Twilight Spills Her Spaghetti
The day was pretty shiny and stuff, that sun doing stuff in the sky and what not; Nuclear Fusion based on mass, cause that's how the sun works, or maybe magic. Twilight was talking down the streets of Ponyville to go see her friends, and so she went to Sugarcube corner 'cause that's where all da' cool ponies hang out.
Pinkie Pie jumped out of some random shit place, like she always does, because silliness made for little girls.
Pinkie was all like, "yo, Twi', let's go inside and have some cake." So they did, and inside was all of her friends including that bitch Rainbow Dash, and that pathetic excuse for a developed character, Fluttershy. They all started to eat some cakes because cakes are better than everything, except for Celestia's homemade Chicken Pot Pie. She assures her subjects it's just a name and that there's actually no chicken inside of it. Pinkie knew better, but she gave no shits because she's a cannibal anyways.
"Yo, nigga's, why don't we go to Canterlot and do some stuff?" Pinkie said with a large grin.
"You keep calling us that," Twilight said, "what does that even mean?"
"You wouldn't understand," Pinkie said, looking out into the distance. Twilight just shrugged.
"'K, let's go." So they did.
Canterlot kind of sucked. Fancy people walked around the streets with their pockets full of money from their cut taxes pushed by Republicans. Twilight just bowed down like a submissive bitch to her all-mighty god, Princess Celestia, who just slapped Twilight in the face for being purple. Twilight then spilled all of her spaghetti, because she was so embarrassed that she couldn't satisfy Celestia's desires.
After some time, they all went home so Applejack could kick her apple trees for one-hundred hours straight, because all she cares about is one day becoming the all-mighty Apple God. When they returned to Ponyville, Twilight found that Applebloom and Spike were making out in the library. Spike then exploded.
Twilight didn't really care that Spike exploded, because he was just her slave dragon, after all. She went to the closet, opened it up and grabbed out another baby dragon.
"WASH THE DISHES!" she yelled, and the dragon was all like
"Whatever you want, oh powerful unicorn." So then the dragon went to wash the dishes. Twilight sent Applebloom home to her hick family and then laid on the couch. What an embarrassing day, she thought. She spilled her spaghetti everywhere, and Princess Celestia didn't like that.
All of a sudden, Twilight teleported into that pathetic excuse for a developed character, Fluttershy's, house.
"Fluttershy, you can't be such a pussy," she said as she walked past Fluttershy into her kitchen, opening up the fridge and drinking some milk out of the carton. Twilight spat the milk all over Fluttershy and threw down the carton. "You drink skim? The hell is wrong with you? Well, I gotta bounce." So, Twilight teleported into Applejack's barn.
"Stop making out with apples," she said, as she watched Applejack lick an apple all over obsessively.
"Fuck you, Twilight, I do what I want," Applejack said as she passed out from too many apples. Twilight gave no fucks and left. She walked down the road back to town, then she saw Big Macintosh. He was hot as hell, she thought. Those meaty thighs and that killer mane. He was the embodiment of sexy stallion himself. He was hauling over a hundred carts of Mexican children back to the farm to work for under minimum wage.
"Hi... Hi Big Mac," Twilight said shyly as she walked towards him.
"Eeyup," he responded, and suddenly, all of Twilight's spaghetti spilled out of her. Big Mac didn't seem to notice Twilight being covered in meat-sauce and pasta, and went on his way. Twilight started to sob. She wanted to be with Big Mac, but her spaghetti wouldn't let her.
She walked all the way to Rarity’s house and walked in.
“Stop being a whore, Rarity, and clean me up!” But Rarity wasn’t home. Twilight just went into the bathroom and took a quick bath, then stepping out after stealing Rarity’s favorite rubber ducky. “Fuck da police.”
Twilight went over to Pinkie Pie’s place. She walked into Sugarcube Corner and stole all da cakes. When the Cake’s tried to stop her, she grabbed both of them with her black magic and threw them down “No you.” She walked upstairs, eating the cakes. “Yo, Pinks, you home?” she said as she opened up Pinkie’s room door to see Pinkie smoking weed.
“Feels good, man,” she said. She handed some to Twilight, who proceeded to smoke it as well. “Feel good, man?”
“Ohhhhh, yeah,” she said. They sat there for a while, getting totally stoned off their asses. After some time Twilight and Pinkie began to make out vigorously. Twilight had been waiting for this moment for all of her life. It wasn’t as good as she hoped it would be with Big Mac, but this was pretty good. Suddenly, the ground started to shake.
“What’s going on?” Pinkie asked. Twilight only shrugged, and then they continued to kiss. The shaking became more and more vigorous. Twilight started to actually worry now. Suddenly, the roof of the room came up, and the ceiling view became the open sky. Celestia’s giant face looked in with a disappointed scowl.
“Twilight Sparkle?” she addressed. Twilight gulped
“Y-yes?”
“Fuck yooouuuuuuu!” Twilight spilled all of her spaghetti again as the Celestia’s giant hoof came down onto both her and Pinkie.
***
“No!” Twilight sat up quickly in her bed, panting and sweating as she quickly took in her surroundings. She was in her room, laying in her bed. She took in a deep breath and wiped off the sweat from her forehead. “It was just a dream...” she looked out the window to see the sun starting to rise, creating a beautiful Twilight. “It was all just a drea-... wait.” Twilight grabbed the covers and pulled them aside to see her body and sheets covered in spaghetti.
“Fuck”
END
Thanks to Barack Obama for editing.
