The Party Will Still Be There

Pinkie Pie sits out on a balcony with her legs folded under herself, and she luxuriates in the cold. The sting and stab at her lungs with every breath of frigid December, that special, tingly sort of feeling that lingers even after you get back inside, makes every inhale feel a little rattly. Rarity always said she was strange for that, that it was a positively ghastly sensation, that it was the reason she never exercised outside during the winter and do you know how much harder that makes it to maintain one's figure, especially with all the holiday treats, sweet Celestia, and then she'd always give a silly little shudder and the two of them would giggle about it before one of them would get some hot cocoa going.

But even if Pinkie did mind, it would be worth it to get away from the party for just a few minutes.

She misses the days when she never needed to step away like this, give herself a break from the hubbub and the commotion, of course she does: and it's not that she gets tired, exactly - if anything her reserves of energy are more irrepressible than ever - more that she gets overwhelmed by the noise and the press of a crowd, the way Twilight or Marble always have. Not that she's quite at either of their levels - even with the strides her most princess-y friend has made in managing the stresses of social functions, she can still go way longer than her before she needs to tap out, at least under normal circumstances. She's just come to appreciate the value of quiet a bit more over the years, that's all.

She always feels a bit of pride when she thinks about Twilight's growth. It's a bit egotistical, maybe, to give herself just a teensy-tiny bit more credit than the rest of the gang in helping to bring her out of her shell, but... eh. It's not like she's saying it out loud, so who's it hurting, really?

And besides, their friendship has always been a bit more special to her than the others. Like, yes, obviously she loves all of the girls - she's Pinkie Pie, she loves everyone! - but Twilight and her seem to just get each other. Even, and maybe especially, when they don't understand each other.

The way she's looked after Pinkie this year is proof of that, no matter what weird little feelings she gets about it sometimes. Twilight Sparkle is her friend, her best friend, even, and it's perfectly normal for best friends to pick each other up with a devotion bordering on fervorous when things are tough, to protect each other, to not leave each other's side no matter what. Twilight Sparkle wasn't the type of pony to expect anything in return for her kindness. Twilight Sparkle might not be the same sometimes shy, occasionally priggish pony she'd met the day of that fateful solstice anymore, but she was still the mare who'd crossed the world with her again and again and again. She wouldn't...

She wouldn't.

"Mind if I join you, Pinkie?"

Well. Think of the alicorn, and she will appear.

"Of course I don't mind, silly," Pinkie Pie smiles and scooches over a bit, a completely meaningless gesture given how much space the balcony has on either side of her, "Why would I?"

"Don't you only step outside of a party like this when you want a breather from other creatures?" Twilight asks with a quirked eyebrow.

"Meh, it's different when it's you or the girls," she replies.

Twilight steps over to Pinkie's side and sits with a soft little grunt. Pinkie giggles.

"Age catching up to your joints a bit there, your highness?"

"Har har. You're not exactly a spring chicken yourself, Madame Pie," Twilight scowls and nudges Pinkie with her wing, then in a slightly alarming imitation of her: "Aww geeze, I just don't know why I can't drink like I used to! I never used to get hangovers! Hey Dashie, pass me some more fried eggs, wouldja?"

They grin widely at each other. A shudder runs through Pinkie, just once. Twilight lays the same wing she just nudged her with across her withers. It's warm and soft, just like always.

Pinkie Pie doesn't let her grin falter, not even the little bittiest-bit. She loves wing hugs from her friends, she really does, and she always has - this weird little curdly feeling in her stomach will pass. She's just a bit on edge from what she was just thinking about, that's all.

That's all.

But it's so hard to hide anything from each other anymore.

"Pinkie? Is something wrong?"

"I-" now Pinkie's grin fails, and her words along with it, "It's... I'm not really sure how to say it."

"You know I won't judge you if you mess up," Twilight murmurs, and it's amazing how she manages to say the most patronizing things without sounding patronizing sometimes, "you can always try again if you get it wrong."

"Right," Pinkie says, but she still considers her words for a long, careful moment.

She asks, "Twily... you know I'm really grateful to you, right? For... for everything, really, but I mean especially letting me stay here in the castle the past couple weeks, and for looking out for me, and just... all these months since Cheese..." she trails off.

Twilight smiles gently at her, "Of course, Pinkie. You mean the world to me - I will always be there for you. Through anything and everything."

"Right," she says, and she knows that it's true. Whatever else might happen, Twilight Sparkle will be there - just like her.

She asks, "You know you can come to me too, right? And the others. I know we've said it a bunch over the years but... I just want to make sure you haven't let yourself get too lost in your big important princess duties."

"Pinkie, I see you girls at least once a moon," she chuckles, "You've hardly let me forget! Where's this coming from?"

And then Pinkie Pie does something she's hardly ever done in her entire life: she loses her nerve. And so she smiles, because that's what she does, and she shakes her head, and she says, "Ah, it's nothing, I'm just being silly. How about we just sit and enjoy the night?"

Twilight nods, and for a moment she lets the silence sit between them, empty and heavy and warm all at once, despite everything.

But then she turns to her again.

"Pinkie... Pinkie, I-"

In Twilight's carefully chosen hesitation, Pinkie knows exactly what her closest friend in the whole world wants to say without her saying it. Really, she's known for a very long time - it's just that now, finally, she can't keep pretending otherwise. When Princess Twilight Sparkle looks at her, eyes tempered with just the right amount of vulnerability, when she starts to lean in towards her, at a perfectly calculated pace, and when she says after that immaculately crafted pause,

"I lo-"

"Twilight," Pinkie cuts her off with the sharpest tone she's ever spoken in. Twilight stops dead, blinking owlishly, that vulnerable expression gone just like that. Pinkie's heart drops like lead.

"Wh-what's wrong, Pinkie? What-" she asks as Pinkie shuffles out from under her wing, stands and steps a few paces backwards.

"Twilight, don't- I can't, alright? I just... can't. Not right now."

"Can't what? Pinkie, what are you-"

"It's too soon, Twilight. I can't even begin to think about that yet, Cheese was-" Pinkie swallows hard, her eyes feel so hot yet drier even than a moment ago, and isn't it funny how they do that, when the tears start coming? The way they get all gritty just like that, "A-and I don't-"

"Pinkie-"

"Stop, just stop!" she shouts, and her voice threatens to break completely. Somehow, she doesn't start sobbing, not just yet, "I'm not- I'm not blind, Twilight. This isn't- you're-"

"Pinkie, I- I just-"

"I know, Twilight. I know," Pinkie chokes up a smile without even meaning to while a sob wracks her body, all the way through. She's only vaguely aware of stepping backwards, towards the balcony door, towards the party, "And I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But I can't-"

"Wait, no, Pinkie don't- let's talk about this, please-" is that desperation in her voice real? Pinkie can't trust herself to tell right now. She's a little glad for that - she doesn't know which answer would be worse.

"I need some time, Twilight. And I need it alone."

The Princess of Friendship's face falls into impassivity. She stands a little taller, goes rigid, regal. Pinkie Pie turns and gallops through Hearth's Warming. The Princess doesn't follow.