Unfamiliar Languages

Sunset hated to admit that each of the times before now the way her “friends” interfered with her wants generally were to her benefit in her relationship with them. The term friend still felt odd, but right now it was the closest thing she had to describe how things were going - invasive acquaintances felt a bit rude at this point with how accommodating and patient they’ve been. Her thoughts of them potentially being more parole officers or teachers seemed so flimsy now.

It felt pointless in this moment, as the group had somehow got her to surrender to their demand of letting one of them visit Sunset’s apartment to tell them how her lifestyle has been. She had no idea what significance this even had, Sunset had very well assumed that living quarters had absolutely nothing to do with friendship. Sunset only relinquished when they all accepted Fluttershy alone to go, as she hoped she would be willing to cover up a fair bit of it when talking to the others.

Sunset approached her apartment door, Fluttershy tailing behind her. She paused before turning the knob open after unlocking it. She tried not to portray any vulnerability, and knew she probably looked a little dead-end annoyed instead as she looked at her friend, tone neutral, “I wasn’t ready for company.”

Fluttershy gave a gentle smile like she’s destined for sunbeams to illuminate her like an angel at any moment, “If you need a little bit to put away a few private things, I can wait.”

With a deep breath, Sunset figured she may as well rip off the plaster, not like she could do much to make a difference in a respectable waiting time. She turned and pushed, not even entering her own apartment, “Doubt that’d do much. Go ahead.”

Her lifestyle, it didn’t really bug her usually. It was meant to be private, truly, ignored by the outside world - often ignored by herself as well. She hated how it felt like letting Fluttershy walk into her very flesh, as not even Sunset knew quite how it looked to an outsider's eyes. Slowly making her way into the room herself, she was curious about Fluttershy’s reaction.

Fluttershy’s hands were crossed, not in the polite open way, but the nervous interlaced-fingers way. Her expression was dripping with concern, but when she glanced at Sunset she quickly went back to her gentle default despite being clearly a little less composed. Sunset would have been a bit proud if she wasn’t so embarrassed.

Her eyes skimmed her place, two-seat couch, coffee table, a laptop, small kitchen, paths to the bedroom and bathroom from the back and front of the couch. And lastly the part she knew summoned the expression hidden by Fluttershy, trash was everywhere - the path between the coffee table and the wall alongside most of the table’s surface, the corner beside the door to the bedroom, the end of the short kitchen and most of the counters, a small innocuous layer on most things that weren’t just where the door was since there was a pile behind the door as well that moved back and forth with use. Some clothes were around as well, sweatpants and t-shirts mostly, her indoor attire so she could preserve her public attire in designated clean - or rather more clean - spots. Dust layered most everything, carpet stains and some sticky spots on some surfaces she had long forgotten the origins of. The only things in the place with any semblance of cleanliness were the laptop and the couch seats - and the latter was still debatable even then as the mess was covered by some oversized black t-shirts.

She wasn’t sure how to respond, pushing down her embarrassment as best she could, and found herself putting on a tryhard smile, “Impressive, right?”

Fluttershy went to bend down to grab something and Sunset was surprised by herself when on instinct she grasped her shoulder to stop her, “No- that, don’t-”

Teal eyes looked at her, busy with what she assumed was pity under concern as she stood straight again. Sunset was stunned when Fluttershy kept her hand on her shoulder by laying her own hand over it, “I don’t even know how to interpret this, Sunset. Just that it- I want to help.”

Sunset couldn’t hold back the glare, trying to hide how her hands were starting to feel shaky. She made sure to put effort into holding her tone steady, “You don’t need to worry about it. I don’t want you to clean it - it’s a lot. But it’s not a big deal, don’t- don’t make it a thing, please.”

Fluttershy’s expression softened to hold more warmth, before a small guilt surfaced, “The girls asked me to tell them how it was, we were all worried, Sunset. I don’t think I could keep something this big to myself.”

Sunset dropped her head a little, using her free hand to prod at the forming tension in her temple as she paused. She knew that this was something she was going to have to let go of her death grip on. She sighed, just wanting the best she could tolerate from this, “Please, Fluttershy. Not all of them, I couldn’t handle so many of them - it’s kind of why I brought it down to just you.”

She let Sunset’s hand free, a freedom she quickly accepted. Fluttershy gave a far quieter sigh before speaking softly, “I won’t tell all of them. But the first one that asks, I’m telling.”

Sunset suddenly realized just how much of a gamble that was, but at this moment, when it felt like a lot, even a gamble sounded potentially manageable. She nodded before quietly responding, feeling a bit defeated, “Eeyeah, alright. That’s the most I could ask for.”

In the wait of a few days, Fluttershy put a small pressure on Sunset by buying her a couple cleaning bottles. Sunset couldn’t fully blame her, she didn’t have cleaning products, but it only made the stress of the pending explosion linger a little more actively.

She was confused when Applejack was carrying a second backpack with her and approached her, “Heya, Sunset, how’s it goin’?”

Sunset’s confusion didn’t leave her, she dismissed the answer quickly, “Fine. What’s with the second bag?”

Applejack hesitated to put a hand on Sunset’s shoulder, but when she didn’t flinch away she let it rest there, before looking at her with determined emerald eyes, “I asked Fluttershy ‘bout yer place since she was bein’ a lil’ topic avoidant. Had to ask Granny where a couple supplies were - turns out she brought ‘em to school.”

Sunset felt herself tense as she realized just what was being said, and just what was being offered again. She spoke in a whisper, treating it like a secret, “There’s no way you’re cleaning all that, Applejack. Bring that back home, it’s not your chore.”

Applejack however smirked a little, which unnerved Sunset as she didn’t often do that unless she knew she was getting what she wanted, “Well I got an offer I doubt you’d want to refuse, Sunset. Would really clear up your problem here.”

The fiery-haired girl mirrored the expression she was seeing habitually, trying to hide whatever embarrassment or other vulnerability wanted to crop up, “Yeah, what’s that?”

Her friend’s smirk faded as it became a smile, “Fluttershy and I are gonna clean, so that way when everyone else gets curious you don’t gotta worry about it anymore. Helps yer doesn’t-gotta-be secret stay a secret - since that’s what you seem to want. Ain’t a fan of secrets but I’d prefer it be clean over sharin’ this sorta thing. No need to do a thing, the stress of adjustin’ would probably be enough as is. Could even turn it into a sleepover if that’d help - don’t seem the type though.”

Sunset dragged a hand down her own face, smirk fading into some irritation. She groaned, “I don’t see why this even matters, why do you all want to do this so badly? It’s my place, I can do whatever with it.”

Applejack blinked a couple times in silence before answering, “Yer right, sure, you can do what you want - don’t mean you should. But on our part, because we care, first off. You probably mean elsewise though, Fluttershy’s always got this instinct to take care of things that you’d probably have to ask her about to know more if there is any.”

With a deep breath she continued a bit more seriously, “On my part, always kinda worried about you bein’ alone. Like I’d been settin’ up to offer you to move to the farm if you’d want - no pressure on that, it’s an ongoin’ offer. Ah just know how hard it is to feel like yer living alone - not actually alone, but feelin’ like it.” She paused shortly, as though composing a couple thoughts before continuing, “In short, I was with relatives for a lil’ bit while I was figurin’ myself out - couldn’t bring myself to clean a lick a anything ah’d been already well-raised to do. Starts to get embarrassin’ real fast, and knowin’ you so far I figured the same could be happenin’. But I also know you like yer space - which is why I wouldn’t be miffed at all if you shut down the living together idea. Just knowin’ yer livin’ cleanly will ease everyone’s mind.”

Sunset’s face felt warm, embarrassment winning over the anger mask. Once again they were knocking on doors she intended to leave closed. She’d tensed her own mouth shut, just trying to process how she was once again understood in ways she was still trying to figure out how to grapple with herself. She threw the moving offer out of her mind, focusing on the moment. It didn’t really feel as though there was another option, she’d be alright rejecting something nice if it was just about another person. The fact that she’d also benefit from it made rejection feel logically impossible.

She released a breath she didn’t know she was holding, speaking quickly as she did, “Alright, fine, but I won’t help.”

Applejack smiled, “Not a worry, I’d clean the whole thing myself if Fluttershy wasn’t so insistent.”

Sunset was surprised when Applejack waved over Fluttershy from behind her, as though she’d been waiting for her to handle the whole conversation herself. She really wanted a break from interacting, and anticipated her upcoming ability to just get some alone time after letting them in the apartment.

Sunset was slowly walking toward her apartment, down the hall, not sure what to even expect. It had been a few hours since they entered, she’d tried to settle down however she could about the fact everything was going to be different, but she wasn’t really able to. She’d been on the phone with Pinkie for about a half hour now, with a couple plastic bags in her hand. She asked quietly, “You’re sure this is right? How do you even remember this sort of thing?”

An overly happy giggle came through the device, “I have notes for everyone, just in case! But it just comes naturally after a while of paying attention. You don’t need to worry about that, feel free to call me again if you have another idea.”

Sunset spoke a short thanks and farewell, and received one, before hanging up. Sliding her phone into her pocket, she heard the two talking as she approached the door, slightly open with a couple well filled trash bags sitting in the hall. Expecting to hear some sort of gossip about her habits, she slowly noticed she only heard them trying to coordinate how they were cleaning.

Stopping near the doorway, she took a deep breath. The faint creak of her opening her door a little more to enter betrayed her presence. The pair looked at her for a moment, and Applejack quickly spoke, “Heya, Sunset,” while Fluttershy gave a, “Welcome back.”

It was hard to talk, she wasn’t used to any of this. Every ounce of it felt fresh, her floor being much more walkable and clothes all in a pile on the couch while the trash was being sorted out of it, people being here, her wanting to give them anything. She had budgeted a bit recently to try and save up, but dipped into that pretty quickly for this.

She barely managed to get out the words, a bit irritated at her own nerves but all that came out was hesitant fragments, “Ther- I brought some food - it’s about dinnertime.” She wanted to smack the back of her own head for missing words over something so simple. She tried to move on, losing a little volume, “I’d asked Pinkie what y’all’d like.” The feeling continued, she got all the words but not how she’d typically articulate them.

Sunset couldn’t look either of them in the face, unsure if her own was flushed or downcast, but was surprised when both of them approached her. The bags were separated, so she peeked into one for a moment before giving them to their respective recipients. She waited silently as she heard them opening the boxes. Nerves festering, wondering if she even did a simple purchase right after how long she knew they’d been looking at her doing things wrong.

She barely kept herself from jumping when Applejack broke through the quiet, “Thanks a bunch, Sunset, this was really thoughtful of you.” Fluttershy quickly following up, “Yes, thank you. You had great timing, we might’ve missed dinner without noticing if you hadn’t done this.”

Sunset gave a nod before taking a deep breath to suppress a sigh, going to make her way out the door. Fluttershy quickly spoke, “Wait, Sunset.” She glanced back habitually against her nerves to see those understanding teal eyes as she softly spoke, “Are you alright?”

The embarrassment bounced back toward irritation that jumped into her tone before she could stop it, but managed to redirect it such that it shouldn’t cause damage, “Yeah, I’m just having every ounce of my cleaning incompetency archived in your minds to embarrass me at every moment it surfaces.” She avoided bringing up the fact she slightly felt like she was back inside that massive crater at the formal.

Applejack then responded, “We ain’t here to judge you over it, Sunset. Anyone could get like this in the right circumstances.”

Sunset felt her body pulse with heat, “Well this isn’t just some right circumstances, no one has ever cared how it’s all looked before - it was always ignored or dealt with by someone else - somepony impersonal that was hired for it. I don’t-,” she didn’t want to say anything more, she had just said more than she wanted to about her past. Taking a deep breath, she whispered out, sounding strained, “Excuse me, before I make this worse.”

She turned away, shoulders raising, wanting to hide as she routed herself toward the door. Fluttershy’s voice carried, “We could teach you if you’d want.”

Sunset felt hooked, stunned, vulnerable. It was already like they were under her very flesh. She stopped her own momentum with a hand on the doorframe. Thinking, pushing away as much as she could about how much this meant personally. She couldn’t push it away though, no one had offered this lesson before, and she couldn’t lower herself enough to ask for such a basic thing, even when she felt so far under ground level already.

Applejack then added, “It would help you prevent this sorta thing in the future, and wouldn’t be any trouble for us. You don’t gotta disappear over this sorta thing, we’re already here after all - if that wasn’t proof enough we’re ready to help. Ain’t no use in scoldin’ you, if that’s somethin’ yer worried about, we know you earnestly have been tryin’ to do better.”

A part of Sunset wanted to run still, but she also felt like she was already here. As though accepting the offer wasn’t such a distant idea, but like it was right in front of her. She tried to ignore the fact she probably looked vulnerable as she turned her head toward both of them just to check their gazes.

Hopeful, intentional, open, waiting for her with the things a growing part of her started to want to grasp for. With a deep breath to try and calm her nerves, and a leap of faith, she gave a nod, whispering out, “Alright,” that despite its volume felt like it shattered something.

Applejack sounded much happier, Fluttershy’s expression matching as her friend spoke, “I’ll teach you how to sort between types of garbage, it’d be a good first step.”

Sunset started to take a couple steps toward her. She agreed with a small double-nod and a short hum in agreement, only to pause her travel when the hum cracked. Her face felt immensely warm, but not with anger, not really embarrassment either, it was hard to figure out. She wanted to hide but had already dedicated herself to staying, her eyes started to sting and she instinctively looked downward with her shoulders raising to hide however she could. Her mind spilt a few habitual Equestrian expletives, voice betraying her by being unable to follow suit, as tears betrayed her attempts to blink them away.

A pair of yellow arms entered her ever-blurring vision, and after a moment of processing them in the midst of whatever was growing, she pushed herself into the hold slowly. She found herself anchored in grasping someone in her arms, hiding her face at her shoulder. Her back was supported in a way that was slowly becoming familiar, Fluttershy whispered, “We’re here for you, Sunset.” Hearing those words, she dared to think maybe they actually meant something.