be most comfortable. Reaching that, I applied more and more pressure to the itch, sliding my hoof faster and faster between my hind legs. Soon enough, a pressure began to build. It grew stronger, and I shifted my legs with a breathy moan as the tension in my crotch increased. I rubbed vigorously, all attempts at subtle movements lost in ecstasy. I could hardly think, I could do no more than continue to massage between my thighs, all to conquer the powerful itch that consumed my being.

With one last poke, I felt relief. A flood of release washed from my haunches to my horn; a wash of contentment that flowed from the epicenter of the forgotten itch. I sighed happily. Check…

Of course, there was nothing between my legs other than a smooth, flat layer of lavender fur and skin, which made this itchy problem all the more frustrating.

Annoyed, I sighed again and slid the covers off my body to the far side of the bed with a quick spark of magic and rolled over to face the window. I dared open my eyes only halfway to witness Celestia’s light, filtering in through the framed window from the eight o’ clock position. I turned back over and stretched my legs over the bed’s edge in a drowsy haze before sliding off onto my hooves.

Wait a second. Eight o’ clock?

“Aah! I’m going to be late!” I rushed to my mirror, levitated a brush to my mane, and rapidly pulled through the tangles. A particularly nasty knot caused me to cringe and I quickly pulled the strands of hair apart with telekinesis. The moment I finished, I raced through the door, promptly opened through telekinesis. Mane fixed!--or at least presentable--check. I clomped down the stairs in a frenzy. A stray hoof chipped the floor as I reached the bottom.

“Spiiiiiiike,” I called, galloping through the bathroom door, “I need you to add ‘repair wooden floor at bottom of stairs’ to the checklist, and to the backup checklist for checking the completion of the prior checklist. And make me some breakfast!”

The door closed and I heard a muffled “You got it, Twilight,” as I set to the task of morning routine. I levitated a toothbrush and toothpaste, the latter of which I saw was running low. I’d need to get more from Colgate. I grabbed my bottle of lavender perfume and sprayed it over myself while I brushed my teeth. With a larger bush I groomed my coat from my chest, around my withers, to my flank, since I already stroked my underside with my hoof during the earlier morning’s escapades. A few combs and bushes smoothed my coat. I levitated the loose strands of hair from my brushes and combs to the waste basket, finished brushing and washed all my various tools before setting them in proper and precise order. As always.

Eight oh five. Back on time.

I exited the door with a beautifully loud bang, raised my hoof, and slammed it to the floor with a glorious and powerful stomp, forming a minor wind spell in front of me and summoning a yellow starburst pattern behind me. “Morning Routine. Check!”

“Come on, Twilight, do you have to do that every time you finish the ‘morning routine’?” A light voice piped up from below me. I looked down and let my ears droop as my cheeks turned magenta.

Spike rolled his eyes and slid my summoned background away to wherever he put those things. Maybe he sold them to the newly conceived film industry; it would certainly explain how he managed to get his claws on all those spare gems, not that there was a lack of them just over the ridge to the east.

“No… not really,” I sheepishly trotted towards the central table. “Oh, Did you get breakfast ready like I asked?”

“Of course. You know I have to remind you most times to eat,” Spike stepped back into the library center, “It’s right there,” Spike vaguely motioned to the setup.

I walked to my meal and stabbed my food with a fork, licking my lips in anticipation of a soon to be satisfied digestive system, and… wait, something wasn’t right.

“Spike, you know that the proteins in this brand of eggs interfere with magical concentration. For this to be a balanced multidimensional transportation spell meal, I need a specific ratio of lysine to tyrosine.”

“You want lice in your eggs? No offence Twilight, but that’s-“

“Not lice, lysine, it’s an amino acid, which are essential to all ponies.”

“You mean you have to eat bugs to stay healthy?”

“No, Spike… urgh!” I facehoofed and twirled my fork in the air, “Can you just make me more food, I need it to these exact specifications. One point oh five six three parts fructose to five point-“

“Twilight,” Spike interrupted, “There’s bound to be another Spike when you do that cross dementia-whatever thingy, you can get breakfast from him.”

“Oh! You’re right Spike, I almost forgot,” I trotted to the basement door and flung it open, dropping the fork and completely forgetting about my food. I stepped down into the lower floor to look at the various patterns and contraptions neatly laid out across the shelves.

“Okay, step one; make sure the flux dust is placed in a specific pattern, as outlined by the Magical Universal Teleportation Guide for Eggheads,” I read aloud, resenting that name. I quickly looked over the heavy book’s prescribed pattern and checked every inch of the glyphs, measuring exact angles, ensuring not a single speck of dust was out of place.

A path formed in my mind, connecting a series of the glyphs to form the appropriate spell. From there I wove a telepathy spell, a facial illusion spell, and a clarity spell to project my image and voice. I drew power from the glyphs to copy the spell and split the two across the universe with the appropriate magical coordinates. Finally, I formed receiver and recording spells to capture the expected spell matrices in my own.

Trans-dimensional communication spell matrix finished. Check.

Two patches of fog appeared in front of me, shimmering with a faint ethereal energy. I waited for a bit, simply maintaining the spell until my counterparts appeared. Soon enough, the fog to my left coalesced into a striking image of myself.

“Twilight two! Glad to see you again,” I smiled warmly. “Are you ready for the transportation sequence?”

“Yes, Twilight one, we’re just finishing up the communication controls over here, so you can access them and contact us whenever needed. I’d say approximately four days should suffice before you re-test the design. I don’t have contact with Twilight three yet, do you have any reception?”

The fog to my right flickered and formed into another lavender face, which looked much more ragged. Her mane flopped over her face with strands sticking out at seemingly random angles, and she looked both tense and flushed. This could be problematic.

“Hah… hey Twilight one, Twilight twoo,” she grimaced and bit her lip.

“Are you okay?” I levitated a reference guide, “It says here in the Magical Users Guide to Magical Projects that if a spell caster is emotionally compromised, any magical projects should be postponed until they recover.”

“No, I’m per-ER-fectly fine, nothing going on here…” she opened her mouth and let her tongue loll out, then quickly retracted it, “Apart from the Trans-dimensional travel spell matrix setup, of course,” she said lazily.

“Ooookay,” Twilight two raised her eyebrow, “Well, one, are you sure you’re set up?”

“Yes. I quadruple checked every glyph, I have the communication spell memorized and have tested up to a ten percent error in power,” I made a fifth pass on my setup before returning my attention to my other selves, “Three, are you ready?”
Twilight three moaned with her eyes clamped tight, a flush in her cheeks rivaling Big Macintosh’s red coat.

“Twilight three?” Twilight two asked, “Are you sure you can complete the matrix?” her voice was tainted with skepticism
“Oh, what? Ohhhhh that’s good… I mean, Yes, we’re good over here, heh. J-just tell me if anything needs any adjustment, and I’ll active-A-ate it.” I saw her cringe and close her eyes yet again.

Twilight two looked to the side, mouthed something, then after a few moments turned back.
“Excellent, we should have more than enough energy to penetrate the veil between our worlds,” she exclaimed gleefully
A high pitched giggle sounded from Twilight three’s side. She looked down, mouthed something angrily, and started to shake as she looked back up.

“Initiating trans-universal transportation spell matrix…N-noooow” Twilight three moaned, louder than before while her horn lit up. A second layer formed around her horn, and I could see her magenta aura phase in through the center of the glyph circle. Another layer formed around her horn, and a bright magenta-rimmed explosion flashed in the basement, sending papers and quills flying into the air.

The two Twilights’ faces were obscured by the blinding flare and their voices by a deafening roar, so I placed my horn in the center of the maelstrom and examined the layout.

“Ley line triggers intact, energy sufficient for phase one,” I muttered to myself. A slightly different pulse flowed through the first matrix, empowering the spell.

“Good, good, power levels appropriate for phase two,” I muttered again. One of the magical connectors wavered. What would happen if the energy leaked? It could create a paradox that would suck all our worlds into some sort of void. I didn’t want that to happen. That could kill us all. What would everypony think? Twilight Sparkle: the mare who destroyed parts of the multiverse!

I shook my head, clearing those grim thoughts, and focused on maintaining the communication spell to ensure its stability. The light grew around me, its purple tint almost completely washed out by the sheer power forced through the other Twilights’ horns. I backed up while the waves of power flowe
d over me.

A black crack opened through the center of the light, slowly stretching to the top and bottom in a jagged line. The rift opened into a great chasm, dissipating the white magical energy. The room silenced.

Create and activate trans-universal transportation spell matrix. Check.

The portal spun into a sphere, crackling with black bolts of energy. I stared back at my counterparts, then at the sphere.

“We did it.” I said, my voice low. I stepped towards the portal.

I heard something: “I’m COMING!” And then, screaming.

I jumped in.

Twilight Two

I woke up.

I woke to a blissful morning after a wonderful night. A warm, furry body pressed into my side as I shifted under the covers. The body was a calm in the storm of research that usually claimed me.

I quietly turned towards the fuzzy coat and inhaled, taking in its blueberry scent. Two furry limbs wrapped around my midsection and pulled me closer towards the coat, pressing me into a peaceful embrace. I opened my eyes to stare into the azure hair and purred lightly with a content smile. The covers slid off me as I rolled over onto the floor.
Or tried to, at least.

Those blue limbs held fast, immobilizing me. I pulled away with more force, but the blue form replied with an annoyed grunt and trapped me further in its warm and loving grip. I squirmed a bit, trying to break free. I finally gave up and tried another method.

“Trixie, I need to get out of bed,” I said drowsily. The mare beside me groaned before relaxing her grip. She moved her muzzle closer towards mine, pressing our noses together with her trademark smirk. I lifted my head, pressing her lips to my own. She opened hers and pushed her rough tongue against my mouth.

“Not now, Trixie,” I backed away, earning a disappointed moan from my marefriend. I rolled out of bed--this time successfully--and placed my hooves firmly on the floor. “Come on, breakfast isn’t going to make itself, you know,” I clopped to the bedroom door, turning my head with a smirk of my own.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie does not serve those who display such a feeble performance,” Trixie grumbled while raising herself from the starry covers.

“I told you, I have to set up the Trans Universal Spell Matrix powering unit, and youuuu,” I sang, “are powering it, which means we need food, and I need to clean up so I can make another good impression on our pony counterparts, remember?” I opened the door with telekinesis and turned my head, “We talked about this last night.”

“The only thing Trixie remembers from last night were your cries of adoration while she captivated you with her raw skill.” She gave a flourish of the covers, and crept up behind me. “Though she’ll admit that you still have a considerable amount of expertise…”

She stepped beside me and wrapped her foreleg around my withers, drawing me close, brushing her lips against my cheek. I blushed and hugged her back.

“Trixie will prepare another bountiful feast for her marefriend, take all the time you need,” Trixie cooed as she walked down the stairs, towing me along. We reached the bottom and I trotted to the bathroom while Trixie headed to the kitchen.

I quickly brushed my coat, mane, and tail, brushed my teeth, speedily replaced my supplies in their exact spots, and rushed out. A lovely sweet smell wafted from the kitchen, and my stomach grumbled in anticipation. I sat on my haunches at the central table, waiting for Trixie to bring my meal while I reviewed the steps for a trans-dimensional power receiver spell to absorb Trixie’s magic for the portal. Moments later, Trixie stepped from the kitchen with two steaming platters, which she levitated to our respective seats. Trixie sat down and motioned with her hoof for me to dig right in.

We ate quietly, basking in each other’s presence. No words needed be shared; we were content to feast by our loving company, giving occasional glances and the offhoof grunt of pleasure. Finally, we finished, and Trixie spoke up:

“So, about this portal…?”

“Well, as you know, I’ve managed--or rather ‘Twilight one’ as we call her managed--to get in contact with, well… myself, from two other universes.” I rested one of my forehooves on the table. “So rather than rely on our reports, we’ve decided to trade universes for eight days to experience each others' Equestrias firsthoof.”

“Are you sure the universes are as similar as you claim?” Trixie twirled a hoof in the air. “For all Trixie knows, the other ponies could be completely different. There may even be a few inferior Trixies!” Trixie smirked again and lowered her hoof.

“The chances of that much of a cultural discrepancy within a first inter-universal experience is slim to none. Most likely, all the ponies will be incredibly close to, if not the exact same as our own. Our temporal differences should be negligible.”

Trixie leaned forward. “So the Twilight that arrives in this universe should have the same luscious fur, same beautiful eyes, same perfectly shaped flank and the same spectacular attitude as Trixie’s own?”

I smiled and felt my face warm. “Well… yes,” I said, then my ears perked as I remembered something. “That reminds me,
Trixie, about this other Twilight. I have a favor to ask, I want to know if you’re comfortable with it.”

“Nothing can faze The Great and Powerful Trixie!” She turned her muzzle to the ceiling.

I laughed, and Trixie soon joined in.

“I love you, Trixie,” I beamed.

“I love you too, Twilight,” she smiled back.

We sat for a bit, then I continued.

“Well, since these Twilights should be me, I’d like you to treat them just like you would treat me. If they come through the portal and they aren’t treated with the same closeness and attention, they could easily revert to introversion.”

“You won’t harbor feelings against Trixie for treating the other Twilight like yourself?” she raised her eyebrows skeptically.
“Trixie, this is me we’re talking about. Our personalities should be very close to the same. It wouldn’t be fair for me to ask the same for anypony else, but I’m just asking you to treat me like… me,” I gave a weak grin, “Let’s go downstairs and get set up. We don’t want to be late for Twilight one.”

Trixie opened the door as I walked to the basement, closing it behind her after entering.

I reviewed the instructions for the power spell one last time and set to work. “Trixie, I need you to stand right there, I’ll set up the runes around you,” I walked to her after she moved, and sprinkled a reddish dust around her hooves in a hexagonal pattern. Outside each of the angles, I placed various symbols, and checked a few curves and angles.

“Now all we need to do is set up a block for the new communication matrix spe-“

“Already done, Twilight, Trixie formed the glyphs yesterday,” she interrupted.

“Thanks, Trixie,” I gave her a light peck, then returned to the center of the basement.

A trio of clouds appeared in front of me, the right one almost immediately transforming into an exact copy of my features, clean-maned and curious. I stepped forward and activated my own communication spell, closing my eyes in concentration, drawing on the connection made by Twilight one, weaving my magic into the same matrix that I felt from the rightmost cloud.

I opened my eyes, finalizing the connection.

“Twilight two! Glad to see you again.” The mare smiled awkwardly “Are you ready for the transportation sequence?”

“Yes, Twilight one, we’re just finishing up the communication controls over here, so you can access them and contact us whenever needed,” I shifted my hooves in calculation, “I’d say approximately four days should suffice before you re-test the design. I don’t have contact with Twilight three yet, do you have any reception?”

The cloud to my left flickered and molded into another Twilight. She looked disheveled and… wait--did she just do what I think she did?

I knew the universes were close, but were they really that close? Twilight three must have forgotten to wash after she got up, or maybe she didn’t have the time, seeing as she appeared so late, or maybe they went for another round this morning, there were so many possibilities for timestream fluctuation. Did we impact our respective timelines just by communicating with each other?

“Hah… hey Twilight one, Twilight twoo,” Twilight three grimaced and bit her lip, like she was trying to suppress a moan.

Oh Celestia… was three participating in intercourse now?

“Are you okay?” Twilight levitated a book, “It says here in the Magical Users Guide to Magical Projects that if a spell caster is emotionally compromised, any magical projects should be postponed until they recover.”

“No, I’m per-ER-fectly fine, nothing going on here…” she lowered her jaw and let her tongue loll out, then pulled it back in, “Apart from the Trans-dimensional travel spell matrix setup, of course,” she said woozily.

“Ooookay,” I raised an eyebrow, not believing my other self for a second, “Well, one, are you sure you’re set up?”

“Yes. I quadruple checked every glyph, I have the communication spell memorized and have tested up to a ten percent error in power,” She wandered out of the cloud, then returned. “Three, are you ready?”

I saw Twilight three moan, and knowing that pleasurable stimulation could interfere with casting, I took the logical and direct course. Thought interruption.

“Twilight three? Are you sure you can complete the matrix?”

I turned my head from the clouds before she could respond.

“Trixie, have you completed the rune-spell matrices?”

“Fully charged,” she raised the corner of her mouth, “Was there ever any doubt I could finish?”

Rolling my eyes, I turned back. “Excellent, we should have more than enough energy to penetrate the veil between our worlds,” I beamed.

Somepony giggled from the other side of Twilight three’s cloud. Wait--that wasn’t Trixie’s voice. That meant three was being pleasured by somepony else, which means that the worlds may have been completely different from my own. Maybe Twilight one’s world is full of psychopaths with a kind surface! What if Nightmare Moon won? What if Rainbow Dash never completed her sonic rainboom? What if everypony was of the opposite gender? What if I tutored a student that wound up killing me and spreading my remains across the multiverse?

Well... apart from the fact that I wouldn’t be casting this four-way spell if one of the me’s wasn’t there. No, no, the universes were probably very similar, we were well within reasonable cultural bounds for sure.

But maybe this wasn’t such a good idea-

The air before me crackled, spitting out magenta sparks, rapidly growing into a magenta tinted magical cloud that flung tomes and equipment across the basement.

Too late to stop.

“Trixie! Start pumping power into the spell matrix!” I shouted over the roar of the magical whirlwind.

Her horn glowed brightly, forming layer over layer of magical strands with an ice blue aura. The beam fired into the central spell matrix, causing it to brighten with energy. Some of the runes near Trixie wavered, to my shock.

“Trixie! I thought you said you had enough power!” I yelled at her.

“Trixie did! Something’s wrong with the spell matrix!” she cried back.

Twilight three. I knew her physical state would only cause problems. Maybe if she hadn’t decided to get herself laid while preparing an incredibly complex light-year traveling portal spell...

“Okay, I’m going to use some of my own power to stabilize the portal!” I powered up my own horn and dove into the center.My alicorn burned from waves of portal energy as I increased the charge to compensate for the matrix anomaly.

The tip of my horn turned from a bright white to an icy black, crackling vertically up and down the hurricane, expanding into a spherical portal. The portal pushed me backwards and I lost my hoofing, falling onto my rump.

Trixie kept fueling the core as it rotated around, replacing the wisps of magic with void.

“I’ve… got it, Twilight, go on in,” she gasped.

I backed up more, then charged headlong into the void.

Just before I reached the center of the portal, I couldn’t help but think I heard an orgasmic scream somewhere ahead of me.

I fell into the blackness, letting the portal consume me.

Twilight Three

I woke up.

I woke to a distinct lack of covers, and my mattress was still damp from the marecum expelled earlier in the morning. The sun shined in through the window and I sweated yet more, matting my coat as I slowly regained consciousness and remembered.

Oh Molestia was that a fun night. Check.

Yet, there was that itch, the same one that perpetuated not just every day, but all summer… unless I was pleasured by my friends; especially one of my best six friends, or the princesses.

Unfortunately, none of my friends lay near me; I could only smell their natural musk nearby--the smell of apples mixed with vanilla to my left, a cotton candy scent and a distinct pattern of fruits just ahead, a masked grassy smell to my right. And of course, marecum. I focused my attention back on that indescribably annoying itch and breathed in through my mouth in a feeble attempt to lessen the heat between my thighs... to no avail.

My hoof rose off my chest, touching the ends of my fur as it slid down across my side and around my flank. I imagined Rarity caressing my thighs, just shy of my folds as I traced circles around the stars of my cutie mark. I envisioned Fluttershy whispering kind and comforting words, breathing gently into my ears as I sharply smacked my haunch with the edge of my hoof and whimpered. I fantasized of Applejack tying my hind legs to the ends of the bed with a pair of lassoes as I stretched them apart, sliding my other hoof to my labia. I stroked my groin lightly and playfully, poking between my lower lips, drawing out the warm secretions, reminiscing of Pinkie Pie’s teasing. I thought of Rainbow Dash, her rough, athletic memories kicking in as I pressed both forehooves to my crotch, rapidly stroking up and down, in and out of my vagina. My hoof grazed my clit, sending a shuddering swath of pleasure up my haunches.

A moan escaped my lips as I massaged my folds, one hoof penetrating, pushing against my inner walls, the other rubbing all across my crotch area and along my thighs, collecting the wetness that began to soak into the mattress. The pressure in my groin built to almost unbearable levels. My cries grew more urgent while my hooves squelched with my juices.

The dam burst. Marecum splashed from my folds as I ripped my hoof from the cavity. I screamed in ecstasy and pressed my hooves into my flanks, riding out the current.

Dripping from my most recent orgasm, I relaxed again, the itch finally gone. I opened my eyes to view the room, to see my friends asleep across the room… in various positions, of course.

Pinkie and Dash were side by side. Cushioned steel cuffs held their legs tightly apart in an X pattern and both their hind legs were covered in a layer of marecum, but there the similarities of their predicaments ended. A blindfold deprived Dash of sight, while her wings were stretched lightly open by two cords, allowing access to the not just sensitive, but stimulative feathers that adorned them. Pinkie had no blindfold, but her jaw was pressed closed by a muzzle, preventing her from verbally expressing her normally cheery personality. A vibrator was still stuck in her lower lips, turned off.

The safety magic continued to work, detecting movements in Rainbow and Pinkie’s positions and adjusting slightly for maximum comfort. As always, any warnings of severe discomfort would automatically open the restraints, as per my spell’s design.

I looked to the left at a series of my specialized books--Ka-mare Sutra, Safe Sane and Consensual, Sixty Nine ways to Please your Mare, Thirty Four Rules of Bondage, and the obligatory Five Thousand Nine Hundred and Seventy Three Hues of pink--a poorly written novel, if you asked me.

Applejack lay atop Rarity. Her hoof absentmindedly stroked Rarity’s crotch as they both dreamed of what I suspected were the events of last night’s party. Rarity let out a soft squeak and whispered a ‘wah-ha-ha’, or something similar.

My other foreleg gave out and I tumbled onto my muzzle. I looked at my hoof. A long black cylindrical object was held in the hoof of a black-clad pegasus. The winged mare’s pink mane and tail flowed out from her shiny latex garb, with a mask that revealed only her adorable closed eyes and graceful buttercream muzzle.

“Oh Fluttershy,” I chuckled, brushing the mane out of my eyes as I rose to my hooves and continued to the door.

I opened the door with my telekinesis and trotted to the top of the steps.

“Spiiiiiiiiiike,” I called, “Come on Spike, I need you to clean my room.”

“Sure thing, Twilight… but do you have to make such a mess every time you party?” Spike crossed his arms, an annoyed tone gracing his words.

“Not make a mess during our parties?” I levitated a book and opened it with a wild look in my eyes. “Right here, paragraph three on page fifteen of the Eggheads Guide to Orgies, it states,” I cleared my throat and read the title, “ ‘For optimal pleasure during an orgy, it is suggested that you:’ ” I skipped to the sentence, “ ‘expel as much cum as possible to stimulate you and your partner(s) and to protect your body from chafing during intercourse.’ You see Spike, the book says so. We have to make a mess!”

As logical and carefully crafted as my argument was, Spike remained unconvinced.

“All right, but next time you have another one of these parties, I want to come too.”

“Aw, Spike, you know I can’t do that…” I softened my expression.

“But Twilight, come oooooon,” he whined.

I sighed, creasing my brow and holding a hoof to my temple. “No, the Equestrian Agency of Deviances explicitly states in its F.O.A.L.C.O.N. clause that adult ponies can’t have intercourse with minors, lest they risk the child’s future enjoyment.”

“All right,” Spike groaned dejectedly as he walked up the stairs to my room.

“And don’t forget to unbind Pinkie and Rainbow!”

I walked into the kitchen and checked the refrigerator’s magic battery. Fully charged. I opened the fridge, levitated a milk carton over to the counter, removed a cup from the cabinet, and poured the milk into the-

There wasn’t any milk.

I grumbled angrily and stomped out of the kitchen, annoyed not only by the distinct lack of lactose, but also by my own negligence to place it on the list. The food list, not the foodplay list.

“Sup Twilight!”

“Aah!” I jumped.

“Ha! You should’ve seen the look on your face!” The cyan mare laughed, toppling onto her back and rolling on the floor, her prismatic mane falling across her face.

“Rainbow, this is no time for jokes! I forgot to put something on my food list. I don’t forget to put things on lists! I double check them, triple check them, I-“ Dash cut off my rant with her sticky hoof in my muzzle.

This was a disaster! I don’t forget to put things on lists! I even have a list of things to put on lists and I forgot! She was treating it like a game!

“Relax, Twilight, I’ll pick it up for you. Whaddya need?” She smiled and removed her hoof from my mouth.

“I forgot… milk.”

“Milk, you mean that creamy white stuff?”

“Yes...” Something was up.

“That stuff that tastes kinda’ sweet?” She smirked.

I raised my eyebrow. “Yes…?”

“Hold on, I’ll be right back,” she chuckled and flew off to my room with a polychromatic trail.

Upstairs I heard some banging, a giggle, a drilling noise, some squishy sounds, a harsh buzz, a few orgasmic cries, some kind of monkey--since when did I have that?--and my door opening.

“Here ya’ go, some freshly squeezed ‘milk’” Rainbow made quote motions with the primaries of her extended wings and chortled behind her hoof.

I gave Dash my most piercing stare, showing her I was clearly not amused. She looked at me and collapsed in hilarity.

“It’s not that funny,” I said harshly, giving her my ‘disapproval’ stare.

“You’re so adorkable, Twilight.” She patted my head, much to my chagrin.

Pinkie’s head took the opportunity to pop out from the empty milk bottle. Her forelegs followed and she squeezed her flanks out with a ‘pop’.

“Soooooooo, when is the other you coming? Huh, huh, huh? I should throw you a ‘welcome to a new universe and congratulations on performing an incredibly complex spell’ party! Well not you you but the you you you from universe two, oh wait that rhymes and Zecora does rhymes so maybe I’m turning into a zebra, can ponies turn into zebras that would be so cool! But then-”

My expression turned to horror as the realization hit me. I was late for my meeting with the three twilights. I was late.

“I’m LATE!” I bolted through the door, creating an anatomically correct hole. The splinters caught my mane and it stretched from perfectly straight to a mangled mess.

I reached the bottom to see the two clouds of my other selves, just in time for my itch to reassert itself right in my crotch.

Perfect….

That itch prevented me from concentrating. I couldn’t complete the communication spell. It was frustrating, being so close and yet so far from the one of the greatest magical achievements in the past millennium.

Pinkie bounced down the steps as Rainbow flew in. I turned around to face them, my head hung low.

“You look like a grumpy wumpy unicorn, what’s wrong?” Pinkie gave me a sympathetic look.

“It’s that itch, isn’t it?” Dash responded. I nodded. “I think we can help you with that, right Pinkie?” She flew to my side and threw a hoof over my shoulder. “You get rid of that itch with sex, right?” I nodded again. “Well then, let’s do it right here, right now, while you do that spell.”

I raised my head upon hearing that. “Wait, but won’t that interfere with the spell more? Wait… No, I think I can do it… Ready?”

"Always." Rainbow gripped my hind legs and Pinkie smiled as she stuck her muzzle up against my folds and began to lick.

The relief was almost instantaneous, an itch replaced by waves of pleasure as her tongue darted in and out of my lower lips. I started the spell.

“Hah… hey Twilight one, Twilight twoo,”I moaned through my pleasure as I entered the communication matrix.

“Are you okay?” Twilight one asked, “It says here in the Magical Users Guide to Magical Projects that if a spell caster is emotionally compromised, any magical projects should be postponed until they recover.”

“No, I’m per-ER-fectly fine, nothing going on here…” I opened my mouth, my tongue lolling out as Pinkie delivered a particularly strong lick to my nub. “Apart from the Trans-dimensional travel spell matrix setup, of course,” I groaned.
“Ooookay,” Twilight two raised her eyebrow, “Well, one, are you sure you’re set up?”

Pinkie stuck her muzzle further in. I closed my eyes and moaned, my cheeks growing hotter and hotter as a new influx of sensation invaded my loins.

“Twilight three? Are you sure you can complete the matrix?” Twilight's voice was tainted with skepticism.

“Oh, what? Ohhhhh that’s good… I mean, Yes, we’re good over here, heh. J-just tell me if anything needs any adjustment, and I’ll active-A-ate it.” I cringed as I stuttered, all the while Pinkie dove in, licking and pushing with all her skill.

“Excellent, we should have more than enough energy to penetrate the veil between our worlds,” Twilight two exclaimed gleefully.

A high pitched giggle sounded from inside me.

“Pinkie! I can’t concentrate if you do that, please find some way to stay quiet,” I frowned.

“Okie Dokie Lokie!” Pinkie giggled again… then stuck her head… in my vagina.

I felt a instantaneous expansive pressure. That was physically impossible. How could Pinkie possibly have done that? That was utterly and completely impossible. I…I…

I shuddered as Pinkie worked around with her tongue… from inside me. I still couldn’t believe that.

“Initiating trans-universal transportation spell matrix…N-noooow” I moaned, surges upon surges of pure sexual energy flowing through me. I wove the spell desperately, using all my concentration. My jaw hung down, my vocal cords resonating with a long, slow note of unbridled ecstasy.

The pressure inside me grew more and more powerful while Pinkie pumped her head.

I was.. I was going to…

Pinkie pulled her head from my orifice with a sticky splash.

I screamed something, my mind filled with only orgasmic delight and I leaped forward…

Leaped right into the portal.

Dierum Primorum - Twilight One

Asexual Deviance

Dierum Primorum - of the First Days

Axôlú
_-_-_

Twilight One

It worked, right?

The smooth wooden floorboards of the basement pressed against my hooves. Or, at least, I thought it was my basement. I peeled my eyes open and perked my ears up.

The steady hum of magical energy filled the air. Papers were scattered about the room, books flung open to random pages, and my experiments? Broken. It would take weeks to return those back to functioning condition.

Minus the incredible mess-Spike would have to clean it up later-everything was exactly how I organized it. The communication grid was intact; the only magical dust out of place was blown away when the portal struck. Nothing catastrophic, except the checklist-worthy chaos cluttering the room.

Good! Nothing exploded, wiped the face of my Equestria, shredded the fabric of time and space, or threw us into an extra-dimensional infinite loop or some Mobius strip. No universes destroyed!

But … this was my basement; everything I already set up was still here. The portal may not have blown everypony up… but did it work?

I frowned, flattened my ears, and lowered head to the floor; it didn’t work...

I sighed, blowing magic dust from the glyphs. As I watched the glittering particles fall, a hoof touched my shoulder--a gentle hoof, pressing into my foreleg.

“Twilight, what’s wrong? Can Trixie help?”

“No,” I moaned “I spent months working on this--Months, and it failed. I shouldn’t have been so… so foolish to think I could surpass the ancient spell casters.” My muzzle pressed against the floor. My eyes watered. The portal failed. It failed.

I failed.

“Come, Twilight, Trixie will try to make you feel better… she has no doubt of her own skill.” A hoof fell across my withers and pulled me close to a warm body.

Trixie looked into my eyes and gave me a smile.

I blinked.

Wait--Trixie wasn’t in my basement when I jumped through the portal.

And she must have been the one running extra power to stabilize the portal. That meant this isn’t my universe. That meant this was Twilight 2’s universe. That meant-

“Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!” I stretched my forelegs around Trixie, pinning her hooves to her sides. I jumped in glee with my thoroughly surprised captive, smiling wider and wider.

It worked! I, no, the three me’s were geniuses!

“Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssss!” This was unbelievable—incredible—fantastic—there weren’t enough synonyms! I did the first affectionate thing I could think of to the closest living creature I could find.

I kissed Trixie. Right on the lips.

“Mmmph!” Trixie’s eyes widened. My body tensed.

Oh no… I created a royally sacred bond between the two of us. We’d share an eternal magical connection. We couldn’t ever leave each other’s side. EVER! What to do, oh, what to do?

I ripped my mouth from Trixie’s and jumped back, my face flush with embarrassment.

“I’m so sorry, I-I didn’t mean to,” I stuttered, backing against the wall. My first contact with another universe, and I ruined it. The only thing worse than this-

Trixie strutted towards me with a sly grin, her eyes half lidded as she bent head forward and pressed her muzzle to mine.

“Trixie is glad to see this Twilight is just as affectionate as hers. She shall prepare a banquet. She shall invite all her marefriend’s friends to witness the magnificent achievement of Twilight Sparkle,” Trixie whispered. “…Or do you require something else from Trixie?”

I quickly teleported out of her grasp. She fell to the floor in a bungled and confused heap.

That’s what’s worse! I formed a bond then broke it! What would Trixie think of me? What would Celestia think of me?

“Did Trixie do something wrong?” A disappointed frown replaced her smirk.

“Trixie, I… I just bonded with you and… and you just…” I huddled down, shivering in panic.

“What bond? Trixie has not heard of a simple kiss binding anypony else… not that she wouldn’t love to share such a bond with her Twilight.”

“You mean… you don’t mind?” I squinted.

“Of course not, Trixie’s Twilight kissed her most frequently.”

I leapt to my hooves. “Wait--you and Twilight two are married?”

“Married?” Trixie’s frown inverted itself as she put a hoof up to her face, falling to the floor in peals of laughter, “Of course not!”

“But… that makes no logical sense, unless our universes are more different than expected,” I put a hoof to my chin. Expected or not, I needed this room cleaned. I walked up the stairs and called out to my number one assistant.

“Spike! Can you clean up the basement? I need your assistance on setting my-er-Twilight two’s experiments back up,” I walked through the open door into the library rotunda. Spike was nowhere to be found. “Spike! I need you down here!”

“Spike is at Fluttershy’s,” Trixie strolled up to me, “He was only sent for last night.”

“Why would he need to leave? Just because you’re living here doesn’t mean I’d kick Spike out. I didn’t force him out when Owlowiscius started working here.”

“Who?” something trilled from above me.

“Owlowiscius, the Owl, my number two assistant.”

“Who?”

I looked up. My-Twilight two’s owl was happily perched on the rafters.

“Caught me again, Owlowiscius,” I chuckled. I fell for that no matter which universe. “That still doesn’t explain why Spike wouldn’t be living here.”

“Spike left for his own sake, so he wouldn’t be tainted whenever Trixie cast her charm upon Twilight with her alluring fire.”

Charms? Those spells alter emotions! The simplest and most dangerous of which-

“You cast mind control spells on Twilight!” My pupils shrank.

That’s why she sent Spike away, so she wouldn’t have to worry about his interference when she controlled Twilight two! Then she sent Twilight to another universe under her command to conquer that Equestria! Would Trixie try to do the same to me?

Trixie cocked her head, “What? Of course not.” I released my held breath. False alarm. “I meant he had to leave when Trixie and Twilight got… busy…” she pointed her hoof at her crotch.

“Spike and I do a lot of work around the library, that should be even more reason for him to be here.”

“We had sex,” she deadpanned.

“Huh?”

Trixie’s gawked as she fell onto her haunches.

“I mean, I know that sex represents the physical differences between “male” and “female” variants of pony, usually determined by muzzle shape, but-”

“You don’t know what sex is?” she shouted.

I gave her an awkward smile. “No?”

Trixie shook her head and raised herself back up. She sighed. “Never mind, Twilight, Trixie will explain later. Trixie requires some fare for your meal. She desires lilies, daisies, roses, and only the finest red delicious apples.”

“Okay,” Why did she sound so… persuasive? “I’ll just make a list.”

I walked over to my desk and pulled out a sheet of parchment. I levitated a clean quill to the ink, adroitly dipping it in and bringing my inked instrument to the page. I neatly scribbled down my first item. A box with the word ‘Lilly’ inscribed next to it. The word sunk into the parchment, replaced by the picture of the desired object.

That was the self-proclaimed ‘Great and Powerful’ Trixie. Why would she return? Trixie must have learned her lesson in this universe, but she still speaks the same as she did back with the Ursa Major. Maybe the power of the trans-universal spell matrix caused a temporal anomaly that flung us far from our desired universes. No, no--I made sure the coordinates held steady throughout the process.

I marked down a box with ‘rose’ written next to it. That word too transformed into sketch of a rose.

Surely I wouldn’t force Spike out unless something really bad happened. I love him like a brother. The only reason I’d have for his dismissal would be for his protection, but everything looked fine, was there something Trixie wasn’t telling me? She told me something about ‘having sex’. That didn’t make any sense. Of course we have a sex… so how did that relate to Spike leaving?

I sketched a box with ‘daisy’ written on it.

Then I made a box for the red delicious apples.

Then I made a box for completion of the checklist, which I checked.

Then I made a box for when I finished getting the items.

Then I made a box for double checking the checklist.

I removed my--rgh--Twilight two’s saddlebags from the wall, placed them on my back, and carefully placed the newly crafted checklist inside. I cantered out the door. I’m ready to take on a new universe.

ε|> -–- <|з

“Sooooo, how was your first time?”

The rose-maned mare smiled at me from across her stand, her forelimbs on the table, framing her beige muzzle. Her eyes glowed in anticipation of her next. She strained her ears up, as if nothing could surpass such a sensational and juicy story. I was a logical pony. Not wanting to disappoint her growing interest, I made sure to word my next phrase as carefully and reasonably as possible.

“What first time?”

Her ears lowered slightly. She placed her hoof further towards me, speaking with a conspiratorial whisper while her pupils darted to the sides.

“You know, the first time, with Trixie,”

I had no idea what she was talking about, unless there was some kind of code between her and my alternate self. Twilight two wouldn’t directly associate herself with the town gossipers, I thought.

“What do you mean, first time? Has Trixie done anything with Twilight t- I mean me, recently?”

“I see The Great and Powerful Trixie has rubbed off on The Magical and Prestigious Twilight, hmm?” A pinkish mare popped up from behind the counter and gave me a half-lidded stare, complimented by an infuriating smirk.

“What? No, it’s not that, we just-“

“You just what? We all know you banged her last night,” the second, lime-maned mare interrupted.

“What, I d-“

“Daisy, she was just about to tell us how she and Trixie had sex,” the first mare glared at Daisy.

“I didn’t have sex!”

The crowd of ponies at the other stalls turned their attention towards me with a mix of anger and interest. A few peeled off their groups and listened in as I sunk below the counter, my cheeks burning.

“Oh, the horror,” a third, red coated, yellow-maned mare slid up to lay herself on the counter, eyes wide with concern.

“Come, Twilight, you don’t have to hide it. You can’t lie to us. Right, Lily? Roseluck?” Daisy leaned over the stand to look me in the eye.

“I really don’t remember Twi-myself doing anything with Trixie,” I squeaked from my exposed position.

“She looks so cute, like Fluttershy,” Roseluck propped herself over the edge.

“Wait, can you forget your first time?” Lily gasped, “That would be horrible,” she lay on her back, looking at me from upside down.

“Of course not, Lily, nopony can forget that. That’s got to be the biggest fib ever,” Daisy waved her hoof dismissively, “Tell us the real story, Twilight Sparkle,”

All three mares moved in, almost half of Ponyville following. They crowded closer, all their gazes intent on hearing whatever scandalous gossip I spouted. I attempted to compress myself into a shape of the smallest possible surface area relative to its volume. In other words, I tried to curl myself into a ball. The ponies took the opportunity to further invade my personal space. Instinctively, a pony has the mechanism to fight or flee.

I jumped up, quickly swiped the flowers from the table, tossed a few bits and charged my horn. The crowd stepped back in surprise as I teleported to my next location in a bright magenta-colored flash.

I reappeared, standing before a large stand, barrels of apples of all different colors nearby. Behind the rows and rows of apples stood an orange pony. Her rough blonde mane hung barely above her glowering eyes from under a Stetson. I didn’t want to see that scowl, especially not now.

“Hey, Applejack, how are you?” Sweat dripped off my brow from both her attitude and the magical strain of my impulsive teleport.

“I heard some mighty interestin’ things over there, Twi, and it looks t’ me as if Trixie and you got yourselves a problem.”

“We don’t have a problem, we-“

“Now sugarcube, I know a lie when I hear one, an’ if this wasn’t one, then what you said yesterday sure was,” Applejack leaned forward, “From what I heard, you and Trixie were gonna’ get it together last night. You promised Trixie you were, too. Now you go around willy-nilly tellin’ all the folk that y’all didn’t?”

“I just got here yesterday, how could I have done anything last night?” My hooves shot to my muzzle as the words slipped out. I should have told my friends about the other Twilight’s universe earlier, now it’s too late. Why didn’t I prepare? No, why didn’t Twilight two tell her friends?

Applejack’s unconvinced stare convinced me to end the conversation.

“Well, I’ll just grab some apples and be on my way,” I chuckled nervously.

“Sugarcube, I remember you distinctly tellin’ me to get help when I needed it. Now I’ll be bucked halfway ‘cross my farm if I’m gonna’ let you get away without the same,” her voice took on a more compassionate tone as her expression softened, “Come now Twi, tell me what’s goin’ on.”

“Really. I can take care of myself just fine, but I’ve got to get back to Twi-I mean my home,” I desperately hoped she would accept my excuse. I needed to get home so I could prepare a presentation on the trans-universal switch, and its potential effects. I’d have to do what I did best. Lecture.

“Well, alright, just let us know if you need anything, y’hear?”

I picked up the three red delicious and paid for them. “Thanks, Applejack, I really appreciate it,” I smiled and turned around. I barely made it two steps before I ran into a bright yellow pony.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Fluttershy, I didn’t see you there,” I rested a hoof on her shoulder.

“Um… It’s alright, but I couldn’t help but hear about you and Trixie, and I want to help,” the pegasus squeaked, moving her light pink mane out of her face.

I mentally rolled my eyes. Couldn’t I simply get some produce and leave? “I know you want to help, I just need to get home, and I’ll tell you later,” I said with a warm smile. I walked past Fluttershy towards the library, ready to end the day. And I didn’t want to keep Trixie. I was already late enough as-

“NO!” I jumped. “I mean, no," Fluttershy continued. "We need to help you. It’s not good to keep all those horrible emotions bottled up. You need help, or um, something bad could happen, I mean…”

“Nothing will go wrong, Fluttershy.”

“No, nothing except… you could keep those emotions bottled up, then Trixie would leave, then you would get angrier and angrier, and your emotions would explode, then Celestia would be called in and comfort you but you’d turn into the next Nightmare Moon and create eternal twilight,” Fluttershy rambled franticly. “Oh, I’m sorry,” she bent her head down.

“Alright, I’m leaving,” I frowned in exasperation, letting out a sigh as I trotted back towards the library.

“But… but…” Fluttershy squeaked.

I heard something else from behind me…something like ‘You’re right, sugarcube, Twi really does need some help’

…No. That couldn’t be right.

ε|> -–- <|з

“Spike, I’m back. Sorry I'm late.” I mentally facehoofed, remembering his unjustified exile. I stepped through the door and inhaled the welcoming, cooked smell emanating from the kitchen. Trixie greeted me with a smile and levitated the produce from my saddle bags to the counter as I reached the kitchen.

“Trixie presumes you had an eventful stroll through the vendors?” Trixie asked while stirring a fragrant stew.

“Er… Yes,” I looked to the floor and crossed my forelegs.

“Well, are you going to recount your epic saga?” Trixie smirked.

“Well… The flower girls asked me about this ‘first time’ thing with Twilight two and you. Then they asked if I ‘banged’ you, whatever that is. Then one of them brought up ‘sex’ again,” perhaps these terms were interrelated.

“You truly have not heard of sex, Twilight?”

“As I said before, I know that there are specific distinguishing figures that we use to separate ponies based on ‘sex’, but what does that have to do with kissing or a marital bond?”

Trixie finished adding spices to the brew and sipped the mixture. She brought a hoof up to her lips and made a kissing motion. She faced me, eyes twinkling.

“Trixie shall show you, if you let her,” she said coyly as she poured the stew into two bowls. She placed an ovular pattern of newly sliced apples into the brew. “Come, Trixie has finished preparing our meal.”

I sat down at the central table, salivating as I inhaled the scent and levitated a spoon. A river of flavor flowed about my taste buds the moment the liquid touched my tongue. I moaned as I happily swallowed the sweet concoction.

“Mmm, Trixie, this is delicious, where did you learn to cook like this?” I smiled.

“Trixie has traveled the vast land of Equestria for many years, learning the ancient customs of the greatest meals known to ponykind,” Trixie reared on her legs and produced small fireworks with her horn.

I stared at her, awestruck, “Surely you couldn’t have.”

“Trixie was enhancing the truth, so to speak… and her name is Trixie, not Shirley,” she laughed. “Performance is Trixie’s great and powerful talent, after all.”

“So what’s did you want to tell me sex?” I switched topics, taking another fantastic slurp of Trixie’s brew.

Trixie sighed and closed her eyes. She re-opened them, a look of determination spread across her features. She used a spell to dim the lights, placing her forelimbs on the table. She levitated her cape and hat to her neck and head respectively.

“At the dawn of equine, there were two ponies, one an alicorn mare, and one an immortal earth stallion. They were great friends, sharing food, giving kind works, forging jokes, sticking by each other’s side, and not telling a single lie to one another,. They were the most perfect of friends, and their experiences were many. They were joyful, so joyful. Their years drew them close, very close, to the point where they were more than friends.

“They shared so much food, but they wished to share more. One day, they ate a honeysuckle, but they did not share it separately as before. They bit upon the two sides of the plant, and bit closer, and closer, until their lips met. And so began the first kiss. They pressed their muzzles against one another tightly. Soon, wanting to share yet more, they spread their lips, each letting their tongue flow around the other, eager to taste their most intimate meal. They swallowed and parted their mouths. But they realized they did not wish to end this touch there, and so they kissed again, passing the days and nights with much sharing, and they were content… for a while.

“They oft gave kind words, but their feelings could not be expressed by simple kind words. One day, they were creating new words. They came up with such words as ‘like’ and ‘appreciate’ and ‘fond’ and they were sufficient. They said ‘I like you’ and ‘I appreciate you’ and ‘I am fond of you’, but soon these words grew weary in their minds, and they needed to create a new word. They tried many variations, but to no avail. Suddenly, inspiration struck. They spoke at once, with a word that captured all their emotions. And so they said ‘I love you’ and this word never grew old. They spoke it again and again to one another, and they were content… for a while.

“They made many jokes, playing with their words and bodies, laughing with each other many a day, but they needed more laughter and play. They decided to touch each other, reaching in between their limbs, under their bellies, rubbing and brushing them all over. They called this ‘tickling’ as it made them laugh until they could no longer breathe, but they wanted more play too. They explored each other, taking light nips, kissing not just on the lips but on the body, caressing and biting and breathing with much love. They called this ‘teasing’, and they teased for play whenever they could, and they were content…-“

“And let me guess, ‘for a while’” I rolled my eyes. Who knew stories about sex were so repetitive…

“Do not interrupt the Great and Powerful Trixie while she tells her tale!” Trixie shot me an infuriated glare. She resumed, leaving me flabbergasted.

No cutting off Trixie during stories. Check.

“The two ponies were inseparable, remaining with each other no matter the time or place or activity. But they wanted to be ever closer. They lay by one another, upon the ground, but it was rocky and uncomfortable, and so they used their skill to create ‘sheets’ and a ‘bed’ from trees. They lay by one another on the bed, which comforted them, but they were still not close enough. They hugged, sharing their warmth on the bed while kissing and saying ‘I love you’ and teasing. And so they created ‘cuddling’, which drew them very close whenever they slept, and they were content… for a while.

“They promised never to tell a lie to each other, and they never did, but they wanted more truth. They sought truth from their surroundings, learning many things, but there was still something missing from them. They realized their loss. They were lonely. They wanted a young pony to take care of, to kiss and say ‘I love you’ and to tease and to cuddle with, but they knew not how to create one. And so they called upon another element, Magic.

“The earth stallion, from the ground, scooped clay, and formed it into a long shaft with a blunt tip. He formed a thin pot with more clay, placing a tiny nub on the edge of the thin pot. He gave the pot to the alicorn mare, and kept the shaft for himself. He placed the shaft between his hind legs, because there was nothing else there. She placed the pot in the same place on her own body. She cast magic into both clay figures, melding them to their bodies. They knew that this would let them have another, and they called the smaller ponies they wished for ‘foals’, which they would call the earth pony, the pegasus with wings, the unicorns with horns, and the alicorns with both.

“Then they placed the shaft within the pot, thrusting in and out of each other until a spray of the water from the clay came from the two shapes. And so, they created ‘sex’, and they were content, forever.”

Trixie stood back on her hooves and bowed.

I lightly stomped my hooves on the floor. She was talented in storytelling… but something didn’t fit.

“…that doesn’t make sense, how can they be satisfied with gaining random extremities? Celestia told me that foals are made from pure magic, not some… pot and shaft.” I waved a hoof in circles, an inquisitive frown on my muzzle.

“You will see in due time, Twilight, Trixie is worn from her epic. She will now retire to bed,” she yawned, levitating her clothes back to their rack and trudging up the stairs. I followed her into my-Twilight two’s room, and dropped onto the bed beside Trixie. My head hit the pillow, and I fell asleep.