Attempt Number One Thousand, Nine Hundred and Seventy-Seven

by Randimaxis

Rating: everyone
Tags: Trixie, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer
Length: 4722

How many times does Starlight have to try in order to stop Trixie from casting her latest spell? (Hint: Check the title.)

If you'd had a LOT of chances to stop something from happening, how many would it take to get it right?

The Great & Powerful Trixie has gotten hold of a new spell that she believes will make her act even more great & powerful than it already is... however, it's not as it seems to be, as the spell is actually FAR more than Starlight Glimmer ever needed to know about perfecting the art of saving her best friend's flank from disaster.

Now, after waaaaaaaaaay too much experience, she simply has to make sure NOTHING goes wrong in her latest attempt to get the spell (and its' caster) under control... or the nightmare never ends.

Written for [Victor07] for Jinglemas 2024

Published 2024-12-24 15:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-12-24 15:40:00 UTC

Attempt #1,977

I made my way out of the kitchen and into the living room, holding our cups of cinnamon and graham cracker eggnog on a festive metal tray.

I knew exactly where she was - by this point, I don't even need to time her anymore. But somehow, I still find myself mentally counting before she says 'hey, Starlight' and the cycle begins again.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Three. Two. One...

"Hey, Starlight!"

She's got that proud, smug smile on her muzzle - the one she wore whenever she felt like she was about to be clever. Most of the time, I liked it - it was a part of her personality that kept her going, kept her charismatic. But in this case...

"C'mere!" Her voice was chipper, sly... and a bit bossy, but the Boss Babe Energy was also an endearing trait of hers. Good thing she had a number of those sorts of traits; they balanced out her more problematic ones nicely, most times.

Most times.

Trixie wishes to show you the newest addition to her spell catalogue.
"Trixie wishes to show you the newest addition to her spell catalogue!"

I CANNOT tell her what I've been going through - after several hundred tries to explain the situation properly, I just came to the logical conclusion that as smart as she can be, there are just some things that can't be communicated.

Trust me, I've tried. PLENTY.

I have to go at just the right speed; too fast and she thinks I already know it, which ruins the surprise and gets her to cast it just to show me she can do it flashier... but too late and she comes looking for me, which means she casts it before I can even finish explaining myself.

I poke my head through the doorway, smiling at just the right intensity. Too bright of a smile is suspect, too little is disappointing.

"A new spell?" I asked, completely convincing as someone who has no clue what's coming. "How much study went into this one?"

Casual - nice and simple. Get her talking about her lack of study, then compare it to her other acts. Emphasize how good the older stage shows were, thanks to precautions.

Well, it's a work in progress, b-but I'm happy to demonstrate.
"Well... it's a work in progress, b-but I'm happy to demonstrate!"

The slight, nervous stumble over the word 'but', showing only a slice into how much my approval means to her. It took me a little over a hundred tries to realize that, but when I did? It made me all the more determined to keep her from doing this; it shook me deeply to think of what would happen if she used this onstage.

So far, the influence of the spell was just the two of us... at least, as far as I could tell. "Trixie, I thought you'd be taking the proper safety measures first - remember how you told me how you did it, back when you were just starting out? Wouldn't a spell like this deserve the same sort of dedication?"

Got to appeal to her sense of personal pride in her work; she's going to try to weasel around it, but I HAVE to get her talking - or she doubts herself, casts the spell anyway and we get to do another round.

Trixie gave me a skeptical look - so far, so good. "Well, normally yes - though this spell is supposed to be powerful, and - well, since that's part of my official unofficial title, I just knew it would be a great addition!"

Get it. Great Spell. Powerful addition.
"Get it? Great spell? Powerful addition?"

It was fishing for compliments, then it was confidence boosting, then they were just a bad attempt at being punny - then after about three or four hundred times, I realized it was just her way of being silly. Made me all that much more determined that Trixie herself would NEVER have to go through what I've been going through, over and over again.

If I mocked or snubbed her jokes, she'd get upset and cast the spell without warning... but if I just went on, she'd get her feelings hurt, which would end up with her angry at me, THEN herself, THEN casting the spell. So - a passive response, it was.

"Yeah, I got it. But listen, one of your biggest draws IS the fact that you always have that confidence, right? And it's easier to show that when you know EVERYTHING about a spell - it's worth the research if it's worth the use, right?"

Had to speak each word carefully, making sure I didn't misstep even ONE line.

Trixie was considering what I said; I had to be careful not to push, or my own impatience would trigger an impromptu demonstration. Granted, the demonstration itself always varied - from Whirlwind Spells to Instant Moustaches - but the end ALWAYS resulted in that spell again.

"I admit," she said at length, "I haven't actually finished the entire book yet. There's a LOT in there about Measuring Spells and Balancing Spells, Focus Spells..."

She made her disgusted face - one I'd grown to love as the face of a good chance this might not end in another repeat.

"BLEH. I mean, there's room for safety, always, but Starlight - half the entire book is nothing but magical attunement spells! Those won't bring CROWDS like Trixie's show does; this spell will, I'm positive."

The reason the book is SO FULL of those sorts of spells is because the higher tier castings required PERFECT control, or at least as close as equinely possible. The sheer coordination some of those spells took was closer to Celestia or Luna's level of self-discipline.

Trixie was my Bestie and I thought the world of her; she was great... but she wasn't THAT powerful. Hence, how I got into this situation in the first place.

"It says in the book it's a Repeating Spell - made for repeating magical moments. It sounded to me like something of that caliber might be useful onstage. I mean, imagine my Firework Spell... but DOUBLED!"

Her translation was off - it wasn't for 'repeating magical moments', like she'd supposedly translated; it was meant to magically repeat a moment. Which it did, absolutely - the problem was, she wasn't concentrating enough or taking it seriously or just taking responsibility for not having fully researched it...

WHATEVER IT WAS, the spell's target had been ME. Which, the FIRST time, had been fine...

Except that it had rewound to before she'd cast the spell. Then, when I tried to tell her what happened, Trixie was curious as to why it would happen... and she cast the spell to find out for herself.

But it was still improperly focused. And it hit me again.

"That does sound pretty good," I smiled outwardly, cringing inside at even the possibility that I might be priming her to try casting it again, "but what sort of dimensions are we looking at here? If you cast it while someone else - say a great and powerful assistant - was using her magic to hold up a sign or something?"

I had to sound casually interested, but not critical; if she got her feelings hurt, the spell always came afterward, so it was more complicated than just getting her to read the tome ALL the way through. I couldn't directly tell her - that ALWAYS causes her to cast the spell.

Maybe it's the pressure of the holiday season, as she did have her 'Trixie's Great and Festive Hearthswarming Magic Show' coming up. It's what had prompted her to go holiday shopping for something seasonal, and ending up buying the book off some skeevy street vendor.

After all the shenanigans I've had to go through because of it, it makes me wonder if that vendor wasn't a bit discordant in nature...

Maybe it had been her goal to really WOW the audience this year, or to prove something to Twilight and the other girls (who would all be there by my own invitation), or even simply the thought that she was BORED with the usual spell list she had.

Hmmm. Trixie supposes there is something to your words. Maybe I should read a bit more, just in case.
"Hmmm... Trixie supposes there IS something to your words. Maybe I should read a bit more... just in case."

If that was where it all stopped, I would have already ended the cycle by now - but I have to remember who I'm dealing with, here; it was never so simple.

But the spell was so simple to learn. Surely the ENTIRE book isn't necessary to cast one simple spell.
"But the spell was so simple to learn! Surely, the ENTIRE book isn't necessary to cast one simple spell?"

But it was, unfortunately for me - all those tuning and focus spells were meant to prepare the caster and their magic properly to handle the extra burden. In the seventeen times I'd managed to slip off with the book myself long enough to read through it, I'd gathered that much from the context of the spellbook's forward.

Of course, Trixie hadn't bothered reading the forward - she'd just skipped to the spell portion and shot right by all the safety measures. Even mistranslated the spell... actually, more like misinterpreted it.

"Maybe not," I lied as I passed her the mug of eggnog I'd poured for her, what felt like years ago. "Still, it's more inline with how professional you are, right? And hey, you never know - maybe there's other uses for those tuning spells too? If you really want to astound and amaze, why not have as broad of a spellbook as possible?"

Buy it. Buy it. Come ON, Trixie - LISTEN TO ME, in this instance! PLEASE!

Her left ear twitched, then she pursed her lips as she considered it - both good signs, as it meant I knew where this conversation was headed already. And if I reached the point she did something unexpected, I had a chance to get out of this Holiday Nightmare.

See, after the second time, I was nervous when I realized the spell had sent me back again. So I confronted her, trying to get her to NOT cast it at all. Which got her angry, which ended in her casting the spell to 'prove to me' she knew what she was doing.

And I was back again. So I tried to reason with her, but she cast the spell anyway.

And I was back again. So I tried warning her about what the spell could do, but she cast it to prove I was being silly.

And I was back again. So I tried mentally locking her spell abilities down, but she cast it to stop me by proving it was a harmless spell.

And I was back again. So I tried convincing her that the spell wouldn't be worth it, but she cast it to see for herself if it worked like she'd thought it would.

And I was back again.

Over and over and over and over and over and over and over...

How could Control Spells possibly be useful in a stage show, my great and powerful assistant.
"How would Control Spells possibly be useful in a stage show, my great and powerful assistant?"

The first hundred times were the easiest, because I was still holding out hope. The next four hundred were me trying to convince myself that this wasn't some sort of dream, all while learning that my actions almost ALWAYS ended up bringing about the spell's casting. The next five hundred times just wore me down, further and further, with each repetition.

It was like a game - each time through, I learned what NOT to do and had to keep it stored away in my mind so I wouldn't cause the same circumstances again. All I had to do was learn the correct string of responses and actions to facilitate the ONE chance I have to get her to either read the whole book, or drop the idea altogether for good.

"Maybe they could enhance your magic's carrying capacity, or give you a wider array of colors for your endless scarves, or what about even more precise spell targeting?"

This was attempt number one thousand, nine hundred and seventy seven of trying to get Trixie to NOT cast the Repeating Spell.

So far, it was going well... but one wrong word, action or even expression, and I was back to the drawing board YET again; same Hearthswarming Eve, same living room, same cups of eggnog, same conversation... the only changes being when I made any differentiation from what had happened the first time through.

It felt like years ago.

Well, you might have a point. I could give it another look.
"Well... you might have a point. I could give it another look, I guess..."

I guess? I GUESS!? OH NO!

Her words were different! It meant that somewhere along the way, I did something different! Another ripple had happened! Now I had to try to balance ALL the previous times through this surreal Hearthswarming dilemma against what MIGHT happen!

Trixie reached for her eggnog - I had to grab it and give it to her before she knocked it off the table and chose to cast the spell to try to fix the problem!

"AH, HEY, h-here you go!" I said as my hooves shot out, grabbing the mug and giving it over to her. She gave me a strange look, but I just smiled as wide as I could to show her everything was just fine, hunky-dory, okie dokie lokie!

"Riiiiiiiiiiight... thanks."

She took the mug and sipped at it. "I have to admit, wherever you get your eggnog, you chose well - this stuff's tasty. I even got some on my snout..."

OH NO! If she goes to the kitchen to get a napkin, she'll knock over the carton of eggnog on the counter, then cast the spell to try to avoid the mess!

"Hey, uh, I... heard that spots of eggnog on your snout is... ah... g-good luck!" I said, trying to hide my fear behind a sheepish grin. "But, um... y-yeah, let me get that..."

I reached over and wiped it off with my hoof. "There - good as new. So, uhm... a-about that spell..."

"Yes, well - you have a point about the idea of safety-"

YES!

"... but really, what harm could it do?"

AHHHH! NO, NOT THOSE WORDS! THOSE ALMOST ALWAYS MEANT A CASTING!

"WELL, LET'S NOT JUST jump to a-any conclusions with this, okay Trixie? Besides, if it's not FULLY tested, then what would happen if the spell affected the audience!? Hmmmm?"

Trixie's eyes widened a bit. "Ooooooh. Yes, that might dampen the fans' admiration for Trixie..."

Oh, there were SO many ways things could go wrong!

"Maybe all it takes is a bit of casting practice?"

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

"OR, ah, heh, we could, ummmm... m-maybe check the book for any disclaimers or warnings?" I tried, DESPERATE for her to get the idea that PRACTICE wouldn't be the best alternative.

"Maybe. Perhaps some of that fruitcake would help me figure it out?" she said as she smiled and reached for the tin on the coffee table-

OH NO! If she tried to pop the tin open, it would spill out all over the floor and she'd cast the spell to try to help clean it up!

"NO, HEY, LET ME GET g-get that for you, Trix!" I tried laughing it off, but now she was giving me a skeptical eye... was she seeing through my carefully-constructed veneer? I reached over and grabbed up the fruitcake tin, choosing to open it carefully to keep the stuff from making a mess.

"You're acting WEIRD, bestie," she spoke up, "What gives?"

OH NO! If she suspected anything and asked questions, I'd have to tell her the truth and if I tell her the truth, she'll cast the spell again in disbelief that it does what I say it does and I'll have to do this ALL OVER AGAIN!

"NOTHING, it's nothing, really - Hearthswarming and all... I'm a little nervous about whether the presents I got everyone were good enough! You know, silly little worries, nothing weird about that, nope!"

She pursed her lips.

I smiled widely.

"O... kay," she said at length. "Well, whatever you got for Trixie, she will most likely LOVE it - you're pretty good at figuring out her delicate and exquisite tastes! Any chance you'd tell her what you got for her?"

I'd gotten her one of those new fog-making machines for her stage act - dry ice did the job just fine, but an actual machine to do the work would save her a TON of bits in the long run.

AH! OH NO! If I didn't tell her what it was, she'd cast the spell to try to peek while I'm wrapping it! And if I DO tell her, she'll want to cast the spell to rewind to before she knew! AAAAGH!!!

"Hey, uhhh... wh-what did YOU get ME, then?" It was a long shot - if I'd asked the wrong question, I'd be walking in with those mugs of eggnog again in seconds!

Trixie frowned. "I can't tell you that! That would ruin the surpri-... oh. Trixie sees what you did there - gotcha. No peeking."

OH THANK SWEET CELESTIA!

"Well," Trixie said as she sipped at her eggnog again, "it still doesn't explain why you're so tense..."

"Who, ME, tense, really, noooooo, you've gotta be joking, CAN'T be me, nuh-uh, nope!"

It took everything I had in me to NOT facehoof at my own lack of self-control, but in my defense, I was really, REALLY sick of doing the same thing over and over and over and over and OVER again and ending up with different ways of reaching the same result...

Wasn't that supposed to be the textbook definition of insanity?

"Right." Skeptical Trixie was skeptical, but shrugged it off. "Anyway, there may still be a few things left to do, but for the most part, Trixie's Great and Festive Hearthswarming Magic Show is going to be an extravaganza of talent and skill - I even repainted the boxes and props in festive colors that are practically guaranteed to delight my adoring fans!"

This Trixie was one I always enjoyed being around; the stage magician with the heart of gold whose dream was to spread her fame far and wide by leaving no customer unentertained. She may have had her flaws, but in Entertainer Mode, Trixie Lulamoon was as perfect as she could be.

Yet ANOTHER reason I just had to get her to stop casting that freaking annoying spell!

"So, bestie," she smiled, "how about we bake some sugar cookies? And by 'we bake', Trixie means she can preheat the oven and prepare the baking sheet while her great and powerful assistant mixes the dough."

OH NO! If we went into the kitchen and tried to make sugar cookies, there would be a mouse hiding in the sugar tin! The mouse would jump out at her when she opened it and she'd turn him into a teacup! And she'd feel so bad about doing that to a living creature that she'd cast the spell to try to fix it!

I mean, yeah, it would fix it, but STILL...

"WHOA, filly! H-hey, we've got eggnog, right? No need to make such a big mess in the kitchen! We already have... ummm..."

Panicking inside, I looked around and caught sight of the end table - a drawer! Ponies kept snacks in end table drawers, r-right? I moved over to it, yanked the drawer open and grabbed the first candy-wrapper-like things my hoof encountered.

"... THESE!"

I brought out my hoof to reveal a cough drop, two spare buttons, a matchstick and a paper clip.

Trixie blinked, then gave me a sardonic look. "Of course. A cough drop. Cherry flavored, even. Mmmmm."

NonononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononoNO!

I went to shove them back in the drawer. "Look, I know there's got to be some snacks we have that-"

"Trixie didn't say no to the cough drop."

When her horn lit up, I nearly screamed in surprise - but all she did was use her magic to bring herself the dubious 'treat'.

"Starlight," she said at length, "I'm starting to get the feeling there's something odd going on, here..."

OH NO! I couldn't risk her asking about it, because if she asked about it and I tried to convey any sort of real information about it, it would happen - it ALWAYS happened!

"Well, er, I... ah..."

I couldn't even mention certain things, as this always led to a conversation choice that made her cast the spell. Examples that led to a recasting included: My own magic, her insecurities, the Show doing poorly, the Show doing TOO well, the spell being TOO powerful, the spell being not powerful enough, her socks, my mane, fruitcake, tinsel trimming, Hearthswarming presents, door-to-door caroling, peanut butter, jelly, peanut butter AND jelly, the latest buckball game's scores, Sherbet ice cream, mistletoe, the Roaman Empire, apple cider, Spike, cashmere sweaters, cork trees, lint, Spa Days, fireworks, Diamond Dogs, the price of tea in Nippone...

"... I'm... just excited about the season, i-is all. Just trying to enjoy some time with my Bestie!"

The flat look she gave me said she doubted it. "No, I think there's something going on here..."

"Going on? Why would you think there's something going on? There's NOTHING going on, because i-if it was going on right now, you'd KNOW what was going on, because I'd GLADLY tell you what was going on if it was going on!"

Uh-hunh. Smooth.

Trixie stood up, walked over to me and we almost came eyeball to eyeball as she examined me closely. "You've been acting weird, Starlight - spill it. What's got you so worked up that you seem like you're about to explode?"

I shouldn't say it. After so many tries in an attempt to try to get her to THINK before she cast, I know better than to outright blurt it out - that ALWAYS ends with the spell. But I was running out of excuses, at least THIS time through.

Those words in my mind made my fur crawl: THIS time through. Was I going to have to start over AGAIN?

"Okay... you say you want to know what's going on with me? Well, how much do you trust me?"

Trixie blinked, almost insulted. "Trixie trusts you with her life, of course! Remember when you saved her from-"

"Yeah yeah yeah, the manticore, but LISTEN," I tried desperately, "In order for me to tell you, you have to promise me - NO. MAGIC. SPELLS. Not one. Do you understand?"

Trixie frowned, but gave a tentative nod. "O... kaaaaaay?"

"I MEAN IT! NO SPELLS! PROMISE ME!" I couldn't help but yell; I was SO tired of this day, over and over, again and again!

She jumped a bit from the volume, but she nodded rapidly in response.

I sighed. "Okay, now... LISTEN... you, Trixie Lulamoon, one of the greatest stage performers I have ever known, my Bestie... have TRAPPED me... in a Time Loop."

She stared.

"The spell YOU found... is a spell meant to repeat TIME... and NOT magic, like you had hoped."

She nodded, hesitantly.

"Every time you cast it... I get sent back to bringing the eggnog... and I repeat today."

Her brow was knitting in concern, but she nodded.

"So, please NO - don't cast it to see if it works. Don't cast it to try to analyze it. Don't cast it to try to show me what it really does. Don't cast it to show off how good you can be with it, and don't cast it to prove to YOURSELF you can do it. Don't cast it to prove me wrong. Don't cast it to prove me right. Don't cast it to try to give me a preview and don't cast it to try to teach it to me. Don't cast it because you simply CAN. Don't cast it to try to counterspell it. Don't cast it to act as a buffer between me and my attitude. Don't cast it for bragging rights. And DON'T cast it as a JOKE."

Trixie blinked. "Have... d-did you go through ALL of those instances with Trixie?"

"YES!" I yelled, "YES I HAVE! I'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS SAME SCENARIO ONE THOUSAND, NINE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY SEVEN TIMES ALREADY!"

Trixie gulped. "... oh. That's... oh."

I took a long, deep breath and let it out slowly. "Okay. So NOW, we have established that this spell is DANGEROUS. All that stuff in the book beforehoof were adjustments for casting those spells; it's powerful magic, which is why it needed all those precautions in place."

She blinked. "But-"

"NO NO NO NO NO! NO BUTS!"

She grimaced. "But how is Trixie supposed to make it work if-"

"READ. THE STUPID. PRECAUTIONS! TRIXIE!" I should've kept my head, but now that it was out, it was out.

I was CERTAIN the spell was coming at any moment.

"... Trixie... can work on that."

Wait, what?

"I'm so sorry, Starlight. I know that I can get away from myself sometimes, but... something THIS serious? This is MAJOR, and I... can't help but feel a teeny bit... er... responsible?"

It was progress, I'd give it that; I hadn't gotten an apology before.

"S-so... maybe my great and powerful assistant has a point. Maybe you're right and I... I've just been so nervous for this show to go well, Starlight. It's a LOT more pressure than I thought it would be and... maybe Trixie's desperation caused her Bestie a LOT of headache and trouble."

Understatement of the century.

"So... the spell works, but... Trixie needs to study it more BEFORE she uses it onstage?"

"YES!" I exclaimed.

"A-and all those precautions are... necessary if I want to cast it safely?"

"Yes," I said, a bit calmer now.

"Then... it means I have to practice more BEFORE tonight, right?"

Could this really be over with? "Yeah, Trix - a bit more practice with ALL the spells in that book. Do that, and you'll have a GREAT show, I just know you will."

Trixie smiled, stepped over to me and hugged me tightly. Oh, it felt good for it to finally all be ov-

"If that's the case, then Trixie needs to start earlier so she can be ready for the show."

Wait...

"And you told me that you always pop up right when you're bringing the eggnog? Time we could be using to study the book together, maybe?"

I didn't like where this was going, but I gave her a look. "Yeah, but-"

"Then it's simple! Trixie will send you back again..."

"No..."

"... and you can tell her EARLIER about this..."

"NO."

"... so she can spend that time studying for the show!"

"TRIXIE NO! YOU CAN'T JUST-"

"Make sure to get me to read through that book as soon as possible, Bestie! I know you can do it! Help make me the STAR we both know I could be with these spells!"

"NO TRIXIE FOR THE LOVE OF CELESTIA DON'T-"

pop<

I made my way out of the kitchen and into the living room, holding our cups of cinnamon and graham cracker eggnog on a festive metal tray.

I knew exactly where she was - by this point, I don't even need to time her anymore. But somehow, I still find myself mentally counting before she says 'hey, Starlight' and the cycle begins again.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Again.

AGAIN.

I could just CRY, but not yet; I had a crazed Bestie to outwit first... however long attempt number one thousand, nine hundred and seventy eight would take.

Three. Two. One...

"Hey, Starlight!"

Author's Note

Merry Jinglemas! I hope it was at least somewhat close to what you wanted. }:D