My daughter, my sweet filly. I do care for her, but I need to get this off of my mind. She's very talented and wins most of the races she's in. The last race she was hurt; I got her knee pads, but she never uses them. The hospital was comforting; I felt cared for just being there. I held Derpy’s hoof as something or other in her wing was popped back into place by a nurse. She barely flinched; I wished she would. My husband finally scrambled through the door and ruined everything, thanking the doctors half-heartedly, and before I knew it he had rushed us outside... I didn't want to leave. He never gives me attention. What right does he have to rip me away from the first ponies who've been empathetic to me in years?? Something has been ringing in my head since that day. A doctor told me,
“It was an accident, it was nobody’s fault.”
What if it was? What if I tripped Derpy? Would they just assume it was another accident? I want them to.
It's been a week now. I keep thinking to myself: what could happen to Derpy, and what injury would keep us at the hospital the longest? I've contemplated writing it down so I have a physical example. But what would my husband think if he found it? I'm already taking a risk writing this. But I'm keeping these pages in the shed; neither of them go in here. Because of course, I do all the work in this house. I feel isolated, I feel like the only one of my kind. It isn’t special, it doesn't make me special. It makes me a dying species that has no pony. I wish my cutie mark still meant something… I wish I could dance.
I have a horrible thought that continues to creep its way inside my skull, something that no pony should ever consider but I have. I deserve to die for letting this take hold of me! In the shed behind the shovel, I found buckets of paint. Reading the labels, and seeing the large lead warning, gave me this idea. Surely we’ll be in the hospital for longer than before, maybe even a month! The hunger for this compassion, this attention is intoxicating. I love Derpy, but I need to go back.
Today I made muffin mix and added a few different paints to make it colorful for her. Presented on a plate, her eyes lit up like glass ornaments. She asked what it was. I told her:
“It’s a muffin, Derpy, you’ll love it.”
and she did, she even went on to say it was her new favorite food. She wanted this just as much as I did.
The weeks show changes; her eyes are…crossing. She can barely fly now, let alone win a race. We’re always in and out of the hospital. It's amazing! I have love here, I have a real family here that cares about me! The problem arises with him. My husband always comes in yelling and crying, and then the doctors comfort him. For once, I wish that bastard would break a wing before he could ruin another visit to the hospital! He ruined everything; my life was destroyed for him, and my life was destroyed for Derpy. I had to destroy my dance studio for her… And that bitch thanks me by crying on and on for hours! I’m so angry when we aren’t at the hospital. When Derpy starts to get better, I make more muffins. She just lays on the floor and howls while clutching her stomach, acting like it hurts! She didn’t feel a thing when her wing was out of its damn socket. Does she take me for an idiot?! I'll show her and her father this family is mine. And without me, they'd all die.
He yelled at me last night. He said to me,
“You’re too happy about what’s happening, you’re too happy that she’s sick! Did you do this?!”
Yes, I did this, Dusty. Are you happy about what you made me do? I asked if he could honestly believe I was so evil. When he told me yes, I knew what I had to do next… Derpy was the problem. Just because she was born, we had to live on the ground so she would
“have no chance of falling like that young filly Fluttershy did."
I don't care if she falls anymore. We had to give up who we were because something came from us. After all, we made a mistake. She disgusts me now like she isn’t even mine, so leaving her there wasn’t hard for me. He’s always out searching for Derpy like what’s left of her is worth finding. Once he realizes that and comes back to me, everything will be perfect. My life will finally be perfect.
Authors note: hey everypony, thank you for reading. While doing research on Reitanna Seishin’s Derpy, her symptoms, and all that junk, I found out that lead poisoning can lead to stunted development and cross eyes which immediately clicked for me. And it was always implied that Derpy’s mother was either trying to kill Derpy or keep her sick in the original (mother of the year over here) anyways tell me what you think about this, as a lot of people have their own ideas of what Derpy has in the Muffins Saga because Reitanna wants to keep that undecided as she’s gotten hate for it. Which is understandable but it was also written years and years ago and just didn’t age well with the current standards of mental health representation, which a lot of younger people don’t seem to understand. That’s what I’m trying to do in the continuation at least (representing Derpy appropriately) but writing is so harddd!!! And I get lazy, and tired, and depressed bc the world sucks but hopefully soon I will have more time to write spooky stories for pony horror fans like me. I’m rambling :,)
