The Great Hearth's Warming Heist
Jazz examined the new bottle of hoof polish she had just received from the mailmare in a neatly wrapped package. It was an expensive foreign product, a polish produced in the ancient regions of Zebrica by pressing the leaves of the privet tree. The polish was a reddish-brown hue, very pretty, but just slightly off from what Jazz expected. This resulted in an interesting conundrum: if it was just right, she didn't have to do anything; if it was completely wrong, she could toss it. But it was just slightly off, and she wasn't sure what exactly to do.
"Jazz!" The manicurist jumped as a certain sporty pegasus crashed through her window. With an exasperated sigh, she glanced down at the multi-colored mess sprawled on the floor.
"Zipp, I have a door."
"You do, but this was much more fun!" Zipp exclaimed as she untangled herself. Somehow a tiny crown ornament had fallen from one of Jazz's shelves, placing itself perfectly on Zipp's head. She quickly brushed it off with no small amount of annoyance. "Besides, this is urgent!"
"What's urgent?"
"The thing I need your help with!"
"Which is?"
"An urgent thing!"
"Zipp, stop being circular and tell me what you need."
"Okay, you see... I might have forgotten about Hearth's Warming."
Jazz's eyes widened. "How do you forget about Hearth's Warming?"
"Well," Zipp gestured with her hooves, "you know, I got kind of busy, had a lot on my plate with the detecting and everything, and just...forgot."
"Do you not do your shopping ahead of time?" Jazz raised an eyebrow.
".....no," Zipp eyed her. "Did you?"
"Of course. I get my Hearth's Warming shopping done the day after Hearth's Warming."
Zipp was startled. "I thought you said you shop ahead of time?"
"I do. I buy gifts for next Hearth's Warming the day after Hearth's Warming."
"That's crazy."
"Sure, but it gives me a lot of peace of mind."
"Okay, fair," Zipp conceded. "Can you help me with my peace of mind?"
"Sure, Zipp. What do you need?"
"I need to find a present for Pipp."
"Pipp, as in your sister Pipp?"
"Yes, the only Pipp in Maretime Bay."
"My coworker Pipp?"
"I don't think you know another Pipp."
"You need help finding a gift for her."
"Yes, that is what I said."
"You need my help finding a gift for your sister."
"Are the nail polish fumes getting to you?"
"You need my help finding a gift for your sister, who you have known many times longer than me."
"When you put it like that, it sounds kind of ridiculous."
"Yes, I'm sure it does. But I'll help you."
Zipp let out a breath. "Thank you. Now we just need to break into Pipp's room."
Jazz stared at Zipp blankly. "Zipp, you need to break into your sister's room to find out what she wants for Hearth's Warming?"
"Can you think of a better way?"
Jazz sighed. "Alright Zipp, let's do this. Let me put this away."
Two ponies sat crouched on one of the many homes that dot the streets. Despite their obvious attempt at stealth, they were visible to every pony on the street. Passersby simply ignored them, knowing despite their 'disguises' that the two were part of that crowd of ponies that always seemed to be getting involved in some or other problem and were best left alone.
"Alright, we just need to pick the lock on this skylight."
"Zipp, don't you have a key to the front door?"
Zipp paused for a moment and then shrugged. "Sure, but this is way cooler."
"I should have stayed home."
"Shhh, just let...me... tada!"
The lock on the window popped open, letting the two ponies slip inside.
"Where did you learn to pick locks like that?"
"A detective needs to pick up many illicit skills."
"Mmhmm."
"Just help me look around."
Zipp and Jazz split up, looking through Pipp's personal effects in an attempt to find some sort of hint. Well, Zipp was looking; Jazz was meandering around the room, wondering why she had agreed to this. It felt... wrong, even if Zipp's intentions were good. Why didn't she just stay home?
"Ah ha!" Jazz turned to see Zipp holding up a colorfully decorated book that had Pipp's Diary written in ornate font on the front.
"Zipp, I think you're going a bit too far."
"Aw, c'mon Jazz-"
Creak!
The sound of the door hinge echoed throughout the small home. Both ponies froze as the sound of Pipp's harmonic humming filled the space. Zipp exploded into a series of wild gestures.
"What?"
"Hide!"
Jazz rolled under the bed and Zipp pressed herself flush against the ceiling. There was a stillness in the air for a moment, one that was quickly broken by the door to the bedroom opening. Pipp's perfectly manicured hooves walked past Jazz, lightly clip-clopping against the floor.
"Hmm, I don't remember leaving this here..."
Jazz nearly slammed her head against the floor. Zipp had forgotten the first rule of opsec: leave no trace. Quietly, Jazz pulled her silenced pistol and flicked the safety off, remembering the words of her old commander.
An enemy with a bullet in their head is an enemy who won't shoot you in the face.
'Wait a minute. I never served in the Maritime Bay Defense Force. And where did I get this pistol?
ACHOO
"Zipp? What are you doing up there?"
Briefly, Jazz considered firing a shot into Zipp's head, oddly confident that she could nail the pegasus with deadly accuracy. Startled, Jazz shook the strange thoughts from her head; where did that come from?
Rex 84
Operation Northwoods
Revachol
Haymarket Square
"I guess the jig is up. Jazz, you can come out now." Jazz slipped out from under the bed, rubbing her sore head. The two sisters stared at her in confusion.
"Jazz, why do you have a gun in your hooves?" Zipp asked.
"Don't worry about it." Jazz slipped the pistol... somewhere.
Operation Gladio
Mockingbird
Agartha
The Killer
"Uhmmm... okay. Why are you guys in my room?" Pipp asked, glancing between the two.
"Well, you see... we were... planting your Hearth's Warming present!" Zipp shouted just a tad too loud.
"You were... planting it?"
"Yeah, it's gonna be, like, a scavenger hunt!"
"Ooooo, that sounds fun!"
"Yeah, yeah, it's gonna be, but you can't start it until I say!"
"Allllright Zipp, I'll play along. If you girls will excuse me, I need to film some new content for my Pippsqueaks."
"Yep, yep, we'll leave you to it!"
Jazz followed Zipp out of the house. As soon as they exited, Zipp collapsed to the ground.
"Let me guess: you realized that you have one day to plan out a scavenger hunt on top of buying Pipp a gift?"
"Uh huh..."
Author's Note
Never written a comedy before, so I hope I did okay. Also tried experimenting with a new style. I feel like sometimes my stories get bogged down by long paragraphs, so I decided to strip everything down to the bare minimum.
Hope you enjoy!
