I hope for better in November
Sunset stood slumped against the concrete wall, vibrations from the quaking room behind her running up her spine and into her already pounding head. With the Musical Showcase just a few days away, The Rainbooms’ practices were in full swing. She’d been tentatively invited to join them, but, honestly, Sunset wasn’t sure she wanted to deal with the girls right now… Or anyone at all.
Still, no matter how tempting it was to just go home, it felt rude to blow off her only friends like that. So she stuck around, waiting for them to finish this song to spare her headache. After another minute the drums and guitars came to a crescendo, then a stop. Sunset leaned off the wall and approached the doors to the music room, putting on her best plastic smile before pushing the door open.
“Hey guys! That sounded great!”
All the girls were still coming down from whatever magic had started affecting them whenever they performed. Arcane sparkles showered around them as their feet met the ground. They were still sporting pony ears and extra-long ponytails when they looked to Sunset, giving her a variety of smiles. Pinkie Pie’s was genuine, but Rarity and Fluttershy’s looked put on. Applejack had a shockingly good poker face when she wasn’t playing, so hers was hard to read.
Rainbow Dash was already reaching for her sports drink, smirking as she raised it to her lips. “I know! They should just give us first prize right now.”
“It’s not a competition, Rainbow Dash; We will be performing in a showcase.” Rarity chided.
“Yeah, yeah! But you know kids are gonna be comparing who did the best, and I know it’s gonna be us!”
By now, the magic was wearing off, the girls’ hair returning to its normal length and their pony ears disappearing in a flurry of magical wisps. Sunset marveled at how the lingering connection to the Elements of Harmony activated during their practices. There were still so many unknowns when it came to how magic worked in the Human world, so much left to learn.
Sunset tried to sound supportive as she cheered, “You guys are gonna do great!”
Rarity and Rainbow cast wary glances at her as Rainbow gave a lukewarm, “Thanks…” Clearing her throat, the self-appointed frontwoman addressed the rest of the band, “I feel like we can still tighten up some of our parts. AJ, can you come in a little sooner on that bridge next time? And Pinkie, can you take it easy on the drums during my solo?”
Applejack didn’t take that feedback very well. “Beg pardon? I think I was on time for that one and you just jumped in too early, Dash.”
Rarity chimed in, "I concur. The guitar is supposed to follow the rhythm, which is the point of the drum and bass.”
“Well, I think the rhythm could be, like, twenty percent faster is all.”
Sunset offered up, “Maybe if you guys met in the middle, it would--”
Without even turning to face her, Rainbow waved a hand dismissively in her direction. “Sunset, please, we're having a band meeting! Look, guys, if we tighten up the pacing so that you guys can keep up with me, I'll try to slow down a little so it syncs up, okay?”
Sunset felt so insulted that Dash had dismissed her so rudely, followed by her actually taking her advice but passing it off as her idea. She put her hands in her jacket pockets and leaned against the wall behind her, resigned to existing in the background. After all she had put each of them through, it only seemed fair.
Applejack let out a small sigh as she conceded, “I suppose we can try it that way to see how it sounds.”
Rainbow simply proclaimed with a smile, “Awesome!”
“Glad you guys could figure it out.” Sunset grumbled, though she doubted anyone actually heard her, seeing as she was just part of the scenery at this point.
Fluttershy seemed to have heard her, or at least hadn't forgotten she was there. “Hey, since Sunset’s been sitting in on our practices, why don’t we…?”
Rainbow was quick to voice her dissent. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Yeah! What if gets magic’d up, but instead of getting pony stuff, she goes all flames and devil-horns again?” Pinkie chimed in, holding up her drumsticks to mimic horns, though the way she said it almost made her sound more excited than afraid.
Sunset sighed, folding her arms and shrinking slightly, but not surprised. “It’s probably better for everyone if I don’t join you. Besides, going on stage is the last thing I want to do right now.” Not that keeping a low profile has spared Sunset any grief for what she did at the Formal, or anything before that.
“Nonetheless, you’re always welcome to stop in on our practices, Sunset Shimmer.” Rarity chirped as she placed her keytar into its case and slung it over her shoulder, fluffing out her hair as she made for the door. “Can’t stay and chat much longer, I’m afraid, prior arrangements. Until tomorrow, darlings!”
Applejack had swiftly packed away her bass and went to follow Rarity. “Yup, I better skedaddle too. I take less chores on practice days, but less ain’t none. Later girls!” She said, waving at them all before leaving the four of them. Sunset was equally disappointed that two of them had left so quickly after she arrived, and relieved that it gave her a pass to bounce as well.
In the meantime, Rainbow had packed away her guitar and Fluttershy tucked her tamborine into her backpack.
“Hey Sunset, wanna come to Sugarcube Corner with us?” Pinkie Pie excitedly asked, looking at Sunset with big, hopeful eyes and her friendliest smile. The way that smile died when Sunset sucked through her teeth felt like another stab to her guilty heart.
“Tsss– I’d love to, Pinkie, but…” Sunset’s eyes flicked between Pinkie, still clearly hopeful Sunset would change her mind, Fluttershy, who seemed receptive to Sunset joining them, and Rainbow Dash, whose frown clearly showed her reservation to the idea. Applejack and Rarity had enough of a spine to reign in Rainbow’s abrasive nature, but dealing with her with just Pinkie and Fluttershy around? “I really need to get ready for my shift.” An outright lie.
“Aww, that sucks. But there’s always next time!” Pinkie Pie recovered from the refusal quickly, but Sunset swore she could still see the disappointment in her eyes.
“Sure, Pinkie. Next time!” With a small wave, Sunset turned and left the music room, making for any exit as fast as possible. Nobody followed her or tried to stop her.
Nobody bothered to even say goodbye.
The evening sun cast long shadows as Sunset walked out into the school courtyard. Try as she might, she couldn’t ignore the statue as she tried to walk past it. Involuntarily, Sunset turned her head and ran her fingers across the polished marble base. Her reflection didn’t distort, her distorted voice didn’t echo within her mind, and her hand felt nothing but stone as she touched the inert mirror. Nothing out of the ordinary happened.
And yet, even as her psyche remained quiet and unfractured, a life she had lost threatened to bring a tear to her eye. No longer was she ever going to be a unicorn, let alone a powerful alicorn princess. She was no longer Celestia’s most powerful student, she certainly wasn’t Principal Celestia’s favorite student anymore. And her ambitions? She no longer had fantastical dreams of power, and this second chance left her feeling undeserving of power.
For the first time, something dawned on her in the wake of her botched attempt at a power grab; ‘Why didn’t I just ask Twilight to take me to Equestria?’ Even if it meant facing Princess Celestia again, answering for her crimes, possibly facing a harsher sentence than the mild reprimanding and community service… ‘At least then I could rebuild my life as a unicorn, not trapped in this forsaken world devoid of magic!’
She had no idea what to do with this human body she was stuck in or this mundane life of mediocrity that she had ruined. Despite Twilight’s decree, the five girls who kept an eye on her were not her friends. As a matter of fact, she wasn’t even sure she deserved friendship after all she had put them through. She didn’t vie for either Celestia’s attention, she didn’t want loyal subjects, she didn’t want this life or her old life…
She had no clue what kind of new life she would want to live. She had already been a unicorn student, then a human student… could she really go through a third life of deciding who to become?
Pulling her hand away from the statue and breaking eye contact with her reflection, Sunset forced her hands in her pockets and strode away from the monument to her failures. Dead set not to be around the school or anything it represented, Sunset started on her way home.
Yet, as Sunset came up on her street, a random whim came across her. Sitting and rotting at home didn’t sound appealing, either. So rather than turning towards home Sunset just kept walking, making sure to avoid Sugarcube Corner as she let her legs carry her towards unfamiliar streets. There were few people out, but as Sunset turned the corner she was met with three women in dark clothes walking towards her.
“It must be somewhere around here. The diner was facing south, so we saw it from the north…” The one in front said, tapping at her phone before looking up and giving Sunset a glance as she passed the trio. Magenta met aqua for a brief moment, just as quickly forgotten as Sunset continued on her stroll, though she heard a little more of their conversation as she moved away.
“Did you feel it too?” One of the other women asked.
The one Sunset had looked in the eye remarked, “We’re definitely getting close.”
“You said that yesterday!” The third one grumbled.
Slowing for a moment, Sunset tossed a glance back at the girls, but they were already hurrying away, disappearing behind the same corner Sunset had just turned. With a shrug, Sunset just continued on her way, still with no clear destination in mind. She had never been to this part of town, so she was just taking in the new sights.
The evening grew late as Sunset wandered, ending up on the wrong side of town. She began to hear the sounds of music being played on a distant speaker, although she couldn’t quite make out what song it was. Her walking finally had some semblance of a destination as she found herself trying to find the source of the music. Her search brought her to a small skatepark, where a single individual was riding around on a skateboard.
Sunset saw that the girl boarding was wearing no padding or a helmet, content with wearing only a baggy hoodie and shorts, with her purple and aquamarine hair pulled into a ponytail. Figuring that Sunset could probably watch for a bit to get her mind off of her problems, she took a seat at a bench near the speaker. Watching the spins and ollies of the skater, Sunset absentmindedly pulled out a cigarette and put it in-between her lips, lighting it and taking a long drag. It had been quite a taxing week, and she felt the weight of the world starting to melt off of her shoulders as she relaxed against the bench seat.
Finally noticing her, the skater turned and made her way towards Sunset. Her hoodie was covered with pins; a flag with stripes ranging from orange to white to magenta, a red A on a black background, and numerous bands that Sunset only knew a few of. “Hey there! Why are you watching me?”
Sunset shook her head as she flicked away the ashes. “I just heard the music and decided to take a break.”
The girl smiled at that, very eagerly asking, “Oh yeah? You like Filly Eat World?”
With a smile, Sunset shrugged and admitted, “Never heard of them, but I'm liking what I’m hearing.”
The stranger sat down on the bench next to Sunset. “Finally, someone with taste!”
Fishing for something to talk about, Sunset inquired, “Do you… Skate here often?”
“Only when no one else is around.”
“Not much of a people person?” Sunset asked.
The stranger paused for a moment, hemming and hawing before answering, “I’m fine with people, it’s just more fun by myself.”
“Yeah, I hear ya; I need to get away from it all too.” Sunset took another drag of her cigarette.
“Huh? Oh, uhh, yeah…” The skater girl fidgeted as if uncertain what to say.
While the stranger was silent, Sunset finally took a good look at her. Something about the shade of her skin and her hair made Sunset feel a nagging sense of familiarity. She was almost certain she had never seen this girl before and yet she felt a tickle, like a blurry memory from one of her two lifetimes. “Do I… Know you from somewhere?”
Even as she shrugged, the stranger began to squint curiously at her. “I haven’t seen you around here before; You don’t go to Sire’s Hollow, do you?”
“Nah, CHS.” Sunset explained, before turning her head to blow the smoke away from the skater girl. Thankfully, the wind carried the smoke away rather than sending it back into their faces.
“Oh! That’s, um, cool.” She seemed unsure what to say, fidgeting some more before asking, “Hey… What happened over there? I saw the pictures and it literally looked like a bomb went off, heheh…”
Sunset opted for a joke, hoping to disguise the truth. “That was a helluva party…”
The skater girl laughed, sounding a bit too eager as she remarked, “Maybe you should throw the next one at Crystal Prep.”
Slightly concerned, Sunset asked, “A party or a bomb?”
“¿Por qué no los dos?” The stranger shrugged and jested playfully.
The two young women shared a laugh as Sunset wondered whether the stranger was joking. She also imagined that she was wondering the same about Sunset. But as the joke faded from her mind, Sunset thought back to that night last week, destroying the front entrance, trying to invade Equestria, subjugating the student body, being blasted with the Magic of Friendship…
The comfortable silence was shattered as Sunset said, “To be honest, blowing up the school wasn’t even the point. I was just trying to be respected.”
Suddenly very concerned, the stranger incredulously asked, “Wait, you mean you actually did that?!”
Sunset needed to bury the lead before this girl got too curious, so she deflected by justifying, “I wasn’t trying to! It just sorta happened!”
“Does that sort of thing happen to you a lot?” The stranger asked as she subtly scooted away from Sunset with a wary look in her eyes.
Sunset tried to maintain her jovial disposition, but a nervous laugh escaped her as she replied, “Hopefully this was the last time!”
While not fully satisfied, it became clear that the stranger was content to avoid the topic. “Okayyy, so… Did it work?”
Confused, Sunset asked, “Did what work?”
“Do they, you know, respect you now?”
“Ugh, no…” After what Sunset had done, nothing could be farther from the truth! “If anything they respect me less than before… I’m officially public enemy number one.” That much was true, but it still hurt to admit that.
“Oof! I do know what you mean, though.” The skater girl said, clearly trying to empathize.
‘What could this girl have done to know anything about what I have been through?’ Sunset wondered. Hoping to find a distraction from her own red flags, Sunset pried, “What? Did you pick a fight with some bitch and lose?”
“I mean…” The stranger said, pausing to think before continuing, “Yes, but that's not the reason. I kinda… Make a lot of… Mistakes, let's just say. Not like big ones, but like…” With a sigh, she twiddled her thumbs, as if it would help her find the words. “Big enough to where I get treated like a freak, like every choice I make is the wrong one. All the adults in my life talk down to me, and everyone at school avoids me. Which, like, it's fine if everyone stays out of my way! But still, it's frustrating to be treated like a psycho, you know? For once, it would be nice to not walk into a room and hear people whispering about me, or scoffing at the sight of me, or just judging me all the time. And if I do something cool or nice, nobody fucking cares, but the second I fuck up, everyone's talking about it! I feel like I can't do anything right!
At least here, nobody can see me when I fall on my ass.”
Drawing from her life experience, disguising it as another skateboarding metaphor, Sunset mused, “Nobody notices when you are doing things right, but the second you mess up, that’s all they will remember you for.”
Sounding immensely vindicated, the other girl validated Sunset by emphatically shouting, “Exactly!” Slumping back, the skater kicked up her board and rested it on the bench between her legs. The underside was covered in numerous decals of various punk and anarchist-vibes, but featured most prominently was a large black equals sign on a white field.
With the conversation entering a short lull, Sunset took another drag from her cig. Only when she was breathing out the smoke did she realize she was smoking beside someone, waving it away the second-hand as she spoke. “Oh, sorry, you probably don't smoke, do you?”
“What?! No, of course I do! I smoke, like, all the time!” Sunset immediately had her doubts. In fact, she was fairly certain this girl had never had any substance harder than soda, and her clothes didn’t exactly reek of cigarettes like Sunset’s did.
Still, in the interest of taking her seriously, Sunset took out her pack and pulled out another cigarette, pointing the filter towards the purple girl. Nervously, she plucked it with her thumb and index finger as if picking up a dead rat by the tail. Pulling out her lighter, Sunset lit the cigarette for the eager tryhard. After delicately shifting it to sit in between her pointer and middle fingers-- way too close to the tips of her fingers-- the girl took in far more than a mouthful of air through the cigarette. The second she opened her mouth to take in more air, she began coughing like a plague victim!
Chuckling to herself, Sunset carefully retrieved her cigarette to keep it from falling to the ground or burning her. “You good?”
The girl's eyes were full of tears as she wordlessly hacked up a lung and tried to give an affirmative nod. “I'm fine!” She wheezed, choking and coughing like she was dying.
Casually, Sunset locked eyes as she effortlessly took a drag and exhaled the smoke. Her first cigarette smoldered all the way to the filter, so she snuffed it out against the bench and took the second one in her mouth. When the coughing died down, she tried her best to sound respectful as she shared some sage wisdom, "Trust me, you shouldn't start. I started because I wanted to look tough and scary, and my wallet's been on suicide watch ever since.”
Sunset had done quite a bit of things to appear tough. Her taste in studded black leather reminded her of the battle-harnesses of Diamond Dogs. The metal rings and spikes embedded in her face and ears were traditional for Minotaur warriors, and the cigarette smoke vaguely resembled the smoke breathed by dragons as a warning. And that’s just her looks! Looking down at the scratched and frayed faux-leather covering her, Sunset wondered if it was time for a new jacket. Something less… Intimidating.
‘Maybe…’ She thought, ‘I could wear something more like this skater look she's got going on. Maybe I won't be treated so poorly if I tone it down.’
“Are you sure we've never met?” Sunset asked again, unable to dispel the nagging sense of déjà vu.
After some thought, the stranger answered, “You kinda look like somebody I used to know… But it's been years since I’ve seen him. Do you have a brother?”
Sunset’s heart gripped in her chest as she remembered her foalhood, but she tried to maintain a steady tone as she answered, “Yeah, but you probably wouldn’t know him. I’m not originally from around here.” After a moment of reflection, one more intrusive thought crossed her mind. ‘He wouldn’t recognize who I’ve become anyway.’
Trying to distract herself from these painful memories, Sunset glanced up at the sky, then pulled out her phone to check the time. “Sheesh, I stayed out way later than I should have.” She said as she stood up. “Was nice meeting you..” Sunset trailed off, waiting for the other girl to give her name.
“Um… Do we have to share names?”
Sunset tilted her head, confused. “Huh? I wouldn’t mind being friends.”
The skater grimaced. “I don’t do ‘friends.’”
“Uhh… Okay, then. Well, goodbye I guess.” With a shrug, Sunset gave an awkward wave and turned to walk away.
“Wait!” She heard the girl call behind her, so she stopped and turned to look at her. Nervously, the stranger asked, “Uhh… Will you, like, come back sometime..?”
Sunset’s brow rose at the odd girl's inconsistency, so she asked, “I thought you said you didn’t want to be friends.”
The other girl sighed. “I mean, I don’t, but… You gotta admit… This was pretty nice. Just, talking to someone you don’t know. No strings attached, you know?” The pleading eyes and hopeful smile were unexpected from this tough girl, lone wolf, social outcast skateboarding teenager, but damn if it wasn’t endearing!
Sunset smiled as understanding washed over her. “Actually, yeah. I get it. I work most days after school, but I’ll swing by again when I get a chance.”
“Cool!” The girl said eagerly, before regaining a more casual tone and correcting, “I mean, cool, I'll see you around then!”
Sunset chuckled as she gave a small wave and turned to walk away. “Catch you later!”
As Sunset walked home with a smile threatening to break out onto her face, she mused on how such a rough October had been fraught with bullshit and strife. But the latter half was starting to look up-- even just in a small, meaningless way-- and Sunset hoped that the future of her school life and her court-ordered friendships would improve. October still didn't look great, but Sunset hoped for better in November.
Author's Note
Hey now, the past is told by those who win, my darling. What matters is what hasn't been.
