Chaos Rules Once More

by KillerSteel

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Random, Discord, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark
Length: 9237

Equestria's set on a chaotic course, and a familiar Emperor is at the helm. Viva La Chaos!

Equestria. A peaceful country of candy cane rivers and cactus mountains, plaid fields and rainbow colored oranges.

Wait a minute...that's not right...hang on, lemme...

*Flips the pages of his script, brow furrowing as he goes over it.*

Well this isn't right at all! Candy colored equines swimming in an ocean of oil as if it were made of clouds, pegasi flying backwards before they slam into brick walls in the sky, Rainbow Dash doing a Sonic Rainboom and- oh this isn't right!

*The Narrator stomps off towards Canterlot's throne room, screaming profanities.*

[A/N: Dark tags are to cover my bases. I might act on it, I might not, but the first chapter has no 'dark' atmosphere to it. Just good-hearted laughs.

Good-hearted laughs, if you're the Emperor, that is!

This complete spout of brutish nonsense is pretty much a vent for all my psychotic rambling. I thought it'd be funny to write a story like this, that's all.

Credit to Zytharros of FIMFiction for inspiring this crap with his own psychotic writing!

Credit to Sh2otingStar of DeviantART for the cover art! I'll go message him about its use soon.

And once again, if you see any errors, point them out! I'm not perfect, so I'm expecting someone with a keen eye to tear this story apart.]

Published 2012-10-15 21:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-14 03:13:29 UTC

Golden Thrones and Stormy Skies

The throne room of Canterlot. The ultimate symbol of divine grace and nobility in the country, that one place where no sinful act could ever be carried out. The silken curtains, the marble flooring and pillars, the golden throne with a cushion as red as new blood. Truly a symbol of purity and sacred right.

Within it sat a new monarch, however. One who currently weaved new coloring into his throne room, converting and transmuting as his heart desired. The curtains became frogs interlinked with chains made of resin, the floors shifting between mud, gold, and moon dust, the staircase moving like an escalator with wildly shifting speeds. It was as if the room itself had lost its mind, now trying to see if it could be one of those new strip malls everypony was talking about! Peer pressure had conquered the holy room of Equestria!

Or maybe it was just the new monarch snapping his fingers every now and then, reality shattering like the thinnest of mirrors.

"What should I do today?" The monarch stroked his chin in thought, speaking to a pink cloud spraying chocolate milk rain off to the right, falling into a white glass. He took the glass with a most graceful gesture and partook of it, a flavor of fine wine blessing his taste buds. The tasty glass vanished, leaving behind the brown substance from the cloud. With a flick of his wrist, the baneful liquid was chucked at a nearby wall, now sporting a new igneous rock structure. Apparently, volcanic rock didn't stand up too well against explosive chocolate milk, the explosion rocking the throne room as debris sprayed and fell upwards.

"... Maybe I should just let the country run itself? It's been a long time since I enjoyed this throne. It just isn't built for somepony like me, though," he whined, trying to get his long tail adjusted just so in preparation for a nap; he cursed having one at points, it was a touch big for his liking, but the two managed to get along most days. It was hard getting back in here! Even he deserved a break every now and then, right? "Yes, think I'll just take a short snooze, let chaos have its way for once."

And so it was. Chaos indeed spread quickly throughout the country, though it didn't need much help after the battle prior. It had been twenty seven weeks and three days since the fight, though the rapidly rising and setting sun made it difficult to tell how much time really passed. A certain mare tried to live her life as usual, despite the clouds rapidly shifting into assortments of brick, stone, lava and snow. It made her line of work difficult, to say the least... given that a cloud you were kicking could suddenly turn into broiling magma, the current state of affairs certainly added danger pay to her bi-weekly cheque!

"Gah! S-Stupid lava clouds!" The blue mare screeched, flailing to get away as the cloud she'd just put her hoof in decided to become boiling bronze. Chaos made work really hard! Then again, it seemed everypony was complaining about their work. The librarian was making her voice known way too much with how her books suddenly turned into snakes... then there was that rainbow-maned pegasus slacking off and getting burned when she did her stunts. Don't even get her started on the fashionista; it was faints twenty-two/seventy with her!

"Where's Flitter? She's supposed to be working this shift with me!" She added her own complaints to the whole ordeal, grimacing. Her sister should be there suffering with her, instead of leaving her to do all the work! But nooooo, she had to go hang out with Thunderlane... at least this mare was making double pay for doing the shift. Her bed was gonna pay for it, though; wings weren't meant to flap this much or this hard... all the clouds just felt harder to kick apart.

"S-Sorry, Chaser! I got caught up in something!" Flitter made a sudden appearance, apologetically smiling and whipping some lava off her leg. Wait, lava?!

"F-Flitter, your leg! Isn't that stuff hot?!" Cloud panicked, zooming over to her sister to inspect her leg. Why're there no burns on her leg?

"It's not so bad. Feels like a hot spring actually!" Flitter smiled, taking some of the lava off and splattering it on her sister's face. This was followed by an appropriately blood-curdling death scream and Cloud frantically flailing her hooves on her face, trying to get the supposedly deadly substance off.

"Ahhhhhh!! Don't do that! This stuff's dangerous!" Cloud shouted, getting the last of the mud off. It did feel kind of like a hot spring, though the lava suddenly changing again made it feel dirty...

"Oh come on, Rainbow flew through a cloud made of the stuff and she's fine. Though her mane likely isn't going to go back to normal anytime soon..." Flitter looked up at the sky, the sun now setting to the North. It morphed into a giant chicken for a few minutes before turning back into that usual bright sphere. The chicken seemed somewhat perturbed by this change of events.

"Whadya mean?" Cloud asked, flying along beside her sister as they looked for more clouds.

"It looked like she was hit by lightning. Her mane was sticking out in all directions, sparks jumping between the hairs! It was awesome," Flitter giggled, remembering Rainbow's face; she'd never seen such a massive smile, and such a loud exclamation of 'awesome' in her life! Despite the battle that took place a while ago, ponies were adapting quite well to their new environment and monarch. It was strange... but at least everypony was happy, right?

"Lightning, huh? What, the lava's suddenly carrying electricity?" Cloud simply raised an eyebrow, frowning; being hit by lightning was dangerous, more dangerous than kicking apart clouds made of lava! What was that insane pegasus thinking?! She could've died, or melted, or exploded, or her wings could've been turned into frogs, or-

"Cloud, something wrong? You're bugging out," Flitter furrowed her brow, tapping her sister on the forehead.

"Huh? Oh, sorry..."

"You were thinking about disaster scenarios again, weren't you?"

"I can't help it. Ever since Discord took over, things've been happening! Crazy things! I don't know how everypony is so used to it!"

"Cloud, you live in Ponyville. Twilight has her insane spells and time travel, Rainbow can do Sonic Rainbooms, Pinkie's throwing parties every week, Lyra sits like... Lyra, and there's the threat of Spike burping on your papers and sending them to the Princess. Is it really that hard to get used to this?"

"Well... yeah."

"C'mon, Cloud! At least we don't have to worry about the Everfree anymore!" Flitter threw her hooves out in exclamation. Her eyes moved off to the right as a loud rumbling came to the two pegasi, and she quickly spun around, bucking a cloud flying past; the sound was like controlled explosions... what were those six things on top on top of the cloud? Cylinders?

"Oh, don't get me started on the Everfree! That forest is the stuff of nightmares! Makes me wanna move back to Cloudsdale," Cloud moped, a random lightning strike coming out of a pink cloud in front of her. She jumped with a shriek, but immediately calmed down as the pleasant scent of rosemary fell into her nostrils; woo, that was weird... smelled nice, though! And at least Cloudsdale wasn't falling apart like Ponyville... granted, Cloudsdale had its own problems with the pudding industry and the weather factory having legal arguments.

"Ahhh, don't worry about it. Everypony's fine! We've had random disasters everyday in this town, and everypony survived every one. Now, we've got chaos. It's kinda like a disaster, only everypony isn't in danger."

"That's a weird theory on the world falling apart!" Cloud made her own exaggerated gestures, wincing in pain as her wings protested against the sudden movement.

"You've been working hard, haven't you? C'mon, you head back to town and take a break, I'll take over," Flitter smiled, brushing some of her mint-colored mane to the side.

"Alright... you owe me half your pay though!" Cloud furrowed her brow, quickly returning the smile. She descended out of the sky and turned, Ponyville greeting her from below. From up here, the patchwork fields looked pretty soft; like a giant blanket your mom made for you when you were two. A scream came from the farm off to the right as another tree walks off from the orchard, an orange mare chasing after it; yet another bad day for Sweet Banana Acres... Cloud chuckled at her pun.

She touched down after a minute or so of descent, happily folding her wings and walking through town. The first thing she saw was rather surprising, despite the state of things in the town; Lyra was sitting on her head on the bench as it galloped through the town. She didn't seem very pleased; the furrowed brow and crossed forelegs were enough of an indicator. She had her tail jammed between her hind legs, grimacing at passing stallions.

Cloud watched the street for a few moments. Huh, Bon Bon wasn't chasing her... with a raise of her brow, she continued her trek through the town. A small purple dragon sprinted by her, carrying scrolls that were quickly exploding into confetti as he made a bee line towards the giant tree library. Well, chaos was good for some, bad for others... and for a mare like Twilight, this was probably making her melt down.

Sure enough, an explosion and a scream echo from the tree, blue paint flying out and moving through the air in a giant ball. It came over to Cloud and began raining on her head, the paint changing color. She held up her bangs as the warm paint cascaded down, coating her whole body a monochrome pink; at least it smelled good. Kinda like perfume...now cotten candy...now swamp gas...now back to perfume. Ohhhh, it was gonna be a rough day...

Cloud didn't like the way things were then, that much was apparent. Everypony was taking things too lightly after their country was just up and conquered in a few minutes. Lava clouds, exploding spells, randomly flying, sentient paint balls; it was all just too random for her! Things didn't even comprehend predictable order anymore, things weren't normal!

Suuuuure, for most ponies it wasn't much to get used to; Ponyville did have crazier things happen in the past. But Cloud had an issue with her imagination running off on her and imagining worst case scenarios. Add that to the world now pretty much turning itself inside out, and you've got a pegasus who'd rather be in a solid white room with no body.

And for a few moments, that happened... at least half of it. Her body blipped out of existence, leaving her vision to gravity as it pulled her eyes to the ground. A few moments of solid, heart-stopping terror passed, and it came back up as her body reformed. Cloud's brain froze for a few moments at this occurrence. She immediately sprinted for home, wanting to spend the rest of the month in her bed, a voice in the back of her mind praying that it didn't turn into superglue again!

Bureaucracy In Anarchy

Everypony seemed to be having their own problems concerning the new system in Equestria; walking trees, sentient balls of flying paint, exploding candy bar wrappers that tasted much like crude oil. It was like the world itself was playing a series of pranks that would make even Discord jump in surprise. It all moved to his design, and it felt great to be in control again; it had been well over a thousand years since the country ever saw this kind of chaos.

It was fun. It was all finally fun again, and Discord reveled in it. Awakened from his short-lived nap, his foggy drowsy-vision was met with three couriers from cities across Equestria. Being new to the whole government system made identifying city symbols rather difficult, though the haze from his nap didn’t help much.

"Um... Emperor Discord? We've got some papers that you need to sign, sir," the courier on the left adjusted his grey conductor's cap, shivering slightly in the draconequus' amazing presence..

He sported a blue coat and an orange mane. The shorty’s yellow eyes were quite sharp, despite the after nap haze in Discord's vision.

"That so? But why do I have to do it?"

"It's your job, Your Highness. Princess Celestia did it all the time."

"But that was Tia, and this is me. Have the Guard do it," Discord moaned, scratching his stomach.

Chaos was great since it pretty much rendered the government system obsolete. He could sit up there and just relax while everypony found their own way of putting the way things were to good use. It seemed Vanhoover was making good use of the maple syrup rain by collecting and selling it.

"We tried, sir. They're currently arguing over who has the worse set of armor," the courier on the right answered, wearing a grey trenchcoat over his purple body. That red mane of his was rather out-of-place however; Discord only saw red once when he visited Ponyville all that time ago... What was that pony's name? Beg Mick?

"Ah, yes! The new armor! I thought gold and silver looked so bad on them, so I decided to make it dark and fearsome," Discord gestured wildly with a few lightning strikes going off behind him, followed by his trademark laugh.

He really needed to get those thunderheads out of the throne room, though; lightning was great for dramatic effect, but it could end up hurting somepony. You got a few laughs out of it, sure, but just wait for the hospital bills. They'd be adding your costs to it too!

"Erm... sir, pink isn't very fearsome," the courier in the middle scuffed his hoof as he spoke, himself sporting a monochrome pink paint job; he must've been from Ponyville.

Oho, that prank was truly the best Discord could ever come up with! That boring librarian must have been furious!

"What do you mean pink isn't fearsome? Come now, that shining bright color that you can see even at night, it means the warrior doesn't care about secrecy or surprise! He charges straight into the fight like a madstallion, and I love it!" Discord furrowed his brow and threw his fist into the air like a mighty warrior! Or maybe somepony who was just gesturing too much, he didn't care! He looked good and by Tartarus, he’s going to show it!

"Well, sir, pink is usually associated with... er..."

"Well? Spit it out!"

"M-Mares... sir..."

"And what of it? Mares are frightening! Just look at Tia. She went near berserk when I popped in. Still kind of regret losing my head that day," Discord's head popped off at the end of his sentence, landing in his hand with a laugh, "HA! Get it? Lose my head?!"

The three couriers stepped back, horrified at the display; apparently, they couldn't take a headmare's joke. Ponies today... no proper sense of humor! This would have ponies wetting themselves from laughter twelve hundred years ago!

"Well, never mind. What're these papers I have to sign?" Discord twisted his head back on, now staring at his throne. Quite a nice throne, at that. Very nice golden build, red velvet backing and cushion... wait, was it talking to him?

"Sir?"

"Yes? What is it, my glorious throne?"

"Over here, sir."

"Oh... wait, my throne isn't talking to me?"

"No, I'm not," the throne responded, the voice coming from seemingly nowhere.

"Well alright then," Discord twisted his head back around, looking down at the three couriers.

"Where are you all from, anyway? I know the one in the middle came from Ponyville, there's only one way to look like that in this kingdom."

"Manehatten, sir," The one on the right responded. Mane Courier, got it.

"Vanhoover, sir," Van Courier... hmm, what was a 'van', anyway? Discord shrugged, nailing the nickname in place.

"P-Ponyville, sir... please don't mention it," the one in the middle cowered under his voice, looking at the ground.

"The librarian really got to you, didn't she?" Discord smirked. His prank was working perfectly! That stupid mare would be so busy trying to sort out some kind of organized plan, she'd never be able to strike at Canterlot. That was one problem down, at least.

"You have no idea, Your Highness..." Pony seemed rather shaken actually. Discord frowned a bit, raising an eyebrow.

"How bad was it?"

"Well... I dunno if I should complain..."

"No, no, any good emperor listens to his citizens, no matter how troublesome. Speak."

"Right, sir... well, it kinda went like this..."

Chaos. It was a strange vehicle of cause and effect; that being there was no real cause to describe an event, and no event to draw back to a cause. But at least some things were still true.

Those were death, taxes, and Twilight throwing a fit when her perfectly written schedule chose just the right moment after she finished to invert colors and open a black hole that decided to break all manner of physics and eat just the ink. Then it just kinda... exploded. Well, at least those explosions were pretty!

Wait, focus. Ok, so Trusty Parcel-

"Wait, that's your name?"

"Well, yes it is, Your Highness," Trust scuffed the ground with his hoof.

"Interesting! Equestrians have some strange names sometimes," Discord stroked his beard, which had suddenly grown several feet and turned purple, in thought, "Sorry, carry on."

"As I was saying. Ahem..."

Trusty Parcel was a new member of the Ponyville Mail Delivery service, y' see, and he'd only been on the job three days before Discord took over. He didn’t really know many of the ponies in the town, often sidling away from conversations and just doing his job.

"Well that sounds boring," Discord interrupted, now sporting quite a dashing handlebar mustache.

"Please sir, let me tell my story."

"Right, sorry. Go right ahead."

Trusty had just delivered a package to Town Hall, which had decided today was the day it would live out its dream of being a circus tent. Many ponies came by and shed tears of pride for the old building finally living out its dream, with Mayor Mare as the ringmaster. It was quite the sideshow; even municipalities had to have fun once in a while. Paperwork was impossible anyway, since everything was turning into doves and flying around backwards.

"Oh! Was there popcorn!? I do love popcorn! So modern and delicious!" Discord rolled his mustache, now with a gold-rimmed monocle on his left eye.

"Your Highness..."

"Sorry, sorry. Zipping my lip. Carry on," Discord made the proper motion of zipping his lip, duct tape appearing over it. He folded his arms and gestured for Trust to carry on.

The next patron on Parcel's list was...Books & Branches, the local library. He shivered at the thought of it; there were already rumors spreading about the crazy mare living there. Wild experiments, screaming in the night, sentient balls of paint... it was something out of an asylum patient's nightmares! But as a courier in the Mail Delivery Service, it was his job- no, his duty as a stallion to carry his work out on time! Through Tartarus, floods, snow storms and sweltering heat, those packages would get there on ti- oh holy Celestia, he was late!

Sprinting now! There was the giant tree! Why was there a green cloud going out? Didn't matter, needed to deliver this package! With a swift kick to the door, he was inside.

"Miss Sparkle, yo-"

The scene before him was shocking to say the least. The first thing he felt was warmth. It was definitely warm... hot... scalding... ouch! Was the library on fire? Looking around for the source of the flame, he finally laid eyes on it; a burning mare with blood red eyes staring back at him.

"Oh my..."

"What?" She sounded like Tartarus itself!

"Uh... y-your package, ma'am," Trust laid the package on the ground, quickly backing away. Wasn't there a dragon partner that was with her? She didn't eat him, did she?!

"Paahahahahahaaha! Oh, this is priceless! She's really gone off the deep end with this one!" Discord wiped away a tear of gold. It imploded as he flicked it away. The pink top hat on his head shifted to the side with his humored gesture.

"That's not the half of it, sir..."

The next few moments were spent sweating profusely and panicking. In front of him was quite possibly some demonic conjuration of the seventh circle of Tartarus, and it was staring at him. Staring through him. Into his soul. Then through it, likely at a delicious foal just behind him.

“Uh...”

”I’m not taking guests right now. Leave.”

“But...I-I need you to sign off on this... and...”

The sudden volcano of paint from the enraged daemon was certainly surprising. Trusty decided to take it as a sign of the anger of the Gods, and leave. Very very quickly.

“But I’m not angry. I’m actually laughing! This is great!” Discord laughed, tears running down his cheeks and into his thirty feather boas. They all immediately light on fire and disappear with the rest of his formal attire. He pat his empty head, frowning; he should get another one of those top hats.

“Well, that’s pretty much how my day went so far, sir... can you please sign the papers now?” Trust raised his brow, looking quite depressed. Even to a Spirit of Chaos, that look was heartbreaking.

“Alright, let’s get this over with,” Discord sighed and held out his hand, taking the three clipboards from the couriers. He looked them over quickly before snapping his fingers, a pen appearing out of thin air. He quickly signed off on the first document, tossing it back to Van. It landed back in his hooves, causing him to collapse as it suddenly had the weight of Canterlot.

“Gah!” Van screeches as the lethal lead clipboard hit the ground with an earth-shattering THUD! Luckily, his legs weren't under it!.

“Don’t worry, it’ll go back to normal in a while. Give it,” Discord paused, tapping the pen against his chin in thought, “...nine days to nine years.”

“I-I can’t wait nine years, Your Highness! I have a family!”

“Chaos is mean like that, much like life,” Discord quirked his mouth up, staring at the second document. Supply requisition for Ponyville... seven piles of mud, sixteen candy cane shipments, seventy million bits, and a new Town Hall... reasoning is the last one turned into a circus tent. Discord smirked at it and signed it off; Canterlot had enough money to buy all of Terra, it was fine if they burned a bit on a small backwater town.

He tossed it back to Trust, his mane promptly turning into a newspaper as the clipboard hit it; Famous Weekly, with a cover of Hoity Toity and something about a scandal, he couldn't quite see the headline. There was only one thing Discord hated more than politics, and that was celebrity relationships; such an appalling show of disharmony, what with their frantic spending and investments... it was like they were trying to be an example of how to be hated by the general public.

“Before you ask, it will grow back. Not sure if it’ll be the same color, but it’ll grow back,” Discord tapped his chin again, looking over the final document. Manehatten, eh? What’s the biggest city in Equestria up to?

“Requisitions, bits, food... hmmm... wait a minute, what?” Discord blinked. Reports of a rise in crime rate? That was interesting. The most serious of the sizeable list was armed assault. A sword was used, victim was hospitalized, suspect captured and sent to prison. Law enforcement unsure of what to do? “Wait, what’s this one for?”

“A request from Police Chief Gold, Your Highness. He’s asking for a Royal Guard interrogator,” Mane suddenly saluted, sounding authoritative. Come to think of it, that gold glint on the inside of his overcoat looked familiar... so he was part of the Manehatten police force?

"An interrogator? Don't you already have your... oh, what's the word? 'Perk'...'merp'..."

"Perp, Your Highness. And yes, we do have him... it's just we need a little help," the authoritative tone fell off a bit, his eyes drifting off to the side as he speaks. Seemed the Manehatten Police Department had less than usual to be proud of right now.

"Well, consider yourselves set. Head out to the Guard barracks and request an interrogator and an escort; say you got permission from me," Discord signed the paper with a flourish that would've impressed even those stuck-up unicorns in the streets below the castle, and handed the clipboard back to Mane.

"Yes sir!" Mane said with a salute, grabbing the clipboard with his mouth. He sprinted off while spitting the requisition forms back into his saddlebag.

Discord turned his eyes back to the two couriers before him, and waited a few moments before speaking, "You two don't have anywhere else to be?" He raised his eyebrow; sure, a visit every now and then was nice, but they were intruding on his nap.

"Oh, my apologies, Your Highness! I'm just, erm," Trusty scuffed the floor again.

He was really going to mess up the tiling if he kept doing that.

"You can stay here for the moment if you wish, but it'll be outside the throne room. How about you?" Discord looked over at Van.

"I'm heading back right away, Your Highness. Thank you for your service."

"Yes, yes, off you go," Discord shooed them away, leaning back in his throne.

It was time for this draconequus to nod off again, and hopefully for longer than a day! As the two couriers dashed off for the front doors, Discord laid back on the arm rest of his throne. He locked eyes with the stained glass window detailing his defeat at the hooves of those cursed Elements... memories that were less than happy. That day, he was overconfident, believed too much that those six ponies were inexperienced, that they didn't have the power to beat him. That lavender one... colored of poison, she was the most interesting.

Breaking her soul was certainly the most difficult... yet she brought everypony together, back under that single banner of harmony. A natural born leader, and if it weren't for Tia and Luna getting in the way, she'd be leading Equestria.

Twilight Sparkle... bearer of the Element of Magic... abuser of every element in this world. Chaos hasn't suited you thus far, and though it may have messed up your ever perfect schedules, that couldn't stop a plotting mind. What was going on in that little head of yours?

Can you beat a God, Twilight?

Blunderbolts

"Augh, how does this keep happening!?"

Chaos was a strange maestro; playing with the environment like an insane musician on a hundred instruments, strumming or beating each one as his fancy shifted from the bass to the cello, to the trumpet, to the accordian, his flow of music dynamic and flowing. The sounds produced were both beautiful and unbearable, wonderful and horrible, creative and destructive. This orchestral play reached into the hearts and souls of all in Equestria, and played their strings with both amateurish attitude and masterful skill.

Sadly, that masterful skill was usually put toward frustrating ponies to every possible extent, sometimes even impossible. Soarin' was the first to experience this; who knew the Captain's mane and tail really could move like fire when she was mad?

"Chaos does make it kinda hard to fly, huh Cap?"

"Hard doesn't begin to describe it! And how can you be so lax about this, Soarin'!?" Spitfire spun around, smacking her sweat-covered flying suit to the floor of the locker room. It immediately hopped back up onto its sleeves, made a motion of adjusting a tie, then went back to sleep on the bench. Steam was spraying from her ears as her mane moved like a purple-and-green inferno.

"Well, Cap, if training taught me anything, it's to stay cool in a hot situation. Right now, I could probably roast marshmallows with your mane!" Soarin' smiled; humor fixes everything! Everypony loves a good laugh!

"Roast marshmallows with my mane!? Soarin', my head's on fire, and you're cracking jokes!?"

Maybe not everypony...

"Uh... " Soarin' rubbed the back of his neck. Come to think of it, maybe jokes weren't right for this. It had been, what, eight weeks since the Wonderbolts had a proper practice session? It was a string of problems stopping them in their tracks; sudden thunderheads appearing in the Cloudsdale Stadium, Spitfire suddenly deciding forwards was backwards, wings disappearing mid-flight. They were lucky nopony was injured during the last session...

"Shut it, Soarin'! This situation is outright ludicrous! We can't even fly in formation anymore thanks to Discord and his stupid chaos!" Spitfire stomped the floor in frustration, white tile splattering up like paint from under her. The inferno on her head only grew from this insult made by the guilty tiling, and she stomped it more, wanting to hear it scream apologies to her.

"Cap, really, the rest of us are just as mad about it. The point is we need to keep our heads here. You're kinda flying off the handle," Soarin' winced slightly as he spoke. Tartarus hath no fury like a Spitfire scorned, and as Fleetfoot learned a while back when he joined, she had a really good pair of hindlegs...

Another Wonderbolt - well, ponies started calling them the 'Blunderbolts' ever since that attempted demonstration in Fillydelphia - stumbled in through the locker room door.

"Flying off the handle!? I... rrrgh!" Spitfire stomped the ground a last time before walking over to one of the open lockers. She started slamming it, maybe to let off some steam, though the door kept making the strangest sounds; first a dog barking, then a cat screeching, then some pony somewhere gigglesnorting like it'd save her life. Spitfire's eye twitched, apparently not satisfied with how the locker door didn't just start screaming in agony, and she moved over to a bench.

"Got another thunderhead out in the stadium, Captain," Rapidfire hacked a cough, blue clouds of smoke coming out. Poor guy got hit with lightning again, huh? Couldn't have seen his yellow coat through the charred suit with a magnifying glass; that Trottingham accent and gravelly tone were probably the only things Soarin' could use to identify his team mate at that point.

"You feelin' alright, Rap'?" Soarin' raised an eyebrow, thankful for the break from Madfire. At least she wouldn't try and prove his theory about the marshmallows by cooking him over her mane.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Felt like ice going down my spine, but everything's still working, boss," Rapidfire rubbed his foreleg, grimacing, "Things really haven't gone right for us, have they?"

"You're tellin' me. We've been having practice after practice, and things've never gone right."

"How's the Captain?" Rapidfire looked over to Spitfire, her mane now changed into a mudslide on her head. Is that red in her eye?

"You need to ask?"

"Veeeery true. The team's coming back in from the storm outside. What's the plan?"

"Same thing we do every day, Rap. Try and take over the skies!" Soarin' made a heroic gesture of raising his hoof with squinted eyes.

"But how're we gonna do that, Soarin'?" Rapidfire tapped his chin in thought.

"Are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

"Well, yeah, but where're we gonna find two hundred feet of cable and an elephant at this hour?"

"Not quite what I meant, but that's a good question," Soarin' looked back over at his Captain, seeing an eye glaring back him behind a wall of mud. "Um... Cap?"

The glare fell to a sigh of defeat, Spitfire hanging her head, "Let's just go home."

The brown wall ceased its landslide, and her mane came back. She hopped off the bench onto the tiled floor, it rippling outwards like a pond as strawberry pudding dripped from her tail. Soarin' snagged her slumbering uniform and tossed it over to her, it frantically flailing through its wake-up flight. Turning to the door, he felt his own outfit rippling against his legs with each step. Creepy.

"I just wanna crash down in my appartment and have a nice pie... maybe a cold one with it. What're you all gonna do?" Soarin' asked as he opened the door, three more Wonderbolts standing outside in a torrential rain. An unlucky pony was promptly hit in the face with the door, the silent storm doing nothing to cover her grunt of discomfort, "Sorry!"

"It's fine, it's fine! I've had worse injuries, heh," The one on the left, a rather small, blue mare with a white mane answered, rubbing her muzzle as her mane whited out her vision. A sweep up from her muzzle granted her a few seconds of seeing the world, before it deflated onto her face. Behind her, a quiet lightning strike curled through the air in a spiral, "This storm is only going to mess up our flying more, and Strikewind's started his flying-backwards-and-upside-down problem again."

"Cap, whadya say? Call it a day?" Soarin' turned as he spoke, looking at the mare beside him.

"Yeah, all of you can head home. I've gotta fly down to Canterlot, check in with the Guard," Spitfire rubbed her face and groaned. Any time spent with the Royal Guard wasn't enjoyable in the slightest; Shining Armor was one of the most uptight soldiers she'd ever had the displeasure of working with, even if it was just logistics. The walls turned to sludge when they were in a room together; whether that was because of how much they hated each other, or because the walls just decided to not be solid anymore was a hot topic of debate.

"I'll come with ya. Gotta get my suit replaced before I head back t' my house," Soarin' rubbed his suit, it falling off him like dead hairs. Were they his hairs? He rubbed the suit more, seeing pink flesh under it; great, his suit fused with his coat like some kind of parasite.

Soarin' was a humorous stallion in every respect; he'd always try and lighten the mood with a joke or two, and most of the time he'd be successful. He had his own troubles, sure, but others came before him... but putting another before parastitic suits that fuse with your body? That was crossing the line a bit.

"Anypony hitting the bar? I vill pay," A large, grey stallion on the right rumbled. That Stalliongrad accent always grated a bit in Soarin's mind, but it was nice to have a foreigner in the Wonderbolts; made 'em look like they'd take anypony if they had enough skill.

"I'm in!" The mare in the center bounced, throwing her hoof in the air. A lightning strike from about a mile away came and high-hoofed her, sending a massive electric shock through her. Her mane shot up on end as her uniform exploded into pink spiders, all falling from the clouds of the stadium, "Ow."

Well, at least lightning strikes weren't nearly as bad as they were before Discord settled into that throne of his. That bolt would've put Banshee in the hospital; guess chaos was making at least a few things easier to deal with.

Strikewind and Banshee flew off into the sky with a leap off the cloud, the grey stallion staring back at the group as they flew off. Yep, that'd mess up anypony... Soarin' winced as Strikewind crashed through a cloud-turned-brick wall; he was gonna feel that one in the morning!

"I'm heading home," Rapid walked past Soarin' and Spitfire, catapulting off the walk without much of a goodbye. Fleetfoot saluted the two commanders of the Wonderbolts and flew off as well, typically silent. Was she flying sideways? And flapping her legs instead of her wings?

"That's new," Soarin' blinked, staring up at his awkwardly-flying team mate. "Well, at least she's got a new trick to show off at the next air show, right Cap?"

"There won't be another show until this is all straightened out, Soarin'. You know that," Spitfire sat down by the door, sighing, "We're supposed to be the best flyers in Equestria, right?"

"Of course. And we still are, Spit. Who cares if ponies think it's funny to call us Blunderbolts? We've got one heck of a good track record with our flying; as if one year of chaos is going to mess that up!"

"You sure it hasn't been ten years? I feel like I've aged from all this stress of keeping the team organized in these conditions," Spitfire leaned her head against the wall, eyes drifting off to the left.

"It could've been fifty for all I know, the sun and moon are moving like crazy. I'm surprised the grounded ponies are keeping Equestria fed with this random time thing. Must be some crazy secret they've got, like special manure, or maybe they use plants from the Everfree!" Soarin' gestured dramatically as he spoke, eyes wide as he looked over at Spitfire.

"Are you going off on another conspiracy theory thing?" Spitfire just stared back, raising an eyebrow.

They weren't conspiracy theories if they were true! Sure, Soarin' had yet to prove anything beyond the fact that cherry pie was Celestia's gift to lowly mortals, but he'd find proof! Eventually. He had a lot of free time now at least.

Soarin' smirked, lowering his hooves. "Shall we?"

"Yeah, let's. Hopefully we don't run into any random cotton candy clouds or brick walls," Spitfire grimaced, walking out the door, followed by Soarin'.

"Or your mane turning into mud again. You should get a job at a spa; you'd make a killing with that mane of yours!" Soarin' chuckled.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, big boy. You've still gotta keep up with your Captain," Spitfire smirked at her second-in-command before spreading her wings.

"I'm getting better at it. On three!" Soarin' spread his own, lowering into a jumping position. Straight through the thunderhead, fast as he can... this was gonna be one awesome light show. He'd earn that pie from Pony Joe's, even if it killed him!

"Three!" Spitfire shouted, and they both launch off into the sky, the door to the locker room slamming shut behind them from the force of their take off. Spitfire deftly weaved around the large black cloud as Soarin' crashed right through it, bricks and poodles spraying out as the cloud exploded. Everything turned back into a weird, grey tar as Soarin' made his exit with a rather disturbed look on his face.

He spat out a stream of grey... stuff, his grimace still sticking. Spitfire flew up next to him, looking him over, "You alright?"

"Yeah. Just um... never fly through a thunderhead with your mouth open."

"'Cause you might get a shock on your tongue?"

"Because thunderheads taste really bad."

Chaos Of Command

Chaos. It was like that one soldier around the base that you just didn't like, but you couldn't help laughing at them when they managed to triple backflip into a peanut butter and jam pie with a top of pudding. And then, you find out that soldier happened to be the Lieutenant and right-hand pony to the Captain of the Guard, who proceeded to blame the whole joker's stunt on you, which got you readily discharged.

It was a love hate relationship; you loved to see him make an idiot of himself, but you hated seeing the same thing, cause the bad stuff always happened to you, while he sat in his pretty little bunk giggling to himself, thinking of who's life he could mess up next.

Captain Shining Armor of the Royal Guard envied the days where he'd just be taking orders. Granted, they wouldn't be any easier to follow, what with the roads turning into sludge mid-step, and the city itself suddenly experiencing cold fronts every thirty nights. It made leading an army difficult, you know? Having to stay connected, planning out pegasus travel routes and emergency evacuation orders... it all just stacked up into something monolithic, and the chaos in the streets didn't help much.

"I can't take much more of this," Armor grunted, a tower of paper work stacked in front of him. More requisition requests from other cities; ponies were getting by still, but everypony was looking to Canterlot for support, as if the city wasn't stuck in the insanity Equestria had found itself in!

He tore his eyes from yet another insane request; the third one requesting that Canterlot produce and deliver thirty tons of vanilla pudding with a dash of cocoa. A dash, as if the Guard was some national catering service! At that point, he could only think of when Discord took over. If you could even call it a 'take over'.

It was weird. Armor had heard stories about when his little sister and her friends beat Discord only a year - or was it five years? This new time system was difficult as all Tartarus to use - ago. They said it was miraculous with how quickly he was beaten and locked up; a Spirit of Chaos should've been more of a challenge, right? He was almost on the same level as the Princesses. That'd be saying the Changeling Queen was stronger than him though, and that was a situation the Captain wanted to avoid since the wedding.

Having the Changelings strike now, when Equestria was pretty much flipping over sideways and vomiting in sick chaos? Ponies wouldn't stand a chance.

Even the invasion of Canterlot was put to shame by just how easily Discord struck, though. Nopony even realized his prison had crumbled before a great flash came from the main hall. When the Guard posted in the courtyard flooded the throne room, he was there. Princesses Celestia and Luna were gone, and Discord was just... standing there, facing the Guard with his claws behind his back. His face wasn't even mocking or gleeful; it was stern, serious, like he suddenly had an epiphany about his confidence during his stay in that rocky tomb.

He subverted the country in less time than Pony Joe could make a donut; guess that was why they called him the Spirit of Chaos, completely unpredictable. What scared Armor even more was just how... normal everything seemed; everypony was just carrying on with their lives, trying to adapt to the chaos now infecting the kingdom. Don't they remember the Princesses? Don't they care?

Yet here he was, sitting at his desk in the Royal Guard wing of the castle, signing off requisition forms for pudding! The world was flipping upside down, and he was tied down with paperwork of all things?! It put a damper on a stallion's spirits sometimes.

"Sir! Captain Armor!"

Don't let this be about the pink armor again...

"I've said, for the last time, the pink armor is mandatory, no matter how much it makes you look like a mare!" Armor shouted back, looking at the open double doors to his office. The interrupting soldier was hovering above it, spinning around with his hooves stretched out. Kind of like a pinwheel.

The soldier tried to salute; ohhh, how he tried.

"Uh, what're you doing?"

"I have no idea! Ahem, uh... sir!"

To say his attempts at hiding the Spurlin accent were terrible would be an understatement.

"You alright, Corporal?"

"Right as regen, sir!"

"Aaaand have you always been from Spurlin?" Those ponies with the weird, raspy accents. It just didn't fit in Canterlot.

"Nein, sir! Fillydelphia, born and raised!" He finally stopped spinning and fell to the ground like a sack of hammers. , With a snap-to that would impress even the most rigid of sergeants, he stood upright and saluted, a hoof behind his back. Armor blinked, staring at his now-upright soldier; that position didn't look too comfortable.

"So, you have something to report, soldier?"

"Ja, Kaptain! It is another argument between ze troops! Zey have begun conversing about making Fuhrer Discord wear ze pink armor for ze next forty years!" The soldier lowered his salute and placed the hoof behind his back, standing up straight, eyes locked on the ceiling. Seemed his new new position didn't come with the ability to look down.

"And you know you're shouting at my ceiling?"

"Ja, mein Kapitain!" The soldier saluted again. Shining hoped that would never happen to him; it'd be kinda awkward to be talking to Cadence, then to suddenly launch up onto his hind legs, speaking a near-dead language. The language actually struck him as strange; the only cities in Equestria still using their native tongue were Stalliongrad and Spurlin; thank goodness he was still just using simple Dülmen. Twilight's history lessons paid off, at least for today!

"Right, er... they haven't made any advances on the Emperor, right?"

"Nein!" The soldier finally lowered himself onto all four hooves, taking a seat. He rolled his neck, a few audible cracks coming out; figures that kind of position would make somepony sore. Armor sighed, looking over his paperwork; maybe some disciplinary work would help him blow off stress. Quick march around the gardens, some fresh air, maybe even some chocolate milk rain... that'd pick anypony up, right?

"Alright, let's head over and talk to 'em. I need a break anyway," Armor got up from his desk and walked around, wearing a very interesting uniform; a full housecoat with purple dinner plates as kneepads. Armor glared at the soldier, already seeing the beginnings of a raucous laugh breaking through his soldier's defenses, "Let's go, Corporal."

"J-Ja, sir!" The soldier gigglesnorted, unable to protect himself from the onslaught of hilarity before him. It was quickly followed by a mad sprint out of the room as Shining dropped a shield on where he was standing. Armor had been dealing with this stupid housecoat for the past two days! The thing wouldn't even come off! All it did was tie itself up again!

He sighed in resentment of the silly getup; the only consolation was Cadence's enjoyment of it. Whether that was because she found it hilarious or not was up to interpretation. Right then, business at hand.

The layout of the Castle was merciful to the Guard, Armor especially since his office was so high up. The Guard wing of the Castle was in the main section of the West tower, a good sixty feet up above the courtyard. A panoramic view of the city below was taken in often by the officers of the Guard, offering a bit of solace from their hectic lives as Equestria's defenders.

Though the staircase had decided to turn into a slide, if the shouts of Lieutenant Bastion were any sign. And the loud laughter from the bottom of the steps from a crowd of soldiers; weren't they all supposed to be out on maneuvers?

"What's with this staircase anyway? Yesterday, it was made of tar," Shining mumbled to himself, looking over the slick, metal surface of the slide. He looked over the railing and peered down to the bottom of the tower.

Sure enough, a crowd had gathered there. They all looked like ants down there, but there was an easy forty soldiers at least. Wasn't the tower only big enough to hold ten side by side at the base? "If Discord turned my HQ into some circus again, heads are gonna roll," Armor groaned, not wanting to deal with another Ursa Minor springing out of somepony's closet. He hopped onto the slide and started his way down, drifting around the corners with the skill of an ice skating master. It wasn't long before he rolled through the crowd of soldiers, every last one of the eighty soldiers immediately going quiet and saluting their Captain.

"Alright, what're you all doing here?" He shouted, peering around to his troops. Each of them shared a worried glance before someone spoke up.

"Uh, sir... Emperor Discord ordered the entire Castle Guard off-duty."

"Excuse me!?"

"Yeah! He told us to focus on all the cooking requisitions, so we're all assigned to kitchen duty."

"Alright, all of you back to your posts! I'm gonna have a discussion with our leader," Armor stomped off, followed by the Corporal as everypony filtered out into the fields of the courtyard.

They were quite obviously on fire.

"See? The castle is not protected in the slightest!"

"Sir, those fires are for the pudding."

"What?" Shining blinked at the soldier before turning around. Sure enough, four massive cauldrons were suspended over the raging infernos, towers of steam billowing out their tops. They were held up by four Lunar Guard soldiers each, all with a bored expression on their faces, despite the flames that were most likely cooking them alive, "Why are they sitting in the fire!?"

"The fire only heats pudding."

"Oh, magnificent, now the laws of physics are changing?!"

There were many things Shining could handle. Housecoats changing color, his troops suddenly taking on Spurlin accents, trying to brush his teeth, just to have the toothbrush run away, shouting about the Apocalypse. Even waking up next to a monkey instead of his wife! But this!? Somepony had to stand up. Somepony had to take charge! Somepony had to take Discord's head and shove it up his-

"Calm, calm, Shining... don't make any choices that we'll regret... no matter how pleasing the thought may be," Sadly, the thought was quite pleasing indeed, "I'm heading to the throne room. The rest of you, get back to your posts!"

"Sir, yes sir!" The troops resounded in unison, a snap-to salute echoing out as Shining walked away, "As soon as the pudding is ready, sir!" They shouted again.

"Posts! Now!"

With that, the soldiers all scattered into the fields, towards the gates, up the towers and over the battlements. Shining sighed, trudging through the infernos as he made his way to the throne room; pink armor, housecoats, terrible mornings and even worse days. Why did Discord take over again? It was far too serious to be a joke, but he's not running the country as a tyrant. Just kind of... sitting in the throne.

As the Guard Captain drew closer to the gates, the answers moved farther away from his logic, troubling him more than the Archives tower suddenly turning into chocolate. Now that was a pain to clean up.

"Ahh, doesn't matter. Gotta talk with the troops," Shining mumbled, before stopping. The Corporal never told him who was planning this.

Luckily, shouting from within the main hall provided a distraction from this derailment in his plans, and he charged through the doors, instinct driving him to protect the throne. He looked around, horn lit and ready to start a fight, only to find a most peculiar scene...

"That's it, soldiers! One, two, three, one, two, three!"

Discord was leading a choreography with about ten soldiers, dancing around the main hall. Shining's jaw dropped, shock crashing into his brain like a runaway train slamming straight into a giant marshmallow. He even heard the delicious 'squish' in his mind, and the thought of s'mores went through his train of thought before realizing just what was going on.

"What is this!?" He shouted, Discord raising his brow.

"Oh, Captain, so good of you to join us! We were just practicing for the recital," The Emperor snapped his fingers and the soldiers dropped to the ground, exhausted, "What brings you here?"

"Well, the shouting. It sounded like a fight broke out in here!"

"A fight? Now what makes you think that? This is Equestria, land of a millennium of peace!"

"Sure isn't that peaceful anymore with your chaos running rampant," Shining grimaced, looking over the fallen Guards, "Just what were you making them do?"

"Oh, just a little dance I wanted the Royal Guard to put on in Ponyville as we delivered their pudding. Good will and all that," He shrugged, walking back to his throne.

"Emperor, you're making the Royal Guard look like a bunch of idiots!"

"I'm what?"

"The pink armor, the dancing, the cooking! This army is meant to be defending Equestria, not prancing around in it while chucking pudding cups at everypony!"

"This is a rather sudden outburst, Shining Armor. You're usually so calm... did your wife do something?"

"What'd you say?"

"I guess not. Sorry, not my place to prod in a marriage situation," Discord quirked his mouth and looked over his talons, "But your complaints are out of place, Captain. I thought these changes were quite good."

"I really can't see how they'd be go-"

The Captain was cut off by the jet streams of five Pegasi blasting past him, as the living cruise missiles went right for Discord.

"Get it on him!"

"Go!"

"Take this, you meanie!"

"Woah, hey, s-stop that!" Discord and the pegasi tumbled around the room, wrestling with each other as flashes of pink came through the multi-colored coats, manes and feathers of the five soldiers. Before Armor could even process what had happened, a giant dust cloud rose up around the fighters.

"C'mon, fit!"

"Almost got it!"

"Hey, what're you putting on me!? Stop this right now, your Emperor demands it!"

"Hurry!"

The fighting continued on for several days, the dust cloud threatening to drag the Captain into the chaotic mess, but a few deft jumps and a yelping sprint to a nearby pillar or two kept him out of the fight. He wanted to call out to them and make them stop, but before he could get over the fact that Discord was finally getting some kind of karmic hit for what he did with Canterlot and order the soldiers to stand down, the dust cloud came down.

In the middle of the circle of pegasi was definitely a draconequus, but he was sporting quite a few new items. Namely, make-up, eye shadow, lipstick fit for a Fillydelphia celebrity, and a full set of Royal Pink Guard armor. Shining's eye twitched, staring on at this display.

His mind was frozen, but his stomach was definitely growling in discomfort. Or maybe it was mind-numbing sickness. Either way, the poor Captain didn't feel his best looking at this.

"Well," Discord looked over himself, his typical voice ringing out. His brow rose up, his mouth quirked. He struck a pose, and speaking with a drawl that would make stallions world wide faint, "Don't I look fabulous?"

At this point, the main room was immediately evacuated of all sentient life, many of the soldiers having dreaded memories that would haunt them for the rest of their lives. Shining just collapsed, Discord's words creeping through his head as he passed out from pure stomach-shredding sickness.

The last thing he saw, was Cadence saying the exact same thing to him, in the exact same voice. He knew he'd have nightmares.

A nightmare was better than reality at that point...

Author's Note

Finally back in the game. Next chapter's on the way!