Yeet the Pipp

by Boltstrike58

Rating: everyone
Tags: Pipp Petals, Comedy, Misty, My Little Pony: A New Generation, Mane 5, Zipp Storm, Random
Length: 2535

Misty discovers Zipp and Pipp's most controversial holiday tradition.

Misty has been living in Maretime Bay for a while now, and she's still discovering new things about her friends. Today, she learns about Pipp's least favorite day of the year: Throw Short Ponies Day.

Disclaimer: I don't actually support the practice of dwarf tossing, this is just a joke.
Cover art by Celes-969
Edit: How did this make it onto Equestria Daily?!

Published 2024-12-19 00:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-12-19 00:40:00 UTC

Zipp's Favorite Holiday

Misty Brightdawn strolled down the streets of Maretime Bay with a spring in her step. There was no particular reason for her to be as happy as she was, she was just in a good mood. If asked why, her response would've been a simple "Why not?" She had friends, a dad who loved her, Opaline was gone, and all was right in Equestria. All in all, Misty had it pretty good.

Unfortunately, euphoria tends to be cut off by various things. In Misty's case, her elation was interrupted by a hoof reaching out from a nearby bush, grabbing her by one of her fetlocks, and yanking her into it. Misty barely had time to yelp in surprise before her view was obscured by the leafy foliage.

"Hey, what the heck—?!" Misty began to shout, only for a hoof to slam over her mouth, shushing her up. Her eyes followed the hoof to a pink leg, down to its source, finding Pipp sitting next to her.

"Pipp? What's going on?" asked Misty, as she took in the appearance of the pop star princess. Pipp's mane, normally maintained through her rigorous brushing rituals, was unkempt and filled with sticks and leaves. Her tiara was absent, and Misty realized this was the first time she'd seen Pipp without it. Her coat was disheveled and messy.

"SHHH!" Pipp whispered. "Do not make a sound one decibel above a whisper, or so help me, I will buck you so hard, you'll land in the ocean!"

Misty blinked a couple of times. She'd never seen any of her new friends acting like this. Her mind began to race as she tried to process all the information before her. Pipp, who was currently peeking out of the bush, seemed paranoid and nervous. The only conclusion Misty could draw was that there was some new disaster befalling Equestria.

"What's going on?!" she whispered back, afraid of incurring Pipp's wrath if she was too loud. "Is Opaline back?! Is Allura trying to take over Maretime Bay?! Did the Unity Crystals fall apart?!"

"Worse," breathed Pipp. "So much worse. Imagine all three of those scenarios, combine them together, then multiply the badness by five!"

Misty winced. She'd learned basic math from Opaline (okay, learned was a bad word. It was more like Opaline yelled it at her, and she was forced to study into the night until it was satisfactory), and the idea of those results sent shivers down her spine.

"What's happening?" she asked again.

"It's the absolute worst day of the year," Pipp whispered back. "It's...'Throw Short Ponies Day.'"

Misty gasped in sheer terror, only to freeze once her brain processed what she'd heard.

"...what?" she asked, desperate to confirm she wasn't having auditory hallucinations.

"'Throw Short Ponies Day!'" Pipp hissed. "Ever since we were foals, Zipp got this idea into her head that I'm below-average height. So, every year, she takes it upon herself to throw me at least once on this day. It wasn't so bad when we couldn't fly, because she'd limit herself to just throwing me across the room into some pillows or something like that, but now..." Pipp shivered in terror, taking several deep breaths to calm herself down. "Last year was horrible. Zipp managed to rope Sunny, Hitch, and Izzy into it, saying it was revenge for the magic glitter face masks incident. Like it was my fault! And they tossed me off the roof of the Brighthouse!"

Misty blinked again. "That's...that's it?" she asked. "I mean, couldn't you just fly back to the ground? If they tied your wings up, I'd understand, but—"

"They didn't," said Pipp. "And that's not the point! The point is that they all think I'm this tiny little pony, and that gives them the right to toss me to and fro all they want! I'm the same height they are!"

"Well, to be fair, you are kind of shor—" Misty trailed off when she noticed Pipp glaring at her.

"Finish that sentence. See how well it turns out for you."

Misty swallowed. "So there's an entire day dedicated to throwing short ponies? Not that you're one of them, of course! But that doesn't seem very friendly. I'm surprised Sunny would go for that, given how much she loves defending pony unity and all that."

"I agree with that," Pipp replied with a sigh. "As far as I know, it's a pretty old holiday, dating back to ancient Equestria, even before the time of Twilight Sparkle. Apparently, it was a bar game, where ponies used to chuck smaller ponies into piles of cushions or whatever."

"And Queen Haven is okay with that in Zephyr Heights?" asked Misty.

"Not exactly. It's a holiday that was banned centuries ago. Evidently, Zipp was digging around in the records of Zephyr Heights and found out about it. Mom always tried to discourage her, but Zipp loves it way too much. I guess she considers it my just deserts for not having to be the heir to the throne. It's not my fault I was born second!"

Misty was baffled, if she was being honest. She knew that the royal sisters had a bit of a rivalry between them, but this seemed like a bit much. If she had to guess, the whole "Throw Short Ponies Day" thing was just Zipp's excuse to mess with her sister

"So are you gonna just hide out here until the day is over?" she finally asked.

"Not in this same place," replied Pipp, searching between the branches of the bush. "Zipp's very thorough at searching all of Maretime Bay. I might have to move pretty soon. I would've just flown the Marestream to Bridlewood, except she took the lantern and buried it in the community garden, and I don't have time to dig it up!"

"Ouch," said Misty with a wince. "I guess apologizing to Sunny and the others for the whole face mask thing wouldn't get them to stop helping her?"

"I tried that last year!" whined Pipp. "They said, and I quote, 'Not participating would dampen the spirit of the holiday.' What does that mean?! There's a spirit to a holiday of throwing short ponies around?! Not that I'm a short pony, but come on!"

"Uh, Pipp?"

"I even apologized for the whole 'Not Helping Sunny and Izzy While They Were in the Zephyr Heights Dungeon' thing, and that wasn't in any way my fault! Why isn't there a holiday dedicated to throwing tall ponies?! Then I'd at least get the chance to get even, but no, it's just—"

"PIPP!" Misty yelled, making Pipp actually flinch. "You might want to keep it down, or else...oh. Oops. Too late."

She pointed behind Pipp with one hoof. Pipp's eyes went wide, and she slowly turned around. Standing on the other side of the street were Zipp, Sunny, Hitch, and Izzy. And they were staring directly at Pipp's hiding place.

"Hey, sis," said Zipp, with the widest possible grin on her face. "You didn't think we forgot the biggest tradition of the year, did you? I even got you something special for the occasion!" She produced a padded, full-body suit, one just large enough for a pony of Pipp's size.

"Come on, Pipp! Try it on! You'll look so cute in it!" insisted Izzy, levitating her phone up, the camera clearly pointed at Pipp.

Pipp stuttered a few times, trying to get a word out. Misty frowned in pity for her friend. This whole "Throw Short Ponies Day" sounded like something Opaline would come up with, honestly. Sure, Misty would be lying if she said Pipp wasn't annoying at times, but she didn't deserve to get hurled off the roof of the Crystal Brighthouse every year. She didn't know what she could do to fix it, though.

Finally, Pipp hit her breaking point. "Sorry Misty, BUT I'M RUNNING FOR MY LIFE!" she screamed, leaping out of the bush, spraying leaves everywhere and zooming off far faster than Misty had ever seen her fly. Zipp and the other three stood there, dumbfounded at her disappearing act.

"Well," Sunny broke the silence, "that was...something."

"Yeah," agreed Zipp. "We'd better get going if we want to catch her before the day's over." She took off with a flap of her wings. "I'll search the air."

With that, she took off like a rocket. Sunny and Hitch both began galloping in opposite directions, presumably to keep searching across Maretime Bay. Izzy, however, stayed behind as Misty climbed out of the remains of the bush.

"Hey, Misty!" said the creative unicorn. "We're trying to figure out what place is best to launch Pipp from this year! You wanna help us look for her?"

"No, thank you," replied Misty, as she used her magic to untangle twigs and leaves from her mane. "I got stuff to do. Why are you guys so obsessed with throwing Pipp around, anyway? She obviously doesn't like it. I would've thought that would be something friends wouldn't do to each other."

"Oh, pshaw," said Izzy, with a wave of her hoof. "Pipp knows it's all in good fun. It's a game we play every year. We try to catch her before midnight, and if we do, we get to throw her! Pretty fun, huh?"

Misty opened her mouth to respond, only for Izzy to prance away before any words could come out. Sighing to herself, Misty began to ponder what she should do. She certainly wasn't interested in helping the others find Pipp so they could throw her, and she didn't think she'd be lucky enough to stumble onto Pipp's hiding place twice. An idea suddenly occurred to her, and a quick glance towards the Brighthouse confirmed that the Marestream was still parked there. There had to be enough time to dig up the lantern. She set off for her home at a gallop.

That night...

Pipp didn't know how much longer she could keep this up. She'd been caught by the others three times today, and she was running out of hiding places. She couldn't go anywhere near Mane Melody, for fear that Jazz and Rocky would be swayed to join Zipp's crusade for some tiny slight that she'd forgotten. She'd tried hiding out at the Brighthouse itself last year, but Zipp had been smart enough to see through that. At least Misty seemed to be on her side, though she hadn't seen the bushy-maned unicorn since that morning.

At the current moment, Pipp was perched on the roof of the old Canterlogic building, cowering under a box and praying to whatever gods existed that nopony would check under there. So far, nopony had come close, and there were only a few minutes left until midnight, but Pipp couldn't afford to let her guard down for even a second. Zipp had found her closer to midnight than this in previous years, and thrown together some featherbrained scheme to toss Pipp around like a ragdoll before the day was up.

Lifting up the box ever so slightly to view her surroundings, Pipp sighed to herself. The whole "Throw Short Ponies Day" was bad enough, but Pipp had had to go the entire day without her phone. She couldn't risk Zipp using the "Find My Phone" feature to track her down, so she'd left it beside her bed at the Crystal Brighthouse.

She set the box down, mentally preparing herself to go sneaking through the streets once again. Pipp knew she couldn't afford to stay in one place for too long, given how Zipp and the others were combing the entire town for her. If there was any silver lining to this whole debacle, it was that she didn't have to go to work at Mane Melody tomorrow, since she'd taken the day off weeks ago in anticipation of this day.

She carefully stood up, allowing the box to rest on her back, and began creeping across the roof. Pipp figured that enough time had passed that she could go back to the Crystal Brighthouse, hide in bed, and wait out those last few minutes. That is, assuming Zipp and the others hadn't figured she'd try that and were lying in wait for her. With a flap of her wings, she took off from the roof and floated back down to the ground. Then she began crossing the streets, after making sure that nopony was around to spot her.

Within minutes, the Crystal Brighthouse was in sight. Pipp breathed a sigh of relief. All she had to do now was get back inside, and—

"PIPP! GUYS I FOUND HER!" screamed Izzy, popping out of a trash can next to her.

Pipp screamed in terror, jumping several hooves into the air, sending her box disguise flying. She tried to sprint for the Brighthouse, only for Izzy's magic to envelope her tail, yanking her backwards. Soon enough, Sunny, Zipp, and Hitch arrived on the scene, complete with the padded suit.

"Geez, Pipp, you make this a bigger pain every year!" complained Zipp. There were dark circles under her eyes, and she clearly needed sleep. "Now we have to cram you into this suit before—"

The interruption came in the form of an alarm going off. Zipp's eyes shot open, and she grabbed her phone. Pipp saw the time on the phone's clock, which read 12:00 AM. She released her breath, safe in the knowledge that "Throw Short Ponies Day" was over.

"AW, CRAP!" yelled Zipp. "Looks like you win this year, Pipp." She threw the padded suit to the ground in a huff.

"I'd rather not compete, thank you very much!" Pipp shot back.

"Oh come on, you know it's—" Zipp began, only to be interrupted again. This time, she was cut off by the Marestream zooming into view, barely flying above the building tops. The five ponies shouted in fear before ducking down, though the flying vehicle thankfully didn't come that low. The Marestream landed off to the side of the group, and Misty charged out as the wings were still retracting to the sides. She had a pair of saddlebags across her back.

"Hey, everypony!" she exclaimed. "Sorry about the rough entrance, I've never flown the Marestream by myself before."

"We really need to work on getting you some flying lessons," said Hitch, still shaking.

"Anyway, after Pipp told me about 'Throw Short Ponies Day,' I felt really bad for her, so I went to Zephyr Heights to research old holidays. It turns out that, after it started to get out of hoof in ancient times, ponies tried to give compensation by creating a 'Kick Tall Ponies' day that took place immediately afterwards. Of course, it wasn't really popular with tall ponies, and both holidays got banned one year later...what? Why are you looking at me like that?"

Indeed, Zipp, Sunny, Hitch, and Izzy were all staring at Misty with sheer horror in their eyes. In contrast, Pipp's face had relaxed into the widest smile anypony had ever seen on her face. Slowly, Zipp's head turned to look at her sister, and her jaw dropped. There was only time to scream one sentence.

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"