In Memoriam

Chapter 3: Scootaloo

Dear Scootaloo,

I honestly do not know how to start this letter. Should I explain about your parents and the circumstances of how you lost your memory? Or should I just say I still couldn’t talk about them? The years haven’t exactly been kind to me, and I hope I can explain things well. I can’t bring myself to describe the pain I have caused myself all these years, watching you grow and never feeling capable of claiming you as my daughter.

First and foremost, I want you to know that I loved your mother very, very much. She was a bright spot in my thoughts for years, and she has never left them. My pain comes from not being there for her when she needed me the most, and living with that guilt.

Dear Scoots,

I am your father

Dearest Scootaloo,

I know I’ve never been there for you, but I want you to know I’ll be here whenever you need me. I love you so much

My Daughter,

I know I’ve never really tried contacting you, and I cannot apologize enough that I wasn’t there for you. Watching you grow up from afar is the only thing that has kept me going all these long years. The time has passed so slowly, I can’t bear it. You have been such a light in my life, a source of immeasurable happiness.

I suppose I owe you an explanation…reasons for me not being there. First off, realize that I loved your mother very much and wished only the best for her. I know that your sister loved you, too. Scoots, we all thought the world of you, but I guess it just wasn’t meant to be a happy life for any of us.

When I found you next to your sister, I—well, words cannot describe how deep of a depression you two pulled me out of. The day I brought you home was the happiest in a long time for me. You and Slipstream were so innocent, so much of what I couldn’t be. I was nice to have that…it was nice to have you.

Then, the day before you woke up in the hospital, there was an accident. You and Slip collided in midair; I wasn’t able to save either of you. It’s my fault she’s dead…and that you can’t fly anymore. That’s why I didn’t tell you who I was when you woke up: I didn’t want you thinking your father was a failure.

The worst part of it was knowing that I had done everything right. I’d raised you after Surprise died, I gave you all I had, and I still failed. I hope that, in time, you can forgive me, and who knows? Maybe you’ll even shock me and fly someday! I’m no doctor, but I have to believe that all injuries can heal with time.

I will always love you, Scoots. More than you can imagine.

Love,

Lightning Runner

P.S.

The world is such a happy place
For fillies just like you.
So go put on that happy face
And see what it can do.

Rainbow Dash choked on a laugh while fighting back tears reading that last line. It was part of a song Lightning used to sing the girls when they got sad. She stared at the papers in front of her, amazed at the effort put into this.

How many times did he start? Are there dozens or hundreds more? The questions continued piling up the longer she thought.

After reading more failed letters, Rainbow decided it was time to at least eat something. Leaving the room, she paused at the door and looked back. It seemed so peaceful, almost like nothing had happened. A pair of jaded magenta eyes tore themselves away from the memories contained there…at least for now.

OW!!!

The day was looking up a bit until then. There had been enough good food in the house to make a decent daisy sandwich, and there was water spiked with rainbows in the fridge. Admittedly, it was spicy, but he had always been good at making light of the worst in the world.

And now something had stubbed Rainbow’s hoof as she re-entered his bedroom. A quick search of the cluttered floor revealed a book: actually, it looked more like a diary of sorts. On the cover was a picture of Scootaloo, flying over Ponyville some years ago. The image sent chills up the cyan pegasus’ spine. How long had he had this? What was in it? She opened it and read.

Day One:

Today, I brought home the fillies from Surprise’s house. I don’t know what to make of all this. I am a father! I guess I should be happy to say it, to know it…but I’m just terrified. Rain is, as usual, just happy to have other fillies around. I don’t know what I’ll name them yet.

Day Two:

So, Rain and I finally decided on names. The purple one is Slipstream, and the orange Scootaloo. They just seemed to fit. I’m happier today, but I don’t know how long that will last. Since it’s me, let’s just assume I’ll be down again in a week. Only time will tell now.

Day Eight:

Good news: I’m not waking up screaming anymore.

Bad news: She’s still there.

I don’t know how to describe it, but I don’t care that I dream about Surprise anymore. The fillies have brought out a side of me I haven’t felt in a long time…not since I moved here with Rain, actually. Surprise’s first party for us was the last time I really felt the same attachment. It was the first time the responsibility of taking care of my sister hit me. Now, feeling that again, I can’t help but look forward to it. This is too weird!

Day Thirteen:

Almost two weeks…I can’t believe it’s been almost two weeks. I buried her alone today. There will be a formal ceremony tomorrow. Surprise always loved that old oak tree; it’s a perfect resting place.

The fillies are still as amazing as ever, but I haven’t really been there for them lately. Too much going on, you know?

Day 27:

I know, I know. It’s been a while. I’ve been dealing with stuff. It’s just hard to work through my time with the weather team when they all keep offering their condolences for Surprise. Why do they suddenly like me? Hell, I didn’t even know I loved her until it was too late! Celestia knows I could have done so much better, and I threw away the only chance at love I’ve ever really had.

That said, I need a mental note here: make time for the girls. It’s not fair to have Rain watch over them all the time. She doesn’t have that much of a social life now that she’s no longer at the Flight Academy.

Day 58:

Slip flew today. I can’t even believe it! Scoots just stared up at her wondering why she can’t be like her big sis (apparently Slip was born first…one of many things I found out after the funeral). Neither of them can speak yet, but I’m looking forward to that day.

Rainbow Dash couldn’t help but smile; she remembered that day as if it were yesterday. Skipping several pages, she reached an entry she had hoped never to find.

Entry 137:

I stopped trying to remember the days. It’s easy enough when you write every day, but I just skipped a whole month, so there’s that idea out the window.

Slip found the pictures of me as a colt. She asked me who the old stallion in one of the pictures was…why I had a black eye. Somehow, I knew I’d eventually have to face this, but I never wanted to. I told her it was something she would hear when she got older; I promised to tell her when she was old enough to understand what I was going through at that period of my life.

I don’t know if I’ll ever make good on that one…

She wasn’t home that day, but remembered what it was like helping him through that rough patch.

Entry 158:

I don’t really have much to report today. My aunt visited me yesterday. It was quite a different experience for all three girls; Rain had met Aunt Tia before, of course, but was completely unaware of the connection. The fillies, however, were just overjoyed to learn that I had other family I was willing to talk to. They loved her, she loved them, sappy afternoon and all that. Scoots was so excited that she actually flew by accident!

I found out that Cadie was dating an old friend, and even managed to laugh when I found out who it was. To think that my cousin would even consider a military coltfriend was truly amusing, almost Shakespearean in a way. I wished them well through Tia, and she left.

All in all, there wasn’t much to report this time because, well, that’s really all that happened!

Entry 163:

Teaching the girls some maneuvers over the cliffs outside Ponyville…never did learn the local name for them. Oh well. We took some time for lunch about an hour into the lessons, and saw a few parasprites roaming the edge of the Everfree Forest. Heh, imagine if those things got loose in town! It would be a train wreck!! But that’ll never happen, so we can move on, I guess.

Slip can already do a barrel roll! I swear, she’s gonna be a Wonderbolt someday, and her sister might not be far behind. They’d be the first sister pair in the ‘Bolts, at any rate. Stop brain!! Stop getting off topic!

It’s just nice to be out with them and Rain for once…out in nature.

Entry 209:

I-I can’t really write right now…I’m in the hospital. Scoots and Slip crashed into each other yesterday. I couldn’t reach them before they hit the ground. My eyes have been glazed with tears for hours. I don’t know how this is going to go yet.

Entry 210:

Slip…slip…no, please…no

Entry 211:

A grey slab…that was my day. Deal with it.

Entry 212:

She’ll never know who I am…why can’t I just tell her!?

Entry 213:

Watching her grow up from afar has been nice these past few years. It’s good to know that she’s around such nice ponies.

I think a trip to Surprise’s place sounds nice…

Author’s Note: Well, writer’s block can kiss my ass!!!! It’s been a solid month since I started this story, and a good 3 weeks since I started this chapter! It feels great to be back with more Lightning ☺ More to come…hopefully sooner!!!