Faulty Thinking

*groan*

Ever the actor, you threw everything out of proportion. If any pony had to guess, you were dying and everything you’d ever loved was gone. Although the latter was true, it was no reason to lie still, groaning and refusing the help of the grey pegasus mare that had kindly flown you back to her house. The least you could have said was thanks, but you went with saying nothing, doing nothing and leaving what little brain activity you had left to a minimum.

She’d left you alone, seeing that you needed time rather than anything else. But every so often she’d check on you. You were just laying there nine times out of ten. The tenth time, you were up on your feet, planning to do something apart from moping and mourning. She’d been surprised to see you up but that didn’t affect her obvious cheeriness. “Hiya. What’cha up to?” She had a comforting smile and infectious happiness. It was a shame you were immune.

“Getting up. Can’t stay here forever.”

You tried to chuckle, to laugh away your troubles. It didn’t work, and you collapsed onto your hindquarters with an audible thud. You looked up into the crossed eyes of the mare, who seemed entranced in a staring contest with a photo behind you. You could have thought she wasn’t paying attention but you weren’t making that mistake again. You made one too many in the past few hours.

“Okay then,” she replied, smiling, “Let me know if you want to leave. I’ll escort you home.” With that, she walked off and left you to your own devices. You walked towards a comfy-looking cushion on the floor near a quill and a note pad. You thought of writing her a note and heading off, but that would be too rude. You had to show some acknowledgement of her good deed.

You sat down and leant against the wall it sat next to. You had smirked as you think that maybe you’d have had a better chance with this mare, rather than the one who’d returned your heart to sender. It immediately disappears once that thought is processed. Back to moping, you think at the reasons Rainbow might have actually rejected you. After all, if she couldn’t put up with you, she wouldn’t have stayed around after those blasted hoof ball trials, and become your friend.

With this starting you off, you use the pad to list your pros and cons. First up, cons. You weren’t exactly cool enough for her. Ever since Hearth Warming Eve six years ago, no one had called you cool or awesome or radical. That Jumper will haunt you forever. You were sure Dash had a picture stored for blackmail.

You definitely hadn’t had any romantic situations before your impulsive act. Then again, Dash was never one to be mushy and romantic. To her, it was lame. You understood it wasn’t for every pony, but every pony should be able to get the hint when you scoot closer to her during a film or take care of her when she had a cold, or, at least, when you almost tackle her to the ground in celebration, coming face to face, and have yourself change to the same shade as a cherry. You were getting off-topic, deciding to take a deep breath and gather your thoughts.

Listing a few lesser detailed ideas, you look to your pros. It wasn’t hard to think of a few, let alone many reasons. Fun-loving, can dish out banter, and has a lot of reasons to have banter made about him, fast flier, competitive, doesn’t mind mushy stuff; you were the mare’s dream guy. What in Tartarus was wrong with you? You cursed yourself for making yourself into her dream. She’d told you a few things on one of a few under-the-bleachers booze raids you’d gone on. You’d done it for her, to be with her and most of all, to gain her affection.

“Buck my life.”

“Language!” The shout took you off guard, making you blush like a school filly when you turned to face the Pegasus mare. She was trying to give you a disapproving look but ended up looking as cute as she could have possibly have been. You look to her and sigh. You past her to reach the front door, and open it with a defeated twirl like you’d done only a few hours ago for your love. You turn to see her standing, almost sad to see you go. You smiled at her, with no response. Your head dropped and a genuine guilt overcame you. That was until an idea sprang into your head, almost jolting your head up to the mare.

“Would you accompany me?”

The smile returned to her face, and with a skip, she walked out the door. You shut the door and turned to follow her. Falling into place alongside her, you walked in unison for a while, silent for the most part. Attempting to lighten the mood, you made a joke.

“Isn’t it usually the stallion that walks the mare home?”

She blushed and hit you in the side with a hoof. You stop and look at her. She turns to you with a smile that is replaced with confusion. “Hey, why have you stopped? D-did I do something wrong?” She had a tear ready to leak while thoughts thundered through your head. It was painful to say the least but the first one you comprehend is this. Only Dash has ever done that to you. And to say the least, it made you flustered that a relatively unfamiliar mare had just done the same thing in the same manner. You smiled through the bright red blush shining through your coat and giggle a little. Maybe you should try your chances with this one.

Soon you arrive home, the rest of the journey being enjoyed in conversation. “So what happened with Dash?” It was certainly a blunt question to say the least. You stutter a little, trying to give a response, yet your words come out as gibberish. She persists with the question, standing between you and your cottage door. You take a deep breath and say with the uttermost calm;

“I loved her too much. I stole her first kiss, and worse, I didn’t give her a chance to reply. I turned away and sulked. How pathetic must I have looked?”

The golden googly eyes portray the grey mares feeling without fault; Sympathy. You sighed in relief, breaking eye contact, part of you thinking you’d get a slap. But that part wasn’t gone, when you looked back she was conflicted. She was confused. “You do know about her secret, don’t you? Every pony does. She’s not like us. She’s a...” The Pegasus blushes and mumbles the last word again and again. You press on and get closer for her to whisper the word, for it not to be heard by the public that supposedly knew already.

“…filly fooler.” Your eyes shoot wide and jaw drops with the news. The audible thud given off by your backside as it plummeted to the cobble floor must have told her about your surprise. She giggles at your priceless expression and a smile as your face is frozen. “Heh, you’re funny. I’ll see you around, ugh… what’s your name again?”

You continue to be statue-like, unable to tell her due to a minor case of severe speechlessness. She giggled once again at your expense and cantered off, with a skip in her step. As for you, you were looking for some sort of scapegoat. But there was absolutely no reason you could find for you not to have known.

Still frozen, your eye started to twitch as you walked into your home and headed to find something that could be used for a sudden idea you’d had. Mumbling as you went up the stairs, you took a pillow from your bed to the corner of the room. You leant up against a wall and took a deep breath. It clears your mind and leaves you calm for a moment. What a nice feeling it is, you should try it more often.

You didn’t try to grasp onto the moment, immediately thrusting your head into the pillow you held, screaming as many profanities as came to mind. All that could be made out was;

“Bu-- me, Bu-- me, Bu--. All th-- time and for bu--ing nothing. I sh---d have bu--ing know. Who d---n’t bu--ing know?! Just bu—ing me I suppose. Buuuuuuu-“

Turns out you don’t know as much profanity that you thought...