Unfamiliar Languages

Sunset couldn’t help but avoid Pinkie Pie. It wasn’t easy to be around that much energy, she tolerated it in the whole group. But when it was just them, Pinkie tried to hug her, and just as Sunset was about to be trapped in it, she ran. Pinkie caught up to her pretty fast and apologized, and Sunset wasn’t mad about it long, she was just immensely wary afterward.

She knew the other girls had their own levels of interaction, she just couldn’t bring herself to share it. Pinkie however seemed to be the top initiator in those types of things, so Sunset simply tried to dodge the chances. To her surprise, Fluttershy asked, “Are you avoiding Pinkie?”

That was the very first thing she said, they usually spent this time sitting at the school entrance quietly, maybe on homework at most. Sunset was surprised she just pulled this out of nowhere. She let out an amused breath at the idea despite the reality, “What gave you that idea?”

Fluttershy gave a seemingly knowing, sad smile, “Pinkie can get kind of timid about particular things, like thinking her friends left her or upsetting others. While she’s sometimes oblivious to it or pushes past it,” she paused before positing, “it seems like she might have upset you and caught on. Since you wouldn’t really be able to avoid her otherwise.”

Sunset scoffed, “Well I’m glad she caught on, it would be kind of a lot to deal with if she didn’t.”

“I figure she’d probably be a lot for you to deal with regardless as long as she isn’t in her more mellow mode.” The kind girl seemed to pause before asking like she had to, “But this doesn’t seem to be that, what did she do?”

Sunset didn’t want to answer, the way Fluttershy was looking at her felt like it was prodding at her. It wasn’t quite a glare, but it still felt firm, as though there was only one choice in response and it was to comply with her want in this situation. It registered to Sunset as a caretaker skill, which she felt compelled to look away from despite how curiously eye-catching it was. To hopefully get it to go away, she complied after a sigh, “She crossed a boundary, I don’t do physical contact.”

She dared not to say that aspect of Pinkie has always kind of intimidated her. Sunset also felt kind of guilty when she glanced to see if the gaze went away, but Fluttershy appeared very understanding now instead. A small part of Sunset was relieved, but largely felt this uncomfortable pressure, maybe guilt, like something was wrong despite her honesty. She quickly ignored it, hoping the relief was enough of a good sign.

Fluttershy spoke, “You don’t need to be so wary, Pinkie will get it if you tell her. She does kind of seem like she already has gotten it.”

Sunset’s shoulders tensed and she quietly admitted, “Pinkie already apologized, she knows.”

A silence held before Fluttershy questioned, “Do you have some reason you don’t like physical contact?”

She quickly held back this impulse to lie about it, she’d been doing good. This much was good enough to her, she then quickly stood, “Uhh, I gotta go, actually.”

Fluttershy seemed to speak in response but Sunset didn’t register it, simply swinging her backpack over her shoulder and speed walking into the building.

Sunset should have known that wouldn’t work, or rather she should have thought a little harder about it, she just didn’t think this would be the result. As now Fluttershy had her due for a sleepover with her and Pinkie, and she used whatever that firm gaze was again. Because of that look Sunset momentarily thought she should study it given it lacked the typical intimidation, but she quickly disregarded it.

Fluttershy had assured her it would be more mellow, that Pinkie tended to tune it down around her. Sunset wasn’t sure what that even looked like, as she doesn’t think she’s seen it before. After a while she knew Fluttershy was right, Pinkie had been more relaxed. Sunset almost felt like she was normal now, which in itself kind of freaked her out but she preferred it to her higher energy state. Fluttershy had carried the entire physical contact conversation after Sunset seemed unable to herself, and they moved on pretty fast. They’d all made dinner which was pretty smooth despite Sunset being unable to really help. After was a movie, an animal movie that got both other people to shed some tears, and once again left Sunset feeling off.

She ignored the feeling as they’d started to teach Sunset various card games, which actually helped her feel comfortable all over again. It was weird to her that something as simple as these little sheets with symbols was enough to make being in others' company feel okay, like she finally wasn’t missing out on something or out of place for a moment.

Fluttershy however kept glancing at her, the conversation about the movie having died down in the face of playing Old Maid. Sunset knew Pinkie had it based on her response when she’d gotten it. She knew Fluttershy wanted her to initiate some sort of conversation, she assumed about the physical contact thing.

Sunset didn’t really know where to go with that, she didn’t know why it was being made into such a big deal. When she found herself having to pick a card from Pinkie’s side, she knew she wouldn’t be able to read her. But as she reached for the leftmost card, she let out a few words to test the waters, “Sorry I’ve been avoiding you.”

She was surprised when Pinkie blinked a few times, and then Sunset glanced at Fluttershy to check if she did something wrong. Fluttershy was smiling, so she assumed it was fine. Pinkie seemed to smile even wider when she looked back at her. She was wary still, and leaned back a bit, disguising it as sorting her cards before dropping a pair into the pile. Pinkie then answered, “It’s okay, Sunset. I thought you needed time, I just already think of you as a friend so I forgot to check the steps to getting there for a moment.” Her hair seemed to lose some bounce as she added, “It was my bad anyway, we did hurt you, I should have known to take it slower.”

Sunset was a little stunned, wondering if Pinkie somehow knew about the aftereffects of the transformation. She quickly waved a hand sideways in dismissal, figuring there was no way the girls would know how that was for her. She oddly wanted to reassure her somehow, she didn’t know how, “No, I mean- you caught on. You all didn’t hurt me. It’s okay, I think. I did worse. So,” Sunset didn’t know how to move forward.

Pinkie held out a hand, before taking it back, as though she wanted to shake her hand but quickly noticed the mistake. She then started, “We could just start over, from scratch.”

Sunset realized how excessive that level of wariness was, that she’d easily manage a handshake, she wasn’t so brittle. She took a deep breath, and held out her own hand instead, smirking to try and cover her nerves, “Sure, Sunset Shimmer, nice to meet you.”

Pinkie’s hair seemed to spring up as her posture straightened, she hesitated to even grab the hand. When she succeeded, without Sunset flinching, she responded with a large smile, “Pinkamena Diane Pie, Pinkie Pie for short, it’s nice to meet you too.” After a couple mutually firm shakes, they released hands. Sunset felt right, weirdly, like she was finally tethered to this world. The oddness of all of it brought her to cover her mouth a little as she chuckled, her smirk momentarily a smile before it dropped.

Passively continuing the card game, Pinkie then asked, “So are only handshakes okay, or are high fives also good?”

Sunset gave a nod, “Distant things are fine, so fist bumps probably as well. As long as I expect them.”

Fluttershy then gently asked, “Nothing else?”

Pinkie shrugged and added, “Those are the normal ones, unless you’d prefer ghost high fives.”

Sunset looked confused but the pair quickly exampled a no-contact high five, which only confused her more, “Doesn’t that defeat part of the point? I thought Pinkie was an oxytocin addict.”

Fluttershy looked a little more timid suddenly, “Sometimes I get a little startled if they’re loud. Pinkie has perfected them with some people so they can be pretty suddenly intense.”

Pinkie looked proud at the statement and a silence came over them while the pink girl giggled a little to herself as she mulled over the compliment. Sunset felt unusually safe, like maybe she could actually voice her thoughts. It was weird, but given she’d already pushed and just mended her interactions with Pinkie, and Fluttershy seemed to be pretty gentle about all of it, she was tempted to risk it.

She started off with an external question to test the waters, “So when you both have something nice, like a hug, what does that normally feel like for you?”

Pinkie answered easily, “Taking bites out of an infinite cupcake.”

Sunset was tempted to roll her eyes with how much she felt like she should have predicted that answer - one addiction was easily comparable to another. Fluttershy answered quickly enough to stop her, “Some combination of belonging and wanted, maybe cared for, definitely warm and safe.”

The odd-one-out feeling returned, like she’d been picking at a scab and finally got it off cleanly, but the blood it released seemed to lessen. It was confusing. Fluttershy gently asked, “What about you, Sunset, if you’re alright sharing.” Sunset took in a deep breath, that if the blood was flowing already she hoped she wouldn’t make it worse. She wondered if sharing this sort of thing was a type of emotional handshake.

Letting out the breath, she started, “Not- It feels wrong, somehow.” She paused to think it through for a moment before continuing, “Maybe kind of angry, I think, it’s hard to describe. The best description I have is that it’s like getting too much warmth while having frostbite.” She avoided mentioning the shame she felt for inexperience with these things, and the guilt for feeling like she didn’t deserve it, any of this really.

Hesitant to look at the others, she glanced to find a stunned Pinkie and a thinking Fluttershy. Sunset didn’t have stage fright but she imagined it felt a little like she currently did. The feeling lingered as Fluttershy spoke, “That must make it hard to let others treat you well.”

Sunset was uncomfortable with the idea that she was understood, and lightly scratched the back of her own neck, “It’s not a big deal.” She watched Pinkie drop a pair into the pile, she tried to press the feeling down, but a few words spilled out, “I don’t need to be fixed, I’ll live without it.”

There was silence, as though she’d cut into the conversation somehow. Pinkie solemnly broke it after a long moment, “That sounds kind of lonely.”

Sunset wanted to snap at that but didn’t have the words to do so, so she held back, Fluttershy spoke, “It’s okay if that’s what you want, not everyone needs physical contact. But it doesn’t sound to me like you don’t want it. It’s not that we want to fix you, that’s not what we want to do. It’s just that it sounds a little like there’s some pain there for you.” She paused to set her cards aside even though it’s her turn to lose one, “We want you to feel better. If this counts as an absence of love, as a way you’ve been damaged, then the presence of it should heal it.”

Sunset was quiet before she tried to fight, nearly mumbling out, “Hugs aren’t a basic need.” She didn’t fully believe herself, neither did they seem to.

Fluttershy just continued, as though Sunset hadn’t said anything, “We won’t push it, but if there’s ever a time you want to try, we’re both here to help you figure out or try out the next step. We’ll even keep it just between us, so you won’t feel pressured about trying. But I’ll let the other girls know not to touch you.”

Sunset wanted to pick at this again, to fight both of them. Or at least that’s what her responses were leaning toward, she didn’t really want this, they were being nice. She silently dropped her cards and made her way to the bathroom. The frustration had no words to escape by, she wouldn’t let it.

Sunset was wildly tired the next morning. She was given some breaks from interacting by the other two as they understood she was still getting used to all of it. More than anything, she was surprised she was okay with waking up away from her apartment after how long it took her to fall asleep. That and she usually felt touchy after being frustrated as she tried to sleep, but this time she wasn’t.

She had wracked her brain for a while last night, trying to find some other way to approach the situation that seemed to keep cropping up. But the only answer she ever seemed to find was to accept the offer she was given. She should have assumed that the very bearers of the Elements of Harmony - and of course two from the more healing half of the elements - would have some idea on how to approach these things.

At this point, in her exhaustion at having this all drug up, she was basically ready to give it a shot just to silence it all. The thought lingered, unsure how to even start it. She didn’t want to make herself too uncomfortable before she could reasonably leave, so she held the thought at the back of her mind for a while longer.

She saved it for after Pinkie’s pancakes, and after a lap around the immensely close park, and after they menially watched a little cartoons while drinking cocoa as they started to wrap up. Pinkie and Sunset had both packed all their things, and Sunset still had to figure out when to leave as she’d never done this before.

Everything within her wanted her to completely dismiss the idea and simply leave. But it started to itch, like the flesh under the scab was still raw, that even without blood it felt tickled under the breeze. Fluttershy was off in the bathroom, and it left her only with Pinkie. Sunset knew she may have preferred to attempt with Fluttershy, but she once again kicked off with a more external starter. She didn’t want to lose this chance if she could, so she quietly asked, “If I were to try getting used to physical contact, what would that look like?”

Pinkie perked up a little, Sunset unsure if that was over the topic or the fact she spoke at all. The party girl gave a more directed smile, “We would try out whatever you want to start with, the scale is pretty different for everyone. And there’s a few different ways to do different ones, like there’s a few versions of hugs you could try - and since it’d be with me or Fluttershy we’d be able to adjust the firmness for you too. Casual and frequent hugs are typically the end goal, I think. Which later down the line if you tell the girls I’m sure they’d be alright leaving when those happen in your hands so you aren’t uncomfortable.”

Sunset felt heavy by how much she had to push herself past nerves to try this, but she slowly stood from the couch, “Alright. So- The- How would we try, if we did?.”

Pinkie stood up quickly to match her before thinking, then prefacing, “Okay, I won’t touch you yet. But how to try a hug?” Sunset gave a short nod, so she continued, “There’s a few options, you can usually guess the type of hug based on the approaching arms.” She then raised her arms outward, “Like if I approach this way, there’s top, middle and bottom spots while looking at each other, you’d just pick one that’s not what they’re doing.” She thought a moment before moving her arms in opposite directions, “diagonal-hugs tend to be Dashie's and AJ’s preference, where they’re both just the opposite on each side, more common in guys or sports though since they tend to be quick-release.” Pinkie then moved to face the same way beside Sunset, “We could also just both go around the back with one arm for a side-hug, those are more free. All your choice, I’d match your strength and choice.”

Sunset felt a little relieved to have some better idea now on how they could go, even before testing. She glanced at Pinkie’s eyes, having avoided them for a bit, and she expected some intimidating pressure of anticipation or something to be staring at her. It surprised her when she saw that Pinkie was happily waiting but seemed like she would accept any choice - she was used to seeing her as an unstoppable force which was terrifying to a no-longer-immovable object.

She decided to risk it, watching her own arm to slowly put it around Pinkie’s mid-back. The pink girl had raised her arm to let her pass, and put it around Sunset’s own back at a similar angle, neither touching yet. Pinkie giggled, Sunset raised an eyebrow and she quickly stopped, speaking, “Sorry, being slow kind of made it feel like we’re playing Twister.” She cleared her throat, “Serious now.”

Sunset disregarded the statement, not knowing what it meant to ‘play’ a meteorological event, and used her hand to hang her arm around Pinkie’s back, finally making contact. Pinkie matched her both in hesitance and hold, Sunset’s lungs jumping as her back was supported. She was nearly startled when Pinkie softly asked, “Any frostbite?”

It was uncomfortable, but nowhere near as much as she expected. At this point it felt more like unfamiliarity or inexperience. She didn’t feel like she needed to run, just get used to it, really. She barely answered, “I don’t think so.” She didn’t understand it herself, but after a few seconds it felt like a dam broke. She quickly pulled away for a moment to try and figure it out.

Sunset was tempted to look over her own body as though it would give her any answers, but just stood there for a moment to try and figure it out in her mind. It felt similar to having not eaten a whole day and finally getting to the first bite of a meal. She was surprised at how smoothly she offered, as though she wanted it, “Could I try one of the both arms options?”

Pinkie nodded and they both turned, Sunset kept her arms open lower and approached with a little less hesitation. The party girl quickly stood on her toes and followed her lead, arms going around Sunset’s shoulders to support her upper back, head beside Pinkie’s. The hold was loose for a moment as Sunset tried to register where and how everything was. She was confused but pleased by the security of the arms around her back, and found herself slowly making her own hold more snug. Pinkie mimicked with an expected delay but perfect strength imitation.

Sunset felt like she was recharging a battery she didn’t even know she had, and was tempted to just not let go. After a moment, she managed to convince herself it was a bad idea to stay there too long, that maybe oxytocin addiction was an unseen social plague she had to avoid to some degree. Pinkie let go just as easily, but seemed far more energized, rocking on her feet, smiling wide in that I-got-everything-I-could-ever-ask-for way that she usually does. She quickly spoke in a strained way, “There’s not enough room,” and dismissed herself out the front door, closing it behind her.

Sunset was confused, she trailed the leaving Pinkie with her eyes, and realized Fluttershy had come out of the hall who-knows-when. Sunset knew she saw by the way she was making eye contact and flushed immediately as Pinkie yelled from outside, insufficiently muffled by the wall, “I finally did it! Wooooo!”

She glanced at the pink girl only to catch her jumping and then running a couple steps into doing a cartwheel. Sunset then looked toward Fluttershy again, suddenly aware of the pink on her own cheeks as she then hid it with the edge of her shirt as she partly looked away. Fluttershy just giggled before softly saying, “Good job.” Sunset nodded once, unsure how else to respond.