Innuendous Maximus

by electreXcessive

Rating: teen
Tags: Spike, Comedy, Random, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1967

Twilight Sparkle and Spike have an interesting day at the library.

Twilight and Spike want a treat, but it seems difficult to get at the delicious contents! Follow their efforts as they go through methods both unorthodox and extreme to gain sustenance!

Author's Notes: Alright guys, so this fic is actually a collaborative effort between two authors. One being myself, and the other one being KillerSteel, whose user page can be found here.

Honestly, the guy is one amazing dude, and was a huge help in writing this fic, so if you like it, please stop by his user page and let him know that you liked it. Stop by his user page and maybe give him a watch, because honestly, he deserves it.

Published 2012-10-17 03:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-17 03:50:02 UTC

A Special Treat (KillerSteel & electreXcessive)

I know that I've said it in the desription, but this work was a collaborative effort between me and KillerSteel. If you like it, let us know, and definitely go check out his user page! He put just as much into making this fic happen for you guys as I did, so show him your appreciation!

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It was a glorious day in Ponyvile; birds were chirping and the sun was shining brightly, indicating the beautiful day ahead of everypony. Everywhere ponies were chatting and running about, playing and having and overall cheery time. None of them however were more excited for today than a certain lavender unicorn pacing back in forth in the Ponyville library. To onlookers gazing in through the window, she would seem to be having another freak out due to stress. This was not the case however on this fine day, no, it was a very special day indeed!

Twilight stopped her pacing to look upwards at all of the books scattered around the library. Normally she would be furiously attempting to reorganize the sprawling piles of paper and binding that would drive her crazy. Today however, she couldn't bring herself to touch them at all. She was just so excited for today! Spike would be back from Rarity's boutique at any moment, and she had quite a special surprise waiting here for him. He had been doing such a great job helping lately, Twilight thought he deserved a very special treat.

Anticipation rising, she walked passed the huge mess and to the door of the library to look out of the front window. Sure enough, the pudgy baby dragon was trundling down the sidewalk towards the library with a stupid grin plastered on his face. For a brief moment as Spike neared the door, Twilight wondered if Spike knew about the surprise in store for him today. She shrugged the thought off, instead opening the door and welcoming Spike into the library.

"Hello Spike! Did you have a good time at Rarity's?" Twilight asked.

"Yeah Twilight! It was so awesome! Me and Rarity spent all day-" Spike started to reply before Twilight cut him off by putting her hoof to his mouth.

As much as she would have loved to hear Spike tell her about his day, she had more important things to attend to at the moment. Besides, hearing all of the talk about how beautiful Rarity was would totally ruin the mood, and make the surprise less enjoyable for both parties.

"Hey Spike, come with me... I have a special surprise for you..." Twilight said while leading Spike into the kitchen.

"Really? What is it?" the dragon bounced up and down in excitement.

"Just follow me, I'm sure you'll love it."

Spike obeyed, quickly following Twilight into the kitchen while eagerly awaiting a treat. Twilight drew ever closer to where the young dragon sat, an overly excited look showing through her eyes.

"Hold on Spike, let me give you your treat, you've earned it with all the hard work that you've been doing lately," Twilight said, pulling the enthusiastic dragon over to her.

She grabbed the large cylinder in both of her hooves, making sure that it was firmly in her grasp. Bringing her hooves slowly up to the tip, she tugged on it gently. Not satisfied, she tugged harder than the first time, eliciting a large gasp from the young dragon. It was really stiff! It was their first time doing this after all though, so she supposed that it was to be expected.

"T-twilight! T-this is amazing! You'd do this for me?!" Spike stuttered, barely able to control his breath.

Giving him a soft, gentle smile, she simply said, "Of course Spike, anything for my number one assistant!"

She grunted a bit looking back down at the cylinder. How was she supposed to make him enjoy this? Make it more pleasurable for him? He was clearly very excited, and she didn't want to dissappoint him or let him down. She was having a little trouble though; was it supposed to be this stiff? She eyed it momentarily, planning the best plan of attack. Slowly, she lowered her mouth to the tip, biting down hard on the solid cylindrical shaft.

"T-Twilight! What are you doing? That's not how it works! You're gonna break it!" Spike shouted in a moment of panic.

He quickly swated at her head, trying to get her off. That wasn't how you did it in the slightest! No; he'd seen Rarity do it before, he knew how to do it! Twilight was doing it all wrong! Spike took initiative, begining to instruct Twilight on what she should be doing.

"Listen, what you have to do is heat it up a bit first, and THEN bite down on it."

"Maybe...what if I did this?" Twilight shifted herself, placing her hooves on the top of the cylinder, clenching down on it. She then started twisting it, putting as much strength as she could into it.

"Seriously, Twilight, just let me do it..." Spike frowns, brow furrowing.

He'd never seen Twilight muck up so badly before... then again, maybe it was just first-time jitters. Still, she was totally ruining the mood, and all of the anticipation that had been starting to build up in him was quickly dissipating. He took the cylinder in his claws and tried it himself, grunting with effort. Ok, maybe it wasn't first time jitters; this was really hard!

"Ohhhh. Sorry, I'm new to this... stupid thing," Twilight grimaced.

No books she had spoke of this except for one section, and she usually stayed well clear of that one. Trying to do it with her magic would just take too much effort, and burn up all of her energy. She would get fatigued early, and not be able to use it when she really needed it; she was saving her magic for the best part, after all!

"Ummm... Oh, it wasn't heated up first. Hang on," Spike said, taking a deep breath before spewing green flame on the cylinder.

A thin jet, so he didn't end up ruining it; that would be terrible for everypony involved.

"Ahhh, that's pretty smart! Good thing it's not flammable!"

"Benefits, Twilight. Benefits!"

"Ok, let me try again!" Twilight exclaimed, taking the cylinder back in her hooves while thinking.

Maybe she didn't have to work the top... What if she tried lower down? But she needed to do something about the top first... She took the top back in her mouth, closing her lips around it, then grabbing the lower part with her hooves. She gave it a hard twist, not really getting anywhere. Spike let out a loud yelp as he watched helplessly, drool flowing down him open mouth.

The heated top just helped burn her lips...

"Ouch!" Twilight pulled off, rubbing her mouth.

It didn't even taste good! How could somepony do this without a horn!?

"Augh, this is frustrating!" Spike exclaimed, staring at the cylinder.

He wanted some out of it too! Who knew this could be so hard? Who knew it could be so hard? He even heated the top properly! What else could be done... Suddenly, a light bulb turned on in his head. That's was it... that was it! Spike ran off, cylinder in hand and soon returning with a mallet.

"Woah, Spike! We don't need to go THAT far!"

"Hold it!" Twilight yelled, grabbing the mallet with her magic as it came down, stopping just short of the cylinder. That was close! Things'd get messy if that went through its intended job! "Just let me do the thinking, ok?"

"Alright..." Spike sighed, sittting down in a chair, holding the cylinder in his claws.

He looked over the sleek, moist surface, grimacing. It didn't even look that tough... How could it be so difficult to get whatever's inside of it out? Was there some kind of special way to work it out? Twilight paced, tapping her chin occassionally. There had to be a way to do this!

She sighed to herself as she looked at the object that was causing her so much stress right now. Oh how badly she wished that she could just smash it against the kitchen counter as hard as she could, but she knew that that would irreversibely damage the precious cargo inside. That would just be a shameful waste.

Spike rolled his eyes as he gazed at the object of so much loathing. Why did this have to be so hard? It should be simple! It always looked simple whenever he saw somepony else doing it! Now he realized that they must have been professionals, making such a difficult task look so easy. A brilliant revelation hit him like a mountain of bricks; he had claws that he could use! They were so much better at manipulating things, and they had more leverage.

With excruciating effort, he managed to get a good grip on it, sweat dripping off of his face from the maximum power that he was putting into the task. It still wasn't enough! He needed more power behind what he was doing or else the magnificent contents would never come out! Looking over to Twilight, he motioned for her horn, indicating for her to use her magic to help him.

"But Spike, you know that I was saving that magic!"

"I don't care Twilight! Help me! It's almost there! Oh Celestia... It's so close! Don't leave me hanging here Twilight, you wanted this too right?!" Spike yelled to her.

Twilight focused all of her brain power, causing her magic to pulse and ripple up the cylinder and tug on the tip. Spike could feel it; the juicy goodness on the inside was so close to coming out! Just a little more effort... a little more effort... With a tremendous eruption, the juice of goodness and all things delicious splattered across the kitchen, coating Twilight's exposed face.

"Eww! Spike! You got juice all over my face! I told you to be careful!" she yelled exasperatedly.

Bearing a face of shame, Spike addressed the messy looking unicorn, "Sorry Twilight! I wasn't expecting it to explode out like that!"

Twilight sighed before adopting a small smile. Licking her lips, she moved her tongue around her face, lapping up all of the glorious juices. They were absolutely delicious! This is what she had been waiting for the whole time! Now she and Spike would get to enjoy it together just like she wanted.

"That was really hard!" Spike sighed out, exhausted.

"At least we got what we wanted right?"

They drew closer, both of their appendages reaching for the cylinder. Spike shoved his hand inside, pulling out one of the two tasty objects inside, handing the other to Twilight. A loud crunch reverberated around the room as they both bit into their treats; it was absolutely delicious. After finishing up the marvelous snack, the dragon and pony pair sat down at the kitchen table. Spike released a loud burp as Twilight looked at him, digusted.

"Hey, don't look at me like that. You were the one who got juice all over your face!" the dragon shouted.

Twilight mere looked at the table sheepishly with a large blush on her face.

"Don't worry about it Twi', I'm just messing with you," Spike chuckled. "Thanks Twilight! I've never had such delicious pickles before! Although next time we'll have to get a jar opener."

"I'm just glad that you liked it Spike! Those cost a lot you know, it's just a once in a while treat. Besides, they're way more trouble than they're worth," Twilight deadpanned.

"Yeah, who knows what it sounded like to all of the ponies passing by the library," Spike chuckled.