Chapters The Great Tartarus Heist!
Taking a child to court, then to hell
“This court calls forth the accuser, Chancelor Neighsay.” The Judge slammed his gavel down, its sound echoing dully on the courtroom, and a hush spread throughout it, as the pony in question made his way to the stand. “Let’s revisit your statement so we may issue our judgement– As per the jury’s agreement, of course. This trial has gone on long enough.”
“Excellent, your honor.” With a slow nod, he cleared his throat, addressing all in the room, speaking clearly, and hiding any and all malice that was hidden behind his words. “Ladies and gentlecolts, I do not ask much more of you today, except for clear justice, and simple ease. These are trying times, they are. The enemies Equestria has are many, and rarely do we see their faces.”
He turned, looking at the accused with disdain. “Today, we see the face of one of our enemies. I implore you not to underestimate her.”
Cozy Glow, who sat next to Twilight Sparkle, did not contain her anger as well as he did. “H-hey!! I’m just a kid! Y-you suck! I’m not the–”
“Order!! Order!” The Judge commanded. “Continue, Neighsay.”
“We have achieved a great victory today. We saved Equestria from falling into a magic-devoid ruin. And we did so in union! The children of our dear Princess’s school that fought to stop this particular fiend could easily attest to that.”
“Objection!” Twilight raised a hoof. “If you’re so interested in what the children have to say, why don’t we get their testimony of the events?!”
“Sit down, Princess Twilight.” The judge shaked his head. “This court has already agreed that the children in question cannot give a liable testimony. Let us stick to the facts, please.”
“Load of baloney.” Cozy Glow snarled, shaking her tiny head.
“Continue, Neighsay.”
“With pleasure.” He grinned incredibly lightly, nodding. “Artifacts were stolen. Equestrian treasures. Our legacies, endangered… All due to a child’s nefarious actions, who conspired with one of our greatest enemies, who even now, stews on his defeat on the depths of Tartarus.” He kept turning slowly, ensuring the entire room had attention on him. “At these times, more than ever, we need to be vigilant, and careful. Careful on who we believe, Careful on who we put our trust on.” His gaze landed on Twilight Sparkle, who glared back at him.
A hush ran through the courtroom, as the onlookers felt unease and fear.
“And it is my humble request that, until our investigations on the matters that have occured today come to an unequivocal, certain close, that the perpetrator is locked right next to her accomplice, where she would do no harm.”
“OBJECTION!” Twilight stood again, in disbelief. “You’re talking about locking a child up in TARTARUS?! This is inconceivable, it’s simply untoward–”
“Miss Sparkle.” The judge raised an annoyed eyebrow.
“Your honor, she’s only a child! A pegasus, even! She has no magic, and she can’t hurt anypony! We have significantly less dangerous and decisive containment facilities here in Equestria–”
“--We have no clue what she is capable of!” Neighsay fear mongered, shaking his head, pointing at the child that shuddered in her seat. “She was capable of all this devastation with what you presume to be no magic! Stealing only a few artifacts resulted in catastrophe for Equestria! Imagine what she could do if she has any worst powers we are unaware of below those venomous fangs!”
“I-I’m a kid!” Cozy Glow bellowed, and then put on the wettest, poutiest expression. “Pwease, mister judge… I’m just a widdle baby–”
“Don’t fall for it, it’s one of her mind tricks!!” Neighsay warned sternly.
“Order, order!” the judge slammed his gavel upon his table once more.
“Your honor, the Chancellor is accusing my client of having somehow contacted Lord Tirek, despite him being in Tartarus! There’s no way a child could have been the one to connect with him– it’d have to be somepony among the Canterlot nobility, with access to Tartarian travel spells! If not somepony with higher access–”
“Yes, yes, there are plenty of matters still worth investigating. There is no doubt within that.” The Chancellor rolled his eyes. “It is quite clear that corruption runs higher still in the school of Friendship, and that deeply nefarious things could be happening under that hood; After all, the artifacts that were taken were in your care, Miss Sparkle. Which is why I would like the entire institution to be suspended for the foreseeable future as well.”
“W-what?! You can’t be serious!” The Princess was exasperated.
“Can you say for certain, it was not one of your own that gave the child those artifacts?” The chancellor raised a defiant eyebrow. “Can you say for certain that you do not have enemies among your friends?”
“I trust all my friends and my students implicitly!” Twilight yelled out angrily. “Ask any one of them, they love our school and what we’ve done together–”
“--Order! Cease your bickering, both of you.” The judge commanded. “In light of all we’ve seen here, I am ready to deliberate on my decision.” He turned to the rest of the court, waving a hoof. “Will the jury please step forward? I would like to know what they have decided as well.”
A group of eight, shy, sweating unicorns walked near the stand, all giving out fearful glances to the Chancellor.
“...The Jury has unanimously agreed that the child is guilty. She should be p-punished to the full e-extent of the law.”
Nodding slowly, with a sly grin, the Chancellor addressed the judge. “I am sure that won’t be necessary. If my conditions are met, I am more than satisfied with the court ruling in my favor.”
“Your honor!” Twilight Sparkle raised her wings, and stood from her desk. “You cannot possibly be considering banishing a child to Tartarus of all places! E-even temporarily, this is unprecedented!”
“Bleeding heart.” Neighsay whispered, rolling his eyes.
The judge sighed, knocking his gavel on his desk. “And all those present, pay attention: This court finds Cozy Glow guilty of all charges. She is to be relocated to Tartarus effective immediately, and the School of Friendship will be suspended indefinitely as further investigations of the matters occur; Then and only then we may negotiate bail. My decision is final.”
“U-unbelievable!” Twilight complained with an exasperated gasp, and quickly turned to the foal in question. “C-Cozy, I’m so, so sorry–”
“D-do something, Princess! Tell them I didn’t do it!” The child began looking frantically around her for any means of escape. “T-tell them I’m innocent, t-they can’t do this!”
“I’m sorry, I’ve done all I can…!” She shook her head with a mournful sigh.
Guards began approaching Cozy, who looked down with pursed lips, stewing in her anger, and then raised her chin in defiance. “Y-you deserve everything that’s coming to you, Princess. Y-you’re… Terrible! And bad!! All of you are!! All of you suck and are bad, and when I break out of hell, I’m coming back and replacing all of your pillow stuffings with ROCKS, you JERKS!”
“Take her away.”
“I-I can’t believe this. It’s awful! It’s terrible!” Twilight shuddered with anger and grief. “I-I know Cozy did a bad thing, but there’s no justification– There’s no way, no REASON to lock her up on Tartarus! Other forces must have been at play–”
“Ease, my student.” Celestia spoke calmly, but had a stern expression, as they walked away from the courtroom together. “It is done. We need to think about the now.”
“T-the way that he dismissed the potential testimony of my students, because he KNEW that it would muddy the waters and make Cozy seem less guilty– And the fact that they ignored your testimony–”
The taller alicorn shook her head. “My word is only worth so much– I was not present for what occurred, after all.”
“B-but can’t you just– Make them not do this?! Smite the Chancellor, maybe?!” Twilight pouted. “A child has been locked in hell right under our muzzles, and we just… Have to let it happen?!”
“My student. Here is an impeccably important lesson about alicornhood: Imposing your will onto the masses is a slippery slope that will lead to tyranny– And you are not above the rest. You are a large cog in a wonderful machine, one that, if lucky, should run well, and do good.”
“...It’s not running well.” Twilight sighed, looking down. “A child is locked up in Tartarus. All magic was nearly drained from the world– This was a mess.”
“Indeed. And Chancellor Neighsay seems unsurprisingly calm about all this.” Celestia noted, narrowing her eyes pensively.
“A-and he shut down the friendship school, too?! There’s no way that he didn’t do that on purpose! Investigation my flank! He hates my students, he hates me! I bet he orchestrated the–”
“He bribed the jury, too. Likely forcefully. With blackmail, I would guess…” Celestia noted absentmindedly, her gaze far, as she led her pupil to a nearby secluded balcony. “And what’s more, the judge is a close friend of his. They’ve known each other for years– no doubt influencing his decision.”
“W-wh– What?!” Twilight’s jaw dropped, as she turned around. “We have to call for a mistrial! Accuse him of corruption! We have to–”
“Twilight. There are more important priorities we should focus on.” Celestia muttered calmly, turning her pupil around with magic.
“What could possibly be more important than getting justice for–”
“Rescuing the child from Tartarus.”
“O-oh…” The Princess of Friendship looked down, shuddering. “...How could we convince them to release her…?”
“We’re not.” Celestia smiled, tilting her head. “Like I said– Imposing your will upon the masses is a slippery slope. Acting on your own accord, and relying on friends, however… is not.” She leaned forward, speaking calmly. “Now… It would be untoward of me to recommend you to have an incursion into Tartarus. It would be equally untoward of me to recommend you simply ask some of your most competent, most invested and trustworthy friends to do so for you– While you remain here in Canterlot and attempt to investigate this shoddy trial. Do you understand?”
The Princess’s eyes widened. “...Oh my gosh I should break into Tartaru–”
“Twilight.” Celestia narrowed her eyes in annoyance. “Subtlety.”
“Y-yes! Yes!” The Princess nodded emphatically. “I know just the mare crazy enough to pull this off! She was there for the incident in the school, she was there for the trial–”
“I don’t need to know.” Celestia shook her head, containing her laughter. “Good luck, my student. I have certain ponies I need to question and address over the nature of this trial, as well as several minds to set at ease over magic briefly vanishing from all of Equestria… And you have work to do.”
“Yes! Cozy Glow, hang in there…!” She muttered, readying to take flight.
And just before she could, the taller alicorn halted her. “...If you would allow me to give you a suggestion of who to invite into this venture, my daughter could neutralize Cerberus for any of your friends to pass…”
“Oh! Oh!” Twilight smiled with excitement, manifesting a notepad. “L-lemme start writing these ideas down!”
Author's Note
And so it begins!
I'd like to have it on the record that I made no research on how trials work. For the sake of comedy Cozy Glow was put on trial and sentences to Tartarus all in the exact same day that the school raze happens lmao.
Anyways, I've had this idea for a while now. And I realized I can use writing this fic as a bit of a break from my long-ass unendingly huge other fics. I might even write long shots in occasion as well! If you noticed a dip in writing quality it's because I am doing this one without caring lmao I just want to have a fun goofy time in a silly adventure.
It's one of those rare occasions where I only vaguely know the ending and am just having fun with the journey. Chapters will come slow because I'm writing for other fics in between!
And for once
I'm writing insanely short chapters
Y'know
Compared to my usual output of 20k word chapters, lmao.
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The Great Tartarus Heist!
Hey, want to break into hell? It's for friendship!
Starlight leaned forward on her desk, letting out a sigh of disappointment. “...I’m sorry, I am! But there was nothing we could do. The school is being investigated now, we simply can’t continue with classes… You will all be notified as soon as we can resume our work, I promise you.”
“Friggin figures!” Gallus was the first to complain, blowing raspberries, sitting back. “You save all of Equestria and you’re rewarded with your school being shut down… When did I become such an egghead that I'm sad about this?”
Silverstream suppressed tears, flapping her wings mournfully. “B-but is there any prediction on when the school will open again? Any at all?”
With a sigh, Starlight shook her head. “Well, considering the investigation they want to do of our institution, I don't know. I don’t trust the Chancellor to be thorough… much less quick.”
“Yona knew we should have smashed him!” The Yak affirmed, pouting, slamming a hoof on the floor. “Curse our mercy!! He needed to be crushed like birthday Piñata!!”
“I’m with Yona.” Smoulder huffed, looking down. “We shouldn’t have trusted that jerk. Did we do the wrong thing, guys?”
“W-we saved the day!” Ocellus noted, suppressing her own sadness. “W-we did all we could, I think, what else could we have done…?”
“All of Equestria owes you! Please don’t forget all the incredible deeds you achieved, everycreature.” Starlight affirmed with a warm smile. “If nothing else, your friendship proved true enough to save all of us…! I hope that can be enough consolation.”
“I mean, we kinda already knew we’re awesome.” Gallus blew raspberries, waving a hand dismissively. “We’re the best, and all that.”
“Yona agrees! Yona’s friends are the best!” The Yak had to contain herself not to jump up and down. “Now let’s go find mean pony Chancellor and crush him like a gourd!”
“Easy, easy!” Sandbar, who had been pensively pondering, finally pitched in. “C’mon guys, let’s not let this bring us down… How about we just all go have a sleepover at my place before you all go back to your homes?”
The surrounding group all nodded and affirmed cheerfully.
“Now, um… One thing, Starlight…!” Ocellus raised a hoof politely. “So… Cozy Glow really did get locked up in Tartarus…?”
With a bitter shudder, the unicorn nodded. “...Yes. Unfortunately the trial was… messy. Honestly, I think it might have been rigged against her, but she was definitely guilty… I know that what she did might be hard to deal with, but…”
“--She was still our classmate…!” Silverstream pouted, looking away. “It doesn’t feel right…!”
“Oof, yeah…!” Sandbar shook his head. “She didn’t deserve all that…!”
“Tiny pony may have been kind of mean. But she could still learn the magic of friendship!” The Yak agreed wholeheartedly. “After all, we all have!”
“For the record, is this a pony thing?” Smoulder looked between Sandbar and Starlight. “Like, locking up kids in literal hell. Because wow, I’ll rescind every comment I’ve ever had about ponies not being hardcore if that’s true.”
“Nonono! Not at all!” Laughing nervously, Starlight shook her head. “I mean, look at me! I nearly destroyed the fabric of space-time, and I got this job after!!”
“A punishment worse than Tartarus, I’m sure.” An annoyed voice rang out with an uninvested groan.
The entire room turned to the source of that comment.
Trixie Lulamoon was laying on the couch in the corner of the room, occupying too much space in it, looking at the ceiling, unamused, having been there the entire time, just listening in.
“Um, Miss Starlight…” Ocellus raised a hoof politely. “Does Trixie have to be here?”
“Um? Hello?” The Magician waved a hood in disbelief. “I was here first! You kids are the ones that barged in my girl’s office giving her no time for kisses and cuddles–”
“Trix.” Starlight commanded with a stare, silencing her. “Ahem.”
All that her girlfriend replied with was pouty eyes.
“Okay gross love stuff aside…” Gallus groaned, stepping forward. “We should probably decide what we’re doing next. We’re not calling our guardians to pick us up yet, right? Who’s up for an all-nighter?”
“Oh! Oh! Me! Let’s get some party games from Miss Pinkie’s place!” Silverstream flapped her wings in excitement.
“And snacks. Can’t forget tasty treats for friends!” Yona noted. “And just to make it clear to all of us– we are not crushing that mean pony’s skull?”
“As much as that would be awesome–” Smoulder rolled her eyes. “I don’t think we should say these kinds of things in front of our school counselor.”
Trixie was the one that piped in. “Yeah! Besides, crushing him would be too difficult. Just blow him up with some fireworks instead! Easy, doesn’t leave a trace, looks like an accident–”
“Trix!” Starlight called out. “Sorry, kids. But you should just go enjoy the rest of your days together! I imagine your guardians will be wanting to hear from you, so be sure to write to them when you can, okay?”
“Oh and for the record–” Sandbar raised a hoof with a grimace. “We usually don’t lock anypony in Tartarus. That’s not a pony thing, like, just banishing whoever you don’t like! I don’t even know what’s down there–”
“Relax, Sandbar.” Gallus grinned. “You don’t have to be scared that we’ll lock you up in hell. We’re not ponies!”
“Dude.”
“Sandbar would never do something so mean and bad!!” Yona defended, stepping up to Gallus. “Sandbar is really sweet and nice!!”
“T-thanks, Yona…!” The Earth Pony blushed.
“You kids are adorable! Please leave my girlfriend’s office post haste, Trixie requires her kisses–”
“--Don’t listen to her. Actually, do listen to her.” Starlight chuckled. “If that’s all you wanted to discuss with me, you’re all dismissed.”
“L-last thing…!” Once more, Ocellus raised a polite hoof. “...Will Cozy Glow ever be coming back…? I mean, she was mean, but… She didn’t deserve that…!”
“I don’t know, Ocellus. I’m sorry. I’m hopeful, though. Twilight is a genius, I'm sure she’s figuring out how to expedite her release in no time!”
“If Cozy pony is ever freed, we’ll keep her in check!” Yona nodded wisely. “She can’t be occupied doing evil stuff if she’s too busy with friends.”
“Yona’s right!” Silverstream raised her wings as a call to action. “Heck, we should all go to hell and get Cozy back!!”
“Can we do it after the sleepover?” Ocellus pouted. “I’m tireeeed…”
“Okay, okay kids, listen up!” Starlight rose from her chair, shaking her head, making her way to the door, opening it. “Cozy Glow is not your concern anymore, okay? Nocreature is going to hell, you all need to let the adults handle this one, all you kids should be worried about is just having fun!”
“Finally. Sensible advice!” Gallus grinned. “C’mon everycreature, let’s get out of here and take a dang break. We saved the world!!”
The friends collectively cheered, and began making their way out.
Starlight let out a sigh as the joyous conversation died down in the distance, through the hallways of the school of friendship.
“Finally!” Trixie stood, with a sly grin, and shut the door. “Some privacy.”
“This is bad, Trix… I just lost my job– Were you not listening?”
“Oh, I was listening! Look on the bright side, you know?” Gently, the magician led her girlfriend to the couch where they sat together. “The bad news is, yes, you lost your job. Maybe the school will reopen later, who knows? But the good news is: Free time! We should finally go on that vacation we wanted– Or on tour! Gosh, we have to visit Las Pegasus, go on a bender, you know??”
Letting out a sigh of delight, Starlight looked away blushing. “...Having a break does sound nice…!”
“Doesn’t it?” The magician smiled widely. “Stop worrying, Glimms. Let’s just enjoy the moment!” She came closer, with the most flirtatious smile she could, dragging a hoof across her girlfriend’s neck. “...Let’s just enjoy this moment. Right here, heheh.”
“Trix. Not on the couch in my office. C’mon, we’re not animals.” Starlight frowned, and then smiled. “On the table.”
Giggling like a maniac, the magician kissed her, and began strolling to the table, where Starlight carefully moved her potted plant to safety, before they could continue their festival of debauchery.
Of course, tragically, they were interrupted.
“Starlight! I need your help!” The Princess of Friendship teleported inside the room and halted immediately. “...Oh”
“Would it kill you to knock, Twiggle?!” Trixie huffed, on top of Starlight, who was herself sprawled out atop her table.
Twilight’s frown was filled with both disappointment and exhaustion. “I don’t think that’s what tables are for, girls.”
“T-Twilight! Hi! Wow! Me and Trixie were just um, testing out the weight capacity of my table! I was gonna–”
“We were making out.” The magician affirmed with a smug shrug. “And we’d like to keep doing it, please leave.”
“N-no, nuh uh!” Starlight, with her magic, moved Trixie aside and onto the floor, while unskillfully climbing out of the table herself. “Hi. Hi, Twilight. We’re normal. What did you want to see me about?”
“There’s a child locked in Tartarus, haven’t you heard?” The Princess was almost sarcastic, bitter, laughing nervously, and immediately blinked and shook her head. “S-sorry! Sorry. It’s been a long day, and I didn't want to walk in on you two doing this.”
“Your loss.”
“Trixie, shush.” Starlight pouted. “Sorry, Twilight. What was it you wanted to ask me?”
Twilight nodded, opening a backpack she brought, taking out a book and a few papers and placing them on the table. “...I need you to break into Tartarus and rescue Cozy Glow.”
Starlight sat there unresponsively, blinking a few times. “...What?”
“We’ll do it!” Trixie grinned madly. “Point the way, Princess!”
“W-wait, Trixie, just wait, what?!” She asked again.
“A foal has been unjustly trapped in Tartarus– And I think she knows more than she’s letting on about what happened when all magic was taken from Equestria. Heck– Me and Celestia can’t get her out through legal means, at least not yet, so… I need you to break her out. I trust you implicitly, and I know you can do this.”
Again, Starlight’s jaw was just dropped as her mind wandered “B-but are you sure we can’t get her out legally? T-this is hell we’re talking about!!”
“I’m sorry, but we can’t. We have to keep up appearances– But you’re a third party! If you go there in secret, and manage to do it without rousing any suspicion–”
“And without dying,” Trixie noted with a grin.
“--We’ll have rescued the child, and possibly have gotten more information on what’s really going on here. Maybe incriminate chancellor Neighsay for corruption and foul play!” Twilight nodded with a warm smile. “Please, Starlight. Cozy shouldn’t have to be there any longer than she has to…!”
“Give her a moment, she just needs to spiral a bit, then she’ll do it.” Trixie snickered. “If you asked her to shave her mane in the name of Friendship she’d do it.”
“Do I have to shave my mane?” Starlight pouted.
“No! Trixie, shuddup.” She walked back to the table, picking up those papers. “Look, I know it’s going to be difficult and treacherous. That’s why I’ve organized a few notes here– I think we should arrange a team that increases the likelihood of success!”
“Okay, okay, I…” Letting out a sigh, Starlight’s expression became confident, determined, and not at all scared. “I’ll do it. Cozy Glow shouldn't have to be down there any longer... What do you suggest we do?”
“Put together a team.” Twilight smiled warmly. “And I know just where to start.”
With a hoof, she pushed forward a journal– One with a dual symbol of Twilight’s cutie mark and a half-tone sun.
Author's Note
Man, writing the young six is so easy. They're so cute.
Anyways when Celestia was like "Twilight we need someone that would be willing to do illegal things for us" Twilight of course immediately thought of Starlight. She WOULD go bald if Twilight said it was for friendship ngl
Anyways Trixie will go with her because Trixie would follow Starlight into hell, just for fun. Then they can have their lesbian las pegasus bender as a treat, I'm sure.
Also Chancellor Neighsay made for a way less redeemable and way more fucked up bad guy than Cozy Glow. I honestly think it should have been him behind school raze, if not that, than him being an enemy on Canterlot nobility would just be appealing as hell. Like yeah, there ARE some pretty damn elitist unicorns that WOULD fuckin hate having to share their space with other 'filthy creatures' make them the bad guy! Not the LITERAL CHILD
But I digress. Let me know if this is entertaining or not, I literally wrote it on vibes and on a haze, I have no clue if it is up to par with my usual work.
Next chapter will be out when it's ready! I got other fics I'll focus on during this, so keep an eye out.
The Great Tartarus Heist!
We're putting together a team.
“Phew! I’m beat, partners.” Applejack stretched out, letting out a yawn, and put a comfortable arm over Rarity, who nuzzled her affectionately. “Ya doin’ okay, sugarcube?”
Nodding shortly with a pleased smile, she caressed the farmers cheeks with her fingers. “Just another afternoon of defeating Equestrian magic, friendship-speeching, and nearly destroying some form of streetcorner here or another…”
“This time it was a museum!” Pinkie corrected with a giddy smile, still performing a victory dance as they walked together out of the building. “Definitely one of our funner battle settings!”
“U-um…” Fluttershy shot a careful glance towards the mostly empty streets. “...We should leave before somebody calls the police…!”
“Oh! I have an idea!” Pinkie raised a hand.
Rainbow Dash joined her, with a grin. “I also have an idea.”
Sunset, who had been focussing on checking on the ‘villain’ they had defeated today, turned, and immediately shook her head disapprovingly. “We’re not blowing up the cops, girls. We’ve got enough on our plate.”
The two girls moaned in frustration, consoling each other.
Twilight adjusted her glasses and cleared her throat. “Being wanted fugitives would make it harder for all of us to continue to save the world when Equestrian magic is on the rise. And it would make us late for class.”
Suppressing a chuckle, Sunset pointed at her and smiled warmly. “See? Reason.” Her expression softening, she patted the back of the ‘villain of the week’ softly. “...Will you be okay from here? One of us can take you home, if you’d like.”
Suri Polomare, who was still processing the insane day she had, nodded shortly. “I-I think I’d like that. I’m… Is this something you girls do all the time? Rarity… Do you…?”
“Save the world often?” The Seamstress tilted her head with a confident smile. “Not alone, darling. But yes.”
The defeated girl let out an equally defeated sigh. “...So much for me ever thinking I was better than you. I’m so ashamed…”
“Don’t worry, girliepop!” Pinkie did a twirl. “Being taken over by evil dark magic and lashing out for revenge happens to the best of us! You just gotta take one step at a time and try to do better everyday!”
“Very wise, Pink.” Sunset nodded proudly. “And she’s right. Don’t worry about today, it could have happened to anyone.”
“...Turning into a mad seamstress that tries to weave webs to trap people on and force them to look at my art?” Suri grimaced. “That could happen to anyone?”
“You would be surprised...” Twilight let out a weary, annoyed little groan. “You’re not yourself at your lowest, okay? You’re not your worst mistakes.”
“And you can always grow and do better.” Sunset affirmed with a determined nod. “And if you believe in the power of friendship–”
“I hear sirens.” Fluttershy warned quietly.
“It’s the popo!!!” Rainbow waved her hands. “Scatter!!”
The rest of the group reacted with rehearsed levels of alarm.
Rainbow Dash picked up Fluttershy bridal style and sped out of there like a blur. Pinkie Pie gave her friends a loving, caring hug, and walked away with a bouncy step. Applejack and Rarity calmly offered to help take Suri home, of which she begrudgingly accepted, and then only Sunset and Twilight remained.
“...Date night?” Fidgeting, with a flustered little smile, Twilight came a little closer. “After today, I could use some cuddles, some popcorn, and maybe we can watch something trashy at your place…?”
No matter how captivating she was, holding her hand, Sunset had to let her down. “...Shoot, sorry, Sparkles. I’ve got that thing in Equestria today, remember?”
“O-oh. Sorry. I got excited, I forgot that you um…” Her gaze, filled with worry, went to the floor. “...Have to break into hell today.”
“It’s not as bad as it sounds.” Together, putting an arm under her, she led the way, with a semi-hurried pace, fleeing the incoming sirens of law enforcement. “I can take you home before, if you wanna?”
“Actually, I’d like to see you off.” She nervously muttered, leaning her head on the punk girl’s shoulder.
CHS was one bike ride away. Twilight clinged behind Sunset’s hips, leaning on her the entire way, revelling on the ride, on the engine, on the sturdiness and unflinching way that Sunset drove.
“...Can I come with you?” Twilight muttered carefully, fearfully, holding Sunset’s hand as she climbed off the bike. “I think I’d sleep easier tonight if I wasn’t thinking of the possibility of my girlfriend getting trapped in hell or anything like that…!”
“Twi, I’m not taking you to hell.” Sunset replied gently. “That is the worst date idea ever. Besides, don’t worry, I’m not going inside– I’m just helping them open the gates, okay…? I’m only a part of the team, the rest is up to them– It’s a favor to a friend.”
Adjusting her glasses nervously, she nodded. “...That does set my mind at ease.”
“I’m mostly just doing this as an excuse to see my mom again…!” With an embarrassed grin, the redhead looked away– But then back to her girlfriend, with a teasing smile. “But hey, if you want to meet her, we’re having dinner together.”
The girl froze, her gaze blurring. “...Do I want to meet your mother who is a god and introduce myself as your human girlfriend who has barely any idea on what the customs of Equestria are, much less know any of the culture whatsoever…? …Give me a two weeks notice so I can study and rehearse, find out ways to impress her, and maybe–”
“--That’s my girl.” Sunset kissed her gently, sweetly. “Relax, Sparkles. This’ll be easy. I’m more worried about them. They actually have to go inside.” She pointed at the foot of the statue in front of CHS.
Before the statue, a very concerned Starlight Glimmer was attempting to hold her girlfriend and stop her from walking on all fours.
“...Oh. Trixie is coming too?” Twilight grimaced.
“Not our Trixie. Don’t worry.” She grinned, shrugging. “You want to go meet them?”
“Absolutely not.” She shook her head, leaving her girlfriend’s embrace. “Write or text me when you’re safe, okay?”
“You too.” They kissed one more time, and Twilight began her trek to the nearest bus stop.
Letting out a sigh, and even stretching, she steeled herself before turning and moving to the statue.
“...What else do I do with these gangly things!” The magician declared in confusion, holding her girlfriend's hands. “Could I perform tricks with them? Are they used for intimacy?? Can the Great and powerful Trixie revolutionize the act of holding things–”
“Trixie, they’re called fingers–” Starlight corrected, shooting nervous glances around her. “And please stop biting them, or licking, or sucking– HI SUNSET HI WE’RE NORMAL!”
“Sure.” The redhead affirmed, suppressing her laughter. “Hey, Starlight. This is your Trixie, then?”
“Y-yes! She usually behaves.” She shot a stern glance towards her girlfriend, who replied with a pout. “S-sorry, we thought of waiting for you in the other side, then Trixie got curious–”
“It’s fine, it’s fine. People at CHS at least are pretty comfortable with the occasional Equestrian shenanigans.” Sunset waved a dismissive hand. “I’d refrain from walking on all fours, though.”
“Well hello, Hot stuff. Starlight warned me you were good looking, but vavavoom–” Trixie got elbowed by Starlight before she could finish the sentence.
“...Yep, you’re Trixie, alright.” Sunset suppressed a snicker, shaking her head. “So, where’s the rest of the team?”
“O-oh, we started with you!” Collecting herself, and holding her girlfriend so she wouldn’t skitter away, she pointed at the mirror. “I made a list! Me and Trixie still have to go to a few places today.”
“Hm. Alright, I guess it gives me time to steal the key, then.” Sunset shrugged.
“...What key?”
“We need a key to open the doorway to Tartarus? I thought I told you? I’ll steal the key, you gather the rest of the team, alright?”
“S-sorry, sorry, there’s been so many moving parts to this, I’ve had trouble keeping up…!” Starlight groaned. “It’s been a day! I’m worrying so much about Cozy, and we haven’t gotten into hell yet, a-and–”
“Relax, my great and powerful girlfriend. We are going to absolutely crush our little trip into hell. Best date idea ever.” Trixie gave her a clumsy, confident kiss on the cheek that involved a nibble or two. “Did I do this right? Is this how hairless apes kiss?”
“Kind of.” Sunset chuckled, shaking her head. “Okay, well, let me get the next member of our team, then.” She turned around to the bushes nearby, and talked to nothing. “Hey, Wallflower, you here?”
“Hi.” The gardener waved, already right next to them, startling Starlight and Trixie, but simply causing Sunset to smile. “I’ve been here for a bit.”
“Good! Starlight, Trixie, this is Wallflower Blush. She has a particular set of skills, and she’ll be helping me steal the Tartarian key.” Sunset patted her shoulder, and pointed at her friends. “Wallflower, this is Starlight Glimmer, Trixie, you already know.”
“...If Trixie is coming, is Flash coming too?” The small girl tilted her head curiously.
“W-who in the blazes is this little green thing!” Trixie declared, holding Starlight fearfully. “And was she here the whole time?!”
“I’m… Wallflower Blush.” She sighed in disappointment. “You know me. We literally went out together last week. With Flash, remember? We watched ‘Mission Improbable’?”
“Oh yeah, sorry, this isn’t our Trixie.” Sunset corrected. “This is pony Trixie. She actually has a girlfriend, see?”
“Trixie? With a girlfriend?” Wallflower smiled teasingly, shooting a joking glance towards Sunset. “Now I’ve seen it all.”
“Wait. Wait just a second.” Trixie planted her feet on the ground, her hands opening like claws, breathing heavily as if she was about to burst into a sprint. “There’s another Trixie here?”
“It’s a mirror world, there’s counterparts of all of us.” Sunset responded with a shrug. “So, shall we–”
“I MUST LOCATE MY IMPOSTOR AND ELIMINATE HER AND/OR POSSIBLY KISS HER!” Trixie declared to the heavens, before attempting to sprint out of there. “THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIX–” She immediately tripped over herself and fell in the grass, tasting dirt.
Casually, Sunset strolled over, picking her up and immobilizing her, and carrying her to the statue. “So, like I was saying, are we ready?”
“J-just a minute!” Starlight beheld Wallflower carefully, in confusion. “Are you sure it’s a good idea to bring a human into this? This is Tartarus we’re talking about…!”
“Oh, I’m just going to steal the key. I’m not going into hell.” The gardener shrugged, shaking her head. “I cleared my afternoon for this, Sunset asked for help, so here I am. I’m not staying in Ponyland for any longer than I have to.”
“...Okay, okay. And why were you hiding in the bushes, if you don’t mind me asking?”
Sheepishly, Wallflower sighed. “...Sunset’s girlfriend doesn’t like me. I wasn’t risking a run in. And the bushes are pretty comfortable, too.”
Mournfully, Trixie embraced Sunset’s midriff, nuzzling it, while still restrained. “Aw, you’re not single? Shame, damn shame, hot stuff–”
“Speaking of people my girlfriend doesn’t like, shut up, Trixie.” Sunset stated simply.
“Trouble in paradise? I’d like to hear the drama between hot stuff and the green girl!” The magician declared, barely managing to flail while restrained.
“I don’t want to retell my worst moments to another version of a friend of mine.” Wallflower shrugged eyeing Trixie’s counterpart strangely. “I owe Sunset a lot. Visiting a magical land sounds fun. Breaking into hell sounds fun. That’s all.”
“B-but… The drama…” Trixie pouted.
“No time for backstories, Trix!” Starlight declared. “Sunset, do you trust this… Wallflower, was it?”
“Absolutely.” She nodded unflinchingly.
“Then that’s all we need.”
“Shall we?” Sunset smiled, handing Starlight her girlfriend, motioning towards the portal.
“We shall. Let’s go! Next stop, me and Trixie are going caving!”
“Trixie, don’t go shouting!!” Starlight warned with a wary whisper. “Your voice is going to bounce around this cave system and we’ll be attacked by a flock of bats, or a flock of bears, or maybe get caved in–”
“Relax, my great and powerful girlfriend.” Trixie gave her an affectionate nuzzle. “This is the easiest way to find Maud. Observe!”
Quiet. Water dripped somewhere, and the wind was audible crossing the depths they now walked on, the primary source of light being Starlight’s horn.
Trixie inhaled. “...HEY MAAAAUUUUD!!!!”
Her voice echoed several times, returning to them, and they were seemingly left in silence.
Starlight sighed. “...Let’s go ask Pinkie if there’s any other caves Maud usually spends time in–”
She nearly leaped in fear at the sound of rubble.
Maud, seemingly from nowhere, popped out of a hole in the ground, just her head, blinking once and turning off her helmet’s light. “Hello, Starlight Glimmer. Hello, Trixie. You shouldn’t be here. It’s not very safe.”
“M-Maud!! Oh my gosh, hi, um–” Starlight had to take a breath. “Hi. Sorry. What are you doing?”
“Caving.” She blinked. “How about you?”
“Oh, haha, nothing much, me and Trixie are just hanging out in this cave being normal… How’s Mudbriar doing?”
“He’s doing.”
“Haha that’s good! That’s good! So, um, funny story, here’s an idea–”
“--We need your help to break into hell. Wanna come?”
“Yes.”
With unflinching movements, Maud undug herself out of that hole and patted the gravel away. “Are we doing this now or later?”
“W-wait, you should probably hear us out on the stakes–”
“We’re doing it now!” Trixie grinned madly.
“Okay.” Maud nodded. “Let me just write a goodbye note to leave to Boulder in case we don’t make it.”
She sat down, took out a note and a pencil, scribbled something for approximately two seconds, folded it, and put it in her breast pocket. “...He’s got a sensitive heart. But he’s strong. He’ll make it out there without me, I’m sure of it. Grieving me wouldn’t break him.”
“M-Maud, slow down.” Starlight assured her. “Yes, this could be dangerous. There’s a kid, Cozy Glow– She’s been unjustly imprisoned in Tartarus, and we’re on a mission to break her out. We need your caving experience with us, but if you think it’s not worth the risk, we won’t fault you–”
“I already said yes.” She blinked. “Are we going or not?”
Trixie snickered. “See? She said yes! Another member of the team down!”
“...Maud this is Tartarus we’re talking about.” Starlight’s expression hardened with worry. “You understand it might be a one way ticket, right?”
“Starlight.” She spoke as assuringly as Maud Pie could. “In the time we’ve been friends, have I ever given any impression that I wouldn’t go to hell with you? Besides, I’d sleep better at night knowing my friends aren’t trapped down there, and that I did everything I could to help. I care about you two.”
“Awww, Maud…!” Starlight made motions to hug her, but the Earth Pony stopped her.
“No hugging.”
“R-right! Sorry.”
“No. No hugging because there’s an Ursa Minor coming to eat us. We should move.” She pointed at the passage behind them. “Trixie really shouldn’t have shouted.”
The two unicorns yelled in fear and began fleeing.
The Earth Pony sensibly waved goodbye to the bear before joining them.
The Timber Wolf roared.
And Tempest Shadow roared back.
“I’ve got you!” Glitter Drops yelled out before restraining the overgrown beast with her magic.
“Thanks!” Tempest yelled out, charging her horn, igniting it, and leaping forward.
With her energy gathered, and her enemy restrained, she unleashed a mighty blast that blew the monster into splinters and shook the distant snowy trees.
“Excellent shot, Fizzy!” Glitter cheered with a smile. “With the alpha gone, the rest should–”
Tempest leaped in front of her, and shielded her from a vicious Timber wolf strike, blocking it with an armored leg.
With a furious scream, she forced the wooden jaws open far further from where they could. And with a snap, the creature was dead.
The other Timber wolves that circled them had second thoughts.
And Tempest fueled those fears by stomping the snow and yelling out, her horn crackling the air.
And with whimpers, the rest of the pack fled into the northern woods.
“Cowards.” Tempest snarled. “Vicious vermin. They’re getting bolder– We should tell Cadance about this, something must be wrong–”
Glitter Drops interrupted her with a kiss that softened her demeanor immediately. “...Thank you for watching my back, Fizzy.” She booped her muzzle with a giggle. “And also, it’s like this every winter– It’s their season to be wild, you’ll get used to it! Part of the job.”
With a light blush, and a silly grin, she looked into the northern border, and the forest, and the coldness beyond. “...Wilder, huh? I could get used to this. I missed a challenge.”
“Timber Wolves are a challenge for you?” Her girlfriend giggled and winked, leading the way.
And Tempest followed. “Pff. As much of a challenge as I’ll get this far north– unless I pick a fight with Ursa Majors.”
“Bad for your health!” Glitter warned with another snicker.
“But fun.” She grinned.
“So fun, hihih…!”
“Are we done for the day?” She followed closely, beholding the lights of the Crystal Empire in the distance.
“More than done. I could use some hot cocoa and so could you!” She nuzzled her with affection.
“Hm. Tough choice.” Tempest grinned. “Picking fights with the ravenous wildlife, or drinking hot cocoa by the fire with the girlfriend…”
“The ravenous girlfriend.” Glitter Drops corrected.
“Not even a choice.” She kissed her on the cheek quickly. “Let’s go, ravenous girlfriend.”
The walk back to their cabin was comfortable, and devoid of danger. Any Timber Wolf in the area had been taught swift lessons not to mess with them, a simple snarl or shout from the broken unicorn was a swift reminder of what they should fear.
Their home, a cabin on the Crystal Empire border, was more than cozy. It was the patrol post designated to them– Glitter Drops was a veteran on the job, Tempest was a novice– The irony was not lost on either of them.
“...Dropsy, is that Cadance in our front door?”
“...And two other ponies?”
“Oh. It’s Trixie.” Tempest huffed, rolling her eyes.
“Oh dear. That Trixie?”
“That Trixie. …When she said she had a girlfriend, I thought she was lying.”
“Greetings, Tempest and Fizzy!” Cadance waved a friendly wing and smiled widely. “Out on patrol getting frisky eh?” She winked.
“Not in this weather!” Glitter Drops laughed with her, waving a hoof. “But hey, that’s what fireplaces are for.” She winked back.
“Hello, Cadance. Why are these two here?” Tempest narrowed her eyes. “And Trixie, why are you eating snow?”
Starlight patted the back of her choking girlfriend. “S-sorry! Her snow cone fell and she didn’t want it to go to waste– We’re normal, though! I promise!”
“Tempest, Glitter, this is Starlight and Trixie.” Cadance introduced them formally. “They asked me to lead them to you, Tempest. Apparently they have a job for you!”
“Ugh, this won’t be like last time, will it, Trixie?” Tempest raised an eyebrow.
The magician responded by coughing and sputtering and choking on snow.
“Please, everypony. Let’s discuss this inside! I’ll heat up some cocoa!” Glitter Drops gladly opened the door, waving them inside.
“Oh, I’m good! I have Princess duties elsewhere. You four play nice now!” Cadance waved a wing, and got ready to take flight.
Tempest stopped her sternly. “Okay, I get your weird matchmaking thing– And you constantly egging couples on– But how in the hell do you approve of those two?”
With a giggle, Cadance sighed, shaking her head. “Tempest, love takes many forms. Sometimes it's a bit weird, sometimes you don’t get it at first glance, and yes, sometimes it smells funky… But those two are good for each other! Their flaws, their quirks… They complement each other. Like a very weird tapestry!”
“You lost me.”
“Enjoy your cocoa.” Cadance smiled, winking. “And enjoy your Dropsy.”
With a gust of wind, she took flight, soaring back to her palace.
With a disgruntled sigh, Tempest walked back inside, to the sight of Starlight patting her girlfriends back, and her own girlfriend preparing something in the kitchen.
Tempest sat in front of the unicorn pair and glared at them, tapping a hoof on her table. “Let me clarify something, before you say anything– Do not disrespect Glitter Drops. Are we clear?”
“Crystal!” Starlight smiled nervously, patting Trixie’s back.
“Oh, Tempie– COUGH when have I ever COUGH Disrespected– COUGH” Trixie continued to struggle.
The broken unicorn simply rolled her eyes and sighed.
“So, um, Tempest Shadow! Wonderful to meet you.” Starlight offered a hoof to shake. “Twilight recommend us your services in full!”
“This better not be a friendship thing.” She groaned, ignoring the hoof.
“Oh, it's COUGH an ass-whooping thing.” Trixie struggled to grin and raise a smug eyebrow.
The tiniest smile manifested in Tempest’s lips. “...I’m listening.”
“Here’s your cocoa, everypony!” Glitter drops entered the room peppily. “Get it while it’s hot!”
Trixie scarfed down on it to help with the coughs and began whimpering at the burns. The rest of the room ignored her.
“Um, well… The thing is…” Starlight shot a worried glance towards Glitter Drops. “Hm, I’m not sure if I should say this with her listening.”
“I trust Glitter Drops implicitly.” Tempest spoke simply, enjoying her cocoa. “Whatever you want to tell me, you can tell her. Besides, whatever you’re getting me into, I’d like somepony to know.”
“It must be a big deal, if you both came all the way over here!” Her girlfriend leaned on her. “And Princess Twilight was involved, too…?”
“...Yes. This is a big one. There’s no way to sugarcoat this… Through lapses of judicious integrity, and through corruption of the Canterlot elite… A child has been locked in Tartarus.” She paused, watching the surprised reactions of the two of them. “This child, Cozy Glow, well… She was previously my student. She’s a bit troubled, but she absolutely does not deserve this fate. Twilight has trusted me, off the books, off the record, to rescue the child from the prison.”
“And we need help!” Trixie fanned her tongue, speaking poorly. “We’re putting together a team.”
“...And you want Tempest, don’t you…” Glitter Drops sighed, looking down, uneasy. “You want her help to breach Tartarus, of all places…”
“...We need muscle.” Starlight spoke carefully, gently. “I was told Tempest is the strongest there is, and well, the more the merrier, frankly.”
“Babe I thought you were the muscle!” Trixie huddled up to her, hamming it in, trying to lighten the tone, with questionable success.
Silence.
Tempest beheld Glitter Drops, seeing her hesitations, and her fears. And deciding became easy. “I refuse. Find someone else.”
“-Fizzy–”
“I’m not leaving you.” She stated simply, reassuring her. “Not now.”
“...You said you wanted a challenge…!” She smiled weakly, beholding her love. “...You said you wanted to redeem yourself, remember…?”
“Yes, but not with this risk– I’m not going to recklessly throw myself into danger again–”
“--There’s a child at stake, Fizzy…” She brought a hoof to her cheeks, gently holding her. “I… I trust you. You should help, even with, well…”
“...What if I lose? I can’t risk that, not now–” She hesitated, grimacing. “I don’t want you to lose me, I’ll be worried sick, the whole time–”
“That’s just love, Fizzy.” She sighed, smiling warmly, kissing her gently. “There’s nothing you can do about that.”
With a weary smile, she looked away. “...You talk to Cadance too much.”
“Say what you will about her, but she occasionally has wisdom...” She snickered, shaking her head. “...But I mean it, Fizzy. You’ve got a chance to do some good, and I won’t… I won’t be in the way.”
The room was quiet, accentuated only by the noise of a fireplace, as Tempest contemplated and considered.
“You two are so cute. And this hot cocoa is the best.” Trixie commented unhelpfully. “Maybe more sugar next time, though?”
With a tired sigh, Tempest ignored her and turned to Starlight. “...When do we start?”
“As soon as you can.” Starlight responded with a confident nod. “We don’t want to waste any time– And we’ve got a part of our team acquiring the Tartarian key already. We’re meant to meet them at the gate tonight.”
Nodding shortly, inhaling, she stood from the table. “...Let’s go, then.”
Starlight and Trixie were about to leave, but Glitter Drops’s magic forced them to sit down.
Her smile was eerie, filled with teeth, as she beheld the two unicorns. “...If she dies down there, you better die with her.” She leaned forward slightly. “Or I’m coming for you both and making us even.”
The two unicorns nodded emphatically, nervously, silently.
“Good.” Glitter Drops’s smile turned normal, and her magic no longer held them. “Good luck on your travels! Stay safe!”
“Wow. She scares me more than Tempest.”Trixie whispered un-stealthily. “So, we’re all done then?”
“With the easy part…” Starlight muttered, grabbing hold of a list, and ticking it off, opening a map of Equestria, and sighing. “With Maud and Tempest and me, we’ve got more than enough muscle. Sunset and Wallflower hopefully already got the key, so…” She tapped the gate of Tartarus on the map. “...Time for the hard part.”
Author's Note
Tune in next time, for Sunset and Wallflowers miniature heist of a smaller, less important thing than a child!
This chapter took me longer than usual to write-- I was invited to a rly fun coolab, then got distracted with another fic and a new game that dropped, but hey, I'm here now. And this fic right here is a perfect chill-out fic after the intense-ass chapters that I'm often writing in my multiverse fic, heh.
Writing this fic is so fun and casual compared to my usual work. i get to put so many different characters and little cameos in it just for fun, it's a wonderful time. You have no idea how many itches I'm scratching just with this one chapter-- Even minor things like Suri Polomare, little references like Wallflower, Flash and Trixie all being friends through Sunset, even bigger things like finally getting to write Glitter Drops into something, (an itch I likely won't be able to scratch until I write the sequel to Forgotten Sun, yowch!) this fic is just FUN.
Oh, to those that are unaware, Glitter Drops is from the comic. In the movie, she was just on Tempest's story flashback, but in the 67th issue of the mlp comics, Tempest meets her childhood friend again in the Crystal Empire, and they actually hit it off!
it's actually genuinely rly sweet and a cute little story about Tempest getting a link to her old life that doesn't devalue who she is, and like. For her to let anyone call her 'Fizzy'? That means a LOT.
Glitter Drops later appeared in the comic 'Nightmare Knights' in which she and Tempest were happily living together, in circumstances much like these ones! Honestly its tremendously compelling that Tempest found her place in the world with someone that knew her before she became a pawn of the Storm King, someone that knows and can tap into her sensitive side easily.
Like, shippers, don't get me wrong, I like Twipest fine, its really cute, but wow, reading the actual canon material gave us this damn cute ass ship, and I strongly recommend you read the comics
Like a real fan lol ☝️🤓
Anyways let me gush about them a bit more:
Conflict de-escalation! get your proud and tough as nails gf out of needless fights!
LIKE C'MON THIS IS RLY SWEET. SHE GETS TO INADVERTEDLY SHOW TEMPEST THAT SHE ALWAYS HAD A KIND, HEROIC SIDE, SHE GETS TO BRING OUT THE BEST OF HER. You call me Fizzy.
Nightmare Knights is a banger. Luna just goes "Hi, I saw you two dreaming about kissing each other sloppy"
Also she's a Celestia's gifted school dropout just like Sunburst! I feel like they'd be friends. (Totally not planning on writing that in the future on another fic cough cough)
THE LOOK CADANCE IS GIVING HER LMAO. THE LOOK. THE ,':3c
She's got your number not, Tempest. You're down bad. Down atrocious, even.
Okay, okay, rant over. I thought about saving that for a blog post, but nah, it's relevant on this right here. If the show had any form of true genius preparation, we would have had stuff like these two together, and Sunset in Equestria, but nooooooo....
Anyways. next chapter, a miniature heist with Sunset and Wallflower. but for now, I'm back on the Shimmerverse.
The Great Tartarus Heist!
The (Less) Great Tartarus (Key) Heist!
“How can you even be sneaky with these?!” The human turned Earth Pony, Wallflower Blush, grimaced, taking uneasy steps with her new hooves. “We’re clicky-clacking wherever we go! Like– Why did I even think I could steal something, I’m gonna have to use my mouth, oh this was a bad idea–”
“We’ll be a lot stealthier if you quiet down, Blush.” Sunset shushed her, walking significantly quieter than she was, without much worry. “The archive storeroom should be nearby, on a floor above– According to the intel, they haven’t locked the key in any vault. We’re almost there.”
“Cool magic world that’s really pretty and welcoming? Nice!” She huffed. “No fingers, AND having to walk around on all fours? Not so much!”
Sunset paused, turning to her, giving her an assuring, but stern smile. “Breathe, Blush. We got this! I know it’s a lot to take in, but I’ve got you, alright?”
“Right. Right. Right.” She nodded shortly, complying. “I-I’m just gonna stick to your shadow a-and pretend I don’t exist, okay?”
“No can do, Blush. We’re almost there.” She grinned, turning around.
They were in a secluded dark exterior area of the Canterlot Palace, and Sunset watched the windows carefully as if counting each of them, choosing the room they’d enter carefully.
All while the Earth Pony panicked, just a little bit. “I wasn’t exactly agile as a human, okay? Or strong. Or sneaky. Actually I’m not exactly anything, I can’t really–”
“--That’s exactly what I need, okay? You’re going to use your super-Wallflower powers to walk right into the store room, grab the key, and walk out! In and out, It’ll be smooth sailing.” Absent-mindedly, she shrugged. “The guards should be too passive to notice you.”
“M-my super-Wallflower what?!” She began sweating. “I’m walking on all fours, I have a tail, now you’re telling me I have super powers–”
“Wallflower.” Sunset sat down in front of her. “Breathe. You’ve told me this before, dozens of times, how people don’t notice you– If it wasn’t just a normal human quirk, I’m pretty sure that overuse of the Memory Stone must have influenced it or caused it outright. You have the literal super power of blending into the scenery!”
With a little wince, and ears flattened back, Wallflower pouted. “...Big words. You lost me.”
“Do you trust me?” She tilted her head sincerely.
“...I do.” She nodded.
“Then hop on my back, let’s go.”
The process was incredibly clumsy for Wallflower, both due to the hesitation of doing such a physically-intimate task, but also due to the extremely low dexterity she had with her new pony form.
With an agile hop, and teleportation, Sunset flew across an open window in a higher floor, and landed skillfully inside. “Still got it.” She grinned.
Wallflower fell out of her back and into the marble floor with a squeak.
“S-shoot– First time teleporting, sorry!” She smiled awkwardly. “Here, let me–”
Her ears twitched, and she shot a quick glance at one of the hallways near them, and with her magic, carried Wallflower behind a bookcase she crouched near as well.
“...Okay, guards.” Sunset whispered. “See that grey door there, with the winged engravings?”
“Mbwuh” Wallflower replied.
“Sorry! Sorry.” Again, smiling awkwardly, Sunset put the Earth Pony down. “You okay? You good? Take a deep breath.”
“Y-you can do like, f-flips?!” Wallflower whispered in complete surprise.
“I mean yeah, as a pony. I studied under Celestia, you know? Like, almost my whole life– I know how to do a lot of things you wouldn’t expect. …No, don’t ask me to do it as a human.” She shook her head.
“Celestia?? T-the Principal??” Her jaw dropped in disbelief. “She can do flips too?”
“No, the pony, I mean–” She inhaled, then exhaled. “Wallflower, focus. The sooner we get you into that room, the sooner we get that key, the sooner you and I can both be done with this.”
Wallflower took a deep breath, then shot a nervous glance down the hall, and Sunset joined her, then quickly recoiled. “...Okay, what do I do…?”
“The key looks kind of like this;” With her magic, stealthily, she manifested a hologram of a cone-like design. “Can’t do other colors with my magic, but you get the jist.” With a tilt of her head, the hologram dissipated. “You’re going to go over to the door, pass by silently, and walk into the store room, and grab it! Then you come back here and I'll get us out. Got it?”
“I-I’ll just walk in?” She shot another nervous glance towards the doors. “There’s two guys standing right in front of the door, I can’t!”
“Wallflower. Walk casually. Don’t make yourself seen– Do like what you usually do at school events, just… blend into the scenery!” Sunset gave her a confident smile. “Just pass by the door normally!”
“Sunset, I'm not a wizard!” She pouted. “And I’m not a ghost, they’re going to see me!”
“Wallflower. Trust me. Just try it, okay? If anything happens to you, I’ll go bail you out. I’ll literally fight those guards if I have to– What’s important here is that we don’t make a scene, alright? None of the dignitaries or Chancellors or whomever the hell can know that we’re trying to free Cozy Glow. I wouldn’t have gotten you here, of all people, if I didn’t want this done as quietly as possible.”
“Okay. Okay. Okay.” She began walking in place, psyching herself up. "I got this. I got this. Just do it like you did at that birthday party in fourth grade, Wallflower. Walk right past the birthday girl and go sleep in her room because it’s the only quiet room in the house.”
“...Excuse me?”
“Ahahaha here I go!” nervously, she trotted forward.
Her steps were clumsy, but as she walked, she entered a rhythm she was quite used to.
Without even noticing, she began walking completely silently, head low, eyes on the ground.
“...And then she just took a bite out of the Pineapple. Like, raw, right outta the damn thing.” The first guard rambled .
“Wh– Was it sliced? Was it in a dish? Did she like, prepare it before or something?” The second guard was in disbelief.
“Nope! It was just– The whole fruit! She just bit into it! Casually!” He moved his hooves frantically, accentuating his words. “And every other guard noticed too, like dang, I dunno if she was doin’ it just to mess with us, or if it was a part of her regular routine, but–”
“Excuse me…!” Wallflower passed behind them quietly.
“Evenin’. Anyways, as I was sayin’, there were so many pancakes and sweets and other fruit, hell, her big sis was eatin’ outta some, but she just beelined to the Pineapple–”
Wallflower struggled, but she managed to push the large door open, and then close it behind her.
She breathed quickly anxiously, as she faced the opposite end of the door.
A smile manifested in her lips. “...I’ve got Wallflower super powers!” She cheered quietly. “Woo!! I’m awesome!!”
Her smile faded quickly, as she observed the storeroom.
Not only was it dark, lit only by the light of a few small lamps that idled atop desks, but it was filled to the brim with artifacts and objects of all sorts up to the ceiling, and she couldn’t even see the end of the room.
“...Um…” She hesitated, looking into the dark, confusing corners of this strange world.
There were boxes, there were desks, there were display cases, and some artifacts were simply littering about.
She clumsily shuffled around the room, looking around with as much efficiency as her hooves allowed her.
She tripped, accidentally hit what seemed like a bundle of scepters, and they fell to the floor with loud clangs and clinks that made even Sunset wince outside.
The doors opened, and one of the guards spoke. “...What’s goin on in there?”
Wallflower hesitated, sweating, heart pounding furiously. “...Nothing?”
“...Alright then.” The guard closed the doors.
It took her several seconds to recover from the blunder and adjust to the surprisingly effective nature of her ability being in full display.
Finally, she found an artifact that seemed to resemble what Sunset had shown her, and failed to carry it with the hooves, falling and tumbling a few more times.
Finally, giving up, she picked the artifact with her mouth, a task that had her tilting the wrong way and heavily straining most of the way.
The doors opened, and she clumsily passed through them, even hitting the artifact on its sides on the way out. “E-excuse me!”
“Yep. Anyways, I can’t help but feel sorry for her. Like, all of Equestria has got their eyes on you, and your sister is literally SO much taller than you? She’s commonly known for being the tallest of all ponies! And you’re just what, playing catch-up?”
“Eh, Celestia has been inadvertently producing unrealistic standards for beauty for a thousand years, now. And her lil sis was stuck on the moon, I don’t fault her for being shorty, compared.” The other responded.
“Still though. Damn. Just… Damn. I wouldn’t want to be in her shadow.”
“Bud, yer talking like being a damn alicorn of the night isn’t a 9/10 on any pony space, minimum…”
Ignoring them, Wallflower made her way through the hallway back to Sunset as efficiently as she could, which was a difficult lesson.
“Hi.” She spoke poorly, with an artifact in her mouth, dropping it clumsily.
“S-shit! I didn’t even see you coming. What the hell!” Sunset almost chuckled nervously. “Those Wallflower powers are no joke.”
“Speaking of those, any chance that super strength is in there somewhere?” Wallflower pouted. “Carrying this with my mouth sucked…!”
“I’m pretty sure you’ve got your powers from the Memory Stone.” Sunset Shrugged. “And it wasn’t the ‘strength stone’ or whatever, so…”
“S-still, though…” She huffed and pouted even more. “Am I a specific kind of pony that’s just… weaker? You’ve got a horn, and you can do backflips.”
“...You’re an Earth Pony. The strongest kind of pony.”
“I refuse to take this as a wake up call to exercise.”
“Do it or don’t, but uh…” Sunset inspected the cone-like artifact she had placed before her. “...This isn’t the key we’re looking for.”
“W-what?? C’moooon…” She huffed, looking closely. “How do you know?”
“Well, for one, it’s a pyramid. Not a cone.” Sunset replied unenthusiastically. “That’s pretty obvious.” She fidgeted with the object absentmindedly, parts of it seemed to shift and be interactable, like some sort of puzzle. “Also it’s made of wood. I’m pretty sure what we’re looking for will be sturdier, or made of crystals and metal meshed together.”
All Wallflower could do was groan in annoyance.
“Take this one back, and go look for the right one.” Sunset commanded gently. “C’mon, you’ll get it right.”
“Bwuh.” The gardener complained. “Fiiiiiine. B-but if we keep this up, I might get caught…!”
“You got this! I’ll be here ready to intervene if anything happens, c’mon.”
And so she did her little walk of shame back to the store room, carrying an artifact a bit too heavy for her.
“...I mean, sure, in the popularity contest, Princess Twilight wins. She’s the latest, the newest, ponies love a new fad.” The first guard shrugged. “But I’m still a bit surprised. After all, she’s just some girl!”
“Don’t shortchange her, c’mon. She’s done a lot for Equestria since she got those wings– Even before that!” The other guard affirmed without hesitation. “Plus, she’s pretty cute, and single to boot. That adds a lot to popularity.”
Wallflower ignored them again. “Excuse me…”
“But cute is new and different!” The other guard affirmed. “Ya can’t deny that. It’s a new fad.”
She made her way inside the storeroom, and looked around again, this time, with a bit more determination.
She dropped the pyramid she held, with a ‘ptooey’, and made her way forward.
It was a lot. Even in the quiet dark, the amount of things and sensations she was bombarded with, the sheer amount of objects she had to account for… It was so much to follow.
She found a crystal cone, reflecting light slightly, and didn’t give it any more thought as she picked it up the same way, and made her way out.
“I mean c’mon, if we’re talkin’ dumptrucks, Celestia’s packin’ an entire bakery.” The first guard snickered mischievously. “Like dayum, ya don’t see that amount-a cake anywhere else in Equestria!”
“...Alright, I’ll give you that. None of the other princesses match.” The other guard nodded solemnly.
“...Excuse me.” The gardener passed by easily.
“Yep. You’ll find yaks with smaller behinds.” The first one nodded. “Her twin suns are impressive.”
With annoyed little grunts, Wallflower brought the cone-like crystal thing she found back to Sunset. “Hi. I got your thing.”
The unicorn flinched, but only barely, being used to being surprised at Wallflower’s presence. “...Huh.”
They both beheld the object in a confused trance.
“...I don’t know what you just brought, but it’s not the Tartarian key.” Sunset muttered pensively, regarding her reflection on it. “...It’s some sort of weird depicter. I’m surrounded by fire in it. …Aaaaaand now there’s blood running down my forehead. Okay, you should take this back.”
“Huh.” The gardener wondered, looking at her own reflection. “Why are there flowers growing out of my eyes?”
“It’s best we don’t even know or ask, Blush.” Sunset shielded her from the sight. “Just take this back and find the right one, okay?”
“B-but– Those guards are idiots! I’m starting to think we’re allowed into that room, they haven’t lifted a finger– Or, uh, I guess a hoof, they’re super incompetent! Can’t you just go in there and get it?”
“I told you, I can’t. If I walk in there, I’m going to get arrested– This section is off limits, Wallflower. That’s why you’re here!”
“Ugh. They’re so dumb. What a waste of time.” She pouted, huffing. “You could easily go in there.”
“Not without knocking them out and making a scene. We need to be in and out like a whisper, Blush.”
“Fiiiiiiine.” She picked up the crystal cone with her mouth. “I’ll take the weird horror cone back. Brb.”
This time, her walk back was frustrated and annoyed.
“...Why do ya think she’s single, anyways?” The first guard scratched his chin pensively. “I mean…She’s a Princess, she’s young. A bit eccentric, sure, but still.”
“Meh, you’d have to be there. With a job as big as hers, it’d be kinda tough to find time to go on dates. Plus, I imagine most of the suitors would be hubris-filled creeps.”
“Bah.” The first guard shook his head. “I don’t envy the life of a Princess.”
“Hear hear.”
“Excuse me.” Wallflower passed by them absentmindedly.
“‘Course.” They even made way for her to pass. “I guess she’s got centuries to give it a shot.”
“If her paperwork allows, of course. Hah!” They snickered together.
She was inside the storeroom once more, and dropped the crystal cone, and looked into it again. “...And now there’s flowers growing out of my mouth, too. Great.” She frowned, and forced herself to look away. “B-back on track…”
This time, the search was annoyed, less patient.
She overturned a few things, opened a few boxes, all while frowning.
Finally, she found what resembled what she was looking for. It was triangular, and in the circumstances, it was all she cared for.
She picked it up, and was swiftly interrupted.
“That is not it.”
Wallflower nearly jumped, startled, trembling.
Behind her, was an incredibly tall, white pony, with flowing, colorful hair, observing her with a small smile.
“... This one. Right here.” The tall pony offered, sliding a box closer with a hoof, and a wink.
“...Principal…?!” Was all Wallflower could stutter out.
“Good luck!” With a nod and a smile, Princess Celestia teleported away, seemingly vanishing.
Wallflower blinked in confusion.
She scooched over to the box that had been pointed to her.
Inside, was a large, mechanical and metallic technomagic device.
Cone-like in nature, and made partially of crystal, it seemed ancient, yet, well cared for.
The tall pony had told her to get it. And without second thought, she did.
And as swiftly as she could, made her way out of the room.
“...Well, I’d also be a little bit of a wreck if I had to fill Celestia’s oversized shoes.” The first guard shook his head. “I’d also not find any time to like, go on dates and stuff. Hell, just the other day, she had to oversee a child being locked in Tartarus!”
“Musta been one hell of a kid.” The other grimaced. “Heh. Get it? Hell? Kid?”
“Excuse me.” Wallflower passed by them, even lightly smacking one with the tip of the Tartarian key she held in her mouth.
“Yeah, yeah. That’s why we gotta keep an extra attentive eye tonight. In this room there’s plenty of artifacts, and if anypony gets their hooves on the key to Tartarus, they could free the evil kid! We gotta be vigilant!”
“Very vigilant.” The other agreed.
“Very!”
Wallflower made her way back to Sunset, finally, putting the key on the ground clumsily. “Hi, um… Is this the one?”
“W-woah…! It is!” The unicorn’s eyes widened, as she inspected it carefully, smiling. “See? I knew you could do it.”
“So, um, weird question, but…” The Gardener fidgeted, shooting a glance towards the grey doors. “Is Principal Celestia like… A big deal in this world?”
“She can literally raise the sun, yes.” Sunset pocketed the key on her backpack. “And is also known as the ruler of Equestria.”
“Oh. Got it. Got it.” She nodded shortly. “So she’s hot as heck in both worlds, then.”
“...Dude. What? That’s my mom you’re talking about.”
“I call it like I see it.”
“Wh– What do you even mean, did you see her out there?” Sunset spared a quick glance towards the corridor.
“O-oh, well, when I was inside the storeroom, this big and tall pony with a long pretty hair told me to grab this cone, so I did!” She smiled awkwardly, with a light blush. “And you know. She looked kind of like the principal, soooo…”
“Oh my god, Wallflower.” Sunset facepalmed. “For future reference, don’t just follow the commands of any tall woman with broad shoulders, okay? Get some morals of your own.”
“Yes you’re right I should get morals of my own.” She agreed with the tall woman with broad shoulders before her immediately.
“Well, that’s that.” Sunset smiled, adjusting the backpack, and readying herself. “We should leave before any guards notice what we did.”
“Sunset, please. These guards are all dummies. I’m starting to think I don’t even have Wallflower powers, but we’re just allowed into that room.” She shrugged with a giggle. “I’m pretty sure that you might have gotten your intel wrong, and this area isn’t off-limits–”
“INTRUDER SPOTTED!” A guard shouted and immediately sprinted forward.
“Shit–” Sunset had no time to react before three guards tackled her and pinned her to the ground. “DAMNIT!”
“This area is restricted, unicorn! Didn’t you get the memo?!” One of the guards forced her muzzle down. “What were you doing out here, you dirty thief?”
“Um–” Wallflower recoiled all the way to a wall in fearful confusion.
“I’m an important dignitary of Princess Celestia!” Sunset declared, fighting off the guards, Thrashing against their grip in annoyance. “I’m expected! You assholes are going to regret this!”
“She has a backpack!!” One of the guards announced with a snarl. “What did you steal, interloper?!”
“Fuck it.” Sunset’s horn went alight, and she gritted her teeth, ready to fight back, until…
“Stand down, all of you.” The booming voice of the Princess of the sun echoed across the room, immediately commanding all of them.
Stepping forward, and wielding her magic, Celestia removed the guards’s grip on her daughter. “Sunset Shimmer is my esteemed guest. I do not take kindly to any mistreatment of her.” Her glare was cold, sending shivers down the spines of the guards she observed.
“S-sorry, Princess!”
“Won’t happen again, Princess!”
“Our humble apologies, Princess!!”
They all bowed respectfully, fearfully.
Grinning, Sunset stood, and dusted herself off. “Thank you, Princess Celestia. I was starting to think your guards had no discipline at all.”
“Considering the subject of discipline, little one…” The alicorn smiled knowingly. “It seems you may have gotten lost.”
“I was given the wrong directions, and wound up on this whole other hall of the castle!” She waved her hooves unassumingly, lying easily. “Could you escort me to where I’m meant to go, Princess?”
“Of course, Sunset.” She nodded shortly, suppressing a giggle. “Follow me. Guards, as you were.”
The few guards around them continued to bow apologetically.
And the Princess and the unicorn began snickering at each other as soon as they were out of sight.
“Not bad, Princess. Lying like that? Not usual for you.” Sunset grinned.
“I could say the same to you. I expected you to take the violent approach as your first option.” She giggled with her. “But you’ve really grown, little one… I am proud of you.”
“I’m doing what I can…” Her expression softened. “Thanks for helping us. I wish it hadn’t come to it.”
“Nonsense, Sunset.” She shook her head with a warm smile. “Speaking of which, where is your little green friend?”
“Hi.” Wallflower tried waving and walking, nearly falling, already next to them. “I-I’m, um, here too.”
“Delightful!” Celestia nodded with glee. “Sunset, is this that marefriend– Girlfriend you kept telling me about? I was hoping she would join us for dinner!”
Wallflower saw the potential of doing something hilarious, and grinned like a casanova. “Hah, yes, that’s me, I’m Sunset’s girl–” She stopped herself, due to the unicorn glaring at her with a stare capable of melting ice.
“Friend. Just friend.” The Gardener chuckled nervously, trying to ignore the deadly gaze of her friend. “I’m just along for the ride! Sunset has a girlfriend who is not me.”
“Oh! Shame.” Celestia shrugged. “You are welcome to join us at dinner either way, if you’d like.”
“Wallflower has things to do back home.” Sunset spoke through gritted teeth, her glare finally subsiding. “And my girlfriend, whom I love very much, couldn’t make it. She is very interested in meeting you, but sadly couldn’t today.”
“Tragic! But the circumstances could be better, so I do not fault her.” She shook her head, unbothered. “We will organize a more adequate meeting when a child’s life is not on the line. Perhaps I could even meet her parents!”
“Perhaps!” Sunset grinned awkwardly.
“...You haven’t told her about Twilight?” Wallflower snooped curiously.
“Would YOU say anything about dating an alternate version of your mom’s prized pupil?” Sunset scoffed quietly. “Ahem. Thanks for helping us out, Celestia. We’ll be heading towards the gate to Tartarus now– I want to be in time for dinner.”
“As you should. And Sunset, listen to me…” She stopped, beholding her daughter carefully, sternly. “Your mission is to only assist them in opening the gates, and only that. Whatever happens… Do not go in there. Do you understand?” her worry, her concern, her care were impossible to hide as she spoke.
“...Yeah.” Sunset smiled warmly, understanding completely. “...I wouldn’t want to be late for dinner, after all!”
“Good.”
Author's Note
I'm gonna have to start spraying myself with water until I stop writing Sunset Shimmer into every fic I make lmao.
I really needed to scratch the itch of Sunset and Wallflower doing shenanigans. This whole fic is just good for fun good times, heh. I think I'll go focus on my multiverse fic for now though!
This was only a little sidetrack chapter. The real heist begins next time, at the gate.
The Great Tartarus Heist!
Go in there. Go in the dark.
With all the eloquence, with all the wisdom, with all the sheer courage and creativity that Cozy Glow could muster, she described her situation perfectly.
“...This sucks.”
Her cage was spacious, but there was nowhere to go. Her surrounding area was some form of platform suspended quite high over a river or lake of lava– With waterfalls of the very same erupting from the ceiling and corners.
Chains and other sorts or strange mechanisms littered about. Even bones and remains– She could see other cages, but couldn’t make out what the creatures inside them were– Most were empty, on this island.
“Really? What tipped you off, child?” Tirek, who had his cage positioned frustratingly close to hers, groaned, as he sat down leaning on the bars.
“Hey, you don’t have to be such a grumpy grump!” The foal pouted. “Have I told you about the magic of Friendship?”
“More than once, and that was quite enough for discomfort.” He groaned, rolling his eyes.
“Exactly. I’m sure if I use the Magic of Friendship I can destroy these bars!” She announced, before rubbing her temples, and straining, glaring at the jailbars, making little grunt noises.
“...Don’t hurt yourself.” Tirek announced, devoid of energy.
“Hmpf. You’re not helping, you know?” She pouted again, tip tapping her little hooves in annoyance. “If you were my friend, maybe we–”
“--And then what?!” He waved his arms around in annoyance. “You will simply walk back to the gates? Cross every layer of Tartarus by yourself, pass by Cerberus with no problem?! Somehow open doors that were MADE to be open from the outside?! You wouldn’t even make it out of this room, child.”
“Hah! As if, I could totally–”
The entire cave system trembled.
Something groaned in the darkness. Debris fell from above, and a noise akin to a distant whale or leviathan passing by resounded from all sides.
Her breathing was quick, as she shot a glance around every direction fearfully, but could not tell where the sound came from. “W-w-w-what was that?!”
Finally, Tirek grinned. “Welcome to Tartarus. The safest place you could be is inside that cage.”
The little foal was sweating, staring at the darkness, staring at the pools of lava, shooting fearful glances in every direction. “O-oh gosh. Oh gosh.”
“Heheheh. That’s right.” He smiled maliciously. “The first few moons here are always the hardest.”
Finally, sitting in the exact center of her cage, Cozy rested her head, forcing her eyes closed. “...Princess Twilight will come for me. She’ll get me out of this…!”
“She better.”
“...And there goes Ponyville! We’re almost there!” Starlight clapped quietly, watching the town pass by the train’s windows. “Two more stations, and then after a bit of a hike, we make it to the gate.”
“Wonderful!” Trixie declared with glee. “I’m looking forward to getting started already. All these preparations are just so dull!”
“Hmpf.” Tempest grunted quietly, surveying the horizon with her gaze. “Where’s the rest of your team?”
“Our team! And they’ll meet us at the train station, hopefully. D-don’t worry, I’m sure everything will go alright!” She spoke with a tinge of nerves.
“Oh obviously it will be fine. We have gathered a great and powerful team! This will be easy– We’ll be in and out!” Trixie affirmed with complete confidence.
“Hmpf.” Tempest rolled her eyes. “I have to ask. Why did Twilight Sparkle let you of all ponies get involved, Trixie?”
“Hah! Bold of you to assume she could stop me!” She grinned with unearned confidence.
“Yeah, well– Twilight knew that even if she tried, Trixie would just follow me anyways.” Starlight shrugged with a giggle. “...That and um, I feel like Twilight wouldn’t ever worry about sending Trixie to hell of all places.”
“Heh. Yeah. We need fodder.” Tempest finally grinned. “Either way… Wake me up when we’re there.”
With her eyes still narrowed, the broken unicorn simply leaned back on her chair and stared at nothing.
Tilting her head, inspecting her hesitantly, Trixie grimaced. “...Oh gosh she sleeps with her eyes open.”
“Don’t be silly Trixie, she’s not asleep yet.” Starlight shrugged looking away… but then she couldn’t help but turn. “...Are you?”
Tempest was completely unresponsive. Her eyes squinted as she glared at nothing.
…Until she snored, nigh imperceptably.
“...Holy cow.” Starlight’s eyes widened. “...Okay, okay. Let’s focus. Trixie, when we get there, I need you to stay really close to me, alright?”
“Like, at the gates, or inside?” The magician shrugged as she looked outside without much thought.
“...Honestly, through all of it.” She pouted.
“Do not worry, Starlight– I know where I’m safest!! You can whoop the butt out of anypony or anything inside hell, I’m sure of it!”
“I just want you close, okay…? I need you close.” She muttered fearfully.
Trixie hopped out of her seat, and sat directly next to her, nuzzling her affectionately. “I’m not going anywhere, Starlight. Through thick and thin!”
The sun was lowered now, falling between the mountains behind them.
Starlight hopped out of the train station, and surveyed her surroundings. Mostly grasslands, with hills and sparse trees, there was a road that led to a village, and a thin road that led to where they were going. With a smile, she saw what she was looking for. “...Sunset! Maud! Hey, there you are! Where’s your green friend?”
“Hi.” Wallflower was already among them, sending the two unicorns hopping into a startle, Tempest being the only one not frightened.
“I see you have acquired a stealth expert.” The broken unicorn narrowed her eyes, inspecting the gardener. “Even I didn’t see her coming.”
“Y-yep, stealth expert, that’s who I am.” Wallflower grinned awkwardly. “You’re, um, really tall.”
“And you’re really short.” She tilted her head. “Your point?”
“I’ll just, be, uh, over there.” With a blush, the gardener walked behind Sunset.
“Hey, you three. Nice to meet you, Tempest Shadow, right?” Sunset offered a hoof.
“And you are Sunset Shimmer.” She affirmed, shaking that hoof. “Your reputation precedes you.”
“...Uuuunfortunately, heh. As does yours.” She grinned, offering them the correct path forward. “We got the key, Starlight– It wasn’t that hard, thankfully. Shall we?”
“Stop.” Maud was suddenly among them, as she inspected Sunset and Tempest quickly with a neutral gaze.
Silence.
“...Yeah?” Sunset tilted her head.
The Earth Pony spoke as deadpan as she always did. “It’s nice to meet the both of you. You both seem very capable for this particular mission. And I’m looking forward to working with both of you. I hope this job takes a while.”
Tempest grimaced in confusion. “Why would you want this job to take longer?”
Sunset let out hearty laughter, shaking her head, covering her face with a hoof. “Oh my god. This happened in the human world too– Tempest, she’s flirting with us.”
“...She is?” The broken unicorn raised an eyebrow.
Trixie sputtered out a snicker. “SHE IS?!”
Maud stood perfectly still and blinked. “...Is it working?”
“Sorry, Maud, I’m taken. And I’m not going down there with you.” Sunset grinned, swatting her with a tail playfully. “Good shot, though.”
“I am also taken. Incredibly taken, and don’t plan to not be taken anytime soon. Also I do not understand your courting methods.” Tempest shrugged, unflinching.
“Damnit.” Maud let out an imperceptible sigh. “...Maybe in some other universe.”
“B-but Maud, wait–” Starlight was utterly confused. “W-what about Mudbriar?!”
“You are kidding yourself if you think there is any reality in which he could satiate all my needs, Starlight.” The Earth pony did an incredible short shrug. “We have an understanding.”
“Okay, this has been fun, I definitely want to talk about this more, but can we move already?!” Trixie had to contain her laughter as she moved. “You there, hot stuff– I know who the big grumpy one is with, but who are you with? From a world of hairless apes, no less!”
Sunset had to prelude any words she said with a sigh and a roll of her eyes, as she led the group forward through the grassy undergrowth. “...In the human world, I’m dating the Twilight Sparkle there.”
Briefly, Trixie had to process what she said, the enormity of the nonsense. “...But the Twilight in this world knows you. She referred us to you.”
“Yep.”
“...She had like, a magic journal to contact you? You’re just penpals?”
“Yep.”
“And she was like. Super blushy when talking about you.”
“...Yep?”
The realisation came to Trixie in the form of divine intervention, as she gasped. “...Oh my god, bless Celestia, bless the skies themselves, bless ME, Twilight Sparkle got cucked by a hairless ape version of herself!!!!!!!”
“Okay does anybody else want to talk? Anyone at all?” Sunset huffed. “We’re almost to hell, by the way, do any of you want to talk about that?!”
“I am confused.” Tempest shook her head. “So there are two Twilight Sparkles, and you courted both of them?”
“I didn’t court anything–” She grunted, then shook her head. “Okay, I’ll make this easy. I’m dating a girl named Twilight Sparkle, she happens to share the name with a wonderful pony you know. And we are very happy together, and that’s not about to change anytime soon! That’s all!”
“Lucky alicorn.” Maud huffed under her breath.
“There is a very interesting take away from all this, everypony.” Trixie smiled wisely. “And it is this: Princess Twilight has no bitches.”
The reaction to this statement was several groans with different origins. “Okay, okay, we’re here. Stand back.”
The other ponies witnessed as the human turned unicorn waved her horn with her eyes closed, as if feeling a pattern, a wavelength…
And with an exhale, a seemingly gap in reality formed. Through an unsuspecting passage in the treeline, laid a mountain, one that was impressively tall– One they could not see as they approached.
“...Okay, you can all come in, but don’t make any noise, okay? He’ll hear you.” Sunset warned before stepping inside. “And try not to smell very hard.”
“Smell very hard?” Starlight tilted her head. “As in emit scents or sniff the surroundings–”
“--Mission failed.” Tempest grinned. “The blue one and the green one are pungent.”
“Thank you!” Trixie smiled proudly.
“I showered last wednesday…!” Wallflower shyly looked down with embarrassment.
Finally, the team stepped inside without much reservations.
There was no forest anymore– Just a few trees here and there, and ruins. Columns and foundations littered the area.
And above all, distinctively, there were scratch marks and broken debris of the environment in all directions.
“...Stay here and be quiet.” Sunset warned as she walked forward with determination.
She paused by a clearing, while all her friends watched hesitantly and whistled loudly. “...Here boy! I’m over here!”
The ground trembled, Wallflower toppled over, Trixie had to hold onto Starlight all the while Maud and Tempest were not fazed.
An enormous three headed hound galloped towards Sunset, and she stood her ground, even smiling as she spread her front hooves wide. “...Hey boy, it’s been a minute!! Remember me?!”
Cerberus, a seemingly incredibly powerful hound of hell, nearly pounced on her, but stopped in his tracks to sniff her furiously with his three heads, with a tail wagging with just as much ferocity.
She allowed it to happen, even snickered as she rubbed his foreheads and cheeks. “...Sorry it’s been a while, boy. Got caught up in some stuff in another world, tried to steal a crown… It was a whole thing. It’s good seeing you too!”
The team watched in disbelief as the hound rolled over for her and she rubbed his belly with glee.
Starlight’s eyes were completely widened. “...Yeah no wonder Celestia suggested her specifically for this…!”
“Okay boy. I brought some friends– Some friends, okay? They’re all friends. So play nice, okay?” Sunset spoke sternly, but affectionately towards the hell hound. “One at a time, come over here, alright?”
The group stood still. “...Not it!” Trixie declared.
“U-um. Also not it?” Starlight offered.
Maud said nothing, Wallflower hid perfectly in a bush, completely unseen.
“When you are all done deciding who goes first, I’ll be waiting by the gate.” Tempest rolled her eyes, walking down to meet Sunset.
Cerberus lunged at her, even growled, and she did absolutely nothing, staring him down.
“Get ready for a–” Sunset tried warning her, but it was too late– Tempest was sniffed furiously.
Her composure was finally broken as the wet noses of three different heads caused her to get tickled just enough to smile, almost laughing.
“Go on, call him a good boy and pet him!” Sunset commanded with a grin.
“...Do I have to?” She grimaced.
“You won’t lose cool points for it.” She shrugged.
“...If I must.” She placed a single hoof on one of the foreheads of the beast, and rubbed. “...Good boy.”
She got triple licked by the hellhound, and Sunset snickered. “...That means you’re cleared to pass. Go on then.”
“...Eugh I’ve been on trenches cleaner than this.” the broken unicorn complained, shaking off some of the slobber.
“O-okay! I’m up next, everypony!” Starlight descended upon the clearing, with Sunset speaking to the hellhound the entire time to be calm “H-hello Cerberus!!” She nervously waved. “I’ve read about you–”
The sniffing was upon her, and she giggled, immediately succumbing and petting him. “Heheheheh Fluttershy was right, you’re just a big lovey dovey puppy!”
“He is capable of standing toe to toe with titans.” Sunset spoke somberly. “But yes, he is a good boy.”
“He is! You are! Such a good boy!! Thanks for being such a good boy!!” Starlight affirmed without hesitation.
“Okay, who’s up next?” Sunset looked upon the hill, egging them on.
Trixie, smiling nervously, did a gentlemanly gesture at Maud, even removing her hat. “Uhh… Ladies first!”
“Pussy.” Maud stated simply as she walked forward.
Again, the hellhound lunged forward, and Maud stood firm. “Be a good boy and don’t eat me, please. I’ve got things to do next week, and I don’t want to fit getting eaten into my schedu–”
She was silenced by furious sniffing, and even growling.
“Show affection, Maud!” Sunset offered.
The Earth Pony smiled quietly, and patted the hellhound. “You’re really sweet for not eating me.”
It worked. Cerberus licked her a few times, and let her pass.
“I’ve been slimier.” She muttered, leaving.
“You’re up, Trixie!” Sunset grinned, raising an eyebrow.
From afar, fearfully, the magician complained. “Where’s the green one! She should go first!!”
“Cerberus.” Sunset patted him on the side. “Fetch.”
All Trixie could do was scream as the giant hellhound was upon her in a second, and held her up by the tail with his central head, and sniffed her with his right and left heads, as he proudly trotted back to Sunset. “Good boy!” She thanked him with pride. “Now drop it.”
Trixie was delivered into the grass with a wet thud and a yelp.
“Not so hard, was it?” Sunset grinned, helping her up.
“You’re lucky you’re hot.” She muttered in annoyance, joining the others.
“Blush, you’re up!” Sunset called out into the bushes, and there was no response. “...Wallflower?”
Silence.
“Stay, boy.” Sunset ordered, as she walked up the hill. “I’ll fetch, this time.”
She approached a few bushes, and looked for the most comfortable one and spoke to it. “...Wallflower, you in there?”
“...Shoot, yeah, that bush is more comfortable…!”She murmured in embarrassment from another bush.
With a sigh and a kind smile, Sunset walked closer to her. “I promise you the big dog is not going to eat you.”
“...I’m not even tasty. But he could do it in a single bite, he wouldn't be able to tell I’m all elbows and gristle before he swallowed me without even chewing…!”
“--I won’t let that happen.” She assured with confidence. “C’mon, Blush.”
Quietly, incredibly quietly, she followed Sunset down. The human turned unicorn walked her through everything, even standing between her and Cerberus as the dog got used to her.
The process was quiet, gentle, and it took the human turned Earth Pony more effort to get used to it than the Hellhound himself.
“...Okay! That’s everybody!” Sunset declared with a smile, as they stood by the gate.
“One question.” Trixie raised a hoof. “How come you are so chummy with the demon dog?”
“He’s a hellhound.” Sunset corrected. “And I’ve known him since I was nine. Celestia introduced me to him pretty early in my training!”
Trixie tilted her head. “...Celestia?”
“She was my mentor.” Sunset shrugged. “...And she’s my mom.”
“CELESTIA IS A MILF!?!?!?!?!?”
“Adopted.” Sunset scowled at her.
“A spade is a spade, a milf is a milf!!” Trixie declared. “My goodness, this is unprecedented!”
“What is a ‘milf’?” Tempest grimaced in confusion.
“The best thing ever.” Wallflower smiled dumbly.
“Hear hear.” Maud agreed.
“Starlight, here’s the key, let’s do this.” Sunset ignored the discussion, handing the unicorn the key to Tartarus.
“Yes!” She agreed, approaching the lock.
“I mean. Just saying!” Trixie proudly nodded. “Milf or not, we can all agree Celestia has foal-bearing hips.”
“Trix, can you not be blasphemous for a second? I’m trying to break into hell here!!” Starlight gritted her teeth.
“I am SO glad she’s going into Tartarus.” Sunset frowned.
They approached the Tartarian gate. Enormous engraved adamantine doors, as ominous as they were imposing, dwarving all of them.
Starlight approached the cone-shaped lock, hovering the key with her.
“No– Not that lock.” Sunset pointed down, removing a few vines and leaves out of the pathway. “Not as safe.”
On the ground, there was a secondary lock, one that could be easily mistaken for simple misplaced rock on the ruins tiles. Sunset twisted it and removed it, revealing a cone-like shape of a keyhole.
“The door lock has been known for being finicky from time to time. But you can safely open and close the gates by rotating the key from here…” Sunset placed the key down, and spun it. "...Only from the outside, of course. No offense, but I don't want anything in there to get their... Hands on this. We can't take that chance."
The ground trembled. The mountain shuddered, gravel rolled down its sides.
The enormous gates slowly opened, revealing a dark path within, and a strange, stale wind.
“...Right!” Starlight felt a shiver. “Remember what we’re doing this for, everypony! That foal needs our help!”
Sunset nodded. “Me and Wallflower will stay by the gate– I need to keep Cerberus in check, and cover the gate, but I will close it for a while.” Her tone got much more stern. “Listen, this is very serious. We won’t be here all night– I have dinner with Celestia, and yeah, I do plan on coming back– But this door can’t be open forever. Cerberus and the door are two defenses that have to be working in tandem to be impregnable.”
“Who’s getting pregnant?” Trixie looked around.
“Get the fuck out of here.” Sunset pointed at the darkness.
“R-right! Okay! Get Cozy, in and out, as soon as we can.” Starlight nodded as confidently as they could. “We’ve got a few layers we need to get through, and we will have to go back too, so– We better get going.”
“This will be a long night.” Tempest scowled at the darkness, making her way forward. “Let us not waste our time.”
“Let’s.” Maud declared.
“Onward, loyal minions! To rescue a poor child, we must brave the depths!!” Trixie announced with feigned courage. “Oh, I could make a show about this…!”
“I’m glad I don’t have to go in there.” Wallflower snickered quietly, petting Cerberus. “Can you imagine! I wouldn’t last a minute!”
“Starlight.” Sunset beckoned her quietly. “I cannot emphasize enough how you need to balance speed and carefulness here. Any second more you spend in there could be one where something else goes wrong– Don’t let anyone dive on any rivers, no matter how appealing, be aware that you might be attacked from behind, and if you hear a heartbeat, no matter how quiet, do not go towards it.”
“Right. Right. Right.” She nodded, processing everything, shooting careful glances behind her into the dark.
“And hey, chin up. You’ve got a solid team, and Trixie’s there too. You got this!” Sunset grinned confidently, giving her a little nudge.
With a short chuckle, she nodded. “...Thanks, Sunset. It was good to see you again.”
“Likewise. Go get em’, Starlight.”
“Bye!” Wallflower waved quietly.
“Alright everypony…” Starlight led the way, lighting her horn. “Let’s do this!”
They all walked together with as much determination as they could muster.
Sunset closed the gate behind them, only temporarily, but it didn't make the darkness and the sudden quiet any more unbearable.
Wallflower smiled awkwardly. “...They won’t last the night.”
“Don’t jinx it, Blush.”
Author's Note
Honestly there's a real benefit to writing comedy fics; You don't need to progress a plot thoroughly, you don't need to write any shakesperian pose. You just need to have a funy.
I hope this had a funny for you lmao.
Next chapter, we are going to hell 😱
