“... Do you promise not to be angry at me?”
“Uhm… Twilight?”
The door to Twilight’s office creaked open. The alicorn had paperwork piled around her; running the school of friendship was a busy task. She not only had to mark an entire grades worth of test papers, but she also had to write a letter of apology to the residents of Canterlot for (almost) crashing The Tempest Jet™️into the side of Canterlot’s highest tower. So, needless to say, she was not best pleased at the interruption.
Her gaze softened a little as she saw who it was; Starlight Glimmer. Her gaze rehardened upon seeing her sheepish expression.
“Is everything ok?” Asked Twilight cautiously.
“Yes! Everything's good!” Starlight replied quickly. Too quickly.
Twilight closed the binder on her desk and stared at Starlight.
“Is there… something you want to say to me?” said Twilight expectantly.
“I,,, uhm, yes. There is.” Starlight mumbled.
“Go on.”
“... Do you promise not to be angry at me?”
Twilight tensed.
“What have you done?”
“N-Nothing! Well, I did do SOMETHING, but it was by accident, so it… I didn’t- you know, I-”
“Just tell me.” said Twilight sternly.
Starlight took a deep breath.
“I might have accidentally turned Rainbow Dash into a car.”
Twilight stared at Starlight. The words entered her brain, but it was like they flew straight into a brick wall of ‘that is not remotely what I expected to hear.’
“S… Sorry.” Twilight blinked. “Can you say that again?”
“I… Might have accidentally turned RainbowDash into a car.”
“... You… turned her… into… a car.”
“...Yes.”
“Like, a car that you drive.”
“... Yes.”
“Like the ones in Sunset’s dimension.”
“Yes.”
“You turned Rainbow Dash into one.”
“Yes.
“A car. Like. An automobile.”
“Yes.”
“... a toy car?”
“No, a full size car.”
“... Can she still speak?”
“No. She’s a car.”
“... And you turned her into one?”
“I turned her into one, yes.”
Twilight was still having a hard time processing what she was being told. She stood up.
“Why… did you… do that?” she asked in a monotone voice.
“I didn’t mean too, honest! She came to me asking if I had any spells that could make her quicker, and I found one that said it would increase her horsepower… and so I cast it and now…” Starlight took a deep nervous breath. “... She’s a car.”
Twilight nodded, slowly walking up to her. She opened her mouth to speak but ended up just tilting her head, grunting in confusion.
“Sorry, I really, I think I’m having a hard time- where is she?” She asked.
“She’s parked outside the castle.”
“Parked?”
“Uhm, yeah. I cast the spell near the outskirts of town and had to drive her in.”
“Y….” Twilight blinked again. “You… wh… what?”
“I had to drive her. She was too heavy to lift with Magic. I didn’t have the keys though, but Trixie hot wired her and we managed to get her started.”
“Trixie… hot wired Rainbow Dash.” Twilight asked.
“Yes.” replied Starlight bluntly.
“... what the fuck do you mean she hotwired Rainbow Dash.”
“Well, she was with me at the time, and she seemed to know the wires to cross by detaching the plastic underneath the steering wheel and she put two of the wires together and the engine turned on. Then we got in and started driving.” Starlight explained nervously.
“... Ok.” Twilight said, taking a deep breath. “And… is there anything else? That’s important to know?”
“No, I think that’s it… Oh, we did have to refuel her.” Starlight added.
“R… Refuel her?”
“Yeah. She ran out of fuel about half way into town, just by Maud’s cave. So… we borrowed some fuel from The Tempest Jet™. She ran A LOT faster after that.”
Twilight placed a hoof on her forehead, eyes shut tight.
“... is THAT everything? You had to tell me?”
“Yes. That's it… I think.”
“Good. Show me where she is now. Please.”
And there she was.
It was Rainbowdash, but she was a car.
Parked on Twilight’s mailbox.
“You… crashed into my mailbox!?”
“Oh, did I forget to mention?”
“You did indeed forget to mention that.” she said tiredly.
As much as she hated to admit it, it was an impressive feat of magic. She had only spent a short amount of time in a car when visiting Sunset’s world but knew what cars were meant to look like well enough to be able to tell that yes, this was indeed a car.
“Do you know how to reverse it?” asked Twilight nervously.
“Well, I think so, but the spell in the book said it would undo itself in 24 hours anyway… so I figured it would probably be best just to leave it to make sure there aren’t any side effects.”
“Good plan…” said Twilight, before realising something.
“Can… she hear us?” asked Twilight carefully as she started to inspect the bodywork.
“I… hope not. Or if she can, I hope she can’t feel anything.” said Starlight, wincing at the scratched paintwork on the side of the door.
“How did that happen?” asked Twilight, moving around to look at the scratch more closely.
“Uhm… We kind of almost hit Scootaloo off her scooter and had to swerve out of the way. We hit the side of a house instead. So… if you think about it, we averted a crisis!”
“That YOU caused!”
“GAH!?”
Trixie had just slid out from under the car (she was lying on a skateboard) and almost knocked over Twilight.
“Hi Twilight! Sorry to startle you, I’m just making sure the rear axle is still aligned properly! We hit a few bumps on the way!” she said nonchalantly, wiping her brow with an oily rag.
“You’re doing maintenance on Rainbow Dash!?” Twilight asked, dumbstruck.
“You know what they say! Healthy body, healthy mind! Anyway, have you got 300 bits?”
“Wh… why?”
Trixie pointed to the parking ticket that was placed on RainbowDash’s windscreen wiper.
Twilight felt herself teetering on the edge.
“Who… gave… her… a parking… ticket…” she asked, having to take deep breaths to stay calm.
“Bulk Biceps! Turns out he’s a traffic warden, but since there is usually no traffic in Ponyville he just does other stuff. So!! Uh, yeah. You need to pay 300 bits to the post office by Tuesday or the fine will double.
“S-SHE’S NOT MY CAR! S-SHE’S NOT EVEN A CAR! SHE’S RAINBOW DASH!”
“But…” Trixie’s head tilted. “You can’t park there… so you got a ticket.”
“I DIDN’T PARK HER-”
Twilight started hyperventilating, her wings covering her face.
“Trixie…” Starlight said softly. “I think Twilight is a little overwhelmed… we should probably just leave the car- Rainbow Dash, I mean - Alone for now.”
“Oh… really? I was just going to make sure there wasn’t any fluid leaking onto the cremulator-”
“NO! STOP! NOW!” Twilight screamed, stamping her hoof down. “NO MORE! NO MORE INSANITY! We don’t know what effect this could have on her when she turns back! I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW THE FUCK YOU FOUND A SPELL THAT TURNED RAINBOW DASH INTO A AUTOMOBILE THAT WE DON’T EVEN HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY TO BUILD!”
Twilight stood still, furiously breathing in and out whilst glaring at Starlight and Trixie, when out of the corner of her eye she saw a very sheepish looking Pinkie Pie.
“PINKIE! Thank god…” Twilight groaned. She took a few more deep breaths.
“Hi Twilight…” she said slowly.
“Hi, Pinkie, I’m having a little bit of a breakdown. This is all just TOO much for me right now, would you be able to make sure nothing happens to- are you alright?” she asked, her voice shifting into concern upon seeing Pinkie’s sad expression.
Pinkie looked at Twilight like a dog who had done something bad but the owner hadn’t found out about it yet.
“... uhm… do you promise you won’t be mad?”
Twilight’s expression turned to one of pent up rage.
“... what have you done?”
“I didn’t do it on purpose… it just kind of… happened…”
“Pinkie? Just tell me. It honestly can’t be any weirder or terrible than what Starlight just came in and told me.”
PinkiePie took a deep breath.
“So I miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight have accidentally signed a waiver promising to hand over the entirety of your castle to the Flim Flam brothers unless we can beat them in a wacky race around Ponyville.”
Twilight short circuited.
“Y… you…”
“And uhm… I only realised afterwards that we don’t… HAVE a racing machine, so I’m not sure exactly how we are meant to win the race…” she said gloomily. “I’m really sorry Twilight… you should have never let me sign the lease… I KNEW I’d end up agreeing to something like this… WAIT!”
Pinkie’s expression lit up.
“WE HAVE A CAR! STARLIGHT, YOU’RE SO SMART! YIPPEE! THAT'S SO COOL! CAN YOU TURN ME INTO A CAR? I’D LOVE TO HAVE WHEELS!”
“Oh! Sure, I can-” Starlight started before she was silenced by a glare from Twilight, whose eye was twitching.
“Pinkie Pie.” she breathed.
Pinkie stopped bouncing and looked at Twilight.
“I. Am not. Handing over my castle. To the FLIM FLAM BROTHERS!”
“Oh, uhm… you kind of have to… and if we don’t race it’s a forfeit… I went to the mayor and it turns out that the founders of Ponyville put the legally binding wacky race bylaw in as a joke because they assumed they’d be dead by the time actual cars were invented… which they were right about! They’re all dead now! I tried fighting it in court but they had this REALLY good attorney pony! Think his name was Stallion Goodhorse-”
“OK!” shouted Twilight. “OK! FINE! GO RACE RAINBOW DASH AROUND PONYVILLE! I’M GOING TO GO BACK TO MY OFFICE AND SCREAM INTO MY BODY PILLOW FOR 20 MINUTES.”
Pinkie Pie’s ears flattened.
“Uhhhmmm….”
“WHAT!?” Screeched Twilight.
“Technically…. According to the law, the owner of the car needs to be the one driving it in the wacky race…” said PinkiePie, shuffling her hoof around. “And since your name is the one registered with the number plate after you were given a ticket…”
Twilight took one more deep breath.
“FOR FUCKS SAKE-”
“LADIES AND GENTLECOLTS! WELCOME TO THE FIRST WACKY RACE TO HIT PONYVILLE IN ITS ENTIRE HHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISTORYYYYY! TODAY WE HAVE RAINBOW DASH! ELEMENT OF LOYALTY… BUT SHE’S A CAR! DRIVEN BY THE PRINCESS OF FRIENDSHIP HERSELF, TWILIGHT SPARKLE! HER OPPONENTS? THE FLIM FLAM BROTHERS, DRIVING THEIR SUPER CIDER SQUEEZY 7600! NOW WITH ADDED APPLE JUICE FUELED JET ROCKETS!”
Pinkie Pie was excitedly announcing the race through a megaphone as Twilight was being speed dressed by Rarity. She had already been given a brown flight jacket and the unicorn was picking out some goggles for her to wear.
“Rarity, I don’t need goggles. The car- RAINBOW DASH… has got a windscreen.”
“But darling, what if the windscreen smashes over the course of the wacky race?” asked Rarity as she found the perfect set of goggles.
“Then Rainbow Dash is potentially blinded?? For life!?” replied Twilight anxiously.
“You’ll be fine, Twi.” Said Applejack, who was carefully pumping up Rainbow Dash’s back right tire. “I don’t know if she can hear us right now, but if she could talk she’d be telling you to quit being such a worrier!”
“I can’t believe you are ok with all of this…” groaned Twilight. Applejack shrugged.
“Any opportunity to show up those greedy snake oil sales ponies.” she said, glaring at Flim and Flam and shaking her hoof like an old man telling a kid to get off his lawn.
The Flim Flam Brothers were smugly leaning on their super cider squeezy 7600. It had a similar design to their previous contraption, but the cider press had been replaced with a huge rocket engine.
“I do say, dear brother of mine… What do you think we should turn our new castle into?” Flim asked, looking over at Flam.
“Well, my beloved brother from the same mother, I think we could turn it into the most exquisite laser tag facility the world has ever known!” Flim replied, dreamily looking up into the air.
“A wondrous idea! Imagine! The lasers hitting the crystal walls… bouncing and hitting their own teams… charging fifty bits a shot… why, It would be a money making MACHINE!”
Twilight shuddered at the thought.
She looked over at Rainbow Dash (who was, need I remind you, a car), and squinted. She could see Fluttershy’s tail poking up out of the back seat.
Thanking Rarity, she moved over to the car she peered into the back seat to see Fluttershy gently caressing the interior bodywork.
“Shh… it's ok, Rainbow Dash… you’re such a good car… you’re going to win the race…. I just know it… … you’re so strong… and fast… and… oh goodness me… I could only guess the amount of revs you’re able to reach… I can only imagine what it would feel like to get hit by you…”
Twilight tapped on the window. Fluttershy let out a loud squeak of surprise, her head jolting up. She bashed her head on the ceiling and fell against the car door. The door swung open and she landed on the floor in a heap, face beetroot red.
“What were you…” Twilight started.
“NOTHING! NOTHING AT ALL! UUHHH… UHM… BYE! GOODBYE!”
Fluttershy fled away into the crowd.
Twilight blinked.
“What in the-”
“ONE MINUTE UNTIL WE BEGIN!” announced Pinkie Pie.
“Ok. Ok, fine. Ok.” Twilight growled, and carefully opened the car door.
“Hi!”
Starlight waved at her from the passenger seat.
“... what are you doing?” asked Twilight.
“I’m your co-driver!” she said happily.
“... fine.”
Twilight didn’t even have the mental fortitude to question anything anymore.
Twilight sat in the seat and frowned. She could barely see over the steering wheel.
“This is so low down… how on earth did you drive it before?” she asked Starlight.
“Oh, I sat on Trixie.”
Twilight’s eye twitched.
“Do you want me to see if she’d be up for it again? She didn’t seem to mind last time-”
“NO. I would NOT. Like that.” she said, levitating an apple crate from outside and placing it on the seat as a booster. From this position she was just about able to reach the pedals.
“Ok… just another friendship quest…” she said, looking down at the gearstick. She hesitantly put her hoof towards it.
Towards Rainbow Dash’s gear stick.
This felt.
Very weird.
“Want me to handle the gear shifting?” asked Starlight, seeing Twilight’s unease.
“... Yes, that’d be good. I don’t think I’d be able to focus on that AND steering. Did you manage it last time?”
Starlight nodded. “Well, I had Trixie do the gears. She did use her mouth for it though.”
“SHE WHAT-”
BANG!
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND THEY’RE OFF!” Pinkie Pie yelled. Like a rocket (because that’s what it was), the Flim Flam Brothers’ super cider squeezy 7600 shot past the starting line.
“PINKIE PIE!? WHY DIDN’T YOU GIVE US A COUNTDOWN!?” yelled Twilight. Pinkie tilted her head.
“... That doesn’t sound very wacky…”
“UGH!”
Twilight slammed her hoof down onto the accelerator. Rainbow Dash roared to life, skidding off in hot pursuit of the brothers’s scam machine.
The race was a tight one. Whereas the super cider squeezy 7600 had the advantage on flat out speed, RainbowDash had much better traction and grip allowing for faster turns.
As they sped down the main street, Twilight glanced behind her. They were slightly in the lead!
The car jostled and thumped as they ran over something.
“WHAT WAS THAT?” cried Twilight, looking back at the road ahead of her. Starlight hung her head out the window, shielding her eyes from the sun.
“I… I think we hit somepony!”
“FUCK! WHO!?”
Starlight squinted, then sighed in relief.
“Oh thank hoofness, it was just Mudbriar.”
Twilight sighed in relief.
“Well that’s alright then!”
As the race continued, the route took them through the middle of town.
“LEFT!” shouted Starlight as Twilight had to rapidly turn the steering wheel to skid around the town hall.
“NO! WAIT! I MEANT RIGHT!” Starlight quickly squeaked.
“WHY DID YOU SAY LEFT THEN!?”
“I MEANT RIGHT!” she whimpered loudly.
Twilight had to spin the entire car around, coming to a messy stop.. In the distance, they could see the Flim Flam brothers speeding towards the finish line.
“Fuckkk…” Twilight groaned, headplanting her face into the wheel. She accidentally honked the horn and jumped. “S-Sorry, Rainbow Dash. Didn’t mean that… I’m going to lose my house, Starlight…” she whimpered.
“... we could try pressing that button.” suggested Starlight. Twilight looked up.
Rainboom.
“Why didn’t you point that out before!?”
“I didn’t think we’d need it?”
Twilight groaned and quickly slammed her hoof into the button.
Like the superspeeded start of a rollercoaster, the pair were pushed back into their seats as Rainbow Dash accelerated from nought to 120 in around 2 seconds. Twilight had to force her hooves forward to grab onto the steering wheel and make sure not to plow through any ponies or houses. Starlight looked back to see a huge rainbow trail firing off behind the car.
The Flim Flam brothers were about 10 seconds from winning.
“WE NEED MORE!” screamed Twilight.
“TWILIGHT! LOOK!”
Starlight pointed to a ramp made out of a cart and a bunch of conveniently stacked barrels.
“WE NEED TO DO THE JUMP!”
“WHAT!? THAT'S INSANE! STARLIGHT! YOU’RE INSANE!?”
“WHAT WOULD RAINBOW DASH DO IF SHE WERE HERE!?”
“SHE IS HERE! WE’RE INSIDE OF HER!”
“THAT'S FUCKING GAY! GET ON THE RAMP!”
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
Twilight twisted the wheel enough to maneuver the rapidly moving 2019 Zhido Rainbow with a RainbowDash colour scheme up the ramp. The car shot into the sky and only seemed to pick up speed.
Flim and Flam were laughing with each other joyously, thinking that they were about to win the race. Their faces dropped like the beat on an EDM track when they saw the car soaring above them.
With milliseconds to spare, the car shot through the finish line a hundred feet up in the air.
“THATS CHEATING!” both cried out in unison.
“HA! WACKY RACE BYLAW SECTION 4 SUBPARAGRAPH 8! THE PARTICIPANTS WACKY RACE VEHICLE DOES NOT HAVE TO BE TOUCHING THE GROUND AS IT PASSES THE FINISH LINE! HA! FUCK YOU FLIM AND FLAM! FLIM AND FLAM? MORE LIKE SIBLINGS OR DATING! HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAH” screeched Pinkie Pie, who was joyously waving the flag at the finish line.
“WE DID IT!” screamed Twilight in joy, hugging Starlight. The air embraced joyously before Starlight realised something.
“HOLD TIGHTTT!” she screamed and in a flash the pair had teleported out. Twilight landed on her hooves onto a grassy field. She watched with horror as Rainbow Dash shot towards the ground in front of them. The car exploded upon impact, a huge rainbow coloured mushroom cloud bursting out as the ground shook like an earthquake.
Twilight screamed.
“RRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNBBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWDDDDDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAASSSSHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”
She slammed her hoof onto the ground in grief, tears flying out of her eyes.
“SHE’S DEAD! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT STARLIGHT…!!” she wailed, tackling Starlight to the ground and starting to punch her.
“T-TWILIGHT! STOP! WAIT! IT'S NOT AS BAD AS YOU-” Starlight hastily cried but was interrupted by the furious punches from Twilight.
“WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TURN RAINBOW DASH INTO A CAR! WHY DID YOU DO THAT! YOU DIDN’T NEED TO DO THAT! YOU COULD HAVE JUST TOLD HER NO! YOU COULD HAVE JUST RECOMMENDED VITAMINS! OR FOR HER TO SHOWER! BUT NOO YOU HAD TO GO AND TURN HER INTO A 2019 ZHIDO RAINBOW! FUCK YOU! FUCK! YOU! FUCK! YOU-”
“TWILIGHT!”
Starlight slapped Twilight. Twilight was so shocked that she was momentarily stunlocked. Starlight pointed at the crater. Twilight looked over.
Climbing out of the hole with a frazzled mane, her body battered, bruised and covered in engine oil…
Was Rainbow Dash. The pony. And not a car.
“THAT….” she slurred, swaying too and fro dizzily as she beamed, revealing several missing teeth. “WAS THE BEST TWO HOURS OF MY ENTIRE LIFE!”
Twilight cried out in shock, and launched herself to hug her. Sobbing, she whimpered “H-How… are you still… alive!?”
“Oh… Twilight, did I forget to say? If she takes lethal damage she reverts back to her original form at one hit point.” Starlight piped up awkwardly, rubbing her face which was slightly swollen from all the punches.
Twilight was too busy sobbing to be angry.
Rainbow Dash couldn't stop beaming, but she looked like a wreck.
Starlight frowned.
“We… should probably get you to a hospital…” she muttered.
Rainbow Dash nodded loosely.
“Yeah, probably… Although… Did I dream Fluttershy saying she’d want me to run her over? Because that's kinda… hot… oh… I think my leg is broken…” she slurred.
Twilight unfurled herself from her friend and looked over. The town was really far away; barely a dot on the horizon.
“It’s gonna be a nightmare to transport her…” she mumbled, watching as RainbowDash could barely even stand.
“If only we had some way of getting her back to Ponyville in relative safety in some sort of transport that would protect her from the elements…” said Starlight, before narrowing her eyes at Twilight. Twilight was taking a few deep breaths, but looked in relatively good health. She looked at RainbowDash… she was probably going to die if they didn’t get her to hospital soon…
“Twilight, hold still.” said Starlight, charging up a spell. Twilight’s eyes widened.
“Wh… what are you doing?”
Starlight smiled nervously.
“...giving you more horsepower?”
“STARLIGHT DON’T YOU FUCKING-”
ZAP!
“... do you think she’ll be mad at me?” asked Starlight, leaning against Twilight as the doctors at the hospital wheeled Rainbow Dash into the building on a stretcher.
“What for?” said Trixie dreamily, sipping a coke through a curly straw as she lay on Twilight’s front bonnet.
“... For turning her into a car.” Starlight said, looking back at the 2019 Zhido Rainbow with Twilight Sparkle patterns she was leaning on.
“... Nah, I think she’ll be cool with it. It was to save a friend, after all! And you know, friendship is magic or whatever.” Trixie replied nonchalantly, idly scraping ‘Trixie is cool” into the front paint job with her horn.
“Guess so…” she said with a shiver. “Speaking of which… I think I learned a friendship lesson today…”
Trixie stared blankly for a few moments before tilting her head.
“... did you?”
Starlight blinked, and chuckled.
“.. no, I don’t think I did…”
The two sat idly for a few moments.
“... want to take her for a joy ride around canterlot?” asked Trixie.
Starlight smirked and nodded.
“I wouldn’t want anything more.’
Author's Note
i don.t, .,snkow iwhat yrou want form me.,,,..,
that image is real btw,, they actually made trainbowdash car
hope u enjoyed xoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoox
