To Love a Pony

Chapters

[2] Consequences
[3] Problems with First Contact
[4] My Nightmare
[5 - Part 1] Getting To Know You
[6] Two Steps Forward, One Step Back
[7 - Part 1] Friends?
[7 - Part 2] Friends.
[8 - Part 1] Fit For a Princess
[8 - Part 2] Fit For a Princess
[9 - Part 1] Karma
[9 - Part 2] Karma
[10] Caught Between
[11] Low
[12 - part 1] Square One
[12 - part 2] Square One
[1] Close Encounters
[5 - Part 2] Getting to Know You

[2] Consequences

You know that moment where your world falls apart? It's the one where everything just becomes too much and you're completely at a loss to make sense of it all. If you don't know it, then let me explain. It's the moment you realize that a speeding truck is about to T-bone your car, or when the doctor tells you that you might want to sit down before you hear what is about to be said. It's a terrible moment, and one that I would wish on nobody.

I wanted that fucking moment back. As bad as it is, it still holds a small hope that some last second action will change the inevitable.

My brain had skipped completely past that moment with a happy wave and gone straight to the aftermath. In one fell swoop I had proved that humanity was not alone in the universe, and I had done so in the worst way possible. Because really, what could be worse than having a pony teleport itself into your living room?

First off, this pony was highly upset. How do I know? Because ponies don't normally teleport across whatever nigh-insurmountable divide separates their world from ours. I - since Craig had been using my phone - had been teasing her unmercifully, so she was not just popping in for tea and crumpets on a whim. And spending some quality time in a coma was not likely to improve her mood either.

Next is that this pony, clearly having a good claim to being a Princess, was well-connected. Even now, whatever other ponies lead Equestria - I assume Celestia and Luna - are likely already involved. Or at least they soon would be when they found one of their number missing. I could feel the weight of the brightest and most powerful of Equestria turning their unhappy attentions to me. Any moment now more portals would open and disgorge teams of angry guards to rescue their Princess from my nefarious clutches. That impending encounter terrified me.

Even if I somehow survived the imminent pony invasion there was my own government to consider. Steven Spielberg's "E.T." played out in my head over the course of maybe a second, with heavy emphasis on my apartment building being swaddled in quarantine plastic by legions of faceless hazmat suits. I was about to suffer the full brunt of the United States' alien first contact policies. Being abducted for a night of alien probing paled next to the amount of poking, prodding, injecting, removing, and analyzing I was about undergo. I could not, for the life of me, decide whether death by alien plague or dissection while searching for signs of said plague would be worse.

The United States government was not even the scariest group out there - at least they had good intentions. I hoped. Plenty of people would probably be fine with friendly talking ponies being real, but then there were the faithful. I don't really have anything against religion; some of the greatest and most amazing things have come from people's faith. But I cannot deny that, though religions generally preach messages of love and peace, they are not well-known for tolerating contradictory 'theories.' Ponies being real blatantly questions the long-held worldviews of quite a few. And whose fault would that be? Mine.

There were probably going to be quite a few jealous Bronies too, though why they would want to go through what I was about to was beyond me. Additionally, my own parents would probably not be too happy that I had managed to piss off a good portion of the world. They would certainly disapprove of how I had treated our first pony visitor. There could even be some sort of inter-dimensional police force that...

"ALEX!"

Oh. Right. Craig was still right next to me. He seemed upset about something given the way he was glaring at me.

"What?"

"Dude, you were completely out of it. This is serious here! Aren't you gonna' go check it out?" He jerked his head sideways toward the source of our problems. Oh, and Craig chastising me for not taking something seriously...?

"Nope. Don't wanna'." I snipped matter-of-factly without taking my eyes off the fallen pony. Maybe if I denied her existence hard enough, then she would simply go away. "Why don't you?"

He stared at me with a healthy amount of surprise. He then took a long, deep breath while briefly removing his cap to run his fingers through his short, curly hair. For a moment I thought he might actually do it. Finally, he shook his head.

"No, this is all you, man. That kid's show is your thing. You talk about it all the time." I'll give him 'thinking about it all the time,' since I'm kind of a closet Brony. "You're the one who knows all about it. You've got the posters and crap. You read the stuff that those other nerds write. You're like the expert on ponies here!"

Well, I couldn't argue with that - I had watched a lot more My Little Pony than he. Not that it was that hard when compared to someone who actively avoided anything 'girly.' Still, I did not know much about first aid. If a band-aid would not take care of it, then I was in trouble. Judging by the pony's fall, a simple band-aid was not going to be a quick fix-it.

However, I was clearly not about to win this one - Craig looked adamant about staying put. I tried bolstering my resolve for the imminent encounter but I was not too successful. My mouth quickly went completely dry. I really did not want to go over to the hallway just to find out how badly I had screwed up.

"Tell you what, I'll go see if she's okay if you go get me a glass of water."

Craig slugged my shoulder. I totally deserved it, really. It forced me to move though, since it put me off balance and I stumbled a step to the side. That made it my turn to glare, but he just made some frantic ushering motions toward the pony.

I gulped, trying to wet my throat again, and took the first tentative step.

And nothing happened. No angry ponies, no (additional) world-shattering events, and nobody from the X-Files showed up. Nothing more exciting than the soft sound of the carpet squishing underfoot.

So I took another step. And then another. Each was an exercise in silent creeping and slow balance. The tension, despite nothing happening after each step - or perhaps because of it - only climbed. It felt like hours were passing as I slowly snuck across the open room. What began as a dry throat quickly progressed to some light cold sweating and a sense of vibration in my hands and feet. Risking a glace down, I found that, yes, my hands were shaking ever so slightly.

The pony, for her part, did absolutely nothing. Well, she was breathing. I could see her wings slowly rising and falling with the motion of her sides, and there was a faint raspy sound coming from her muzzle. The position of her head on the floor, scrunched between the casing and her neck, was probably restricting her airflow despite her slack, slightly open mouth.

Standing over her I could see that the show was not entirely off with its take on pony anatomy. Her head, while mostly round, was extended to the front a bit as it formed her slim muzzle. It was like a happy compromise of features, as though someone had taken a human/s face and then given it vaguely equine features - more like the Princesses' heads than the main cast's, really. The shape of her cheeks and nose meant that her eyes were not quite fully forward-facing and, judging by the arc of her lashes, were smaller than those in the show. I suppose it would be stupid to ask for biological realism from a cartoon. They were still much larger than my own though. Her peripheral vision was probably pretty good, and with eyes that large, I wondered whether she had excellent night vision to boot.

Her coat was a sort of rich golden yellow. It was darker than Fluttershy's, and a just bit more toward orange. Her mane really was styled thin and in a very organized series of waves - she must put it through some sort of iron to get it to stay shaped like that. The strands separated slightly as they spilled over her neck and across the floor, making her mane appear almost as though it was composed of a series of ribbons. Her coat had a slight luster to it, but her mane practically shined of its own accord. I could easily imagine Rarity having a hand in maintaining her appearance. I mean 'hoof.' Whatever.

The horn on her forehead looked about eight inches long and it had the same faint sheen that her coat, though it was clearly not fur-covered. It was not filed to a point either, but a small rounded nub.

I frowned sympathetically as my eyes followed the curve of her neck and down over the point of her withers. She looked very uncomfortable crumpled on the floor with her back to one wall and her knees and hocks pressed against the other. While her legs were similar to a horse's, they were less... 'knobby.' Her knees and fetlocks were not as bulbous as they are on horses, which gave her legs a sleeker look.

And of course I could not help but look to her flanks in search of her cutie mark. Did ponies even call it that? It would be a hilarious name to give such an important symbol of who a pony was. She did have one. It was three clouds, each layered over the one behind it, decorated in pastel blues, violets, reds, and oranges. Spreading up and out from behind the front-most was the impression of a soft, warm glow as though the setting sun was nestled hidden amongst the clouds. Or maybe it was the rising sun. Either way, the symbol was both cheery and comforting.

And the colors! It looked as though each hair in her fur was fully infused with the appropriate color, which made the entire symbol look completely natural despite its vibrancy. The only thing I can compare it to is the spread and vivacity of colors found on tropical birds. Though, looking closer, it seemed that the colors in the clouds were separated into flat faces with straight edges and distinct points. Could they be imitating gemstones?

Wait a second.

Oh God, maybe she was not from Equestria at all! Maybe she hailed from this mysterious Crystal Empire that had been mentioned ever-so-briefly. Great, now she was a complete unknown! I had hopes that perhaps Celestia or the main cast would be the ones to come looking for her - if they were at all like the show, then perhaps I would have a chance to explain myself - but if this was not an Equestrian Princess... Maybe I should start praying to Cadance in the hopes of forgiveness.

Then I realized that I was standing there dumbly staring at her rear. Ponies clearly had a different outlook on nudity, and I felt safe assuming that they were used to others looking at their cutie marks, but I still felt like an ass. Here I was, supposed to do something to help her, and I was ogling her butt. I tried shoving my sudden shame to the back of my mind and resolutely brought my eyes back up to her face.

This was it.

I crouched and extended a hand. Ever so slowly I reached out past her muzzle, her cheek, and finally her ear. My hand shook horribly as it hovered just behind her head over the curve of her slim neck. This was always the moment in movies when something horrible happens. She would wake up and, with a snap of her magic or a stab of her horn, attack me. Or now would be the moment when the guards showed up with me, the alien attacker, leaning over their Princess and about to finish her off. Or the alien that was all claws and teeth would jump down on me from above...

I do not know how long I waited there, but I wanted to make sure that the moment had its chance to do me in. And it did nothing. Though my imagination tried its best to scare me into my own coma with increasingly stupid scenarios pulled from every horror movie I had ever seen.

With a sharp intake of breath I let my hand fall gently. Her fur was soft, much more so than a horse's, and surprisingly short. Warm too. Her coat had the smooth velvety texture that comes from being well-cared for, and I could feel the gentle forms of her muscles underneath. A part of me wanted to spend some time just softly stroking her neck...

I didn't dare though.

I let out my breath and concentrated on what my fingers were telling me. It was comedic just how normal she felt; especially after all I had put myself through to get here. Now that I was in direct contact with her I could feel the steady draw and release of her breathing. Shifting my thumb a bit I found her pulse as well. It was comforting to know that pony physiology was similar enough that I could find a pulse. Fortunately, as far as I could tell, it was holding steady as well. Barring her head trauma, she seemed fine.

I withdrew from her neck before reaching back down with both hands to hold her head. I slid one under to gingerly lifting her up and see the other side. I know that head wounds tend to be extra 'bleedy,' but the amount covering the left side of her face and parts of her mane made me cringe. Slipping the hand under her head further back, I cradled the back of her head so that the left side of her muzzle rested against the inside of my forearm. Doing so got blood all over my arm, but I figured that at this point one of three things was already going to happen just from simple exposure to her: a horrible death by Ponypox, nothing at all, or I would turn into an Alicorn. I hoped desperately for 'nothing at all,.' Though becoming an Alicorn might be fun.

Holding her head this way tickled the inside of my arm with her breathing, but it allowed me to reach over with my other hand and pull her mane away so that I could see her wound. From what I could tell there were a series of small scrapes and one large gash that was surrounded by an area that was already swelling. It was nasty, and I could see blood still flowing, but I had seen and suffered worse while playing sports like football. As long as it was kept clean and properly bandaged I was pretty sure this pony would be fine.

That's when I heard a slight snuffling noise. Looking in horror to the face of the pony I was holding I found that it was not her. Not yet at least. I quickly tracked the sound back down the hall toward my room. There was Dimble, sniffing curiously at the pony's tail, and slowly working his way toward me. That would be a great way for her to wake up - me holding her head so that she couldn't move while a cat sniffed under her tail.

I hissed at Dimble through my teeth, but he only spared a moment to look at me quizzically before continuing his investigation of this new and interesting thing lying in the hallway. I quickly laid the pony's head down on the other side of the casing so that her neck was not curled so uncomfortably, her circlet falling from her forelock and rolling through the doorway to Craig's room. Extricating my arm from under her, I stood up before ever-so-carefully stepping up and over her wings. I tried not to stand on too much of her tail, but it had spread across the entire hallway.

Dimble greeted me with a cheerful meow as if to say 'look what I found!'

"No. Sorry fuzzy, can't have you doing that."

He protested as I scooped him up with my clean hand - I did not want to try cleaning pony blood off of my cat. I dropped him through the bathroom door before shutting it on him. His hurt and confused look was cut off by the door and was shortly followed by a plaintive cry and some faint scrabbling. I knew he hated being kept in or out by a door, but there was not much else I could do. This was certainly turning into a lovely evening; it was a perfect match for my day.

"Well its eyes are fine." I whirled in place, nearly slipping on the pony's tail as I did so. Craig was crouched at the entrance to his room with a hand out, presumably holding one of her eyes open. "They might be a little slow, but I don't think it's that bad. It'll probably wake up with a massive headache but be fine. Stupid blood is getting everywhere though."

"You probably can't even spell the word 'dilation,' but you can tell if someone is suffering brain damage?! What the hell?" I looked at Craig incredulously.

"Eh," he shrugged, "I think I saw it on Survivorman or something. Anyway, you should check this out. Her eyes are purple. Like, really purple. I don't think they're contacts either."

I blinked at him, and couldn't think of anything to say. I was still dealing with his whole analysis of her concussion, and the sudden switch in topic was not helping my addled mind. Craig could occasionally pull really useful, but totally random, knowledge seemingly from nowhere. I could never figure out why some things stuck with him but others didn't.

"So she's going to live?"

"She? You checked?!" His eyebrows rose questioningly as he examined me from the other end of the pony.

"I... uh..." And now I did. I could not help it! It is like being told to not think about something; of course then you will! My eyes flickered ever so quickly along the length of the back of her rear legs, and over the long curves of her flanks before trailing further. With her tail flopped on the floor like that I found her slim marehood bared for all the world to see. Or at least to those of us standing at this end of the hallway. My eyes snapped back to Craig just as quickly. "Gah! Damnit, man!"

My blush must have been record-setting because Craig was rocking back on his heels and laughing his ass completely off.

"Dude, that was priceless!" He managed in between gasps. "You just checked out a pony! I knew there was something wrong with you!"

I simmered silently for a moment. "Yeah. And you can just shut the hell up. I'd bet that you would too if you were standing over here."

"Nuh uh! I'm in to girls, man. Not... whatever girl ponies are called." He was now sitting on his carpet, having fallen over while trying to breathe. "But you know what's good about that?"

I knew he was up to something, but I bit anyway. "No, what?"

"At least it proves you're not gay!"

I sputtered incoherently as Craig fell about laughing again. Here I was, having possibly brought about the destruction of the world as we know it, and Craig was making stupid jokes. Some things would never change, and I could not help but smile. I might as well play along.

"Yes, well, pussy is pussy."

Craig got real quiet, real fast. I, however, was busy occupying myself with the bathroom door. I realized that we needed towels to wrap the pony's head in and to clean up the floor tiles, and the only ones were in the bathroom. With Dimble. Who shot out as soon as the door was cracked. He leapt over the prone form in the hallway and scampered in to the living area.

"Hey, keep Dimble out of the hall." I called over my shoulder.

"Sure. Whatever."

I scrubbed my arm in the sink as best I could before grabbing the few extra towels we had. I doubted we would have any left after tonight. Exiting the bathroom, and carefully pushing errant strands of pony tail out of my way with a toe, I tossed the towels at Craig's face. He caught them with a jerk before adjusting his hat back into place and bending down to slide one underneath the pony's head. He wrapped it around as much as it would go, which, with her muzzle poking out of one end, made it look like her head had a fluffy red-brown cocoon.

"Okay, now we're gonna' get her into my room, and put her on my bed."

Craig looked at me with a huge grin.

"Yeah, it's not like that. Your room's a bigger mess, and I know what you do in there every weekend." He brings home a new girl. "We have to put her somewhere, and I don't think the couch is going to cut it." I motioned toward her wings.

"Whatever you say, man. Whatever you say."

"Are you saying you want her in your bed, then?" I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Nope. Just seeing how bad you want her in yours."

"Sure. I want blood all over my bed. That sounds like a great time." Craig blanched at that, and I'm pretty sure I know why. "Now just get your end. Gently. We'll lift her up together."

Craig stood there dumbly for a moment trying to figure out what I was doing. With some struggle I managed to get her hind legs curled under her. She really was not that big. Her body was perhaps four feet long from the front of her chest to the rear of her haunches, and she was slim enough that I would easily be able to wrap an arm most of the way around the thickest section of her barrel. But unconscious, and completely limp, she kept slipping out of my grasp. Craig followed my example and positioned her on her front, her head stretched out next to him.

She was also surprisingly light. A miniature horse of her size would probably be easily double or triple her weight. Not that I was complaining, since it meant that we could actually lift her.

With her in position, I slipped my hands under her belly, holding her rear hooves against her, and tried very hard not to think about how or where I was holding her. In an attempt to preserve some of her decency, I tucked her tail in and under her, then held it close to her as well. Craig followed suit after taking a moment to drape another towel over his shoulder, then rested her head in the crook of his neck. I had only myself to blame for the part of her that I was hugging to me as we lifted her off the floor. Her limp form soon threatened to simply roll out of my arms, and I found that I had to grasp her tightly to prevent this. Craig snickered when I clutched her closer and I was doubly glad that her tail was in the way.

I began to back up, but I kept us moving slow because Craig had to deal with her wings dragging toward his feet. We just did not have enough hands to hold them up.

"So how'd you know it was a girl pony?"

I looked at Craig incredulously as we slowly worked our way around the corner of my doorframe. "Really? You're going to ask this now, when we should be worrying about not dropping her?" He shrugged slightly. At least he was careful to not let her chin slip off his shoulder.

"Fine." I sighed. "I thought she was a she because according to the show, ponies are sexually dimorphic."

Craig blinked, and confusion rapidly spread across his face. "She's a sex mutant? What..? I thought the show was for little girls."

As we drew up next to my bed I let out another sigh. I should have known this would happen. Big words and Craig mixed strangely. It is not that he is dumb. Words he does not know just tend to get mixed up in his head, and he then associates them to words he does know in ways that make sense only to him. Now I just had to figure out which track his thoughts were taking.

"Er... No?" Yeah, I'm smooth like that. I was, of course, concentrating more on what I was holding than what he was saying.

"But you just called her a 'die-morph.' So some kind of mutant. Right?"

'Morph.' Mutant. Same thing of course. "No, it's not like that. It means that girls and guys look different. I'm going off the cartoon here, but the guy ponies have different faces and are bigger and bulkier. She looks like a girl pony from the show, so I thought she'd be one."

"Ohhhh..." Learn something new every day, huh Craig. "So because girls have boobs and guys don't, we are sex mutants too?"

I would have facepalmed hard if I could have done so without dropping a comatose pony. "Close enough." He grinned at me as though he had just accomplished something amazing.

Content to let the conversation drop, I nodded my head toward the bed beside us. Letting the pony down was a lot easier than picking her up, and it did not take long for her limp form to sprawl across the entire thing. I shooed Craig off to get the rest of the towels while I arranged the pony's wings as best I could. The bed was directly across from the doorway, so lying on her left side gave little room between her back and the wall. I had no idea whether her position would be at all comfortable - horses tend to sleep standing up, but ponies...? Yet another piece of information I could only assume about.

I shucked most of the covers out from under her, but pulled the thin first sheet over her. I was not sure whether she would be too warm or not, but it made me feel better about her decency. That did not stop Craig from sniggering from the doorway.

"I always thought you needed some practice tucking a girl in. I didn't think it'd be a pony."

"Stuff it." I was getting tired of this. "Just give me another towel." I slipped it under her head when he handed it over.

"So now what?" Craig asked as I stood back to make sure everything was as good as I could make it.

"Now you get to run to the store. We need gauze, bandage pads, medical tape," I had to make sure he did not just buy masking, "and some antiseptic. The towels don't do any more than prevent her from bleeding all over my pillow."

"You know I have to be at the studio in less than an hour, right?"

"Well, yeah. That's why you need to hurry. Or you can clean up this place while I go."

Craig looked over his shoulder and down the hall. He did not think long, nor did I expect him to. "I'll go. You can fight with your cat over who gets to clean the floor."

A flurry of motion later had Dimble back in the bathroom to prevent him from investigating the bloody tiles any further. Craig left with a wink and a 'don't do anything I wouldn't.' It meant that I pretty much had free reign to do what I wanted, though what his views on ponies were had yet to be seen.

Suddenly being alone in the apartment made my nervousness rush back. I could feel my hands trying to cold-sweat through the warm water as I scrubbed the floor clean. I appreciated that none of my nightmare scenarios had played out so far, but it was hardly any consolation. What should I do now? Should I just wait and see, or should I call an ambulance? I am sure that a hospital would help, but there would be all sorts of shocked questions that I did not feel up to answering. And it would get the authorities involved pretty quickly.

Should I just call the authorities and get that over with? It would probably be the safest course of action, but I can only imagine how horrible it would be to wake up in a government alien containment facility. I did not know if they actually had those, but I am sure they could manage something suitably unsettling. All I know is that I would hate to wake up in a sterile white room that was one part prison and one part lab. I really did not want to subject the pony to that if I could.

I could try talking to someone, but that still left questions. Who could possibly give me advice on this kind of situation, and how could I ask without letting on that there was an alien in my apartment? Cleaned up and standing in the doorway looking over the pony on my bed I could think of only two people. My mom, who used to be a doctor, and my dad, who is a lawyer.

While my mom's old medical knowledge might be of some general use, I suspected that there was little that she could actually do for a pony. Not that I wanted to get into that conversation with her. Just asking her for general advice would probably get me a 'be kind and do the best you can.' She was normally gentle and considerate like that.

My dad, on the other hand, might have a wealth of knowledge as to what officials might do in this situation. He is a lawyer after all! They know about that kind of thing, right? Plus he had always been the more easy-going of my parents - mom made the rules in our house - so it would probably be easier for me to just brush off the situation and get some advice.

It would also be nice to just talk with either of them. I had not done so in a while, and I definitely needed some bolstering right about now.

But standing there in the doorway, my computer happily making World of Warcraft in-game noises, reminded me that simply cleaning up the floor was not enough. Imagine waking up in a strange room, surrounded by aliens, and there are posters and random paraphernalia lying about showing your world, friends, and maybe even family. I did not want the pony waking up to that either.

I pulled down my single My Little Pony poster - the one with the entire season one cast - rolled it up, and stuffed it in my closet. A handful of figurines and a couple of DVDs followed and were tucked neatly into a box under some other junk. Just for good measure, when I logged out of my game, I hid my 'Ponies' file deep in the electronic bowels of my computer. I did not want to risk her knowing how to break into my computer and finding my fan art. My PDF saves of various fan fictions joined the artwork. Can you imagine what an actual pony would do if they stumbled across Fallout Equestria? Yeah, I was not eager to find out.

Almost as an afterthought I also hid my porn. I had very little in the way of physical copies, so mostly it was burying another folder somewhere within my computer. Hopefully I could find both hidden files in the future.

After turning my computer off, I retreated to the living area to continue my brief cleaning spree and found my phone and the pony's iPad-like device still on the floor. Neither seemed damaged from their fall to the carpet, nor did either seem to be doing anything more dangerous than running down their batteries. I scooped them both up, put my phone to sleep, and investigated the pony's device. While entirely too pink for my choice, it was surprisingly similar to the electronics I knew. The display had numerous pictorial icons, and a background of the pony smiling widely amongst a group of other ponies all clustered together for the picture. Other than the ponies in the foreground and a sliver of gleaming white and gold wall to one side, it was a perfectly normal park. Laid over the top of all this was a round red blinking icon with some Equestrian script that resolved and faded along with the icon. The message seemed important, but I could not read it and I was loathe to begin poking at the device to see what would happen.

I had gone back to the side of my bed while trying to figure out how to turn the device off when I heard the front door open. There were no obvious buttons on the damned thing. But why would there be? Hoofed creatures were not known for fine manual dexterity.

"Alright. We got gauze, the kind of pad things that the guy told me I needed, antiseptic, and some sticky tape." Craig wandered in with a lumpy plastic bag.

"What kind of tape?" I said, putting the pony's device on my nightstand.

"Uh. The white kind that comes in little rolls?"

I took the bag from Craig and looked inside. It seemed to be all the right stuff. "Okay. Grab me a bowl of some warm water and a couple hand towels."

As he went off to do that I gently lifted the pony's head, both towels still in place, and slipped into where my pillow had been. I undid the towel around her after resting her head in my lap. She did not even twitch, which got me worried. By the time Craig returned I had the various materials spread out about me in what open space I could find.

"Shouldn't she be awake by now?" I asked, peering down at her.

"Yeah." Craig also sounded a bit worried. "Normally you're only out for a minute or two. This can't be good."

I tried my best to swallow my fears. Please, whatever deity, or Princess, might be out there, don't let her be seriously injured!

There was still some slight blood flow, but being less than it had been I took it as a good sign. With a damp washcloth I began dabbing at and cleaning the area around her wound. It took a couple of nervous silent minutes to do so before I moved on to the wound itself. Lightly stroking in the direction of the gash to prevent any more damage brought her first actual reaction. I froze when she tensed and gave a soft groan, her face scrunching a bit as she pulled her wings in closer. I waited, not even daring to breathe.

But she did not do anything else.

I looked up to Craig who was standing stock-still a little ways away. His eyes were wide in an expression I am sure I mirrored. "Good sign?" I whispered.

He did not appear to have heard me and was still staring at the pony in my lap like he wanted to run.

"Craig!" I said a bit louder. He spared me a glance. "Is that a good sign?"

He gave both a slight nod and a slight shrug. It was one of the weirdest things I have ever seen, but it got the message across.

Turning back, I gathered my wits about me. Please do not wake up right now! I did not want to have to explain this situation, as innocent as it actually was. Speaking of which... I shifted a bit to get more comfortable and to get both her muzzle and horn a little further from my crotch. One would have been horribly embarrassing and the other likely more painful than anything I had yet experienced.

I put a little antiseptic on another washcloth and dabbed that slowly on to the side of her head. She sort of twitched again, but otherwise did nothing. That did not stop both of us from holding our breathes and freezing again. After another tense minute I finally got up the courage to place the bandage pad on her. Wrapping the gauze around and under her head proved to be a little difficult with only two hands, but I managed. How she did not wake up from that I don't know. I finished with a bit of tape to hold the entire thing together.

I handed the towels to Craig and stuck the rest of the stuff in the bag again. I took a last look back as we retreated out of the room. She looked a bit silly with the gauze wrapped around her head, but seemed to be resting peacefully. With the pillow back under her head, and her face pressed firmly into it - her doing, not mine - it was an adorable sight. I turned off the light and shut the door with a small smile before joining Craig on the couch.

"So, now what?" He was slouched forward with his hands hanging off the couch between his knees.

"I guess we wait. And hope she decides to go easy on us." I settled back on the other end and stared up at the ceiling. I hoped my upstairs neighbors had not noticed the commotion. The pony collapsing had been pretty noisy.

"What do you mean 'us?' This is all you, dude."

"Gee, thanks! You're such a pal!" I deadpanned.

"You're the one who found her." He sat back and looked over at me. "How did you even do that?"

"I... don't know." Really, I had no idea. "It was just a random message on my phone. I thought it was a mistake and made a joke of it. How was I supposed to know ponies were real?" I flailed my hands once in exasperation.

Craig grunted. "Somebody must have. You found that translation thing online."

"Yeah. Now I really want to talk to that AzureMare person. Maybe she," or was it 'he?' "found out about ponies the same way we did. A botched message that..." I perked up. I had an idea! Why did it not come to me sooner? "Maybe the Sun has something to do with it. Things have been going haywire all day. Maybe the flare somehow screwed up space-time and connected our Sun to Celestia's!"

Craig just looked at me like I had lost it. "Who's 'Celestia?'" Oh right. He's not a fan.

"Uh. She's the H. P. I. C. - Head Pony In Charge. Controls their Sun, leads the kingdom, is older than dirt, and nicer than Mother Teresa. Kind of like a pony Jesus, minus the whole dying horribly thing." I was NOT going to label her as God. I really doubted that she had the Omniscience, -potence, and other 'omnis' that the biblical God did.

"And you've gone and pissed her off? What the fuck!" Craig stood up and stepped away from me as though five more feet of distance would spare him the wrath of The Almighty.

"Well, I'm hoping to convince what's-her-name in there," I motioned toward my room with a hand, "that we just made a big mistake, and didn't mean any actual harm. Hopefully she'll be okay with helping us not get smited. We might have to grovel a little for this."

"Once again, all you, dude!"

I sighed. "I don't even know if Celestia's a real pony, or if she was just created for the show. The only thing I can do is wait for that pony to wake up."

Craig and I waited there in silence as the moments got longer and longer. It was getting really awkward, to be honest. But he apparently had nothing more to add, and I had learned the hard way that if I did not have anything specific to say, then it was definitely wiser to keep my mouth shut. And I also could not think of anything to add.

Finally Craig broke the tension. "Well, uh, I think I'll get going. Be a little early, but I need to find some idiot to make fun of on the show. Probably need to make up some contest for tickets too, since there's a show this weekend at Oggie's." That is a popular band venue and bar on the north end of town. I had been hoping to go, since Craig often 'found' a couple of extra tickets to such things. I suddenly felt a bit down. Now I was definitely not going to that.

"Yeah. Go to." I fixed him with a stern glare. "You can't say anything about this. Not a single damned word. If I so much as hear a peep about ponies from you on your bit tonight I will murder you. Capice?"

He smirked. "Everything but that last bit." Back to the old Craig again, I see. I just continued to glare though, and his burgeoning smile soon faded. This was serious after all. "Fine. I promise not to say a single word about what happened tonight, Alex."

I flopped back on the couch and went back to staring at the ceiling. Being alone in the apartment with nothing to do but wait for a lost, hurt, and angry pony to wake up was not how I had wanted to spend my evening. What a perfect day this had been. I felt like I should be giddy - ponies were real after all - but I could not get over just how badly I may have fucked up. But still. Ponies...

"Hey Alex. I'm out. Try not to think too much about the unconscious and completely naked pony rubbing herself all over your sheets!" He called far too cheerfully as he winked over his shoulder at me.

"Oh, fuck you!" I grumped from the couch.

"Whatever. And I love you too, dude. No homo. Later!"

And he was gone. Just great.

After a moment of moping I pulled out my phone. I really wanted some advice on what to do now; preferably some that did not come from Craig. I had no idea what he would actually suggest, but I was pretty sure it would be heavy on the snark. Perhaps completely comprised of it. So I would have to look elsewhere. Once again my parents came to mind, but when I tried to think my way through the actual conversation it never came out correct. How do you go about asking someone what they would do with an honest-to-god first contact situation without making them suspicious? Well, I doubted that anyone would outright assume that there was actually an extraterrestrial in my apartment, but the entire thing would be so full of awkward as to be suspicious. Plus I had told Craig not to tell anyone. Was I really going to break my own request?

Adding to being confused and more than a little lost I now felt bad for having considered betraying my own admonition. Great. That did it though. I could always wait to tell others about the situation, but once out in the open there was no taking it back. I did feel a little safer about waiting for the pony to wake up and asking her how she wanted to handle things.

But that still left me with some time, a whole lot of nervous energy, and nothing to do. I flipped on the TV and tried watching it, but I couldn't stay interested. My thoughts were dominated by the creature in the other room.

After a while I just had to get up and move. Not wanting to pace, I took up where I had left off cleaning. I washed the dishes, straightened up some of the furniture cushions, and put the various movie and game disks away. We did not have an entertainment center - too lazy to buy something that expensive - but a set of Ikea shelves worked decently as a substitute. I also grabbed the couple stray pieces of clothing that Craig normally left lying about and tossed them in his room. There I found the pony's circlet, which I placed on my nightstand. I realized that sleeping with her torc on was probably very uncomfortable, but I had no desire to try and remove it now. Stripping a pony would be another great crime to add to my list!

I finished my once-over by making sure there were no obvious bits of trash anywhere. Because really, this was like having company over. I kind of wanted the place to look decent, and not quite so much like a bachelor pad. I was not, however, going so far as Craig's room. I might not be the neatest person in the world, but every pile had its place and reason. Craig's entire room was one gigantic mish-mash of random things strewn about, but it was also his stuff, and it was not my place to mess with it.

It was getting a bit late when I finished, though earlier than I usually liked. With nothing better to do I went through the process of brushing my teeth and preparing for bed. Incidentally, that let the cat out of the bathroom. My bedroom door stopped him, much to Dimble's dismay, but he generally slept on the floor anyway. The living room would be good enough for him for now.

While brushing my teeth, the face in the mirror stopped me. I had never considered myself handsome, but I thought I did okay. Kind of right in the middle of the scale between Swamp Thing and Brad Pitt. Women did not go out of their way to flirt with me, but I had also never been laughed off. I thought my jaw line was pretty good, if a little scruffy at the moment; I could do with a shave soon. My dirty blonde, shoulder blade-length hair was pulled back in a short ponytail (har har) like always. Personally, I felt that I looked better with longer hair rather than shorter. Plus I had found out that it really was a lot of fun having someone play with your hair. I wasn't going to let girls monopolize on that. Gender equality and all, you know?

My eyes though. The hazel eyes, staring at me in the mirror past a nose with a very faint bulb at the tip, were clearly worried and more than a little strained. I could see that I was a mess after today. Who would not be? But if I could see it, then it meant that others could as well, and that bothered me a little. Hopefully Craig had not noticed. I tried smiling happily, but it was a bit lopsided and just came off looking goofy. I chuckled a bit at the antics of the image before me, which did help. I tried to hold on to that feeling as I finished up, took out my contacts, and nabbed the extra covers from where I had tossed them in my room.

I'll freely admit to spending several minutes in the doorway marveling at the pony nestled on my bed. She seemed peaceful enough; every line was at ease as she lay in a slight curl, and her breathing easy.

Curled up on the couch as best I could - it was not a rollout unfortunately - I tried my hardest to sleep. There was just no getting around the fact that there was a pony barely more than a room away, and I had no idea who she was or how she would be when she awoke. My thoughts tumbled over again and again playing out various scenarios for the coming hours. As a pessimist, they tended toward the darker, more uncomfortable endings. What can I say? If I expect the worst, then chances are I would be pleasantly surprised when things turn out for the better.

Unfortunately my restless thoughts also meant that I was a long time getting to sleep. Well, that and I normally stay up for a couple more hours. When I did sleep it was light and uneasy. I remember waking up when Craig came home early in the morning, though I cannot remember what he said. It was probably some sort of teasing about me choosing the couch over my own bed. Give it a rest... Unwilling to throw my only pillow, I just swatted at him with my hand.

The rest of the night continued like that. Short bouts of sleep before waking suddenly to some noise or another. Even with his door shut, Craig's persistent snoring was not helping. Each time that I awoke I would lie deathly still and wait for some sign from my room. It would take long minutes of oppressive nothingness before I would slowly drift back away from reality.

Until I awoke to a gasp.

It was still pretty dark, so it was definitely early. The quickly stifled cry of surprise and fear had a distinctive feminine tone to it, and it put me instantly awake and alert. A sudden deluge of adrenaline guaranteed it.

I gulped against a throat that was once again very dry. It was time to face the music.

[3] Problems with First Contact

Ohshitohshitohshit! Okay, what the hell do I do now? God, it feels like my heart is auditioning as a bass drum for a heavy metal band! Okay. First things first, I need to calm the hell down so that I can think about this! A couple of deep, shaky breaths and I feel just lucid enough to analyze the situation.

Well, one thing I could do is go check on her... Yeah. That sounds like a great fucking idea! She probably expects her 'jailor' to check in now that she has made some noise. I know I would, if I were her. Waltzing in there would just be asking for a telekinetic choke hold a la Darth Vader.

Waiting here for her to find me while pretending to be asleep sounds safer. Ponies seem like the types to ask questions first and attack helpless victims later. Though if she does turn out to be hostile, then feigning sleep would be the worst idea. She could just use my own blankets as weapons against me. I would even come pre-wrapped! I didn't want to be caught with my pants down - figuratively of course; I prefer sleeping with my pants on. With my adrenaline soaring I'm pretty sure that it would be impossible for me to lay still long enough.

Other options? She might just hide out in my room. There are no monsters in there at the moment, so it is comparatively safe. Or - my brain train kept right on running - she could be more hurt than I thought and is unable to get herself up and about. I could wait here and accomplish nothing more than just letting her suffer. How would I know?

Maybe I should call out to her. Or not! It is not like she would understand me if I asked whether she was okay. Goddamnit! I am getting nowhere fast.

I suppose I could meet her part way; knock on the door or something. At least then I would be safely behind the hallway wall. But then, if action movies have taught me anything, it's that hiding behind the wall would just get me the magical equivalent of a shotgun blast. She's the good guy here, so shooting me through the wall would clearly work for her.

Oh God, I need more time to think about this!

I decided to sit up, which was a start. The shifting of my blankets was not any louder than Craig's snoring, so I doubted the pony could even hear it. My mind was still racing back and forth between the options I already imagined, but it was getting nowhere fast. There were so many ways I could do this, and so many ways it could go wrong. The big thing was that I just did not know. Would she hide like Fluttershy or jump to the offensive like Rainbow Dash?

Hunching over, I rested my chin in one hand while running the other slowly through my long hair. The dark room was doing much to help me brood, but nothing to give me a solution. In fact, it was probably perfect for brooding. With the sun not any more than a hint at the horizon, the only light was from the lamps in the parking lot outside and it came through the blinds as thin yellow bands that flowed across the couch and floor. From the hallway I probably appeared as nothing more than a sinister silhouette surrounded by spooky light effects. Oh God, I was acting out another perfect cliché!

I needed a night light or something so the mood was not so intimidating. And I needed to sit in a less sinister pose. And...

And the room was all blurry - every shape and shadow little more than a fuzzy blob. Fuck! I needed my contacts... Which are still in the bathroom, of course! What a perfect way to make first contact! Nice to meet you miss pony, but if you do not mind waiting a moment before pummeling me, I would like to retrieve my eyes first.

I swallowed a frustrated groan before I could make a sound. After everything that has happened - and with all that could happen - at this moment the most important thing was an ordinary pair of contacts in a room separated from me by less than thirty feet.

Dying of embarrassment was actually probably the easiest way out of this nightmare. I was glad that the room is so dark; there was no chance that anyone else could see how badly I blushed. My shame also made me very resistant to the idea of getting up, which, I quickly realized, was still probably the smartest thing I could do. My hesitation did give me a moment to calm myself though - not that it worked - and it let me do something I should have been doing in the first place. Listening.

Straining my ears brought back all of the same information I already had. Craig in his room blissfully snoring away, Dimble somewhere in the living area making his normal, slightly stuffy breathing sounds, and there was nothing else. I think. There might have been a soft tapping sound somewhere in there. The quiet, which is normally so good for a peaceful sleep, felt oppressive. It felt like something was hiding from me.

And I still really needed my contacts.

Feeling very resigned to an unfortunate fate, I got off the couch. It is an achingly slow process as I try to go without making a sound. I slipped first one leg out, then the other, before gently letting the blankets settle. With my feet on the floor I eased upward so that the couch made no noise behind me. Other than my excited heartbeat the (relative) silence is total; devoid of even tricks played on me by my own ears. I'm supposed to be the bad guy here but the ambiance is creeping me out.

I timidly crept across the carpet toward the hallway in a mirror of the previous evening. As I passed through the room I noticed that Dimble was lying on the floor to one side of the TV in an impossible pose. He had twisted himself around to lay on both sides at once - his hind end on its left, and his front on the right. You rarely see contortionists attempt that sort of thing, but apparently he likes to sleep that way.

Dismissing my dozing cat, I came to the hall entrance and paused to listen again. I still got nothing unusual back. Either the pony's special talent is stealth or she had not yet left my room. I took a deep breath in. I let it out slowly. Following that I placed my hand on the wall and leaned to look around it.

Everything was blurry of course, but there was a large, dark shape in the hall just outside my room. It was far too short to be Craig, and far too large to be Dimble. I had not heard a damned thing so apparently she is a master ninja. As fast as my brain can register that the pony is pretty much right in front of me, she figures it out too.

With a shocked gasp the same golden, back-lit halo that had surrounded my phone several hours ago sprung up about her horn, bathing the hall in light. For a moment I could see a yellow-orange blob framed by vibrant blue. Then the light cut out just as suddenly.

"Owowowow...!" She cried, just a hair shy of a sob.

It was the kind of heart-wrenchingly agonized sound that any guy would jump at to smooth away with gentle assurances and comfort. I, on the other hand, was too busy blinking an afterimage out of my eyes to do anything. That included ducking back behind the edge of the wall apparently. With a start I remembered that I was leaning my head around the corner and in to her line of sight. If this had been a video game I would have been sniped long ago.

She seemed to come to a similar realization just as I did. I might not be able to see, but I swear our eyes met for the briefest of moments before I jerked backwards behind the relative safety of the wall. From the other side came the sound of hooves scrabbling against linoleum. A quick scraping sound followed, then a heavy thump, and another shocked gasp. Before I could fully work out what I was hearing there were more sounds of a pony struggling with the hallway floor before several rapid, softer thuds told me that she had made it back in to my room.

I slammed my back to the wall and tried to slow my racing pulse. I had no idea what she had just tried to do, but I'm sure I had been inches from death. My head thudded softly as I let it fall against the wall behind me. For a long while I could do nothing but lean there, gasping and shaking, with the wall supporting me in a way that my body refused to.

As the pounding in my ears began to fade, I noticed another sound working its way in to my ears: someone else's rapid staccato breaths. Someone who was clearly also terrified.

"He..." My voice broke - damnit all! - and I heard a sharp intake of breath from her.

"Hey." I tried again softly and with more success. "I'm not gonna' hurt you."

God, I felt silly! I knew she could not understand me, so I was pretty much just talking to myself. Did it make me feel any better? Sort of. Voicing my thoughts was a welcome distraction from my rampant pessimism. If I was too busy trying to not get killed, then I wasn't spending my time worrying about how I might be killed. And that was a dark thought...

"Look. I know you're scared, but I'm scared too." I was so very glad that Craig was asleep. "I don't want to hurt you..." That had sounded much better in my head. "God, that came out wrong. What I mean is that I'm not going to hurt you, so please don't hurt me. All I want to do is get my contacts, and then maybe we can sit down and try to work this out. I promise I'm just trying to help."

I waited and held my breath. She stayed silent though. "Nevermind. You can't understand me anyway." I'm not sure how well my voice was reaching her, but it struck me that talking like this probably was the smartest thing I could do. It let her know that I was not sneaking up on her, and it was a sign that I was not being aggressive. Or... it could just be me trying to lull her in to a sense of security before striking. My fucking brain; ever so helpful! Why couldn't I have one that did not sabotage every positive thought I had? Still, talking with her was what I wanted, so putting myself out there was the best option.

"I know you don't know what I'm saying, but I'm going to come out now. I'm going to go in to the bathroom and put my contacts in. After that I'll go back in to the living room and wait. You just come out whenever you're ready. No rush."

I'm not an idiot. Sometimes. I peeked around the edge of the wall before proceeding. Though just as dark as before, the hallway was empty of pony-shaped shadow blobs. I was not trying to mask my footsteps, but I did take each one slowly.

"Okay. I'm in the hall now, no need to jump out and blast me." Yeah, thanks brain. Step. "Rounding the corner in to the bathroom. Not attacking you, by the way." Step. I felt like a complete moron narrating like this. "In the bathroom now. Going to turn on the light so I can see. Don't worry, it's nothing bad." Step. Click. Viola, light!

I held my breath - apparently developing a bad habit there - and waited for my eyes to adjust. I was also waiting to see what the pony would do. She was still silent, though I did hear someone shifting around quietly.

"Right. See? Just some good old light. Nothing to be scared of." It was too bad that the mirror and door were not situated so that I could see down the hall toward my room. The arrangement ran the other way, so as I hovered over the counter I had a partial reflection of Craig's door before me. She would have to venture almost all the way to the entrance of the living area for me to see her.

"Just stay put now." I called softly. It amazed me that I was able to keep talking so evenly despite drowning in adrenaline. The years of working in customer service were finally paying off... with a perfect poker voice. "I have to get these contacts out and in. Not doing anything bad or scary. Just fixing my eyes." I also wanted to curl in to an embarrassed ball on the floor.

Righty went in first with no problems, then lefty, and finally I could see! The man in the mirror blinked several times to make sure everything fit correctly. There was still no sign of the pony though.

"Okay, now I'm all done here. I'm going to come out now, and go in to the living room. I'll leave the light on for you, okay? Like I said, you just come out whenever you feel safe enough. I just want to talk." How we were going to manage that I had no idea. The translator seemed like the only option. Given the conversation that was likely to occur, it was also probably going to be the most annoying option.

"I'm coming out now." I took a deep breath and edged my way back in to the hall. I really needed to stop trying to asphyxiate myself. And saying 'okay' so much. She was oblivious to this, being still hidden in my room somewhere, and my trek back to the couch was uneventful other than the worried musings that filled my head. As much as I wanted this to just be over, I was again thankful that she was behaving more like Fluttershy. And I felt awful for appreciating her fear. And that entire distressing thought process was yet another thing to stop doing.

"Alright. I'm just going to sit here on the couch, miss pony. Not doing anything bad, just sitting. On the couch. In the living..." I needed to just shut the hell up.

As much as I normally liked the darkness, having the lights on in the living area was comforting. Nothing could jump out at me while I was protected by impenetrable incandescent illumination. A five year old's logic at its best, but it made me slightly less nervous. Slightly.

From my spot on the couch with one leg folded beneath me - I had always been more comfortable that way - I waited patiently. Or tried to. My eyes may have been riveted firmly to the entryway across the room, but my body was just brimming with nervous energy. I could not help it. My un-sat-upon leg bounced away merrily while I pseudo-unconsciously drummed the fingers of one hand on the cushions.

"Mrowr!" All of my ticks came to a screeching halt when I heard Dimble's happy greeting. From down the hall.

Oh, fuck me! Please, please, please do not hurt Dimble!

I had been sure that I was a hyped up as I could get, but my body surprised me once again. I tried to dig my fingernails through the couch cushions as a veritable tsunami of chills washed over me in the wake of another adrenaline surge. Dimble was an innocent in all this, and I had forgotten all about him! I had let him wander blindly in to the crossfire.

I heard soft shushing and shooing sounds from the hall and all (some) of the tension left me just as quickly. The sudden relief that she was not going to blast Dimble had me hunched over and trying not to gasp with shock. If this pony did not kill me, then a heart attack seemed very likely. And at a meager thirty years old it would be an embarrassing way to go. Craig, I love you like a brother, but you still can't have my stuff.

The realization that she was pretty much right there impacted me soon after. Just as Dimble wandered back in to the room I sat back up and gave one last heroic effort to calm myself. I folded my hands together - lacing my fingers to keep them from fidgeting - and tried to make my face placid and non-threatening. I doubt I even came close to succeeding.

Then I remembered something I had forgotten. I really should have put a shirt on.

I wanted to facepalm. I really did. But there was a golden yellow horn inching its way in to view from behind the edge of the wall about three feet up from the floor, and that put a stop to every thought, conscious and otherwise, except for one:

I was about to meet a pony. An honest-to-God pony.

The horn was followed shortly by part of a slightly tousled wavy light-blue-on-dark-blue mane that reached almost to the ground. I am sure that I was staring unabashed and wide-eyed as part of her muzzle and most of one very wide eye slid slowly in to view. And Craig was right. She had really purple eyes. They were the sort of deep, rich violet found rarely in nature. Apparently My Little Pony had been right about ponies being colorful.

We just stayed like that. For how long? I have no idea. I needed some time to come to grips the fact that she was actually real because, while somewhat different than the show's depictions, she was still recognizable to me as an Equestrian pony. Her unwillingness to act was completely understandable; being from another world, I was sure she had never seen a human before. I was a complete unknown to her.

That is why I was the one to eventually break the detente.

"Hi." Even to my ears my greeting sounded way too cheerful, and completely out of place. At least it was not shaky, too quiet, squeaky, or threatening. I could be happy with small victories.

She blinked at me. Another long silence followed as her visible ear slowly drooped a bit.

"Esu lyon orun equsar?" Her words had a lilting flow that perfectly matched the style of the Equestrian script that I had seen. The inflection made it sound like a question. Hopefully our worlds were similar in that regard.

She had spoken quietly, but her voice still carried well enough. It was a bit higher pitched than my own, and had a softness that reminded me very much of a young woman's. Unlike a human's, hers was a bit more sonorous. It also had a subtle extra vibration under the primary tone. The sound was different - probably because her neck and palate were much longer than any human's - but it was not altogether unpleasant. And to be honest, after the last few hours, I was thrilled to hear her voice used for something that was not pained, surprised, or fearful.

"I'm sorry, but I can't understand you."

Her visible ear drooped lower and she replied with something too quiet to catch. After a moment she refocused on me. "Neyalo esu rusiol asherlo equsar seza esu lyon...? Lyo esu hesario sherula owerias?"

Again with the questions. I'm not even sure I caught the whole thing because she spoke faster that time. It's not as though I would have understood her had she spoken slower anyways.

I shook my head and picked up my phone. I was about to turn it on and call up the translator when it struck me that that would not work either. I might be able to plug in English and tell her things, but unless her phone was miraculously connected to an Earth network, or she could somehow type using English letters, then I was going to get back nothing more complex than 'yes' or 'no.' I sneered at my phone for failing me and tossed it to the end of the couch. I was still careful to land it on the cushions though - I'm not that dumb.

She had followed my every move while dealing with my phone, and her eyebrow raised when I casually discarded it. She was simply puzzled by that? Couldn't she tell that my phone was the method behind her situation? There was nothing else I could do though, so I just shrugged.

"I'm sorry. I did not mean for any of this. I don't suppose you have any ideas now?" She just kept staring at me. Eventually I sighed and broke eye contact. I began to play with my fingers as I looked down at my lap. My nervousness was creeping back. We could not communicate and I had no clue what to do about it.

A minute later, or maybe two - I don't know - I heard her shifting slightly. When I looked up I found her with one hoof raised. She paused as our eyes met again, but when I did nothing more than look at her, she carefully set it down ahead of her.

Then I found out why she was so effectively sneaky. She made sure that her hoof was firmly planted on the linoleum before easing herself forward on to it. Then she ever-so-slowly shifted her weight, probably moving her rear hooves, before cautiously lifting up her other front hoof to take herself further. It was like watching someone walking across a patch of ice, only slower. Linoleum and hooves had proven to be a very painful combination and now she was being extra cautious.

Her eyes did not leave mine as she painstakingly took the two steps to the carpet of the living area, but her ears kept flicking back and forth between Craig's room and myself. She did not relax until both of her front hooves were securely on the carpet of the living area. It was not much by a long shot, but her stance and the way she held her wings softened. It was clear that had she not been venturing in to the room where I was, she would have sighed in relief at being off the smooth floor.

My nerves were gradually piecing themselves back together as she continued to be non-hostile, and I watched with interest as she drew herself up. She held her head level with mine, though had I been standing she would have only come up to the base of my neck - right around five feet tall. Though still somewhat hesitant, I could definitely see a growing regal air to her stance. The bandage pad half hidden under her bangs did mar the effect just a little.

As we got our first good looks at each other I held my hands up before me with my palms out. "See? I'm friendly." Well, she was getting her first good look. I had gotten more than my fair share earlier. I could only hope that I was not visibly blushing at the memories of how... intimately I had gotten to know her.

"Shi osuara ilishu neharum, lya'on shi?" My blank look was apparently answer enough and she finally broke eye contact to look down toward the floor. She shifted her hooves to a slightly wider stance, then took a deep breath before letting it out through her nose. It looked a bit like Twilight preparing for a big spell. And that meant...

Oh shit!

I was already moving when her horn lit up with her signature halo. Before I could fully get to my feet she gasped as if someone had socked her in the gut, and her horn went out. One of her forehooves rushed to her forehead and she wobbled a bit. I noted that she was not holding her hoof to the bandage on the side of her head, but to the base of her horn. I do not know how I could have helped, but in spite of myself I found myself taking an involuntary step forward to see what I could do. I am not (normally) a dick, after all.

She noticed that, of course, and immediately hopped a step backward. Her ears pressed firmly to the back of her head and she spoke, though it was too fast for me to catch individual words. Her voice was thick with pain, but her tone was apparent. I was to stay away from her.

There was absolutely no way I was going to comply if she thought she was going to use magic on me. Maybe she was trying to be helpful. Maybe she was not. I had no idea, and was not about to find out the hard way. She interrupted my thoughts by lowering the hoof from her head and pointing it at me. She waved her hoof at me and said something more while blinking away tears. My confusion and distrust must have been apparent because when she spoke slower when she opened her mouth again.

"Non esu. Sher." She put a hoof to her breast, her mane bobbing a bit as she nodded. She then waited expectantly.

I am no expert with foreign languages, but if she were human the message seemed clear enough. But I had to be sure. "Me." I pointed to myself and shook my head. "You." I pointed to her and nodded.

"Kel. Sher." She tapped her chest and then nodded again.

If she was going to use magic on herself, then who was I to stop her. I took a step back and folded my arms over my chest. She seemed satisfied with my response and braced herself again. Gritting her teeth and clamping her eyes shut preceded her horn's halo coming alive again. She hissed through her teeth before tilting ever so slightly to one side, and I worried that she was in no condition to try whatever she was up to. I was assaulted with the mental image of her falling yet again. Fortunately, she managed to catch her balance.

She held her place for a bit with her horn glowing steadily. Eventually she looked back up at me through squinted eyelids. Despite some pretty obvious pain, she was smiling faintly. It was not an aggressive grin from what I could tell. Triumphant maybe. She was proud?

Her hoof came back up and tapped her chest. "Etherea." Then she pointed at me again - to which I raised an eyebrow.

"You want my name?" It was a dumb question and I knew it. I'm not sure why I didn't just introduce myself.

"Etherea." She repeated the gesture, but this time her tone carried a touch of annoyance.

I took the hint when she pointed at me again. "Alex."

She looked at me intently for a second before turning her head slightly and pointing past me. I looked to the side and saw nothing more than the couch, my untidy pile of blankets, and the window.

"You want what now?"

She frowned again. With her teeth gritted it was like she was baring her them at me.

"Well I don't know! You want a blanket? Blanket?" I grabbed one off the couch for emphasis. As soon as I did she pointed lower. I tried to trace her line of sight, but it made no sense.

"Couch? What...?"

She did not even pause that time and immediately pointed at the TV to her left.

"Um, the television?"

Again she pointed elsewhere. I couldn't figure out what the hell she was up to, but I tried to follow along as best I could by saying what things were. If I didn't know any better it seemed like she was trying to learn English. Was she using some kind of dictionary spell?

Eventually she pointed to the couch again. I responded like I had leading up to that moment, but she grimaced when I called it a couch again. Fuck, this was confusing! So what did she want this time? I had listed off everything in the area. She grumbled something under her breath that I did not catch.

Then she blew me away.

"No. More word."

I gaped. Shamelessly so. In less than thirty minutes she had picked up enough English to make conversation. It was extremely basic, but if she only needed a few minutes for that much, then how long would full fluency take?

"Couch?" She pointed again at it, obviously not satisfied with the time I was wasting while getting my brain back in gear. "More."

"Well. It's an old couch that I got from a buddy. It's off white and sort of green in a flowery pattern. It's not the prettiest thing in the world, but I like it because it's very comfortable. Is that good?" I really should not have been surprised when she nodded.

And so we went around the room again. She pointed again at everything in turn, and I described them in as much detail I could think of. I was in a bit of a daze as she gradually began to follow along with what I was saying. It couldn't have been even an hour of this and she finally waved me to silence and let her magic fade. I waited with bated breath to see whether the entire ordeal had worked. Was I about to speak to a pony?!

"I... think I... have it. Can you... understand me?" Her sentences were a bit disjointed because she apparently had to spend time thinking about what she wanted to say, but by Jove, she had done it! I should have known. Alicorns are overpowered!

"Yeah." I replied, awed. "You're speaking perfect English! That's incredible!"

"Good." She straightened to her full stature and looked me dead in the eyes. I froze as my nervousness suddenly rushed back. She was probably still very angry with me! "I demand that... you release me now!"

I just stared at her. We were barely in to her very first conversation in English, and she immediately ordered me to do something that I could not. It's not that I intended to hold her prisoner; I just had no way to return her to Equestria. I didn't want to simply tell her 'no,' but there was no way for me to back up the alternative.

As I stood there, wide-eyed, and pondered what to do about this, her jaw gradually set itself. She was no longer quite so afraid of me, and now she was going to fight for what she wanted. As giddy as I should have been to be talking with a real, live pony, I was tired, frustrated, and more than a little fed up with the crap I was going through. The surprises, one after another, interspersed liberally with equal helpings of confusion and full-bodied terror, were getting to be too much. Just as she opened her mouth - probably about to let me know in no uncertain terms that she was going to get her way - I sat down hard on the couch.

"Etherea, right?" I looked up as surprise crept along the edges of her stern mask. She nodded. "There's the door if you want it." I waved vaguely in its direction.

She opened her mouth, then closed it again without saying a thing. Her brow furrowed as she looked back and forth between myself and the door. She finished with a glance at the window behind me. "I can... just leave?" Her eyes narrowed.

"I don't think it's even possible for me to keep you against your will. You're not..." Do not say 'in Equestria!' "There are only more humans out there. You'll be all alone. But I am willing to help you." I held up a hand to forestall the question I could see forming behind her eyes. "I know you're angry with me, but my best advice is that you at least stay long enough for me to explain your situation."

"Fine. But I... will want to talk to your... Celestial Princesses... when we are done."

Right. Princesses. There was just one teensy little problem in her plan.

"We... don't have princesses."

Her eyes widened at that. "Princes then? I have the correct term... right?"

I shook my head. "Yes, but no. We don't have anything like that. We have a President who is a citizen that volunteered to go through a nomination process and then won a public election. I don't know how..."

The look on her face was heartbreaking. A mix of realization and abject fear had replaced every ounce of confidence. "And there is... no Harmony. There should be... but there is... nothing. Nothing at all." She did not direct this at me. Instead she was staring over my shoulder at the window through which the early morning sun was streaming. "If there is no Harmony, why... would there... be any Princesses? If... there are no Princesses... and no Harmony..." Her eyes met mine. "...who controls the Sun and Moon?!" Both her face and voice revealed a growing terror that was barely held back by a paper-thin veneer of hope. Fuck me! I was going to have to poke that bubble because I couldn't give her the answer she really wanted.

"Nobody does." I doubt she heard the resignation in my voice. God, I felt so bad for having to do that, and the way she wrapped her wings about herself as her rump hit the floor only made it worse.

"But... but... but..."

"Etherea. It still works. See?" I tried to reassure her, simply leaning forward on the couch since I was sure she still did not want me approaching her. "It's rising just fine on its own. Later today it will set, just like normal. I'm sure things seem very strange here. That's why I didn't want you to just up and leave."

She continued to stare beyond me. Without any other options I let her sit there while I tried to decide how to proceed. She was used to Equestria where everything was under control, and would need some time to get used to the idea of a self-sustaining system that was not intrinsically dangerous. I desperately wanted to do something that would make up for, well, everything. The words that would make it all okay were just not there, so I could only sit in awkward silence while she dealt with her breakdown.

I didn't get to twiddle my thumbs for very long before Dimble decided that I wasn't doing enough to please the apartment's overlord. After all, it was at least half an hour in to the morning and he had yet to see his regularly-scheduled catering service. This was a travesty against all cat-dom.

Etherea shrank away from me as I rose but never took her eyes off the window. As though everything would continue working normally as long as her attention never wavered. She was trembling slightly.

"I'm sorry." I breathed quietly. "I just... If... I... I'm sorry." I finished lamely. Way to go, me.

Dimble followed me to the kitchen area and meowed happily the entire way. He was about to be fed, so to him everything was just fine. Barring the fact that I wasn't fast enough about getting the food to his dish, of course. If only I could bottle that feeling of rightness and save it for times like these.

As I freshened Dimble's water and dry food I kept stealing looks at Etherea. What could I say? What could I do? More than anything else she needed something comforting. In a strange world, surrounded by strange creatures, and finding out that nothing worked in ways that made sense... what she really needed was something normal. But lacking the ability to rewrite the fundamental laws of reality, what could I do?!

Watching my cat eat breakfast... Dimble, you're a genius!

He was so content in the simple act of eating. Maybe I could use that feeling of rightness.

"Etherea." I spoke quietly as I ventured back in her direction. "I'm going to toss on a shirt, and then how about some breakfast?"

Her folded ears twitched, so I knew she had at least heard me. She did nothing else for a long minute, but eventually her head turned ever so slightly in my direction. A moment later she tore her eyes from the window. Meeting mine she gave a hesitant nod.

Progress! I smiled reassuringly. Or I meant it that way. I gave her as wide a berth as I could while moving to the hall, but she still stood on shaky legs to get more distance.

It was a quick trip, but I took a little extra time. She had not been wearing her torc or circlet so I wondered what she had done with them. A quick look around my room as I was donning my shirt confirmed that they were not readily apparent. She must have hidden them. So she had planned on coming back. That meant she probably could not go home right away.

Though I knew in my mind that she would be in the living area, it was still thrilling to walk around the corner and see a pony. And then I felt bad for feeling good... And she was still there - off to the side, standing in front of the TV, and watching me warily. And judging by the hoof that hovered in the air, she was being careful to not let any of the beams of sunlight strike her. I sighed inwardly.

"I don't have anything with hay or flowers since we can't eat that stuff. But I've got some cold cereals. Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Raisin Nut Bran are made with some kind of grain. The first has cinnamon of course, and plenty of sugar. The other has almonds and raisins. I also have some granola which I like to have with dried Dates." I wandered back in to the kitchen where Dimble was now licking his paws.

"There's bread for toast if you want, with butter, peanut butter, or jelly to go on it. We've got bagels too, though just plain ones. Oh, and cream cheese." I had left the can of cat food on the counter, but quickly hid it in the fridge. It was meat, more or less, and I'll be damned if I let her see meat lying around right now. With that in mind, I also resolved to hide the leftover Mac 'n Cheese and keep her away from the sausage links and ground beef in the freezer. That still left a tricky item though.

"Um... Do you... er... use eggs in any form?" I asked hesitantly.

She did not answer right away. "We do... but just.. for baking... in to other foods... and the like. You do not... use... fertilized eggs... do you?"

"I... don't know." I pondered the carton, but it refused to reveal its secrets. Being mass produced, fertilization did not seem likely. "I highly doubt it. Farmers would probably lose a lot of stock if they were letting roosters mingle freely. If you're okay with eggs, then I could make pancakes." I watched her mull that one over.

Now I really wanted to make pancakes. I always felt better eating them, and I thought she might as well. There was just something relaxing and 'homey' about cooking and eating pancakes. Plus who, in their right mind, does not like them? That would be un-human! Probably un-pony too.

She had been watching me right back. Maybe my own enthusiasm convinced her. "Fine."

I smiled in spite of myself and gathered the ingredients from around the area while Dimble did his best to trip me. I knew he didn't actually like pancakes, but that didn't matter. I was making food, therefore he was entitled to something.

Despite the mobile cat-shaped speed bump I quickly had batter to stir. Mixing it right takes some time, and since Etherea seemed unwilling to pick up the conversation from earlier, the silence once again stretched in to Awkwardland. I again felt a growing compunction to do something. Inspiration was slow in coming though. I could talk about the solar system, but that could be long and convoluted. Plus it was tangent to the big issues. I had so many questions about the real Equestria, but asking them had to be done tactfully or else she would know that I knew far too much. I wanted to wait a while before broaching that particular subject.

I could bring up her general options for her time on Earth. That was something that needed to be dealt with sooner... Well maybe not. As I was heating up the pan I thought of something that needed to be asked first.

"Etherea? Can you get back home again?" Wow. That sounded really insensitive. I hate being on the spot like this because it makes me nervous, and then I say really fucking stupid things.

She flinched and looked away. "I-I should be... able to." Her voice trailed off. My stirring of the pancake batter gradually wound to a stop while I waited for her to continue. Nothing more seemed forthcoming though.

"But..." I prompted gently.

"But it... took so much effort... to get here. I should... have realized something was wrong... when I was... scrying. It is such a... simple spell; it should not have been... so taxing. But... I was too upset... to notice! The actual teleport? It was... like pushing my way through... Canterlot's wall horn-first. I nearly lost my focus... in the middle of it. It took... everything I had to hold on D-do... you know what would h-have happened... if I had... l-lost control?!" 'Blazing' was a perfect descriptor for the look she gave me. "I might have died! And it was you. It... is all your fault! How could... you send me messages like that?! And now... now..." She took a menacing step toward me, her head lowered and her wings flaring. The only thing that spared me was that the step took her into the area that was lit through the blinds. Shock instantly took over her features as she noticed this and leapt sideways to escape it. She barely caught herself before she could hit the edge of the TV.

"And now... I am stuck in some place... that is... devoid of Harmony, with... whatever you are," an accusing hoof pointed at me, "and... I do not... even know if I can find a way back! And so far... nothing here makes sense..." Her wide purple eyes scanned across the bands of light on the floor and she shuddered faintly.

How dare she yell at me! I knew that thought was misguided and a much larger part of me was angry at myself for being angry with her. Being in the wrong sucked, but she was completely justified. I was angry at her, at myself, at my shame, at what had happened... So many things. But there was nothing I could do about it so I swallowed those feelings; forcing them down to a low simmer to let them burn themselves out in their own time.

I might be over a head taller than her, and halfway across the room, but it felt like she should be towering over me. "I'm sorry." There really was nothing more I could say. It was simple, it was too the point, and it was what I felt. "I am, Etherea. I screwed up. I..." I hung my head and looked dolorously down at the batter I was no longer stirring.

"It is... fine." I heard come back. Her tone told me that it was anything but.

"No. It isn't." And I was back to angry! My harsh, low tone was proof enough that I did not have as good a handle on my feelings as I wanted. I turned and practically slapped a dollop of pancake batter on to the pan. If it were not for the fact that I intended to serve these pancakes I would have been more than content to just watch them blacken and eventually burn - I could always take the batteries out of the fire alarm for a few minutes.

"Alex." I was so wrapped up in watching the cooking batter - while being various shades of upset - that I was surprised to hear her voice call softly. And closer. I looked over my shoulder without turning. Every negative feeling disappeared for the blink of an eye as my brain registered that there was a yellow Alicorn standing by the kitchen island, and not ten feet from me.

"I... You did..." She sighed and settled her rump on the floor, shuffling her wings and neatly arranging her tail about her. "What I want to say... is that you clearly... meant no real harm. A... ...wise pony once told me that... anger will only result in more pain and suffering, and to... do everything I can... to work past it to an amicable resolution." The long pause at the beginning was a very noticeable omission. It sounded like something Celestia would say. Or Yoda. "I am upset. You sound upset. But... it is done and... there is nothing we can do about that. The best thing to do is... exactly what we are doing - working... toward forgiveness and a solution."

She might not have the legendary unflappable demeanor that fans give Celestia, but she clearly had some practice at it. The image of her as an actual princess gained some traction in my mind. And then was ruined almost immediately as Dimble, who, tired of me not sharing what I was cooking, began using his nose to make a thorough and completely inappropriate investigation of her. She desperately raised a protective hoof before her to ward him off.

"Just push him away." I could not help but smirk at my cat's antics. "He'll get the message. If he doesn't, just swat the tip of his tail."

I could see some faint pink around the edges of her ears. She did eventually push him bodily to the side with a tentative hoof though. With my cat safely out of the way (now investigating her tail) she resettled herself back to a more dignified pose.

"And to... answer your earlier question; I do not know. Not exactly." I blinked in surprise as my thoughts tried to catch up to her topic switch. "I... taxed my own Harmony greatly to get here, and... with no ambient Harmony to help, I have... to rely on my own ability... to recuperate." She looked down and dug a hoof in to the carpet. "I do not know how this world will affect it either. If this... were Equestria I would say that... a day or two of rest would be fine, but... it might be weeks before I can attempt to go back. And that is... if I do not use a lot of... magic."

Right. So she was stuck here for a good long while. "What about the ponies in Equestria? Do you think they can figure out where you are?"

"I do not see why not." Her tone turned thoughtful. "But I was using... a tracer spell on my pad... to follow your messages back to you. They will not have that... direct connection. I suppose my... that my family might be able to... use their connection to me in its place, but I do not know whether that will... make it easier or harder. On one... hoof... it is a more personal link, but on the other it is not as... 'fresh' of a trail to follow." She scrunched up her face like something was tickling her nose as she thought - which was very adorable, by the way - before nodding. "That is probably the best way to say it."

"So you could be here for a while."

She did not answer right away, her face jumping through a quick series of emotions - from consternation to anger and then resignation. "Yes."

I set the first pair of pancakes on a plate and slid it over to the edge of the island closest to her. The butter and syrup quickly joined her plate and, after adding more proto-pancakes to the pan, I passed over the shaker of cinnamon as well.

"I have orange juice, milk, peach iced tea, soda, or water if you want something to drink." I was not going to touch Craig's stash of beer this early in the morning, no matter how extensive it was.

"Um. Water is fine." A glass of water joined the growing assortment of items before her.

After a moment I decided to re-broach what was surely the most important subject at hand. "Back to another earlier topic then. If you'll be on Earth for a bit, then I think you have two options. You can either lay low until you can get back to Equestria, one way or another, or you can announce yourself and see if my government will help."

"It sounds like... you do not like the second one." Her tone carried the hint of a question.

"I don't like either option." I stated. "But I like turning you over the least. Humans are incredibly suspicious of new things. There have been too many conflicts and too much..." Ix-nay on the iolence-vay, Alex! "I don't know. Heartache? You're a complete unknown to us." I emphasized that with a wave of my spatula. "The first reaction is not going to be casual curiosity. Everything I know about my world tells me that the first thing they will do is try and figure out what sort of threat you are."

"But I am... not a threat! I just... want to get home!" Her voice bristled with indignation.

"It doesn't matter. They don't know if you're malicious or not. They don't know whether you're carrying some sort of deadly disease..."

"But... I... You think I am... infectious?!" And I had gone and pissed her off. Again. I needed some fucking sunshine and rainbows, or something! Except that she was scared by those too! Fuck me.

"We... Ugh...!" I gave a frustrated snort. "To be honest, I don't know. Thous... Many people have died from epidemics caused by simple first contact situations like this. Those were just in human populations separated by time and distance. You're from a completely different world. Even if it's not going to happen, the government will still want to make absolutely sure that we're not all going to die from simply being near you."

The stare she gave me was somewhere between horrified anger and breaking in to tears. I found there was a lump in a my throat and I wanted to pat her on the back and tell her that everything would be alright. That I was just being an alarmist. That nothing bad would actually happen.

"I didn't want you to wake up in that kind of situation!" I quickly interjected to head off her breaking down again, though I had to stop myself there and reassess where I was going. Describing my thoughts about a government test facility that would have been at home in the X-Files would only scare her more. I was so fucking tired of being an endless dispenser of bad news.

"I thought it would be worse to wake up surrounded by officials with no more concern for you than what sort of danger you were to us. And I'll be honest, if you approach them as an intelligent and rational being, they'll be very wary of you but you'll probably be much better received. I wanted to give you the option so that you could decide for yourself. Either way, I'll do what I can to help." I tried to fill that last thought with earnestness.

"Why would going to your... President... be a problem?" Her voice was a bit shaky, but she looked more confused than anything. I was thankful for small miracles. "Would she not... be more than happy to help... once I explained things?"

"He, by the way." She twitched in surprise. "But maybe. I don't know. I think it would take some time to check you out though, so you might be held until they felt safe, which could delay your return home."

"I would be a... prisoner?!" she recoiled and clenched her wings to her sides again.

I sighed. Again. I got myself out of one hole and just jumped into the next! "Not really?" Trying to be diplomatic while on the spot in a bad situation was not my strong suit. "I doubt it would be as bad as that, but I'm sure you would not be allowed to roam free. They'll certainly be very interested in your magic. The benefit to you laying low is that you would not have teams of officials watching you all the time and asking you to do things. You still wouldn't be able to run around freely, but we might be able to make it less confining. And it might let you go home sooner."

I removed the long-suffering pancakes from the pan. I certainly deserved slightly burnt ones. When I sat down on a stool to eat I noticed that Etherea hadn't touched hers.

"Don't you want your pancakes?"

She had been staring at the floor with her ears laid back. Her mane shifted and bounced when her head jerked up and she faced me over the counter. I noticed that she was really short to be eating off of a surface built to human dimensions.

"I do. I was waiting though. As terrible as..." The pregnant pause made me want to sigh again. "...this morning has been, you... are trying to be kind to me. I think. So I was being... polite in return." She too noticed her plate sitting at about chin height and scowled at it. "I also want to... conserve my Harmony."

I quickly retrieved the short end table from next to the couch for her. After all, Craig didn't need it to hold the remotes at the moment.

"I do not... know for sure, but if it is any comfort, I do not think you... can catch anything from me." She said after transferring her plate to the lower surface with her mouth. I raised an eyebrow and motioned for her to go on. "Equestrian... diseases are based... around localized... corruptions of Harmony. There is no Harmony in your world, and without it... I do not think you can catch our diseases."

"So your diseases are... magical?"

She shook her head at that. "No. Magic is when you... use Harmony to do things."

And now I suddenly had a ton more questions! But they were not important right now. "If we can't catch a pony cold, that's a load off. But I still worry about you..." Just leave it at that, Alex. Just leave it! Wait... 'Localized corruptions of harmony?' Does that mean Discord is little more than a sentient, mobile super disease?! Holy shit, that is a frightening thought!

"I will let you know if I... start feeling under the weather." She began before I looked questioningly at her horn. "Well, if I begin to feel... particularly unusual." Of all the things she would be casual about, dismissing the possibility of dying from disease had not been on my list.

"Speaking of which, you took a nasty fall last night. How are you doing?" I pressed on while watching her struggle doggedly with the syrup. She held the bottle upside down, in the crook of what I guess is her ankle, so that she could squeeze it, and kept it from sliding out with her other forehoof. It seemed like a really awkward way to do things and I wondered why she did not use her wings. Maybe the show had gotten the prehensile wings thing wrong? Now I needed to ask her about that as well.

"I am... okay, I guess. Thanks... for asking. It is my horn that bothers me more actually." She tilted her head to the side and waved a hoof in its direction as she explained. "Doing all that magic in such a short a time when I was not prepared for it... I could have seriously injured myself. My... I have heard of ponies... fracturing their horns... or worse, by trying to do too much magic too quickly. I am glad it is not that bad. Still, it... feels like somepony keeps tapping it with a... hammer." She finished with a small grimace.

I inclined my head and motioned with my fork that I was happy she was okay. Good news was... good. She noticed my gesture then looked to her pancakes. I noticed her lips compressing to a thin line as her ears slowly folded back. If her escapade with the syrup was any indication, she was finding out that breakfast was going to be an ordeal.

I debated what to do while she seemed to be doing the same. Offering help could go one of two ways; leave her incensed that I did not think she could do this on her own, or have her gratified that I was being considerate. Honestly, since I had been making a terrible impression so far, it seemed like it could go either way.

"Do you... have a strap or something that... I could use for these?" Her unhappy question broke through my indecision. She nudged her fork with a hoof.

Strap? That sounded so dirty... I forcefully squelched that thought and went with the more reasonable response. "I don't think so. I do have rubber bands though."

I presented her with an assortment, but again there was the problem of how to manipulate them. Trying (a bit unsuccessfully) not to worry over her response, I knelt and held out my hand. She looked at it like I had just offered her a moldy, worm-ridden fruit. Just as I was ready to pull my hand back in defeat she wilted just a tiny bit, then lifted a hoof and set it on my palm.

I was so surprised that I forgot what I was doing. I had a pony's hoof. In my hand! Electric thrills were flowing down my spine, running back to the top, and doing it again as fast as they could. I know I had touched her before, and been talking to her for quite a while, but casual physical contact was a whole other thing! Sure, her hoof felt just like a hoof - there was a hard outer ring pressing against the edges of my palm, and a softer, roughly tear-shaped frog in the center - but this was not just any hoof. It was a pony hoof! The edges were rounded neatly and evenly, and the faces were uniformly smooth in a way that spoke of careful tending. It had a slight luster as though lightly polished - which it probably was. It was clearly not a normal hoof. And I was holding it!

And now Etherea was giving me a wary look as though regretting her action.

"Sorry! I didn't think you actually would..." My cheeks suddenly felt very warm and I quickly began examining the rubber bands. I picked out a couple larger ones and stretched them around her hoof before sliding her fork in to place. Then I wiggled it a bit to make sure it was secure enough to eat from. It seemed to be out of the way enough for her to still use her hooves to grasp her water.

Then I found a problem with this arrangement. There was no way for her to comfortably use a knife with the same hoof, and if it was on her other one, then she would be unable the entire front half of her body to support herself. That did not strike me as comfortable, no matter how happily-animated Lyra was.

"Do you want me to..." I motioned with my free hand at her plate. She went slightly pink around the edges again and looked away. I took her lack of refusal as assent and quickly cut her breakfast in to bite-sized pieces.

I retreated to my own seat just as quickly, but I waited before digging in. She took a long look at her fork-clad hoof before giving a short giggle and grinning faintly. The utensil certainly looked silly, and the blue and tan stripes holding it in place clashed horribly with her golden yellow color. It was good to see her smile.

With a shrug of her wings she began to eat. Then so did I. For a time there was no anger, no alarm, and no fear. Despite what had happened, and all that might yet happen, everything was right in the world. The great calamities would have to wait because at the moment there were pancakes to be had.

[4] My Nightmare

The sounds of breakfast being enjoyed was music to my ears. It was a welcome relief to the past few hours for me, and judging by Etherea's silence, it was probably also so for her. She certainly seemed calmer now that my brilliantly-executed plan to inject something normal in to the morning had worked.

Or maybe she just couldn't think of anything worth saying. I certainly couldn't, and long ago I had learned to live by the motto 'It is better to stay silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.' I'll admit that some really stupid things had come out of my mouth when it had gotten away from me. I'm not talking about 'Haha! I can't believe you just said that!' funny either. I'm talking about 'Oh dear God, why would you say that?!'

While I wanted to say something, I wasn't keen on returning to the fear or anger from earlier; this aura of slight unease was definitely preferable. Since my mind continued to meander disjointedly about, I decided that it was definitely wiser to hold my peace. Better that I didn't prove myself an idiot.

Etherea held her peace as well. I couldn't tell if it was because she was having similar difficulty at restarting our conversation or if she was enjoying her pancakes that much. Mine were a bit crispy, but they still held a fluffy center that was delicious. Hers should be much better.

While unwilling to converse, I was not above intently watching her at the top of my vision while feigning interest in what I was eating. Despite the fork haphazardly strapped to her hoof she managed to eat daintily. Each bite was carefully speared through its center so that it would not fall off or apart. As the intended morsel rose gracefully in to the air, she would arch her neck slightly to the side while tilting her head to approach from an angle. She ended by stretching her muzzle forward and carefully placing her mouth around the syrupy confection.

As exacting as each step was, it was clear from her fluid motion that she had quite a bit of practice. She got not a hint of crumb or syrup on hoof, lip, or nose. Even more impressive was that her voluminous mane never came close to having any part of her breakfast touch it. She was a picture of grace that belonged at a royal dinner table; not at an end table that had been hastily pulled from a nearby couch.

Myself? I just put each piece in my mouth as soon as it was empty of the previous. She seemed to pay me no mind, though one ear remained pointed roughly in my direction. Despite what I'm sure was a socially inept eating method, I finished barely faster than she did. With round one down I collected her plate and began cooking the second.

Her soft, tentative voice broke through the quiet with a question. "With no Harmony... how does your Sun... work?" I glanced over my shoulder to again find Etherea warily eyeing the bands of light on the living area floor.

I'm no astrophysicist, but having watched more than my fair share of Nova, Discovery, and a variety of other informative channels, I knew my way around the basics. Where the hell do I start?

"Um... In a nutshell; gravity."

"The... Earth Harmony constant?" She looked back to me with a cocked head and deeply furrowed brow. "But... your world does not have Harmony."

"Okay, you're going to need to explain Harmony and magic for me." She opened her mouth, but I held up my hand to forestall her. "It'll take a little, but I'll tell you how my world works if you tell me how yours does."

"Okay..." She nodded, then seemed to consider the word in her head. Didn't it translate well in to Equestrian? Now I wanted to ask her about the spell she had cast! There was just so much to cover. I was beginning to think I knew how Twilight felt about something new and unusual.

"Well, in the beginning there was a giant cloud of dust. Dust is matter. It has size, shape, mass, density, and so on. Objects with mass pull on other objects with mass and try to draw them in. That pull is gravity. The more matter there is, the stronger the pull. The dust pulled on itself and eventually a ball of it formed in the middle. When the ball became big enough, and the gravity strong enough, it collapsed in on itself and the pressures caused it to ignite. More or less." Should I begin the process of explaining nuclear fusion, or not?

"So... your Sun is little more than a ball of... burning Earth?" Her tone and stare were incredulous.

"Ehhhhh..." Sort of? "It's more complicated than that."

"How complicated?"

Right. Basic descriptions were going to be tough to pull on someone... -pony... who was educated, but knew little about the topic. And 'It's magic!' would not work on her for obvious reasons. I used flipping the next set of pancakes as a good excuse to collect my thoughts.

"It's mostly made of Hydrogen gas. The pressure of gravity is so great that the Hydrogen is being squeezed in to Helium. That process releases huge amounts of heat and light." There we are. Nuclear fusion in less than a hundred words.

"So it is not actually... burning, but... the effects are similar. Why does that work?"

Goddamnit! Why? I hated that question because of the abuse it heaps on people who are only trying to be informative. Largely at the hands of toddlers.

Though hers was a pretty good use of it. Why should matter form completely different types of matter when smooshed together at a fundamental level? I doubted that she knew the exact nature of her question.

"Um... You would need to ask an expert." Telling her that I had no idea what the answer was made me feel like an idiot. At least the pancakes were ready.

She was giving me an odd look as I turned around. Like she was not sure she believed my answer, but she did not feel comfortable calling me on it. After a moment of indecisively working her jaw, she finally got up the nerve to ask the question that had been bothering her.

"You are not an expert on the... processes of your... world? I do not mean to be... rude, but you seem to know... a lot despite that."

"Thanks. But I just work in a paint store." She gave a tiny jerk and blinked. "I'm just interested in how things work." She seemed to accept that. Or at least file it away in favor of more pressing questions.

Looking at the two plates of pancakes before me, I decided that cutting hers up before handing it over was probably more considerate. She hadn't liked me doing so right in front of her, and I suspected that the proximity made it seem like she was helpless. Lacking magic, that was true in a sense. But that knowledge wouldn't make it any easier to bear. If I cut her food on the counter beforehand, then it could be seen as part of my presentation. She certainly looked less upset when pre-cut pancakes were set before her.

She still insisted on awkwardly handling her own applications of butter and syrup though.

"If..." she paused to briefly wrangle the syrup bottle with her hooves, "If your Sun is using... matter from its creation... to make different matter. Won't it eventually run out?"

Two things about that one response. I couldn't help but take note of her very first contraction. It was like a baby's first word, only ponified. Which only made it more awesome. She didn't seem to notice this though. The other was that she had figured out that the Sun had a limited lifespan from the basics I had given her. Quite the feat. Or a lucky guess. Either way I was doubly impressed.

"Yeah. But that's been calculated at something like five billion years from now." My response was casual, but hers was anything but.

"Five billion years?" she said with a flat tone. "Billion..." With one brow arched high on her forehead it was clear she didn't believe me.

"Uh huh. So, no worries about it breaking any time soon." I tried to keep my words nonchalant. The hope was that if I was calm, she would...

"Suppose... I believe that. You can't use magic. How could... you even measure it?" Her skepticism remained strong.

Nuclear fusion? No problem. Long term observational analysis? That was a tough pill to take?

"I'll be honest. I don't really know. But the evidence from its size and rate of 'burning,'" her lips parted a hair as she intently followed my fingers doing air quotes, "leads our scientists to believe that we will never have to worry for our Sun. They must have used some fancy telescopes and high-end math to come up with that. Things I don't have access to. Why? How long do you think yours will last?"

And I then got to see how ponies blanche. We're not talking a faint paling and a look of unease either. The blood drained completely from her and I swear her fur instantly shifted several shades paler. Her violet eyes shot wide as her entire body clenched up, stiff as a board. I doubted she was even breathing for a moment there. Just as I was beginning to worry over apparently having broken her, she mouthed something to herself before forcing herself to take a deep, but strained, breath.

"I am NOT going to ask Celestia THAT!"

Fuck! Ow... Her high-pitched shout hurt. And my earlier assessment about the potential strength of her voice had not been off. The happy knowledge that Princess Celestia existed, and therefore Princess Luna did as well by association, was completely overridden by the fact that I had apparently said something epically stupid. So somehow I had done it again. I could probably just stop talking and my life would become a lot less awkward.

"I'm... sorry?" I tentatively ventured. She snorted angrily while holding me in a steady glare. "What? I don't understand! What's wrong with wanting to learn these..."

"Celestia IS the Sun!" she hissed through bared teeth, cutting me off as she rose to her hooves.

Oh? Oh! Oh... I gulped, horrified at what I had stumbled in to, and unable to look away from the pony before me. I had just...

"Asking her... her... when s-she... she..." Etherea was shaking noticeably, her wings half flared and the fur of her back standing on end. I leaned back and put my hands out in front of me to ward off her attack. I knew there was little I could do if she was angry enough to use magic, but my reaction was involuntary. If I were to rate her anger on a scale of 'none' to 'blind, murderous rage,' we were very near the latter end judging by her stance.

"L-look, E-Etherea... I didn't m-mean it l-like that-t! I didn't know...!" My hasty words were embarrassingly close to begging.

She growled, low in her throat, and raised a hoof. My eyes were beginning to hurt from staring uninterrupted for so long, but I didn't dare blink. If I blinked she would strike. That's how these things worked, right?

With some visible effort she put her hoof back down. "R-right. Right... You are in the dark as much as I am." Some part of my mind noted what she had said and gleefully called out how (somewhat) wrong she was. However, most of my attention was on her slowly relaxing stance. It allowed my mind to do the same for me, but I still kept a wary eye out as I put my hands back on the counter. Her eyes remained narrowed at me.

"You are just... ignorant. You meant nothing by that?" It was partially a statement, probably for her own benefit, but it ended like a question. I nodded with all the honesty I could muster. "Then... I am sorry. But please... asking that... I can't imagine..." She shuddered before plopping her rump back on the carpet, her head dropping to face her plate. Or the floor. She didn't seem to actually be looking at anything.

"I'm sorry as well Etherea." I said softly, "I'll keep saying it as often as I have to. Contrary to yesterday, I'm not actually out to upset you. If I do or say anything really upsetting, just tell me to shut up, or that I'm an idiot. Just... don't hurt me..." I trailed off. It was pathetic, sure, but at the same time I suspected that if she knew I was scared of her, she would be less likely to continue stoking her anger. I felt a twinge of disdain at myself for playing on the fact that she seemed to have a wholesome personality like those shown on My Little Pony, but I had nothing else to go on.

"Shut up. You're an idiot." The snide comment directed down at her hooves had just enough levity behind it to let me know that the situation was passing.

She couldn't see it at the moment, but I nodded. I again set upon my pancakes, though with less gusto than the first set. She stayed still for a bit, her ears working back and forth a little as she thought, before going back to her own breakfast. To her frustration she had to adjust her fork back in to position, which took a moment of fighting it with her mouth. I spared her further embarrassment by pointedly paying no attention. Still, when she began eating again, she was spearing her pieces and chomping on them instead eating carefully as she had before.

Round two was finished in the same relative silence.

While I was preparing round three, almost like clockwork, she ventured another question. "So your Sun... is a giant ball of burning... gas? That still does not explain... your day and night cycle. If anything... your Sun would sear the land."

Right. We weren't done yet. I prayed silently to every deity I could think of - except Celestia and Luna - that the rest of the explanation would go smoothly. Simply naming them seemed highly unlikely to attract their direct attention, but after asking when the Princesses were going to kick the bucket... I wasn't going to take my chances.

"Well, it comes back to more gravity. Earth and the moon were formed the same way as the Sun - matter being pulled in to a giant ball. With the lightweight stuff going mostly to the Sun, that left mostly the heavier things, like rocks, to form the world." I leaned against the counter beside the stove while waiting on the new set of pancakes to cook. "Everything was in motion, and the gravity caused it to swirl about like water going down a drain. The Sun formed from the main swirling motion, but each planet formed from its own smaller eddy. So the Earth formed while spinning, and it continues to do so. From our perspective on its surface it looks like the Sun moves across the sky."

She pondered this for a long minute. Disbelief and confusion were fighting for dominance, but she couldn't exactly call me a liar. Well, she could, but I knew she couldn't come up with a better explanation for how a system without Harmony and magic, however those two worked, could function. At least not on the spot.

"I... guess that could work." She said hesitantly. "If the entire system... was 'swirling' in the beginning, then does that... mean your world also moves around your Sun?" She really was a smart cookie!

"Mmhmm." I nodded. "That's where the seasons come from. The world sits at an angle, so as it orbits the Sun, parts of it move in and out of the direct path of its energy. When pointed away we get winter, when pointed toward we get summer."

She cocked her head and her jaw dropped. Any anger from earlier was clearly forgotten as she tried desperately to understand.

"Seasons too...? But the moon...? Weather..." she trailed off.

"The moon orbits the Earth just like the Earth does the Sun. And yes, the weather changes based on forces beyond our control."

"So..." Here it was. The epiphany where she realized that the world was one big Everfree Forest. I cringed inside as I prepared for another break down. "Everything that is... happened by chance? Like your world won the lottery?!"

Okay... Not quite what I was expecting. She was focused a bit differently than I thought she would be, but she looked more confused and awed than distraught.

"Er... Yes?" I tried to switch my train of thought from damage control to simply remaining in the conversation. "We got lucky with what we have. So much so that some people think there's someone watching out for us."

"But if everything is an accident, then... how did you make...?"

"God, you two are loud." Both of our heads whipped toward the hallway. Since I had already been facing that direction it wasn't much of a task for me. Etherea, on the other hand, had to turn almost completely around. In her surprise she spun fast enough that her mane whipped out around her, and wound loosely around her chest and neck. It took a wing quickly slapping to the carpet to steady her as Craig shuffled further down the hall and out of sight.

Fuck, if Craig hadn't just scared the crap out of both of us! I hadn't even noticed that he had stopped snoring. Though I had been a bit preoccupied... I couldn't help but grin slightly when I noticed that Etherea had put her be-forked hoof on the ground again, and would need to readjust it.

"And that's my roommate. His name's Craig." I said.

Her ears were back at attention, but one took a moment to turn my way as I spoke. The short wait while Craig putzed about in the bathroom was a good excuse to set up the current round of pancakes for Etherea and myself. Etherea, for her part, shifted to the side a bit after regaining her balance, which placed her a little farther from where Craig would emerge.

"Thanks." Her eyes flicked to me as I set her plate down before going back to watching the hall.

From up close it was clear just how nervous she was. She sat on her haunches with her forehooves collected neatly before her. Her back was straight and tense, and her wings were again held stiffly at her sides. I had to do something to reassure her.

"Don't worry. He's nice. A bit... exuberant, but nice." She nodded faintly. Craig was a hoot to be around, but I finally had someone who understood big words without lengthy explanations!

It was a quick trip, and maybe a splash of water on his face, so Craig soon shuffled back our way. He entered the living area dragging his feet and failing horribly to cover a massive yawn with a hand. He was dressed in last night's pants - now with extra rumples! - and a wifebeater of questionable age. And with the way he squinted and blinked at us, it was clear that he was exhausted. That was no surprise since it was little more than an hour past sunrise; he'd been asleep for maybe four.

But he was still Craig.

"Good morning pony princess lady."

She twitched her wings, but her voice was steady. "Good morning."

"Craig, this is Etherea. Etherea, Craig." Only Craig could see me, but I motioned to the both of them as I said their names.

Craig planted himself on a knee before her and held out a hand. She leaned away when he did so, watching the appendage carefully. He just held it there patiently. When she continued to do nothing but look up and down between face and hand, he wiggled his fingers beckoningly and gave a little encouraging smile. I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out what he was up to. Eventually she raised her left forehoof tentatively off the floor and set it on his palm. Before she could react he grasped her hoof, swooped down, and kissed it.

"And a pleasure it is to meet you!" Etherea started to recoil, but Craig had already looked back up at her with that smile. The easy, disarming one that winningly dimpled his cheeks and was so brutally effective. Etherea stopped and I swear she began to blush. Her ears folded back as she looked down and away. Apparently its effects weren't confined to just human women.

I was so goddamned jealous at how easy he made that look. Maybe if I'd begun the morning kissing her hooves as well...

Craig just continued smiling for a moment before standing again. I rolled my eyes as he moved around behind the island toward the stove. The chivalrous attitude had been way over the top, but the smacking of his lips and animated scratching under his arm that followed was business as usual. Not to say that I didn't do the same, but I would refrain from it when in front of a lady.

"How's the old noggin?"

Etherea, who had been examining her hoof as if trying to decide whether it would bite her, scrunched her muzzle in disdain. "I'm not old... and I am just fine...!"

"So you can speak English, huh? That's pretty weird. I thought that you'd be talking Chinese or something. Like a different language that nobody could understand, so we'd have to play Pictionary to tell you things."

She looked up at us. Surprise, thoughtfulness, and confusion were all rapidly taking turns vying for prominence across her face. "It's a simple translation spell. All unicorns who might be involved with diplomacy are taught it. How..."

"That's cool. How does it work? Like are you reading my thoughts right now? Can you tell what I'm thinking?" He turned from adding fresh pancakes to the pan and struck the classic 'thinking too hard' pose at her - his fingers pressed to his temples with his brows low over his eyes. Etherea's brows, on the other hand, only climbed higher as she pulled her head back and blinked rapidly.

"Craig, lea..." I tried to interrupt and give Etherea a chance to catch up.

"N-no. It doesn't... work like that. After I... establish a basis for a language, it reads your intended message from the air, and... translates it back and forth for me." Craig nodded along while she continued to look more bewildered.

"Craig..."

"Okay, that's really cool. But what if I talk in a different language? Does it keep reading my mind?" Craig turned to me with a huge grin. "Dude. We have to get her to start speaking Russian!"

I buried my face in my palm. Etherea, bless her, kept trying.

"No! It doesn't do that! And I would have to... sample that language too. And it only works for speaking. If you were... to write something, I still could not read it. How..." She was becoming frustrated.

"Craig! No!" I had turned around by this point and held up a finger to shush him. His mouth was open again, but he closed it at my preemptive interruption. However his cocky grin remained.

"Right. The pony princess is your thing." I groaned, but he turned to monitor his cooking. A good thing too, since a distracted Craig would only create more burnt pancakes. I was no longer so willing to set off the fire alarm.

I turned back around to Etherea and spread my hands apologetically. "Sorry about that. Like I said; exuberant." Her eyes flicked from me, to Craig, and back again as she nodded slowly. Her expression was carefully neutral, and for some reason it made me uneasy. Still, I could tell she wanted to say something so I gave her an encouraging wave. She waited expectantly before speaking, like she was testing Craig to see if he would interrupt again.

"Craig, how did you know I was a princess?" The level way she said it, like it was a dig for some very specific information, set me on edge.

"Oh? I get to talk?" He teased. "Well, you had that necklace thingy and the crown. They looked pretty important." Etherea began nodding slowly; watching carefully as though she didn't quite believe him. "And Alex told me you were."

Fuck you Craig! Her eyes narrowed as they settled back on me.

"You told me you were a princess yesterday." I explained plainly. She mulled that over in her head a little. I wasn't sure what she was thinking, but I was about to relax when she suddenly stiffened and her ears shot up.

"Wait. You could not... understand me earlier. How did you type in Equestrian?!"

Oh shit...! My mind went blank as I realized the danger. I wasn't prepared to lie to her, but this was probably the single worst line of questioning. I couldn't just tell her everything, could I? The morning had been hard enough already. But now she was catching on to my deception...

"You knew Equestrian!" With that accusation I knew I had a front row seat to a train wreck. And I couldn't do anything but watch. "A-a-and... And you were n-not... s-surprised to see me! A pony! Why aren't you more s-scared of me? You act l-like you've s-seen ponies before. Y-you even... You knew I was a p-pony bef-fore I said anything! You knew w-what I e-eat! Y-you kn-knew where I was, and how t-to find m-me..."

Yeah... She was a smart cookie. Too smart for her own good apparently. And my health. Whatever she was seeing in my face as I tried to recover something resembling coherent thought must have been confirmation enough for her. She began backpedaling, straight through the sunlight that had so worried her earlier, her eyes shimmering with barely withheld tears.

The next came out as barely a whisper. "H-how did you know about..." she gulped, "What do you want with... me...?"

Nothing. Not one thing came to my mind. Nothing that would seem reasonable at least.

"Dude..." Craig drawled softly behind me.

Craig could talk any woman in to his bed, but given his penchant for making light of a situation - whether prudent or not - I didn't trust him to disarm this confrontation. With Etherea cowering against the far wall it was all on me. Great... Because now I was on the spot again. I needed to come up with something fast. I didn't want her thinking about fighting back and finding out just how defenseless we humans were against magic.

From the way Etherea was acting, she seemed to think that everything had been an attack on her. It wasn't unreasonable, just false. Simply telling her about My Little Pony before leading in to the events of yesterday would take time - quite a bit, if this morning's conversation was any indication - and all the while she would be sitting over there, terrified. I needed a way to get her past the idea that we were out to get her, and that meant having proof that her assumption was false.

Fuck it. There was only one thing that had proof that she wasn't a target, and it was still hidden in my closet. I got up and headed around the kitchen island. Etherea had tightly wrapped her wings around herself in a sort of full-bodied feathery hug. She shrank back as I passed, trying to hide within her own wings, and my gut seized up painfully. Nearly anyone else probably would have been fighting tears at the sight of those wide violet eyes desperately begging to not be harmed. As it was, I just felt numb all over.

Digging around in my closet took a moment, but it was not hard to retrieve the item from where I had buried it earlier. I unrolled it on the floor just inside the entrance of the living area before gently sliding it closer to the trembling alicorn.

"We didn't know about you specifically." I said softly and with a hint of a quaver. I wasn't sure how I should feel about this. Overwhelmingly sorry? Angry? Relieved that I would no longer have to worry about hiding this? Scared? Mostly I was just resigned, but that still felt wrong. It hurt to see the look of confused horror on her face as she stared at the bright cartoon ponies posing for a group picture on the poster. But it seemed like it wasn't hurting enough.

I waited a moment, leery of what she might do, but she stayed transfixed by what was before her - her chest heaving in time with her rapid, ragged breathing.

"Wha... elles... ai... uuhh..." Her whole body shivered as she trailed off. Her forelegs slid forward, settling her stomach to the floor, and her chin fell to rest between her forehooves. She exhaled gustily and then went limp.

Surprised, I rocked back on my heels as she collapsed. What the hell was this? A sick feeling of dread welled up from within my gut, bringing a lump to my throat. I might have made a mistake. A big one. She had already been in pretty bad shape, so this could have been inevitable. But maybe not. It was the least dramatic faint I had ever seen, but she was still out cold.

I turned to Craig, not sure of what I would find, but expecting that I wouldn't like it. He was just watching. His eyes were a bit wide, but otherwise his face was unreadable. There really wasn't anything else I could do now. I rolled my poster back up and stuffed it behind the end of the couch furthest from Etherea, then wandered back in the direction of my seat, slipping past Craig as I did so.

It was strange, feeling the bottom drop out of my gut as I passed Craig, but it wasn't until I sat down at the island that he came away from staring at Etherea. His mouth curled disapprovingly when he turned my way.

"That was cold, dude..."

The empty pit in my stomach flared in to an inferno.

"FUCK!" FUCK! Pain exploded in my forearm as I smashed it with my forehead, crushing it against the island top. Craig was free with admitting when he fucked up because he claimed to do so very often. If he thought I had fucked up, then I had fucked up. Royally. And that meant I was also a hypocrite for thinking that I would be more capable at calming Etherea than he.

"Fuck... Fuck... Fuck..." I said to the counter top, a mere inch from my nose, as I rested my head on my now throbbing arm. I couldn't think of anything more appropriate.

"Okay, dude, that was freaky. You alright?" Craig asked from behind me. We had been roommates for a little over a year, but this concerned tone of his was new to me.

"No." My anger settled to a steady simmer. Normally I'm rare to anger and it's generally a slow, controlled burn that dissipates over time. There are very brief exceptions when something overcomes my self control, and woe to those who push me there. Generally there's no easy target, so hitting something inanimate hard enough to feel pain makes for a decent substitute.

"I've fucked up everything I've done today. I think she almost killed me earlier when I surprised her, I'm pretty sure she fell again in the hallway, just about every answer I've given has scared or angered her, and now she's fainted! At least when she's like this I can't do anything else to her." I said self deprecatingly while waving in her direction. I finished by setting my chin on my arm. "Maybe I could keep her knocked out until her friends come for her." That wasn't sarcastic at all!

Someone slugged my shoulder.

"Ugh. Stop whining. D'you see what's over there?" Craig's question had a bite to it. Still, I focused on the pony across the room. Her forelegs were stretched out before her, cradling her chin, while her hind legs were curled under and partially hidden by a limp wing. Her mane similarly concealed her bandages. With her face relaxed it looked like she had simply laid down against the wall for a catnap. Other than the object of my shame, I wasn't sure what Craig was getting at.

"No. Enlighten me." I snapped.

"God, you're hopeless." Thanks Craig. "That there is a girl. Yeah, she's a pony. But she's still a 'she,' y'know? And being a girl, she probably likes girl things. Flowers, candy, frilly clothes, spending money. That sort of thing..."

"Okay? Your point?"

"I'm getting there. Hold your ponies..." I whipped around on my seat, ready to slug him back. He raised the spatula defensively in front of a barely-contained smile.

"Get on with it!" I growled.

He just chuckled. "What I'm saying is you've gotta' treat her like a girl. Pony."

"Mare. She's a mare."

"Seriously? Isn't that what a girl horse is? I know she looks like one, but you couldn't come up with anything better?" I shrugged. It was a good point, but not one I had an answer for. I waved my hand, urging him to get on with whatever he was doing.

"Whatever. So if mares," my eyes narrowed as his emphasis pushed that button again, "are anything like women, then you gotta' be gentle to them. Talk softly 'cause they're delicate. Load them up with complements. Treat them right. Pamper them and make them feel special, even if you don't really mean it. If they're happy, you're happy." And this was why I hadn't trusted Craig with the situation. Etherea wasn't a piece of meat for him to coax in to bed.

"She'd already learned the truth. I wasn't going to hide that..." I tried to explain.

"But you did it all wrong! You know what I said about being gentle? She was getting all upset and you just shoved that poster in her face. You should have taken it slower, talked to her and felt out her feelings. Yeah, it seems stupid and silly, but you've gotta' be all touchy-feely if she's throwing a fit, so she knows you care. Give her a hug or something."

Sure... THAT would have gone over wonderfully!

"I know about being considerate. I screwed up! I've had a bad morning, alright?" I did care, after all; that's why I was angry with myself. Craig's advice was good in a general sense, but the specifics weren't there. I looked over my shoulder at Etherea and started chewing on the inside of my cheek. "So what now, oh great and wise one? How do I fix this?"

"Relax, Padawan." I rolled my eyes. "She's all stressed out right now. Most girls just need some time getting done up to relax. A nice long bath, some candles, flowery shampoos and things, do up her hair... If she feels pretty she's going to be happier, and it will give her time to calm down." he finished with a knowing smile.

"Right. We don't have any of that." I said, but realization struck me even as the words were leaving my lips. Craig just smiled wider, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"It's your turn to go to the store!" I gave him a dubious look. "Look, I'll keep an eye on her. You also need some time to calm down, and this gets you out of her hair. Okay?"

It made sense. I didn't like how he got to his point, but he was still right. And the idea of running out for some stuff got me thinking about what else we'd need. We didn't have nearly enough vegetarian food in the apartment and we needed more towels. Something also needed to be done about the hallway so that Etherea wouldn't risk a concussion just for wanting to get to the bathroom.

"Fine." I nodded. "But I need you to help me with what to get for her 'me time.'" Craig added a brow waggle to his unrelenting smile. "Oh, and your pancakes are burning..."

It was my turn to grin like an idiot as I slipped off my seat while Craig rushed to fix the mess he'd made of breakfast. Even with Craig's adventure into charcoal creation, and my repeated breaks to gaze forlornly at the insensate pony, I soon found myself in my car and on the road. Leaving the apartment had me feeling very strange, and not just because I felt nasty for doing so without taking my morning shower. I had just borne witness to what could be a pivotal moment in human history, and here I was driving out of the parking lot like nothing had happened. There was no reason to expect anything other than normal people doing normal daily activities, but it felt like there should be something visibly different. Like people running around with 'The End Is Nigh' signs, or oddly specific shapes to the clouds, or...

Once the radio started playing I let everything else fall away. Given my mood I would have preferred something harder, like Five Finger Death Punch or Korn, but I had to settle for the dulcet tunes of Metallica and Alice in Chains. Not my favorites, but neither did I dislike either band. The only thing I didn't like about the drive was that it was too short; there wasn't enough time to get in to a proper driving rhythm and zone out to my regular daydreams. But then, since I usually daydreamt about ponies, perhaps that was for the better. I now had actual ponies to think about - it seemed silly to continue delving in to stories about imaginary ones.

I had three main stops: some place for food, a store for feminine care and other odds and ends, and one for fur care. The first two were relatively easy, though I still felt like a poorly-concealed spy while going about my business. I had a pony in my apartment and I half expected someone to point that out. I even went so far as to check my shirt for stray hairs before I left my car the first time. Stupid, I know, but I was little more than a ball of nervousness now that my anger had been soothed away by music.

I did find a nice surprise while poking around the super market: fresh flowers. Maybe Etherea ate them, maybe she didn't. Thinking about the Ponyville in the show, I decided that I might as well pick up a dozen roses. The initial thought was that even if Etherea didn't eat them, they would still class up the apartment. Maybe. As I was buying them, and the clerk asked me questions about their intended recipient, I began to worry that they could also be taken as romantic offerings. I highly doubted that would be the case, but still...

My second stop was probably the strangest set of purchases. The tellers certainly gave the assorted items a second and third look while ringing them through. A healthy variety of brushes (tooth and otherwise), clippers, snips, tweezers, body washes of several fragrances, shampoos and conditioners collected in much the same way, styling spray, hair oil and shine, one of those eyelash longer-izer thingies, a drier, a couple of irons, curling tools, and even two perfumes that I thought had fragrances that would offend neither a pony, nor us apartment denizens. Added to that were several sets of towels and half a dozen carpeted bath mats.

The amount of money I was shelling out was staggering. I knew I could soak up the occasional emergency splurge like this because I was pretty frugal otherwise, but this wasn't at all what I wanted to spend it on. Plus, just spending large chunks of money at once always made me antsy. I didn't like seeing it all leave my pockets.

My last stop involved an internet search with my phone first. I had to find a place that sold horse care products. Hair brushes were all well and good, but I knew they'd do little for an actual fur coat. It was really weird going in to a store that sold primarily 'cowboy accessories' just to buy a couple of the fine coat brushes and a soft curry comb. I wasn't questioned about them, but I felt like I was practically oozing suspiciousness and had to force myself to not repeatedly look over my shoulder.

Heading back to the apartment initially calmed me. Some good music and knowing that nobody could bother me while driving helped immensely. Pulling in to my designated spot in front of the three story building brought all my anxiety back though. For one I didn't know what I was returning to. Visions of an angry alicorn lying in wait to assault me when I opened the door might be a little farfetched, but that didn't stop me from dreading it. Also, there was the matter of my neighbors. I was bringing home a lot of weird stuff. Add that to the events of last night and I was sure to get a ton of questions I didn't really want to field. So I rushed everything to the door. It was probably the most noticeable way of doing things, but I wanted it over with.

Simply opening my front door was harrowing, but the scene that greeted me was shockingly anticlimactic. In front of me, across the open space of the living/dining area, was Etherea still against the far wall. As far as I could tell she hadn't moved since I had left her. The kitchen area to my right had casually discarded breakfast dishes filling up the sink, but otherwise Craig was missing. There was music coming from deeper in the apartment that matched the station I'd just turned off in my car, so I knew he would be in his room.

The various bags I'd brought in with me made a horrendous clattering and rustling as I set them on the kitchen island, but I still caught a high-pitched squeaking noise come from across the room. I froze and slowly raised my eyes to the golden-yellow pony's prone form. Now that I was paying closer attention, I could see that she was awake. She hadn't moved. At least not much. She still rested her chin on her forelegs, but she was slowly rubbing her front hooves together.

I waited a minute to see what she was doing, but it wasn't anything more than I'd already seen. Just as I was about to ask her if she was okay she made another 'sort-of' squeak. I waited, cocking my head to make sure I was hearing this correctly. A bit later, she did it again.

It was... hiccups?

I stayed put for a while longer. Partially I wanted to see whether she would do anything else. She didn't. The other thing was that I had to make absolutely sure I knew what I was doing and didn't fuck up again. I intended on partially following Craig's advice about being reassuring. Ask her how she's doing. Tell her I'm sorry. Again. Let her know that for as long as she stays, that Craig and I will do our best to make this her home as well.

Also, I had to compose myself. Etherea squeaking every so often made me want to giggle, and I couldn't do that!

Her ears folded tighter as I approached with a glass of water, but otherwise she didn't move a muscle. Except for the periodic adorable squeak, of course. I set the glass down within easy reach, sighing as she leaned closer to the wall and away from me - her first real action since I'd gotten home. Her eyes focused on the glass as I backed up, then up at me, and finally on the glass again. She never stopped rubbing her hooves together.

I sat down and leaned my back against the TV. I was glad that she didn't seem aggressive, but by that point I shouldn't have been surprised. Either ponies were as pacifistic as those in the show, or she was just a kind soul.

We stayed that way for a couple of minutes, both of us content to quietly ignore the other. Well, she seemed content to ignore me and stare blankly at the wall. I was waiting for her to make the first move. It didn't seem about to happen though, so once again, after trying to swallow my trepidation, I broke the tension.

"Hey. How're you feeling?" My voice held soft and steady so it was a good start. Her ears twitched, but she didn't move. I pressed on. "That's fine. I know this is all a big shock... Scratch that. I'll give it overwhelming." I rubbed my forehead with a hand. "Other than hiding knowing something about your world, I have been completely honest with you. I didn't mean for any of this and I am sorry."

I lapsed back in to silence to give her a chance to respond.

"Hic."

I sighed when nothing more seemed forthcoming.

"I'd like to think that I know how you're feeling, but I'm not sure I can. I do sympathize though. You don't need to fear us. The truth is that before last night, ponies like yourself were just a children's story. I never thought that responding to someone who I thought was pretending to be a pony would..." careful Alex, "um... create this kind of mess."

I looked to her expectantly, but she just kept staring straight ahead and fiddling with her hooves.

"Hic."

"I just want to help. If there's anything I can do to help you get home, I will. If it's nothing more than providing you safe place to stay, then I'll do that." She didn't even twitch.

"Hic."

"Fine. Hate me if you want, but I'd really rather be friends. At this point I'd just settle for not being enemies." I rested the back of my head against the cool glass of the TV screen and stared out through the blinds at the partially clouded sky. I probably needed to get a better method for blocking the view inside if she was going to stay here; someone might still see her in here.

"Hic."

I chuckled. I couldn't help it! Her hiccups were like Rainbow Dash snoring; you were never prepared for something so adorable coming from a pony like that.

That got a reaction though. She suddenly levered herself up to sitting, scowling at me before latching on to the glass with her forehooves and shoving her muzzle in it. I didn't want to risk worse so I remained where I was despite my desire to back away defensively. Forcing my restless stomach in to being happy with me not moving, I simply followed her with my eyes.

She quickly downed the water and then waited. Her frown gradually deepened, but apparently her hiccups had been scared in to fleeing her wrath. She turned her attentions back to me when it was clear that the water had been effective. Again I found myself trying to put on a relatively passive, pleasant face. She in turn began working her jaw - her lips faintly pursed and her eyes narrowed.

I'm not sure why it had taken me so long, but it was then when she was giving me a cold glare, as though figuring out just what to do about me, that I noticed another little detail. The fur of her cheeks was mussed. It held firm to random patterns as though recently scrubbed. Had she cried while I was gone?

"H-hey there." I said tentatively.

Her response was to clench her jaw, screw her eyes shut, and light her horn. I couldn't help twitching as a shot of fear stabbed my gut. I was resolved to let her do what she was going to do though; I had faith that being a pony, it wouldn't be anything too bad. Another long, tense silence stretched as she did whatever it was that she was doing. Apparently, since nothing began hurting, she wasn't going to smite me.

Eventually she let her magic fade and brought her attention back to me.

"Can... you...? Never mind. I seem... to have kept it." Her words were a bit strained, but at least she was talking to me.

"What was all that about just now?" I asked hesitantly.

She cocked her head arched an eyebrow like I was missing something obvious. "My spell?" I nodded. "It was the... translation spell. It fades if I do not... concentrate on it. I... So I had to cast it again."

I gaped at her. If she lost the spell any time she wasn't conscious, that meant she hadn't understood a word I'd said. God damnit!

"So... You didn't catch a word of what I just said?" I just had to ask it. And of course she shook her head.

"I did not... feel much like talking, if you can understand that. Also, do you know how bad... it hurts to do magic right now?"

I shook my head.

"No! Because your horn... isn't throbbing!" She snapped. She was right - at the moment - but oh, the images that brought to mind! I fought valiantly to prevent my mouth from breaking out in a full-blown, toothy smile. I still couldn't help letting an amused chuckle escape. Her guarded expression at my reaction only amplified the moment, but I managed to wrestle down the urge to laugh to a raspberry-like snort. She recoiled - eyes wide and nostrils flaring - as she finally realized what she had said.

I probably only had a brief window to diffuse this before she took insult at my reaction, so I quickly jumped back in. I just prayed that I could keep myself from making things worse.

"D-don't worry about it! It's okay, and I understand. I know that I'm not your favorite person right now. I was just baring myself again. Trying to apologize for being insensitive and offering support for what you're going through. Trying to let you know that we had no idea that you were actually real before last night. Letting you know that now I just want to make it up to you because I feel horrible." I gave her a pointed look as she tried to reign in her embarrassment and rejoin the conversation. "And you didn't get a single word of it..."

"You will... have to forgive me for my reaction. Finding another world that knows... of my own is shocking. But... Craig...?" I nodded. "He just let me... be. He tried talking to me, but I ignored him. Then he ignored me back and left... after a while. It surprised me since I expected to be watched... or guarded. It made me think." She lifted a hoof and absentmindedly rubbed her other foreleg with it. "I realized something. If this... was a plot to get to me... or anypony else in Equestria, then it is the worst planned and... executed one ever."

A small, wry smile crossed her muzzle though her face was stern. "That does not mean I am... particularly happy, but an unfortunate accident is... preferable to something... malicious."

"Ugh!" she suddenly flopped back to the carpet, her legs stretching out before her, " I can not believe I just... teleported like that! I just wanted to... scare you. To make you apologize, and stop being so mean! Nopony could figure out... where you were..." She looked up at me from the floor, a bit of venom creeping in to her voice. "...because you are not even one of our ponies!"

I couldn't tell whether she was more upset with herself, or with me. I still bet on the latter, but at least she wasn't cowering in fear. "And now, I'm... stuck on a world that confuses... and frightens me." She fired another glare at me from her position on the floor. I know. It's all my fault.

I suddenly had an idea. "Tell you what. This morning was pretty awful all around. Let's just write it off and start again. What do you think?"

She raised an eyebrow but didn't disagree. Her scowl faded to blankness which felt like victory to me!

"Hi. I'm Alex, a human from Earth." I held out my hand.

She snorted and rolled her eyes, but she still sat back up on her haunches. "Hello. Princess Etherea, and I am a pony from Equestria." She said after a pause, setting her hoof on my hand again, rubber bands still in place. Her ears remained folded, though now at about half-mast. It felt like actual progress and I couldn't help grinning like an idiot.

"A pony you say? I've heard of those!" I knew I'd eventually say something stupid... I was still nervous as hell, and it wasn't doing me any favors at editing the thoughts coming out of my mouth. Etherea frowned and tilted her head to look down at me over her nose.

"That is right... I am very curious as to how you... know of Equestria." she said with a twitch of her wings. The switch to imperious mode was jarring. Naturally, the whole 'you know what I am when you shouldn't' had become a major point of interest for her.

"One second. Do you want help with these?" I asked, pointing to the rubber bands. At her nod I carefully stretched them and slipped them off of her. It was a royal hoof I was holding, after all.

"The short of it is that for some reason Equestria has become popular as part of an animated TV show." I explained, releasing her hoof. "I'm a fan of it. When I got your message, I thought I was talking to someone pretending to be a pony. I thought the human I was talking to was overly obsessed with a fantasy." I needed to make sure she understood that point.

"So you decided... to torment this supposed human...?" Icy was a good descriptor for her tone.

"Sorry..."

"You say that so often. How do I know you are sincere every time?" Her level stare bored in to me. It felt like an interrogation. Perhaps that wasn't a bad analogy.

"Well... You do... um, keep bringing up things that I regret. And there's not much I can do other than tell you that I am." I explained, trying not to show how nervous I was at the prospect of her not believing me. "Well, that, and all the stuff I bought to try and make you feel at home."

She perked up at that. Or maybe it was just surprise. Her head swiveled to take in the various bags that were threatening to spill from the island onto the floor.

"You bought all of that just for me?" she asked incredulously. There was a hint of something else as well. Excitement?

"Well... not all. A good chunk of that is food. Pretty sure you're used to better than the bachelor chow we normally eat around here. I can at least follow a recipe, and I thought you'd appreciate food that wasn't just microwaved." I got up and made my way to the other side of the room. I sorted through the various handles growing in to the air like a flimsy white plastic forest, finding those that belonged to 'her' stuff. It also covered for me needing time to think about how I wanted to say the next part without setting her off again. She probably didn't want to wander around with a tear-stained face, but I was sure she also wouldn't want me pointing it out. Princess-ly pride and all that.

"Plus Craig suggested that a nice, warm shower might be a good way to relax. I know I don't want to go all day without getting cleaned up from yesterday," I met her eyes with small smile, "but princesses first."

She blinked several times, looking me up and down as I brought the bags over to her. "Wait... 'Bachelor chow?' That... uhh... You are not female?" Her pitch jumped up dramatically at the end.

We just stared at each other for a minute. She gradually shrank back from me as though suddenly afraid that I would explode. I wasn't sure what to do. I guess it must be the hair. Mine was a lot longer than Craig's so I think I could see where she was coming from. I wanted to laugh because it was such a silly mistake, but again, I was trying very hard not to upset her. I was okay with it, so she didn't have to worry. I long ago gotten used to occasionally having people make the same mistake when approaching me from behind.

"N-no. I'm pretty sure I'm a guy." I would say her blush was priceless, but I had to struggle harder not to laugh. "It's o-okay. I get..." a snicker made its way out despite my efforts," ...get that occasionally."

"Sorry!" she blurted before dropping her eyes to the floor. Her ears had folded from half to fully back, but at least this time it was simply in embarrassment.

"Don't worry about it." I assured as I crouched with the bags. I couldn't fight the smile on my face, so I didn't try very hard. I did cover it up a bit by burying myself in the task of sorting out the various odds and ends I pulled from the bags. With everything laid out beside her I moved back a bit.

"You said that your spell doesn't let you read things?" she nodded, "Okay, well, there's a couple of shampoos, some conditioners, body wash..." I went around the piles and pointed things out as I explained what each was supposed to be. She was like a kid on Christmas with a tree-full of new toys. The shampoos and perfumes received cursory sniffs, but other than giving me a quizzical look when I pointed out the latter, she kept her thoughts to herself. "So, does a shower sound like a good idea?" I finished.

"It does," she began before looking behind me, "but without my shoes... that hallway is... dangerous."

"Way ahead of you." I got back up and retrieved another bag. I heard her shifting around as I made the round trip again, and by the time I was on my way back she had stuffed several bottles and things under a wing. I couldn't quite tell what she had chosen, but it felt good to know I hadn't done wrong. Or maybe she was just being polite since she wasn't really in a position to be choosy. I always had to ruin my own good mood.

I moved to the hallway and laid down a line of mats so that she could walk around without risking life and limb. Through Craig's partially-open door I could see a passed out form lying face-down on the bed. He normally wasn't awake at this hour, so it was hardly surprising that he went back to sleep after eating. I still didn't like it though. What if Etherea had needed something? Was he callous enough to just ignore her!

I shook my head as Etherea made her way in to the hallway. She still pointedly walked around the areas of direct sunlight and her first steps off the carpet were hesitant. Once she was sure that her hooves weren't going to be playing individual games of slip 'n slide, I led her the few feet to the bathroom and stepped in ahead of her.

"The shower might be a bit small since it was never designed with ponies in mind. You should at least be able to fit lengthwise without too much trouble. Hot water on the left, cold on the right." I demonstrated by turning the knobs on for a moment. "The sink's up here and the faucet works the same way as the shower. The toilet..." I suddenly thought about the porcelain contraption and how it was just as poorly designed for pony physiology as the shower. Perhaps more so. "...well, I'm not sure what to say. The handle's here to flush it..."

I had forgotten something! Towels! "Excuse me." I said, quickly brushing past her.

While retrieving a set of pink washcloths and towels - her device was pink, so I had guessed that she liked the color - my phone went off. I froze, looking toward the couch. I don't normally receive a lot of phone calls, so I took notice every time it rang. But who would be calling me? At about ten in the morning... On a Thursday...

"Oh, SHIT!" I cried out.

Shit, shit, SHIT! I leapt across the room and scooped up my phone, towels flailing behind me as I dragged them along. I skidded around the corner in to the hall as I pressed the button to answer.

"Heyyy..." I said in to my phone, feigning calmness. Etherea was poking her head out of the bathroom and looking at me with wide eyes. I practically shoved the towels in to her face. Why was she bright orange? No time for that now!

"You sleep in, or something?" Carl, my assistant boss, didn't sound angry. Yet.

"Er... Not really, sorry. I was supposed to be in now wasn't I?" I kept my tone level as I made my way back to the living area.

"Nine thirty you lazy bastard. You coming to work today?" Still not overly angry-sounding.

"Sorry, but no. Something came..."

"Oh your mother's arse! Y'know you're supposed to close today. What're you doing, jackin' off?" Now he was sounding a bit put out. It wasn't true anger despite what he was saying, just frustration.

"Look, I'm sorry, but it couldn't be helped. This was as much a surprise for me as well." I really felt like an ass now. Someone else was going to have to close for me, which probably meant Carl, and it also left the store with one less person. With a staff of only six, even one person calling out could make things very difficult. Late spring/early summer was generally the busiest time of the year too.

"Damnit, Alex! What the hell's going on? Now I have to work alone with Bill?" Bill was one of the part timers. He's a nice guy, but rather slow because he's getting old.

"Look..." I needed an excuse. And quick! "Let's just call it, um, a family emergency." Good enough.

"Fuck!" Yeah, he wasn't happy. I almost never called out, even when sick, so it shouldn't be too much of a problem. "Fine, I got it. You going to be in tomorrow?"

I was going to be as honest as I could, considering I was essentially hiding an extraterrestrial in my apartment. "I... don't know. Maybe? I'll give you a call later when I know more." When I know whether Etherea will be okay. I did still want to earn money after all.

"Okay. I guess there's not much I can do. Fuck! You'd better be in tomorrow though!"

"I'll let you know, okay? Talk to you later." I wanted this over, and pronto. He dismissed me quickly, which was what I wanted, but I still felt like a dick. Damnit.

I flopped back to the couch and rested for a moment. I could hear the sounds of the shower in the bathroom running so it seemed Etherea didn't need me holding her hoof. Thank God. Hopefully she was making out alright; that shower really didn't give her any room to turn around in. At least with the rubber mat in place she wasn't going to slip and fall. Though that reminded me she still had the bandage in place. Again, I just had to trust that she was fine.

I heard the toilet flush. That brought up another question. How the hell would she use the thing? It was built to be sat upon or peed in to. Her sitting on it would probably take her hind legs off the floor and require some sort of gymnastic balancing. Being a pony, she was built front-to-back, not top-to-bottom, and with the toilet seat at the height it was, there was no real way for her to stand over it. When it came to the other...

I flipped on the TV. As curious as I may have been, I really did not need to think about how the pony in my bathroom was doing her business. It was interesting to note that she had turned on the shower before going. I guess mares and women had some things in common.

The selection of shows was downright dismal. It was Thursday morning after all. I normally stick to a select few channels - Cartoon Network, History, and Scyfy, with the occasional foray elsewhere if I found an interesting movie. But this early in the morning? There was nothing I really wanted to watch. The other channels weren't much help either since I wasn't in to Soap Operas or gameshows that didn't feature Bob Barker. I was shit out of luck. Because of this I spent some of my attention listening to Etherea moving around in the shower. It really wasn't hard to hear those hooves of hers.

It was close to twenty five minutes before I heard her shut the water off. The heater had about half an hour's worth, so unless I wanted a partially cold shower I would have to wait a little. At least the coming conversation would be interesting. Not like the commercials on TV. Speaking of which, I needed to think about how I was going to do this. Showing her episodes of My Little Pony was going to happen, I was sure, but which ones? "Friendship is Magic," the two-part series opener, was probably the best to start with, though I was very tempted to show her my favorite...

"Alex...?" Etherea's tentative question came softly out of the hallway.

I made my way to it after turning the TV off. "Yes?" The sight that greeted me was a very damp golden-yellow pony face peeking around the doorframe of the bathroom. Her blue-on-blue mane hung to one side and was weighted down by the water that remained. Faint wisps of moisture flowed out around her hooves.

"I... will need more towels." she said, turning orange again. Which was adorable.

I stared at her for a moment, processing that. Of course she would. She's a pony, and that meant lots of fur to dry. Her mane and tail by themselves would likely take more effort to get dry than the entirety of Craig or I. Oh, and don't forget her wings... Which left me wondering just how long it would take her.

"Right. More towels." I quickly returned to the kitchen area, opened that bag, and brought out every single one. She backed into the bathroom as I approached again and gave me a good view as to why she needed so many towels. It wasn't just her. Sure she glistened from nose to tail with moisture, but all that water was getting around the bathroom as well. The floor was only the main casualty. She was holding her wings partially extended and the act of moving about was flinging droplets across nearly every surface.

I immediately held out another towel. She took it in her mouth and laid it on the floor. I quickly handed her another. And another. She went so far as to lay one across the counter around the sink. Doing so meant that she turned her back to me, giving a hop to get her front hooves up there. It also meant that I got a wonderful view of her as she reached up and over the counter.

Her mane fell off the opposite side of her neck, the soft arch of which I traced down from behind her ear until it met with her withers. My eyes paused there before continuing past the small crest at the base of her neck, then drifted lazily over the muscles lining her back - now pulled taut with the effort of holding out her wings. I followed the long line of her spine as it ran gently down her back, noting how the curves outlining her barrel drew smoothly in to her slimmer flanks before widening with her hips as I did. It wasn't quite a human hourglass figure, but it had the right shapes in the right places.

Stretched out like this she had a lean look to her, but it was a good one. She showed plenty of tone and lacked the extra fat that I might have expected from someone royally pampered. My eyes drifted ever lower and I saw that the strain of balancing on her hind legs - even with her forehooves resting against the counter - caused the muscles along the sides and backs of her legs to stand out in relief. She was a runner stretching and I couldn't help admiring the shapely lines of her long legs as they reached up to meet and disappear in to her hindquarters. Fortunately her limp tail prevented me from seeing anything I shouldn't.

I found myself avidly watching the subtle shifting of moisture-borne highlights playing across her coat as she moved the towel in to place. Her mane and tail shone with healthy brilliance in the light, but her wings were something else. Each translucent feather glimmered with its own highlight, and being lit from other side gave them an ephemeral appearance. It was entrancing. It was...

What the fuck was I doing?!

I reached in and set the rest of the towels beside her on the counter. Her head whipped around and she looked me up and down as she tried to figure out what I was doing. It made the light dance across her in a way that tugged at my eyes with insidious whispers. I quickly turned and left.

For what felt like the hundredth time that day I let myself fall back on to the couch, flopping my arms out to either side as I did so. I couldn't do this. This wasn't happening. I had been staring at her; soaking in her appearance. I hesitated to admit the truth to myself, but now that I was aware of it, it haunted me behind my closed eyelids.

Etherea was gorgeous. Her tail may have been strategically placed, but I knew that a part of me wished that it hadn't been.

I knew where this was going too. I had a bad habit of picking out the prettiest girl wherever I was and then pining for her. And it was always someone I could never have. My desire to be with her would clash with my inability to satisfy it and I would grow frustrated. This would lead to some amount of depression, especially when I was away from her. The longer I got to be around her, the longer I would have to deal with these conflicting feelings. And the longer I would be unhappy.

Etherea was the epitome of unobtainable. It didn't even matter that she was a princess because she was a pony. A pony. And while I didn't yet know much about who she was, I could already tell that I liked what she was. I was attracted to a pony - essentially a miniature horse. The whole princess deal was just an extra insult.

And if she stayed here then there was no way I could get away from what I was about to put myself through. But I couldn't throw her out. I didn't want to.

Fuck me.

[5 - Part 1] Getting To Know You

I lounged on my worn but oh-so-comfortable couch, draped across the cushions with my head tilted back to count the bumps on the ceiling. Not that I got much counting done. The image of Etherea stretching over the counter, residual moisture slicking down her mane, coat, and tail, was etched in the front of my mind. Not simply because 'wet' was an amazing look for her. Nor was it so much that her pose had accentuated the long, toned lines of her entire body. Those reasons were certainly very important to why I couldn't keep her out of my mind, but no, the image lingered more because seeing her like that had been a point of epiphany.

I liked how she looked. But why? She was a pony.

Quadrupedal and be-hooved were only two of the more obvious signs of her equine nature. Her tail, muzzle, ears, and even... more private features... (apparently my thoughts could blush - who knew?) ...were more superficially horse-like than hominid. Her wings and horn? Okay, I had no idea where they fit in this so I shelved them for later.

I would go so far to say that she was about as far from human as you could get. And some part of me didn't care. How fucked up is that?

Sure she had some human features; large forward-facing eyes, eyebrows, and flexible, speech-capable lips all marked her as not 'just an animal.' Her bone structure certainly looked far too fine to be designed for grazing, so she wasn't really a horse. But her face was still largely defined by the shape of her muzzle. And muzzles were a horse thing. And dogs, cats to an extent, deer... I could go on. It was definitely not a human feature.

Her legs were certainly more animal than human. Being capped by hooves made them better for running than for fine manipulation. Yet I remembered how the joints of her forelegs had shown an impressive range of motion as she gestured. She had motioned, twisted, pointed, waved, and even fought a grueling battle with a bottle of syrup. A horse couldn't have managed simple lifting much less squeezing.

Her... torso? What was the proper name for that section of equine anatomy anyway? Either way her barrel was shorter and thinner, and her stomach was less potbellied than any horse's. She was much more... svelte. Her midsection was more flexible too, judging by her efforts at the bathroom counter. She didn't quite match up with my mental image of a horse.

Having a mane and tail, on the other hand, were distinctly equine characteristics. Her long neck - yet another nonhuman feature - resulted in a completely different hair pattern than humans were capable of. Humans were also completely lacking in the tail department, so she was clearly very different from myself.

Everything that marked her as not being a horse was mostly in the small details. If her greater profile was strikingly equine, then why was I attracted to her?

Maybe it had been the roughly bipedal look given by standing on her hind legs. Two arms, two legs, and shoulders and hips in roughly the right places. Her mane and tail could possibly be mistaken as just long hair from behind - really long hair certainly - but maybe possible if I didn't look too closely. Or squinted. The 'little' details like her muzzle, hooves, and equine ears might also be overlooked if you weren't too picky.

No, I'd have to be fucking blind to overlook all of that.

So I still couldn't explain my feelings. Even if I could blame it on me being a 'leg man' - and Etherea did have four wonderfully long and lean legs - she was just too different from the human normal no matter how hard I tried to find similarities. Her greater profile was very horse-like and that wasn't nearly as bothersome as I felt it should be.

I sighed while following the progress of a small spider across the ceiling. There was a simpler explanation, though one that made my stomach twist. It stemmed from my time on the internet as a My Little Pony fan. After the better part of a decade being online I had been exposed to the best, the worst, and nearly everything inbetween. My Little Pony was no different - I had seen both the best and worst.

That said, some of the pony fan art coming from the darkest reaches of the fandom made the characters look damned sexy. Rainbow Dash wearing a bikini bottom, Rarity tied up with rope, Princess Celestia dressed as a maid, just about anything with Fleur... especially the Celestia stuff for me. Those weren't even anthropomorphized versions either. Many artists did magnificent jobs at making ponies look sultry and inviting. Which meant that some part of me was attracted to ponies.

Except that artwork is stylized and often highly so. It was a completely different animal from where I was now...

I could tell this wasn't going to be explained away. I had to admit that I was also attracted to the real thing. Real ponies. But if I was attracted to real ponies, that meant... I didn't like where these thoughts were going.

I practically leapt from the warm embrace of the couch in a sudden flurry of action. The groceries still hadn't been put away and Craig wasn't likely to wake up for a while. If nothing else, organizing the kitchen was a welcome distraction from the downward spiral in my head.

Not that I was going to get much of a reprieve while living with an attractive pony - a point that was driven home when I found Etherea standing in the hallway. She was facing Craig's room with her head low and ears at attention. Her wings were spread as much as the narrow hall allowed and she was draped from neck to tail in a mass of damp multicolored towels. From my angle everything was hidden except her wings, tail, and the lower halves of her legs; like she was some sort of wildly-colored, winged monster composed solely of towels. She'd fit right in on Sesame Street.

My burst of laughter made her spin around, her ears flipping backwards again as her eyes sought me out. To my great relief she managed to miss hitting both sides of the entryway.

Neither the close call with another concussion nor her accusing glower could fully dampen the sight of her wearing a small mountain of towels. I apparently needed to get serious though, because she didn't look nearly as amused as I felt. Oh well.

"What?" It was almost a bark.

"Um... You look..." I stopped that thought cold. "Well, you are wearing a lot of towels there." I motioned at her with a hand while fighting back a smile. I wasn't winning.

Etherea bent her neck around to look at her flank and tensed when she caught sight of herself - one of her ears twitched. She sighed and had to fight back a chuckle as her wings drooped a little. When she turned back she challenged me with her eyes, but there was an orange tinge around her ears and cheeks.

"I... didn't know where... to put them." Her voice also betrayed a conflicting mix of amusement and indignation.

"It's okay. There's a basket in the corner of my room behind the door."

She took one last look in to Craig's room before heading deeper in to the apartment. The whole encounter had me curious so I went to the hall and peeked through the doorway to Craig's room, though that revealed nothing out of the ordinary. I had no idea what might interest her so much. At least not right away. I realized that as the first pony on Earth literally everything was new to her whether mundane or not. With that in mind I looked around again.

The various knicknacks and band posters might be troves of new information, and the random crumpled articles of clothing that dotted the various surfaces likely concealed more. The rock station playing softly on his radio was probably a totally new sound to her and from a wondrous device - but considering her own device I doubted that. The man on the bed likely begged a great many questions. What kind of person was he? Why was he wearing such a run down outfit? Why was he sleeping on his stomach with his face buried in the pillow? The partially ajar closet door was certainly hiding something from an inquisitive pony.

I chuckled. It was hard to imagine that this disorganized and slightly messy bedroom would actually hold anything that warranted such attention. Then again, there were entire TV shows devoted to finding treasure in places like these.

My amusement didn't last long though. I was looking over the guy who had chosen to go to sleep rather than keep an eye on the visiting alien dignitary. I didn't really expect that Craig could have done much if something big had happened - more ponies showing up, someone seeing her from the outside, Etherea going on a killing spree, etc. - but that wasn't the point. I didn't want her to feel abandoned when she already had so little. I needed to have a talk with Craig about that.

I turned away from Craig's room and jumped when I found Etherea right behind me, a single pink towel lying across her back. I still couldn't figure out how, but she was damned stealthy for a hooved animal.

Pony. She's a pony, damnit. I resolved to always refer to her as intelligent no matter how similar her form was to a horse's. I might have to come up with something other than 'pony' though - maybe 'sapient equinomorph.'

I glared at her halfheartedly, but that just made her grin a little.

"Is that... human music?" She angled her head to peer around me. She really was quite cute with a curious expression and perked ears.

"It's one kind." I tilted my head to the side to better hear the radio. The current song was slow but heavy; it sounded like the Deftones. While not one of the bands I would go out of my way for, I usually enjoyed the change of pace whenever they came on. "I think this is a group called The Deftones. Even among the normal music this station plays they're unique since most of the station's stuff is faster-paced. I think only Alice in Chains is similar." I stopped there and bit my tongue as I suddenly worried how she would take a name like 'Alice in Chains.'

But she didn't react in any of the ways I expected given the name's imagery: shock, confused anger, or any other of a dozen shades of upset. Instead she quietly sounded it out to herself. Maybe I was being too cautious with her. Though after this morning I felt much safer taking baby steps with all things.

Her curious expression was soon turned on me. "'Alice in Chains?' Does... Does it mean anything? Some of it sounds... familiar, but... my spell can't place it." Or maybe she couldn't translate it.

"Uhh..." Worry made my answer a bit shaky. "Their name refers to a person named Alice who is either chained up, or has chains... attached to her."

She grimaced, but otherwise seemed okay. "I see... As a proper name... your meaning was mixed. Does 'Deftones' mean anything?"

"I don't actually know, but it might. I never bothered to check." A thought occured to me. "Wait, if your translation spell has trouble with proper names, then earlier today how did you know that we call Princess Celestia 'Celestia?'"

Her chin dropped and she blinked a few times, her eyes flicking from side to side as she considered that. She lifted her head to peer up at me. "The better question... is how do you know her name? 'Celestia' is Equestrian. In... old Equestrian her name was 'Caelistianya.' Literally... 'Mistress of the Sun,' but it... has simplified over the years."

It was stupid, but I couldn't help myself. "Ah. So does that mean your name would be 'Etherianya?'"

"'Aetheristianya' actually." She explained with forced patience. "The pronunciation of my given name would be a little different. 'Almernya' might actually be a more appropriate suffix since it means 'daughter of,' and was commonly an expression for a special talent didn't require such direct control - I don't control ponies' dreams the way Princess Celestia controls the Sun." She glowered at me to emphasize her next words. "But I very much prefer Pr... simply 'Etherea.'"

I nodded slowly as I tried to puzzle out why she'd backtracked on her title like that. At least the etymology was easy enough to understand, though it didn't help me much. It seemed like every time I got an answer I immediately thought of at least two more questions to ask.

I ended up going with the one that had already been on my mind. "Okay, then what about Princess Luna? 'Luna' is Latin, which was the language of the Romans and was their name for our moon. That word has been around for well over two thousand years. 'Celestia' is also so similar to words like 'celestial' that they might as well be the same. Even 'Equestria' is pretty much a play on a modern English word. Are they similar in Equestrian?"

"Well, Princess Luna's name was 'Ilunaelistianya.' It still... bears a resemblance. I guess. As for... the similarities in our languages... " Etherea shifted back a bit and lifted a hoof. She paused to stare blankly at nothing. Her hoof decided to complete the gesture for her, finally rising to rub harshly at the bridge of her muzzle. "They are there, but I really have no idea. I am not... Ugh! I do not even know if there... is anypony I might be able to ask about this."

The conversation kept expanding and I was feeling more than a little awkward standing just outside Craig's open door. I was about to suggest that we move our little Hallway Get-together to someplace that allowed for more sitting when Etherea made a face like she'd eaten something sour. She tried to peer around me again. "Is all of your music this... angry-sounding?"

It took a moment to identify the current song as something by either Seether or Staind - it was sometimes for me to hard to tell the difference. "No," I shook my head, "but much of this station's selection is. Even then there is still plenty of variation. Many are angry, as you put it, but some are happy, sad, silly... All kinds of things."

She thought about that. "Then... I would not mind hearing... more."

She made as if to brush past me before catching herself with a hoof off the floor. Her ears folded again and she backed a couple steps down the hall. I thought I caught a hint of fear before her expression flipped to overly neutral. She wanted a better vantage point - whether to listen or gawk I didn't know - but she was still very uncomfortable with me which was a bit upsetting.

I took the initiative and moved to stand just inside the living area but Etherea still made sure that I was well aside before making her way forward. She stopped a ways back from the doorway, stretching her neck out to cover the remaining distance and peek around the frame. I was only a couple of feet away and about even with her cutie mark actually, but I resolutely looked anywhere but directly at her. I badly wanted to take in her every detail, but that desire felt very wrong.

Unfortunately that meant neither of us was really paying attention. The sensation of feathers gently brushing my shirt and right forearm instantly snapped every iota of my attention down to my front. The leading edge of Etherea's primaries were pressing against me! In my shocked absence of thought I couldn't help but turn my hand over to feel the underside of her wing. Though still laden with dampness her feathers were soft like smooth velvet.

Something was very wrong. She wouldn't knowingly do this... Would she? Of course not. I wrenched my attention from the wing I was basically holding. She was leaning forward to look around the doorframe and had apparently spread her wings for balance.

Having noticed something off with her wing, she turned to look my way right then and her reaction was completely understandable: on seeing me touching her wing, and feeling my hand resting against the underside, she jerked it back and leapt away. Her gasp became a hiss through her teeth as she crashed against the wall. This was very bad! I backpedaled as fast as I could.

"Sorry!" I tried preempting the oncoming tirade. "Sorry! I'll just stand over here now." I stopped in the middle of the living area and shoved my hands in my pockets.

Etherea leaned against the wall, her sides heaving and her muzzle twisted in a grimace. She didn't say a thing until after carefully regaining her balance and giving both wings a quick checkup. Her eyes bored in to mine accusingly, her expression seething.

"What... what on Equestria... were you DOING?! D-don't you dare touch me!"

What was I doing? Not a damned thing. "Hey. I was just standing there, minding my..." Her frown deepened to reveal a thin line of white between quivering lips.

"Are you... saying it was my fault?"

No princess, I'm saying it was all the fault of a magic spaghetti monster. Of course it was your fault! I'm not so stupid as to try copping a feel on an irate Alicorn who's probably more than capable of drop-kicking my happy ass clear out to my car... I kept my jaw firmly clenched to prevent myself from saying that though. Antagonizing her further would be monumentally stupid.

So we just stared at each other. A familiar hammering in my ears that told me just how scared I was, but I was stuck in place. I refused to cave and commit to a lie; I really had been minding my own business. But at the same time I knew I hadn't reacted as well as I should, and that turning my hand over to feel her feathers had been a mistake.

I looked away first - prolonged staring always made me uncomfortable.

"You just go do whatever the fff..." No, Alex. Just no. "...whatever you want." I turned to go do something else - anything else - though I wasn't sure what. "I'll just - I dunno' - sit in a corner where I can't possibly get myself killed by an angry pony princess."

Less than two steps later a surprisingly quiet mezzo-soprano voice spoke up behind me. "Shut up. You're an idiot." The words of the 'safety phrase,' which should have been a harsh admonition, were so at odds with her soft tone that I couldn't help but glance at Etherea incredulously out of the corner of my eyes. Her ears were still folded, but her head was angled faintly down and away from me. "Did you mean to?"

"No." I left it at that. She eventually looked up at me, her eyes searching intently for something.

"I am... am sorry." She sighed. "You have been... remarkably considerate, and... I understand you were surprised. I was... not careful. Just please... do not touch me. Okay?" It was clearly an effort for her to say all that steadily and calmly. But a certain hopefulness had replaced her anger as she finished.

I turned back. "Thanks."

The time it took for her to flip her ears back and forth as she switched to a confused stare was very helpful in collecting and disposing of my frustrations.

"For?" she prodded.

I let a wry grin cross my face. "For telling me to stop before things got out of hand. Too out of hand... I think we both needed that. And I promise not to touch you unless you allow it."

"Why would you...?" She lifted her head to protest before biting her own words off. A forehoof rose to hover just beside the forelock - or was it bangs? - covering her wounds. "Oh..."

As one we turned in surprise as a semi-conscious grumble emanated from Craig's room. When nothing more seemed forthcoming I figured that he must have slipped back in to dreamland, though Etherea was in a better position to know. She blushed, her face once again shifting toward orange. She listened, her ears twitching periodically, before leaning out of sight through Craig's door.

"Wait..." I began even as I heard her pull the door shut.

She stepped back. "I feel better giving... him his privacy. Should I not have done that?"

"No, that's fine, I guess. If he cared about privacy then he would have shut it himself. I just don't know if he's ever washed the doorknob..." And I knew what he did in that room nearly every weekend. "You might..."

Etherea vanished back in to the bathroom before I registered that she was moving. Near silently too, somehow. I made yet another mental note; this time to expand last night's cleaning efforts to include everything she might want to grasp, turn, or open. I was running out of mental space for all of them and really needed to invest in a notepad or something.

As Etherea ran the faucet I moved into the hall and down past the bathroom door to wait on the other side. A quick glance in to the small room showed that while there were still some spots of water, Etherea had managed to clean up the place pretty well. She was again stretched over the counter and I found my eyes wandering toward her. My gut twisted as I realized what I was doing and I moved out of sight and stared at the wall. It was such an important shade of off white.

I also kept my expression carefully neutral as she exited. She gave me a cold stare that dared me to make fun of what had just happened, but there was no way in hell I would risk it.

"You will clean all of the handles here." She stated, standing regally with her chin raised so that she could look down her muzzle at me. Surprisingly the effect wasn't lessened at all by being more than a head shorter than I. Her horn probably had something to do with it. "Anything I might want to... open, lift, move, hold, twist, or... well, I want you to make each and every one... sanitary."

"That's already on the list. I just need some time." She was fortunate that I already had every intention of doing what she wanted. She'd better appreciate it.

She held her pose for a bit before nodding shallowly. I seemed to have convinced her that I was actually going to do what I said I was. With a flick of her wings she twirled about and sauntered back to the living area. Or twirled as much as the hall allowed - which wasn't much. She did saunter though. I was in the perfect position to enjoy the sight of her haunches flexing as she strode away on those long, lean legs of hers. And to feel incredibly disturbed for doing so.

I grabbed the first aid kit and a cup of water before trailing behind her in to the living area. She had moved off to the right, placing herself closer to the front door and safely away from any direct sunlight. I had to fight against both grinning stupidly and sighing at her as I moved over to the couch. She was being foolish, though I wasn't actually going to say so. Unfortunately for her the sun switches from the living area windows to the bedroom ones later in the day, so if she wanted to claim my room again tonight then she'd need to get over her fear of it soon.

To that end I patted the floor near me with a foot. Directly in the sunlight. She had been watching me, a certain wariness still lingering in her features, and the gesture with my foot was clear. Her eyes met mine and she frowned as she settled to her haunches. We stared at each other for a moment, but again I looked away first.

"It's not going to hurt you." I pointedly looked up toward the window. Her nose was low but her eyes were up and watching the window when I turned back. Her folded ears signaled her continuing insecurity.

"See, it's not hurting me." I continued, taking a step forward. "It's not like our Sun is going to suddenly turn dangerous."

"You have no... princesses, so how can you... know that?"

My eyes twitched in surprise. I just know, alright? But that wouldn't be good enough for her. I scrunched my forehead as I assembled a better response.

"Newton's first Law." I explained after a moment. "Objects keep doing what they're doing unless something else stops them from doing it. Our Sun is a massive, powerful object and things capable of making drastic changes to it don't pop up without warning. The universe just doesn't work that way. Us humans wouldn't be here if it wasn't consistent."

"That sounds like..." She blinked and cocked her head. "Neya lyar shi efrirn celisethelay su ortuso?" And surprise Equestrian! Now she'd lost me. "Star. Circle? Veh, lon'svoar non laerusha ne koiren. It is like... 'spiral,' but... Um. Swirl! Starswirl!" She thumped a hoof against the carpet as a smile flared to life.

"That sounds like one of Starswirl's fundamentals." She finished with a happy nod.

It took a second for my brain to catch up with her. "There you go," I grinned at her, "our worlds aren't so different after all. Just because there isn't someone consciously directing it doesn't mean that it works much differently. It didn't hurt you earlier, did it?"

I mentally kicked myself as Etherea's smile faded. Damnit! I hadn't wanted to bring up this morning's... episode. I resolutely kept quiet to spare the both of us further embarrassment, and she spent the next minute looking down at the floor. Eventually she swallowed, took a deep breath, and slowly slid her left forehoof into a sunbeam. For a while neither of us moved. I wasn't about to distract her from finding out that she would be okay.

"It's warm."

I couldn't stop myself from laughing. It wasn't long, or derisive, but I still got a dirty look.

"It's not funny!" she protested.

"It kind of is. It's just sunlight." We were in the midst of a diplomatic nightmare with two entire peoples possibly turning their unhappy attentions to us. There was a whole host of potential biologic, societal, and magical difficulties looming, but sunlight scared the crap out of her? It was fucking hilarious.

Her cheeks flapped as she harrumphed at me. "But it is not! You told... me that your Sun is a giant uncontrolled... continuous explosion! That... does not sound very safe to me! Ours is a... stable Harmonic font... watched over by one of the most... Harmoniously-gifted ponies to ever live. Its cycles... trajectories, output, appearance... and variances are well-regulated by Celestia herself! I trust it because I trust her. Yours..." She paused to flail a hoof before her as she struggled to find the right words.

"Yours is the center... of a delicate and overly complex system... of happenstances over which nopony has any... control, and which, if it were to fail, would kill everypony. Right? What happens if something... goes horribly wrong with your Sun?"

"Well..." To sugar-coat or not, that is the question... "I guess then we would all die."

"See!" she practically exploded, her previously-flailing hoof swinging out to the side while her wings fluttered, "That's what I mean! How can you... not be afraid of that?"

"To be fair, our solar system is well-regulated..."

"How?! Without Harmony there is nopony... who could possibly exert that kind of control!" I was reminded that I really needed to ask about the intricacies of Harmony and magic. And also that she had some interesting preconceptions about my reality. Well, from my perspective they were interesting since I was in a much better position to appreciate her inexperience.

"You're right, and you're wrong." I cringed inwardly as she gaped at me. I doubted she often had anyone telling her that so bluntly. It was probably the worst way I could have gotten her attention, but I was running out of patience and there were much more important things to be doing than arguing about the relative danger of sunlight. "The system is well-regulated by itself. The forces being exerted by any given thing are counteracted by the forces opposed to it. The Sun doesn't explode because its own gravity is just the right strength to hold it together. The Earth remains in a stable orbit because the gravitational pull on it matches the momentum that would otherwise fling it away. If there were variation enough in the system to end our existence, then it would already have happened and we wouldn't be here to have this conversation!"

"But what if..."

I held up a hand to stall a further go around in this topic. I was having trouble believing I had spoken all of that so eloquently and without somehow pissing her off. I guess I was slipping in to a 'whipped dog syndrome' and now expected that whatever I said would upset her.

"Look," I really wanted to just finish this conversation despite my reservations about telling her she'd been wrong, "like I said earlier. The system is so well-balanced that it would take something unimaginably powerful to disrupt drastically in my lifetime. I'd be very surprised if even Princess Celestia herself has the ability to do so." Etherea did a blink/twitch with her entire body as I said that. She'd probably forgotten that I knew something of Equestria. "Anything that could do so was either wiped out in the formation of our world or included in to the system. You'll have to trust me on this, but our world is so consistent - all on its own - that calendars from thousands of years ago are still accurate."

Twilight Sparkle would have a field day with Stonehenge. Probably a field-life. Assuming, of course, that she survived the initial explosion of excitement from learning that my world existed.

"And see, it's not so bad." I point at her other forehoof which had yet to move out of the sunbeam. "It's just light."

Etherea's head snapped down as she stared at the offending hoof. I couldn't read her face from this angle, but it underwent a quick series of contortions. As her expression gradually came to a semblance of permanency she lifted her hoof out of the little patch of light, inspected the carpet, and then slowly put her hoof back. A moment later she looked up at me through her eyelashes.

"It's warm." There was a soft reverence in her voice.

It was so unbelievably adorable - she with one leg cautiously extended in to a spot of light, her now-upright ears pointed at her hoof, and her large eyes round with wonder. I wanted to grin like an idiot at her child-like fascination. I wanted to laugh at her affirmation that sunlight was indeed warm. But I also didn't really want risk seeming like I was making fun of her so I confined myself to an amused snort which I hid behind a fist.

"If you're feeling braver, then how about I take a look at your forehead."

Her chin rose slowly and she tilted her head to examine me curiously. "Er... Are you certain... that you meant to say it that way?"

"Like...?" Like I'd just questioned her bravery? Goddamnit, I hadn't meant it to come out that way and now I felt like an idiot. Well, that feeling had been sticking around quite a lot, but even so I normally got longer breaks. I dug the fingertips of my right hand in to my temples. "Ugh... No."

"I thought so." She dipped her head once. "I suppose I... can forgive you. Try not to make a habit of it though."

Her voice was even but I thought I caught a faint curling at the corners of her mouth. I wasn't sure what to make of it. I liked the idea that she was keeping a sense of humor through all of this yet I worried that it wouldn't last. Apologizing so often was becoming annoying and, despite the sincerity of my feelings, there might be a point where it all started sounding hollow to her.

I sat heavily on the couch, relishing the feel of something that wouldn't judge me. Also it was just damned comfy. Etherea watched from across the room and it was disappointing to see her smile gone so quickly.

As I shifted to ensure that the couch didn't in fact swallow me whole Etherea got to her hooves, fixed her eyes on a point over my shoulder, and took a deep breath. To see the cracks in her stoicism as she trekked across the room - her stiff gait, resolute stare, and ears that had again dropped to the back of her head - it seemed a long and harrowing journey. Compared to her I had practically traipsed my way to the couch.

I found a whole new perspective on her when she finally halted before me. Being just under five feet tall meant that she was normally quite a bit shorter than I, but with me sitting she practically towered over me. This was my first good look at the underside of her chin and I felt a very interesting sense of 'weird' as she swallowed and I got to watch it run the entirety of her very long throat.

There was a long moment of me trying not to shift uncomfortably before she forced her eyes off the window and looked down at me. She smiled hesitantly but it died a quick death. Her expression once again blanked and she raised her muzzle in to the air as she turned to her right - thankfully not clipping me with her wing - briefly presenting her profile before she sat.

There was still a problem. I hadn't considered that ponies sitting meant they just planted their butts on the floor. Her front, while propped up on her forelegs, didn't lower at all. With both of us sitting she was a good head and a half or so taller than I.

"Um. You may... need to lie down."

She grunted faintly before settling on to her stomach, her eyes never straying from their intense stare down with something in the kitchen.

It took a little time to bolster my courage even with her resting comfortably on the floor. For one, I was doing a checkup on a pony. One who wasn't in the best of moods. One I was fighting to keep my eyes off of. The more foolish part of me dreaded that she would be able to pick up on my feelings while sitting so close to me, and unfortunately that part was being quite vocal. I had to make sure that everything about me was strictly professional.

The other part of it was that I didn't know that I wanted to see Etherea's injury. All sorts of things could have happened with it and I feared the worst. She was the first pony - as far as I knew - to come to my Earth, and the possibility that some sort of bacteria would start eating her alive still scared the crap out of me. I found a mantra looping inside my head: please be okay, please be okay...

"Okay?" I managed to eke out for her benefit. She nodded again.

I leaned forward to cup one hand under the cascade of hair covering her forehead. Slipping the fingers of my other hand through her mane further down let me flip it over the back of her neck without mussing it up too much. Even weighed down with water it amazingly held the parallel waves that ran from front to back. I had yet to figure out just how careful Etherea was about her appearance, but as a princess I felt better erring on the side of 'a lot.'

Pink, red, and a little purple greeted me from below and just forward of her ear, but nothing that seemed horribly out of place or spoke of infection. She was bleeding a bit and a thin red rivulet was slowly meandering its way through her fur. I wondered why she hadn't noticed it though, with the rest her fur still a bit damp, she might not be able to tell.

All things considered, it wasn't too bad and I sighed in relief with a breath I hadn't realized I was holding.

It was about then that I began noticing a very peculiar sense filtering into my nose. She smelled of... I carefully inhaled. Lilacs. Great... I liked the smell of lilacs. And since I had bought her shampoo that made it my fault that I liked the way she smelled. I liked how she looked and now I liked how she smelled. I wasn't doing myself any favors.

She twitched when I sighed again - her first real reaction since laying before me. "What is it?"

Crap. I forced myself to focus on what I was supposed to be doing.

"You're bleeding a bit but everything looks healthy otherwise, so that's good. Not too badly, but it is getting in your fur." Her eye flicked my way before resuming its forward facing. A faint grimace crept into the edges of her muzzle. "Didn't you notice it in the shower?"

"Maybe a little. I was... occupied." She grumped.

Fine, I won't ask. I suppose that without magic it had been difficult for her to take a shower. No Alex, don't think too much about that either.

Instead I focused on the injury before me, snipping a piece of gauze from the first aid kit, moistening it in the cup of water, and dabbing ever-so-lightly around the main gash. She winced every now and again, stealing glances my way each time, and I apologized for every disruption. I tried my hardest to keep my touch light. It worked to an extent, her forehead was getting clean with a minimum of pain, but that was because I was avoiding the real problem.

And apparently she'd noticed. "Ugh! Stop wasting time. I'm not so... fragile that I cannot take a little pain."

She turned to glower at me from barely two feet away. 'Purple' was certainly accurate for her eyes, even if it didn't really do them justice. A hundred different shades from royal violet to pale lavender mixed in subtle patterns that invariably drew my attention inward. Sorry red, but I think purple is my new favorite color.

We stared uncomfortably in to each other's eyes, though I was sure for very different reasons. What was I doing? Oh right.

Apologizing. "Sorry. Just trying to be gentle. It's probably going to hurt a lot, and there's still some dried stuff in your fur that I was going to try and get out."

We held our places. I was about to look away again when she did instead - turning the side of her head back to me. Her neck was straight and her chin high, but I caught her forelegs shuffling a little.

"Well, please warn me first." Her voice was level but she seemed tense.

I nodded though she couldn't see it. There really were some bits of dried blood still latched to her temple that the gauze had failed to remove. I was resolved to get them for some reason, and that probably meant using my fingers. I lifted my hand, then hesitated; I hoped she wouldn't mind.

She jerked as my fingers pressed directly against her, the fur around them suddenly standing on end. Her visible eye sought me out again as it narrowed, but she otherwise remained still. That she was going to trust me was relieving. My second hand joined the first and I used my nails to pinch against a particle of reddish-brown glued to the short hairs. A shiver ran from Etherea's cheek down her neck as I pulled it free.

I repeated the process again and again, and her shivers got worse and worse. Perturbed, I stopped what I was doing. "Are you okay?"

From this close I could see the underlying bloom of pink that again shifted her color faintly toward orange. "It tickles." The sudden cut off at the end left no question that the subject should be dropped.

So we lapsed back in to resolute silence. I wanted to talk to her; to say something that would further put her at ease around me. As I picked her fur clean, and occasionally dabbed at the blood oozing from her wound, I started spending as much time trying to think of something to say as I did actually cleaning her.

"So, what made you think I was a girl?" The words spilled out of my mouth just in time to vacate the space for my foot. My cheeks immediately began burning and I slapped a hand to my forehead. "Goddamnit. Never mind. Don't mind me. Shutting up now."

I was never going to speak again if I could help it.

When I dared look at Etherea again I did not find an angry alicorn ready to clock me upside the head for calling attention back to another embarrassing moment. She was still staring forward, but her eyes were wider and her shoulders and wings hunched protectively as though she was expecting me to hit her. Was that it? She was scared of me too? Of course she was. And if that was the case...

"Please don't worry about it too much. I occasionally get it from other humans as well, so I'm not mad." I explained gently. She spared me a glance and I tried to smile reassuringly back.

"Really?" I nodded at her. "Other humans can not... tell that you are male?"

"Sometimes from the back. It's the long hair actually. If I grew a beard it would be easier to tell, but I've never actually wanted one." I offered, trying to sound upbeat for her benefit.

"You also have..." she began strong," fuller lips than... Craig. And I thought... um..." and finished with a whisper. Embarrassment was apparently the name of the game, and she was feeling it keenly.

That was a bit... emasculating. "Er... yeah. I guess I do. That would be from my Mom." Time to switch it up a bit - finish strong. Like a man! "I actually thank her for that. I couldn't have played trombone and baritone in band nearly as well as I did... otherwise."

Etherea's shoulders gradually slid back to a more relaxed posture, but the lines of her neck and back were still tight. Her ears couldn't decide where they wanted to stay, like she was unsure of what she was thinking about. I waited patiently for her while planning the rest of my fur-cleaning duties; now not quite sure I wanted to continue this conversation.

"So... do both human genders nurse their young?"

For a moment I couldn't breathe; the only sound I could make was a strangled sort of snort as I fought to dismiss the image of me trying to breast feed a baby. I guess seeing my nipples had really thrown her off. Etherea's ears shot up then flopped immediately back down as she went right back to cringing defensively!

"N-nnn... N-n-no..." I finally managed while fighting back chuckles. It took some doing but I managed to swallow that lump that preceded full blown laughter. "T-trust me. You would be... be able to tell a human woman from a man."

There was another pause as Etherea thought. She shifted away, rolling slightly so that it was easier to twist her neck to look at me. Hesitantly but with a completely innocent face she asked, "How?"

"Uhhhh..." A brilliant answer, to be sure. "Well... Y'see... Guys are flatter in the chest. Girls' breasts are always there and... um... would probably seem permanently engorged to you." And I was blushing again.

She blinked, her eyes wandering around randomly without ever coming back to me. "Oh."

Carefully, as though she were afraid she might break something, she rolled back to fully upright, her face returning to an impassive mask as her eyes fixed again on the kitchen. Even so, her ears and the set of her neck betrayed her continued unease. All I'd managed to do was make both of us feel awkward. At least it was better than being at each other's throats.

I eventually went back to picking her fur clean. The silence stretched uncomfortably again but I wasn't dumb enough to break it this time. Every conversation idea I thought of was quickly fed to a mental wood chipper just in case.

When the fur around the main wound was free of any lingering traces of previous bleeding I was confronted by something I had been avoiding. I was going to have to bandage her but this time she would be awake for it. I gazed at the angry slice marring her forehead in dismay. It wasn't pulsing, growing, or oozing something unholy, but that didn't stop my mind from conjuring up images that would justify my nervousness. Still, it couldn't be helped. I had to do this.

"Etherea," I began gently, "I'm going to put a new bandage on now."

Her whole body immediately locked up. I think even her tail was clamped firmly against her butt, though I was definitely not paying any attention. She eventually gave a strained, jerky nod.

I retrieved a pad, dropped a little antiseptic on it, and quickly set it against her. Her hooves dug in to the carpet. A sharp hissing inhale became a high pitched whine forcing its way out of her. As that faded away she began breathing in a series of short, rapid heaves. These slowly petered out as I simply held myself still. It was no worse than I thought she might react, but better than I expected - no flailing limbs or screaming was a plus.

Assured that she was (relatively) fine, I wrapped another length of gauze around her head to hold the pad in place. The last thing to do was to flip her mane back in to place, covering the bandage under a safe wall of blue hair. By the time I leaned back she was more or less composed.

"Ow." Etherea's reaction was so simple, but I couldn't help smiling in understanding.

"I can imagine."

She gustily exhaled before getting to her hooves. A quick shake of each hoof - one at a time - got her legs sorted out. She still backed away from me rather than simply turning around, but other than a quick once over she paid me no mind.

After another sigh and a shake - thank God it wasn't the water-flinging kind - she looked back at me. "Thank you."

I guess I could accept that. I nodded my acceptance but she was already moving toward the assorted objects spread out on the carpet. She stopped and stood silently over them, a forehoof venturing forth to rest on one of the brushes while she looked down as though trying to divine its mysteries. Her face remained blank, but gradually her hoof began tilting the brush back and forth. This was new and unusual, and I remained where I sat to find out just what she was doing.

Suddenly her hoof jerked upward before smashing in to the carpet. I swear the brush bounced. I leapt to my feet even as she flopped on the floor, which left me really confused. I was about to ask her just what the hell was going on when she put a hoof over her face and let out a long rising groan.

"I give UP!" Her frustrated shout silenced me as surely as any hand. Or hoof. A familiar yellow halo sprang up around her horn and a pair of brushes and a curry comb jumped in to the air. The four competing sources of illumination resulted in faint shadows that faded in and out as they scampered about the area.

I was suddenly interested in the three levitating objects that swooped in to attack her mane, tail, and the exposed fur of her neck, and why she was suddenly using so much magic. Oh, and the grim set to her jaw and flaring nostrils. It seriously looked like she was trying to bite through her own teeth.

"Are... you okay?" I asked slowly.

"Does it look like I am fine?" she spat back without unclenching her teeth.

"Uhh... no. And that's what worries me."

She sucked in a deep breath. A quick twist of her neck centered her narrowed eyes on mine, forcing me to step backwards and causing my calves to bump against the couch. "None of... these items are designed for ponies. Not one! I cannot hold them properly and where... does that leave me? I am not... having you groom me." Ouch... But definitely for the best. "So... I have to use magic to do the most mundane... things. And it hurts like... you would not believe!" The various satellites tending to her appearance did not stop in their ministrations but she broke her tirade to shudder.

"You know what is even worse?" Of course I didn't, but she didn't give me a chance to say so. "This world... completely lacks background Harmony, and apparently that means... I have to infuse my own in to... whatever I want to use magic on. This brush," one floated by in front of her face, "acts like it weighs... at least twice what it probably does. I can... feel it leeching more from me than it should. It is not a problem now, when it is just... a couple small objects, but how much... will this added drain... affect my recovery? Will I be stuck... here for more hours just from brushing my hair? Days?! What if I have... to use a really difficult spell?!"

A less painful-looking pause interrupted as she took a breath. "And if I use magic now, why should I not... use it for other things as well? Eating would be so much easier! Washing, doors..." she flinched distastefully, "the translation spell, even... the simple, normally unconscious things that come... naturally to ponies! A pegasus'... inherent grace... is actually some tiny amount of magic; I didn't know that! I can feel it now! I should not... ever have to worry about how much Harmony walking uses! I bet holding things... takes it as well! But now I... I..." Her muzzle tilted down toward the floor as she looked away. "Never mind."

I waited to see if there was more or whether I could come up with something to make her feel better, but I utterly failed and she continued to ignore me. Apparently that was it. I didn't particularly like it, but at the same time I was pretty sure I understood. There were times when it was just best to be left alone. She needed a moment and after that rant I was willing to give it to her.

With nothing better to do I set about cleaning up. It only took a minute or so to put everything back in its place and to dispose what had been used. I wasn't quite sure whether I should throw away the old bandage or to keep it somewhere safe. There were people who would love to study it, and the thought that it might be necessary for someone to do so crossed my mind. Keeping it would probably creep Etherea out horribly, but it might be considered a biohazard so tossing it was probably a Federal crime of some kind. In the end I at least pretended to do the right thing and stuck the bandage in a baggy on the off chance it might save my life.

"I'm sorry," greeted me when I reentered the living area. My foot froze halfway through stepping and nearly pitched me forward. What? "I... did not mean to take that out on you."

Equally surprising was the sight of Etherea resting on the floor with my poster unrolled before her, the combs and brushes still working to put her appearance in order. Joining them was the pink towel which was slowly working its way along both sides of a wing. As if I needed more proof that alicorns were overpowered. At least she sounded less pained.

"It's fine." The reversal of our earlier positions wasn't lost on me. Hopefully she also caught it. "You've had a rough day and aren't catching many breaks. I understand. If you need some time..."

Though genuine my attempt to empathize felt flimsy, but she nodded gratefully anyways.

"No. I will be alright." She sighed, her head dipping lower. "I feel like... such a foal." Equestrians seriously used that term?! "We keep going around and around, trading who snaps... at whom and not... getting anywhere. I was... raised better than that. I was taught better than that. I should be better than that! And here I am pushing back at... the people... who are trying to help."

It was like she was reading my own thoughts on the matter. "I... well I actually feel better seeing you like this." She didn't quite look at me, but her eyes shifted my way as she pursed her lips. Yeah, I know that didn't come out quite right. "What I mean is that instantly accepting all this might be nice, but I'd be really worried if you weren't at least... as stressed out as I am. I guess."

"Heh." Her violet irises finally focused on me as a tiny smile flickered at the corners of her mouth. We weren't friends by a long shot, but I think we had reached an accord of sorts.

While I was enjoying the markedly less anxious atmosphere I noticed one of her hooves caressing a corner of the poster on the ground. Even if she wasn't paying attention to it, the cartoon representation of Equestria was clearly still in her thoughts, and I brought her attention to it with a nod.

"So what do you think?"

"What do I think?" She had to mull that one over. "I... do not know what to think. To see them like this... is so strange."

"As cartoon characters?" I ventured.

"No. Well... Yes. We have animated shows in Equestria as well, but this... I don't know how... this poster can exist. I don't know if anypony at home... has any idea that entire other worlds might, well, do exist... beyond Equestria, and yet here you already have a window in to ours. Everything I... know tells me that this is impossible!"

"And yet here I am, and I would... recognize Princess Celestia with Terrialestril anywhere," She tapped the white cartoon alicorn with her hoof. Also, what?! "even if they are... highly stylized." Her head tilted left as she considered the colorful print under her hooves. "I've never seen her... like this, but I guess this is Princess Luna, even if she looks like a filly. The one in the very front is clearly Lady Velroa Noisar, so these must... be the Element bearers - Ensul Shensoar, Dyelusena, Minelles, Laeilethrun, and Lady Aserelsi."

I blinked in utter confusion as she pointed out each pony. She'd just pointed at the "Mane Six" but spoken in... Equestrian? Of course their names were in Equestrian! I don't know why I half-expected her to randomly pull the characters' English names out of thin air.

Before I could interrupt and ask for clarification she singled out a fuchsia pony. "This looks like the Prime Minister of Education, Lady Wenelloen." She giggled briefly before cutting off with a wince. "Oh stars! That must... be Lady Tes next to her. She would probably laugh to see this... but Lady Aserelsi would throw a fit to find... such a juvenile," she drew out that word with a stiff, affected accent, "depiction of her sister."

I was thrilled beyond belief that she knew of several characters from the show. Make that several of 'the ponies who actually did the things the show was based off of.' The possibility of direct, factual information about them was... the feeling was completely beyond words. Now I knew why so many fans use the word 'squee' in this kind of situation, because it was what I felt like doing. But I was also so very lost.

"Um, what?" Etherea's head jerked up and she blinked at me, her ears flattening. "I-I'm sorry, but would you mind slowing those names down? I know them, um, differently."

She quickly glanced back and forth between me and the poster on the ground. "Oh... Right, you would... not know their real... names, would you?"

I shook my head and hesitantly lifted a hand toward the poster and her. She shifted slightly away from the appendage but nodded that it was fine for me to continue. At least it was something positive to be allowed to approach her.

"Princess Celestia and Philomena," I tapped the respective characters with a finger, "Princess Luna..."

"Philomena," the name crossed her lips like a question, "is Terrialestril."

"Ter-rial-estril?" She hesitated before bobbing her head once in agreement. "Hmmmm... Okay. Well this one here is Twilight Sparkle..."

"Lady Velroa Naois."

"Lady Twilight Sparkle, I guess." Another nod from my Alicorn guest. "Applejack..."

"Minelles."

"...Fluttershy..."

"Laeilethrun."

"...Pinkie Pie..." That got a massive blink out of her. I guess it sounded strange after translation or something.

"Dyelusena."

"...Rainbow Dash..."

"Ensul Shensoar."

"...and I'm guessing Lady Rarity?"

"Yes, she... would be Lady Aserelsi."

I pursed my lips while tilting my head. I'd definitely need a refresher on all of those. Probably more than one. "And the others you mentioned...?"

"Lady Tes is Lady Aserelsi's younger... sister and I believe Lady Wenelloen was Lady Tes's instructor from when she was younger."

"Ah." It was all making sense. Quite a few things from the show were strangely accurate about the real Equestria. "We know them as Sweetie Belle - that's Rarity's sister - and Cheerilee."

We lapsed in to silence, both content to sit and let each other absorb what the other had just pointed out. I was definitely going to have to do something more in order to actually remember the Ponies' real names. Lady Velroa... Min-something... Lady Aserel... si? I was already losing them in my head to a jumble of indistinct foreign syllables.

"This scares me. To think of what you... may know of us and we have absolutely no idea you are watching." Her ears dipped a little. "I want to know more, but I... don't know if... I really want to." Etherea's beautiful violet eyes broke away from the poster to meet mine. Her ears were up again and she was looking intently at me, but each word hesitated before venturing from her mouth. "Am... can I see it?"

The sudden switch wasn't lost on me. Some part of Etherea wanted to know whether she was in Friendship is Magic. I'd be scared too. I imagined sharing her feelings if I were to learn that someone was secretly watching my every move and there was nothing I could do about it - fascinated but not quite sure I wanted to know the truth.

"Yeah. We can do that. We'll have to go to my room since all of my stuff is there. Plus Craig doesn't let me watch episodes on his TV - something about his sports channels objecting to cartoon ponies." I stepped to one side and motioned for her go on ahead of me. Besides, I needed to talk to someone before lunch turned into another fiasco.

Etherea watched me carefully for a moment before getting to her hooves, one eyebrow hovering most of the way up her forehead. The towel settled itself over her back and she tucked her wings into position with a shuffle and a nudge from the tip of her nose. A second bout of hesitation prompted me to back up another step and give her plenty of space to pass by. As she ventured left down the hall, a line of beautification supplies floating in her wake, I slipped to the right and through the door in to Craig's room. The sounds of radio commercials greeted me. How Craig could sleep through that I'll never know.

Craig was still sprawled front-down as I tiptoed my way around the various discarded items and over to his bed, but he was facing toward the large Metallica poster on his wall and away from me. This was too easy. I balled a fist and jabbed him in the side with my knuckles. He yelped like a dog whose tail had been stepped on, the wall making a hollow thump when he pitched himself in to it. My stupid grin was the polar opposite to his unhappy snarl.

"What the fuck, man!"

"Heh. That's what you get for sleeping instead of keeping an eye on Etherea." I retorted.

He shifted around so that I wasn't standing directly over him. "What do you want? She didn't want anything to do with me. Hanging around her just in case she might need something would've been boring as hell, man, and it might've just pissed her off!"

"Not the point. I don't care that you let her be," I jabbed a finger at him, "it actually turned out to be a good idea. But going back to sleep? C'mon! At least act like you give a shit. The idea was that you would be available and you weren't."

"Alright. Fine. The next time your phone drops a magical fairytale pony in our living room I'll be all over it." he said, sitting up and rubbing his side, "Since you're here defending her honor," oh, har har. I could tell where this conversation was returning to, "she must be okay now. She send you in here herself, or did you volunteer?" Yeah, his stupid grin was slowly reforming.

"Actually no, I did have something important." I lowered my voice. Fortunately Craig noticed and dropped his expression to something resembling attentive. "Look, she's an herbivore..."

Craig cocked his head and I recognized a very familiar look of (relatively) deep thought. "She smokes weed?"

"Goddamnit Craig." That was another few brain cells down. "No, she only eats plants. No meat. In fact, if she's anything like a horse, eating meat around her might be a very, very bad idea. And right now I'm not willing to put that idea to the test."

"So..." he prompted, clearly not getting what I was saying.

"So for the time being we're not eating meat in the apartment, okay?" My eyes bored in to his so he'd know just how serious I was. This was Craig however...

"Oh, fuck that! I'm not just going to give up meat..." he began as he moved to get up; like standing eye-to-eye would convince me to drop this.

It was too easy, even for me. "So you like your meat, huh? Can't beat it?"

He jerked to a halt, bent over with one leg stretched to the floor as he tried to get off the bed by scooting around me. His mouth shaped a dumbfounded 'O' as he stared at me for a second. I do have my moments. Craig came to realize this and a smile grew under his nose.

"I've had a little practice. I meant to ask you for some pointers, but then, it's been a long time since I needed to beat my own meat!" My face blanked. And Craig proved, once again, that he's better at banter than I.

"Anyways." Craig's smile became a fully-grown, shit-eating, pearly-white-flashing grin as I switched topics. "My point still stands," I hissed, "I don't want either of us eating meat in the apartment. Okay?"

"And I'm not giving up..."

"Craig! I'm not telling you to stop eating meat. Have it at work! Go out and grab a burger! Just not here until we can be sure that she's not going to freak out about it!" I had to think of an analogy that would really hit home for him. Maybe... "You know Darth Vader?"

"Darth... What?" He blinked and titled his head like there was water in his ear. "What does he have to do with ponies and meat? Is Vader like some pony-eating boogerman?"

"Boogeyman. And no..." I didn't need to drink, really, I could just hang around with Craig.
"What I mean is y'know how he can choke you to death by looking at you?"

"Yeah..."

"Etherea can do that..." I left that thought half-finished, knowing full well the implication. She could do that to us. Craig's wide eyes told me that he did too. I think I managed to also scare myself a little with that one.

"Oh. I'll move my bacon to the station's freezer. Twizted," that was another one of the station's DJs, "better not touch it. I'm not scared to commit a hate crime over some bacon."

"Okay. You're a pal, Craig. Thanks." I turned to go when a hand landed on my shoulder. I looked back to find a scruffy, unkempt, and very concerned roommate behind me.

"Hey. I thought I heard more shouting after you got back. How's she doing?" Craig spoke softly but earnestly. He might be a horrible womanizer, but he was also surprisingly caring. Sometimes.

"She's... better. She hurt herself pretty bad by coming here, but I think she's past wanting to kill us. You were right about giving her some personal time to calm down and get used to things. So thanks for that. We just don't want to set her off again, kay?"

Craig's smile jumped back in to place. "Yeah, sure. Any time. And good to hear she's doing better. Oh, if you need any more help getting a mare in your bed, just let me kn...!"

I shoved him hard enough to send him tumbling along his bed and off the short end, the covers being dragged along for the ride. His laughter chased me down the hall all the way to my room where I found Etherea stretched on my bed. Of course. Apparently I didn't need any help getting her... Never mind, not going there.

She was resting on her stomach with her hind hooves tucked under and her forehooves laid across my pillows. The wing nearest me was extended at her shoulder - I guess that's what it's called - to spread the feathers closest to her body. Her towel was floating against the underside of her wing while one of the short-bristled brushes gently ran the length of a feather. From the curve of her neck it seemed like she was looking down at her hooves though I couldn't see through the mass of vibrant blue mane hanging in the way. What I did know was that she didn't seem to be paying attention to the two levitated objects as they worked. Alicorns...

I'm not sure how long I stood just outside the door, but I was totally justified in doing so. For one she was a pony, and frankly that was fucking amazing. Two - she was apparently a pony princess, which was just a little bit intimidating. Especially considering what I was about to show her. Three - she was kind of pretty while shining faintly from her recent shower, and I wasn't certain I wanted to be so close to her just because of it. I took full advantage of the moment to bludgeon both my attraction and trepidation in to submission. It didn't actually help that much, but at least I was coolly collected on the outside. I hoped.

Her head swiveled as soon as I finally poked a toe across the threshold, her eyes seeking me out even as her ears dipped backward. Yeah, things still weren't quite hunky-dory. I inadvertently stopped what I was doing.

"What?" she asked after a moment.

With her mane moved to the side I could see her device resting on her forelegs - it's what she must have been looking at - and there was a small gold-haloed stylus hovering in the air over it. Between that, the towel, and the brush, it was like she was showing off."Er... I, uh... I was just... wondering where you had hidden your stuff." Which, while true, was the worst cover ever.

"Oh. Um... Under your mattress..." Her head dipping and ears folding more fully as she looked away. Well that answers that.

Though I did stare with furrowed brows as I tried to figure that one out. She had hidden her stuff in my room under my mattress. Then she had left them there to demand that I release her. If she had planned on leaving, then why had... It wasn't worth the headache it would give me.

My computer desk was situated against the same wall as the door but on the opposite end of the room, and I shrugged before continuing my trip to it. It faced both the door and my bed, and when I was in the chair the room's two windows were in the wall to my right. I called it the God Seat because it allowed me to see everything in the room, minimized glare on my computer screen, and I felt like I should be passing judgment on anyone entering through my door.

Dimble was sprawled in the corner under the chair which was surprising. But then, there was a pony occupying his normal daytime napping spot. I nudged him with a toe and he rolled on to his back, stretching out and baring everything at me - just in case I had any question.

"I see you've already fought Dimble for his bed and won." I looked over my monitor at Etherea. From there I could see that her torc and circlet were nestled in the covers between her and the wall. It also gave me a good view as the stylus tapped her device once before floating over to her torc and attaching to the inside face.

"Dimble's bed? But I... thought this was yours." I don't know how she said that with a straight face.

"No. I just rent it from him at night. Apparently he likes you though." Even I was surprised when that spilled out of my mouth and I cringed at my own snark.

Her mouth opened, her face still showing genuine confusion. The moment she finally caught on was easily apparent because her ears flapped forward then back. "Oh." was all she said, her narrowed eyes showing a complete lack of amusement.

I chuckled nervously - at least she wasn't yelling. Her stare prompted me to go back to setting up my computer, something that didn't take nearly long enough for my taste - I was feeling a very familiar tightness in my chest. Was I really about to show an episode of My Little Pony to an Equestrian pony? Yes, I was. Was the universe going to implode from this? It felt likely.

"I have no idea how... your technology can possibly work without magic, but I think... I can see why you humans would... thrive without it." I gave her the briefest of looks, wondering what she was talking about. She seemed to be avidly watching me work the mouse. "Pegasi... deftness tends to fall short when it comes to really fine manipulation. Earth Ponies have strength but unfortunately cannot match pegasi... for dexterity. Unicorn magic can provide both, but to... control that many points so quickly and... accurately is beyond most of us. It would take a team of ponies working together to do some of the things... you can probably do by yourself."

I lifted my hand off the mouse to examine it and Etherea followed the motion. She blinked, her eyes widening nearly imperceptibly, as I wiggled my fingers rhythmically. I guess hands really were something amazing.

"Okay, but you can do that." I said, pointing at the two items working their way along her wing without any sort of physical control. She lifted her wing a bit higher and looked back as though noticing the levitated items for the first time.

"It's just some levitation. Pretty much every... unicorn can hold a couple items this way." She sounded mystified. Of course she did. She got to live with magic every day of her life so it wasn't a big deal to her.

"If I want to grab something I have to get up and get it. You can just have it float across the room to you." I got up and turned my monitor around so that she could see it. The speakers were next. Etherea pulled her wing in closer as I rolled my chair around so that I could also watch. She didn't have to worry though; I left at least five feet of open space between us.

"But the kind of control you have... building or repairing things must be really easy. And writing... Oh, instruments! I can only... imagine the amazing music you must have developed." This was exciting her? But she had magic. She knew ponies who could move the Sun and Moon! All I had done was type on a keyboard.

"There's a lot more to those kinds of things than just having fingers. You need both the inclination - like a special talent - and generally some amount of practice. I bet most humans are no better at playing instruments than most ponies." Her head titled but her eyes bored in to mine like she was trying to figure out if I was lying. "Well, I'm good to go here, if you want me to start...?" I cocked my head while leaning over the desk in preparation of hitting 'play.' My heart was clutching tightly at the base of my throat again.

Her jaw worked a little, like she was trying to decide whether to say more, but instead her nose dipped in a shallow nod.

"So what is this about?" she asked as the computer screen drew her attention.

"It's the first two episodes. They cover the return of Nightmare Moon and are the probably best starting point."

"Who?"

"Nightmare Moon?" Right, that was a proper name. "Um, Luna's evil side? I guess?" I cringed. How close had the show and all the fanfiction been on making Nightmare Moon a facet of the real princess?

Etherea jerked and leaned away from me, her head whipping around hard enough for her mane to disrupt the brush tending her wing. "Sussirovenzora illunae! You know of... Sussirovenzora illunae?!" Her voice rose to an incredulous squeak at the end.

"I... do?" I hadn't meant it to sound like a question, but her nearly violent reaction had triggered my nerves. This whole 'showing her how I knew about Equestria' deal was sounding like a worse idea every minute. She was still on edge, and after her fainting spell I could only guess at her reaction to seeing actual animated versions of ponies she knew. What if some of them were her friends and she hated the way humans portrayed them? I chewed on the inside of my cheek at my growing anticipation for the worst.

"Was that her Equestrian name? Because we know her as Nightmare Moon."

"Yes... I..." Her wide eyes flicked back to my computer as the episode launched into the prelude, her head eventually trailing after. She stared aghast, barely blinking, as the scene transitioned to Twilight Sparkle reading the history of Nightmare Moon from a book. I hunched in my chair in silence with one leg bouncing nervously, not willing to risk upsetting Etherea any more than she probably was.

"What... what are they saying?" The sudden question, even quiet as it was, caused me to jump in my seat.

"Huh?" Smooth.

"They're not... living beings so my spell can't understand them. What are they saying?" Oh right.

"Oh! Um... Well, Twilight is griping about being sent to... to Ponyville because she thinks that Princess Celestia should be taking the, um, possible return of Nightmare Moon more seriously..." And so it began. The first episode played out with me commenting along so that Etherea could understand. My initial frayed sentences became more cohesive as I regained confidence that some universe-shaking calamity was not going to happen. Once again my pessimism had been proven foolish by stable reality, but that was actually a good feeling. I didn't really want to be right when it came to predicting apocalypses.

Etherea, for her part, watched the screen in rapt silence, the brushes and towel lying where they had been forgotten. I stole the occasional glance her way, finding an ever-present subtle straining in her muscles, like she was ready to jump out of the bed at any moment. Her expression remained resolutely still outside of the occasional blink. I was relieved to see her taking this so well.

She gasped at Nightmare Moon's arrival, but to my surprise it wasn't followed by greater shock, fear, anger, horror, or worse. Instead she snorted, then covered her muzzle with a hoof. That same hoof slowly dipped to hang limply before her, one eyebrow climbing and one descending as a look of abject disbelief overcame her. My voicing of Nightmare's lines only made Etherea have to fight harder to stay composed, and by the time the episode finished I was peering at her questioningly.

There was a short pause as the credits ran where she let her hoof settle back onto the covers before looking my way. The same incredulous expression remained, but she was fighting valiantly to smooth it over with careful composure.

"T-that was Sussirovenzora Illunae?" she managed to squeeze out.

I wondered what she was getting at before answering. "Yeah. Was she very different?"

Etherea's nod came slowly and timidly. "There are only a couple of... pictures of Princess Luna that way, but Sussirovenzora Illunae was a monstrous construct of... disharmonious magic. Though most ponies who saw her simply... called her color black, Lady Naois described her instead as... a ravenous absence of light - like she was consuming the light that struck her. Her mane and tail were similar to how they appear now, but apparently were... fractured... and flowed in reverse. Like her form... drew in and consumed them as well."

"Even her cutie mark was gone. Ponies... don't just lose their cutie mark!" Etherea was subdued as she talked, her hooves wandering in shallow circles where they pressed in to my pillows. "The only aspects of Luna that... remained were her eyes and teeth, though both were altered; her eyes were like those in the show - no longer remotely pony in their form or color - and she had fangs. Real fangs! She reportedly used them too..." Etherea shuddered and tucked her shoulders and haunches more completely behind the safety of her wings.

The personal reference to Luna had been quick, but I had still caught it. How well did she know Luna? I could feel a world full of Bronies screaming at me to ask about everyone's favorite princess, but I didn't dare interrupt Etherea at the moment.

"She..." A tremor ran its way from the tip of Etherea's nose, down her neck, along her back, and caused the base of her tail to twitch. "She was... did some horrible things..." She suddenly cut off.

A long silence lingered and eventually became uncomfortable - to me at least. It hurt to think that she was upset by a cartoon I loved, and despite my better judgment I wanted to alleviate that. "It's okay to... I mean, will you be alright? Nightmare Moon sounds terrifying..."

"I'm not scared!" I could tell by her resistance that she wasn't being entirely truthful. "I'm...! It's not that... I'm more angry than anything, okay?! It's like whoever made that was... making light of Sussirovenzora Illunae. I know Luna... would not be happy to see that, because that," she bobbed her nose in the direction of my computer, "was not Sussirovenzora Illunae. That was a storybook villain... that barely resembles the truth and is meant to appeal to foals. In fact, the entire show was clearly designed... for foals." Her violet eyes sought mine out, begging for an explanation.

"Well... yeah." I looked down and focused on the base of Etherea's throat, unwilling to meet those eyes. "The show was designed for six-year-old girls. It can't be all violent and scary. It's supposed to be warm and fuzzy."

"And... you like it?" Etherea dialed back the volume more even as her voice filled with wonder.

"Yeah. Quite a few humans do. It may be a bit childlike, but it's still pretty well done, has interesting characters, and has some good life lessons. I'm sorry if it's not entirely accurate, but is it at least accurate enough?"

I looked up for just an instant to see how she took that, being just a bit worried that I'd pushed too hard.

"I..." Her face was unreadable for a moment as she gazed through and past me. "No. Well, I don't know. What I've seen barely covers what Twi... Lady Naois," THAT was a very noticeable catch, "went through to get to where she was."

She drew in and let out a heavy breath. "Maybe I'm being too harsh. Sussirovenzora Illunae is gone, Princess Luna is back, and... Equestria is a better place for it. It feels wrong... to see her simplified this way, but you couldn't have known the real pony." We locked gazes again. "You... said there was more; maybe I should see the rest first. I'm sure Princess Celestia would... insist on it."

I gave a shrug and a little grin to show that I wasn't holding anything against her. She returned a faint smile though it never passed beyond her mouth. The second half of the series opener went much like the first half had, though she didn't have to ask to get me to translate. She remained ever calm, collected, and somewhat distant from what I could tell. Watching the six element-bearers deal with the river serpent made her groan, but she didn't explain nor give me any indication that she was willing to.

Celestia's appearance at the end made her genuinely smile, which was a relief. I had worried that something would be seriously off about Celestia's design and that Etherea would react as she had earlier, so seeing the opposite was like a breath of fresh air. And of course I didn't get to enjoy it long - Etherea almost immediately frowned, though I wasn't quite sure what from. I caught the corners of her lips started curling back up just as I was starting to feel nervous about her ups and downs again. I was... so confused.

I had just turned back to find Celestia nuzzling Luna in forgiveness when Etherea spoke. "So that is why Princess Luna looks like a filly. I wonder if that is how she... actually looked after her redemption."

Etherea wasn't actually talking to me judging by her distant, thoughtful gaze. I waited patiently for her to come back and hopefully explain everything. I needed her to tell me about Princess Luna, Twilight and the Element Bearers, and Princess Celestia. There were so many questions to ask about the accuracy of the trials faced by the main six, the representation of Equestria, and... And Etherea was just lying there comfortably and not saying a damned thing. It was infuriating that I was so close, yet so scared of pushing her...

"I'm hungry. And I believe it's about lunch time." Etherea shifted over to the window and looked up. Then she jerked, quickly leaning the other way instead. The sudden movement brought me instantly to my feet. Had she been seen?!

My own quick action caused my chair to bounce a few inches away, and Etherea's ears shot up, her eyes widened as her head whipped around.

"Oh! Sorry. I... It's just your Sun." Her muzzle dipped and a faint orange blossomed about it. Her vibrant violet eyes flicked to me sheepishly before she slowly leaned back toward the window and pointedly looked up again.

"And I'm okay..." she whispered.

She stayed like that for a bit and I wrangled my racing pulse under control with a series of deep breaths. Etherea really was going to be the death of me. And as though she was reading my mind she suddenly hopped off the bed. Four hooves made light thumping sounds - far too light for a pony of her size - and she shuffled her wings until the feathers formed neat lines running down her flanks. She had missed me flinching, but as she walked by I received a curious look.

She stopped, her eyes darting between my face and the hand over my racing heart. "Are... you alright?"

No. "Just peachy, thanks for asking."

She frowned at that. "It's disharmonius to lie, Alex, and that's not good for you. What is really the matter?" Her tail swished as her rump swung around behind her, placing her squarely before me with her jaw set and ears perked. She clearly wasn't taking no for an answer. Fine then.

"I'm..." I swallowed in embarrassment, "I'm just nervous, okay? I'm tired and I'm scared. Let's just leave it at that." I really wasn't comfortable getting in to just how scared I was that someone could have seen her, or that other ponies could come to rescue her from me at any moment, or that there was still a pony plague on the way despite her assurances, or... or that no matter how I handled this situation that my life was about to change for the worse.

I'd probably be considered a nervous wreck by most people but one thing was helping me hold together. It wasn't worth it to work myself up too much over things I could do nothing about, so while I was aware of them, I tried not to allow myself to dwell too much. Yet a part of me was still worried and that made me jumpy. And being jumpy made me overreact when Etherea found something startling.

Etherea started to frown, but she caught herself with a shake and her expression softened. "It's easy to... forget that I'm not alone in this. We really are riding the same cloud."

"'Riding the same cloud?'" What the heck did that mean?

"Oh! Um..." she hummed as she thought, "It means we are... in the same situation. It's a pegasus phrase."

"Ah. Like if I said 'we're in the same boat.'"

"I will take your word for it." She smiled a pleasant little grin at me. "The three... of us can worry together. Come on, I bet you will... feel better after getting something to eat." Her grin widened as she once used my own actions against me. That alone made me feel somewhat better. Proud too - it's not every day that an Equestrian Princess tells you had a good idea, however indirectly.

I followed in Etherea's wake as she left the room, noting the faint scent of lilacs that lingered and wondering just how disturbed I should be for enjoying the rhythmic swishing of her tail. Her sudden turn in to the bathroom brought me up short. I stood there, blinking stupidly and wondering what she was up to until she extended a wing into the shower. Her horn aquired a familiar halo and a matching wave of magic ran across her feathers, sloughing out what little water remained.

She turned to do her other wing and, finding me standing just outside the doorway, arched an eyebrow. I noticed her ears retreating again and quickly made myself scarce. It really was for the best since I still needed to hide the various meat products scattered about our fridge. With our carnivorous fare tucked behind the various veggies, and hopefully well-hidden, I set out the newly-acquired sandwich fixings and made myself a simple peanut butter and jelly affair.

Etherea wandered in to the living area shortly thereafter, a brush following through the air behind her and wings once again folded neatly. I definitely noticed the long pause as she looked warily out the front window, but I pointedly avoided calling attention to it. It was distressingly unsurprising that her ears took a guarded half-mast stance, and even more so that they remained that way even as she approached the kitchen island. Food should be enjoyed, not simply endured, and it looked like she expected to walk in to an unpleasant situation.

Other than her telltale ears she seemed to be right at home. The brush began working its way through her mane again which got me wondering just how much time she was going to spend on getting prepared for nothing. Various items began assembling themselves into a sandwich. Peanut butter, mayonnaise - which she sniffed at first - lettuce, and tomato went in. It was a combination that I would never have thought of in a million years.

While her attention was on the little dance of condiments she leaned to the side and carefully nipped off a petal from one of the roses on the counter. Now that I devoted attention to. She waited until after swallowing to speak.

"What?"

I wasn't sure what I expected since I'd never eaten flowers that I considered 'decorative.' "So... what's it taste like?"

"A bit spicy. Roses are a little like... cinnamon that way. These," she tilted her head toward the flowers, "aren't quite as sharp as I'm used to, so... they must be a little old."

"Well, I'm glad that I made the right choice." I said with obvious relief before taking another bite of my sandwich.

"Your choice was a good one. Now if you had purchased tulips..." She licked her lips as she momentarily looked off in the distance. "They're tangy and sweet, and so delicious."

I grunted around my mouthful and rolled my eyes. She smiled before taking a dainty bite from her own sandwich and for a moment - just one - her ears were up but totally relaxed. I happily let the good mood linger. The only sounds between us were the contented munching and the soft 'whisping' of the brush through her hair.

The smell of food eventually lured Craig out of his den, though he opted for a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch instead of the vegetarian spread that was otherwise available. He passed a long look between Etherea and I as he approached from behind her. I guess he also sensed the prevailing mood because he didn't say a thing.

Dimble wasn't so considerate when he decided that all of us gathered in the 'food area' meant that he was also going to get something. His occasional meow as he padded from one of us to another hardly interrupted though. Unfortunately Etherea was the closest in height to him, and that meant he spent most of his time trying to coax her in to sharing; much to her chagrin at his insistent nosing in to her personal space. He obviously had no idea what she was actually eating, but at least he had quickly adjusted to her presence.

I finished first of course - my head start guaranteed it. "So, will you be joining us watching a couple of My Little Pony episodes? I'm sure even you have questions about ponies." I asked of Craig.

"I guess. 's not like I have anything better to do." He spoke around a mouthful of cereal.

Etherea frowned deeply and gave Craig a hard stare but she had the grace to finish her own bite first. "I will thank... Please finish what you are eating before talking. I do not really... want to see what you have in your mouth; it... is disgusting."

Craig had his spoon in his mouth at that moment and he froze. His eyes shifted between Etherea and I and a faint twitching at the corner of his lips made me realize what was about to happen. He was incorrigible to be sure - a pony like Etherea might say uncultured - and one of his buttons was people who took it upon themselves to 'fix' him.

"Craaaaaiiig..." I drew his name out low and menacingly.

His eyes met mine. I tried to keep my glare steady, which was difficult when facing his unflappable nonchalance. I counted it a great victory when he shrugged and looked away.

"Right. Sorry." Goddamnit Craig. "Oops, sorry!" I put my head down and fought to not laugh as he nearly sprayed cereal while trying to apologize for speaking with a full mouth.

Etherea tried to stare Craig in to oblivion. Or, since she was a pony, maybe she was imagining him exploding in to sunshine and rainbows. Or possibly just taking an extended etiquette lesson courtesy of Rarity. Though I'm pretty sure that would actually be a horrible idea - a meeting between Craig and Rarity could only end catastrophically.

Speaking of things that would probably end badly, I opened my mouth to try switching to a lighter topic.

"So Etherea," her eyes shifted to mine but lost none of their hardness, "er... You said you wanted to see the rest of the episode... I mean... you would wait to judge it until after you'd seen the whole thing. So..." With her frustration at Craig being dircted at me I was back under the gun and falling apart. "What did... do you think?"

A twitch of Etherea's tail and a flick of her eyes toward Craig seemed to foist all of her frustration in his direction, allowing her to relax before getting around to answering my question. "It was a... terrible representation of the actual... events, to be honest. There is so much that is blatantly wrong... that I'm not sure where to begin." I cringed but she quickly launched back in, her volume jumping as she hastily tried to backtrack. "But I'm... not mad or anything! I understand that nopony here should have known anything, so it's still... pretty incredible! The main events... are there and the right ponies are involved, and I'm sure Celestia... would approve of the Harmonious message. It's just... some things are so very... wrong." She finished quietly, clearly worried about insulting us.

She wasn't far off. I understood that she was simply finding fault with whatever differences existed between the actual Equestria and that of the cartoon. But I liked the cartoon. A lot. I wanted her to like it as well, so she not immediately being taken with it was a hard pill to swallow. But then again, having her here to answer my questions was the opportunity of a lifetime.

I hadn't realized the effect of my frustrations on my expression, but I quickly smoothed it over after seeing Etherea hiding her nose partially behind her sandwich.

"Well... I'm very curious as to what the real Equestria is like. This kind of thing is an incredible opportunity." I tried to sound more upbeat than I felt. Which wasn't all that hard once excitement about the ensuing conversation overcame disappointment in Etherea's feelings about the show.

That seemed to mollify her and she came out from behind her protective wall of bread. "I hardly know where to begin." A quick nip reduced the size of her former shield and gave her a moment to think. "For one, Princess Celestia is not that tall. If she were... true to the cartoon then either she would have to crouch to walk around in here," Etherea encompassed the living area in the wave of a hoof, "or other ponies would shorter than this counter." the same hoof tapped the island top.

"Your cartoon makes her look like some kind of... mutant." Etherea sneered as she said that. "In actuality she's... only about half a hoof taller than I. I admit that she... seems much taller because of who and what she is. There's just a sense of power about her that other... ponies don't have."

Etherea again attacked her sandwich. Ponies weren't that different size-wise than the one before me, Celestia included? I don't know why, but I'd never really thought how unrealistic the size differences were in the show.

Okay. Now tell me more! Is her personality similar to in the show? How well do you know her? How closely did the first episodes follow her actual actions? The break in her explanation left me aching for more information. Keep going already!

"Princess Luna would dislike that show, by the way." Etherea leveled a serious look my way. "She is more, um, reserved than Princess Celestia and takes her image... very seriously. She spent the first... year after her redemption sequestered. There were parties held in her name but she did not... attend any of them. In fact, there are no recordings or images of her during that period - Celestia... did not allow it. The only ponies who know what she looked like are the two Celestial Princesses and... the Element Bearers. So she could have... regressed like that, which is funny because she's actually a full hoof taller than Celestia now, though I... doubt that she did."

She giggled. It was light and happy effervescing of emotion as she momentarily lost herself in her thoughts. "Princess Celestia may be... the elder, but she ended up as the 'little' sister."

Etherea caught herself as she realized where she was, her good mood evaporating to be replaced by a careful blankness. Her eyes flicked back and forth as she considered Craig and I.

"So Princess Celestia," I was careful to use her title, "is actually shorter than Princess Luna? Okay, that is funny." I chuckled. It was strange to think, judging by Etherea's height, that the tallest Princess topped out at about five and a half feet. I didn't have proof of it but I was assuming Cadence was shorter than Celestia. Oh, and that there were no more Princesses, which was probably a bad assumption given the one right in front of me.

Both Craig's and Etherea's stares bore down on me. There was an awkward moment as I tried to figure out why I was the target of their attentions. Oh right, I shouldn't know anything about the two ponies in question.

Etherea shook her head just as I figured it out. "Right. I forgot you know of them."

"Well I don't. Anyone wanna' fill me in?" came from Craig.

"Princess Celestia is the... Regent of the Sun and a Diarch of Equestria." Etherea patiently explained. "She generally oversees the daytime... governing of Equestria. Princess Luna is the Regent of the Moon and normally the nighttime Diarch." Unfortunately Craig's confusion didn't waver one bit.

"Craig," both of my companions turned back to me, "yesterday when I said Princess Celestia was the head pony in charge..." He nodded. "There's actually two of them. One controls the sun, and the other controls the moon. They're both really tall in the show, so it's funny that they actually aren't."

Craig's mouth worked for a bit though his cereal remained firmly bowl-bound. "Wait. Back up a bit. You said the one controlled the sun. Now there's two of them." He looked at me until I nodded. "So you've gone and pissed off two powerful super Jedi-Jesus ponies by stealing her?" He furiously directed my attention to the golden yellow pony sitting nearby.

It seemed that Craig's confusion had apparently migrated to set up shop in Etherea, because her only reply to this was a quiet, "What...?"

"Etherea," her ears twitched, "I was just explaining the princesses in terms that would make sense to Craig. And Craig," I turned on him, "no, they're not actually Jesus or Jedis. That was just the best explanation I could think of on the spot. And you're just as much a part of this. I know I set it up, but it was your texts that brought her here."

Craig glared death and dismemberment at me but he knew I was right and could do nothing about it. I could see it in his eyes...

"Wait. You two did this together?" Etherea's voice was carefully neutral - alarmingly so.

I found myself turning on my seat again. Repeating my actions over and over seemed to be a developing trend. Etherea's eyes were narrow slits of glimmering violet as she stared me down, and a very familiar sense of foreboding crept back up my spine.

"Yeah. We kinda' did." Her cheeks took on harsh lines as her jaw tightened. "It was a mistake, okay? It was supposed to be a joke so you'd realize that wires got crossed in the messages and laugh it off. But you took it so seriously." I tried to stare her down but it just wasn't in me.

"We're sorry, alright?" An uneasy silence fell over us as we waited for Etherea's reaction.

"So you," a hoof jabbed at me, "received my initial message and made fun of me. And you," the hoof shifted to Craig, "made fun of me and my mother?"

I nodded. I'm assuming Craig did as well because Etherea's hoof shortly disappeared back behind the counter between us. Her nostrils flared and her lips pulled back to flash rows of white teeth at us, but instead of raining hellfire and brimstone she finished by blasting a huge sigh and laying her chin on the countertop. A soft groan worked its way out of her while I was busying blinking at her sudden shift.

"Fine! I forgive both of you!" She was exasperated and said that through her teeth, but it had still been said. I was stunned for a moment. We were safe just like that? That would be a huge load off my shoulders.

"So..." and of course Craig was the first of us to speak up, "we're cool?"

"Um... 'Cool'?" was Etherea's soft reply.

"Yeah. Like we're friends. Pals. Can kick back and share a beer now." I looked sidelong at Craig with an eyebrow up. Had he just offered one of his beers to a pony Princess?

"Uh. Not really. We're not... enemies though, that much is clear. Just... just help me return home please." And like that we were cool again. At least as much as we ever had been. And judging by Craig's hesitation before taking another bite of his cereal, he was finally feeling the effects of the morning's emotional rollercoaster.

"I think we can do that." I ventured while looking at Craig - he nodded in agreement. "We'll do what we can. Just put in a good word for us if the Princesses find you first, okay?"

Etherea nodded as much as resting her head on the counter allowed - nothing more than several upward jerks of her nose. Her eyes shortly wandered back to the sandwich resting in the air several inches above the counter and she sat back up to continue her lunch. My sense that I should just stay quiet for my own good passed the time arguing with the questions burning in my head about the real Equestria. Apparently I wasn't all that good at hiding it because Etherea eventually began to watch me. I tried to smile the situation away but that only caused her to narrow her eyes fold and her ears tighter.

"What?"

She called me out... Lovely. I tried to waive the whole thing off. "I just have a lot of questions. I'm sure you do too, so don't mind me."

She rolled her eyes and sighed, her wings slipping downward slightly. "Fine. It's something I am sure we will do... sooner or later anyway."

Which technically opened the floodgates but there was so much dross that could come out that none did. I had to sort through what I really wanted to ask. Something meaningful. I needed something that would expand the conversation, and also didn't draw on the extensive fan speculation and extrapolation. And I was drawing a blank.

So I settled on simply continuing the interrupted conversation. "Well, Princess Celestia... Is she anything like her character?"

"From what little I've seen she is." Etherea spoke with a soft but confident voice. "She is one... of the kindest ponies you could ever want to meet. She very quickly forgave L... Princess Luna. I have seen so little of the character that I am not sure how to compare any more than that."

She seemed to be finished for a moment before perking up again. "Oh. And her voice isn't accurate at all. It is a little deeper, more soothing, and she has a bit of a Northshire accent. Well... Not that you know what that is."

"I figured..." I began...

"Yew mean lahk thees?" grated against my ears from behind.

"What?! No!" Etherea sat bolt upright. "Good heavens! That's more like... a griffin trying to speak diamond dog." I clamped my mouth shut as I unsuccessfully tried to hold back snorts of laughter. "No, Northshire... tends to accentuate the 'yoo' sound and roll the 'arr'." Princess Celestia's accent is very faint. Princess Luna's is more noticeable, but she's had to deal with... her separation..." Etherea's mouth twisted to one side as she put some clear effort in to being diplomatic about the whole Nightmare Moon thing.

"Makes sense to me!" I loudly interjected before Craig to say something even more stupid. "So, how about the rest of it? The Element Bearers and the events of that night?"

Etherea opened her mouth and gave me such a strong look of consternation that it brought my ever-present worrying back. She thought about it for a while, eventually replacing her parted lips with a pursed muzzle as she chewed on the inside of her lip. Craig and I exchanged a look but all I got out of it was a shrug from him. At least he didn't seem worried which helped me. Etherea was thinking about it rather than leaping down my throat after all.

"To start, it was not just a single night. It was about... eight days." Etherea cautiously said. "Twi... Lady Velroa had actually been in, um, Ponyville for... about two years at Princess Celestia's request. She - the Princess that is - suspected what... might happen and had prepared for it. Lady Twilight needed to make friends for the Elements to work, and that was not something that could... be done in one day."

I nodded. It made sense to me. Craig and I were good friends, but our relationship had been built up over two years of knowing each other and then living together for one.

"So no instant friendships?" I asked.

"Sort of. The six were friends within a couple of days, but they... needed time to have the strength to wield the elements fully." She passed a look between Craig and I.

"Are these elements like Plutonium and the others from that chart-thingy? Or are we talking the mystical, nerdy elements like fire and water?" Craig paused to take a breath. "Actually fire's pretty cool. Does that mean some pony controls all the fire in your world?" It was a struggle to not ashamedly slap a hand to my face as Etherea gaped at the man behind me.

"N-no..." Etherea stumbled over the words she needed to sort things out. "There are primordial associations with each element - like fire and Loyalty - but the six elements are Kindness, Generosity, Honesty, Loyalty, Laughter, and Magic."

Craig needed a moment to process all of that and we gave it to him. Personally I was dreading what he might pull out of that morass inside his head. He didn't quite turn green while thinking, but he did acquire the look of someone who'd just come across a particularly foul smell.

"Craig..." I preempted.

His eyes met mine and he let out a breath. "Fine. I won't talk about how girly they sound." I finally did facepalm. I could see what he meant though; relying on Laughter as a source for ultimate power would just get you laughed at here on Earth.

"Bu...! Ger...! Nnnnnn...!" Etherea's response was impressively incoherent. "You are... just going to casually dismiss the magic of friendship?!" When I peered at her through my fingers she seemed ready to pop. And once again she showed amazing composure by dismissing her frustrations with a heavy sigh and some choice words muttered under her breath where I couldn't catch them.

I placed my hand on the counter before her and looked deep into those vibrant purple irises of hers, "I'm sorry for Craig. Just nod and continue, and we'll all be saner for it." I ignored the grumble from behind me.

The corners of Etherea's mouth twitched and she nodded once.

"Well then, back to the matter at hoof." Craig snickered and Etherea glowered over my shoulder. "Princess Celestia had left... the physical embodiments of the elements in the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters - that part was correct - but she did it... because she knew Sussirovenzora Illunae would expect them closer at hoof and to be closely guarded. When Sussirovenzora Illunae returned Princess Celestia fled," I raised my eyebrows at that, "but it was... to make Sussirovenzora think that she was going for the elements herself and to take the fight away from any cities."

Now that made sense. I nodded along and waited patiently when she paused for breath.

"The Bearers took that... time to venture in to Everfree , though it didn't happen much like you have seen. Pinkie Pie," a short snicker from Craig was silenced by another death glare from the pony across from me, "didn't laugh away some... stupid trees; she kept everypony's spirits up while they dealt with the dangers... of Everfree and the prolonged night."

"Minelles didn't tell Vel... Lady Velroa to jump off a cliff." Etherea sneered at that, biting the ends off her words as she said them. "She did do a lot of the hard work in getting everypony through the terrain... of the forest, but more importantly she... prevented the arguments between them from becoming disastrous divisions."

"And Lady Aserelsi?" Once again her chin was lifting as her speaking became more animated. "She basically funded the journey. She provided... their shelters, food, protective apparel... everything they needed to... survive a week in Everfree."

Etherea looked expectantly to me as she finished.

"I'm... not quite sure what I expected." I began, "It makes sense that quite a bit got changed when the cartoon was created. Especially if the entire ordeal was a lot more... dangerous I guess... than we've been led to believe." Etherea nodded.

"I will admit that it... is amazing what you had correct." Judging by her rising tone Etherea was really getting in to this, but that suited me just fine. "Lady Velroa, Laeilethrun, and Ensul Shensoar were pretty accurate even if their contributions were... truncated." I blinked in surprise. I was so used to conversations with Craig and I needed a moment to understand just what Etherea had said. 'Truncated'? That's some high class shit right there.

"Would you believe that... you somehow managed to get Laeilethrun down almost exactly?"

"Who?"

Etherea blinked and cocked her head. "Oh. Um. Yellow pegasus with pink mane and tail?"

"Oh, Fluttershy! So wait, she's almost the same in real life?" Etherea nodded. Okay, that's pretty cool. No. That's fucking awesome. I'm not sure why knowing that Fluttershy was just like the real thing was so exciting, but there was definitely a smile working its way across my face despite my best efforts against it.

Etherea just stared back at me, her expression wary and her body half-turned as though to place a protective wing between us. I was being horribly creepy and I knew it, but it was a long fight to dampen down my excitement. By the time I had myself under control Etherea had returned to nibbling her way through her sandwich and turning the occasional furtive glance my way. A chuckle let me know that Craig was enjoying the whole thing even as he put his dishes in the sink. I knew I was blushing, and that made my mind race. It raced right past anything I might have said coherently, and so I sat there in miserable silence.

Fortunately, whether through shared embarrassment or just sympathy, Etherea rescued me. "So, um, what else has been shown of Equestria?"

However that didn't mean that I was prepared to return to the conversation just yet, so my reply was delayed while I reassembled my thoughts. "Well. Season one starts with the return of Princess Luna and finishes with the... a Grand Galloping Gala. In between those there are a number of episodes where the Bearers deal with random problems and learning lessons about friendship. Season two began with Discord's return..." Another look of confusion made me pause. "Um, a weird mismatched creature that's almost like a god of chaos?"

Etherea jerked backward and her eyes bulged, her entire body locking up. "Ka-oraxk?!"

"Are you okay?" Clearly she wasn't, but after a momentary silence I felt I had to say something.

She shuddered and drew in a breath before shaking her head slowly. She didn't seem to be responding to what I had said so much as clearing her own head. "Y-yeah... I am fine. Ka-oraxk was a very different manner... of problem from Nightmare Moon. And it... can't do anything here." She looked back to Craig and I with a tentative smile, but that last bit was more to herself than either of us. "I should have nothing to fear from... a cartoon version of it."

"I would doubt that he could reach us here." I tried to reassure her. "It was hard enough for you to get here and you sort of had a destination planned."

"Actually, it might be the... most capable of finding its way here unaided," Etherea shook her head slowly as she responded, "since Ka-oraxk is not one... to follow conventional rules. But I suspect you are right and... that its reliance on Harmony might prove to be insurmountable even for it."

"How about an explanation for the guy who has no idea what the hell you two are talking about?" Craig grumped.

Etherea lifted her head to look over my shoulder and respond, but I stopped her with a raised hand. Her brows drew together as her look became a glare. I gave my best apologetic look - though I'm sure I sucked at it.

"Just keep it simple." I advised as gently as I could, trying to plan around the vast discrepancies between Craig's and Etherea's knowledges.

Etherea nodded after staring me down for a moment. It was a relief to feel the weight of her disapproval lift.

"Ka-oraxk is a creature of... chaos and has the power to change the world around it however it wants. It revels in spreading mayhem and destruction. Unfortunately it... doesn't seem to follow the normal rules of reality, so something that should... work - like striking it - is just as likely fail for no reason. Naturally that makes... Ka-oraxk very difficult to combat."

Craig barely waited for her last word before opening his own mouth. "Well, don't worry your pretty little head. We'll protect you, won't we Alex?" The twitch of his right eye at me was probably a supposed to be a secret wink, knowing him. I gave an exaggerated roll of my eyes.

"That is all well and good, but Ka-oraxk..." Etherea trailed off in to a small dismissive snort and a cute little wrinkling of her nose. "Thank you, but I... do not think that Ka-oraxk will be a concern." She turned fully back to me. "There is more about Equestria in that show? You said Ka-oraxk," her shudder was faint, "was just the... beginning of the second season?"

"Um, yeah. Most of season two played out like season one, with many little vignettes of the Bearers everyday lives and the friendship lessons learned. It ended with Princess Cadance's and Shining Armor's wedding and the Changeling attack..." Etherea squeaked and went rigid again.

I swallowed the rest of what I had been about to say when I saw her reaction. Apparently every single major event in Friendship is Magic had a corresponding one from the real Equestria. Thinking about it, if Equestria was as different from the cartoon as it seemed then the events I was describing were probably major catastrophes. Nightmare Moon negating all sunlight would be a horrific scenario when applied to a real planet. Discord turning the fundamental laws of reality inside out at his whim would be more so. And to top it off, Etherea had shown great reverence for Celestia and I'd casually mentioned an event that might nearly have killed the princess.

A horrible squeezing sensation spread through my chest as I realized how this must sound to her. I imagined that if I saw a cartoon glorifying the holocaust - and that was probably an awful comparison to make - I would probably be just as horrified as she. Horrify the pony I was trying to befriend; what an absolutely perfect way to continue the day!

"I'm sorry. These must be terrible memories for you..." I couldn't find the words to express my mortification. Etherea's head had tilted down until her chin nearly rested against her neck, but it shot up as I tried to appologize.

"Ee-er... ah. Hnnn? What?" Her sudden incoherence was really bizarre. And so was the rapid-fire blinking she was doing, like she hadn't understood a word I'd said. She didn't seem as sad or angry as I expected. What was going on? "I... uhh... Wait. Nononono...! It wasn't... You do not need to worry. I was not there, and a lot of... good actually came of it!"

"You just surprised me. That is all." She gave me a small smile. By itself it wasn't as reassuring as she probably intended, but I relaxed because I couldn't see any sign of any really negative emotion.

I looked her up and down for a second while I made sure that opening my mouth was going to be safe. "So... You're okay with it?"

She nodded emphatically. "It was very scary for everypony at those times, but the damage in each case... was minimal and everything has turned out for the best. L... Princess Luna is back and Sussirovenzora Illunae is no more. Ka-oraxk is safely... encased in stone. And there is... peace between Equestria and the Changeling Unification."

Peace with the changelings?! Okay, I needed to ask about that. But later, since there was something even more important.

"Well..." I really was relieved that she wasn't actually angry at our callous misrepresentation of Equestria's worst moments, but I had to be sure. Now that I'd made the connections myself, it felt like she was brushing off these events far too easily. "You're sure?" It was a stupid question, but she nodded again.

That Etherea wasn't too upset was promising, though it felt a little strange. Humans probably wouldn't be so quick to brush events like those off. But then, she wasn't human. I'd already seen that some things about ponies were actually true - at least in Etherea's case - and their positive attitudes seemed to be one of them. The show might have gotten some things wrong but so much was also right.

And hopefully it meant that if anyone came looking for Etherea that they would ask questions first and shoot later. Especially if they saw Etherea well-taken care of and in good spirits. I still didn't relish the idea that more ponies would be popping out in the apartment - especially not guardsponies - so I was still hoping to send Etherea home first. And quickly too, so that I didn't have much chance to make a greater fool of myself.

And that went double for my newfound desire to spend time just looking at her.

"So..." Etherea quietly interrupted my thoughts. "Can I see that one?"

"Hmmmmm?" What one?

"The episode with the... um... wedding."

"Oh, yeah. I suppose we can do that." I noticed that even though she was watching me, her ears were twitching back and forth as though she wasn't paying full attention. "You're sure you want to see it...?" And I just had to keep checking.

"Yes. I do." Her nod was even stronger than before.

And with that we got up as one. Well, Etherea and I did since Craig was already standing. He was silently appraising me as we moved the dishes next to the ones already occupying the sink. While Etherea wandered back to my room, the two of us lingered and engaged in an uneasy staring contest. I was vaguely aware that she gave us a questioning glance just before disappearing into the hallway.

"What?" I challenged when Etherea was fully gone. Craig just shrugged. "You coming with? It'd probably be good for you to see this as well. I can't be around her every moment of the day, so you should probably get to know her too."

"Eh..." I could see the gears churning in his head. "Well, I guess it's not like I got anything better to do. But cartoon ponies, man... Ugh!"

"You'll be fine!" I reassured with a chuckle.

Author's Note

So that was part 1.

Part of the difficulty I had was even though there's a bunch of stuff in this chapter, it's what I considered a "boring" chapter. There's a lot of establishing what's going on, and dealing with the transition from first contact to actually living together, but there's not a whole lot of actual action. I felt it needed hashing out simply because it would happen, and it foreshadows and colors just about everything that happens next.

I'm still worried about one thing; there's a lot of head canon coming out here, but I can't think of a way that it wouldn't come up. (Honestly, I'd never intended for Etherea find out about MLP in chapter 4, but as an intelligent being there was just no way for her not to notice something was up.) Hopefully I made the rest of the chapter interesting enough to compensate.

And you know what this chapter means? In a few days you'll also have part 2!

And now, the deleted parts!

Etherea imitating Rarity while talking about the MLP poster - because Etherea wasn't ready to be this casual -

I raised an eyebrow as Etherea broke out a stiff, affected accent. "Good heavens, but this is positively dreadful! How on earth could you be so crass as go around showing something so juvenile? Think of the affect this could have on my sister's image. Please, remove it at once! I will thank you to never produce it again!"

Etherea describing Nightmare Moon - because Etherea's didn't yet want to detail just how vicious Nightmare Moon was -

"Even worse was that her disharmony apparently formed some sort of intangible aura around her. Just being near her could twist ponies to join her and darkness literally lived in her presence. She didn't just knock away a trio of guards with a mis-aimed bolt of lightning. An entire regiment of guardsponies fell when every shadow rose up, took a solid form, and fought for her. Twilight said that Luna wasn't even using magic to do that - she could just walk around and it would happen!"

[6] Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

"Mrow."

"Shhhhh..."

"Mrow."

"Lorlu, esvor shoun."

"Mrow."

"Kaia enu! Shi efrior, esvor shoun!"

"Mrow."

"Erda Celestia, shi'everen tonrasu lo sesenrayu shria len...!"

"Mrow."

Someone quietly arguing with Dimble was not quite how I'd expected to wake up. Ponies jumping me and demanding to know what I'd done with their princess maybe. Federal agents bursting in through my door, sure. Even Craig coming back late, forgetting where I was sleeping, and then sitting on me was on the list. But not this.

Since I'd done it to Craig once or twice, I grabbed my pillow without thinking and hurled it mightily in the general direction of the disturbance. A distant squeak and a large thud followed the sound of a pillow smacking a wall. I let my head collapse against my other pillow, satisfied that Craig had gotten the message.

My temple smacked painfully against the barely-padded armrest. Right. I was on the couch and that had been my only pillow.

I blinked a few times and glared the culprit down, grumbling and rubbing my now throbbing head. Through the hazy blur that was my contact-less eyes the TV and the hall entrance were both no more than rectangular patches of black. As my vision got some semblance of focus I noticed an irregularly-lit blob of yellow and blue low to the floor and to one side of the black patch on the left. That would probably be Etherea peeking cautiously around the wall at me.

Etherea?! Damnit! I'd just thrown a pillow at her!

That squeak had definitely been her, and now that I was fully awake I identified the other noise as Etherea jumping into the wall. Again. What a wonderful way to start the day! My normal routine of slapping my alarm for a good hour before grudgingly rising was still preferable to the jolt of adrenaline that left me wide awake.

Unfortunately, given the dim omnipresent light and the faint lines cast on the floor through the blinds behind me, it appeared to be some ungodly hour of the morning near sunrise. Actually, it figured. If Etherea was on what fans thought either princess' schedule was, then she would awake around sunrise for one reason or another - either dinner or breakfast. I, on the other hand, much preferred staying up late and sleeping through mornings. I didn't hate them, it's just that more interesting things happened late at night.

"Alex?"

"Yeah... Sorry about that." I indicated the lump resting against the wall not far from her. "I'm not much for mornings. But now that I'm up, what do you need?" Minimizing my surliness was a struggle.

Nothing happened for a minute, though the fuzzy wad of color shifted back and forth a couple of times. I worried that my ill-thought pillow-based assault and her subsequent run-in with my wall had really upset her. She might've even hurt herself again. She wasn't nearly as heavy as a mundane pony, but smashing her wing the wrong way would still do damage.

I sat up and put my bare feet down, preparing to rise. The blankets fell over my lap and the sudden chill on my chest, shoulders, and back made my skin prickle. It wasn't cold by any means, being June, but losing that enveloping warmth still shocked. And it reminded me that I was half-naked in front of a pony princess. Any lingering excitement over who my audience was got lost in the fact that I had an audience.

As I tried to decide whether my self-consciousness was warranted Etherea raised her head and gingerly stepped out from the behind the wall. Dimble, naturally enough, took this as a sign he was about to be fed and bolted for the kitchen.

"Shi sorna ilishuna sukezeria haerum, nasi?" Whatever it was, her hesitance made it a question, but her message was completely lost in the Equestrian.

"I... didn't catch that." I felt silly for even mentioning something so obvious. Especially if this was like yesterday and she couldn't understand me.

One of her ears twitched but she just watched. I figured that the next step was for her to cast the translation spell again but I still flinched as her horn lit. I forced myself to sit still even as my hands clenched; she wasn't in a particularly aggressive stance, so, she being a pony, I trusted in her good intentions.

She cringed, and held it, though that was probably for a very different reason. Since she slowly relaxed while still holding her magic she must be feeling better. The glow around her horn intensified for a moment, bringing the ambient illumination up just a smidge, and when she released it she triumphantly straightened to her full height.

The blob that was her head tilted and her mane swayed. "Alex, shi... Ashreva'lon! Shi aisirar loen!" The carpet suffered a harsh strike from her forehoof.

She couldn't do English? What? Did that mean we needed to do the whole process of me describing everything in the room? Again? The heavy sigh from the other side of the room confirmed it.

For the second time a golden halo surrounded her horn. "Etherea."

"Alex." I tapped my sternum.

The process went much faster now that I had an idea of what she wanted me to do and why. I still felt awkward describing every item of my living room in great detail. Who ever has to do that? Me apparently. And if this trend continued then I'd be doing it every morning for some time...

"Wait... Alex, wait." Etherea interrupted me waxing poetic about the faux wood grain of the TV stand. "There it is. I am sorry. This," her head dipped down to one side and I was pretty sure she was twisting a forehoof, "usually works... better. But without... ambient Harmony there is no easy connection between us to... locate."

Er... What? "Connection?" Somehow her inability to find one did little to lessen my sudden nervousness.

"Yes. The spell forms... connections between speakers and the listener. At first it just... learns the language. Then, like I... said yesterday, it interprets your... intended message. Normally you can just recast it later on... the latent connection, but here, without Harmony, there is nothing. I'm going to have to do it... from scratch every day!" Her shoulders slumped as she finished.

"I..." I cared, I really did, but annoyance was running my show. I had to think for a second to not spout something antagonistic. "I'm sorry, Etherea, but what is going on?"

The blurry mass of pony across the room shook once before shrinking in on itself a little. "I am sorry about th-that..." her tone was steady, though hesitant. I sighed, regretting even my slight snippyness. "I had... hoped to watch the sun rise. I-it is something I would... do every morning in Canterlot, and I just wanted... I was only going to see if... you were awake, but your cat noticed... I was up and about... I did not mean to wake you."

That was it? She just wanted to watch the sun rise? That's why I had been pulled from blissful unconsciousness several hours early? I suppose this was one way the universe could get back at me for breaking two realities. It just seemed so unbelievably minor. I couldn't just be properly smote. No, I would just be endlessly needled; tormenting myself with frustration over small annoyances like this.

And Etherea, being who she was, would be the perfect tool for it. She'd just admitted to being a morning person - pony - and she would probably be way too cheerful for my taste to once she got used to Earth. There's nothing worse than a really fucking cheerful morning person who insists on denying your slumber. I already wanted to punch her.

Her. Princess Etherea. Guest in my apartment and daughter of two very important ponies who I didn't want to piss off any further.

I was being irrational. Lack of sleep and the early hour were too easily messing with my head. At least I could see it, and that helped me suppress it - venting much of my negativity in a long, steady exhale. I don't know what it had looked like from Etherea's perspective, and I couldn't see her features, but I had to assume that she'd seen some of what I'd just gone through.

"Well, that can't be helped now." It was an effort to not lean my head in to my hand and massage my temples.

She took a step backwards, her head twisting down and to the side as she began withdrawing in to the hallway. "Well, it is no real concern. As I said, I did not mean to wake you. If it is a problem then I can just return to m..." her voice broke, "...your room and let you get back to sleep."

And now I felt bad - like I was somewhat at fault for ruining her morning. Though I could kind of see what she was trying to do; in a world where everything was strange and frightening, watching the sun rise might be a comfortingly normal routine. I still couldn't help wanting to pettily throw it all back in her face. I was awake several hours early and I still hadn't gotten any consistent rest.

That thought brought a whole slew other thoughts with it. My mind quickly dredged up all my worries from yesterday as it caught up to the moment. While I could chase Etherea away and lie back down, I knew that as soon as I rediscovered a very familiar jumbled pile of mental detritus any more sleep was going to be but a dream. Plus I didn't need the guilt.

At least the cat dying of starvation nearby was a convenient excuse...

"No." Etherea froze, her head twitching toward me. "I'm up now. Dimble thinks he's going to get fed and if I don't nip that in the bud then neither of us will get any peace." As I said this I noticed an unpleasant, faintly greasy sensation between the tips of my fingers and palms. It reminded me that my hair, face, and, well, pretty much everything was in need of good washing. I wasn't about to shove my nose under my arm, but I suspected I wouldn't like what I found. "Plus, I didn't get a shower yesterday and kinda' need one. I'm already awake and might as well do it now. In the meantime you can watch the Sun rise." I moved over to the kitchen area and Dimble's cries for food reached a feverish pitch.

Feeding my cat wasn't difficult even without being able to see very well - there's something about knowing your way around your own place. Etherea remained silent as I went through my familiar routine, me feeling a little better about myself for agreeing to let her go through hers. I kept her at the periphery of my vision and was careful to keep myself between the cat food can and her. As far as I could tell she didn't notice my deception.

That Etherea chose to stand stock still at the entrance to the living area had the hair on my neck on end. Being unable to see and judge her expression made it worse. I thought she would move closer to the window but she seemed more interested in watching me for some reason. She had my permission so what was she waiting for?

The nape of Dimble's neck was perfect for scratching, and it had the benefit of being soothing for both of us. Dimble, Dimble, Dimble... What would I do without you?

"You're... very nice." I carefully straightened while vainly trying to puzzle that one out. I guess my face conveyed just how confused I was because Etherea quickly caught herself. "I mean... You are very kind. You don't have... to do this just on my account." Her quiet words sounded perfectly sincere.

As I turned to face her I found myself unsure how to respond. "I, um... Thanks?" My brow scrunched again on its own, betraying my consternation. "But really, it's not that big a deal. At least you're asking rather than just teleporting to the roof or something..."

That was a bad thing to say. Oh, and a worse way to say it! It felt like an insult; like I was expecting her to just do whatever she wanted. That even thanking her came out wrong was infinitely frustrating. Trying to squash that feeling only added fuel, but at least afterwards it was directed more at myself than at her.

Her head shifted back and forth as though testing her surroundings and again wished vehemently that I could read her expression. Her chin lifted again, focusing an earnest voice my way. "No. I feel the need to thank you in some way..." My years of knowing Craig and being male made me miss the rest of what she said while I patiently explained to myself that she meant something very different from what I'd heard.

Was I really that bad already? Apparently so. There are just certain things you think about when there's a hot... I couldn't believe I'd just thought that either, even if it was true. But I didn't want to think that way. She was so far out of my league that I had no idea where her home stadium might be.

Talk about retarded analogies...

The point remained that the distance between us was practically insurmountable, and even trying to bridge it would only upset her. Her patience was already stretched thin enough. Having some bizarre alien creature come on to her within hours of first contact? The only thing that would do is scare the shit out of her and that wasn't what I wanted.

And I definitely shouldn't even be thinking these thoughts. Humans weren't supposed to be like this, right? At least not the normal ones...

Fortunately I was still paying enough attention to note when the flow of gratitude suddenly ended.

"Alex? Are... are you alright?"

"Hmmm?" A classic 'no, but I'm going to cover it up' if ever I've heard one! "Yeah, I'm fine. Well, as fine as I can be, I guess." What I would give to be able to see whether it was working on her... "I'm not much for mornings so you'll have to be patient while I get back in the swing of things. A shower will definitely help."

"I..." Her shoulders dropped a fraction of an inch, her mane twitching as her nose almost did the same. She held still for a little before finally nodding and silently stepping sideways across the carpet.

And I had nothing to say. Nothing meaningful at least. The silence instantly dragged at me and began to sour my mood. I felt that there was something I should say, but it just wasn't there. As I moved for the hall I averted my eyes. Etherea's own followed me as I walked past, the brilliant patches of violet blinking a couple of times in an expression I couldn't make out. For a split second our eyes met and from just a few feet away I was able to catch her chin twitch like she wanted to say something. Yet her silence remained and I kept my expression neutral as I slipped into the hall. It was awkward as hell, but I didn't know what else to do.

Being safely out of sight let me breathe easier. My contacts were first on my list of 'Things to Do Today' but I still took a moment to lean against the wall. It didn't really help, it just seemed the thing to do while I berated myself for mentally blanking.

Once in my room I wandered around curiously, wondering what Etherea might have done to it. It looked normal enough. My red- and light blue-patterned quilt and accompanying white sheets were twisted about themselves and curled into a crescent atop the mattress. It looked like she'd either built herself an actual nest - how birdlike were ponies? - or she'd been wrapped up like a burrito. I could envision both clearly and they were equally adorable. At least until I thought about her curling up as a way to hide.

At least my pessimism seemed normal this morning.

The rest of the room was pretty much how I had left it - computer, pile of dirty laundry in the corner, several stacks of books in another, my slowly-expanding collection of pony artwork, and a few photos here and there. Except for the princess-ly accoutrements decorating the top of my dresser and the sizeable collection of beauty supplies nearby - I never thought I'd be seeing that kind of thing in my room - everything seemed normal enough.

Oh, and Pony artwork? Right. I'd forgotten about my dabbles. There were two stacks - almost sheaves, really - topped by quarter-finished sketches of various ponies. The books bracketing them made them hard to see from the bed, so they might have been overlooked, but I was still uncomfortable with Etherea finding them. A quick shuffle soon had some timed human action pose sketches decorating the stacks instead.

Satisfied that everything was as orderly as I dared make it I swiped my towel and some work clothes, then got myself back to the bathroom. Despite the impending shower there was something I really had to do first. I trusted Etherea to an extent, and physically I felt fine, but that did not mean I was actually so. As I examined myself from head to toe I began to feel silly - even checking myself for abnormalities wasn't guaranteed to reveal whether or not I'd contracted anything from exposure to Pony. Yet I still felt better knowing that my eyes were their normal shape and color, all my hair was in the right places, there were no mysterious lumps that might be nascent wings or horn, and, most importantly, my penis remained polka-dot-free.

I set the shower to just a hair off from scalding, the water biting slightly at my skin just the way I liked it. The initial temperature shock woke me up but the spreading warmth that followed was just what I needed to relax. That part was such a relief that I abused the hell out of the shower and took my sweet time while my thoughts wandered.

What was I going to tell my boss about yesterday? The 'family emergency' plan was probably best. But would he accept it? The one thing I knew for sure was that there would be (mostly) good-natured jibes . I didn't like it, but I was again relying on his appreciation for the quality and consistency of my work.

What about my other coworkers? Carl would probably start much like Dave, but in the end he was often the more sympathetic. Our two part-timers, Nace and Reggie, would probably respectively show quiet indifference and genuine sympathy. Nace, however, was off today so I shouldn't have to worry about the young father of three.

In the end I'd run through a dozen or so possible conversations about what I'd been up to. I felt prepared for everything from the ludicrous - my boss immediately asking why the hell I was hiding an Equestrian pony - to the wonderfully mundane - nobody really caring. I felt prepared.

And naturally that was just a sign that something was going to go wrong.

As I padded into the living area in my socks, my water-slick hair hanging freely about my shoulders and a comb in my hand, I was met by a curious sight. Etherea wasn't anywhere near the window. My feet skidded on the carpet as my heart leapt in to frenzied action. A quick but exacting scan of the vicinity revealed that she wasn't in front of the window where I expected her. She was...

...behind the island with her hooves on the counter under the cabinets? I froze and cocked my head, not wanting to disturb her for fear of missing something. A glowing bowl settled itself neatly in place atop the island. I guess I sucked at inconspicuously observing because she flashed me a nervous grin before lifting her head to peer back into the cupboard. My eyes were drawn lower as she did so, finding the tips of her wings fluttering as she stretched the entire length of her slim body to reach a few inches higher.

I snapped my eyes shut in refusal of what I was doing and forced myself to take a deep breath. I wouldn't piss off the magically-gifted Pony princess by leering!

When I felt safe enough to open my eyes a second bowl was coming in for a gentle landing. Yes it was about breakfast time, but why was she setting the counter? My heart skipped a beat as I imagined her digging around the fridge for more breakfast fixings; Craig probably hadn't taken any of the other carnivorous leftovers with him last night. I began picking my way across the room after tossing my pillow back on to the couch, carefully keeping my eyes on just her face as a third bowl floated out of the cabinet.

I decided to start off innocently, tipping my head in the direction of the couch. "Hey, what's going on? I thought you wanted to watch the Sun."

Her body stiffened and her eyes widened slightly, like she'd been caught doing something she shouldn't be. "I..." She pushed off the counter but her hooves slipped as she dropped back down, nearly smashing her chin against the counter. I think we both gulped at how close that had been, her eyes were even wider as I put my hand on the island top.

"Um... It is c-cloudy, so I could not-t... actually w-watch the sunrise." Her disappointment was almost lost under the sharp spike in her tone. Eventually she took a careful step back, eyes fixed on the counter edge just under her nose. "Since I-I woke you up early, and-d I apologize... for that, I-I began thinking... about how m-much you are doing for me and how I should find something that I can do for you. I was not... sure what you may need doing, but I can at least help out around here." I caught an eye flick my way just before she turned to levitate the boxes of cereal out from under the cabinets.

"Thanks. I guess. But it's not necessary. I just need you to rest up and get home quickly before everything can really go to hell." That was also the wrong way to say things even if it was true, and I shook my head once as I tried to come up with better phrasing.

"I suppose that... is, um, kind of you, but I insist. I have every intention of returning home... as soon as I am able. But in the mean... time what kind of princess would I be if I just lay around doing nothing all day? Even... if it is just the small things, I promise to... do what I can." She nodded and again finalized her plan as a fact.

Even if I kind of wanted her out of my hair I honestly did appreciate her offer. Perhaps I could have her do the housecleaning. That thought made me cringe; she seemed to be a strong, motivated kind of... mare... even if the whole 'stranded on an alien planet' thing had shaken her. Somehow it felt wrong to make her do our cleaning. Though perhaps I was looking at it the wrong way; I wasn't forcing unpleasant chores on her, she was willingly taking them on herself.

However, in the mean time I did get into the fridge and retrieve the milk and orange juice before she could.

"I guess I'll consider it." She pursed her lips at me. "But just so you know, as long as he isn't cooking, it's Craig's job to do the dishes, okay?"

Her muzzle bobbed as she examined what lay atop the island. "That seems fair. I will refrain from... washing dishes."

The only thing lacking so far was the silverware. Etherea's solution, since she apparently didn't remember exactly where such things were, was to grasp every drawer handle at once with her magic and pull them all open to locate her quarry. I couldn't help but shudder as a cold prickle rolled across my back at the casual display of power. It was wonderful justification for me to keep her attractiveness a secret.

"You must be feeling better." I said as a short train of silverware came over to decorate the island.

"Mmhmm." Her face lifted as she stepped smoothly around the island, her eyes shining in a way I hadn't seen yet. I felt better just seeing her more upbeat. Did that make me weird? I was probably overthinking things. I definitely was. "I think I... am recovering faster than I feared yesterday, so I believe I may... be able to return home in only a week or so! It is a bit... hard to judge since I am relying solely... on my own ability to recover, but I may actually be able to send... a message home today!"

She might be able to call off the pony hit squads? Wonderful! If even one of my worries could be eased... "Oh, I... Yes! Do that if you can!" My whole face felt like it had been taken over by what was surely a very stupid grin. Though its growth was reversed when my brain injected a healthy dose of doubt. "But wait, I thought you said that it took some obscene amount of energy to do that kind of thing."

"You mean Harmony."

"I guess... You haven't told me how all that works yet."

Her lips parted and, other than a momentary fluttering of her eyelids, her face went blank. "Oh. Um. Let's see... Neyen'so shi seylor len...? On Equestria Harmony is... everywhere to some extent or another. Every material that makes up... our world has a certain level of Harmony, though on their own the levels are almost... universally low."

"Basic... things like rocks, air, and water naturally have a... little Harmony to them. Um... More complex things like... clouds, wood, mud, and metal also have about the same on their own. Harmony can also be found in... things like light, shadow, and fire. Even the things that... make up animals, ponies and other intelligent species normally have... What?" Her tone had again taken on a steady, patient droning as we switched positions so that she could sit at the end table, a glass of water drifting along ahead of her.

Unfortunately she seemed to assume that I couldn't grasp just how pervasive Harmony was - as though I were a foal. "I get that Harmony is everywhere."

The hand I was about to use to pour milk hovered immobile as Etherea's violet eyes speared me through. My heart leapt as I realized I'd sort of snapped at her.

"Sorry. I, uh, think I'll be able to understand most of what you'll say." I dropped my eyes to my cereal, though really I was more interested in avoiding hers. "I'll... I'll ask if I don't get something."

"Right... I... That is fair. You are... not a foal after all." That's exactly what I was thinking! "So you know that Harmony... is everywhere. By itself it is a relatively neutral... force, neither interacting or affected much. However it takes on certain... um, qualities of whatever it associates with. So the Harmony of... a rock will carry with it the impression of that particular rock. I... think that's the best way to... explain it."

She took a moment to think and to take the milk from my hand. By 'take the milk from my hand' I mean that she fixed the carton with a look, steadied her jaw, and surrounded her horn, the milk, and my fingers with shifting, golden backlighting. My first reaction was to shriek like a man and rip my hand back to the safety provided by my chest and other arm. The more rational part of my brain insisted that she just wanted to share in the wondrous activity of breaking our fast, not my fingers.

As the milk drifted away from me I couldn't help but stare awestruck at my fingers. I hadn't felt a damned thing. Sure it was like someone had lifted just lifted a carton of milk from my grasp, but her magic hadn't tingled, vibrated, stung, been any kind of eerie new sensation, or even the slightest bit warm. There had been absolutely nothing out of the ordinary as far as my fingers were concerned.

"Are... you okay?"

I'd just spent the last however-long examining a hand I was almost afraid to move... "Yeah, sure. I'm okay." It was a flimsy assertion and her raised eyebrow said that she agreed. "It's just that I couldn't feel your magic at all. I thought there'd be something... anything."

Etherea hummed and pursed her lips at that. "That actually makes sense. Our connection... to Harmony allows us to sense it around us... but your lack of it should leave you... um, blind? That might be the... best translation."

I nodded since I had no way to disagree, no matter what my gut thought. "Sure, okay. I guess that makes sense..." Apparently my hand fascinated her again. Hell, it was fascinating me as well. "You were saying?"

"Hmmm? Oh. So yes, Harmony is everywhere." She took a moment to enjoy a bite and I followed suit. "Under normal circumstances Harmony by itself... well, isn't much. However it can be collected and directed. Gemstones... are examples of natural... repositories, though they don't actually influence the surrounding Harmony. Most living things, on... the other hoof, can both store and control... Harmony to some extent." She raised her head to see whether I was still following, so I nodded again. "Ponies, for example, have learned to be aware... of their own Harmony and how to cooperate with it - trying to force Harmony to... do things just doesn't work very well. And as a... pony becomes more attuned to her own Harmony she... finds it easier to sense and affect the Harmony around... her. As long as she understands and cooperates with... the local Harmony it will respond sympathetically and assist her in return. Hence the term Harmony."

And another pause for cereal. "So as an example, the Celestial... Princesses have as much influence as they do... simply because they are the most Harmonious beings."

"So Harmony is everywhere, it surrounds and flows through you, and binds everything together?" Oh, if only she could get that one!

"I... that is, um, amazingly accurate."

I was suddenly in danger of laughing right in her face, especially since she just looked so serious. Seeing one of her ears shift to half-mast told me she had figured out that something was up and that I now needed a distraction.

"Got it. So if Harmony is the power source, what is 'magic?'" Normally silence was the best way for me to avoid something, but I felt pretty good about what I'd pulled out. I also had my suspicions about her next answer, though I wasn't about to risk another innocent yet highly offensive moment.

"Magic is simply... the process of somepony using her own Harmony to reach out, interact with, and... shape the Harmony around her." Bingo! I was right! "Understanding Harmony better... allows for a larger... individual capacity, and that in turn will let a pony create... more and greater magical effects." She fluffed her wings as she finished with a small, satisfied smile.

I mulled over what she'd said as I got a few more bites in me. The basics were, well, basic enough, but my brain just wasn't satisfied for any length of time. "I don't mean to be rude, but then what about my original question?" Her head tilted to the side, causing one ear to flop a little. "You practically burned yourself out getting here. In fact, you said that you nearly died." She flinched. Oh, I shouldn't have reminded her of that! "I don't want you..." her eyes narrowed slightly, "I... mmmm... I mean I can tell that magic is still uncomfortable for you, and I just want to make sure that you are up to trying a spell that will let you reach Equestria without seriously hurting yourself."

We locked eyes for a moment and the corners of her mouth started to slip downward. I was about to look away when her expression softened. "Thank you, but you do not... need to worry about me. I have been made very aware of my limits. This time... I won't be trying to scrye to a whole new world and then transmit an entire pony to it," her nose dipped away, failing to hide a faint blush, and her ears twitched, "it will just be... a simple impression that I am well and to not worry. I should be able to safely reach Princess Luna through... her dreamscape even if it does take... more effort than usual."

I didn't know much about magic, nor was I any kind of judge of what she was actually capable of - though what she'd done so far was incredibly impressive - but that didn't stop me from trying to figure out whether she actually would be safe. "If you're absolutely sure."

The spoon floating its way toward her mouth paused and she let her wonderfully violet eyes meet mine. We held our poses for a moment; her face unreadable and me wondering if I truly was doing the right thing. But it wasn't long until a demure little smile appeared on her muzzle.

"I am." Her voice was quiet as her grin grew to lightly brush her eyes. "Thank you."

"Well then, I hope it works. And while you're at it, would you mind passing along a preemptive apology for me?"

Her little smile became fully-grown and, while it lingered, her spoon was forced to wait in the air to one side. The exaggerated eye roll was also a nice touch. "Yes. I think I can do that." Even if the following bite was quick, the careful way she nabbed it from her spoon still made it dainty.

And there was still so much to ask about. What to choose? "So I've got an idea of what magic is, but how does it work?" That was definitely too vague. And probably also something I was ill-equipped to truly understand. Too bad it was too late to take it back and ask something smarter.

"Well, um..." Etherea blinked and examined her bowl with a furrowed brow. "That depends on who is doing it. For a unicorn it is... almost like reaching out with a phantom limb to, um, grasp the Harmony around... her and manipulate it. Does that make sense?"

I could imagine imagining an immaterial hand in to existence and using it to grab or change things. Really, as far as ways to create... use magic, it wasn't that strange. I bobbed my head to show her that I understood.

She slowly cocked her head and regarded me with interest. "For somepony who... has never been around actual magic, you seem very accepting of it."

I shrugged and smirked. "What can I say? Humans have impressive imaginations so what you've described so far isn't all that strange. Plus we do already have a show giving us a look at what ponies can do."

"Oh... Right. You do have that. Though it only shows what magic looks like; it is not so simple as what you have seen. There are... patterns, I guess would be a good way to... describe them, and elemental affinities to Harmony. A unicorn needs to understand both of these... about her target as it is, and also what they need to be after she makes changes. Her magic is limited this way. If... she cannot, um, conceptualize both of these at once and create a... path for the changes to follow - that's probably... the best analogy - then she cannot perform the magic.

"Then there is also... the amount of Harmony she will use. That... depends on how drastic a change she is trying to make, how complex the change... is, and several other factors such as distance and... area affected. Most magic, like basic levitation, is normally quite localized. Many... Unicorns simply do not have the personal Harmony to... perform much in the way of more complex magic outside of their special talent."

I was tempted to raise my hand, but Etherea closed her mouth and bobbed her nose at me. I guess she could tell I had a question. "I take it that not just any unicorn would be able to teleport to Earth?"

"Yes, you would be correct." She looked away and folded her ears. "If just anypony could do it, then this... wouldn't be so much of a problem. But once I had started the process I, um... needed to feed..? Feed the... spell a constant, massive stream of Harmony or have it fall apart on me." Her eyes scrunched shut and she shuddered slightly. "Using Harmony... so recklessly can seriously damage the user's Harmony, and... through it her body. Because a unicorn's horn, and primary... focus, is directly connected to her brain most could not survive... what I did to get here."

And I felt guilty. Craig and I had thoughtlessly put her in so much danger. And Craig had only gotten involved because of me, so... Yeah, I felt like a huge ass. "I'm sorry..."

She rolled her eyes at me! "I really am all right. I also already... forgave you, so you can stop appologizing."

I caught myself before I could apologize for apologizing too much. It was a wonderfully stupid thing to have almost done. I found Etherea's ears pointed right at me and her eyes were practically dancing so the situation wasn't lost on her. Oh well, I might as well blush too. It also sounded like a good time for a topic switch to me.

"Okay, unicorns work by playing with patterns of Harmony at a distance." That got me a raised eyebrow - I must not have quite gotten it. "How about pegasi and earth ponies?"

"Unicorn magic is, um, more..." she took a second to chew on what she wanted to say, mouthing it to herself before continuing, "...formulaic? Shoor loeth esvarne unresai. Koasleseren nen." Her tone was lightly amused and my confusion definitely spilled into my expression, though she continued without noticing. "Pegasi and Earth Pony magic is more... intuitive. Where a Unicorn must learn the spells... she knows, other ponies generally have a set of skills that... they simply find a capacity for."

She tilted her head and glanced upward while twisting her lips just a little. "This means... that other ponies generally don't have to spend so much time... planning exactly what they want to happen; it just does so when they will... it. But that doesn't make the abilities of Pegasi or Earth Ponies any less potent - being able to break... or fuse blocks of stone in to any desired shape with one's... hooves, or standing in and directing the heat of an open... kiln with the motion of one's wings is just as impressive as anything I can do!"

Ok, those did sound impressive since humans couldn't normally do anything like that, but it also sounded almost like she was trying to convince me of that. Was there pony racism? Magicism? If things really were as harmonius as she made it seem, then something would have to be seriously wrong with Equestria for such bigotry to even exist. The possibility that Etherea was purposely painting her world in a more positive light for me was disturbing. I didn't want a dirty, gritty Equestria.

"...you examples... of both, I think." Wait, what had I missed? "Actually, you have already seen examples of Unicorn... magic with this translation spell, but I could still show you intuitive magic."

I don't know why I was so nervous. It's not like I thought Etherea was out to get me at this point. Actual magic was still just so very far outside normal for me. But maybe I was justified; it was still possible there were unknown side effects to exposure. What if I turned in to a diminutive Pegasus? As if this whole scenario wasn't hard enough without fears of losing my own body in the mix. Great! Now I was really nervous!

But she wasn't. And I could trust her, right?

"Sure, I guess."

"I will need your hand."

"My... hand?" Again I had to tell myself that she wasn't doing all this just to hurt me - her bright, innocent expression and perky ears were a little reassuring.

She nodded once. "Mmhmm. I might have the... dexterity of a Pegasus, but these utensils are still a little small... for me to grasp." Her spoon set itself down and she moved a hoof over it. When her hoof rose again the spoon stayed stuck to it in defiance of all natural physics! It was immaterial that her eyes were set as though trying to drill through her hoof to the silverware beneath. No amount of concentrating should make it possible for a solid hoof to lift a spoon!

Then the spoon twitched, one end threatening to fall, and faint matching halos appeared around horn and spoon alike. She exhaled heavily through flared nostrils and those violet eyes met mine as the halo took full control of the now-floating spoon.

"See? I can't quite do... it without using Unicorn magic." The same hoof then stretched up toward me.

My eyes twitched between hers and the offered hoof. Was I really going to make my hand suffer through whatever this was? Quite possibly. I know I'd already held her hoof a couple of times, but my hand needed a moment to come to grips with being 'magicked.'

My hesitation earned another eye roll, this one clearly exasperated. "You will be fine, I promise."

I couldn't not do it, I suppose, since I felt bad for questioning Etherea's good intentions, so my hand slid slowly through the intervening space to meet its fate. Her hoof darted forward when my hand was mere inches away, slipping under my fingers and tilting my hand back so that it pointed straight up. Before I could even start thinking about jerking my hand away something wrapped around it. It wasn't like the localized pressure of someone's fingers or even the light, enclosing touch of a glove, it was more like the uniform and constant feeling of something denser than the surrounding air. It was almost like the front, back, and sides of my palm - and just my palm - were wrapped in several feet of water, minus the wetness. Yet even that wasn't quite right.

And there was still nothing to see! Neither my hand nor Etherea's horn were glowing. My hand was simply stuck to her hoof! And yet it there was still something more exciting: my hand was touching the hoof of an actual Equestrian Pony! It was going to take a long time to get over that one.

"It's a... more instinctive method of magic." The pressure shifted, applying itself at a consistent angle all around my hand - that seemed the best way to describe it - and my hand rotated until the back was pressing against her hoof! "Unlike Unicorn magic this can simply... be willed to happen - like walking or, um, talking - so it is less taxing and... often can be used more quickly. The only drawback to such... magic is that it always has a narrow focus." She grinned brightly and the pressure grasping my hand to her hoof dissipated. "Does that make sense?"

"Sure. Yeah." My poor hand had been magicked... I flipped it over a couple of times and tried to determine what, if anything, was now wrong with it.

"Hehe. You're fine." My hand received an emphasizing poke from her hoof. She really must be feeling better.

I placed my hand back on the island top and immediately noticed a problem. We'd forgotten all about our breakfast! Ew, mooshy cereal...

I called attention to our mutual problem and after some grumbling there were fresh helpings all around. We didn't say much of anything after that though. I might have spent far too much time wondering whether there was something else we should talk about, but there really wasn't. The two of us enjoying breakfast in peace was more than enough for the moment. I even managed to forget most of my troubles for a while, though sitting across from a pony whose face had all the best features of a cute girl's merged neatly with something vaguely equine meant that my mind wasn't truly vacant of them. As much as I tried to resist, it was impossible to fully ignore the fact that there was an attractive Pony sitting across from me. Still, even if some anxiety lingered, it felt damned good to just sit back and relax a little.

With breakfast taken care of we stashed the dishes in the 'In' rack for Craig to file later and soon found ourselves in the living area. Etherea slowed as she crossed the expanse of carpet, her eyes lifting toward the window. The entire sky was blanketed in thick gray from what I could see. It was quite dreary, the heavy sigh and drooping wings of my alicorn guest said that she felt the same. I'd like to think that it was sympathy that left me standing there and staring at her immaculately-filed hooves, but I'd be lying if I claimed anything but indecision. Shouldn't I be offering more comfort?

A familiar pinch of guilt struck the back of my mind as Etherea was neatly arranging her hooves, tail, and wings while settling to the floor in the corner. It was a horrible thing to do - confining her to the small, out-of-the-way nook between the couch and the wall - but I was helpless in the face of the fact that we couldn't risk her being seen. She didn't seem to mind, but still, it was the principle of the thing. But almost as if Etherea could sense my thoughts - now that was a scary one! - I received a calm, friendly smile as I sank in to the couch. I guess I could let myself be mollified.

Etherea was a little disappointed that Craig hadn't joined us for breakfast, though without the smell of something cooking to jiggle him out of his daily coma there was no way he'd be up before ten. Her sour mood was short-lived though; I mentioned that she'd still be able to have 'breakfast' with Craig a little later. I wasn't able to figure out why she was excited to spend time with him after yesterday, but we soon had a lively conversation going to distract me.

I had monopolized the topics during breakfast so I let her ask the questions. Fair is fair after all. Being that the proverbial elephant was right in front of us, she naturally asked about the television. I described the inner workings of Craig's idiot box to the best of my ability, which led us to how such visuals were generated, and then to where all the power came from.

Who knew that talking about the world's electrical grid could be so fascinating? I certainly hadn't before then, but she was eating it up. While Equestria's infrastructure was apparently just as convoluted, it relied a lot more on circuits based on Harmony than electrical. At least that's what I got out of it. The processes for drawing Harmony in to the system were automated much like our own generators, but they varied greatly depending on where they were and what the local Harmony was like. Even though I pointed out that we also generated power in a variety of ways - from Nuclear (I massively glossed over that one) to Hydroelectric - the idea that humans pretty much used a single base process to fuel the entirety of modern civilization left her awestruck. Go magnetism!

At least Etherea was in good company; I nearly lost all my trains of thought when she not only admitted Equestria had a power grid but started comparing it to ours! The impression I got was that it wasn't nearly as extensive, nor quite so advanced, but still... She was talking magitech! Harmonitech? Her description certainly painted the Equestrian system as much more in tune with the ways of their world and the species populating it.

And either way, it certainly explained the pad device and stylus she had - Equestria was more advanced than the show made it seem. She did say that Ponyville tended to be rustic though. There were town ordinances concerning a particular historical look and feel of the place.

Dimble's reaction to all this was... interesting to say the least. He ventured by several times, clearly confused at all the activity. I was as much a night owl as Craig so the mornings around here were quiet unless I was forced to get up early for something - work for instance. My poor cat wasn't sure whether to come or go, so he ended up spending time either hanging out on the windowsill or being attended to by one or both of us.

That Dimble showed no fear of Etherea was a bit strange; like most cats he had a healthy wariness about anyone he didn't already know. But every time he came around he was sure to go nosing around the princess in the corner. She had to dissuade him from getting too forward a couple of times so I guess there was something about her that he liked. Perhaps he was able to sense her Harmony in a way that I couldn't, and it checked out.

Or, since he discovered that the armrest was a perfect place from which to assault her wings, he was just wondering why there was giant bird hanging around. At least he managed to abscond with only a single small feather. Etherea bore the whole ordeal with stoic grace, but the way her pose stiffened told me that she was really quite miffed over the ruffling.

Craig also managed to provide a good distraction when he took a bathroom break, grumbling all the way about a certain two people making too much fucking noise this fucking early in the fucking morning. I glued my attention to Etherea as Craig swore up and down the hallway, secretly preparing to dive from the line of fire. I was more than a little impressed when she only blushed and wrinkled her nose cutely in distaste.

Then we looked at each other. It was one of those perfect moments when two people are thinking the exact same thing at the exact same time and realize it. We laughed as one - struggling to keep our volume down - her bubbly giggles ringing out over my chuckles. It was wonderful!

She caught herself first, her voice cutting out as her chin dropped and her ears darted under her mane. "I suppose we have been a little... too loud. I hope he is not too angry."

"Oh, don't worry. Craig's got no legs to stand on in the noise complaint department." That didn't seem to reassure her at all. In fact, I quickly came under fire from a very disappointed frown. "Ah... well, um... I'm sure we're not actually as loud as it seems from that. I certainly don't think we've been." That wasn't even reassuring to me!

I ended up looking away self-consciously as she gave me a flat stare. "Well, it... seems that I am disrupting everypony's schedule."

"Oh, it's not that bad..." Shut up mouth! There's no good that can come of this line of thought. Etherea's stare managed to get even 'flatter' somehow. But this lasted all of a moment before my alicorn guest smoothly rose on her hooves.

"I suppose this is as good a time... as any for me to take a shower. And I can also do something about my bandage. It is... beginning to itch." The ear nearest her injury flicked once in emphasis as she turned to walk out of the room.

Well fuck. And I had been doing so well too. But I couldn't take all the credit; she'd been much more chipper with the possibility of contacting Equestria looming. It just felt like the end of the conversation was still my fault. If only I'd said something more appropriate - like just admitting that we were being a little loud and agreeing to be less so. There was probably an honesty lesson in there somewhere. I sighed in frustration that only after the fact was I able to think of anything better to say.

To my surprise Etherea stepped partially back in to view less than a minute later. While I blinked at her she directed a quick, hesitant glance toward Craig's door and whispered. "Um, are there any more clean... towels?"

"What's wrong with the pink one you used yesterday?"

"I already used it." She said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, but her puzzled expression matched the feeling welling up within me.

"You don't want to use it again?" Was she really expecting a fresh towel every day? The fact that she was a princess probably meant that yes, she had grown up with and now expected that kind of treatment. Her latest eye roll came complete with similar head movement and a frown. And then my brain finally caught up and reminded me that this was a Pony princess I was getting snippy with!

"Wait, let me back up. Unfortunately you used all of the other towels and there isn't time to wash them. Is there anything actually wrong with that towel? What's so bad about using it again?"

"It has already... been used, so it is no longer clean. Is... this how you live? Asking about hoof towels... and the bed sheets would... also be pointless then?" Yup, pissing off the princess again. But this conversation was just so stupid. "Would it be best if I started helping by... doing your laundry? My shower can wait a little while if it means at least... I will have a clean towel."

I forced my mouth shut so that I wouldn't gape. "There are a few problems with that." That got her attention. "One, the apartments don't come with washers and dryers so we have to use the laundry room which is out there." I swung an arm in the direction of the front door. "Two, if I'm going to work today, like you insisted, then I don't have time to do the laundry just for you right now. And three, the laundry room costs money and we can't afford to do it every day. That's why Craig and and I are roommates, we're not very wealthy people..." Like you.

Her glare should have killed me. But whatever retort she might have had was cut short as she took a backward step deeper in to the hall, her head snapping around toward Craig's door. "I... I suppose that if this is such a problem for you... that it will not hurt me to use the same towel again. I did not realize that you... I will cope." Her voice may have been small but her stiff poise and darting eyes told the story of a princess who was looking for a way out.

Oh, no... Losing that privileged lifestyle must really suck...

She eventually disappeared back toward my room without either of us saying anything more and it wasn't long before the shower began running. I couldn't believe that we'd just had that conversation. She wasn't in Equestria anymore, and Craig and I weren't servants to take care of all the piddly, shitty things she didn't ever have to deal with. It was stupid of her to expect five star service from a half-a-star apartment complex (I was probably being too hard on the place). While stretching my feet out from the couch with my head leaned back in a very familiar 'thinking' position I let myself just fume.

Yet it didn't take very long before I began regretting what I'd said. Even if she'd come across as overly entitled, I knew there had to have been a better way to get my point across - like telling her she was being dumb and needed to shut up. Why hadn't I remembered that?! I shouldn't have snapped so hard at her and it upset me that I hadn't found a gentler way to explain that she wasn't going to get coddled here. She may not have been entirely innocent, but I couldn't justify my own actions after stooping so low for them. Was that being too nice?

Plus I still had to live with her for the time being.

As the shower stopped and I began to hear sounds of Etherea moving around - the many hollow 'thunks' of her hooves broadcasting how difficult the tub was for her - I began psyching myself up for our next encounter. She took her sweet time to finish up and that gave me plenty to myself. Knowing that I wanted to apologize didn't make it any easier to admit that I had done wrong, and as the bathroom door opened I had to viciously quell a resurgence of righteousness.

I had to force my steps to be measured and steady as I approached the hall. "Etherea?" When the hallway came into view so did the rigid pose, narrowed eyes, and folded ears of my Pony guest - a Pony! - who I had caught mid-step and halfway out of the bathroom. Even the faint glistening that highlighted her features in all the right ways failed to soften the fear that surged at facing her down like this.

"I seriously fu..." No! No swearing at her right now! "...messed up. That came out completely wrong, and I'm sorry." For a long, silent moment we just stared at each other. Then without warning she turned and headed stiffly back to my room.

Well fuck you too, princess.

I found myself back to lounging across the couch, one leg out and the other cocked. An elbow on the armrest propped me up so I could see outside and ponder a whole lot of nothing as I watched the clouds lazily slipping across the sky. I was getting monumentally frustrated with the constant back and forth of the whole situation. That I kept wanting to simply watch her, and felt a messed up mix of fear and revulsion because of it, made it even worse. The sooner Princess Etherea was gone, the better.

FWUMP!

I did my best to leap straight to ceiling at the sound of something large and soft hitting the carpet behind me. I flipped over on to my left side...

...finding a certain golden-yellow alicorn lying on her stomach in the middle of my living area with her forehooves stretched forward, her eyes averted, and her feathers haphazardly splayed about her flanks. I couldn't decide whether to be more angry or confused.

As I sat up and tried to wrestle down my racing pulse, again, she raised her head high and took a deep breath. Anger began to win over as her severe look and regal bearing registered themselves to the part of me that was keeping track. Though those vibrant violet irises were aimed in my direction she didn't really seem to be looking at me. If she was going to demand, berate, order, ridicule, or any number of things, well, I wasn't going to take...!

She exhaled heavily through her nose, her mane falling forward as her neck bent to follow the short descent of her head. Her wings and shoulders also slumped a little, like her exhale had actually deflated her.

"I am very... much, mmmm... out of sorts, so I ask... No... Please forgive me if I find all of this very hard to deal with." She wasn't going to yell at me? Her voice was actually quite weak. "My mother and... father - especially my father - suggested that it would do me good to spend some time... away from Canterlot and travel around Equestria. To see... what the rest of Equestria was really like, and to see my potential... subjects for who and what they really are." She stopped with her mouth half-open before shaking her head slightly. "To... see what life is really like out... um, here. But there was always something... more important or interesting to do. Or more fun. Every time I... did travel it was with my family, so I never really considered going without... everything that I'm used to. I never thought I would ever... end up anything like... this." A shudder overtook her, the struggle bringing a momentary silence with it. "So I suppose that I am... very... sheltered."

To say I was stunned was an understatement. I was ready to throw half a dozen arguments at her, all aimed to hurl her from that pedestal, but for this I had nothing. Blinking sounded like a good plan. Nice and safe too.

Her voice had been gaining strength as she went along and by this time her head had risen so she could again look me in the eye - not down her muzzle, but evenly and earnestly. "I think that, even though... I said that I forgave you, I'm still a little upset... at you for everything. But I... I realized that I should be happy that I'm safe... and have a towel; not upset that my towel is not the exact one I wanted. I really do... not mean to be difficult."

It took a moment of silence for me to understand that this was it. She might not have said the exact words, but there was barely concealed anticipation in every line of her body as she awaited my response. She wanted me to accept her apology. And I was surprised to find myself willing to give it. Okay, maybe not surprised that I would give it - I really wasn't very good about holding grudges - but at how soon I was willing to.

It must be sympathy. I could forgive her because she wasn't just some pampered princess - even if that was kind of accurate - she was also a lost pony desperately trying to find her way while so very far from everything she knew. After all, at times I'd tried imagining what it would be like to find myself stranded in Equestria. I think every fan has. I don't think I could truly understand how terrifying it would be to lose literally everything, from your home and family to your very perception of reality. But now I was seeing the results.

Though it was clearly very hard, Etherea really was trying. And, well... I liked that about her.

"It is pretty clear that you haven't spent that much time outside the..." It wasn't Etherea's frown that stopped me so much as me noticing where I was going. "Ahh... How about I just say apology accepted?"

I faced another eye roll, but she relaxed as a sigh escaped her. Her ears remained upright, so that was a good sign. "Good. So we forgive each other. And I think we can both agree to... try being more lenient when it comes to each other's... um... foibles."

I nodded. "I'll certainly try."

With that she smiled and got back to her hooves, flipping her wings once to get them back in order. "Well... then, if you will excuse me a moment I did not bring any... of my things with me." She turned to go but stopped just before the hall entrance and looked back at me. "Thank you Alex."

It was a glorious position. Etherea's front was angled so she could smile over her withers at me, her rear, from her trim haunches and all the way down the lean curves of her long legs, was fully presented. Only her slightly perked blue-on-blue tail somehow managed to prevent her from actually being indecent. My heart lurched as the universe saw fit to remind me just how undeniably attractive she was with a faint 'freshly showered' luster.

I riveted my eyes to a point above her withers lest she figure out and take offense to where I really wanted to look. I wasn't stupid enough to find out what would happen otherwise.

Even as my desire to simply enjoy looking at Etherea found new strength against my determination to not do that exact thing, I found myself amazed that she'd never actually flashed me. Her tail was always right there. I couldn't be sure if I just hadn't paid enough attention - which I seriously doubted - or if this was some kind of etiquette thing. Did ponies have public decency rules despite lacking clothing? Now there was a question I should probably keep to myself. Randomly asking, 'So, is the tail blocking my view of your privates a societal thing or am I just not looking hard enough?' would be a quick way to get a pair of hoof-shaped holes in my chest.

The only thing she was missing was a suggestive wink. How the hell could she not realize how she looked right then? And also, what the hell was wrong with me...?!

Wait, Etherea was still looking at me? Quick! Say something! "Y'know, if it's any help, you should be able to convince Craig to do the laundry when he gets up." That worked, I guess.

"Craig does laundry?"

Once again Etherea's face was completely innocent. For one perfect silent moment my surprise built before being overwhelmed by a completely different feeling. "I know, it surprised me too!" I burst in to laughter.

She twitched, snorted, and then joined me.

What time I had left before work was much more pleasant. I started by changing Etherea's bandage again - her wound seemed to be clean enough and doing just fine - before she went through her ritual morning pretty-fying. It went much faster now that she felt able to use her magic. She also eventually took up preening her wings which left her a little light on conversation. That she chose to do so now and right there surprised the hell out of me - I'd thought preening was a private activity. Apparently, while most Pegasi didn't often preen outside their home, it really wasn't public or private and sometimes wings just needed an immediate cleaning.

Plus apparently she felt that simply spending time together would be a good way to put everyone at ease. Not that the faint smell of lilacs and thoughts of spending more time with her did anything but fill me with a roiling mixture of emotions, leaving me more tense than before. But to keep in the spirit of things I put on a pleasant face and carefully kept to myself all comments about the necessity of meticulously refreshing both wings over one tiny feather whose lack I couldn't tell in the first place.

I'll be honest that I was still completely entranced by what she was doing. Being able to see wings up close like this and without worrying about scaring them away was a novel experience. I just had to take advantage of this perfect opportunity to examine their structure and movements, and I raptly followed along as she nosed among the various sizes and shapes of feathers, smoothing them out and laying them in place with her lips. She showed such deft, delicate skill that I knew for a fact that ponies could write with their mouths. And what else could those lips of hers could do... That was another line of thought that I grimly purged with mental fire.

The sparse conversation, and a desire to keep my mind away from a certain set of unwelcome thoughts, eventually led me to something I was glad to remember before leaving: Etherea being at the apartment (relatively) alone. There were just so many things that could go wrong. I felt safer being around just in case, but Etherea was adamant that she would be fine without me hovering.

"I suppose you're right," I sighed as her muzzle bobbed lightly in agreement, "and I can't just drop everything else in my life to guard the apartment until you can get home. It's just not going to work. People will start asking questions that I'll have to make up answers for."

She nodded again, her eyes dropping away to stare at the empty space beside me. "It is a difficult situation, and I do... not know if there is any good way out of it. If it's any, um, consolation," a warm little smile was directed my way, "I think that... is the right choice."

"I'd still feel better if you had a way to get in touch with me just in case. I know Craig's around, but still..." That was it. I didn't have anything other than a basic desire and couldn't think of a good way to express it. "I know we want to conserve your mag... Harmony, but do you have any spells that would let you reach me?"

Her neck curled a bit as she pulled back, her brow scrunching. "I... don't know..." I found myself watching intently as her eyes darted back and forth while she sorted through her options. "Many of the ones I know would... either be visible or audible. There are... a couple that are more discrete, and my... friends and I use them all the time, but I would have to use them on you before you..."

I'd flinched again. She'd seen it. I really didn't want her doing any kind of magic on me. 'To' me?

"It's alright, Alex... I would not want to use them on you. You're clearly uncomfortable with... the idea. Plus I would have to do one of two things: either... enchant you before you leave," she held up a hoof, so I guess I'd again let my discomfort show again, "but using a more permanent effect on something I don't understand... well enough could be dangerous, or I would need to establish a link like we did... two nights ago." She paused, and though her voice remained steady there was some faint pink around her edges. "I do not think a connection like that would... work very well. It would probably be too... time-consuming and strenuous for me to locate you without... a preexisting link, and relying on you to contact me if I need to talk to you..."

At least she finished with a droll giggle. I snorted. I wish I had that kind of foresight.

"Well, what if I give you my phone?" I held up the device in question. She started to cock her head and I realized the problem with giving it to her: if she called me then she wouldn't be able to understand a thing I said. Plus even then there was no guarantee that I would be the one at the store to answer.

"Would I be able to reach you if you did not have it?"

"Er..." I expected a sort of 'what the hell?!' expression from her, but she looked almost thoughtful. "Yeah. You could call the store I work at."

"That might work. All I would have... to do is reach you and then cast a scrying spell."

Wait. She might be on to something. But no, there was still my coworkers to deal with. I couldn't be at the phone all day just in case. Well, maybe there was a way...

"You could claim to be my roommate." She blinked adorably hard. "No really. Co-ed roommates aren't too odd. I could keep an ear out and just be available for an emergency call. It would fit right in with me taking yesterday off," oh, I was really getting in to this now, "and it should get me the phone. You wouldn't even have understand any of what they say, just be adamant that you need to speak to me. I mean, this is only in case of an emergency, right?"

"Mmmhmmm. It's just in case." Her sudden frown caused a flicker of worry in me. "But what... if someone needs to reach you? You will not have your device."

"I'm... actually not too worried about that. I don't get a whole lot of calls and the people who know me know that I'm often busy during the day and won't answer. On the off chance that someone calls it shouldn't be a problem for you to ignore it."

Etherea pursed her lips as she gave the situation another thinking-over. She slowly nodded a few times. "Well, then this just might work."

So I slipped off the couch, sat across from her - not next to! - and clicked my phone out of dormancy as I set it between her forehooves. Etherea recoiled with a gasp and I was rudely reminded of something that had slipped my thoughts. I could only stare in horror at the heavily pixelated alicorn that was slowly wandering around the background of the presented smartphone. To anyone else the sprite of Princess Celestia would be a bit odd, but for Etherea...

I mentally gulped as my eyes sought hers. She was still transfixed by the sight before her, her body looking ready to spring into violent motion at any moment.

"I can explain..." Yeah, it was the lamest, most cliché, and least-likely-to-work way to begin an explanation.

A tremor coursed across the fur of Etherea's muzzle before rippling down her neck and flanks, causing her feathers to vibrate slightly. Her eyes slowly tore themselves away from my phone as her ears went in to hiding again. "O... kay?"

That was it? She wasn't going to give me anything to work with here... It felt like I'd just taken two steps backward. "Um... she's my favorite character?"

I watched warily as one of Etherea's forehooves lifted into the air, but she only used it to cover and slowly rub the top of her muzzle. "I cannot, um, fault... your choice. Princess Celestia deserves the... respect you surely give her, but this is... just so weird!" She focused those vibrant irises over the intervening foreleg at me. "I don't know... if I will ever get over my world being... entertainment for your people."

"Well, I can change my background to something else if it helps." I offered gently, reaching for my phone.

"I..." Etherea's eyes drifted back toward my phone. "No, I... don't mind. Really. So what was it you wanted to show me?"

The forced topic switch was painfully obvious and she looked about as convinced of her own words as I was. Should I really just move on from that? I know she'd talked about being more accommodating, so I probably should, but at what point would it be appropriate to step up and ease what I could? I had no idea. My hesitation eventually netted me an annoyed grumble and another eye roll.

"Right... my phone... Well, just in case something big happens I'd like for you to be able to reach me directly." I pointed out the on/off button before my finger made quick work of showing her exactly where to go to find my work number. Her eyes locked on to my fingers as they darted around and I caught her ears slowly perking back up.

"And this device also relies... on electricity?" She asked as I reset my phone to its home screen.

"Yeah. There's a little battery in there." I flipped my phone around so that she could try it out for herself. "Give it a try. I just wanna' make sure you can get to the right screen to call if something happens."

Her ears twitched as she peered at the small object before her - like they wanted to flip backward -but her face remained cautiously curious. She glanced up at me before stretching out her neck a little to get a better view. "It is so little... And yet you manage... to recreate the effects of some advanced... illusions - 'adaptive' even, I believe they are called - sensory and... response spells, illumination, conjunctions and whatever... allows them to alter the other spells... Oh, alterations!"

She sighed lightly without taking her eyes off the display. "I'm sure there are... many others; this really is not something I'm... well-versed in. And you have managed all of that without Harmony or the crystals... to store and transmit it. What could you possible use instead...?" She rotated her hoof so that just the outside edge gently tapped the screen, but a faint frown slipped onto her muzzle as she did so. "It..." Tap. "It is not working for me."

"Huh? Oh! I think I know why." She leaned back as I reached in to touch my phone with a fingernail. Nothing happened. I then used the tip of my finger and slid the screen back and forth once. "Hooves probably won't work since it probably reacts to the electrical impulses. So it needs bare skin." Oh, a thought! "What about your stylus?"

Etherea pondered that for the briefest of moments before shaking her head. "That utilizes... some sort of Harmonic interaction between the stylus and screen. If your... phone requires electricity then my stylus... would not work."

Her head canted, exposing the curve of her neck a little more as she examined the problematic device. Personally I was dry of ideas. Everything I thought she would be willing use to manipulate my phone was covered in fur or feathers, or would just be unweildy. the thought of simply remaining out of touch left me feeling that it was better to just stay home again despite how my coworkers would react.

I was again preempted by the mare before me when her muzzle suddenly descended and she ever-so-carefully brushed the tip above one nostril against the screen. The screen shifted in response! My eyes couldn't possibly widen any further at the sight of the princess gingerly playing with the touchscreen using her nose. Judging by the rearward slant of her ears she also wasn't thrilled, and I worried that it was a very demeaning way to do things, but she was at least able to work it out.

And not using her hooves was probably safer for my phone anyways. Unless she sneezed...

I left my phone already queued to the store's number before trekking to my car, trailing palpable nervousness in my wake. Or at least that's how my brain decided to explain it. It was expressively poetic in any case.

Once I was in my car and cruising with the radio cranked up I found myself surprisingly able to put my troubles aside and just enjoy the drive. Sitting comfortably in a vehicle I loved with music that spoke to me just had a way of helping me let go. I even got to sing along with one of my favorite songs, though I can't claim to be anything noteworthy. I'd always liked to think I could passably karaoke one or two of Shinedown's songs.

I'd never actually do that - getting up in front of a crowd would be a fast track to a nervous breakdown.

There were still far more vehicles abandoned by the wayside than normal - a half dozen or so - but at least I didn't have to worry about a solar hiccup turning the drive in to a crap shoot. My car did have some electronics so it was nice not having to worry whether my own vehicle would be the next victim. Despite being Friday in a state that had some beaches, the traffic actually wasn't that bad and I made good time.

The best part was that there was an Equestrian pony at home, and she and I were starting to get along. It must have been the combination of driving and music, but the problems we'd had didn't seem so important. The facts that nobody had attacked anyone else, we'd amicably interacted, and today might see us well on the way to resolving this entire fiasco were reassuring. I was poised to come out of this in one piece, potentially with a new pony friend, and so I can honestly say I was enjoying myself.

Naturally the universe couldn't let that little problem go unanswered.

I was rudely reminded that on the way to work there was a stable with a small cart track. Two horses were in one of the paddocks and were wandering along the near side. It took less than a second for my brain to identify the timing of their hoofsteps, the steady motion of their shoulders, the slight rolling of their hips, and the swishing of their tails. And then to remind me that Etherea walked exactly the same way.

As I was reeling from that thought my mind went a step further and juxtaposed my memories of Etherea with the horses I was observing now. Her proportions were a bit different, and she was slimmer by a good margin, but the rest of her was a near perfect match. That she also held herself a bit more upright was immaterial. I was looking at these horses and realizing that, comparatively, Etherea was one.

Many of the features that I found attractive in Etherea were exactly the same in those two horses.

My stomach clenched into a knot as my breath hitched. I tried desperately to clear my head of the sudden turbulence that threatened to bury me. I truly was sick and had not one fucking clue what to do about it. This wasn't the kind of thing that I could just turn on and off with a whim. As I'd realized yesterday - that I wasn't going to be able to stop myself from thinking about her - I knew I couldn't really stop myself from pining after a horse!

Shunting away such thoughts did little good as they simply circled back around to strike from another angle. I couldn't escape no matter how hard I tried. This wasn't right. I wasn't right. But at least I knew there was a problem, right? I could do something about it then. I couldn't actually do anything about the way I felt, but I could control how I acted. Sickos were only people who gave in to their impulses, but I had self-control in spades. All I needed to do was not fuck Etherea. Easy-peasy! This wasn't willful ignorance; this was tactical suppression.

And that was a car zooming by backwards really fast!

A whole new fear took immediate precedence as I realized I was edging toward NINETY miles per hour. I went cold right to my bones before letting completely off the gas. If a cop had seen me freaking out...

Even in the absence of any obvious danger I still thoroughly checked every mirror for any hint of a dreadfully familiar silhouette. Thank God (Buddha? Gandalf? Celestia...?) there was nothing but a handful of random cars and trucks. They probably thought I was crazy. Hell, I'd have agreed with them.

I took it slow after that point, intent on getting to work in one piece. It surprised nobody that I was several minutes late again. Not that I didn't hear about it...

"About fucking time you showed up." Sure enough Dave was the first to notice as I came in the back door. He was waddling around in a hurry on some errand. "Right on time too. I should probably just schedule you ten minutes late every day."

Same old 'how do you do?' too, so at least things around here were normal. I grunted a noncommittal response as I headed to the office to clock in and at least appear prepared for the day. When I turned to head out to the front I could see a handful of customers - two apparently in line - Carl's tall self hunched over a counter as he made something, Reggie - a short, balding, but very pleasant part-timer - trying to come up with an answer for a customer, and Dave blocking the doorway. I drew up short as our eyes met.

I know you're stressed, but keep it civil Alex. "Hmmmm?"

"So what happened yesterday that was so important you had to leave Carl to close? You know he bitched at me all day?"

What he was asking wasn't nearly as harsh as the way it came across. Fortunately I had prepared earlier just for this. "Let's just call it a family emergency. That's about as much as I wanna' say about it, okay?"

"Hey." He brought up his hands and spread his fingers. "Don't be yelling at me, you're the one who called out. Probably stayed up too late playing video games and slept in," he glanced over his shoulder before leaning in and dropping to a whisper, "you lazy motherfucker."

"But I get it, shit," another whispered word, "happens. You had things that you needed to do. You know I go through that all the time with my wife. If you need some time to deal with it, just say so." See? He wasn't all bad. "But I need you to tell me; is it a problem?"

I drew in a breath as images of Etherea's arrival, yesterday's ups and downs, and my fears over the possible outcomes of all this flashed across the back of my thoughts. And now that I was standing in the store I worked at, looking at my coworker, and with customers nearby I felt another wash of cold fear. Etherea might not be very worried about transmittable diseases, but that didn't make them an impossibility. The safe outcome of my little excursion yesterday might support Etherea's view, but I was hardly reassured by a single example.

But there was nothing I could do now. I playing incognito and leaving now would be suspicious - I had a reputation for being a little late, but I also never failed to be at work. Fuck. I grasped the frail thread that was my faith in Etherea's reasoning and held on for dear life. It was the only thing that would let me function.

"I don't think so, but you'll be the first to know. Things have been much better today!" It was actually the truth - sort of - but I prayed I appeared more sincere than I felt.

Dave eyed me for a moment before nodding. Then he furiously waved a paper in my direction before trying to push past me into the office. "Good. Now get out there so I can fix this order that Carl fucked up. I need you to see what Reg needs help with before he makes Carl look like a genius."

Glad to be of help, Dave. Actually, I was just glad to be out and about since random customers should be less likely to notice anything amiss. Maybe I could even distract myself with their problems.

At least the day wasn't nearly as bad as it had been on Wednesday. Naturally it was worse. I was the first person to make contact with alien life, which might have been orgasmic for some people, but I was horrified by the amount of fame/infamy I would probably attract. The alien was a horse to boot, one I was attracted to and also royalty. That was a sickening double-whammy of 'shouldn't want' and 'can't have.' And I had definitely made the wrong decision to go back to work so soon, especially since I couldn't be much help if shit went down at home. Constantly anticipating a phone call I didn't want to receive made every ring of the phone strum my nerves discordantly.

And I had absolutely no idea what to do about any of those things. It was terrifying to be so lost and helpless. To have all that eating at you and needing to put on a happy face for everyone around you? My bottled frustrations quickly percolated in to actual anger. I don't know why I thought it would go any other way. I didn't care I was working myself in to a frenzy, and in the short spaces between customers the poor boxes of innocent paint cans suffered the brunt of my emotions.

The customers were also just as bad as before! The masochistic part of me pointed out that probably had more to do with my current state than anything the customers were actually doing. But the lady who spent over an hour agonizing over two nearly identical colors, and steadfastedly ignoring my opinions after asking for them? She certainly was, no question about it.

It got to the point where I almost wished my coworkers would notice something and my boss would send me home. But they never did. Or at least they never said anything. I couldn't let myself blow up in front of the customers, which meant that I was still too much in control. So I just simmered, waiting for someone to come along and push me the wrong way.

My eventual lunch break was a welcome respite, minimal as it was. For fifteen whole minutes I refused to come out of the office, listening to the radio in lieu of browsing the internet on my phone. The solar flares were still big news, and apparently I wasn't the only one to receive some strange messages. Most sounded like mundane mix-ups but there was a story about four random people who apparently received the same mistake message from some political figure telling them just where they could shove their revisions to his latest policy. Apparently stranger things also happened electronics-wise, but lacking any details I couldn't tell whether my experience with Equestria was unique.

And fifteen minutes was all I got, which wasn't unusual. Being near the beaches meant the store was always busy and Dave waddled by and called my attention to another influx of customers. I was off again, one part of me eagerly awaiting whoever would push me over the line first, the other hoping I would never test my self control like that. All of me was wondering how things were at home and whether Craig had avoided repeating my mistakes with Etherea. That wasn't very reassuring...

"Hey Alex," It was Reggie with a small, black store phone clutched loosely before him. My heart skipped three or four beats. The short, elderly man's blue-gray eyes hinted at a question as he held up the device. "there's a phone call for you. It's, um... your roommate?"

Author's Note

Bwah!

There's something about the end of this chapter that just feels off to me. I can't decide if it's the actual writing or if I'm just uncomfortable with what's going on.

And I'm sorry. There was a whole section of plot progression after this point that I wanted to include in this chapter, but as per normal, there was just so much stuff to put in this one. I promise (Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!) there will be less headcanon and more glorious plot... er, substance in the next chapter!

Next time on the Alex and Etherea Adventure Hour: will our hero fall prey to the dastardly paint banditos, or will he find a way to reach home and save the day?

[7 - Part 1] Friends?

My 'roommate' was calling...

My 'roommate' was calling!

Something had happened to Etherea! Fuck! This was bad... She could be lying on the floor after her spell backfired, barely conscious from pain and shock, and with her horn an irreparable shattered ruin. I could imagine in vivid color the blood pouring from her forehead to spill all over my carpet, she pawing weakly at my phone with a hoof while trying to croak out a message for help.

She might need immediate emergency medical attention! But shit, that was something Craig and I were completely unequipped to handle! We would have to contact someone else now! Maybe that's where I came in; Craig was already doing what he could to help her and I needed to figure out the rest.

A veterinarian maybe? My friend Tristan had spent time working in an animal hospital though I didn't know how medically-involved he had been. He'd never gone in to detail about any procedures so he might have just done other things around the place. But at least it was an 'in,' and with a person I could trust.

No... What was I thinking? Etherea wasn't an animal! She would need a full-on doctor. But a human doctor would be just as clueless when it came to Ponies, wouldn't they? Actually, maybe more so. At least vets might have had experience with an equine body, and Etherea's...

"Alex? Hey, are you alright?" The slow, concerned tones broke through my reverie.

Oh, right, Reggie. And I was still just staring at the phone in his hand.

I didn't want to take that phone. My heart was already hammering steadily and it felt like my breathing was doing its best to keep pace. Etherea could be a cripple for the rest of her life and I was too scared to take that phone. I was...

Maybe I was overreacting. I'd immediately jumped to the worst case scenario like always. Short of her dying... No! Not going there!

So maybe there was a perfectly mundane reason for Etherea to call. Like maybe they'd run out of peanut butter at lunch and needed me to pick some up. Or...

And that wasn't helping either. We'd agreed this only was for a real emergency so something was wrong. It was possible Etherea was in grave physical danger, but there were other, more mundane things this could also be. I think. She could just be mostly gravely injured. Something bad enough to require medical attention but not actually life-threatening.

Maybe her magic had given her a horrible headache. Hornache? After her stunt with the towels I could imagine her blowing the direness of a hornache far out of proportion... Okay, that was probably just plain stupid - she hadn't complained about her forehead yet so she wasn't so weak as to start using our emergency line for a simple headache. Plus if her horn hurt then she wouldn't be trying to contact me via magic.

Then it hit me. She'd been trying to contact Equestria. Maybe she'd gotten in touch with Luna. Maybe she was going home. Even if I repressed every other reason for wanting to spend time with her, we were still talking about my one chance to hang out with a pony. 'Goodbye' was reason enough for me to be disappointed.

"Alex...?" Of course Reggie was still there. Lines of concern creased his bushy-browed face as he peered up at me. Thank God all my mental gymnastics hadn't taken that long or he might've been really worried.

My hand darted out and swiped the phone from his grasp. As I cradled the device in my fingers I brought my eyes down to the blinking on-hold line. "Yeah, yeah. Sorry! I, um, might need a moment here."

He didn't say anything for a long moment, simply staring at me around his slightly hooked nose. Why wasn't he going away? I needed some privacy here!

"If it's really that bad, you know you can always talk to me Alex. If it's... Well, I've lost a few family members myself," his shoulders and face fell as one, making him look every one of his seventy-some years, "and I'll do what I can, even if it's just listening."

My sigh was born from my sudden regret that he thought someone close to me was dying, though I couldn't fault him. Calling out of work, being on edge, receiving mysterious and unpleasant phone calls...? Just about everyone went through something like this at some point. The only problem was that Reggie really was a nice guy - one of the few coworkers in my life who I would actually consider hanging out with - and I didn't like leading him to false conclusions. It felt like I was abusing his trust.

But there was really nothing for it.

"Yeah. Thanks Reg. I don't think it'll come to that," at least some kind of truth could cover my bases, "but if it does, I'll take you up on that."

That brought a cautious, knowing smile to his face. "Optimism, huh? Just keep that attitude and you'll be all right." I was half afraid he'd try to pat my cheek. "Well, let me get out of your hair. I still need to find a quart of oil enamel for an outside metal door."

I didn't really have to think as I turned to seek an even more secluded corner. "Out front actually. In the red labels by the spray cans."

"Oh, right! Thanks." And he finally trundled away.

Leaving me with the phone, the held line still blinking ominously. My heart picked up where it had left off a moment ago and I worried that my fingers were shaking. A quick check revealed that they weren't, but the feeling persisted. A single eternal moment passed of me staring before I realized that the problem wouldn't go away - even if Etherea eventually hung up - and in a sudden rush I forced my trepidation down and brought the now active line to my ear.

"Hello?" What would it be like? Would she just start speaking out of thin air near me or would there be a small portal? Would it be all in my head? Maybe she'd do a fully interactive and visible illusion of herself, like 3D hologram. Well shit, I needed to get farther away from the front of the store! The defunct shakers, ancient tinters, cabinets of random crap, and towers of boxes jammed with old audit reports and transaction registers in the remote reaches of the (not that large) store would be perfect cover.

"Yo, Alex," My feet came to a screeching halt and I had catch myself by grabbing a nearby shelf. That voice was far too deep and masculine. And too calm.

"Craig...?" I drew out his name to keep myself from instantly snapping at him. "What's going on?"

"Something's wrong with the princess," the return of ice to my veins was needed in the same way as a swift kick to the balls, "she's gone and locked herself in your room and won't come out."

That... didn't sound very dire. "Okay... And...?"

"Dude, she yelled some gibberish then slammed your door so fucking hard your cat is hiding under my bed. Heard her crying for a little too. She's fuckin' pissed... oops... Wait, she can't hear me. Yeah, she's pissed about something, dude, and won't talk to me."

"That's it," I growled, "she's just locked herself in my room?" Stay calm Alex.

"Yeah. I guess. Wh...?"

It was impossible to not snap. "But she's okay?!"

"Huh?" An uncharacteristic pause ambled through from the other end. "I guess? I dunno'. Why wouldn't she be?"

"Didn't you two have lunch together?"

"Yeah, she made me eat lunch with her. Bossy chicks really suck." His flippancy almost made me punch one of the nearby metal and very solid objects.

"And..."

"And...? And what?"

"She didn't say anything at all about what she was going to do today?" I didn't really know what I was after. Craig using the emergency line to call me over this... apparently miniscule 'problem' was just taunting my already bad mood. I needed to vent and I guess that violently kickstarting his brain seemed like a good way to do it.

"Dude, don't be this way. I dunno' what's up, but you're flippin' out bad. You need to calm the hell down."

Really, Craig? I already know that! I almost snarled at him. Almost. An actual wordless growl was crouched in the back of my throat. But he was right. I needed to know what was going on and attacking Craig was going to get me nowhere. Swallowing was almost painful and in the time it took to alleviate my throat Craig started going again.

"...she was excited but just asked a lot of questions, like about being a DJ and about my Mom and Dad. Didn't say a whole lot though. Kinda' like her better that way. Did I tell you that she's really bossy when she talks? But she's your pony, you got..." I was afforded only the tiniest moment to even think about responding. "Hehe. 'Your pony'... Anyway, any ideas what's up with her?"

"Fuck you Craig." He was always so goddamned cheerful. Hell, even when angry he sounded upbeat. I paced around trying to find something within the nearby junk that could safely be punched. Disappointment welled up when I didn't find Craig there. "She's not my..."

Fuck! I hadn't meant...!

Craig's laughter could probably be heard by the customers out front. "Dude! You keep saying 'no,' but I all I hear is 'yes.' I wonder what Princess back there would think..."

"No Craig. Just no." That was all I felt safe saying as I tried to bore my fingers through to the aching in my skull. If I could just remove the part of me that cared and made me upset like this...

"Yeah, I get it man, she could go all 'Choke-a-Bitch the Wonder Horse' on us." What the fuck?! I choked as my brain stumbled; a sentiment, funnily enough, echoed from the other end of the call.

"Hah! Choke-a-Bitch..." Naturally Craig recovered first. "Just, uhhh, don't tell her I said that, k? And look, I like me too much to let her be that way. And you too, man, no homo. Oh, and you know your phone's still in your room? Tried calling you."

"Damnit Craig! I know my phone's at home because I fucking gave it to her." The words smashed against my gritted teeth before slipping through with the hiss of compressed air. I kept solid control of my volume on the off chance of nearby coworkers, though the effort to to compose myself left me shaking. "She was going to try and get in touch with... her home and I wanted her to have a way to reach me if something bad happened. If she needed to call then she was going to say she was my roommate. Get it? You scared the shit out of me! And I'm guessing that it didn't go very well. The big fucking question is: is she fucking hurt?"

"She won't come out, so how would I know?"

"I don't know. Why don't you ask her?"

"Ugh! Sec." I assumed the silence from Craig's end meant he was moving closer to my room. I took to pacing around the assorted junk and a nearby broken shaker earned a swift love tap from my foot for its impertinence. When Craig asked if Etherea was okay, his voice faint and distant, the world outside my wandering feet seemed to fade. I held my thoughts tight - and nearly my breath - to prevent them from perusing even more worst-case possibilities.

"Yeah, she's okay."

Again my feet came to an unintended stop. "How...?"

"She just told me to leave her alone. Was all quiet and had that 'I'm sad but don't wanna' talk about it right now' vibe. 'S got a completely different sound to it, y'know?"

"You're sure?" Then it struck me that I was relying on the assessment of a person from whom I hadn't seen any medical sense or ability before two nights ago. It's not that I didn't trust him... Okay, I didn't. What choice did I have though? I wasn't at home to see for myself. At least he was right about one thing; simple distress did not sound at all like real pain.

"Yeah, 'course I'm sure. Sucks to see, but she's sad about something. And y'know man, it's like the perfect setup." He'd lost me. My head angled to the right as my brain poured far too much processing into anticipating his intent. "She's probably crying and all alone in there; bet it would be easy to go in, give her a shoulder to cry on, spend some time and show her some care, and probably get some of the best comfort sex ever. Y'know, the slow, soft kind where..."

"CRAIG!" This was fucking insane! He'd just planned out how to get in Etherea's pants - under her tail (thanks brain...) - using one of the most horrible and cliché tricks. I knew Craig and it was horrifying to think that he was the one guy who might actually follow through on it!

And he was talking about a pony. I thought I'd get in trouble for simple kidnapping or harboring a potentially dangerous alien, but if Craig went and made a move on the Princess...

"Dude, what the FUCK!? Didn't you just call her..." I caught myself first, cutting the volume out of my voice just in case. Still, I found I just could not call her the same fucked up name he'd come up with a moment ago so I opted for a classic response. "What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

"Oh, hehe, right. Pony. Whoops." I couldn't believe him. A short bout of silence reigned as I tried to figure out what I could say after that. I needed a verbal tirade capable of flensing this motherfucker... "Hey, I guess she's all set for you..."

"Shut the fuck up." Yeah, I wasn't letting that continue. Unfortunately yelling at Craig hardly ever worked. At least for me. Plus even as unfair as the whole situation was, this conversation had been going nowhere slowly. Swallowing my emotions a second time was like choking down a quarter - an experience I'd hoped to never repeat. "Please tell me you moved away from my room..."

"Er..." It was gloriously satisfying to hear him scrounging for words. "Yeah. I'm not an idiot."

My bark of laughter carried a fun combination of all my mirth and derision.

"Fine, glad to hear you're not in any danger of sudden, violent death at the hooves of an enraged pony." I gleefully imagined him gulping at that. "Now, why exactly did you call?"

"Huh? Oh. Yeah, so she's in your room, doesn't want to talk to anyone, and I'm thinking she needs something to cheer her up..."

I couldn't believe him! "Craig..."

"Dude, just hold up a sec. I've got a plan here and it's not like that." I guess I could hear him out first. I'm just glad that I wasn't sharing this part of the store with anyone; the death glare I was freely passing about probably would have brought my continued sanity to question. "Here's the thing, Princess back there really needs some cheering up. Now most girls like getting sweet, sappy things, and if I'm right Princess is one too. You wouldn't believe how fast they come around if you just give them a little something nice. Now I know what you're thinking," I shut my mouth, "but all I'm saying is we get her a movie. Y'know, a chick flick. Real simple."

I hesitated, waiting for the other shoe to drop, but Craig also remained silent. He'd called just to ask for me to get something to cheer up Etherea? My mind struggled with the idea that everything over the past few minutes had been leading up to that one point - Craig being considerate. I couldn't do it; it was just too surreal.

And yet there it was. His entire plan had been to cheer Etherea up with a lighthearted movie? That was... reasonable, I guess. If I was right about her failing to contact Equestria then she was probably crushed. I knew I would be if I were completely cut off and stuck in a frighteningly alien world. I shuddered at the thought, a phantom chill spilling over my shoulders as I tried wrapping my imagination around what it would be like to be in her position.

Which left me with one conclusion: Craig was right, though I hated to admit it - I was still fucking pissed at him for this entire call. "Yeah, okay. I guess I can get somethi..."

"Great! Make it something sweet and happy. Like something where the girl falls in love and lives happily ever after with the guy of her dreams." A tiny pause left my mind churning over my options but without any solution. "And it needs to be a little funny too. Can't forget that."

"So, a romantic comedy of some kind..." I deadpanned.

"Yeah! You got it."

I found my thoughts switching gears toward discerning how he was going to turn this into a 'pony-lover' joke at my expense. Me coming home with a romantic movie for Etherea? It wouldn't be hard. But Craig was still right about cheering her up and he'd repeatedly demonstrated an alarming instinct for how to get exactly the reaction he wanted from a girl. It's just the how and why of it were generally deplorable. Though I was pretty sure that this time he wasn't after what lay between this girl's legs.

"Alright, I'll bite. Anything in particular you're thinking of?"

"Not really. Normally I just wing it." Of course... "Shouldn't be too hard to find something. They only make like a hundred a month. You can do this; I trust you dude." Another pregnant pause niggled at my attention. "Just think how happy she'll be when her knight in shining armor comes home to sh..."

Nope. The phone mysteriously lost all connection to the transmission tower that was less than five hundred yards from the store. My finger had absolutely nothing to do with it and I would defend that story with its life.

Very quickly I found myself slumping to sit atop a pallet I wasn't paying any attention to. There was a whole lot of nothing in my head, yet a general, directionless outrage still agitated it in to an unpleasant froth. But without Craig on the phone as an easy target, my anger slowly bled away while I languished. My heart was suffering from three days of these constant ups and downs and I found myself just tired. Not angry or even all that scared, just tired.

At least Etherea was okay. Mostly. Probably.

I found that a certain weight had lifted when I finally convinced my body that it needed to move. My limbs still felt like they were dragging ever closer to the floor as I wandered back to the front of the store, so my exhaustion remained, but at least I wasn't as worried any more. I'm sure that had something to do with resignation seeping in to replace my anxiety - I just didn't feel like fighting any more after trying to keep up with Craig. Giving up meant letting go, so at least some part of me was relaxing.

Now if only there was some way I could sneak in a nap or something. A second one in as many days? I sighed. I really wasn't feeling like myself.

As I stepped through the doorway to the sales floor I found myself the center of all my coworkers' attention. The expressions were a bit mixed. Carl's was unreadable but the piece of wood he was holding hung half-forgotten while his stare lingered. Reggie caught my eye from the other side of a frumpy elderly lady who was holding far too many color samples before he tilted his head down, looking around at everything but me. Dave stopped what he was doing for a moment before going back to collecting paper from the printer and harshly banging them in to proper neatness against the counter. I felt the need to fidget but standing there and doing so would only make my unease worse. I needed something to do.

I wasn't sure where to begin; the two customers were already taken care of. Like always there were also a number open orders and numerous menial tasks that we never quite fully finished. I guess I could take my pick.

"Hey Alex. C'mere." Or I could go talk to my boss. Great, just what I wanted to do. I hesitated as the portly man began trundling quickly toward the office, the papers flapping furiously as they tried to escape whatever fate he had for them. He turned just before the hallway leading to the other end of the store's back and noticed I hadn't budged.

"Cooome onnn Aleeeex, I don't... biiiite." The way he drew out the syllables was made even more creepy by a smile that was all teeth. It was so very nice that everyone in the store had probably heard him too. "Need to talk to you." His commanding beckon turned into pointing toward the office.

I knew that tone of his. Each word had an unhappy force behind it. He was stressed out, though that was nothing unusual. Hardly a day went by without some customer, employee, or, as was most likely, his family setting him off. Today's bout of anxiety was definitely my doing, and my steps were no lighter than when I'd come out of the stock room as I dutifully followed him.

But there was little I could do - I was wedged firmly between the life I was living for the moment and the image I had to convince everyone still remained. It pissed me off that I couldn't help but do this to him.

On the other side of the office door was about what I expected. Dave was leaning back in the tiny room's one good chair and there was no solace from his piercing stare in the ocean of scribbled orders, faxes, and corporate motivational paraphernalia. The chair creaked as he indicated that I should take one of the other two.

"Have a seat." I took the (slightly) less worn down option and settled gingerly.

His slow, deep breath before speaking forced his chin up. "Alright. I need you to tell me what the fuck's going on so I can start planning next week's schedule around your skinny ass. Are you going to be calling out again?"

It was nice that he'd asked so nicely. "I don't know." His face scrunched unpleasantly. Oh now he was even less happy. "That call was a false alarm. My roommate just wanted me to pick up some shit after work." Close enough. I forced my hands to remain stationary in my lap. "I guess just schedule me same as normal for the moment, but I don't know right now if or when this might come up again. Right now I'm just waiting."

He sighed, grumbling at the same time. "So... nothing?' I shook my head. "Goddamnit Alex. Well alright. At least I've already got Nace down for this weekend so you'll have a couple of days. Use them. And let me know the moment anything changes. I'll be off on Tuesday visiting family and Carl's got an appointment Wednesday so I'll need to know whether you can close on those days or not. The sooner, the better. Got it?"

"Yeah. Hadn't had any other plan."

"Good. Now get back to work. Deckman," our numbers-oriented, company-man of a district manager, "keeps sending me shit asking why we don't have all our calls in yet. Guess what I'll be doing this afternoon instead of going home to my beautiful, ever-loving wife."

I was more than happy to follow his order and get my ass out of there.

Despite a creeping tiredness and customers I really had no desire to face, I still did my best to wholeheartedly do whatever needed doing. How else was I supposed get through the rest of the day? I suppose I could have skipped out again, since I really wasn't in the best condition, but that would just piss of everyone else at the store. I didn't want to do that to Dave through that and have to hear about it later.

Plus closing would probably fall on Carl again. He might not be the friendliest of people, and tended to anger far too easily, but I got along with him well enough that I didn't feel right doing that to him. And then Reggie would have to spend the rest of the afternoon working with an upset Carl and I just couldn't do that to the old man.

It was kind of nice that both of my other coworkers came up to me separately to offer their sympathies. I was really surprised when Carl insisted that if the worst came to pass - God, I hated deceiving them all like this - that he would be more than happy to cover for me. I'd occasionally had to do the same for him since he had some chronic health problems from a 'carefree' youth. Friends helped each other out when needed, right?

Still, that didn't stop me from spending as much time slinging cases of paint into place in the warehouse as I dared. Doing so actually had two benefits. The first was that the adrenaline from working hard beat down and drove off any desire for a nap. The other was that the heavy work was a perfect furnace to chuck any of my excess frustration in to; neatly sidestepping a return to my earlier moodiness.

Plus sometimes it's just kind of fun to mindlessly work your ass off.

I think it was because of all the constant, simple work that the afternoon passed as quickly as it did. Before I knew it my boss and assistant boss had left for the day - the former pre-emptively cursing at me half-heartedly for any disruptions I might make to his precious schedule. Reggie left after an awkward (for me) pat on the arm and another assurance that he would be more than happy to listen to my troubles. I didn't blow him off - not really - but there was just no way. The pony at home was my problem, and mine alone.

And speaking of which, I found that now that I was alone in the store, I could no longer evade the things I'd repressed after Craig had called. In less than an hour I'd be free of work, which should be a happy thing, but I wasn't looking forward to actually getting home. I needed to figure out what to do about Etherea. Despite what seemed like a good suggestion from Craig I had no idea what to get. Sci Fi or Fantasy were more my choice for entertainment after all.

In the longer term there was also the issue of Etherea's ability to get herself home. Was her potential inability to contact Equestria indicative of a bigger problem? What if... What if the solar flare had been integral to Earth-Equestria communication? Shit... She might be stuck here for a lot longer than either of us had thought!

The thrill of having an actual pony as a houseguest was again subsumed under all the difficulties I'd have if she hung around for long. Feeding her... Hiding her... And I also couldn't just place her under house arrest because that would drive everyone nuts. I didn't want to add a stir-crazy alicorn to my list of woes!

There were also the consequences of exposure to each other. I still didn't know if I could get sick. What if she got sick?! There was no way we could care for a seriously-hurt pony!

And what about the way I felt about her...?

I badly needed this arrangement to be temporary! The longer she was around, the more problems it would cause and the worse they would be. I shuddered at the thought of her being stuck here until the next major solar storm. That could mean years trying to hide a pony princess from the rest of the world!

This wasn't happening. This was...

This was me starting to freak out again.

All these worries were things that not only could I not do anything about right now, but all of which were still lacking a key piece of information: I didn't know what had actually happened to Etherea. I couldn't let myself jump so far ahead without first finding out what was really happening.

With that I found purchase on my worries and was able to dump them back into the recesses of my mind. They lurked, and I couldn't help but worry over their presence, but I was able to finish the last hour of the day in relative peace. If only I knew what movie to get.

I didn't actually chase my last customer away - a half bent-over old man - but I locked the front door so fast that I nearly took off his left foot. For a moment I worried I might have upset him... But who as I kidding? Getting out of there was more important than life itself, much less some guy's poor feelings. I rushed through closing as fast as shaking hands would let me, fumbling the deposit bags a few times and with my handwriting reduced to an atrocious mess. But fuck it! I was getting the hell out of here!

My car welcomed me like the old friend it was. It purred happily as the key slid home and had already set the seat to just where I liked it, the AC to just the right temperature, and the radio to just the right station. I twisted the volume and was bathed from head to toe in my favorite music. The road called at last and my car gleefully answered.

Okay, I might have been laying it on a bit thick. But the drive was everything I needed right now: a time when I was surrounded by some of my favorite things and couldn't be bothered by anything.

Except that I had to make a couple of stops first... Damnit.

First the bank and then... For Your Entertainment? Sure. Why not. They had lots of movies.

Too many in fact. The romance section was several tables long. Shelves...? Whatever. There were hundreds of options ranging from silly/stupid, to straight serious, to foreign and strange. I needed something simple. Something I wouldn't have trouble explaining to Etherea because I was sure Craig wouldn't be any help.

Not knowing my roommates' (it was so weird to pluralize that) reactions didn't make the decision any easier. Other than some bad, half-cocked stereotypes, there was no way to guess what Etherea's interests actually were. Craig, though, would definitely share his thoughts. If the movie was too lovey-dovey I'd never hear the end of it, and probably while referencing Etherea. That ruled movies like "Sleepless in Seattle." However, things like "Me, Myself, and Irene" were just too... out there.

After a few minutes of staring futilely at the smorgasbord before me I gave up. I wasn't ever going to find the perfect movie to cheer up a pony. I snagged the first one I was familiar with, had caught my eye, and didn't strike me as a choice I'd regret. "The Wedding Singer" might be a bit too much on the comedy but it was certainly the kind of upbeat that I needed. Hopefully that was good enough.

With my hopes for a better evening in hand I was greeted at the exit by a misty drizzle. The weather had stayed overcast and cool all day, but now it seemed that the evening had collected the scattered sprinkles and assembled an actual shower. Not that I really minded. Weather was fun, and the worse the better. Despite my earlier rush to get driving, my steps back across the lot were lazy. I couldn't very well pass up the chance to directly enjoy the rain when it was still light enough to avoid drenching me. Even so, as the road carried me home the rain began cutting in and out like it was getting bad reception. It was a bit disappointing that the sky couldn't seem to make up its damned mind. I would have loved an actual storm.

My brain saw fit to remind me when I was just a couple of miles away from a certain place, and it was enough to make my breath hitch as images of horses and a familiar yellow alicorn played out side by side. Etherea was a horse as far as appearances went. Or at least so close that the few differences were easy to overlook. And I thought she was... pretty.

Did that mean I was attracted to horses?

The shudder that ran through me was hardly confirmation or denial, but it also wasn't at all reassuring. The answer should be a straight-up 'NO,' but I couldn't bring myself to feel that with any conviction.

And just like before, I found a strong urge to just run from my problems. As though that would actually help anything... Nothing would be resolved if I did, and even worse was there was no way I could actually escape all the little reminders. Every time I met Etherea I would remember. Every trip to and from work would pass the stable. Every conversation with Craig might bring those thoughts to the fore. Every look at the My Little Pony poster at home, glance through my doodles, perusal of my internet favorites...

I made a snap decision as my car crested the last small rise between me and the stretch of road beside the horse track. I was tired (No, Alex, don't yawn!) but determined to face this head on. My car slowly bled its speed as I let off the gas and I flipped on the turn signal. There was a slight creak as I pressed the brake - I should probably get that looked at - and I came to a gentle stop on the shoulder next to one of the paddocks. For good measure, and just in case, I switched to the emergency blinkers.

Apparently my timing was spot on too; it didn't look like there had been much rain here and someone was leading a horse to the stables. Two more watched with obvious interest from within the paddock while waiting their turn.

I just let myself stare while leaning forward with my cheek resting on top of forearms that were draped over the steering wheel. Yeah, what I was doing was probably weird as hell, but I was pretty sure I was too far away to be clearly seen. Also, anyone on the road would be flying by too fast to see what I was up to.

My eyes were naturally drawn to the solid black horse who was a little taller and a hair slimmer in profile. I couldn't help sarcastically noting that my preference for tall, leggy girls remained strong. Not that I had any idea whether either horse was a mare.

And anyway, I had more important things to think about.

I mentally stepped back to watch as I freed my eyes to wander where they would. Left to their own devices they began at the horse's extended, slightly arched neck. Sure it was on a horse, but men had fought wars, and women would kill, for such a long, elegant feature. In fact, some African - I think that's where they're from - tribes did more than that; their women used a series of rings to jack up their heads and give themselves necks like that!

So I guess I was in good company. Maybe. Comparing myself to native Africans felt just plain weird. Plus I wasn't staring at a human female...

My attention wasn't held long before my eyes slipped down past the horse's back and zeroed in on the real prize. Over the crest of its haunches to follow its long legs down, down, down... For a long, quiet moment I just basked in the vision - its shapely rear, the power and tone of its upper leg, and the way its legs slimmed down as they descended. Hooves and tall ankles - was that what they were called? - meant that no horse or pony would ever need heels. 'Leggy' indeed...

The black horse shifted impatiently and I couldn't help but notice the dance of the dimming light across its coat. And that wasn't the only thing either. Behind those legs was a smooth waving that formed a pleasant counterpoint to its movements. Tails were so nice to watch. Lovely like a flowing skirt, except built right in.

Yeah some equine features were... almost... sexy.

I shook slightly as I sucked in a ragged breath. I wasn't done yet; I had to go all the way. I had to know. Was I really, truly gone?

Could I see myself having sex with a horse?

Something wedged in the back of my throat and my eyes snapped back to the road. Well I could imagine myself getting up behind a mare and putting my dick in it, but that was the peril of a vivid, overactive imagination. I could imagine myself doing a great many things. The real question was whether I actually wanted to. My brain's automatic refusal, though weaker than I'd liked, was an immense relief. I could take some comfort in not particularly wanting to fuck an actual horse, but there still had to be something seriously wrong with me for having to ask in the first place!

I should be disgusted. Horrified. Revolted! But I wasn't nearly as much as I should be which was the really distressing part. But I had hesitated a little, so I couldn't be all lost, could I?

I dragged my eyes kicking and screaming back to the horses as the handler came back for the next. Yeah, they had attractive features but there were others that I just didn't like. Even the 'slimmer' horse was still far too thick about the middle and lacked the... relative elegance of Etherea's form. Heavier chests, 'stumpier' hooves, and, well, that face.

The faces really broke it for me. Their ears might be adorable, and their manes a pretty good stand-in for a head of long hair, but the long, bulbous nose and expressive-less, animal mouths just weren't attractive at all. And though I was too far away to see, I knew that there was just something about their eyes that cried 'unintelligent.' Those small, dumb eyes. It marked them as animals.

And then there was the issue of (lacking) personal hygiene. Well, I suppose not completely lacking, but there was still a huge difference between putting in the effort to be clean and simply getting the occasional scrub down. Who knows what they were covered in? I didn't know where those horses had been!

I chuckled at the stupidity of my own joke. But it helped. I felt a little... lighter, I suppose.

Not that everything was entirely fine - I was attracted to horses, even if it was mostly just certain features. Kind of like seeing an ugly person with pretty eyes; just because you liked some part didn't mean you actually wanted the whole thing.

I guess I should add 'shallow' to my ever expanding list of personal faults.

Not that shallowness should be my main concern. I mean, come on! Horses?! I... just couldn't let go of that. And I was reminded that there was one waiting for me at home. Lovely.

My forehead smacked harshly against my forearms and a jolt of pain reminded me that I was still tender from doing something similar yesterday. I was almost literally beating myself up over an attraction to horses. And all the back and forth within myself was leaving me mentally exhausted - a sneaky yawn showed that my body sympathized.

As the ache in my arm slipped away I found that it was rather nice to just sit here with my head down...

I needed to get home. I doubted that I could actually fall asleep here on the side of the highway, but I also didn't want to tempt fate. Getting something to eat was also high on my to-do list, and that wasn't happening as long as I was ogling horses through my passenger window. I'd certainly had my fill of that for today.

The rest of the drive was somber despite the harsh, energetic music filling my car. I was practically moping after what I'd just put myself through and couldn't decide whether the tenseness in my stomach was good or bad. Would I even be able to eat? I'd find out in a bit.

Which reminded me I'd still need to cook something. I didn't feel at all like doing anything, and that definitely included picking out and making a meal. So a short detour later had a pair of pizzas - one cheese and one veggie - stashed in my trunk. Cheap, quick, and probably far too unhealthy for a pony princess, but at least they were the higher end ones that should be less slathered in grease.

Once parked in front of my wonderful home I eased myself out of the car and into a moderate, pleasantly cool sprinkle - yay for rain! The three-story, flat-topped tan building that contained my apartment had been built sometime in the 1950's, and was as large and bland as any high volume, mass-produced residential construction. It was as though some deity had been flying by one day and decided that this particular spot need a giant brick box on it. Then, seeing that it was good, had scattered nearly a dozen more copies throughout the immediate area. That they were able to house a number of people was just a happy side effect.

Even though Craig and I had invested our lives here solely because it happened to be the cheapest option for several miles in any direction, I actually had more good to say about it than bad. Sure it took management a while to fix anything, but that was a rule written into the background fabric of the universe. It was nice that, due to the solid construction and close neighbors, some utilities cost next to nothing. Hell, I'd once turned the heat completely off when the weather had been cold enough to freeze piss, and the place had only gotten down to about fifty five degrees. Talk about well-insulated.

Plus the apartments themselves were plenty cozy once you'd arranged the interior to your liking. Well, as long as you didn't pay much attention to the occasional rowdy neighbor or shady passersby.

With a stressed heart and increasingly heavy footsteps I plodded my way closer to the looming edifice. The idea of going inside to my roommate and an attractive... pony guest was an unpleasant one. But I knew I couldn't stay out here forever. If nothing else I would eventually get soaked completely through which would be even more unpleasant.

The building's size seemed to grow disproportionately as I approached, as though it was trying to get me to flee whatever horrors surely lurked within. As eternal as the trek seemed I still reached my door far too quickly.

Again I hesitated, the dread in me surging and leaving my hand stationary on the doorknob. What would I find? How bad was Etherea? What new torments would Craig concoct? What about...?

I was doing it again! A sudden burst of anger ran roughshod over my fears and I viciously twisted the knob, swinging the door in and taking that first step before I could waffle any more. My other foot joined the first and I let the door go as I carefully scanned every inch of the apartment, desperately searching to catch whatever was going to jump out at me before it could.

TV, furniture, carpet, walls, and windows; the living area was just as I remembered it. It even had a familiar person draped over the couch length-wise, one leg cocked and the other straight, one arm behind his head and the other hanging out toward the TV with a beer dangling from his fingers. Everything was... normal. The kitchen was no less mundane. There was even the usual untidy stack of unwashed dishes occupying the sink.

Almost as soon as I'd planted my feet a gray bolt was fired at me by the couch. The projectile zipped through the intervening space, careened past the island, and at the last moment, instead of impacting my legs, wrapped itself around them. It was an impressive way for the lord of the apartment to make his presence known. When I didn't instantly present him with food the sounds of his displeasure at my laxness began rising to greet me. So ever eager to please, I let my cat direct me into the kitchen.

"Yo, Alex." Craig saluted with his beer.

"'Sup?" I waved vaguely in his direction.

"Little turd's been driving me nuts, dude. After Etherea kicked him out he hid for a while and then wouldn't stop bothering me."

"Awww. Did you give Craig a hard time?" Dimble leaned into an ear-scratching. "Good for you. I'm sure he deserved it."

"Like your mom."

Seriously? The obvious bait wasn't worth it. Instead I pushed back at the small welling of frustration, dropped the movie next to the half-eaten roses on the counter, fed my cat, and deposited the pizzas into the freezer. The oven came next. And after that...

Well, a twisting in my gut told me I wasn't quite ready to face Craig. I needed a moment to think and scratching behind Dimble's ears as he ate was soothing for the both of us. Unfortunately the most important thing was still Etherea and whatever was going on with her. I needed to find out what that was and simply asking was the easiest way. Eventually I sucked in a deep breath, stood, and turned.

"So... How is she?"

Craig didn't even look away from the TV as that stupid grin leapt into place on his face. I narrowed my eyes in advance of whatever was coming. "I knew it dude, you couldn't stop thinking about getting home to some sweet, pony, pu..."

"Craig! Shut the fuck up!" He snorted, completely ignoring the threat in my voice. I stole a glance toward the hallway. "You wanna' die? What if she's listening right now?"

That got his attention. His head still faced the TV but his eyes met mine before quickly turning on the empty hall entrance across the room. For a moment - just one - he seemed to blanche. I would have smiled in self-satisfaction at bringing him down a peg if I wasn't still so angry at the situation. The first feeling remained in the background though.

"Yeah. That's what I thought."

He rolled his eyes. Great... Old Craig was back. "Look, dude, not much has happened. She's been in your room since she told me to go away. I'm not gonna' bother a girl who really doesn't want to be bothered. I may be dumb, but I ain't stupid."

I couldn't help but laugh derisively at that! I mean come on, here he is blurting vulgarities involving her and completely unafraid! We're not talking about some human girl here where the worst she's capable of is throwing something or kicking him in the balls - something I think Craig seriously needed. No, we already knew telekinesis was the least of her tricks.

"You willing to bet she'd let it go after hearing you talking about her like that?"

That got just a slow shrug. "I'm not worried." I choked as shock and disbelief overwhelmed me. "Look, if she's anything, she's a nice girl, dude. She's kinda' freaked out, I get it, but I know her type. I don't think she'd hurt us 'cause she's just nice like that. She hasn't hurt us yet, right?" He finally looked firmly in my direction, the smile replaced by solid earnestness. "And you did worse to her the other day."

Rage surged but I was losing focus on why because there was too much. For a moment I was simply too angry to do anything about it. Yeah, I'd fucked up the other day, but that was completely different from what he was in danger of doing right now! A mistake versus willfully kicking a hornet's nest! Completely different! Wasn't it?

"What I think you need to do is relax and give her a chance. Treat her like she can handle herself. Even if you aren't out to get anything from them, girls don't like it if you treat them like they can't do shit." He turned back to the TV, dismissing the entire conversation with a wave. "I think she can take it."

That was insane! He... He...

I was suddenly cold as my anger bled away in the space of moments. It wasn't wholly gone, but I could tell when I was fighting a hopeless battle. Craig was going to be Craig whether I accepted it or not. It pissed me the hell off that I couldn't be completely sure that he was wrong. Treating Etherea like a strong, capable... mare was the right thing to do, but doing so by shoving the extent of Craig's personality in her face was a horrible idea!

Plus I wanted to avoid anything that might have to do with my attraction to horses and by extension Equestrian ponies, no matter how tenuous that connection might be. And him possibly teasing me about Etherea right in front of her was far too direct. I could not handle that right now. I didn't want to deal with that at all!

I sighed. Now I really just wanted a corner to curl up and sulk in for a week or so. When pissed off or upset my normal reaction would be to find a safe place to hide until I felt better. Too bad there was a princess occupying my sanctuary.

And I still didn't have my answer.

"Craig." He raised his chin and quirked and eyebrow. "How. Is. She?"

He shrugged again. "Fine enough, I guess. Dunno' what you want. She hasn't talked to me so I'd say she's probably still bummed out." He suddenly perked up, his entire attention switching to me as he sat up. "Oh right, we were going to do something about that. So what'd you get anyways?"

I looked down at the case on the counter, hesitating a moment before lifting it and sending it whirring through the air with a flick of my hand. He flinched, turning his head and flinging his beer-less hand in the way, fortunately deflecting the projectile sideways and down where it disappeared between him and the back of the couch. In hindsight throwing it probably hadn't been the smartest way to show it to him.

"What the hell, dude!" He slowly lowered his hand, shooting an angry glance back at me. "Coulda' hit my beer!" In fact I could see a few new damp spots on the carpet under where the can hovered in his grip. Now I felt bad.

"Shi..." Nope! Not gonna' risk her hearing that! "Er, sorry. Didn't really think that one through."

"No shit." Craig on the other hand, who was fishing the DVD out from between the cushions, apparently didn't care one bit about offending the princess.

For a moment after retrieving the movie he just held it and stared. "Dude! 'The Wedding Singer?' Really?" The movie was flapped in my general direction.

"What's wrong with it?" My brows furrowed. Was he really going to critique my choice after giving me nothing to go on? "It's a little romantic and a little funny, just like you wanted. I tried to avoid getting anything too sappy or suggestive, and I think that," I nodded my chin in at object in his hand, "fits those criteria." Craig just stared, which made me fidget. "They had a lot of..." a glance toward the hallway, "choices. You want me to pick out something better, then you have to give me more to go on. Especially after working my ass off all day."

He just shook his head while rolling his eyes toward the ceiling. "What'm I going to do with you? You..."

I jabbed a finger at him. "Look, I don't know what you wanted me to do. If you aren't gonna' like what I pick, then you should go get it yourself!"

"Sheesh. Calm down dude. She needs something sweet and... and, um... and romantic-touchy? That's it, right? Touchy?"

Fuck, he was dumb! "Romantically-touching." I explained. His version was something completely different and wholly inappropriate for a pony princess.

"Yeah. That. This," he waggled the DVD, "is Adam Sandler. He doesn't do 'touching'. She'll probably be too weirded out by the shit he does."

I shook my head slowly without breaking my glare. "Well fine then. You do it!"

He froze, his mouth open just a little and his eyes seeking mine out. He'd lost his easy grin somewhere along the line and seemed to look almost... concerned. For a second he said nothing. "Oh wow. Day was that bad, huh?"

"You think?" I hadn't really meant to snap at him right then but I couldn't really help it. Not with him constantly pushing my buttons.

"Well, alright then, dude. I guess I can get something for us." He swiftly downed the last of his beer before rolling upwards and getting off the couch.

"Sheesh. I guess I have to do everything around here." He muttered while eyeing me as he collected his hat, keys, an old Ravens windbreaker. That grin was tugging at the corners of his mouth again, and though he looked like he was trying to hide it, he clearly wasn't trying very hard. My level, unamused stare made him throw up his hands and give an exaggerated groan of exasperation. "Oh come on dude, that was a joke."

I didn't smile - it hadn't been that funny - but I did shake my head slowly. Craig would always be Craig. As he made his way to the door I leaned back against the fridge and kept an eye on him. This was Craig after all and I fully expected a parting shot.

Sure enough, he paused with the front door open and his foot set to carry him through, his head cocking sideways so he could look at me out of the corner of his eye. "You know I've got a 'Do Not Disturb' sign sitting near my bed you can borrow if you need..."

I was going to kill him! I was back upright in a flash and groping around with my hands for something to throw. Where was that DVD when I needed a convenient projectile?!

His retreating laughter was cut off as the door closed with a loud click. Goddamn him! I did not need that kind of shit right now. I should go out there and...

And what? Chase him down? Beat him? Try to force an apology? I was angry, sure, but I wasn't going to get anywhere by pressing the issue. In my current state I'd only be alienating the one person whose cooperation I needed more than anything, and if I really let myself go I'd probably be involving a whole lot of people who I really did not want around the apartment right now. The thought of getting the police involved over a 'domestic dispute' made me cringe.

And incidentally made it easier to push back my growing frustrations with the whole situation. I still needed a few minutes of quiet to collect myself, the occasional quiet ticking of the oven heating up as my only company. It felt good to be alone. Well, mostly alone.

I looked down at the cat who was eagerly awaiting the possibility of more food. "Well, just you, me, and..." My eyes traced across the room toward the hallway.

The princess. I really should go check on her shouldn't I? All we knew was that she was in my room. Sulking? Hurt? Playing World of Warcraft after figuring out my computer and hacking my password? Neither of us actually knew!

At the same time I didn't want to spend all night in my work clothes. It's not like I'd worked up a real sweat inside the air-conditioned store, but the work I'd done was still heavy enough to leave me feeling rather grungy. The store was also several decades old so it was far from the cleanest place. The boxes, cans, and pallets I'd spent much of my time hauling about weren't exactly sterile either and my pants bore the smudges to prove it.

Then there was Etherea herself; I did kind of want to see her. First and foremost among my thoughts was actually to see if she was okay. If nothing else it was the right thing to do, though I did want her to feel better about being here - I was kind of her host after all.

There was also my earlier admission to myself. About horses... I had to take a deep breath and steady myself just from thinking about it. I had to admit that I wanted to see what my reaction to Etherea would be. To her as a pony. Could I... Could I see myself getting... intimate with her? I wasn't sure what I'd do with what I found, and I was pretty sure of the answer, but again I felt that I needed to ask the question.

And that sounded so wrong in my head! I did just want to check her out, didn't I? Unfortunately denial wouldn't make it any less true.

As I trudged quietly down the hall I found every possible scenario for Etherea's reclusion blurring together in my head like some demented flashback. Unfortunately it was all phantasm and there wasn't any way to know what had happened. Half guessed-at possibilities weren't reassuring since each was no less likely than the last. So when I reached my own door all I had to go on was a desire to help and my waning confidence that I actually could.

Because really, what could I offer except more reminders of everything she was probably avoiding.

So I hesitated. Which turned in to full-on waiting. For how long I don't know, but...

Goddamned yawn! I didn't want to be tired. Not now! I still had important things I needed to do tonight. Things I was standing here in front of my own door lamely procrastinating. With another surge of frustration-fueled determination I knocked lightly.

"Etherea? It's Alex. May I come in?"

I waited. And waited some more as the silence dragged on. Was she...?

"I'd just like to use my room for a..."

The knob creaked, turned itself about, and the door swung away from me. I found myself in front of a golden-yellow alicorn who had a forehoof swung wide to let the door complete its motion. Her mane rippled as her head jerked back so her widening eyes could rise to meet mine.

"Oh!" Her free hoof met the floor again so she could take a hasty step backwards. "Alex! I, um, thought you would... be Craig again. I... I must have... lost track... of the time. I have been... preoccupied." Her head swung down and to the side as she took another step back, her nearest hoof quickly rising to cover and rub at her cheek.

I followed the gesture as I tried to make sense of it. Sure it could be innocuous, though I highly doubted it - especially since there had been some heavy emotion alongside the subtle secondary tone of her voice. But if she had been crying at some point what do I do about it now? But when I asked myself for ideas my mind came back empty-handed. How do I cheer up someone I can't touch and for whom I'm probably just a reminder of all her problems?

But the longer I debate this, the less actually gets done! It's lose-lose and I'm getting no...

"So... Can... can I help you... with anything?"

"Uhhh, no, I don't think so. I kinda' wanted to get out of my work clothes but you don't need to help with that..." Oh, God that was lame! I couldn't get any worse if I tried! There had to be something more. Something kind and supportive. Something just better.

"Very well then. Do not let... me bother you." She switched hooves to hastily brush the other side of her face. Her cheeks might not be wet but they were now thoroughly mussed, and well, shit, now I had to do something!

"I... also came to check up on you." A quick breath and everything spilled out. "Craig called me earlier and said... um, something had happened. Scared the hell out of me. I worried you'd been hurt again so I wanted to know; are you alright?"

She'd moved back toward my bed and placed a hoof on it before my words reached her. Her ears twitched as she stopped and turned sideways. My brain quickly began noting the similarities between her profile and the horse's from earlier, but I stamped down on that - now wasn't the time. "I'm fine." Her head came around as she answered but her muzzle remained down and her eyes never quite made it all the way up.

She clearly wasn't fine. Up until now, even at her worst, I'd always seen a certain level of energy that just wasn't there right now. The short hop up onto the bed was spry enough but she immediately flopped to one side, one foreleg extended and standing in as a pillow for her muzzle, while she used her free hoof to poke at her device. Most telling was that she didn't take even a single moment to arrange herself, her mane and tail falling however they wished and leaving bright blue strands streaming randomly across much of the bed.

Etherea also clearly didn't want to be bothered. I knew the feeling - hell, after today I was feeling much the same. But I also knew that feeling only worsened if I was unable to be left alone. Again, the same thing I had to put up with earlier!

I could at least give her what she probably wanted most - to be left alone. But... was that what she needed?

Doubtful. Even when I was depressed and wanted to be left alone, I always held on to the idea that someone, anyone, would magically notice my mood and make the effort to comfort me. Was Etherea feeling the same way? I looked at her again.

There was a horse on my bed - a jarring thought. Or at least Etherea had the shape of a horse. She also moved like one and lay on my bed like one - her hind legs folded against her belly in a way that made her knees stick up and away from her haunches. It looked incredibly awkward, honestly, but I guess she was comfortable. She was just so strikingly similar to an Earth horse! But there's a line between calling horses beautiful creatures and actually being attracted to them.

Ponies could be sexy though. Or at least they could be in art. Was I okay combining the two - horses and attractiveness? I just wasn't sure. When it came to Etherea, I couldn't shake a feeling of revulsion because there was a line that should have been clear, but in her it was instead twisting and blurring.

Yet as I looked at Etherea it was also different. Sure she was attractive, and she might look dismayingly similar to a horse, but this wasn't a horse before me. Not with her large violet eyes fixed listlessly on the screen lying under and softly lighting her muzzle. Nor with the now-scruffy patches on her cheeks that broke the normal luster of her coat. This was a person who was very alone, scared, and in desperate need of comfort.

It was the perfect opportunity to be the one to step up and offer that secretly-desired comfort, but I was... scared. I knew only too well the conflict that waged between wanting that comfort and wanting to lash out because of the hurt. Etherea hadn't responded very positively to physical contact so far so I doubted any at all would go over well, much less a 'comforting' hand or even a full hug.

At the upper periphery of my sight something shifted. I don't remember looking down but clearly I had. The movement brought my eyes darting back up and I realized my predicament - I'd been standing there silently for some time and Etherea had noticed. My feet started moving in a desperate bid to make my actions seem legitimate and I took a jerky step toward my dresser.

"Alex?" I flinched and couldn't help meeting those beautiful eyes, frozen like I'd been caught in headlights of an onrushing truck. For a moment nothing happened, but then her ears, which had been pointed my way, slowly rotated backward. "Are you...? You are... still scared of me."

My heart lurched like it'd been holding its breath along with me before hammering furiously at me in a vain attempt to get me to move. But as Etherea recoiled slowly I knew there was no dodging it; she'd already seen the truth.

"I... it's not... you..." Brilliant Alex. "Yes." Hardly better, but by inches and degrees it kind of was.

She blinked a couple of times, her eyes getting tighter with each, and her lips quivered slightly. Again I'd upset her, and this time when she was already down! In my head I gave a vicious spike-booted kick to my own ass. I was doing exactly the opposite of what I'd meant to.

"It's just that I don't know what to..."

"I'm sorry." She blurted softly. "I-I do not mean to-o be. It... I..." She seemed to struggle with an uncooperative throat. Her nostrils flared with the effort before she managed to swallow. "I want... No. I understand... what you mean. I..." Her head panned back and forth once before she shifted sideways and tried to smile at me, though it nearly faltered. "You m-may come sit... beside me. I will not bite."

I froze. Was this really happening?! She'd just invited me over! Some part of me leapt at the chance to be closer to her just because she was pretty, but that quickly got trampled by the more rational part of me that wanted to comfort her. And it seemed that either way there was no possibility I wasn't going over there now. Still, for good measure, my feet were hesitant even as they gradually placed me closer to the distraught princess on my bed.

Her eyes remained on me and she pulled her wing in to make sure I had room as I placed a hand near her. Her smile managed to live through me sitting at what I hoped were respectful inches away.

"See? I am not going... to hurt you, so... please do not be afraid."

I let myself smile back. "Yeah." So far, so good Alex. You can do this. "I'm just getting used to what I can and can't do."

"I understand." Her voice softened as her smile faded. She looked away and set her head back down on her foreleg, her mane all but hiding her face from this angle. My own smile faded somewhat as I noticed the smell of lilacs gently wafting up around me. I was here for reasons other than 'enjoying' the princess, damnit!

"I have... not been the best houseguest today, and I am sorry for... that as well." Her voice was so sad that my reaction was perfectly natural: my left hand came down gently across her back between her main wing joints. Short, smooth, and soft hair caressed my palm in the split second before an electric jolt of adrenaline yanked my hand away.

"Sorry!" It sounded so hollow but there was nothing else I could offer.

She had made an indistinct sound as her whole body seized up. My eyes fixed on her head but I kept those hind hooves at the edge of my vision, ready to dive whichever direction felt safest. Instead of yelling and screaming, bucking me into the next room, or magically throttling me, she just curled her neck around to rest across both forelegs and looked at me sideways. I could see a tightness around her eye through the sheer wall of vibrant blue that hid the rest of her face. My palms - especially Lefty, the actual culprit - went clammy as she drew a deep breath.

Her voice, though tight, was surprisingly level. "It is..." The rest of her breath left her as she relaxed back in to the bed. "It is all right Alex."

I'd just been given free rein to touch her? She was not going to explode because of this! I needed a moment; I was not going to screw up any worse than I already had!

A quick glance over her back let me realize two things. The first was that I was not about to put a sweaty hand on her. My left hand again met the sheets. The second thing was that I needed to make sure I did this just right.

I probably had some leeway down to the middle of her back, but going too high would probably be too personal and too low would be even worse. Despite what many fanfics had said, it seemed like the safest option was still the spot above her withers and between her wings. The similar area on humans was normally safe enough after all.

'Normally.' My mind made sure to point out that that didn't mean it was the same for Ponies. My mind could go fuck itself.

I gently laid my hand back where it had been a moment before, her coat prickling my skin as it stood on end. In fact, her entire coat was standing up and giving her an almost furry look. She must not have been completely sold on me doing this. But still, she was willing to trust me and that sent a whole different kind of thrill through me. I was touching a real, live pony and it was more than just casual contact! This was almost friendly!

And she was the daughter of Princess Cadance and Shining Armor to boot. How cool was that?!

She looked a little silly with all her hair sticking straight out but it began to settle back down soon enough. And while her ears remained folded, there was also a subtle releasing of tension from the muscles along her spine.

"Is this a... way that humans show compassion?"

I nodded dumbly, being too mesmerized by all the messages being relayed through my hand. Beneath my the tips of my fingers and the base of my palm were the gentle ridges of her wing's shoulder muscles. I couldn't feel too much of them, but even in a relatively relaxed state there was an incredible feeling of power. But then again, these were wings; they had to be strong.

In between her... wing shoulders - I guess they were - should have been her spine. It's not that it wasn't there, but down the shallow valley between her wings and running across the center of my palm was a very distinctive ridge of bones. It was yet another thing that made sense after I thought about it; her wings' muscles would need something more than just normal vertebrae to attach to. Did birds have this too?

I desperately wanted to run my hand down her back to see what else I could find, though despite that one dark corner of my mind that I was not paying attention to, my intentions were completely innocent. But that kind of thing would definitely push this too far. So while my hand was nearly shaking with the need to learn more, I managed to keep it stationary.

By the time I drew my attention away from my hand, Etherea had already shifted back to resting her head on the one foreleg. "Today... has been such a... horrible day." She suddenly said softly, like she'd been waiting just for me start paying attention again. "Why did your people... have to make it rain... today of all days? I really needed some sunshine to... cheer me up."

"Umm... We don't control the weather either."

A shiver ran beneath my hand and she took another shuddering inhale. I just couldn't stop poking holes in her worldview, could I?

"O-of c-course you-u do n-not..." She was silent for a little and I was more than happy to give her some time. "Why...? Why would... you be able to? You humans do not control anything... else in your world. Is... Are we safe... here?"

I had no idea what she was asking about. Of course we were safe here in the bottom floor of a sturdy apartment building that was set on top of a hill, why wouldn't we be? "Safe from what?"

She lifted her head to wave a hoof in the direction of one of the windows. "From wild weather! Without any control what... is there to stop it from... getting worse and worse until it's capable of doing... serious damage or..." another shiver, "or worse."

Oh. Of course. Again I fought the urge to stroke her back. "Well, like everything else in our world the weather can be predictable." Her head came back around and she fixed me with a critical eye. "Okay, there is more variation to the weather than things like planetary orbits, but it's still reasonably consistent. Us humans have also gotten very good at identifying how air pressure, humidity, temperatures, and wind patterns make the weather." Now I really wished I'd seen the day's weather report. "The weather here is normally rather mild and if this were anything but a simple rainstorm we'd get warnings. I haven't checked the reports today, so I don't know if it'll be around a while or not, but we're perfectly safe."

I put on a small but hopefully disarming smile. Just as I was becoming uncomfortable under her stare she put her head back down. Another deep breath seemed to steady her and I quietly took one as well.

"I have... to trust you; this is your world and I... do not know it as... well as you. But uncontrolled weather?" For a moment she tensed. I sympathized that literally everything seemed to work contrarily to how she was used to. "I'm not sure I want to learn too... much more. I do not know... that I want to know what else... just doesn't work normally. Still, I would have preferred some sun."

"Sorry." I said jokingly.

"Alex, what did I say... about not needing to constantly apologize?"

The mental self-slapping I gave myself was well-deserved. "No, I meant that as a joke. For not moving the clouds to help cheer you up. Something I can't do. Y'know...?" I sighed in defeat. "Was a stupid joke anyway."

That got me a derisive snort. She could have at least tried to disagree despite me completely deserving it. And after that I really just wanted to move on despite having no real desire to start talking again.

"So how are you doing? What happened earlier?"

"I failed, what else? I... just couldn't do it." I could only see the front of her muzzle around the intervening mane, but her sneer was very clear. "It was like nothing... was there! I tried putting more into... the spell than I should have but it was still like Equestria just wasn't there. I... I had to stop wasting my Harmony... to a useless spell before... before I injured myself again." The accompanying sniffle was heartbreaking but I was resolute in keeping my hand still.

And right then I remembered a question I really didn't want to ask. One which I worried might break her. But... I couldn't not. It was just that important. Not knowing might be placing her in needless danger.

"D-do..." There was no way to discretely cough to dislodge the lump in my throat, and her ears twitched at me. "Do you think a solar flare is required for the connection?"

She flinched again and my heart pounded in my ears. Every moment that she didn't say anything made it worse, and eventually I began wondering when she'd notice a steady pulsing in the fingers resting on her back.

"No." Oh, thank God! But my anxiety rebounded immediately. How could she be certain? "At least I do not think so." Exactly... "By the time I... teleported to here, there had been no flares for a... hooffull of hours. I was relying solely on your, um, messages to... guide me. Clearly it still worked." Well that was reassuring. A little.

"So you can try again right? Maybe it was just too soon."

Her mane shifted slightly a couple times with what seemed to be a nod. "Yes. I can try again. But how... long will that take? I... I just don't know. Do I have to wait until I am fully... recovered to even try? That could be a week or more!" Her voice dropped to a sad whisper. "A week here..."

And then she hit me. Hard.

"And tomorrow... was supposed to be my birthday."

Right. The reason the we'd been texting in the first place was her birthday being this weekend. I'd completely forgotten. As my brain rushed to fill the gap with something - anything - that might make up for doing this to her the bottom dropped out of my stomach. But my thoughts, centered so firmly on things like hiding and sheltering a pony I found attractive, revealed nothing promising before slipping away like water through my fingers. There was nothing I could do to make up for this.

"I'm sorry."

"Alex!" She snarled as her head whipped around. "What did I..!"

"No. Etherea, that right there deserves an apology. It deserves more! But an apology is the best I can do until I think of something better." And then I realized that I was staring down an angry alicorn over something she'd told me not to do. My hand fell away from her back. I just about quailed under those narrowed violet eyes, but whether she liked it or not it was simply right for me to do, so I held on for dear life.

Then her face softened and the thin line of her lips became a gentle smile. Even her ears reappeared from under her mane. "I guess I can accept... that. But really, do not worry... over much about it; it was an accident on... all our parts. I will be fine."

The mattress shifted subtly and I heard a soft whisping sound from beside me. I nearly leapt off of the bed as something oblong and a little lumpy gently came to rest on my shoulder. On finding an expanse of golden-yellow feathers extending from her side and up behind me, I managed to confine myself to only an alarmed bounce. What I couldn't help was my wide eyes when I looked back at her. It was so strange feeling feathers resting against the back of my shirt.

"This is how humans show... comfort, right?"

"Y-yeah. One way." My smile was probably very shaky but I was busy waiting for my heart to return to its proper place. At least my voice was nicely level. "Though we usually just use our hands."

She blinked before looking down. "Well, I do not think I... can reach your withers from here with my hooves."

"We normally call them 'shoulders' 'cause they aren't built quite the same way." I took a chance and reached across with my right hand to pat the 'wing-hand' on my shoulder. The sheer softness of even her smallest feathers was amazing. And I now needed to look up both horse and bird anatomy so I could start calling everything by its proper name.

"Oh." She leaned back a bit to curl her neck far enough to see her own withers with one eye. "I can see why."

"It's okay." It was more than just okay. Her wing on my shoulder, me patting it, and her gradual shift away from depression were all wonderful progress to me. For a long moment I was more than happy to just bask in those victories. Etherea also seemed fine with the companionable silence, eventually taking her wing off my shoulder and laying her head back down on her foreleg.

That naturally brought my attention out and down to the soft glow coming from my pillow. Her device was flat, rectangular, and a little larger than an iPad. And still very pink. It was a bit thicker though - much like a really thin laptop. I still couldn't see any obvious buttons. Maybe it was turned on and off with magic. Harmony? Would such a thing qualify as a spell and therefore be magic?

My examination brought out a detail I hadn't noticed until seeing it from this angle; the display was actually lifted very slightly from the actual surface of the device. So it was almost like a science fiction hologram being projected in the air. That was a big point toward it being largely magical since I doubted Ponies had micro 3D projectors.

On the screen itself was a different picture than I'd seen. This one seemed to be taken at some kind of carnival because there was a veritable ocean of colorful ponies in the background, some stalls around the area decorated in an even more retina-burning riot of colors, and there were what looked to be various rides in the distance. Front and center was a white unicorn stallion with blue-on-darker-blue mane and tail that were cut short, and who was looking very put-upon in a four-pronged jester's cap. He might not have been in uniform, but even without seeing the shield and stars cutie mark I could tell this was Shining Armor.

For the first time in my life I was looking - really looking - at a male pony. Stallions actually did have taller, thicker muzzles than mares. And if Shining Armor was anything to go by they were more heavily-built around the barrel, chest area, and upper legs.

There was a grayness creeping in to his coat and faint lines were visible under the hair next to his eyes and muzzle so my first impression was that he looked old. However, much of him still showed well-defined muscle, so there was still very obvious power in his neck, barrel, and haunches. He honestly looked like he could drop-kick a moose. Drop-buck? I can't say I wasn't all that surprised; soldiers, even many former ones, seemed to take pride in staying in top shape even long after their service ended.

So it was still possible that Shining's body type wasn't indicative of stallion dimorphism. I'd have to compare what I was seeing to any other stallions I got to see.

Standing on Shining Armor's far side with both forehooves draped across his back was a slightly younger-looking Etherea. She was laughing so hard that tears were staining her cheeks all the way to her chin. I could almost see her hind legs trembling with the effort of not letting her fall on her rump.

It was adorable.

"So," I had so many questions; best to start simple, "is this what you've been doing all afternoon."

Etherea shifted in place, running her free hoof across the near edge of her device. "No. I did other things as well. I spent some time just... moping, looking out your windows... while wishing the sun would... come out, and I..." She turned her head, pressing a cheek against bed so she could look back at me with one eye. "...took a look around your room."

Took a look around my room? Oh no! She'd found my porn or something! She was horrified that I...

"You have done quite a few drawings... of Princess Celestia." My thoughts came to a screeching halt as I utterly failed to follow the direction she taken. With nothing to say I just gaped at her. "You said she... was your favorite character?"

"Um... yes?" She'd found that? Of course she had! I hadn't hid my doodles well enough.

"It shows." Some errant strands of mane puffed up off the bed as she snorted. "It's so weird that you... know her well enough to do such accurate... caricatures! I don't think I will ever get over that. I would ask you to... stop, but I think that's best left to the Princess herself."

Speaking of terrible ideas, let's tell Celestia about all this!

"... all. You have some very, um, detailed drawings... of human internal anatomy. Are you... sure your talent isn't in artistry?"

"Uhhhh..." I shook my head while rubbing my forehead. It wasn't denial, I was just trying to derail my thoughts away from where it sounded like she had been going with this. "I don't think so. I did the anatomy sketches for a class by copying out of a book. They're the next best things to tracings."

"Well they're... still very well done. They are fascinating and I'm sure the... ponies at home," I caught the almost silent sigh as her voice got slightly quieter, "would love to see them if they are as accurate... as they seem."

Again we lapsed in to silence. It took a minute for me to be reasonably sure of the tangents she'd gone off on and to double-check that I hadn't totally screwed up any of my responses. Well, I hadn't really responded at all, so I still could have done better. Etherea, for her part, seemed to be back in an unhappy silence, spending the time staring aimlessly away after breaking eye contact.

I wasn't sure I was prepared to say anything after so little time to figure it out, but I also didn't think an endless silence was a better option. Especially if she was falling back toward depression.

"So what's going on in the picture?" I pointed where she was sure to catch the gesture toward her device.

"Hmmmm?" Her visible eye shifted toward my pillow. "Oh. It was a Summer Sun Festival... a few years back."

I waited, but she didn't seem about to offer more. "And...? That's your dad, right?"

"Mmhmm. Prince Consort to the Crown of the Crystal Empire and former Captain of Princess Celestia's Royal Guard, Essiya Reshua. My dad." She sighed and a golden glow overtook her horn. Her stylus floated in to view supported by a matching glow, tapped the image, and border popped in to view around it. I had enough time to see that there were several unidentifiable icons on the top before the stylus swiped sideways and another image slid in to view.

"And this is mom and dad." The new picture was a different angle yet clearly the same carnival. Next to and being kissed on the cheek by Shining Armor was a very recognizable smiling pink alicorn, her long violet, rose, and pale yellow mane showing a slight wave before curling back on itself at about knee height. She had the biggest doe eyes I'd ever seen, but her face and build were much like Etherea's. It was honestly hard to tell she was older - I would have believed it if Etherea had told me that she and Cadance were sisters.

I couldn't help but laugh at the image; Shining Armor still had his jester's cap, but Cadance was wearing a grey cap - her horn poking through a convenient hole - with a set of giant elephant ears hanging off each side. I found a blank look directed my way from where Etherea was laying her head.

"Sorry..." Etherea grimaced, "but it's funny! Why the hats?" I nodded toward her device.

"Heh. The Summer Sun Festival is full... of them; I don't remember why it became tradition. Everypony either brings one to put... on after the ceremonies or they get one at the festivals. You can... win them from just about every game stall." A small smile grew as she talked and I felt good seeing her happier.

"How about your hat?"

Her nostrils flared slightly as she harrumphed and rolled her eyes, but still the stylus flicked again and a new picture moved in to place. Etherea was standing in the space next to a stall, her face scrunched in determination as she struggled with the strap under her jaw. On her head... More laughter burst from me at the sight of a giant upside-down waffle cone sitting awkwardly on her head with several multicolored puffballs poking out from underneath above her ears.

The stylus flicked again to reveal another picture, but this time of all three of them. Each had their ridiculous hats on and were posing rigidly for the camera, eyes averted to the left and nose high in the air like good pompous nobles. Even Etherea laughed at the sight and I felt wonderful for it. This was probably just what she needed.

Still, I noticed a couple things about the picture. The first was their relative sizes - Shining and Etherea were pretty comparable in height, but Cadance was actually a hair taller than either of them. Were alicorns just naturally taller? Etherea had mentioned Luna and Celestia being tall so maybe they were.

Another thing was that there always seemed to be space around the family despite the crowd. Sure enough, when I checked the background, it was possible to see a guard at the edge. The last thing I noticed was that, while some ponies were paying attention, most were going about their business. It wasn't at all like I'd expect when royalty showed up to a gathering. Where were the mobs of eager hangers-on and those desperate just to get a glimpse? It was hard to imagine that ponies were just so used to royalty that it wasn't a big deal - Equestria really must be different.

But Summer Sun Festival... I suddenly needed to know another thing. But should I even ask...? "Got any pictures of C... Princess Celestia?" Too late. Damn my mouth!

I managed to keep myself from flinching when Etherea lifted her head off the bed, but all I got was a raised eyebrow. "Um. Probably not. Only official state recorders are... allowed to take pictures and, um... videos during the ceremonies - it's distracting... for both her and those who take them. I don't remember the last... time I may have had the chance to take one of her. Most of mine are of friends... and family."

I tried shrugging to cover my disappointment but that earned me another eye roll. Now I needed a distraction! "Your friends? Like the picture that was on your device..."

"It's a Serat'yen."

I just stared at her blankly. Just because I knew its name in Equestrian didn't mean I understood exactly what it was. "Okay then, your Seratyen."

She rolled her eyes again! Had I gotten it wrong or something?!

"I think you... must have seen my mural." She grinned and turned away, dipping her nose toward her Sera... device. The stylus twitched, hitting one of the icons and the whole screen - 'window?' - slid off to one side. Again the picture of a group of ponies in a park and a distant brilliant white wall to one side was revealed.

"This is from a couple months... back. We all met up in Eyures Park for a friend's engagement party. I didn't know Nesdireh and Kois Entiren personally, but they are good friends of Emi Laeso, and since she's my ayn aia aia aia I couldn't not go. Quite a few of my friends were there and we took this separately from the party."

That was a lot of Equestrian thrown in there. I felt like I'd caught maybe a third of what Etherea had said even if they all seemed to be names. "Um... Emi Laeso?" she nodded, "is your what now?"

"Ayn aia aia aia. Best Filly Friend Forever." She blinked and looked around in surprise, fortunately she completely missed my valiant struggle to avoid laughing at that ridiculous acronym. Ponies actually used those kinds of designations. I was going to be in trouble if I ever went to Equestria. Hell, any human would be. "Wow. It works out in your language as well! Best Filly Friends Forever!"

"What, the abbreviation?"

"Yes!" She giggled. I bit my lower lip hard enough to hurt.

"So this is my Ayn Aia Aia Aia. Emi Laeso." She tapped the stylus on a pale pink unicorn mare with a long, curly white and silver mane whose cheek was pressed against Etherea's. At least she seemed to be a unicorn - I couldn't see the flanks of most of the ponies.

"On my other side is Kewenarn Eshan," a unicorn stallion whose coat was dark gray with a hint of purple, and who had a short, wavy charcoal mane, "next to him is Daeslir Oresna," an orange-gold hornless stallion with a short, differently-wavy - it was the best I could come up with quickly - pale green mane, "and Namerril is beside him." a vibrant blue unicorn mare with medium length, straight light teal mane. "On the other side of Emi Laeso is Nenliries Sehea," the stylus moved over to a pale blue unicorn mare with a tied-back dark purple mane, "then there's Mol Elterea," that was a red unicorn mare with a shockingly white and elaborately woven mane to one side of her head, "and behind those two is Dounillaen Sesrief the third." the last was a pale golden-brown - almost antique white, really - unicorn stallion with a slicked-back khaki mane.

The last was also up above the mares in front of him so much so that I could see part of his chest and shoulders. The rest of the ponies were tightly clustered together for the picture like any good group of friends, but the only way the 'antique white' stallion could have gotten that pose was to stand on the two mares in front of him. They must be really good friends.

Now I was even more sure of my assessment of the ponies' genders based on facial structure. At least eighty percent sure. But another problem was quickly taking precedence.

"Yeah. There's no way I'm ever going to remember all that." I explained while looking back and forth among the ponies and promptly forgetting most of them.

Etherea's mane was disturbed yet again as her head came around so she could roll her eyes at me. I shrugged, but at least her smile somewhat curbed my embarrassment. It's not like she hadn't just thrown a ton of random information at me.

"Do not worry, I can help with that." She said, the stylus wagging in the air before she turned back to the screen. She missed out on the eyebrow I raised at her choice of words. 'Help me out' huh? I furiously shook some unnecessary thoughts from my head before they could take root again.

The glowing pen-like object darted around, causing screens and images to whip past on their way to nowhere as she dug into her device's memory. I tried to catch solid looks at, well, everything, but they were just too fast. Etherea clearly had some experience with the operating system and except for glimpses of unidentifiable faces and places I was left eating her dust. It was actually frustrating. I might not be a computer geek, but I still would have liked to actually see some details.

Finally the stylus jerked upward and let the screen catch its breath. On its slightly levitated surface was the pale pink unicorn mare again and caught mid-conversation with her mouth open and surprised yellow-green eyes just having turned on the camera. Instead of a long and curly silver and white mane, her hair was done in a mass of tiny ringlets. She was sitting on her haunches like a cat, one hoof in the air mid gesture, in what looked like a booth backed by deep purple fabric and dark polished wood. At the very edge of the screen were the barest hints of the pony she was talking to - the dark grey stallion friend if I were to guess.

"This is Emi Laeso. We have known each other... since primary school and have been... best friends for most of that time. She works with the Canterlot... airship docks as an inspector of and... coordinator for the airships, but... she's like a sister to me. I think she spent nearly as much time running... around the palace as I did." Etherea's smile grew into a full-on nostalgic grin. "We got in to so much trouble once... we teamed up. Once, when we were seven, we got into the palace... jam stores while trying to figure out if stained glass was really... made with real fruit. I'm surprised the Princesses... did not banish us or something. I still... don't know where we got the notion in... the first place"

I could only imagine and it certainly wasn't pretty. I tried to keep my amusement subdued, confining myself to pinching the bridge of my nose. Etherea didn't try nearly as hard and ended up laughing softly.

After a moment to settle down she flicked past a couple more images before settling on another one of Emi Laeso. This time the unicorn was standing near some kind of polished stone wall with a largely empty wineglass floating nearby in a pale pink aura. She was talking with a light lavender unicorn mare who had a straight mane and tail of dark blue, each sporting a light blue stripe. For the first time I could see some cutie marks. I guessed Emi Laeso's to be a trio of soaring albatrosses - they looked too thin and long in their wings to be gulls - while the other pony had a pair of dolphins wrapped around each other in a colorful yin yang. The mare with the dolphins cutie mark had her nose pointed slightly downward and seemed to be shyly looking away.

"The other picture was taken a couple... of days ago when we went out to... a restaurant, but this one is much better. You can even... see her cutie mark. The other pony..." Etherea's mane shifted as her head tilted. "I... think she's Emi Laeso's cousin. Emi Ethelei if I... remember correctly. I think she's the one whose mother got... pregnant from, um..."

One of Etherea's ears rotated toward me and I caught a searching backward glance. "Never mind, it's not... important." Being evasive? How disharmonious of you, Princess! Now I really wanted to know what this other pony's story was; too bad Etherea had already gone back to skimming through images. Though I could have sworn I heard her whisper, "Poor filly."

Then something clicked. Emi Laeso and Emi Ethelei. The same 'words' made up part of both names. And now that I thought about it, the second part of the other pony's name sounded oddly familiar.

"Hey Etherea?" I guess my tone was thoughtful because she brought her head around and cocked it at me. "Um, those two names - your friend and her cousin - do they mean anything?"

"Well, yes. But I... don't understand."

"What do the words mean outside of their names?"

Her brows knit as she considered. When she finally opened her mouth she suddenly froze and her eyes widened. For a moment nothing came out. "Augh!" I recoiled from her shout. "I am such an idiot! 'Sea breeze' and 'sea swirl.' My friend's name translates to 'sea breeze' in your language." Her forehead impacted the pillow with a muted thump and I think she mumbled something about missing the obvious.

I chuckled and patted Etherea's withers. She flinched only a little this time around.

"Well that might... make remembering them easier for you." She said as she finally dragged her muzzle out of its pillow-y burrow. I couldn't help but let my smile linger. "Ugh. I cannot believe... it's that simple. Anyway! Let us see what else I... can find." Her stylus went back to work.

Only a moment later she paused. "Oh, Alex!" My eyes snapped down to find her tapping a picture of several of her friends in an opulent corridor. "Here is a picture of... the Princess for you." Her tone was far too amused. Sure enough, when I followed the wiggling stylus I found a white but very blurry pony-like shape in the distance and half hidden by a corner of an intersection. There seemed to be some cool pastel colors near it, but really, it could have been anyone. Anypony.

I shook my head at the alicorn on my bed but that only made her grin larger.

"Well, let's see..." She hummed to herself while turning her attention back to the (apparently) endless procession of pictures. I felt like I was at home movie night, but if it made her feel better then I wasn't going to argue.

The stylus froze as the dark gray unicorn stallion, wearing a white and gold suit coat-like piece of clothing, popped up front and center in the screen. His outfit had blue trimming that showed faint but ornate silver designs. With bright sunlight streaming all around from the large windows in the background and his tall, powerful pose he looked impressively heroic. And like he was posing on purpose. The somewhat casual grin he's turned on the camera ruined the effect just a little - made him seem a little more normal.

Etherea sighed, breaking me away from the picture. "Kewenarn Eshan..."

When she offered nothing more I 'hmmmed' at her.

"Oh. Um... His name would translate to 'gilded stair.'"

There was something weird about her reaction. I raised an eyebrow and examined her face as well as I could from my position. A sigh followed by staring? Interrupted thoughts? A wonderfully idealistic picture that showed off all his best attributes? Bar one, of course. Was he...?

I almost couldn't ask it. "Special, um, somepony?"

"Hmmm?" Etherea lifted her head but quickly lay it back down without looking at me. "Oh. Special somepony. Yeah..." She fell silent while continuing to stare.

Well, that did it. Etherea had a boyfriend. She was now completely off the market. It was a reaction that I'd always had, and one that I'd always hated, but trying to fight against and break an existing relationship was something I avoided. It was very much a part of why I considered myself too nice. Who was I to try ruining a good thing just for my own enjoyment? At least in the princess' case it was actually for the best; it would put a very firm dampener on any attraction I had to her.

At least in theory.

That didn't mean it didn't hurt. "Alright, so that's Gilded Stair? Neat. And your other friends?" She was just staring dreamily at the screen after all.

"Oh, yeah. Let me see..." I caught her lips pursing as she rolled her head away and more firmly onto her left cheek.

She gasped and the bed shifted with her body-shaking jerk. The stylus was vibrating in her magical grip above an image of...

I had no idea. But I also recoiled. Something had opened its mouth wide and was trying to swallow the camera. Dominating the top and bottom of the frame were narrow jaws lined with thin, needle-like teeth. Connecting those jaws at each side in the rear were expanses of flesh stretched taut with the effort to devour the camera whole. The upper jaw seemed to have a black shell encasing it. The lower jaw... it looked like a pair of similarly-black mandibles connected to the rear and were spread off-frame to either side, more stretched flesh connecting them to the jaw itself. The tongue was long and thin, crawling up from the rear of a throat and disappearing out of the bottom of the frame before it could fully taper. Everything fleshy was an ashen gray tinged with pink and much of it glistened wetly in the light of the flash. It looked kind someone had shoved a camera into the mouth of the creature from the movie 'Alien.'

Perfect for scaring prissy princesses. Hell, I was a bit scared.

Speaking of which, I pulled my gaze over to Etherea. Surprisingly she was only covering her face with a hoof and shaking her head. Something was wrong here. My eyes darted back to the horrific picture before zeroing in on Etherea again, my brows furrowing as my brain failed to explain the things I was seeing.

"Um... What is that?"

All I got was an indistinct mumble.

"Sorry. Didn't catch that."

"That's Namerril... playing with my Serat'yen."

I asked my brain if it had any answers but got nothing back. I voiced the entirety of my thoughts for Etherea's benefit. "What?"

"That," she lifted her head to glare at the image, tapping her device with a hoof, "is my friend Namerril. Um. Her name means 'amaranth' - the flower, you know. She's the azure unicorn... you saw in the first picture. She's actually a..." she paused briefly, "changeling."

We were looking down the gullet of... a changeling? I now knew far more about the inside of a changeling than I'd ever wanted to. And not just any changeling; one who was both known by and friends with the pony first in line to rule the Crystal Empire. And judging by the picture earlier she must have pretty free reign to move about Canterlot. Which meant that the other princesses would know. And that meant Cadance and Shining Armor were probably fine with this. Surely they had some say in it.

Well they had to be okay with it - their daughter didn't seem overly concerned. So what about Queen Chrysalis? Etherea knew her. Or at least knew of her. I know that the events of the wedding were over two decades old, but what the hell had happened?!

I returned from my internal sorting to Etherea's violet eyes already being on me. She wore a smirk and her ears were perked. At least some... pony was feeling better.

"That shocking?" She teased when it was clear I was paying attention again.

And yes, princess, it was. This wasn't your standard cutesy-wootsey pony wearing a bug suit like in much of the changeling fan art. This was a creature with a very alien mouth, and one that looked like it could do horrific damage. I was kind of curious, but honestly that mouth was just a bit disgusting.

I nodded as an answer Etherea's question but waved her to continue. I wanted to get on to something that wasn't the maw of a changeling.

She grinned cheekily before turning back to her device. "You have only seen... their invasion. The princesses put a lot of effort... in to pursuing any remaining changelings after the attack... on Canterlot, and most were forced to flee outside Equestria. Also, Equestria has many... allies and the changelings quickly... found themselves on the bad side of both the griffins and several dragons. About eight... years after the attack on Canterlot the Celestial princesses were... approached by another queen under a banner of truce. The changelings... were in real danger of wholesale starvation and had... fallen to fighting amongst each other."

I was more than happy to just listen. A history lesson like this? I wanted to say it was awesome, because in some sense it was, but a changeling civil war? That couldn't have been 'awesome' in the least. Etherea hadn't sounded all that happy about it either, but my fears settled into the background when Etherea turned back to her device and began paging through pictures again.

"When Queen Aculuss showed up out... of the clear, everypony was all set to drag her off because of... her resemblance to, um, 'Chrysalis' as you know her. Nopony could tell the difference... at first. But she had her changelings stand... aside and didn't resist when the Celestial princesses went out... to meet her - effectively surrendering her, um, people... on the spot. She did ask that the princesses treat the rest... of the changelings kindly."

There was some kind of changeling on the screen under Etherea's nose for a moment but before I could get a good look she swiped it away, though in a different direction than she had been scrolling. "Queen Aculuss was apparently very... cooperative. She immediately submitted... to questioning by the princesses, opened her remaining... hives to inspection, and offered to support whatever... integration policy... the princesses felt was fair. She was the leader of a beaten... people and I think she was desperate."

"Then three years later the princesses announced that... they wanted to set up an exchange program." Etherea's stylus froze as the next image popped in to view. "Quite a few ponies... weren't happy with this, but... the changelings had largely been cooperative except for a minority who were condemned... by even their queen. So there was little... the ponies could really object to. The princesses invited the... queen to meet with them and bring along several... dozen changelings who she felt would represent her people well."

The new image, naturally enough, was of the blue unicorn with the straight teal mane. She was sitting on her haunches in the shaded grass under a large tree, a boulevard in the background lined on the far side by tall hedges. With her wide cerulean eyes she looked surprised to be the subject of a photo. I couldn't help but cock my head at what I was seeing. Not only was she wearing a form-fitting leotard-like piece of clothing that was nearly the same color of her coat, but she also had a pair of iridescent green dragonfly-like wings partially extended from her withers.

I cocked my head the other way because I couldn't be seeing this right. It looked like Equestria actually had flutterponies. There was no fucking way.

"I can tell you that... my parents were not exactly happy to have changelings... around Canterlot, especially when Princess Celestia suggested... to them that it would do everypony a lot of good... if I were to befriend one of them. However, after getting... to know Namerril I'm thankful that Princess Celestia was... so adamant. We have been friends ever since."

With my head full of flutterponies I discovered Etherea's violet eyes turned back toward me. With ears perked and one eyebrow raised she was clearly awaiting my thoughts on the matter. Bluntly asking about flutterponies didn't seem like it would work well, especially since this was apparently a changeling friend of hers. I needed something else.

"So..." You can come up with something better than flutterponies Alex! "What happened to Chrysalis?"

Etherea's expression darkened as she tilted her head away. Fuck... Yeah, that question was a huge mistake.

"Actually... nopony really knows. Well, if anypony does, it's... the Celestial princesses. Queen Aculuss would only say that us... ponies would not need to worry about her anymore, and the princesses have said... they trust the queen. Considering that the... remaining changeling hives showed signs of heavy infighting it seems likely that... that she was... killed."

I'd done a wonderful job of killing the mood with yet another stupid comment! Etherea's withdrawn look was proof of that. "Look, Etherea," she actually did look up, thank goodness, "I really didn't mean to bring up something so unpleasant." Her frown deepened.

"I'm..."

"Don't you dare." Her order left my mouth hanging open as I quickly stopped everything I was doing. What had I...? "I said to stop apologizing so... much and I meant it."

Oh.

I'd still ruined the mood. "But..."

"It's fine, Alex. What happened was not... anypony's fault but Chrysalis'. I think everypony would... agree that the things she did were utterly horrible, and she would... have been severely punished. But Equestria is the land of friendship and... Harmony; I'm just disappointed that we... never got the chance to help her."

Oh, wow... Even faced with a decidedly evil creature like Chrysalis... Okay, I didn't really know how bad she had been - Etherea hadn't told me yet. That was something ask about some time later. Or maybe never.

"You're a better... um, pony than most of the people in my world." I said earnestly.

Etherea acknowledged it with a shrug and a quirk at the corner of her mouth. "I will admit that my... opinion has changed a lot from knowing Namerril. It has been rough for her - living through the failed... invasion, the infighting, and then leaving for a place where... almost everypony did not like her - but she has been a wonderful friend."

This pony was a changeling? Well, I didn't really doubt it; those wings were very out of place. But I just couldn't see this rather normal-looking pony also being the horror movie creature I'd seen earlier. In fact, with that look on her face the blue pony - 'amaranth' apparently - was kind of cute.

That thought brought a shudder, though I managed to fight it mostly down. No! I was not going there! It was bad enough that I found one pony attractive, but now I was looking at more?! And this one apparently wasn't even a pony!

I needed something to distract myself. "If she's a changeling, then why this?" I reached out to point at the wings. "I'm assuming those are normal changeling wings, but why isn't she disguising them too?"

"Because she has to." I couldn't get a good read on Etherea's expression. The oblique angle I was at certainly didn't help. "Without special dispensation it is... illegal to use magic to fully conceal one's... identity, and nopony wanted to change that even after things resolved peacefully. But the changelings feared our reaction... to them in their natural forms so they wanted to be allowed to shapeshift into something more acceptable. It was a good idea to have a less 'offensive' option," Etherea's eye roll told me just what she thought of the changelings being considered offensive, "so a compromise... was reached; changelings could shapeshift in to whatever they wanted... as long as each picked a single form to be theirs and left their wings undisguised."

"That seems like a really smart idea."

"Right? The look is different but works... surprisingly well. In fact, some ponies find it exotic." She cocked her head and her ears twitched rearward. "A surprising number actually. Namerril is the friend I mentioned... earlier who would probably get along well... with Craig. It seems like every month she... has a new coltfriend."

I looked at the picture again, trying to find the promiscuousness Etherea seemed to be hinting at. It was stupid - of course it wouldn't just be visible like that. I still looked.

Though with the surprised blue pony staring back at me I wondered how well she and Craig would actually get along. Would they hit it off like Craig always seemed to? He'd been teasing me about liking ponies, but how deep did his willingness to experiment run? He'd talked up some of the really kinky stuff he'd tried, and hadn't mentioned anything he'd definitely not do, but I suspected that a changeling-as-a-pony would be a bit far even for him.

But changelings could shapeshift so she could probably be whoever and whatever he wanted. That seemed like it would be something he could get behind. Get behind... I slapped a hand to my forehead as the image of Craig wrapping himself around this pony in post-coital snuggling infiltrated my thoughts.

When I opened my eyes again Etherea was looking back at me with one eyebrow riding high on her forehead.

"Don't mind me. Just trying to imagining Craig meeting your friends. I don't think we want to risk it."

She smirked and rolled her eyes. "You are probably right. After talking with him I'm sure... he would horrify or embarrass them in to hysteria." We both laughed, though mine was a bit more subdued - I had to expunge a certain unwanted image from my head after all.

When Etherea collected herself, the picture she'd hidden earlier was flicked back onto the screen. "And this is Namerril in her natural form."

Now I was able to get a good look at a changeling. It was about what I'd expected, and also so much that I hadn't. It - she, I had to assume - was pony-shaped and lying on her back atop a bed with the edges or her wings showing at her sides. The pink satin sheets had been pushed in to random small hills and valleys by the bodies of her and two ponies that were mostly off-screen to either side. Her head was toward the camera and off the bed just enough for her horn to clear the edge, and her body was matte black, but not segmented like I'd kind of expected. Instead she was covered almost completely in overlapping thin, form-fitting plates of various sizes. It almost looked like she was wearing a catsuit of very light plate mail.

Her upside down pose gave me a perfect view of the underside of her chin and allowed me to see the seam dividing the two mandibles that had been in the close-up. Not that I could pick up much detail because she had her mouth closed, but I couldn't see how she could speak with those mandibles and that shell wrapping over her muzzle.

And there was so much else to look at - I'd at least seen pony-like creatures before, but this was something completely new and alien. I noticed that her horn wasn't curved like a drone's or wickedly crooked like Chrysalis', it was more of a mild corkscrew shape. I supposed that from the side it probably looked like it was crooked. Solid cerulean eyes were turned on the camera and stringy hair of the same teal color of her other form's mane spread out near her. She definitely was not a 'drone,' though I needed to ask how well My Little Pony actually represented changelings.

Before I knew it my eyes had made their way over the rest of the creature, traveling over her chest and down the concentric plates of her belly as it tapered toward her hind legs. I nearly jerked my head away as I realized how far back I was looking, but I did not find any teats on this creature to embarrass myself with - of course I didn't, she didn't look mammalian at all - and a teal tail was flicked between her rear legs to preserve some modesty.

Thank heavens! I wasn't ready to see whatever changelings had back there. Even if it probably wasn't possible from this angle.

Her legs though... They were curled above her in a way that I'd normally call cute, but I couldn't help but shudder. There weren't any holes in them. Instead, though the overall shape was like a regular horse's, in place of fetlocks and hooves was a series of segments that ended in pads with a pair of wicked hooks. Very insect-like. Very... creepy.

And even beyond that, the overall form had harsher angles and a much skinnier profile than a pony's. I could see why ponies would want changelings to 'cover up.' I kind of wanted her to.

"I take it you are."

Etherea's voice brought me back with a jerk. All my analyses hadn't actually taken very long - it was mostly snap impressions. I guess my feelings showed because Etherea was frowning at me.

"It's not... I don't mean..." I sighed. "It's exciting to see the first real, live alien any human has ever seen..." Etherea's incredulous look stopped me hard. "Well, I guess you would be, but you look a lot like things I've seen before. She," I motioned toward the image, "is just so different. You know?"

After a moment she nodded faintly. "I think I understand."

"Actually, I should say I've seen things vaguely like her before." Shit! I hadn't meant for that to come out! But now Etherea was looking at me again, her interest piqued. "Umm... She... um, shares a few features with things in a lot of horror movies."

I cringed at Etherea's blank look, waiting for the angry slap that would catapult me in to the far wall. But she just sighed. "Do not worry; I do not hold... that against you. Many ponies still have the... same reaction. It is why changelings wanted to... work out a way to shapeshift in to other forms." Her eyes rose back to mine, those pretty violet irises fixing me with a needy stare. "Just promise me... that if you ever get to meet a changeling, that you will give yourself the chance to learn... who they actually are."

Well damn. I considered myself pretty accepting and I would like to think I'd give a changeling a chance anyway. With Etherea asking like that? "Yeah, I can do that."

The grateful smile I received was heartwarming. It was amazing that normal human expressions like that seemed to work just fine on her so different anatomy. But the grin wrapped around her muzzle looked entirely natural as it puffed her cheeks slightly and created neat little creases under and around her eyes. Her happily perked ears only helped the look. Even if her muzzle and ears were equine, and the size and set of her eyes weren't human, with her face lit up happily she was still quite pretty.

While that last sentiment didn't feel like one I should be having, at the moment I was too high on happiness to give it much care. For at least a moment I suppose I could let myself just be happy. Plus there could be more!

"Alright then. Who's next?"

For a second Etherea's grin was even wider. "I'm not sure. Let me see... who else is in here." With a flourish she rolled her head in an arc and brought her attention back to the screen. The stylus went back about its business as she gathered her hooves under herself, shifting to a more upright and collected pose.

I tried to follow as images seemed to flicker across my pillow. Impressions of various colorful ponies in poses too indistinct to identify whisked by as locations I couldn't catch teased me from the background. Etherea continued at her game a little - showing the epilepsy resistance of a hardened video gamer as the screen flashed through every color - and I wondered who she might be looking for.

Then the screen suddenly froze, the stylus lifting away, and I found that my lungs had gone on strike. Staring back at me with deep purple eyes, head tilted to the left and one eyebrow raised, was a lavender unicorn wearing a pair of half-circle reading glasses. She - there was no doubt in my mind of that - had a book levitated at the base of the screen and there was a golden-yellow hoof pressing it down to give the camera a good view. Several more books were open and floating in the background within their own violet halos.

That face... That straight-cut navy blue mane with purple and magenta highlights... That casual power... The stars peeking over the curve of her flank...

Twilight Sparkle.

Twilight Sparkle!

I couldn't believe I was actually looking at a picture of her. There were no thoughts powerful enough to encompass the whole of my shock and awe right then. I was lucky that my brain still had enough processing capacity to keep my body running.

I was looking at an actual picture of Twilight Sparkle!

Sure she had a spreading web of lines lining the edges of her muzzle and the corners of her eyes, so she was older than I'd been expecting, but it was her. She had a quirky frown - like she couldn't decide whether to laugh or pelt me with her book - that was all Twilight.

It was her in the flesh! Sort of. But still...!

There is no way anyone in their right mind could ever be prepared for something like this. Imagine the bank showing up at your door with your lottery winnings. Or your favorite movie star showing up at your front door for tea. Or your favorite rock star wanting to jam in your garage. Or... Or Jesus? No, that would be going too far.

I had to control myself. A steady thrumming shook the insides of my arms and legs and I probably could have done a spot-on recreation of Pinkie Pie's ability to bounce from wall to ceiling and back. My brain was in danger of developing a short as my thoughts got weirder and weirder while trying to comprehend the magnitude of the picture before.

I might have been aware that I was the first person to make contact with aliens, and been awed that I already idolized some of them, but now the whole situation hammered itself home with relativistic force. I could actually meet the ponies that had inspired My Little Pony! Holy shit...! This was too much.

No, this really was too much. I was suddenly very aware that my lungs had reversed their earlier reluctance and switched to overdrive. The world was getting distant and it felt like my head was lifting off. This wasn't good!

Straining against myself, I managed to force a single deep breath. That seemed to be good enough to regain some control and I managed to gradually settle back in to a more normal breathing cycle. As my excitement returned to more manageable levels, other feelings were finally allowed to voice their opinions again and some nervousness crept back. I mean I had made first alien contact.

And as if that wasn't bad enough, the alien I'd met was attractive.

Thanks brain, I really needed a reminder of that little fact.

Though speaking of Etherea... She was watching me with eyes brimming with barely contained tears and a hoof over her muzzle. In fact she was actively shaking - the wing that was lying forgotten against my leg was vibrating almost in time with my own excitement. But hers wasn't an expression of anticipation. Her cheeks bulged and the happy creases at the corners of her eyes looked fit to split her face in two.

And then the world got hot. Of course I would blush, and... And then Etherea exploded, her laughter all but ignoring the inadequately-intervening hoof.

"O-ho-oh m-my-y! I di-id... did no-ho-ot-t think y-you-ou wou-uld-d r-re-ea-act qu-ui-i-ite like th-tha-a-a-...!" She finished by rolling away from me onto her side and burying her muzzle in the covers near my pillow.

For a moment I was torn. I was still excited about seeing a real picture of the Twilight Sparkle, but I didn't like being laughed at. Even if I deserved every ounce of her reaction and would probably do the same if I were in her place. Embarrassment at the attention was an uncomfortable undertone slipping in around the edges. It made me kind of want to just be somewhere else.

"Hmmmmph!" Was all I could think to say. Figures that nothing good would come to my mind.

That got her attention though. She cracked an eye that was awash with tears, though of a different sort than I suspected she'd had earlier. When she was finally able focus on me her giggles gradually faded away, and thank God for that.

"S-sorry, Alex. It's just that- HIC!" She jolted, her eyes widening, and we both tensed.

Absolute silence filled the space between us so suddenly I was left wondering what kind of calamity was sneaking up on us. Etherea seemed to be having the same kinds of thoughts if her wide eyes were any indication. Her hoof lifted from the covers just in time to...

"HIC!" Her carefully guarded expression fell into a slight frown. "Oh..."

Pressure suddenly welled up within my throat and I fought against my own traitorous face as it decided that I should laugh right back at her. Despite my best efforts to hide it she still noticed, clamping her jaw tight and fixing her eyes on me in a silent challenge. When an errant hiccup broke through and ruined her serious face, a drawn out snort finally slipped out, the noise grating against the back of my throat.

Etherea was less than amused and maintained a harsh look, her lips pressed into a thin irregular line, and a gradually rising discomfort eventually overtook my amusement. Seriously, did it have to feel like I screwed up every time things were going well? I lapsed back into silence. Apparently yes, and now I was even more convinced that small let-downs like this were going to be the universe's payback for screwing with alternate dimensions. And still those violet irises continued to bore through me.

Maybe I should apologize. No! She'd laughed at me first. I wasn't in the wrong here.

Then her nostrils flared, her mouth opening to blast a breathy exhale that pressed against my shirt. We blinked nearly in tandem and she shook her head slowly.

"Ugh. Cursed hiccups! At least they are... gone now." She held completely still for a moment as though waiting for them to jump out at her. Nothing happened for a while so they seemed to have fled. She had simply willed them out of existence! Or maybe she'd just been holding her breath. "Whew. Well, I suppose I deserved that. It wasn't very... nice of me to laugh like that. Though..." Her eyes met mine and her head tilted ever so slightly as a faint smirk crept along the edges of her muzzle.

"I wonder what would... have happened if I had managed to find you a picture of... Princess Celestia."

Why would that...? Oh. Celestia was my favorite character while Twilight was 'just' some famous pony I knew of. She thought my reaction would be much stronger. I quickly decided that no, it probably wouldn't have. The worst of it had actually come from finally realizing that these ponies actually exist somewhere, not from who I'd seen. Well, not entirely.

I looked directly into Etherea's eyes. "Well, as befitting the Princess' elevated station I would react with all due decorum, compose myself properly... and then give the loudest, girliest shriek any guy has ever made."

For a moment Etherea's brows descended together and her ears flipped back and forth. A smile began to build as she seemed to catch on and she opened her mouth.

"Oh now that I gotta' hear!"

Wait. That didn't sound at all like a pony princess! In the corner of my vision I caught the motion of Etherea's mane whipping about even as my eyes joined her in staring at the door to my room. A face topped by a mop of dark, unruly hair and one shoulder were leaned out around the frame. For a split second my blood ran hot at Craig's sudden interruption before flipping completely around as his goofy grin grew even wider.

Right. I was practically sitting close enough to be cuddling with Etherea. Despite my sudden need to distance myself from the scene I found myself in, I also noted that fleeing would only make it look like something had actually happened. I was not going to give him the satisfaction. I know he knew more or less what I had actually have been up to. His eyes met mine briefly as they bounced between the two of us, his grin trying eke out just a little more tooth when I failed to not blush.

"Craig..." Don't you dare make a joke about this right now. Please for the love of everything get that message!

"Hello Craig. Where have you been?" Etherea's oblivious and somewhat more chipper tone clashed uncomfortably with my need to guard the situation from my roommate.

"Oh sorry." Craig stepped more fully in to view and rapped his knuckles twice against the side of the doorway. "Am I interrupting? Should I come back later...?" I nearly facepalmed at him. I was going to kill him. Later though. When Etherea wasn't watching.

Etherea's head swung back and forth. "Oh no. We were just looking at some of my pictures. Would you care to join us?"

Just remember, this is a pony princess here. Oh God, if you exist, let Craig remember that! Unfortunately I couldn't be in his head to mind him; not with Etherea right beside me.

"Um. Sounds like you two... are having fun an all but, um, not to be a dick or anything, I don't do family picture night. I just got back and wanted to let Alex know he left the oven running. 'Cause, y'know, food and all."

I'd forgotten all about the oven! It had been just sitting out there pretending to be a space heater for quite a while now. That reminded me of a feeling in my gut that had been quietly begging my attention for a few hours now. And now that it had my attention it gained a whole new power.

"Oh yeah, I need to put the pizzas in."

Craig rolled his eyes and groaned theatrically. "Yeah, I saw. What's the hold up?"

Seriously?! Craig should be glad that I wasn't the one with the ability to slam him against the wall with a thought, but I still tried my best with a withering glare. Not that it had any effect. "I was going to get to it after changing, but I had more important things to do."

"I believe that was... my fault," came quietly from beside me, "I distracted Alex from preparing dinner for us. Do not blame him." Thanks princess.

"Distracted huh?" I couldn't believe Craig! My face was definitely twitching as I struggled to hold down a resurgent desire to tear his head off. Judging by Craig's look, the fucker knew it too. Though when he saw my expression his grin kind of... shrank. "Speaking of you, how's it going princess? Haven't seen you all afternoon."

"I'm doing better. Thank you." The bed protested softly as the pony beside me shifted. "I did not mean to be... such a poor houseguest today but it had not been a very... good afternoon. I hope you will forgive me for being so curt with you earlier..."

"Don't worry about it." Craig threw a dismissive hand over his shoulder. "I've had worse than an angry chick yelling at me through a door. What happened anyway?"

Etherea's sigh carried a weight that I thought I'd lifted. "I tried to get... in touch with my home and... and was unable to. And if I can't even send a simple message it means... that I will probably be here for some time yet."

"Oh right. Alex mentioned something about that. And hey, that's actually what we've been up to." Etherea lifted her head back up but one ear remained off to the side even as the other focused on Craig. The flick of her eyes my way was definitely a question. "We got you a movie to help cheer you up. So whenever you two are ready I'll be out in the other room," he jerked his head back toward the hall, "but don't take too long. I'm hungry, dude."

He turned and left without waiting for a response. The way his eyes lingered on mine let me know exactly what he was thinking. The self-satisfied smile of his sealed the impression and breathed new life into the coals that I'd been letting cool. Why the fuck did he have to keep pushing like that? Well, the answer was obvious. I was an easy target.

But so help me, I really wanted to punch him.

While I decided how best to get away with murder, Etherea rubbed the side of her head with hoof before upturning it and indicating the now-empty doorway. "Thank... you? And he simply leaves. I cannot... make sense of him at all! One moment he is thoughtful, but in the next he throws any... and all decorum to the wind. So rude! Is he always like this?" Those gorgeous eyes were once again brought to bear on me, seeking answers.

"Yeah... Pretty much." I decided not to mention how fast he could switch to 'enticing' when it came to girls in bars. "He doesn't actually mean to be rude, he's just thoughtless." No wait! "No, wait! That's not right. I mean..." That hadn't come out well at all! I wasn't even sure what I meant now, except that I hadn't meant to sound like an ass.

"It's alright, Alex." My pony companion shook her head slowly while hiding a smile behind her mane. "I think I understand what you meant. I just wish he was more... aware of how his actions... are perceived." There was the proper princess we all knew and loved. Well, as long as she didn't return to being mightier-than-thou.

"Oh well." She heaved an even greater sigh. "I should not... let myself get too worked up about such a small thing. Plus his idea is a... good one - I am hungry as well. And he said you two brought home something... for me?"

"Yeah. Craig had the idea for a feel-good movie to cheer you up." I flexed my back one way and then the other as I got up, trying to get it to limber up a little and pop. It happily did so. Such a wonderful feeling!

"Human entertainment? Sounds interesting." Her device followed beside her head as first her front hooves and then her rear ones slipped over the edge of the bed to carry her fluidly to standing. As I finished stretching she shook out each hoof in turn and rolled her back. That motion also shifted her wings about and I lamented that I hadn't yet gotten to see them fully. I still had no idea what their span actually was.

But it was better this way. It was far too soon to be asking her if I could check her out. Not that I wasn't going to do that anyway. Sexy female pony after all...

I rolled my eyes and firmly shifted that thought to the side. I needed to focus on the fact she had a coltfriend. That would help keep myself on track. And she was just visiting after all, which would make her a diplomat or envoy or something. Yeah, no dirty thoughts about foreign dignitaries Alex!

Etherea's expression had fallen at some point while looking at the picture of Twilight on her device. Drooping ears and wings accented the backward slide the current good mood as the reminder of home floated before her. She'd stepped away when leaving the bed so I was a bit far away to reach her and a missed heartbeat kept me where I was.

That was the wrong choice wasn't it? I... didn't know. Even after the relative closeness we'd shared, it was hard to tell whether giving her some space from all the strangeness or a trying to be a comforting but alien presence would be better received.

Eventually her stylus zipped over from her far side, tapped a couple of things, and the screen winked out. She started to turn toward me but then she twitched and her head swung the other way. I followed the direction of her muzzle toward one dark window where various splotches of distant light illuminating a kaleidoscope of tiny water droplets. A faint shudder ran down her back and she took a small step away from the outside wall.

Much like the sunlight earlier, I guess it was unreasonable that her fear of "wild weather" would be gone just because I'd told her not to worry. But those folded ears and clenched wings... Both my heart and a good chuck of my thoughts protested valiantly as I took the step closer to her. By the time my hand came to rest just forward from her wing shoulders small tremors were wracking it to let me know I wasn't being nearly cautious enough.

But it was the right thing to do.

She jerked and ducked her head as soft, fine hair met my skin and I nearly pulled my hand back again. Nearly. Yet even as I tried to wait for my own adrenaline to dissipate I felt her coat settling back down under my fingers. She let out the breath she'd sucked in and turned her head to look up at me with a sad smile.

"So, this must... mean you are no longer scared of me."

I know my hesitation spoke my answer long before I could ever say it. Her smile began slipping. "I wouldn't, um, say that." Oh fuck me! Honest though I was, eloquently disarming I was not. "You can do things I can only dream about and well... I, well... This has been very hard on you. I'm cautious 'cause I still feel much safer playing it... safe. Y'know, until you are more comfortable with, um, everything."

I smiled hesitantly as my heart began racing again in a vain attempt to flee my fumbling words. However she just stood there, staring blankly.

"But that doesn't mean I'm going to do nothing." Why can't I just keep my mouth shut?! Wait, that wasn't so bad. "I told you I'd help to make up for my part in all this and I meant it." I finally clamped down on my mouth. I'd pulled something worthy to finish and I wasn't going to risk ruining it.

Her absence of expression remained for another moment before a faint smile broke through. "Thank you, Alex." Her words were simple but I could tell they were so very heartfelt. Her wing shifted at the same time, her feathers whispering softly as it unfurled toward me. I remained stock-still as she touched the same 'palm' area of her wing to my shoulder. Those things really had some reach.

But that really wasn't important at the moment. The relief shocking my system was much more so, and this time my own grin was much more genuine, though it was more an expression of my feelings than anything meant for her. But she still smiled back, tilting her head as her ears drew forward.

"I understand where you are... coming from. But you have been... a good friend and I can promise that I will not do anything to... harm you."

Caution born of fear can't simply be dispelled by saying that there is nothing to worry about; it has to be allowed to run its course. I wasn't going to tell her that, though I'm sure she knew. In the interest of progress I simply nodded. "Thanks."

"Well, I know that you wanted to remove... your work attire. I keep... delaying that so let me get out of your mane." With a dip of her muzzle and a tiny blush, her smile turned sheepish as the feathered appendage receded back to her flank.

She turned and made her way to the doorway, every motion familiarly fluid in ways that an actual horse could never match. Before I knew it the natural sway in her hips and the resulting swing of her tail was the center of my attention. As a guy, and from this position, I couldn't really help it. No! I snapped my attention up. I was just in time. She looked back at me from the entrance to the hall and flashed another smile before disappearing.

Thank God for the omnipresence of her tail. I don't know how I could handle constantly taking peeks at horse vagina while feeling these things.

Again, no! She wasn't a horse. That'd been made painfully apparent today. She was a person in all but form. But that form... It was just too horse-like. I felt dirty just thinking like this. No, I didn't feel dirty. I felt like I should feel dirty. Though the difference was subtle and confusing, it wasn't nearly the same thing. I didn't like it.

At least she had a coltfriend. Though it was a little disappointing that someone I found attractive was taken, I could take comfort and resolve from that. I really did need to not think about the pony princess that way.

Author's Note

Blam!

Sleep is for the weak. Right, readers?

If you're wondering, the section I accidentally deleted was Alex and Craig talking just after Alex got home. While editing this the first time I realized that one line ended with Alex in the car looking at the apartment building and the next began with him thinking about him being alone in the apartment with Dimble and Etherea. The section naturally isn't quite the same. Oh well.

And I know the ending is abrupt. There isn't nearly as good a break here as there was in chapter 5. So, scene a scene change will have to suffice. I didn't really want to dump (what is now) close to 40k words in one chapter even if I'm breaking it apart rather strangely. The next half of the chapter is ready for editing (as far as I'm aware) and will pick up right where this leaves off. It shouldn't take a huge amount of time.

There's also lots of Equestrian in here. I need to start separating it into a spreadsheet or something.

And I just realized that I've gone a F'd up most every Equestrian name in my story. "Shining Armor" is NOT Equestrian... Now I have to figure out how to fix all that. (I'm clearly insane!)

[7 - Part 2] Friends.

Alone. No pony or roommate to bother me for the moment.

In a way I was more comfortable like this. Even if my mind was now in danger of slinking back toward the various thoughts that had bothered me since Etherea showed up, at least while in my room I didn't have to worry about whether anyone else would sense anything. I was effectively 'safe' for the moment and that was a feeling I thoroughly enjoyed. If only I could just stay here.

With the door shut behind me I turned to examine my room again. The princess' stuff was back on the little nightstand. When had she...? Right, alicorn. As I came around the bed I noticed that the stacks of drawings, though still hidden under the same human sketches I'd placed on top, were more neatly arranged than I'd left them.

I made a quick circuit around the room but nothing else had been touched. Or at least didn't seem to be. My computer - by far the most important thing in the room - was thankfully normal as well, the internet light in the back blinking dutifully at me.

Feeling secure in my haven I finally got out of my work clothes. Or at least as secure as an unlocked bedroom could be, which led me to check the door every few moments. I half-expected to see it creep open a crack and a curious violet eye to peer in. I wasn't sure what I'd actually do if Etherea were to do that but I didn't get the chance to find out. I guess Etherea just wasn't that curious.

Nah. She was probably just considerate.

Now Craig on the other hand would gleefully shove the door open and just walk away. My eyes became glued to the stationary slab of wood guarding the exit to my room. At least until my pants were secure.

On exiting my room I was met by an empty hall and the sound of a filling toilet, though Dimble soon scampered by. We took a moment to greet each other and he finished his journey to my room with a freshly-scratched chin. The bathroom was open and the light out so I guess Etherea had finished her business. I still needed to figure out how she...

No, actually I didn't. It would just remain the latest of the world's great mysteries and be better for it.

For the second time in as many days I found myself in front of my bathroom mirror wondering about the man I was. Was that the face of a horse fucker? Not unless I actually fucked a horse. Maybe. Did it count if you just thought about it? A lot.

Not that Etherea was actually a horse. So it didn't really count, did it? I didn't feel entirely confident telling myself 'no.' And worse, there was absolutely nobody I felt safe asking. Sure there were my fellow Bronies, but I didn't actually want to admit this to anyone, nor could I expect a truly serious answer when the entire world still considered my situation a silly fantasy at best. So other than just mulling it over constantly in hope of an answer, what could I do?

Not much.

So again, even though I was a little dismayed with my own thoughts, I wondered how soon I could be rid of the princess. If she were gone there should be fewer thoughts bordering on bestiality.

As I exited the bathroom and headed back to the living area I had to admit that my reluctance didn't mean I wouldn't enjoy looking at her while she remained. And probably lamenting to myself for...

ETHEREA WAS RIGHT FUCKING THERE!

Less than a foot of space separated the golden-yellow pony from me as I stepped around the wall into the living area! I had two choices: hit her pelvis-first or not. One choice...

My hand hammered palm-first right on the base of her tail, smashing it into her rump with enough force to send a ripple across her haunches and catapult her hind legs forward. Her haunches set the example and her back followed by arching. That in turn pitched her front forward and off her hooves.

The half-whinny, half-shriek that blasted from the other end of Etherea had the treble clef begging for mercy and at the same time shoved twin searing needles in to my skull through my ears. I think I added my own cry to the moment but my senses were too overloaded to confirm. I might not have been the only one.

My eyes fixated on those back hooves as they touched down one after the other. I was royally fucked! I only had the sparsest of moments before they curled back up under her and lashed out straight backward! My only hope was the rearward momentum I'd gained by effectively punching her in the ass. But I had no time.

Then her haunches flexed. I was a dead man.

Her hooves didn't lift! Instead they shoved at the carpet and propelled her forward!

The soft rear of a pony that I'd been using to reverse my course suddenly disappeared, leaving my hand flailing in the open air. My left foot had been on its way back but wasn't braced yet. Only a blind grab at something solid to my left saved me from following Etherea forward. I wobbled on one foot for a moment, trying to redirect my misplaced foot as my eyes tracked the yellow blur streaking toward the kitchen.

Etherea would have been galloping if she hadn't cleared the living area in only two massive bounds. A contrail of vibrant blue whipped the air behind her into a frenzy and curled itself around the kitchen island as she slid sideways across the linoleum. She managed to pull herself behind the island, and the sounds of hooves scraping the floor and her tail snapping against wood nearly buried the soft thump of her hitting the far cabinets.

And then everything went silent. Relatively. There was single high-pitched note softly crying out the ache in my ears. Yeah, I had been right. The princess had a hell of a voice in her.

I shivered as my foot found a suitably stable placement and I sucked in a trembling breath. I'd like to think that I'd been calm, but the truth was it was just a delay in the shock. My body finally let me know it was ready to go. Like I needed it now that Etherea was all the way across the apartment...

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!?"

My head snapped around at Craig's shout. He was halfway between lifting himself back on the couch from having dropped off onto the floor. One hand was on the cushion behind him and there was a partially-crumpled beer in the other. The couch and surrounding carpet sported another smattering of small damp spots.

Perfect! I was going to be sleeping there some time later.

More movement drew my eyes up and right. Toward the window. No...

I wasn't sure how, but my eyes eked out even more width on finding someone standing outside on the sidewalk not twenty feet from the window. Sure the blinds were still drawn, but the shape could be nothing else. And they were animatedly looking around.

Our eyes met. I dimly noted the faint sheen on his jacket, the cap that cast his face in shadow, and the tiny point of red light that could only be a cigarette. His features were mostly obscured by shadow but I still recognized one of the regulars from another of the buildings. No wonder Etherea had been standing in the doorway; she had been practically face to face with some random human. But had he seen her?!

One bulging eye peeked at me around the wooden barrier protecting the princess. She didn't look like she'd be visible from her there but it was dark out, and the apartment well-lit, so it would be ridiculously easy to...

SHIT! Why did I look over at her?! If that guy suspected anything then I'd just tipped him off! After that scream I'd be surprised if there was anyone in the complex who wasn't wondering what was up.

The vibrations from my nervous hands were carrying clear up to my shoulders. "Craig... We've got a problem."

What do I do about the guy outside the apartment?! I don't think I could pass the princess off as any kind of dog, but it depended on how well he had seen her. But if he'd gotten a good look at her, then what? If they ran for help... Well, I was pretty much screwed because I wasn't willing to do the kinds of things it would take to stop a fleeing person.

Or they could want in on this. After all, this alien wasn't doing anything more frightening than simply existing, and actual, live aliens were a huge fucking deal! The guy could just be curious.

But I didn't want anyone else involved! The situation was already dangerous enough as is, much less involving even more people. I still didn't know whether she, or we, could catch anything from each other.

Though that point had already been thrown out the window when I'd gone to work today. Fuck! I was such a dead man! My heart leapt back in to my throat to escape the near painful clenching in my stomach.

Wait. The guy outside was moving. Their motions were slow and careful, heading to the right. I could see their head swiveling back and forth every few moments. They weren't focused; that was a search pattern. They'd heard Etherea but they didn't know what was going on. She hadn't been seen! At least not yet.

Craig stepped into my line of sight and broke my focus. He was scratching one side of his head while looking back and forth between the front door and the now vacant scene outside the window. The thoughtful frown was a completely alien look for him. But at least he seemed calm.

"Well shit." Or maybe not completely calm. He leaned to one side to better look in Etherea's direction before turning back and giving me a quick once over. "Jesus dude, you look like hell." He pressed his lips into a line and the muscles in his cheeks worked for a moment. "Don't worry, I got this. I think." A pause. "Yeah, I got this."

I got to see something else I'd never expected from Craig: marching quickly. Etherea ducked back out of sight as he passed by to the front door. I guess he'd noticed because he flashed her that easy grin while pausing with his hand on the knob. Too bad even that showed strain at the edges.

He raised a finger to his lips before turning back to the door and slowing cracking it open. He poked his head out once he had enough space, looked around once, and then opened it enough to step through.

"Hey man, did you he..." The door clicked shut.

Another oppressive silence descended around me. I tried my best not to breathe as though disturbing the quiet might make something worse jump out at me. Like more angry ponies teleporting in from Equestria.

But I noticed that it wasn't completely empty. The sound of someone else's rapid breathing was breaking through the fading ringing in my ears. Etherea. Oh, she sounded terrified! I heard a gulp and then the gasping breaths picked up again.

Since Craig was outside I was going to have to solve the other end of the situation. I shifted and gingerly inched one foot in the direction of our kitchen. A short wait followed but nothing else happened. My other foot softly carried me another step closer. It wasn't until I only had a single corner of the island between me and the princess - a curl of azure hair and a few sprawled feathers visible - that I realized what I was doing. I was getting closer to a pony who probably wanted to kill me!

What was I even going to do? Apologize for pretty much molesting her? I'd just screwed up horribly again; but what else could I have done? Would tripping bodily over her have been a better option? I... I had no idea.

Like any good no-win situation I had been stuck between two terrible options. I just wanted this all to go away, and considered simply retreating back to my room and hoping that would work. Probably not; I doubted Etherea would let go of what had just happened. I wasn't sure how fragile whatever we'd built this afternoon was but the tension in my gut refused to leave - it felt like I'd just taken a sledgehammer to my mother's best china.

So here I was, and in spite of my body resisting every forward motion I made, I needed to see how Etherea was. Curiosity killed the Alex...

Wide purple eyes and a golden-yellow muzzle tipped with distended nostrils greeted me from the other side of a bedraggled blue mane. Etherea was laid out across the narrow space between the island and cabinets, her front end slightly elevated from being jammed against the wood where her head pressed against the side of the island. Slender legs lay wherever they happened to have fallen and her wings quivered against her flanks.

For a moment Etherea just stared up at me with her eyes pleading something that I couldn't catch. Then her whole body tensed. In a flash narrowed eyes and bared teeth conquered her expression and were shoved at me.

"What in... the name of everything... harmonious were you DOING!?" Her hiss was a hair quieter than a normal indoor voice but carried an edge that should have gutted me.

She rolled and got to her hooves before lurching toward me. She didn't actually come that close but her anger pressed me back like it was a physical force. I couldn't take my eyes away from those blazing violet orbs which were swimming in barely-held tears.

"Why would... I, arrrhh...! Just WHY, Alex?" She managed to keep her voice to a manageable hiss but the strain left her chest heaving.

"It was an accident alright?" I copied her hiss right back; nobody outside needed to hear this. Even so, Etherea lowered her muzzle and lifted her shoulders without taking her eyes off mine. Oh shit, that was a bad sign!

A new feeling welled up through the spaces between my fears. She was angry, I got that, but this also wasn't entirely my fault. I wasn't going to let her kill me without a fight. My own anger, bolstered at the unfairness of it all, burned away nearly everything else. Yet even then I had the presence of mind to haul back on my own reigns and keep some rationality.

"I didn't know you were standing right fucking there!" I violently swung my left out and toward the hallway. "What was I supposed to do?! I didn't mean to hit you that hard. Hell, I didn't mean to hit you at all! I'm sorry! Alright?"

She'd flinched when my arm snapped around. Her eyes again went wide but it had the intended effect; she stared, and her body still shook, but at least her aggressive posture relaxed away. For a minute we remained that way; her breathing heavy and rapid and my every nerve bursting with pent up energy.

Amazingly it was she who blinked first, her eyelids squeezing hard enough to leak some of that collected moisture and her body giving one powerful shake. A solitary hiccup escaped her lips and she settled heavily and shoulder-first against the island as her rump met the floor. Motion near her haunches was her tail curling protectively around her.

"Y-you... You promise?" Her eyes eased open and met mine. "That this was all an... accident, I mean."

For a moment I didn't do a damned thing. All this pent up energy wouldn't let me believe that that was it. That I wasn't about to get in a fight. But Etherea seemed so small while half-collapsed like that.

I leaned back against the wall, forcing my hands to unclench. "Yeah. You told me not to touch you and I'm still following that as a rule."

She just nodded. I guess even she wasn't going to question earlier being a momentary exception in my mind. It was, after all, quite a bit safer for us to strictly follow that rule until or unless someone voluntarily forwent its protection.

As the adrenaline burned itself out of me for lack of an external fuel, a tense coldness settled into my limbs. The exhaustion from earlier returned, and though I was still too wound up to yawn, I found that the floor was a very welcoming position for my own butt. I leaned my head back and stared up at the cabinets in the distance, wishing for the umpteenth time that this would just end already. My heart gave a last few heavy thumps in agreement before finally reaching a more stable rhythm.

A small groan brought my attention back to the alicorn slumped just a few feet away. "My horn's feeling better but now... everything else hurts."

Her statement was so strange. It was just a simple fact that, completely devoid of complaint or accusation. I couldn't really place it; nor was a response easily offered. I kept my silence for obvious reasons even if I did raise an eyebrow.

"I have slipped, fallen... knocked my hooves and knees, hit one... wing and then the other... And now my, um, rump hurts. Why cannot this just be over with?" Those were my exact thoughts!

"I know exactly how you feel." I flinched. I hadn't meant to speak. Damnit! Nothing for it now though.

And now Etherea was eying me tiredly. "You...?"

The doorknob turned with a clarion squeak of metal on metal. My attention switched to the door - I'm sure both of ours were. My proximity became apparent as the large wooden object started to swing toward me. With sudden speed belying my exhaustion I scooted sideways and onto the nearby carpet, though I didn't actually get up. Etherea followed the same sorts of motions placing herself deeper into the kitchen and closer to the far end of the island.

"...know right? Yeah so I'll let you know, k?" Craig paused as someone outside voiced some kind of acknowledgement. "Alright man, take care. And you too mister Avery." Craig's rear more fully entered the apartment, and as the door swung to cover the opening I heard someone heading up the stairs over the entryway.

Mister Avery was our neighbor from above and the only person I'd ever seen get Craig to follow any amount of formality. He was an imposing African American with an even larger wife and I'd often wondered about the apparent chip on his shoulder - he'd once nearly jumped down my throat for failing to specifically greet his wife when I'd said 'hi.' I'd never had the courage to ask about it and didn't ever expect to. But as long as people were friendly and considerate, he was a hell of a nice guy.

I'd only received a very pointed comment from him for my perceived infraction; knowing Craig, I can only imagine what he'd been put through.

Now the question was how much had mister Avery heard? My gut clenched right back up. Given the volume we'd used at points over the past few days he probably had a pretty good idea about who was down here. Well, maybe not what, but certainly that there was some female with us.

He also had a standing agreement with us that if he ever fought too loudly with his wife that we should just knock and tell him to shut the hell up. He didn't want to bother the police. Frankly neither did we, though we'd never felt the need to bother him about any noise. We really did not need him coming down to give us the same 'courtesy!'

My eyes were glued to Craig as he turned. God, I hoped he had managed to dissuade any further curiosity into our apartment. I kept still while trying to convince myself to be calm that Craig had handled things. Craig, on the other hand, jumped back when his eyes finally tracked low enough to find me sitting on the floor. It was good he'd done so before stepping on me.

"Jesus, dude! What the fuck are you doing right there?!"

"Resting..." Because I'm tired. Because I'm frustrated and completely spent. Because it's comfortable. Because this is where I ended up. I couldn't say all of that with one breath so I opted for nothing. I'd sort it out in a minute.

"Riiiiight... So what...?" His eyes found Etherea even as he began to ask. "Alright. What the hell just happened?"

I took a deep breath, let it out, and...

"Alex touched my butt." I sputtered incoherently at that. There was no regality or eloquence to it, just a tired, hurting pony bluntly stating the bare facts. Craig's eyes tried to jump from his head as he looked from her to me. Then back again. His eyes darted between us a few times more while his mouth opened to voice absolutely nothing.

I was more than a little confused at Etherea myself and leaned to get a better look. She was just kind of staring at the wall beside me.

"When I... saw that other human I-I panicked. Alex did not know I was standing there and... ran in to me." Her eyes finally focused, drifting up to Craig as her muzzle lifted. "Am... Am I safe here?"

"Errr... Yeah." Craig's fingers found their way to the back of his head and began digging gently through his unruly hair. "You should be. The one dude didn't actually see anything. Mister Avery's been wondering what we've been up to but I promised that we'd keep it down and he's cool with that."

Craig had his mouth open to say more but I needed to know something. "But what did you tell them?"

"Oh, um, just that you had some girl from your family over who'd been through a tough time and needed some time away from everything. Mister Avery's heard you," his eyes went to Etherea, "down here so I couldn't just pretend I knew nothing." He took a moment to breathe before turning back to me. "You guys must have been yelling real loud. I mean he's never mentioned any of our music or the TV or anything, but he's noticed you two."

"Y-you lied to your neighbors?" Etherea's question ended in strident incredulity.

"Well yeah." The poor princess' eyes looked fit to pop from her skull. "What did you expect? That I'd say 'hey, there's this talking pony living my apartment, no big deal'? I dunno' how the Feds would really act, Alex there's smarter about that kind of thing than me," thanks Craig, "but I agree with him that we can't just let everyone know you're here. So I told a little fib so you'd be safe. What's the big deal?"

I could think of a dozen reasons why ponies, if they were anything like those in the show, would object to blatant deception like that. It seemed awfully far-fetched though. Would any real, intelligent creature actually be able to object to a helpful lie? There was no way Equestria was so utopic that lying didn't exist!

Etherea didn't look very happy, but she did shut her mouth. Folded ears, hunched shoulders, and downcast eyes told me just how strongly she felt about it, even if she said nothing.

And as bad as I felt for seeing her like that, I still had to give Craig credit for being so damned insightful. "Thanks Craig, that probably helped a lot." Cheesy as hell, but it was the thought that counted. "And yeah, this is humanity's first alien first contact here. With actual aliens. We've seriously fucked it up right from the start, and I'm more stressed than I've been in my entire life, so I'm not surprised Mister Avery has heard us."

I didn't stop. I couldn't. My mouth was going somewhere and I was just unhappily along for the ride. "Etherea over there is hurt and scared." That earned me a frown! "She's probably worse off than I am, and since we... since we're the source of, um, the other's problems it's like we're setting each other off every chance we can get. Yeah there's been yelling. I abducted a fucking pony Princess for chrissake! And then every time I turn around...!"

"Woah dude..." One of Craig's hands rose almost placatingly. And him looking almost stern? Why the hell not. It wasn't the weirdest thing to happen recently. "Alright, I think everybody needs to just chill and take a load off." That grin of his began forming again and his brown eyes practically twinkled. "Alex, you got the food, right? Tell you what, you get it ready and I'll get the princess all comfy and stuff. Then we'll all have a nice quiet evening where nobody tries to kill anyone."

Etherea leaned away from Craig and her ears alternated which one was pointed at him, her eyes tracing a cautious line down his body and then quickly back up. She clearly wasn't at all sure about this. I should say something reassuring.

"You're not going to hurt her, right?" And that's what I came up with? Fuck! I was such an idiot!

Craig's confused look quickly transitioned to a careful nod down at the princess. "Of course not. We're just gonna' set you up with the best seat in the house." Craig stepped around the island and strode purposefully across the living area. About halfway to the couch he checked over his shoulder and found that the princess hadn't actually moved. She was just watching with her muzzle down a little and her ears halfway to folded.

"Aww, you don't gotta' be afraid now princess." He crouched down to her level and waved her over, his voice soft. "It's just a couch. And I know what you're thinking," I think both the princess and I blinked, "but he's gone. You got nothing to worry about now." His head inclined toward the window.

Etherea followed the motion but then she leaned back and looked to me. Why did she look at me?! My thoughts crashed headlong against my surprise and I came up with a whole lot of nothing. But in the long moment it took to sort things out Craig had already spoken again and drawn her attention back.

She'd been looking to me for reassurance, hadn't she? Damnit! And I'd flubbed that by just sitting there like a lump. Why couldn't I ever come up with anything better?

But in the time I spent berating myself Etherea had slowly gotten her hooves under her and taken a handful of painstakingly cautious steps away from the kitchen. She edged one side of her face past the sill of the window, her mane swinging between blocking my view and not as she scanned back and forth.

Satisfied by what she saw - or didn't - and egged on by Craig's insistent motioning, she crept along under the window in a sort of half-crouch. As she moved she kept her weight on her left rear leg as long as possible, only using her right rear for the shortest of stints.

Great. Another injury on the princess to add to my list of shame.

With a heaving sigh I got to my own feet and as Craig finished coaxing Etherea onto the couch I pulled the two pizzas from the freezer - one four cheese and the other with peppers and mushrooms. Hopefully the princess was okay with those options.

Even from the fridge I could feel the warmth of the oven. The kitchen didn't make for a good sauna, but it was trying hard. Sliding the pizzas in was actually unpleasantly warm and I was glad to be away from there. When I turned back toward the living area Craig was just stretching out on the floor under the window with his feet toward the TV, fingers laced behind his head, and the remote perched atop his stomach. Etherea, though laying on the couch and resting partially on one side with her chin on the cushions, didn't look nearly as comfortable. Her wings were held stiff and close and she had one ear fixed on the window.

I wanted to do something to make up for earlier but I had no idea if I could. Hopefully Craig was right about her and this movie. Speaking of which... "So Craig, what did you get anyways?"

"Eh, 'Love Actually.'" He lifted the remote as I stepped across to sit down in front of the far end of the couch.

I stopped with one hand down and my butt halfway to the floor. "Wait, isn't that a really romantic British movie from a few years back?"

He simply shrugged. "I guess."

"No, it is. I remember seeing it once. It's about a whole bunch of different people falling in love and how they do it."

He twisted his head to look at me sideways. "I didn't know you were in to these things, man. Maybe there's hope for you yet." There was that grin again. "Get a few chick flicks like this, bring home a girl, show her one of these so she can see how sensitive you are, and she'll get all cuddly in no time. Cuddling leads to things, and things lead to..." He raised an eyebrow and nodded suggestively. "Works really well on some chicks, dude." His eyes twitched toward Etherea.

I gaped. Really? Really!? Craig was always kind of blunt but the princess was right beside us! It didn't help that my thoughts immediately began sorting through all the various undesirable thoughts I'd been having about her. That Craig was hitting so close to home with Etherea right behind me...

My heart began racing again as I slowly worked my eyes over to the pony behind me and began edging away a little. Etherea had lifted her head and was staring down past the edge of the couch's cushions at my roommate with her head cocked away from him. A faint frown graced her muzzle.

"You... are not trying to seduce me, are you Craig?" I might've expected more cynicism but the princess' question was hesitant and absolutely genuine. She hadn't caught Craig's insinuation. No, she had assumed something even worse!

"Maybe I am. Would you like me to princess?"

Oh, shit! Oh God, Craig...! Nononononono!

Etherea recoiled, lifting her head high as her eyes tried to leap from her head. A very familiar tightness crept back in to the base of my chest as the princess sputtered helplessly. Naturally enough, Craig's response was to begin laughing uproariously, the sound absolutely filling the apartment. While Etherea lay there, shaking slightly with her jaw a hair shy of dislocated, and me trying to decide whether to jump Craig with fists flying, my roommate doubled up on the floor holding his middle. His laughter just kept coming.

Something had to give.

A multi-hued, muted-color cushion of no apparent source smashed into Craig sideways and bowled him over, a corona of golden light giving it a translucent contrail. Craig's surprised squawk was muffled by the soft object that was trying to forcibly meld with him. The couch's suddenly mobile cushion lifted and I had a moment to see the grim set to Etherea's face before she hammered Craig into the carpet with it.

"That is not funny!"

I shifted to my knees and just about lunged at the princess. My brain screamed in horrified protest with my hands inches away from her, locking me in place. She didn't notice me right away but she didn't hit Craig any more either. Instead she just held him down.

That angry glare finally found me, her head twitching sideways and away. My heart skipped a beat or three and I edged backwards as Etherea noted the proximity of my splayed fingers. But when her eyes came back up her face had relaxed a little, her ears drooping under her mane. From this close to her I got a wonderful view inside her flared nostrils as her breath rushed heavily in and out.

I had no idea what to say. Something calming. Something that would fix this. Anything? Nope, nothing good.

"Craig..." I made my tone as disapproving as I could, which was something at least.

"Owww..." Craig's rebuttal came shakily from the floor.

Etherea didn't seem about to kill anyone anymore but I watched that horn of hers anyways. Not that I could have done much. The cushion soon passed overhead to settle back down behind Etherea and she flicked her tail back in to position atop it.

Then her head lifted a little higher and she fixed hard eyes down over her muzzle at the man lying on the floor and staring dazedly at the ceiling. "Mister Sanders," uh oh, Craig's last name..., "today has not been... very good and I am in no... mood for such things. I apologize for losing my temper, but I would appreciate... it if you treated this situation with proper reverence! Now, do you have anything... meaningful to say?"

Right. She's a Princess. Capital 'P' and all.

"Yeah, yeah." His voice was a soft. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. Was just too easy, y'know? But don't worry princess, you're not my type."

"Mister Sanders..." she just about growled.

"Etherea." Her head snapped around and I nearly took her mane to the face. "Please. This is Craig we're talking to." I caught that eye roll of Craig's. "He's said he's sorry."

Her frown grew and I swear she was about to switch from chewing the inside of her lip to chewing on me. And not the good kind either. But after a bit she turned her head slowly back to Craig, leading with her eyes. "I do not like it, but fine." She paused and I settled, relieved, back onto the floor. "So this 'movie' is something... I'm supposed to enjoy?"

"Uh, yeah. I think. It should be happy, fun, and nice." Craig's look toward the alicorn wasn't really nervous as he lifted the remote again, but it was quick. "Should be just right if you've had a bad day."

Etherea snorted but she did put her head back down on the cushion. Only then did I relax even a little.

As the movie started I simmered in my unhappiness with the whole situation. If I remembered correctly this was one of the more romantic movies out there, and exactly the kind I was sure we had been trying to avoid. We had wanted something funny and lightly romantic; not this. But after thinking for a moment I did reluctantly agree that 'The Wedding Singer' was probably not the best choice; Adam Sandler was an awfully direct and weird comedian. The whole scene with him screaming at a full reception hall in anger would have been just the wrong kind of thing to show Etherea right now.

So I settled down on the floor, propped up on my elbows, and set myself to endure - hoping that Etherea wouldn't take this the wrong way. At least I remembered the movie being pretty good.

A part of me was still very focused on there being an alicorn on the couch behind me, and at my brain's reminder of her presence I remembered that the movie would be completely lost on Etherea. So when the movie started I picked my narrating duties right back up. I was actually more than happy to. For one thing it was a small way I could help and maybe make up for my part in her terrible day. It was also a way to show off - I was the one who got to introduce Etherea to both human entertainment and some small pieces of our society.

The quiet thanks I received from the couch was pretty nice too.

"So is that how... humans show affection?"

I glanced over my shoulder at Etherea before turning back to the TV to see exactly what she was looking at. It had been a scant minute and we hadn't even gotten past the people greeting each other in the airport. On the screen was another couple of smiling people coming together in a warm hug.

My mouth was halfway to saying something about hugging but Craig beat me to it. "You mean kissing?"

"Um..." I turned my head just in time to catch Etherea break a tense sideways glare at Craig. A circular wave of her hoof toward the TV followed and I breathed a sigh of relief that she was willing to be civil even if she was still unhappy. "Yes, though I... meant everything that they... are doing. Is kissing very common?"

"Depends on who you're kissing." I jumped into the conversation ahead of Craig. I wished I'd phrased that a bit differently, but I could only go forward from there. Though something about her last question made me wonder. "Is kissing not common in Eq... among ponies?"

She blinked and had to shut her mouth to think. "Not really. There are, um, times when somepony, or ponies, will kiss..." She was blushing just a little under that coat of hers. "Licking is the most... common way of showing or sharing affection. Nuzzling is as well. Embracing like those humans are... is a little difficult, though pegasi do... something that is kind of similar."

Her eyes flicked to me for a split second. "Such, um, direct... um, contact of the lips is not... very common."

I had to struggle not to laugh. I succeeded, fortunately enough, but I could feel a grin pulling at my cheeks. This conversation had apparently gone in to some awkward territory for her. I was content to let it slide though - no need to antagonize her.

"You're just seeing regular kissing there. Quick pecks and the like between friends or family." Craig on the other hand... "There's short ones, long ones, sexy ones, sloppy ones, and even ones that combine kissing and licking and get the tongue..."

"Alright Craig! I think she gets the picture." She seemed to. She hadn't moved an inch, but she was now watching the TV with wide eyes and a distinct orange tint to her coat. "So yes Etherea, kissing, uhh... I guess happens often enough. Hugging would be one of the lighter ways of showing affection with kissing generally being more intimate. Different kisses can be used at different levels of intimacy. A quick kiss on the cheek or forehead is generally fine between close family or good friends in certain situations."

She nodded and seemed satisfied with that answer.

"God, you make it sound so... ugh!" Craig, however, would be Craig. "I dunno'... Stiff, or something. Kissing's not at all like that, princess."

"Etherea."

"Alright. Kissing is not like that, Etherea."

"I think I understand the distinction Mist... Craig." She twisted her muzzle like his name had tasted bad. At least he just rolled his eyes and let the whole thing drop. I shifted a little closer to the wall and angled my feet more toward the front door so that I could better keep an eye on both of them. Mostly Craig though.

Keeping up with the myriad scene switches at the beginning of the movie was hard when I didn't know it all that well. I remembered some things, but I definitely couldn't do it real justice for Etherea. Some things just got completely skipped over because they went by too fast. However the marriage scene really piqued her interest and she commented on the apparent intimacy of the shared kiss.

The real problem - for me at least - pounced in the form of the two characters who were stand-ins for porn stars. I'd forgotten that this was that kind of R-rated movie. And I suddenly remembered that the one scene wasn't the only one. I could see where this was going, but short of ending the movie there was not a damned thing I could do about it. And I had no way to convincingly stop the movie now; too many questions and no good way for me to say that I wasn't looking forward to a conversation about human sexual practices and mores.

Etherea might not have really caught the first scene with them, but there was no way she could miss the later ones.

Still, despite all the different snippets of life and what must have been tantalizing hints at human behaviors, Etherea remained surprisingly quiet. Outside of my nearly constant talking we were all just sitting back and doing what Craig had planned for us to do: relaxing. I stole a quick look at the alicorn behind me to be sure. At least she looked relaxed. All her attention was on the screen and her ears were even firmly perked. One was sort of angled my way, but since I was the narrator that made sense.

It was right about the scene where that one idiot - I never had caught many of the characters' names - was waiting at the wedding reception and decided to go to America. My 'oven sense' went off at the sight of the food in the movie - years of bachelorhood giving me a sixth sense about pizza cooking times. The smell of baking bread, cheese, and spices in the apartment was a good indicator as well.

"Hey Craig, pause the movie. The pizzas should be about done."

Craig complied but just kind of laid there staring upward as I headed across the apartment, but Etherea lifted her head and I could feel her watching me the whole way. A quick check through the blinds and out the window revealed nobody nearby - several people were on the steps of another building - and the same dreary half-rainy weather. I was very thankful that nobody looked in danger of seeing the pony on my couch.

And sure enough, the pizzas were just about right. The crusts were lightly golden-brown with just the barest hint of darker crispiness at the very edges.

"I've got four cheese and peppers and mushrooms. Who wants what?" I called while cutting out some slices.

"That's it? Wh... Um, the cheese for me I guess." Craig proved my suspicions exactly right. No veggies for him.

"And you, Etherea?"

"Um, what exactly are we eating?"

Right... Human food. "Well, the four cheese is just that. Four kinds of cheeses and tomato sauce on a bread crust with some spices tossed on for good measure. The mushroom and peppers one trades three of those cheeses for, well, mushrooms and green peppers." I filled Craig's plate with three slices and turned my head to await the princess' order.

"I suppose I should... have one of each to try and see what I like. It sounds like... a popular Bitalian food."

"Wait, ponyland has pizza too?" 'Ponyland?' I would have slapped an exasperated hand to my forehead if my hands hadn't been preoccupied with holding a slice.

"Yes, Equestria has 'pizzas,' but... the translator was hesitant to... attribute any similarity between your food and ours. I was making... sure."

"Attriwhat? Alex?"

I turned, balancing the three plates on my hands. "She wasn't sure that it was the same thing as she knew." Both turned to nod their thanks to me. It was really weird seeing them do that in tandem.

The plates lit up with golden backlighting and were nearly flung in random directions as I jumped. It wouldn't have mattered though - they lifted safely away from me under their own power. I noticed the small smile that Etherea was trying not to let loose while my heart scrambled to catch back up to its normal rhythm. And, naturally, that her horn was glowing as well.

"Um. Thanks." I wasn't sure what to do for a moment since my job had sort of been co-opted, but I decided to just enjoy the sight of Craig watching the flying dishes with wide eyes. Etherea inspected each one before setting the one with two slices next to her and the one with three of the same kind down to Craig - I'd opted for two cheese and one with veggies so it was easy to tell which was whose.

"So what does everyone want to drink?"

"A Beer."

"Water if... you don't mind."

And that left iced tea for me. Easy enough. This time, as I made my way to where Etherea had set my plate, she nabbed only her own drink. After a short round of passing out napkins and we were ready. Well, except for Etherea who just looked at her food for a little. She leaned her neck out to take a few careful sniffs at the food on her plate, her nostrils twitching with each inhale. She seemed to find no problems with her fare and settled back before turning her head toward me.

"What about silverware?"

"No need. Just grab it and go." Craig was more than happy to demonstrate for her by slipping his fingers under a slice, lifting it, and taking a giant, sloppy bite. She watched all of this with her ears a little back and eyes slightly narrowed. Then her eyes came back to me.

"I can get you some if you'd like." I was halfway to having my feet back under me when she shook her head.

"If this is how... it's done, then I will as well." She did, however, lift her head high while levitating up a slice. Both Craig and I stopped to watch as she carefully latched onto the tip with just her teeth and gently pulled it away. Almost immediately her eyes shot wide.

Again my heart skipped a beat. What was wrong? It was just pizza, wasn't it? Maybe there was something in human food that was poisonous to ponies! I stamped that thought down quickly - Etherea hadn't spat out her food. She was chewing it slowly though. Maybe it just tasted bad?

I looked to Craig for ideas but he just shrugged. I guess we were thinking similar things. Maybe.

"By the... heavens this is salty!" She took a long pull from her glass of water before looking at me. "Is all human food this... laden with salt?"

"Well, no." I took a small nibble at some of the cheese. "Tastes about normal to me, though I suppose it has more salt in it than some meals. Salt is something that humans like a lot."

"Perhaps that is why you... have no Harmony." Her chin pulled back as she looked down and to the side. "No, that would make... no sense either. It would not explain the general lack... of Harmony in your world. Unless... everything was laden with it." I shook my head when she cocked an eyebrow at me.

"You ponies don't like salt?"

"It is not that, Craig." Her muzzle was pointing at her plate but she didn't seem to actually be looking at it. "Salt is a natural... inhibitor to using magic. It interferes with... a pony's connection to her Harmony and when properly prepared... it can interfere with the effects of another's spells." She shook her head and passed a furtive look between the two of us. "We like salt just... fine but the, um, separating of a pony from her Harmony... feels very strange, and salt in... sufficient quantities can make a pony act unlike her normal self."

"I take it that it does not affect... humans this way?" She again sought me out for an answer. It was thrilling that she considered me reliable, though I felt a little twinge in my gut to see that one of Craig's eyebrows was halfway up his forehead. At least he didn't say anything. I almost sighed in frustration; I was sure to hear about it later.

"No..." I still quite wasn't sure what she expected from me. "It just makes us thirsty. If it's a problem for you and your magic then I can figure out something else." I really didn't want to have to get up now and do a whole new round of cooking, but if pizza was going to hurt her recovery then I'd damned well be.

"No, it is fine. I will just need a lot of water." Craig's snicker earned him a frown that was halfway to a sneer.

Etherea taking another dainty bite was the cue for me to start eating. Unsurprisingly Craig was already halfway through his slice.

By an unspoken agreement we left the movie off until after we'd eaten; I couldn't narrate around a mouthful of cheese after all. While Craig and I ended up getting seconds, and eating most of both pizzas, Etherea confined herself to just three slices. And lots of water. I worried what Craig might say about her eating habits or, even worse, her weight, so I tried cutting him off by shushing and making a throat-slitting motion at him when she wasn't looking. Judging by his thoroughly confused look I don't think he got it so I was left feeling really foolish. At least he didn't say anything.

Then, sure enough, sometime after the dishes were stowed we came upon the scene in the movie I'd been dreading.

"O-oh my...!" Yup, Etherea's quiet exclamation showed that she'd noticed too. Not that it was hard to miss the two porn star stand-ins completely naked, the woman sitting squarely on the guy's crotch, and everything shy of their actual genitals in plain sight. And moving in time with the woman's half-hearted up and down motion was what could only be the guy's balls.

"Is... is this that k-kind of, um, film?"

"You mean a porno?" Again Craig beat me to it!

I jumped in after him, trying to mitigate a bad situation but heedless to where I was actually going. "No. From what I remember it really isn't. It's just part of the joke that they are... well, developing an actual relationship in a place that's all about dramatized, fake relationships." When I looked over my shoulder Etherea was sitting stiffly upright, her mouth hanging open, and a noticeable blush spreading away from her cheeks. I think the tips of her feathers were quivering a little. "Please don't take that scene the wrong way, I just hadn't re..."

"I did not... I mean, had not expected to be... introduced to human sexual practices so quickly. Or, um, bluntly."

"Oh this is nothing. If you want to really see something I'm sure I have a few good pornos lying around that I could show you. I bet even Alex has a few somewhere." I could only choke silently as Craig twisted around to fire that shit-eating grin at the both of us.

"Ugh! No, thank you!"

Craig started shaking on seeing Etherea recoiling and holding a hoof before her breast as powerful laughter started to well out from within him.

"I see enough of... that from Namerril and Haessa."

I was already choking on nothing so my situation changed very little when Craig fell over backwards and I tried to laugh.

"Really, Mister Sanders. I am a grown... mare who is friends with quite a few... other mature ponies. Is it really... so surprising that I'm not completely... innocent?" He just stared. "I do know about sex. Why, I have even had... a deeply intimate encounter or two of my own."

That hit like a kick in the gut. Not because I was jealous - not really - but because my brain was not at all prepared for a flood of images with Etherea in a variety of positions, twisting and flexing in ecstasy as some faceless stallion rutted her senseless. It might have been hot if it hadn't also been completely fucking wrong!

I clamped my mouth shut and looked to the ceiling while forcing myself to breathe through my nose. My body greedily welcomed the fresh oxygen and by the time I'd cobbled together a normal breathing pattern I'd also managed to mostly clear my head of ponies going at it like porn stars. Etherea's disapproving stare certainly helped such thoughts flee back to the darkest recesses of my mind. I hoped so hard that she couldn't read thoughts. Or faces.

"Not you too Alex." Her tone was nothing if not exasperated.

"It's not..." Alex, you can do this without looking like a complete idiot! "It's not that I didn't think, um, actual ponies like yourself didn't, um, have sex... but I'm used to seeing ponies in a cartoon for children!" Yeah, that works. No point in mentioning clop...

"Oh. Well, yes, I... suppose you aren't used to... seeing us that way." Oh princess, you have no idea.

"I just wasn't expecting you to be so blunt about it." That got a giggle and another blush from her. The nose dip, like she wanted to hide behind her mane, was really adorable.

"Yeah, no kidding. I did not need that image. Seriously! Humans fucking like ponies is one thing, but ponies fucking like ponies..." Etherea switched right back to gaping at Craig. I might have joined her if I wasn't too busy groaning - out loud this time. "Oh, and another thing princess, don't call me 'Mister Sanders'. You sound like my mother."

Etherea blinked furiously for a moment before giving herself a full-bodied shake and finally getting her mouth shut. "Well, judging by your... complete lack of restraint, clearly somepony needs to." She nodded smugly at Craig's horrified frown. "And that is acceptable under one... condition; if you use my own name instead of throwing... my title at me, then I will agree to refer to you by your first name."

I just sat back and watched as my two companions stared each other down. Neither seemed that angry, but it was amusing to an extent to see them both unwilling to back down from... whatever this was. Then Craig's belligerently-set jaw relaxed and he settled back, raising his chin, smirking slightly, and nodding. It was a scary shift. Worry grabbed at my stomach and spine because I had no idea what had just gone on in his head. Etherea's pose didn't change, but the way her ears twitched like they wanted to retreat seemed to place her in the same boat as me.

"Sounds good." His smirk grew into a full smile. I might have expected it to be somewhat mocking after their little back-and-forth, or even triumphant, but he just looked amused. Which was probably just as dangerous. "Not many girls can keep up with me like you do. Most of the time it just annoys the hell out of me, but sometimes a girl is just the right kind of, um... Fiery?" His eyebrows bounced in emphasis. What...? "Yeah, fiery. Then it's actually kinda' hot. Like now. So, y'know, if you weren't a pony, I'd so be all over that." He nodded slowly toward her tail, leading with his chin. And there came the grin that had won him a thousand willing vaginas.

All I knew at that moment were the conflicting waves of tension crashing together across my body, parts of me left hot and others cold. Everything shifted erratically as my body failed to decide what exactly it was supposed to do now. I was going to kill him. I really was. But I was too busy just trying to breathe at the moment.

"And on that note I'm going to work!" My roommate leapt to his feet, snagged his things, and rushed out the door before I could blink. Not that I could blink.

The last sound for a very long time was the solid click of the door shutting behind him.

I couldn't believe it. He'd just openly hit on Etherea. And not just hit on her; he'd all out propositioned her! Saying he'd fuck her? And only just after making fucking first contact! I couldn't imagine a worse way to incinerate diplomatic relations between our two peoples. Well, give me some time and maybe, maybe I could. But saying that to Etherea now, when she'd been so distraught earlier and even now was probably much more scared than she showed?

I was going to fucking murder him if he came home tonight. Well, if Etherea didn't. She should have first dibs anyway. Speaking of which...

It took an eternity to convince my head to turn far enough that I could actually see and judge her state. She was sitting rigidly with her head raised, but her ears pressed firmly backward. She was just kind of staring at the door, though her gaze was vacant. The only signs of life were the steady shifting of her wings at her sides as she breathed.

I had no idea what to say. What the hell could I do after Craig's stunt!?

"Alex?"

My fingers strained themselves into immobility. Her voice was eerily level. "Yeah?"

"Did he just...?"

I shook my head in denial though she probably couldn't see it. "Ahhhiihhh... Don't make me answer that." Oh yeah, that'll surely get her to let the matter drop!

"I... thought so."

And then after a momentary clenching of her whole body, and a heavy sigh, she just set her chin back on the cushion. "Can we finish watching this?"

No screaming? No yelling? Where was the vehement denial or the horrified refusal? I was afraid of seeing Etherea set off again but in a way it was scarier that she wasn't freaking the fuck out. She just waited with ears perked and another expressionless gaze. What the hell was happening in her head right now?!

Ears perked? Was that stare blank or thoughtful?

What if she, for some ungodly reason, liked Craig's 'interest?' That was... That... I could not accept that for a moment. But my feelings wouldn't make it untrue if it were. And if Craig had taught me anything, girls seemed to like guys who knew what they wanted and were confident that they were going to get it. At least they always seemed to respond positively to him.

Now I was angry with Craig for a whole new reason. I know Etherea was not, and would probably never be mine - the issues of she being a pony and a princess still loomed large - but I hated the possibility that Craig, being brazenly carefree, could maybe step in just like that and make a connection I wasn't prepared to even try for. It might be unreasonable of me but I didn't particularly care. Against my better judgment she was something I still kind of wanted. And to lose it like that?

Truthfully I didn't know for sure how she felt about Craig. That was some small comfort and I latched onto it. But the possibility of her reacting positively to him kept prodding at the back of my thoughts even as I retrieved the remote.

At least I could try to minimize the damage should she dislike Craig's forwardness. "I'm sorry for him. I di..."

"Don't worry about it." Her voice was quiet and her tone also upsettingly neutral. I couldn't help staring aghast at her.

"But it's not okay!"

She shifted her head back and forth without taking it off the couch. "I have two choices, Alex. I can... be insulted or flattered. I think I prefer to take his... words as a compliment."

Fine. She wanted it dropped? I could do that.

I hit play, fully intent on just making myself enjoy the rest of the movie as much as I could. I was completely lost when it came to Etherea and I found I couldn't let that go. At the same time I also couldn't let myself worry too much about something that at the moment I had no control over. But I would definitely be having a talk with Craig later. Hopefully before Etherea got to him. I decided I wasn't going to kill him - too much paperwork - and I had to prevent the possibility of Etherea doing that as well.

"Is she considered pretty?"

On the screen was one of the scenes of the British prime minister and his dark-haired secretary making asses of themselves while they tried to decide how they felt about the other. Their awkward fumblings were among the more amusing scenes. And the secretary was cute. Even more so when she was trying not to swear in front of her boss and too nervous to succeed. Her pale complexion and long raven-dark hair certainly added to her appeal.

"Yeah. She's cute. Though the joke of her being a little, um, thick is also true." I kept my voice carefully level but my answers still felt a little curt.

"So she's overweight?"

I glanced back but Etherea was still fixated on the TV. "Not really. She's not the 'ideal,'" I made air quotes, "skinnyness, but she's hardly obese." One of Etherea's eyebrows lifted as I did the finger motions, but she said nothing. I guess she got it. "The girl who has been hitting on her boss is closer to the ideal."

"So that, um, other... one is quite beautiful then?"

"No." I didn't even need to think about it. "Well, not to me. She's got a really nice body, and the dark hair and makeup with light skin is kind of exotic, but I don't like the short hair, all the extra makeup, or her kinda' pushy forwardness. Why?"

"Just wondering."

I don't consider myself the most 'in tune' to women, so when my bullshit sense is tripped then something is really up. She was watching a romance movie, had been hit on by my roommate and was now asking me to rate the women we were seeing? There was no way in hell that she was 'just wondering.'

Unfortunately I could only imagine one outcome for this conversation; she would eventually ask me if she would be considered pretty. Not good. Telling her the honest truth that yes, I did think she was pretty? No thanks! The only other option - to lie and say no - was potentially even worse. Telling an emotionally unsteady female that she wasn't pretty was a horrible idea. It was a catch-22 of the worst variety.

But other than hinting at my true feelings and insulting her, what choice did I have? I looked over at the pony on the couch, though I wasn't sure what I was actually trying to accomplish.

She had relaxed and rolled a little further onto her side. Her ears rested sideways, her eyes were placid and slightly lidded, her wings were collapsed fully onto the couch, and...

...and in her state she'd let her tail fall away a little too far. With her oriented toward the other end of the couch I was in a perfect position to get an eyeful of a slender, pink-ish vulva nestled under and compressed slightly by the haunch above it. A veritable waterfall of blue hair passed by the side and then swept underneath as though to accent what I was seeing. At least the petite ring nearby was still half-hidden by her tail root.

Oh fuck me!

No! I hadn't meant... Not like that!

Breathing normally was suddenly very interesting. So was the TV; on it was two people just talking and going through ordinary life. But it wasn't a hors... pony's vagina. A pony's vagina that was just over my shoulder and a handful of feet away. Nope, the TV definitely wasn't that, and that's all that mattered. The TV was perfectly safe to look at.

But the question of 'why' reared its ugly head and wouldn't go away. Was this intentional? Was she testing me? If our conversation was any indicator then at some point she was probably going to ask if I thought she was attractive. Was this part of that? But it was so unlike her! A proper, slightly stuck up princess baring everything to the strange alien just to satisfy some little curiosity? It was something that only happened in bad stories. Right? So why?!

Well truth be told, a more analytical part of me was quick to point out, another thing was that ponies didn't wear clothes, so this must happen now and again just on its own. But Etherea seemed to have been careful about it so far, so why now?

Maybe... What if she was taking a cue from Craig's forwardness? It was tenuous reasoning at best, considering how she'd been so far, but it was possible. But the only way to know was to, well, check.

My head came around slowly; the TV no longer holding any importance. Hopefully she wouldn't notice.

Yup. She was still as interested in the TV as I should be. That brought a wave of shame. I shouldn't be doing this. For one, I was going to willingly taking a look under a her tail to see whether I liked it. I could more or less tell the answer already, considering earlier today, but I was going to do it anyway. And not only that, I was taking advantage of her apparent inattentiveness to sneak a good look at her most private area!

But I couldn't help it - even if you were offended by a person casually baring it all, you couldn't help but pay attention if they were hot. Curiosity would so be the death of me.

I wasn't any kind of expert on horse anatomy, but with a good look I was sure that Etherea wasn't exactly the same. What I remembered from riding lessons as a kid was that if a horse's clitoris were a zipper, then whole under-the-tail area kinda' looked like someone had pulled that zipper down as far as it would go. While Etherea's privates were still oriented ventrally...

Was that the right term? Ventrally? Dorsal meant 'top' - like the fin on a dolphin - so ventral, which I think is the opposite, meant 'bottom.' Her tummy would be ventral...

And I was so far off track. I think my brain was looking for any excuse to pay attention to anything else. Back to the topic on hand...

Ugh! I didn't need that imagery either!

So Etherea's privates were in about the same position as a horse's, but they were more pink than brown or gray. And I'm pretty sure hers had gentler curves leading down and in to them, so they were softer-looking. That probably had something to do with her haunches being less powerfully-built than a horse's. Softer overall. Squeezably...

No.

I think her vagina was shorter top-to-bottom, relatively speaking, and narrower in profile, though it was tough to tell without something to directly compare it to. It was less... distended, really, and with daintier - I guess - folds than any horse it was like someone had started with equine privates but decided to change them to be a little more human. It wasn't so far-fetched that she could have evolved from a horse long, long ago.

Yet she wasn't human either. She was still proportionately a bit longer top-to-bottom than a woman and didn't have the same general curve around her pelvis. The orientation of her... area certainly had something to do with that. The relative lack of prominence played out here as well - there was very little 'mound' to it.

All in all her vagina was a little different, but not too bad. In fact, the whole thing was kind of cute. Pussy was pussy, after all.

Yeah, even if she clearly wasn't a horse, she was close enough to make that thought hurt. My own words, come back to haunt me. I was slammed by revulsion, every other feeling I might've had buried beneath. Not at her for being so equine, not at myself for constantly reaffirming her attractiveness, but at the relative lack of revulsion I was having to those things! I was revolted because I wasn't revolted enough and that was what I felt I should be. Right?

I had my feet under me and was moving before I had even thought about where I was going. 'Away' seemed like a good idea but the brilliant blue mane flaring wide as Etherea recoiled made me aware that I couldn't just up and leave. At least not without a lot of questions.

"Alex?" Yup, there was the first.

For a moment my mind struggled to right itself, like my sudden movement had tossed all my thoughts overboard. "Oh, um... Just ran out of drink and was gonna' get more." That'll work. "You need a refill?"

"Um, sure!" I caught her glass as it wobbled its way through the air to me.

That let me get away and have some space.

"Alex?" Or, almost got away. "Could you stop the... film until you are back? I... can't understand it."

I crossed the carpet to hit pause before heading toward the kitchen area just as quickly. I couldn't look at her. I wasn't confident that she wouldn't pick up on the things I wasn't sure I was keeping properly inside. Yeah, I had to think through that one several times to make sure I had it straight, though each pass made me less sure of what I was actually doing.

Getting two drinks ended up being a multi-minute affair which was definitely suspicious in and of itself. Pretending to think about my drink options was a good cover, however I hadn't come to any sort of resolution by the time my nervousness finally overtook my willingness to procrastinate. Unfortunately Etherea wasn't going to wait forever no matter how patient she was trying to be.

I didn't want to face her until I sorted out this whole 'horse or not' mess for myself, but I clearly wasn't going to do it in time. So every step back toward the TV felt like one closer to the gallows. Could she sense my thoughts? My feelings?

Judging by her head resting on the couch again and a faint smile gracing her muzzle... Maybe? My nervousness found new traction as I anticipated a looming confrontation that she seemed only too happy to tease me about.

Her head lifted when I was only a few steps away. Those lovely violet eyes blinked and her smile grew. Yeah, she was definitely rubbing it in.

"Why thank you, Alex!" I made myself hold on to the her drink even as a familiar glow wrapped around it and lifted it free. Rather than coasting gracefully through the air, it wobbled and bobbed as its halo shifted and wavered erratically. Etherea's face scrunched in determination just in time for the halo to flare and die, the glass tilting as it accelerated under the crushing grip of gravity.

My still outstretched hand being only a foot or two from the glass made it rather easy to grab midair, even if my lunge was a bit desperate.

"Oops. Sorry!" She lowered her muzzle and covered her mouth with a hoof, her eyes widening. A few strands of mane shifted forward like they wanted to hide her slight blush. "I guess I got... more salt in me than I thought. There really was a lot on... that, um, pizza, and I probably should not do... too much magic, huh?"

I could only nod dumbly. Salt? This was all about salt?

Instead of letting her try and levitate her drink again, I placed it snugly between her forehooves - deepening her blush - before taking up Craig's old spot. It felt a whole lot safer for me to be on this end of her.

"So, um, salt actually does make ponies kinda' drunk, or something? Is that what this is?"

"Oh no, no, no, no, no... It's a... completely different feeling. And you can still use magic when... you're drunk."

Now that I thought about it, she did seem to be acting a little drunk, but okay, I guess she wasn't. Far be it from me to look a gifted pony in the mouth. At least if she was 'drunk' on salt that might explain the whole deal with her tail, and probably let me off the hook for any strange behavior. What she didn't know couldn't hurt me!

"Are you going to be alright?" Another great way to work through anxiety was to deflect from it!

"Oh yes, I'm fine." Too bad she bopped her chin on her glass when she tried to set her head back down, her face blooming orange again. Her cover for this was a cringe-worthy shoving of her muzzle in her drink instead.

I considered pressing the issue but I really didn't know where I would go with it. She knew how salt affected her a lot better than I did. That went hand-in-hand with not asking her how she really felt about Craig's declaration earlier - they were things I'm not sure I would, or could, get an adequate answer for. If she told me she was fine then it was safer to let her be.

Even if I wasn't able to convince myself that it really was the right thing to do.

The movie was a good distraction from all that. The problems of ponies existing, what to do about the one living in my apartment, and just exactly what was on the couch behind me still lurked around the edges of my thoughts, but it was surprisingly easy to lose myself in the stories and struggles of other people. But that was the whole point, wasn't it? Forget everything for a while and let yourself be entertained. Hopefully Etherea was having a better time...

"Are they pretty?"

'They' being the four girls in the movie that the 'dumbass' from earlier got to meet when he made it to America. If anything was actually wrong with the movie, it was this. The dumbest guy in the film goes to America to pick up easy chicks who like his accent. Within twenty four hours he doesn't just get one or two. No, he gets like five.

Was I bitter? Maybe just a little.

My dread came right back at full force. If Etherea was asking me to critique human women again, then she hadn't forgotten about doing the same for herself. But again, I couldn't just leave in order to avoid it. I had to play it calm; don't do anything strange and just take it as it comes.

"Yeah. They're all really pretty, and that's the point. He's getting exactly what he wants."

"What makes them prettier than... the others?" Her tone remained light and completely honest. Innocent, really. I couldn't help but glance over my shoulder. Bright eyes and attentive ears confirmed that it was either a completely innocent question, or she was a hell of an actress.

"Well, um, it's kinda' their entire look: smooth skin, young-looking, slim bodies, high cheekbones, some modest makeup that accents their eyes and lips, nice, neat hair, and, um, clothes that show off their shape. The one girl that the Prime Minister is interested in has some of that, but these girls are closer to the ideal feminine look." I pointed at the screen. "See how the one is wearing pants that cover her but don't really hide what she looks like?"

"So it's clothing that... teases."

"Yup." She grinned at my answer.

Here it comes. I've just told her how pretty those women were and why. Time for her to ask the question I've been dreading. As Etherea's inhaled I tensed, praying that I could answer with enough honesty to convince, but enough evasion to feign innocence.

"Can you hold my drink?"

What?! "Er... sure?"

She lifted it toward me with both hooves. Once it was safely away she scooted backwards a bit before flipping her wings and then rolling completely on her side. With a happy sigh she stretched her legs out so her hooves dangled out far away from the couch. She set her head down on its side and a flick wrapped her tail safely around her rump and across her hind legs.

Or she could just be getting comfortable. Really comfortable.

I couldn't see most of her face thanks to her mane and the armrest, but a happy little smile was clear on her muzzle. Setting the half-full glass down next to me I turned back to the TV. It took a while of her just watching and listening before I let myself relax enough to get back into the film. I was certainly glad that for much of the rest of it she just lay there quietly.

She laughed along with the climactic scenes where the Prime Minister and his new girlfriend got caught kissing on stage behind the decorations during the Christmas pageant. She wondered at the horribly translated Spanish when the one guy flew out to propose to his former house maid. Apparently she thought the salt had gotten to her translation spell or something. I suppose it made sense, since they had written his terrible grammar into the subtitles. Continuing to mistranslate would have been a perfect way for to fuck with her, and sounded like something Craig might do, but I didn't think she'd appreciate it.

Yet another thing I was hesitant to do around her. Was I being too cautious? Maybe that's what Craig had been trying to show me.

It did take a minute to explain to her just why everyone had kissed the poor guy after the woman had accepted his proposal. Etherea nearly had me stop the movie to sate her sudden interest in the different national customs concerning intimacy. It was something I knew I couldn't explain well other than to say that the various human cultures had varying levels of acceptable intimacy. That disappointed her, but what could I do? I didn't know the how's and why's behind Spanish traditions concerning weddings!

At least the final airport scene left her grinning pretty much from ear to ear. I guess seeing all the people come together lovingly after working things out really struck a chord. But then came the 'dumbass' arriving home with two of his American hotties in tow. God, that 'foreign' girl from 'American Pie' made for a scorchingly hot cowgirl!

"Wow. He looks starstruck! Those two must be... really attractive." Etherea'd lifted her head, her voice full of wonder. Then the blonde girl on the screen walked right up and kissed the dumbfounded black guy. "And wow, she's forward!" Etherea turned wide eyes and perked ears on me. "I mean, she is... being very forward to just, um, kiss... him like that, correct?"

"Yup. That's part of their sexiness." Sexiness? Shit! That's the best description I could do?! "Uhh... And yeah, um, they're dressed just barely decent enough and they walk like they're trying to seduce everyone. Then they're really friendly and most guys'll just want them more." A very familiar dread began creeping back up my spine.

She giggled lightly. "Yeah, they were... really swaying their hips, were they not? They may... not be ponies but even... I could see that." I had looked over at her and was just in time to see her wiggle her hips slightly. She hadn't been paying any attention to me, but the TV suddenly became very interesting again. Just in case.

"That was... very provocative clothing then? It did not cover very much."

"Exactly." Now I kind of wanted a girl as pretty as they, and dressed in cut off shorts and tied-up top, sitting here with me. Which was reassuring - even if equines were attractive, at least human women still were as well! I could thank God for that, I supposed. Too bad I wasn't actually religious. "It only covers those things it would be indecent to show in public and at the same time it draws attention to them. You see how their tops seemed to push their... chests up and out?"

"Uh huh. You said human breasts... would look, um..." she tapped her chin with a hoof, "you said 'engorged,' I believe. I can see why. And then in clothes like... that it's like they're presenting them to everypony. I don't think... it would work nearly as well for ponies." A quick look toward her hindquarters was all the preparation I got before she folded her legs, rolled onto her front, and then pushed out her chest. With her forelegs pressed together it created a crease down the middle of her breast and vaguely simulated having human breasts of her own.

For a second I was drowning in pure horror, freezing solid as I stared. She was... I... Nothing coherent came out of my thoughts as I stared at a the princess trying to be a sexy pony right in my face! She couldn't fail to miss my reaction and suddenly she was shaking with full-throated laughter falling sideways against the back of the couch, her hooves kicking in the air.

I was not okay with this. Not in the least! Whether she knew it or not she was fucking making fun of something I was not at all comfortable with. My teeth and palms took the brunt of my anger as I tried to dig their counterparts through to the other side. Fuck her! I didn't need or want this!

"Alex?" Her chin was on the armrest and her eyes focused on mine as her happy expression had fell away to blatant concern. "Hey, was that too... much? Was... Was it indecent?!" Blue hair again swung wide as her head shot up and she shook it slowly in denial. "Oh no! I'm so, so sorry! I-I didn't think... that it would be wrong t-to imitate such things... without proper coverings! Please Alex, I did not... mean anything by it. I'm sorry!"

Every emotion fled so fast - taking all my thoughts along for the trip - that all I could do was stare back at her. The pony who was at constant risk of indecently baring her pussy and ass, and who had actually done so, was worried that I'd be offended by simulated breasts? What the hell? But my confusion did nothing to dispel the worried mare on the couch. I had to say something, and fast!

"It's... I don't know. It's not that bad. I'm not actually offended or anything. That wouldn't be fair of me since you don't wear clothes like we do." I couldn't possibly tell her the real reason I didn't want to get too deeply in to this, and the creeping fear of what I might say was making my hands sweat.

"I'm just... It's... Um. It's just so unlike you." Oh yeah, that's eloquent! "I mean, I've just never seen you so, um, casual." Well, outside of pictures...

"Oh." Her shoulders dropped and she relaxed, a soft and reassuring smile forming. "Oh, well, you can probably thank... the salt for that. Though," the smile turned into a scrunched nose and furrowed brows, "it seemed like you... were really angry for a moment there. Are you... sure it is alright?"

No, it wasn't - isn't. But poker face is a go. "Yeah, don't worry about it. It's really okay."

She just looked back at me for a long, uncomfortable moment before a little of her previous smile crept back. "Alright. I suppose I should... say that if anything I do would be offensive please... just let me know. I don't know where I might get... some clothes here, but if it makes you more... comfortable, then I will wear something."

I shook my head and waved a hand dismissively. I was too busy relishing an overpowering sense of relief that I'd dodged that bullet. Etherea then slid off the couch and onto her hooves, shaking each hoof and wing in turn to get her blood flowing again. She stretched her mouth wide in a huge yawn while rolling her shoulders to stretch her back. Naturally I caught the yawn bug and followed suit, which made her giggle again.

"It is kind of late." I said plainly and with a nod.

"And it's been a long day." She added with a sheepish smile. "Though before we go... our ways would you mind changing this bandage? It's itching again."

I hesitated. "I was thinking you'd eventually decide you'd want to change it yourself now that your magic... Oh."

"Yes, the salt." She rolled her eyes but her grin remained.

Happy Etherea is definitely best Etherea.

I retrieved the bandages, disinfectant, and other things before kneeling in front of where Etherea was now sitting. Even as I got down beside her I made sure to keep my eyes up. I didn't know how much I might see past her forelegs and I wasn't about to check. There had been more than enough of that for one day. Plus she was right there and would probably notice even despite the salt in her system.

She remained stoically still as I went through the process of removing the wrappings under her mane, cleaning the remains of her wound, and then replacing the bandage. To my relief she seemed to be healing alright. There was a little clear seepage but otherwise the scab seemed to be formed and doing its job. While still ugly, it was certainly much better than it had been.

This close to her I couldn't help but worry how she was actually doing - and smell her lilac shampoo. I mean I was pretty much a nervous wreck. She seemed fine, but she was also high on salt. Or however that worked for ponies.

The whole thing with Craig, after spending all day depressed, had to be leaving some kind of impact. Especially because she'd covered it up so fast. That right there was a sign of something, right?

"Etherea. About Craig earlier, I'm sorr..."

"Shut up." She didn't sound angry but I stopped everything I was doing. It wasn't hard to shift sideways and see her expression since I was only a couple of feet away. She remained facing forward even as her eyes turned to meet mine for a second.

The small smile that slowly slipped onto her muzzle was surprising. After thinking about it for a second I changed my mind on that. "I'm being stupid?"

Her grin grew until it showed several teeth. "Mayyyybe."

Alright, I could accept that since she really did seem okay. I stepping back and gave her some space.

"I still feel," I said and she turned just enough to look at me out of the corner of narrowed eyes, "that I should thank you for forgiving me earlier. I do feel bad that I kinda' ended up hitting you."

Her face lost all expression for a moment before her head dropped and her mane hid everything. "Alex... it might seem strange of me, but after... everything - and somewhat... because of it - you are the one I trust enough to believe." She looked up at me and another, softer smile was directed at me. "I think we could almost... be considered friends by now. Just please do not do that again."

I opened my mouth too fast. "I'll try my best to keep my hands off." I closed my eyes and cringed. Fuck! But the only thing that happened was a short, feminine chuckle working its way to my eardrums.

"It's alright. That's what I mean, Alex. I feel that I... can trust you."

When I opened my eyes she was yawning again. I was too busy trying to not grin stupidly to do the same. It seemed like my efforts were paying off! Her trust meant a lot, especially after how we'd met. This might actually work out alright!

"Goodnight Alex. I will see you in the morning." Her head shifted forward toward mine, her muzzle leading, before she caught herself. For just a second her ears folded and I was left utterly frozen in confusion when she suddenly turned and walked away.

What the hell had that been?!

As she left, I noticed past the hypnotic sway of her tail that her ears had returned to the back of her head and her expression gradually became more distant. By the time she'd silently disappeared around the corner she definitely looked depressed and very at odds with how 'fine' she'd said she was.

"Etherea?"

It took a moment, but eventually a golden-yellow face appeared back around the corner, though more curious than it had been when in the same spot two days earlier.

"Is everything really alright?"

Almost immediately I regretted my question because her head dropped to point at the floor. "Not really. Tomorrow is my... birthday after all, and I am going to miss it."

Her birthday. Right. That grabbed right on to my gut and squeezed for all it was worth. How could I forget that I'd torn her away from that? I needed to do something about it. I know I had nothing that could possibly compare to a birthday in Canterlot and surrounded all of her friends, family, and probably even the princesses, but I couldn't let that stop me. This was something I could actually do something about!

"I'll think of something."

Her head shot up and wide eyes blinked once. For a moment she said nothing, her mouth slightly open. "Y-you don't have to... do anything! Th-that is not... necessary, it really i-is alright. I will be fine."

That just made my decision easier. "No, I'm going to do something. Even if it's small, you should have something. And it'll make me feel better to at least try to make it up to you."

For another long moment there was silence. Eventually her muzzle dipped lower and her eyes scrunched ever-so-slightly. "I suppose if you really want to then I... cannot stop you." She sniffed once. "Thank you."

I just smiled a little and nodded, feeling very good with myself. "Not a problem. Goodnight Etherea."

She flashed another shy smile before retreating back down the hallway. I rode the euphoria from having done the right thing until well after I'd taken my own turn preparing for bed. Friend. It felt so strange to think of an Equestrian pony as actually being a friend of mine. She had been kind of hesitant about that, but she'd still put it out there and I was more than willing to take it.

I was friends with a pony!

Now I just needed to figure out what to do for her birthday. My brain always just loved bringing me back down - I had no idea what I was actually going to do. Cake and soda with nobody around and no presents didn't seem like much of a party. The only resolution I could come to, after tossing and turning for a while, was that I couldn't let myself worry about it too much at the moment. I couldn't do a damned thing about it right now.

It was a surprisingly easy problem to dismiss as I tried to settle down. Unfortunately a worse one was more than happy to replace it. Images of naked horses soon began creeping in and a question I'd been more than willing to avoid earlier leapt to prominence. I'd admitted that I could see myself fucking a horse, though mostly that was just a thought exercise. The real question was this: could I see myself fucking Etherea?

If that happy, friendly side of her was who she really was, then the answer was a vehement 'yes.' And that led to all manner of other unwanted thoughts concerning myself, ponies, and their relative horse-ness. I might have made some real progress with Etherea today, but suffice it to say, thoughts of where that was going and what it meant for me again prevented me from sleeping well.

Author's Note

Like I said, this half of the chapter shouldn't take too long. A little editing (and no missing sections) and voilà!

Feel good? I hope so. I bet you'll all love the next chapter! I'm looking forward to it so very much. But first I have some things to do. A couple days off while I let my creative drive recharge and maybe switch gears to do some sketches. I do like the idea of drawing Amaranth (Namerril) so everyone knows what I'm talking about.

Questions? Comments? Hate mail? Marriage requests? (I'll need a detailed bio, pictures in triplicate, and...)

:derpytongue2:

Deleted scene:

Alex and Etherea's first conversation when Alex gets home - because this conversation would take up far too much space in an already very large chapter -

"W-what time is it anyway?"

My thoughts folded haphazardly around the intruding question but as I was busy sorting my thoughts I acted automatically. "About seven thirty."

Etherea paused with her hoof against her other cheek and cocked her head at me. "What? I do not... that didn't make any sense to me. How many daeressi until Twilight's Passing?"

We both stood there staring dumbly at each other. I couldn't speak for her but I had no idea what the hell she was talking about. Though as her eyes searched my face from under scrunched brows I couldn't help feeling she was just as lost in this conversation as I.

"Um... 'Daressi' and 'Twilight's Passing?'"

"No. Dayer-essee. It's, um..." The confusion on her features deepened. "T-that is strange, the spell is giving me nothing. They are units of time. There are about thirteen... hundred of them in a day. And Twilight's Passing..."

It all clicked. "Oh...!" Daeressi must be sort of like minutes or something. 'Day' was probably universal to both our worlds because it relied on something our worlds had in common. Months and years should be shared concepts as well. Minutes and hours weren't so well-defined so Equestria probably had different measurements. And come to think of it, there were probably plenty of other things like that as well.

"I don't think we share abstract definitions of things like minutes and 'dayer-essi.' Notice how you slipped in to Equestrian when you tried?" She pulled her head back and her mouth pursed cutely as she thought. No time for that kind of thought now, Alex. "I bet things like..." 'feet' would probably be too confusing, "...um, meters or pounds don't translate either. Those are measures of length and weight, by the way."

A slow nod was her answer. "I had not noticed my mistake, but I suppose that makes sense. It would be easy to describe a felnou as the length of a Pony's body from chest," she touched just below the base of her throat, "to the rear of her haunches," and motioned toward her rear with the same hoof - I made sure that my eyes didn't follow, "but it would be hard to define just how much an ehen weighs without a complicated example. I did not think about the translation spell doing conversions."

After a quick glance over her withers she looked up at me again. Her cheeks weren't wet, but they were definitely mussed now. Funny the sorts of things you notice when you should be paying attention to other things.

"What I meant to ask about was how long it was until the sun sets, that is Twilight's Passing. I guess the point is moot though," her voice lost much of its volume, "I-I wouldn't understand it anyway."

That was some heavy disappointment in her voice. Now I had to do something. But my mind came back empty-handed. How do I cheer up a Pony, much less one I can't touch and who is probably just reminded of all her problems by me? The only thing, I guess, was to remain cheerful for her even if all I wanted to do after today was sulk. That had to count for something.

[8 - Part 1] Fit For a Princess

The first thing I noticed was the sound of lots of running water somewhere deeper in the apartment. Interspersed at random moments were the resonant sounds of something hard striking thick but hollow plastic. Actually, that was probably ceramic. The other something? Hooves, I'd guess.

Which meant that there was a pony in my shower.

That wasn't so odd, was it? Nah. It got dismissed as completely normal and I rolled over to collect my fleeting sleep-addled thoughts. At least it was more normal than some of the things that had happened recently.

For some time I let my old fantasies involving my favorite ponies in new and exciting made-up situations entertained me. What would they do if I were dropped in the middle of Ponyville? What if Celestia had managed to purge the Nightmare without the aid of the Elements a thousand years ago but had fallen prey to it afterward? What if Cadance got herself stuck on Earth and secretly bought a house next to some poor schmuck? What if? What if?

The warmth, comfort, and (relative) quiet let me drift in and out of my half-dreams until actual awareness finally tracked me down and dragged me back. I have to admit that it was really nice to wake up more normally for once, a long, twisting full-body stretch convincing me that sleep was finally beyond my grasp. The too-narrow and too-short couch made a rather awkward bed and finally getting my legs to full extension was just such a relief.

But that enveloping warmth... Ah well, I could get it back tonight. I had things to do today.

I'd actually been woken earlier by Etherea when she'd dragged a yowling Dimble into the living area because he wouldn't leave her door alone. And of course that had been at the ass-crack of dawn. Normally my cat was patient enough to wait for Craig or me to wake - generally me. Why he felt the need to bother Etherea when I was already closer to the kitchen, or why so early, I had no fucking idea.

I hadn't been too thrilled with being up so early on my day off but there was also a morning-pony to see to. However, when I did so after getting my contacts in, she simply shooed me away. I mean, what the hell? No spell, no talking - at least not in English for her - and no early breakfast; just some gestures and a couple gentle shoves to get me to leave.

The pantomimes had been clear enough though. I was to go back to sleep. Not that I was complaining now, but it had not been at all what I'd expected.

Actually, I should probably thank her for it. It was pretty nice of her to keep to herself for a while just so I could sleep, especially since she'd been somewhat upset about having to get me up in the first place.

In the wake of Etherea vacating the shower and disappearing into my room I put my contacts in for the second time and called up my mental daily planner. Normally on a day like today I'd wake up late (sort-of check!), eat something for lunch (might still be too early to call it that), watch some TV with Craig and/or play World of Warcraft, read some My Little Pony fanfiction, and probably see what my friends were doing later. That last got firmly crossed off. In its place, in bright and shiny imaginary letters, was now 'Etherea's Birthday.'

The only problem was that I needed something to help her celebrate without being in any way extravagant, expensive, public or... Or pretty much anything that I figured a royal birthday would be. All I could provide was maybe a little cake, a present if I could think of something suitable (added to the list as a possible activity), and that stupid song. And unfortunately Craig wasn't going to be able to do much since he had to be at Oggie's tonight for the station.

I sighed, dejected, as I looked in the mirror. Anything I could do just seemed so pitiful compared to what Etherea was probably used to. Regret paired nicely with the inadequacy I was feeling - I was at least partially responsible for all of this. Bending over backwards was the only way I could think of to make me feel better, and I couldn't even do that properly.

Mulling things over as I exited the bathroom, but still without an answer, I was just in time to catch a slight creak from my bedroom door. Etherea's golden muzzle and one violet eye eased out, her expression cautious and her head tilted curiously. She froze ever so briefly on seeing me, but a grin started, faltered, and then finally stuck.

"Good morning Alex."

Wait, what?! That was English!

My head jerked toward Craig's room, I blinked, and then looked back at Etherea. She was blushing faintly but her smile had grown. I'd definitely heard that correctly no matter how many times my mind reran the memory! Holy hell! It'd only been four days!

"You can speak English now?!" My incredulity came out full force and unusually unfiltered.

She turned her head down and away for a moment with a soft giggle, not quite hiding her face or a faint blush. "Veh." A head shake. "Nesensi dantalon tirlior nemun, good morning, esvor vesikedia shesserith shi empirror."

While staring uncomfortably at her I half expected her to tell me that she knew only the one greeting and a short explanation for how much English she knew. But the silence between us stretched and twisted. The absence of any further reply was evidence - albeit indirect - of her knowing nothing else in English.

But now, realizing we were just standing there with my own blush growing and her ears slowly retreating, I felt a fool. I was just letting this go on! I should say something! But yeah, awkwardness was giving me absolutely nothing to work with, and that only made it worse!

"Ummm...," at least that was completely 'comprehensible,' "neya... hapeniem kistellaea asu neshorissil enrayuen shi ilishuna sukezera haerum?" Her eyes were just a bit apprehensive as her horn lit and she carefully stepped halfway into the hall and a short string of brushes and things slipped out behind her to cluster above her withers. One of her forehooves lifted to gesture past me.

The living room! We could get the translation spell going again! "Right! Right... We, um, probably should." I turned quickly and mentally kicked myself again for the umpteenth time. That's probably the exact thing she'd just said. I was such a fucking idiot.

A tiny 'hmh!' came from behind me. She sounded amused. "Orelsis shi everon toenriar esu melivar shosernkin... Easu renyin aro atemnessa saerden!"

And that had a pleasant lilt that almost sounded like she was messing with me. But what I got in return for a curious glance fired over my shoulder was a nervous grin. How could I know for sure if I couldn't understand her?

So what if she was? We were on pretty good terms after last night. She, being a morning pony, was probably just making a crack at how late I like to sleep. I made sure to let go of any lingering frustration before we came to a stop in the living room. It wasn't like being upset over nothing was going to do anything productive.

A quick check out the front window revealed no potential prying eyes. Etherea was leaning to the right when I turned back, her neck extended sideways and her eyes directed past me. Clearly we had been thinking the same thing.

Now it was my turn to tease her, our mutual caution threatened to give me a stupid grin, but I fought down the urge. I'm pretty sure she noticed anyways because her eyes twitched sideways and she ducked her head. Though almost right away she caught herself, lifting her head high and carefully smoothing her expression.

Yup, turnabout and all that, princess.

And happily enough she didn't even flinch when her horn lit.

"Well, alright then." I managed and took a breath. Serious face.

The routine of introducing ourselves and describing everything in increasing detail ended with a wave of her hoof sooner than I'd expected. Or maybe I just thought it had gone faster. But it was probably reasonable that we were becoming better at the little ritual.

"Much better." A subtle wave of relaxation passed over her from the crest of her neck to the end of her dock. "I feel more than... a little foolish talking and knowing you... cannot understand me."

I nodded sagely. "Yeah, I know how that goes. So..." The first thing that came to my mind? "How are you feeling?"

Another glance outside, then one at the bands of light on the carpet, and she headed somewhat leisurely toward the kitchen. "Much better, thank you. Some quality... rest has done wonders."

"I noticed that you were, um, more comfortable with your magic," she was also missing something, "and that you took the bandage off."

"Mmmhmmm." She took a couple of sniffs at the remaining roses as the various personal care items set themselves down on the end table beside her. "Earth pony... resilience means that I will recover... quickly and that this," she bounced her muzzle upward and flicked her eyes in the direction of her forehead, "should not leave a scar. Thank the stars for that! My flank and hind right, um, pastern are still a... little sore but that shouldn't last long."

Oh, that's right, she'd slammed into the cabinets pretty hard last night. "Sorry..."

"Shut up."

Right! Don't apologize to the princess for things that I feel bad for. She doesn't like it.

"One of these days I will get... you to stop apologizing so much Alex. It's nothing... to worry over now." She lifted her head to better see over the counter toward the corner where we had our nonperishables. "So, what... is for breakfast today?"

"Same as the other day, I guess; cereal, toast, bagels and the like. I suppose I could make pancakes again if you wanted." I paused to see her reaction. I wasn't really in the mood to do anything more than pour a bowl of cereal or cut some bread. Plus the damned dishes still needed doing! I know Etherea wouldn't accept anything less than clean ones, and I was with her on that. "It'll just take a minute while I clean these."

That turned her curious and slightly expectant expression sour in an instant. "But that was to be Craig's job! Correct?"

"Well, it would be if we'd gotten him to do them last night, but if we want clean ones now then I'll have to wash something."

"Fine. I think he and I will share... words later. It is not... fair to you for him to skip out on his duties... like... this..."

The way her tone dropped from indignant to barely-there made me turn to look. Her head was turned toward the wall, an unfocused, distant cast to her eyes. Damnit? Now she was sad again? What for? What had I done?!

"Uhh... What's wrong?"

She twitched and her whole body sort of drooped a little. "I am... I am not there to take care of my own duties."

Oh.

"I..." Don't apologize even if it feels like she deserves another. "Hey, Etherea." Be kind. Compassionate. "I'm sure everyone back in Equestria is doing fine. They can handle things without you." 'Without you?' Yeah, just remind her again that she's 'skipping out!'

"Well, um... I'd say your job now is to get home safe and sound as soon as you can. And we're working on that as best we can!" Though saying that reminded me that we'd done little more than laze around. I still had no idea what I was really doing or if there was something more I could actually do. I added a mental note about really pondering that problem later when I had more time to the already overflowing stack.

She remained still for a bit but eventually nodded slowly, her eyes still pointing away. "You are right." Her head dropped toward the floor and she took a breath. When her eyes came back up her face was blank except for a faint tightness. "I just feel awful abandoning... everypony like this. Oh, my parents must be worried... half to death! I... I can only imagine... what they are going through."

I spread my hands, vaguely grasping at thin air as I tried to come up with the perfect words to reassure her. Nothing could possibly match that impossible criteria so all I could do was open and close my mouth while slowly shaking my head in aggravation.

"I wish I could do more."

"You are already doing plenty, Alex," she said with a small smile that didn't make it beyond her lips. "And you are correct that we are already... doing what we are able. I am recovering well and for that I am thankful."

Then her posture and expression lifted as one, her chin rising imperiously. "And as Princess and... Heir to the Crystal Empire I decree that we should not worry ourselves too much... over things we cannot help, and should carry on with breakfast!" She finished with a giggle and relaxed into a slight slouch.

"I think I will have a bagel. What do you have to go with it?"

I nodded and gave a brief rundown of the various things we could add to a bagel as I started on the dishes. To my surprise an alicorn popped up to my left - on the opposite side I might have expected - and began lifting away wet dishes to dry with the hand towel from the oven door handle. It seemed she was going to hold herself true to her promise to help.

Well, she didn't immediately help. I caught her grimacing while examining the towel she was levitating a respectable distance from her face, and couldn't help but grin to myself. While she wasn't nearly as dramatic about it as Rarity probably would have been, Etherea's thoughts on the rather well-worn piece of formerly-fluffy red cloth were quite clear. Poor, poor princess.

And when it came down to it, she decided to have blueberry jam - a favorite of mine - and peanut butter on a slightly toasted bagel. I opted for a simple bowl of granola with dried dates. Thank you mom for that delicious combination!

As I sat down and went after my first bite Etherea shifted sideways a hair and twisted to lift a wing. Out dropped a few pieces of paper and some of my pencils. Without any apparent effort she caught and levitated everything, which still included the bagel half near her mouth. I was sorely tempted to roll my eyes at the ridiculous display. That was what, half a dozen items at once, and many of them out of sight?

Alicorns...

Now just what the heck she was up to? The top sheet had some words in small but neat incomprehensible squiggles down the left-hand edge. Definitely Equestrian script. I cocked an eyebrow in silent question while continuing to eat. She started and then paused, a weirdly blank expression on her face as her muzzle dipped, and waited for a moment before her eyes met mine. She was strangely tense too, which made me pause.

"Please do not take offense, but I wanted to speak to you about this." Now that was attention-grabbing.

The papers lifted to reveal one of my sketches hiding underneath. It was a very incomplete drawing of Celestia paddling about, half-submerged in water, with her mane and tail wafting around her on the surface. Her muzzle sported a cheeky grin behind a small collection of bubbles and her lips were pursed while blowing another. The drawing honestly wasn't very good and I'd abandoned it because I could never get her to look right. Minus the wings and horn it could have been anypony. Well, except for the cutie mark.

Etherea's expression hadn't eased into anything by the time I looked back up. I guess she wasn't happy? It was almost the same look as a parent asking something uncomfortable to a child who already knew the answer. That brought my defenses to the fore.

"Alright?" Simple, guarded, and it put the ball back in her court.

"Well, um..." Her head pulled back a fraction of an inch before she inhaled and brought her chin up high. "I found this deeper in your stack... of drawings. This is a very casual and, um, rather intimate portrayal of Princess Celestia. I would stress that you have not met her and do not know her. She is a Princess, diarch over... Equestria, and regent of the... of our sun. This," a curt nod downward, "is a highly inappropriate. I..."

Her sudden flinch caused a mirror reflex in me. The fact that she had the gall to dig through my stuff and then call me on private things had my adrenaline running hot. At the same time I was kicking myself for not having expressly forbid her from doing just that. Or simply removing the drawing myself. How could I have known though?

She slouched then, withdrawing in on herself a little as she turned her eyes down. "I know I have no authority to make... you do so, but I am... asking you to not draw such things."

Stop drawing images of the princess being casual? I'll admit that she looked a little flirty, but it wasn't even that bad! Good God, this mare was going to be horrified if she ever went online!

And Etherea herself had behaved worse just last night! What was so bad about it anyways?

"So Celestia doesn't like personal representations without express permission?" I didn't know the princess but somehow I doubted her being that uptight. Plus I didn't believe for one second that she could exert that kind of control over her ponies.

"I do not... That is not the point! You do not know... her and it is not right for you to be drawing such things... about the Princess."

That didn't sound like an answer at all. It sounded more like... like Etherea objected to the drawing, not necessarily that Celestia would. And now she was upset that I was questioning her which was, though interesting, a slightly alarming revelation.

I was so tempted to just say 'no' on principle - this was a free country and I could draw what I wanted! But we also had to live together for the foreseeable future and I really wanted her to be comfortable. I'd already done so much to avoid pissing off the magical alicorn princess across from me, and refraining from something I hardly did anyways wasn't much of a burden.

Still, it was annoying as shit that she objected to this of all things.

I sighed, noting that Etherea had straightened and leaned back a little, eying me warily. "Yeah, if it makes you that uncomfortable I can stop."

She breathed out heavily and immediately smiled, tentative though it was. "Thank you Alex! I did not... mean to start our morning on the... wrong hooves but I thought to get it out of the way before... moving on to more pleasant things. I'm glad you understand." Her almost-forgotten bagel made a run by her muzzle and lost a dainty bite.

Almost unnoticed was the offending sheet of paper slipping beneath the rest. Almost.

We ate in silence for a while, though markedly more uncomfortably. I knew it wasn't really my fault - I'd acquiesced to her wishes after all - but it still felt like I'd somehow done something wrong. Now just a bit sullen I didn't really feel like talking. But she was just across the island from me and when I glanced up her whole body twitched as our eyes met, her ears almost completely folding back under her mane.

"Um... This has not gone at all... as I had hoped." She sighed, drawing herself inward a little though her eyes didn't leave mine. "I had thought to lead with and quickly... get through any unpleasantness before doing something... more fun. But now we are sitting here... like the horizon is between us." What? The horizon...? I didn't get any time to dwell on it. "I fear I came... across too harshly and for that I am sorry."

I didn't say anything while I sorted through what she'd said and what I was going to do with it. The fleeting desire to throw everything back at her remained, but I immediately discarded it because that would only make things worse. Plus she'd apologized. Though I noted she hadn't actually taken her request back so the result still stood.

Which probably meant it really was that important to her. I still didn't understand, but whatever - I wasn't willing to argue further.

Though messing with her a little would be a much better track. And it could make me feel a bit better.

"So now you're apologizing to me?" Consider my carefully level tone just a little innocent payback.

"Well, I..." She caught herself with another twitch, her lips held halfway through parting again. Those lovely violet eyes began inching back and forth like she wasn't sure what to think. "Yes, um, I am. How the Celestial Princesses are portrayed... is a bit of a touchy subject - they are the heart... of Equestria after all - but I believe I was far too demanding of you when I... was just trying to ask a small favor." Her tone rose hopefully. "A favor of a friend."

"Actually," she tensed and I knew it was time to drive it home, "I was more concerned with you apologizing. Now see, we don't appreciate that kind of behavior around here. I'm sure you understand." I was the perfect straight-man.

Those lovely purple eyes bored into me, the only signs of life in her was the occasional blink and a smile that formed and faded several times. I couldn't hold it. Not for long. A smile finally broke over my face. Hers then solidified for good and the following light giggle was music to my ears.

"Anyway. So what's the rest of this stuff?" I pointed my spoon at the as-yet unexplained sheets of paper.

"Oh!" Her attention turned downward. "I realized this morning that we... had talked about a lot of ponies yesterday, and that you know of some of them... differently than I do. Thanks to my spell I can figure out what many... would be to you, but you don't have any such luxury for the reverse. I was thinking that we could make a list for... you to reference." Her face brightened with a happy smile, the existence of which had me feeling much better. "Plus these," a forehoof tapped the top sheet, "should help us begin learning each... other's languages. Would not it... be nice to not have to rely on this spell?"

As much as I appreciated the spell for at least letting us communicate, yeah, it kind of would be. But as I looked down at the paper and tried to make sense of the squiggles, the magnitude of the task hit home. I didn't know the first thing about Equestrian. I'd need to figure out the alphabet so I could identify the letters. Then I could move on to simple words and sentence structure. All of that was just so I could communicate simple ideas, much less the more complex topics that would come later. I was only as good at English as I was because I'd spoken it for most of my life! This was going to be a shit-ton of work!

I groaned. "Yeah. It would be nice, but I just realized how much time this could take. Ugh!"

Her eyes widened for a second as she eased backward, but a pleasant smile returned shortly. "Yes, I know. But we have to start sometime." Some of her teeth peeked through her smile at me. "Come on, it will be fun!"

I resigned myself to slogging my way through this. I suppose that, when it really came down to it, at least this was for all mankind. Forward for Earth!

"Alright. So we've got some names. Who's first?" I quickly snuck another bite in.

Guided by a golden halo one of the sheets reversed and slid across to me along with a pencil. "At the top... is my name: Etherea. Just write what it would be... in your language."

It took a moment to think about how I would represent her name with English letters, but I managed, making sure to write very neatly.

"Alright, let me see it."

She considered the page for a little. I'd used print so each letter was distinct and could be picked out. I didn't know whether she'd used cursive - or if there was even a cursive form for them - or if those flowing forms were normal, but English print would be easier for her to start with. After all, most things were in print nowadays.

As her bagel made another trip to her muzzle, and was carefully nibbled on, her pencil lifted and she carefully recreated the letters on her own copy of the page. I was all set to start explaining the various letters and their placement, and to receive the same for her Equestrian, but instead she turned my page around and slid it back.

"And the next one is your name. I wrote yours, Craig's, and Dimble's names... phoenetically as best I could."

Well those were easy enough. And just like before she gave my name a level of scrutiny that seemed excessive for its size. Her letters were no more or less neat though.

Two things popped into my head then. Was she trying to emulate the specific bumps, pressure variations, curls, and other vagaries of my personal writing habits? I hoped not because that would definitely be too much. But she was copying off of me. I was already being carefully neat but now I had particularly good reason to keep it that way.

The other was more than a bit of awe that she had such control over the pencil using nothing more than thought. Sure, I had no idea what she had to do to for that kind of levitation, but that kind of fine control over any distance couldn't be easy. Especially without any tactile clues.

Which made me wonder just how adept she was at mouth-writing. Though asking her to slobber - even if I doubted she would be so sloppy - all over the pencil...

I almost smacked my head against the counter in an attempt to punish my brain. Seriously? Wondering whether she would slobber on something else? Sure, she's attractive, and supposedly it's normal for guys to think about sex all the damned time, but this was ridiculous! I latched onto her being practically a horse, and spoken for, and then forged those facts into weapons with which to flagellate my traitorous thoughts.

My list of names was a wonderful distraction from all that, and I realized that I had been half-assing things. I'd been writing the English approximations but had skipped copying her Equestrian. I'd have to change that.

And honestly, once I really looked at them, her letters were only slightly less than an illegible string of designs. While no letter actually connected to or crossed the ones to either side, some end - or several in a few cases - was always intermeshed with the neighboring symbols. It was possible that I was misreading how Equestrian symbols were interpreted, but I figured that I was going to find out for sure soon enough.

So with a careful hand I painstakingly copied exactly what I was looking at. Etherea was grinning again by the time I finished, and more widely than before.

"It is so interesting... to see somep... uh, you taking, um, such care to write it." She nodded toward the sheet.

"I'm not the only one." I nodded back.

"Oh, I'm sure we both look... equally silly but I cannot watch myself."

Boldness surged as her mood continued to be good. "I could go get a mirror for you, your highness." She blinked, then curled her neck and dropped her muzzle to snort. Her mane swayed gently as she shook her head. Score!

"So," I prompted after each of us finished taking respective bites, "what's the next one?"

"Craig's name is next."

I couldn't help but look in the direction of his room, half-expecting him to jump out with a yell and some jazz hands. As if Craig would leap anywhere. Actually, though I'd never seen him that active, he might do it if he thought it would get the right reaction.

It didn't happen though - thankfully, since that would have been really weird - and I bent down to the task at hand. As Etherea and I traded sheets and carefully copied snippets of script I found myself under a constant, almost uncomfortable stare from her. Glance at her and it was there. Again? Same thing.

After writing a couple more names I cocked an eyebrow. "Something else interesting?"

She met my gaze with a faint blush. "Oh, um... I am still astonished by, um, how casually you demonstrate such... fine dexterity."

I looked at the pencil I was holding. Nothing unusual there; I was just writing. "Like I said: it's just a lot of practice. You, however," I leveled the eraser end of the pencil at her, "can still do the same thing without being anywhere near the page."

"Oh, I know. I just can't imagine being able... to coordinate all ten of your, um, fingers so deftly."

I grinned and wiggled them for her - no, I'm not thinking about the other things that fingers are good for! - then returned to what I was doing. I was actually a bit disappointed that she didn't stick out her tongue when she smiled back. That's how these things were supposed to go.

Somewhere along the line, while carefully transcribing Fluttershy's name, an epiphany filtered past my concentration. I was the very first person writing in an alien language! Not one person had done anything like this before! I was literally making history right now! Sure, I'd been doing that from the moment I'd received a message from Etherea, but this was something else. Something I was actively doing that would be in the history books!

I was going to be in the books. Me. Alex Stepanowski. I really didn't like that idea but there wasn't anything I could do about it now. And it meant that I couldn't screw this up!

But hadn't I already screwed up? Etherea was here because of a giant fuck-up!

I had insulted a foreign dignitary and it probably looked like I'd abducted her - even if that wasn't really the truth. I'd scared the shit out of her quite a few times, hid her away without being qualified to handle alien first contact, and then gone back into public without verifying that the situation was in any way safe. The situation was world-shakingly momentous and it felt like I had done everything wrong!

I was in way over my head. There was no way I could take care of Etherea if something really serious happened to her. Images of horrific, body-twisting injuries and grotesque, debilitating illnesses straight out of Hollywood flashed into my mind again. All I had was bandages and first aid kits, things that would be completely inadequate in a real emergency.

Nor was I equipped to deal with any truly alien needs she might have. What if she needed a certain amount of gemstones? Or special components found only in certain flowers? How would I provide them even if I found out in time?

And even if we avoided the worst, there were still our respective peoples to worry about. The ponies still not knowing Etherea's whereabouts was an international - interworld - incident waiting to explode. Etherea might feel safer in a smaller, more limited environment like my apartment, but wouldn't it be better for both sides to have her in the hands of authorized experts - as much as anyone could be in this situation?

I was freaking out again. I needed to get a hold of myself but what could I do? This kind of situation was way too much for some random guy like me to handle!

"Alex? Is something the matter?" Faint concern seeped out in her tone.

How long had I been just staring at my page? "It's just..." My eyes tentatively met hers. "I think I may be making a huge mistake."

Her head tilted as she spared a long look at the page laying forgotten under my hands. "No. You are doing well. It is unreasonable to expect to be accomplished in a new language in as short a time as we have known each other."

"No." I had hoped that a strong shake of my head might somehow put my thoughts in order. Of course it didn't. At a loss, I lay my forehead into the grasp of one hand, elbow on the counter and face behind my palm. "Not that. I mean everything else. You being here and not in the care of someone more qualified. I should be excited that I'm the first human to make alien first contact - and I am... somewhat... but all I can think is that I'm really not cut out for this."

For a moment I waited, regretting how free I'd been with my thoughts, before bringing my eyes up to see Etherea's reaction. Her whole body was rigid and her eyes bore far too much white. With her head and ears held back like that it looked like someone had just slapped her across the muzzle. Like I had. Because the morning had been alright until I'd had to ruin it.

"Oh, ummmm...," she blinked slowly a couple of times, "It... it cannot be that bad. Sure, there are a few problems... with me being here," I certainly didn't miss that telling glace toward the front window, "but I am well and am safe. You have been doing a fine job." Her voice was soft - comforting - as she leaned closer, still looking straight into my eyes.

"Thanks, but..." Her face fell into an unhappy frown as her jaw set. Yes, princess, I'm disagreeing with you, damned if that didn't make my stomach clench. "As much as I'd love to agree with you, I don't know if anyone else would. I mean, if I'd shown up in your living room," yeah, wouldn't that have been awkward, "what would you have done? Call the guards? The other princesses?"

Her eyes narrowed coldly as she pulled her head back, her muzzle dipping low. It looked like I was feeding her raw lemon rinds.

"Well, I panicked and did none of that. I stuck you away so nobody could see. I mean sure, if we get you out of here fast enough then no one will be the wiser, but we can't guarantee that you can. How would the other princesses feel if some strange creatures burst into the palace because you were hiding one of their own in your room? That would be a disaster, right?"

I took a breath and tried to collect my racing thoughts. Etherea's head was turned toward the window again, partially hiding her face behind a curtain of vibrant blue hair. Her ears were completely hidden so she definitely didn't like what I was saying. But I still had more - this train wasn't stopping.

"And what of the possibility of injuries or diseases? I mean we haven't gotten sick yet, which is a good sign, but that isn't a guarantee. And I don't have the ability to test it, so we can't know whether you'll be okay until you aren't."

I shook my head to get more time to think. My thoughts still wouldn't arrange themselves into neat little rows. I dreaded the dire possibilities if we did nothing now and something went wrong later, but at the same time my gut viciously wrenched against itself when I considered revealing Etherea. Especially because I'd hidden her for several days already.

At that moment I wished that Etherea would just up and disappear.

It was a terrible, cruel thought - wanting her gone like that - but without her around I wouldn't be so on edge. I would still be surrounded by all the comforting things of a normal life instead of looking over the brink of an abyss I wasn't cut out to face. And I wouldn't feel like a sexual pervert. Maybe.

But it didn't matter. She was here and nothing I could wish for would change that. I just had to deal with it. Easier said than done.

She hadn't said anything and was still staring off and away. Her pose appearing relaxed and her breathing was even, but the distant and slightly trepid cast to her features made her look lost. Which was all my fault, of course. What I was doing wasn't really fair to her, was it?

"At the same time I didn't want to put you through all this. I thought..." I trailed off as my thoughts jumbled up too much.

"I know," she said as her eyes returned to mine. Her voice was soft enough to almost be lost in the near-silence, but it was more steady than her well-guarded expression. "You kept me safe out of consideration." Well, when she put it that way it didn't sound so bad. "Do you... um, do you think... it would be like you said earlier? That your government would keep me and treat... me as though I were inherently dangerous?"

Her question had no good answer. I just didn't know! "I really doubt that they'd be, um... malicious. We're not cruel like that," most of us, at least, "and it would be just plain stupid. I don't know how free you'd be though. You could be free to roam some complex as long as you didn't leave, or you could be locked in a room until their paranoia was satisfied." She flinched and I mentally cursed myself.

"I... I do not know." I was all ears as she straightened and took deep breath. A little shaky, but deep. "You think that... I should be fine, but...," her head swiveled like she couldn't find what she was looking for, "you cannot guarantee that to me. I... I will admit that I, ummm, that I am," her muzzle again dipped low, "afraid... and would really prefer to stay here for the time being. I-If it really is in, umm, e-everypony's... best interests then I will leave. But..."

Her slightly too-wide eyes lifted to mine again, but it wasn't the same as before. With a hint of a downward curl in her lips and still-hiding ears this wasn't terror by a long shot, but she was definitely scared.

My heart leapt. That face made me want to protect her; bleeding heart that I am.

"But I-I would rather... not."

If she stayed it meant possibly pissing off two worlds, maybe risking alien diseases, and having a constant reminder that my baser instincts might be really screwed up. Life would generally be more difficult for Craig and I. We couldn't have friends over and would have to carefully plan who was doing what, and when. And he and I would have provide everything for her.

But at the same time sending her off to the authorities wasn't any more guaranteed to avoid a pissed off Equestria. That still came down to needing to get her home first; something that curious scientists might further delay. And when it came down to diseases Etherea seemed to be right so far. Apparently our two worlds were similar enough for visiting creatures to get along.

Or was that different enough to not be an immediate danger to the other? Oh, that was a deep question! I'd need time to think about it.

And while I was on the topic of positives, letting her stay here would allow me to spend more time with a freaking My Little Pony pony! I was far too fascinated to let my hesitation over her attractiveness deny me this once-in-a-lifetime chance. And she was attractive, I couldn't deny that.

"I wish I could give you a more definite answer, I really do. I think I know, but I don't for sure. I just don't feel..."

"Would you be... able to check with somepony?"

Somepony? Ask someone! Duh! "I don't know. Maybe?" I doubted any of my family or friends would know; I'd written them off shortly after Etherea arrived. But if Roswell, SETI, and all the Sci Fi from the nineteen fifties and sixties had any truth, then someone out there had to have considered this situation. Finding an official first contact procedure, and who was in charge of it, should go a long ways toward settling both our nerves.

"I guess the government may have a plan and a department waiting around for this kind of thing to happen. The U.N. is all about everyone working together peacefully, so they might have something about what they would do for first contact. Y'know, so everything is resolved peacefully."

Etherea perked up and sat straighter as I verbally worked through my thoughts. Her ears had even shown themselves in a firm display of hope.

"I'd bet money that their plan would be about the same."

And there went Etherea's ears again, taking her posture right back down with them too. Fuck!

"But... but you don't know for sure?" I barely shook my head, too busy mentally kicking myself. "Why do you not look in to it? In the mean time I... I will consider... what I wish to do."

Her statement of intent was in true princess form, but there was something off about it. With the slightly too-perky pose and almost hopeful undertone in her voice it was like... Like she was hoping that I would agree with her.

"Yeah..." I was left aghast at my willingness to agree with her choice. Well, I guess I wasn't going to have more time to think about it. "I-I... Uhhhh... I guess that sounds like a good idea. I'll try and find out what I can and give you some time to think." Some time to put off the decision, really. I wasn't fooled; I often did - and was doing - the same thing myself.

But if it made her feel better...

My heart leapt again - though not as powerfully - as Etherea flashed a thin smile at me and relaxed a little. And strangely enough I felt a little better. Then she twisted, shifting to her right and extending her right wing out over the island. I tensed for a second as the feathered appendage approached my hand. But Etherea and I had already been over this kind of thing so it should be just fine. Her smile grew as I turned my hand over and the underside of her wing came to rest on my palm, the tiny feathers tickling my fingers.

"I think you are doing... a fine job of it in spite of what... you may think, Alex. And I thank you for that." A happy pony princess was definitely the best.

It was disappointing just how soon her wing left my hand. She might be right there in front of me but the physical contact made her so much more real. I was still thoroughly amazed that she actually existed - that Equestria did - and every little reminder of that was thrilling to no end.

Though, since she was also so attractive, wanting the contact to linger was just a bit creepy. So it was really for the best.

We gradually returned to copying the various names into each other's languages though the entire atmosphere was more subdued. Other than the scratch of pencils and Etherea occasionally saying a name there wasn't much else. I needed time to think about where and from who I could find an official policy on first contact. And how to do so without drawing undue suspicion. Maybe if I pretended to be an author writing some kind of science fiction...

From the glimpses I stole it seemed that the pony across from me was deep in thought as well. When she wasn't writing her attention remained down but her eyes were no longer following my fingers. Every now and again her ears would shift between fully back and half-mast. It didn't look like she was getting any further than I.

The lack of conversation meant that the moment Craig stirred, we knew it. A distant groan, the sound of something large slowly falling off his bed, and then a solid thump hitting the floor gave us plenty of warning. Etherea twisted fully around to look over her withers, but when she reversed her turn to give me a thoroughly confused look all I could do was shrug. I wasn't in any more sure than she which left both of us more interested in him than our current quiet musings.

Our stares pulled him up short as he was moseying past the living room entrance. "What?"

Etherea stiffened, a shiver sliding down her mane, and her ears twitched though she managed to keep them upright. I wondered about that reaction for a split second before remembering last night. Maybe she wasn't so quick to forgive his antics as I'd thought.

Maybe if I started cheerfully this wouldn't devolve unpleasantly. "Good morning. Sleep well?"

"Er... Yeah. Um, why're you all staring?"

I couldn't help but give him an overly cheerful and obviously fake grin. "Oh, no reason. Just thought we'd greet you properly since you're finally awake." Even Etherea spared me an incredulous look.

"Yeah. Okay. That's creepy as hell though, dude. And, um, dudette." I rolled my eyes and snorted as he nodded at Etherea. She cocked her head and seemed to be mouthing the word to herself. "Oh hey, I got something to say to you."

I would have expected him to direct that to me, but no, his attention was still on Etherea as he advanced through the living area. That sparked a little tense twisting in my gut. His stance was easy though and I hardly expected anything aggressive from my roommate, but this was unusual. And especially alarming after last night.

Etherea's back was rigidly set. I suppose I had more to worry from her since she was the magical alicorn here. I shifted to the edge of me seat, my heart picking up its pace in the background as Etherea stood and faced my roommate. If push came to shove there really was precious little I could do to stop her. Hopefully she would listen to me.

She centered her hooves and lifted her head high. It was the same authoritative pose I'd seen before, just not from this angle. A certain shapely posterior was to one side of my vision, a neat cascade of vibrant blue obscuring just the right amount, but I kept my eyes firmly up. Even when she lashed her tail.

"And I would like a word with you as well, Craig."

"Alright," that winsome smile returned, bringing my hackles up, "just let me say this one thing first."

Craig, in an old tank top and jeans that'd probably been worn for years past their retirement date, stopped just outside of arm's reach from her and blithely ignored the fact that everything in her stance said he was far too close. The firmly-folded ears and another tail lash - somehow still not uncovering anything - should have hammered her mood home with him.

Yeah, she was an unhappy pony. Perhaps last night had not gone over as well as she'd had me believe.

"I had a bunch of time to think at the station. Gets boring as hell late night in the middle of the week." He crouched, forearms on his thighs and hands dangling between his knees. "I've known girls like you. Umm, y'know, really nice ones. I know it really bothers you when someone gets all up in your business like that. And Alex here keeps saying how, um, dedicated...? ...this being an alien thing is."

I blinked. "Delicate?"

"Yeah! That. How this whole alien from another planet thing is a whole lotta' that. I'm not blind. You didn't like the way I was just messing around 'cause that wasn't very, um, delicate of me."

I shrugged when he looked to me for confirmation. Eh, he was close enough.

"So I'm sorry 'bout that."

I'd almost expected him to propose to her after all that. I quickly shut my mouth. As funny as that could have been if this were just him and me, it would be monumentally stupid to blurt out now. And that kind of thing is why I try and edit everything I think.

And Etherea? She actually recoiled, passing a quick, very hesitant look at me with even wider eyes and a partially unhinged jaw. Under nearly any other circumstance it would have been amusing.

Okay, it was. But that was another thought that I firmly squelched.

"Yes, well... Um, thank you, Craig." A brief silence followed. Why'd I have to be behind her where I couldn't see anything? "I have come to realize... that I should not take anything you say too seriously. Or most anything. Though your apology does seem heartfelt. It took me a little to... realize that last night was really no... exception to that." She took a deep breath. "Even so, and as much as I appreciate... the sentiment, such... things... are undesired, so please do your best... to rein them in."

"Aye, aye, princess." Really, Craig?

"He means he understands and will comply," I filled in when Etherea turned a raised eyebrow at me.

She nodded and - I assume - returned Craig's smile. Though if her tense stance was anything to go on then hers was probably a bit more tentative. Thankfully, my nerves began sorting themselves out as my companions stood down, deciding that the situation had been resolved.

"Thanks for that, Craig. A little caution goes a long ways here." Holy hell that was corny! If only I could take the second part back...

"No problem." He nodded to Etherea as he stepped around her on his search for some cereal. "I'm stupid, not dumb."

"Wait, wasn't it the other way around last night?"

He shrugged, of course. "I dunno', maybe. You know what I mean. So what're you two up to there?"

That brought Etherea's chin and ears right up. "We have been comparing... the spellings of names as a first step to learning one... another's language. Would you care to join us?"

One look at the page in front of me was all it took to kill Craig's expression. And a stern look from Etherea reminded him to swallow his food before answering. Maybe I should keep her around just for her effect on him.

"How about this. I'm no good with chickenscratch so why don't you just send me the book on tape when you've got it all sorted out? Or whatever those things are that teach this stuff."

"You're missing out, man," I sing-songed while dutifully copying another name.

"Yeah, no." Good, old Craig. He had enough trouble with one language so I wasn't at all surprised.

"So pri... Etherea. What did you wanna' tell me?"

Etherea, who had been pondering her sheet of names while idly twirling her pencil in its golden aura, twitched like she'd been caught with her hoof in the cookie jar. "Oh! Um, I was going to mention last night actually. But that has already been taken care of."

"Last night, ey...?" That got both Etherea's and my attention. And garnered Craig a pair of challengingly-narrowed violet eyes from the princess. "Ehhh, never mind. Almost forgot!"

Yeah, Etherea wasn't having any of it and stared down that goofy grin of his. He was unrelenting though. He gave every indication of being at ease which was probably what was upsetting Etherea in the first place. She wanted him to take things more seriously, which he was as much as he would - he'd volunteered an apology after all - though she might have lost sight of that.

This was getting us all nowhere. Which only made me more nervous about what would finally break the stalemate. Though, actually, I had something. I should really include Craig in the conversation we'd been having. For a long moment of those two going at it silently I wondered whether I should just ignore the issue - it would be easier in the short term. But Craig was just as much a part of this as I was. And he lived here too.

With a heavy heart I opened my mouth again. "Actually Craig, I had something to ask you."

That did the trick. Now I was the center of attention. I swallowed and resolutely forged ahead.

"Etherea and I were talking earlier..."

"Oh, I see how it is!" He stood tall and pointed his spoon at me, his stern expression clearly a mock one. "You two are kicking me out. Is that it? After all I've done for you?!"

"What?! No!" Cue the appalled princess taking a step back, her wings catching themselves partway to flaring, and staring in horror. "I would never...!"

"Woah. Etherea. He's just messing around."

Craig rolled his eyes but was soon enough sporting a massive grin. Etherea blinked those wide eyes a couple times before they narrowed even further, a frown fit to be a sneer grew on her muzzle. That was not a good sign. I fixed Craig with another serious stare; hopefully he'd get it without me having to spell everything out.

"No Craig, we were discussing whether it would be better for everyone if Etherea went to the authorities." I pointed my spoon right back at him. "As long as nothing major happens we think we'll all be alright, but there's only so much you and I can do for her. I guess Earth is similar enough to Equestria that it might not be a problem." Hopefully the universe didn't take that as a challenge. I shifted slightly while I tried to put the rest of my thoughts into words.

"And you live here too, so you should be part of this." Etherea was now giving me a strange look that I couldn't quite place. One ear up, one down. "I'm worried about pissing off the government by keeping this from them. Especially if something happens to get them involved, like Etherea's people showing up looking for her."

I sighed, staring off into the distance. "But we're also worried about how the government will treat her. And getting her home first would allow her to set them up to make a better first impression."

Now it was out. Since Etherea hadn't exploded from bringing her choice back into question there was little to do except wait on Craig. Who was now staring at the ceiling and slowly chewing the spoonfuls of cereal he was taking just as 'quickly.' Which stretched the silence longer and longer. I couldn't remember the last time I'd seen Craig think this hard.

Etherea met one of my glances her way and gave me a small frown. Yeah, I know. Sorry princess. But she released it along with a long, silent breath.

"I dunno', man." All eyes on Craig! "I trust the feds as far as I can throw them, but you're right about one thing: they're the guys who get this shiiii... stuff handled. Y'know what I mean?" I nodded; Etherea had one eyebrow jacked up nearly past her horn as she alternated which of us to look completely lost at. "Alex, you're a pretty smart guy, but we're not like secret agents or anything. I'm hoping you've got a better plan than me for this 'cause I ain't got shi... one."

"Well, Etherea," I motioned toward her with a hand, "isn't comfortable with turning herself..." Oh, that was definitely the wrong way to say it! "Um, she isn't comfortable without knowing more, so the plan was for me to try and figure out what the government might do about a real alien." And my mental fingers were crossed that I'd like what I found. Or better yet, that Etherea would.

"Sounds good to me, man. Figure out what's going on before we do anything stupid."

That deserved an incredulous look. We'd already done so much stupid shit and now he was worried? Not that he looked all that worried. Or that he ever seemed to worry that much.

Poor Etherea, on the other hand, seemed to have given up on the conversation and instead returned to the last of her bagel. Though she kept a careful eye on us.

"So that's the plan? You're just gonna' look up UFO sites all day?" I almost got a word in edgewise. "What about Oggie's tonight? You still coming?"

Crap! Right. Craig was playing host for the station and I'd already told my other friends that I couldn't do anything tonight because I'd also be going. I couldn't help looking toward Etherea who was patiently following each exchange. But it wasn't right to abandon her and go to a party, especially on her birthday. Crap, crap, crap!

"I... I guess I probably won't. Remember that it's Etherea's birthday today. I'm not going to just ignore that."

Etherea opened her mouth but Craig proved he was still quicker. "Really? Oh right, I remember. That's a bummer dude. You need to get out more..." His eyes bulged as his head snapped up.

What? Something was wrong?! My head whipped around to follow Craig's stare. A flurry of flying blue hair from the other side of the island was Etherea doing the same. But he wasn't looking toward the window. He was... I glanced back to be sure but he didn't seem to be looking at anything in particular. So what...?

He gave Etherea an odd, piercing look as he came back to us, a hint of a grin on his lips. "How about this. What if we take you to Oggie's tonight? Show you how humans do a real birthday party! Would be one helluva'..."

"What?!"

My brain had gone blank - I could not have heard that right! Fortunately Etherea's shriek picked up my slack.

"Y-you, you...! You cannot be serious! That would mean going out th-there when...!" a forehoof was flung wide in the general direction of the window.

"Woah, woah, woah there princess!" Craig's spoon-hand came up defensively. Unfortunately it also called attention to the food still in his mouth. Another blazing glare from Etherea pretty much forced the food down his gullet on its own. "Woah. Just hold your horses." He deserved the visual skewering I sent him for that phrase. "I was just playing around. I'm not going to blow all your hiding just 'cause of some party. You kinda' look like a normal pony but nobody'd be fooled by those wings and that horn. Or you talking."

Oh, goddamnit! Of course he was joking. I really should have caught on faster. All this stress was really screwing with my head.

Etherea's strange reaction caught my eye. She had her muzzle down and to the side, her head pulled back almost defensively. Her brow was heavily creased and her eyes were darting between Craig and some point off to her right. She looked more suspicious and confused than anything. I missed whatever Craig said next because I was busy watching Etherea open and close her mouth several times.

"Wait. Step back a couple paces. Did you just... say 'horses'?" Shit! Horses were another thing I hadn't had a chance to mention! Her attention was now flipping rapidly between Craig and I.

"Uhhhhh... Yup. I think I did. Wh...?"

"But... but you do not even..." Those violet eyes settled firmly on Craig as her voice gain strength. "How do you have a... a colloquialism about horses?!"

"A what now?" He cocked his head at me, of course.

"Did you... not just say, 'hold your horses'?" Etherea was just gaping at him. She was definitely going to need help with this one.

"Ummm... Yes?"

"That's a collo...!"

"Hold up." I nearly flinched as I injected myself back into the conversation. "Etherea, what is a 'horse' to you?"

She blinked. "When you say, um, 'horse' the spell gives me 'yun ulael.' A yun ulael is a non-sapient species of pony that, um..." She shook her head once slowly. "I suppose it would be more accurate to say that there is evidence that ponies may have once been yun ulaelias. We are both quadrupeds of similar form," she nodded back toward her midsection, "though a yun ulael would have had a longer and narrower head, a more pronounced muzzle, stockier form, and thicker legs. There are a number of small, non-sapient, um, equine species that still bear a greater resemblance to yun ulaelias than us ponies. From the fossils I have seen a yun ulael would stand nearly twice as tall as I."

Her eyes sought us out again, every feature of her face seeking an answer from us. "And somehow your world knows of y... horses."

I glanced at Craig, who already had an eyebrow raised at me. I shook my head at both of them. "I have no idea. I don't know how they relate to Equestria, but horses exist here and have for millions of years. Humans have myths involving horses going back probably just as far. They're probably some of the oldest domesticated animals."

'Domesticated animals'? I'd pretty much just called Etherea's ancestors stupid beasts! I clamped my mouth shut and had to force myself to sit still instead of leaning back just in case she exploded.

Craig interrupted first. "Yeah, they're like everywhere." Etherea's eyes went wide. "They're all over the place on farms and things. TV, movies, and books too probably. People used to ride them all..."

"Huh," was all she said. She just looked at me for a moment, her face strangely blank though her ears were still up. That was normally a good sign. Then she shrugged. "Well, it is not the strangest thing... I have heard in the past few days. And questioning it too much right now... is not worth the headache."

She then stretched her head forward a little, her eyes almost sparkling... with curiosity? "I would really like to see one... at some point!"

Cool relief washed over me as it became clear that that bullet had whizzed by harmlessly. "I don't think that'll be a problem." Wait, was I seriously thinking of showing Etherea horses? I... guess I was. I'd already introduced her to a cartoon featuring her world, broken her worldview on weather and celestial objects, so why not?

Still, my mind tried to draw connections between teaching Etherea about horses and my own current issues with them. Realistically I was just being idiotic and had nothing to fear. It was absolutely ludicrous that Etherea would pick up on my troubled thoughts just by seeing a picture of a horse. Unless they were in my dreams and Etherea was peeking in for some reason.

Yeah, no. I wasn't going to drive myself to distraction when Etherea had done nothing to make me suspect her.

"I guess I can probably even do that sometime."

The great, beaming smile that broke out across her muzzle was wonderful. And rather pretty too. It pushed up her cheeks and crinkled the corners of her eyes just right.

I sighed within the confines of my own head while carefully keeping my expression placid. The pony marefriend of another pony wasn't someone I should be spending a lot of time thinking about.

"Alright. So you'll be ditching me at the party tonight," Craig gave me a look that was almost a pout, but him trying to do that stupid grin at the same time ruined both at once, "but you're keeping an eye on the birthday girl so I guess it's alright." Strangely enough he gave no indication at all that he was going to tease me for that. Huh. "Any plans for the rest of the day or are me and the princess getting more quality time with the TV?"

"Etherea."

"Right, Eth..."

"And actually, I plan on spending... some of this afternoon doing what cleaning around here... that I can. I said I would show my thanks for your kindness... by helping out, and I think today may be as good a time as any."

"Really? You'll be playing maid for us? In that case how about you..."

"I'm not touching your room."

Oh, the deadpan was strong with the princess. I couldn't help an amused snort breaking through. Turning my head was my only hope to not laugh outright, and hopefully it hid my expression as well. Neither of them needed to see how close I was.

"Oh. Da..."

"I plan on sticking to tasks that... I will be able to complete." Etherea's voice was light and lilting. Was I enjoying her getting the upper hand on Craig? Maybe a little too much.

Nah. Just enough.

"Well, I guess I'll just stay out of your way then, pr... Etherea. Shi... I mean, um," he took a deep breath but continued grinning just the same, "I'm not gonna' get between a woman and her cleaning." Keeping my damned mouth shut was probably the wisest thing. Etherea could apparently defend herself, something Craig seemed to realize as he came under a very stony glare.

"Alright, alright." My roommate theatrically threw up his hands. "You'll be doing your thing. I'll just hang out on the couch and stay out of your way then."

Oh no you don't! My turn. "Actually, Craig, I need you to do laundry today. Y'know, since you didn't do the dishes last night."

"Awwww, maaaaaan!" His hands were flung again and he stomped around in a small circle like a toddler on a tantrum. That was actually pretty accurate - the toddler part that is.

"Oh, quit it you big baby. Laundry's about the least hard thing to do around here. Just put it in, set it, and forget it. Hell, you still get to come back and veg out on the couch."

He grumbled but his tone was pretty good-natured. "Fine. I'll do the laundry."

"That is a good, um, human." I know Etherea meant, it's just that the expression was pretty well destroyed by her inexperience with the language. "It is only fair, after all."

"Just you wait." Craig lifted a menacing finger in front of Etherea's muzzle. Her chin came up a bit but she didn't break her level stare. "I don't know the first thing about princessly laundry. Whites, lacy shi... things, and colors! I guess they all just go in together. They'll be fine, right? I hope they don't all come out all wrinkly and... stuff! And the soap, that blue goop, and those little paper thingies... What if I don't do it right?!" By the time he finished he was leaning in and giving her the stink eye.

But Etherea just stared for a second. Then she leaned back and raised an eyebrow at me. I couldn't help because I was feeling dumber just from having heard his... tirade? I mean, I got the joke at its core but my thoughts were too disjointed to express. I settled for an anguished shaking of my head.

"You do realize that she doesn't wear clothes, right?"

Craig's whole face scrunched with mock disgust. "You're not helping, man. Was hoping she wouldn't think of that." He raised his voice an octave to a terrible falsetto as he ran a tight circle around the kitchen and flailed his hands above his head. "Oh no, not my clothes! You beast!"

He finally came to a stop beside me, resting an elbow on the island and faux whispering conspiratorially. "'Cause you know girls and their clothes."

"As a joke," Etherea's statement was almost a question, "it was very poor, Craig."

"Eh. Didn't go like I'd thought. Oh well." Craig shrugged, patted me on the head, and slipped past us to meander back toward the hall. "You're alright princess; don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

Etherea and I just sat there and watched. I mean really, what else could I do? The conversation had been centered around him so thoroughly. Though I had to admire Craig's willingness to make an ass of himself in the name of... 'entertainment,' I guess. And I will admit that it had been amusing.

But what about Etherea? We looked back at each other at nearly the same moment, her ears folding. Right, the awkward, scared, and horribly out of place pony princess was...

A faint smile worked its way onto her muzzle. "Well, that... was kind of fun."

I remained silent for my own good while I mulled over an appropriately upbeat answer. "Other than the one hiccup, a good enough start to the day?"

This time a sliver of white peeked through Etherea's smile as she nodded with a bit more enthusiasm. "I cannot complain about it. And, if you are really going through with celebrating... my birthday then hopefully it... will continue to being a good one."

I tensed momentarily. My thoughts returned to all the things a 'normal' birthday should feature that this one just couldn't. Friends and family were out of the question - unless they showed up to kick my butt in the middle of it, my ever-helpful brain was quick to point out - and I wouldn't be inviting any of my own. I also couldn't afford to do much in the way of gifts, nor was there anywhere I could take her. Crap, what was I going to do for her birthday?

Etherea hadn't seemed to notice my momentary lapse and settled back to reexamine the paper in front of her. I joined her, letting my thoughts run aimlessly where they would and hoping they would find something birthday-worthy on their own. Strangely enough Craig serenaded us from the shower.

Actually, there was one thing I actually could do for her. Well, depending how ornate she liked things.

"So, um, is there anything in particular that you'd like to eat for dinner?"

She gave me an appraising look for a long moment and then rattled off a string of complicated 'somethings' that I was completely at a loss over. Hell, I barely caught half the words because I was too busy trying and failing to remember the previous ones, and wondering whether I'd heard more than a quarter of them before. I think it was something about creamy light and 'the burbs.' I think there was even an 'a la' in there, but that couldn't be right - there was no way she knew French.

Actually, the one thing I could tell was that it hadn't been Equestrian. Her voice and tone were familiar enough but the vowels and things - and the cadence - were just a bit off. Another language altogether then? Another moment of silence followed as I just stared, my thoughts whirling in aimless loops. I was in way over my head.

"I don't think..."

I stopped when I finally saw that smile she was trying to hide behind a downturned muzzle. Her smile grew to include a slight blush. Okay, so she was messing with me now.

She chose to rescue me after giggling under her breath. "It is alright Alex. I am not too worried over... you cooking the finest of Prench, Bitalian, or Kodractikti cuisine. I am actually very... fond of cucumbers and, um, mayonnaise sandwiches on good white bread... with some Nessuorllien. It's a mild cheese, though I don't know how I can describe... it to you without trying some of your cheeses. I also like to add a few Chrysanthemum petals and a... small dash of pepper."

Cucumbers, mayonnaise, mild cheese, Chrysanthemums, and pepper. Got it. I definitely needed to write that one down so I wouldn't forget. So like always I scribbled a quick note in tiny letters on the corner of the nearest piece of paper. It was likely I'd be holding onto the list of names and their translations for a while yet anyways.

Afterward I looked up to find Etherea staring at my writing hand with the same rapt attention as earlier. Her head was twisted a bit sideways, causing one ear to flop in the same direction. When she noticed that I had noticed, both her ears instantly hid under her mane and a hint of orange bloomed on her cheeks. It was absolutely adorable. I put an elbow on the counter and pressed a fist to my chin to hide my grin.

"Yes, well..." She daintily cleared her throat behind a hoof before inclining her head toward my note. "So that would be a shopping list?" Deflection much? She responded to my wider grin with a tiny sigh and a sheepish eye roll.

It's alright princess, I've had my fun. "Yup. I'm gonna' try and do this right since it is a birthday. And a royal one to boot." She blinked. Right, turns of phrase got muddled because they were even more contextual than regular speech. "Can't let myself forget anything if I can. Oh, and happy birthday by the way."

"Thank you, Alex."

Which reminded me... I cringed at the thought that cropped up. "Oh, and humans have a sort of running joke where you get spanked once for each year in your birthday." She recoiled and I the rest tumbled over itself trying to get out faster and reassure her. "It's just a stupid joke! I'm just letting you know in case Craig brings it up. I learned my lesson yesterday!"

Etherea's whole body jerked stiffly and her eyes just about popped from her skull. I froze. Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me - not like that, stupid brain - fuck me! Stupid? Spectacularly! I moaned internally from the mental agony.

For her part, the alicorn across from me stared while various parts of her face alternated twitching like they couldn't decide which expression to follow. I just waited for the hammer to drop, listening to my heart running wild and trying vainly to think of a way to smooth this one over. She must have reached a consensus because a slightly wary and mildly unhappy frown finally settled across her features.

"Sorry. That came out wrong," I blurted and then slapped my forehead down into an open palm. I needed to just shut the fuck up already!

It was a long moment before she said anything. "I should say." Her voice was cold but I heard her take a breath and then let it go. "Stress. We're both very stressed... no matter how peaceful everything may seem. We... we just need to keep in mind that our unease is shared and to... not let our reactions get out of hoof." It sounded like she'd been reading something back to me. A quote perhaps?

I brought my head back up and found her wearing a carefully inscrutable expression. In some ways it was more alarming than outright anger. And yet she'd been trying to talk the situation down, which should actually be a good sign.

"Alex, you look more upset about this... than even I should be." It was a bit of a slap but I think that faint smile was her trying to pull the blow. "I may be a little unhappy but that is all it is: a little." A head shake. "You need not worry so much; I will not be permanently... damaged by a little hardship," she flicked her head, her mane swaying gently, "and you have already shown that you care. Aaaand... you know, if you really want to make it up to... me then a nice birthday - not a perfect one - would be a good way."

I nodded even as my thoughts again zipped off to explore the problem of what I could do for her. Her whole face seemed to brighten with her smile as I sorted myself out. She had, of course, struck directly at the heart of the issue - things were getting better around here so there wasn't any need for such strong reactions. Still, as much as I wished it were otherwise, relaxing completely wasn't something I ever did. Not with the danger of wayward thoughts escaping.

That calm and rational attitude of an experienced princess was probably the best thing going for the both of us then. She'd pretty much admitted to still being freaked out over everything but she was coping more strongly. I didn't think I had it in me - I needed time. But the catch-22 was that time wasn't something I really wanted to give myself.

I really was extremely thankful that she was who she was. I needed that stability.

The lists of names didn't take much time to finish. Conversation was intermittent but pleasant. Forgiving and forgetting was clearly a thing so we both just kind of got over my fuck up. By the time we finished things were pretty amicable.

Still, my pony guest spent a few long moments staring out the East-facing living area windows as I cleared the dishes. Maybe her mood wasn't as stable as I'd thought - naturally I expected either my actions or her predicament to be the focus of her thoughts. But that was just as likely me thinking in circles again, finding the direst explanations for things that weren't as bad as I expected. Her thoughts could just as likely be much more mundane - her expression left no clues either way.

So I let my worries return to a sort of background simmer, which was a marked improvement over the last few days.

Introducing Etherea to our stash of cleaning supplies for her self-imposed chores garnered some heavy incredulity. What had she expected? Toilet bowl cleaner, comet, dish soap, and nothing else apparently wasn't it. Well, as a princess I suppose she was used to see a veritable cornucopia of washes, soaps, cleaning agents, and finishing products that were tailored to every surface in the palace.

If her description of her sheltered life was true, then she might never have been anywhere near a true bachelor pad. We lived off of 'cheap and easy.' After all, if dish soap was good enough for the stuff we ate off of, then it was good enough for most anything we actually wanted clean.

Etherea went straight to work on the various doorknobs around the place of course, attacking Craig's first like it owed her money. Apparently the princess had a vengeful streak in her. Chuckling at that earned me glare. And then the barest smidge of a stuck out tongue.

I started and did a double take just to verify what I'd seen. But it was already gone, she having pivoted smartly back to what she was doing. She'd reacted almost... playfully. Well, I guess the princess wasn't feeling very gloomy after all. I couldn't help smiling at that.

It didn't last long. The closet was at the end of hallway closest to my room. Craig's room was at the opposite end. Etherea was working between the two. So now I had a lean yet shapely pony rump pointed right at me. It might have been something I wanted to see more of but I recoiled anyway. Getting caught near it was something to desperately avoid!

Jumping away to escape would be just as bad though - she'd notice that for sure! And while I sorted it all out I wasn't moving any time soon.

I was really going to do this again wasn't I?

Two familiar sides squared off again over some very familiar ground. One part of me asked what was so wrong and another wondered what was wrong with the first. But short of going back and forth like this there was no easy solution. Neither end of the spectrum had lost any strength since yesterday.

The subtle twitches that crossed Etherea's form as she worked were just titillating enough to make me wonder about the depths of my own depravity. Pussy was pussy. Horse pussy wasn't just any pussy though, even if pony pussy wasn't really...

"Uhhhh... What're you doing?"

My skin made a good attempt at leaping free of me as Craig's slightly damp and still unruly-haired - seriously, nothing could tame it - head poked out of the bathroom. As I wrangled my heart back into position I noted that Craig wasn't even paying attention to me. He might actually have missed my reaction!

Quick Alex, think of something! "Your knob is dirty."

Etherea didn't seem to notice other than one ear rotating toward us, but Craig sputtered, his head whipping around to face me as his mouth came unhinged. It was beautiful. He hadn't been expecting that at all! A burst of elation flooded me as his wide eyes twitched from me to Etherea and back again.

But this was Craig we were talking about, so I had about two-thirds of a second before he bounced back. Yup, his mouth closed and began to curl into a familiar grin. Only one sensible option remained so I scampered into my room as fast as my feet could carry me. Leave him hanging; there was no other way to come out on top!

As I swatted the door closed I chuckled to myself in satisfaction. Yeah Craig, I can sometimes play your game. Though having done so right 'in front' of Etherea, and using her as the subject, brought an unpleasant warmth to my face. She'd been less than agreeable to similar antics last night. I could be in trouble. Knowing Craig, he'd just explain the euphemism to her and let her deal with me.

Damnit! I couldn't win for losing. Or however that phrase went. I pressed an ear to my door in an effort to find out just how screwed I was.

Voices. And what sounded like regular conversation. It was short and intermittent so they weren't talking about much. And Craig sounded far away. He was probably in his room. More importantly was Etherea, who didn't sound upset. Nor did she sound particularly happy - just... 'normal.'

I took a step back, not wanting to be caught dead near the door, and a thin smirk tried to make its way back to my face. I might have beaten Craig at his own game. Might have. That was a good feeling. But at what cost?

Well I certainly wasn't going back out there and potentially call attention to something Craig might have simply let slide. Even if I knew he wouldn't do so forever. But if either of them wanted to pursue the issue then they'd have to come for me in my place.

Feeling better and a bit more relaxed I took a look around. Everything was about where it had been - my stuff in its usual spots and Etherea's still on the nightstand, though rearranged. The most notable difference was the bed itself. The sheets weren't as neat and tidy as I expected from the princess, but at least they were still in place. Hopefully the lack of thorough dishevelment was a good sign and meant that she was sleeping more soundly.

That possibility was a glorious little piece of sunshine tailor-made to brighten my day. Maybe this whole situation was going to turn out alright. I just had to help Etherea get home. Or figure out whether she'd feel safe letting someone else do it.

Which brought me to my computer. Ah, the familiar sounds of the electronics kicking on and booting up. The old chair, speakers, random clutter around the edges of the desk, and an afternoon where I could just kick back and be unproductive were all comfortingly familiar. I'd missed this.

Almost as soon as the familiar desktop resolved I picked out the internet icon, clicked it into gear, and sought out a particular live-streaming radio station. Sure, I could have used my own radio, but my computer came with surround sound. Thankfully Craig wasn't also playing his own radio, the two sources competing and slightly de-synced. Nothing's worse that hearing your favorite stuff in almost, but not quite, stereo.

So let's see here. Government policies and procedures on extraterrestrial first contact. A couple articles for the U.N.'s 'Space Ambassador' popped up. As did a couple where the U.N. denied having a 'Space Ambassador' - including one from the supposed ambassador herself. Perfect! Contradictory reports were just what I wanted to see!

I tried again by being more direct and picked out NASA. If anyone would have any idea of what to do, it was them. Boy was I disappointed.

And while Wikipedia's article on the impact of first contact was interesting, it was mostly just useless conjecture. Seriously, I couldn't see even one link from Wikipedia to any theoretical first contact procedures. Was it too much to ask for one official source to have published its thoughts out how such a thing should be approached?

Apparently so. 'Look, don't touch, and run for help' was the only advice I could find! But I was so far past that part of first contact that there wouldn't even be any dust left to eat. Which left me wondering: was my only source of guidance going to be a slew of overly-dramatic science fiction movies?

The unhelpful sources were at least full of information that would have been interesting any other day, but the sensationalist sources... Fuck them. No seriously, fuck them. I had kind of expected to find plenty of alien theorists in the mix, but far and away the majority of hits were unfortunately among this second pile. Apparently aliens were real, they were here on Earth, they were interstellar locusts, they were eating our brains and souls, anal probing was the only way for them to get off... I could feel myself getting dumber by the page. What did anyone truly hoped to accomplish by flooding the net with this crap?

For a moment, just one, I considered asking Craig for ideas. He spent a good deal of time sifting through random, silly internet bullshit for stuff to ridicule on his radio show. Alien 'abductees,' conspiracy theorists, and government cover-ups were right up his alley, but he'd also been vocal about how stupid he thought space was. The chances of him knowing anything? Probably nil.

When Etherea got around to the knobs on my (her) door I made sure to hide of my frustrations under a layer of faux cheerfulness. And then again when she came for the sheets and other washables. My roommates, at least, seemed productive.

Had I just thought of Etherea as a roommate? Yup. And wow, a pony roommate! That was pretty cool once I thought about it.

And Etherea seemed pretty chipper as she went about her self-imposed tasks. I think I even heard faint bits of humming. A bout of chuckles nearly overwhelmed me as I considered teaching Etherea the theme tune of My Little Pony. I'd never be able to make it through something that silly with a straight face. Still, it might be an idea to save for later.

A thought struck me then. SETI was actively looking for aliens!

Crushing disappointment overwhelmed my good mood when it became clear that SETI's first contact procedure was little more than receive, analyze, verify, and share with world if true. Well, Etherea was in the next room so that neatly took care of SETI's entire process. And I knew for a fact that she would not be okay with being shared with the world. That's why I was doing this in the first place!

Goddamnit! I was getting nowhere. How could there not be a single goddamned thing about...

I needed a distraction. And fortunately there was a whole host of things I wanted to do so I had them aplenty.

The fear of death by alien virus had been a wonderfully nerve-wracking concern over the past few days. In fact, it could be the deciding factor in the original question that led me here. If it wasn't a thing, then that would be just about the best thing ever, though even if it was a very likely danger then at least it would be good to know! And knowing is half the battle.

And I was incredibly cheesy. Self-entertaining, but still so, so cheesy.

Too bad there wasn't much beyond just more pointless speculation on the matter. Even though he didn't seem to be an expert in the field, Neil deGrasse Tyson had the only response I could find that came near being an actual answer. Most illnesses could not pass the species barrier. It seemed even less likely to happen between things from different worlds. Ponies were from an entirely different reality. Ridiculously remote? His little discussion group thought so, so it seemed likely that Etherea was right.

There was still no hard evidence other than none of us from this apartment getting sick so far, so the possibility might remain. But hell, I was more than happy to accept it - her diseases required Harmony, and ours didn't like ponies.

Speaking of her health... The causes, effects, and signs of concussions were the next obvious choice. Because, well, I wanted to be completely sure Etherea was alright. Just one click later I pretty much was. Anything truly worrisome should have shown long ago.

As I meandered through the next item on my mental itinerary I can honestly say that I found more words for horse/bird anatomy than I could ever remember. It certainly didn't help that I wasn't a horse or a bird for the benefit of direct experience. But knowing things like a 'pastern' being kind of like a horse's ankle, and that horses had knees and elbows - in different places of course - was a good start. Maybe I wouldn't make a fool out of myself with an obviously wrong reference. Or at least wouldn't make myself look any more foolish.

It was, however, apparently too much to ask that even one website would label a bird's wing by the anatomical parts and not just the feathers. I was tempted to call the 'hands' of Etherea's wing 'Alulas' simply because of proximity. I suppose 'wrist,' 'forearm,' and maybe 'digits' would have to do.

The only problem with this avenue of research was that I got a nice, big eyefuls of the equine body. It wasn't very long before I noticed that most of my research material was of mares. Or at least a distressingly large number of images with a shapely horse rump on display.

Though it felt seriously wrong to specifically search for horse butt, morbid curiosity was the name of today's game. Yesterday's too, I supposed, but now I had the additional benefits of the internet and a lot of time. Was I okay with this? Maybe not, but I wasn't about to stop myself from finding out.

I took everything a step further and sought out the mare reproductive system, finding that my assessment yesterday wasn't really wrong. There was a distended, bulbous quality to a horse's vulva that wasn't quite attractive. 'Quite.' Shuddering, I realized that the problem was that a mare's pussy was just barely over the line - a few small changes and they could be attractive.

Changes to make it look more like Etherea's...

Well, fuck! That that didn't make me feel better at all! And yet, it was as much as I expected.

And I still couldn't stop thinking about it!

Maybe...

Maybe there was a reason. Maybe Craig had been right and I just badly needed to get off. It had been a while. A long while. Being really wound up and stuck in close proximity might be what was making my reaction to Etherea so strong.

But dealing with it now meant masturbating and there were a few very good reasons not to. For one, Craig or Etherea might wander in. As if that were bad enough, there was no way it would not get around to the other. I could only imagine the prissy princess' reaction to that. She might have had 'a couple experiences' as she put it, but if her attitude so far was anything to go by I expected disdain bordering on outright abhorrence.

The other reason was that I knew for a goddamned fact that horses would be on my mind no matter what else I might seek out. And maybe Etherea...

So no. N. O. I was not getting in to that.

But that left me with a problem. I wasn't exactly aroused - I'd done nothing yet - but my body was definitely tense with anticipation. Trying to ignore that energy left a feeling bordering on a full-body ache.

I could survive though. As long as I found a powerful distraction.

In fact, the best one was right under my fingertips! Nothing distracts like a video game! And truth be told, once the idea was there, I really wanted to get in some quality gaming. It had been three whole fucking days without so much as one monster slain, an enemy player squashed, or even a single quest completed! I needed this; I was dying here.

Calling it 'wonderful' would be a gross understatement. My guildmates and friends were there, the same as always. By the time I'd finished a solid round of greetings I was practically vibrating with giddiness. Scratch that. I was vibrating - one leg was curled under me but the other was free to bounce madly on the ball of my foot.

My guild even happened to be running a group for some good, old player versus player action. I pulled up my headset mic and hopped in. It was exactly what I needed.

We lost a few matches, but we won many more. Most groups tend to form from whoever just happened to join, so we - as a cohesive single-guild unit - out-geared them, out-coordinated them, and in many cases simply out-skilled them. A few groups better than the average rabble did give us some challenges, but that just made those fights even more fun.

It's a wonder that we hadn't run into any really good teams.

My door flung itself open, the outside handle wrapped in a golden halo. Even from across the room I felt disturbed air press against me. Etherea marched in soon after, ears hiding again and every line of her body rigid. The frown wrinkling her muzzle looked like it was trying to drag her face back and away from... something.

"Uuuummmmmmm..."

She jumped, spinning nearly a full ninety degrees and coming down with all four hooves spread and wings lifted. Wide violet eyes made it look like she was about to bolt. I guess she'd forgotten I was in here?

"Wha...?" I really needed to come up with something meaningful before I spoke.

She blinked and turned deep orange - from horn tip to hooves, I swear. When she took a step back I remembered that I was still partway between sitting and standing while leaning over my desk. It probably looked like I was about to leap over it at her. I took a deep breath, straightened, and made a couple gentle motions with my hands to try and calm her. It was probably a pointless gesture - I couldn't see ponies using anything similar get some... pony to calm down.

"Ummmm... What's going on?" Better!

Her rump landed firmly. A good sign, I suppose, though she took her sweet time breathing in, still looking very orange. Near silence reined until her long breath finally tapered out.

"I was, um, cleaning your cat's... litter, which was bad... enough, but then he entered the bathroom and he went." She shivered, her head lightly vibrating side-to-side, and poked her tongue out through a grimace.

I know she said she'd had an aversion to such things, but really...! I felt so stupid asking this, but I just had to be sure. "He 'went'?"

Her muzzle lowered so she could show me just how serious her stare was. Her persistent orange color wasn't helping. "Yes. He went." She made a strangled little sound as her hoof lifted, twitched, and shifted slightly toward pointing rearward. It went straight back to the floor.

This was over Dimble taking a dump? Really?!

"You understand, don't you Alex?" Those lovely violet eyes were wide, her stance and the subtle head tilt said that she expected me to agree.

Did I understand? No. But this was important to her! For some reason. She was the visiting alien here, and we needed to be considerate of her wants and needs so which was better: to be caught in the lie or tell her what she didn't want to hear?

My imagination ever-so-kindly conjured forth an image of being flung against the wall for slighting her either way.

"Well...," her eyes narrowed menacingly, "I'm sorry but not really. I'm not going to bother you about it but I don't really get it."

For a long moment she didn't move but eventually her head lifted and the lines of her body eased. "I... Alright, well..." Her mane swayed gently as she looked around for something. After the third or four pass around the room her eyes again landed on me. "Your clothes." I blinked. Now what? "I have never... seen you without them. Other than the two from the film... last night, none of the humans I have seen were without clothing. I assume it is a cultural thing: all humans wear clothing... because it is expected. It is the same with ponies and... and, um, you know."

She took a step sideways away from the door while grimacing unhappily in its direction. "It is something that is, um, done, yes, but it is not talked... about or seen. Th-that kind of thing is kept very private."

So ponies had a very strong aversion to defecation. Good to know, I guess. Still, 'you're a naughty foal and that is concentrated evil coming out of the back of you' flashed through my head and threatened me with death by laughter. That Etherea was still blushing horribly and faintly shaking helped me reign in my more irreverent thoughts. Ingrained cultural mores were something to be very carefully handled.

Though it did make me wonder how ponies handled waste treatment. Either some ponies had to be less sensitive to that kind of thing or... Looking at Etherea, I was absolutely sure she was on the more sensitive end.

"Would you be willing to forgo... your clothing simply because I asked you to? Even if... if everypony else was without?"

Settle down Alex. You know how she said it but it wasn't meant that way; she's not actually considering the question.

Which was good because there was no way I was walking around anywhere near Etherea with everything on display! She was short enough that it would be far too close to waving my dick in her face. I mean, sure, I wouldn't actually be doing that, but humans weren't built with natural coverings like ponies were. It would be front and center, wiggling about as I moved, drawing attention even when I wasn't...

Okay, I was proving her point to myself. But I also hadn't explained mine very well.

"I understand. I really do. This is something that's been drilled into your head," speaking of making her flinch, "and is part of who, um, a pony is. I don't understand why it is that way, but it doesn't really matter. I mean, I'm not a pony. I didn't grow up with it. That's why I wasn't going to bother you about it. I don't want to take off my clothes," I think my blush deepened, "and you don't want to see anyone...," be tactful Alex, "doing that." I waved a hand toward the doorway.

Etherea nodded slowly and I could feel the tension - and blush - fading away. A wan smile crossed her muzzle.

For a moment the only sounds in the room were my game and the people on voice chat. But Etherea didn't go anywhere. No, it kind of looked like she was contemplating something on the other side of the wall to her right. Maybe the bathroom and whether Dimble was done. She didn't say anything so I was left to struggle with what to do next.

"So... how's the cleaning been going otherwise?"

Her ears flicked back and forth as her head came back around. "Ummm... I will be honest that you... two should take better care of this place; it is clear that you... have not cleaned it... thoroughly in quite a while. There is a lot for me to do." Surely it wasn't that bad - I'd done some cleaning the other day! Except that she was royalty and probably used to a place that practically glowed with omnipresent shine. "All of the doorknobs are clean, and so is the kitchen, and I am almost... finished with the bathroom."

"Oh! Speaking of which, I almost forgot about taking a shower. Lemme' know when you're done in there."

She recoiled, scoffing dramatically and putting a hoof to her breast. "You're going to sully my freshly... cleaned bathroom by taking a shower?!"

I grinned right back at her. "Well, yeah. I don't..."

"Hey Lel! You there?"

I twitched as a familiar voice hollered out of my speakers, dragging the sounds of my guildmates back from being simple background noise. On the screen, naturally enough, I was dead so someone had gotten a free kill from my character. I looked over my computer at the now very curious alicorn across the room, slipping my headset mic back on.

"Just a second, gotta' tell my friends I'll be busy for a minute." A click later and my character was resurrected at the local spawn point. "Yeah guys, I'm here. Sorry about that, I..."

"What are you doing?" The question wrenched my attention back to Etherea just as her head edged around my desk.

"Oh, um, I've been playing a game. I couldn't find anything concrete about what anyone would do about you," while finding things I wasn't entirely comfortable with, "got tired of all the... um, useless stuff," good save! "I kept finding, and took a break."

"Oh, wow! It is like an animated film, but... Look at all of the detail!" Her ears snapped to attention as wide, bright eyes glued themselves to the screen. I chuckled at the sheer amazement on her face.

"Yeah, a lot of effort was put into..."

"What is that?" She jabbed a hoof at the distant characters running around fighting each other, though she was careful to keep well away from the screen.

"Um. Other players. The ones with green labels are friends, and the red labels are enemies. This is me in the middle of the screen. All this around me," I circled a finger around the screen to indicate all the icons, ability buttons, and status indicators, "are the things telling me how my character is doing and what she can do."

"Wait. 'She'?"

I rolled my eyes as Etherea finally deigned to look at me, though her fascinated expression only got worse. And somehow she still managed to cock one eyebrow even higher.

"Yeah. It's a holdover from a previous game. Most of my characters were male, but at one point I made a random female one. I named her 'Lelitu,' or 'Lel' for short. I eventually grew to love her class and made her my main. When I switched games I kept the character and name so that my friends could find me."

And now some... pony looked completely lost. 'Class?' 'Main?' I could see why. She had no experience with 'gamer speak.'

"Oh! What is that?!" Of course she would be distracted by something else just as I got around to explaining one thing.

"Ok, who is that?"

My breath hitched and my skin went cold at the familiar voice spilling from my speakers.

"Yo, Lel, is that you?" Oh great, Nispee... "I keep hearing some girl on Mumble," that was my guild's voice chat program, "and she sounds fucking hot."

And he had heard Etherea! Just fucking perfect! Boisterous and confident like Craig, yet Nispee also tended to be pushy, callous, and rather too self-centered. A weightlifter who loved to let everyone know how great that made him, and an 'internet tough guy' who got far too much pleasure from tormenting other people. And of course he had the gaming skills to back himself up, which only made him worse.

He was the guy I worried about when it came to new guild members. Especially the female ones. If Craig bothered Etherea, then she was going to loathe Nispee.

And if Nispee had heard Etherea, then I'd accidentally been holding down my mic button and everyone else probably had as well! I tried to incinerate the hand on my mouse with a glare.

"Alex, is something wrong?" Etherea was looking directly at me, trying to meet my eyes.

Yes, of course there was! Someone who wasn't me or Craig had heard you! You! A pony! They had...

Heard her. Like my neighbors had last night. Nothing else. There was no way they could know she was a pony just by sound. Well, her voice's undertone was a little strange... Nah, it wasn't like that alone would tell them she was a pony. It might not even carry through the speakers.

The fear I'd been ramping up was surprisingly easy to shove aside. The big secret was still safe. Which left only my unwillingness to share my private life with people like Nispee. And given that my guild had never heard a female from my mic, the assumption would definitely be that she was it.

I made very sure that I wasn't queuing up my microphone, taking my hand completely off the mouse. "Mmmmm, maybe. But probably not?" Etherea blinked and tilted her head. "Those voices are the other people..."

"Lel."

"...I play with. They..."

"Hey Lel."

"...heard you talking, so now..."

"Yo brosef, answer me you noodly-armed motherfucker."

"...one is curious."

Etherea drew back, her stare switching between me and the screen. "So these... are some of your friends?"

"Some of them." And some really were. I might not have connected the same was as with my real life friends, but I'd be willing to hang out with quite a few of them. "We talk back and forth while playing."

"I had thought... you were just listening to something." She considered the screen for a moment. Then her ears rose and her eyes met mine. "Would I be able to say hello to them?"

What?! Wait... How about no? That would be a horrible idea! These were...

Well, like I'd told myself earlier, they were simply people on the other end of a speaker. I really didn't like the implications of letting everyone know I had a girl over, not with people like Nispee around. But at the same time Etherea was looking at me with expectant eyes, perked ears, and a barely-held smile.

Would it be so bad? It's not like I knew any of these people in real life, so internet anonymity would still provide me my privacy. Plus, most of my guildmates were pretty cool. That would be alright, right? Yet I couldn't shake an undercurrent of nervousness.

But how fun would it be to introduce her to some other real humans? This was a pretty controlled environment too! Hell, until she could speak English on her own - God, I hoped she wouldn't be here that long - she'd need me around to translate, so she'd be supervised.

"I... guess? Why?" Redundant question is redundant. She's clearly curious and excited because of it!

"These are other humans! And they are your friends! I trust that any friend of yours would not... be an, um, unpleasant personality." The vote of confidence was really nice. "And since they are not here, and you do... not seem worried, then they cannot... see us, can they?"

Well, they could if I turned my webcam on. But, hell no. "You're right, they can't."

"So it would be safe for... me to talk with them like this. And I might... even be able to make some more friends." Her smile finally blossomed. It faltered a little when I did nothing more than stare and blink. I still wasn't completely sold that this was a good...

"Please?"

She was right though. This was a pretty safe way of letting her get some outside interaction. Again, my reluctance was less about her being a pony and more about her being, well, a girl. Silly? Probably. But I'm shy and that's the story I'm sticking to.

Plus, it was her birthday. "Alright, I suppose. Since it is your birthday." She made a happy little noise and did a tiny dance in place before smoothing her expression again. I let my thoughts organize themselves for a moment. "Just remember that we don't want them knowing you're a pony. No Equestrian or anything, okay?"

She rolled her eyes but nodded. "I am well aware of that." Yeah, yeah, but I wanted to be absolutely clear on that point. An ounce of prevention they say...

I finally pulled my headset mic from around the back of my neck. I was really going to do this! She edged her muzzle to one side, eying the device as I held it up to her. "Just talk near the end of this like you would normally. I have to activate it so I'll tell you when. Are you ready?" A nod.

I held down my middle mouse button and pointed at her.

"Hello Alex' friends!"

The first words from ponykind to larger mankind! Exciting! Action-packed! Anticlimactic... Seriously, that was it? Well, Etherea had withdrawn her head and was blushing furiously so I let off the mic. Talk about an adorable pony. And she fluffed her wings too!

"Hi."

"Hello."

"'Sup, gir..."

"You do have a chick over! And damn does she sound smokin'!" I groaned dejectedly. I should have known Nispee would be all over this. Or at least the most vocal. "You're like the wimpiest dude too, how the fuck did you ever get a girl that sounds like that? Hey girl, you listenin'? I bet Lel can't even bench you..."

Oh, fuck that.

"Hey Etherea, say 'Nispee, shut the hell up.'"

"What? Why?"

"Please?" A more hesitant nod from her this time.

"If you want to say 'hello' to a real man I got two guns bigger'n your head and another that'll..."

"Nispee, shut... the hell up!"

Ooooohhh! I couldn't have cued her at a more perfect moment. The pause might have weakened it a bit, but her emphasis was perfect! She was good at this! And now the only thing coming through my speakers was roaring with laughter of a small crowd. I couldn't help it, I lost it and joined them - with my mic off, of course.

Though... Etherea had a look halfway between a full smile and a nervous frown, and it was doing unfortunate things to her face. Of course she didn't understand. She couldn't know what Nispee had been saying.

"I can tell who's got the balls over at your place, Lel. You have to suck her cock to get her to stick up for...?"

"Jesus, Nispee, stop." The new voice was calm and barely louder than regular speaking, but it cut through all the noise like a diamond saw. "Do you even listen to yourself?"

"Ye..."

"No, you're not. This is exactly the kind of thing I don't want anyone in the guild doing. I don't care how you act outside of WoW," that's short for 'World of Warcraft,' "but this kind of thing is not funny, and it's not cool. Lel's your guildmate, so show him some damned respect. That goes double for his guest, who you do not know. Now we're doing something here, pay attention."

'Roamer.' Our beloved Guild leader. One of the better players I'd ever run in to, and certainly among the most charismatic. It wasn't in-your-face the way a military commander might be. He was quiet but personable, as well as slow to anger, intelligent, and capable. And we all knew it. When he spoke pretty much everyone listened.

The lynchpin to our entire guild.

Seriously, our most disorganized were, by far, the few times he'd gone on vacation or lost internet. I think that if he left then the guild would evaporate.

And Nispee had gotten told by him. I took far too much pleasure from that.

At the same time Etherea was still watching me, her brow furrowed and a tightness about her eyes. She seemed patient and all, but I had to give her an explanation soon. Very soon.

"The guy who'd been speaking a lot," I waved a hand at a speaker, "is a little like Craig, but a lot worse. I mean that he can be pretty mean sometimes, and he likes it that way." That set Etherea's jaw and got her ears to retract. "His name's 'Nispee' and he was saying some, well, very wrong things. Teasing me, extremely inappropriate things about you, and not at all nice about any of it. Very vulgar too."

I sat back as my companion mulled that one over, my hands shaking faintly from the combined sources of excitement.

"Sooo... You two do not like each other?"

Not the response I'd expected. "Well, um, it's not quite like that. We get along decently most of the time but I don't like how he acts. And he was being, um, particularly... let's go with annoying."

Etherea's eyes fixed on the screen again, her expression growing more grim with every word I said. Yeah, I didn't want that either. The last time she'd gotten angry like that she'd teleported here.

"Nispee," To hear Etherea say his screen name just as I remembered exactly what it was... I had to swallow a chuckle. "He sounds like he needs a... stern lesson in Harmony."

I almost laughed again. "Oh, yes please!" It would never work though. I could only imagine his reaction to a My Little Pony trying to 'reform' him. Etherea, as a real pony though, might have more luck. She still worried me plenty so it might work. But that was something to consider later.

Okay, I needed to get her away from the bad portions of the past few moments and leaned forward to get her attention back. "Anyways. I know you couldn't understand him but you telling him to shut up? Beautiful!" She blinked and a tentative smile appeared. Good! "You caught him perfectly and right in the middle of it!"

Her chuckle was just as tentative. "That is what every... one was laughing about?"

"Yup. The other guy - the one who just cut Nispee off - is Roamer, our... Well, the leader of our group. He's one of the nicest guys you could meet." Actually, there was an idea. "You want to talk to him?"

Her hesitation told me more than anything she could have said. "P-perhaps you can... send Roamer my thanks for... being civil. But I think it would... be best to wait. I am not sure I am... yet ready for this."

The slowly building excitement left me in an instant. There was Etherea, still standing next to me much as she had been, but her ears were no longer at such strict attention and her face was turned a bit away. The slight downward tilt and a flick of her eyes away from me completed the look. It wasn't quite fear. Heavily guarded. Here I'd been more and more excited about having a safe way to show off to her while she still had some heavy reservations about... Something.

What had happened? It was a hell of a switch - the two of us reversing our positions like that. And why?!

"What...? What is wrong?"

"I..." The way she twisted her head away was a kick to my gut. "I was so excited. But I do not..." When she came back around her brow was deeply furrowed and she carefully picked each word. "I guess I expected... that your friends would be more like mine. But one... of your acquaintances is much more... um, callous than I expected, and the rest of... of you took a... great deal of amusement in the reprisal against him. The circumstances may have been... somewhat comedic but I am not... It is not what I expected..." It was a complete statement but she still trailed off like there was more.

Well, that had been overly 'diplomatic.' "Is everything alright?" It didn't seem to be.

Her mouth opened but she held her breath for a moment. A resigned sigh followed. "Please do not take too much offense... to this, Alex, but I do not appreciate being... used to strike back at Nispee." Oh, shit...

"Most of them aren't like that. It was mostly harmless teasing actually," Downplaying it for her benefit. That 'mostly' weakened my argument and I cursed internally.

"I understand. Your culture views... these things differently which is why I... um, cannot be that upset. I just do not wish to be subject... or party to it until I am ready."

Well that sucked. Way to go, Alex! It was so bizarre that anyone could have such a problem with...

But no, it was like she'd said: it was a cultural thing. I guess. Even for humans Nispee had been a bit of a dick there. At least Etherea was trying to be nice about it. Relatively. I should be too, and respect her feelings here.

"W-well... Alright." I took a short breath. "I'm s..." No. "Should we just move on then?"

The tight line of her lips eased as I backed off two things at once that could upset her. It still took a moment for her to nod. "Sounds good. What did you have in mind?"

I... had no idea, really. No, really. I hadn't expected her to stay there and ask me what we were going to do next. If I'd been in her place I'd want to get away from, well, me for a bit to let us both calm down, let off steam, etc.

"Um... You're not going to...?" Hold up. Let's make sure to say this right. "What I mean is, even after the past few minutes you still want to hang around?" Ehhhh... A serviceable question.

It took her aback though and she just looked at me for a stretch. "Well... yes." Her eyes flicked away before meeting mine resolutely. "I may be a little disappointed... but like I said, Alex, this is... not something I can hold against you. And the, um, bathroom can wait. Right now I would like... to show that I hold no hard feelings." With that she set her rump on the floor and curled her tail neatly around her haunches.

"Actually, I have an idea if you would be amenable." I inclined my head to get her to go on. "Perhaps now would be a good time to answer... some of the questions I had. I have not had... a good chance to ask you what humans are like."

Thinking on the recent close calls I mentally stepped back to examine the minefield she'd just placed in front of me. Humanity. Such a mixed bag. There were so many ways that this could go wrong. Worse was that I wasn't sure anymore which seemingly innocuous answers were secretly hiding something to upset her, ending in more problems than they might solve. I had to resist groaning as I realized I couldn't know until we stumbled into one.

At least her still being here was a good sign. I'd just need to be extra delicate. If I could.

Oh, and there was a quick message to send to Roamer. "Yeah, okay. Just let me do one thing, quick."

Thanks Roamer. He was getting to me a bit. She thanks you too. I gotta' go though. Hopefully leaving her name out wouldn't be too obvious an edit.

I had just enough time before logging out to catch his message back.

No problem. There have been complaints about some people mouthing off outside the guild so I'm trying to crack down on that kind of thing. Nispee was going too far anyway. You two have a good one.

He hadn't even taken a crack at me having Etherea here. Friendly, supportive, and just plain considerate - the reasons I'd always liked him.

Alright, so this would either be the greatest feat of extraterrestrial relationship building or would forever damn our two worlds. That might have been a bit sensationalist, but this was heavy stuff here! There were so many ways that this could go wrong. Especially if this got out of my hands - not like my situation wasn't already - and Etherea found out something else she wasn't ready for.

Though, come to think of it, I could have help. And it would probably be more diplomatic than anything I'd come up with off the top of my head.

"What are humans like? That's really broad. Though, with a little help, I should be able to answer that, and probably every other one you can think of." Oh, how her eyebrow was rising at that. "Let me introduce...," my fingers tapping away were as good as any drumroll, "...Wikipedia."

Yeah.

"A public repository for everything humans know."

I tried to play in nonchalantly, but inside my stomach was doing flips as it tried to buck my heart into a new position. Etherea's unblinking concentration on the screen was even more unnerving because of the lack of expression elsewhere in her body.

"Every... thing?"

"Pretty much."

Her head came around so slowly I'm sure it creaked. And she still hadn't blinked. Should I say something? As I sorted through my potential options I decided that I probably should. I mean, she seemed to be broken!

"You're not going to tell, um, Lady Naois about this, are you?" Any pride I had at pulling out Twilight Sparkle's real name was lost under shame and anger for that gem of a follow-up. She'd already gotten upset over similar 'casual' treatment of Celestia and Cadance, so a half-joke like that would probably just insult her.

Then came a dainty snort as Etherea's eyes eked out a bit more width. "Oh, no, nonononono, no! Can you imagine her reaction... at finding something containing all of the knowledge of an entire new civilization?" Okay, maybe not all... "We would probably... find her a week later, hooves-up on the floor."

That was... different. The pony who had objected to the 'Nispee incident' was fine with picking on Twilight behind her back? I guess that... No, now I'm just confused. But most likely it wouldn't be worth it to pursue the issue. A different question surfaced as I suppressed my first impulse.

"Really? She's actually like that?" Her laugh as she nodded emphatically was full and happy; a perfect salve for my frayed nerves. If that stereotype about Twilight's thirst for knowledge was true then we'd have to be very careful around her.

"Sooooo... You can use this... What did you call it?"

"Wikipedia."

"Wicky... Peedy... Ah...?" I'd never seen anyone chew on a word so thoroughly.

"Uh huh."

Cue 'human.' And one blown pony mind.

I did my best to gloss over some things while seemingly sparing nothing. After all, the problem with Wikipedia was that it also had everything that was bad about humanity, and she was definitely not ready for it. If the 'Nispee Incident' was distressing then any details from humanity's war torn past would be a quick way to ruin her birthday. I wasn't exactly lying to her, but it still felt kind of like I was.

Wikipedia ran us through the basics of anatomy, behavior, development, evolution, and a few more. A constant stream of questions spilled out of Etherea like she was making room for all this new information.

I couldn't exactly avoid the fact that humans fought each other but I kept it low key. 'This country fought that country over this,' or 'these people rose up against those,' and similar. She barely even batted an eye, moving past my nearly empty explanations in search of the next answer. I guess Equestria wasn't all fun and games like I'd...

It definitely wasn't. But that wasn't a reason to detail things she wasn't asking about.

In the midst of our impromptu marathon my room's arrangement again proved its worth. The side of a be-hatted head inched past the doorframe in what was probably supposed to be a sneaky manner. Craig would have to try a lot harder; I had excellent peripheral vision.

He gave up and just stepped into view on seeing me already watching, moving to lean casually against the far side of the doorway. "Well aren't you two having fun." I just rolled my eyes. Subtle, Craig. "Just letting you know that I'm out."

The clock on my computer may have been right there but my eyes went to the window anyway. Etherea and I had been at this a lot longer than I'd thought - the sun was almost low enough to shine directly through the blinds!

"A-Alright. Will see you later then."

"Well, have fun at your... party... Right?" Etherea's chipper question was surprising. Didn't she remember him laughing at her earlier? Though if she didn't, or just wanted to ignore it, then I was more than happy to play along.

"Yup. Got Maxslam, Better Days, and The Shrees playing tonight so it oughta' kick ass. Yours truly's gonna' be up there callin' the shots and gettin' the crowd pumped. If I'm not hammered in an hour I'll be doing it wrong." That easy smile was going strong already.

Ah Craig, same as always. Which reminded me...

I turned to Etherea. "Excuse me, need to talk to Craig for a moment." She blinked as I stood and I feared she'd question this. Then she nodded and shifted to the side so I could slip away. The weight of two pairs of eyes followed me as I made it to the door and motioned Craig to go ahead of me. I felt like Sir Buzz Killington, and hated it, but this was just that damned important!

As we made our way down the hall and through the living area I considered how to best broach the topic. Subtlety would just be lost on him, which left a direct statement. God, I hope I wouldn't just sound like an ass.

Well, maybe I did a little. Craig hadn't been the easiest to put up with lately and this was just that damned important.

I fixed him with a level look - when he finally looked up from tying his shoes. "I know what you said, but I want to make absolutely damned sure of this; no bringing anyone home tonight."

"Oh, hell no." Craig's eyes drifted toward the wall separating us from the hall and my room. "That'd be fucking stupid. I'll be out with Mitch," one of the morning DJs, "and hopefully going home with someone else. Like maybe that blonde girl from the last week with those tight-ass pants that pushed her ass right in your face... Unf!"

He wasn't going to argue the point? Oh hell yes! Maybe I'd given him too little credit. "I'm sure I'll hear all about it later."

His grin returned and his eyes practically danced. "Sure. I can tell you all about it. Every single. Juicy. Detail."

Actually, now that I'd had a second to think about...

"There's so much I can teach you young paddletron." What? "You just hang here tonight and don't do anything I wouldn't do while..." He twitched and tensed up, his face going blank for a moment. But his smile wasn't dead for long. "'Do.' Hehe." He leaned forward to whisper hoarsely. "She's walking around commando but just try to keep it in your pants, man."

I was determined to not let him... my mouth was already moving! "So you have been checking her out."

His dismissive shrug was almost instantaneous. "Nah. She's good, but I'm gonna' see something if she's waving it in my face all the time." He raised an eyebrow and looked away thoughtfully.

"Sure, sure." Sometimes everything just sort of 'clicks,' and right now I was feeling pretty good. I still made sure to keep my volume down. "And you were worried about me getting too cozy with her. Maybe I should keep a closer eye on you."

"No thanks, mom." His smile faded so he could eye me critically. "Y'know, she's been spending an awful lot of time around you. Makes me wonder what happened after I left last night. Any red-blooded man woulda' had her eating from his hand after a movie like that."

I just had to smile. This was getting fun! Though that was usually a bad sign for me. "Really? You'd make a move on her?"

"Her? No. Dude, that's too weird even for me. She's pretty much a horse. But..."

A horse? Never mind, I wasn't letting him turn this one back around again. "Then I'm safe. Can't do anything you wouldn't, right?"

For a little bit there was nothing but silence in the apartment while Craig stared at me. "Huh." His hand rose to scratch the back of his head under the edge of his hat. My smile felt big enough to split my face. "Ah, damnit." His eyes came back focused as ever as a finger was held accusingly under my nose. "I'll think of something, man."

I just grinned back. I had nothing left though, so my silence was simple self-preservation.

"You're like a lot less freaked out. You feelin' better?"

Well, it's not like I wasn't still worried, but... "Etherea's happier. Doesn't seem like the world's about to end." That was a big plus. "And I didn't have to work today. Yeah, maybe a bit."

"Cool. Alright, don't stay up tooooooo late." He wiggled his eyebrows at me. "I'm out." The door swung closed behind him, cutting off his over-the-shoulder wave.

Again I was left alone with a pony - a pony! - and nothing much to do. Well, that wasn't strictly true. It was her birthday and the plan was to celebrate it. Which reminded me that I still didn't have anything prepared.

The sound of hollow glass being soundly tapped bounced around the apartment and I jumped, whirling around midair. A dark shape at the window was some sort of person. Oh shit, where was Etherea?! Was she...?

Craig's laughing face registered from between the blinds.

Well, fuck! Yeah, yeah Craig, you got me. I put up a very particular finger but he only laughed harder before finally ambling away.

Etherea was still sitting neatly on her haunches when I returned, though she'd moved over to the nightstand. She was already looking toward the door but her horn was glowing and I caught barest sliver of her device setting itself down. Her expression was unreadable but her muzzle was raised. Trying to puzzle it out made me forget what I'd been about to say.

A smile formed tentatively on her muzzle before becoming much more sincere. Strange... "So, um, what now?" She raised a forehoof to lightly tap her lips while spending a moment pondering. At least her smile continued to grow. "Perhaps it is time for presents?"

"Uhhhh, actually, I'm still not quite ready for this. Actually, I need to go out and get some stuff." Totally not a dodge to give myself more time to think.

"Ah. I take it... you will be on your way as well then."

I nodded sheepishly. "Yeah. I hate to just skip out like this, but I'll be back soon." Hopefully. What the hell was I going to do for presents?! "You said you wanted cucumber and mayonnaise sandwiches with what now?"

"Oh," her pleased smile went well with that flick of her mane, "a mild cheese, a few Chrysanthemum petals, and just a little pepper."

Oh wait, I had a list. Though on second thought I didn't want to risk losing a piece of paper covered in Equestrian scribbles. The chance of someone finding it and getting suspicious might be astronomically low, but it still wasn't zero. Memorizing four items wouldn't be that hard.

"Got it. You need help with anything before I go?" I pointed a thumb backward over my shoulder. "I could set up the TV if you wanted to watch anything." Mentally I cringed; giving her free reign to cable entertainment without anyone to supervise could end very, very badly. Even if she couldn't understand anyone, one news show might break her. Again.

"No, that is alright. I never did finish cleaning the bathroom... after all." Wasn't she a studious one?

"Well, don't go anywhere your highness. I'll be right back." I knew I'd guessed right when she smiled at that.

Author's Note

Finally! Part 2 will be up shortly. And now for other things that people have been waiting for: deleted scenes! This chapter is my most thoroughly edited so there's a bunch just for this one.

When Etherea first wakes Alex up - unnecessary - (BONUS! Some of Etherea's speech is untranslated!)

As much as I'd hoped to wake up on Saturday slowly and with many lazy dips back into semi-consciousness, I hadn't really expected it. There were just too many interruptions either possible or probable. The curious, "morning-pony" princess bunked in my room was probably the most likely, but Craig being Craig, Etherea's friends/relatives/guards possibly showing up at any moment, my boss checking in just to be neurotic, every twinge, tingle, or twitch worrying me, or any of a dozen potential interruptions left me sleeping with one eye open.

Dimble yowling from mortal peril had never once crossed my mind.

I shot upright, all sleep instantly banished. Graceful like a ninja - a whimpy, skinny one - I rolled over, sending all my assorted blankets flailing wildly through the air and landing on my feet in a half crouch. I stayed poised to move in any direction, every nerve humming in anticipation. Or maybe that was just the lack of a proper wake-up sequence.

It took a moment to analyze the strident sounds emanating from deeper in the apartment. And also to realize that I had no idea what to do yet. Was my dying cat getting closer? I was able to sort out the barest rise in volume just in time to witness a flailing greyish blob float past the edge of the hall entry - goddamn my contacts for still being in the bathroom! - a shifting golden glow surrounding it. What the hell was that thing?

It was making all the noise! That was my cat floating along in... Well, shit!

I couldn't help but stare, my butt coming to a rest against the couch and my jaw hanging limply as Dimble came to a rest just inside the living area and about three feet in the air. Oh, he was fucking pissed!

Then Etherea stepped carefully in to view. Without my contacts there was no telling what her expression was but the golden-yellow quadruped and glowing horn were unmistakable. Her forehooves came to rest on the carpet and she paused, my violently protesting cat floating languidly well out of reach of her face.

Etherea's head quickly dipped and her mane slid forward to cover one side of her face. "(I-I'm sorry to wake you) Alex (but he would not stop scratching at the door.)" One of her hooves ground at the floor once before twitching and being pressed firmly back down.

I blinked and began quickly passing a thoroughly confused look back and forth between the two. "What?"

The shape that was Etherea's head dropped a fraction further. Dimble came coasting toward the floor, his struggles increasing exponentially as freedom came closer to his reach. When his halo finally winked out he shot off across the living area and disappeared somewhere near the kitchen. At least the apartment was quiet again.

Again I tried. "What?" I knew it was futile as soon as I said it, but my brain was still in startup mode and I didn't know how else to get answers.

Etherea's head, which had followed Dimble as he escaped, came back around to face me. "(I know you can't understand me right now)," She shook her head slowly, her tone changing from slightly amused to soft and... sad? Pleading? Again I mentally cursed my lack of contacts to see her expression right then, "(but) Alex (if you could just feed) Dimble (so that he will stop bothering me. You can go back to sleep after if you like. I will remain in your room for the time being.)"

After a momentary glance toward the kitchen I cocked my head at Etherea and slowly stood up. "Okay, we're really going to have to come up with a better way to do this. I have no idea what you just said." Yeah, pointing that out was really smart of me.

She took a step forward and made a couple of shallow pushing motions toward me with one forehoof before shifting it sideways a hair. She was now pointing beside me. Past me? At the couch? "(Just go back to sleep afterward) Alex, (you do not have to get up if you don't want to)." And with that she gracefully completed her turn, nodded to me, and then headed silently back toward my room.

For a while I just stood there. There was no explaining what had just happened. Well, there was, but I was totally missing it. I know Dimble could be a nuisance when he was hungry...
Right.

A happy meow greeted me as I joined my cat in the kitchen. The dishes remained undone - of course they did - and I grimaced when I realized that Dimble would just have to make do with a dirty food dish. Not that it bothered him in the slightest, I just didn't like the idea of eating off obviously used dishes and carried that over to treating him with the same courtesy.

Dimble's increasingly insistent pleading cut off the moment the food hit the floor. I enjoyed the return of silence far too much. But again the absence of anything to do at the moment left me with the question of what to do next. I really should check on Etherea shouldn't I? At some point I would have to get up and I guess now was as good a time as any. And with Etherea awake I should probably do something that involves her. I was her host and she was an alien and a princess after all. Polite is as polite does.

My bare feet padded softly along as I crossed the living area, eased past Craig's door, and down toward my own. A quick stopover in the bathroom allowed me to see. However, I hesitated as I reached my door. Was I ready for whatever the day had for me with regard to Etherea? Everything from yesterday - from the horrible start and nearly horrible ending to the still-raging internal debate over pony versus horse - ran through my head over a handful of second. I didn't feel ready. But that didn't mean I could just stand here doing nothing all day even if that felt safer.

I took a breath, held it, and let it out slowly. I didn't fear Etherea - at least not much anymore - just the things that might befall me because of her. Better to face them head-on, right?

Three soft raps on my door let the pony on the other side know I was there.

For a moment nothing happened and I could feel the tenseness in my gut building. I wasn't entirely sure why, this was just a casual chat with a pony princess after all. Casual? I smirked and tilted my head back to look at the top of the doorframe. It was so weird to be able to think something like that and for it to be almost normal.

When the door swung away from me I made sure to smile a little. I was going to continue building on the good mood of last night if it killed me. But Etherea shaking her head slowly, her muzzle pointed downward, and chuckling was not the reaction I expected and my grin faltered.

"(I should have expected as much). Alex, (please understand this gesture)," her voice was level and held a clearly patient tone, "(I want you to go back to sleep or whatever it is that you would do normally)."

Her hoof extended straight at me! A quick step backward caused me to narrowly avoid what would probably have been a gentle push. I snapped my head up to meet her eyes, a thoroughly confused and slightly flustered look probably matching the emotions within me. This was... I didn't know!

Her smirk was clear as she shook her head again but in the universal sign of 'no.' "(I mean it) Alex, (don't let me interrupt your normal morning. Now shoo)." She flicked her raised hoof at me several times like she was brushing something toward me. Or... Well, if a human did that it would be a sign of dismissal. I couldn't help but look to my right and toward the living area.

"Kayel!" At the corners of my eyes I caught Etherea's vigorous nod.

"You want me to leave?" I pointed to myself and then back down the hall.

Again a nod from her. "Kayel."

So 'kayel' meant 'yes?' I guess so.

Then she tilted her head and put the same hoof under her cheek, closed her eyes, and made a gentle snoring sound. Those beautiful violet eyes met mine when she opened them and the same flicking motion of her hoof followed soon after.

She wanted me to go back to sleep? Well, more sleep did sound good. It was some ungodly early time of the morning despite the lightness outside, and nobody should have to get up before ten! "Well... Alright."

I turned but kept my attention on her.

"Kayel." She nodded again and switched hooves, placing the now free one behind the door like she was going to shut it.

"Well... thank you I guess." I dipped my head toward her. "I'm not sure what for. I can't understand you, you can't understand me, and I'm not sure I can even get back to sleep."

I felt so damned silly! Captain Obvious himself would probably have quit his job at the amount of stupidity in my statement. But I still took that first tentative step away from my own room - far be it from me to get into an argument over this.

Etherea smiled brightly before slowly shutting the door. She paused, one eye peeking through the crack between door and jam for a moment, and I heard a soft chuckle. Then with a final click I was alone in the hall. Well at least the morning-pony was chipper today. I guess last night's salt escapade hadn't left any lasting effects.

It seemed so stupid to remove my contacts so soon after putting them in, but no matter how little I expected to be sleeping there was no way I was going to do anything else. At least the couch was still as cozy as ever. Dimble saw fit to join me in his own way by sitting on the back of the couch near my feet. It was a nice to have him nearby again while I was resting.

But even if the adrenaline from earlier had faded sleep was still frustratingly elusive. My brain was used to keeping going after it got started, and now it had plenty of fuel. I did my best to chase away thoughts of Etherea and what I was going to do about her. Chasing her wasn't an option, but apparently my mind liked to dream.

No. I was trying to sleep now.

Etherea talking about what she'd like to have for dinner - things that exist in both worlds (like flowers) will translate just fine, making this passage confusing and redundant -

But she chose to rescue me in the end. After giggling under her breath. "It is alright Alex. I am not too worried about you coming up with the finest of Prench, Bitalian, or Kodractikti cuisine. I am actually very fond of cucumbers and, um, mayonaise sandwiches on good, old white bread with some Nessuorllien. It's a mild cheese, though I don't know how I can describe it to you without trying some of your cheeses. I also like to add a few Ren petals and a small dash of pepper."

I guess I looked lost to her - and I was - because she'd opened her mouth and then stopped, tilting her head a hair before continuing. "Um, a Ren is commonly a yellow flower - though many other colors can be grown - which has many, many little petals that fold outward," she tried to demonstrate by bringing the bottoms of her hooves together and then folding them apart and outward at her hocks "until, um, they form sort of a ball shape. They grow on bushes that are also sort of ball shaped and the, um, leaves are sort of a..." She tried sketching out formless shapes in the air with a hoof, her brow creasing as it became clear just how ineffective that was.

I certainly had no idea what the leaves might look like given the twirls she'd put her hoof through.

"Well, hmmmm... I suppose your world might not even have Renuas."

Possible; Earth didn't have dragons, manticores, Poison Joke, or even alicorns. At least not up until last Wednesday evening. What were the chances that our world shared "Renuas"? Although the possibility wasn't zero, and since my mom was big into gardening I'd seen fluffy, ball-like flowers before. Though what colors they might have been was an evasive piece of information.

But, that's what Google was for!

"One second." Etherea tensed and sat straighter when I suddenly got up. Her shift forced me to freeze as the possibility that I'd scared her by moving quickly. I admonished myself for not being more careful and opened my mouth.

Not that I was going to apologize again for something so minor. Certainly not. She didn't like that kind of thing.

She settled back to her previous, more relaxed posture and inclined her head in what looked like assent. I hoped it was assent. I hesitated a moment longer before nodding back. I'm not sure why but I nodded back. It seemed stupid and pointless but I did my best to squash any embarrassment. I was being nice, right? Sure.

Etherea's eyes didn't leave me the whole time I was retrieving my phone. She'd taken the time to levitate the dishes into the sink. Her ears came to greater attention the closer I got, her head tilted the other way as she watched me curiously.

[8 - Part 2] Fit For a Princess

The weather had cleared up nicely, holding a pleasant - if somewhat sticky - warmth and a thinning smattering of clouds. I couldn't help feeling particularly pleased as I settled comfortably into the driver's seat and bathed myself in my favorite music. Today had actually been a pretty good one so far, all things considered.

Though when it came to Etherea's and my worries it kind of sucked that I still didn't have any concrete answers. At least we were getting along. That, by itself, felt especially momentous. How many first contacts in history had gone so well? I had no idea. It couldn't be that many, right?

So I must be doing something right. I mean, Etherea was recovering quickly and should be able to get home soon. That was a good thing!

A minor twinge of dismay was rudely stuffed into the back of my thoughts.

And if Etherea got home safe, then Equestria could make a second, less fucked up 'first' contact whenever they were ready. She could do it now, if it proved safe enough, but she still wasn't here in any official capacity. There was precious little that she actually could do other than hurry up and wait. Plus, I did not want to be caught anywhere near the middle of all this!

I just wanted things to go back to normal.

Not that it probably would...

Was I moping by the time I began perusing the supermarket? Damned right I was. There was no helping it because I didn't really care. The whole situation was fucking scary and it didn't look like anything I could do would make it any better!

Fortunately most of the things I needed were easy enough to find. Cucumbers, a 'fancier' white bread than our usual fare, and some provolone cheese went in my cart. This was a birthday so I also stocked up on some good, old mass-market soda.

The decision over a cake was more difficult. Sure you were required - by law I think - to have cake at a birthday, but I didn't really want to buy an entire one. I wasn't a big eater and I wasn't sure if Etherea was. That might leave a ton for Craig, and while I'm sure he could, I really didn't want to feed him that much. A half-dozen very large cupcakes were probably a good compromise.

A box of cheap candles and a lighter later and I was...

Flowers. I couldn't forget that. Unfortunately the supermarket wasn't stocking Chrysanthemums. While cursing my bad luck I noticed that they had something even better: Tulips. Which brought up a whole new question. Did the different colors have different flavors? With a shrug I took an assorted half-dozen.

Also, what about presents? I still hadn't gotten anything. What would a stranded Equestrian princess want? Well, that I could afford, of course. I suppose that, given her constant interest, most anything from Earth would probably be well-received.

It was while passing the checkout that I noticed something that might work: those magazines that I'd never paid much attention to? They almost never had any information that I'd actually want to pay for so they were little more than passing eye candy. But for someone who knew literally nothing about Earth? I skimmed a couple and grabbed a random 'girly' style magazine - for a bit of modern culture - and an issue of Time that didn't appear to have anything that might offend Etherea.

A quick stop by a florist had me awkwardly ordering exactly one Chrysanthemum. Yeah, that got some weird looks. I was tempted to walk right back out but that would have just made it even worse. It's not like I was doing anything that suspicious by buying a single flower but the relief I got from escaping with my prize was incredible.

Partway back, with my treasures secured and in an increasingly upbeat mood, I found myself belting out one of my favorite Sixx A.M. songs alongside the radio. Something I wouldn't be caught dead doing outside the safety of my car. Though 'singing' was a relative term; my voice just didn't have the strength to hold the high notes. I was pretty sure I did pretty well otherwise so I still loved to try.

Being a not very outgoing person meant it had taken me months to work up the courage to do this despite being alone in my car. A 'phantom audience,' or something, it was called. I still had it and even now - when nobody could possibly hear me - I'd still check to see if anyone was looking. It always surprised and relieved me that nobody ever was, which only made it easier to really sing.

A sudden idea choked the words right out of my throat. Nobody in the other vehicles was paying even the least bit of attention to me. The main thing keeping Etherea cooped up in my apartment, and preventing us from following Craig's suggestion - even if he couldn't possibly have been serious - was knowing that someone would see her.

It was hard enough to see much detail in other cars and I was actively searching. For anyone not paying direct attention it would be even harder. And at night... At night shapes were indistinct and colors impossible to tell. A bright golden-yellow pony would be no different than any large dog. I couldn't even remember the last time I'd actually seen a dog in another car at night, much less what kind it was!

It might just be safe to take her out for a drive! Now that would be a birthday present.

I sat up straighter as my heart got into the idea. By the time I'd rushed inside I was vibrating with excitement because the idea seemed just too good to pass up. There were a number of potential problems, but we could probably work around most. The big one might be convincing Etherea.

"Alex?" came the hesitant call of a pleasant female voice from somewhere deeper in the apartment.

"Yeah. It's me."

A short, rounded muzzle poked out around the entry to the hallway and was quickly followed by a curious, brilliantly-purple eye. "Is it safe?"

I blinked and looked toward the window. There were a couple of people outside one of the other buildings but that was nothing unusual. They weren't even particularly close to us. She hadn't been this scared earlier.

My confusion drew out my words. "Yeah... why?"

Finally stepped fully into view, her gait had a slight bounce as slim legs carried her across the living area. "Oh, I just... did not want to spoil any surprises."

Ah! The presents thing for the birthday reason - yes, that's exactly how I thought it. "No, nothing like that. Though I might have a surprise for later."

She hesitated halfway through a step before grinning widely. "Ooooooo! A surprise for me? I cannot wait!" And her smile faltered. "You said earlier that... you were not wealthy. I hope... that you aren't spending very... much on my behalf."

"Oh, no." I turned around to deal with the clingy gray fuzzball wrapping around my lower legs. Damnit, Dimble, just give me one second! "This surprise would be almost free."

"Free?" Her voice picked up a more hesitant tone. "I cannot imagine that anything you have... there would be free. What are you planning Alex?"

When I looked over my shoulder she had tilted her head and her brow was deeply furrowed. The tips of some tulip petals poking out of one bag seemed to be holding her attention, but she managed to break their hold. Her ears perked as her eyes rose to meet mine. With her looking just so damned curious there was no way I couldn't not mess with her a little.

"You'll just have to wait and see." I even sounded like I was smiling.

Then, as I tried to put Dimble's food dish down, I nearly jumped out of my skin as the resident alicorn ninja appeared beside me. If it weren't for her color she'd be an absolute terror at hide-and-go-seek tag in the dark.

"Alex," she said softly, her eyes still fixed on mine. "While I normally appreciate... the occasional surprise on my birthday, are you... certain that it will be appropriate?"

My smile was supposed to be reassuring. "Um, I hope so." Not that I was able to actually sound reassuring.

"That does not make... me any more confident." Her ears rotated fractionally away.

Damnit. "Okay, okay." Taking a deep breath gave me a moment to think. I really liked the idea of being able to surprise her with this but there was still the whole trust issue we hadn't quite resolved. How could I do this without giving everything away? "It's not..." Not like that! "Well, ok, I just kind of like the idea of this being a surprise. I'd like to think I know you well enough to know you'll like it. If it helps, it is something you can just say no to." Yeah, giving her the ability to refuse was probably the only way to boost her confidence.

For some reason she just stared at me, her face impassive except for a faint twitching at one corner of her lips. When she spoke her voice was cautiously soft. "That's... rather... suggestive."

WHAT?! Oh shit! Me giving her a 'surprise' on her birthday that cost no money and I thought she'd 'really enjoy'? CrapcrapcrapCrapCRAP!

I barely realized the step backward I took, one hand going to the island top and the other half-raised and failing to complete any of a number of coherent gestures. A steady burning wormed its way under my skin from the top of my head down to the tips of my fingers. I couldn't...! I...! My brain tripped all over itself, running ragged trying to figure if there was any viable damage control.

Things hadn't been meant that way, but it still sounded like I'd been propositioning her.

Even worse was that part of me was hoping against hope that she'd actually be fine with it! There was no way I was comfortable with that!

A delighted giggle filtered past the rushing in my ears and redirected my unfocused stare back to an entirely too self-satisfied and smiling alicorn. "I-it seems I guessed correctly." She gave a tiny hop that flicked her tail and was just shy of kicking up her hind hooves. "You must forgive me, Alex, but I... could not resist! I know you didn't mean... it like that." Another lighthearted giggle. "And I will trust you."

She stepped away lightly but kept an amused eye on me. "I can hardly... wait to find out what your surprise is!"

What the hell? And she was joking again, just like that! "A-Alright." I guess I'm fine with all that. It was hard to think because I felt like I was still red from head to toe. "I guess if you're... Um." I really needed a moment to get away so I could think. "Okay, just lemme' take a shower. I haven't yet and, um, I really should." Beautiful work there, Alex. "We can eat afterward."

She scoffed theatrically, tossed her mane, and put a hoof to her breast. "You're just going to ruin all of my hard work?! The nerve!" The easy smile that still brightened her face left me conflicted. On one hand her casualness was reassuring, yet on the other I still wasn't feeling very coherent yet.

I mumbled something about being back soon as I retreated. Man, was I glad to get away from her because I really needed a moment. The safety of a nearly sparkling bathroom - there was only so much one could do with a bachelor pad - gave it to me. Sort of.

I mean, the shower itself was nicely relaxing but the more I thought about the past two days the more I questioned everything. Etherea had been increasingly casual around me. What exactly did that mean? Was this just who she really was? I liked that possibility because it meant we'd come a long ways from jumping at every shadow the other cast.

Or was the suggestive joking something else?

She had to be joking. There was no way she was serious. We'd only know each other for like three days and, hell, I was still incredibly uncomfortable. It wasn't possible that she would be looking at me the same way I couldn't seem to help looking at her. It was just too soon.

And yet, if how she'd behaved last night and a few minutes ago was who she actually was... She, Etherea the pony, was kind of fun.

Great. Wonderful. 'Phase 2' in essence. I was moving beyond simple physical attraction to liking who she was. Which meant, since I couldn't have her, that the pining would begin soon-ish.

The me who stepped out of the bathroom and past the impatiently waiting cat was no longer flustered, but that feeling had been replaced wholly by resignation. I finished my post-shower fixing-up on autopilot because I was occupied by the far-too-familiar question of what to do about this. I didn't want to accept it, but the answer was that there really wasn't anything.

Goddamnit, the whole situation sucked.

I still couldn't help feeling a small thrill as I entered the living room. Etherea would be there! However, my feet scuffed the carpet as I registered the situation and stopped just out of the hall. Things were mostly normal. Etherea was already sitting near the kitchen island and facing me, her ears perked, a glass of water and a plate with neatly bisected sandwich on the end table next to her.

The island itself had another setting with a second sandwich prepared the same as hers. Clearly mine since it had an iced tea next to it. The counter under the cabinets held the bread - now sliced - various fixings and condiments, no cupcakes - where'd they go? - and the two magazines. Amazingly there wasn't a single crumb anywhere. Etherea must have cleaned up for me.

And she'd made dinner! Wasn't I supposed to be treating her since it was her birthday?

"I know it is my... birthday but I could not help myself." My eyes came back to her, catching the tail end of a sheepish head bob. "Even if this will... not be as extravagant as I... am used to, it is still exciting. And... I am hungry and everything just looks so good." Her eyes drifted in the direction of the counter - and the tulips if I had to guess - before snapping back. "Now we do not have to wait!"

"You really didn't have to," I began cautiously as I started moving again. She stood and turned in place to keep up with me as I came around to my place setting. "But okay. I'm curious to try this 'authentic Equestrian cuisine' anyways." Yay, finger quotes! "I guess it's alright, since you know how you like it. I'm sure I'd've put too much pepper or something."

The sandwich was about as regular-looking as I could have expected, if more neat than any I might make. Rounded cheese edges and a tiny bit of mayonnaise peeked out from between the slices and even the small divide separating the halves was tidy. Not even so much as a stray chrysanthemum petal.

That got me wondering. Sure enough, when I lifted one edge of the bread I found some small yellow teardrop petals. Etherea's smile was becoming more tentative as I dithered, her ears turning a hair away. Clearly she was hoping I'd enjoy it but I had no idea if I could safely eat the flowers.

"Is something the matter?"

I spoke after a small hesitation, feeling I might be about to kick her. "I... don't know if I can safely eat chrysanthemums." And honestly, even if they were edible, I just wasn't sure I wanted to try them like this.

"Oh! Oh, I did not realize! Of course there are... some things I can eat that you cannot. Just let me..." My sandwich sprang a golden halo, my hand jerking away before I could even think about it.

"Wait." Etherea's head jerked backward, a sudden ripple disturbing her mane, and the glow winked out. I was just making this worse for her! "Ahhh... wait. I got this. It's your birthday after all. Just relax." I cringed internally; that had been so much better.

She didn't protest, but she did remain distressingly passive as I picked out all the little petals. Though as I put my sandwich back together she gave herself a little shake and the ghost of a grin appeared.

"Will you be eating those?"

"No, I just... Umm... More for you then?"

Her smile brightened and she nodded. I held up my plate, tilted toward her, so she could brush the petals off. Instead the plate began glowing and lifted away, and I'm proud to say that I only flinched a teeny, tiny bit.

And the sandwich was actually pretty good. I never, in a million years, would have considered cucumbers with mayonnaise. The cheese didn't taste like much, but the other flavors - the bit of pepper and hint of spices in the crust - complemented everything really well. Etherea devoured hers daintily - don't ask me how - so she clearly loved hers. I freely admit to silently reveling in the lifting mood and sounds of happy eating.

In fact we both went back for more. Though the second time around I made sure she didn't do a damned thing to help. Birthday mare after all.

"Alex," she began from behind me as I was wiping up the crumbs I'd made, "the petals... brought to mind something I feel I should ask about; you feared that we... might suffer ill effects from simply spending time around each other. How are you feeling?"

My hands stopped moving as my brain sorted through my possible answers. "No, thankfully." Wait, that didn't really answer her question. She certainly looked confused. "I mean I've been feeling normal, which I suppose is a good thing. No aches, stuffiness, tiredness," lack of sleep wasn't the same, "or any other symptoms I'd consider bad. I'll take it." I turned around. "What about you?"

She chuckled lightly and ducked her head. "I feel silly simply asking each other... back and forth but I suppose there is not much else we can do. To answer your... question I feel much the same. My flank and hip are a bit... stiff from last night-" a twinge of shame struck between my shoulder blades, "-and my forehead itches a little, but other than that I am also feeling well."

We both felt alright. That was a good sign, right? I just wish I could be more certain that no news was actually good.

"Actually, in that same line, is there anything more we can do to help? Anything diet-wise, comfort-wise," I indicated one of her wings with a finger, "or that would help you recover your, um, Harmony faster?"

She twisted around to follow the direction of my gesture. A shift in place - almost a wiggle, really - and she lifted her wing. "I suppose I have a... list of things I would like to have, but so far there isn't anything that... I'm truly in need of." She brought up a hoof and pressed her chin to it. "Actually, I may... need more leafy or grassy greens."

More salads, got it.

"Getting out and stretching... properly would also be really nice," she said, the muscles around her barrel flexing mightily as she leaned to the side and extended her wing into the living area.

Okay, that was really fucking cool! I'd hardly ever been in a better position to really see something's wings, and never one so large. I don't think anyone had. My heart picked up the pace as I traced the leading edge out and then back across the layered fans of feathers, soaking in every detail. My best guess was that her wing was as long as I was tall - maybe a bit more - so a good six feet or so. If she spread both wings from the center of the living area she might be able to touch both the kitchen island and the far wall!

And then it was gone. Disappointment tore the bottom out of my excitement as her wing folded itself back against her flank.

"...interesting to see whether gems from your world... work the same way." Oh wait, she was still talking! "I don't think I would really be... able to do much since I am relying solely on my... personal ability to recuperate, but if you... had an amethyst about this big," she held up a hoof, showing me the underside, "I might be able to transfer... some Harmony to it for storage. It might be good to... have one or two on hoof so that I have some extra reserves... for when I return to Equestria."

I know her hooves weren't as big as a horse's' but that was still a gem almost as big as my palm! That was huge! Even if it was 'just' an Amethyst, that still had to be expensive as hell. Certainly more than I could ever afford.

"I... don't think I can help you there." Her head tilted as I spread my hands in defeat. "Gems don't normally get that big here, so an amethyst that big, if one exists, would probably cost more than I'll ever make."

"Oh! Oh..." Her ears twitched as her brow furrowed and she lowered her muzzle. "I suppose that even in Equestria a quality gem of... that size would cost quite a bit." She looked back up to me, her eyes narrowed just a hair. "And I'm already costing... you more than I would like. I... I really wish I had just stopped... and thought about what I was doing." She raised a hoof, considered it, and then set it back on the floor. "I even have a choker in my vanity... from Pri... um, my mother with a... charged amethyst already in it."

Great. Now she was upset with herself. It might not have been my fault this time, but that didn't mean I didn't feel just as bad.

"Hey. Hey." I pushed off from the counter and reached out toward her but a sudden pang brought me up short. Sure we were friends, but how comfortable would she really be with this? My hand landed on the island top instead. "Things aren't all that bad, right?"

Her shoulders seemed to collapse in the wake of a heavy sigh. "Yeah... It's just so upsetting! I just wish...! I...! Ugh!"

Okay, there had to be something I could do about this! Today was supposed to be a happy day. "Hey, chin up Etherea. And besides, you have presents!"

It was about the corniest thing anyone has probably said on a birthday. Perhaps ever. Hell, after that one, even my own brain was wondering whether it could somehow escape itself. Etherea looked to be in a similar state: leaning away from me and blinking rapidly with a hoof and an eyebrow raised. I'd probably just made her dumber!

The hand I slapped to my forehead was soon dragging down across my face, and a fully deserved groan wound its way from deep in my chest. For a moment silence reigned, though Etherea eventually broke it, laughter barely concealed behind her brightening tone.

"I suppose there is that. And it is true that good friends can... make any situation better."

"Are you sure you want to stay friends with someone as dumb as me?" Well, that was awfully casual of you there, Alex. "I mean that was painful even for..."

"Oh, hush." She put on a straight face and stood, her chin lifting high. "Not everypony has... the benefit of being trained in poise and subtle... wit by Princess Celestia herself." A small giggle neatly destroyed her facade. "So you were saying something about presents. This would not... happen to have anything to do with your surprise, would it?"

I leapt at the chance she'd given me to avoid any further embarrassment. Still, it took a moment to settle my pulse.

"Nah. Just two magazines for the moment." Etherea leaned over the island to get a closer look as I set the items between us, her ears stiff and eyes eager. I held up the first, the cover having a picture of some woman draped in elaborate cloth that obscured all but her eyes. Probably Indian.

"This one's called 'National Geographic' and it's known for having information on all kinds of things from around the world. Cultures, history, events, interesting people; you name it."

I swapped to the thinner magazine, the cover showing a blonde lady in a fashionable shirt, frilly blouse, and form-fitted tan pants who was posing mid-leap with a huge smile. Etherea tracked the exchange, already enraptured. Imagine how she would feel when I showed what was in the magazines!

"This one's 'Style Now!' and I think it deals with fashions and current trends for human women."

Etherea's head jerked and she looked up at me. "You... think?"

I could only shrug. "Yeah. I don't normally read these kinds of things. But if the blurbs are any indication," I flipped the magazine around, held it out, and cleared my throat, "you can learn the fifty hot new summer fashions for under fifty dollars, how to pick out the right shade of eye shadow, what celebrities are wearing to the latest award show, ten subtle..."

A tremor ran down my back.

Etherea had cocked her head as I struggled to find a way out of this. That... wasn't happening. "Ten subtle what?" Her voice was earnest and completely innocent.

"Ten subtle moves you can do to catch his eye." At least I'd been able to say it evenly.

We stared at each other for a very long, uncomfortable moment - for me at least - before a huge grin spread across her face. "Ah. Sounds like fun!" Her eyes drifted across the magazines. "I assume you will... go over these since I cannot read them. I cannot wait to... hear what differences there are between a mare and, um, a human... female displaying interest."

She flashed another grin at me before stealing both magazines from my hands with a familiar halo. After whipping around she positively sauntered toward the couch. In the interest of self preservation I very regretfully pulled my eyes upward from that extra sway in her hips.

While I mentally stammered my way through conflicting feelings of dread and, well, some amount of interest, Etherea looked back at me over her withers. I'm sure I looked a complete fool because clear laughter bubbled out of her. Oh God, did my cheeks go hot!

My suddenly blank mind did me no favors either. Well, not completely blank. Lacking anything coherent except the desire to get away from being completely unprepared for this. I needed time! Time to think!

"Y-yeah... I'll just be a moment. Gotta' finish up over here." And prepare myself. While I was interested in the possibility of her being attracted back, I was still very uncomfortable. I mean, just like that? Three days and she was already flirting? Well, there was last night but this was different. It wasn't salt this time.

No amount of cajoling on my part could make me any less intimidated by the eventual walk into the living area. Etherea was nestled halfway into the soft cushions with the magazines resting across her forehooves, again taking up most of the couch. When her face rose from examining the style magazine everything about me threatened to lock up. Princess Etherea, a pony and daughter of Cadance and Shining Armor, was looking me dead in the eye after...

Her happy expression was wiped away in an instant to be replaced with folded ears, widening eyes, and sour turn of her mouth.

"A-Alex. Are you alright?" I think we blinked together. I'd let her see my hesitation! "Did I...? Oh, no." She pushed herself up onto her haunches and lifted a hoof toward me, speaking in a rush before I could get a word in. "I-I am sorry! After last night I should have remembered... that you were not comfortable with... suggestive public displays. I was just joking! I did not mean t-to upset you. A-alright?"

Wait, what? I wasn't what? Suggestive displays? Who me? No, I was actually not... But this was...

Hold on a second. She was now upset with herself because she was taking my hesitation as some kind of general aversion to anything suggestive? Oh, damn. That was a slap to the face. And I could see exactly how reactions like mine would lead her to think that. I was going to need to more closely control them.

"No, it's not that." If it hadn't been me, I would never have believed my voice could remain so level after the last couple minutes. "And it's alright. I was just surprised." As tense as my nerves were I forced myself to plop down on the couch right in front of her. "I think... I think some things are pretty similar between our species. Though that probably makes sense - there are... um... only so many ways to draw attention to 'the goods.'"

I wanted to roll my eyes at how stupid my explanation sounded. Etherea, though, was still all concern, her eyes continuing to search mine for affirmation. Meeting her eyes from this close, given the content that had resulted in the situation, was a serious strain.

"You are truly alright?"

"Er..." Confidence, Alex! "Yes. I really am. Craig and I joke about much worse all the time." Oh, please don't ask for an example! "I guess I wasn't expecting so much familiarity so soon. It's probably just me but I'm still expecting more... standoffishness." I sighed internally, feeling like I was still batting a big, fat zero explanation-wise.

As she just looked at me for a bit I grew more and more sure she was going to question it. However, she eventually flicked her head, adjusting her mane further back from her face and relaxing subtly. "A-alright. I understand. And as to such familiarity... you will probably have to forgive... me for that as well. Ponies are very close-knit and without my family and friends around I... have been feeling very alone. You and Craig are the only, um... ones I know here." She paused, her ears inching backwards as she looked away for a moment. "I'm certain I have... been pushing you and Craig to fill that gap. I-if it becomes too... m-much, please let me know. I do not mean to offend."

So she was just lonely. The whole situation with her teasing me wasn't all that I had made it out to be, which did make me feel a little better. Sort of. I had overreacted, which wasn't surprising me anymore, and I knew I needed to stop doing that to myself. It just wasn't as easy as telling that to myself.

The growing knot of sympathy in my gut kind of sucked too, but I could definitely help there. "Shut up," I said gently. "There's no need to apologize for that. Though I do appreciate the thought. We all need some time to adjust." And I needed time to think.

Later though.

Etherea hadn't taken her eyes off me but she nodded as the inkling of a smile tugged at her lips. She then shimmied backward to give a little space as she situated onto her belly again, curling her rear against the far armrest. It wasn't quite enough space for my comfort, placing me back in range of a faint lilac aroma, but that part of me was just going to have to deal with it.

She surprised me as we began going over the magazines. I kind of expected her to be all over the 'prissy' magazine because, well, she was female and seemed the type to be into that kind of thing. And she did so again, much to my everlasting relief, when she paid little attention to a certain suggestive article, focusing instead on the lady gracing the cover of the National Geographic. She understood clothing, but why would someone dress so differently than what she'd seen so far?

The picture related to an article about the Muslim minority in Burma, and it was interesting, to say the least, to try explaining how political boundaries, social structure, and religion played into different clothing styles without actually delving too deep. Tell Etherea that some religions taught that revealing any part of her body was unforgivably indecent? Yeah, not so much. Calling it a 'local custom?' Technically correct, and much easier for the moment given the thin ice that seemed to still be around.

As we went back and forth over a variety of topics inspired by the magazines, I kept a close eye on the outside. It was hard to not just blurt out what her surprise was, especially now that I knew she wanted to get out and about anyways. It was just about as perfect a gift as I could give. I think I was even more excited about this than she was, anticipating just how happy she'd be.

She noticed too - at one point leaning to look behind me and out the window. "Are you waiting for something?"

"Possibly."

Then she was sneaking peeks at the window as well, as though she might see or figure out what I was looking for. It was even harder after that and I was sure I'd never make it. Especially since the sun seemed to be setting extra slowly on purpose! I figured I now knew what Twilight Sparkle had gone through when she thought she was going to be late sending a report to Celestia; that the sun itself was fucking with her.

I mentally sent an ecstatic prayer of thanks to the Good Baby Raptor Jesus when the sun was finally little more than a memory at the edges of the horizon. Hopefully Fizban wouldn't mind me straying momentarily. Etherea was already silent, her ears rigid and eyes locked onto mine, when I turned back. My stupid, happy grin might have tipped her off.

"You ready?"

Her head turned slightly but her eyes didn't waver. "For...?"

"Your surprise." This was so much fun!

She slowly looked around once, her ears flicking madly. "I suppose."

That wasn't excitement. It was more like extreme caution. My thoughts went through a sort of backward snap and some better clarity came through. Yeah, my grin must be reaching epic levels of creepy and/or stupid. That had to stop. Turning away toward the window broke the loop I'd gotten myself into and gave me a moment to think. I needed to take this slow and calm.

"Okay, you've been stuck in here for a couple of days, and you said yourself that you were itching to stretch your wings." I brought myself back to the alicorn - an alicorn! - next to me. "I got to thinking about it. It might be possible to take you out around town! If we went now that it's dark it'd be hard enough to see you, and if you're riding inside my car it'd be even harder. And even if you were seen it still wouldn't be all of you. Nobody's looking for an alicorn so they'll expect something else."

"How's that sound?" It felt a bit anticlimactic to end it like that, but there it was. And it might not have been the best argument, but I was excited.

I had been convincing myself well enough but Etherea didn't jump for joy. All she did was stare for a very long moment, allowing me to look deeply into those lovely violet irises and catch every little nuance. Nuances that spoke only of hesitation. And were then emphasized by her slowly turning toward the window again.

"Outside." It was faint, almost a whisper.

"Yeah."

"Out there, outside?" She nodded her muzzle over my shoulder.

She wasn't buying it. And not just because she didn't like it, but because she was scared! "Yeah. I was thinking that once it was dark it would probably be safe enough. And we wouldn't just be walking around. It'd at least let you see some of Earth while you're here." She hadn't moved except to twitch her ears again, but she was listening at least. "Plus if we get out of town there should be some place you can safely get out and stretch your legs."

"And wings," I added lamely with a nod toward her flank.

She just sat there, like a lump, not even her ears moving as she stared at the window. The silence went on and on. Giddiness faded to trepidation, and that in turn left embarrassment. There were so many things that could go wrong with this after all. Even if she did her best to keep a low profile taking her outside for any reason only multiplied the chances of her being seen.

It was a stupid idea. I should never have suggested it.

"See," I kept my voice quiet, like I might startle her otherwise, "I said you could just say no."

Even so, she twitched, ruffling her wings once and seeming to notice me again. "How would this work? Would it, um, be safe?"

She was considering it? "Well, um..." I needed a moment. "My car is right outside and," a peek between the blinds, "there's a car on each side so you'll be hidden from most sides as long as you're quick. I'd go out and signal you when to come out. Then you just stay in the car and keep low when people are around." When? That was hardly reassuring! "I can also drive carefully so that nobody should be able to get a good look..."

Her head twitched backward. "But how... can they not notice? I am a pony."

"Well, most people shouldn't be paying much attention." Again, that was so reassuring. "And like I said, they also won't be expecting a pony." I realized how that might seem to draw attention at the same time she started frowning. "What I mean is they'll expect something else. Between the dark, the car, and the speed we'd be at, nobody should be able to get a good look." She opened her mouth but hesitated and let me keep going. "At worst they should think you're a large dog." I cringed at that comparison but it was probably the truth.

"So," her brow scrunched as she looked toward the floor, "we would be relying on every... one's perceptions being so hindered that everyone will... make a mistaken assumption?"

Well, when she said it that way... "Yeah... I guess that's about right." And now she was un-convincing me. "It's not foolproof, but I don't think anything will be as long as we're hiding you. This is probably the safest we can make it if you want to go outside."

Taking her outside simply because I thought nobody would be paying enough attention? I was really going to rely on that? What was it Sun Tzu had said? Something about knowing your enemy to control them? And I was relying on a very big assumption about our 'enemies'...

"Will the weather be safe for... us to be outside?"

Why would she...? "Should be. It's cleared up a lot since yesterday."

"Then I will do it," she stated with one of those decision-finalizing nods. It only shook a tiny bit.

I jerked stiffly. Just like that? "Y-you will?"

"Mmhmm." This nod was much stronger. "In fact, even if going... outside is a bit, um, worrisome, I would really like to!" She raised herself back onto her haunches - right in front of me! - her smile growing under eyes that looked ready to dance. I kept my eyes well above anything that could be considered 'below the belt.' "I take it you want to... do this now?"

"Ummm, uhhhh... Yeah. I've just been waiting for the sun to go down." My energy was quickly returning, radiating from my chest outward. With Etherea's growing approval I was feeling more into the idea myself. The problems with this plan didn't seem quite so dire. "It won't take me long to go out and get the car ready. I'll leave the door unlocked and signal you when you're clear. You'll have to be quick though."

She might not have been smiling as much as I had hoped, but her ears and eyes were attentive as she nodded with no small amount of excitement. "Sounds good to me!" Then she sprang off the couch, her wings fluttering animatedly while she looked inches from prancing about.

I couldn't help but chuckle as I got off the couch a bit more sedately and headed for my shoes. As I approached the door I noticed a spot of color on the counter. The tulips! Oh! And the cupcakes and soda! We'd forgotten all about them! I froze, my brain delving deep for answers. I suppose it would be a nice little treat to come back to, but... I looked over at Etherea peering out between the blinds, every lovely line of her body tense. In a good way though. Heck, she even flicked her tail.

Almost like a happy puppy.

"Hey, I just remembered something." Her head came around, one ear cocking sideways. "We never had the cupcakes and soda. Why don't you grab those and the flowers. Oh, and we'll want a couple of glasses." Glowy magic would be really visible at night. "Probably want to carry them in something instead of..." Inspiration! It rained last night and this would solve that problem too!

"Wait. Grab a..." She's still a princess, Alex. "You could put them in a couple of towels. Then when we get out of town it'll kind of be like a picnic. I think I can find us a good spot." My mind was already whirling rapidly with ideas.

"Oooooo! Yes!" Another huge smile flashed across her muzzle and she scampered into the back of the apartment.

This was all coming together. As I put on my shoes I couldn't help worrying that something was going to go wrong. I couldn't let myself dwell on it, as though not thinking about anything bad would make any of it less likely. Still, it was easier to comfort myself with the thought.

Etherea was back before I was ready, standing by the couch with much of the same barely-contained excitement. As our eyes met my brain saw fit to remind me that the towels wouldn't prevent something from glowing if she used her levitation. Just as quickly I found that I shouldn't have worried. Her wings were tilted and bulging a bit, forming impromptu nests to cradle the two little bundles. Thank God for overpowered alicorns!

"Alright?" My heart skipped a beat.

"Yes!"

I ducked out the door before any more insecurity could take hold.

The night was the kind of warm that reminded you that cool existed but wasn't going to leave you wishing for more. It was a bit humid and there was a faint glistening at the edges of the bushes and nearby grass. The towels would be a very good call.

In spite of my attempt to do this before I could waffle any more, my nerves humming by the time I reached my car. Again, there were a few people around in distance which made me doubly-glad for the darkness. I tried to keep my glances secretive. Since it was just me so far I was half-convinced that my caution was foolish. Nobody was just going to start watching me just because I was walking to my car. But I couldn't help it. If anything it was good practice and I was determined to be prepared.

The immediate area was clear. With the nearby cars and my own self three sides were blocked off and most anyone shouldn't be able to see. Like we'd planned. That left one angle...

I couldn't see anyone near any of the other apartments' windows. Good.

The car clicked unlocked from the fob in my hand and I opened the rear passenger door - Etherea would never comfortably fit in the front seat. Another glance around the area ended at my own window. There was a striped cat between perched on this side of the blinds and a gold and violet something watching me from the other. I knew what I was looking for and Etherea was still hard enough to see. Perhaps this would work ou...

Right in front of me a miniature heat distortion erupted mid-air. Or a bending of space-time around... Shit!

I nearly jumped halfway out of my skin as a golden-yellow and blue-on-blue alicorn appeared mere feet from me with a dull thump of displaced air. Thank God my right foot shifted just in time to catch me as I tilted backward. Etherea didn't seem to notice, diving through the open door. The soft sounds of something large sliding across leather were followed by that something lightly impacting the inside of the far door.

Absolute silence followed. My heart lurched up into my throat for the umpteenth time today. I tried to make my look around the area surreptitious but I know I failed horribly. Not that I could help it. I had expected her to use her super pegasus stealth, not break the laws of reality just to hop into a car!

At least nobody was looking. I double-checked just to be sure. Only then did I bend down and check on my pony stowaway. She was rubbing her forehead with a hoof but seemed alright, even flashing a sheepish smile while ducking her head and shrugging.

"You alright?" I got a nod. "And the cupcakes?"

A quick, embarrassed check of her wings showed that only the tulips had suffered any real damage, though I was not opening the sodas any time soon.

"Okay. Hang tight."

"Wait!" came her soft call. I came within an inch of smashing my fingers with the door. She bent around herself and stretched her neck up toward me. "I locked your door for you."

She had? I couldn't help looking toward the apartment anyways. "Oh. Ummm..." I guess that was that then.

"Yes. Now we can simply depart!"

I shut the door gently, minding my fingers, and one last look around the area confirmed that there was still nobody paying any attention. Unless someone was in the shadows or bushes stalking... I shook my head. I didn't need to rile myself with unreasonable paranoia.

The driver's seat welcomed me back; familiar and comfortable as ever. It was one of the reasons I had sunk so much money into a twelve year old vehicle. The car was nice enough on its own and was subtly stylish, which I'd grown to like. But a car that felt like home? Priceless.

It would be even nicer if it would just never break at all though.

"It's a bit small in... here but actually quite comfortable," a feminine voice commented behind me. "The smells...!" A faint crescendo of staggered sniffs followed.

And that's when I remembered where Etherea was now sitting - or laying, I guess. On a leather seat. A seat made out of skin from creatures that might be friends and acquaintances back in her world! It was a veritable throne to morbidity - at least that's how I bet an Equestrian would see it - and was yet another thing to censor for the time being.

There was more shifting about from behind me again, the sounds stretching longer. She was probably getting comfortable. Just as I turned to see if there was anything I could do a be-muzzled face jumped up right next to mine! Too close! I edged toward the door to get a bit more room, a wavy curtain of two-toned blue blocking my view of the passenger's seat. What a time to notice I'd gotten a good whiff of lilac. At least with her eyes darted around at hungrily, trying to look at everything at once, her attention was clearly elsewhere.

"So how does this vehicle work?"

"Ummm... One second." I quickly sorted through the surprise and discomfort of losing my personal space, trying to remember the process of starting and driving a car. "Well first we should buckle up. It goes like this," my hand lifted the item in question for her viewing pleasure, then secured myself in place by sliding it home, "and is to make sure you stay in your seat if we happen to get in an accident." A sudden chill ran down my spine. Please don't let her freak out over that possibility!

"Oh, um, alright." She shifted, withdrawing her head and rolling until her back was toward me as she searched.

"You actually have three back there. But, uhh, only two will probably work for you," not the middle seatbelt, that is, "but I think you'll only fit in one of the others at a time." She twisted further to look over her own back at me. How the hell she didn't fall into the space between the front and back seats I don't know. "The belts are there and there," I directed with a finger, "and the clips are kind of right under you."

She had to lift a wing to see what she was doing. Then, with a little magic, she clipped the buckle in place, the two straps still against the backrest. She was pulling it away and wriggling in behind it before I could finish opening my mouth to comment.

That sounded like a perfect time to check the outside around us again. Again, all clear.

"Alright. It does not feel... very secure, but then it... is clearly not designed for me."

"It'll have to do. And I'll drive as safely as I can." Alright, next step. "This is the key to the car and it goes here to start." She wasn't able to reach so far forward now but she still managed to poke her nose between the front seats to watch.

A click, a turn, and a short mechanical cough turned into a pleasant...

"...LICKS THOSE LIPS AND OFF..."

I don't think I've ever slapped a power button so fast.

Stunned silence wrapped both of us in its awkward embrace. Damnit. Damnit. Damnit! I'd forgotten all about the radio! It was such a stupid little thing, and now... When I finally looked over my shoulder Etherea was as rigidly upright as the seatbelt allowed, twin glimmers in the shadows were her bulging eyes. I even saw, much to my growing dismay, that she'd folded her ears away again.

"Ow." Etherea's head dipped as her left foreleg came up to rub at an ear. "That was much too loud."

"Sor..."

"What was that, um, song?"

I cringed horribly. Fuck! The tune was so distinctive that I knew exactly what it was just from that short blurb. Inside my head I was screaming in denial but I knew I wasn't getting out of explaining this one.

"It... Sorry for the volume but when it's just me and the car I like to turn it up." She nodded in understanding but continued looking expectantly, her ears slowly coming around. "The song... Well. It's, um, called... 'Porn Star Dancing.'"

Her mouth formed a little O-shape while she blinked at me, but no sound emerged for a little. "'Porn... star?'" Her muzzle dropped and took her eyes with it. "You... But I didn't... I-I'm sorry. I had no idea that... you liked to listen to, um, that kind of thing. I did not mean to... intrude on the most... private part of your life! I know how much it bothers you."

What? Again? Oh, wow. I just kept giving her the absolutely wrong impression simply because I was scared of where it might lead. But could I explain my current embarrassment without shoving my foot deep into my mouth? Or without admitting anything?

"I... Well, um." I needed that deep breath. "Ok. We're misunderstanding each other still. The song's definitely very suggestive but it's not like I'm embarrassed by you finding out I'd like something like that." Etherea' somewhat hesitant deadpan stare told me even she didn't quite believe that. "Yeah, okay, that's not quite right. I'm really not against such things, it's just... It's, um, not proper at all, I guess, for polite company."

Another deep breath to steady my nerves. "And really, I think the other part comes from we've only known each other for a few days." I shook my head. "Well, it's more than that. It's just so fast and I'm worried how you'd take it." That got a heavy blink from her.

A third deep breath? Yeah. So far, so good but the words just kept spilling from my mouth. "Look, what I'm trying to say is that, yes, I'm a bit uncomfortable, but that can't be helped. I'm still worried that every little thing," a pointed glance toward the radio, "will upset you simply because I don't know what will and won't. And I'm a pretty private person so," I can't believe I was going to say it, "if you're openly into things like pornography or," heaven help me! "flirting you'll have to be patient while I get used to it."

There. Safe.

And I was prepared to wait for an answer but she immediately began nodding slowly as a gentle smile came over her muzzle. "I understand. And thank you, Alex." For what? My brows furrowed. "Um, for being so considerate." Oh. "It sounds like my, um, natural... pony friendliness is a little at odds with who you are." She groaned and rolled her eyes. "By the stars that sounded stale! But it is... true we are still getting to know each other. As long as we both continue... to be considerate and patient... I know everything will be just fine. So I'm not worried!"

Oh, good! It was so relieving to hear that...

"That said," a quick dip of her muzzle came with an embarrassed softening of her voice, "I am not a very big... fan of pornography, so you... have no fears there. Like I said, that is more the interest of a couple... of my friends." She looked up at me, her nose still down, and her ears twitched. "But, would you allow... me to hear the rest of that music? I have not yet heard much from humans."

"Uh, sure." I noticed she'd said nothing about not flirting if she felt like it, but calling attention to that would only lead to paths I was hesitant to step down. Friends did occasionally flirt without it meaning anything after all. At least after that conversation it was stupid to think that she'd suspect her body was the source of much of my awkwardness. It still felt like I'd just dodged a bullet.

Now, how many bullets had I just given her permission to fire?

"The song's not explicitly pornographic, but it is suggestive. We have rules against that kind of material being shown or, well, played in public. One sec. Watch your ears."

Fortunately the power button and volume control were one and the same. I left it loud enough to follow along with but not so much that we couldn't talk over it. If Etherea wasn't going to be bombarding me with questions tonight then something was really wrong.

"Ah, yes. Ponies might be less concerned... with covering themselves so completely but, yes... we also do not showcase such activities where... foals might witness." Her muzzle again appeared next to my shoulder. "So this is human music."

It was a bit strange just sitting there with a pony looking over my shoulder while a song like 'Porn Star Dancing' played. I tried at one point to start explaining the lyrics, since I knew she couldn't understand them, but she shushed me. She just wanted to listen? Alright then. Who was I to argue with a princess on her birthday? I did like the song anyways.

I half-expected to have to explain what a stripper was but she actually didn't ask many questions about the song. It was just another reminder that though she was from Equestria, she was still nowhere near as innocent as the ponies in the cartoon. And apparently they had a similar style of music called 'Stomp.'

At her request I got to finish pointing out the shifter, gas and brake pedals, and steering wheel, finally getting us underway. Within seconds the music was all but forgotten. It was a shame that a song by Metallica - the station really loved the band - got so much less interest than one by My Darkest Days. But there was an entire new world for Etherea to gape at! By the time we reached the parking lot's exit her eyes and ears were again darting around madly.

Okay, Alex, now what? One direction goes straight to the main roads and into the heart of town, the other to a more residential area. Being less direct would make the second the 'scenic' route. Well, I preferred gradual anyways, and it would give Etherea more time to absorb and adjust. Not that it worked too well. She was constantly shifting around in pursuit of the latest thing to catch her eye, quickly discarding the seatbelt completely.

And one teeny, little problem that I'd never considered reared its head. The back seat wasn't designed with curious alicorns in mind and she kept thwacking her horn on one window or another. Other than making her hide behind her mane - and turn bright orange I assumed - it didn't bother her too much. It's just that laughing at her was still very much a thing to not do and I struggled to maintain my composure for both our sakes.

Strangely enough, I didn't have to field any questions. Every time I glanced backward she was too interested in her surroundings. Just not enough to...

"Oh look, black humans!"

All my control went out the window and I choked. It wasn't physically possible to express that much shock and hilarity.

"What?"

My right hand became a flag, waving furiously above my shoulder as I shook my head. Laugh after laugh finally broke through and rolled up and out of my chest, my poor eyes fighting not to drown in tears. That could have gone on for who knows how long but Etherea's annoyed tone - angry even - gave me strength. I swear it still took a couple minutes.

"Well?"

"I-I-I..." Breath Alex, slow and steady, you'll recover faster. "A-alright. S-sorry, it's j-just that you said that-t s-so... Ummm." Happily? Yes. And innocently. Curious and earnest as well. I needed a good, simple way to say all that. "Chipperly."

"'Chip-er-ly?' Is that a real word?"

"Ahhh... Maybe not, I guess? It means 'in a chipper way.' I just... I'm sorry, but what you said and how you said it was... You were just so happy to see them."

"In my defense," her words were stilted and I felt a glaring digging into the back of my head, "I have never gotten... a good look at any of the... other races of humans."

Don't laugh, Alex! "I-It's f-fine. If I w-were in Equestria I'd be doing the same kind of thing and you could laugh at me." Please be enough to placate her.

Also, how horrible would it be for her to approach a group of African Americans Luna-style and exclaim 'HELLO BLACK HUMANS!' in the Royal Canterlot Voice? "Though some friendly advice, while they are dark-skinned, and they're known as 'black,' the more politically correct term is 'African American.'"

"African American?"

"Yeah. That's the proper term 'cause they're originally from the continent of Africa but now they live in here in America. There's some... bad history there that not everyone has forgotten yet." Good enough, I guess. It got the point across while remaining 'diplomatic.' Then I tensed. She might ask for more...

"Do not worry, Alex," it sounded like she was smiling back there, "I will be on my best behavior... around them. 'African American' was it?"

"Yep."

Then she went back to Quiet Mode. I wondered if she was disappointed that our conversation had made her miss a chance to watch whatever those people had been up to on this Saturday night. Because I'd stuck to a residential area so far there weren't many people to watch. For more humans doing human things I would have to take Etherea deeper into town. So I wound my way back to a main street and slipped into the flow of traffic.

As I tried keeping eyes on everything around us I also caught Etherea in my periphery, crouched and tense with ears folded and head barely poking above the crest of the seat. At least with her head to one side of the car her horn was somewhat in line with the rear support.

Seeing her hunkered down like that made me really want to reach back and reassuringly pat her. This was neither the time nor place for it. I couldn't take my eyes away from the traffic. And since this was where we were really gambling I didn't dare let either hand off the wheel - I'd probably be shaking badly otherwise.

"There are humans right there!" came a hoarse whisper from the back seat. Nothing in the rearview mirror. Another quick turn of my head showed Etherea's quivering eyes on me.

"I know, we..." Why the hell was I whispering?! We were in a car and going about thirty five! "Y'know, they can't hear us." A low groan from behind me. "And this is what I was talking about. It's dark and with the way the lights are, they...," I had to swallow to sort out my growing raspiness, "they shouldn't be able to get a clear look at you. They're not expecting an Equestrian pony. Just stay low if they're close."

What I would give to be more reassuring. Unfortunately I don't think anything could have been since we were mere feet from discovery. I did my best to get some distance from the car behind but this was city driving - well, town driving - and they'd just move in closer! There was just no way.

I steeled myself as best I could since it was about to get worse. Flipping the blinker on led right into me pulling into the turn lane onto the main road, my heart taking off without us as my fingers assumed a death grip on the wheel. I knew I needed to stay calm but I just couldn't. Now cars were in front, behind, and beside us. And everyone was stopped. With the headlights behind us one glance at the wrong time could find Etherea looking right back.

Something large flopped heavily onto the back seat.

"Etherea...?!" I couldn't stop my voice from shaking a little.

"It is alright. I was not seen. There are other humans right there!"

A quick look showed a middle-aged couple in some kind of coupe, their car offset a bit and placing them near even with my back seat. They were thankfully paying too much attention to their conversation to have noticed anything.

Etherea, though, was trying to merge with the seat as far as I could tell. And I had to check again, but yes, she was smiling. At a time like this? She looked way too excited!

"Excited?"

"Very. It is all nervousness but I have never been so... so excited in my life! And they have no idea I am here!" An almost manic giggle followed. "My wings are shaking so... badly right now."

"Just stay calm. We'll be..." Green light, thank God! "Hang on." Okay that was stupid. She had nothing to really grab and no way to hold herself to it. But she must have managed to steady herself because I didn't hear her shifting as we took off again.

Driving through the main drag with a pony hiding in my back seat was beyond strange. Here I'd thought I was nervous before, but now there was that car beside us, or the one coming up on the other side, or the truck - and I mean a semi - behind us... And then there was the motorcycle switching lanes to be closer!

I shifted lanes away. I couldn't tell if it was a he or a she on that crotch-rocket but the person was drifting lazily back and forth, putting them in real danger of coming close enough to look in my rear window!

I never let Etherea out of the edge of my sight for long even as I tried to maintain a safe course and keep a close eye on a dozen different vehicles. She'd slowly lift her head to peek out, her ears swiveling madly about until she found something to fixate on. It never took long. Nor was it long before she'd dart back down, often accompanied by a squeak.

It was like watching the poor, terrified passenger stuck in an action movie car chase. The only things missing were people shooting at us and some insane car stunts that I would never survive. My heart fluttered at the thought. No! None of that was happening and we were fine. We were!

Then we got caught by another red light, bringing the tractor trailer behind us the forefront of all my thoughts. Unlike the other vehicles around but its lights were high enough to illuminate the inside of my car and maybe give the driver, who was higher still, a perfect view down on Etherea.

A long look over my shoulder showed that she was doing everything to hide, her hooves curled under and pushing herself against the back of the seat. Each deep and far too rapid breath flared her nostrils wider. Those violet eyes met mine, flicked upward and toward the back, and then came back. She giggled but it was a little too sharp; a little too high-pitched.

"Just stay still."

Her nod was slight but jerky.

No honking, no blinking headlights, and no people motioning for my attention that I could see. I still pulled off at the next big parking lot because I needed a moment. Etherea likely did too.

Deep in the parking lot, and several empty spaces from the nearest cars, I finally convinced myself to relax enough to let go of the wheel. My knuckles creaked - or that's what it felt like - as I slowly flexed. My legs were next and I twisted back and forth to give them extra room.

"Wo-o-o-w. Phwooo!" Etherea giggled again, though a bit more steadily this time. "All those humans everywhere! I almost can't... believe that this is working! And, and, and... and all those vehicles! Does every human own one?"

I curled my right leg under my left so I could swivel around and look at her more comfortably. "No. But a large number... um, a large chunk of the population around here does. You'll find cars wherever people have built roads and we've built roads nearly everywhere. It's just that not every place is as developed as here."

An emphatic nod shook both her mane and ears. "And to think that even if I... could not easily see them, there... were all manner of humans all around us." Her tone lowered almost wistfully before coming back strong. "Are all the various types... of humans well-represented here? I would like to see more of them if I could."

I blinked at that. "Uh, sort of. You'd have to go to a major city to find a more cosmopolitan mix. Around here it's mostly Caucasian and African American."

"Caw-caysh-an?" Her head tilted adorably. "I remember the one, but not... the other."

"Ummm... Otherwise known and 'white' and 'black.'"

"Ah." Her attention drifted away for a moment. "Are, um, there more colors of human around? Craig mentioned... a few but I cannot remember."

I tried to hold in an amused snort but it was having none of that. "There kind of are other 'colors,'" I finger-quoted that one, "but it's mostly about nationality and, um, place of origin. We range from even paler than me, if from somewhere north and without a lot of sun, to brown so dark that it's pretty much black. There's a wide range of browns and tans in between. Hints of yellow, orange, or red can also come through."

I jerked my head toward the outside. "Around here you'll find mostly white European like me or, um, medium brown - I guess - from former Africans."

"European and African?" She caught herself before I could answer. "Oh! Africa was a continent. Euro... pea? Is a continent as well?"

"It's 'Europe,' and yes."

She nodded and looked away again, her lips scrunching a bit. Probably filing that information away for later.

Etherea's eyes popping open wider was all the warning I got before her nose met the glass about the same time another firm clink sounded from her horn. Even in the dim parking lot lighting I saw additional color washing over her cheeks and muzzle as she pulled back a little. "What is that place? It is huge!"

She'd finally noticed the nearby elephant. A short distance behind the nearby retail outlet was a massive structure of struts and girders just barely visible in the dark. It curved away at both ends, several times wider than even the shopping center and stories taller to boot. At one end, to our left, was a white building nearly as high as the giant structure it abutted. The lights at its base - which we couldn't see it from here - lit it up like the day.

"That? That's the raceway. A couple times a year they take vehicles like mine," I patted the top of the dash, "but designed specifically for speed, and they race them. Not a fan myself, but it draws huge crowds."

"Ooooo. I should have known. Now that I look at it, it does look like a stadium." She giggled again and rolled her eyes. When they settled she was looking at something else. "And what is that?"

It was like a game of 'I Spy' mixed with our morning ritual. She went around pointing out everything and I told her what she was looking at. I'm not sure what she expected, but for some reason stores, restaurants, gas stations, and other random shops were somehow incredibly exciting. I was thrilled that she was enjoying herself, but still... It's not like central Delaware was a Mecca of artistic architecture. They were just some regular, run-of-the-mill buildings.

She was quick to point out that Equestria had similar things - well, not so much the gas stations - but that wasn't the point. These were human things, and that was apparently the greatest thing ever.

In the midst of mentally scrambling over whether to explain human cuisine while pointing out restaurants - was now an alright time to tell her we're omnivorous? - something wormed its way through my distraction. A kind of gravelly tone with very familiar in pacing and inflection. My eyes drifted toward the radio.

"...down here. Really picking up and the crowd's having a good time. Right?" Barely-muted wild cheering sounded. "Hell yeah! That's what I like to hear! The beer's flowing, we got some hotties in here toni..."

"We love you Craig!"

"Just hold up girls, I'll be right there." That was met by raucous whistles. "Hoo, boy! Better Days is gonna' hit the stage in a few, and we're all still ready to party! If you're not here at Oggie's behind The Landing, just off of Black Creek Road, you better be on your way 'cause you don't wanna' miss this! This is..."

Ugh. That left a depressingly sour taste in my mouth. I'd kind of ditched Craig this evening and it felt like I should be there with him; where I'd agreed to be. But he sounded fine without me. More than fine.

And though Craig was probably right that it would do me good to get out more, yet I couldn't help being somewhat happy that I wasn't actually at Oggie's. I could handle deafening music, drinking a bit more than normal, or a few strangers, but a whole screaming, shifting crowd of people was too much. I'd wallflower myself from the overload and that was probably worse than remaining home. It'd just be sad.

"Is that Craig?"

I twisted around again just as Etherea looked up from the radio. "Ah, yeah, it is. That's the station he's a DJ for - the one we've been sort of not listening to." I tapped the display. "He's out at Oggie's right now."

"Ooooo. Is that near here?"

Another wonderfully silly idea came to the fore. We'd been wandering northward while I played chauffeur and now Oggie's was pretty much within spitting distance. There was a long strip of little stores on the other side of The Landing restaurant from Oggie's, and at this time of night most should be closed. It should be safe enough at the far end of the parking lot and we'd still be able to see the outside. It'd be almost like taking Etherea to Oggie's. She'd get her wish to see more people doing people things!

"Yup. It's not that far. Would you like to see?" Though that meant going back into traffic. But, y'know what? We'd have to do that regardless. It just meant a longer wait before cupcakes and soda.

I'd live.

"I-If you think... it will be safe for us to do so." Her nod was hesitant but her tone was so hopeful. She'd probably be able to wait a bit more for dessert.

Our little pit stop had done me a lot of good, yet my nerves were already beginning to hum as the busy road threatened. I was right back to a white-knuckled grip and hasty glances all around before I knew it. Even if the traffic seemed a little thinner than before it still sucked so much.

At the same time, as Etherea cowered below the reach of any headlights, I don't think we would have traded it for anything. This was her best, and perhaps only, chance to see humans first... hoof. We had to take it. I just wished that it didn't make me feel like a fugitive in my own damn hometown.

Pulling in near Oggie's came with two very audible sighs of relief. I'd chosen a spot halfway down the lot and quite a few spaces from the nearest car, even further from the nearest people. And it looked like a hell of a shindig. People of all types were out front in groups that fluidly merged and separated, a riotous mix of outfits bending the eye even as they threatened to burn it. A constant trickle of people came and went - hence our distance away - but most were in and about, having the time of their lives.

Etherea still crouched well below the level of the window but her curiosity had already won. She was so still, the top of her head just barely high enough to look, like she'd forgotten the rest of her body existed. Well, except for the occasional tremor in her wings or tail. Her absolute focus had rendered even her ears rigidly stationary.

I'm not ashamed to have simply basked in the adorable.

Wait... Another idea! The radio went off - we weren't listening anyways - and I set a finger to a button in the door.

"Hey Etherea, hold still a sec."

Her ears twitched just before she turned toward, her lips parting. The window gave a loud sort of sticky pop as it freed itself and began to slide down. The distant cacophony immediately rushed inside and whatever she'd been about to say came out as a strident squeak, her head jerked around and away from the sudden noise. She threw her head back down as her eyes tried to leap from her skull.

Shit! Alex! 'Hold still?' I could have given such a better warning than that! I'd scared her half to death!

"You can move the windows?!" Her whisper was harsh enough to barely fit that description.

"Yeah, sorry. I..." Why was I whispering back? Even with the window open there was still no way anyone could hear us way over here! Plus the party itself was just so damned loud. "I can. I should have given you better warning. But this way..."

Those worried eyes flicked up toward the open window and a ghost of a smile came back. She turned as I was speaking - one alert ear remaining on me - inching herself forward until the tip of her muzzle poked into the open air.

"...you can better hear everything." Her nose began wiggling. "And smell, I guess." A good, lame ending there. Whatever. She wasn't paying attention anymore anyway.

"This place smells like..." Her nose crinkled deeply. "Um. Industry. I can't place a lot of it. Smoke of some kind. Food, I think. There might be a few kinds, but I can't identify them... all together like this."

Please don't be burgers, please don't be burgers, please don't be burgers! I forced myself to take a breath - to act casual. Now wasn't the time to test whether she was okay with such things.

"There are some plants but they're so faint." She withdrew to pass me a look. "There is a lot out there. It is... actually almost, um, 'normal,' but everything... is just a little different."

I grinned right back as she did the same to me. With a barely-heard content little sound in the back of her throat she put her head back to the open window. Yet another idea struck as I watched her watching the crowd; one that I can't believe I hadn't considered even once yet. I should take a picture of this!

Oh! And I could send it to Craig to show off that we'd actually, sort of, shown up! Craig's words from earlier rang in my head before another part of me doused everything in frozen reason.

Craig was hosting a massive party right now. He thrived in the limelight, so even if he wasn't actually in front of the crowd he was probably surrounded by someone. Quite a few someones if the crowd outside was an indication. Who knows how many might see a picture of an alien pony just by proximity?

But I could probably still get him. He would get the message even if I reframed the picture. My phone came up, I made damned sure the flash was off, and I focused through the front passenger window. Front and center, though distant, was the blaringly-lit gold and maroon Oggie's sign.

Guess who stopped by. I attached one picture and sent Craig's phone a gift.

"What was that you just did?"

And now I had an alicorn's attention. Well, not quite all of it - she still had one ear directed through her mane toward the club. I wasn't really surprised since the nearby party had to be hopelessly tantalizing.

That had me wondering whether there was a maximum range on her translation spell. With those ears she might actually be able to hear everything clearly, and I wasn't sure I wanted her listening too closely to a group of drunk partygoers... But she didn't seem to notice, or care and I did my best to let the issue go.

"I let Craig know that we stopped by."

"You sent him a message from... your, um, telephone?"

"Mmmhmmm." An insistent buzzing filled my hand. I was grinning even before opening the new text. That'd been pretty fast, especially from a party, so I must have gotten him good.

dude tell meu didnbring her wuth u

I couldn't help chuckling.

Etherea was still watching though her eyes kept drifting toward the window before snapping back. I waved a hand dismissively at her. "Just teasing him. He freaked..." Would she even get that phrase? "I scared him."

"Because he thinks we are heading in there?" Her muzzle motioned out across the lot.

"Yup." While nodding I whipped up a reply for Craig.

I did! Not coming in though. Just showing her around.

Etherea's smile flashed white in the dim light and she returned to watching the crowd. Some guy jogging out to his car became the center of both our attentions. Etherea was probably just curious but I was busy plotting his exact destination - making dead sure it was nowhere near us.

Another round of soft vibrations drew me back to the phone in my hand.

good scarred m e gopdthin ur not here rachels here

Okay, now I didn't regret not going with Craig at all. It's not that Rachel and I had any particularly bad blood between us but our one sort-of date had still ended poorly. Any interaction was probably going to be awkward to the point of being upsetting. Rachel was pretty enough... but no. An emphatic no.

I shook my head and set it aside. I'd had my fun and was feeling pretty good about hanging out with just Etherea tonight. Certainly a lot more fun than going to a giant party, even if we'd spent most of our time dodging every other human in the town. I suppose 'exciting' would be more appropriate, or 'nerve-wracking.' But that was getting to be such a common thing for me these days that I could appreciate the nuances separating this relatively calmer tension from the initial terror of breaking two worlds.

Plus I kind of liked the quiet moments like this with just me and...

She's taken Alex. And a pony. And a princess. And not even from this world!

I set all that aside with some effort, rejoining Etherea in watching the ebb and flow of the crowd. Well, she spent much of the next little while watching the crowd. I admit keeping an eye out because I half-expected Craig to wander out to look for us but mostly I was keeping an eye on her because I wanted to be ready to field any questions.

I also kept probing the feelings that just wouldn't go away around her. Why her? Why a pony of all things? Why me? There was only so much sense that I could make of them and the general feeling that something was wrong was extremely frustrating.

And to some extent it was just entertaining to watch her. She was just so cute while avidly following each new arriving or departing person, or how she'd duck whenever a car drove by on the road - even if the road wasn't all that close. I received a number of embarrassed half-smiles from that.

Eventually she got bored, I guess, and turned around to ask what was next. After all, the plan wasn't to sit here all night, was it?

Of course not. With some momentary excitement we pulled out of the parking lot, laughing a bit at the oblivious people left behind. My nerves struck again at full force as we reached the intersection with the main road. Back in traffic again was not where I wanted to be and I had to keep telling myself that this was all for a good cause.

And speaking of which, where were we going?

I didn't really have any idea other than 'out of town.' We'd ended up near the northern edge of town, but I didn't really want to head out that way. Other that some general knowledge of swamps and things I didn't know the area nearly as well as I knew the south. From the other end of town I could take us out on the back roads without getting too lost.

One benefit to being up this way was that I could cut back through the old part of town - full of giant, elaborate Victorian houses, smaller colonial ones, large and somewhat less subdued colonial government buildings, and a whole lot of neat history. Even though we'd driven past it earlier Etherea had been too busy hiding to see. Since most everything was closed for the weekend there should be a lot fewer people to distract us if I stayed off the main road.

Chalk one up for me because it worked out really well. We even got caught by the light while on a cross street of an intersection we'd passed through earlier. An almost constant stream of quiet amazement came from the back seat as Etherea got a good, long moment to gawk at a couple of the old multi-story mansions without having to hide.

Shit! I'd forgotten something! We weren't going to be on any magic traffic lines but from this direction we would have to cross a major road for weekend activity - restaurants, pubs, and other evening establishments making it one of the few places to be.

Etherea stayed low as I took a crushing grip on the wheel and tried to keep breathing. It went well enough in spite of my fears, and as we reached a safe distance I saw her head pop up to look back at all the activity.

Just in time for a group of four people to step out from between two cars as we slowly coasted by.

"Eth...!"

"EEEEP!"

"...erea!"

She bodily hit the deck with a resounding whump. I almost - almost - whipped my head around to see whether the group had noticed the pony not fifteen feet from them. The chance that I'd misdirect my car - in the middle of a street enclosed by parked cars and irreplaceable historic buildings - was more than enough motivation to keep my eyes glued forward.

"Shit, shit, shit..."

"ALEX!" was the indignant cry from the rear.

"They might have seen you!"

"I know, but...!" A dark shape took over much of the rearview again. "Alright, I do not think they noticed. They do not seem... to be doing anything different." I sensed something near my shoulder. "That does not excuse... excuse... ewwwwww!"

I spared a very brief look and found a pony shaking her head, eyes firmly clenched and lips curled in disgust. Inches away from discovery and she was more concerned with her offended senses. What the hell was wrong with this pony?! Was this a princess thing - being able to ignore imminent danger in favor of something slightly out of place?

"Look, I'm doing what I can, but that's a pretty common curse around here. Forgive me for being human when stressed!"

The soft 'stretching' sounds of someone shifting on leather seat was followed by a shuddering exhale. "I-I... Y-yes. Th-that-t really was too c-close. I-I did not mean... to belittle that point, but..." A short pause followed before she spoke, this time much quieter. "Never mind. Sometimes it is hard to... remember that things can be very different here."

I guess her head was mostly screwed on straight but...

Extreme stress did strange things to the best of us so it wasn't worth thinking about too much. Though now I had a sullen princess behind me. Lovely.

It only took a few minutes to get out of the town proper and onto more open road. A stolen glance once we were free of any major traffic confirmed that Etherea wasn't paying any attention to me, her chin now resting on the door below the open window and head nestled against the seat. She was content to leave everything in silence which didn't do anything kind to me.

I needed to do something, but again the question was what. That I was asking meant I had no good answer. And if I was honest with myself, I didn't feel like bothering her. She was upset and I didn't want to rehash something that might only make everything worse. So I let her be, figuring that finding some place to have the cupcakes would be the best medicine.

Was it the right choice? I didn't know and that only made it bother me more.

It must have been about the fourth glance backward that Etherea noticed. A shape loomed in the rearview just as I looked away before a dimly-lit golden-yellow presence moved into the edge of my vision.

"Alex?" Her voice was a strange blend of hesitant yet forceful enough to overcome the wind.

It just came right out as natural as breathing. "Etherea, I'm sorry for upsetting you back there."

"Oh, that? Do not..." I looked over as a pause more poignant than her usual struggles with English fell in place. "Do not worry about it. I am a grown mare."

I passed her another look. Honestly, I just wasn't sure what to say next. She gave me an eye roll back.

"Really! We should not have to be doing this again. It may be, um, very different... here, but it is still alright Alex."

I had to give her credit for trying hard. And me taking it poorly was pretty normal. "If you're sure..." Not so indecisive, Alex! Her exasperated groan was all the impetus I needed. "Forget that. It's fine. I got it."

"Good! Ummm... I've been meaning to ask. How did you control the window? Is there some manner... of remote command?" It was amazing how quickly she could go from serious to chipper.

It felt strange to laugh so soon but it was also so good! "No. It's more electricity and there are buttons up here." I exchanged hands on the wheel so she could see me pointing with my right. "And hey, there's another thing I can show you that's like it."

I had never wanted a convertible since too much wind while driving bothered me. But I did have the poor-man's version. Etherea's nose tracked my hand as I reached to the buttons above me. A rolling woosh blasted through the car as the roof split, the sound deepening with the expanding opening.

"You have a window in the top of your vehicle?!" Even with all the wind I had to lean away from her to spare my ear.

"Yup. Moon roof."

"Moon... roof?" Her eyes met mine for a split second before she put a hoof between the seats to step on the passenger seat. Her head went forward and up, the wind changing to hitting me directly now that she was deflecting it. Laughter filtered back into the car as I tried not to stare up under her chin - I was driving after all.

Driving a car with an alicorn sticking her head up through my moon roof. Like a dog. Which was a horrible comparison. Yet the image had such a strikingly similarity that I laughed in spite of myself.

All of that took only a moment. Then there was hair everywhere! Flailing, stinging mane whipped up around me and threatened to completely cut off my view of the road. Etherea must have noticed because she ducked and disappeared backward before I could finish opening my mouth.

"Ss-so-o-rry-y." Uncontained giggles fought for a place in her apology.

If it weren't for the hair I'd be all for her doing that. I'd always wanted to do it myself but I was always the driver. No, brain, I wasn't going to try to get Etherea to drive. I'm not a complete moron.

"It's alright. I've always wanted to do that." And speaking of sticking her head in the wind... "You don't care that you got all, um, mussed up?"

"Ummmmm... Maybe a little." A voluminous yellow glow softly lit the interior from behind me. A glance in the rearview showed that, yes, probably her entire mane was glowing.

Talk about feeling good! Etherea and I had managed to duck under the notice of so many people, snuck into and out of the danger zone, and weathered a few hiccups. Now we were cruising along, probably home free, and my excitement was back in full. This birthday thing was turning out pretty well, all things considered. Neither of us were saying anything but it was a pleasant kind of break with each of us just enjoying the ride.

Turning off through a town barely large enough to be called such led us into what passed for rural around here. In other words it would take a while to walk from one house to the next. I still didn't know exactly where we were going other than 'out into the country' - pretty much I was just looking for a suitable field to stargaze from. I just had to find someplace that was far enough from the nearest houses, wasn't a farmer's crops, wasn't a...

"Are those fireflies?!"

I'd gotten so used to the relative quiet that I twitched at Etherea's happy exclamation. I finally noticed the tiny, slowly dancing lights while easing up on the gas. Well that made my decision easy.

"Looks like it."

On one side was a field of some short crop and on the other was some kind of undeveloped track that rose away into a low hill. The road ran ahead through a split in a line of trees before curving out of sight. I didn't know exactly what was on the other side of the trees but where we were seemed alright. In fact, the rise and the curve of the tree line would lend us some cover from the road. So with a bump and the grinding of gravel I pulled onto the edge of the ditch, stopping this side of the trees.

I looked over my shoulder just as Etherea began nosing around the door, her smile growing to epic proportions. "How do I open this?"

"There's a handle forward near the top there." I snaked my hand around behind the passenger seat to point. "Though if you want it'll only take me a moment to get there and let you out."

"The royal treatment then? Alright." She gave a soft, happy hum.

I guess I had offered. But now that I thought about it I felt pretty silly. I wasn't a chauffeur, nor was I, well, her special somepony. I shook my head at myself as I stepped out; there wasn't much I could do about it now.

Telling myself this was just a friend being nice felt like a hollow sentiment for some reason. But I was probably way over-thinking things. Again.

The latent humidity was again striking. After so much time in the car the air seemed heavy but there was also a sweetness born of freshly sprouted things. Thankfully the clouds had continued to dissipate throughout the evening and now that we were away from the city's lights I couldn't help but stare upward as I trailed my hand around my car.

"Starting without me?" Etherea's question was mockingly friendly as I stepped aside with her door. I just shrugged and she made a cute amused noise through her nose.

Even more adorable was the 'elegant' way she pulled herself to the edge of the seat with her forehooves while wriggling her rump to help. Cars really weren't designed for ponies. Once her forehooves touched the ground it was a much simpler matter for her to step fully clear, then draw herself up like she hadn't just crawled her way out of a hole. A flick cleared her tail from the door and she turned excited eyes on our surroundings, raising her nose high and deeply filling her lungs.

"Haahhhhhh!" Her smile was back and in full bloom. "Hmmm. The air is not as clear... as it is in Canterlot, but do you smell that?" She took a number of short inhales, her nose bouncing a little higher with each one. "All manner of plants, dirt, trees, the rain... It is much more fresh."

I raised an eyebrow when she brought her eyes back to me.

"Do not take this the wrong way, but being... out here reminds me that your place really does smell like a... couple of stallions live there. Not that it is all that bad," she jumped hastily back in, "it is just, um, distinctive."

Her attempt to backtrack wasn't lost on me. "So we stink? Well, it's a good thing..." It was kind of late to not be okay with teasing her. "Then it's a good thing you're here to straighten us out, isn't it?"

I flashed her a friendly grin and immediately got one back.

A glow engulfed her horn and with barely a glace backward she dragged the towels and things out from the floor between the seats. I noted with some trepidation that the illumination cast by the two bundles would be a beacon from a long way away. Again, Etherea was on top of things, quickly tucking our stuff back under her wings.

I took a second and breathed out in relief before extending a hand toward the open ground of the nearby hill. "Well, shall we?"

A little prance in place and another emphatic nod was her reply.

The ditch posed a bit of a problem but with some careful steps we managed. Heading up the slope on the other side was much more pleasant even in spite of the overgrown weeds and things ringing the field. And thank, well, some deity that we'd brought the towels - there was still some moisture on everything.

Etherea was... mostly ecstatic. Getting her hooves damp was apparently bothersome but it still couldn't keep her from prancing along beside me. Kind of like watching a Lipizzaner high-stepping. Her hooves made a rapid staccato of dull impacts and crunches as she turned this way and that, even walking sideways now and again as she alternated between trying to take in every detail and tracking the occasional firefly. Her ears were, if anything, even more mobile and telegraphed every twist and turn.

I'm not sure how she was doing it. The area was rife with random short plants and the occasional baby bush and I had to be careful of my footing. Not to mention that it was really fucking dark. Seriously, where was a moon when you needed one?

Probably in Equestria stressing the fuck out over where Etherea had disappeared to. Damnit. I didn't need that right...

"Now I am very glad that... you have a way to cool your apartment because... this warmth would be very uncomfortable during the day." I got treated to an over-the-shoulder look without her stopping.

"You're welcome?" I couldn't blame myself for that reply - well I could - I'd just been dragged out of my thoughts and into the unexpected!

She giggled, already turning to follow another tiny winking light as it meandered past. Its path brought her all the way around until she was walking completely backwards. "It makes sense. We are at a lower elevation and closer to... the equator than Canterlot."

"Not much I can do about the temperature; I'm just glad that the weather cleared," I said, completely earnest. It's what had allowed this gift to her!

"Me too!" A vigorous nod shook both her ears and mane as the firefly looped around her until she was again pointed forward.

We crested the rise - a whole six or seven feet higher than the roadway - and found the land dipping slowly back down to a large, dark rift separating us from what must be another field. Probably a drainage ditch. Happiness radiated from every line of Etherea's body and mentally I was celebrating my good choice.

"Y'know, if you wanted, since it was a big part of the reason to come out here, you could," I pointedly inclined my head toward her side, "stretch your wings and all that." She was already setting down the towels. "If you'd like... Y'know."

A soft laugh escaped her, growing more excited as she stepped to the side. Her wings unfolded to stretch wide with soft whispers, trembling a bit as she held them. A dozen feet or more for her complete span so I hadn't been far off in my earlier estimation. Her smile was unmistakable despite the shrouding shadow as she drew her wings slightly back and gave them several slow test pumps.

Her wings went rigid. Something was wrong.

"Wait, I do not have... a flight, um, jumper." And she folded them away!

"What?"

"Yesterday you saw, um... Amaranth wearing one. I would be flying... barebelly and with my tail in the wind everything would... be on display. I would be indecent."

Wait, there were limits on pony nudity? Naked flying? But... "You mean the leotard-thing she was wearing?"

"Yes, that!"

But the whole point of getting out here was to let her fly! I know lifting her tail - shut up brain! - like when flying would flash the goods, but that had to already be an occasional thing. In fact, I knew it was! But now it was a problem? When nobody would even be able to see her?

"Y'know, it's night and I can hardly see so it's not like I would see anything. I think you'd be safe." The bite in my words made me flinch. I wasn't here to browbeat her!

She shifted back and forth slowly, her eyes still on me, and the dark left me wishing I could get a better read on her. "Ummmmmmm..." At least the wary glances around us were clear. "I s-suppose y-you are probably right." A giggle escaped her. "Ooo, this would be s-so scandalous! I c-cannot believe I am even thinking o-of doing this!"

I chuckled to cover my frustration with the whole situation and turnabout. "Well, I won't look." And my mouth kept going... "Probably." Damnit! I guess I was flirting back now. I'd have to be more careful about that.

She stiffened, one foreleg landing neatly in front of the other. Even in the dark she head suddenly seemed downright imperious. "See that you do not!"

Then she gave a big hop, let out another louder giggle, and then turned and launched forward. The dark pony shape became a shadowy blur trailing streamers of darkness as she picked up speed. Shapes lifted from her sides and one last resounding thud her hind legs propelled her off the ground as her wings snapped out and down. A few frantic beats lifted her...

Wait...!

Her horn wasn't lit yet faint gold light was blooming outward in all directions. Ephemeral glowing streamers coalesced in an arc stretching dozens of feet in front of her before flowing back and thickening. They twisted about, conforming snugly to her wings and body as they slid past before faded away just behind her.

Like the airflow itself around her was fucking luminescent!

Shit! The effect wasn't all that bright but this late at night she was a goddamned beacon! A glowing, flying, and very visible not human beacon!

Even as I leaped forward and raised my arms in warning I found Etherea twisting about, dropping low and fast right at me. Whatever I'd been about to yell died in my throat as I frantically switched to backpedaling. Etherea's legs, which had been tucked next to her body, unfolded and she skidded to short, hard stop mere feet away, her wings flaring in one last forward push. The last of her momentum blasted around me as a brief rush of wind - and couple poor fireflies - her light fading with the settling air.

"A-A-Alex! I... Oh, nonononono... Lyoesu ila uller?! Lyo esu...?! I-I m-mean did-d... did you...?"

"I... did." My arm had been a hasty shield for my face and now that it was safe enough to lower it I could see her in a half crouch, head down and jerking this way and that.

"Oh, no! Oh, no! I-I..."

"Woah, Etherea. It's alright." It wasn't, not after that display, but we couldn't lose our heads! I joined her in scanning the horizon. Or at least the distant houses with lights on. I made the decision to take those few steps toward her and extended my hand, though I wasn't exactly sure what I was going to do.

She halted for a split second while facing me. "How can you be... sure of that? My magic... The air... itself was illuminated! Anypony could have... easily seen me!"

I really didn't have a response. Again, it was true. But there was still an 'if' in there even if she hadn't specifically said it. If anyone had been looking in our direction. And with the tree line blocking everything from behind us there were only about three houses - if I remembered this section of road correctly - that would be in the right places. Very few would have had the opportunity. And even if anyone had seen Etherea flying it would have been at quite a distance and for a very short time. What was the chance that anyone from those houses had happened to be pointing binoculars or a telescope at us just as Etherea took off?

I mentally slapped myself for tempting fate. As astronomical as the likelihood would be, it was still not zero. At least its remoteness was of some small comfort.

But that still left Etherea. I knelt with my hand still out, she tracking the motion with a twitch. With a shake and another glance around she pivoted a step so her back was in easy reach. As good an invitation as any I supposed. My tension gave way to a small but potent thrill as my hand touched her withers.

I carefully let my thoughts speak for themselves. "You're right, it's not a sure thing. But even on the off chance that someone had been looking in our direction I think it's really unlikely that they'd be able to see anything worthwhile. It might be a little strange, but how would they know anything?" I could only hope this was working better for her than it was for me. "Um, so there was a light. There could be any number of normal explanations for that. A firework for example."

Even in the dark I could see the incredulousness in her sideways look. "You think that we... are so safe that I... should simply not worry about this? Alex, tha...!"

"No," I said as gently as I could. "I'm saying we shouldn't panic yet. We're actually pretty sheltered here so let's just keep an eye out and see if anything happens." My hand almost unconsciously rubbed gently at her coat. Since she didn't stop me I let it go, banking on it being soothing.

It took a moment but she slowly nodded. Strangely enough some of the tension left me as well. With things more stable for the moment I took my hand back to unroll the towels. Standing would leave us more visible and we'd want something slightly more comfortable than damp weeds and short brush to sit on. It still took a pointed look and some slight pressure from my hand on Etherea's withers again to convince her to sit.

We must have stayed that way for fifteen or twenty minutes, me carefully watching one direction and Etherea the other. A single car drove by over on the road but it had come through the break in the trees - from the wrong direction to have seen Etherea's flight. Even so, neither of us took our eyes off the glow of its headlights until it disappeared around the next bend.

This is what we'd been reduced to? Spending the last of her birthday in anxious silence? We'd had so much of that over the last few days so this was supposed to be different! Instead Etherea was so tense that there were constant faint vibrations under her coat.

I know I really wasn't really much better. The house on the other side of the nearby field had three lights on - two inside and one over a side door. It was the closest place where other people might be and just because I hadn't seen anything yet didn't mean that they weren't there. I had...

The humming in my nerves was too much. I was quite literally jumping at shadows. Just like I had been all week. Okay, maybe that was a bit harsh on myself - quite a few of the things I'd been worrying about certainly deserved the concern. Still, what we were doing now was becoming unreasonable. It had been so long with nothing but the sounds of crickets and those little peeper frogs so, really, we were just sitting here together. Doing nothing.

"So..." Etherea's whole body jerked at the sudden sound. It was surreal that she might actually be more wound up than me. "Sorry. I just figure we haven't seen or heard anything yet so I think we're probably safe." I gave her a second to respond but she just tilted her head. "Um, just what happened back there when you were flying?"

She turned away, drawing in and exhaling a faint but distinctive breath. "It could only have been... my innate pegasus magic. Our wings," her muzzle dipped toward her side, "are not enough by themselves... so we rely largely on our Harmony... to magically compel our flight. In Equestria it is like..."

A hoof rose to her chin as she again looked off into the distance. The same hoof became a source of aimless gesturing as she tried to find the words. "It is like thinking through the air ahead of you and... and... Ummm, neyalar shi enusar shi kusenlen? Then you flex it... um, almost like a muscle. I don't think I can... explain it any better than that. If you do it right the... air responds more strongly than... it would with wings alone."

It wasn't really possible to imagine just how it felt to 'flex' air but I tried anyways. I even tried tightening one arm for a sympathetic feeling that probably wasn't even close.

"Since there is no ambient Harmony... here I cannot interact with the air the same way... unless I infuse it first. It's the same problem I have... with levitation; I have to devote some of my Harmony to... give myself something to cast on." She turned back to me, her tone both quiet and sharp. "That light show was me literally throwing... Harmony at the air around me."

"Oh. Well, I suppose we won't be doing that again. Sounds like it would take too much out of you." She nodded, clearly unhappy. So now I needed something to turn this back around. "Um, it was really pretty though. I've never seen the air compressed into an airflow for flight." There were wind-tunnels, but a lone stream of smoke was nowhere near the same as seeing the entire process surrounding an entire object from beginning to end. I still had an ace up my sleeve too. "And, well, rather than just sitting here, how about we have some cupcake?"

She ducked her nose and snorted quietly. But I caught a hint of a grin! Her mane rustled softly as she took one last, long look around us. "A-Alright." It was barely more than a whisper but the rest was stronger. "I would like that."

I handed the cupcakes off to her magical grip and then popped the soda open, its fervent hiss making the two of us look around quickly. When we looked back at each other the faint illumination from her horn showed that she wasn't the only one blushing at our mutual silliness. With a sheepish giggle she passed me a cupcake - pink and white swirled frosting with several sizes and shapes of sprinkles. I traded her a glass of soda. Her cupcake lifted up between us at the whim of a golden halo and angled toward me. When I cocked an eyebrow she just grinned, her confection bobbing twice before shifting closer.

"A toast?"

A sweet chuckle this time. "Mmmmhmmm."

I tapped the edge of my cupcake to hers. With a nod and a happy hum her lips parted and a sliver of pink questing toward the dessert.

"Ah, hold on."

She froze, tongue just barely not touching the cupcake, a sliver more white showing around her eyes.

I couldn't believe I was actually going to do this. But it was tradition, damnit! I just, well, couldn't not give her the full human birthday experience.

"There's a song." Her tongue disappeared and I again had her full, eager attention. A deep breath to calm myself, a clearing of my throat, and I sang. Sort of. I could have really tried but it was hard enough to sing for someone by myself, much less attempt to make it a vocal epic.

Etherea was smiling fit to pop when I finished. Yeah, that didn't help at all. I was just glad that she couldn't see... Actually, with her horn lit up she probably could see just how red I was! My thoughts stumbled and fell apart. I... Um... Damn.

"Happy birthday to me." Her eyes met mine one last time as she brought her cupcake back up.

Yeah, that was a good distraction. I bit deeply into mine, heedless of how my cheeks collected small smears of frosting.

Etherea carefully licked all around the outside of hers instead, sculpting the remaining frosting into a slightly neater pile. Only then did she begin taking careful bites. The princess, of course, got no frosting on her immaculate coat. She paused to giggle at one point when her eyes must have drifted across my face. I couldn't help dropping mine to the ground as I made damned sure my own cheeks were clean. It felt like I was breaking some kind of birthday rule though - eating cake too neatly.

By the time we finished the second round of confectionary goodness I was leaning back and propping myself up with one hand. Etherea had gotten comfortable on her belly - after some judicious wiggling to find a good spot - with forelegs stretched out in front of her. It was so peaceful. Just how I'd wanted the night to go.

Minus her getting a chance to really fly. Oh well.

"Wooooooooooow..." The soft, airy exhalation drew my eyes to an alicorn whose neck was bent sharply backward. Somehow she didn't mind the painful-looking pose. Putting it out of my mind I following the direction of her gaze. Other than a few small black splotches that must be lingering clouds the starscape was unblemished.

"I had noticed that your world also had stars but I... had not really seen them. Look at them all!"

I waited a moment for more, wondering what that meant about the vista above us. "This isn't like the sky back home?"

"Oh, no! There are many more stars here. And they are arranged so... randomly!" She swept a hoof out in a line that appeared to mirror a very familiar arc dominating the sky. "Without a Princess of the Night to watch... over them it makes sense."

"That's the Milky Way." My nerves were already preparing me for her response.

She gave a short, questioning hum. "Milky Way?"

Yeah, this was going to be interesting. There was a growing tightness in my chest simply from considering how she'd take the news about the nature of my universe. Human astronomy had revealed so much unimaginable violence out there while showing just how little we understood. Looking up and considering humanity's fortune was awe-inspiring to me. How would someone who was scared of one relatively benign star react?

She was calmer now, though, and had been accepting new bits of information better than initially. Our Sun, the lack of Harmony, human society, and even the weather were becoming less concerning, which was a very good sign. It was not a sure thing though and I felt like I was going to have to place a lot of trust in simple hope. That and her growing trust in me.

"Alex?"

Right, lost in my own thoughts. "Sorry," a soft snort came from my right, "there's just... just so much to say." I took a deep breath and jumped in. "Our Sun is a star."

I turned my head to see her reaction to my allusion. Her return stare lingered. Perhaps I should have just said it plainly but I kind of wanted her to figure it out. When her ears started twitching I knew the gears were turning and dropping thoughts into place.

"Your Sun is a... star? Like those?" She pointed her muzzle back toward the sky.

"Yeah. Each of those spots of light is a star much like our Sun."

"But..." Nothing followed.

"There is so much out there beyond our world that we can't really, truly comprehend it. We're only like five or ten miles from my apartment. The Sun is somewhere around ninety three million miles from the Earth. It takes seven or so minutes for light from the Sun to reach us. The closest star out there..." I raised my right arm to point. "It takes ten years for the light to reach us."

My eyes unconsciously sought Etherea out as a few short, incomprehensible sounds worked their way out of her. She was frozen, her eyes looked on the sky. She definitely needed the long moment I gave her.

"I, ahhh... Uhh..." I almost chuckled but I couldn't upset her. Not now. "Ninety three million?! But that is... And you... They are all self-controlled... explosions and the next nearest one is ten years away?!"

I not sure how her jaw remained hinged. I suppose that was mostly because she was too busy still using it to try and form words. When she turned her head eyes that looked ready to leap from her skull locked onto mine. My helpless shrug was paired with a cringe.

"Ten years for light. It would take us thousands of years of constant travel with our current capability. And that's just the closest one."

It took far too much effort for her to complete one blink before she shook her head vigorously, her mane swishing freely across the towel under her. "Y-yeah-ah. I-I understand that. If it is true." Her disbelief was almost palpable. "How can it possibly be that... that... 'Big' doesn't even begin to describe it!"

"Uhhhhh... I don't know why. It... just is. That's how this universe is built."

Her wide-eyed stare lingered for what felt like minutes, an urge to fidget growing harder and harder to suppress. Other than another shrug I didn't know what to do - she needed to come to grips with this herself. Eventually she very deliberately turned her back to the sky, her ears, which had been focused, slid backward under her mane again.

"All of them were... created through random chance the same as your Sun?" Her voice was quiet again - awestruck.

"Yeah. Different sizes and colors and things, but all formed from the same basic process."

"No wonder." She was quiet for a long moment while I tried to figure out just what she meant by that. "Even if the chances for just the right... circumstances to make this world were... were laughably small, with that many," her forehoof swept across the sky, "then it, um, becomes likely that it will happen somewhere." Got it in one, princess.

She paused again, noticeably breathing in steady but very long breaths. "Are there... Do you know whether there are more worlds... like yours out there?"

I nodded, which was silly because she couldn't see it with her eyes cast upward. "In the past couple decades we've begun finding other planets. Most are uninhabitable - too close to their stars or far too large - but very recently we've discovered a few that are theoretically possible to live on." That got her attention. "And no, I don't know how they do it." Which was a small lie. I knew astronomers detected possible planets by watching stars wobble. How they determined the other attributes I couldn't guess.

"There might be more worlds and creatures out there." Oh, she was getting it! "The chances of... me finding my way here of all places..." Her words petered out with the tail end of a quiet exhale.

There were no words that I could use to adequately communicate either the feelings that came from having had a similar revelation, or the way in which I understood her reaction. It was something else to me, just like it seemed to be for her. Here I was sharing the Earth's night sky with a pony. I still couldn't help but try.

"All of this. It's just so much." Bending my neck all the way back while sitting was getting uncomfortable really quickly. Plus I could only see so much of the sky while facing forward so I freed from arm-prop and settled backwards onto my towel. It took a bit of wiggling but I convinced the underlying plants to accommodate me relatively well.

"Each of those lights is an epicenter for massive barely-controlled violence. They're all at distances that boggle the mind. The amount of happenstance in everything out there is so great that you can hardly believe that you can even exist. And yet right here it's all so calm and just kind of pretty. All of that," I raised an arm that Etherea followed with her eyes, "is simply amazing."

Etherea's head nodded faintly and slowly, her eyes not leaving the sight above us. "Yes... Oh, if Luna could see this. She put so much effort into... Equestria's sky but this is something else."

For a while neither of us did anything other than bask in what was above us and enjoy the peaceful sounds of a warm late spring night. Yet before long Etherea brought her eyes down to look around. She scooted around on her towel, her body twisted so that her rump was on the other end of her towel. I wondered what she was up to as a slow flop followed and for a moment - just briefly - her whole underside was toward me.

A mixture of great relief and an ounce of quickly-suppressed disappointment mixed when her hind legs remained together to keep her decent. Not that I could have seen anything in the dark.

She confirmed my suspicions by rolling onto her back, all four hooves curled above her. A long lash of her tail draped her entire belly and much of her chest with long strands. At least no one would be able to see up between her hind legs that way.

Not that it mattered here in the dark. And not that I really wanted another look.

Stupid brain. She's a pony from another world!

"Comfortable?"

She wriggled in place much like I had and let her wings fall to the ground. "Ahhhhhhh... Pretty much!" After taking a moment to watch the sky she opened her mouth again. "So what is that...? Um, what did you call that streak of stars?"

"The Milky Way? Uhhhh, let me start off by saying that the stars up there aren't just randomly scattered about." I caught her glance at me from the corner of my eye - I don't think she bought it. "All the stars you can see are organized into, um, a shape like a giant disk. We're maybe two-thirds of the way toward the edge and that 'streak of stars' is us looking further into the disk." I waited for a second, my thoughts churning, but Etherea didn't say anything. "There's probably a better way to describe it but I think you get the picture."

"I think I do. That," her hoof reached straight up, "is the disk."

"Yup." I mentally braced myself because there was no way she'd let it go at that.

"How can you tell?" Bingo.

"I don't really know. Astronomers have some way of measuring how the stars are moving and that tells us where to, how fast, and how far away they are."

"They are all moving?! But..." She made a sound like a cough but without any force behind it. "H-how can that be?!"

"Ummm..." How do I simplify something that took us hundreds of years to figure out? "Well, the simple answer is gravity. Gravity pulls things in but since they're in motion they just get stuck going in circles around and around. What's going on up there," I waved toward the sky before putting my hand back behind my head, "is just a bigger version of the same kind of thing that our world and the sun are doing. The disk is spinning so we're all moving around together."

Etherea was quiet for so long I began to worry. When I turned my head to check she had her legs folded and limp against her. Her eye on this side glimmered faintly, showing its width, yet her chest rose and fell with gentle steadiness. Worried or amazed again but alright, I guess. It was a shame that with her mane piled around the back of her head I was unable to see her ears.

It was a strange thought; that I was accustomed enough to gauge her mood by her ears. Also, was it bad of me to want to give her a tummy rub? Not that I was serious about it, it was just her position. I kept myself to a weak headshake though it did nothing to dislodge the thought.

"And..." I didn't even see her mouth move, her voice only a ghost of a sound. "And everything is moving?"

"Yup."

"But it is all balanced somehow. By itself." It wasn't quite a question, but I understood.

"Uh huh. Things are just so far away that it takes a really long time to see any kind of change."

Neither of us spoke for a while. Knowing that she was amazed but otherwise alright I went back to watching the sky. A half-formed desire to start counting the stars was dissuaded by the impossibility of the task so I settled for drawing my own imaginary shapes in the universe's largest game of connect-the-dots. Forget the established constellations, I was never very good at picking out any but the most famous.

"Do you name any of them?" Etherea? Are you reading my thoughts? Get out of my head! "Our stars all have names... and every now and again, when somepony... does something particularly wonderful, Luna creates a new star just for them."

"Yeah." A soft sound next to me made me look over, meeting Etherea's eyes for a moment. "I don't know most of them though."

"Oh."

"Sorry, I really should know more about this." Etherea's snort didn't help me feel any better that for all my fascination with the night sky I couldn't actually name much of what was in it. Sure I knew some of the names like Deneb, Altair, Sirius, and the like, but I couldn't point out which was which. Except... "There is one that pretty much everyone can name."

North wasn't hard to find. Etherea's head followed me as I sat up and rotated around on my butt. My knees came up as a perfect rest for my arms.

"You see those four bright stars in sort of a square shape?" I indicated somewhat north-ish and a ways above the horizon.

"Yes. You know one of those?"

"No, sorry." Another snort from the princess. Yeah, sue me. I apologize a lot when I'm trying to be really nice. At least she didn't call me on it. "If you draw a line through the bottom two and follow it that way," I moved my finger to the side a ways, "there's a bright star right there."

Etherea didn't move initially, instead arching her neck to try and orient her head correctly. Following directions upside down had never worked for me and the same held true for her. With a soft growl she rolled onto her side and twisted so that her rear legs were stretched toward me but her front legs were propping up her neck and head for a better view.

As much as she sort of looked like a horse her contortions were more cat-like.

"I think I see the one."

"That's Polaris. Also known as the North Star. It's bright and about as directly north as any star can be. It's also easily visible from just about anywhere in the northern hemisphere so if you can find it, you can orient yourself." I finished with more than a little pride creeping into my voice. After all, this was something about the wider universe that I knew for certain and had the distinct pleasure of being the first to share with her.

"Neat."

I gave her an exaggerated look, my shoulders rising only to slump back down. Really? Just 'neat'? Damnit. I would have to do better. Let's see now...

I left her still looking northward and sat straighter as I tried to orient myself on any of the few things I could actually identify for her. The problem was that short list was confined to such notables as Venus, the Andromeda Galaxy, and a handful of constellations. It was far too late for Venus and the box of stars that was Pegasus' body didn't seem to be up, so I couldn't use it as a guide to find Andromeda.

That might actually have been a good thing. The Milky Way was astonishing enough but how would she react if I told her that one particular 'fuzzy' star was actually another 'disk?' If she even believed me - which might be pushing it - it would probably blow her mind.

Actually, that might be kind of fun. Oh, well. No luck. Come to think of it, I remembered Pegasus and Andromeda being a feature of the late summer sky. I'd have to settle for what was already up there.

More sounds of shuffling had me cast a look past my right shoulder. Etherea had rolled onto her back, her legs curled above her again, her tail providing some modesty. It was just so tempting to reach over and rub her belly as a joke. Hell, imagine if I foofed...

No. As funny as it might be, touching her anywhere even slightly near her hind legs was far too personal. I couldn't shake the thought of just how funny it would be though. Maybe if I were Craig. And if I had the perfect line to explain and make her okay with it.

Yup, there was no way.

"What?" Of course she was watching me watch her.

Quick, say something! "You're adorable like that." Shit! My breath caught for a second. How far was too far?

A giggle and giant grin were her gifts back. Then she made it even worse and paddled her hooves in the air like she was riding a bicycle upside down. Or maybe, with her four legs, it was one built for two.

"Y'know, that doesn't actually help."

She stopped moving but her smile still shone in the faint light. Another stray desire mess with her by giving her a tummy rub had to be shoved in the back with the rest of them.

"It is one of... the curses of being a princess. We are... exceptionally cute and silly."

My thoughts immediately latched onto Celestia or Luna doing something similar. If they actually acted like that I'd give so much to see it even just once. It seemed far-fetched though - this was Celestia and Luna! I laughed heartily at the image though.

"See!" Etherea waved her forelegs dramatically. "You too have become... Oh!" Her whole body twitched and went rigid, her eyes snapping wide at something above her. "A shooting...!"

"No... I-It is too s-slow." More than a little fear had subsumed her excitement. And just like that my good mood was gone.

I finished turning my head to find the sky just as vast and slightly disorienting as always, uncountable pinpricks of light stretching from one horizon to another. Yet it wasn't hard to find the one out of place. A single pinprick was almost casually scooting across the sky in a very deliberate line. It seemed like it should strike and rebound from the stars in its path but it simply emerged on the other side and kept going.

"What is that-t star d-doing?"

"That?" Steady progress and no blinking lights. I responded automatically as my disjointed thoughts tried to sort out what was scaring her so much. "That's probably a satellite."

"A-and... and wh-what exactly i-is th-that?"

Unrestrained trepidation persisted in her tone and a single, small flick toward me was the only break her eyes took from the object above. Even that instant told me so much. She was terrified and needed me to explain away yet another strange, new thing as 'normal.'

Then it struck me like a sledgehammer. If there was any truth in the cartoon about stars literally moving to assist in the return of Nightmare Moon, then a satellite would seem like a terrible portent to an Equestrian. She had no reference for this sort of thing outside the return of a dark God.

"Relax Etherea. It's okay." Her wing was close enough and I gently set my fingers around the leading edge of her 'hand.' "It's not a star; it's just a device. They're things created by humans and sent into orbit around the world. They use momentum and gravity to stay in place up there. In fact..."

My right hand was occupied but my left was free to dig into my pocket. Apparently Craig had sent another message at some point but that wasn't why I was after my phone. I tapped the screen on and turn it toward her.

"...they're part of the system that makes these phones work. They connect the world by sending information all over the place. Some help us navigate, some look at the stars because of the better view, and some," I think she'd appreciate this, "watch the weather from above so we can see what will happen."

It took a moment before her muzzle bobbed forward and back in a slow nod. She continued to stare but least she wasn't getting any worse - like hyperventilating or anything. She'd probably be fine with a little time. I left my fingers resting among her smallest feathers as I slid my phone back in my pocket and tilted my head back, hoping the gesture really was reassuring. I even gave a tiny squeeze.

Just as a hard ring touched the back of my hand sudden pressure wrapped around it and sent a jolt through me. I snapped my head around as a strange omni-directional force held my hand still against Etherea's wing. The darkness obscured but...

But it was just her hoof set against the back of my hand. She'd reached across herself - a gesture impossible for a regular horse - to 'grasp' it with that pony 'grabbing field' of hers. My heart skipped a second beat before I told it quite firmly that this magic was just fine. In fact, in retrospect my momentary fear was about as silly as hers of the satellite had been.

I didn't say any of that. Instead I made myself smile to let her know I understood. It must have worked because she relaxed. We even released each other's appendages almost as one. It was a bit of a sappy little thing but it left me feeling pretty good. I mean, here we were, only days after first contact, the initial terrors reduced to mere jumpiness. It probably wouldn't be long before we were downright comfortable with each other.

Was that a pony 'thing?' Like did they just have that kind of effect? It was possible if Etherea's fixation with Harmony was any indication of their society. Hell, I suppose that powerful ponies might be able to subtly influence things around them to be more peaceable.

The possibility that Etherea was doing this kind of thing on purpose crossed my mind like a shadow. I poked a few holes in it and waved it away. So what if she was purposely influencing me to make things go more smoothly? I was kind of doing the same thing by censoring her experience until I felt she was ready.

How extensively Etherea had planned events was just one of many questions rattling around my head as we lay back to watch the stars while sipping away the soda. So many kept popping up like little bubbles. Most were astronomic in nature, which kind of figured. Like had Luna truly created their stars? How the hell did that work? Did she control them too? What about meteors, asteroids, auroras, and the like?

But I let them all go. I wanted to relax and that was what I was going to do, damnit! Plus I ended up rather busy with pointing out the constellations I knew. The Big and Little Dippers - and Bears, naturally - Cassiopeia, Draco - I was kind of sure of - and the bird of some kind. At least I'm pretty sure the rather visible cross was a bird.

Etherea was only too happy to plumb the depths of my knowledge of the visible constellations. Unfortunately the shallowness of it also left her rather disappointed.

It didn't really stop her though. The cross, or bird, became an alicorn. Because why not? A chariot that the alicorn was diving toward, a yappy little dog eating a carrot - her idea - a mountain with a ram on top, an upside-down skyscraper - not one of my better-explained ideas - and weirder appeared in the sky. Imagination invented answers for everything beyond the borders of our knowledge. The occasional passing firefly over us only added an element of randomness to it all. Heck, we were in danger of concocting some sort of epic adventure spanning the sky when Etherea, who had been increasingly fidgety as the night wore on, picked a random break in the conversation to roll onto her stomach.

"Gah! Alright, I think I have had too... much sugar. I need to do something!"

She was staring right at me. My brain went in a hundred different directions and came back with even more possible answers. I sorted them into an untidy pile to wait for the real one. It's not like she was suggesting anything suggestive no matter how much my addled mind might suspect otherwise.

"Wha...?"

She zeroed in on a passing firefly, her eyes nearly crossing to track it's approach. A harsh, quick inhale and small puff sent it looping away in a new direction. I couldn't decide which of two to pay attention to as I wondered what to do. Her giggle as she stretched her head closer didn't help at all.

"Come on, let's go running."

That made me sit up - I didn't really feel like doing that. "I, umm..." Running just wasn't something that I found particularly entertaining. Plus, compared to her, I was probably a lightweight and I didn't really want to exhaust myself. Then where would I be?

Then she was standing. And gone. In a manner of speaking. She went after another firefly as she danced away on happy hooves, the poor bug sent on its way with a bop from her nose.

"Alex? Are you coming?" She stopped just long enough to give a look that I couldn't really read in the dark.

"I'm... You go have fun. I'm not much of a runner. I'll just stay here. Um, and guard the drinks." Good work Alex, smooth as the ground you're sitting on.

"Awww. You are no fun." With a hop she spread her stance and lowered her head.

Was that... She looked ready to pounce! I leaned back and placed a hand down, curling my legs under in the hope that I could spring out of the way.

A short raspberry sounded through the night.

Then her head came up, as did her entire posture, she showing all the regal bearing of a true princess. "Hmmmph!" And with that she stalked away.

Which turned into a fast walk. Then a trot. Then a full on gallop.

Shadowy contrails of hair undulated behind and about her as her hooves carried her away with a rapid, ever-shifting staccato. She carved a shallow arc that approached the nearby ditch before angling away and sparing me worries that she'd fall in and really hurt herself. It was night after all. Hopefully her large eyes were as good in the dark as it seemed they should be.

As she came back within easy talking distance she twisted and planted her rear hooves, springing away in a new direction. The same jump took her up in the air where she brought her muzzle up under another slowly drifting light and bounced it straight up. With a laugh she slid to a halt on stationary front hooves, bringing her rear around and down to spring back and push the poor lightning bug even higher.

Now she was just fucking with them. But damn was it fun to see and I laughed with her.

She frolicked and I watched. I know she could talk and reason, and her head and overall shape weren't quite right, but as she scampered back and forth her silhouette was all horse. Hooves, legs, haunches, barrel, neck, mane, and tail. Her head forward as she sprinted, the way her body flowed through its motions, and even her tail lifting like a flag. My eyes told me quite firmly that this wasn't an Equestrian at play, but an equine.

An equine with a horn. And wings that carried her higher than each jump should be possible, sending poor fireflies spinning helplessly away from her as she passed.

She was definitely showing off for me.

Yet as uncomfortable as I was with that thought - what would I do if she actually did like me, ludicrous as that was - her antics were still so beautiful to watch. I was seeing her free and unfettered in both mind and body for the first time in, well, ever. I could get lost just in it. If I let myself. That wasn't going to happen because that wasn't a good line of thought to follow. Not here and not now.

Still, the image of her landing from one high bound as her nose came up under another unsuspecting lightning bug, her eyes shining and she grinning like a fool, was going to stay with me for a very long time.

I'm not sure how long it took but she eventually managed to wear herself out. A final loop while tearing around the area with her wings extended like she was flying at ground level brought her back to me. I know I was smiling to match her face-splitting expression; my cheeks felt the strain. Letting her get out like this was the best idea I'd ever had. Probably.

"That looked like fun."

She came to a stop near her towel, though kept up a brisk stationary walk and continued to raise and lower her partially-folded wings. "Yeah!" I don't know how she found so much strength for her voice while her nose and mouth were audibly trying to keep up with the bellows in her chest. "It was!"

"I don't... Know when... I will... Be able... To get... Out Again... Like..." She twitched, her already perked ears managing just a bit more rigidity. "I had... To make... Themostofit!" I received another quick smile. "Now if... You will... Excuse me." And down she went, landing roughly on her belly before flopping over on her side with a happy groan.

A throaty chuckle was my reply. "Ready to go back then?"

She tried talking but it didn't work.

"Alright. You just take five or so and I'll get this cleaned up."

I only needed around one - it's not like we had a lot of things with us. I still gave her five or ten, watching her exhausted heaves even out into happy sighs and then mere murmurs. After another little span she rolled back upright and her eyes met mine.

"Alright?"

"Do I have to?" The barest hint of a rasp remained, but she sounded much better. She even managed to work in some obvious faux stridence somehow. "Your, um, vehicle is all the... way over there."

We were doing this now? Really? I rolled my eyes then looked back and forth between her and our ride for good measure. "Weeeeellllll... I suppose if you really don't want to." The leftovers and soda were already in my towel so it wasn't hard to cradle them and stand. "I'll see you around then. Don't forget to write."

Pure, crisp laughter sounded behind me as I turned my back and began walking. See? I can play my cards right now and again.

Someone shifting about, the soft crunches of small, sturdy plants being stepped on, and the flapping of a large section of cloth were followed by brisk steps to catch up to me. Etherea matched her pace to mine and hung next to my side. Rather close too - like a foot away or less. I was not sure how I felt about that. Was it too close?

She didn't even seem to notice so clearly not for her. I was reminded of how she had admitted sorely missing the companionship of her fellow ponies. As one of the only beings she knew here, and definitely the closest, I guess her behavior wasn't that surprising. It's not like this was all that intimate so I would be a poor friend to not accept it.

"It is good to see you finally relaxing, Alex."

I had to smile at her chipperness and my eyes drifted over to find her looking sidelong up at me. "What can I say? It has been a good day. I just needed some quality time to collect my thoughts and get used to all this." I looked down fully at her. "You're doing pretty well yourself."

Her head bobbed even more as she worked some nods into her gait. "I too needed some time... to acclimate. It is dismaying to think of all that... I am missing back home and what everypony... must be going through, but not so much as it was. I will see them again and... we will all be so happy when I do! But for now I am here and that is... enjoyable as well."

That was impressively upbeat. I think most humans would be more torn up. Though unlike most human in Equestria stories Etherea could look forward to the time when - not if - she went home. It seemed like such a minor distinction but it likely made a world of difference.

And man was I glad for it. It would suck to see her go though.

"Though I'm so very glad that Lady... Sparkle is not here now. She would probably be passing... me a written test on everything you said about your night sky; due tomorrow morning!"

Careful footwork brought us cautiously to the bottom of the roadway ditch and out the other side. "Is she seriously like that?"

"Mmmhmmm." Etherea's expression went contemplative for a second as she cocked her head. "Maybe not exactly. She would probably pass out copies of her notes so that I... could study for the test tomorrow." A blink later and her eyes widened. "Or is it already later today?"

"Ummmm. Probably 'later today.'"

Soft chuckles found their way out to me as my companion clambered rather inelegantly through the open car door I was holding.

"I am probably exhausted under all this sugar. It has been quite a while since..."

I should have been more careful. Or at least more prepared. Etherea climbing into the back seat head-first meant ass-last. I couldn't help following the gentle curve over her croup, over the rise at the base of her now quite messy tail, and then down the backs of her legs. Hell, Craig had been right earlier about occasionally getting flashed - I was positioned perfectly to catch a hint of pink from under her tail.

And as she lifted one rear leg the enticing roundness was only emphasized, though the more downward angle of her rump hid everything again. Which was good for me; staring was still not an option. Dragging my eyes back as she settled on her side let me follow the lines around the rest of her body.

"Good?" She wiggled in place to get more comfortable and nodded.

All that racing had really done her tail no favors. The normally orderly strands and linear ripples mixed and curled around each other randomly, sending offshoots of her tail splaying in every direction. It looked like something that would normally horrify her and prompt hours of work to return it to its earlier pristine state. Her mane wasn't much better either. Even her coat had the occasional out of place whorl or small cowlick.

I consciously ignored the desire to look at what was right next to me even as I gathered stray blue strands from all over and brought them over to join their brethren over the side of her haunches before shutting the door. As much as it might be fun to play 'brushie brushie' with an actual pony, I couldn't find any real desire to help out with that mess. If she asked me to I probably would. But for my own comfort this was hopefully something she didn't want to risk anyone else messing up.

The ride home was a lot shorter without all the additional detours, and much more relaxed with most of the earlier traffic having headed home for the night. Mostly open roads and companionable silence made it a perfect transition. Etherea didn't need to hide so she ended up resting her chin on the shoulder of the passenger seat to watch out the front of the car. It brought another smile to my face which she soon mirrored.

There was something else too. It wasn't lilacs. Slightly sour that tickled the back of my nose. A couple of glances as I wondered if I should say anything still managed to draw her attention.

"What?"

It wasn't as accusatory as I might have feared. That didn't mean my brain wasn't scrambling to provide a very gentle answer. If it could find one.

"You, um..." My nose wrinkled.

She snorted and rolled her eyes. "It took you this long to smell me? I said that it... was quite warm and humid here, and I meant it. It is very warm. As much as I enjoyed the exercise, of course I would work up a lather while... galloping around like a foal who had lost her mind. And now I really need a bath."

Too bad ours wasn't built to at all to house a pony. It would be uncomfortable for even a human to rest in since it was less a bathtub and more a 'shower with somewhat high sides.'

"I will just... have to take a shower when we return." She turned her head without lifting her muzzle from the seat. "Please hurry, Alex, I am absolutely unpleasant and do not... want to ruin this seat of yours."

Unpleasant? Ruin? She was hardly more smelly than she was otherwise - it was just a different subtle odor. Having worked for the paint store for a number of years my seats had faced much worse than a small amount of pony sweat. And she wasn't nearly as bad as anything I'd smelled back in gym class.

I shrugged internally. Princesses. Oh well. I did speed up a little bit since it was fun to have the road to myself.

There was only one other person outside when we pulled in, and someone had taken my previous spot so I was forced to park farther away than I would have liked. I carefully looked around to make damned sure that one guy was still walking away from where we were.

"Can you make it from here?"

She nodded, closed her eyes, and lit her horn. I was finally going to get to see this end of a teleport spell and almost unconsciously arranged myself to catch as much as possible. For a long moment nothing happened - I was afraid to blink for fear of missing it. One of her lovely violet eyes cracked and found me.

"See you inside." A distortion in the air lifted away all around her body. An instant later her horn flared and she simply wasn't there anymore, the roughly pony-shaped distorted air collapsing in on itself with a soft 'fwap.'

Not as exciting as I had expected. Twilight's teleports had always come with a fun light show, some exotic tinkling, and more exciting claps of sound as she departed or arrived. I felt like I should get my money back.

Who am I kidding? This was teleportation! And that had been a pony! It was plenty exciting as is.

Walking back to the apartment with my arms full of towels and empty containers felt like some kind of walk of shame. I hadn't been doing anything like that, but still. But it made me wonder what Craig was up to. Would he be doing an actual walk of shame tomorrow? Probably.

He was probably in some random girl's house right now, doing things to her that I normally wouldn't. And here I was returning home from doing stuff with a mare - perfectly mundane things! - that Craig would never. I chuckled as I approached the door and fished out my key, amused at how our situations were reversed.

I wondered whether Etherea got up to that kind of thing anyway. She'd said as much to Craig, but she didn't strike me as any kind of 'loose.' Of course, if she'd simply fooled around with one stallion one time way back when, well, it would still make her statement true. And as casually friendly as she'd been - almost flirty, even - I suppose it wasn't a big stretch that she'd have a bit of a wild side under that princess-ly exterior.

Hmmmm, the door wasn't locked.

I eased it open and took a quick look around before stepping in. Lights were on again, the shower was running, and... Yup, Dimble slipped out of the back to beg for food. I was coming home from somewhere so it must be time to feed him again. Everything else was normal so Etherea had probably unlocked the door for me.

Sure enough, a golden yellow muzzle poked around the corner from the hallway, the rest of her head and mane following. "I'll be out in a little while."

"Alright." I waved her off. What little I'd seen of her mane in the apartment's better lighting was full of misplaced hairs doing whatever they wanted. She definitely needed a thorough grooming.

She disappeared again and I was left with Dimble. Poor, hungry Dimble. Oh well. Much to his consternation he got wrangled into accompanying me to the couch and watching some television. He put up with being held and coddled for a couple minutes before it was clear he wasn't getting anything else. I was told in no uncertain term that it was time to let him go.

I wasn't about to have him declawed. I was more than happy to accommodate him and the things that brought if it avoided putting him through that kind of unpleasantness. Honestly, it only took a little consideration and the claws weren't too bad.

Not much was on but at least Comedy Central's late night weekend standup was somewhat entertaining. Etherea certainly took her sweet time because I think I'd watched through three different comedians before her happy and slightly damp face again appeared in the entrance to the living area.

"I am done."

I rolled out of the couch and onto my feet before padding into the hallway. Etherea backed up ahead of me to the other side of the bathroom doorway before stopping and meeting my eyes. Something about her expression was expectant so I stopped.

"I think I will simply retire... for the night." Her eyes were a little tight around the edges. I suspected the sugar crash was teaming up with her new late night schedule in unfortunate ways. "It will take a little time to brush everything out, but I... will not bother you and will do it in, um, your room."

She dipped her muzzle briefly but kept her eyes up through her lashes. A faint suspiciousness rose.

"Alex, I have something to ask of you." That didn't sound ominous at all. In multiple ways! My mind began running in aimless loops in preparation of potential damage control. "Would you be willing to accept a small nuzzle? I understand... you have some hesitation, but it is our way of... showing friendship and appreciation. We have shared similar human... gestures and I would like to share a pony one with you."

A... nuzzle? I guess that seemed safe enough. She was a bit shorter than me so it could be a bit awkward. I nodded, hoping that I wasn't letting my trepidation show. I mean, I was being silly, right? It's not like she was trying to kiss me or anything.

A hand on the wall steadied me as I crouched a bit to bring my head down to her level.

Her ears were locked on me as a faint grin formed and faded and she crossed the space between us. She looked as nervous as I felt.

I flinched as her head came forward, expecting more hesitation on her part. True to her word she angled just to the side, her vibrantly purple eye looming large before I found a warm, faintly damp coat of smooth hair pressed against my cheek. I couldn't see anything but blurry yellow though I suspected the tickling near my cheekbone was her lashes. The smell of lilacs was fresh and strong.

For a moment the side of her muzzle pressed a little more firmly just below my ear. I'd never been nuzzled quite like this by something so large but the theory was still the same. My response should be as well. With a burst of courage I nudged back at her with my cheek and the tip of my nose. A very faint happily surprised sound escaped into my ear.

And then she was pulling away, her hair dragging gently backwards against my skin until she was far enough to escape all contact. Her smile was absolutely brilliant.

"You do know how to nuzzle!"

Yup, I was blushing! I felt like I'd just gotten my first kiss all over again... "Well, um, I get lots of practice." Not helping! "Y'know, with Dimble and all that..." I'm just going to shut the fuck up now. Goddamn it!

She laughed full and unashamedly as she backed to a safe distance. "And you... say that I am adorable." Her cheek-splitting smile settled down into a more comfortable grin. "Thank you Alex. My birthday might not have had all the... friends and well-wishers, or the... parade and massive parties that I would get as a princess, but it was still wonderful. I would like to think that knowing even here, in a... completely, um, alien world, that I could find good friends to share it with more than makes... up for what I'm missing."

Yeah, there was no way I could match that eloquence right now. "U-um... You're welcome?"

And she laughed again! Then her look grew distant. "I hope we can do something like this again soon." Her attention drifted backward toward my room before she turned back. I think she'd been biting her lip... "Good night Alex. I will see you... later today."

Oh... kay...

Turning still wasn't an option for her so as she began backing awkwardly down the hall I avoided embarrassing her further by ducking into the bathroom. I needed a moment myself. I was jittery like a teenager just discovering girls. It was such a strange feeling to be experiencing now, so much later in my life.

But it made sense. I was rather reserved, much to Craig's continual amusement. That I was attracted to Etherea did me no favors, but it probably wouldn't have been so bad if she were just a human girl. And then tonight she had been pleasant and fun. I liked that about her. I was coming to like her.

That was a problem I hadn't wanted to face so of course I was overreacting. But there wasn't anything I could do about it. I wanted what I couldn't have and having it dangled so enticingly close was torturous. She was a pony princess with a coltfriend. I was just... me.

I'd expected the next step as well. I couldn't have what I wanted and that was upsetting. I did my best to subdue the various unpleasant feelings that welled up, but no matter how distant I tried to keep myself the realization that I'd moved on to actual pining was an unhappy one.

Pining for a horse... No, an intelligent pony. I was going to drive that fact deep into my skull. Still, what would my parents think? The rest of my family... How about my friends? Better to keep it inside. It's not like I could do anything about it; Etherea would be going home eventually and that was that.

Even after snuggling under the covers on my couch I was restless for quite a while as I turned these thoughts back to front, and back again. I didn't have any good solutions and it left me very unsatisfied.

Author's Note

And more! I split this into two not because I thought it needed to be for itself - it feels like all the action is in the second half - but because I was worried about how Fimfiction was handling near 50k words at once. Though the lag could have been because of using the italics button while editing. It seemed to make things lag.

Anyway. More deleted scenes!

Etherea wanting to help out because mares traditionally are the house caretakers - too blatant and rather unthoughtful on her part -

"I made dinner." My eyes came back to her from exploring the curious scene. "I know as single... um, stallions?"

What? Oh. "Men."

She looked down for a moment to file that away, then nodded. "You two are single... men... and quite capable of caring for yourselves, but I did not feel right continuing to sit idle and not help out. Especially with a meal. You understand, um, don't you?"

"I guess?" I said cautiously as I started moving again. She stood and turned in place to keep up with me as I came around to my place setting. "I already knew you were feeling kind of, well, obligated to help out out of gratitude. But it's your birthday and the point was so you could sit back and just enjoy yourself."

"Ahh..." She shook her head lightly. "Yes and no. I mean it is more that I know a lot of... Um." Her face quickly went from a bit pink around the edges to downright flushed. "I guess you do not."

Okay, now I was really confused. This wasn't another thing like talking bathroom 'activities' was it? She seemed embarrassed enough by something. "Yeah, I'm a bit confused now."

Her head dipped to her left, ears folding as she looked away. I'm pretty sure she was chewing on her lip too. Now I was really curious.

Etherea and Alex discussing number systems - finding out NOW that ponies were base 12 would force me to retcon a bunch of stuff in earlier chapters (like how Etherea stated her age). I came up with a good excuse for ponies using base 10 math which is the simpler option -

"Ninety three million? I am assuming that is a number. It... does not translate at all."

Oh. Well damn. Time to nerd it out I suppose. "Well, we count in base ten." A shake of her head. Fuck! "Um. I have ten fingers. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten." I tapped each one in turn. "Then it starts over." And tapped them again. "Eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, and twenty. And then again... You get the picture. How do you count?"

"Um." A soft laugh escaped her. "This feels so silly. It's like I am back in Foalschool." She shifted, tucking her forehooves back under her, and then stood. "Rou, rahu," her left forehoof stamped twice, "sahn, sen," now her right forehoof, "ereh, arneh," her rear left hoof, "let, liss," and now her rear right hoof, "diom, deyen," this time she lashed her tail to one side and then the other, "amli, amel." The last two were accompanied by her tapping the end of her muzzle twice with a hoof.

She turned her head, holding it low with her ears hiding, and gave me a small grin. I blinked. One, two, three... Twelve?

"So... You count in twleves?" It was her turn to blink. And cock her head a bit, one ear coming around to point at me. "Um. Ten and two more." I held up all my fingers, then curled them all away and held up two more.

"Um, yes. 'Twelves.' I guess? And you count in deyen... ias? I never studied this kind of math."

"Me neither. I just know it exists." Which made me realize that I had no actual experience converting numbers. So ninety three million was what to her? I had no idea! "Actually, as interesting as that is, I have no clue how to go from our numbers to yours."

Etherea and Alex researching horses - because I wanted them researching humans instead -

"Actually, I have an idea if you would be amenable." I inclined my head to get her to go on. "Perhaps now would be a good time to answer... some of the questions I had. Such as... horses; what are they like?"

Thinking on the recent close calls I examined the proverbial minefield between us. The problem was that I wasn't sure anymore which answers were secretly hiding something to upset her, ending in more problems than they'd solve. Was showing her horses going to be one of those things? It was another question that didn't have an answer until we stumbled into it.

At least her still being here was a good sign. I'd just need to be extra delicate if I could.

Oh, and there was a quick message to send to Roamer. "Yeah, okay. Just let me do one thing."

Thanks Roamer. He was getting to me a bit. She thanks you too. I gotta' go though. Hopefully leaving her name out wouldn't be too obvious an edit.

I had just enough time before logging out to catch his message back.

No problem. There have been complaints about some people mouthing off outside the guild so I'm trying to crack down on that kind of thing. Nispee was going too far anyway. You two have a good one.

He hadn't even taken a crack at me having Etherea here. Friendly, supportive, and just plain considerate - the reasons I'd always liked him.

Alright, so this would either be the greatest feat of extraterrestrial relationship building or would forever damn our two worlds. That might have been a bit sensationalist, but this was heavy stuff here! There were so many ways that this could go wrong, especially if this got out of my hands - not like my entire situation wasn't already - and Etherea found out something else she wasn't ready for.

"I can actually answer that question from right here. And probably every other one you can think of." Oh, how her eyebrow was rising at that statement. "Let me introduce...," my fingers tapping away were as good as any drumroll, "...Wikipedia."

Yeah.

"A public repository for everything humans know."

I tried to play in nonchalantly, but inside my stomach was doing flips as it tried to buck my heart into a new position. Etherea's unblinking concentration on the screen was even more unnerving because of the lack of expression elsewhere in her body.

"Every... thing?"

"Pretty much."

Her head came around so slowly I'm sure it creaked. And she still hadn't blinked. Should I say something? As I sorted through my potential options I decided that I probably should. I mean, she seemed to be broken!

"You're not going to tell, um, Lady Naois about this, are you?" Any pride I had at pulling out Twilight Sparkle's real name was lost under shame and anger for that gem of a follow-up. She'd already gotten upset over similar 'casual' treatment of Celestia and Cadance, so a half-joke like that would probably just insult her.

Then came a dainty snort as Etherea's eyes eked out a bit more width. "Oh, no, nonononono, no! Can you imagine her reaction... at finding something containing all of the knowledge of an entire new civilization?" Okay, maybe not all... "We would probably... find her a week later, hooves-up on the floor."

That was... different. The pony who had objected to the 'Nispee incident' was fine with picking on Twilight behind her back? I guess that... No, now I'm just confused. But most likely it wouldn't be worth it to pursue the issue. A different question surfaced as I suppressed my first impulse.

"Really? She's actually like that?" Her laugh as she nodded emphatically was full and happy; a perfect salve for my frayed nerves. If that stereotype about Twilight's thirst for knowledge was true then we'd have to be very careful around her.

"Sooooo... You can use this... What did you call it?"

"Wikipedia."

"Wicky... Peedy... Ah...?" I'd never seen anyone chew on a word so thoroughly. "I will be able to see... actual horses?"

"Uh huh."

Queue 'horse.' And one blown pony mind.

I spared nothing. After all, the problem with the internet was that it also had everything that was bad about humanity, and she was definitely not ready for it. If the 'Nispee Incident' was distressing then anything from humanity's wartorn past would be a quick way to ruin her birthday. Keeping her distracted with horses was for her own good. It still felt kind of like I was lying to her though.

Wikipedia ran us through the basics of anatomy, behavior, development, evolution, and a few more. A constant stream of questions spilled out of Etherea like she was making room for all this new information. She was the only one excited. I think we were playing off each other - 'giddy' wasn't nearly strong enough to describe me as I introduced her to what were apparently her progenitors. Or at least something eerily similar to creatures in her direct past.

And then I cranked it up even further. Expanding the couple of pictures of horses on Wikipedia led us to a Google search for more. But I could still do better. Videos. Thanks to Youtube she was watching horses be horses. I... could only imagine what she was going through as she sat there rigidly, her breathing even but her jaw hanging practically halfway down her neck. Would I react any better if it turned out Equestria had populations of Homo habilis or Neanderthals. I was happy to give her all the time she needed for her brain to reboot.

Horses playing, running, eating, and doing all sorts of other horse-y things. Videos of them being groomed, trained, ridden, showed, and more. And yes, even bred. I cringed all the way through the lone video of that that Etherea managed to sit through. If her blush was any indication, we both were thankful it was so short.

In the midst of our impromptu video marathon the my room's arrangement again proved its worth. The side of a be-hatted head inched past the doorframe in what was probably supposed to be a sneaky manner. Craig would have to try a lot harder; I had excellent peripheral vision.

[9 - Part 1] Karma

Ah, Sunday.

A respite for the weary. A break from oppressive mundanity. A playground for the lazy. Late awakenings - unless you're crazy enough to attend church - hearty, fattening breakfasts, fun and leisure in the warm sun, and maybe even a cozy neighborhood get-together over someone's grill. And definitely no work!

I believe that last was actually divinely ordained several times over.

The only black mark on the morning was that Dimble had finally figured out that I'd relocated from my room to the couch, while also reacquiring an early morning habit from Etherea. I had gotten him trained that breakfast was whenever I got up. But today, for the first time in a long time, he turned a cat's greatest weapon directly on me.

Walk up the Alex.

Walk down the Alex.

Walk up the Alex.

Repeat until fed.

I was just glad he hadn't dragged Etherea into it again. Last night she'd been up later than I'd ever seen while also being thoroughly hopped up on sugar. Given the stillness of the apartment when I fed Dimble, and the relative lateness of the morning - a whole hour past sunrise - she'd probably crashed hard. Let her sleep, though. We all deserved it.

It was some time later that I was draped comfortably across the couch, periodically shifting and stretching, and for the second time that morning finding consciousness little by little, when a click and a creak finally brought me back. I blinked as my eyes tried to focus on the far wall, slowly realizing that it just wasn't going to work without contacts. And that the noise had come from front door.

My head jerked upward. Who...?

Craig, duh. Of course it was. Who else would just waltz in through the front door on a Sunday morning?

Though waltzing was a ludicrously liberal interpretation.

His head appeared to be trying to drag his shoulders down, bending him forward and making him look about to fall over with each step. If the scuffing sounds were any indication then his feet were barely making it off the ground. It was hard to tell without my contacts but I think even his hat was askew. As he ambled around the corner of the counter into the kitchen, arms limply reaching out to the surrounding surfaces for balance, my interest only grew.

It was a walk of shame in all its post-coital glory.

"So..." Apparently I'd swallowed some gravel but did my best to wet my palate. "So, have a good time?"

The zombie's head swung in my general direction to the tune of a low, extended grunt. "Fu'in' h'ngov'r. Nnnnggggg..." He shook his head, one hand on the fridge and the other coming up to scratch the top of his cap. "T'tally wrth it tho. J's need c'ffeee..."

I let my head flop back against my pillow and laughed. "Yup. Sounds like a good one." I knew what was next, and that it would happen whether I wanted it to or not. It was time I got up anyways. "I'll get my eyes in and then you can tell me all about it."

"Cn't 'nderstand how you stick yur f'ngers 'n yur eyes ev'ry day."

Because it was necessary? And contacts were just so much better than glasses. But there was no point in trying to make him understand that right now so I just rolled out of the blankets and padded toward the bathroom. A curious glace down the hallway revealed a still-shut door guarding my room. No sounds either. Not that I'd probably know if Etherea had snuck out and was standing behind me. Stupid ninja-icorns...

Nope, she wasn't behind me either. Yes, I checked. Though I snorted in good natured self-derision.

As had become routine over the past couple of days, the mirror provided a quiet moment of introspection. Yet a brief rundown of all of my recurring questions gain left me with no new answers. I didn't like the lingering discomfort from not knowing but I again brushed it off, telling myself - somewhat truthfully - that there was nothing I could do at this exact moment.

Etherea remained absent as I headed back to find Craig leaning over the counter, his back to me and stiff arms propping up his shoulders. Staring the coffee maker into brewing faster, I guess. Or maybe he'd passed out like that.

"You alive?"

"Yeah." The finality in his answer made me roll my eyes.

I edged around him to fix myself a bowl of cereal, leaving him to whatever it was he was up to. Then I sat down across the island from where Craig was - the stove and range a little ways to my right - to ponder what, if anything, should be done for the princess' own breakfast. I looked across the short, intervening space. Check that, the stove clock was saying this was now an early lunch. She was really sleeping in.

The stool to my right finally acquired a Craig, a steaming mug in his grip and eyes staring blankly out across the living area. I remained silent, knowing he'd still need a little before recovering much coherency. Or at least as much as he ever got. So I contentedly munched away, thoughts meandering into what the heck we were going to do today. I'm sure there'd be some fallout from last night, both Craig's evening and mine.

My eyes drifted over-

Click.

Creak.

That was right behind me!

Whipping my head around slapped me on the other side with my own damned hair. Nobody should be barging in here and for the tiniest second I considered whether Etherea might have gone outside for any reason. Then a boot stepped in past the jam. Black, slim, and narrow over a small foot. It was pointed with short heels and sporting a line of buckles down the front.

A girl.

The boot came almost up to her knee but above that there was only the skin of thin yet shapely thighs. A faintly pleated teal skirt with an abstract dark blue pattern on the waistband came next, both ends of it decent by only an inch or so. A white button-down blouse completed the almost schoolgirl-ish look. Loosely-curled auburn hair - unnaturally bright at that - framed a face full of hard angles that somehow still maintained pleasant contours. Petite and pretty, even if she had about five too many 'facial accessories.'

Seriously, the small black stud taking the place of a beauty mark was a little weird.

A name popped into my head as her bluish gray eyes scanned around and landed on us. Cassie.

What was she...?

Oh.

Confirmation came from noticing that everything about her was faintly disarrayed. She was one of a couple of girls that I considered Craig's 'regulars' - women who shared Craig's views on relationships. In other words, they just liked getting laid. That's why I wasn't very interested; I had no real desire for someone who Craig had been inside. Multiple times.

Anger fought with rapidly spreading fear and my eyes narrowed as I turned back to Craig, he just now noticing our guest. If only I could have screamed that at him for having gone home last night with one of the few girls who actually knew us.

"Oh hey, there you are. Hi, Alex!" She paused mid-turn to cast a critical eye down me as she smiled brightly. "Oh wow, no shirt today. What's the occasion?"

Sure, let's toss on some casual embarrassment. "Uhhh... just, um, woke up." At least that bought me some time. Cohesiveness was still building far too slowly.

"You too?" She turned her head slightly, her smile drifting to more suggestive. "You have a goooood night too?"

Yes, but not like that. "Ummmmm..."

"Cass...," Craig tried before a cough cut him off.

That left this up to me. Fuck. "Cassie. What are you doing here?" The likely answers only added to my worry.

"Well, this guy here," she stepped around Craig while trailing fingers across his shoulders, "wasn't going to bring himself back. He's, like, too hung-over." Did I mention she's a bit of an airhead? "I was about to leave when I thought, 'hey, I'm hungry.' And what does a gentleman do after he fucks a girl silly? He makes her breakfast! So here I am."

Well, didn't she have a funny definition of 'gentleman?'

"So, what did you do last night?"

I blinked as Cassie began fiddling with the coffee machine, feeling like a fish flopping around a desert as I tried to reign in my panic. Craig wasn't any help, sitting ramrod straight with bulging eyes and hands trying to crush his coffee mug.

"Ummmmm..." I couldn't stop myself from looking toward the couch. Cassie's eyes chased after.

"You slept on the couch?"

"C-c-cass-sie?" Craig still looked like he was facing down an oncoming train.

Her brows drew together as she turned to look at Craig, leaning backwards against the counter as she raised her cup to her lips. "What's gotten in to you? It's not like I haven't been here before. Hell, I was naked - with you - like an hour ago. You look like..." Her eyes went back to the couch. "Alex? Oh my God, did something happen last night?" Her grin became overly pleased, like she'd unearthed a juicy secret.

And since we had Etherea, a pony, in the apartment...

No! We had to get Cassie out of here! "Ummmmm..." GODDAMNIT! I needed an answer! And fast!

"I, uh, just kinda' fell asleep on it while staying up late watching some TV." At least I somehow kept my voice level. "Um, didn't feel like getting back up so I brought everything out and settled in." Flimsiest excuse ever but her smile gradually became less knowing.

"Alright." Yes! She bought it! Now I just needed to stop shaking. "Kinda' a good thing. Rachel was there last night."

"I heard." At least the diversion was just slightly more palatable.

"Wasn't looking for you or anything, but still." She turned around again, distracting with how close her ass was peeking out under the edge of her skirt. "Anyway. Got anything for toast?"

"Yeah..." I latched onto the conversation thread like it would save my life, directing Cassie to the necessary foodstuffs.

Every one of her movements came with just a little extra turn or shift, each one accentuating her butt. Given Craig's 'experience' with her I'd say it was well-rehearsed. In spite of the barely-hidden ass crying out for attention I used Cassie's turned back to engage in a quick and furious pantomime tirade at Craig. Too bad all the arm waving in the world wasn't enough to communicate what I just couldn't just say. The increasing frustration in his own came over loud and clear but return understanding just wasn't there. His hangover probably wasn't helping.

We carefully, and quite suspiciously I'm sure, went back to doing nothing when she turned and joined us at the island. But she didn't even bat an eye while setting her food down across from me.

Y'know, Cassie's obliviousness might actually work in our favor! She had no reason to go near my room. As long as Craig and I played dumb, and Etherea remained hidden - she wasn't dumb enough to throw away her cautiousness now, of all times - then Cassie could eat in peace and be on her way. It was dangerous, and I hated being a mere wall away from everything breaking down, but all we really had to do was wait.

"So dark in here." I jumped on my seat when Cassie suddenly mumbled around a crunchy mouthful. "Sheesh, it's like you two live in a cave. Should open those windows so we can see."

"I did just get up y'know." Keep the conversation innocent, Alex. "I'll get to 'em when Craig's had some time to recover." I glanced around "Actually..."

I eased off the stool and made my way across the living area, idly noting that it was too late to move the end table next to the island to a less suspicious location. The entire area acquired a warm yellow cast as the distant corner lamp came on. Enough to see by but not enough to hurt the eyes.

A quick check for errant feathers thankfully turned up nothing.

"Cassie, y'can't be here."

I faltered, barely getting my foot forward to prevent myself from face-planting. No Craig! NonononoNoNoNONO! NO! All you had to do was stay quiet! Now...

"Why not?"

Bingo! That's what I was trying to avoid!

Craig's bleary eyes came around slowly, latching onto mine. For a moment nothing happened. Then it struck me. He'd gotten himself into this but somehow I was supposed to get both of us out?! I'd probably never been so close to actually decking his sorry ass straight into the floor.

"Alex?" The call was soft and hesitant. Feminine. And from deeper in the apartment. My blood went cold so fast that I shivered. Apparently the universe was cashing in everything it was owed.

I scrambled for an answer - any answer. But the only solution was impossible: to rewind back the past minute. So I stood frozen, my thoughts chaotic and desperate to dodge a meeting that now looked all but inevitable.

"Alex."

I zoned back in at Cassie's call for attention. Craig was bent over his mug, staring at the island top, and her eyes were practically twinkling.

"Fell asleep on the couch, huh?" She jiggled her eyebrows at me, grinning expectantly. "Go on, go to her already."

Right. Right. Go fetch the alien hiding in the back of my apartment so you can... can...

Fuck it. If there was any chance of saving this it wasn't with me stranded here. That didn't mean my foot wasn't shaking as I took the first step. Though my stride was surprisingly steady once I got moving. But as I passed into the hallway a couple body-shaking tremors caught up with me and I had to put a hand on the wall to hold myself up. For a long moment there was only the sound of my heart thundering in my ears.

Yet some small part of me was instinctually fighting back. A nugget of purpose worked to quell the worst of it despite me having no idea what to actually do. I lifted my head toward the faint sliver of light crawling across the floor at the other end of the hall that marked my destination. In the background Cassie was asking Craig whether he was alright as I managed another step.

Maybe we could convince Cassie that Etherea had a headache and didn't want to come out.

No, not good enough. There was no way Cassie would let that slide. It was too contrived; too evasive. Me sleeping on the couch while some girl hid out in my room was a far too interesting for her to just drop. Claiming that Etherea was sick gave me a good excuse to sleep on the couch but the idea felt similarly flimsy.

I just didn't know...

The hope that maybe Etherea would have some ideas was the only thing that kept my nervousness to a manageable level. Without thinking I reached for the knob, twisted, and found the door blocked.

Right! Etherea was probably holding the other side.

"Alex?"

"Yeah. It's me."

The possibility that she might want more proof than hearing my voice entered my head just before the door slowly swung away from me. Well, alright. Let's see what we can do about this situation.

As I stepped inside my room every thought in my head ground to a halt. Backing away from the door with hesitant steps, a hand on the wall for balance, was a girl. A GIRL! A motherfucking human girl!

I gave the room a second check. The only other occupant was a still a pale-skinned girl about my height who was wearing jeans and an old black Linkin Park t-shirt. Though the clothes were just a bit too big for her, she was clearly rather trim underneath. Unnaturally vibrant purple irises that shone from wide, quivering wide eyes added an exotic touch to her fine-featured complexion. Long, wavy hair spilled over her shoulders, shifting between brown and deep blue based on the angle just like a multi-hued car paint.

And all of that just accented the nasty-looking scab on one side of her forehead.

It... The fuck...? I... What?

I just stared back at her, my mind full of...

She tried to take a step forward but stopped when she wobbled. "Alex? Lonesvar sher..." The voice was Etherea's. Mostly. It was weird hearing Equestrian without her usual undertone. "Esva...?"

Also, why the fuck hadn't she done something like this last night?

"Etherea?" It was a fucking dumb question. Speaking Equestrian, that hair, those eyes, that... head wound; she could only be her!

But that was impossible! Right?

"K-kay... Kayel." Her left hand - the one away from the wall - rose to her breast as she nodded. She twitched when she made contact, her hand jumping away. Her face flushed lightly as she set her hand back against her thigh. "Etherea."

I just nodded dumbly. Of course she was. Unfortunately I couldn't think of what to do next. There was a random girl in my room. And she was a pony inside. It's like my brain was a round hole and I was trying to shove a square idea into it.

Eventually Etherea began to fidget. Something needed to happen.

'So... how did...? This!" I threw out both hands toward her. "What and...?"

"Sh-shi enusar nonduantar easu. Hen easu..." She trailed off, her cheeks going a bit rosy as her eyes darted around the area.

Of course, of course. I was an idiot. Okay, so first we needed her to cast her translation spell. I had to assume she could still use magic like this.

Actually, after looking around, the first thing we needed was privacy. Then there could be magic - not that kind, brain, now isn't the fucking time - then questions. She nodded when I gestured toward the bed, carefully turning around while keeping a palm on the wall. I shut the door as quietly as I could - the attempt at pointless secrecy again leaving me feeling silly - and the bed squeaked in protest behind me as she landed on it.

The girl - she's Etherea! - shifted her hips subtly now and again as I approached step by agonizing step, her eyes alternating between mine and a faint distantness every time she wiggled. Her hands were no less active, as though intent on smoothing out the very texture of her jeans. It made sense, I guess. A girl who normally had hooves, and who was generally completely naked, would probably be distracted by all the new textures.

Unfortunately, with the way she was fidgeting, this could easily be a very embarrassing conversation. I did my best to force my discomfort into the background and sat a comfortable distance - for me at least - down the bed.

A deep breath brought her back up straight as she gestured to herself and said, "Etherea."

I'd heard her, certainly, but nobody in my position could possibly have listened. Not with the way the usual golden backlighting from her horn now surrounded her whole head. It was a bit more diffuse than I was used to but she had an actual, honest-to-God halo. If her wings had still been there she would be able to break the beliefs of billions by simply walking outside and casting one spell.

Her right hand entered my vision, cautiously going to the top of her head. I finally noticed the look she was giving me: chin down and slightly away, and eyes piercingly wary. I mentally gave myself a shake as I tried to refocus past this latest world-breaking development. It was just Etherea here!

"S-Sorry. It's just..." I shook my head. She still couldn't understand me! I pointed to myself. "Alex."

What followed was one of the more 'to the point' applications of her spell, being almost terse compared to the past few times. I felt a bit bad that things were so on edge but Cassie was in the next room, and Etherea... I couldn't stop trying to look because, well, somehow she wasn't a pony!

We remained silent for some time after she finally called her spell complete. For my part, there didn't seem to be a good place to start. Any question I considered immediately branched out into related or preceding ones that were just as important. Etherea was apparently content to give me time to sort myself out, though it might have simply been that feeling and playing with things - the pants, shirt, or even the bed sheets - was constantly distracting. She kept catching herself with a start, putting her hands elsewhere, then unconsciously beginning again.

All the while I had to try to not simply stare. She was about the same height as me which accented the lean figure somewhat hidden under her clothes. Her lips were a bit on the thin side but had the faintest of curls at the corners, giving her that attractive 'about to smile' look. Gently curved eyebrows sat above pleasantly doe-ish eyes. The last probably came from her mother but the rest...

It's like she'd stepped right out of that style magazine I'd given her. How much was carried over from her alicorn features and how much had she designed?

"I-is this...? Is my form, um...," I dragged my focus up to her face as she struggled to articulate something, "...appropriate?"

Too bad the only thing I could come up with was a wonderful non sequitor. "How...?"

She blinked and glanced around. "It's a changeling... shape shifting spell modified for ponies."

Oh. Oh! All that time with her changeling friend... The name evaded me right then.

I still hadn't answered Etherea's question though. "Well, yes..." She scrunched her eyes in confusion. "I mean your, um," don't say 'body,' "form is appropriate. So... This is how you would look as a human?"

That made her think for a little. "It is... complicated. I used your drawings and... the magazines to design the neshurelisayah... to make a, um, template. Its erdreknikarst compared to my neshuriennen to, um, combine and generate...? Yes, they combine to generate a useable alternate form. There is some leeway... to modify the ulknara..." she gave a petite huff, "the final result and refine the appearance."

She shook her head, brushing her hair back after it fell over the front of her shoulders, somewhat stiffly using all of her fingers as a group. "It is frustrating that your language just... does not have... equivalents for Equestrian magical terms." She huffed again but continued before I could get a word in. "So the answer to your... question is yes and no. I would have to spend some time examining how the... template interacted with my... Ugh! ...my neshuriennen to see how much came from either."

That didn't sound safe at all. "Ummmm... Alright? So, um, you don't have full control over what's going to happen?"

Her brow creased for a moment. "Again, yes and no. It is... largely intuition. The spell cannot return a... an unstable or impossible result... because in such a case the, um, spell as a whole is designed to fail. You would not want... to cast a spell that might simply kill you." Though smaller now, her violet eyes could still project the same force. "Is this a suitable human body?"

Right, we'd been side-tracked. "Ahhhh... Yes. The, um, eyes and hair are really unusual though." she twitched and touched one of the dangling locks. "Can... Are you able to do anything about them?" The scab on her forehead was unfortunate, but I was betting that if she'd been able to do anything about it she already would have.

"Ummm... it would take some time to adjust it. And to... recast the spell. It was only with your drawings and those magazines that I had... enough to even start." A light head shake came with faint frown. "This has worked amazingly well given the amount... of time I have had."

It sounded like there was more behind that but I nodded anyways. Now wasn't the time. "Okay, so do you know what's going on?" Another dumb question - she hadn't been able to understand English for more than the last minute!

"I heard somepony I did not recognize." She caught my eyes with a level stare.

"Yeah, ummmm... So, there's a girl out there named Cassie. Craig was with her last night..."

Just like that her eyes went steely, threatening dire consequences. "You told him to not bring... anypony here, did you not?!"

She had heard last night's conversation from across the apartment?! My gut clenched. Had she heard the rest? With her normal pony ears it might not be too hard. That meant...

But she hadn't complained, so either she'd assumed the contents or wasn't that concerned about our banter. It was somewhat comforting even if I was still mortified. Craig and I had talked about... Never mind. Not important right now.

"Well, um... Yeah, I did." I ran my fingers through my hair, an action that Etherea's eyes followed closely. "She dropped him off but came back, I guess. She knows Craig so she just walked right in. We didn't have any say in it."

"So it is, um, very fortunate that I... decided to work on this last night."

She had me there. And I had to push back a resurgence of questions about her shape shifting.

"She, uhh, actually had no clue until you spoke up. She probably would have left on her own in a little if we'd just kept-" I clamped my damned mouth shut but Etherea had already flinched, her eyes widening as several conflicting emotions washed across her features. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I'd essentially told her that she'd fucked everything up!

"I had no idea what was, um... happening," she whispered with an unhappy blush and a guarded tilt to her head. "I could hear somepony new in... the apartment but could not understand what was being said."

I backpedaled in my head, looking for a way to spin this positively for her. "I, um... Well... It was kind of a mistake, but she was probably suspicious anyways. And you know, uh, you've got this whole thing," a hand wave indicated her new body, "to cover for you. I guess, um, it's not that bad since she's not going to see a pony. Y'know?"

The girl...

I had to remember that she was Etherea!

She sat quietly for a little, unhappily motionless except for fingers that were idly exploring the edges of her clothes. I had to do something more though I was nervous about doing so.

"I'd say it's actually kind of a good thing you called me in here. You needed to know what was going on, first off, and, ummm... This way I can help prepare you if you're, uh, going out there." I really didn't like that idea since there was so much that could go wrong, but doing it this way was much better than showing Cassie Earth's first verified extraterrestrial visitor.

"I suppose there is that." A heavy sigh punctuated her mood. Then she brought her eyes back up and she showed a rueful smile. "Is it wrong of me to be... excited to go out and meet her?"

"Uh, er... I suppose not. I think she's eager to meet you too." For completely different reasons, I'm sure. "You don't actually have to, you know. You could, um, take a shower or something..." The idea still sounded incredibly weak.

And her deciding on an answer took all of two seconds. "No. I think I... would like to do this." Determination grew in her eyes as she sat up straighter.

"What about walking?" I indicated her legs, though the possibility of her already having done something like this flashed through my thoughts. It wasn't like I was attempting to avoid the situation. Certainly not. "How much practice have you had? And... And you know you can't use magic or anything either."

"I believe I will be fine." There was a faint unsteadiness in her eyes but her voice was confident. Then she leaned forward, put a hand on the wall, and stood. She held still for a moment before turning her head and smiling. "It is quite a... bit different. My joints are all there," she looked toward her feet, "but in the wrong places. It feels almost like they now bend... the wrong direction. That is not true though; they... have simply moved."

Intellectually that made sense. I nodded, unsure what I was supposed to actually do.

"It feels like I should stand like this," she slowly rose lifted onto the balls of her feet, wobbling a bit in spite of the hand planted beside her, "but then my balance... feels more unstable. I have to trust when a motion feels... right. It is difficult because everything is off, but that is true to an extent of... every transformation. I just need some time to... acclimate." Her smile grew, showing a neat line of pearly whites.

At least her teeth looked human. That begged the question of how she'd found enough information on them - my drawings weren't that detailed - or if I just couldn't tell the difference.

My sigh was involuntary. I opened my mouth-

"I will be fine, Alex."

Well, yes, I'd wanted to be absolutely sure of that. "Only if you're absolutely sure."

Her nod was quick but she was still standing very carefully.

"I still don't like it, but at least if you can just be a human then everything will be a lot easier." I also stood quickly because I knew that the longer I sat and worried, the harder it would be to get moving. "But there's not much I can do except go through with it."

Etherea followed with a step toward me, her features softening. At least she was standing steadily enough without any other support. She lifted her hands forward a few inches and I turned to see what she was doing, making her pause. The faintest grimace crossed her face and she stepped in close to put her left hand on my shoulder. She blinked as she made contact, but brought her eyes up and gave an easy grin.

"It will be alright, Alex. Now I am just another human."

We both knew that wasn't true. But I also knew what she was trying to do, and the comfort was nice, even if it did little to ease my worries. Especially since she, herself, was more distracting now. I nodded anyways, trying to show that I was fine.

"Okay then. If you're sure." She didn't waver. "Tell you what. I'll go on ahead and let them know you're coming. You'll have the whole hall to decide whether you'll be okay walking around. If not then just head into the bathroom and turn on the shower."

"Very well."

Good! It was actually kind of reassuring that she would consider aborting if she had any major doubts. But that meant there was only one more thing to do before heading back out, the proximity of the impending confrontation making my nerves spike and sending adrenaline humming all the way to my fingertips. Be-shirting myself helped, but under Etherea's curious watch it also sent me quickly through the highs and lows of self-consciousness.

Determined to get through this as quickly as possible drove me out the door. A last look over my shoulder confirmed that I wasn't crazy, and that there truly was a tall brunette with bizarre blue highlighting still standing in my room. Her nervous frown became a tentative grin when she caught me looking.

At least her balance looked good.

The walk back to the living area was almost exactly a reverse of my previous journey. Again, as I approached the same point just inside the hall from the living area, my heart made its growing disapproval known. I focused my determination and pressed on as the occasional soft snippets of conversation grew more audible.

Oh, shit! Craig might have already told Cassie about Etherea! We had a way out of this but he could have already thrown that out the window because he just didn't know! Fuck!

I stopped to listen but except for a single clipped response from Craig the 'conversation' was all Cassie. That she didn't sound particularly excited was a good sign. Unfortunately, worry over what she already knew made me go back over the past few minutes and the floodgate burst, releasing a wave of other things I'd forgotten in the moment.

Things like Etherea not being from this world! She knew absolutely nothing about the ordinary, everyday things that your average human would. Even the easiest of questions - ones that no human would have to actually think about - had no good answer. Who was she? Friends? Family? Where was she from? Why was she here? What did she do? My stomach attempted to retreat into itself as a thousand more vied for attention.

Because here we were, just waltzing into this situation when we couldn't afford Cassie being too suspicious. In that moment I felt so helpless that I nearly stepped into the bathroom to hide.

Again I steeled myself because, fuck it: I was fucked or I wasn't. Trying to avoid it still wouldn't change whichever it was.

Craig was hunched over the island in much the same position, his shoulders slumped and fingers nervously tapped out an aimless rhythm on the edge of his mug. Cassie had finished eating and was leaning forward to poke Craig's shoulder, the other hand resting with her cup on the island. If she leaned much further I'd be able to tell whether she had panties on.

After last night I really hoped she did. It had taken Craig so much scrubbing after the last girl who hadn't.

Two pairs of eyes - only one somewhat alert - locked onto me almost as soon as I was in view, each asking for its own explanation.

"She'll be out shortly."

Cassie tried to hide her grin in her mug. I mentally crowed as a crushing weight released - Craig hadn't told her a thing!

"Dude?" The one word had so much weight behind it.

"It's... It's alright." I just shook my head when his eyebrows dropped low and his brow furrowed. There was no way to explain; he'd just have to see.

"Mm too drunk fr this."

"Yeah, me too." That made my roommate blink.

Cassie snorted. "Did you even drink last night?"

The end table got pushed aside so I could stand with a knee against the side of the island. It was awkward, and it put Cassie a bit closer on my left than I liked, but I figured Etherea would need the remaining stool.

"Nope. Still too drunk for this." It was stupid, a bit too confrontational, and I wasn't even sure why I'd opened my mouth again.

"Well, she's still here so it can't be that bad." At any other time I might have appreciated Cassie's consideration, but she had bitten hook, line, and sinker onto a different yet still very unwanted assumption about Etherea.

"I..." And what the hell could I say? Y'know what, I'm just going to shut up.

Uncomfortable near-silence settled over us that just made the waiting worse. Craig attempted to engage me in some visual telepathy - at least that's what I think it was - which went absolutely nowhere. I shook my head to dissuade him from anything more. Thank God he got the message. Cassie got the hint that neither of us felt much like talking and entertained herself by twisting the top of her stool back and forth with her butt. If I probably would have felt worse about brushing her off if I'd been less anxious.

Even though I kept the hall entry at the edge of my sight Cassie noticed Etherea first, bringing herself up short with eyes focused intently across the living area. Etherea led around the wall with a hand, each step carefully measured as her eyes - if only we could have done something about that unnatural violet! - latched onto each of us in turn. She paused to take in Cassie, chin lowering and her hair shifting around to partially obscure her face. Which only highlighted the shifting mix of colors.

Cassie gasped and I jumped, my throat tightening. Craig didn't fare any better, bouncing on his seat and looking over at Cassie. When he followed her eyes across the room he jerked like he'd been struck by lightning and did his best to pitch over backward. Seats squeaked and dishes clacked as Cassie and I both desperately lashed out. Somehow we each captured an arm, holding Craig steady while staring at each other in shock.

"Jesus, Craig! What's gotten into you?" Cassie's narrowed eyes stabbed at Craig's barely contained ones. After a short stare down she went back to Etherea, apparently satisfied that he was stable yet not letting go of the arm she'd claimed, and put on a slightly strained smile. "Sorry. So, um, that hair. Yeah. That's like really cool. How'd you do it?"

I expected something like this since I hadn't been able to warn him, but I still wished I could fade into the background out of embarrassment. And hell, I watched as his brain's reboot process stalled. Please, oh please, let the rest of this go more smoothly!

Etherea had stopped, standing uncomfortably just inside the living area with her fingers still touching the wall. Except for the briefest glance toward me her attention was on Cassie. Her free hand came up to touch a loose strand of hair and her mouth parted minutely. It seemed she too was at a loss for words.

"Oh... Ummm... I was trying... for a color and did not quite get it."

"Can I see?"

Etherea's eyes jumped between Cassie and I again. "Ummm..."

But Cassie had already left her seat, passing behind a gaping, paralyzed Craig. "Wow! It changes as you move!" She moved her head this way and that as she came close, eyes eagerly soaking in every detail.

I could tell the instant that she finally, truly looked at Etherea because she suddenly sucked in a breath as her eyes widened. "You, um... You'll, uh, have to show me what you were doing. I mean it's, um, really cool. And, um," her eyes finally pulled away from Etherea's forehead, "your contacts too. I love them! You're really going for the exotic look, huh?"

That earned me back-to-back looks - Cassie's short and appraising, Etherea's longer and begging for answers.

"She's talking about how you changed your eye color," I offered, hoping that was the last of Cassie's reaction to Etherea's scab.

The disguised princess took a half step backward, her free hand lifting again before she hesitated and sent it back down. "Yes, I suppose they... are rather different. But I like them."

"Uh huh. That's a really pretty color. I bet you get a lot of attention."

She finally noticed Etherea's stance, her gasp making Etherea jump. "Oh, sorry! I'm Cassie. And don't worry, I won't bite."

Damnit! I realized just then that we hadn't even taken any time to figure out what Etherea's name should be! My mind went into overdrive, trying to come up with something innocuous to call her.

Etherea started to relax as Cassie backed off, but all of her unease came back stronger as Cassie's hand shot out. I groaned inwardly as the offered appendage came under Etherea's intense scrutiny. She twitched after a short delay, bringing her hand own up, but it was still far too long in my books. What I would have given to be able to pause this and give her a quick coaching because she moved her hand and all five fingers as a single unit, which was a weird way to approach a handshake. But she caught on quickly and following Cassie's example, wrapping her fingers around the shorter girl's hand.

"Aetherisalmernya. It is nice, um, to meet you Cassie."

Or Etherea could just use her real name. Or the archaic one, I guess it was. It made sense once I actually thought about it. It was just a word so there was no harm in Cassie knowing it. It's not like there was something inherently pony about it.

Cassie cocked a brow, scrunched her nose, and passed an almost disbelieving look around. Even to Craig, whose head was down again. He kept slipping looks toward the former alicorn though.

"Eth... Ether... Ummm..."

Now I had to do something because Etherea didn't know human names. "We just call her..." The randomizer in my head rolled a die. "...Ethel."

My eye roll was involuntary. That was the best I could do? I guess it shared something with her name, but still, that made her sound so... old. Not that there was a damned thing I could do about it now.

Etherea... Ethel's chin lifted and she put on a faint smile. "Yes, I go by Ethel. It is a... little easier." At least she didn't have too much trouble acting casual. "Do you mind if we sit?" Her eyes again passed over Craig and me, eyes showing just a hair too much white. "It was a long... night and I... I'm not fully awake yet."

"Oh, yeah. Sorry." Cassie passed around a rueful grin. "You know how we girls get," she said, seemingly to everyone. But she did leave for her own stool which gave Etherea some breathing room.

Etherea still waited a second before taking another step. Adrenaline flared as I anticipated her simply falling on her face. Yet the former pony carefully - and safely - picked her way across the carpet, the fingers of one hand still trailing lightly along the wall. It was probably the adrenaline again but every moment felt too long and I couldn't help foolishly wanting her to hurry up. It got even worse when her bare feet touched the faux stone linoleum of the kitchen and she looked down with interest.

No, don't stop there!

Her head popped up like she'd actually heard my mental cry and she quickly took the last step up to the vacant stool, her sheepish grin wavering. The stool was a whole other issue. Another baby step placed her to one side as her eyes played back and forth over the seat. A hand on the counter kept her steadied and the other held the stool still as she inched between the two. When her butt was in position she gingerly lifted the necessary inch, using the hand behind her as a guide.

When her butt touched down she grimaced, shifting her hips subtly.

It had been painful to watch. Nobody should ever need that kind of effort just to sit. I looked to see Cassie's reaction before I could stop myself, finding her eyebrow - and about three metal studs - rising as she grinned and mouthed something at me.

Yeah, I don't read lips. Her smile only grew.

"So, you're not from around here, huh?" Cassie's chin lifted as she focused on the girl to my right.

"Oh." Etherea's cheeks grew a little more pink. "Is it that obvious?"

That got another pointedly-raised eyebrow. "Well, yeah. Your name sounds Spanish or something." Had she ever actually listened to any of the local Hispanics speak? "I'm not one to judge, but you don't really look it. So, Italian? That's another place that does the face-kissy thing instead of shaking hands, right? Your English is really good though. Where are you from?"

FuckfuckfuckfuckFUCK! Okay, at least Italian is as good a lie as any. We could roll with that.

"An, ummm... A place by the name of Canderilon. I doubt you've heard... of it."

Or she could go with something Equestrian. Actually, that might be a good idea; just like with Etherea's name, Cassie wouldn't know anything other than they were foreign words. I bet Etherea wasn't even lying.

"Nope. The name's really pretty though. What's it like?"

"Ummmmm..." Etherea's eyes went to the fridge behind Cassie for a moment. "The city itself is set above a valley on the edge of some mountains. It is about sah..." She blinked, her head popping a bit higher, which made everyone else - or at least me - blink as well. "It is quite high off the valley floor. I am not sure how the measurements compare."

Huh. How did Equestrian measurements compare? I added the question to the top of my 'ask later' pile.

"It is... much cooler at home. Not only is the city elevated, but it is also more northern. I am so thankful that you..." She slouched faintly as words failed her. Which brought another grimace and hip shift. "I am not used to the heat here."

"It's not even that bad either," interjected Cassie. "Just wait until it hits like a hundred and feels like a hundred and twenty. At least the beaches here are good if you wanna' cool off. Have you been yet?"

"Beaches?" Etherea's eyes sought mine.

Had I not pointed out how close we were to the coast?

Cassie was still faster. "Oh, that's right! If you live up in the mountains you probably don't have any. We've got some really nice ones, not that-"

"We have beaches." All eyes went back to Etherea whose chin had come up defiantly. "There are a number of... um, springs that feed the streams that flow... through the city. There is also... the Shurnener river that comes out of the mountains. One of Canderilon's most beautiful... features are the waterways that run through and... around the different districts. Each public garden, park, or plaza... has some manner of flowing water. Since Canderilon is on the side of a mountain it was... built with many levels, and there are special... terraces around each waterfall. At the base of each is... a park and there are beaches for enjoying the ponds." She straightened further as her smile came back, violet eyes dancing as she watched Cassie's growing interest. "And below the city, at the base of the mountain, all of the falls empty... in a ring around Enweni Tosur Lake... which has larger, even more popular beaches."

"Oh, that sounds gorgeous." Etherea had just begun to nod. "And cold. All that mountain water? You really need to try the beaches here."

Etherea grimaced. "Oh, no. We..." She blinked, her mouth forming a little O. "Umm, the water is not as cold as you think. But salt water? Ugh! You know what that would do to my...? Um... It would..." She descended into silent, frustrated blushing.

"Oh... I suppose that salt does kinda' mess with your hair. But it's not that bad. Just needs a good wash afterwards."

Etherea's lips parted, her eyes inching around as she searched for something. Eventually she just closed her mouth and chewed on the inside of her lip. The silence dragged itself along as I tried to think of something to add to the conversation.

Then Craig's head popped up.

"Dude! How can you just sit there?!" He threw his hands toward me.

It was a long moment before he noticed our surprised stares and wilted under the combined weight of them. "Uhhh, I, uhhhh..."

He tried running a hand through his hair but only managed to jostle his cap. Etherea kept drawing his attention simply by existing but there was still no way I could explain.

"Well, ummm, I guess I... Yeeeaaaaahhh..." With a flurry of motion he knocked his stool back and got to his feet. "I'm gonna' go do, um, something." And with that he was gone into the depths of the apartment.

Then, as if us watching him leave wasn't awkward enough, we all looked at each other.

"Well, that happened." Cassie frowned one last time toward the empty hall. But it shifted into a goofy little grin for the rest of us.

"Yes, it certainly did."

I had to stop myself from mirroring Cassie's incredulous expression. I was not going to do that to Etherea. She only sounded so damned innocent because she likely didn't know Cassie's statement had been rhetorical. But since Cassie had largely ended that conversation before it started, and it would be rude to call Etherea on it, I didn't know what to do next. At this point I just wanted to get away to think.

Then something clicked into place. There was something I could do that might help - something I should probably be doing anyways. It would leave Etherea with Cassie though.

Although I wouldn't be far. Plus, she'd been doing alright.

I caught those violet eyes and gave what I hoped was a reassuring grin. "I'll get you some breakfast."

"Oh, yes. Thank you."

I passed around Cassie, who was giving me a strangely blank look, and tried not to look at the pert little butt jutting out over the other side of her stool. It was a shame that she liked poking holes in herself and then shoving metal things in them.

Actually, Craig having been up in her just a few hours ago was the bigger turn off. Also, Etherea was right there and I didn't want her to catch me looking at Cassie. Which, when I thought about it, was a really strange sentiment. If she was unavailable then why did I care?

Because I still kind of wanted to impress her in spite of my rational self, that's why. I stopped myself halfway into shaking my head. I had to think about Etherea's breakfast, not what-ifs and impossibilities.

Cereal, toast, and bagels would be easy enough. I looked back at Etherea, seeing her hands on the island top, one covering the other like it was holding the other down. It just might be, given the way her fingers were slowly exploring the tiles. No, no silverware for her yet, so cereal was out.

She'd gone for a bagel the other day, right?

The fixings came out as I waited on the perfect toasting. Which left me to my thoughts. I needed to help her in her conversation with Cassie. No specifics came to mind because it was pointless without knowing what questions Etherea might have trouble with. To find that out I'd have to just pay attention.

I turned and leaned backwards against the counter.

"...the way over here, then? I'm surprised you left."

"Actually, so was I." I bit back a laugh at Etherea's loaded reply. If only Cassie knew. "It has been quite a lot of fun to... simply travel and see the sights. You may not see it, because you live... here and it is all normal to you, but I have been enjoying simply looking... at everything. It is all subtly different."

Cassie cocked her head, her left hand coming up to idly twist a stray lock of hair. "Different? Like how?"

"Um, it is a bit hard to tap down, but literally everything is... ummmm, a little different. Po... People seem to do everything faster, like every... one is in a hurry. There are more vehicles," I confined myself to a faint smile, "your buildings are, umm, built with... a different aesthetic," that got a confused blink from Cassie, "your people - and I do not mean to offend - just do not seem to be as gregarious... Ummm..."

She fidgeted with her hips again. "At the same... time there is so much interaction. Stores, restaurants, buildings, parks, and even these apartments are... full of your people just doing things. I am probably not going to see even half of what... I would like while I am here because there is so much."

"You don't get out much, do you, if us Americans going about our...?"

Metal slid along metal beside me, ending in a solid click. I listened with half an ear while pondering what to put on the piping hot bagel halves. The first day we'd had pancakes. Then bagels were on the second... I think. But with what?

A glance back at the tall, slender woman on the other side of the island made me throw out the idea of butter. She just seemed like someone who wasn't much for fatty things. It was probably a dumb way to decide, but my gut had spoken. Honey and strawberry jam were chosen much the same way - honey as a 'higher-class' condiment and the jam because, well, I thought she might be a strawberry kind of person. Pony. Pony-person.

"...you and Alex meet?"

The glass of water I was filling nearly got pitched against the tiled wall behind the sink, my body locking in place while I confirmed that the only casualties were my hands and the water dripping off of them. At the same time my thoughts raced off in a completely different direction, taking my heart along at breakneck speed. How Etherea had met me was a rich minefield. I had to get back in there even if I wasn't sure I wanted to. But to do what, exactly?

After quickly drying my hands and refilling the glass I found my resident disguised pony sitting rigidly like her back was pressed against the wall a few feet behind her. Her expression matched that sentiment as her lower lip found a place between her teeth.

"It's a bit of a funny story," I said, trying to rescue her from having to lie. "We ran into each other while I was joking around with Craig - mouthing off, really. She overheard, misunderstood, and took offense." True enough, though I didn't like Etherea's lack of expression. "We, um, got to talking and that was that."

I worked my way back around and set Etherea's place, the addition of food near her hands distracting her and earning me an easy smile.

"Thank you, Alex."

Cassie's eyes lingered on Etherea's plate as I stole Craig's old seat. And inherited his mostly empty coffee.

"That's it?"

"Well, okay, there's, uhhhh, there is some more in there but it's not much more than, umm, finding out she had no place to go."

"It is the... truth of the situation."

Etherea's brilliant violet eyes met Cassie's levelly before she homed in on her bagel. My fear that she'd forget and grab her food with magic was quashed as she painstakingly placed the fingers of both hands around the edge of one bagel half. Only a couple tremors ran through them as they lifted but it was enough and she shifted the bagel onto one palm, guiding it with her other hand.

"Really? Are you sure?" Cassie leaning forward with a faint grin, almost letting me see right down her shirt. She had to know this!

I resolutely kept my eyes up, a chill washing down from the nape of my neck. "Yeah. We haven't known each other that long, um..." I needed something more. Think, Alex, think! "And she needed a place to stay, um, while she got situated." Damnit! Now I was repeating myself.

"Uh huh." The slow nod confirmed that she wasn't buying it.

Unfortunately Etherea was stuck halfway through carefully biting into her bagel so I was on my own.

"Well, that's not what I see. You're on the couch and-"

"What are you actually after?" I snapped, recoiling immediately. Okay, okay, I needed to calm down. But the desire to just kick her out was so...

"Okay, look," Cassie settled back - which helped - her tone acquiring a faint guardedness, "I believe you but there's gotta' be more going on here. You two are acting like the world is ending. I've seen people do this kind of thing before and I just thought maybe I could help. I dunno.' And see, it can't be that bad, she's still wearing your clothes and all." Etherea froze as Cassie's hand wave encompassed her.

"So, honestly - as a girl who knows - the best thing you can do is just kiss her already and say you're sorry for whatever it was."

WHAT?! That was a horrible idea!

Oh no, oh no, oh no...

I turned my head. Etherea was locked in place as though staring down the barrel of a loaded gun. She twitched when she noticed my attention, and then, as though I might actually do what Cassie had said, inched her chin the other way.

It was upsettingly painful. Did she really think so little of me?!

Then the laughter started - powerful, uncontrolled cackles - and my eyes tried to pull themselves from their sockets as Craig made himself known from just outside the hall. I could feel my lips peeling back and my fingers straining against themselves in an effort to manifest claws as I struggled to regain control.

This was stupid! Couldn't I see how close I was to just chucking the mug at him?! That could hurt him really badly, maybe break the mug, and would definitely scare the shit out of everyone!

Etherea's hand came to rest just below my elbow, the fear in her eyes helping me shut down the worst of it. But it still left an unruly ache.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" That was Cassie. "This is serious here!"

Craig stopped for a second and I thought maybe, just maybe, he might listen. But then another shock of laughter nearly doubled him over.

"It's... You- Ahhh, hahahahaha! It's not- Hahaha! You don't... ahh, hehehe!" He haphazardly stumbled toward us.

"It's not funny!"

"You... You just told-," he choked out before succumbing again.

Cassie looked about to snarl another retort, one that would likely just set off Craig again, when Etherea's other hand intruded in front of me.

"Cassie. Wait. And please, listen. I know how this must look but things really are... not as they seem." The hand shifted slightly and drew my eyes away. "I am wearing his clothes simply because I have none of my own."

I nodded quickly, latching onto Etherea's soothing logic. "Ether... Ethel doesn't have any clothes..." Why? "Because all her stuff is lost." And that means? "And without her stuff she can't get a hotel or anything." Which leads to... "So she needed a place to stay." Now for something to chew on. "I'm out here because she's got the bed and I've only known her for like four days." Okay, not quite as strong as I'd like. "We're still waiting to hear back from the airlines right now. It's not..."

I waved a hand helplessly. "...that."

For a second there was silence. Minus a lone giggle that I steadfastly ignored. In that moment I was distracted by a gentle increase in the pressure of Etherea's hand on my arm. She was trying to be reassuring, I guess.

"Oh," Cassie blushed and her eyes flitted between me and something just left of me. "Sorry."

"It is alright. This has not been an easy time."

I silently thanked Etherea for being so steady as Cassie's hand drifted toward her chest. She paused halfway there, her mouth opening and closing once, and then slipped off her stool away from me. "I'll, um, just see myself out. 'Kay? And, um, sorry again."

As she passed Craig her fist jabbed under his ribs hard enough to evoke a strained grunt. She hissed something about him being an ass while I relished the sweet, sweet justice...

Oh God, I now was enjoying my roommate's pain.

Then the hand on my arm disappeared as Etherea eased off her stool to intercept Cassie. Her touch had actually been comforting and calming and, after feeling so frighteningly close to losing control, I was almost colder for its absence. And that only reinforced the need to have a moment to myself. So I retreated around the other side of the island as Etherea and Cassie traded hushed apologies, the shorter of the two adamant about leaving to avoid any further embarrassment. Of course doing so put me in Craig's path as he hobbled in the direction of the fridge.

I brushed by without so much as an eye twitch in acknowledgement.

What the hell was wrong with me? Getting so angry so fast wasn't normal. It wasn't... well, me. And it scared the shit out of me. If I'd actually done something I could have really hurt someone!

The couch happily softened my backwards flop as the door cut off the clack of Cassie's boots. Out of the corner of my eye I could make out Etherea turning and taking a cautious step toward the living area.

"Alex? Are you alright?"

I blinked. Crap. "Yeah, I'll be fine." She paused and gave me an unbreaking look of concern. "No, really. Ummm... You just go finish eating before it gets too cold, alright? I'll just be right here."

A short and silent mental contest ensued, which I naturally lost when I grew too uncomfortable and looked away. I knew how that must have seemed - that I was lashing out by ignoring her - but she had already turned away. Well, fuck. If I had wanted to alleviate the situation then I was doing a damned good job of the exact opposite.

Etherea's worried over-the-shoulder glance accented that thought. Perfect.

But I needed this moment alone. A moment to think and to calm down. And to try figuring out what the hell had happened to me. Angry was fine, sure, but so much so quickly?

It was distressingly similar to when I was at work the other day. I must just have not noticed the stress as keenly. But it was clearly all still weighing on me even if I wasn't actively thinking about it. Making first contact, not knowing for sure what to do, hiding Etherea, Etherea almost being discovered...

Quiet moments like this were helpful, and it was nice that things had calmed down some, but I guess I was still far from okay. Then when what Cassie had said hit right on the money and Craig following up on it... Taking a personal strike like that was the fastest way through my defenses even without all the added stress.

When I checked again Etherea was back to sitting beside her food. She and Craig were talking, their heads close and voices indistinct, though he seemed to be paying as much attention to his new glass of water as to her.

Good, now the pretty alien princess was conspiring...

No. She wasn't like that.

A heavy sigh escaped me. And she really was pretty as a human. Which meant that staring at the boring wall behind the TV was preferable. That other path lead to some dark thoughts I didn't want to deal with right now. I just needed calm. And a way out of all this so I could stop freaking out.

It must have been only a few minutes - time I spent happily with an empty mind - before slow, heavy footfalls approached. I didn't even need to look; it was Craig.

"Hey, man." Him cautiously quiet? That was new.

The urge to throw something flared again and was forcibly doused. I was not doing that.

"Yo." It was a bit more icy than I'd intended.

"Look, I, uhhhh... I, um, guess I'm sorry and stuff."

Suuuuure... Oh, don't think I missed you glancing in Etherea's direction. Or that she wasn't really hiding that she was watching. She had definitely put him up to this.

That's when his hand came up and I noticed the glass - one of the tall, thick "college-proof" tumblers I'd bought so long ago - filled with a medium amber liquid. No froth so it had to be iced tea. I pushed sideways, centering myself on the couch before accepting it, and Craig took the spot on my left.

"She says," he began with a low, furtive tone and a glance toward the disguised pony, "that you're really, um, something-something about your personal life and feelings, and stuff, and that's what's pissing you off." Perfect. Etherea had bought into a completely different lie than Cassie. "I know you, dude, and yeah, you're kinda' like that, I get it, but not like that bad. But, ummmmm... I'm sorry? And, uhh, what's goin' on?"

"I was about to fly completely off the handle. What more is there to say?" Lots? Craig seemed willing to go with it even as I decided to be more honest. I'm stupid that way. "Even if yesterday was pretty nice..." I paused to consider what I'd just said, but shrugged it off as alright. "I guess I'm not as cool as I thought. I don't know... Just something about the way Cassie was thinking and then you laughing at me just set me off. I'm stressed the... I'm stressed out, apparently still right on the edge, and now I'm over here 'cause I really don't want to be that way. I mean, I probably scared the shit out of Cassie..." Crap! I mean...

Etherea had already pushed her plate away, her mouth taking on a sour twist. Sorry princess!

"Doesn't help that she's kinda' hot, huh?"

I flinched. Goddamnit, Craig! Right to the fucking heart of it. I took a moment to check that my drink was okay, allowing myself time to think.

Etherea had definitely heard though, her head popping up as her back went rigid. She quickly relaxed somewhat, blinking away the wideness in her eyes, and faced us. She was still a little pink as she conspicuously covered her lap with both hands.

I looked away again and resigned myself to my fate. "Uhhh, yeah, sure. She, um, kinda' is."

"I was talking about her pony body."

Another shot of adrenaline was just what I needed. I used its own fury to stamp it back down. I was not going to take a swing at anybody. Even Craig.

Still, he cringed as two withering glares tried to carve him an unpleasant path through the couch and the wall behind. "Sorry! Sorry. Yeah, that was bad. I, uhhhh, I didn't really think about it."

"No duh."

He grumbled under his breath. "I'm surprised you haven't punched me yet. Dunno' how you're doing it, man, but I'm freaking out over here."

"You're freaking out?" I turned to him incredulously.

"Uhhh, yeah. We've got like a real space alien living with us and the feds could show up any moment or something." Thanks for reminding me! "That's some major sss... um, stuff there. I know I tease you and all, but I now can't seem to stop and it's 'cause this whole thing with the princess and the feds just keeps... keeps... I dunno' what the word is." I wasn't sure either. "I can't let any of my friends know about the princess, or my family, or... or nobody! And then there's Cassie just up and walking in here!"

"I thought we were dead, man." He threw a hand toward Etherea over the arm of the couch. "But then you pull this out of your ass somehow and I... I don't know, dude! I don't!"

"Yeah, you can thank Etherea for saving our butts. But you sleeping with the one girl who knows us? That was fucking dumb." My words had more bite than my tone.

"I know, but she does this thing when she's on top of you, like she knows just where your tip is, and then kinda, um..." He twirled a finger around while pointing down.

I knew I'd hear about last night at some point. And now I was blushing - in part because who else was here to witness this. She was watching too, frowning and blushing faintly, though seemingly alright. She really wasn't as innocent as I expected a pony to be.

"Yeah, well, fuck you too."

The brought him up short and for a moment he floundered for something to say. "I know, I know. I just keeping bugging and bugging you. Like I want to, but I can't seem to stop and it's cause I'm freaking out. And it's scary 'cause I've never seen you swing at anyone but I keep thinking you're going to. I mean, you seriously hadn't noticed?"

"No, it's..." I waved my free hand aimlessly as I reassessed. "Sort of but not really? I've noticed 'cause you've kind of been doing it to me," he shifted uncomfortably, "but I guess I haven't been paying attention because I've been concentrating on other things."

He took a drink and I followed suit because it seemed a good time for it.

"Like getting us out of this?"

I nodded, going back to staring straight ahead.

"Well, since the prin... Ummmm..." His free hand reached up behind toward his head and out of my sight. "So, what if I promise to not pick on you so much and you promise not to hit me, kay? We'll call it even."

I couldn't bring myself to do any more than a non-committal shrug.

"We cool?"

It didn't work like that - you couldn't just 'yes' or 'no' a problem away - so it was a struggle to not roll my eyes. The problem was that I still had steam to blow. But violence? Yeah, not an option. Especially not in front of Etherea.

"I, uhhh, I guess..." I settled a little deeper into the couch. I'd just have to tough it out until it all faded away.

"Cool."

"But I'm holding you to your end."

His response was a slow, deep breath, a languid groan, and a nod.

On the other side of the room, once I thought to look, Etherea watched us unabashed from her stool. With that eyebrow crawling up her forehead it was clear that she was struggling to figure us out. If she was expecting an expressive, ashamed, and gratuitous apology from my roommate then she was in for a frustrating wait. What she had witnessed was a bit unusual but still very much Craig.

"So, um, you wanna' watch anything?"

Also uniquely Craig: already being over it. I grunted and shrugged, at the moment still not quite sure what I really wanted. Just sitting and letting myself be calm sounded good.

Before long - thanks to the idiot box I wasn't sure just how long - Etherea finished with her food and painstakingly wandered over. She stopped just to the side, arms partway spread for balance.

"So, you two have made up, then?"

"Yup."

"Yeah, sure."

Her scoff was dainty but her eye roll involved her whole head. "Stallions."

Craig shifted beside me. "You should join us. Ummmm... Par, um, whatsit in some good, old American Sunday TV. I'd show you a game but football's out for three months."

I realized what was about to happen but it was already too late. With the only open spot next to me all I could do was flee like an idiot or make sure she had room. It wasn't a hard decision.

And for a moment, while she was checking her balance and her aim, her butt was kind of right beside me. It was just too weird though because those were my jeans! Then, when I averted my eyes, I found Craig watching. He grinned and wiggled his eyebrows at me. As Etherea landed with a bounce and a squeak all I could do was a short, exasperated head shake.

Speaking of... That had been an interesting little noise. Etherea was just finishing getting her hips into a more comfortable position while wearing a look of the utmost concentration. She finished by gingerly leaning back until she met the couch. Only then did she relax, breathing contentedly as she beamed back at us.

Then her smile twitched and she readjusted her butt.

"So, what is it we are watching this time?"

Craig got to it first because I had to double-check. "The A-Team.

No wonder I'd been able to tune it out so easily.

"What is it about?" She asked after a moment.

"Um, it's about some ex-military guys who go around fighting bad guys," I said just as she shifted her hips yet again. "It's kind of, um, old nowadays. The fighting is over the top but nobody ever manages to get hurt. It's..." I quickly dismissed going into how violent TV had become since the 80's. It hadn't been that long since she'd freaked out over much more innocent things. "Well, it's, um, kind of a comedy because it's so blatantly fake. Kinda' like that cartoon of Nightmare Moon I showed you; it's not very factual."

"Oh, I see. I will not take it... too seriously then."

It was impossible to not smile at how resolute she sounded.

For a while B.A. and the gang did their thing, chasing down and beating up evildoers. The problem was that I couldn't stay insensate. After all, someone had to narrate for her. Plus now I was sitting next to a human who wasn't actually one, which, by itself, kept my curiosity going full-tilt. Her explanation into how that worked had answered barely any questions.

And however it worked, she had done really well at making herself attractive. I could practically feel my crush deepening.

I wasn't the only one distracted either; Craig also glanced over at her once or twice. Her looks aside, we still hadn't explained to him what she'd done.

And then there was Etherea herself, whose fingers slowly traversed the area, seeking out and touching everything within reach that wasn't me. Jeans, shirt, skin, hair, couch, and even the wall came under her gentle assault. She truly tried to pay attention but her tactile adventures handily won out.

She kept bodily shifting as well. Something was definitely bothersome because she alternated between sitting forward or back, parting or closing her knees. And each time she'd change the position of her hips.

Of course she eventually caught me looking.

"You alright?" Good cover, Alex.

I thought about blushing as she wiggled her hips again, but her own put mine to shame.

She spoke with a frown. "No. Your, um, clothes are not very comfortable."

The cushions tried to push me closer to Craig as she stood. Her motion was a bit too sudden and she was only saved from pitching forward by slapping a hand to the wall.

"Huh?" Craig chimed in.

Etherea's blush deepened, but she still lifted her chin and tossed her hair back. "I did not achieve a... complete human form because I was using incomplete references, so I am sure it is simply... because they are still not designed with... my anatomy in mind."

I needed a moment to wade through her loquaciousness. Craig's approach was more direct.

"What?"

"My body is not completely human." I was caught between her glare and his continued confusion. Unfortunately the truth of her predicament was more than a little awkward.

"Uhhhhh... What?"

I had to butt in before she could go all Samuel L. Jackson on Craig's sorry ass. I just wasn't fast enough.

"Look, Craig, can we leave this to fall? It is uncomfortable enough for me... already, and it would probably bother Alex greatly."

Craig shrugged, "sure."

Alright, the misconception that I was squeamish about anything 'personal', while somewhat true, needed to end. "It's, um, it's not that bad Etherea. You don't have to coddle me either."

She widened her stance a little and faced us fully, her frown coming back. I was fighting the wrong battle here, wasn't I?

"Even so, can we simply leave it? I will be fine."

Yup, wrong fight. "Sure."

Craig snickered.

Her point made and conceded, Etherea ambled carefully out of our way in search of new tactile experiences. Seriously, she zeroed right in on the fridge and it's numerous magnetic decorations. I might have been watching the TV - halfheartedly to be sure - but I was smiling because of how she tested her fingers by fiddling with all the little doodads and various notes.

And I did eventually get some quality vegetating in. All of a couple minutes.

"Would the two of you mind if I went outside?"

Author's Note

I know many people will be alarmed by the major change in this chapter, but I assure you that I have a very specific plan and that this will not be playing a major role in my story. You came for pony and I intend to give you pony. You will have to trust me. Though I will say that this half of the chapter was absolutely necessary to set up the next half. (Or at least I feel it was.)

And as to the next half, I know everyone's been anticipating it.

first version of Etherea sitting down on couch - it simply went too far afield It's very slightly spoiler-y

That squeak had been more discomforted than anything...

She was bent forward with shoulders up and head forward, hands between her thighs. Her expression was an uncomfortable wide-eyed grimace like she'd sat on something completely wrong. Which brought me back to her lap and the hands between her legs.

Did she still have some part of her tail, or something, stuffed into those jeans? It hadn't looked-

"You alright, princess?"

She took up a deep frown while carefully extracting her hands. "Etherea, if you please. And yes, I will be fine." My curiosity - and Craig's I'm sure - only grew when she lifted herself up with a hand on the cushion and the other on the armrest, and then rolled her hips back and forth before settling in again.

When she continued it was somewhat more brightly. "I suppose we might want to work on using... What was it? 'Ethel?'"

"Yeah, okay, Ethel. What was all that about?"

I shot Craig a quick challenging look but he only twitched and mouthed 'what' back. On my other side Etherea was blushing again, head tilted so her color-shifting hair was falling partially in front of her face. One violet eye met mine through a gap.

"Your, um, clothes are not very comfortable. Though that..." Her blush deepened, but in spite of it she lifted her chin, tossing her hair back. "I did not achieve a complete human form because I was using incomplete references, so I am sure it is simply because they are still not designed for me."

I needed a moment to wade through her loquaciousness. Craig's approach was more direct.

"What?"

"My body is still not completely human." I was caught between her glare and his continued confusion. Unfortunately the truth of her predicament, and the reason she was in it was more than a little awkward.

"Uhhhhh... What?"

Before she could go all Samuel L. Jackson on him I butted in, "you were using that magazine and my drawings right?" She nodded guardedly. My skin was already heating up. "So, you're like, ummmm... still pony down there aren't you?" God, I sounded like some bashful teenager. But I also could not possibly say 'you've still got a horse vagina 'cause I didn't draw a human pussy for you.'

She didn't get any more red, but her motion strained against itself when she nodded again.

"What, you're not wearing any underwear?"

Somehow Craig asked his question plainly. He also wasn't laughing, jeering, or making any kind of suggestive expression. Not that I didn't appreciate it, but it was really eerie.

"Underwear?"

"Yeah, pantie... Oh." Now came the snigger. "You'd the choice of Alex's tighty whities or nothing. Yeah," he nodded as his trademark grin manifest, "I'd've done the same too."

"Under garments? Oh! Ummmm, no, I am not. I, um, had not realized that there... was more."

I felt like I was going to pop, sitting here in the middle of this. Etherea was about the color of a tomato behind her hair and Craig looked a hair's breadth from losing it and shaming her even further. Again, I was between them

"Okay, okay!" It was a bit too strident, but it did the trick and got me a bit more focused. "The question is, will you be, ummm, okay?"

[9 - Part 2] Karma

Etherea wanted to go outside? As in into the wide open, human world, outside?

I sat up, leaning forward over the edge of the couch. She had one hand on the wall next to the window frame. Her eyes were bright and her lips seemed barely able to contain an excited grin.

"I know you said that you would... not stop me but that was also in a very different context."

"I, uhhhhh..."

Okay, other than she being a pony in a human body, and having both unnaturally violet eyes and vibrant two-toned blue hair, were there any problems with that? Well, she wasn't very stable on her feet, for one. She was ignorant of human social customs, was wearing my clothes, still lacked things like shoes, and just generally did not know the area. I didn't feel at all comfortable letting her go off alone.

But she also wasn't a prisoner.

"I guess... I don't really want you doing this by yourself though, okay?"

Her mouth pursed lopsidedly. "I was simply going... to step out onto the walk and look around..." She gasped, her eyes widening as they jumped from the blinds to me. "We could visit all of the places we saw last night!"

Craig snickered but one firm glance smoothed away his expression.

I nodded my appreciation while trying to reroute my thoughts to Etherea's new topic. Would there be any problems with another tour of the town? With her as a human I couldn't imagine any. It's just that her looks, attire, and motile ability were a little unusual. Though I would be there just in case.

Another very valid question popped into my head. "I gotta' ask: how much of your, um, Harmony are you burning right now by staying human?"

That made her blink. "Burn...? Oh! None. Like the translation spell, once cast it... simply requires my concentration."

Well, that was good news. Though... "Concentration? It seems like it would be a lot more complex than the translation one. You're not going to lose it and pop out as a pony if you get surprised by something, are you?"

"No." She paused, her eyes holding steady even as she started fiddling with her fingers. "Ummm... It is rather more like breathing. I do not stop... breathing simply because I am not thinking about breathing."

"You also don't stop breathing when you go to sleep though." Was I picking at this too much? Not if it prevented her from going pony in the middle of a crowd.

She huffed. "It is just an analogy."

"Right, right. I just want to be sure, y'know?" I idly scratched my neck as I considered. "Is there any chance of you accidentally actively releasing it?"

That got a longer, more telling pause.

"It is possible." I didn't miss her wistful glance toward the window. "But I have been casting... spells for most of my life and am trained in spell composure by some of the... best unicorns in Equestria. It has been a very long time since I accidentally let... a sustained spell fail."

"Gotcha'." Just one last catch-all and I could call my worries thoroughly quashed. "Are there any other problems that might, might, come up from it?"

She shook her head, her tone brightening, "Not now that it is cast, although maintaining it will eventually lead to mental fatigue. Even if a spell like this was not inherently temporary, there is still a limit... to how long a pony can maintain it."

That was less than reassuring. What if...?

"But do not worry, I can easily... hold a transformation for an entire day. Longer if absolutely necessary."

Alright then. Questions about Equestrian day length aside - that would be alarmist of me - this sounded like it would work.

"So, wait." Craig sat upright, turning an intensely questioning look on Etherea. "Wait. You're saying you've turned into a human before?"

"No. Other beings, yes, but this is my first time as a human." Her explanation had been patient but her attention never wavered from the outside world.

Now I was really paying attention.

"What kinds of other things?" Apparently Craig was just as interested.

Etherea took one look at the two of us waiting eagerly and rolled her eyes. "I have a template for each race of pony, a couple alternates of myself, one of a kittekkeer changeling, and a shen rak gryphoness." She blinked. "Those sound really... weird coming from this mouth."

Craig voiced my exact thoughts. "A what now?"

What was a... 'kittykeer' changeling and how was it different from a regular changeling? Or was it? I had no idea!

"Which one?"

"Uhh, that change-thingy and the griff-thingy."

I snorted out a chuckle. "I know there's at least one sports team somewhere out there somewhere with a gryphon logo. You can't not know what that is." His face stayed blank. "Seriously? Not one team with a gryphon mascot?" Still nothing. I was just dumb enough to try again. "They're half eagle in the front and half lion in the back..."

"Really? Cool! And yeah, there's a hockey team with that."

I dropped my head, exasperatedly rubbing my forehead with a hand.

Craig took that moment to jump back in. "So you have gryphons in ponyland?"

"I was going to ask you the same thing!"

The words registered, returned an irrational result, and were sent back for further processing. I looked up as I tried to figure out what the hell Etherea meant.

Apparently she'd already caught on, her eyes wide with red all over her cheeks. "I, uhhhh... I mean that I meant to ask how humans know about gryphons."

Which I took as my cue. "Well, like unicorns and pegasi, they've been legends for centuries." Certain Babylonian statues came to mind. "Actually, gryphons and dragons have been legends for thousands of years. I don't think anyone has any idea where any of them actually came from."

"I... Dragons too? Ouuuwaaaa..." she trailed off, staring off into space. I think I broke her.

Naturally, Craig was oblivious. Or just didn't care. "So princess, you can turn yourself into one of these lion birds?"

"I could..."

Craig eagerly opened his mouth, a smile at the ready.

"...but that would be incredibly unwise. I have already done more... magic in my panic than I should have."

That stopped my roommate cold but he settled back into the couch, nodding sagely. "Oh yeah, right. Good point, man. 'Cause if we spend all day making you play dress-up then you can't get back home. Wouldn't want that." He took a faintly unsteady breath. "Still woulda' been cool to see."

I chuckled as his mind went back to the truly important topics. And he was totally right too.

"I do not have any images of gryphons, but I can... show you some of my friend Namerril if you wish," Etherea offered helpfully, tilting her head with a pleasant smile. "She is a changeling."

"A what, now?"

I grinned knowingly. "You shoulda' been there the other day when we were looking at her family photos. A changeling is like, um, like..." A surge of self-preservation instinct stopped me from going further. Calling changelings 'bug horses,' or any variation of that, was likely a very bad idea.

Actually, I wasn't sure any of my description was a good idea. But I wasn't coming up with anything else that Craig might actually understand.

"Well, um, it would be hard to explain so why don't we just show you? We can get Etherea's, um..." I looked to her for help.

"Seratyen."

"Her seratyen," her brow scrunched. Guess I hadn't quite gotten it, "and she can show you those pictures. Since I've seen them before, I can take a quick shower." I turned to Etherea. "Afterwards we'll see what we can do about getting you out and about. Kay?"

She hopped a short ways into the air, an almost alarmingly wide smile flashing into place. Unfortunately her happy little trip ended when her legs wobbled on the landing and she crumpled backwards, thumping heavily onto her rear with a gasp.

Everything seemed to freeze for a second.

"Woah, you alright, princess?" came from Craig.

"I - ow - am fine. And would you please just use my name?" The glare she fired at Craig was somewhat weakened by her new rosy complexion. "That did not go at all... like I thought it would. Being excited is a lot easier on four good hooves."

She preemptively waved us both off, so we had to wait while she shifted around onto hands and knees to get her feet back under her. Talk about awkward. It was inelegant and strained her balance, but with the help of the wall she managed to get upright again. She ducked her head - seemingly an attempt to cover the additional red creeping onto her face - before lifting her chin and grinning at us.

"See? I am perfectly capable." She brought her excited smile to me, which did something airy to my heart. "And to answer your question, I would like that very much." Faux regality suffused her voice.

"Uh, well, excited are we?"

She nodded, violet eyes glinting with the strength of her answer, and took right off - slowly and with only a little wobble. I followed from a small distance because I didn't really have confidence, or any real desire, to stop her. But most importantly, if we were actually going to go anywhere with her as a human, then she would need all the practice she could get.

I was actually more worried, and a bit excited - worrycited? - about any potential interaction between her and other humans.

She moved off to the side as we entered my room, her eyes meeting mine as she grinned and tossed her head gently to send some errant hair back over her shoulder. I was about to comment on how confidently she was standing when her eyes flicked to something across the room, her halo popped up, and something flashed toward us.

Yeah, I flinched. It's a good, natural reaction to unexpected flying objects in close proximity.

Etherea giggled soft and sheepishly, "Sorry. I keep forgetting you are not used to unicorn magic."

I nodded to the device - a seratyen? - and stylus now floating slightly less than an arm's length from her. "Actually, it's more about something whizzing at my head. Also, isn't that cheating?"

"Cheating? What do you...? Oh!"

Her things went back across the room to land gently on the bed. I would have thought she might use a hand motion to guide the effort - that's what every good wizard did - but no, she paid her levitation almost no mind. "Good point, Alex. If I am to practice, then I should practice!"

Her smile set as she squared herself up. Back straight, head held easily, eyes forward, and hands completely unsure what they should be doing as they clasped each other. It was far too entertaining to see the effort she put into it. Not that I showed it for her sake. Then she carefully strode across the room, turning at the side of the bed to bend over laboriously, legs spread for balance. It put her butt out, defining it better for someone who happened to be in a position to admire what little my jeans showed…

Ew. It was probably a stupid hang up, but still. My jeans.

Her efforts with her tablet-thing were even more laborious - sliding the slim device over to the edge with a palm once she'd determined that she wasn't up for working her fingers under to grasp it. She slipped it off the bed onto one palm, then put the other palm to the other side of it. With painstaking effort her hands maneuvered around until she could fold the device into the crook of her elbow, freeing up one appendage. Her stylus ended up clenched in a fist.

When she turned her smile was triumphant and I received an overly-regal nod. Someone was having fun.

"There you go. Takes humans years to learn that." I slipped off to the side to retrieve the rest of a fresh change of clothes - my current shirt would be fine.

"I'm just a natural."

I laughed and went on my way, dipping into the bathroom ahead of her return trip. She had showed surprising capability given so little time in that body. I couldn't imagine taking anything less than months to get any semblance of decent control of an alien body. The only thing I could figure was that maybe transforming into a fully grown member of a species somehow eased the process.

As I stared into the mirror, taking a moment for myself in a now very familiar way, I couldn't help my mind turning back to the events of the day so far. A low level tension - like some distant vibration - suffused me, though the feeling came and went as I paid more and less attention. I guess it wasn't surprising that I was still on alert. Which made a good, hot shower just what I needed.

I certainly felt better - more relaxed - when I reentered the living area. Sort of. There was a sort of background expectation that something else would be a problem when I got back. It was strangely disappointing, and yet relieving, that all I found was Etherea standing before the window - the blinds now up - and Craig flopped across the couch with one arm across his face. Her device was left forgotten on the end table next to a half glass of water.

She had already turned and was grinning at me like a loon.

Her expression faded slightly when she saw me. "Ah, ummm, would you like me to help you with your mane? It will probably be faster."

Say what now?

Even if the offer was tempting - I'd always liked having my hair played with - Craig was right there. "Nah. It won't take long." I headed over to one of the stools in the kitchen. "You're really excited about this."

I guess, like every other girl who'd ever seen how I cared for my hair, she couldn't stand seeing me using a comb because she frowned critically as I started working it through the strands. Heaven forbid... An eye roll and an exasperated head shake spared her having to actually say her feelings. I just shrugged, at a loss as to the best - the kindest - way to voice my lack of desire for a brush; I'd never done wrong with a comb.

It left me some quality time in my little corner as Etherea went back to staring raptly out the window, her head doing its best to keep up with eyes that couldn't stay still.

"So, Craig, you're sure you don't want to come along?" I wasn't even really joking - I'd kind of hoped he would. I knew my way around town but he was better versed in what was where - especially the more social locations.

"Nnnnnnnnn..." He groaned. "Nah. You two go have fun. Was up all night anyway so I'll just pass out here."

"Want me to get the TV?"

"I got it." He gently kicked around until he found the remote with his heel, dragging it close enough to reach.

Etherea looked torn, evident concern kept her there watching him. That same look came around toward me after a moment. I waved her off before motioning to the door. Craig would be fine - this wasn't even a particularly bad one for him.

"You are a good friend," she whispered as she followed me to the door.

"I'm all heart," I quipped.

I liked hearing her answering giggle. What I was less than thrilled with was our shoe options. I only had two pairs: some good general-purpose grey and white sneakers for casual wear and a set of well-crinkled, paint-speckled black shoes for work. It didn't take much thought to realize I really didn't have a choice; I was going to look so weird wearing black shoes with blue jeans.

Placing the sneakers near Etherea's bare toes prompted a quick detour to acquire socks. Which, like everything else I had, were just a bit too big for her. Not that the size concerned her all that much. She was more concerned with being able to don her own clothes without magic or my help. All I could do was wait and try to be patient while she sat on the floor and struggled to simply grasp the fabric.

Her tying her own shoes though... Yeah, it wasn't just wasn't going to happen, which meant that I had to get down, right at her side, and lean over her knees so I could reach - it's stupidly hard to properly tie shoelaces from the other direction. Deep down, I wanted to get close to her but that feeling just made it even more awkward.

Not that she seemed to notice. She had fingers tying knots to distract her.

After some short goodbyes, and a half-hearted wave from Craig, we were on our way. Though as soon as she got out from under the building's overhang Etherea stopped and turned her face to the sky. Above us was crystal blue sky, dotted sparsely with little bits of white fluff, and just off center was the eye-searingly brilliant bringer of daylight. For some reason she chose to look right at it, leaving her blinking furiously and shaking her head.

Her second attempt - the one where she used her hand as a visor - worked much better.

Then, shortly thereafter, I lost her. Oh, she was still beside me as we ambled slowly out to my car, and initially she might have been able to pay attention to me, but first she had to spend some time testing how my shoes clomped along. Apparently the rather large and cumbersome footwear reminded her of trying to walk on a hoof that had fallen asleep.

And, of course, our surroundings soon sucked her in. I was okay with this, even if her obvious distraction was headshake-worthy. She was having fun.

At least until she noticed the group of half a dozen or so people gathered around the steps of a nearby building. They were just hanging around chatting - someone's baby's momma' was apparently a prominent figure in the world today - and they could hardly miss the bright-haired, attractive young woman energetically waving an arm at them. It went about as well as I would have expected and I couldn't help mentally kicking myself as the group’s nudges and smiles resolved into some full-fledged jeering laughter.

In a word, it sucked. Especially because of how it upset Etherea, and how we then couldn't escape having something of an audience while I gave her a crash course in getting into a car as a human - fortunately without any actual crashing.

I'm sure those people would have loved that…

She took to poking into all the nooks and crannies on her side of the car once she was sitting relatively comfortably in the front passenger seat. When the glove box dropped open on her knees she tried to leap back out of the car - the door proved solid enough to stop her - but in the end it was like she’d found a little treasure trove.

And I say 'relatively comfortable' because even as nice as the seats were, and though she finally fit them correctly, I could only describe her as 'uncomfortably tense.' Whatever problem she had with my jeans wasn't leaving her alone. It was something that I tried to avoid thinking too much about.

The seat belt also seemed to be a whole new experience, and not one she was certain she enjoyed.

Scaring her half to death by braking for a car ahead of us shortly after exiting the complex' parking lot certainly didn't help. It's not like it was even that hard of a stop! I'd just forgotten a few things. Like how she had next to no experience with regular traffic. Or with regular driving. Or that I'd been particularly cautious during our last outing.

I had to again resolve to drive like someone's grandmother, no matter how much it annoyed the crap out of me. It worked out much better that way and we pulled into the suburban neighborhoods we had passed through last night, giving her the chance to take to sightseeing like a good tourist.

The steady procession of houses to either side let her relax as we meandered. One family and single story homes with cozy stretches of yard between each was so... average. But it didn't matter in the least. Etherea's head was on a swivel as we passed an elderly man mowing grass out by the sidewalk, a couple leisurely walking hand-in-hand, a delivery driver engrossed in his clipboard as he headed back to his truck, and more from just, well, everyday human life. She even got an up-close look at some kids and a chance to wave without the ridicule when we disturbed their street football game.

Her pure, beaming smile afterward was simply wonderful.

Unfortunately her other problem didn't let up just because she had a better seat, and her steady stream of little shifts and wriggles kept making me cringe inside. One particular bump - I didn't even hit it that hard! - came complete with a stifled gasp. The way she gripped her thighs for a moment afterward resolved the situation for me. I was going to have to do something whether I liked it or not.

She broke the heavily embarrassed hush that lingered. "Alex? Where are we going now?"

I'd switched to a more direct route through the development, but took a moment to consider just how to tell her. Because there were only two options as I saw it: doing this or giving up.

"Target." Simple was definitely better. "We're going to get you some clothes, even if it's just for today, 'cause jeans weren't meant to be worn... like that. And if you're... you're..." I had no idea how to finish that thought diplomatically.

"But that will cost you more money, will it not." It wasn't a question.

"I think it's either that or we go back home because you're clearly, um, suffering..." Our blushes were definitely a matched pair. "If nothing else, some underwear would probably make you a whole lot more comfortable. That's kind of a private thing so I don't think you want to be wearing mine," I would certainly feel weird, "or Craig's..."

A disgusted grimace overtook her blush as she shook her head. "Ew. No."

She paid barely any attention as we passed from rather mundane modern houses into an area lined with elaborate, multi-story Victorians. It wasn't hard to gauge her comfort level with the proximity of all the new traffic ahead of us on this busier central street. Good thing she wasn't paying attention to any of the rear-views.

"Still, it would be still... another thing done for me at your expense," she piped up suddenly. "You have already given so much, Alex. It does not feel right when I will get so... little use out of the clothes."

My eyebrow rose as I considered her sidelong. This was the pony who'd blown how much energy transforming? Now she lamented splurging? I wasn't sure whether to laugh or gape.

Still, there was some good in there. "So you don't plan on transforming again?"

I received a rather pointed level look. "As much as I might like to, no. I have already used more Harmony today... than was wise. More than I had... hoped for the next few days, in fact."

Well, that was good. Reasonable. "That means we have to make the most of it." My mind immediately backpedalled but the words were already out. Dirty, dirty Alex! "What I mean is that if we're going to get you a tour then now's the time. I can afford a couple basic pieces of clothing."

Her frown held steady as we maneuvered onto the main thoroughfare. "It does not feel right."

It wasn't a straight refusal, which I took to mean we were doing this. But just because she was cooperating didn't mean she was any happier. I couldn't think of anything to say that I thought might improve her mood though. Another option reared its head and after a moment of agonizing I quashed my worries - reminding myself of some of the things she'd said over the past few days - and lifted my free hand toward her.

She jerked as I gently patted her shoulder, turning from the window beside her, but her wan smile still showed enough genuine happiness to tell me I'd done the right thing.

"Thanks, Alex."

I shrugged it off as I cut across through traffic from the turn lane, trying not to show just how ridiculously happy that made me.

The turn up a short, curving ramp revealed an expanse of blacktop and cars bordered by a pair of long, squat buildings, the larger ahead of us was my favorite supermarket. Our destination was the one on our left though.

Etherea initially jolted forward, eyes bouncing between the ocean of new wonders. She gradually eased backward into her seat as we drew into the thickening mess of cars and closer to the steady trickle of people coming and going. With stiff features and darting eyes it seemed that she was once again not so sure about this.

Our eyes met as I pulled into the first spot that was 'close enough' - because fuck shopping for parking spaces - her earlier tension conflicting with something else. As the car came to rest I looked over, twisting the key to off.

The corners of her mouth twitched upward. Excitement. That made me a lot more confident.

"So... ready?"

She nodded, "Mmhmmm."

It was impressive how she leapt to extricate herself from my car on her own. The door handle proved to be no match for her, though she used the door to pull herself up from sitting to standing. As soon as she was stable she looked over the car at me, carefully copying me after I demonstrated gently pushing my door shut.

She took a deep breath, dropping her chin furtively while taking a long look around, before joining me at the rear of the car with all the poise and grace she could muster. It wasn't a bad effort, but it was a bit odd seeing her trying to stride proudly. In a Target parking lot. Wearing slightly oversized and mismatched clothing. And largely lacking her usual grace.

I grinned but her attention had again been stolen away by everything around us. It created an even greater problem because if she wasn't shaky enough before, now there was also an endless parade of distractions. First, one little stumble, and then a second. In desperation - and because there was a car coming at us down the aisle - I stepped in and took her arm, supporting and softly guiding her to the side. As nervous as the relative intimacy was, she needed to move.

My heart skipped a few beats as she tried to flinch away, but I already had her. There was still an alicorn under that skin who had more than enough power to smite me if she-!

She stepped closer.

Closer!

Not right up against me, but near enough to be truly arm-in-arm. It was only after, as she showed her thanks with a small - and still distracted - smile that I realized I'd been just a bit foolish. This whole situation was simply a little more intimate than I was comfortable with as just friends. However, it was still okay because I was being a good friend by helping her.

Too bad there was only one way that other people would see us. How I wished that was just sunlight warming my cheeks.

But Etherea was unaware of all my musings as we walked through those doors and entered primetime capitalist America. At least a dozen nearby conversations, the steady overlapping beeps of multiple checkout lanes, gently rattling shopping carts, kids and their toys, and a riot of sales imagery enveloped us. It was a familiar cacophony, and one that I can't imagine Etherea being unfamiliar with - being from Canterlot and all - yet she stared with all the fascination of a child looking in on a toy store.

There was the cashier scanning items for a customer as we passed. Then there was the two parents trying to wrangle three equally overweight kids further into the store. And just past the checkout area was a tall, slim middle-aged woman showing off the jewelry station to a young couple. Followed by another big lady examining what I was positive was a shower curtain but, given the department, was likely just an outrageously floral moomoo. And then...

Considering how fast some of those people noticed Etherea in return - most notably a group of four teenage girls out front of the coffee/donut shop - I wasn't thrilled with the idea of stopping to let her gawk.

Getting away from the entrance gave us a little much-needed privacy and helped quell the niggling fear that someone would randomly intuit Etherea's true nature. Stupid, I know, but knowing that didn't stop it.

Having fewer people around also made it easier for Etherea to focus.

"Okay, so this, if you couldn't tell, is the women's clothing section," I extended a hand and encompassed much of our surroundings in a long arc. "Shirts, blouses, pants, shorts, skirts, dresses, ummm... Over there are bras and underwear. Swimwear was up front there-"

She turned to follow my nod, eyes lingering on all the activity in that direction.

"-but don't worry about any of that. That way are some hats and things," I pointed her in another direction, "socks and things, and then shoes and things."

She took another look around before meeting my eyes with a tiny grin. "So many things."

"Ahhh... Yes, there are."

My faint embarrassment must have been noticeable because she kept smiling as she let go of my arm and stepped over to the closest rack.

"There are many options here. What do most, um, women wear?"

I took a breath. The question was about what I'd expected. It's just that the answer was a bit involved. And there were sure to be more coming - ones I hadn't foreseen and might be less able to answer.

"Depends." That got a deadpan look. "I know, I know, but you've got a lot of different options depending on what you want people to see. Dull, monotone colors like white, black, and brown - with clean, straight lines - are generally more formal." Images of actors walking the red carpet contrarily popped into my head. "Well, women tend to have more leeway there, and can add more splashes of color, but the idea stands."

Her eyes scanned the nearby pictures hung against the wall over the clothes they showed off. It wasn't hard to tell she was curiously comparing the women in suits and neat skirts to those in more colorful activewear.

"I... see."

"So, more color is more casual." More or less. I didn't want to confuse her too much.

"Good," she said brightly as she poked through the shirts on the rack before her.

"Good?"

Her head popped up with a an easy smile. "I like color. What about, um, the individual... pieces? I have seen a great many styles on the... television."

I took a moment to sort my potential answers as she continued a slow circuit around the clothes rack. "Okay, so there's pants, capris, and shorts," and probably more, but I didn't know the terms, "which cover your legs individually. The shorter you go, the more casual the clothing. Dresses, skirts, and minis are much the same except they, um, cover both legs at once instead of... Y'know, that's not really the best way to say it. Gimme' a sec' here."

Her laugh was short but crisp, standing out before blending back into the ambient noise. A quick check revealed that nobody had taken any particular notice. Those four girls were slowly perusing their way into the section though.

"I know what dresses and... skirts are, Alex. I understand. 'Minis' must be quite short."

I nodded. "Uhhh, yeah. They're meant for showing off. There's a point where 'casual' becomes 'provocative.' A woman is covering up just enough to be decent, but is, um, being obviously suggestive. Let's go with that."

If I was expecting confusion over why someone would cover up to show off, then I was sorely disappointed. She took that explanation right in stride. I suppose that ponies did have clothing so the concept wasn't foreign, just less common.

"Necklines, sleeves, and, um... the bottom edge of shirts are the same in that sense. Full coverage is more formal, less is more casual until it becomes provocative."

"Mmhmmm." She lifted the corner of a shirt too see more of the pattern. "At what point does casual end and 'provocative' begin?"

"Ummm..." My hesitation brought her eyes up, her expression softly inquisitive.

"About here," I said simply as I used my hand to cut a line halfway up my thighs. "For sleeves it's right about the shoulders themselves, though that's less definite. For necklines it's right about the point you, um, start to show the top of your breasts." I kept my expression under careful control as I motioned toward her chest, drawing her attention down. "For the bottom of shorts and tops of pants or dresses it's when the two don't meet and you show off some of your stomach."

It was about as good an explanation as I figured I could give in a crash course. But there was also so much more-

"I thought so. Cassie's outfit was quite provocative."

I hesitated at her statement. The image of Cassie's barely covered pert butt perched on the edge of a stool flashed into my head. And then Etherea's grin spread.

Fuck.

"Yeah..." Like hell I was saying more.

"I will keep that in mind... should I ever desire to attract a human stallion."

If I'd been doing anything other than standing there dumbstruck I would have spluttered all over the place. That that was a possibility... That she might wear... That I might see... That we...

No. It was just harmless teasing. It had to be.

Definitely; she was laughing again. Which meant I was blushing. Great!

"Careful. You might end up with guys like Craig following you around."

Her laughter choked off with a snort.

"Really?" She sounded almost hopeful.

Which was not what I'd wanted to hear. Trying to sort out my fraying thoughts left me with nothing to say and just made her giggle again.

"You're just messing around, aren't you?"

"Umm... I assume that you mean I... am enjoying myself entirely too much."

Her grin widened when I nodded.

"Mmhmm. I hope that I have not taken things too far... from human propriety." Not this again. "But I am outside - truly and freely - for the first time in... most of a week, and without the worry... of accidental discovery. Summer is also coming on, so there is that as well." Wait, what-? "Of course I am going to enjoy myself. That would be something though; barely a week... on your world and already having suitors." She finished with a soft snort.

My thoughts tried to follow that hairpin corner and went careening back off into nowhere. She, on the other hand, simply sorted through another couple of shirts. Her ability to leave me reeling was absolutely incredible, especially because she had no idea what she'd hit on and then so casually dismissed.

Not that she was really available for me to desire.

"So, what about the other human garments? The, um, underwear?"

Yes, explaining underwear to a cute pony-as-girl. A good, safe topic that I was ever so excited for. Still, I could do this.

And if nothing else, leading Etherea across the aisle to the intimates section put some distance on the slowly encroaching gaggle of teenage girls.

"So this is underwear." A good, lame start. "Um... otherwise known as panties and bras. You wear panties under your pants, skirts, and whatnot for comfort. They're more comfortable than a lot of outerwear, and will prevent, um, chafing and all that. They're what you want for under things like jeans. Bras do much the sa-"

Etherea's gentle giggle cut straight through my thoughts. She was again looking up at the posters above and behind the section, these ones featuring women happily posing in their undergarments.

"Alex, I can see how they are meant to be worn."

Of course. I could have just pointed those out.

"What is the difference between these," she lifted a rather modest white set, "and these?" Her second choice was a light blue ensemble from a different display with much more elaborate edging and stitch work. It was also much slimmer.

"Is there a comfort difference... or is this second simply more ornate?"

Y'know, I'd never actually wondered how comfortable lingerie actually was. I'd always just kind of assumed it would be because of being silk and all that. "Those are, um, more for showing off."

"Showing off?" Her brows furrowed as she turned from her examination. "I thought you said... these went under your other clothes for comfort. When would they ever be on display?"

We stared at each other for a very long moment. There was no way she couldn't get it. And the longer she failed to connect the dots the warmer my cheeks got. Eventually my fingers started itching to twitch.

"When... would you want to take your clothes off around someone else?"

She blinked and flashed bright red. "Oh!"

Even better was that she practically lunged in her attempt to put the undergarments back on the rack. I tensed, ready to jump in her direction to help, but she caught the top of the rack and held herself steady.

Though the underwear in question ended up on the floor.

Her rosy color lingered as her eyes darted up and down between me and the dropped underwear. Eventually she crouched, guiding herself down with a hand on the bar that help up the rack, and retrieved the errant garments, placing them much more carefully back in their spot. It was only a supreme effort of will that kept my laughter contained. Mostly contained.

"Forgive me, I was not thinking... Wait, you are laughing?"

"No..." And then, despite myself, I was.

She straightened, looking like she wasn't quite sure who I was. "What...? I..."

I couldn't help prodding playfully. "Are you trying to tease me?"

"Maybe a little." She paused, taking a breath. "I thought this would be more embarrassing - that this," she motioned toward the rack she had fled, "would be too much."

"It's not that bad." Her cocked head and raised eyebrow said that she didn't believe me either. "Okay, it is a little bit embarrassing. I never expected to have to explain... things like this to a... to you. But then you were just so desperate to hide them." My grin twitched as I nodded downward. "Plus I put up with Cassie, right? And she was much more, um, blatant."

For a bit her face was unreadable. Then the corners of her lips curled slightly. "So it would not be... a problem for you to help me decide...," her eyes flicked sideways as her hand found a pair of modestly-cut panties with green and yellow horizontal stripes, "whether these would be appropriate to wear."

I shrugged. Honestly, one pair was about the same as another to me. An iron grip kept my mind firmly in line. They were just panties; it's not like she was wearing them.

The glint in her eye was worrisome though.

"Or..." Out came a light pink set with a less than subtle design leading the eyes to the prize and areas I could somewhat see through. "Pink has always been my favorite color."

Which, of course, did it for me. The baser part of my mind took it and ran - the pretty girl in front of me holding suggestive garments being too much. Her. Wearing nothing but that underwear. Striking a pose, flipping her hair, and a wink...

Damnit! I knew that making me blush was exactly her intent, and a part of me roiled at being teased over something I wanted but couldn't have. And in such a public place too! It all just rubbed me the wrong way. And it was exactly the reaction that I'd been trying to convince her I wasn't having. Or at least that it wasn't that bad.

She laughed crisply, oblivious to my turmoil, and carefully returned the panties to their spot.

And I just had to rebut. "You suck so much." But Mister Witty I was not.

"I do what?" She returned a look of honest confusion. "What do you mean by that?"

She didn't get it? Of course she didn't; it's not like she really understood English all that well! This was a good thing! As a human male, my mind had expected her to take that in a whole different direction - a direction that I was just now realizing might have been a bad idea.

A calm, safe explanation I could do though. "Said like that? It's sort of a playful way of saying that someone is being mean. In a friendly way."

She took a moment to digest that, eventually nodded before looking around. Too innocently. "Oh, well, I do not know... if I can help periodically being mean. You will simply have to live with me."

And just like that she was back on the offensive. From safely within the interior of my head I slapped my forehead hard enough that my ears should have been ringing. Fine, princess, I had told you I could live with it, so live with it I would.

She did check to see my reaction though.

"I'll manage." I would.

She smiled right back. "In all seriousness, I will need some help... determining what will fit me. I am sure I... can figure out some things, but others I have no experience with." She lifted and let drop the cup of a nearby bra.

"Honestly? I don't have much experience sizing women's clothing either." I shrugged helplessly. "I think what we'll have to do is just give you several options and then you'll have to try them on in the fitting rooms. Short of that, we'd have to get you measured and I don't think we want to try that in a Target. I mean, how human are you overall under those clothes?"

I was apparently the more embarrassed by that question because she frowned but otherwise didn't bat an eye.

"Mostly? As I said, I had references for... much of this form, but there are... portions that I simply could not estimate. We would not want anyone to... examine me closely."

"I figured." I scanned the area around us, noting that we weren't in danger of any of anyone else being too close. "Well, it should be pretty easy to sort out the basics like, um, your hips. Do you have any preferences for style?"

Hopefully turning that decision over to her wasn't a mistake. I knew how women shopped.

"Uhhhhh..." She blinked at the area around her. "Is there a price... difference between the styles?"

I silently breathed a sigh of relief. Thankfully she stayed agreeable and her biggest sticking point really was the price. She even made me assure her several times that what we were looking at was not going to tax me much.

Testing for her size was just a little uncomfortable, to say the least. Without any other way to measure her I fell back on the tried and true method of holding up a garment to see how well it wrapped around. And since she didn't know what to look for, I had to show her. Which meant I had to get right up close to her crotch, trying to stoically doing my duty of pressing the chosen pair of panties against her - and my jeans - to see how well they might fit, without paying too much attention.

I just kept telling myself that she was a pony on the inside. And a princess from another dimension. And the daughter of two ponies I didn't want to piss off any more than I might already have. And she had a coltfriend.

But all of my self-admonition did little to quell the fact that I was testing underwear on a very cute girl.

At least she was able to quickly sort out a handful of other potentials that also fit her aesthetic once I found one likely candidate. Her choices? Pink, of course.

And bras...

To be honest, I was completely lost. The only thing I could do was shove a few different sizes into her arms and guide her to the changing rooms. And preemptively admonish her to not try clasping them unless she was absolutely sure she could get back out again. It was a suggestion she took seriously, assuring me that under no circumstances would she get herself stuck in a garment.

Not that I didn't worry. There was just nothing else to do while I waited.

Worry about how Etherea was making out because, well, she wasn't the most steady on her feet. Worry that someone else in those changing rooms would somehow get tipped off to her nature. Worry because she was out of my sight and on her own in public for the first time ever. Sort of.

Hanging around like some creeper at the changing room entrance also wasn't an option. Hell, right outside behind a service counter it was a portly elderly lady sorting clothes. She wasn't paying attention yet, but that could change. So I moved off, finding that there were shelves of video games on the other side of the men's section. Though small and piteously-stocked they drew me in like a moth to a flame. And were still close enough that all I had to do was peek around a corner to check the changing rooms.

Now all I had to do was remain calm; Etherea was fine.

Despite my best efforts I still missed her emergence. By the time I noticed she was out she'd already been surrounded by the four teenagers. The game I'd been looking at went back, already forgotten, and I inched through into the men's section, torn between going over to help and not wanting to interrupt. How would she handle completely random strangers? I was actually more curious than worried - the teens seemed safe enough.

Sharp gestures and frowns punctuated their side of the conversation while Etherea, though defensively clutching her choice in underwear against her chest, kept patiently denying something. It had to be the hair - one of the teens tugged some of her own toward the disguised pony. The attendant behind the dressing room counter was openly paying attention but continued to calmly sort dropped off items. Her blatant attention seemed to be what eventually convinced one of the girls to pull the others away, the four of them snootily stomping back toward the entrance.

I took that as my cue and received a small smile before I got within easy talking distance.

"So, what was that about?"

"They wanted to... know how I had created the effect on my hair. And then, when I would not tell them, they instead insisted to... know where I had it done." She sent an unsatisfied look down toward the entrance. "They were very persistent."

"I noticed. And I thought so. I wouldn't worry about it."

"I am not." Her curtness still spoke volumes.

"So anyway, did you find something that, um, fit?" I glanced down and - surprise, surprise - rose-colored straps, bra cups, and portions of cloth stuck out from between her arms.

She held up the panties for my examination. "Oh yes, these seemed to fit well enough."

"You're a seven," I noted, seeing what was printed inside.

She tilted her head, violet eyes curious as she turned the garment so she could also look inside. "I am? Is that a good thing?"

"Oh, ummmm... It's just a, um, notation so it's easier to tell what else will fit you. I guess it's a good thing 'cause the seven here," I pointed it out and she looked from my finger back at me, "is on the lower end of things."

She just stared. Right, she literally knew nothing.

"The numbers go higher as you get, um, well, more fat. Size seven means that you're... not." Oh yes, Alex, how wonderfully tactful.

"Oh." The panties returned to the safety of her arms and she took a moment to sort her choices, grasping them awkwardly just in front of her stomach. "I had noticed that quite a few of the... people here are somewhat, um, larger than many that... I had seen so far. Is that normal?"

Well, I couldn't say she didn't catch on quick. I looked around, idly noting the truth of her statement in the half dozen or so people I could see. "Yeah... Land of plenty and all that. So lots over-indulge."

"I see."

Awkward silence? Check.

"I did have one problem while changing."

Good, a distraction! Not that I would ever call any problem coming from the disguised alien I'm hiding from all the surrounding oblivious humans 'good.' I dropped my chin and gave her an expectant look, dreading the worst.

"I could not tie, um, them again." She looked down.

What? Her shoes! Of course... Foolishness rose and then was doubled. I was probably blushing again. Damnit!

There was no getting out of it either; she just didn't have the manual dexterity. With a frustrated groan I stepped back over to her and crouched down to my task. Keeping an eye on my surroundings did me no favors because I noticed the lady at the changing room counter had stopped to watch.

And in the middle of it I couldn't help thinking just how silly Etherea looked with oversized shoes on. But y'know what? We could actually do something about that.

I lifted my head to scan around. Yup, there, up near the front of the store and back across the aisle.

"C'mon," I said, nodding forward as we began to wend our way through the racks.

"What are we doing now?" She ventured quietly after we'd passed by a family heading deeper into the store.

I might've been a bit hasty in getting her away from the changing room lady.

"Getting you some flip flops. They're really simple... Not shoes but still foot protection. You, um, you just slide them on and can go from there. Perfect for summer and not too expensive."

She walked around me to eye the tiers of shelves displaying a eye-catching array of colors arranged in no particular order. I stepped back as a smile settled on her face, growing as she leaned in to scan across the selections.

"Oh! These are perfect!" An entire half a second was spared to direct that smile at me. "They are like, um, hoof booties. Sort of."

Shit! Alright, nobody had noticed her verbal slip.

When I came back from checking for eavesdroppers Etherea was no longer looking at the flip flops. No, she was standing tall and gazing thoughtfully deeper into the women's section. I couldn't tell what, if anything, she was actually looking at. But I was pretty sure I didn't like her getting thoughtful in a clothes department.

"Eth... el?"

Nothing from her.

"Ethel?" A little louder this time.

"Oh! You meant..." She ducked her head while gaining faint red tinge. "I was just thinking."

That only made me more nervous! "I, uhhh... Yeah."

"I want to see something."

She grabbed a pair of dark gray flip flops with bubblegum pink straps, then headed back the way we had come. I fucking knew it...

But I followed dutifully, considering how exactly I would word my veto if she tried going overboard - I did have the money, after all. What she stopped at was a circular rack full of skirts. She immediately began circumnavigating the display, eyes glued to the riot of colors only somewhat less glaring than at the flip flop display. While coming around again she noticed me standing off a couple feet and met my eyes with an understanding grin.

"Sorry... A, ummm... a woman just cannot help herself." I sensed a- "Buuuuut, are these skirts reasonable?"

There it was. I glanced at the header above the center of the rack. "Well, they're just skirts so it's not like they're particularly expensive."

Her nod was slight but she relaxed slightly, apparently relieved, as she turned to face me directly. Hope had sprung fresh into those pretty eyes. "I know I am asking much after... not wanting you to spend any money on me, but would it be possible-"

My sigh cut her off. "This is only for one day, you know." Yeah, it was curt and it made me feel a little like an ass. She looked rather ridiculous in that set of clothes though. And would even more so in with flip flops. "But you are wearing jeans, which I know aren't the most comfortable. And I suppose... Since it was your birthday."

Her grin, which had been fading, popped right back. Some tiny part of me considered that well worth the money. But that's also how I found myself holding a pink cotton bra and panty set - a set that Etherea would be wearing soon.

I felt like such a dirty old man thinking like that.

Self-consciously keeping an eye on my surroundings, trying to think about nothing in particular, was a good distraction as Etherea poked at the display. She eventually pulled out a hem that was just on the red side of purple and compared it to her shirt and flip flops. The color wasn't actually too far off from that of her eyes.

The skirt apparently met her approval, but her first tug did nothing more than make the rack squeak. I was about to point out the problem - the hanger - but she'd already leaned in, her face lighting up in recognition just before she lifted it away.

For a moment she thought, comparing the knee-length garment to herself. "I like the colors."

I blinked, noting what she was wearing and what she might end up wearing. "Black and purple?"

"Uh huh." She stepped over and held out the skirt beside me. Comparing the color to the underwear of all things. "Black is a highly unusual color among ponies and... stands out a lot. I still love pink, but it is rather fun... wearing what feels like a very conspicuous color. It is not the best match, but this purple is still a nice splash of color."

"Y'know, if it's pink you're looking for, we might be able to find you a skirt with a picture of your mom on it." My mouth snapped shut as my brain registered a potentially fatal error.

Etherea spent a second wide-eyed but otherwise blank-faced bursting into laughter. I managed to crack a faint smile as she tried to recover, using the rack for support.

"Can you imagine?"

Yes, I could. And the image of Etherea traipsing about wearing a cartoony picture of her own mother brought a fuller smile to my face.

A quick check revealed a couple of options in her size and we headed back to the changing rooms. The lady paid us no mind outside of a nod as Etherea headed in back with her latest treasures.

Just as Etherea was about to step out of sight a thought crashed to the fore.

"Eth...! ...el." And I really needed to remember her name! "Hold up a second." That got the nearby lady's attention - Mary, by her nametag. This was going to really suck.

"Mary? Ummm, would she be able to just change into those clothes? She, uh, she lost hers on the flight over and right now, well, those aren't hers." Outside I was firmly in control. Inside I was carefully minding the rising tide of embarrassment.

Mary critically eyed the now stock-still Etherea. "Mmmmyes, we can do that. You got the fit right on all those?"

Etherea blinked, the corners of her mouth twitching a couple times before she managed an answer. "Yes, I believe I do."

"A'right," Mary fired back without pause. "You just hand them tags here when you're done and I'll check them for you. Then, when you're set, you go ahead and pay up front there."

"Got it." I found myself nodding along even though Mary hadn't been talking to me.

Now came the really hard part - especially because I'd drawn her attention back. I couldn't believe I was about to do this, but the alternative was to let Etherea go in, well, 'blind.' "A, uhhhh, tip to help you out there, Ethel. When you're, umm, putting the bra on you should put it on backwards so, ummm... so you can see the clasp." I pointed to my own sternum. "It'll be a lot easier that way, and then you can turn it around the right way." I moved my finger from one side of my chest to the other to demonstrate.

Please, please, please let her understand!

Etherea paused, looked down at the straps dangling from her hands, while I died piece by piece inside. After an interminable moment she looked up grinning, though that faded on seeing the new, redder me.

"Yes, thank you, Alex. I think that will help." She sent a fleeting, comforting smile before finally stepping carefully out of sight.

Okay, now I just had to smooth over the stone that was tying up my gut.

"What kinda' woman that age don't know how to wear a bra?"

Or Mary could just make it worse.

"Ummm, she's European." At least my lies were consistent, if flimsy as hell.

"Really now? Pretty sure they got bras over there."

I finally made myself to look at the lady behind the counter. She was leaning toward me slightly with her hands clasped on top of a neat pile of various folded clothes.

"I don't really know the place, okay? It's over there somewhere. She was, um, she was a bit confused about our clothes... I guess they don't believe in them, or something, in her hometown."

She grunted - a true, deep grunt. "And you're just the man t' help her out with all these new clothes." I bristled, a tide of anger rising at her implications. "Look, you seem nice enough - helping her and all - but she's playin' you. There's nobody, and I mean nobody, looks like that and don't know what a bra is. And she's got no 'European' accent I ever heard."

"It's not like that," I said, trying to think of an explanation to counter with.

"Sure." Her gaze leveled as an eyebrow rose. "Just watch yourself. If she start askin' for things, you'd best drop her quick."

Etherea wasn't like that. Not even close. Though I couldn't possibly explain how I knew. My frustration became less about what Mary had said and more about my inability to refute it. Gritting my teeth was all I could do. That and turn away, ending the conversation as I sought something else to do while I waited.

Fuming wasn't fun and it wasn't productive. Perusing the belts, socks, and other such things in the nearby men's section also did little to help. Still, by the time a tall girl with color-shifting hair came back into view I had a better handle on myself. I wasn't going to let Mary bother me too much when I knew the truth. Plus, she was just trying to help, if in a messed up, blunt kind of way.

I was also strangely eager to see Etherea's new look as I came back around. She caught sight of me just before she reached Mary's counter, her small smile lighting up her whole face.

And she looked good. The black, too-large Avenged Sevenfold t-shirt still seemed odd on her to me, yet the purple-ish skirt hugging her hips and hanging loosely around her thighs did so much to make her look more feminine. For the first time I could see her bare legs. Some of them. From calves to ankles they were smooth and shapely, and her feet ended in neat little toes. Just about perfect to my eyes.

It was such a strange thought, to think that she may have consciously designed her features that way, but it didn't make them any less effective. And I had the perfect opportunity to gawk while she dropped off her extras with Mary. She did have some really nice legs there.

That left a sour taste in the back of my throat though. After all, I was enabling her to present herself as more attractive. I only had myself to blame for reacting accordingly.

I sighed, unable to just let myself be.

"...could not get these ones off." She handed the flip flops to Mary - tags still attached - then turned to me, my jeans still bundled in one arm. "What do you think?"

After a second's consideration I decided on simplicity. "You look good. Certainly more, well, natural." It was the truth! Amazing how a simple skirt made her look more like her own person. "More comfortable?"

"Thank you! And yes, this is much more comfortable. I, um, I had never worn pants before and it... was very distracting."

That begged a glance at Mary but she was still sorting out the tags.

"This feels much more... more familiar. And look!"

She handed my pants over and then stepped back, the fingers of one hand resting lightly on the end of the counter. When she had a little distance she twisted her hips back and forth, the skirt swirling about her thighs and whisping gently. I kind of wanted to keep watching her do that - leggy girls in skirts being my one weakness; stupid magazines helping her find it - but she stopped a moment later, grinning widely.

"It is almost like..." Her mouth snapped shut and she twitched, her eyes not quite heading in Mary's direction, before continuing. "Umm, no offense, but wearing your, um, pants was very distracting. This feels much more natural."

Her happiness did a lot to make me feel better about buying more stuff for her, but my chuckle was a bit forced as I noted how high Mary's eyebrows had climbed. "Nice? Glad to hear. That it's all better, that is." Classic flub. "So, um, are you ready then?"

"Yes. I promise to not spend any more of your, um... money in this place."

"I'm holding you to that," I put as much mock sternness into my voice as I could and we both laughed.

After Mary finished up it was but a moment for Etherea to don the flip flops, beaming a great smile as she fitted her own feet without assistance. An accomplishment we could all be proud of, to be sure. At least I was.

And I was glad to be finally getting away from there. Especially after Mary looked me right in the eyes while telling us to take care. I really wanted to set the record straight but no, accepting it and leaving was easily the better option. Even outside trying to do so without revealing Etherea, we had things to do today.

After only one step Etherea twitched and froze. I stiffened, my head snapping around. What was wrong now?!

She looked down with comical slowness. My eyes followed, trying to locate the problem. Before I could ask about it she took another step, forcing me to follow.

Pap.

I snorted, fighting to not laugh as she continued to stare in wonder at her feet. "That's why they're called flip flops."

"Oh, that will take some getting used to," she said, voice tinged with amusement. Her attention remained downward as we started off again, a giggle breaking free as her feet flapped along happily.

The front of the store was much the same as before, just with different people. Etherea was again trying to watch everything and everyone at once and gently holding my right arm for balance. It was difficult to suppress my discomfort because there was no way we didn't look like a couple but I'm pretty sure I managed a neutral face as we arrived at a cashier. I explained the situation while laying out the tags, though Etherea proved to be engrossed in a nearby tabloid display when it came to pointing out the various things she was already wearing.

I preemptively told her 'no' and she pouted playfully. Both of us grinned.

A switch must have flipped when the cashier read the total and I swiped my card because Etherea's head popped up, her eyes darting between me, the cashier, and my wallet. How she hadn't noticed the cashier working the scanner I didn't know. By the time I finished signing my name she was biting her lower lip like it was the only thing keeping her questions at bay.

She lasted up until we were between the two sets of exit doors.

"Was the card you displayed not currency? You took it right back. Did that, um, slotted... device do something to it? How does it work?" Eager violet eyes locked onto mine from just beyond my shoulder.

"It's electronic. The-"

"You use electricity - your very power source - as currency?" Her face scrunched as she tried to wrap her head around it.

"What? No, not like that. Electronic means having to do with electrical systems. It's sort of a catch-all for many such things. My money's, well, regular currency in a bank and that card tells the, um, reader where it is. The reader then links to the bank's records and makes the transaction."

Another wonderfully concise explanation for an impressively complex reality. I was getting good at this.

Etherea was silent, staring straight ahead, as we stepped back into sunlight and instant warmth. I bet she wasn't missing her coat now.

"That is ingenious."

Her child-like wonder made me smile. "Yeah, thinking about it, it-"

"Hey twat-waffle!"

I blinked. Wait, that hadn't been Etherea. She never would have, even had she know the phrase. But for a second we still looked at each other like idiots.

"Esurli... esha?" Etherea whispered.

My brain fritzed and she went beet red. She hadn't just... She had. I filed that away for future consideration because that new, faintly thick voice had been awfully familiar.

I'd been vaguely aware of the people coming and going around us but, now that I was alerted, noted there was someone coming up from behind us. My distraction meant that I didn't immediately recognize the somewhat heavy set man with a split moustache and short, scruffy umber beard trotting up to us as a friend. Distant - met through a chain of other friends - but one all the same.

Phil! That was his name. And of course, with us just outside a busy entrance and Etherea's hair already drawing looks, Phil had gone with creative invectives to get our attention. I near-unconsciously put a little distance between Etherea and myself as he reached us. Two huffs caught his breath as he straightened his oversized gray t-shirt and swiped his short, wavy hair back into place.

"Jesus, Alex, hold up a sec." He turned, his eyes lingering on Etherea. "And Alex' friend. Hi, Phil, nice to meet you."

Etherea stepped right up and stuck a hand out, the other still on my arm. "Ethel. It is nice to meet you as well."

Phil paused, looking down at her offering, before grasping it firmly and shaking once. "Ethel. Hope you don't mind, but I just gotta' say 'nice.' When Alex finally does something he really goes all out, huh? Oh, and cool hair."

Yup, that was it; my life was over. A friend of mine not only knew about Etherea, but had caught us in a compromising position. Well, relatively. The damage would invariably be the same though. I resolutely covered my dismay with a passive expression.

And Etherea... She spent a moment futilely working her mouth. A simple nod was her eventual decision, the corners of her lips twitching indecisively.

Like he'd just demonstrated, Phil was particularly blunt so he often rubbed certain people the wrong way. I'd seen some spectacular arguments between him and those who took exception - at a safe distance - but I'd never had a problem. His personality made me careful to never take any real offense, which was probably why he considered me so agreeable.

"So, anyways. We wanted to catch you before you disappeared on us- "

"We?" Stupid question. Phil and KC were roommates, and since KC owned their ride - a truck - he had to be around somewhere.

"Yeah, me an' KC. What, you think I just hang out at Target?" They did live a ways outside town.

"No... Just distracted." I'd said it before realizing why I wouldn't have wanted to.

"I can see why." The way Etherea blushed when Phil gave her a long, slow looking over did absolutely nothing to help me. "KC'll be right out. He wanted to see if they had any good pants, some kinda' glue gun, and some other stuff, and didn't want you to leave before he could talk to you. Probably planning another bonfire."

Like clockwork a smaller young man with short, spiky blonde hair came ambling out carrying a bag full of something. Wearing a black t-shirt with a Halo game logo, jeans with legs several sizes too wide, and having a noticeable fondness for chains, studs, rivets, and similar clothing accessories easily gave one a certain dark image of his personality. Which would then be thoroughly shattered by his ready smile and easy friendship. Even I was left a bit weirded out by the dichotomy.

Today was no different as his smile popped into place. "Alex! Hey! And who's this?"

Just what I needed; more friends in on this. "Um, this is Ethel."

"Cool, cool. Didn't know you had a girl; should bring her around. Nice to meet you Ethel." He smiled at her in turn while Phil nodded along with his suggestion.

Her throat seem to have caught her words as her eyes flitted rapidly between my two friends, her chin dropping a fraction of an inch. She still managed a simple, "Likewise." Her hand came up again and after a pause KC shook it - lighter than Phil had.

Somehow my brain managed to stay on track. "Another bonfire?"

"Yeah. Glad I caught you. Dad and I've been busy-" they were landscapers, "-so we've collected a lot of extra crap-" I couldn't look at Etherea's reaction - that would just make it worse for her, "-so I'm planning a bonfire Saturday two weeks from now. I'll be passing the word around on Facebook. Wanted to know if you'd be coming. It'll be the usual: get there like six-ish, have some dogs and burgers-" I actually flinched that time, "-light it up when it gets dark, and stay till whenever."

What would I be doing that weekend? I had no idea. "Ummmm..."

I found myself inadvertently looking at Etherea. Her chin had dropped further, strands of blue hair threatening to fall off her shoulders to obscure her face.

"You should totally bring Ethel." He went back to addressing her, already looking at her with earnest hopefulness. "We get this huge fire going and then everyone hangs around playing stupid games and gettin' drunk. It's a lot of fun."

Thanks KC. This just wasn't going to be my day, was it? There were so many reasons to hope against being able to do that. And yet, one big one for. I really wanted to shake my head and hopefully dislodge the thought, but now wasn't the time.

"I do not know that I will still be, um, in town then." Etherea to my rescue! "I am just visiting, after all."

"Oh? You don't live near here, then?"

If only he knew.

"A city by the name of Canderiloen in...," Etherea trailed off, meeting my eyes for a fraction of a second.

"It's in Europe," I finished.

"Daaaaaaamn. You came all the way over here just to hang with Alex?" Phil stepped closer. I didn't see the punch until my shoulder jolted, forcing me to shift one of my feet to stay balanced. "Good job, man." Back to Etherea he went. "Well, if you're still in town in a couple weeks you should come and hang out. KC's bonfires are fuckin' fun."

"I, um... Alright." She seemed resigned to having no good answer. I knew that pain all too well.

"Look, just keep it in mind and let me know." KC encompassed both of us in a much less forceful look than Phil was giving. "It'd be cool to have you both but I understand if you can't."

"Will do," I managed.

"Awesome. Hey, we'll catch you later. Still hunting for some good chain links before we stop by game the store. Nice meeting you Ethel."

"Later. And you better be there." Phil pointed at Etherea with mock seriousness.

Neither Etherea or I had an immediate response to that - though I suspect for very different reasons - but Phil had already turned to follow KC.

"Yeah. Alright, see you KC. Phil." I lamely waved them off, more than happy to just help the situation blow over. Etherea followed my lead after a slight hesitation.

Even as we stood there, finally alone again, my mind churned with a lingering general unease. It wasn't until my friends were well beyond hearing until I felt safe enough to voice the only coherent thought in my head.

"That's going to come back and bite me."

"They thought we were a couple." Thank you Princess Obviousness.

Actually, that wasn't really fair. I mentally backtracked while stepping forward to get her moving again. She still looked a little shell-shocked and, hell, having KC and Phil just pop up like that left me feeling more than a bit.

"Yes, well, girls don't normally hang off the arms of random guys." I also needed to curb my tension-based snippiness. A moment's effort did help me to refocus.

"I apologize for that," she began. "I, ummmm..."

I jumped in, "Don't be. It's not like we could have done this without it. I just..." I sighed heavily.

"Yes, but I know how uncomfortable it makes you." Her concern was touching.

"I'll be alright," I affirmed.

She nodded, beginning to smile again as we reached the rear of my car. It didn't last long though. Her head lifted, eyes darting about, and she began scanning around us with curious little jerks of her head. Whatever she was looking for continued to elude her, causing her brows to furrow. She seemed more curious than anything but I couldn't tell why.

I reminded myself to remember her 'name.' "Ethel? What's up."

"I do not know. There is a sound..."

I cocked my head and tried to filter through the ambient noise. There was something. A soft but rising nearly omnipresent mechanical whine. It wasn't something I'd hear everyday but it also wasn't unknown. Etherea had pinned it down too and was looking across the parking lot toward a distant fence with a line of trees beyond.

"What is that?!"

The noise had climbed to a dull roar on its way to a reverberating scream. Some of the people in the parking lot - mostly those with kids - were paying attention now.

"Jet engine. It's gonna' be really loud. Get in the car."

I plopped into my seat quickly and tossed my leftover clothes into the back seat as Etherea tried to crawl in head first. It took some awkward twisting to get her butt down properly and she almost fell face-first into the center console in her hurry. Both of her arms lashed out once she was stable, hauling the door shut with far more force than was necessary. Being inside helped but could not fully mute the roar.

"Now we can-"

"Alex? What is that?!" Her voice went strident as her eyes silently begged for a comforting answer.

"...talk. It's a jet. There's an air base south of here and that... Yup. A C-5."

She wasn't paying the slightest attention. "Erdasu selsaia selias!"

A giant matte gray airplane slid into view low above the line of nearby buildings and was carving a lazy arc through the sky. It was always difficult to judge size when they were airborne, yet the ponderous wings sweeping out from the blunt body and supporting four underslung engines gave it a sense of extreme mass. The relative languidness of its motion was just deceptive.

Etherea bent herself around, her rear lifting from the seat, as she followed the plane's path.

"We're never getting out of here, are we?" I lamented.

Color-shifting hair whipped around her - it was really amazing how it did that - as she suddenly sat again, eyes bulging. "Danta esvor...? Ummm... What is that thing?"

"It's a cargo jet. Kinda' low so they must be doing maneuvers today." She just blinked and kept staring. "It's an airplane. Ummm, I don't know how better to explain it. That's what it is."

"You can not do magic," she protested. "How does it stay in the air? I do not see air balloons, or propellers, or... And what is that noise?! How...?" Her head snapped back to the window." By the stars, how fast is it moving? I already cannot see it!"

Yup, we weren't going anywhere yet.

"Okay, the basics are this. Those wings are shaped so that when its moving there's an air pressure difference that pulls the wings up. That keeps it in the air when it's moving fast enough. And no," I shook my head, "I don't know how fast it actually goes. A lot faster than us, that's for sure."

She was looking at me again. I wondered when she'd give herself whiplash. "But... you don't have Harmony! How can you generate that kind of... force in the air?"

"Jet engines. Those things under its wings have propellers inside that suck in air, compress it, add fuel, ignite it, and blast it out the back. It's not that different than my car's engine," I patted the dashboard, "just a lot more advanced. The controlled explosions generate the force to move the vehicle. Internal combustion engine and all."

I took a moment to think over my explanation. I didn't think I'd missed anything.

Etherea continued to forge ahead though. "Does everything in this world run on explosions?"

Her question brought me to an abrupt stop. First off, she was completely serious. Second, I actually had to think about that too. Coal, oil, wood, nuclear... I could see how, given what I'd told her so far, that would be a reasonable assumption.

"No... Not everything. But a lot of things." I had a pretty good idea what her next question was going to be. "Don't worry, my car's perfectly safe. We've perfected these things over the last two hundred years or so. If it somehow breaks down, all it'll do is just shut off. But I keep up with it so the chances of that are, um, tiny."

She watched me for a moment, the sound of the jet fading into the background. "That would be bad for that flying vehicle though."

"Uhhh, yes. Very much so. We're very careful about them though."

"So not something for me to worry about?"

"No."

And she accepted it just like that, just nodding like all her worry was gone! I took a second to make sure but, yes, she'd flipped straight from bug-eyed to pure wonderment. She was twisting back and forth in her seat, trying to figure out where it had gone.

It was gratifying to see how far we'd come from her first freak outs.

"Will I see it again?" She was just so eager now.

"I'm sure it will come around again at some point."

There must have been frustration in my tone as well because she returned to me, her worry plain in her eyes. "You are not content to sit and wait, are you."

I flinched, but could not bring myself to be anything but honest. "Not really. It's fun and all to explain all this, but I don't really want to spend all day sitting here pointing things out."

She sheepish tilted her head, smiling faintly at me. "I... understand. So, where to? A daylight tour of all the locations we visited last night?"

"I think that was the plan." Finally! Maybe Oggie's was open.

Just a couple things first. Minor ones, really... "First off, don't forget to buckle your seat belt."

She did so as quickly as her lack of finger coordination would allow. A mock glare told me she was going to do this for herself, or else.

"And, just so you know, when you're sitting down in a skirt you'll want to do one of two things: either hold your knees together or quickly cross your legs. It doesn't matter so much here in the car, but it's for, y'know, any place that someone might see... well, up your skirt." That, by itself, was probably too strict. "But it's not like you have to make sure nobody's looking or anything, just make the effort to show that you're not trying to, um... show everything off and nobody will pay attention. 'Kay?"

She dutifully listened, nodding as I wrapped up. Testing my advice by crossing her legs here in the car didn't work out so well, but she did figure out how to sit without flashing her panties to the world. Thank God for that; I didn't need any more distractions from her.

Then she wiggled her hips experimentally. "These clothes really are much more comfortable."

Good to know that her underwear was comfortable. And that it wasn't chafing...

Ugh! Dragging my mind back from dirty places was becoming all too-common a habit. There were definitely some bad sides to hanging around her.

As we pulled back out into traffic - me again careful of the distance between my car and others - she brought her hands up and placed them on the dashboard. She sat there, feeling the car rumbling gently for a bit.

"Is this one very powerful?"

"For its engine size, yes," I responded distractedly. "Supercharged to two hundred-some horsepower. Not the-"

"Wait..." She mouthed something to herself, her face scrunching in serious concentration. "Horse. Power? Power generated by... horses?"

I stole a quick glance and found her watching me.

"Sort of? We measure our engines by how they compare to the amount of work some kind of horse could do. My car's engine can do the equivalent work of two hundred or so. The engines on that jet are measured in thousands. Maybe more. Don't really know."

"Oh! That makes more sense." She gave a light chuckle. "I could not understand... the original word and its components did not make... much sense individually either."

In the back of my mind I noted my mouth dropping open. "Wait, you didn't...? You're already parsing English?"

"I actually have quite a bit of... linguistic experience." Her tone was absolutely laden with pride, though she followed with an easy grin. "Though really, you still... have prehistoric horses. The word stands out to me and it... was not hard to work forward from there."

Well, that made sense. I nodded, unsure what else to say about that, and for a few seconds there was glorious, deafening silence. Talk about worrisome.

"Are there any... horses near here?"

A chill went down my spine as I caught up to the topic shift. I knew exactly where there were and it wasn't terribly far - not when you had all afternoon free. But did I really want to head there even if it was for her? There was no way she wasn't going to ask that next.

The rising worries weren't enough to make me hide the truth. "Sort of."

"Would it...?"

I cringed. Here it came.

"Would it be possible to see them?"

Yup. Now I had two options. I could agree and put myself in a position I wasn't at sure I was comfortable with. Or I could tell her no and have to try explaining why, which might be just as bad. Directly confront my 'issues' or try to subtly skirt them with Miss Perceptive over there.

"Alex?"

And I needed to decide right fucking now. "I... We probably can." God, I hoped this would go alright.

The way her face lit up, like she was ready to jump over and hug me, made it somewhat better. This was for her, after all. Actually, the way she sort of vibrated with eagerness for a minute was pretty worrisome. If she start crawling over...

I actually wasn't sure what I'd do. Stop her, certainly. Somehow. I wasn't sure how while also driving.

Instead, much to my relief, she thanked me with a much more mundane hand on my shoulder. I tipped my head in acknowledgement.

As we turned southward - like I was heading to work on my day off - I existed in a bit of a daze. Was I throwing myself headlong into a fire with this? These were horses and I had some kind of sick attraction for them. I again let myself worry that my reaction existed, how strong it was or wasn't, what it would be like with Etherea there...

Etherea, who was getting a good, long look at the C-5 as it nosed ungainly through the sky in another wide loop around us. Her fascination was total, all traces of worry over the aircraft's presence seemingly gone like the wind.

Something about her told me I was worrying too much. My feelings felt incredibly strange - even slightly unpleasant - but I wasn't worried about my control of them. If anything I should be more mindful of my feelings for her.

And all that wouldn't be resolved here and now.

She proved to be great company after the C-5 disappeared again, starting up an impromptu and long-running game of 'Etherea spies.' Cars great and small, vans, trucks, SUVs, tankers, trailers, and more - even the underside of an overpass - became topics of conversation. Nothing escaped her. Where were they from? What was the difference between one and another? What were the symbols and markers, and what did they mean?

It was far more information than any single person could process in the time we had but her exuberance rubbed off on me. This was a kind of game! And at the end I could look forward to sharing horses with an intelligent alien mini-horse. The ludicrousness of the scenario was more entertaining than I cared to admit even to myself.

But that just made it more fun!

The entrance to the stables was on the outside corner of a shallow S-shape in the road on the opposite side from where we were traveling. Even from a distance, as we approached the first curve, I could plainly see a dark equine shape in the fenced area out front and across their drive from the track.

Was it the one I'd been 'oggling' the other day? It was hard to tell given the difference in time of day. So... maybe.

I firmly wrangled my thoughts away from where that might lead.

Etherea had been busy watching the C-5 in the distance behind us, but as I headed into the U-turn that would bring us to the stable's entrance the horse was put right in her sights. A hand in front of her mouth poorly covered her full-body gasp and she left it in front of her mouth, apparently forgotten - I tried and failed to not chuckle - even after we pulled into the entrance. As we passed the horse, which was a rich brown so dark as to be black, Etherea twisted around like she was going to climb into the back seat to continue watching as it passed by.

What was it with her and climbing around inside moving cars? It's like she'd never...

Never mind.

While it might be fun for a quick peek any other time - not that I would actually ever - here and now, while pulling into some place, was not the time for it. A hand on her shoulder got her to sit still, her cheeks lighting up red as her smile fluctuated.

But y'know what? Even if the horse was just nosing at patches of grass, or looking at our car with mild interest - seriously, exciting stuff - I figured I understood. For her this would be like stepping back in time - kind of like me getting to meet a neanderthal, or a dinosaur, or something. I could only imagine the sheer awesome in such a situation.

The house at the end of the drive was two-storied, white, and had peaked windows poking up from its roof. With neat lines and largely unadorned it was a classic example of American semi-rural architecture. On the other side it had a narrow covered porch with slim, square columns, and was separated from a similarly pristine stable by a small expanse of blacktop. Two cars were on the porch side while a heavy pickup sat at the opposite from where the drive came around.

The stable itself was set lengthwise along the blacktop with the drive-side end opening to the track while more fenced plots and the hitch of a very large trailer showed around the far end. A large double door was propped wide in the center of the wall facing us, as well as the two windows to either side of it, giving us clear glimpses through the stalls and out the other side.

In the window nearest the track end there was even the back of a brownish horse.

Not that I paid too much attention because dead center of the blacktop were two people who had clearly just broken off a conversation to watch us: a tall tanned man in a dark blue shirt, jeans, and boots and a middle-aged woman in riding breeches and a white shirt, her straight black hair coming to just below her ears. They moved aside and let me pull into some of the open space next to the house.

Well, here goes.

I gathered up my best, most pleasant attitude and crossed my fingers. Figuratively.

When I checked the rearview only the man was still there, arms crossed and expression blank. I guess he knew we were unexpected. That brought a small twinge of consternation; we might be taking time from something properly scheduled. I was sure stables had a lot of upkeep, after all.

To add to my woes, it struck me just then that Etherea wasn't really attired for a tromp around a stable. At the minimum she'd have to switch back to my shoes.

Which just made me so much more glad I'd bought those flip flops.

"Alex, this will not cost you anything, will it?"

Speaking of reasons I could have used to dissuade her.

"I, um, hope not." People had to be able to check out the place before forking anything over.

Etherea frowned but I was already moving on. "So I just remembered that they keep animals here. Some areas will be, well, dirty no matter what." It was a bit of a stretch to the back seat, but I managed to snag her other footwear. "You're not going to want to be wandering around in those flip flops. You think you can handle these?"

God, I hoped so. I didn't want to have to tie her shoes for her in front of this guy.

"Ummmm... Possibly." It would have to do.

"Alright. I'm going to see what I can find out while you do that. Okay?"

She nodded, her jaw set and eyes boring into the two shoes in her lap.

Warmth surrounded me the instant I stood outside the car. A split second later the scents of animals, hay, and manure filtered in as well. Which just left...

Up close the man had the classic ruggedness that went so well with being a cowboy, though tempered slightly by softness around the edges that only came from a life of good living.

"Something I can do for you?" It was a lot more confrontational than I'd expected, ramping up my unease.

I could still be pleasant right back though. "I hope so. My friend, um, Ethel is visiting and has never seen a horse up close before. We were kinda' hoping it would be okay to take a look."

One corner of his lips twitched, his eyebrows dropping. "You just want to see a horse?"

"I guess. Yeah." I managed to hold back the urge to fidget.

"You been around horses before?"

It was tempting to be smug, but this guy worked with horses all the time. "Yeah. Had a couple lessons way back when and went on a few trail rides."

"So then you've got some idea...?"

The door of a car opening interrupted us, drawing our attention to Etherea as she stood - pulled herself up, really - with a fair amount of confidence. The hand she'd placed on the roof distracted her almost immediately, and then a second later her nose scrunched. Her 'I just chomped on a lemon' face was entertaining, to say the least.

Yes, Princess, that's horse manure in the air.

Even so, she was quick to smile as her focus shifted to our host. One of his eyebrows inched incrementally upward.

"Hello! I am Eth... el. It is a pleasure to meet you."

Shit! I’d forgotten introductions!

"Austin. Welcome to Brennock Stables." At least he was merely cool rather than something worse.

"Alex," I filled in as Austin looked back to me. "And thanks for this."

He shrugged. "This way."

Etherea spent a second watching her hand as it glided along my car before meeting me at the trunk. She'd gotten out of the car far faster than I'd expected and I couldn't help but glance downward as she came fully into view. Below her skirt were tied shoes, somehow, though there was something different about the knots. I couldn't quite identify how, and with Austin striding away there wasn't time to check. She met my eyes with a growing smile as I offered my arm again.

"Thanks!" she said airily as her head began to swivel, beginning to take in the new location. "This is so exciting! Real, living yu... ummm, horses!" She bumped her shoulder into mine a little too forcefully, nearly put me off balance when she stumbled.

"S-sorry!" She dropped her chin, cheeks going red. "That works so much better as a... a... Never mind."

"I know," I said, trying to be mollifying. Switching gears, I glanced down tellingly. "So how'd you manage...?"

Realization dawned only after she dropped her whole head to look.S "Oh! Yes, I..." She tapped her forehead with the fingers of one hand.

Magic? She'd used magic around Austin?!

I was putting together a vicious admonition before I caught myself. Not here in front of the man I wanted to hide it from.

"Do not worry, he could... not have seen," she whispered.

That didn't mean a thing! There were all kinds of places someone else could have spotted her!

Though that was yet another thing to shelve for later. At least we weren't being bombarded with questions about her angelic halo. Yet. Hopefully I was just being paranoid. As we came up to Austin again, who was waiting with folded arms by the open double door and tapping a finger, I made sure my expression was calmer than I felt.

"So, alright. A couple of rules. Don't touch anything without permission, especially the horses. You don't want to go spooking them." he gave Etherea a serious look. "And pretty much everything else is someone's. Just behave yourselves and you'll do alright. Now c'mon; follow me."

In we went, Austin's footsteps thudding heavily on the wooden floor in counterpoint to Etherea's blissful clomping. We passed through what was very loosely an entryway with chest-high dividers to either side topped by thick, black bars separating us from the nearest stalls. Two rather spacious stalls were to the left and right of the entry, the far right one holding the brown horse we'd seen from outside. Against the far wall were four more stalls mirroring the ones on this side with an alcove that matched the entryway. Its walls featured several lockers, a large boot rack, benches, and tack hooks - on one of which reigns currently hung.

Just as the smell of animals and hay punched my sinuses - from the outside it was clear animals lived nearby, but across the threshold was clearly their very lair - I was stopped by a slow tug from the arm Etherea held. She'd planted herself just inside, stiff as a board, her grip tightening and not letting me continue. Her free hand shot up to cover her entire nose as her eyes made a valiant attempt to leap across the building like an old Warner Brothers cartoon. She'd spotted the black horse across the alleyway and left from the entrance, a white spot on its forehead and a larger splotch on its nose.

My brain saw fit to point out that this horse might also have been the one I'd been watching the other day.

Patting Etherea's hand was partly to comfort her and also to give myself something else to concentrate on. She twitched and went faintly pink, looking over at me as the spell broke.

Austin turned languidly when he reached the center of the alleyway. "Here we are. Currently we're stabling four horses. Down on the end," he indicated the brown horse, "we have Daisy May, a Standardbred. She's fifteen point two hands and a trained harness racer. On my right is Buster, a Morgan. He's fourteen point seven hands and one of..."

He?! I might've been ogling a stallion the other day? Oh, goddamnit! What the hell was wrong...?

Actually, that kind of thinking was completely ridiculous. I couldn't really fault myself for something I couldn't have known.

Plus worrying was distracting me from more important things.

"...working with Smokey Anandalite." Austin had his hand pointing toward the left end of the stable, just outside of which the lady from earlier was brushing down a larger light brown horse with blonde mane and tail. "He's another Standardbred and our other instruction horse. Stands at sixteen point four hands." He nodded back past Etherea and I. "Out front you probably saw Sweet Sunrise, the other racer who stables here, though we just call her 'Pitch.'"

Crap! I'd missed the lady's name. No matter how I tried I'd truly seemed to have missed it.

"So, how much do you know about horses?" Austin faced both of us but it was clear by how his eyes lingered beside me that the question was for Etherea.

"I have seen them from a distance," she managed, her hand still over her nose.

I swallowed a laugh at her obvious - to me - evasion while Austin nodded slowly, his lips tight. He moved over to the chest-high wooden door of Buster's stall.

Buster had been watching us off and on while pulling bites from something hung just inside the stall but he brought his head up to nose between the bars as Austin passed. He followed along and stuck his head over the door, reaching forward until Austin set a hand near the top of his forehead and began scratching. Apparently that wasn't enough because he nudged Austin's shoulder.

"Alright. Well, why don't you step right over and come say 'hello?' He's perfectly friendly. It's what makes him good for-"

Something slammed against wood down the alley behind us, a hollow crack filling the stable's enclosed space. I'm pretty sure we all jumped. Maybe not Austin - he just cocked an eyebrow - but my heart definitely skipped a beat. Poor Etherea flinched hard enough that I had to brace against her.

Down at the other end was Daisy May looking at us expectantly through the bars of her stall.

"Yeah, that's our Daisy," Austin grumbled. "Good racer but spoiled rotten. David should know better but he doesn't much care. Don't mind her."

I bobbed my head in acknowledgement before looking over to my side where Etherea was still staring toward the far end. "So... Gonna' go say 'hi?'" Another nod got her pointed in the right direction.

She gave my arm another squeeze. "He's so big," she breathed in awe.

And then I couldn't breathe. It's not like she was referring to anything other than the horse's general mass - she couldn't see that. But despite the howling amusement in my head I couldn't embarrass her like that. She was just so tense already.

A small tug got her moving again, though her movements were just as stiff as the rest of her. Stumbling once forced her to pay more attention to her surroundings.

It also brought Austin's eyebrow creeping up his forehead.

"So... when you first meet a horse you'll want to pay close attention to how they're watching you." Austin's explanation carried only a hint of his former curtness. "See how Buster's ears are up and he's alert but nice and relaxed? You can see he's in a good mood so it should be safe to approach."

I kind of already knew that but it was good for Etherea to hear. As we moved in and Buster came within range I presented a hand before his muzzle. He took the cue and investigated with a few deep sniffs before flapping his lips against my palm.

"Good. You do know something of what you're up to." Austin turned a thoughtful frown on Buster. "Seems Daisy's been rubbing off on you, boy. Shouldn't listen to her."

And back to us. "So Buster's checked you out and, as you can see, he's okay with you. You can go and rub his muzzle, forehead, or even his ears. Just keep an eye on them. If his ears go back then stop whatever you're doing."

Really simple stuff. So simple that I looked over at Etherea. She took the hint with a wavering grin and lifted her hand. It was a slow process as she inched closer. Honestly, it reminded me of those first anxious moments with her when I wasn't sure I wanted confirmation that she was actually laying on my floor.

Buster, completely defying the gravity of the moment, decided it was the perfect time to rub his nose across one shoulder - maybe wiping the boogers off, or something. His head came right back around and he planted his nose in the center of Etherea's palm, whuffling mightily. Etherea just stood there, immobile but grinning like an idiot, as her hand was molested.

It was an amazing moment as equine met... sort of equine. I couldn't help cracking a grin.

"So, what do you think?"

Her eventual response was breathy and distant. "Amazing."

Buster pulled his head back, lip curled upward, before pressing against the door and giving Etherea a faceful of muzzle. Her head jerked and the sudden motion tripped her backward, her arm slipping from my grasp as she flailed. I made another, desperate grab but missed. She landed on her butt with a sharp cry.

Austin was already talking Buster deeper into his stall as I dropped to my knees.

"Woah, woah, woah! Eth... uh, you alright?" With a second's hesitation - now wasn't the time for it! - I put a hand on her shoulder.

"I... I am. Mostly." She grimaced when she turned her hands over, showing the fresh smears of dirt and hay.

The way she seemed to be trying to avoid putting any weight on her rear told me all I needed to know about the 'mostly' part. Great... That was, what, the third or fourth time she'd been hurt there since arriving? I quickly caught her hand and pulled her up to assuage my shame at her recurring situation.

Getting her back up was easy; keeping her there not so much. I had to grab her by both shoulders as she almost went over the other way - toward me. Despite the momentary fumble we managed to cooperate and steady her, both of us pausing to verify that she was indeed alright.

It placed us entirely too close together - my hands on her upper arms and hers on my elbows - both looking at each other and waiting for something. Like some movie cliché. And just like any good one, Austin chose that moment to come around from behind me.

"You hurt anywhere?"

And just like that I was a long step away from her. My mind helpfully pointed out that being clear about keeping away from the alien princess was a good thing.

"Mostly my pride." Etherea's faint smile was completed by a small blush, her eyes drifting down to her skirt. She tried twisting around to see the damage but on her own her balance just wasn't good enough. "It is such a shame, umm, that I just got this."

"Eh, you're alright. That'll wash out." He handed her a hand towel he'd pulled from somewhere.

She grasped it with a fist and tried to swipe at her butt. It kind of worked. Wiping herself off with her hands and then using the towel on them worked a lot better.

"Never seen him so friendly like that. You carrying sugarcubes around or something?"

"Ummm, no," Etherea said slowly, eyeing Buster.

"Salt blocks?"

She just stared at Austin, her brow twitching once.

"Alright, I'll take your word for it." Austin tipped his head to her before stepping back to the stall. "I can put a bridle and lead on him if you want to try again. It'll let me hold him so he can't do that again."

I looked to her, watching patiently as she thought about it. The gears were cranking hard as she went from owner to horse and back again several times. Eventually, after a slow nod, Austin went to retrieve a bridle from the nearby alcove. Buster spent the time leaning over the door, trying to reach out and sniff us, while, conversely, Etherea went back to holding her nose.

It was hard to decide just how to feel about the situation. The very different reactions between horse and disguised pony was kind of amusing, but I didn't like that Etherea had essentially been knocked on her ass. The thing was, it wasn't Austin's fault and Buster was just a horse, so any anger was pointless.

As soon as Austin came back Buster switched to trying to nuzzle something out of him. He knew where the goods were supposed to be.

Only after the bridle slipped over Buster's head, and Austin demonstrated just how firm his grip was on the base of the lead, did Etherea approach again. But ear scratches distracted Buster only until he got another whiff of her, and he tugged at Austin's grip while rumbling softly in his chest. He didn't try all that hard, not with Austin holding his head still, but he didn't completely let up either. Still, she determinedly yet tentatively stroked Busters neck at her maximum reach - first with her fingertips to test the texture and then with her whole hand.

It gave me a long moment to wonder exactly what Etherea smelled like to him. She was a pony. But she also wasn't from Earth. It seemed impossible that she had any more than a superficial resemblance to terrestrial equines, but only Buster could tell me for sure. And he was thoroughly distracted.

Which brought another question to mind: would Etherea also so enjoy a good ear scratching? I didn't know whether to hope for the chance to find out.

After a minute or so, and another impatient bang from a hoof striking wood, Austin pushed Buster back toward his feed bag and led us toward the other end of the stable. This time, much to my amusement, he preemptively snagged another bridle. Daisy, who was a rich reddish-brown with a lustrous black mane, seemed about to start pronking about as we finally paid her attention.

"So Daisy May's a Standardbred," Austin commented as he pushed the top strap past Daisy's ears. "Buster's thinner and shorter, but as a Morgan he's also got nicer lines. Morgans are showier horses and you can really see it in the way their necks bend. Daisy here's thicker in the barrel and haunches, she's straighter and just plain bigger. She's a racer."

He patted her neck after pushing her nose away from front of his shirt and I got to let Daisy get to know me. Etherea waited until Austin had a good grip on the lead, stayed well back and making Daisy reach for it.

One good whiff sent Daisy's ears back. She pressed forward, reaching with her head and letting out a soft, high-pitched noise like the squeal of a rusty gate.

"Veh!"

"Hoe!"

My heart went straight to overdrive as I nearly jumped out of my skin at the dual near-shout.

Daisy was only stopped by Austin's grip and Etherea's distance. Still, she attempted to toss her head at Austin as he held her. I was all ready jump in whichever direction was safest. Etherea...

She stood her ground near me tensely, her eyes never leaving the irate mare. Tremors ran through her with every breath yet she didn't back down. After her previous jitters it was, in a word, impressive.

More princess-ly training maybe?

"Feel silly asking this again, but you alright miss?" Daisy was letting Austin stroke her forehead but her ears kept flipping back and forth toward Etherea.

After a deep breath she managed to speak. "Y-Yes. I am fine."

"That was a quick eye there. You sure you've never worked with horses?"

"I am. It is... It was not hard to see that she... was not happy."

"Yeah, but you beat me to the punch," he eyed Etherea appraisingly.

She lowered her chin as his gaze lingered, her hair shifting forward. "I... I just, um, knew."

I could imagine why. Still, it was revealing to see Etherea like this, and yet so frustrating that I couldn't just ask her how similar horse and pony mannerisms actually were.

Austin grunted. "Could use more people like that 'round here."

Daisy continued to fidget, stepping forward again and making Austin take back the slack he'd just given her. "The hell's gotten into you girl? She's just a nice lady come to say 'hi.' She's not gonna' hurt you."

Daisy let herself be mollified by his attention. Somewhat. She only lashed her tail a little.

"Well, I don't think she's going to be alright for a bit." He waved us back and then reached around Daisy's head to grab the bridle. "What say we go see what Claire's up to with Smokey down at the other end? Don't need to be hanging around Daisy here if she's going to be pissy."

Claire. Good. Now I knew her name.

Being at the other end of the stable sounded like a pretty good idea too to me and Etherea nodded her agreement as well. I glanced back as we followed Austin away. Daisy was still watching us carefully. Good thing she couldn't talk.

Etherea had also looked over her shoulder and our eyes met as we turned away together. She opened her mouth, her head cocking like she was about to launch into something important. A glance toward Austin's back killed that.

Something pony-related then. I tried to convey the strength of my understanding and the breadth of my withheld questions with a silent look. Etherea's snort and sudden grin told me how 'well' I'd done. I found something else to look at, my cheeks warming.

Something like Claire and Smokey, who were just outside and to the right of the stable door we were approaching. Smokey was standing placidly with eyes half-lidded while Claire ran a wide brush across his shoulder, his lead looped to something against the side of the building that was just out of sight. It was amazing how small he made me feel even at a distance - not like that, though I'm sure he would; lucky horse - his shoulder looked to be right about nose-height for me.

Etherea must have felt it even more keenly because she stopped a good ten or fifteen feet from the stable exit. It wasn't just awe; she was firmly rooted, her eyes locked on target and fingers stiff against my forearm.

"Daisy's acting up." Austin shook his head as he reached Claire.

She replied with a sigh. "I'll have another talk with him." Her voice was slightly thready, like a smoker's.

For a moment I blanked on the conversation. Daisy was a 'her,' right? Oh... Her owner, Chris.

"Now, what Claire here's doing is..." When Austin turned his face seemed to darken, a frown flickering into place when he saw where we were.

"Daisy really spooked you, huh? I promise you Smokey's about the most agreeable horse you'll ever meet." He pretty much slapped the horse's shoulder, getting not even an ear waggle. "Daisy's just a bit high strung because it's that time of the year. Smokey here's too plain lazy to get worked up, so no need to worry."

That didn't mean I wasn't worried what Smokey would think when he found an Equestrian next to him. Though with droopy eyes and lips, he did look a hair shy of comatose.

Still, Etherea didn't move.

Austin squared his shoulders and crossed his arms. "I'm serious. You can come up here; he's perfectly safe. Just mind your toes. He won't care where they are if he moves, but you sure will."

Well, I suppose I could be 'the man' for Etherea, if that's what it took. I mean, despite Smokey's size I wasn't scared of him, not really. He just seemed so tame. If it wasn't for the rare tail swish I'd have doubted he cared about flies. But leaving Etherea standing there? She could literally fall right over.

She'd also been the one who wanted to come here and at this point I wasn't about to leave without her properly meeting one horse.

"Hey," I prodded gently. "I'll show you."

"I..." She blinked before looking back and forth. The eventual nod was strong and she let go easily.

Claire looked up, dusting her hands off, as I stepped past the wall of the stable and onto the scored dirt between the stable and the fenced fields around and behind it. Unlike Austin, her face was rounded, both in shape and in contour.

As the center of attention it seemed like my skin was crawling over itself, but I found some solace in focusing exclusively on Smokey. He was tied to a line of fencing that ran along the side of the stable. It seemed like a weird place for such a thing. One hand went to his neck just up from his shoulder and got his attention, the other was offered for his perusal. He sniffed a couple times and pretty much just registered that my smell existed before returning to whatever he'd been pondering.

"He likes you," said Claire on my left.

I began stroking the side of Smokey's neck as I cobbled together an appropriate response. "How can you tell?"

That got a snort from Austin and smile from Claire.

"He sniffed you, didn't he?"

"Doesn't do that for everyone?"

"He had to wake up for it."

I chuckled under my breath as she went back to brushing. I was still obviously in her sights though.

"Were you going to saddle him and take him for a ride?"

"Yup. Have to show off what we got. It's how we get business."

I blinked, twitched, and was suddenly even more self-conscious over all that these two were doing just for us.

"He also needs some exercise and this will be a good way to get it."

That made sense. So we weren't that bad of an imposition. I turned my head, meeting Etherea's unrelenting watchfulness as I continued stroking just below Smokey's mane.

"See. He's safe." A niggling doubt hoped that with regard to her I wasn't wrong.

"Should listen to him; he knows what he's talking about." My head jerked around at Austin's words. He remained impassive despite his sudden support, arms still folded across his chest.

And then Etherea was striding shakily but purposely toward me. For a creature who'd been on two legs for less than a day she was doing really well, but I went to her just in case. Her hand came up to ward me off. In front of Claire and Austin, no less. I suppressed my irritation as Etherea came within reaching distance of Smokey. Beside me and yet clearly without me.

Her fingers reached out, hesitating just shy of Smokey's coat. She definitely held her breath as contact was finally made.

The area under her fingers twitched, she flinched, and I had to swallow another chuckle. I put my hand on his neck near hers and stroked a couple of times.

"See? He doesn't care," said Austin somewhere behind us.

"I do." Etherea laid her hand flat and moved it around a bit. Not really petting him, but feeling.

Something finally disturbed Smokey because he lifted his head, turning to look back at us. A quick sniff verified I still existed before his nose went questing past me. The hand Etherea had on Smokey stilled as her eyes locked on the muzzle homing in on her arm.

I glanced over my shoulder and found Austin watching just as intently. He looked ready to jump.

After one whiff of Etherea Smokey shifted sideways, swinging his rear around to get a better angle.

"Oh, come on!" Claire exclaimed from the other side of Etherea, planting a hand backwards against her hip and glaring at Smokey.

My hands were already up and ready to... do something. But I held where I was, hearing nothing from Austin as Smokey sniffed again.

"Get back here you...!" Claire scurried around to Smokey's other side and pushed on his rump until he stepped back into position. "Of course this lazy sack has to put on a show."

Smokey just look confused, his ears still perked as he tried to stay in range of Etherea while lacking the flexibility to do so.

"You're taking this better than I thought."

Etherea rolled her eyes at Austin's statement, glancing back past me. "You need not worry so much over me."

Austin spoke up before I could. "No offense, but they," we all knew who he was talking about even without the nod toward Smokey, "haven't been the most agreeable today. Kinda' expected you to be more jumpy."

I guess it was his way of being placating but even I thought he could have done a much better job. Judging by Etherea's unhappy frown she agreed.

"It is fine. If anything has made... me jumpy it is that I had not realized just... how big horses, um, would be up close. But he is just curious."

Austin scoffed. "Just curious? Buster was 'just curious' too."

"But this is different," Etherea said, stretching her hand back toward Smokey's face. "Buster was aggressively so... and well beyond the bounds of what I... was comfortable with. Smokey just wants to figure me out and go... about his business. Maybe with a new friend."

What?

Our hosts also seemed caught in the same failing logic loop, staring at Etherea as Smokey took his cue and got back to sniffing. And sniff he did. His nostrils flared into overdrive as he went back and forth over her hand, finishing with a gentle bump to her palm. Then he stepped sideways again to get better access to each her, earning another indignant shout from Claire.

"I don't get it." Austin scratched the top of his head. "What're you? Some kind of weird horse whisperer?"

Etherea tilted her head to peer blankly back at him.

"He means that you can communicate with horses." It still sounded crazy when I said it, even if she was a pony. "Somewhat, that is."

"Nothing so grand. Umm... I guess I just, well, have a deeper understanding," she said distantly, still enraptured with Smokey as she rested her hand over the bridge of his muzzle.

I snorted in amusement. She had to be kidding. "So, what's he saying?"

She twitched and looked over, but didn't speak until her eyes had returned to the hand she was stroking the front of Smokey's face with. "Hello mostly. And 'who are you?'"

He rumbled softly.

"And I like you."

"You think it works the other way too? Like can you get him to do things for you?" I would have rolled my eyes - it had sounded better in my head - but I stuck myself with a stupid little grin instead. Etherea filled in for me though. Austin helped her out by snorting his thoughts on the matter.

But Etherea also inched forward so she could lean slightly closer to Smokey's ear. "You should bite him. Go ahead. He does not think you... are smart enough to understand me."

Smokey took advantage of her new proximity to stick his nose in her face, becoming the second horse to get a facefull of hair when she jerked away.

"Alright, I think that's enough of that," said Austin as he moved around the two of us and placed himself under Smokey's chin.

"I'd have to agree," came from Smokey's other side where Claire was eyeing his bulk.

Only then did Etherea back off - toward me, which felt like a small victory - blushing lightly as she tried to get her hair back in place over her shoulder. The thrill I felt was quickly brought under control in favor of honestly checking to see that she was okay as I looked her over.

I'm not sure why I was so surprised when she latched onto my arm again.

"What I don't understand is how..." Austin coughed once before speaking up again, stronger than before. "Y'know what, doesn't matter I guess. Some people just seem to know. I've seen it." He pointedly cocked an eyebrow directly at Etherea. "But you're sure you've never been around horses?"

Her nod was shallow, eyes still locked on Smokey. "Yes."

Claire actually grinned at her over Smokey's back before leaning into him and pushing him back into position. "Alright. So you can tell what they're thinking. That's good. It'll help you a lot if you spend any time around horses. But do you know what I'm doing right now?"

"Grooming him?"

"Yes. But more specifically I'm cleaning his coat of anything that might hurt him under a saddle or its straps. Horses hate chafing as much as any of us." Etherea cringed slightly and I was struck by competing pangs of amusement and sympathy. "Getting all the dirt out and putting his hair down the right way also makes him look like a million bucks. We'll do the same for their manes and tails - get all the snags and grit out - and then shine them up real nice."

"You are going to dress him up for..." Etherea let her mouth hang slightly, apparently at a loss while she considered Claire with a tilted head.

Now that was something I could help with. "I think she's going to ride him around for us."

Her head popped up as her eyes went from me to Claire and back. "Are... Are we going to ride him as well?"

"No."

"Nope."

"No."

Etherea went rigid at the surround sound rejection, straightening fully as though someone had goosed her. Like clockwork I was braced for her inevitable wobble.

"Sorry," said Austin in a well-practiced tone, "can't have you doing that. You getting hurt on a horse without the proper prep or papers is a big liability."

But being in kicking or toe-crushing range isn't? I held my peace, if only because I didn't really want to try getting Etherea on a horse. There was also not knowing just how horse riding regulations played out - I'd heard crazier combinations of rules before.

"We also aren’t in the right clothes for it," I added. "It's why she," I indicated Claire, "is wearing what she is; skirts don't work well for riding." Well, there was side-saddle, but I somehow doubted that was on the table here.

"Oh." The excitement dropped out of her voice.

"You could always schedule a lesson. Only costs forty five per." And there was the pitch. Masterfully inserted, Austin!

Which of course put me under an expectant violet-eyed gaze. Yeah, no. We weren't doing that, Princess. I opened my mouth...

Etherea's expression shifted in an instant, losing the longing as she ducked her head with a widening grin. "Oh, do not worry, Alex, I was not going to ask it. Can you blame me for wondering though?"

"Well, yeah, not now," Austin spoke up. Etherea blinked hard and we both looked over to him. "Don't do lessons on Sunday. Could pencil you in for sometime later this week if you want. Would recommend you have your own boots and things first though. Could give you a list for all that."

It didn't take any time to know my answer. "I, uhhhh... We'll have to think about it."

Austin's jaw set and he nodded slowly. It was a hard look that made me want to squirm. We'd gone right back to out-of-towner impositions. Was he this gruff all the time or was this just a Sunday funk?

"Dear, you still have the time?" Claire was looking at Austin over Smokey's back while brushing away.

He looked around, his frown deepening. "Yeah." And back to me. "Well, let me know. Got some things to do, so in the mean time Claire'll go over what's what. Remember to watch your feet now." He tipped his head and smoothly about-faced toward the house.

"So," Claire picked right back up. I wondered if Etherea was also feeling the whiplash. "How much d'you two know about taking care of a horse?"

I might've expected an apology for Austin's attitude. I kind of hoped for an explanation. I guess I'd just have to agree to be disappointed because she just got on with the lesson.

And even if I had done this kind of thing once or twice it was fun getting a refresher - I did just like being around horses. Claire finished grooming Smokey poll to dock and withers to hooves while keeping up a constant commentary on what she was doing, what part of Smokey she was doing it to, and why.

Etherea paid attention as well, but other than sending a raised eyebrow my way when Claire was describing the various brushes - why, I had no idea - her focus was Smokey himself. She eventually looked to Claire for, and received, permission to get closer to Smokey again, scratching at the base of his mane and earning her both another welcoming rumble and a gentle nose bump to the shoulder. He even tried resting his chin on her shoulder, though she adamantly kept him at arm's length.

The continued actions of her fingers, and Smokey's return attention, kept most of her attention off Claire. She even missed the long, appraising look Claire directed to the both of them. I shrugged helplessly when it was turned on me.

Etherea returned to my side when it came time for Claire to actually place the saddle. The whole thing didn't phase Etherea in the least which made me wonder how similar Equestrian views on saddles were to fan interpretations.

The bridle Claire put on Smokey wasn't a plain one with a lead like the one that had kept him tied down - hah! - but a well-maintained one, or new, complete with reins. I was left with even more questions because Etherea watched a little too avidly.

And was just a little pink around the edges.

Could us fans have been right about the sex aid thing?

Of course my mind went there first. It's not like there couldn't be other, more mundane uses for them in pony society. I just couldn't think of anything that would justify a blush, no matter how faint.

I lightly set a hand on her upper back over... whatever this was and got a head shake.

"It is nothing," was her whisper while waving me off.

Biting back calling her on it was tough but knowing Claire would bear witness to everything gave me the strength. Teasing Etherea was worth practicing; doing so about pony things in public was just stupid.

With Smokey properly bedecked and shining smartly in the afternoon light Claire led us rearward from the stable - Etherea and I keeping to one side to not spook him - and headed into a dirt paddock. Inside, in two rows across the very center of the oval-shaped space, were a handful of thin logs, each cut maybe five feet long. According to her this was one of two training pens.

She hopped right up onto Smokey, much to Etherea's amazement, and took him around just inside the fence. Not quite sure what else to do I showed Etherea how to properly lean against a fence. She even copied me when I put a foot up on the bottom rail. I guess it was okay; it's not like anyone was going to look up her skirt from there.

Leaning slightly over the top rail I had more important things on my mind anyway. Like Smokey himself. Now that I had a moment to myself - relatively - I poked the lingering monster in the back of my thoughts. But as similar as Smokey's motion and form was to Etherea's as a pony, I just wasn't getting the same reaction. The larger part of it, I knew, was because Smokey wasn't a mare. That singular fact wrote him right out of my thoughts. Maybe if Claire had saddled up Daisy.

That brought on the discomfort I'd been looking for.

And yet, when trying to determine just how attracted I might be to the equine form, and why, it felt like such a silly hangup to be concerned over the sex of my subject. Maybe. I didn't really know. Maybe because it wouldn't be the same if I tried to sneak a peek.

A shudder rippled through me at the thought.

I did like the way he moved, though, flowing from form to form, muscles and lines shifting fluidly. I just wasn't interested in him, which did make me feel oddly better. A minute more of thinking about it yielded no more answers than I'd already had. Though I liked the overall shape and motion, up close like this Smokey was just a horse.

Maybe it was more that I was interested in an ideal. An ideal that only pulled specific elements from the equine form. Something that wasn't human or horse but could, in a certain light, be related to both. It was a fanciful thing that was impossible.

But now there was this woman next to me. A pony in human's clothing.

Which led me into imagining her rearing up as a pony to lean her forehooves on the fence similarly to how she was now...

I shook my head.

The image gave me an idea though, strange as it was. But first I made sure Claire was safely on the other side of the arena.

"So," I began, holding up a fist tilted thumb-first toward Etherea. "On this momentous day ponykind has successfully made contact with equine-kind. How does it feel, Princess?"

"What is this for?" Her lips pursed as she pondered my gesture.

Of course she wouldn't get it - ponies didn't have hands! Yet despite rising embarrassment I kept mine out to her.

"It's supposed to be like I'm holding a microphone. Y'know, like for an interview." Yeah, dumb. I know.

"Oh!" Her hand darted out, laying across my wrist to stop me from retracting. The grin that bloomed on her face made any embarrassment completely worth it. "I get it. Alright. Well, I cannot... speak in any official capacity, but personally I... am quite excited. After some minor initial... difficulties, friendly avenues of communication were established." She swept a hand out toward Claire and Smokey. "I foresee a bright friendship... between our two, um... peoples?" I nodded in response. "Just think about all that we can learn from and... about each other."

"Like, how to talk and to read?"

She snorted out a giggle. "I cannot imagine Equestria attempting such a thing."

A glorious image popped into my head. "Just imagine the princesses trying to carry on a serious conversation with one of these horses and getting upset because the horse just doesn't get it."

Etherea gave me a look. The kind of piercing look that makes you go back and try to figure out what you just fucked up. I guess I had done some serious alluding about the character of the princesses there, and-

She snorted, her cheeks blowing out comically as she failed to choke back whatever was coming. Soothing relief washed over me as she, and then I, were overcome with peals laughter. And for one perfect moment they rang out loud enough to catch Claire's attention.

Etherea waved to Claire as she and I lapsed into a companionable silence, receiving one in return. Good for her!

We settled back to the whole lot of nothing we'd previously been doing, the occasional quiet snort from one playing off the other, marking each time she or I revisited the previous thought. Yet unlike my eyes, Etherea's never left the horse across the way. I actually spent some time marveling at just how enraptured she was. Throw something new in front of her and watch her, well...

I looked back at Smokey and Claire as they curved around to head our way.

"You want one of your own, don't you?"

Etherea's head whipped around. "I want a what? A horse?"

"Yeah. Why not?"

"What would I ever do with a horse?" One eyebrow drifted up her forehead.

I had to think about that for a second. "I'm sure we could rig up some kind of saddle system so you could take... horsey-back rides." Yeah, princess, chew on that!

She burst into laughter again.

I'd like to say 'just as planned' but I was really just flying by the seat of my pants here. "You seemed to like running last night. You could probably spend all kinds of time chasing each other around."

Her laughter reached full throttle.

"Jumping, playing... Ooh! Rolling in the grass together! Sounds like fun to me." My own grin was probably reaching epic levels of goofiness. "And just imagine; dress it up in armor and have it play one of your guards. Something that big in armor would definitely intimidate away any annoying noble."

Doubled over against the fence, helpless as her body was wracked over and over, her arm went to cradle her stomach. "S-st... St-sto... P," she managed to squeak out. "I get it! I-I get...!"

Fine, I could give her a reprieve. Just this once.

She finally managed to take a breath. "Yes, it could be... be entertaining to own one. I even know a few nobles I might try that on." With some effort she managed to get herself under control and looked up at me, her violet eyes still twinkling. "It would still be an animal though. Having my 'guard' leaving messes everywhere? Eugh!"

That made me blink. Had she just made a poop joke? Her face scrunched up and she bared her tongue in disgust so, no, she hadn't. Not intentionally, at least. I still chuckled but it was also in my best interests to let the issue drop.

One last deep breath to collect herself and she began to say something. Instead her mouth kept opening, seamlessly shifting into a yawn large enough for me to count her molars. Those were definitely not human teeth in there - like miniature, scrunched-together flat-top horse chompers. We could not have anyone looking in there.

Fortunately Claire wasn't nearly close enough.

"Wow. The late night and early morning are really catching up to me."

I dismissed my other thoughts and just nodded. "I understand. Do we need to get you back home?"

She shook her head lightly but said, "Soon. Not quite yet though."

Again, I understood. It was still too exciting to be watching a real, live horse, well, simply being a horse. So we went back to it, this time with smiles on both our faces. Yes, I checked. Though her yawns became a sporadic feature.

During one pass Claire even commented about us appearing to be having a good time. Like any good business owner she jumped at the chance to stop nearby and explain some things about giving us lessons. Features, benefits, and the low, low cost, of course.

Smokey took the presented opportunity and leaned forward. With his back legs stretched out he lifted his tail, dropped his penis, and began soaking the ground.

My eyes went straight to Etherea. She was still leaning over the fence, though every line of her body was underlain with rigidity, her eyes fixed on one thing. Claire kept going for a whole ten seconds before she noticed and I spent that long, awkward moment frozen, trying to come up with any kind of good response.

I was debating the effects of a hand on her shoulder when Claire jumped in.

"Stare too long and he might take exception." Both Etherea and I looked up at Claire, who was leaning back a bit and smirking. "They do this every now and again, you know. He'll finish when he's good..."

He did, shifting and then stepping forward past the puddle.

"See. All done."

"I should go."

The seriousness in Etherea's tone hit home like a ton of bricks. I was standing next to a pony holding a self-polymorph spell through sheer willpower. She could be a moment away from reverting! Fuck!

"Alright. Um, sorry Claire, we uh... We gotta' go."

"Just like that? It was a joke."

I shrugged helplessly as I turned to follow Etherea, who was already picking her way away. Claire's growing frown left me feeling particularly like an ass. After all, we'd showed up on their day off, co-opted a bunch of their time, and were now just skipping out seemingly on a whim. There was nothing for it though. Not if Etherea had a problem with her spell.

"Well, you two take care then. Austin's got cards in the house for you, if you'd like."

"Thanks!" I called over my shoulder as I caught up with my errant companion. A companion whose features were tight with apparent anger, not fear.

"What's going on?" I offered my arm.

She took it and as she let out a breath, her eyes meeting mine she relaxed. A little.

"I just could not..." A frustrated groan followed and she shook herself once before looking down at the ground ahead of her. "You do not have to stop watching if you would like to. I understand it is different here, but I just... did not appreciate her, um, flippancy and needed a... moment to let the situation pass."

That's it? That? I sighed. "I kinda' thought you might be losing control of your spell."

A jerk and a blink brought her wide eyes up and back to me. "You...! Oh. No. I suppose that is a reasonable fear. You could not have... known. I am sorry for that... and will simply wait by your vehicle for... if you want to go back."

I thought about it for all of a second. Realistically, I just didn't feel like it. "Nah. It's a bit late for that now."

"Oh."

She just accepted it, which was weird. Another yawn might have had something to do with it. It made the short walk my car rather quiet though. I helped her to her door but she paused before getting in, her eye growing distant as they flicked past me. I guess she was looking at Daisy who was in her window looking out.

"Thank you, Alex, for doing this."

When I turned back Etherea was looking me right in the eyes, a small smile on her face. Then she was leaning forward, her face closing in fast.

Alex, she's a pony!

I took a step back. It was the first thing that crossed my mind. Not that her aim was particularly good; her shoulder bumped mine and kept her at a distance.

"What...?" She took a step back, eyes searching mine frantically as her brow pinched. "I just wanted to try a human nuzzle to thank you."

The minor embarrassment I had over the random intimacy was redoubled several times over as I worked through the multiple misunderstandings. She really was going to be the death of me if this kind of thing kept up. So I blurted the first thing that came to mind.

"Humans don't really nuzzle." Wait. Backtrack that. "I mean... We talked about that. You remember, right?" Not really any better but she nodded, the gears in her head beginning to turn.

"It, uh, it looked like you were going to try..."

I didn't need to finish because she'd finally caught up, going bright red.

It was her turn to blurt, "I did not mean to!"

"I know, I know! It's just... I didn't think you intended to seem so, um, intimate." Matching blushes for the win!

Her hand came up, cradling her forehead and masking her eyes. "Ugh. No. That was a failure on my part. I know you are not as casual... about such gestures as ponies. I must be more tired than I thought."

"It's alright."

I tried to help her as she went to sit but she waved me off, apparently determined to do it on her own. It meant watching as she very awkwardly sort of fell butt-first into the the seat, but at least it worked. I ended up taking Claire's suggestion and retrieved a card from a slightly less grumpy Austin in the house, though I wasn't sure why. To be nice I suppose - I was just that kind of guy. Plus forty five dollars a lesson wasn't too bad if it came down to it.

The ride home was initially a pretty quiet affair. Lingering traces of embarrassment led me into a mental review of the day's events so far, trying to take a moment to regroup and recoup. Its helpfulness was questionable when the most prominent thing was worry over the near miss nuzzle - not a kiss, no matter how it might have seemed from my end. Had I handled it correctly? Had I been too quick to step away? Would it have been better to just let it happen?

All this worry over my unresolved issues of attraction. Shouldn't the whole first contact situation be my primary concern?

I couldn't help it, nor could I force it; it felt like a mistake for having flinched away when I maybe shouldn't have. What it really came down to was that it probably wouldn't be good for her to get too intimate with me. Coltfriends, physical dangers - even as unlikely as they seemed - whether she was actually interested...

Oh, and whether it was even prudent given her current situation. It was as much for her benefit as mine. I was pretty sure. So it had been the right thing, right?

Even with the whole nuzzle mess, and the other minor issues, the day still felt like a huge success. Etherea had had a good time and seemed to be silently enjoying herself even now, leaning her head against the window and watching fields, patches of forest, and the other cars slide by. A thread of happiness wormed its way up through me, warming from the inside out.

Her fingers kept aimlessly toying with her skirt though. And there was more than just distantness to her expression.

"A bit for your thoughts."

That got an eye flick. "A 'bit?'"

Crap. That might not be right. "Equestrian currency?"

"Oh. From the show. I think you mean a Kyin. So, ne Kyin shria sera piaeth?" A telling sigh was not at all what I expected. "I am just thinking... about everypony at home again. I miss them and hope they are not worrying too much. I know my parents are though, and I... cannot do anything about it."

Talk about a kick to the gut. My heart leapt with a sudden need to comfort her. Somehow.

"And the Harmony I expended this morning... It was far, far too much." She turned, sad eyes seeking mine. But they brightened a bit as they did so. "But I had to take advantage of... the situation while I had the opportunity. You understand, don't you?"

I pondered it for a moment, though the answer was never really in question. "Mmhmm."

"Well, if your actions in this situation ever... come into question, I will happily vouch for you after putting up with me. You have done so much, and I am..." She giggled, turning back to the road. "I am rambling. But I mean what I say."

"I am sure everything will turn out fine." Cheesy, but it seemed appropriate. "With your family and everything." Now that was laying it a bit thick.

She eyed me again, her mouth opening. "Heh. Thank you, Alex." I could tell that hadn't been her first thought. "You are a good friend."

Friendzoned. But yeah, I should be happy since it was what I'd been going for.

For a few minutes we both returned to our thoughts, just enjoying the ride, when my stomach complained. Nothing loud - thank goodness! - just a small, 'poky' feeling of want. It had been a few hours since we'd eaten.

With food now on the brain I realized that we still didn't have much in the way of properly princessly fare. I'd been buying day by day so far, which meant currently we only had leftovers and bachelor chow. And a couple of uneaten tulips.

We were going to need a serious food conversation in the near future.

Now, I was willing to cook - surprisingly so if Etherea would be eating...

Good. Another sign of my growing attraction.

But that aside, I was used to a more carnivorous diet and wasn't thrilled with the idea of being persistently vegetarian. I'd just been avoiding it for Etherea's benefit. And she'd become a lot calmer over the past couple of days, showing a lot of trust in me - like with the jet earlier.

My mind latched onto the possibility, attacking all the possible scenarios with a vengeance. Thankfully driving wasn't hard. The more I thought about it, the less likely it seemed she'd be outright hostile. Still, it was worth being very cautious and very clear exactly what we ate - a little risky perhaps, but with her calm it didn't seem impossible.

Maybe something that easy to do both ways...

Spaghetti! If she really objected then I could do just meatless. And I liked spaghetti either way.

A glance at Etherea showed her still placidly watching the scenery, solidifying the idea in my head. Changing our destination didn't bother her in the slightest, and she even preferred waiting in the car to people watch. She really was exhausted.

Perfect. That meant I was able to run into the grocery store and retrieve what I needed unquestioned. I still wasn't sure how badly I was tempting fate, and I wasn't so stupid as to find out in public.

Nervous tension dominated as we finished heading home, the food stashed safely in the trunk and well away from Etherea. We had to park farther away than I would have liked - it looked like every single resident was in for Sunday dinner.

I was going to help Etherea out but hey, look at that, my boss had sent me a text. What a surprise! Was I still good for work tomorrow? I wasn't exactly thrilled about going back to work again but life - and jobs - happened regardless. Plus Craig would be around for most of the afternoon if she needed him, so I quickly fired off an affirmative to quell my boss' nerves.

"Alex."

She was already standing between her open door and the car's frame, smiling at me with one hand on the roof.

"I can manage. You only need worry about bringing in the food."

That took a second to process. "Alright." It's not like I could really respond otherwise.

She even started off ahead of me, heading down the sidewalk with her hands held out for balance, a shoe in each one. As awkward as she was I couldn't help but watch. Slim and distinctly feminine, skirt swishing around her long legs. She just had to make the whole thing extra adorable by giggling now and again as her flip flops slapped the bottoms of her feet.

It was a shame about the touches of dirt that remained on her butt.

A faint smile lingered as she held the door until I could catch it. When she moved into the apartment I got a good look at Craig on the couch, flannel shirt open to expose another wife-beater. He'd pulled the end table in front of the couch and was hunched over it, a half-chewed pencil resting in one hand. Papers were scattered before him like fallen leaves.

His eyes though... there was a flicker my way but he was tracking every single move Etherea made. This, of course, wasn't lost on her.

"Better, huh?"

"Uh, yeah." His eyes lingered on mine for a much longer moment.

Yeah, Craig, I know. She's hot.

"Weird as... Um. Still kinda' weird to see you, um, not pony."

She laughed crisply. "I know. Not for much longer since this is... really wearing me out. I just want to try a shower before I change back. We need them anyway."

Oh, thanks a million princess! Craig sniggered as I mentally slapped my forehead. Maybe I could escape with some shred of my dignity if I just turned around and walked right back out.

She and he talked about his day for a minute while I did my best to put away the groceries without tripping over Dimble. And keep the groceries out of her sight too. I needed to do the big reveal properly - gently - to minimize any negative fallout. If worst came to worst then hopefully at least all my walking on eggshells would be appreciated.

Etherea disappeared while I was trying to convince Dimble it was still too early for dinner, no matter that I'd just come home. So with a glass of iced tea I went to see what Craig was working on. Notes, certainly. I poked one as I heard the shower start up.

"So..."

That's as far as I got before Craig leaned back, laced his fingers behind his head, and looked up. His eyes pointedly directed me to the wall separating us from the bathroom.

"Dude..."

I took a sip. "I know..."

He sat up again, throwing his hands out. "Dude!"

"I know!"

"Dude."

"I know." I nodded.

A long silence stretched, framed by the distant sound of falling water. And a faint laugh. Oh God, the images of what she could be doing with that new human body-

"Jesus, Alex. If you're not going in there, I totally am."

My everything seized up in shock. "Oh, the fuck you will! She's still an alien who can kick both our asses with a thought!"

He settled back against the couch, holding his gut and shaking in uncontrollable mirth. Fuck! Yeah, okay, I'd walked face-first into some classic Craig.

A hitch interrupted him, giving him a chance to breathe. "S-Sorry, man. You... You just jumped so fast to defend her... her honor."

I plopped down beside him and popped him in the shoulder with a fist. His flinch was so satisfying. Even more so when he rubbed it and commented under his breath about both shoulders now. But he totally deserved it!

"It's not honor. It's me not wanting to get my ass beat. Or yours." Now that was a good save!

He just nodded, going back to watching the TV. It was a comfortable silence that lasted a moment.

"Y'know man, if it doesn't work out..."

I raised an eyebrow when he looked over.

"Well... What I mean is if the whole pony world thing doesn't work then you should totally, um..."

I guess my growing glower was more powerful than I thought because he fidgeting on his cushion.

"Look, she'll need someone, right? And you're in like every science fiction nerd's wet dream, right? Y’know, with the alien princess thing. It works for both of you. I'm just saying."

Well, I...

My brain split two ways, waging an unwinnable tug of war against itself. Yes, if she lost everything I'd do whatever I could to help her get back up. And, yes, that could, maybe, include a deeper relationship. I guess. But most of those fantasies - and they were fantasies - included a princess that at least looked mostly human under normal circumstances.

"She's still a pony."

"Didn't you already agree that pussy's pussy?"

It was impossible to decide whether I was more angry or embarrassed by that. So I settled on the next best thing.

"You're a dumb fucktard, you know that?" Insults. Gotta' love them.

"Didn't some famous chinese dude once say you should listen to the dumbest people 'cause they still probably know more than you."

I had to spend a minute processing that one. "I don't think anyone has said that. Ever. Good try though."

He just laughed, of course. He also went right back to watching the TV, hunching over his... whatever it was that he was doing. I still had no idea what it was - mostly just twiddling his pencil while watching yet another sports report, it seemed - but he was apparently determined. It wasn't really worth the effort to ask him to explain and I was more than happy to simply relax and zone out on the TV.

As undecided as I was regarding, well, nearly everything about Etherea, I liked the warm fuzzies left over from today. Sure, the whole bit with Cassie had sucked, but the rest had been pretty good. Etherea had gotten some out and about time, seen human society in action, actually met a few people, and apparently had at least some fun.

I chuckled and let myself just enjoy the feeling.

Soon enough the shower shut off. A short bit later a door opened.

"If it means saving so much time drying... off I may actually prefer not having a full coat," Etherea called cheerfully as she approached the living area.

I realized the cliche situational possibilities just before she stepped into view, tensing preemptively. She at least had her skirt on. And a thin, pink bra covering petite breasts. She wasn't actually indecent. But with a completely bare toned midrift - if I could design my body I'd give myself one too - combined with damp, slicked down hair and the towel draped around her shoulders she was just... inviting.

It was a damned good look! I also knew it wasn't what she was going for.

"I must say that it... is interesting being so sensitive all ov..." She finally noticed us staring and blinked widening eyes. "What? Is something wrong?" Down she looked. "I covered everything like the other human, um, women."

I sensed Craig's looking at me, finding his lips pursed but frozen like he'd been about to whistle.

Yeah, okay. My face was heating up riotously but I could do this.

"You remember what I said about showing off?" I made a vague motion toward her while keeping my eyes firmly above her shoulders.

That did it. Her gasp ended as a squeak and she disappeared back down the hall.

The way she ran kicked over my sympathy but I was still too busy trying not to join Craig in laughing to do anything. I mean, as embarrassing as the entire thing had been, her reaction was just too much.

Even after we finally finished and we got back to watching the TV there was still no Etherea. I couldn't be sure how long it took to notice; minutes surely. It shouldn't take that long to put on her shirt, even if it was her. Had she been that badly shocked?

"Etherea?" I first called from the couch.

The lack of an answer led me to get up. Was it really that bad? It couldn't be. Not for the... mare who'd teased me despite worrying over my reaction. I shrugged at Craig from halfway across the living area as he watched with lightly creased brows.

The hallway held no secrets. The open bathroom door...

No, none there either; the light was out.

"Etherea?"

"A moment, Alex." Her voice slipped softly from behind my closed bedroom door.

Well, at least that answered that. Why had she-?

The door creaked and shifted out of sight. A golden-colored head emerged, framed from the other side by a long cascade of blue-on-blue hair. Large, non-human violet eyes sought me out from the other end of a slim muzzle.

Oh.

"It was simply easier this way," she explained as she stepped into view. Hearing her normal voice was weird again after a whole day without her other subtle tone. "I was not going to hold... the spell for much longer anyway and this allowed me to regain proper modesty."

Feeling much better about everything, and a bit emboldened, I couldn't help pointing to her flank. "Now you're even more naked though."

She gasped, recoiling as her eyes flared. Both wings whipped forward and she covered herself from chin to hocks behind a double fan of feathers.

And to finish it off she yawned wide enough that I swear I could see her tonsils.

Did ponies have tonsils?

I couldn't hold it and burst into laughter. She joined in as soon as her jaw released its hold on her face, shaking heartily as she folded her wings away.

"Yes. Yes. I am quite exposed. That would not be a problem if you humans would simply... be sensible and, um, accede to pony ideals of modesty."

Woah, more big words. I could get used to this.

"Actually, Alex, and this is completely unrelated-" Thanks for the warning? "-I was thinking in the shower and began... wondering what exactly you knew about the... The one, I guess, who introduced Equosar... the pony language, that is, to your world. I know you mentioned it once, but after... everything else I cannot remember exactly what you said."

And now I really was thankful for the warning because it had allowed me to prepare for another derailment. "Well, um, nothing really. It was just someone using the screen name Azuremare, or something. It was actually quite some time ago and there didn't seem to be much, if any, information left."

"Hmmmmm." She frowned and looked to one side. "I know we still have much to discuss, especially with regard... to what to do about myself," the breath she took before looking up brought me another surge of sympathy, "but this particularly bothers me at the moment. Would you be able to show me what... you found?"

"Yeah, okay." I wanted to talk to her anyway, since this could give me the opening I'd need to bring up the idea of meat for dinner.

I stepped backward to wave off Craig and show him that things were fine. He wasn't paying any attention; he probably already knew.

When I entered my room I couldn't help noting two things. The first was that Etherea had folded her skirt and placed it neatly atop my nightstand, and prominently on top of that were her former undergarments. Better than stashing them in my dresser I supposed, even if it felt strange for them to be in the open like that.

The second was that I hadn't folded my laundry from yesterday and it was still in my duffel where Craig had dropped it. I'd have to get that. Later though.

It took a little work to find the translator again because I hadn't initially considered that 'Equestrian language' could turn up as many hits as it did. Lots of people were interested but pretty much everything was just bronies asking about and discussing the possibilities of a fan-made one.

If only they'd thought to dig into ancient internet history.

We couldn't pass up the opportunity to test a few random sentences even if it was just from English to Equosar. I didn't want to spend a lot of time trying to copy and organize the Equestrian alphabet - we could do that later. According to Etherea the translator itself was apparently pretty accurate.

Other than that there was precious little to show. The screen names of those involved meant nothing to Etherea and another search into AzureMare turned up nothing useful. Initially all the hits and vectors of azure-colored ponies had Etherea all excited but it only took a couple of followed links to dash that. Everything was clearly far too recent and had nothing to do with the translator.

The associated forum help link on the translator page led to an old, almost chat-style record that was recognizable as former forum content only by context. Usernames were clear by their separation and the nearby timestamps, all of which were just over a decade old - not a good sign. Most of the commentary was simply awe that someone had done something like this.

The one hope left was the email of BackgroundPony#1337. A couple minutes later I received a reply that the email address was not in service.

Of course.

"I don't know what to tell you," I said, leaning back and idly drumming my fingers on the rolling shelf that held my keyboard. "Any of the search links might be Azuremare but there are over two thousand of them. And that's assuming he or she kept the same name this entire time. It's just as likely that none of them are... well, them."

Etherea had been sitting quietly for a bit, just watching, but now her shoulders slumped as she firmly bit her lower lip.

"Sussuaehnen," she hissed after a bit. A blink followed before her eyes drifted to me. "Sorry. It is disappointing."

"Hmmm?"

"I was hoping there would be more."

I nodded, looking over at her. "Me too. There's still some hope I can hit on something with the other names from the help thing, or maybe by even spotting some of them together elsewhere. But it's really slim, I think."

She harrumphed. And then yawned again.

"Dinner will be in a little, will it not?"

According to my computer I hadn't been poking around for that long. "Yeah."

She got to her hooves, shaking out each one in turn. "I hope you don't mind but I would... like to take a short nap until then. Would you wake me when it is about time?" Her gaze somehow got more direct. "I will be more... than happy to help cook, if you want."

My mouth opened but I couldn't say anything as I hadn't finished sorting through how I could do the dinner reveal now. I didn't want to just blurt it and hope she would react well, but waiting until she was trying to help didn't seem like the best way to do it either.

"Etherea-"

She twitched and then flowed toward me! My damned seat stopped me from dodging again as golden yellow filled the left of my vision. The feeling of warm, soft hair and her cheek bone underneath nestled against the side of my face kept me sitting there rigidly. I couldn't quite figure things out for some reason.

And then she was pulling away.

"Hah! I knew I could get you, now that you are... at the perfect height. Thank you for another wonderful..."

My shock must have been plain in my expression because her ears folded away as she ducked back.

"Oh! Oh, I am sorry, Alex! I should have given you more warning. I really do need this nap."

Which, even if she was actually right about that, and as surprised as I was, was not the kind of turnaround I'd wanted to cause. "It's, um, it's fine. I'm fine. Really."

Oh, God, that was painful.

"Are you sure, you-"

I did the first distraction my haywire mind could think of as a worthy of her original gesture. My hand lashed out and a pointer finger landed on the end of her muzzle, pressed neatly between her nostrils. Nostrils which flared as she froze and went cross eyed.

For a second neither of us moved.

"Oh, um, boop." And with that I proved that I could not actually die from embarrassment.

I yanked my hand back to the relative safety of my chest. Following my hand's retreat also drew her eyes right back to me. We stared at each other for another long moment.

"Wha...? What was that for?"

I had just booped a Princess of an alien nation in response to some mild embarrassment. I couldn't even comprehend... What? Why? ...the fuck? I couldn't look at her anymore.

"I, um... It makes us even?"

"Heh. Are you sure you don't need the nap instead? That was..." Don't say it. Whatever 'it' is. "Different."

"Yeah..." Why the fuck had I booped her?! I wished I could just hide inside myself and never come out.

She shifted, moving away while giggling softly. I paid attention without actually looking at her - I just couldn't! - as she climbed onto my bed, disturbing Dimble who had infiltrated the room and made himself comfortable. He hopped away and gave her room to turn and face my way again. With a tiny wing fluff she tucked her legs underneath and settled onto the covers, her chin coming to rest on my pillow.

She wanted to take a nap! Shit! I needed-!

"You may stay and keep searching... if you want, Alex, I do not mind. I trust you." With one last mirth-filled giggle she let her eyelids fall shut. "Just wake me in time for dinner please."

"And yes, I am sure." She nodded without removing her chin from pillow-y resting place.

That hadn't been what I was going to say. Hell, I hadn't been about to say anything! No, I was more than happy continuing doing what I'd already been: silently not making a bigger ass of myself.

She gradually relaxed while I sat silently, her breathing easing into a slower, steady rhythm. Only once she was clearly out did I feel safe enough to lean over my desk and cradle my head in my hands, letting the accumulated shame wash over me. I'd booped her. Who the fuck does something like that? Especially with someone they're not that intimate with.

I would have said 'not me,' but...

Only once I was feeling more whole did I look up. Etherea's wings had spread out limply around her haunches, and she was letting out a soft almost-wheeze with every exhale. It was like even in her comatose state she was still too demure to truly snore.

Talk about cute.

And I was the creeper just sitting here watching.

I gave another thought to fleeing the room but, no, she'd given express permission. She was right too, this really was as good a time to poke around the web as any. Plus when it came to dinner time this way I was already here.

The problem was that I didn't know any way to really dig around the internet for such old information. Short using another search for "AzureMare" and scanning page descriptions to see whether it was paired with any of the forum record's other screen names I wasn't sure what I could actually do. A coder might be able to help, but I coded like bricks swam.

Some time later I cracked my knuckles and gave up. It was just annoying to keep smacking my head against that electronic wall. A few clicks later and I had World of Warcraft going again.

I should be doing something - anything - more productive but I wanted some quick fix entertainment. And after a round of greetings - and a couple surprised roundabout comments over me having had a girl online - I had it.

Friends, orcs and elves, pixelated combat, quests and magic items, oh my! Normalcy. It was good to forget for a while.

Somewhere between going through the usual quests, and my friends and I getting our butts handed to us in some open world player versus player, Dimble, who had taken to napping in the corner, shot to his paws. He occasionally scared himself awake so I was all set to laugh at him. He scampered over to the bed and wiggled his way under it.

That was strange.

A hint of movement near my door clued me in. The air just inside the door seemed to be shifting, warping outward around something I couldn't see. Like when Etherea had teleported in but much larger...

She was still conked out on the bed.

My entire body went cold as something slid into view from the midst of thin air. Silvery-blue, metallic, and seemingly articulated.

It landed on the carpet with barely a sound as more slipped through. It was a leg. In armor.

Ponies! I needed to wake Etherea! My mind was scrambling and gaining little ground. In my shock I was too strangled to shout and wake her.

I rose just as more emerged through the thin air over the leg. A muzzle, protected by a form-hugging nose guard, and a blue horn lit by an azure halo, protected by an ornate spiral of metal. The rest of the armored head followed while I completed my first step toward the bed, deep blue showed in the few gaps in the pony's armor. And a vibrant teal eye was focused on Etherea.

My motion was a mistake. I was taking the second step when the pony refocused as its long neck, also bearing ornate silvery plates along its length, slid through. There was just enough time to note a mane of various shades of midnight, sparkling from within and undulating under its own power as the head swung around and those eyes - slitted like a cat's - found me.

Princess Luna?

Her horn's halo flared. Nothing happened.

"Wait!" I threw my hands toward her as I skidded to a stop, trying to ward off-

There was a brighter blue flare across from me and a bout of vertigo as gravity went crazy.

Pain seared through my core as I was crushed from both before and behind, a riot of unidentifiable destruction piercing my ears. The agony of something very wrong low in my right side set me off but I couldn't so much as thrash to escape the pressures surrounding me. I couldn't even draw breath to release the cry roiling within me. Through narrowed slits the world was foggy and tinged azure.

Something white joined silver, then gold and more white. And violet, myriad voices calling out incomprehensibly - angrily.

Yellow shifted as white sped across. Light blossomed painfully enough to shut my eyes and then there were fewer colors.

More sounds. Some kind of distress that wasn't my pitiful attempts to voice or escape the stabbing pain.

And then the world narrowed. It wasn't gone, nor was the pain, but two teal slit-pupil eyes came into focus and became everything that mattered.

What had I been doing? I couldn't quite remember.

I didn't know what was going on! Nothing! I just wanted to get away! The pain... Something was wrong with my side.

But if I'd been doing nothing, then why was Luna doing this to me?

I didn't know! How could I? I mean, I wasn't ever going to hurt Etherea. I had to get Luna to know that! I'd swear on my life that it was true!

I didn't want to hurt anyone and wasn't out to get Etherea. Or any other pony for that matter! If I had to promise the Princess I'd never bother her ponies again I would! And not just to stop this pain; I meant it from the bottom of my heart! I hadn't wanted any of this!

Hell, I wouldn't even think of mentioning this entire thing to anyone else on Earth if she wanted. Equestria would be safe from humans until her ponies were good and ready! I'd carry this event with me to my grave if I had to! No one would ever know.

And if anyone did find out? I'd do everything I could to dissuade them from investigating too deeply. I wasn't sure how, but I was sure I would.

If that's what it took.

My tear-blurred world rushed back as those teal eyes left me. The pain rose in importance again but I still couldn't move, pressed as I was between a mostly unyielding surface and an unwavering force. I tried to croak out a plea but couldn't tell whether it worked - simply breathing was a struggle.

With only pain and the moving colored blurs for company I could have been there for an eternity.

Then freedom returned but there was nothing there with me and I crashed to the floor, drawing a breath even through the shock to cry out as fresh pain lanced through and around my side. Rolling to put my weight onto my left side was heavenly - it reduced the agony to merely a persistent throbbing.

I took a moment to gasp again and again. Luna had been here.

Etherea!

From my viewpoint on the floor I couldn't see anything on the bed.

Around me were assorted flinders and all sorts of gray and black bits and pieces as though something had shattered and been flung all over. A cord wandered out of sight to the left and there was a sloppily-cracked keyboard half not far away surrounded by a few stray keys.

That shouldn't be. My keyboard was in good shape. Wasn't it?

Strangely enough a shiny black slab rested nearby. My phone?

More movement across the room and I flinched as someone launched their self at me in a crawl. I blinked away some of the tear-based fuzz to find Craig right there. A hand landed on my shoulder.

No. No, I wasn't okay. Call someone.

I tried not to cry.

Fuck ponies. Fuck them all to hell.

Author's Note

So it begins...

Some of you may be worried - I know my prereader/editor was - but I have a very specific plan in place. I always intended Etherea to be rescued relatively quickly; Equestria is not stupid, nor is it incompetent. But don't worry, things have kicked into high gear and there will be a lot more pony before too long.

Speaking of my prereader, Seven Fates is now going over my work and helping me out. I suspect an inability to tolerate my the more advanced/esoteric grammatical errors. Go give him some love! Just, don't be surprised if it gets... weird.

Also, when Etherea asked this:

"Does everything in this world run on explosions?"

Seven's response was:

Sex doesn't... normally.

:rainbowlaugh:

And finally, you may or may not notice I reworked the litter box scene from chapter 8 part 1. As I went through the ending of the scene with Smokey I realized that Etherea's aversion to "bathroom stuff" was less a personality quirk and more a crippling flaw. The strength of her original freak out to Dimble felt, to me, like she'd almost have to have a break down when confronted by Smokey.

[10] Caught Between

Luna's a fucking bitch!

No... A fucking cunt!

Bitchcunt!

Motherfucking cocksucker!

That piss-faced shitfucker!

A rancid cuntstain of a princess!

It only took a few moments of lying on the floor to run through all the expletives, derogatives, invectives, and most bloodily colorful thoughts I could concoct. Nothing was strong enough!

Screams of fury were stillborn because I couldn't manage anything more than quick, shallow breaths that barely salved the creeping feeling of impending suffocation. I couldn't cry out the monumental injustice of it all; my anger wouldn't be debased by such a shameful display! I wanted to shout - to break something! - but breathing was painful, much less moving.

So I lay and wallowed, trapped between lingering terror and stark helplessness. What else could I do?

As long as I kept my right side toward the ceiling, the piercing feeling remained simply an uncomfortable ache, though one I was reminded of with each breath. The impression that the pain would clear fully if I moved just right, or got a certain joint to pop - or something like that - was maddening. Still, my side was adamant that it was in my best interest to not even try.

I just hoped I wasn't going to be completely black and blue tomorrow; I still had work.

Didn't I?

That I probably didn't at this point, and my boss would flip the fuck out, only added to the growing pile of woes. But it was strangely easy to just push them all aside for now. After all, what I really needed to do was...

I wasn't sure. I craned my head around because I was definitely missing something - something important.

Craig was crouched right there, knees hanging over my head, and speaking clipped, strident words into my phone. Past his feet was my bed, which remained devoid of a certain golden yellow alicorn. Except for the usual dust bunnies - recently decimated by the aforementioned pony - it was bare underneath as well.

Where was Dimble?!

I levered my shoulder into the carpet to get a wider view in spite of how my side screamed and made my entire body clench. In the corner behind me were the remains of my desk, its cheap fiberboard the source of many of the little bits and pieces strewn about. Dust and chunks from the drywall that had borne its impact fleshed out the debris spread.

I'd seen car accidents with similar sorts of damage. The desk had crumpled against the wall like it had been flung dozens of feet, rather than just a couple. With the sizeable impact web marring its surface, the wall certainly looked like it had been hit by a vehicle. There were even a couple places where it had been pierced clear through.

My monitor had been broken open to reveal pieces of electronica and was never going to be useable ever again. The computer's case was largely intact, though bent awkwardly and with one sliding side folded off its tracks. I could only imagine how the drives had fared.

My stuff... All those games, the saved pictures, old schoolwork I'd wanted for later, doodles and things, assorted official documents I'd stored so I could forget but still reference... There were tears in my eyes again that I couldn't blink away. That computer was a large part of my life. How much had I lost? I had to know!

A hand grasped my shoulder when I tried to shift around, holding me still even as spiking pain tried to do the same.

"No, dude, don't move." Craig's voice was strained, matching the faint tremors his hand passed into me. "You... you don't wanna' hurt yourself more. I've seen it; you need to keep still until the ambulance gets here."

Right. Right. Moving might make everything a whole lot worse.

"Nnnngh," was my eloquent reply; I'd meant so much more. A faint nod seemed to suffice for the rest.

"It won't be long, k? You'll be alright."

I knew he meant well but that hadn't sounded good at all. I dragged my eyes up, seeking his face. My side twinged from that simple movement.

It might be a broken rib, my mind suddenly and helpfully supplied. Wouldn't that be just fucking wonderful! How bad would that be? Better yet, how could that kind of thing possibly be set? Would I be confined to a brace for months? This could seriously fuck with my job.

Fuck Luna! No, seriously, she needed to get fucked; preferably by something long and serrated like that poor sucker from the movie Se7en.

Craig's brown eyes were locked on me, twitching and shifting with a variety of obvious emotions, as he held my phone to his ear. Concern for me was foremost, certainly, but so was a marked uncertainty in the way his eyes kept drifting down my side - he looked like he wanted to do so much more.

"No, ummm, we're safe," he said, stealing a momentary glance backward toward the doorway.

Oh, right, he was still on the phone with the hospital people.

And nothing else was in the room now, yet he must have been thinking the same thing I was: there could be at any moment and with no warning. That wasn't reassuring at all.

"Yeah," he continued, eyes darting around but wanting to stay on me. "Um, yeah. Not letting him move. Just please-"

We both flinched as heavy knocking sounded from the other side of the apartment.

"Fuck." Craig choked back a gulp.

My thoughts exactly. He'd just gotten on the phone so there was no way the medics were here already. I hadn't even heard any sirens. I knew I wasn't in the best state, but I was sure I still would have noticed them.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck." I didn't care how much venting stung; I was upset enough to welcome the pain as a surrogate for lashing out at something else.

"No. Sorry. It's gotta', um, be our neighbors or something. They're knocking." He paused, expression losing some focus. "I'm gonna' have to do something."

More knocking.

Craig ran a hand through his hair. Where'd his hat gone? "No, he's as good as I can make him, ‘kay? He's not bleeding - 'least not bad - nothing's bent, or anything, and he's not goin’ anywhere." Another pause. "You're just gonna' have to deal, man, 'cause I don't want the dude upstairs breaking my door."

Mister Avery definitely wouldn’t let a flimsy, little door stop him from ‘helping.’

Craig scooted back without waiting for another reply, the phone disappearing somewhere, and he yanked the pillow and blanket from my bed. I angled my head away from the floor - grimacing at another twinge from my side - so Craig could slide the pillow home. The blanket got wadded and pressed along my back.

"You just stay there, 'kay Alex? Don't... Don't move."

Nope, not if I could help it. I shook my head against the pillow.

Craig paused for all of a second before nodding. He bounced to his feet like a spring uncoiling and stalked to the doorway, finger-combing his hair again. A quick check of the hall with darting eyes, a glance back at me, and then he was gone, muttering something even as his voice faded into the background.

I was by myself.

Alone.

Oh, fuck, what if the ponies came back? What if Luna...

No, she wouldn't. Right? Ponies weren't like that. Maybe.

They certainly hadn't been what I was expecting when they showed up, and even Etherea had shown time and again that she wasn't like the show's characters. I just didn't know anymore; the other ponies might want to finish the job!

It was then that I noticed the trembling - my whole body seemed to be vibrating.

Freaking out. I was terrifying myself. I had to stop. Etherea was my friend; she'd set them straight.

God, I hoped she would.

Lying helplessly on the floor wasn't helping either. I couldn't move - shouldn't, really - and, surrounded by the remains of a large chunk of my life, I needed to focus on something else.

A quick, desperate search with my least painful senses picked out distant voices. It must be Craig and whoever was at the door. Raised, clipped tones spoke of unfettered anxiety and I could easily imagine Mister Avery demanding to know what was going on and what he could do about it. For all his seemed imposing, he was the one I'd seen most often interacting with and helping our neighbors.

Don't let him back here, Craig. I don't want him to see me like this!

That thought came with a self-derisive sneer. Luna had reduced me to ashamedly hiding from the people I knew. Wonderful.

I could imagine her gloating over my situation. She'd gotten what she wanted and could now sit back and enjoy the show. Hell, she might even be watching now, somehow. If ponies could teleport to this world then they could probably scry it too.

She might... She might even come back to do to Craig what she'd done to me. He had gotten off lightly, being apparently hale and healthy.

Or maybe she'd turned her attention to Etherea. For all her innocence in the rescue, she'd still been the catalyst. Even if Etherea fought for me, she'd be helpless under Luna's direct control. I could see Etherea trying to stand up for me, going toe to toe with Luna, and getting her ass handed to her.

Even as ludicrous as my morbid fantasies might be, I remained there, coming up with ever more masochistic ones to feed the fires that roared within me. There was little else to do while I listened to the sirens drawing closer.

Plus I didn't want to face the truth: I couldn't think of a fucking thing to tell whoever came for me.

I knew how the room looked and it wouldn't make any sense to an outside observer, but that's because the truth would sound completely insane. The cops definitely didn't take well to obvious bullshit.

The pain in my side sucked but, having lessened somewhat, I could take it. Anger at Luna I could also deal with. The rising panic I could not.

A shape flew into the open doorway from the hall, stumbling to a halt. I flinched and set off my side again.

"Dude...! What do we tell the cops?!" Craig's eyes darted around wildly before focusing on me.

He expected me to have an answer just like that?! It was hard to breathe again, the sudden tension in my chest fighting my lungs' efforts.

"I... I..." I didn't have a fucking clue! There was nothing we could tell them that would make sense!

"Shit! Shit! Shit! Shi-!"

More, sharper knocking resounded through the apartment.

They were here already?! I hadn't heard...! Wait, no, there were multiple sirens out there.

"We... can't tell them anything, can we?"

I twitched my head slightly, trying and largely failing to shake it.

"Fuck!" He danced in place, spinning around once to take a step, whirling back to toss a glance to me, before darting back down the hall.

I tried to take even breaths and will my heart into a more reasonable rhythm. Shifting to a less pitiful position was on my mind but steady, purposeful steps easily outpaced my pathetic efforts.

He had the deep blue uniform, a round-brimmed hat tilted forward above his face, and an assortment of tools around his waist that Batman would have appreciated. He was tall and broad-shouldered - clearly much more fit than I'd ever been - with a tight expression across his slightly receded jaw. I'd expected much of that. I also wasn't surprised that one hand remained cautiously near his hip or that his eyes immediately went around the room - me, my wall, each window in turn, across the floor, and then back to me.

What I hadn't expected was how quickly his expression softened, hand coming away from his sidearm as he moved surprisingly lightly across the floor.

"Hey there. I'm Corporal Reichelt. What's your name?" His voice, while on the high end of deep, was similarly soft.

"Alex."

He quickly surveyed the room one more time, then nodded to another cop in the doorway who I noticed only because of the corporal's gesture.

Before I could more than begin to wonder about this, the corporal spoke again. "Alex, you can go ahead and just call me Dan, okay? Your roommate says you're injured? Where does it hurt the most and is there anything I can do to help you?"

"My b-back." Come on voice, stop shaking! "Not much else."

He nodded again. After a last look around he crouched down next to me. "The EMTs will be here soon and you're going to be alright. I'd like to check you really quick, though, if you don't mind, Alex."

I did my best to nod with my head pressed against the pillow. Taking my eyes off him as he loomed above me proved impossible because, despite his kindly expression as he shifted the blanket, I couldn't stop from dreading the impending interrogation about my part in all this. A helter-skelter mess of disjointed thoughts was the only answer that I came up with to his phantom questions. The anticipation alone was killing me.

"Well, the good news is it doesn't look all that bad-" Yeah, but what about the rest?! "-still, try not to move much until the EMTs get a look at you. I'll bet you're going to be just fine soon enough."

I nodded. Unfortunately the comfort he offered meant little.

"I'm just going to take a quick look around, alright?"

He was already here and it's not like I could stop him. I took my hand away from my side long enough to motion my consent.

"You're going to be okay." He gently - very gently - set his fingers to my shoulder and then rose.

A small pad of paper manifested in his hand from somewhere, followed by gloves and a little pencil as he began making a circuit around the room, painstakingly poking into every corner and scribbling almost constantly. The bed, the floor, both windows, and even the doorframe all came under intense scrutiny. The wall behind me and the extensive damage around it bore the brunt of it.

Dan's eyes kept drifting down to me though. His small, sympathetic smiles only made me more uncomfortable. I knew he was trying to reassure me but the attention only highlighted how I wouldn't be doing him any favors down the road.

At some point during his examination his walkie-talkie barked, letting us know that the EMTs were just outside. After an hour - or only a minute or two - the sounds of people coming down the hall with something heavy, metallic, and wheeled overrode the distant sounds of a crowd.

I mean, who wouldn't want to be a nosy neighbor for something as juicy as this?

Oh, God, what if Craig and I ended up on Cops...

Through my door came a tall by a pale, solid-looking woman with dirty blonde hair in a very neat and short ponytail - utilitarian even - followed closely by a small, wiry man with narrow dark eyes and close-cropped spiked black hair. They both wore professional white over dark blue along with bright blue latex gloves but otherwise could not have been more different. Somehow they had managed to drag an entire gurney through the apartment.

The two newcomers paused just inside the door, the lady pulling her eyes from me to lock gazes with the cop.

"Scene is clear. He's got no major visible injuries but he's got some minor bleeding and complains of pain in his back."

I'm right here, you know!

"His name's Alex, by the way," the cop said - what was his name again? - his expression softening momentarily as he looked me over.

The lady nodded, turning to me. The two of them stepped briskly yet gingerly past everything littering the carpet while the cop watched for a moment, pencil hovering just over his pad.

Why would I notice something like that at a time like this?

"Hey, Alex, my name's Cindy and this here's Tim-" That didn't sound very asian. "-and we're here to help you."

They lifted a wide board with built-in handholds and a large dark blue duffel-like bag off the gurney, setting the board down parallel to me.

Oh, right, that would be for me. I was going to be carried like dead weight - another insult. Fucking thanks, Luna!

Both their faces held a distressingly soft cast as they took positions to bracket me - she beside me and him by my head. I didn't get any time to contemplate this before a hand slipped under my head. It was immediately joined by a sturdier pillow-thing with foam, or something, inside that replaced my own pillow. A second hand then set against the other side of my head, the pair of them supporting and holding me.

"Can you tell us where it hurts the most?"

What was also funny was how little pain I was in at that moment. Feeling it receding was, well, good, I guess.

"My back. Right side." It should not have taken two breaths to say that.

"Being able to speak is good. I'm going to do a quick assessment, okay?"

Did I have a choice? No!

"Does it hurt anywhere else?" Cindy asked, leaning over me and pulling out a stethoscope.

"Small ones here. And there on my back. Aches all over. Like lots of bruises. I think."

She just nodded, placing the stethoscope just below the base of my neck. After a pause she moved it, momentarily stopping at a couple more locations before she folded the tool away.

Next on the agenda was apparently to feel me up around the edges. I tensed at the contact, wanting to crawl away and hide. The point of my back just right of my spine twinged ominously as she brushed it, making me suck in a breath.

After holding up gloved hands marred by a couple spots of blood - how bad was it, doc? - she said something that I wished I caught. Something about-

Those were some weird hook-like scissors... I clenched up again when they darted straight for me, sucking in a pained breath, but nothing further was forthcoming. Soft snipping and tearing was followed by a sudden chill.

My shirt! She'd just sliced it right open! That fucking bitch! I liked that shirt; it was mine!

And then, for some insane reason, she leaned over to run a hand right over where my back had been hurting. The following sharp tap?! Motherfucking yes, it hurts!

That also brought a fresh round of trying to catch my breath. If I hadn't been floored by the pain I definitely would have swung at her.

"-of your back I'm not seeing anything that might be serious. The good news it doesn't seem likely to be spinal."

Great! I still didn't feel any better for it. Did you have to fucking poke it?!

She didn't answer because I didn't ask, instead retreating into the depths of my thoughts.

"-going to get you moving now, okay? Just relax."

Again, it's not like I could resist!

Then there was a third person there, and it wasn't the cop. Some guy in a bulky brown full-body outfit and a dark helmet-sort of hat with a flipped-up visor crouched over my feet. I couldn't quite place what I was seeing at the bottom of my vision but it seemed familiar.

Where had that guy come from?

Strong hands gripped me from almost every side and lifted me forward onto the board, one leg getting tucked into a curled position that helped brace me. More foam thingies were tucked in around me as they applied straps all over the place.

Then I was hoisted over to the gurney and they tucked some kind of blanket in around me. Almost without pause, the two EMTs gingerly navigated me out of the room and down the hall, passing another, slightly older and somehow burlier - or just fatter - cop pressed into the corner just outside my room, another someone in another bulky brown outfit standing in the bathroom doorway, then another cop and some guy older dude in official-looking white and blue next to my own goddamned roommate on our couch. Craig looked more tousled than usual and horribly lost. Then I was out the front door.

Flashing lights filling the space between the apartment buildings, more cops standing watch and holding back a crowd, as well as more guys in brown.

Oh, firemen. Why'd they need the entire fire department?

I couldn't pick out my neighbors from the blurring faces of what was probably everyone, their families, and their friends, but I caught far too many eyes glimmering in the pulsing red and blue glare. My heart took off racing and I swear the temperature soared; it was a scene right out of the evening news and I was the goddamned spectacle.

I couldn't curl away from it all either, not with these fucking straps!

"No," was the surprisingly gentle admonition from the guy holding the head end of my board. "No, don't try to move."

Fuck that! I'd never been more embarrassed and upset in my goddamned life!

Yet I stayed still. It was enough that every little motion reminded that there was something very wrong with my side.

Fortunately the ambulance was right there. More medical jargon flowed back and forth for a second as an older and balding EMT manifested nearby and I found myself completely lost. I couldn't tell what was good or what was bad. They might have been discussing genetic theory in Russian - hah! Wouldn't that be funny? - for all I knew. Everything was professional as they slid me into place inside the tidy white box that was the ambulance's rear, so nothing was given away by tone.

The asian guy clambered in next to me and sat down on a bench - or something - near my head, and was followed shortly by someone else squeezing in behind me. Judging by the sounds around me, both began rummaging around in the nearby cabinets and drawers. The first thing to come out was a plastic mask, produced by the asian dude.

"This'll help you breathe if you need it."

Yeah, okay. It went on my face regardless of my feelings.

Next came that arm thing to test my blood pressure - I'll be damned if I could remember what it was - as the rear door to the ambulance shut. With the guy doing a more thorough - and more embarrassing full-body feel-up - I retreated to the safest place I knew: my head.

I was in an ambulance. I'd never ridden in one before. I'd have been more curious if I didn't have a good idea how much this was going to cost later. One of my sisters had been carted to the hospital for heat exhaustion once and it had taken help from my dad to pay for it. I had health insurance but how much would that actually cover?

Which still left my apartment. Did renter's insurance cover alien invasions?

If I didn't tell them what had actually happened it might cover nothing. But nobody would possibly believe me! I was fucked, so thoroughly fucked. And that crowd outside the apartment had been right there to see it...

I was shaking - and not just because the ambulance kept bouncing madly - the interminable heat transforming into a cold flash.

"It's alright, Alex, just try to relax." I twitched hard, not expecting the asian guy to speak. "You're going to be alright."

No. No, I wasn't.

Someone leaned over from behind me, drawing my attention. He was an older balding dude, though his sparse hair was neat and tidy.

"Okay, Mister Stepanowski, first I need to ask you some questions. Afterward I may be able to start a saline drip with a small dose of something should help."

No, I didn't have any allergies that I was aware of. No, I wasn't on any medication. No, this wasn't something I'd been through before. Playing twenty questions at a time like this? What the fuck?

"Do you remember what happened?"

Shit. Here it comes.

"I... do."

"You do?"

What did I just fucking say?! But I couldn't even nod. "Yeh..."

"Good. Can you tell me about it?"

Motherfucking ponies beat me the fuck up! I was just sitting here, minding my own business, when some bitch of a princess jumps out of thin air and throws me into the wall. I mean, what else could it be?!

All I could do was stare. I had to tell him something! Just not that; I'd look completely and utterly insane!

"No? It's alright." I flinched when he patted my shoulder gently, almost certain he would go for something much more aggressive. "You can tell us when you're good and ready. Right now we'll concentrate on helping you get well."

He held up a needle, mindful of the ambulance's gentle rocking.

Yeah. Great! Sure. Let's stick me full of holes. That'll definitely make things better, I'm...!

That was... unreasonable of me. I was just looking to lash out and he didn't deserve that from me. So I suffered in silence as he did whatever he wanted with my arm, and I tried to distract myself by daydreaming of ripping Luna's head off with my bare hands.

"One minute."

"Got it."

I'd barely lost myself before my keepers ripped me back to reality. How long had it actually been? I had no idea, but the closest hospital wasn't that far away.

At the same time I couldn't help noticing that the twinge in my back was growing muted, so whatever they'd given me must be working. I tried shifting my again, noting the strength of the feeling and earning another admonition from the guy beside me.

The cabin shuddered faintly and I was pressed against the straps around my head and shoulders. Confirmation of our arrival came from the doors beyond my feet being thrown open by someone I couldn't turn to see. Then everything slid past me and I got a quick sideways view of the nearby street - placid and idyllic with steadfast, over-arching trees and cozy American suburbia. It certainly was an interesting new perspective.

Etherea and I had passed very near here the other night on our way through the old part of town. Had that been only yesterday? It felt like so much longer ago.

I wished she was here-

And just like that I was passing through one doorframe, then another. Flat, uniform colors, bright lights, and rigid, orderly lines replaced the pleasant disorder of the outside natural world. The gentle cacophony of humans and machines working in tandem swallowed up everything else as doors shut somewhere in the distance.

Then there was smell. It was more of an ambience of neat and tidy so strong that it grated on the sinuses. Something in the air at hospitals also left my stomach uncomfortably restless.

Why couldn't they have a medicine for that?

I had time to note some cabinets and a spare bed near what must have been some kind of receptionist - I was facing the wrong way to see - before being pushed a short way down a hall and then around a dizzying turn. A variety of apparatuses I couldn't identify filled every nook and cranny around my periphery. The lighting was somewhat more muted, but that could just have been because of all the extra gadgetry in the way; coiled cords, implements of unknown function - some of which looked downright deadly - devices and displays, warning and procedural panels scattered liberally about...

Was I going to be alright? The room looked like it was meant to assemble people from jigsaw pieces.

"So, what's the situation?"

I flinched at the new voice, soft though it was. I couldn't see the doorway so someone else - a guy, by the sound of it - had followed us in.

"His name's Alex," answered the EMT lady. "Something threw him into a wall and now he's experiencing pain in his back, right-hand side, around the fourth to sixth rib about three inches off his spine. Suspect some kind of trauma to the ribs themselves. Otherwise it's mostly minor cuts and scrapes."

Damnit! I can't see! Who's there, behind me?

"He's also very anxious."

Thank you, Captain Obvious? Of course I am! Life is in the midst of...

Or would it be Princess Obvious?

Princess... Princess... Fucking Luna; I was going to get her back, somehow.

Some lady with narrow, square glasses and dark hair poking out from under a silly blue hairnet appeared in front of me and leaned down. Her lips were moving and I could hear something. Wait, I should be paying attention.

"...go through the same checks that our first responders did earlier. I'll be able to figure out what's hurting and how to fix it. Do you understand?"

She paused, apparently expecting something.

Oh, wait, that was for me. "Uh, yeah. I'm Alex," I finally said, voice still distorted by the mask that had been put on me.

"Good. I need you to do something for me, Alex." Her tone was gentle but brooked no disagreement. "I want you to try to relax, alright?"

Yeah. Sure. Ponies are invading, everyone would think I'm insane if I said anything, and I'm supposed to relax?

But she was the doctor, apparently. That meant I had to listen.

What followed was a controlled whirlwind of mildly invasive and thoroughly embarrassing - for me - poking and prodding. She did literally everything the EMTs had done, but she did it more, with no nook or cranny around me left unexplored by her gloved hands. My mask was lifted off at some point and the stethoscope came out again for several more minutes of careful testing of my torso.

At least it felt like several minutes; I'm sure I wasn't the best judge.

And then with nary a how-do-you-do, I was carted off again by several more people I didn't recognize. I knew I was supposed to do something, but being half-naked, harshly immobilized, and surrounded by all these strange people had forced my task right from my head. Something about the speed of my heartbeat focused my attention though I couldn't be sure why.

I went through another opening, heading - as far as I could tell - deeper into the bowels of the hospital. A glimpse was all I had of another, more bare room with a multi-jointed armature hanging from the ceiling near one wall, with another otherwise blank one dominated by a raised flat white section. It was like some mad scientist's projector room.

Oh, wait, no. This was for x-rays.

Now that I really wanted to lose myself in a good movie too...

The IV stand had to go off to one side as one attendant brought over some kind of rolling cabinet that had been in a corner. My job? Try to be patient as they alternated maneuvering the armature into various poses around me and then retreating to somewhere in the distance.

I had vague hopes that the x-rays would tell them they could let me up soon because this whole board thing under me was becoming uncomfortable. It's not like I was in pain, or anything, but I could tell that moving would relieve a feeling in my joints that was hard to pin down. However, the people here had other ideas; back to the exam room!

Or... an exam room. It wasn't quite the same as the first, sporting more cabinetry and counters but less gadgetry.

"...ex."

What? Oh, that had been my name. I forced myself to focus on the face not far from my own. I was pretty sure she was the lady from the last exam room.

"Doctor Gourley should be along shortly with the results of your x-rays. It may still be some time so just be patient. I'm going to be right here though," she set a hand on my shoulder so gently that I had to double check that it was actually there, "so just let me know if you need anything."

More sympathy for me? Internally I recoiled at her pity. Externally I just tried to nod. Wait, I did want something.

"Can I get out?" Close enough.

Her sad little smile was telling. "Sorry, but we need to wait on the doctor to review your x-rays first." That didn't stop her from moving around behind me and doing her job, picking over my back and cleaning every little nick and ding. It was strange how each little swab should have stung but didn't.

Her preoccupation left me with my thoughts again and all I could do while waiting for the prognosis was review the events of the day and try not to shiver too badly. It wasn't that I was cold. It was just so fucking unfair that something that had started so well should end so... so...

Again words failed me. I'd have berated them too if I could have.

But in the interim all I was left with was the vague feeling that someone must have be out to get me. Luna, are you listening in on this?

I fully expected the non-answer I got.

The wait gave me far too much time to think. How bad was it going to be? How screwed was I? How could...

I had to get away from those kinds of topics; all they were doing was jacking up my blood pressure. But I just couldn't stop from thinking about how much Luna had fucked me over. Me, my computer, my room, Craig, the building... Etherea. I ran and reran the evening through my head, trying to come up with a reason for it all.

Somehow I deserved this, I just couldn't exactly pin down why.

My keeper - nurse? - had retreated to sit by a corner of one counter to do paperwork long before the door cracked open again. At least I was in a position to catch that. In walked a short, slender bald man and an even more skinny guy in pale green scrubs. Dark skinned with brown eyes and seemingly on the cusp of middle aged, his baldness was clearly from care, not happenstance. The pristine white coat and clipboard marked him as a measure above everyone else in the room.

He started by looking me in the eyes. "Hello Mister Stepanowski, I'm Doctor Gourley."

No, duh! He missed the glare I tried to send as he examined whatever was on his clipboard, his lips tightening slightly.

"So, Alex, the good news is that it looks like nothing is actually broken." The good doctor strode to a section of wall hosting not cabinets, but a wide and thin expanse of faintly translucent white. With a click it lit up and he pulled several dark sheets out from the packet under his clipboard, sliding them into the brackets lining the top edge.

It had been a long time since I'd seen the inside of my ribs. And yet, not long enough somehow.

"Here and here," he laid a finger on two otherwise unremarkable lengths of white, "on your fourth and sixth ribs there are minor stress cracks. From blunt force trauma, I assume. It's not generally a very serious injury," he turned to look me in the eyes, "at least not with proper treatment, but neither is this something to take lightly. These kinds of injuries can easily complicate. Are you certain you are feeling no other pain elsewhere?"

Nothing like that. I tried to shake my head dumbly and was stopped by the straps.

Okay, I was sick of this; I needed out!

He inclined his head, apparently taking my response at face value as he turned back to the illuminated wall. "The primary concern will be pain management. Injuries such as this tend to prompt people to take extra care that's actually detrimental. There is no possibility of bracing and-" he tapped the dark area representing my right lung, "-we need you breathing normally, sleeping normally, and moving normally, though with some cautionary measures. I'll provide you with a suitable prescription some guidelines for the types of activities you can and should still engage in. Any questions?"

"N-no." That did sound easy enough.

A thought broke through the mud inside my head. "Actually..."

Doctor Gourley raised his eyes attentively.

"I'll be on a weight restriction, won't I?"

"Yes. No heavy lifting."

My boss was going to kill me. Perhaps twice.

"... you up shortly." Oh, he was talking again? Yet his head was down as he scribbled something far too quickly on the clipboard. It looked like he had a classic case of 'doctor illegibility.' "I bet you'll feel much better after that. So, let's get you un-trussed and see if you're up for moving on your own."

I'd lived through the occasional pinched nerve so I was sure that I could do it. Especially if they were going to dope me up on something. As the second orderly begin unclasping straps and removing the soft blocks hemming me in I had to laugh; now I knew what it was like to be a package getting unwrapped!

That netted me some looks. So no laughing, Alex - even if something seems funny - because it just makes you look crazy.

I'd been lying with my right side in the air, one arm covering it, and, though the telltale pricks of pain were all but muted, I wasn't just about to sit up in that direction. Like the doctor had said about complications, I didn't know what flexing those muscles would do to me. The attendants must had the same idea so rolling me onto my back became the order of business, if a quick one.

Moving, even with whatever they'd given me and using completely different muscle groups, just felt... off. Thank God both the orderlies helped me because the additional stability was very welcome.

Even if I still hated the situation. Being a helpless invalid was just wrong.

Once I was upright and stable? Yeah, I liked that a lot more.

"How do you feel?" The doctor set a hand on my shoulder as he looked me in the eyes seriously.

"Better, actually." Though I made sure to keep completely still.

That got the first smile I'd seen from him, small though it was. "Good. We'll get you going in just a second here."

He again verified that I wasn't going to fall apart right then and there. I could have told him I wouldn't but I wasn't getting off that easy; it wouldn't have been nearly as much fun for him.

Getting moving afterward was actually a relatively simple matter. So was donning the backless smock-gown-thingy they always made patients wear. With my attendees bracketing me closely and my IV tagging along I was allowed to amble my way out the door and down the hall. A look backward showed a kind of low level bustling and that we seemed to be heading out of the section. I could hear more activity than I saw, and that which I could wasn't exactly full of hurry though neither was it languid.

Like a hospital, go figure.

Which meant that I was shambling like an invalid past other people I didn't know, and generally being in the way when some of these people had important places to be. I picked up the pace. Surprisingly it wasn't that bad... Except for being nearly naked with my skivvies bared to the world through the rear of my patient's garb was another insult to lay at Luna's... hooves.

"So, Alex, how did this happen exactly?"

The doctor's inevitable question, no matter how misleadingly gentle, was a highly unwelcome surprise. I managed to not stumble as all my defenses shored themselves up. How to dissuade him from...

"Extensive surface contusions and abrasions like you have makes me think you suffered a fall, but the first responders reported finding you inside a building where you couldn't possibly have."

"I..."

He was looking over at me now - placidly expectant.

"I can't." From his perspective the truth would seem absolutely insane. "I just-"

I struggled to not fidget anxiously while he silently contemplated me.

"It's okay if you need some time. I just want you to know that you're in a safe place and we will help you however we can. But to do our best we'll need you to tell us what happened. Would you be able to do that for me?"

All I could do was shake my head and even that took a moment. His sour expression told me he wasn't altogether happy about it.

At least my destination wasn't too far; after heading up a level and over a short ways the doctor led us into a room with a window, though the blinds were drawn. It wasn't another exam, surgery, x-ray, or even an interrogation room. It had an honest-to-Paladine bed, even if it had been bracketed by an assortment of metallic parts that turned it into the Swiss Army Knife of beds. On the wall across from it was a TV on a shelf, a door by the entrance led to a bathroom which was little more than a cubby, and there was even a runner for a privacy curtain arcing across the ceiling over the bed.

And of course there were the cabinets. What hospital room wouldn't be complete without an overabundance? Though all in all the room was pretty bare.

"Alright, Mister Stepanowski, here we are. It's getting somewhat late and we would like to keep you under observation for at least tonight to make sure there are no hidden injuries we may have missed. You'd be surprised what some people overlook until after the adrenaline wears off." He gave me half a smile.

If that was his attempt at levity then I wanted a different comedian.

He did some perfunctory flipping of sheets on his clipboard, scanning through them. "Sam here will get you comfortable and doctor Innis will be along shortly to introduce herself."

When I gave him a look he continued, "I'm on rotation in the emergency wing, and since you're out of the water you're being assigned to one of the regular attendings."

Oh. I guess that made sense.

True to his word, Sam, the orderly, helped me around the room. There wasn't much to do since I'd had so little with me, and I used the excuse of the bathroom to hide myself away. Here I was in a hospital, injured and surrounded by strangers. As if that wasn’t bad enough, I didn't have Craig, Dimble, or Etherea to keep me company. I didn't have my computer - it's continued existence still in question - nor my phone so I couldn't even reach out to friends or family. Or my boss.

Fuck! He was going to be so upset.

The world was still weirdly fuzzy and I was more cut off than I could remember ever being, yet, for my own sake, had even more need to not be. The tiny bathroom provided four good walls and no way for angry ponies or irate cops to bother me. Knowing that the walls really wouldn't stop either of them kept me in their all the same.

Doctor Innis was less than happy at finding me rather blatantly hiding, though she - a short, middle-aged brunette with prominent eyebrows - was more worried than anything. She tried It was some consolation, miniscule though it was, that she came bearing the promise of some long-delayed food.

-----|||||-----

I bolted upright as something shifted nearby, back ramrod straight and eyes flicking around. A shape peeled itself from the shadows around the doorway and my heart surged forward, betraying my excitement. Etherea?

No. Silvery armor surrounded the lithe form.

The head lifted and slitted teal eyes - Luna's - met mine. A chill washed over me. It couldn't end this way!

My eyes snapped open to a different sound. Blurry white dominated in front of me but a wide splotch of light beige showed in the near distance. Where...?

I did a quick mental check, running through what I remembered. Oh, right, I was in a hospital because Luna had fucked me over yesterday, and this was my room. This also wasn't the first time I'd jolted awake. In fact, it had happened far too often for me to count, yet despite spending so much of the night terrorizing myself I had kept falling back asleep. I guess I was just that exhausted.

I mean, it's not like I could keep from expecting Luna ominously walking in through the door, or stepping free from one of the shadows, or even dropping through the window - miraculously passing right through the glass. She could just pop out wherever she felt like it!

That none of that had happened didn't actually reassure me.

The return of the twinges in my side, accompanying specific movements and every breath, had done their part as well. It wasn't what I would call 'painful,' but I'd still been forced onto my left side.

An orderly had checked on me at some point, though I'd continued to feign sleep. I could live with some discomfort if it allowed me to avoid certain uncomfortable questions.

"Mister Stepanowski? Time to get up." The voice was gentle and feminine.

Oh... The sound I'd woken to was the click of a door opening.

"Mmmm?" It was the best I could manage on such short notice.

Somewhere nearby blinds were pulled and all the little blurs nearby got brighter.

"How are you feeling this morning," she asked, coming closer to the foot of my bed. "Are you in any pain?"

"Not if I don't move."

"Oh, no! Well, I have good news then: the painkillers they gave you last night should be fully out of your system now so we can get you on your prescription." Well, didn't she sound chipper? It was too early for this kind of shit. "We're going to start you on something small to see how your body reacts. It'll help and it should be much less disorienting. But you'll have to get up first."

Yup. She sounded like a morning person who knew they'd unearthed a not-morning person before ten o'clock - literally the worst kind of person. After Luna-kinds of people.

Or maybe it was just my lack of sleep talking; it was hard to tell. I'd gotten what? Three, maybe four hours?

"My names, Beth, by the way. How about we get you up and started."

She was a blonde on the pudgy side of cute. Cute - as in adorable - with a button nose, round face, and ringlets framing her head. Not my preferred type, but I knew a couple friends who'd tease me to strike up a conversation with her.

But the miseries resurfacing were saying 'fuck off' to that. I didn't feel like getting up because that meant facing them. Yet trying to stay wrapped up and in bed wasn't any better; with no real chance of overcoming sleep's elusiveness all I would be doing was boring myself. Well, that and fuming.

Either way, the day was just determined to start out sucky. Maybe I should bring Limp Bizkit in on this one too.

She was kind enough to key the head section of my bed more upright, and my torso with it, like some reverse recliner. Though she followed that with a cursory once-over before retrieving Doctor Innis, who gave me another exam.

Because clearly, if they didn't all personally check me, I was going to just up and break, or something.

Though their side of things was helped by the fact that the increased pressure on my back was just that much more uncomfortable. I was just glad that they decided to give me my contacts back before doping me up on anything.

As helpless as I felt - Seriously, fuck that noise! - I was more than happy to finally accept a pill and a paper cup of water from Beth. I did like a good little boy and followed her instructions and promised to report on every little thing I was feeling as the medicine went to work.

Would I get nauseous? What about sleepy or loopy? Maybe something nobody could predict! It was like the world's most demented lottery!

Did I mention fuck Luna?

All I knew was that I kept expecting to feel something, but because I didn't know what I was looking for there was no telling whether any particular thing was the medication. Was my stomach tight because of that, or was that just omnipresent fear? I couldn't tell.

What I could say for certain was that I was damned hungry.

Unfortunately Beth and Innis had excused themselves, promising to be nearby, and were taking far too long to return. I felt I was doing alright with the medication, but spending a half an hour propped up had done no favors to my back. That warranted another half a pill when Beth checked on me. Too bad she probably had nothing for jittery nerves.

An hour after waking I was finally allowed food, which did leave me feeling physically better, at least. However, my gift for me being a cooperative was more boredom. No one to talk to, no computer - Fuck you, Luna! - no phone, no internet...

Just me and the TV.

Sometime later, near the tail end of yet another car commercial, the door clicked and swung open. I tensed, ready to bolt, having been glancing toward the door periodically and dreading seeing a pony coming in to finish the job. Stupid, I know, since they didn't need to use the doors.

Though how I would have managed any kind of escape in my state was anyone's laughable guess.

But it was just Doctor Innis again. She motioned behind herself. "Mister Stepanowski, I believe you've met Corporal Reichelt."

Shit. The cop from last night was here too!

He had the same intimidating official hat, though he set it aside on the table-counter-thing just beside the door.

"Yeah," I said quietly.

He wasn't the only one to walk through that door, either. Practically on his heels was a middle-aged man with dark skin just a hair off from being 'ashen.' The second guy's hair and beard were cut short and neat, but his business suit failed to hide a gut that could have used more care. He took up a spot to one side near a random cabinet.

"Alex, how are you doing today?" The corporal was apparently yet another goddamned morning person. "Better, I hope."

"Yeah." My mind took off, trying to anticipate what damage I'd have to control and leaving the rest of me on guarded standby.

"That's good to hear. You were a bit out of it last night or I would have stayed longer to chat." Oh, good, one of these clowns. "This is Detective Neiman with me."

The darker-skinned man tipped his head toward me as he produced a notepad. "Mornin', Alex." He sounded like a smoker, his voice on the cusp of being grating.

Reichelt edged back in, "The hospital has filled us in concerning your injuries but we still have a number of questions. If you don't mind, we would like to hear your statement about what happened."

Oh, I did. Very much. Though on the outside I just watched, trying to remain visibly calm.

Doctor Innis shifted, adopting an easy pose that allowed her to look in askance at the corporal, who looked up in turn. "If I may, what do you know about how he came by his injuries? They're mostly consistent with a fall from some height, but what I've heard contradicts that."

The corporal looked up first but it was the detective who answered, his face unreadable. "That's actually why we're here. We don't yet have all of the details."

I shivered at his brilliant non-answer. I could see the proverbial chopping block looming, and the fact that the corporal asked that the doctor excuse herself only made me less willing to stay. But at the same time this was a cop. I wasn't going to be going anywhere, and looking for an escape like some madman was a Bad Idea.

What would also give the wrong impression? Hunching sullenly from fear and embarrassment. So, sitting upright awkwardly it was!

Corporal Reichelt - I could remember his name through a slowly growing haze of distress only because of the tag on his chest - pulled a chair from the side and sat. Oddly enough, his expression softened again as his blue eyes locked onto mine.

The detective opted to lean against a cabinet.

"Alright, Alex, I know this has been frightening, but would you be able to tell us what happened yesterday afternoon?"

I was staring an oncoming Mack truck in the headlights. The events of yesterday, which I'd been trying to leave in the back of my mind and not to worry too much about, rose to the fore again. I could lay out the entire situation from beginning to end. I could explain how aliens had come to and trashed a random apartment on the edge of United States suburbia. I could also tell him how these aliens apparently featured almost wholesale in some popular children's entertainment.

And then I would head straight to the Looney Bin without passing Go.

The only thing I could do was look down and shake my head, my throat clenched tight.

"Mister Stepanowski." I didn't look up. I couldn't; not after he switched away from my first name. "We can't help if we don't know what happened."

A pause.

"If someone else did this to you, we can only stop them from doing it again if you tell us what you know about them."

The phrasing wasn't lost on me. If I told him that it had indeed been someone else's fault... But that led straight to the question of who was. I could distract by making some shit up, but that would probably just lead to being caught in an actual lie.

The detective's head tilted. "Mister Stepanowski-" Of course I wasn't going to get time to think! "-who is the woman with the blue hair?"

Shit!

My head snapped up, eyes straining. They knew about Etherea! But... how? Fear ramped up into horror and strangled anything I might have said.

The detective's expression was calm but there was an intensity behind his eyes. "Several witnesses at your apartment complex report seeing you returning yesterday afternoon with a woman who had blue hair. Given other statements, it sounds like you've seen her several times. Who is she?"

When I didn't immediately answer he continued, "Do you know where she is?"

Equestria. A fucking fictional, made-up land of happiness, rainbows, and sunshine. Honest, officer, it's the truth!

I let my head drop again, clenching my eyes and trying to settle the buzzing of nerves from all over my body.

The corporal's voice cut in, "Was she involved in what happened?"

It wasn't that I was ignoring the question; I just couldn't find a response that wouldn't lead to a worse follow-up.

"Given the evidence at the scene, it almost looks as though a bomb was-"

What?! "A b-bomb-b...?"

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck! If they thought a bomb had gone off... Images of terrorists celebrating the deaths of their victims leapt from my imagination and were closely tailed by the knowledge of what the government did in response.

"Yes, Mister Stepanowski," the detective inserted himself again, "the debris pattern and-"

"Wasn't a bomb!"

That shut the detective right up. The corporal's expression twitched though, twisting at my interruption before lightening slightly.

"Okay, that's a good start. It wasn't a bomb. Fireworks maybe?"

"N-no."

The detective looked down to scribble something more before asking somewhat more quietly, "Drugs?"

I managed a stiff head shake, realizing what they were doing. Eventually they'd run out of reasonable possibilities and I'd get caught in the 'lie.'

The good corporal began again, "How about-"

"It..."

He stopped expectantly. Where was I even going with this?

"I can't," I whispered, slumping.

Silence stretched between us, growing more tense the longer it lingered. I couldn't believe I was trying to pull a silent act on the cops. I was a good, cooperative citizen. But telling them about magical alien ponies...

After a moment of studiously not looking at them I heard someone shuffle their feet. A quiet cough-like grumble came from the direction of the detective and I looked up.

Both had ominously neutral expressions, but it was the corporal who opened his mouth. "Tell you what, Mister Stepanowski, why don't we give you some time to think on it? As much as I'd like to know what happened yesterday, I can tell that this is very distressing. You are safe here, we will be sure of that-"

I wasn't fooled! They could also keep a close eye on me!

"-and sometimes a little rest is the best way to clear our heads. We'll come back later and, after you've had some time to relax, we can start again fresh. Alright?"

Again, I didn't really have a choice in the matter; he was just being polite.

Still, I managed a jerky nod. He responded with a much more steady one of his own before rising and retrieving his hat.

The detective led the way out, holding the door for the corporal. "Take care, Mister Stepanowski."

For some reason his well-wishing was surprisingly gentle.

The corporal also paused at the door but I couldn't meet his eyes, wishing he'd leave already and let me be miserable on my own.

"We're here to help, Alex, but we need to know what happened."

I couldn't tell how long I sat there with my head down after he left, the dim ambient noise of the hospital playing a poor companion. He knew about Etherea. Of course he did; we hadn't even tried to be stealthy when we'd gone out. How stupid could I have been? Now she'd been seen, and for what?

As if things weren't bad enough, now the police were going to investigate a fictitious person, and one who could only end up being labeled missing. And I couldn't say a thing about her either; she was a pony!

My destructive inward spiral was interrupted by a gentle knock at the door and I did my best to jump without moving. The door opened, admitting the doctor again, before I could even think about questioning who was there.

"I hope you and the corporal were able to clear some things up."

She paused but I just watched her. Eventually something kick-started in my head and I gave an almost imperceptible shake of my head.

Her frown was telling. "Well, regardless of anything else that's going on-" She fired a glance toward the door. "-we'll do everything we can to help. I just wanted to stop by and see that everything was alright."

There was only one thing I could think about: getting away.

"When can I go home?"

Wait... My apartment was wrecked. Where would I go?

"Well..." She took a deep breath and let it slowly out, her lips twisting thoughtfully. "Should be soon. Normally an injury of this type doesn't require much hospital stay."

A wan smile flashed across her face. "I also wanted to let you know that I'm off for the day. A wonderful gentleman by the name of Doctor Harrington will be taking over for now, and should be by in a little while to say hello. In the mean time-" She leveled the butt of her pen at me, though her tone remained bright. "-you rest up. Healing those ribs will go faster with a little bit of care."

I nodded again, which was beginning to feel like a bad habit.

Which meant I got my wish. I was alone with the TV again and, it being a terrible conversationalist, left me with only myself to talk to. It didn't go well. I'd been reminded that Luna hadn't just wrecked my stuff, she'd also damaged the actual apartment. What was I going to do about that?! How long would it take to fix?

Drywall repairs, recalcitrant landlords, long term stays in hotels hemorrhaging out even more money... It all swirled about inside my head like some awful rerun. If only...

If only what? I hadn't met Etherea?

I wasn't sure I wanted that either.

Another knock at my door sometime later forced me to sit up and smooth the covers I'd disturbed. I wasn't sure why I bothered, though it seemed to help me organize myself.

When nothing else happened for a long moment I hesitantly called, "Yeah? Come in."

A somewhat pudgy attendant with dark hair and a too-serious expression poked his head in. "Mister Stefan- Stepanowski, a visitor for you."

Who...?

He eased aside as much as he could, holding the door as a tall, skinny man with unruly hair and a faint lip curl edged into the room.

I'd recognize that flannel shirt and expression anywhere! Craig!

Wait... The cops had already been here, and they'd certainly been at my apartment, so how was Craig here? They wouldn't just have let him loose, would they? Great, more things that didn't make any sense.

I still beat him to the punch though, voicing more pep than I felt. "Hey, man!"

"Yo. How you feelin'?" He strode over in turn, casually shrugging off a backpack onto the floor. He then slapped a hand into mine and we shook once. "Don't look like you're about to kick it."

"No, I'm not. Not that I don't feel like it anyways." I couldn't stop a shudder and a deep grimace. But the distraction took my eyes off Craig and let me note the absence of the attendant.

"You... You alright after..." I dropped my volume as low as I felt he could hear. "...last night?"

I still couldn't quite piece together what had happened to him. Given the state I'd been in it was all a bunch of dissociated blurs. Not that I could just ask him; someone might hear. Wait, he might blurt it out anyways! It's not like he was known for his discretion.

His eyes flicked over his shoulder to the closed door and just like that his signature smile was gone. "I, uh, I... Yeah. I'm alright. That..."

With a short, vehement shake of his head he closed his eyes and dropped his butt onto the edge of my bed. A hand came up to stroke through and pull at his hair.

How could I say anything without actually saying anything that might be overheard?

"Did... did you see?"

His eyes were haunted and distant when they met mine again. "Y-you are alright, right?"

He must have seen. "Yeah. I'll be okay." I raised my right arm, stretching that side. "These painkillers are good."

"Painkillers?" He blinked, his brow creasing.

"Two cracked ribs. I'm, uh, going to be taking them for a while."

Several expressions flitted across his face too quickly to properly form. He paused with his mouth open and expression vacant, almost thinking harder than I'd ever seen. When he came back it was to put his head down in his hands.

"God. Oh, God, what're we gonna' do man? This is so fucked." I shuddered in sympathy at his tone. "We can't say a fucking word, and... and-"

He stopped cold, going stiff. Again, he shook his head, staring through the far wall.

Something popped into my head. "Wait, what about Dimble? Have you seen him?"

"Your cat?" I could almost have laughed at his sudden confusion. "Uh, I've got him. Found him out under the couch. Hotel wasn't too happy about having a cat, but I guess the cops told them off, or something. Dunno.' Didn't really have anywhere else to put him."

I breathed a sad little chuckle, smiling faintly as I was able to shelve away one horror. I would have loved to drop Dimble off with Tristan and Shawn like I did any time I went on vacation, but that was a forty five minute drive and it was unlikely Craig had had the chance.

"Oh, good! Good. Good... When I saw what... what had happened to my computer-" Fuck you, Luna! "-I was so worried. It's... How bad was it, really?"

Internally I cringed, regretting the question as Craig stared blankly at me for a moment.

"Really bad," he said quietly. Too quietly for who he was. "Dude, the place is torn up like bad. We had cops and firefighters and dogs and shit in there." His voice was steady and eerily distant. "People were poking around everywhere and kept just askin' and askin'."

He continued, sing-song, still looking at nothing in particular, "'What's this, what's that? What happened? Who did this? And this, and this, and this...'" After a deep breath he continued in a slightly more normal, if shaky, tone. "Fuck, man. I had to tell so many of them that I'd nothin' to say. I couldn't get them to stop askin'! They'd've thought I'd gone fucking nuts if I'd said anything-" Oh, thank God he hadn't! "-but I... I..." His eyes went to the door and mine followed.

"I can't. I don't wanna' be locked up, but..." his head came back around to me. "What're we gonna' do, man?"

This was on me? Of course it was! "I... I don't know. I really don't."

It almost physically hurt to say that but, as much as I tried, I didn't have anything else. What little atmosphere we'd built died, leaving a jittery silence hanging about the room, stretching and stretching until it was more a facet of reality than just a feeling. I couldn't have helped it! The only way out was to give the cops something. But what?

I stared at my feet through the intervening covers.

What could have happened to cause that kind of damage to a room that wasn't a bomb? Well, something that wasn't outright a dangerous explosive - we didn't want them chasing fireworks either. Something compressed and released...

A can of air? Too small. Maybe one of those larger canisters like those for helium?

No. There wasn't any debris!

So we needed a high explosive without any residue or container. Somehow I doubted that the cops would put up with suggesting of marsh gas.

All I could do was chuckle distressingly. It was hopeless because none of the evidence would make any sense! We were so-

"Hey."

Had Craig come up with something?!

"I almost forgot. Your boss called." He leaned away from me to slip and hand into a pocket and extract a familiar smooth black shape.

Of course Craig didn't have an answer for the important question! Why would I ever...?

I stopped before I could fully direct my ire on yet another who didn't deserve any of it. If I ever got my hands on Luna...

But all of that was an aside. "Of course he did."

Craig's shrug was slight and rueful. "Yeah, he wasn't happy. You should let him know what's up. Also, you should..." He gave me an odd, very direct look before glancing down at the phone as he passed it over.

What was that about?

He just watched with barely an expression as I turned my phone over, inspecting it. Except for a couple additional new dings in its edges it was surprisingly hale for having been on my desk last night. Waking it up revealed nothing out of the ordinary either.

Oh, wait. I had messages. A chill flashed through me. With shaking fingers I navigated through to my list of new ones. There! One was from an unknown source.

Etherea! It had to be!

The tendons of my fingers stood in sharp relief as my hands did their best to compress my phone from both ends. She might be able to help, but if it hadn't been for her I wouldn't be in this fucking mess! If she hadn't come to Earth...! If she hadn't landed in my living room...! If she'd just gone home-

I barely pulled the throw so my phone only went as far as my feet. It was both mine and far too expensive to waste in some stupid outburst. Though that left me with no way to vent so I had to just swallow my feelings. I needed Etherea to get me out of this situation but that didn't mean I wanted to talk to her.

"You're not going to...? Dude?"

Craig had twisted halfway around to track the phone's flight but came right back to me. I just shook my head, unwilling to voice anything until after I calmed my roiling feelings.

"Oh... Well, um." His eyes roamed around, avoiding me.

"Don't worry about it," I said flatly. "Just upset."

He nodded slowly. "Yeah. I get it. So... Whatcha' been up to in here? They giving you anything to do?"

"Heh," I snorted. "Not a damned thing. TV's useless this early in the day but it's all I got."

"Well, I brought you, uhhh... You know." He glanced toward the end of the bed. "And some other stuff you probably needed. Clothes and contact stuff and shit."

Actually, the hospital had been kind enough to provide, but having my stuff would be nice.

"Also brought your earbuds and one of your books, just in case. They didn't let me get much."

"Hey, thanks." I gave him a wan smile, trying to buoy what little happiness his consideration had given me.

"Thought about gettin' you something from the box in my closet. Y'know, in case you got really bored, but I didn't know how much chance you'd get."

And there was old Craig again. An offhand comment about the collection of porno mags he oddly insisted on keeping was just so normal - a good kind of casual.

It was good to have him here. It helped me know that I wasn't crazy, no matter how much the events of the past few days might say otherwise, and having someone else who understood, even if they didn't say it, was probably just what I needed. The anger and shame were still there, and I could sense them lurking in the far reaches waiting, but with Craig to distract me I was free for the moment. Sure, we didn't talk about much, and there were long pauses, but it wasn't about the things we said. It was the companionship, pure and simple.

He knew, even if he was also awfully evasive, and so did I. So, camaraderie more than anything.

We avoided talking about what to do, which was probably a terrible idea. The painfully apparent truth was that neither of us had any solutions.

At some point a different attendant poked his head in the door. Apparently someone had begun worrying about the lack of a lunch order from my room. It's not like I'd been told that that was a thing.

I couldn't remember if I'd just forgotten, which was certainly possible.

Like most everything else had been of late the meal passed sullenly. If anything, things were even more awkward afterward because there just wasn't anything to say.

"So, man, there's a party next weekend."

My head popped up; that was really random of him.

"You'll be out by then, right?"

If the cops don't lock me away. In lieu of that answer I just nodded.

"Cool! Cool... You're comin' along then. We'll get so drunk that we'll think that there really are... Um. We'll get fucking hammered."

Yeah, I knew what he'd left out. But, fuck it.

"I'll even hit on a few girls." I did my best to grin cockily, though it was definitely easier said than done.

In the end is was Doctor Harrington that broke things up. He, a man of medium height and sporting a short and very neat beard - doctor, go figure - popped in to see how I was doing. It's not like Craig fled, or anything, but when the doctor suggested a quick going-over to make sure - again! - that I was doing alright, Craig was awfully quick to capitalize on the faint possibility of cute nurses elsewhere in the hospital.

Another session of pokes and prods, short as it was, was followed by an even longer series of questions about my health and my feelings on it.

Truth be told, things were a bit fuzzy. Actually, it was more like there was a short delay between things happening and me registering them - like lag in a computer game. It didn't seem to be an actual thing that was wrong, but concentrating made the feeling stand out all the more.

It was going to take some getting used to. The doctor didn't seem to think it much of a problem, just that my dosage should be dialed back.

My ability to stay still after he left was quickly subsumed under the need to do something. As if things weren't bad enough, now I was also bored.

Standing up on my own proved to be easier than I'd thought - I couldn't tell that anything was wrong with my ribs - but the feeling of distance from my environment multiplied. I tested it by reaching out to the nearby cabinet/nightstand combo that held the room's clock.

Yeah, this 'lag' was something I'd have to be careful with. It felt like I wasn't quite where I actually was, so it would be difficult to react to things even when I was concentrating. It probably wouldn't bother me in the slightest at the moment, but I could really hurt myself.

So I padded my way to the bathroom slowly and steadily, picking up the backpack as I passed. It was so nice to be in a fresh pair of jeans and everything - like I was myself again - though I left the shirt off just in case. Like hell I'd risk the staff cutting another one off me!

Wandering around the room proved to be no more fun than sitting in the bed, and the view outside was less than stellar. I just wasn't that into parking lots. Also, the sun was far too bright despite the assorted clouds hanging around - far too cheerful in my opinion. Someone should really just shut it the fuck off, or something.

My wanderings eventually took me back to the foot of the bed. After all, despite my reluctance, there were some things I really should do. The message on my phone, for instance, though I spent longer than I cared to admit just staring it down. My mind played every card it had, trying to convince me that it wasn't what I feared, but the other choice was to call my boss and try to explain why I was suddenly breaking my promise to be there, at work.

Well, when put that way...

Regardless of my resolve my fingers still shook, a rising core of nervousness alternately heated and cooled my skin. This was it; copy the message, send Google to find the translation site, plug in the mysterious characters, and...

Alex? I hope this reaches you. I did not see much but it looked like Princess Luna was really hurting you. Please tell me you are well.

No explanation and no reasoning. I wanted to interpret what she was and was not saying from the other end of the screen, but how could I know how heavily she'd edited her thoughts to end up with just that. At least she seemed to be okay.

I slapped down the anger rising in the wake of that thought.

Unfortunately the rest of my thoughts and feelings resisted being organized into something I could express. It was fresh frustration with that situation that broke the stalemate and sent my fingers flying indelicately around the keyboard.

Well? Fuck no! Luna broke two ribs...now I'm in the hospital...my room's trashed, my computer destroyed, we're out of an apartment for I dunno how long Now I gotta pay for an ambulance, hospital, treatment, and shit...I can't wrok and I dont have any kind of insurenance for what she might've done to the BUILDING! you all can just all fuck off and die!

White hot anger roiled, making my hands quiver. Though my message exactly reflected how I felt, I couldn't send it. It was just wrong, somehow.

With a few calming breaths I was able to get enough control to delete the last sentence.

Luna can go fuck herself, I tacked on the end. There; redirected to the one who deserved it.

But the message didn't go through. Etherea had somehow managed!

I stabbed the button on the screen again. And again.

Sent.

Okay... How the hell did that work?

Though almost as soon as the message was off I regretted it; it had been a really shitty way to tell Etherea all of that, especially because of how she felt about excremental expletives. Still, she was a grown mare and could handle a little shittiness, especially when the situation warranted.

Like this one did.

Again I stared at the screen in my hands, though I wasn't sure what I expected. Was I really going to just wait for a reply? This was cross-dimensional telecommunication and had already proved unreliable.

In reality I just really didn't want to talk to my boss.

The phone ended up somewhere else on the bed and I flopped onto my back, looking up at the lights and intent on counting the bumps in the ceiling. The problem was that the room wouldn't stop gradually expanding away from me in every direction.

Ugh... I already didn't like painkillers.

Sitting up and doing something was better because, despite the perception lag, it helped distract from how my head felt. But hey, at least the pain was gone, right?

The room's door offered unknown possibilities. I wasn't actually confined me in here, was I?

I snagged the book from the backpack - Robert Jordan's fourth of thirteen. Great, a middle-of-the-series one. Eh, it was better than nothing.

The door proved tricky. Not because the door itself was barred, or anything, but because it meant going outside. The room was more familiar and seemed safer. But out there...? There could be anything!

Even another room like this one!

I chuckled to myself, took a deep breath, and then let it out. And then did it again. There wouldn't be ponies on the other side; the hospital wouldn't sound so normal if there were.

Unless they were all ponies now...

I mentally slapped myself and practically lunged for the knob, determined to do this before I could gainsay myself. Now all I needed to do was find an attendant and ask them if this was allow-

There was a cop a little way down the hall - a black man of medium height with cropped hair - leaning casually against the wall near a drab gray bin of some kind and chatting with a nurse - a short, tanned lady with dirty blonde hair pulled severely into a ponytail. And naturally I failed to go unnoticed. To make matters worse, once seen, I couldn't just duck back into my room without looking even more suspicious. As the cop's steady steps brought him closer my heart climbed its way up into my throat.

"Is there something I can help you with, Mister Stepanowski?" His voice was awfully neutral.

Yeah. I didn't want to think about why there was a cop just hanging around, but the question couldn't go unthought-of.

I sucked in a breath and showed the book in my hand, making a conscious effort to stabilize the raised limb. "Well, I was wondering if there was a lobby or something I could go read in for a while. I... I kinda' just want to get out of this room for a bit."

A moment of thought flickered across his face before he turned and caught the eye of the nurse he'd been talking to. She nabbed one of the omnipresent clipboards before coming over.

"Is there some place in the hospital that Mister Stepanowski can read outside of his room?"

Her head tilted, eyebrows bouncing once. "I guess I don't see why not. There's some space around the nurse's stations down the hall-" she indicated the direction opposite the one she'd come from," -with some chairs. It's more for visitors, but I don't see why he couldn't use it. Just let Patrick know; he's at the desk."

The cop - who rudely had yet to introduce himself! - led and I followed, trying and failing to sort out all that was going on. My perception lag wasn't helping!

But regardless, after a short distance the hallway opened up to a space that intersected with another hallway on its other side, marking the area as some sort of nexus. It was dominated by a curved counter, across from which and lined up against the far wall were a handful of blue chairs. A pudgy, redheaded older man who looked up from behind the counter as we rounded the corner. Behind him were a couple doorways and wall absolutely slathered in charts, schedules, and even more esoteric paperwork.

This was Patrick's domain and, yes, I was allowed to use it to read.

The ambient hubbub of the hospital was a wonderful change in atmosphere. People came and people went, there was conversation, and even if I wasn't a part of whatever was going on, the simple presence of others was comforting. It made it possible to ignore the looming guard and lose myself in the adventures of Rand al'Thor.

Not that the cop actually loomed much - he was surprisingly casual about simply hanging around - but his presence, in uniform, was conspicuous. Since I was allowed to come out and read, I wasn't a prisoner. But neither was I free to come and go, I guess? It was another thing I had to figure out - I knew my rights! - but I did not want to get into that right there, where everyone could overhear.

Yup, let's read about Rand al'Thor; that was a lot easier to handle.

At least Doctor Harrington was happy to see me up and about.

I had re-devoured a good chunk of the book before the call for dinner dragged me back to my room. I'd forgotten that I'd left my phone on the bed when I'd gone out, and seeing it still there brought back a host of things I really didn't want to deal with. Ever, if it could be helped.

But life didn't cater to the whims of one person, and I found another message from Unknown that I contemplated while eating. I'd had more than enough pony to last me a lifetime; it could wait. My boss needed calling, if his rather 'forceful' message - and I was being generous there - was an indication.

It went about as well as I'd expected. None of the answers I could give were ones he wanted to hear. No, I couldn't say what had happened. No, I didn't know how soon I would be back. No, no, no, no... I came away much like I'd expected, having accomplished only renewing my hatred for Luna.

The next question was whether I wanted to call my parents or any friends to let them know what was going on. Especially since having the same goddamned conversation would only end the exact same way. I couldn't tell anyone this shit.

Yeah, I wasn't in the mood for more.

But my dad...

There were voices somewhere outside the room. It wouldn't have been notable except that they were close, didn't seem to be moving, and one sounded like the corporal from earlier. And just like that all the calm I'd collected evaporated.

I had to make a conscious effort to not fidget as my heart rate picked up. I knew he would eventually be back even if I'd really, really hoped he wouldn't. There was still nothing I could tell him and, if anything, talking to Craig had only reinforced that.

The murmur of voices carried on and on for some time. Or maybe my dread just made it seem longer. Then they faded, moving away.

I sat there in cautious silence. They'd actually left? That didn't make any sense. It had sounded like there'd been a few people - more than two. Had the doctor told him off? Or someone else? How? Why? What they'd been saying hadn't been audible so I couldn't confirm a damned thing.

At some point Doctor Innis showed up again, happy to see my progress but asking the same questions as everyone else. I shamefully retreated from her the same way I'd done every other time. Somehow, somewhere, I needed a way to escape from everything - the injury and pain, the ponies, the questions, this very world...

I couldn't though; there was just no way. The possibility that both worlds might come looking for me in the meantime kept me awake long into the night.

-----|||||-----

The next morning dawned far earlier than I'd ever wanted, and I was unfortunate enough to be awake to see it. I just couldn't shake the feeling that if I ever let my guard down I'd be assaulted by a rampaging alicorn. It had left me darting in and out of sleep like a hermit crab being prodded by a kid at the beach.

Ugh! Even my metaphors were suffering from a lack of sleep.

Even as boring as it was to be stuck in bed with nothing to do, and despite the frequency of my yawns, sleep kept playing elusive. Heck, even the pain wasn't really that bad; mostly just ache that let me know how close my meds were to running out.

It's just that immobility - even self-inflicted - left me with only my thoughts. I had to admit the truth despite how my mind kept trying to dance around it: there was nothing I could do to help myself. I couldn't 'lie' to the cops and 'telling the truth' would just seem like a bigger lie to them. My only hope was ponies and I didn't yet feel like talking to Etherea.

Stupid? Probably. But I couldn't help it; Luna had gone and fucked everything up so fucking...!

Deep breaths, Alex. Calm down. Okay, maybe not too deep.

I was entertaining the possibility that, just to spite me, the princesses - the other ones - might actively be keeping Etherea away when a nurse came in to wake me. It was completely alright! I totally hadn't been hovering on the cusp of dozing again despite my morose thoughts!

"Time to rise and shine, Mister Stepanowski! Did you sleep well?" Perfect... It was the same chipper, cute-pudgy one from yesterday.

"No."

"Oh, well, today's a new day," she continued insufferably.

"No, it isn't."

She frowned and shut up, finishing her tasks around the room far more perfunctorily than she had started. I'd done that to her. It made my heart clench liked I'd kicked a puppy - another thing to feel sorry for.

Breakfast and a shower in their dinky, handhold-laden shower - with the nurse right outside the bathroom door in case - refreshed me but did little to actually help. I was still exhausted and stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Doctor Innis eventually up again; apparently another round of x-rays were needed to verify that I was just as healthy - or not - as I'd been yesterday. So off I went, led back down into the hospital to the same armature-filled room as before. Then more waiting - something I could have done in my own damned room.

It was funny that they were apparently going to let me do just that because it actually wasn't that long before we all trouped back the way we'd come. At least the latest dose of painkillers made me pretty much self-mobile.

The doctor and her current assistant kept close though.

"So, when can I go home?" The thought came unbidden to my lips, and disgust was on its heels. I didn't have a home right now, remember?

"Very soon," the doctor answered gently, oblivious to my desire to retract the question. "Today, in a little bit, I would think."

She spoke up again as the elevator doors opened and let us out. "What? You don't want to stay here longer? I've heard that the beds are quite comfortable."

I peered past my shoulder at her and blinked. Joking at a time like this? Well, it was kind of a nice, normal thing to do.

"You mean you don't test what you do to your patients first?"

"Nope." She kept her eyes forward and face straight. "There's more fun in the mystery."

What? Somehow that didn't sound quite right, but my brain couldn't quite put it together. I felt like I was missing something.

"Plus, I've seen what they do to your food. I wouldn't..." She'd started to grin cheekily, still not looking my way, but it faded into a thoughtful quirk.

"Looks like you've got visitors."

My head jerked around, making me wobble - kind of like Etherea had when she'd done the same thing! - as my expectations gave me hope. There were very few who might visit, especially at this time of the morning, and, though I dreaded further conversations about Sunday night, it still meant a welcome change of pace. And right now anything, even if unpleasant, was better than nothing.

Oddly enough, in that instant, my mind reminded me that I should really call my parents soon.

But it wasn't Craig waiting for me. It wasn't my boss either. Nor was it any of my friends - not that any should even have known.

It was three men: two in khakis with nondescript solid-colored shirts and open blazers, and the last in a tan business coat and slacks. Strangely, it was the first two who made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Why would anyone wear blazers in this weather?

In fact, the two's expressions remained visibly open and casual even after they spotted and began closing in on my little entourage. That was just too weird, especially since the guy in the suit - an older man with wispy white hair trailing from one side of his head to the other - moved with faint stiffness and was obviously paying attention to the other two. Something was very wrong; cops asking questions were bad enough, but random guys? I knew how all the movies (and books, and afternoon dramas, and video games, and...) went! Their expressions were always just a cover!

I forced myself to not look around like I was trying to escape, no matter how much I wanted to. The hallway seemed to lengthen around me as they drew closer and my heart had to fight harder and harder against a growing pressure in my chest. I know I'd thought it before, but this, here and now,was truly me a deer caught in a truck's headlights.

"Doctor Innis is it?" the one on the right - a man bordering on wiry who had slick black hair and a faint amber tone to his skin - asked as we all came to a stop.

She looked to the man in the suit first though.

"Yes. And who might you be?"

"I'm Special Agent Kent and this is my partner, Special Agent Weiss." He motioned to the somewhat taller, younger man with very short, curled brown hair half a step behind him. Almost as part of the same motion he pulled out a thin, palm-sized flip folder. Open it went, revealing a headshot of Agent Kent, a badge, and...

FBI!

Breathe normally, Alex, just breathe normally.

Agent Kent turned to me, adopting a relaxed pose without breaking the motion he'd used to display and then retract his badge. "You must be Alexander Stepanowski."

My mouth refused to move so I just nodded. This was bad! Really fucking bad!

He nodded back more confidently than I could possibly have managed. "We were hoping you could answer some questions about what happened two days ago."

It took a moment to kick in that they expected an answer. All I could do was nod again; that's the answer they expected, right?

"Great." He looked to the doctor immediately after that simple statement. "I'm assuming that, since he's up and about, that the prognosis is favorable?"

Doctor Innis had been giving the suit-wearing man a level look, one eyebrow lifted ever-so-slightly. He inclined his head back in reply. Only then did she fully face the agent.

"Yes, Mister Stepanowski here is recovering well. His injuries were fortunately not life-threatening."

I know she hadn't really been 'on my side' - or any side, really - but it felt like the doctor was slipping away from me. As minimal as our relationship was, she was still the closest thing to stability that I had here and now. To be losing even that... Please, no.

"Good, good." And I was the focus of his attention again. "We'll let you get properly dressed first-" Gee, thanks... "-and in the mean time there are some questions we need to ask Doctor Innis."

He started to move but paused as something came over him, eyes jumping once between the doctor and me. "He will be alright doing that?"

"Yes, he just has a couple of cracked ribs. Plus, Beth will be there to help him. Just remember that he is recovering..." It didn't feel like much of a threat; not against these guys.

At least she seemed to be still kind of in my corner. It would be nice if she could be there for my impending conversation with these guys.

"Of course. He'll be in good hands. Now, if you'll come this way."

The second agent very conspicuously slowed before picking a position within easy range of my room rather than following his partner.

Beth, in turn, took my elbow and guided my shaky steps to and through my door. She cast a few glances at me while I dazedly let her take the hospital gown and replace it with a shirt and socks from my backpack; I'd at least been allowed to wear my pants since the first evening. Her mouth opened a couple of times before she thought better of it and ducked her head. Because I was occupied with trying not to panic she actually had to do most of the work in maneuvering me into my clothes.

Those guys were FB-fucking-I. I still had no idea how I might convince the cops to step off, much less actual feds. God, now wished I'd bucked up and called my dad last night. He was a lawyer so he'd know what I should do.

I cursed internally as my mind pointed out that, even if I had called him in time, he would probably have also been in over his head; he was just a civil lawyer and those guys were the FBI. And I couldn't have told him much of anything anyways.

His best advice would definitely have been to just spill the beans.

The situation in the hall was much the same when Beth and I exited, with 'tall and brown-haired' still just a few steps down the way, alert eyes immediately latching onto me. That didn't make me feel any less like a criminal being tracked down, or anything...

"Please wait here, Mister Stepanowski. My partner should be back shortly." His somewhat deep voice was devoid of any indication of mood.

It felt like an eternity before the darker-haired agent returned to retrieve us; I spent the time trying to control my breathing.

When we started off, leaving Doctor Innis and the brown-suited man watching us, the dark-haired agent took the lead while the taller one caged me in from behind. Down the hall and away from the nurse's station we went. The elevator took us up before we headed over an enclosed walkway above the road between two of the hospital's buildings. Passing out of the walkway was like entering a different world; the halls, while no less pristine, were somehow less stark. Little bits of wear in and around corners, and darker, slightly worn colors, made the place feel more 'lived in' and hinted that it was somewhat older. But I'd never been to this hospital and could only guess.

I managed to work up enough spit to croak out, "Where are we going?"

The agent whose feet I'd been watching tilted his head to look over a shoulder. "I arranged a more private space for us to talk. We won't be bothered by..."

I tuned him out because my God... I could only imagine that this meant a stereotypical interrogation setup: a blank-walled room with a mirror, solid door, a solitary table with one chair, and one of those searingly-bright hanging lights. And I was going to be stuck in it with these guys!

"I know my rights! You can't confine me without some kind of charge."

The look he gave me - somewhere between surprised and amused - spoke volumes. The only thing I was doing was digging my own hole.

"You think we're going to be holding you here? No, Mister Stepanowski, we're just going somewhere where we can talk more privately."

But was I really free to decline? With an FBI agent in front of me and another behind the answer was obvious. He hadn't even touched my actual issue either. And he'd left the results of this 'conversation' completely open-ended!

I could press the issue... However, trying to remain belligerent would lead to only one result. These were feds; I wouldn't be rid of them until they decided to let go so cooperation was the only way to make this easier.

But I was still trapped because I couldn't provide what they wanted!

For some reason the agent in front of me started glancing backward every now and again. I couldn't make heads or tails of it and it made me shiver every time.

One corner led to another, followed by a pair of push-open doors between two of the building's sections. My expectation that this route led to some basement area remained unrealized. Though, judging by some loose paraphernalia - cabinets full of tools and things, rooms with clearly-labeled shelves of parts, and, yes, even a rolling bucket or two - this was still the 'janitor's closet.' A dark blue door with a small vertical window at head height and bearing the crisp, rectangular discoloration of a recently removed identification plate guarded our destination.

It was both a welcome disappointment and not. There was a cheap metal folding table with a faux wood top and three simple metal chairs with blue cushions and backs - two at one end of the table and the third at the other. I expected something like that. But it was better lit - by a simple set of fluorescent ceiling lights - than I'd envisioned and held no ominous mirror. Judging by all the scuffs, dings, and smudges marking the floor and the bottom half of the walls it looked like they'd simply commandeered some random storage room, even if it had been meticulously emptied of whatever had been within.

Wait… In one corner and against the wall with the door was a camera on a tripod.

"Mister Stepanowski, if you would take a seat." The agent with the slicked hair indicated the chair that sat alone.

Naturally they took the other two chairs, sitting off opposite corners at the other end of the table. I couldn't figure out quite why, but they'd opted to orient the table sideways in the room which placed the door on my right. Was it some sadistic taunt, luring me into thinking I had a chance if I made a break for it? I held no reserv-

"You don't need to be so worried, Mister Stepanowski," said the taller agent, "we really are here simply seeking information. You aren't in any trouble but there are some things we need to know."

Not in trouble? Not yet...

The shorter agent didn't give me any time to dwell on that. "Tell you what, why don't I get us something to drink. It'll help."

With that he got up and left. I couldn't help staring at the closed door as I tried to make sense of it. Sure, my mouth was dry, but what was his angle? He couldn't not have one.

"So, Alex was it?"

My head snapped around and I forced down a hitch in my breath.

The other agent adjusted the sleeve of his jacket. "Do you have any family in the area?"

What? My thoughts reeled; a physical strike might have actually done less. I was pretty sure I knew what he was up to.

"Are you playing the good co-" I clamped my lips shut. I'd just thrown that at a federal agent!

A blink led to his first smile - a faint one. "No, Mister Stepanowski, we don't do that kind of thing. I really am interested in knowing if you have any close family in the area. No one we have spoken to has mentioned you having any so far."

His head tilted as he continued, "Your parents must be worried for you right now."

I... still couldn't quite place the question or why he was asking it. My mouth worked futilely but I quickly put a firm stop to it. He just waited patiently, though after a minute he sighed.

"From what we've gathered this isn't-"

The door clicked open and slicked-hair strode back while holding a trio of water bottles. His eyes went first to his partner and they exchanged a glance that I didn't like the look of. One bottle did end up in front of me, but I waited until they'd both cracked theirs before hesitantly dragging it closer.

A nod from ‘tall-y’ prompted me to take a drink. It was cool and soothing, but it didn't make the following moment of silence any less awkward.

"Alright, well, we do have some questions for you Mister Stepanowski," stated the shorter agent as he stood again. "This is going to be official but we are not here to interrogate you." He stepped over to the corner with the camera. After a moment of fiddling with it he looked up.

"I am Special Agent Kent and my partner is Special Agent Weiss-"

'Short-y' was Kent and 'tall-y' was Weiss. I had to remember those names.

"-epanowski, you understand that what you say and do will be recorded on camera to potentially be used to further this investigation?"

I nodded.

"Please state that you understand."

"I... I, uh, understand that I'm on camera." Good God, was badly forced. And now it was on official record...

"Thank you." He retook his seat.

The camera was relative to where I was in the room, occupied the opposite corner; it had clearly been arranged just so and neither agent would blocked it. I couldn't stop glancing at it, my pulse racing in my ears, and now that kept doing so, I noticed there was also a thick briefcase of some kind on the floor next to it.

"Alright. Mister Stepanowski, do you know why Agent Weiss and I are here?"

Why? Well, wasn't it...?

No actual answer came to mind. Regular cops could handle a 'domestic disturbance' - that's kind of what it looked like, right? - that resulted in some property damage. At least I thought so. The only thing that seemed like it warranted federal involvement would be the whole pony thing, and they shouldn't...

What if they knew? What if Luna had told them somehow?! I knew it looked like I'd abducted her! That would seriously fu-

"Please try to relax, Mister Stepanowski," Agent Kent interrupted my runaway thoughts. "This really is a simple inquiry. We are here because the local law enforcement initially reported the possibility of an explosive device being detonated in a residential area. That this happened within spitting distance of a major military airbase meant that we had to take certain actions."

He shifted forward, resting his elbows on the table as his eyes tried to hold mine. "Now, there are inconsistencies with that scenario, but another red flag was tripped when you refused to make any kind of statement to the local officers. Mister Stepanowski, what we really need at the moment is simply for you to tell us, in your own words, what happened in your apartment this last Sunday."

The reality of that day reasserted itself in my mind's eye. Lying to the fucking FBI on camera was something I could not do! Telling the truth - also on camera! - would be just as insane! There was just no way!

I don't know what answer they'd been expecting - it probably wasn't me keeping my mouth shut - because Agent Kent's lips thinned a bit. Agent Weiss, cool as a cucumber, simply sat there rolling his water bottle between his hands. I didn't know which unnerved me more.

"It wasn't a bomb," I blurted, shaking my head sharply.

The agents shared a look and Weiss nodded.

"So you told officer Reichelt." Of course they knew of that; they were FBI. "That's good; it's a start. There was no bomb." Kent nodded like that settled the matter. "But what actually happened that injured you and did the kind of damage we saw?"

They both looked completely relaxed but I couldn't bring myself to even attempt the same.

"I... I'-I can't. I-it..." Again I shook my head in denial.

That got him to frown. "You can't, or won't?"

My breath caught in my chest at the implication. Trying to take a drink to alleviate things didn't work because the simple act of swallowing was a painful struggle.

"Actually..." That was Weiss, his hand on Kent's forearm. "Mister Stepanowski, do you know what happened in your room that afternoon?"

I managed a strained nod.

"But you can't tell us."

It wasn't a question but I managed a head jerk that imitated another nod.

"Why not?"

Asking 'why' only lead right back to the heart of the matter; lie about something more initially reasonable or tell an unbelievable truth. And if the cops could make my life miserable, these guys could ruin it.

I couldn't.

I couldn't...

"Mister Stepanowski, the situation is obviously traumatic." It was the softest tone Agent Kent had used, though that wasn't saying much. "Take a moment and try to relax, alright?"

Derisive mental laughter welled up. "I-I can't."

Another frown, this time from both of them.

Weiss cocked his head, "Why not?"

"Ev-verything's s-so fucked-d up."

"I'm sure everything can be resolved if you would simply tell us about it," the taller agent said. "If anyone is in any danger we can assure their safety, but we need to know the situation."

"I can't." I was barely able to breathe it out, my body shaking with the effort. And yet, it was surprisingly easy to let more rush out. "It's... it's so... The truth... You'd think I-I'm just f-fu... that I'm screwing with you. A-at best I'd-d spend the rest o-of my life doped out of my mind in... in some insane asylum!" Instead of rehashing the same old message, and to give myself time to collect myself, I just shook my head.

The weight of simply denying them lifted somewhat, though it shifted focus; now they had some inkling of why and I knew I wouldn't be let off at what little I'd given. There was no way out!

"The truth is so unbelievable?" Asked Kent as his brows furrowed lines into his forehead.

I could only helplessly watch him.

"You're going to tell us that this is, what, something straight out of the X-Files?" His complete lack of belief was completely expected.

"Really?" Weiss' expression had slipped into something full of deeper lines and harsh angles.

I tried to nod at the same time as I shook my head in denial of the situation. It didn't work out at all so I just went to staring at my hands lying flat on the table. There was a long moment of nothing but soft whispers eventually brought my eyes up; the agents were leaning toward each other. I think I caught the word 'circle.'

It's not like I don't know we're getting nowhere!

"Well, let's take a minute," said Kent, breaking off his conversation with Weiss. "Clear our heads and all that. Do try and relax, Alex."

I jerked at his use of my first name. That he didn't wait for an answer - standing and turning toward the corner with the camera - didn't help me obey his suggestion. After a glance toward Agent Weiss, who was watching me with no expression, I lowered my head.

Kent was right though; I needed to try to relax. My heart was racing with no end in sight. I did what I could - making conscious effort to breathe steady and such - but the prospect of enduring more of the same from the agents largely undid any headway I made.

And then there was the camera... I was losing it on video!

I straightened, intent on not looking so pathetic. Sitting up only put the camera at the edge of my sight and, yup, it only made me feel like I was posing. It was far too obvious. I just couldn't find a nice, casual middle ground. Idly fiddling with my water bottle made for a better, more natural way to pass the time. Now, if only I knew what kind of messages they'd read that.

"Well, Mister Stepanowski, why don't we pick up with something that we do know?"

Agent Kent broke the relative silence - we were still in a hospital, after all - and my gut went right back to its pre-break knot. So much for relaxing! What new hell could they possibly have in store?

I mentally screamed for the world to not answer that.

"Two days ago," Kent began, stepping back to his corner of the table and placing the fingers of one hand on it, "something happened in your apartment - in your very bedroom - that damaged multiple rooms, destroyed an amount of your personal property, and injured yourself - two cracked ribs and minor cuts and bruises, according to Doctor Innis. The extent of your injuries are, again according to the doctor, consistent with falling or being flung against a hard surface. Reports from the scene point to a high likelihood that you were thrown against the wall of your bedroom with great force."

He tilted his head to give me a slightly oblique look. "Your neighbors reported hearing a loud noise at about four thirty in the afternoon that seems be consistent with the event. While we suspect a low-grade detonation of some kind-"

I shuddered at the mention of potential explosives, dropping my eyes to the water bottle in my hands.

"-the reports on the noise are inconsistent. Your neighbors also reported multiple voices shouting and in apparent pain. Yours being the latter, I suspect. From what we've learned, it sounds like there were a number of other people in your apartment that day. Were there?"

Ponies... Luna, Etherea, and others who were probably Equestrian guards. It was all I could do to keep my breathing level because it was another layer of things I couldn't tell them about.

"Alex."

I just shook my head at the clear displeasure in his voice.

"Okay, then. How about the girl with the blue hair? What does she have to do with these events?"

Etherea!

My head snapped up, eyes trying to force their way from my head for a second. How...? Right, the cops had had reports of her from my neighbors, so the FBI would have them too. Fuck!

But that meant... I didn't know! All I knew was that there was no way I could tell them I'd been housing a-

"Good. You do know her." Kent kept his gaze level while on the side Weiss nodded. "Who is she?"

"I-I..." No! She's a pony!

Kent frowned when my lips sealed again. "Well, Mister Stepanowski, with the information we've got, it's apparent that she's involved somehow."

He paused and the two of them watched me carefully for a second. That hadn't been a question; what did they want? Noticing that my mouth had opened in the meantime, I clamped it shut.

Kent shifted, head tilting slightly to the other side. "Even if you won't tell us how to locate her, we still have a task for you that will help." His right hand slipped into his coat and pulled out a slim black object. As soon as he placed it between us I recognized the dings around its edges.

They'd stolen my phone!

"Given the most recent content, we assume that the blue-haired woman is the one you've been talking to. We've taken the liberty of letting her know that you would like to speak with her."

The FBI has been talking to Etherea?! Shit! Fuck! Fuck, shit, shit!

"If she replies, we need you to keep up a conversation."

"Y-you t-took...!" I couldn't take my eyes off the small device; at any moment it could leap off the table and tear me to pieces.

"I apologize for the necessity, but yes, Mister Stepanowski, we did. Given what happened, and the possibility that an airbase might be a target, the Magistrate Judge agreed that we simply couldn’t wait."

He removed a sheaf of papers from within his jacket, unfolding and then sliding them across the table to sit just shy of my phone. As I stared numbly at the seals and all the legalese - something about my electronic communications and records and stuff - he sat, taking a moment to straighten his blazer.

They had a warrant for my phone...

I coughed as my brain almost physically stumbled, breaking off a manic chuckle before it could form. They thought there might be, what, some kind of plot against the nearby airbase? I was the prime suspect, I guessed, but he was apologizing to me? I didn't understand! Why? It didn't make any damned sense!

But my thoughts weren't coherent so I just kept staring at the phone.

"Though I have to ask: why do you two use a made up language to communicate? Is it because of something about her situation?"

I still gave them nothing; I couldn't. Talking about the Equestrian language would lead right back to magical pony-land itself!

"Alex, it sounded like she was worried about you."

Definitely, but what did that have to do with anything?

More stressful silence.

"Who," Agent Weiss chimed in, "is this 'Princess Luna'?"

Muscles all over my body went painfully rigid. A memory of teal cat-like eyes rose to almost obscure my sight. They'd been in my phone so of course they knew about her too! Nonononono...! No! This was bad!

"It sounded like he or she may the one responsible for everything that has happened. Can you confirm this?"

Of course she was! I barely held back from squeezing my water bottle into torn halves. I wanted to strangle something - I was going to! - preferably a certain pony for putting me in this impossible position.

"Alex," Kent again, his voice softer. "Everything we've seen about this 'Luna' person tells us he or she is dangerous. Is that what the old bandages in your apartment were from - Luna had already hurt one of you? The blue-haired girl?"

I'd forgotten about those! It was impossible to decide whether to laugh or cry at the reminder and their assumption from it, so I did neither and tried not to choke on the conflicting actions.

"Sh-she-e... she..." ..was a magic alien equine who can portal wherever she wants and squish me like a bug! I shook my head, shuddering again.

"Look, Alex-" I'd stopped paying attention to which of them was speaking at any given time, "-we need to find out what this Luna is going to do before he or she acts again. You and your girl are possibly the only ones with knowledge of what that might be. From what I’ve seen you’re a decent guy and I understand that you couldn’t have known how badly things would turn out. We can protect you - both of you - but we need your-"

Laughter, soft and manic, couldn't be stopped from bubbling out of me. The entire situation was ludicrous and hopeless because they'd never accept the truth. I looked up for the first time in a while, meeting Kent's eyes...

My phone was glowing - lit around the edges by a golden halo. Weiss noticed it just as I did, eyebrows rising as he focused on the new development. Kent took another moment to note where I was looking.

"NO!"

My hands were already on my phone when I realized that I'd shouted that. Both agents snapped to their feet, chairs squealing against the tiles as they were forced backward.

"Nonononono...!" I have to stop this! She can't come here, now, with the FBI present!

The screen came on, but as I unlocked it a distortion in the air - like a ball of mirage haze - lifted free, floating away and off to my side.

There was no time! I had to tell Etherea off!

Oh, God, what if it was Luna tapping in and coming back after the FBI's message?!

"Mister Stepanowski? What's going on? Do you-?"

I couldn't be bothered with whatever the agents were doing; I was too busy fighting with fingers that shook so badly that I couldn't open my fucking texts menu! If only I - damnit fingers, work! - could get in and - fuckfuckfuckfuck! - get a message...!

A dull thump sounded just off to one side of me and slim yellow legs ending in hooves appeared at the edge of my vision. With fingers frozen in a death grip I looked up, eyes trailing up a familiar equine form - one that couldn't be here; not now!

Tightness from obvious concern teased the edges of her violet eyes as she focused on me. For some reason she wore a silvery torc set with a large violet gem cut to resemble a faceted starburst. She also had something held by her mouth - a simple brown paper bag with a rolled up top. Why? What was this?

A faint smile began showing around her bag, but motion in the background made me to refocus; Weiss' hand was withdrawing from his coat. I barely had time to start shouting my denial as his weapon came free.

Etherea was already turning, her expression shifting away from happy innocence, when a deafening crack blasted my ears with stinging pain. She flinched, ducked, and tensed into whirling about faster. It felt like I was moving through molasses as I tried to raise my hand and ward off the barrel that was now reaching proper position.

The gun flashed again and my ears took another hit as a body-wide shudder rocked Etherea. Her mouth stretched wide in a shriek I barely heard and flung the bag away. Her horn, which hadn't lost its glow, brightened as she staggered a step back and landed on her rump.

The gun went off again.

A sheet of yellow flared from wall to wall a few feet in front of Etherea and her horn's halo went incandescent white for the blink of an eye. Another sharp shudder rolled backward along her.

Another muffled crack resulted in the same horn flare the same sheet of hazy yellow, her head pitching backward as though squarely struck. This time she belted a full-on squeal that powered straight through the fuzz in my ears.

It was then I registered Agent Kent reaching Agent Weiss, both of the smaller agent's hands landing on Weiss' wrists and forcing them downward. He was yelling - no, screaming - something at Weiss that I couldn't hear. His head turned, wide eyes zeroing in on the alicorn less than a dozen feet from him.

Etherea... Etherea! There were red droplets scattered lightly over floor beneath her and across the hind hoof I could see. I needed to reach her!

I cursed, still in shock, as my legs simply jerked unsteadily. Oh, my God, I'd been shot at!

But Etherea...!

She was shaking now, constant tremors running up and down her coat, and her head dropped like it had become too heavy for her neck. The way her sides heaved and forced out strangled whimpers with every exhale was bad. Really, really bad! I had to get her out of here. Now!

I'd only just made it around the table corner when her head shot back up. First to the agents - Weiss was shaking, and both were agape - and then over her shoulder. To me.

Her mane had been flung out of order and partially covered one side of her face, but it was impossible to miss the way her eyes strained and quivered with tears. She had her teeth gritted in a dire rictus as she quested for something. Her eyes caught me, then wavered. When they focused again a slash of golden-yellow swung across the bottom of my vision and something with a bit of give lightly impacted my chest.

The world folded in on itself.

Author's Note

And that, folks, concludes the first arc. I promised you pony in every chapter even if you don't remember it, and I intend to hold myself to it. The storm's just hit and it's going to be quick but nasty. What do I have in store for our (unwillingly) intrepid human? I've got a plan!

First off, I'd like to say a big "Thank You" to my primary editor, Seven Fates, for his work in catching much of the nitty-gritty that escapes me.

I'd also like to note just how much everyone who assisted with the technicalities of this chapter's scene means to me. There's Admiral Biscuit, for assisting with a patient's perspective on the initial medical process. We have Uncle Mike, who apparently knows way too much about cops. And then waaaaayyyyyyy back in the day csnthenavy and Davidism gave me some advice on how cops did things. Everyone give them a round!

Additionally, there was that one cop who came in to buy stuff from me and that one EMT I accosted at Wawa... Yes, thank them too!

Wait? I don't have a super-special thank you cake to share with everyone who helped? Well, don't I suck at this then...

Anyway, there is one last thing: deleted scenes!

First iteration of Alex' examination at the hospital-

"So, what's the situation?"

I flinched, just then noticing the short, slender bald man who'd followed the EMTs into the room. Dark skinned with brown eyes and seemingly on the cusp of middle aged, his baldness was clearly from care, not happenstance. The pristine white coat and clipboard marked him as a measure above both the EMTs and the even more skinny guy in pale green scrubs behind him.

"His name's Alex," answered the lady as the doctor began heading around me, his assistant in tow. "Something threw him into a wall and now he's experiencing pain in his back, right-hand side, around the fourth to sixth rib about three inches off his spine. Suspect some kind of trauma to the ribs themselves. Otherwise it's mostly minor cuts and scrapes."

The doctor's lips tightened as he briefly examined whatever was on his clipboard.

"Consistent, and you've got him on some minor pain management, but I'll make the final call. Thanks, Cynthia."

"He's also very anxious."

Gee, thanks Cynthia. Of course I am! Life is in the midst of fucking me, wouldn't you know?

The doctor glanced up at her, nodded, and then looked me in the eyes. "I'm Doctor Gourley," he finally said, "and you're in good hands here. I'm going to go through the same checks that our First Responders did earlier. I'll be able to figure out what's hurting and how to fix it."

He paused, apparently expecting something.

Oh, wait, that was for me. "Uh, yeah. I'm Alex," I finally said, voice distorting through the mask the EMTs had put on me.

"Good. I need you to do something for me, Alex." His tone was gentle but brooked no disagreement. "I want you to try to relax, alright?"

Yeah. Sure. Ponies are invading, everyone would think I'm insane if I said anything, and I'm supposed to relax?

But he was the doctor.

What followed was a controlled whirlwind of mildly invasive and thoroughly embarrassing - for me - poking and prodding. He did literally everything the EMTs had done, but he did it more. Every nook and cranny around me was explored by his gloved hands while a seemingly unending interrogation over my health life accompanied. My mask was lifted off at one point as the stethoscope came out and several minutes of careful listening around my torso followed.

At least it felt like several minutes; I'm sure I wasn't the best judge.

"Well, Alex, the good news is that other than some superficial injuries there seems to be only one problem area." He sat back, folding the stethoscope away and looking down at me from his chair. "I suspect a minor fracture or two at worst, but no actual breaks so it's not likely that serious of a problem. I'll need some x-rays run in order to know for certain, though. Will it be alright if I schedule you in right now?"

I paused to look at him. "You need my permission?"

"I would prefer it. I could order much more extensive series of scans but I don't think they'll be necessary. Plus these kinds of things work out much better for everyone when we're all on the level."

Okay, I kind of liked that. He wasn't as overtly sympathetic as the EMTs and to some extent I felt better about his relative perfunctoriness - like I wasn't leeching undue concern.

Speaking of which, the EMTs had disappeared at some point.

"Alex?"

Oh, right. "Y-yeah, go ahead."

"Perfect. We'll get you set up shortly." He cocked his head while scribbling something entirely too quickly on the clipboard. I bet he had illegible 'doctor's handwriting.' "In the mean time, there's no need for you to remain trussed up. If it is as I suspect, we'll actually want to get you back to as normal mobility as possible to avoid the possibility of complications. Do you think you would be up for moving on your own?"

I'd lived through the occasional pinched nerve so I was sure that I could do it. Especially if they were going to dope me up on something. With my assent given the orderly began unclasping the straps and removing the soft blocks hemming me in.

This is what it must be like to be a package being unwrapped.

The doctor stepped out for an almost literal second, flagging for someone's attention in the receiving area, before coming back in and overseeing. I'd been laying with my right side in the air, one arm covering it, but with the incessant pricks coming from my back with every little movement it was clear that I wasn't just going to sit up in that direction.

Rolling onto my back was the order of business, and a quick one at that. Moving, even using completely different muscle groups, wasn't... fun. Thank God both the doctor and orderly helped me up because I wouldn't have made it on my own

Upright and stable was a whole different story.

"How do you feel?" The doctor's hand on my shoulder was stabilizing as he looked me in the eyes seriously.

"Better, actually." Though I made sure to keep completely still.

That got the first smile I'd seen from him, small though it was. "Good. We'll get the rest of this going in just a second here."

He again verified that I wasn't going to fall apart right then and there. I could have told him I wouldn't but I wasn't getting off that easy; it wouldn't have been nearly as much fun for him.

Getting moving afterward was actually a relatively simple matter. With my attendees bracketing me closely and my IV tagging along I was allowed to amble my way out the door and down the hall away from reception. A look backward showed a kind of low level bustling. I could hear more activity than I saw, and that which I could wasn't exactly full of hurry though neither was it languid.

Like a hospital, go figure.

Which meant that I was shambling like an invalid past other people I didn't know, and generally being in the way when some of these people had important places to be. I picked up the pace. Surprisingly it wasn't that bad - just the periodic residual warning from my side when I moved wrongly, or something.

My destination wasn't too far away: a smaller room with a more basic bed-shelf-thing, more cabinets, and much less equipment for immediate life-saving. The first order of business was to get me into something less comfortable; they weren't going to let any of my scrapes go untreated.

Being nearly naked, face down on the exam table, and my skivvies bared to the world through the rear of a backless patient's gown was another insult to lay at Luna's... hooves. But I kept my peace because it wasn't worth it. The little pricks and jabs as the doctor and attendant went over me from top to bottom were also nothing.

"So, Alex, how did this happen exactly?"

The doctor's inevitable question, no matter how misleadingly gentle, was another thing altogether.

"Extensive surface contusions and abrasions like this would make me think you'd suffered a fall, but the first responders reported you being found inside a building where you couldn't possibly have."

"I..."

He was looking down at me now - placidly expectant.

"I can't." The truth was absolutely insane. "I just-"

He settled back a bit and contemplated me. I struggled to not fidget anxiously.

"It's okay if you need some time. I just want you to know that you're in a safe place and we want to help you, however we can. But we'll need to know what happened so that we can. Would you be able to do that for me?"

All I could do was shake my head, and even that took a moment. His sour expression told me he wasn't completely happy about it.

It didn't stop him from doing his job and picking me over, cleaning every little nick and ding. As much as each little swab of disinfectant stung, it was reassuring that each of those little pains would soon go away. After a few eternal minutes I was helped back over and up, walked out of the room and deeper in - as far as I could tell - to another, more bare room with a multi-jointed armature hanging from the ceiling near one wall. With the raised flat white section dominating one otherwise blank wall it seemed like some mad scientist's projector room.

But no, x-rays were the order of the day. And now I really wanted to lose myself in a good movie too...

The IV stand had to go off to one side but the attendant brough over some kind of rolling cabinet that had been in a corner. My job? Stand in a certain place, with a particular pose, change it when they directed, and try to be patient.

Oh, and say cheese. The doctor must have thought it would be cute but I didn't bother working up the desire to crack a smile.

And then? I certainly guessed it; back to the exam room!

Leaving me there, the doctor extricated himself to search for more interesting pursuits. I had no such luxury and all I could do while waiting for the prognosis was review the events of the day. It felt so unfair that something that had started so well should end so... So...

Again words failed me. I'd have berated them too if I could have.

But in the interim all I was left with was the vague feeling that someone must have be out to get me. Luna, are you listening in on this?

I fully expected the non-answer I got.

The wait gave me far too much time to think. How bad was it going to be? How screwed was I? How could...

I had to get away from those kinds of topics; all they were doing was jacking up my blood pressure. But the only other thing I could bring myself to concentrate on was how much Luna had fucked me over. I ran, and reran, the evening through my head, trying to come up with a reason for it all.

Somehow I deserved this, I was sure. I just couldn't pin it down exactly.

Clearly that's not how hospitals would handle potential spinal injuries, or so I got told...

Who stole Alex' phone?-

With even more waiting in my room...

I really should at least look at Etherea's last message. I could do that. A burst of determination overrode my depression and got me moving. After all, I didn't need to do anything else with it if it wasn't going to help.

The only question was: where was my phone? I could have sworn I'd left it on the small cabinet-thing beside the bed. My blood ran cold as I did another frantic pass around the room with shaking hands.

The nurse! She could have taken it!

No... She wouldn't have, would she? There were rules between patients and caretakers! She'd be in so much trouble, and for what reason?

It had to be here somewhere.

A short, sharp knock at the door broke me away from digging through the first aid supplies stashed in one of the room's floor-bound cabinets.

[11] Low

Author's Note

***Important***

The ending page or two of chapter 10 has been revised to give Wiess' gun more apparent impact. I think this chapter makes sense without rereading it, but it will probably help.

I'd like to once again thank Seven Fates for the time and effort he's put in to helping me. I think he's bowing out at this point though because he's concentrating on other things. Everyone should swamp him in private messages telling him how brave he his even if you don't know why. Just. Dooooooo. Eeeeeeeet! :pinkiecrazy:

Normally I'd put the cut snippets here for your viewing pleasure, but... Well... First off I wanted this note to come before the chapter. Second, I chopped most of the last third of the chapter into itty bitty pieces before recombining it into the form you see now. I don't have the room to post that much. Just trust me that it's much better this way.

Now, onto the horsewords!

[11] Low

Overwhelming, impossible sensations assaulted me from every direction and for the barest of moments all I knew was a maddening cacophony inside and out. I could feel my very brain straining into overdrive in an attempt to handle input that it was never meant to. Wading through whorls of nearly physical panic, I needed to find patterns of sensation just for my sanity!

Things began to make a twisted sort of almost-sense, yet that just made everything more wrong. For as many drifting colors, phantom sounds, or fleeting scents as I found tumbling over each other, there were just as many - no, more! - that gleefully crossed all rational boundaries. Some images were instead tasted or heard, flavors might be physically held or aches resound deep within the ears, and more!

I couldn't survive this! Some small corner of my mind registered that I'd clamped my eyes shut. Somehow, the assault felt lessened, but what was cut out didn't make any more or less sense than what wasn't.

The only constant was an unbelievable pressure from some unidentifiable direction.

And then it was all gone.

A host of other, lesser feelings inside and out - including something gently touching my chest - rushed in to fill the void, most of which I'd never paid attention to but had also never been without. Even with a solid floor comfortably underfoot again, up and down asserting themselves properly, and blessedly normal air refilling my lungs, the world lurched back and away from me.

I know I shouted as I tilted and flailed, scrambling to get my feet back under me, but with the ringing in my ears…

My physical orientation made so much more sense with open eyes! But wherever I now was was brighter than the hospital had been, though the lighting was less harsh. Was that daylight? And the space around us - Etherea was still hunched in front of me and still facing away - could probably fit several hospital supply rooms within. The place was predominantly white, though pale aquamarine and pink were also prominent.

A second take only added more confusion. The wall in the distance on the other side of Etherea gave way to sheer curtains drawn across floor-to-ceiling windows on the left that curved around and out of sight behind me. In the one to the right was a closed single door and an open double one leading to a hallway. She and I were roughly in the center on a wide carpet covered in ornate flowers and birds, there were a trio of wide aquamarine couches with low backs arranged around a similarly low table, some large pillows, and... And...!

And what the hell had just happened?!

I'd been shot at!

I shuddered mightily, threatening my balance all over again. The agents didn't even appear to be here. Where-?

The touch on my chest disappeared.

ETHEREA!

Everything over the last few moments was rudely cast aside as a fresh surge of adrenaline focused my senses. Etherea was still in the same drooping pose as her wing landed dully on the floor, matching the splay of feathers on her other side, and her muzzle followed a similar downward arc to point toward the floor. Her only signs of life - other than remaining upright - were a heaving barrel and a growing tremor that was rapidly overcoming her.

Her near forehoof lifted an inch or so and then she swayed. The spatters of glistening red stood out all the more for it.

She'd been hit!

I don't know how my voice found purchase in my throat but I know I yelled her name.

Her head lifted slightly as she began listing to her right and, even at this angle, I could tell her eyes weren't quite focused. At that my feet finally consented to pitch me stumbling the few feet over to her, and it was all I could do to aim myself in the way of her fall. As I dropped to my knees, whatever had been clutched in my left hand was tossed away in favor of grabbing at her, limp wing and all.

She jerked as I latched onto her, head snapping up and around as one eye blearily sought me out through her mane. Her mouth moved.

Fuck this goddamned ringing already!

Wait... There were twin trickles of crimson running from her nostrils. That wasn't a gunshot wound! What the hell was wr-? I needed to do something! Okayokayokayokayokay...! I was just in a hospital; what would they do?!

Get her stable!

Pushing back on every terrifying thing trying to distract me, I slipped both arms further around her barrel to pull her closer. It wasn't that cold in here but she was shivering. Hard.

I began trying to talk her through what I was doing - babbling, really - but again, with this fucking ringing, how could I truly tell? And I knew she couldn't understand a word of it, not without that spell, but I had to hope that simply hearing my voice helped.

She stopped resisting and began leaning into me. So... first mission accomplished?

I shuffled sideways across the rug, holding on desperately as I let her own weight bring her down. As she settled her mouth opened, and through my hands and arms I could feel the pitch of a piteous whine as she curled her head toward her neck.

Next, next, next... What was next?!

From my position with her back against my left leg I had a much better view of the inside of her left foreleg. There was a steady stream of blood flowing from a sickening indentation along the front. As if my heart wasn't racing before; that was an actual gunshot wound!

My clenched stomach refused to be ignored, but I did my best. I needed to stop the bleeding!

Wait, no! First the EMTs did a quick check to make sure there wasn't anything worse. Right? It sounded so.

Just ahead of her on the carpet, like she'd been on top of it, was her device. I pushed it away and leaned forward onto my hands and knees, crouching down over her head.

There were no visible wounds along what I could see of her face or muzzle, but the trickle of blood from her nostrils continued. I cupped a hand under her jaw, still stuttering out anything I could to be soothing, and lifted her head off the floor slightly to see the other side of her face and neck. Nothing there either!

Her ears perked as her eyes cracked open and found me for a moment. I guess she'd heard. Hopefully speaking aloud was actually reassuring her. Though it was as much for me as her; I needed something to keep my mind focused because I had no clue what was wrong with her nose!

But just because she was paying attention to me didn't mean I could stop; I had a mission! So my hand trailed lightly down her throat, fingers probing gently for anything that wasn't her coat - she'd been facing the agents so anything else would surely be on her front. There was no avoiding pausing when my hand reached the front of her chest.

I was going to have to check that leg…

My stomach tried to drag my heart along to wherever it was going, throwing whorls of discomfort across my entire body. Still, my fingers made the trip and grasped her... thigh? She cried out when I elevated the leg, and stiffly, though weakly, resisted. Moving my head back and forth, it was clear that there were two major gaps in the flesh a couple of inches above her knee, both leaking far more blood than I was comfortable with.

The bullet had passed clear through her. If I stuck my finger…

I recoiled, mind and body, and let go of her leg. With a gasp she clenched her eyes tighter and curled up protectively. No... no thinking like that.

I had to keep going. What was next? The bullet would have gone under her so I... wasn't actually done. I swallowed thickly and leaned over her again. Given the angle, the bullet should have gone downward... Shit! It also could have ricocheted off her bone! I'd heard that would happen!

Again taking up my inane background commentary about how she was being a good girl and would be fine, I pulled her wing aside and gingerly slid my free hand between her forelegs along her chest. Nothing unusual there, so that was good!

Then, after a moment to steel myself, backward across the underside of her barrel to her belly. Other than a hammering heartbeat that was far too fast for my liking I found nothing unusual.

Again, I had to pause. I'd been hesitant enough to feel along her underside, but... But this was to help her! Offering a silent apology I took her... knee? ...and lifted despite some resistance from her. Just before her tail clamped between her legs - not that I could see the thing she was really protecting - I noted belly, teats, and the inside of both legs were all clear. Thank God!

She took that moment to pull back with her legs, curling her hooves inward against my hold. That was fine; I let her. Other than some minor speckling, her hind legs looked clear of blood or wounds.

And speaking of the bleeding, that leg needed a tourniquet! And her nose? I... still had no idea. Maybe just something to stopper the blood? It was about the only thing I could possibly do. I'd just have to get her better help fast. Which meant-

Don't think about it yet!

I leaned over her head again, trying to meet her eyes. She still had them firmly shut.

Gently stroking her neck - would that be comforting? - I stuttered through a short explanation of what I was doing. If nothing else, the constant ringing meant I didn't have to hear my own patheticness.

Her lips moved briefly and she shuddered harder.

I'll be right back! Hopefully she understood.

Standing allowed for my first good look around. The walls were white with uneven streams of pale pink and aquamarine winding over and around each other, playfully competing for prominence across the walls' lower half. Light-colored wood accents ran along the top and bottom but merged to bracket the curtained floor-to-ceiling windows carving and arc around one end of the room. There were the couches and table with random knickknacks on it, behind me was a large square bed draped with more sheer curtains, another, smaller couch, a couple of dressers and wardrobes, an elaborate vanity setup... Bookshelves and more assorted personal effects were carefully strewn about and gave the space a 'well-lived-in' feel.

I was in Etherea's bedroom…

Not important! Time to find a tourniquet! I didn't like my apparent chances of using her bedding or curtains. Clothes? Dresses? Still not ideal. There had to be a bathroom around here somewhere!

I turned further, desperately trying not to pay attention to the vista hinted at through the wall of curtained windows. The wall opposite them actually had three doors in it - almost regular-sized doors near each corner and the hallway's double-door in the middle. The one closest to her bed was also the nearest to me and I rushed there first.

Thank God it was her bathroom!

It was fairly normal in appearance, if awfully clean and shiny, with a great many cabinets, side-by-side sinks, glassed-in shower, and most everything else I might expect on Earth, but the dimensions were all subtly off. Most everything was a bit too short and a bit too wide. The toilet - I assumed it was - was especially weird: narrower and much longer than-

Priorities, Alex!

There were a pair of white towels with pink accents hung from a wall rack. That wouldn't be enough! I raced around the room throwing open every door and discovered that ponies apparently kept their towels just like humans did - folded up in the taller cabinets. Two shelves-worth were pulled into my arms and, for good measure, so were the ones on the rack. I was about to bolt back out when a glance at the open cabinet above the sinks made me pause.

No. First, none of the bandages I was likely to find would be big enough. Second, without being able to read any labels and identify the disinfectant I might just kill her!

Spurred back into motion, thick and fluffy cloth flapped wildly against my arms in a bid for escape as I burst out of the bathroom. My feet hit the rug wrong and almost pitched me face-first into the floor, but an ungainly series of near missteps kept me going even as one towel tumbled away. Forget it! I could get it later!

Etherea had curled up further with her good leg tightly covering her forehead just below her horn. She jerked a few times - Coughing? Choking?! - just before my knees slammed against the carpet and I dumped all the towels next to her. It fucking hurt but I didn't have time for the pain. Etherea needed me! I knew what I had to do, and I had what I needed, so the only question was how. One towel would be the 'bandage' and others would be 'bindings.' Simple!

Wait! This was probably going to hurt her bad. I'd always seen caretakers giving patients something to bite otherwise the patient might actually break their own teeth, or something.

Was that a real thing or just dramatization?

I didn't have time to debate it; the little puddle of blood under Etherea was growing! On the off chance that the things I'd seen were correct I pulled one of the towels up against the front of her muzzle.

Okay, Etherea, please just open up like a good patient. I'm trying to help!

I wasn't even sure how conscious she was but direct contact definitely wasn't working. And she couldn't understand me anyway... Forcing my shaking fingers to obey, I used one hand to grasp her muzzle from above while the other pressed the towel more firmly against her lips. She weakly lifted her head against my hand, her brow alternately creasing and twitching in pain beneath her protective hoof. Something was seriously wrong!

Outright pleading with her to open - Why'd I have to be nearly deaf now of all times? - and gently digging my fingers at the corners of her mouth, I dreaded what else I might have to do to get her to comply. Tugging as I tried provoking her to do what she needed to, I felt distinctly dirty. But if she didn't open I'd have to, what, jam finger in her mouth and hope I could force her jaws open? That was a horrify-!

Something must have clicked somehow because she started lipping lightly at the offered towel. She bared clenched teeth a couple of times, trying and failing to open, and I slipped my hand around the far side of her cheek to cup her chin to hold her steady until she managed to bite the cloth. It took a little more coaxing to get the towel in a good position but everything looked good enough and I set her head down. Wadding the rest of the towel around her muzzle doubled it as a sponge for her nose.

The left just one more thing. And it was a thing that was going to really suck, but... it was all to help! I just had to keep reminding myself. And so what if I was rambling out loud to her; my thoughts weren't much better. Plus, I needed to psyche myself up. A couple of strokes down her neck were as much to comfort myself as to apologize for what I was about to do.

If only I could stop shaking this would go so much smoother. At least she and I matched.

Biting my lip like doing so would keep my objections at bay, I tossed another towel across her leg, momentarily obscuring everything. By feel, I traced her leg and clamped my hands above and below her wounds in spite of her struggles to curl away. Even as distracted as I was, I still felt her cries through my fingers.

Then, as I grabbed for my next instrument of torture, a protective wing obscured everything.

No! Please don't do this! I crouched forward to dig my way under her wing. As much as she strained to keep herself covered, me coming from above and behind her denied her the leverage to stop me.

There. Her leg still had the towel mostly covering it. I shoved my hands forward and laid the second towel across her leg above the wounds - she didn't seem to particularly notice. Even with the breaths from her whimpers caressing my ear I managed to hold my fingers steady enough to grab and thread one end of the towel between her forelegs.

The whole world seemed to pause as I held both towel ends with crisscrossed hands... I had no other choice. I snapped the towel tight around her leg, pulling the ends taut and untwisting my wrists so that the towel's ends drew around themselves. She thrashed away, her squeals drilling through the ringing, as I tried to hold the towel tight, wrap its ends, and tie it off. Just one more…

Pain flared across the back of my head as the world jolted. What...?! I held on doggedly as something struck me obliquely across the back of my neck. Feathers. She was punching me with her wing!

I kept repeating futile apologies as I struggled to tie a suitable knot. Over, over, under, over... With a final pull I let go. Thankfully the towel stayed in place even as I let Etherea push me away.

Did I dare try that again below the wound? Was it even necessary? I... didn't know. But sitting there on my heels, I wasn't sure I could do that again. The only thing worse than my shaking was Etherea's.

Shock! It had to be. How did someone treat that? Shock alone could be deadly, but how? A moment spent scanning my memories resulted in much the same answer as with everything else so far: I didn't know how much of what I'd seen was simply dramatization. Drugs that I didn't have, various physical treatments of dubious effectiveness, those weird silver blankets, and…

Wait. Shock victims were always covered for warmth, right? Wasn't the idea to reduce the strain on the body, or something? I tossed a couple of the remaining towels across her and tucked them close. For good measure, and because the existing towel had a sizeable blotch of red, I pressed a fresh towel into her forehooves - with minimal struggle on her part. At least the stain's growth didn't seem fast enough for her to be bleeding out.

It should be good enough; it had to be! She needed to be fine enough that a medical professional could reach her.

Mumbling something about hanging in there, I finally let myself scan the curtains that were doing a good job hiding whatever was outside. A fresh feeling welled up like something was trying to pull its way up and out from deep in my gut and strangling every organ it passed. No, now wasn't the time to panic, even if the next step might be even worse. This was for Etherea. Looking down…

My hands were sticky with Etherea's blood. I'd have to do something about that. I didn't want to be tracking bloody handprints all over the place. That wouldn't look very good.

Giving Etherea a final concerned once-over, I rose and hurried away on feet that protested every inch I put between her and myself. The good news was that at the end of the other end of the hallway was an open space with a wide split door in the far wall - a clear exit.

Shock at finding another pony just inside that door froze me stone-cold. A golden helmet and matching articulated armor both covered it from chin to hooves and masked its gender, though no weapons were readily apparent. We stared at each other for a long, agonizing moment - the pony half crouched in ready stance. The pony slipped a hind hoof backward to ease one side of the door open - it had still been cracked - to carefully back itself out. The last thing to disappear were its eyes, still locked on mine.

Especially after all the anticipation and uncertainty of the past few minutes I expected to feel... more, like some explosion of anxiety and/or pain. But there was none of either and I was just kind of strangely numb.

Well... I wasn't dead. I couldn't help giving a shuddering giggle under my breath at that thought. But now what? Do I hide? No, that would be pointless. Sit down? Lie down? Follow them out with hands above my head? There were too many options and no answers because I didn't know what they might consider a submissive gesture.

I hadn't realized that my right hand was rising toward my ear until my fingers brushed against its outer edge. With this blaring ringing - and now some kind of mild pressure - I couldn't tell whether there was shouting, talking, music, silence, or... or, well, anything indicating what was about to happen.

All I knew was I needed Etherea. In a daze, trying not to think too hard about what might soon happen to me, I padded my way back. Standing a couple feet from her head, I watched her towel-covered form trembling for a moment before dropping to my knees again. Her ears flicked forward for a second and her nose lifted an inch so she could blink a couple of times in my direction.

Etherea... I need your help.

I scooted closer and gently slipped my hands under her jaw. Any other time I might've been concerned that I was being too forward, but I needed her to get up and be coherent. Angling myself so I could watch the hallway, I lifted both her head and the towels muffling her muzzle, a motion she actually went along with. Easing my lap under her head and neck, mindful to not jostle her foreleg, I belatedly scrubbed my hands with one of the remaining loose towels - she wouldn't want blood all over her coat.

I began gently stroking her neck with fingers that vibrated uncontrollably.

Etherea, I need you to tell them that you're alright.

Stroke. They would come through the front door.

I need you to be alright.

Stroke. They might come through the windows, or the other doors, or from above or below or…

Please.

Stroke. No, anything else wouldn't bear thinking about; they would come through the front door and I would... raise my hands? Prostrate myself?

Etherea responded to my ministrations, lifting her head slightly and setting it against my stomach. She would...

Without any sound I could hear, a small forest of legs in several slightly different shades of articulated armor appeared on the other side of the room. My eyes came up. There must have been near a dozen ponies there, all zeroing in on me. Front and center were three burly ponies without horn or wing. They were flanked by pegasi who already had their wings spread wide. More - there were horns there - were tucked safely in the back. In the center of all this was someone very different. Only snippets of gold and pristine white showed past the other ponies, yet the languid rippling of color-shifting teal, pale blue, lavender, and pink was impossible to miss. It was the rippling mane of Princess Celestia herself.

Ok, Alex, lift your hands slowly. They'll understand as long as you don't make any sudden moves. Just... ignore all the shaking. It felt like my heart was skipping beats. Chopped up words began to spill from me as I tried to think of anything else that might help diffuse-.

The pegasi on either side moved, wings rising as their crouches deepened, while the earth ponies shifted slightly away from the center of their formation. For the briefest moment I met the narrowed brilliant magenta eyes of the white alicorn in the center over the guards' withers. The white-pink nimbus around the horn rising from the central spire of Celestia's frail-looking golden crown bloomed.

My senses focused as the rest of the world became inconsequential, zeroing in on those eyes with an unearthly clarity. I knew what she wanted: to not hurt Etherea.

But I hadn't been! See how much I wasn't hurting her?! I had been helping! Please, please see that!

My hands weren't even on Etherea anymore but I was still right there, sitting with her head on my lap and probably looking like I was looming. I didn't want to be seen to even possibly pose a threat to Etherea. Plus, if I really wanted them to treat her faster - and I did! - I was in the way.

I shifted, moving, - how didn't matter - but that forceful magenta gaze stayed with me. Getting out from Etherea really was the best thing all around.

My peripheral vision came rushing back as my focus vanished. Details I shouldn't have ignored became apparent again, like the pegasi hadn't launched but were ready to, the earth ponies were angled aggressively but stationary, and there was an odd color-shifting distortion covering the ponies' side of the room. And…

Wait... I was standing? Etherea was some feet in front of me now. When had-?

Celestia was still staring death at me, her horn brilliantly backlit.

NO!

"WAI-!"

The world folded in on itself.

"-AIT!"

The sound rebounded right back through my ringing ears from a dull gray wall that was far closer than it should have been. I braced myself, but unlike the last time it was over almost before it had begun, and with none of the insanity-inducing mismatched sensations or world-shaking unsteadiness.

The world should never just up and swap out like that! And...! And... Where even was I?!

I whipped around with eyes manically trying to take in everything all at the same time. First, there were no ponies here - thank God! Second, the lighting was less bright, though no less warm-toned. Third, I was in a gray box that was maybe twenty feet by fifteen.

And actually, no ponies being here wasn't good because now I didn't know where they were!

Wait! Had that been a fucking teleport?!

Not important!

I spun again. Behind me against one of the longer walls was a short but wide bed with spartan light blue bedding while a wood table and low bench - both with metal legs apparently bolted to the floor - stood across from me and the bed. A low partition maybe three feet high hid one of those strange, long toilets from the bed, marking that end of the room as the 'bathroom.' The sink and a narrow window of thoroughly frosted glass completed the impression. Down at the other end…

It just wasn't there; the room let out directly into a hallway running perpendicular to the room's orientation. The open end made no sense; this was almost like a jail…

Oh. Oh…

I'd been tucked away to be dealt with whenever they felt like it. The room wasn't a very good cell though; I could just walk right out…

But to what end? If this really was a jail/dungeon/whatever then I was in the ass end of some building and there would be who knows how many armed guards between me and freedom. Even then, why? It's not like I could go anywhere.

My butt impacted the bed hard enough to jolt my back as all the energy in my legs fled. I was in Equestria. Equestria! A whole other world! There wasn't a single other human anywhere on this planet - maybe not even this entire universe.

Yeah, think about that for a second. No friends... No family... Not even so much as an acquaintance outside of Etherea. Craig, my mom and dad, my friends, my coworkers... I was... completely alone.

At least Etherea was getting the help she needed. I bet guards were already on their way here to... I didn't know what.

And I'd been shot at! By the FBI! Even if I could get home I was so fucked.

The shaking was coming back to my hands and working its way up my arms.

I'd also been bled on and didn't know how Etherea was faring. And then Celestia... And now I was in a jail... And, and and and...!

I think... I think what I needed to do was focus on not getting killed. I couldn't talk to anyone so the only chance I had to show my good intentions was to obey Celestia's clear intent and stay the fuck put.

With nothing to do but wait, I slumped forward and dropped my head into my hands. It was about the only thing I could actually do. This must be what real hopelessness feels like - like looking out at the top of a hole that you can't possibly reach, and knowing that both doing and not doing anything would accomplish exactly the same amount of nothing. No, even that wasn't…

My forehead was sticky. Great! Wonderful! Of course my hands still had blood on them!

As I looked toward the obvious sink, a sharp jolt ran through the floor and momentarily disturbed the cloying stillness of the air. That had gone right through the stone floor! What had that been?!

Straining to hear something - anything - except that constant pervasive tone in my ears I couldn't sense anything. No, wait. There were some kind of faint arrhythmic vibrations in the floor. They stopped, then picked up, then stopped and repeated the cycle. What was that?

It was like a group of hikers were all banging their walking sticks against the ground as hard as they could. Or... spears. Was that guards?!

The need to be somewhere else flared but a frantic glance around failed to reveal anywhere new to go. As the aching tension in my legs rose to a peak, two wood shafts capped by something silvery-metallic jutted into view past the corner where room met hallway. They led the way, held low and ready by the hornless golden-armored ponies just behind, who were slowing even as they came past the corner, helmeted heads already swinging in my direction. Both pairs of eyes widened.

The mouth of the auburn one on the left snapped out something I heard dimly as the ends of the staves jumped up toward me. They were already spreading sideways across the entrance as more ponies flowed in to fill the rest of the hallway. Just behind the two frontrunners were a pegasus and…

Viciously-hooked beak, avian head with a covering of feathers extending back to the shoulders of its tawny, leonine body, feathered wings held at the ready away from its sides, a thin, sinuous tail behind…

Th-that was...! They had an fucking gryphon!

It took the center position in their formation - earth ponies to either side and two unicorns with glowing horns in the back - and settled into a ready crouch.

I couldn't take my eyes away. I'd never been face to face with a true predator. I couldn't even blink. Gnashing beak, wicked talons, corded muscles under pieces of light armor and padding, blades folded against its forelegs... It was the eyes that held me though; they flickered from point to point, searching out the choicest part of me from which it could start feasting.

And here I was, arms and legs practically covered in Etherea's blood, with fresh smears of it on my forehead. I surrender! I couldn't help saying it aloud even if it was futile. With careful slowness I lifted trembling hands a few inches off my legs, palms up. Please understand!

The same earth pony fired an order over his withers without taking eyes off me. It - he, I assumed by its build - then snapped something else at me that I couldn't hear.

I think I was babbling something more about surrendering as we all waited for... something. It was the longest second of my life. They had to understand!

The lead earth pony tilted his head slightly back. I took my eyes off the gryphon - a fucking gryphon! - to flinch, but they went right back. Instead of unimaginable pain, all that happened was the left unicorn in the back said something.

Lead Pony's eyes narrowed. Whatever he was saying as he tilted his head cautiously seemed to be directed at me. They were talking! That was good! Let's keep that up!

But what do I say? They can't-

The unicorn who hadn't spoken stepped forward, his already glowing horn flaring a brighter violet as matching backlighting bloomed around my hands. Instinctively I jerked away, dragging my hands a few inches closer to safety before an iron-strong pressure held them where they were.

Everyone else moved. The earth ponies rushed to either side, giving rolling shrugs to keep their shoulder-mounted staves aimed at me, while the gryphon and other unicorn stepped into central positions a few feet further back.

I tried to get away from the leonine-avian death machine, I really did! But, with the rearmost unicorn braced like it was pulling a two ton sedan, my held arms let me go nowhere.

I said I surrender! I had! And did again! Just keep that thing away from me!

The earth pony on my right - the one who'd spoken already - seemed to consider my latest plea before taking a long step toward the gryphon. He said something sidelong and reached a hoof out to tap the floor a few feet from me.

What...? He wanted me to move closer to the gryphon?! It flexed its gut-tearing talons again for good measure.

The pony spat another, more forceful, order and repeated the gesture.

I... didn't have any say in the matter. If I cooperated they wouldn't harm me, right? These were ponies, after all. That gryphon wouldn't do anything unless I did. So I just didn't have to do anything! Even then, I couldn't take my eyes off it on the off chance that doing so would let it kill me. It seemed to be working.

I guess I could do this.

The force holding my hands gained an insistent forward pressure, guiding me to the middle of the room as my legs finally relented to moving toward the gryphon. The hemi circle of guards shifted smoothly into a ring surrounding me.

The same earth pony - now slightly behind me on my right - gave another sharp order. No other indication was given from anyone else. What was I supposed to do now? I needed them to show me!

The first unicorn - the one not concentrating intently on my hands, and who had been eyeballing everything but me - stepped carefully around my left, ochre eyes giving me a thorough once-over. His horn, which had already been glowing orange-white, lit up brighter. Some kind of orange-ish aerial distortion snapped my eyes downward to something ephemeral and orange - like a ball of unicorn magic backlighting - flowing down my leg.

It took everything I had to not yank my leg away from whatever it was. Muscles strained to both go and stay, somewhat canceling each other out as an ache built in my thighs and calves.

The earth pony stared at me, intense and suspicious, down the length of his staff.

Breathing erratically as I tried to watch him without losing sight of either the gryphon or the magic, a small part of me noted that I couldn't feel whatever the one unicorn was doing to my leg. Maybe it was alright. That didn't stop my heart from running in overdrive.

With choppy words, I tried to reassure them again that I was cooperating but trailed off as the commander said something. He looked less aggressive which was good! Hopefully. It was fucking impossible to stay calm, but I had to try. I just had to cooperate until Etherea could talk to them.

If I could last that long…

The unicorn made a slow circuit around me, the orange distortion flowing up and down over me, doing... I had no idea what! It was a struggle to keep my breathing under control and not try to twist away as my vision flickered orange.

Just keep cooperating!

The unicorn began a rapid-fire conversation with the commander pony when he finished and I tried to follow along. There was some impression of voices around all the ringing, but it was hard to tell much more than they weren't yelling. Initially the unicorn did most of the talking as the commander interjected responses. Their roles quickly reversed as the commander's questions and piercing looks to me grew increasingly curt. All I could do was stand there, try not to shake too much, and fail to follow.

Then the commander disengaged from the unicorn, his head swiveling to say something to the pegasus and the distant unicorn. The rest of the ponies shifted to keep me surrounded and the pegasus carefully went around the rear of the gryphon before darting back down the hallway.

And we waited. If it wasn't bad enough to be standing there completely helpless while they decided my fate, trying to keep my eyes on the gryphon, their commander shifted out of formation and began a circuit around me. I couldn't watch them both at the same time! But I tried.

All of their ears were uniformly on me and what I could see beneath their muzzle guards was simply stoic and wary - the commander was the most emotive of them with his small frown. At some point the unicorn in the rear said something and was acknowledged by commander pony, but that was it. What the hell was going on? They didn't oblige me with any indication. Naturally, in lieu of any apparent danger, my brain filled in by helpfully supplying itself with possibilities for what they were calling in to deal with me, the invading alien.

The pony equivalent of the air force, a solid cordon of heavy pony infantry and siege machinery, the magical equivalent of rail guns or even nukes, or worse…

They could even be bringing in more gryphons. Or, given what Etherea had said, changelings.

I shivered hard because I was completely and thoroughly fucked.

As one, an ear from each guard swiveled toward the direction they'd arrived from. Commander pony frowned, looking to the unicorn in the rear. The unicorn, in turn, peered with one eye back the way they'd come. His eyes widened and he took several steps away.

What now?!

Even as the commander took a step in that direction a pony skidded into sight, hooves sliding along the hard floor as it tried halt its mad dash toward the rearmost unicorn. A thinner, shorter, and slightly more rounded muzzle indicated a mare, while her pale lavender coat, overly full saddlebags, and long blue-violet mane and tail were noted and quickly dismissed in favor of the wide purple eyes that glued to me with unabashed shock. I couldn't quite place her expression, her mouth agape as her sides heaved helplessly.

Wait a second. She was a unicorn and, though her coat was a bit faded and she bore noticeable minor crinkles around her face, those bright rose and deep purple highlights sparked a memory. That cutie mark of paired six-pointed stars, pink atop white, surrounded by a ring of miniature stars… I'd recognize it anywhere!

Other ponies piled in around her, almost rear-ending each other in a comical pony pileup, some in armor and some not. Despite the number of ponies in the area climbing to over a dozen or so, the first was the only one who mattered.

That, right there, was Twilight Sparkle. Twilight Sparkle! Element of Magic, personal student to Princess Celestia herself, the pony around whom the Elements of Harmony had formed, reformer of Nightmare Moon, defeater of Discord... She was a legend in both Equestria and - as My Little Pony's protagonist - on Earth.

And Etherea's aunt! Fuck! She’d have good reason to hate me!

The gryphon flicked its wings open a bit wider, snapping my bulging eyes back to it.

No, I wasn't even thinking of touching her, honest! And I couldn't raise my hands to protect myself!

"FELTINUR KEDASU ESVOR!" Even I heard the commander clearly.

Despite all the armor, I could tell his hackles were up as he interposed himself between Twilight and me. A roll of his withers sent his staff rotating in its complicated harness to point up. Whatever he hollered next was marginally softer but the guards mixed in among the newcomers all leapt into action, pushing out and cordoning me off despite Twilight's erratic - and apparently breathless - attempts to protest. A coughing fit did her no favors.

The commander didn't give her any quarter, getting in her face and demanding something. Her ears dipped but she countered authoritatively and produced a sheet of paper - a scrap, really, since it was clearly torn out of something else. The commander took several moments to reread whatever it was and while she tried to catch her breath, her eyes seeking me out around the commander's bulk.

Commander Pony seemed to growl in response, looking like he'd just eaten something rancid, and the killer gryphon moved to his side without ever taking its eyes from mine. It tilted its head just slightly, menacing me.

I wasn't even thinking of trying anything!

Twilight had stiffened at the commander's reaction but her response was level and matter-of-fact. A brief lively exchange ensued but, despite whatever he was trying to convince her of, Twilight wasn't having it.

The commander murmured something as he glanced back at me with narrowed eyes. I shivered, my heart skipping again, as Twilight shrank back. She took a breath - tearing her eyes away from me for the first time - to give him a pointed and very measured reply. He stood silently as they stared each other down but eventually spun smartly back to me, his staff pulling my eyes along as it swung back around to a low, ready position.

He fired a short, offhand comment that left her bristling.

I didn't know what had just been decided and wasn't sure I wanted to. I needed them to go talk to Etherea, but I couldn't see how to get it across to them. Her name was the only thing I knew and... What if they took it the wrong way? What if she did?

Without taking her eyes off me, Twilight's horn gained a pink-purple halo and a silver and gold tablet-thingy much like Etherea's extracted itself from one of her saddlebags. She wasn't the only one watching me raptly and I couldn't decide how to feel about looking down over a small sea of colorful pony faces.

I shivered again as my breath hitched at alien the sight.

Twilight laid her tablet face up on the floor just ahead of her front hooves and, while a stylus floated over and started rapidly manipulating the display, began speaking in a strong, steady voice. Orders, I guessed, since the non-guards began shuffling about one by one, pulling items out of their bags. Pads of paper, things that looked like artificial quills - judging by the sheen - Gemstones, and other doodads I couldn't identify were passed around by magic and hoof. A couple began talking back and forth - and still watching! - and a charcoal mare even sidled up to the guard holding my hands.

"Anenur enrietnoi naois!"

The commander's bark made both Twilight and I jump which, in turn, made the gryphon twitch ominously. When I didn't do anything but shake everyone relaxed back to their previous wariness.

A gesture from the commander and a tug from the magic around my wrists got me turned fully toward Twilight as items powered by various-colored halos began to whizz around the room. Her horn flared lightly as a complicated vertically-oriented design about two feet in diameter of concentric circles and other fluid shapes, all drawn in lavender light, blinked in and out of existence in air above her device.

My breath sucked in through my teeth as I inadvertently pulled at my restraints, trying to jerk away from whatever that had been. All I accomplished was sending every single guard into a more aggressive stance. Even the non-guards froze. The gryphon lifted its wings incrementally and narrowed its eyes.

No! I'm not doing anything! I shook my head in helpless denial.

This was... I couldn't begin to describe... God, I needed Etherea.

After an eternal moment Commander Pony cocked his head to fire a question over his shoulder. One of the guards in back responded and, as they carried on a short back and forth, some of the clinging tension bled away.

The commander's next order to me came complete with a forehoof gesturing around my back. I hesitated while I tried to sort through what he might want and, more importantly, what he didn't. Did he want me to sit back down, then? I didn't like the way his frown was growing again. What-?

My hands were tugged around and to the side.

Seizing up, I followed my first instinct and held my ground. Who wouldn't? It was suddenly clear what they wanted and it meant turning my back on the gryphon! The unicorn was insistent and, oh God, would he just keep pulling until my arms dislocated?!

That he might was what convinced my body to obey.

With teeth clenched hard just so they couldn't rattle, I stared unblinkingly at the wall and tried to think about anything but that gryphon jumping me while my back was turned. Another sudden lavender flash sent me springing several inches off the floor despite my desire to remain calm. What the hell was all this? What were they doing to me?!

Another tug on my arms and I was turned right back around.

My heart lurched again when the world went hazy blue. I couldn't tell how and didn't know why. As if those first days with Etherea hadn't been heart attack-inducing enough, now the ponies kept doing things without warning or apparent reason. What was going on?! What sorcery was this?

I'd already been interrogated, shot at!, ripped away from Earth, teleported again, couldn't hear, and now...! Fuck, I didn't want to think about my heart rate either!

Okay, okay, okay, just focus on the here and now; ignore everything you can't do anything about. Alex, you gotta' try!

But what the hell was this blue haze? It seemed to fill the room. I whipped my head around frantically, still not letting that gryphon leave my sight, as I tried to find any kind of indication.

Wait... Some of the gems they'd been passing around - amber-green ones with an almost kite shield shape - were wedged into the extreme corners of the room. They were also wreathed in blue halos. What the hell were those for?

None of the other ponies seemed concerned other than a couple giving curious glances to Twilight's ongoing magical display. She herself was a sight to see, her horn shining almost incandescently while several ghostly lavender shapes hung in the area. There was an arc just above the floor that seemed to be part of an unbroken ring around me, several shifting lines of miniscule connected symbols surrounded her in the rough outline of a sphere, a small disc-like projection just in front of her horn, and a pad of scratch paper on which a stylus scribbled furiously. But none of that seemed to affect her conversation with Commander Pony.

I don't know what she was trying to convince him of, but she didn't sound happy. Not that he seemed concerned with whatever she wanted. Then, as if sensing my momentary attention, Commander Pony cut Twilight off and started stalking slowly around me. I tried to follow but he disappeared behind me.

Something tugged the back of my shirt. Surprised, I again tried ripping my bound wrists off.

What the hell was he doing back there?! When I twisted my head around all I found was the end of his staff hovering near my face.

I'm cooperating! Don't do whatever it is that staff does!

Naturally, the only answer I got couldn't even reach my eardrums. I faced forward, scrunching my eyes shut for a moment, not thinking about the weapon that was right there! Nope. My brain could make me, but I wouldn't. I…

That didn't stop the violent flinches as the commander made his circuit and kept testing my clothes. Staying stoic was far easier thought than done when the commander lifted the front of my shirt, and my gut seized up as I imagined him using the opportunity to gut me. Twilight, who had tried protesting again, gave up in favor of staring at my face - my eyes had to stay on that gryphon! - as Commander Pony rearranged the soldiers so one of the rear unicorns could come forward.

I just had to wait for whatever they wanted me to do next. If I did that then everything would be alright.

After a short discussion with Commander Pony and some hoof gestures at me, the new unicorn's horn gained a pale teal halo.

Whatever they wanted me to do…

The glow around my wrists pulled upward.

They were stringing me up!

Whatever they wanted of me!

My labored breathing perfectly matched my failure to control the rising panic. With my arms held up - though not painfully so - teal encompassed the bottom half of my vision and cloth slid upwards across my torso. Maroon blocked my sight for a moment and then my eyes were free again.

They'd... taken my shirt?! I could only watch, dumbfounded, as the unicorn with the teal glow floated it to Twilight.

With that my arms were let down.

As my shirt hung in the air before Twilight, the rings of light once again flashed above her device. When my shirt started rotating around the commander stepped up again and began closely peering up and down at me. Mostly down. I kept my face forward and tried to breath normally.

I needed to run, or fight, or something! But there wasn't hope of either; I could only cooperate or suffer more.

Setting his eyes on mine, Commander Pony angled his head and directed a question over his withers. The gryphon, of all things, replied. Its beak was inflexible - duh! - but it seemed to speak Equestrian just fine because the commander understood its reply. Or maybe the commander understood gryphon-ish. I couldn't tell!

I suddenly really wanted to rub at my ears. Would that help?

But the gryphon could talk! Of course it could; everyone else here-

Commander Pony spoke again, motioning down and behind me.

Turn around again? I began to but the unicorn didn't let my arms go. I froze. They had my shirt; what did they want now?! My eyes widened at the implications.

No…

"Shi efror imma!" Even I heard that.

His eyes narrowed further at my hesitation, and he stalked around me yet kept a respectable distance. The next time he gestured toward the bed it was sharp and forceful. He wasn't going to allow disagreement.

Okay…

I spoke much the same, more to myself than him - agreeing and trying to convince myself to go where this seemed to be headed - as I backed up until my calves bumped the bed. So I let my butt fall onto the mattress. It seemed to be the right choice because neither he, nor the gryphon, did anything to gainsay my choice. Being no longer upright, my strength left me and I hunched guardedly.

Keep cooperating, Alex.

Commander Pony took a step forward. Twilight said something in the background as he raised a forehoof and said something.

Nothing happened immediately so I just-

Something hugged and then pulled at my foot.

My breath caught again and my eyes snapped down. My feet were backlit by teal. After another futile tug the glow shifted to only the laces, which then took great care to untie themselves. The only thing keeping me still - outside the low-level shaking that had become a constant - was that them stealing my shoes and socks for Twilight to examine didn't outright hurt.

I knew where this was going. The prospect of soon being naked should have brought more distress than it did, but it just didn't. I wasn't sure why, and that was supremely worrying.

And since I didn't want them to try ripping my legs off to get my pants, I even tried to help by laying out the next steps despite my voice shaking hard enough to rattle my tongue. Not that they could understand a damned word of it. Still, Twilight's went erect, focusing on me much like they had every time I'd opened my mouth, and her quill scribbled away furiously - not that it had stopped yet, but my voice spurred it into higher gear.

They didn't seem to need my pitiful help though. A quick conversation between Commander Pony, Teal Magic Unicorn, and Twilight led to a gesture for me to lie back. Staring blankly at the featureless light gray ceiling, I tried to keep my heart rate at less than lethal while they systematically stole my decency. That left me with only an uncomfortable cooling sensation from the smears still on my thighs.

And yet, for some reason, the air against my bare everywhere wasn't as cold as I'd expected. Maybe it was all the alien ponies in the room, but it was uncomfortably warm-

Another gesture and an unheard order got me into motion. I shook all over - how I wished I didn't - while struggling to my feet. Looking down again across a small sea of brightly-colored faces, everything dangling in full view just below their noses, my hands bound and no way to cover up... The various eyes gorging on my nakedness were like a physical force, almost overwhelmingly urging me to curl up in some corner. I'd never been publicly naked like this.

Cold flashed over me from head to toe.

Commander Pony stepped right up again and made a no-nonsense gesture toward Twilight, who was passing my underwear to the cluster of non-guards in the back. I shuffled forward like a good little captive, trying to keep an eye on the gryphon without looking directly at its.

Twilight mumbled something with a glance in the direction of Commander Pony and the flashy violet magic array thingy went off again in front of me. Before I could finish flinching I was being directed to face away. Then more purple light. What the hell was she doing?

And it was hot again! That definitely wasn't the ambience.

Commander Pony again gave me no time with my thoughts, turning neatly about and striding toward the hallway while slinging orders around like they were going out of style. There was some hesitation among the non-guards but they still packed up in a hurry and headed back the way they'd come. Twilight stuck around though. She must-

The air shifted to pale violet.

What the fuck?! Ponies, guards, gryphons, magic, tinted air, stolen clothes... Fuck, fuck, Fuck, FUCK!

I closed my eyes, trying not to dwell too much on any one thing. But I was fucking naked and playing lead role to a crowd of…

No, I couldn't think about that either, no matter how often it called for attention! Somehow it was easily shoved into the background with all my other woes.

Twilight fell in beside the commander while a small cloud of instruments and doodads floated themselves into her bags. Fucking unicorns and their magic... She chose that moment to look back at me. She couldn't read thoughts, could she? Her expression was unreadable, the when our eyes met what could have been a sympathetic grimace flickered across her face.

The rest of the guards hemmed me in and then waited for a minute. Why? Who knows!

When they finally moved I had no option other than to follow. Even the gems from the corners of the room came along for the ride. I hadn't seen them move, but there they were, hanging just out of reach in the air around me like the corners of an invisible box. The nearest guards - gryphon included! - were barely outside their bounds; also not close enough to reach yet still within easy striking distance.

There was so much movement around me and no way to keep track of it all. And this purple haze...!

I hadn't even been allowed to clean up…

The hall itself was nothing unusual, just more white and gray, and perhaps twelve feet wide. Yet, with the volume of hooves beating the floor, it still managed to be claustrophobic. Along the left were more 'cell' openings - perhaps half a dozen or so - while ahead of us were two solid-looking dark gray double doors guarding the end of the hallway. Another single set was in the right wall near them.

I checked, rechecked, and checked again in mere seconds, but there was nothing else here. I mean, there was a leftward corner in the hall behind us, but despite my fears there were no other onlookers, guards, or even the rest of the non-guard ponies. I didn't see any other than Twilight. Where had the rest gone?

More importantly, what about Luna or Celestia?

Don't think about them.

Something tapped the outside of my left knee. I nearly jumped my head right into the ceiling before shying away, desperately focusing back on the crowd around me. Commander Pony was ahead of me but marching backwards so he could fully give me his glare.

He'd leveled his staff at me again! Why? What had I done?

Once he had my attention he swiped it back toward the center of the enclosing guards. I'd drifted to one side while distracted? I guess.

Down the hall we went. The double doors at the end opened well ahead of us and admitted another small crowd of ponies. They stopped to gawk almost as one and Commander Pony charged forward to lay into them. Into the first cell they went while we waited, the guards leading them forming a protective wall at the entrance. The non-guards couldn't have been prisoners; they were outfitted much like those that had come in with Twilight.

Plus their guards were facing outward. Toward me.

My efforts to not shrink away were partially successful but left me shaking ever harder. And now cold despite the building's actual temperature.

The best part was that they all got to see my penis flopping about! So did the guards who had opened the doors at the end of the hall. And also the guard in the room beyond at the station behind the reinforced glass - like a high security bank teller. It was like some twisted, torturous Oprah giveaway.

'You get to see me naked! And you get to see me naked. And you! Everyone gets a free look at my bare, naked ass!'

Two of the forward guards took position beside and opened the door leading from this room, and Commander Pony led us on without pause. My steps were becoming more and more halting and I couldn't do a thing about it; with every passing moment this was becoming more and more ominous.

We entered into a much larger space - about the size of a small auditorium - with a second level balcony walkway running around its entirety. Light pouring in through the ceiling was supplemented by more 'light bars' under the walkway, illuminating an open central area and…

Oh, hey, more guards! Why not? They too can get front row tickets to the butt-naked human being paraded about!

A fresh, almost literal army of guards ringed the room near the walls and behind them, pushed against the walls, were desks, low couches, and other assorted furniture. Four other doors - one across from me, one on the right, and two in the rear left - were almost completely hidden behind everything else. The place was minimalist with straight lines and neutral colors. Only by a few illegible signs posted beside the doors broke the motif.

I tried to have my eyes everywhere at once, tracking each and every guard. They were arranged in trios - earth pony, unicorn, and pegasus - though amidst the surrounding gleaming gold and silver were several avian heads and leonine bodies. It was fucking impossible! I couldn't do it and keep the gryphon next to me in sight.

As my head swiveled, gleaming blue-purple drew my eyes up…

Above the far door on a railing-less semicircle projection from the walkway was a bulk of brightly-colored scales and leathery wings perhaps twice the size of a pony. Taloned paws overhung the edge, casual and at odds with the intense, unblinking eyes boring into me from a narrow reptilian head atop a lengthy serpentine neck. My feet missed their marks completely, pitching me forward and dragging my wrists along as I fell to my knees.

That was fucking impossible! First gryphons, but now an actual, live and in the flesh dragon! I couldn't! My brain just couldn't! That... That couldn't possibly exist. Nope!

Commander Pony gave me no reprieve, backing toward the center of the open space while waving me forward and mouthing another unheard order.

But that would mean being out in the open! Completely naked! Surrounded by all those-

His mouth moved again, his muzzle creasing with an angry sneer.

And that dragon! The only reason for needing a flying, fire-breathing, knight-eating death machine was to end me messily! Nonononono I don't-

"Ruont!" His third try actually reached my ears.

And this time an insistent force began hauling my wrists forward. I had no choice! I had to survive until Etherea could tell them all what was what!

I let the force on my wrists guide me into a small tentative step. No one else moved - none jumping out at me - though my bare skin crawled from the feel the dozens of inhuman eyes. A second step across the cool floor did nothing more than place me closer to Commander Pony and his scowl. More steps lessened his expression. The guards who had been all around me spread out and reformed their old protective circle. I tried to focus on the commander's hoof as it directed me; not watching the gryphon to my right, or Twilight and her crew stepping around the outside wall, or the persistent violet haze in the air, or that dragon! looming above.

When I reached the center... still nothing happened. Sure, there was a constant low-level movement in the crowd - they were all living creatures, after all - but their commander was the only one to actually move. He directed another order at me as he took a position by the door over which the dragon sat.

I kind of heard it. Too bad I still didn't understand a word of Equestrian! But I could guess at what it had been, especially with the lack of activity. I... didn't want to think about that either. The beige-white tiles in the floor were a whole lot safer.

If only Etherea were here. That was the catch, wasn't it? Without her I was... a non-entity.

I dimly caught a barked command from someone in the back and, even as my eyes popped up, the far door swung open. Another gryphon and an earth pony were admitted one after anoth-

Every pony's ears twitched, and the guards tensed almost as one, staring me down, as those nearest the doorway stepped aside to provide more room. Striding purposefully, a trim midnight blue form stepped into view.

Princess Luna's teal slit-pupil eyes were already boring into me from under a crown-like headpiece that guarded her cheeks and the bridge of her muzzle. Three spires rose in front of and bracketed her horn, the base of each bearing a different-colored diamond-shaped gem, a three-part peytral bearing a crescent moon rested about her neck and breast, and she wore the same articulated hoofguards I'd seen the other night. Then there was her stance. With wings held away from her side, mouth in a thin line, and horn glowing azure she looked ready to charge forward and gore me!

I tried to step back. My feet moved, but the unicorn a few feet to my right lowered his head and my hands remained where they were.

I needed to keep my distance. But cooperation! I needed to…

Twilight strode briskly to intercept Luna even as the princess spoke while nodding slightly. She then bent her neck, eyes never leaving me, and tersely said something else to one of the other guards - who began speaking to no one that I could see - before firing out a question. It also didn't seem to be to anyone. Twilight began talking, her mouth practically blurring, but was quickly cut off when Luna's wing sliced through the air. Commander Pony joined in then, though whatever little he said only deepened Luna's frown.

All that I caught only by its proximity to the Princess because my eyes didn't waver. Those slit pupils didn't belong on a pony.

A memory bubbled to the surface. I was immobile, helpless and in jagged pain, unable to look away from them. Now they were right there, coming for me again, and I couldn't move again!

Oh, God... Celestia had done the same thing! Don't look them in the eyes!

I scrunched my eyes shut as Luna finished saying something to Twilight and brushed past her and the Commander. Even I heard Twilight's voice approaching shout-levels of shrillness as she vehemently protested.

I was helpless and alone.

But I had to do whatever they wanted of me! Whatever... whatever it took to get to Etherea.

Each of Luna's shod hoof strikes were more felt through the floor than heard. They stopped some still-too-close distance away.

Don't open your eyes!

Sourceless force wrapped around my head and pressed against my shoulders. My eyes shot open - Oh, God no! - to Luna looking up at me from only feet away. Her eyes bored into me, narrow and cold, while her horn lit my world teal. At odds with the rest of her stance, her blue and violet iridescent mane drifted tranquilly in defiance of the still air and physics in general.

The downward force across my shoulders multiplied and with a strangled squeak I was pressed onto my knees. Ohgodohgodohgodohgod...! I suddenly couldn't breathe fast enough. I also couldn't take looking up at that grim equine face and those eyes... But neither could I move my head despite neck muscles straining nearly to the point of pain. She didn't control my eyes so I stared at her chest piece.

But she didn't do anything! I waited and waited for something - anything - to happen, but she just kept staring down at me with her horn alight.

Then something changed. It was a subtle background feeling that I'd never noticed until it was different. Even then, trying not to drown in panic easily masked what it was.

The pressure around my head and shoulders vanished, allowing me to lean back and away.

Luna's lips moved.

What? What? I can't fucking hear you!

I needed to shout it in her face because-

The strangest little feeling cropped up. Though hard to pin down with my frayed thoughts and the possibility that Luna might decide to just toss me around like a rag doll, it felt like understanding. It faded just as quickly.

Luna's eyes narrowed further and she spoke again. I heard it vaguely.

I don't fucking understand Equosar, Princess!

Wait...! What the fuck?!

I was staring harder, somehow, and shocked into frozen incredulity. I bit and held my upper lip for dear life. I'd wanted to spit back the name of her own language back at her, but I didn't know…

Equestrian. 'Equosar,' my brain helpfully supplied again.

That was fucking Equestrian! In my head! My eyes bulged at the implication. Luna had been fucking around in my head! Shit shit shitshitshitShitShitSHIT! What had that done to me? What was it going to do to me? What else had she done?!

I wasn't in any more pain than before - that I could tell - but did that really mean anything?

Luna was still right there.

My limbs, my torso, my head, my... everything seemed to be there. It could have been something in my head. She'd implanted Equos- Equestrian! directly into my brain, or something.

I... 'Shi...'

Her horn still shed aquamarine light.

She could have done all manner of other things! A quick mental check revealed... nothing that I could tell. Would I even be able to tell if she'd altered who I was?! I mean, the Equestrian language was pretty obvious, but what about sleeper commands, or something?!

She spoke, tone low but forceful, and I cringed away. As close as we were, I was able to catch some of it. Something, something, 'paying attention,' something about her.

If I concentrated, my brain fed me motherfucking Equestrian! Manifesting a language like that was fucking impossible! Even my brain agreed! In Equestrian when I thought about it!

Oh…

I shuddered. Luna had been fucking around in my head! My stomach twisted itself back into a knot. Wonderful!

All the fan stories where Luna invaded people's thoughts through dreams came to my frantic mind. She might be able to outright mind-rape if she didn't like how this was going. And with my ears ringing I couldn't possibly cooperate fully and there was no way she'd stand for that!

Complete cooperation was impossible. Gryphons, dragons, ponies... all impossible. Speaking Equestrian was-

Being in Equestria was impossible!

Oh, God... I'd been teleported - torn apart and reassembled?

And then everything rushed back to stampede around my head in a tide of fear and misery. Forcibly stripped naked to be interrogated... Nearly killed by some psycho with a handgun... The goddamned FBI... Injured and out of money... Luna beating the shit out of me…

I couldn't keep up; it was like I was drowning. Fuck, I had to get away! RUN! But Luna would... I had to find...!

Strange clarity highlighted a fog in the edges of my vision. It crept inward to occlude more of my peripheral vision even as I found focus in its distraction. I couldn't place the haze's color but it was set with myriad tiny sparkling points, framing Luna's face oddly as the world fell away into the distance.

I knew this; it had struck previously when I'd gashed an arm on the side of a wood trailer, when I'd smashed a finger open between a door and jam, when…

Next was an increasingly uncomfortable clenching in my gut. And right on schedule was the faint taste of metal.

Fresh alarm rushed in and replaced the panic that had largely dissipated in the face of my altering perceptions.

I needed a bucket. Now.

The armored visage before me hesitated. A softer voice made it to my ears but I had bigger concerns.

Swallow the metallic taste. Breathe. Don't throw up.

Someone was talking again, their tone biting. Angry.

Don't care. Swallow. Breathe.

Whatever they were saying - was that... Luna, that cunt? - just wasn't important. My stomach flipped as my world shook briefly.

Don't throw up! Oh God, don't!

Swallow. Breathe.

Colorful, gut-twisting motion along the narrowed borders of my sight was followed shortly by my various confinements fleeing, and I was finally able to drag my eyes down to the sedate gray floor below. My hands had been freed! I leaned forward, grabbing my knees for support, but even that minor motion sent a distressing somersault through my middle.

I needed to tell them!

No! Swallow, then breathe!

Maybe…

I closed my eyes, trying to shut everything out, but the world whirled around and with a near hiccup the metallic taste turn acrid. Closing my eyes wasn't an option! I was never so thankful that the floor was stationary, blandly-toned, and marked be even, orderly lines. It was calming, reassuring, and most importantly, blessedly static - I could focus past the blurred vision and it would hold me steady.

Breathe. Swallow. And let my stomach settle!

The cool air prickling at my bare skin everywh-

Don't think about that. The mild chill felt good though.

Swallow, then breathe.

The roiling in my core slowly settled into an uneasy truce; it wouldn't punish me as long as I didn't move. At the same time, the détente allowed gave me freedom to again note other outside sensations. A number of nearby unintelligible voices tugging at me. There was at least one of each gender but beyond that I couldn't follow who was who despite the familiarity of one. My stomach seized up at the distraction.

Breathe. Swallow.

Patience, Alex. It'll going away. I just needed time.

Hopefully.

A second of silence preceded one of the voices coming through gently but clearly. It - she - was close. There were even violet hooves in the left corner of my sight.

Funny how the hair of her hocks and canons was a hint lighter than that of her hooves. I'm not sure why I noticed-

Twilight. It was Twilight goddamned Sparkle in the flesh! How the hell could she even exist?!

"...duntarsher? Anledeseluna efror esu evron."

I needed a bucket, or something! I. Shi. Need. Osuar.

Was this really happening?! I didn't dare shake my head so my denial stayed internal.

A. Ne. Bucket. Keuri.

Shi osuar ne keuri.

I mumbled out something that was probably that - pretty sure - and Twilight's hooves twitched. She leaned like she was going to sidle left, but corrected herself before speaking again in fitful starts and stops. Something coherent finally came through and understanding pinged me again. I guess because I'd been paying attention? And when I devoted a little thought to it, I was actually fucking able to sort through the alien words!

Did I know what was wrong?

Of course I did! What a dumb fucking question. I'd almost died only, what, four or five times in the last fucking hour?! And Etherea had been shot clean through! I didn't dare shake my head; my stomach wasn't calm enough yet.

But she just wanted the immediate why. So I needed to think Equestrian.

I might throw up. Shi soheruar... folruirn!

Twilight's hooves moved backward half a pace. Near silence fell around me, weighing everything down. What was she waiting-?

She was speaking, and must have been so for a moment. With some effort I managed to sort through my poor ears and her strained concern, hesitantly leaning on the feeling of understanding.

"...injured? Or... or... or ill? Can you place the...? Is it...? Does it feel... ...within your, um, head?"

It was hard to follow the rapid fire stream of alien words, so I lost as much as I caught. With a moment of thought I was pretty sure I had her last question. A question that made no sense.

No, you stupid pony, it's not my head; it's from shock, or something! That's why my vision's fuzzy! It might be slowly going away now, but it's still really fucking clear to me!

"Terror..." There was apparently no Equestrian for it, so I had to use English. "...dipshit!"

The next pregnant pause stretched long and more meaningfully. I grinned derisively, baring my teeth to the floor even as the pit in my sternum moved up into my throat. I'd insulted Twilight right to her face! Even as I recoiled internally I couldn't stop.

"You would... too if you... had nearly... died as... many times... as I just... did!" And whose fault was that?! Theirs! "You had Etherea... for two... fucking days! Did anypony... even talk... to her?!" I squeezed my eyes shut. My stomach surged at that mistake.

Eyes trailing their way up past Twilight's legs and chest to her face, I found not murderous intent, but strong lines and wide eyes of concern. Her flicking ears were more indecisive. She spoke again, yet it was a moment before I could pick the process back up.

"...not know what about... ...can't speak about what has happened here... ...understand, don't you?"

Of course she couldn't! Oh, I understood conceptually because I was a security risk - at least someone in my situation would be back on Earth - but being kept in the dark made me want to break something. Especially after what I'd been through.

"...recent events, we've agreed that... ...Princess Etherea can speak... ...telling the truth, and your reaction seems... ...do even more harm." She actually sounded upset.

God, this was hard! An unsteady stomach, what felt like a large stone sitting right behind my sternum, cold skin - again - and a host of other distractions weren't helping! I lost my tenuous trains of thought as the rear-left door opened and the nearby guards turned toward it.

In stepped a trio of ponies - two unicorns and an earth pony - all with saddlebags stuffed fit to burst. The lead pony was a gold-white unicorn mare with cream and burgundy mane and tail in neat braids. An unsteady expression on her face grew more prominent as she surveyed the room full of guards. Naturally, her eyes were drawn to the open central space…

She hollered something high-pitched on the verge of strident, blue-green eyes almost leaping from her head. It was almost amusing how her expression was mirrored by the rest of her group.

Twilight, who'd turned when the door opened, flinched. Even as she made her way over to the new arrivals, her head dipped back and forth faintly. The gold-white mare was already going a mile a minute, seeming to talk to everyone and no one as her head and eyes zipped back and forth. Twilight tried to interject once, twice, and again, but the new mare just kept going, getting more animated as she began sidling back and forth.

The whole thing gave me a chance to notice something. Or, some things, really.

Luna wasn't immediately visible. She could have left... Or maybe she was just hiding and waiting for me to let my guard down! Looking around for the errant bitch, I found that the dragon also proved to be absent. In fact, there were fewer guards in general.

The world wasn't doused in purple haze anymore, though the green-amber gems from the corners of the cell were still in the air around me - some bracketing me from the floor and the rest around me just out of reach over my head. I quickly decided I didn't want to know what they were for; probably something else about how much my life sucked.

There were also still no ways out. Commander Pony had joined Twilight in talking to the new ponies - apparently trying to convince them of something despite the lead mare's insistent objections - but there were still plenty of guards close at hand.

Yes, the gryphon was still nearby. It took a couple of deep breaths to settle my gut back into place. Don't think about it too-

The knot of ponies had all stopped talking and were looking my way. White masks covered the muzzles of the three new arrivals like small socks, and Twilight was working on the strap of hers around the back of her head. White Mare said something, her eyes on me and blinking slowly.

I blinked in return, edging away from her gaze. What?

The earth pony stallion to the doctor's right, however, pulled his head back with a confused little shake and replied.

The other unicorn mare fared worse and just kept wide emerald eyes on me when White Mare queried her. A shoulder bump from the doctor made her flinch but looked to get nothing more than an incoherent stammer. As if I didn't want to hide badly enough already, I was terrorizing regular ponies while just crouching here doing nothing.

The white-gold mare huffed, grumbled, and finally sighed dramatically. Then she was advancing; achingly slow, and with blue-green eyes glued to mine, but the movement was there. My eyes locked onto hers and she froze, her mask moving from within.

My hands moved over my crotch of their own accord. It was a pitiful attempt at modesty, but at least it was something. Even if I was now essentially fondly myself. The world got hot again.

And no, pony, I can't hear you.

She tried again and I caught her cautious inflection.

I can not hear you! Shi enusar non letheduar easu!

At my response White Mare snapped around to Twilight like a whip-crack, giving me momentary flash of just how much of a mare she was. Twilight was forced back step after step by the tirade and, while I could finally hear the new mare, there was no way to keep up with that blistering stream of syllables. Only Commander Pony's hoof slamming into the floor stopped the mare from berating Twilight into the far wall. I flinched worse than either of the mares.

Dipping my head as the argument picked up again - this time between all three - I tried to remain small. There certainly was a lot of head shaking and cutting gestures with hooves. And a vigorously irate mare with her ass pointed at me.

They all seemed to sequentially relent about... something, and that's when White Mare finally got back to me. Despite the impossibility I let my brain feed me translations for what I could pick up from her - something about communication.

Through narrowed eyes I watched, waiting for whatever trap they might have. But other than eventually repeating the question, none of them did anything.

"Can not... hear because... ringing."

"Ringing?" The mare's ears rotated around to scan the room.

Hunching closer to the floor, I extended the thumb and index finger of one hand while curling the rest of my fingers, feeling completely idiotic the entire time. A mock gun. Which I pointed at the floor in front of me and pantomimed recoil. "Bang."

Yeah, that was really stupid. "Explosive weapon. Etherea-"

Commander Pony's scowl reached a whole new amplitude. Fine, I won't mention her!

White Mare started turning but a shake of the commander's head and short comment stopped her. Her head came back around, her eyes leading cautiously.

"You are injured?"

I shook my head. Wait... I changed it to a nod. She just closed her mouth back up right after opening it, and a quick glance around got shrugs from the other nearby ponies.

Twilight pushed her head forward and out of the background. "...some form of assent or dissent?"

What? With everything else that was running through my head the question just didn't parse. Was she really asking what was 'yes' and what was 'no?' On the off chance it was…

"Nod for 'yes...'"

"Oh! Fascinating! It's the same-!" White Mare's glare shut her right up and she coughed lightly.

Speaking of the new mare... "...you tell us how?"

Did she really care at all about Luna tossing me into a wall? Somehow I doubted it.

"Luna broke..." Shit! The painkillers were still in my room at the hospital on Earth! I squeezed my eyes shut despite how it made the world twist around me.

"Broken? What is...? ...are-?"

"Cracked. Two cracked... ribs. Need painkillers."

"O-Oh...! Um..."

"Ears..." My knees also kind of ached from landing on them several times, but even that was distant. For the moment, my brain helpfully pointed out. "Knees. Nausea. Stripped. Mindr-" No! I cut myself off right there, swallowing everything threatening to burst forth.

Small twitches traversed her brow and jaw. Eventually she lowered her head, ears perked and looking me right in the eyes. "We will help as best we can," she enunciated carefully as a sweep of one leg indicated the two who had come in with her.

It wasn't that I didn't trust them, but I totally didn't. I glared back, careful to not look her directly in the eyes.

"Prove it."

I'd snapped at them! Shit! My wide eyes went to Commander Pony, whose scowl kept taking new forms, and then the gryphon, who spent its time eyeballing me like a side dish. But White Mare took it right in stride, the tip of her braided mane bobbing along with her head before she looked over to Commander Pony.

"...really necessary? ...enough to work... ...making things worse."

Worse? What was worse?!

Oblivious to my internal question, Commander Pony just shook his head lightly. "...dangerous prisoner, even if the-"

"Not dangerous," I mumbled. In English. All it did was garner me some confused looks.

White Mare spoke up again after a moment, tone suggesting that she wasn't making a suggestion. "Look, Enlathent..."

Enlathent? His name, maybe?

White Mare was facing me again, looking expectant. What had I missed?

"What is your name?"

I couldn't imagine how telling her that might come back to bite me. "Alex."

She tested it out for herself. "Al-ecks?"

"Alex."

Twilight's entire attention was on her tablet as she scribbled away, her brow creased and muzzle scrunched. She looked... confused?

"Nice to meet you, Alex. I am Arissa Derinetth."

I held my peace and just watched her, though I couldn't meet her eyes. Y'know, unicorn with magic... and having just looked right up under her tail.

Still, she seemed to smile beneath her mask, and afterward she turned back to the commander. "Enlathent, if he... ...say he's terrified. Do we... ...guard here? ...easier and more cooperative... ...so threatened." She unsubtly tilted her head toward the gryphon. "She seems to be a large source."

That gryphon was female?

"Its comfort is a lesser..." Enlathent's scowl switched from 'I'm generally unhappy' to 'I'm allowing this compromise against my wishes' at Arissa's bristling and hardened stance. "Fine. ...is wrong, so it-"

"Enlathent, if his... ...I'd say he's terrified. My professional opinion... ...be allowed some quiet time alone to... ...may cause him uncontrolled outbursts that may harm himself or others."

Now Commander Pony had an 'I'm chewing glass shards' style scowl. "He has been awarded some leeway." A swing of his head sent the gryphon off.

I couldn't tell if the gryphon was bothered at all by this so, just to make sure I was safe, I kept eyes on her until she took an open position against one of the walls. Unlike the new ponies, but similar to many of the other guards, as I was now noticing, the gryphon had some kind of short skirt-thingy hanging from under the armor over her back going from somewhere under her folded wings, along her flanks, and then over her haunches. So even though her tail drifted sinuously with each step, she stayed covered and decent.

Strangely enough, one of the unicorns and an earth pony from my keepers joined her. At the same time another group of three - this one with a pegasus in place of a gryphon - crossed the open area and took up the vacated positions. Hadn't Arissa only asked for the gryphon to-?

Arissa broke the moment with an incline of her head to the new arrivals, "Thank you, everypony." Not a single one acknowledged her, though Twilight nodded along without looking up. "So," she came back to me, "how about we get you cleaned up and situated?"

I just watched her with my breath caught in the back of my throat. Could I trust her? Nope. But... it didn't matter; I was going to end up doing whatever they wanted whether I did or not. Going along was just less painful in the long run.

Not that I liked the idea of moving. That meant going somewhere else. I knew this spot and these surroundings. Who knew what I might find somewhere else? Not me!

Foolish? Maybe.

Getting up also meant being blatantly naked in front of everyone again, and when I considered the stability of my stomach it happily returned a reply of 'no comment.' At least that was kind of an improvement.

Arissa's mask crinkled with the impression of a smile and she went all sing-song. "You will feel better." Though the smile was quick to depart. "I need to ask you some very important questions first - some basic things so I can get at least some idea of where I'm starting. Is that alright with you?"

Why did she keep making this sound like an option? Just tell me to move if that's what you're going to do anyway! But fine, if they wanted to play this game…

"Okay...?"

"I... What was that?"

Right, I'd said that in English. I just nodded instead.

"Good. I'm assuming since nopony seems overly worried that you've already received some treatment for your injuries."

I nodded, distress welling up from my stomach again. "P-painkillers. C-cannot cast. Will heal." And they were back on Earth!

"I... will see what we can do." She sounded about as skeptical as she looked.

Twilight interrupted with a nervous cough. "Actually, doctor, we were hoping you might be able to help with that."

Arissa's gaze bored unabated into Twilight. "Yeah, sure, while we're on the topic of things nopony is qualified for..." She looked up at me again and held up a piece of paper through which I caught the impression of small, neat strings of writing. "So, first and most basic, is there anything, if anything, that you require in the immediate future - like the next, well, right now - that you may not be getting but require to remain alive?"

What? I said as much.

She quirked an eyebrow over her shoulder at Twilight. "Well, the main thing for ponies would be air, I suppose. Things like that."

Hah. "The a-air is a bit... dry, but I... am breathing fine." Just so long as my side start acting up again.

"Fascinating...," Twilight murmured in the background, scribbling some more.

Arissa shook her head and dropped the paper, kicking it to one side with a hind hoof. "Is there anything else that we should be aware of that would be, or is, soon to be necessary or harmful? Harmonic flows, humidity, um... air pressure, emotional or moral ambience, or anything else?"

I still couldn't quite figure out what she was getting at! "I... don't understand. Things are fine! I am not going... to just up and die... unless you..." My throat clenched and I couldn't say it.

She snorted! I flinched.

"We are not going to harm you," she stated with conviction. Commander Pony seemed less convinced. "...us know the instant something else might threaten your wellbeing, okay?"

Sheets of paper, or something, rustled nearby as I bit back a sarcastic comment about 'undue stress' and nodded again.

"Next: other than what you already mentioned, are you injured that you can tell? And do you think you are able to move on your own?"

"I am fine," I said softly. A bald-faced lie in some senses, but it answered her first question. I didn't think she cared much about the bandaged nicks and scrapes down the back of me.

Twilight nodded along in the background, her attention firmly on her tablet-thing. "Do you think you may be able to help if he should become injured?"

That got a raised eyebrow from Arissa. "I can physically keep... ...but that's about it."

"I couldn't actually ask for more. I know that this..." She carried on faster than I could follow. Something about being hard to Arissa, though I know I missed a lot.

Arissa waved a hoof at her dismissively. "You were right though."

Twilight blinked as her head cocked, mouth opening. Arissa was already ignoring her in favor of me though.

"Alright then, up!" She said it with a light tone and hint of a smile. "Let's get this trotting."

Well... alright then. As nice as she seemed, her straightforwardness left me hesitant and made getting to my feet an even more ungainly affair. After all, keeping full three hundred sixty degree coverage just wasn't going to happen. I could cover my front - poorly - or my butt less so, or both almost not at all. Any attempt would almost be more uncomfortable than none at all just from the contortions I'd have to try. My stomach wasn't happy about the change and I tried to stand casually while ignoring it and the faint twinge my back had given.

"Good," said Arissa, her eyes working me over. "Is this a normal and comfortable stance for your species?"

Nod. "Human," I spat.

"Human?"

Another nod. Duh! I'd just said that!

Twilight cleared her throat, intently watching her stylus as it worked over her device. "What are you doing now, doctor?"

"Getting an impression. Nothing like directionless observation to learn how a species does things for itself." Her eyes met mine. "You don't need to worry. I'm a medical professional and I'll treat you as well as I do my own foals." Her ears waggled. "Better even! They don't get to decide where I stick the thermometer."

Shock alone kept me still as she started making a circuit around me. Well, more still than I'd been. After all I'd been through, and with how I'd been treated, this pony was cracking jokes? There was something very off here and I couldn't tell what. I didn't trust her. But I kind of wanted to; she seemed nice.

My eyes locked right back onto her when she came around my other side. A sharp flick of her tail off to one side momentarily tugged at my eyes. She gave a slight nod.

"Just stay relaxed. Well, as best you can; I understand this isn't much fun for you." She turned and made another circuit in the other direction.

"What do you think?" Twilight cut in as Arissa came around.

The doctor rolled her eyes. "I don't know."

"Wha-?"

"His reactions don't seem physically distressed but... ...indicator. I'm operating on... ...hiding it to not appear weak." She shrugged. "Realistically, I need a lot more observation."

"What do you know?"

Arissa cocked her head and blinked incredulously. "Nothing! Now can we get moving? My best guess... ...from this situation... ...help, right?"

Ugh! Couldn't they just speak slower? At least until I was used to dealing with impossible situations. I wasn't catching enough to really understand what was going on here, especially because of that fucking ringing!

Twilight nodded - not to me - and spent some time conferring softly with Commander Pony while Arissa and her assistants kept watch over me. Three groups of pony guards were picked out - one for in front of me and one for behind, while the third played doorpony - and unsteady steps took me back to where I'd come from.

Except for the soft 'thunks' of many hooves filling the air, everyone was quiet, which was fine with me. Surrounded by armed aliens, having notes taken about my every move, and with fictional characters popping up all over the place, I didn't feel like talking to anyone. Or moving. Or existing…

Small motions in the air revealed the gems still tagging along and doing... whatever they were doing. It was just another reminder that this place was fundamentally off. And, yup, beyond them and behind my cadre of guards were the doctor's helpers and a small crowd of Twilight's... Associates? Peons? I didn't know, but there were far too many of them.

As soon as the front guards passed through the final sets of doors, they made a left turn away from the cells and through the double doors on that side.

This wasn't...! "What-?" Equestrian, Alex!

Oh, right. Showers. I wasn't going to have to put up with being caked in dried blood. Like the doctor had said, it was just an open shower room. Maybe she was alright.

The box-like space was tiled in white and pale blue, with sections of thigh-high walls marking out paired rows of stall-like areas overhung with showerheads on the end of accordion-like feed lines. Another set of double doors were in the far wall and mirroring the ones we had entered through. Nobody else was in it but it was big enough to hold a sizeable crowd. Like most everywhere else so far, it felt like I needed to duck to walk around safely.

"It is just... water, right?" Another stupid thought, sure, but-

"Um, yes," said Arissa while one eyebrow rose up her forehead.

Twilight jumped in, "Why...? Oh! Is water a problem?"

What? "No," I snapped.

The two mares exchanged a very confused glance. The good doctor was the first to break the atmosphere. "This is what I'm... ...and likely unnecessary aggression responses... ...levels of distress."

"Right," Twilight nodded.

She stepped around into the first alcove ahead of me, giving a quick demonstration. Apparently the water was controlled at the head of the room and the... inmates only got to turn on the head. Projecting from the side was a plate that controlled the flow of water when twisted. Ponies probably had to rear up onto the median between stalls in order to 'stick' a hoof to the plate, but for me, being taller, the head was laughably easy to reach and, thankfully, my fingers were long enough to grasp around the plate's edges.

The water... could have been warmer. The ponies around me? They could have gotten lost. The best I could do was keep my eyes down so I couldn't see them as well. Twilight, in particular, had some hungry eyes while recording everything I did.

A piece of meat was all I was…

Then they handed me a towel. Clothes! Almost. It was just a towel and did very little. But it was something!

"Good, good," the doctor interrupted. "Feeling any better?"

I stared at the doctor for a moment before moving my head side to side once.

She frowned. "Sorry to hear it." Her frown disappeared and she took a step to the side while giving me a thorough visual going-over.

I totally didn't inch away.

"I need you to do one thing for me before we all head to your room."

I just waited, not comfortable with giving any kind of response.

Her frown returned. "I understand. This is simple though. I just need you to walk around the room once."

Everyone blinked at her.

"Yes, just once around. I need to see how you're moving if I'm going to be able to help. This is for your benefit."

She looked about ready to tut at me. I'd never been tutted before-

"I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to do so without the towel covering you though. I need to be able to clearly see you if I am to have of telling whether you're favoring anything."

Well, at least she spoke clearly and gently. It almost sounded like it wasn't an order. Still, my fingers wouldn't immediately move. Obeying her meant letting go of the one source of security in this entire world.

That... was a terrifying thought; that this towel was literally all I had.

With shaky feet and a bit unsteady balance I managed to pass the towel off to her magic, giving everyone present another good, long look at my pathetically dangling manhood and bare ass. Just a little more of this. I really hoped. My masochistic part pointed out I still wouldn't do much - or be able to - if I was wrong.

The guards chose that ominous moment to spread around the area and block both doors. Yeah, I knew what that meant. I was going nowhere.

Once I started, because everyone was watching, I couldn't stop thinking about what I was doing. And like any simple thing that required no thought, doing so made it difficult. By the time I completed the circuit. every step felt distinctly off. I had surely messed up walking!

I came back around to the doctor, my skin burning as I let her get a eyeful. Don't comment on it. Don't comment on it. Don't…

With pursed lips she gave me one last once over. A glance toward her assistants and got one shrug back. The other mare was apparently still too distracted by me.

Why was I cold again?!

Steady took a surprised step back as I wrapped the towel around me almost before she let it back into my care. Mine!

"You're very possessive, aren't you?"

Stupid pony. "Nudity taboo," I fired back.

"Oh? Oh!" Maybe she was finally getting it! "Let's get you back to your room-" jail cell! "-then. I'm sure we can come up with something more comfortable for you there. Right, Enlathent?"

His head inclined almost imperceptibly. Twilight closed her mouth and turned, leaning her head close to one of the non-guards who had been following along.

As we all began moving she dropped back to Arissa who was just behind me. "Do... Do you have any opinion now, doctor?"

"Well, sure, Lady Naois. It's completely inadequate given... ...naturally so I doubt any major injury. Except for the minor... ...his back, his exterior is lacking... ...notable. He seems to be in acceptable physical condition to the untrained eye."

Thanks doc. I huddled deeper into my towel. My towel. Even the six guards couldn't take this towel from me!

Unless they started swinging around those weapons…

We went right across the hall into the first cell, not the... fourth, had it been? The reason was obvious; another small crowd of ponies was in and around the cell I'd been dropped into by Celestia. I didn't know what they were up to, but the ones not staring at me looked industrious.

"So, we'll be keeping you here for the time being," Twilight said softly a little ways to my right as I stood staring aimlessly at the back of the cell. "It's the safest and best option."

And the easiest to keep an eye on me!

I looked down at her, not quite meeting her eyes and giving no immediate answer. The idea that they might not leave me alone until I acknowledged her - if ever - eventually convinced me to nod. This is what they wanted and I had to keep cooperating.

The top blanket on the bed pulled itself free under the command of pale gold backlighting and floated itself to me. I hesitated before grabbing at the strange halo, snatching the blanket away and draping it's longer length around me before letting the towel drop. It's funny how much something so simple, and yet so incomplete, could still be so comforting. Maybe not the entire world was out to get me.

Twilight had begun talking at some point. "...and the easiest to make sure you're well. And that's the other reason I wanted... no, needed to talk to you. We've never before had an opp-"

Arissa grunted, her eyes narrowed at the violet mare.

"You're right; not important. But this is a new situation to us and despite-"

"I think what the good Lady is saying," Arissa cut in, stepping closer like she was shouldering Twilight out of the way, "is that we are taking your health very seriously. And to that end," she gave Twilight another withering glance, "we're going to leave you alone for a little bit while we sort some things out. We'll be right around the corner though, so just let us know if you need anything. And, for your sake, please, please, help us help you with every health concern you might have."

If I had-

"Doctor," said Twilight with a level look. "I have several things that can not wait." A piece of paper floated over to Arissa. It might have been the same one the doctor had discarded earlier.

Great, more crap to do. Why can't these ponies just leave me alone already? Isn't that what the doctor-?

Arissa's murmuring put a cap on my rising anger before I could do it myself.

"Alright. Some of these are good."

"Great! If you will-"

Arissa didn't seem to hear. "Alex, what do you consume for sustenance?"

Oh, shit... I hadn't had a chance to broach this subject with Etherea to gauge her reaction! I didn't want to starve, so all I could do was roll the dice and hope to God that the time-honored unanswered debate among Bronies about ponies and meat happened to be in my favor.

And then there was the word 'omnivorous' not translating the way I expected even after I broke it down into English. I wasn't really an omnivore according to Equestria…

"Some plants..." I cringed, eyes darting around as I took a step back and away from the two mares. "...and meat."

Arissa didn't bat an eye. "Can you be more specific?"

Twilight also just nodded without pausing in her scribbling. A couple of the guards twitched though.

Right. Sure. I guess I should be happy that turned out well. "Um... leafy greens like lettuce. Fruits like apples," I almost slapped myself for the bad cliché. "Vegetables like carrots. No grass. Flowers? I do not know."

"And for meats?"

Don't say cow, don't say cow, don't say... They might be intelligent here! "Ummmm... chicken, rabbit-" How about something not in Fluttershy's care? Wait, did she even have a little animal haven in this Equestria?

"Turkey. Things like that." I clamped my mouth shut and made a show of looking away.

"Good. We can help with that. It will be a learning process though."

Twilight said something too soft for my damaged ears to catch, her mouth twisted into a small frown.

"I had noticed," replied Arissa.

What?

Then Twilight spoke up. "Did...? Did the Princess have any difficulties eating or drinking while, um...?"

Don't worry, I got that message loud and clear.

"No." Wait... "We use more... salt than you." Was that important?

"Good to know, actually," Arissa flicked her muzzle at Twilight, one ear flopping over momentarily. Twilight nodded back and kept writing.

"Are you hungry now? And how often do you eat?"

"No. Three times a day." Looking around the cell, there was naturally very little way to hide. I wanted somewhere 'away' to be but the only meager privacy was offered by the tiny partition between bed and toilet.

"Please let us know when you're hungry then."

"Okay." Was this almost over yet?! All this Equestrian was giving me a headache. Wait, was that important? It wasn't like it was an actual headache though; I just really, really wanted a break.

"Good. And is there anything else that you are in immediate need of? Drink? Material? Harmonic? Emotional? Or something else that hasn't been mentioned?"

I blinked and looked down at her as I largely failed to parse that one. The answer was just so fucking obvious.

"To go home."

As if my desire to hit something wasn't already strong enough, someone in the hallway snorted.

Twilight's voice remained strictly level even as she directed a narrow-eyed glare backwards. "I am afraid that is not possible at this time."

Of course it wasn't. Who knew how long they'd keep me, or how long it would take for them to talk to Etherea. But at least once they did, she would set them straight. Wouldn't she? The idea that she might not, and thereby leave me to face this on my own, should have been ridiculous, but I couldn't shake the fear that it wasn't.

"Final question, Alex. Will more of your kind be showing up the way you did?"

That got Twilight's ears to somehow stand more at attention than they already had been - such stiffness couldn't have been comfortable. I almost felt like laughing just to throw the ludicrousness in their faces.

"N-No. We can not get... here. Nopony knows where... you are. Even me." I double-checked that everything sounded right in my head - even though I'd been handed the ability, thinking Equestrian was fucking hard.

Her eyes went distant despite looking right at me and her nose scrunched. The strange look was completed by her slightly open mouth, like she was contemplating something she shouldn't. A little shake brought her out of it. "There you... ...immediately important ones."

Twilight opened her mouth and raised her head.

"You just relax now, Alex. I need to have a discussion with Velroa. Like I said, we'll be around if you need help with anything. Oh, and let me know the moment you need any sort of assistance with your ribs."

I didn't feel like trusting her, but she was so earnest. She'd acted it too and had finally gotten everyone to leave me to my own devices. So... I guess she wasn't that bad.

The short divider between the toilet and bed proved to be adequate protection against the rest of the world, and I was left with only my thoughts, the fuzzy ringing in my ears - it was definitely softer now! - and the guards outside the cell. Oh, and those gems that continued to hover-

Don't think about it; they weren't hurting me.

I curled up in the corner with only a slight twinge from my back.

That wasn't good. How long until it was unbearable again? I didn't want to think about that either.

Or where I was.

Or all the teleporting.

Or the ponies with their... 'fingers' in my head.

Or the dragons, gryphons, and worse monsters that lurked around here.

Or how I was utterly alone and had no idea how I could survive this.

Or how little I might have to go home to.

Or having been shot at.

Or, or, or…

I didn't cry - I was too proud to - but my eyes wouldn't stop watering. At least the tiled walls and floor were just and only that. They were blessedly normal and I clung tenaciously to that as my life raft.

Etherea, please get well soon!

[12 - part 1] Square One

Author's Note

(This is going to be so weird to see at the top of the chapter.)

First off, my editors!
The incomparable Seven Fates
The inimitable m1ntf4n

Thank them for the amazing work they do in making this story the best it can be! I certainly do.

Second, this is just the first part (duh!). And no worries, the second part is just undergoing a last minute look-over, but is essentially ready to post. I figure it'll only be a couple of days before you have more pony!

Honestly, it was M1nty - do you mind if I call you that? - who pushed for this being two chapters. It was a tough decision because though there's a break, the two parts really flow together, and they cover a single particular plot arc. However, there is still a slight division that could work, so... I'm not leaving you on a cliffhanger this time.

Lastly, I've updated the Equestrian Language Listing I've also made some formatting changes, like gotten rid of the divisions based on word type, and also alphabetized the main section by the Equestrian word. I figured that would be most convenient for those who want to translate things as they go (or just in general).

I'll be doing more once part 2 is posted, like updating the Glossary. Don't want to be dropping any obvious spoilers, y'know.

Now with bonus art! (which actually comes from chapter 7, part 1) 'Cause who doesn't love more Etherea?

The Blog With The Art.

"Don't forget how even in distress, mind is constantly looking for purchase on overwhelming emotions to dampen them. Even things like examining tiny, pointless details in the surroundings - like the track for the door blinds (or writing this note) - provides surprisingly effective temporary distraction."

A note to self, written an hour after my cat's death, to remember the impacts of extreme emotion for use in this story.

[12 - part 1] Square One

Ponies, ponies everywhere, and not a human to see.

I don't know from where my mind conjured the stupid little ditty, but it repeated ceaselessly, keeping my thoughts unfocused. Perhaps it was better that way. After all, here I was, lost in ponyland, wallowing alone and surrounded by...

Well, not all of them were hostile.

They say misery loves company; between myself, my thoughts, and the cheeks I'd shamefully scrubbed dry, I had more than enough to pass around. The mass of it gnawed at me, bringing a feeling of being balanced on a razor's edge. On one side was a pit that contained every dismal, endlessly-repeated thought; on the other was something amorphous and frighteningly unpleasant. Woe unto whoever sent me off that way.

So, I guess repeating the rhyme over and over was kind of my way of coping. Jittery and bone-weary, I kept going back to whatever helped prevent me from thinking too much: counting tiles, picking at the blanket's edges, tracing patterns on the grout lines...

They had grout here too; imagine that.

Focusing on the tiny, pointless details was certainly better than the alternative. After all, my life continued to downward spiral; with all this free time to sit and think, I’d realized that I was going to be blind in a few hours. Yay, me! Sure, I’d found that ponies had words for things like contact lenses, and solution, and cases, and… Well, you get the picture. But the cold reality? Was any of it even safe for me? Like, I didn’t know what was in contact solution, so I couldn’t help them figure it out! The hell if I was putting some mystery substance in my eyes!

I didn’t want to think about it. Nope! But my eyes were already a little dry from... well, let’s just fucking call it what it was; light crying. And dry eyes were just a taste of what I’d face. So whether I liked it or not, I had to deal with it sooner or later. Maybe it’ll all work out! Somehow...

So, yeah, thinking about something else. That was better than-

Stop it! Focus! Or don’t. At least not on how miserable things were.

Like… how about this thing that kept tickling my sinuses? It was like the idea of a smell, fading in and out as my attention shifted, toying with me and preventing me from pinning anything down. Still, I was pretty sure there was something dull and fibrous in the air; something instinctively animal to me. Ponies. In this confined space I bet I could literally smell them.

I didn’t want to think about that either. So, well... At least the tiles around me were cool and pleasantly normal.

Wait, how long had I been here, curled up between the toilet and the little wall that hid it from the rest of the cell? Minutes seemed like hours. Or maybe it was hours flashing by in minutes. How could I know? I couldn't because outside of the occasional disturbance in the air or floor, this place was incredibly still.

Was I underground? Despite the lit, frosted window, this place felt like a bunker. Or a weirdly well-lit cave.

The stillness wasn’t unbroken though. There was a faint ambience of people in quiet activity - little murmurs, soft shuffles, things being moved about, and the like - making sure I knew I wasn’t alone. It had to be a substantial bustle to penetrate my wounded ears. In fact, if I paid close attention, I could almost make out specific voices.

No, I could! I immediately recognized the first, which was calm but carried a slight bite. The other was no less familiar, yet still wrong to my mind. Twilight Sparkle - the real one - and Doctor Pony had to be really clo-

Doctor Pony’s voice suddenly powered through. "Alex?"

Wait. What was her name again?

I shuddered, still hoping beyond hope that they would just go away and leave me in peace. It wasn’t like I could force her to though, so I knew it wouldn't work out that way. And… I really needed to talk to them.

"Alex?" More Equestrian followed.

Now I had to pay attention! Damnit! Okay, okay, I could do this! Think! Equestrian, Equestrian... Equosar.

Taking a deep breath and trying to work some moisture back into my mouth, I gathered up my courage and stretched my neck so I could peer over the short divider. Sure enough, the two of them were side by side, halfway across the cell, their alien eyes already locked on me above muzzles covered by medical masks. Doctor Pony's ears were up and her stance was stiff, while Twilight, on the other hand, had one hoof cautiously lifted but her ears pulled back.

Beyond them, barricading the opening and facing us were three more ponies - a unicorn, a pegasus, and an earth pony - swathed from ears to hooves in articulated gold and silver. They were rigid and still, but every face was pointed at me with barely-restrained interest. Worse, another set of matching guards stood against the hall's far wall.

Eight ponies against one me. My skin went cold; they weren't taking any chances. The whole setup screamed at me to just hunker down again. I was safer if they couldn't see me!

Doctor Pony said something just a little too softly for me to hear.

"What?" Think in pony, Alex! "Danta?"

Doctor Pony spoke first, gently. "Lady Naois would like... ...apparently very important."

That prompted a sidelong look from Twilight. Something, something, "...happened earlier," she said.

Speak up, woman! As if it wasn't hard enough using... whatever it was that Luna had shoved into my brain!

Oh, God-!

Don't think about it!

My hesitation apparently wasn't good enough for Twilight, because she lowered her head, looking me right in the eyes. "I... ...exactly what happened." She paused, one ear flicking. "...make sure nopony is... ...further danger from..."

I think she smiled behind her mask, but her tense lines and shifting hooves ruined the whole look. If I was interpreting this correctly, she wanted to know what I'd done - probably concerning Etherea. But I didn’t - couldn’t - trust her. She was Etherea’s aunt; give the wrong answer, take magic to the face!

"...if you need anything," Doctor Pony was saying, giving me a piercing look, "give me a signal. ...wave an arm. I'll be right outside."

I didn't like this at all! Wasn't the doctor here to help me?

"Veh."

Both of them did similar twitches, ears pricking. My breath hitched.

"What?"

"Why?"

I'd already opened my mouth; backing out now would just be worse. "She stays... or-or nothing." Unwilling to expose myself further, I pointed to Doctor Pony with the only thing I had: my nose.

Twilight opened and closed her mouth a couple of times while the gears behind her eyes ground together.

"You're not... ...ordering him to not... ...are you?" Doctor Pony's face was neutral, but something about her tone was blatantly amused.

Twilight deflated, her head lowering a fraction further, and she said something too quietly for me to hear. In turn, Doctor Pony leaned closer to Twilight, bopping her right on the breast while replying with something that made Twilight roll her eyes. It must have been the right thing because Twilight did perk up a bit.

In fact, she straightened, standing tall, and turned face to face with Doctor Pony - Arissa was her name! - lifting her nose almost imperiously. Despite their similar heights, she did her best to look down her muzzle as she laid out something official-sounding. The princesses - crowns - were consenting to Arissa being present, or some such. Twilight didn't seem to be threatening the doctor, but tagging along as I was, I only picked up bits and pieces.

Arissa chirped something, making Twilight sigh. But the doctor then bowed her head, bent a knee, and intoned a few words that seemed to satisfy the other unicorn.

"Yes... ...as you understand," said Twilight, shifting her hooves in apparent discomfort.

Arissa straightened up, nodding, and the two looked at each other for a second. Their little moment broke when the doctor inclined her head toward me and turned, ears dropping slightly to the sides as she submissively lowered her head.

"Alex, may we approach?" she asked clearly.

Could I really stop them? The answer was plain as day, but since they apparently wanted me to play along, I nodded, angling my head to a point in front of me. That didn't help my confusion though; if this was really so important, why give me a chance to refuse? Was I being toyed with? I couldn’t imagine why, but the fear remained.

Arissa bobbed her head and began taking measured steps closer. At the same time, as one, the nearest three guards took a step back with smart claps of armored hooves. So neat and quick. If they really wanted to hurt me, I wouldn't have time to react! Fuck me...

The two mares swung wide, going well out around the wall, Twilight trailing along around Arissa’s far side. They stopped in full view of my hiding spot - mine! - with maybe a good fifteen feet of open floor between us. Arissa immediately lay belly-down, and with some gentle coaxing got Twilight to join her.

My heart picked up, chasing itself around my chest. I know I’d let them do this, but now I was stuck in a small corner with two ponies blocking my only way out! Ponies who the guards would wouldn’t hesitate to leap across the room to protect. I… I was fine. I had to be.

"Alex," Arissa spoke clearly, keeping her muzzle angled low, "how are you doing?"

How do you fucking think?!

The surge of anger took me a moment to wrangle into submission; lashing out couldn’t - wouldn’t - do any good.

When I didn't immediately reply, she spoke again, still very careful with her words. "I know you feel all alone here, but you are not."

Really? Because I see only one human!

"Your well-being is my primary concern, above and beyond anything else, so if nopony else is, I am on your side.” She glanced at the other pony in the room. “Yes, even if that places me at odds with Lady Naois."

She looked dead serious. Twilight even gave her a surprised look, reinforcing Arissa’s second point and effectively killing my thoughts on the first.

"So, how are you doing?"

Alright. Here goes. It needs to be said! “Not good.”

In tandem, both ponies gushed dual messages of help and support. Or, that’s what I thought I caught from it. Too bad none of it really mattered. I just had to say a bit more. Just one eentsy, little confession of helplessness! You can do this! “I…” No, don’t stop! “My vision is… bad, and I use… use c-contacts to… t-t-to fix it.”

Arissa slowly and deliberately straightened her withers, lifting her head and exchanging a look with Twilight. I could see the thoughts clashing behind both of their uncertain expressions.

Finally, Twilight spoke. “Doctor?”

“A moment,” she ordered, continuing to stare at me. Or past me. It was hard to tell. “Alex. Give me a rundown on what’s going on here, and what you need. I need to know that we’re on the same cloud.”

I knuckled down, trying to hold my gaze steady. “I use lenses in my… eyes to fix vision. I have to take… them out to sleep… or it might… d-damage eyes. Need… need sol-solution to clean… and keep wet. And a… place to keep.” I released the remainder of my breath loudly.

Arissa pursed her lips and thought for far too short of a time. “Alright. Alright. So first, and just be absolutely clear, you have none of this on you.”

I shook my head.

“We’ll run some tests then.” Her horn lit and a narrow, stoppered tube wrenched itself free of Twilight’s saddlebags before proffering itself to me. “I’ll need a sample of your tears. Would you be able to provide one?”

Staring back, I managed to keep all my snide internal.

“And glass is safe for you to handle?”

Grunting another affirmative, I grabbed the thing. It behaved just like a stoppered tube - wonder of wonders! - and with a swipe of a finger that trembled only a little, a couple tears proved easy to come by. So what if it wasn’t the cleanest sample? I could hardly be more emasculated and I really needed these contacts to work.

With the tube in her halo and another quick goodbye - and stern look to Twilight - Arissa was gone, just like the last time. Well, mostly gone. When her voice didn’t go that far I risked another peek, finding her rump still visible just past the outside corner to the hallway. That her conversation with a couple someones was occurring there confirmed that, yes, quite a few other ponies had to be just out of sight. Which meant my odds were even worse…

Looking around revealed that there still weren’t any one-way mirrors that could spy on me, but y’know, pony magic…

Which just left Twilight, star of My Little Pony and interdimensional celebrity, even if she didn’t know it. Please don’t say a thing, please don’t say a thing, please… She must have felt the vibes I was giving - or just understood the sullen stare I was directing at the wall past her left shoulder - because she didn’t speak. I kind of wanted her to try something though, just so I would have an excuse to jump down her throat.

Which, as fantasies go, was a pointless waste of my latent anger.

“Alright, Alex-”

Thank God, Arissa’s back!

“...the best ponies looking into how compatible what we have is to you. I’ll be honest-”

My heart lurched!

“-but we may need more samples for an accurate analysis. How impaired would your vision be if we needed one contact to test?”

Oh… “Not fun, but… manageable.”

“Better than nothing?”

For a loose definition of ‘better.’

“How long can your contacts go outside your eyes without proper treatment?”

“I…” How do I even answer that? “I never tested. Not long.”

She nodded like she’d been expecting that. “We have some time though, right?”

Feeling like a broken record, I nodded right back.

“Good. Don’t worry, Alex, we’ll work this out.” She plopped back down in her old position with a loud whump. “Is there anything else that I need to be immediately aware of?”

Well, there was this tiny issue where my cracked ribs let me know their displeasure every time I so much as shifted. But it only hurt a little, and I didn’t feel like moving…

But the meds wouldn’t last forever.

Taking another supportive breath, I spoke up again, “Going to need… something for my back soon.”

The unicorns shared a glance.

Arissa angled her head to give me an appraising look with one eye. “We have something in the works. Should we skip to that now?”

I could handle it for now! “Soon.”

She nodded slowly. Yeah, I probably wouldn’t have convinced me either.

“Alright. We have more to go over then, but in the meantime Lady Naois has something she really wants to bug you about.” She turned a masked smile on Twilight. "So, Lady Naois, what’s going on?"

After a shoulder-rolling sigh, Twilight brought an intense stare to bear on me, reminding me exactly why I was so on edge. Twilight was Etherea's blood relation - and probably really close with her - and this was an interrogation. No doubt about it.

"Eth- Princess Etherea is in the hospital-"

Arissa's head snapped up. "What? How?" Oh..." Her wide eyes drifted back to me.

Yes, I know. My fault. All of this is! I pulled the blanket tighter, my stomach coiling about itself.

"Yes, the... ...that lead to... ...Alex here," Twilight spoke almost faster than I could follow, looking away for a moment. "We still don't... ...happened."

"Is she alright?"

"Doctor Lethna assured me that her... ...her life, but..." She rolled her withers, her coat twitching. "I don't... ...details."

Arissa's expression softened, ears drooping, and she leaned into Twilight, stroking the side of the other mare's cheek with her muzzle. Whatever she said had Twilight bobbing her head in appreciation, but when she pulled away she looked uncertain - truly so - for the first time. Which naturally lead to a quick glance toward me.

What had the doctor said? Wasn’t she supposed to be on my side here? Well, here I was in this corner, alone, while Twilight had been comforted in a heartbeat. Alien versus fellow pony. Yeah, I could see the difference in Arissa’s very eyes...

Arissa was watching me closely. "Lady Naois, what do you know of her condition?"

"I don't think that this is the best time to get side-tracked, we really need Alex-" Twilight's voice caught when the doctor nudged her with a hoof, but the doctor's nose-bob redirected her to me.

"I think he would like to know."

I... Huh? Or the doctor could be cool. Now I wasn't sure what to think of her.

While I batted my conflicting views around, Twilight appraised me as though seeing something new and interesting, her ears flicking.

"You would?"

Yes! I gave another nod in lieu of speaking.

"Why?"

Twilight's tone hadn't carried any obvious malice but I could feel the hairs of my neck stand up. Even Arissa's eyes narrowed a bit, though she cocked her head at me for some reason.

Biting back a venomous retort, I took a second to unclench my hands. "She is my... friend," I managed to croak.

Twilight recoiled and blinked, clearly not having expected that. She seemed to test the idea in her head before she tentatively ventured a question. "When you say..." A vigorous head shake ended her thought. "No... ..ask... ...that later. Right now I really... ...important... ...related to Etherea's state. I-we would like you-"

Y’know what I wasn’t hearing despite Arissa’s efforts? How Etherea was actually doing! The repeated stymieing was quickly focusing all my upset on Twilight, and nothing would have satisfied me more than letting loose right in her face!

A forceful nudge from Arissa brought Twilight to a standstill, but it was me she addressed. "Lady Naois, I really think he would like to know how your niece is doing."

Twilight's head whipped around. "Doctor, you-!"

"Yes," I hissed at the same time.

"Hah!" Arissa's exclamation made both of us freeze, her smile clearly visible despite the mask. She shrank back just as quickly, reigning herself in. "Sorry."

What the hell was going on now?!

The doctor's intent gaze didn’t waver. "Alex, did you know that Lady Naois and Princess Etherea were related?"

"I..." My brain finally caught up with my mouth. Well, fuck. "Yes."

"And who told you?"

Oh, I see where this is going, if not why.

"Etherea did."

"See?" Arissa finally turned her blue eyes on Twilight. "They didn't just meet; they talked."

Twilight's wide eyes bored into me, her face full of wonder. "So - okay - that... ...things but prompts so... ...wait... ...can come later." She shook her neck out like she was rearranging her thoughts. "Sorry, sorry. According to Doctor Lethna, she... ...assured that even-”

"Lady Naois, I don’t think Alex quite follows when you talk so fast."

Yeah, it's not like I'm a princess who may have had years of practice doing this translation stuff on the fly.

"Oh! You’ve been..." She sort of wriggled in place, shaking her head again. "Pr- I mean, Etherea is stable. The doctor said that she has a moderate case of Riesseyact, but with proper care - which she’s getting now - neither it nor the wound in her leg are life-threatening."

Was the other thing the thing with her nose? I had to know! "R-re...? Ree-eh...? Resya...?" Words that don't translate are fucking bitches!

Arissa cocked her head as she peered at me. "Riesseyact?"

"It might not translate," said Twilight. "That's the... ...such limited spells."

I was mid-nod when the Arissa jumped in again. "Riesseyact is what happens when a unicorn or alicorn channels too much Harmony, or too quickly, or both, and injures her horn and associated structures. It can be quite serious, but it sounds like-" she stole a look at Twilight, "-Princess Etherea will be well again soon."

Arissa sounded so certain, and I wanted to believe her, but I'd also seen Etherea after... teleporting to-

I'd telepor-!

Also not important now!

Twilight was quick to nod, but her ears dipped. "Riesseyact is never good, but her case apparently isn’t too severe. She should be back on her hooves soon. But that leads me back to why I- we're here right now. We need to know everything you can tell us about Etherea's injuries. And, um, if you are truthful and cooperative I guarantee that it will reflect well on you."

Oh... Of course. I shuddered and scrunched my eyes for a moment as the images came flooding-

Etherea's whole body shuddering as she screamed.

"She was shot."

Twilight narrowed her eyes, "Shot? What do you mean by that?" At some point a pad of paper had appeared on the floor between her forelegs.

"She was injured by..." Equestria didn't have a word for it. "Personal weapon. Uses explosive charge... to shoot... a small metal projectile... at high speed."

"That's what caused her leg injury?"

Yet another nod from me.

Twilight was scribbling frenetically on her pad when she next spoke, "Was the… projectile the only thing that, um, hit her?"

"Yes. Think she blocked... the rest." I didn't know how, but she had to have since I doubted the agent would have missed otherwise. And… and I remember her head snapping back with each gunshot. That had to be something!

"Blocked?" She pursed her lips, mumbling something about Riesseyact again. "I... No, not important yet. What sort of projectile? Is the...," she fired alien words at me faster than I could follow, making my head spin.

"You're going too fast again." Arissa to the rescue!

Twilight's ears drooped for a moment. "Oh! Sorry. What I needed to know was whether the force behind the projectile was its primary means of injury, or if it was intended to do something else as well, and whether it was designed with secondary effects after impact."

A bullet? Secondary effects? I was pretty sure that kind of thing was the realm of science fiction or just plain illegal, one or the other depending. Cops wouldn't-

Twilight's voice filled my ears, "Do you know how one of these weapons operates?"

Oh, I needed to actually answer the damned question. "No. I mean... yes. It is just the... force of the projectile."

She seemed to stare through me for a moment before her head dipped, and she filled her current page with more... stuff. Even after my one little lesson with Etherea, it all still looked like the doodles of an insane toddler.

"What was the projectile made out of?"

Other than not lead? "Iron. I think?"

"You think?" Even though her response didn’t seem quite like an attack, it was loud enough to make me flinch.

"I do not know. Iron seems... likely but I..." And now I was just repeating myself.

I didn't meet her expectant stare - I couldn't; I had nothing else to add. Eventually she gave a slow look around, ending back at her paper.

"Would... the Princess have been in danger of anything else from this weapon? How about the explosion?"

That took an awkward moment to think through. "N-no. Too small."

She nodded and scribbled some more. "Is there anything else we should know about treating wounds from this weapon?"

Wasn't that like the same question all over again? "I do not... know what... you want."

"Um, alright, how can I say this?" She looked off to the side, one of her forehooves tapping the floor a couple of times. "The weapon’s whole design is to propel a projectile whose sole purpose is to keep traveling until it impacts something, nothing more?"

Ding, ding, ding! "Yes!”

"Thank you." Twilight's tone was awfully cold. "Next, what is it you were trying to do with Eth- Etherea when Princess Celestia and her guard entered the apartment?"

Finally, something new! It took a moment to shove my emotions back into line, though I still simmered deep inside. Also, what did that have to do with anything? Wasn't it obvious? "I was... um, trying to stop... her from bleeding... too much."

That provoked another searching look from Twilight. I didn't like it one bit. Arissa's softer expression - like she was pondering something about me - was much nicer.

"You don't have any medical training, do you?"

What? Wait. Shit… The implications made me cringe. "I, uhhh... I did not do... it right?"

"There was some confusion about what you were trying to accomplish because, yes, in the strictest sense the... bandage-" she glanced at Arissa again, "-wasn't effective treatment."

Oh. I tried to hunker away from the shame, much to my back’s vigorous objection. Fucking ow! Okay, maybe I needed that other doctor soon.

"...thing is that you were trying to help," said Arissa with, dipping of her muzzle at me.

"Yes," Twilight's tone was still far too perfunctory, "that is true. You did not cause her injuries and were, in fact, just trying to help?"

I wasn't about to bring up the FBI - was even mentioning them a breach of national security? - and nodded my head for Twilight, praying that she couldn’t, well, ‘magically’ pick up on my omissions. Pain nipped at my ribs when I again shifted awkwardly beneath the blanket.
She just kept writing. "Is there anything else that we should know about Etherea's injuries?"

What’s with the repetition? Was she trying to catch me lying? Jokes on you Twilight! But it wasn't worth lashing back, so she got another head shake.

"Okay, good. If you will excuse me for just a moment, I need to get what you've said to the doctors tending Etherea."

She didn't wait for either of us to respond, dropping her quill, ripping the top page out with her magic, and whirling sharply to trot away. A gold-colored unarmored pony - a stallion, I was pretty sure by the broad, square-ish muzzle - stepped into view and took the paper, deftly folded it between a hoof and his other foreleg before slipping it into his saddlebags. I let myself slip back down out of sight, listening to the fuzzy murmur of their voices.

Arissa was just watching me with bright eyes, her head still angled down. It looked like she might be smiling, and I found myself reining in the desire to wipe it from her face. Why I wanted to attack her in the first place? I didn't know. She'd been the most supportive so far, so why did I care if she seemed happy?

Yeah, she was smiling under that crinkled mask. "Is your back truly comfortable like that?"

"It is fine."

"Good, you’re pushing back. I want to see more of that. However, you flinch almost every time you-" She cut herself off. My anger must have been showing. "Sorry, but I want to help. You don't need to fear me." Her nose dipped lower.

Her behavior was another puzzle that wouldn't stop bothering me. She’d been so forceful earlier, but now… If she wanted me to push back, then fine! "Why are... you being so submissive?"

Momentary stiffness rolled through Arissa as I regretted my bold words, her eyes flashing and nostrils flaring as her head lifted. She kept her words were soft though. "You are injured and hiding yourself away in the safest place you can find. If you are anything like the species I know, and you're pushed too hard while in your safe place, that hiding could easily become attacking. I can't just tell you I'm not a threat; I have to show you I'm not.

"It’s also the right thing to do.” She gave a little shrug. “How would you like me to be?"

How do I even answer that?!

"Since I spent most of the last couple years surrounded by gryphons, I'm still getting used to how... not aggressive Equestria is. I can be more aggressive if you’d prefer." Her eyes flashed again.

She was leaving it up to me? Really? If there was some kind of ploy in making this decision for her, I couldn't see it. I supposed she could use it to get me to do what she wanted somehow, but she’d also been the nicest pony so far, and I just didn't feel right lording this over her.

"Just be... what is most... comfortable."

Her eyes narrowed bit, but for what had to be a smirk. That didn’t bode well. "Alright. We should get started on what we can do for your back, so I'm going to want to see it."

Of course! There it was! She already-!

The only warning I got was Arissa's ear turning away. A lavender halo bloomed around Twilight's papers and quill before they slipped around behind Arissa and darted away and out of sight. It might have been effective had the display been any kind of subtle.

Hell, even Arissa turned to look. "Yes?"

A mumble answered. Twilight sounded miffed, which seemed to be why the doctor chuckled.

"No, it wasn't hard to miss."

After a moment, Twilight's muzzle poked back into view. "What have you two been talking about?"

"We were making friends," Arissa chirped, grinning. "Also, I believe Alex' hearing is improving."

It was? It didn't feel any better; how could she tell? Twilight seemed just as curious and tilted her head quizzically as she went around Arissa to her previous spot.

"That's good! Yes, very good. How can-?"

"Actually, a moment, Lady Naois." Twilight froze, her eyebrows popping up. "Was there anything more you needed from Alex before I take over here?"

“Well, I have so many more quest-"

"Then we were just getting Alex moving."

We were? Oh, fuck you, doctor horse! I give you an inch because you were weirding me out, and this is what I get?!
Twilight’s consternation was pretty funny though.

And unfortunately I really needed the help. I knew this deep down inside. Being left in peace had been a nice dream, once upon a minute ago. Still, I didn’t have to - and wasn't about to - appreciate being led by the nose!

I guess Arissa could tell, because she lowered her head again. "Please, Alex. Let me help you."

There was just one thing… Instead of answering her directly, I lifted my head to look over the wall at the guards. The mere idea of standing up made my stomach flutter.

"They won't hurt you, I promise."

Good, she understood. "Unless it... looks like I might… hurt somepony."

She rolled her shoulders in a helpless shrug. "Well, yes. You're not going to, are you?"

I just shook my head.

Twilight, who had plonked her butt down again to write, cocked her head and then got back to her hooves. With a swish of her tail she rounded on the other end of the cell, calling out loudly, "As the crown-appointed director here, I order you guards to remain where you are, and to take no action against Alex here."

From the guards came a resounding clomp of hooves paired with tandem affirmatives. Because simply ordering soldiers to remain at bay wouldn't directly conflict with their main purpose for being here. Certainly not! Even the doctor rolled her eyes!

"Trust, Alex," Twilight said, facing me again. "It has to start somewhere. They will trust you if you trust them."

"And I will be right here with you," Arissa affirmed.

Yeah, okay. A small voice firmly pointed out just how right Twilight was. In a twisted way - or that's how it felt - they'd already started. I'd gotten time and space, right? And apparently a pony who was supposed to fight for me. I just needed to hang in here until I could get to Etherea.

Eventually I had the courage to nod. Even something so small as bracing an arm on the top of the divider sent streamers of discomfort out and across me.

"...help if you need me to," Arissa was saying, now sitting up on her haunches.

My eloquence came through as a grunt. In my defense, I was busy gauging all the various aches. Moving after having been in that awkward position for far too long only muddied everything, and somewhere underneath was the real issue, but damned if I could sort-

Okay, the less I thought about things, the easier they'd be to do.

Moving sideways to slip a leg directly under me sucked - pins and needles taunted me from all sorts of angles - but they were fewer than if I'd gone straight up. Getting upright sucked more; everything lit up in protest, making my teeth grind as I tried to reach a position that hurt less. The one good thing was that the digging, breath-stealing pain was still a weak voice under the chorus.

With Arissa's eyes following my every move, I finally got to my feet, and I did it myself. Twinge, twinge, twinge... The stiff blankness of my sleeping thighs made everything so much better. I wasn't about to stop for that though, not with how the discomfort magically lessened as I uncurled.

Once freed, but not yet fully stable, my shifting stance let the blanket fall away! Then, when I grasped for its edges, it went the other way. I couldn't get the whole thing with only one-!

Arissa's horn lit just as it began slipping off sideways, and it jumped back into place. I froze. The faint pressure around my neck and shoulders set my nerves racing, but as the moment dragged on, and nothing else happened, my fears gradually ebbed.

"...raseten ulla pera, yeh?"

And I hadn’t paid any attention to what she was saying.

"Meti kistellaea... ...own pace," Arissa finished while Twilight gathered her materials out of the way. "Don't rush."

The guards in the hall? Like statues. Good.

"I am fine." Well, as long as my hand stayed on the wall for balance...

Adrenaline burned and my heart hammered as I took unsteady steps out, around, and closer to the guards. The idea that they wouldn't hurt me because Arissa and Twilight had said so became my new mantra. While it didn't work all that well, it was enough. It also helped that the guards didn't budge. Sure, their eyes tracked me, but they didn’t rush out to hurt me, so... score one for… us!

Halfway around the divider, Arissa nestled her side against my outside leg, directing me to the cot and cooing words of care. She must have been trying to give me someth- someone stable to brace against, just in case. Call it gumption, or maybe stupidity - I couldn't decide which - but I wasn't going to so much as touch her if I could help it. But since my sleeping legs were little more than self-mobile clubs, I managed to clock her foreleg several times in the process, cringing every time.

Yet all she did was flinch, her soft reassurances never ceasing.

She stayed right with me as I maneuvered myself up to the bed, and I probably should have taken her unspoken offer of help, but manhandling this pony? Not if I could help it. Not on the chance that I might drop the blanket. Even if refusing the help meant that I ended up dropping my butt unceremoniously onto the bed when I went to sit. It took a long fucking moment for my ribs to recover from the jostling.

"That looked painful," Arissa stated, carefully watching my face. "Are you alright?"

A quick shuffle got the blanket decently back over my junk - not that she was paying attention. It took a slow breath to relax the ache in my spine enough to respond.

"Better?"

"Maybe?" I fired back.

That got drew a raised eyebrow. "You weren't moving as easily as before, is there much pain?"

A slight headshake was little enough to not disturb things. "Was sitting... too long."

She bobbed her head, apparently understanding completely. "Would stretching out on your front be more comfortable?"

She was asking for my input? Wasn't she-? Oh, she couldn't know for sure. "Probably."

"I'm right here if you need me."

It was hard to think of a way to do this without twisting, and I couldn't imagine how adding a small horse into the mix would help. I shook my head at her and glanced at the guards again. The cot was a bit small, so I'd have to scoot even closer-

"Don't worry, they're not going to do anything." She gave the armed guards a very pointed look.

Yeah, thanks, doc.

But it did help motivate me. I could do this! Easing sideways and keeping my back as straight as I could, I gently lay down on my right side, my feet hanging off the end of the cot. That let me roll over with minimal twisting, even if didn't entirely spare me a couple small spikes. Arissa’s sorry ass better appreciate the effort I was going through for her!

"...that hurt." Arissa was right by my ear, head lowered so her eyes were in line with mine.

I gave a strained sneer. "I give it... a two point... five out of ten. I have had worse."

She cocked her head, one ear flopping, and chuckled. "I like the attitude. You’re going to be galloping around again before you know it.” Heh. Me ‘galloping.’ “Is it okay if I remove the blanket to examine you now?"

Remove?! No! Mine! "Not all... the way?"

"Nudity taboo?"

Wasn't she considerate? "Back is fine."

"Just your back, then." She nodded reassuringly.

She moved aside and gave me a clear view of a very rapt Twilight sitting on her haunches, quill hovering silent and forgotten for the moment. Our eyes met as the bed compressed under Arissa's weight and the hard, broad edge of a hoof covered by papery medical bootie - they had that stuff too! - touched the nape of my neck, pulling the blanket down.

"Oh!"

That snapped my head around. Ow...! Fuck! Even that upset my ribs! Just looking at things shouldn’t hurt!

"That's a hair tie, isn't it? Is this all just mane, and not a small tail?"

What? Twilight was suddenly leaning so far forward I thought she might fall on her snoot.
Arissa’s hoof moved my ponytail - heh, pony tail - back and forth before setting it off over my left shoulder. "I thought you had some form of vestigial tail attached at the back of your skull."

I couldn't have withheld the chuckles if I'd wanted to. Just the thought of being able to lash my ponytail...

"Yes, it's all very silly of me." She shifted adjusted her stance, making the cot shift.

A cloth-clad hoof - the same one, I assumed - came back, giving me the faintest of brushes, before it glided back and forth across my left shoulder blade. It was kind of like the way I might test a texture I was unsure of. But that couldn't be it, because the hard curve of her hoof had to be useless for tactile sensation. Well, maybe except for magi-

I had to try looking again. Other than the shadow of an alien pony looming over me, there wasn’t anything new. Except that, with her up and over me like that, I was looking right down her belly and between her rear legs. Her tail swished and my eyes instantly found the head of the cot. It wasn't like I had seen anything. It's just... the viewpoint felt so very 'wrong.’

Which was weird. Maybe.

Then it hit me, all the weirdness. Everything about my situation was so weird that it was almost overwhelming. Getting flung to a different world was weird. Meeting pony doctors was too. And so was being scared of ponies in armor. Thinking I might be breaking some taboos by looking at people who didn't wear clothes anyway…

I wanted to laugh so hard that my eyes were tearing up, which was even weirder.

"Alex?"

What?!

"Did you hear what I was saying?"

No. I chuckled.

"What's so funny?"

I grunted, not really up for giving a real answer. She'd stopped whatever she was doing anyway. When I shifted my head to look, her face was right there!

"You're going to be alright," she breathed, inches from my ear.

I, uh, had no good answer. The sentiment was nice though. I guessed.
By the way… having an alien pony nose in your face was a little alarming, but mostly just even more weird.

"Shi osuar... ...attention though. This is important. I was saying that Lady Naois and I needed to go over some important things with you." The bed shifted under me as she moved away, experimentally pressing several times in various places, though still well away from my wounded ribs.

"Yeah, I am... listening."

"Lady Sparkle has impressed on all of us that our primary concern should be the effect Harmony may have on you-" Twilight began nodding along, "-and honestly, I agree with her. That's what a lot of this has been." She motioned to a couple of the corners, apparently indicating the gems wedged into them. "While she's Lead Mare over the wider operation, as the doctor in charge of your wellbeing, I have final say in anything regarding you. But since I'm just learning what is normal for your... for you, I can't hope to do this alone. Understand?"

"Okayyyy...," was all I could think to say. "What if... What if I do... not want something... done?"

Arissa exhaled heavily through her nose. "I'm not going to lie. If something absolutely needs doing for your safety or that of the ponies around you, you may not get a choice. However!"

I shut my mouth, but couldn't stop from sullenly glaring. In the direction of the guards. I carefully schooled my expression just in case.

"Barring such extreme circumstances," her hoof continued its quest, gently prodding its way up my side to just shy of my armpit, "you will have final say in everything that might be done to you. I'll just be the pony that approves things from our side. You can refuse anything you're not comfortable with."

It sounded too good to be true. But they were also ponies, so 'friendship and cooperation,' and all that. Part of me really wanted to believe they were like the show's characters: full of good intentions.

I needed something neutral. "Like what?"

She turned above me, looking back at Twilight. "What are you and your teams doing right now regarding Alex?"

Twilight's ears flip-flopped. "Oh! Not much actually. We've only been monitoring Harmonic activity within about a hundred equoris."

"Why?"

"Well, because we have no idea what's going to happen - or is happening - and we want to be aware the moment..." She devolved back into pure equino-babble that made me tune her right out.

At least until Arissa grunted pointedly. "Fine, fine, but what have you found?"

The interruption didn't seem to phase the other unicorn. "Other than some very slight irregularities, nothing. There haven't been any great or sudden shifts in the local background, no alterations to the normal cycling, no unusual draws from or pushes to local sources, and no disruptions directed toward the Hakahnintil. So far as we've seen, Alex hasn't any impact outside of his immediate self."

Arissa opened her mouth but Twilight barrelled right along, looking right at me. "Honestly, that's about as ideal... ...hope for. ...a little amazing, but I don't think anypony... ...should keep monitoring ... ...you as it's the least... ...just in case anything should change."

"What do you think, Alex?"

First thing's first. "I caught... like half of that."

Twilight's ears snapped back and she ducked her head, but it was Arissa who answered, no small amount of amusement in her voice. "Your situation seems good, our world isn't ending, and she would like to keep monitoring you. Right?"

"Yes," Twilight said.

Something related still hadn't quite been addressed. "Is that what... the things in the corners... are for?"

"Yes," Twilight piped up, "they are the first part of the area monitoring system we set up. Have no fear, they broadcast truly minimal amounts of Harmony in order to monitor the normal cycling within this room. So far nothing particularly unusual has happened. At least-" I shut my mouth, "-nothing more unusual than, um - let's see - I think it would be accurate to compare to air or water being disturbed by a pony passing through."

Good? It sounded like everything was absolutely fine, even though part of me didn’t believe that for a second. How could anything just be so normal after what I'd been through?

And could I really say no? Would that actually be it? Twilight would just stop whatever it was that she was doing? That seemed ludicrous. What if something really was going on? Or was about to? I wouldn't know. Like with everything else now, I wouldn’t without their help.

"Alright..."

"Great!" Chirped Arissa.

"That seemed... well-scripted."

Arissa chuckled and Twilight huffed, the latter's ears drooping for a moment.

Doctor Pony spoke first though. "Perhaps a little. We have quite the list of things to do."

I narrowed my eyes, still staring ahead. "Like what?"

"First, a question, since you didn't answer last time. You said you were under some form of pain management. How is it holding up?"

I swallowed everything again. I don’t know why I felt so resistant; she had constantly said how much she was just trying to help.

"Not well? I do not… know how long it has been... or how much... pain I am... supposed to feel. But there is some."

While I’d been speaking, she’d started gently feeling and poking her way down the side of my back furthest from her, carefully going around my injury. Small mercies, eh? But barely a moment into it, she spat a curse. Out of the corner of my eye I found her rearing back to rip her mask free with a snap. She casually flung it and her hoof booties backward, where they fluttered in for landings around and near Twilight, who eyed them, looking about to say something but never following through. It would have been funnier if she’d had to dodge the things.

Angling my head to try and see her expression better, I found her looking right at me. For a moment we both just stared.

“It was in the way.”

I, uhhh... That made sense. I guess.

Only then did Arissa take up where she left off, using her bare hooves to explore the rest of my back. "With regard to your pain management, we've already commandeered the best pain dispersion specialist available, and would like for him to try helping you."

Another pony? Here? Arissa stayed quiet while I mulled it over, continuing to explore awayaway. Twilight's anticipation was plain as day though, so they were actually waiting for my input. Well... I suppose it would be alright. If the new pony was helping.

"Before- How will- does this work?" I had too many questions and not enough sentences.

Then I felt warm puffs of air on my skin. Wait. Why the hell was Arissa sniffing me? I had to say something! "Do not start... licking."

"Should I?"

I could practically hear her smiling, but I was too off balance for a comeback.

"You're not such a bad sort of alien invader," she chuckled, shifting about again and laying something broad, slightly fuzzy, but with odd, hard contours against my back. What the hell was this now?!

“Breathe deeply.”

Oh. It was the side of her freakin’ face! She’d put an ear right against me.

“Good. Again.” And once again my back was exposed to the cool air. “Now, I would like to delve you. It’s a minor bit of magic that will let me get a sense of the structures in a localized area of your body. Is that okay?”

“Sure.” I guess. According to Arissa, they wouldn’t even ask if they thought it wasn’t.

"A pony’s Neshourraiennen displays specific, localized reactions to pain. We can affect these in various ways. For pain dispersion we essentially-" She’d been sitting back, but suddenly leaned in and a smaller, softer, fleshy thing touched my back just below my ribs. Her words vibrated through it, each coming with more warm air. She’d put her nose right on me… "-spread that reaction, making it less focused, and then feed the weakened version back. The pain will cover a broader area and be much less pronounced."

Speaking of weird, how about these pony examination methods?! Was this normal? I couldn’t tell! The guards certainly didn’t give any indication.

"There are stronger and more persistent methods of pain management, but they would expose you to greater concentrations of Harmony, and we are trying to minimize your exposure. You're apparently already saturated to little effect, but we'd rather be cautious."

That sounded good to me!

"I suspect that, at the same time, Doctor Isshenaen will attempt to relax the nerves themselves, so the overall pain may be lessened as well."

But... "I thought you said... this needed a Nesh... Um, you said I do... not..."

"Very astute!"

Why, thanks. We humans pride ourselves on our vast intellect.

"Yes, unlike a pony, you do not have a Neshourraiennen. From what Lady Naois tells me, for Doctor Isshenaen to affect you, he will need to infuse you with some Harmony first. Once he does this, he can affect the infusion, and through it, yourself. She said this is how anypony has been able to use magic on you." She paused, finally pulling her nose away from my spine. "And I assure you, this is the least invasive option."

Well, it all sounded reasonable. Especially coming from a doctor. And like most everything I'd ever gotten from a doctor, I wasn’t in in a position to dispute it. I had no training in medicine or reality-warping pony magic, so what did I know about what was going on?

As inevitable as the answer seemed, I still spent a moment tossing around the idea. No further help came from any of the ponies nearby. Just patience and Twilight's lines of squiggles carefully organizing themselves into thoughts, sub-thoughts, and sub-sub-thoughts on her notepad.

"Okay. If you are sure."

"Great!" I flinched painfully as Arissa gave her head a toss. “We’ll bring him in shortly. Now, arm please."

Like a good little patient, I gave up my left arm for her to play with. She leaned in close to run both forehooves up and down it, squeezing and poking as though every muscle, tendon, and joint was the most interesting thing in the world. Her horn wasn't lit but she had to be doing more than just touching. I just couldn't figure out what, if anything, it might be.

It wasn’t really much more than what a doctor would do for a general physical. Though, speaking of weird things, she did spend extra time holding up my palm with the underside of one hoof and nudging my fingers around with her other. Fingers. How do they work?

I couldn’t fault her, really. If I were a doctor, and I had the opportunity she was getting, I would totally do the same. That didn’t mean I wasn’t beset by self-consciousness the whole time, especially with Twilight on the side jotting away. Especially with the occasional sniffs Arissa kept giving parts of me. Why? Why was she doing that?! I didn’t have the courage to ask.

When she gave my arm back, letting me curl it back to a more comfortable position, she stood up and over me, her front entirely on the cot, and went right for the other. Then...

"And now your legs, if you don’t mind."

"Ummm..." She was a doctor. It would be alright. "Okay. Just, um, the taboo... is groin."

"Ah."

The blanket shifted of its own accord, riding up my legs but also sliding up to cover most of my back. Any covering was better than none. Then the hooves came back, and I tried not to think too hard about their exploring.

Oh, God... She was going to sniff me again, wasn't she?!

Yup, she snuck them in for good measure! My face was burning and everything. But she was the doctor, so it had to be okay.

She finally let up, putting the blanket back. "I'm going to test your pain response to your injury now, okay?"

Ummmm… “Okay?”

“I’ll be gentle.”

Sure…

Something - her hoof? - touched the area over my cracked ribs, gradually bearing down until a small needle of sensation made me suck in a breath. She let up at that instant.

"I'm sorry for that, but it looks to me like you do have a heightened response."

I grunted just to spite her.

She chuckled at me! “I’ll take that as ‘yes, Doctor Derinetth, please bring Doctor Isshenaen in and get rid of this pain.’ Could you retrieve the good doctor?"

But… Oh.

Twilight looked up at that and blinked, her quill freezing above her notepad, but then rose and headed out past the guards. I was still debating how okay I was with agreeing to this when she came back a minute later. Three ponies in masks followed around the corner.

Arissa practically leapt at them, ending up beside a shocked Twilight, the Doctor’s head low and ears pulled as she hissed something I couldn’t follow. The newcomers froze. When the doctor slashed a forehoof once, and then again, two of the ponies uncertainly backed out, returning the way they’d come.

It was only then I noticed how rapidly my heart was pounding. I really wasn’t ready for a lot of new ponies, was I?

Left alone, facing the rest of us, was a tan and deep violet earth pony in a sky blue vest-like thing, still looking very uncertain as his ears independently flip-flopped. He seemed to be a he, being broader in muzzle and chest than either of the mares present, but was a lot more colorful than I'd expected. I didn't seem to be what he expected either; his eyes kept returning right to me while he took in the situation. But that made sense. I don't think anyone ever expects alien aliens.

"Alex?" Arissa crossed back over, stretching her head closer to me.

"Sorry." Whoops, English. "Trellya."

She smiled good-naturedly. "It's alright. Just wanted your attention. This is Doctor Latienth Isshenaen."

His own attempted introduction was ruined by all the fuzzy ringing filling my-

"Louder," interrupted Arissa. "And speak slowly, he's using a translation spell for the first time."

Twilight spoke softly, drawing both doctors' attention for a second, and nearly interrupting the new doctor's second attempt. He kind of powered through anyway, trying to hold my attention with a serious look.

"Hello there... Alecks, was it?"

All the misplaced emphasis was snort-worthy.

"Alex," filled in Arissa.

"Alecks- Al-exs. Pardon me. Alex. Sorry. You will have to forgive me. This is the most unusual situation I have had the pleasure of being in."

"Me too."

His jaw flapped a couple of times under his mask before any words emerged. "I, ahhh, yes. I can imagine. I am given to understand that what I am going to attempt has been explained in detail to you?"

My heart hammered faster for it, but I mumbled agreement. "I give... you permission to try... this pain dispersion... thing, and only... pain dispersion."

While the new doctor blinked and eased himself into a slow nod, Arissa smiled smugly from the sidelines, nodding as well.

"Very well, Al-ex-" the hesitation was adorably upsetting, "-then I will begin. Please stay as you are and relax. You should feel nothing unusual from this. However, if you do, immediately let me know."

It took him three slow steps to come up next to Arissa. His hesitation was strangely comforting. Probably because it meant I could 'see him coming.' Feeling safer because of that was a thing right? Still, I watched him like a hawk as he came up to the cot, and tried to follow him even after he was too far around my side to easily see.

Was it too late to call this off? I wasn't so comfortable any more!

The bed frame creaked as Arissa joined Doctor Isshenaen in looking over me. As my blanket was pulled down again, and she began pointing out things for him, I focused on Twilight leaning aggressively forward. She had her horn lit and looked ready to spend the next hour not blinking.

The thing was, I also noticed that, with the good doctor rearing up onto the bed, his dangly bits were kind of right there. Sure, they were tucked away nice and neat, but they were still pointed right the fuck at me. My skin itched, suddenly reaching a whole new level of uncomfortable. I mean, how do you react to that?

Not with booping, like I’d done to Etherea, that’s for sure! Oh God, why did I even…?!

Twilight had to be able to see something! She didn't seem to care in the least though, and was thoroughly engrossed in what the two doctors were up to. In fact, nobody seemed to care.

This... This was a nudist civilization. As if this world wasn’t alien enough already, I was going to have to be cool with blatant penises and vaginas all around me until they decided to send me home. Easy-peasy. Sure.

I moved to rub at my eyes. They were just watering. About then, Arissa dismounted the bed, coming around to sit near my head. It took her just one look.

"Alex, would a nuzzle be comforting at all?"

Would it? It would, if it had been my cat.

And despite my persistent uncertainty, Arissa’s intentions seemed reasonably straightforward. Plus, as I kept telling myself, she had been fairly nice. I found myself wanting to side with her. It was imperative.

She stood when I nodded, stretching out her neck and filling my vision with one white-gold cheek. Her eyes closed as she neared, and each stroke of her cheek pushed lightly against mine, bringing soft warmth and amazingly, some measure of comfort.

"You're safe," she breathed gently. "You are."

My clenched hands disagreed. But - and I don't know quite why - I forced my hand to release the covers beneath me. Maybe I wanted to verify for myself that she was right somehow. I raised it to the side of her neck, reciprocating in some small way. Sharing was nice. Comfort was too.

I took a couple shuddering breaths, fighting against losing any more self control.

"You are infused. I am going to begin working on the spell now."

With that, Arissa pulled back, looking over my shoulder. "And end the mood."

"Oh, I apologize! Did you need-?"

She shook her head, smiling the whole time. "I'm teasing. It's alright. Alex is doing much better, I think."

Sort of? I still needed some time to rein things in. Why was it more difficult now than earlier?

Doctor Isshenaen fiddled around for a short bit, and I spent the time wondering what he could possibly be doing, and then he laid a thin, flat, and rather light object across part of my legs. Right after that, his forehooves began moving across my back in indeterminate patterns, barely brushing the surface. No matter how much I focused, there wasn't so much as an out of place tingle to tell me whether magic was happening, or what it might be doing.

And that was it for a minute, the silence weighing down on me as everyone else followed whatever the doctor was doing to me. Naturally, left to my own devices, my thoughts turned past the swirling questions and began slipping backward how I’d ended up-

No! Not again! Do something else, Alex! "So, um, what is next?"

"Well..." She tilted her head to think. "Permissions. We have quite a bit more to cover in that regard. One of the most important things is that translation spell. Without it we wouldn't be getting anywhere, but we also want it to remain strictly temporary so we're not blindly making changes to you."

Oh... Yeah, that sounded wonderful. Just the thought of them dipping into me and swirling stuff around willy-nilly made my heart seize.

"Leaving the spell as an enhancement creates a problem, because when the spell fades, securing permission for its reapplication is... more difficult." She shrugged and gave a sympathetic, wan smile. "We - and I mean you and us - will need a system you know and trust to communicate simple concepts as necessary. Before we get into that..." Her eyes lifted. "Doctor Isshenaen, progress?"

He chuffed before saying something I couldn't really hear, clearly very distracted by what he was doing to me. I still felt nothing unusual.

Arissa nodded and looked over at the other unoccupied pony in the room. "Lady Naois?"

"Hmmmm."

Twilight's total focus on the other doctor made Arissa roll her eyes. "Attention, Lady Naois!"

I think we all jumped - or tried, which stung - and I felt Isshenaen grumble.

"Since we may have some time, I'm going to discuss permissions with Alex."

"Oh, right! Good." Twilight bobbed her head before a thin packet of papers and... cards? floated over to Arissa. Twilight's went right back to watching the work being done on me.

Man, was I glad Arissa was on my side.

"Alright. Though first, Alex," she lifted up the packet and started sorting its contents on the bed ahead of me. More pony squiggles! "Do you feel anything unusual in your head, body, or limbs? Anything at all."

Did lingering tingles from sleepy legs count? Though now that I was searching for them, I couldn't help wondering whether every little feeling, from the bunching under one knee - probably bedding - to an itch under a pinky fingernail, was some kind of indicator. "N-no. Why?"

She watched me for a moment before nodding. "A number of reasons. Because you've had quite a bit of Harmony suddenly directed at you, and because Doctor Isshenaen is testing a procedure on you as we speak. I can't stress this enough: let me know the instant you notice anything unusual, okay?"

I already intended to do just that! She smiled pleasantly at my nod.

"So, first are these cards." She'd separated them into two sets, flipping them up to face me. On the right was a silhouette of a unicorn with its neck bowed and horn glowing, while the other card had a short Equestrian squiggle on it.

"This-" she indicated the picture with her nose, "-is going to be given to a few specific ponies, and they will display it when they want to renew the translation spell on you. This one-" the squiggles were indicated, "-is the Equestrian word for 'no.'"

Even before she finished speaking, I knew there’d be a problem.

“Now, I know you don’t speak Equosar...”

Yup. That problem.

“...any ideas may make this easier for the time being?”

Actually, I did, despite having missed some of what she’d said. “Make ‘no’ red, and... make ‘yes’ green.” No human could fuck that up.

Arissa’s expression turned thoughtful, but another smile was quick to form. “Color-coding? That’s a really good idea! Why didn’t you think of that?” The last had been asked over her shoulder, pulling Twilight out of her rapture.

“I…”

Arissa chuckled at Twilight’s consternation. “I’m just teasing. It’s a good suggestion though. Would it be hard to do?”

Twilight simply pulled her saddlebags closer, rummaging around until she found a couple labeled jars and two thin brushes. Brushes? Yep, checking again confirmed it.

“Did you really just…?” Arissa apparently shared my thoughts.

“Always be prepared!” Twilight beamed, setting to work on another set of cards.

"Yes, alright,” Arissa said with some hesitation as she turned back to me. “We wanted to set this up first so you would be comfortable with the process. I want your current translation spell gone and reapplied so we can make sure it's done gently and with minimal risk to you."

Reading between the lines wasn't hard: Luna might have fucked me over again! That was, what, the third or fourth time?! My hands trembled, knuckles whitening as my fingers dug into the blankets and I shivered, mentally feeling around inside my head as my heart began hammering at my ribs again. The thing I needed most right now was more things to worry about!

"How did Pr- my niece communicate with you?" Twilight's sudden question yanked everyone's attention across the room.

Just as I was about to answer something struck me: answering about how Etherea and I had gotten along would lead to more questions. What had we done together? What had she told me about Equestria? What had happened before her 'rescue?' I don’t know what they were expecting, but my status in this whole fucked up situation was still in question according to them. The further along I went, the more likely I’d have to contradict their currently-accepted sequence of events, and at Luna’s expense.

I needed these ponies on my side! Insulting or - heaven forbid - hinting that I wanted to do gruesome and irreversible things to one or more of their goddess-leaders was off the table! Twilight's question seemed innocuous, but it wasn’t actually!

Desperately scrambling through my thoughts, I sought an idea that would dissuade her-

"...you alright?" It was Arissa, but Twilight was on her hooves and several steps closer, her expression scrunched with concern.

"Nnnn... C-can I plead... the fifth?"

That only brought more confusion to everyone's faces!

The doctor at my back said something about heart rates. Even he sounded worried. And why shouldn't he be, I was freaking out here! My one source of support could soon-

Twilight suddenly spoke, her voice clear and level. "You don't have to answer the question if you don't want to, Alex."

Oh, thank God! Relief flooded me and internally I giggled madly. Later. I could tell them later when I was more sure of their... friendship, I suppose it would be.

Twilight's expression was uneasy as she stared at me intently. I didn't like the look. "Doctor Derinetth, I would like to do a full spectrum delving of Alex."

That made Arissa's worried expression darken. "You suspect something?"

Twilight nodded.

What? What was this? "There might be something, um... about me?"

"Maybe. I would like to check."

"Very well.” Arissa nodded. “Alex?"

Get it out! Out, out, out! My nod was twitchy.

Twilight said something to Doctor Isshenaen that I couldn't catch, violet eyes on me as she stepped forward. He quickly stepped away.

"Relax, Alex, I'm just looking."

Easy for her to say; she wasn't the one who wasn't facing dire foreshadowing for... whatever this might be! But I grabbed ahold of my emotions and stilled myself as much as I could given the flooding adrenaline.

The world gained a heavy lavender filter. Shitshitshitshit, what was-?!

“...alright, Alex. It’s alright. It’s just Twilight’s spell. She’s just looking. You’re…” Arissa continued talking evenly, and amazingly, it was kind of working!

I didn’t even know why I was freaking out so much! Well, that wasn’t quite true, but everything I’d been through told me that this wasn’t worth the alarm I was facing! Calm, Alex, calm! She’s helping!

As the halo around Twilight’s horn scintillated, subtle waves played through the color filling my vision. There was a vague pattern to them; first they flowed one way, and then back the other. Was this what the receiving end of a Star Trek ship scan felt like?

And I got to watch her expression go from focused to concerned, her brow creasing. The color suddenly cut out.

"There is something else. It's very complicated, though localized."

"What?!" Arissa's bark matched my own. "What's been cast on him?"

Twilight's head shook slowly. "I don't... ...but I have suspicions. ...not related to either the translation... ...Doctor Isshenaen was working... ...fine to affect those two separately."

"But what is it?" Arissa snarled, stepping into Twilight's way. "How can I help him if I don't know what it is?"

Twilight didn't back down this time, her expression striking an uneasy middle ground between nervous and steady as she raised a hoof to hold Arissa back. "I'm not... ...guessing. ...more dangerous. I think... ...thinks."

What the fuck was going on?! Jittery and flush with even more adrenaline, it was hard to keep up with her.

"Specifically, I would refrain... ...the princess. ...find answers and will be back... ...send over one of... ...taking notes." She turned to look down at me, speaking slower. "I don't think it's meant to be harmful - it doesn't have the right components - so I'm not too worried. Arissa will be with you, and she's the most capable medical specialist we have available. We'll get to the bottom of this."

Her ears folded and she had the decency to look somewhat abashed as she looked between the doctor and I. "I need to go to get this sorted out though. Excuse me. I'll be back soon." She pushed her way around Arissa's rigid form, walking quickly as her tablet thing floated up to join her.

Now I felt even more helpless. I wanted to get up - to do something - but I had no idea what that could possibly be. And with the guards still right there...

"Agh!" Arissa smashed a hoof against the floor. "Alex, I'll be right back."

She stormed away, leaving me with the stallion doctor, who kept looking this way and that, clearly unsure how to approach this situation. I pointedly ignored him. Having been told absolutely nothing, I was preoccupied inside my own head.

I mean, what the hell had been done to me?! I couldn't tell if it was better or worse that I couldn't feel whether anything was blatantly off, which was maddening, because I couldn't stop searching myself for a problem! But there was just… nothing!

It couldn't have been more than a couple moments before Arissa showed up again, leading a vaguely familiar mauve and teal unicorn mare. The former indicated Twilight's forgotten saddlebag and writing materials to the latter, who in turn set herself down gently.

"Vethe Thement, Alex. Alex, Vethe Thement. She's one of the best surgeons this side of Yamiessiln. And now she'll be our court recorder..." Arissa drew out a long, grating sigh. "Alright, where were we? Alex? How are you feeling?"

With my emotions whirling violently about, it was a wonder I wasn't screaming and flailing. I was suddenly very thankful for such good self control. "Th-the same."

"I suppose that's good. We'll just have to like it," she spat, clearly doing no such thing.

"What is wrong... with me?" I hissed and everyone stopped moving.

Arissa' darting eyes were telling. So were her gritted teeth. "I don't know. Lady Naois said the spell doesn't appear to be harmful, but she didn't seem to know what it was."

Twilight Sparkle, the Element of Magic, didn't recognize something? Bullshit! "She knew... something!"

That got a wry smile from Arissa. "'Something’ is right." She shook herself all over. "Given who she is, if she says she doesn't know, then I trust that she doesn’t know what it is specifically. But she has an idea, I’m sure, and let slip that it might be affecting the way you think-"

WHAT?! Nonononononono, no, No, NO! Get it out of me! Get it-!

A white-gold foreleg fell across my forearm and I realized that I'd been levering myself up despite the needles of pain, intent on doing... something. I found Arissa's worried eyes now right beside me and swallowed, catching myself when I didn't have any idea what I was going to actually do.

"It's okay."

"HOW-?"

"Shhhhhh." Don't shush me! "She was worried, but not that worried. I trust her in that too. I don't like it-" there were the gritted teeth and lashing tail again, "-but I do." She nudged my upper arm with her foreleg. "Relax. We're doing everything we can."

It felt like I was banging my head against a wall, over and over again, always being reminded about how much I couldn't do, and how I just had to let them do their thing. They were the experts here. I was just lost and alone. So alone.

Letting her guide me back down, I turned my head toward the blank wall, hoping that it would give me some amount - any amount - of alone time, away from all this shit. Arissa must have sensed my mood, because she let it go.

"How about something comforting?" Mostly let it go... "Like... How about we try some food?”

I snorted. "Pancakes?" First thing I fed Etherea on Earth. Would be funny if it was my first here in Equestria.

"Ummm, maybe in a bit. We'll need to work up to it."

Of course not. I suppose I should be glad I didn't kill Etherea while fumbling around the basics. Which brought a shudder, because I could have.

"Sure."

She snuck in a quick muzzle rub against my shoulder before moving off. I only flinched a little. She ordered Doctor Isshenaen to resume, Doctor what's-her-face to keep writing, and for 'some lazy sack of pony to get her the food cart.' At least someone was getting to yell at them all for me.

Living vicariously through the doctor? I guess I'd take it.

[12 - part 2] Square One

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

[1] Close Encounters

In the immortal words of Limp Bizkit, it was just one of those days. You know the ones. The kind where everything is fucked, and everybody sucks.

Was it me? Something I'd done? Lack of good sleep? Maybe it was just middle-of-the-work-week blues. Could it have been yesterday's solar flare? I didn't know, but my money was on the world just being a sadistic bitch, and I could somehow sense it deep in my soul. Whatever it actually was, something was just wrong from the get-go.

It started with being dragged kicking and screaming from comfortable unconsciousness by the insistent warning of my alarm clock. What time was it? Didn't fucking matter! Any time before ten was far too goddamn early. Having to get up any earlier had to be a crime against nature or something. Plus, my bed was cozy, and beyond it… wasn't.

Then I blearily got an actual look at my clock. Too early was somehow also far too fucking late. How many times had I hit snooze?! Even the immediate double shot of adrenaline was barely enough as I struggled out from under the covers. The rush faded as fast as it came, lasting only through application of contacts and partway through a sloppy shower. By the time I slapped on some clothes I was dragging again, stumbling through feeding Dimble, my cat, yawning around cramming breakfast into my face, and having to bite back half-thought curses against the dawn as I tried not to wake my roommate, Craig.

And hey, I ended up only a few minutes late. So, an otherwise pretty normal Wednesday.

Being late to work was, surprisingly enough, not much of a problem; I was my boss' most consistent employee. Consistently tardy, yes, but more importantly, consistently there, consistently working my hours and more, consistently not calling out, and consistently adjusting my life to fit the store's needs. My boss was willing to forgive my little morning foible as long as I kept up the good work. So, even as I raced out of the apartment parking lot, I had little real concern. That didn't mean I was happy that I was being me again.

The morning might have been salvageable if I'd been able to crank the radio to my favorite station and just cruise through the commute, but no, my favorite station was still more concerned with the solar flare. I mean, the past few days had been just chock full of speculation and concern, but it had happened yesterday, and that was that. Right? No previous one had proved worth the attention. A few cell phones might suffer lost calls! Oh no! There could be glitches in a couple satellites! Shucks! Some electronics could suffer a case of the hiccups! Yeah!

I needed my tunes, damnit! They were my coffee! But no, it was all 'solar flare this,' and 'solar flare that.' Since Craig was a DJ on the station, maybe I could file a complaint with him.

Though my phone, a brand new pre-owned one had been scarily fritzy over the past day. Maybe there was something to this. The number of broken down cars along my drive seemed to confirm it. Seriously, just about every mile brought another tow truck struggling over another vehicle, frequently strategically-placed to make everyone dodge and weave like they had caught a serious case of The Stupids. Had every car on the road in the ungodly super-early hours bitten it? It seemed so. Even then, the intense relief that my aging Mazda Millenia continued to chug along wasn't enough. Not with a creeping exhaustion slipping in between bursts of frenetic, weaving traffic, or the spits of static cutting into what little radio time I got. Somebody was going to pay for my fucking ruined morning.

This flare did seem different though: stronger, or, at least more effective. Had all the others just missed my neck of the woods or something? Was this what people elsewhere had gone through each time one had made the news? Pondering it all became a tertiary concern, because arriving at work dropped me right in the shit. Much like everywhere else, electrical outages do very bad things to a paint store - they too have fancy electronics at their heart - and it seemed that starting off on the wrong foot had carried through to the whole morning.

It didn't really strike me until I got up behind the counter that I actually wasn't the only one affected; my coworkers must have faced the same hurdles I had, and our customers… Our customers were here for a triple treatment: one on their way in, a second while they were here, and a third on their way out. And they seemed to know this ahead of time.

Perhaps that's why nobody needed just a simple couple gallons to be on their way. No, every project was an exercise in fitting round paint cans into problems with fractal-shaped solutions. Even then, everything we suggested was nitpicked to death - as though we didn't know what we were talking about - and somehow never turned out to be the right solution anyway. And it was still entirely our fault that they cut corners in spite of our advice. Then, to top it all off, all of us behind the counter had no idea what we were doing, because we never, ever charged anyone their correct, extra-special price for anything. All of this was set against a backdrop of everyone waiting in line behind every other equally-grumpy customer. Like an overfull cup on a dashboard, everything ended up the next person's problem - ours - and since we didn't want it, we naturally paid it forward. It was like, just for fun, everyone agreed to needle each other as a twisted form of commiseration.

Or perhaps the eleventh Commandment had been "Thou shalt not late thyself to work," and this was all some convoluted way to punish me. Seemed reasonable.

I spent all morning looking forward to a break, a grace period away from everything, some 'me time' to relax. Lunch was the obvious opportunity, because that was the one guarantee that I could actually shut out everyone else. Its arrival was a breath of relief. I squirreled myself away, sat down, opened my food-

"Alex. Some lady here for you."

Fuck you, pick someone else! But I'd been requested by name... Fucking hell. Sure enough, it was a lady I'd helped before, if only because I was the only one patient enough to put up with her. Oh, she was plenty nice, and under most any other circumstance she wasn't a bad customer. Just not here. Not now. She… refused to make up her own mind, which was the absolute last thing I needed.

On and on she stretched, waffling over every decision, over every suggestion, and backtracking constantly to reconsider. 'Oh, I don't know. What do you think?' was somehow her go-to response to any possibility of a decision. Every time it came up, I had to fight down imaginative new ways that I might vent the slowly seething frustration, even as my stomach considered just how nourishing the rest of my gut might be. When she did eventually assent to some amount of resolution - picking a couple minor things, which at least in her mind was progress toward maybe deciding to make a decision - the sale computer burped, its screen fuzzing out for a second.

Fuck you, no! Fuck i- Agh, fuck! I don't know whether I might have cried, screamed, or thrown the computer had I lost-

It came back! Everything right where I needed it to be! My fingers had never moved so fast, flying through the remainder of her sale while I silently went through a list of every deity I could think of - God, Allah, Buddha, Elune, The Unconquered Sun, Fizban, and a host of others - praising each in turn for holding together the stressed computers just this once. Whether any actually existed I couldn't say, but if even one were actually out there, I hoped they still appreciated my efforts.

So I finally got to sit down, cracked open my lunch again-

Dave, my boss, popped up just outside the employee office. "I thought you were going to marry her." The portly middle-aged man waved his sausage fingers while leaning against the doorframe. He was spastic, apparently incapable of relaxing, and kept fidgeting. Though a good portion of that was a habit we all had: repeatedly looking toward the store's glass front, always on the lookout for the next customer.

"Fifty-something, overweight, and indecisive is my kind of woman." I rolled my eyes, biting back some of the vitriol.

"Just how much time did you spend with her?"

Too goddamned much. I shrugged, reclining a bit in my chair, and considered how quickly I could get him to fuck off. I was going to have to yell at my own boss, wasn't I?

"Did she at least buy a lot?" He rubbed at the scruff ringing his mouth.

"Oh yeah, four whole samples. Oh, and a brush!"

His blank look told me just how contagious my lack of excitement was. Shrugging, he straightened. "Well, if this Sun thing would just stop screwing with the computers, we might be able to sell something. Franky-" our sales rep, "-has been up my ass all day about making sales. Like it's not his job to go out and bring in customers. We haven't heard from Pat's yet-" easily our biggest customer, "-so they'll probably want something. Wonder if their phones are working."

I shrugged.

"I should give him a call."

"You do that. I'm eating."

He glared. "Asshole. Sitting there not doing anything. Get the hell back to work."

He didn't actually mean it; it was his standard ritual of bonding through faux griping. True to form, he soon disappeared in the direction of the bathroom. This left me alone with a glorious peanut butter and jelly sandwich - blueberry to be exact - some cookies, and a soda. And my phone.

Having any kind of smartphone was still kind of new to me - I was always behind the gadget curve - and it had added a whole new dynamic to my breaks. I used to sit around just idling or daydreaming, but now I was beginning to enjoy the wonders of browsing while on break. I queued it on and lit it up.

Huh. A new text message. Oh, right, my pocket had buzzed in the middle of Indecisive Lady's anti-lunch crusade.

Sender: unknown.

Message: a bunch of unintelligible squiggles.

It wasn't in any alphabet that I recognized, and I considered myself pretty capable at identifying the base appearance of most languages. The Latin family was plenty familiar, and I was certain I could at least peg the region of any I saw. Arabic ones were quite distinctive, and I had seen enough Asian pictography - was it even pictography? - to at least get myself in the right geographic region. But as I worked my way through my sandwich, I realized that I had no idea what was on my phone.

Perhaps something from Africa, though I had my doubts; I had this impression that African languages had fairly angular letters, but this stuff flowed. Even then, I was sure I was wrong about there being unifying themes across every single African alphabet. Whatever this was was also too abstract to be any kind of hieroglyph, and too connected for things like cuneiform or ancient Greek, so the old languages I could identify were right out. Perhaps it was from one of the "Stans" in central Asia. I had no idea what their writings looked like.

It was short, and there were no links embedded anywhere, so if it was some form of phishing, I didn't think it would be easily dangerous. It was probably safe to dig a little deeper. Google Translate itself was a bust - very weird - but copying it directly to my browser gave me several dozen hits. I love Google. Then I really looked at what had been spat back. An Equestrian Primer. An Introduction to the Equestrian Language PDF. An Equestrian Translator. Forum help for the Equestrian language translator.

Let me back up a bit. I'm a Brony; a fan of the cartoon My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. I'd taken a pretty deep dive down that rabbit hole, rigorously supporting favorite characters and episodes, debating them and other points of contention with other fans, seriously looked into buying fan paraphernalia, and even dabbled in a bit of fan art. When I'm on my phone during lunch, I'm not just piddling around on social media; I'm normally on pony fan websites. I know about the show. I know about the world, Equestria. But this? Had someone actually gone and written a fake Equestrian language? Tolkien had done it for his books, sure, but he'd also been an established linguist, turning his passion into an art in support of his stories. It was weird to think about putting that much effort into a fantasy, and even more bizarre that someone had done it for a mere cartoon meant to promote kids’ toys. Much like most other made up languages - Klingon, for example - this was just too deep for me.

Still, I had so many questions, and now my curiosity was piqued. Would the translator actually work? The description mentioned that it was a work in progress, but that it should be helpful to true fans. A tap and a quick scan of the page revealed a very basic setup; two boxes - one each for input and output - a note that the translator only worked for English and Equestrian, and there was a larger description of the fan's work on the translator at the bottom. It was put together by someone called BackgroundPony1337, but credited an AzureMare with the original layout of the language.

Interesting, I guess. Nothing left for it though; I plugged in the copy from my mysterious text.

'Hey, are you coming to my party this weekend?'

Huh. I copied and pasted back and forth between Equestrian and English a couple of times, and at least for this message, it was pretty consistent. A couple of random other test sentences seemed to also work just fine. A working translator? Damn, these people were hardcore.

That meant the mystery text... Whoever it was wasn't just using this stuff, they were socializing with it! I frowned, leaning back to consider. What kind of nut was this?

'Are you coming to my party this weekend?' Sure. I'll get right on that. I'll go to a party filled with pony fans so devoted that they invented a whole language for a corporate cartoon. Even if it was a really good show. I bet they even spent their time talking in 'pony.' That gave me an idea though. The message was clearly not for me, and I had had a bad morning.

'Sure. Where's it at?'

Plugging my message back in to the translator gave me a bunch of squiggly gibberish - hopefully it still worked out - and that went right back into the conversation. But hitting send just gave me an error message; my phone had no idea who the recipient was.

I frowned, glaring at my useless slab of technology. The stupid thing had spat out a message, and now it couldn't send one back? What the hell? I hit send again. Just another error message. Fuck you, do your job! There was a familiar, surprisingly loud popping sound on my third try, and my phone's screen flickered. But the message acquired a green 'sent' check mark.

"Goddamnit!" Oh right, that popping sound was the computers shutting off. Carl, my assistant boss, was cursing and spitting out front. "Fucking computers! My order's probably gone to hell. Hey Alex! I need you to fix these computers!"

I poked my head out of the office to look at the tall, skinny, middle-aged man with spiky gray hair. At least he wasn't yelling with customers in the store. Again.

"What am I supposed to do?"

"I dunno.' Just fix them or something." He glared at me over the frames of his glasses.

"Yeah, let me get right on that. I'm sure punching a few buttons will get the power back on."

"Fuck it, I'm going for a smoke!" came his faint, very angry call from the back.

I sighed and sat back down. The computers had already come back on, though it would take a few minutes for them to run through their reboot. There was nothing anyone could do there. And would you look at that, while 'talking' with Carl my phone had found another mystery text.

'It's at the castle, silly! You know, my birthday? The one you should already have presents for?'

Yeah, okay, I should have expected role play. For people who lived with a made up language, that would be just part and parcel with staying in character. And since the weekend was only three days away, I wouldn't be surprised if this person's house was already decorated into a mock-up of the Royal Palace in the pony capital of Canterlot. Seriously, this was too much. But I couldn't not see where this went. After my morning, I just kind of wanted to watch the world burn, and a nutter on the safe end of some texting could be a good outlet.

'The one on the corner, or the one down the street?'

This time my phone sent it on the first try, and without crashing the computers. Go figure. I hadn't even managed to down one cookie before the next message arrived. What was happening on this person's end? Were they not having the same trouble with this as I was? Fuck them!

'You're not Sea Breeze! Who is this? My pad just says unknown.'

Busted! Oh well. I hadn't expected the ruse to last long anyways.

Though the casual pony-ness was only getting worse; they were even naming each other like ponies. A bit of role-play was one thing, but if they were so committed as to talk to outsiders as ponies, there was nothing left for it but to mess with them. But how? A moment of consideration returned what had to be my favorite alias.

'Englebert Humperdink. Who are you?'

Every time I recalled the man's name, I felt a pang of sympathy for him. Did he know that he had one of the silliest-sounding names ever concocted? How had he survived childhood with that clunky monster? I mean, I'd had enough trouble with derivations of 'stepping out-ski,' so I couldn't even imagine how 'Humperdink' had fared.

Waiting a long minute got me no reply, and unfortunately also ran me out of break time. The grindstone waits for no man...

The afternoon was at least more agreeable than the morning had been. Customers were fewer, so there weren't as many inane questions. I initially even felt less grumpy - more myself really - which was probably in part the comfort of a full belly. It even seemed like the solar flare was less disruptive as well, only kicking the computers in the teeth a couple times. The radio still had consistent problems though, to which the DJs sympathized with us listeners, and that helped. A little.

Throughout it all, I found myself taking frequent short breaks to check my phone for updates. As weirded out as I was by the mysterious messenger, the conversation was at least entertaining. I probably should have simply been posting in English rather than using the translator, and I wasn't really sure why I didn't. Perhaps they would have broken character if I hadn't engaged them in their own little world.

After my next customer:

'What? That's just some random syllables. Who are you really?'

Which was followed almost immediately by:

'Amaranth?'

The second message puzzled me for a few, but ultimately I had nothing, and little interest to figure it out in the face of the first. Then it took six goddamned tries slipped between two customers and a phone call to send another reply. My connection was showing strength, so where the hell was this person that they had such shitty reception?

'What's wrong with my name? Dinglebert Umperhink is a perfectly good name!'

After a young couple, the male half of which I would have traded places with in a heartbeat, if only to spend time next to his absolutely delicious partner in her gauzy sundress:

'That's not even the name you just gave! Just tell me who you really are!'

Hah. Sure. That sounds like a great idea! Tell some nut across the world my actual information. Maybe I should have stopped there and let things fizzle; the whole conversation was just a harmless electronic fuck up courtesy of an errant solar burp. But like a speeding freight train, I found that I couldn't. Talking in a made up language? Renaming themselves and their friends? Steadfastly remaining in-character? Just generally living in a fantasy? During a crappy day? How could I not poke at them?

'What? Yes it is! Like I've said three times now, it's Lingledirt Dumperfink.'

After wheeling out some paint to a customer's truck:

'No you did not! That was only twice, and not even the same thing again! Who are you really?'

How about no? Honestly, despite a twinge of self recrimination, this was kind of fun.

'I've already said! Jingleyurt. Rumperquink. Why can't you get that through your thick skull?'

"No personal calls!" I rolled my eyes as my boss rounded the corner, slipping my phone back in my pocket.

"Hey Dave, who was that you were talking to for about an hour this morning?"

"Uh... My wife? Hey, that was only five minutes."

Five minutes, my ass!

He waved a piece of paper under my nose. "She's been dealing with her sick aunt, and won't leave me alone. She just can't take it alone, and wants me home. You're lucky I didn't leave early."

Carl snorted from the other end of the counter, but said nothing else.

I could see it coming from a mile away: another long, one-sided 'conversation' about how terrible and stressful Dave's life was. The sick aunt would probably transition into how his wife was insufferable, then to how his kids were out to give him an aneurism, maybe an aside about another relative, and finally back to how much crap he had to put up with here at work. I wasn't unsympathetic, but I'd been through this too many times to count, and I really wasn't in the mood today for another. There was only one way out. I took it with relish.

"...and so she wants to go visit next weekend when my brothers can also..." He noticed the paper I'd snatched from his hand. "Oh yeah. I almost forgot. I need you to make that for tomorrow morning."

Thank God for an interruption. As I squeezed past my boss, intent on this Very Important Task, my phone went off again. More messages from Unknown probably, but I had actual work to do.

Naturally, things couldn't just be that simple. On an already bad day, every little thing becomes a tragedy. A stubbed toe, some fumbled papers, missed keystrokes, a small leak in a paint can that was hidden until it was in the industrial shaker... You want grumpy employees and customers? Nothing better for it than having to stop everything to do some emergency cleanup all over the heart of the store. Only in the aftermath did I have a moment to check my phone, and by then I was fed up again.

'This is the castle's private network, so you must realize that I am one of your princesses. Just tell me who you are!'

So, not just a pony, but a princess. Or, I guess, a Princess. A pony of status. A pony of power. A pony of unusual form and stature, and most likely an alicorn: a pony with horn and wings. There were only four in the show, with two being effectively immortal rulers over everything, another was every little girl's pretty, pretty princess dream, and the last was the titular protagonist. This person... She - it was easier to think of them as female - could have picked a more reasonable pony to imitate, but no, she had to be extra-special. And there were only so many reasons that someone would go all-in on role-playing one of these exceptional characters, with few of them worthy.

Or worse, they had concocted their own princess, crafted in the image of one of the show's great notables. Actually, that seemed likely, since this person was doing a terrible job at representing any established character. Maybe - maybe - the aforementioned pretty, pretty princess dream, Cadance, but that was only because we had seen so little of her.

I don't know what came over me then. I swear I'm not normally a jackass - I've even been accused of being too nice! - but I was just done with this day, and this person was apparently unwilling to engage with reality.

'just 'cause your daddy calls you "his little princess" does not make you one. have to get back to work. ttyl!'

If there is one good thing about working in a paint store, it's that running the place keeps you busy. And not just the regular customer traffic either. Even with them, you were always moving, lifting pounds and pounds at a time to be used somewhere else. Surprisingly little of my day actually involved being in one place for any period of time. In other words, despite my boss' attempts to prove otherwise, it was a good workout. Such consistent motion was particularly useful if you - like me - wanted to just fuck off and lose yourself in the simple, mind-calming monotony of stocking, shelving, and organizing.

Though that only works while you have coworkers to cover customers for you. At the end of the day, abandoned by homeward-bound coworkers, I was unwillingly pulled into an unending conversation with a stooped elderly man, trying to precisely detail microscopic differences between paint colors. If there was any day that I would have wanted to start closing at the appointed time, it would have been this one, but reality - and old men - make fools of us all. Delaying my long commute to food and rest even further? Well, that was just the spoiled cherry on top.

And hey, I'd gotten a half dozen more messages from Princess Unknown. Neat… Mostly they were continued insistence that I tell her who I actually was, and denial that I could refuse to do so - I rolled my eyes - though one vented that it was apparently fucking hard to send me messages. So, she was also having trouble with the flare after all. Good.

Y'know what? Fuck you, princess. Someone deserved to suffer along with me.

And yet… There was always that remote chance that this person was actually someone important from some country I barely knew. I… Fuck.

Backtracking my hasty message as I walked to my car, cursing my own persistent conscience, I instead carefully crafted my rejection, injecting just the right amount of snippiness, told her I had to go, and wished her a nice life. Punch, punch, punch. Four goddamned tries to send the thing. Why not? Fuck it! I was out and free!

A warm-ish June evening, and mostly clear, the drive was a pleasant one. The radio stations seemed to have recovered, and I happily cranked it up to cover the wind rushing through opened windows. As I cruised along, my mind naturally backtracked, picking apart the events of the day, analyzing for problems and solutions. And really, as bothered as I had been - as aggressive as I'd felt - there was a creeping upset with how I'd reacted. Guilt. I had let myself fall to darker impulses, and taken it out on another person.

It wasn't me. It wasn't right. Should I fix things? How would I even…?

Tail lights ahead on the road. Lots of them. Probably an accident, and given the lack of movement, a big one. Fucking highway! Not here! Not fucking now! No way forward, and with more cars piling in by the minute, no way back. No turn offs. A U-turn, maybe? Also no. The median was too deep and angled to risk my little comfort sedan, especially in the dark. I did not need to get actually stuck. Which meant I had all the time in the world to think… to stew… to comfort myself with every injustice wrought by the day… to find a target to justify my suffering...

Two hours into an hour-long commute, I finally stomped through the front door of my ground floor two bedroom apartment, ready to flay someone. Shucking my shoes, I stepped into the kitchen area to whip up something quick, because first I needed to cram something in my stomach. On the other end of the room, where it became living instead of kitchen, Craig was thoroughly lounged on the couch, his legs stretched toward the TV. His glance was questioning, but he went right back to watching his game. Dimble got fed first, naturally - he was The Cat - then, after some indecision, I set a couple hotdogs and some mac 'n cheese on the stove. Simple and fast was the better option tonight.

Plopping down on the opposite end of the couch from Craig, I found another two messages from The Princess. Well, I'll be… Apparently the castle guard now knew of me, so I should out myself and apologize for being… 'disharmonious?' First off, what the hell kind of threat is that? Second, whoever you are, you're definitely convincing me to want to share any actual information with you! Fuck off! That kind of stupid is a quick way to end up on the receiving end of 'Very Bad Things.'

What did I even want to do about it? Something for sure, but what?

"You alright, dude?"

Huh? I blinked at Craig.

"You been staring at your phone for like five minutes."

"Oh." I'd leaned forward over my phone, but physical and mental exhaustion had left myself and my intentions blank. So yeah, I probably had, since I wasn't in a state to do more than just vegetate. "Eh. Work sucked. Day sucked. And I got these weird messages from some girl."

Craig's eyebrows achieved liftoff.

"Sent me a message by mistake, I played around a bit, and now she won't leave me alone. Total nut, so I've just been messing with her."

"A girl, huh?" He was just starting to smile.

"Remember when I said she was a total nut?"

It didn't seem like he cared, so I leaned over and showed off my phone. Pulling up the messages, I-

"What the hell is this crap? Some kind of Yiddish?"

"Yiddish? Really? You don't even know what that is." I quickly showed him the translator. "No, it's 'Equestrian.' Some fan invented a whole fucking language for the show." Craig had discovered me being a fan long ago. Low-key ribbing had become a facet of my life.

"Woah. Yeah, okay. So she's a nut." His grin jerked from 'I know something juicy' into 'this shit is hilarious.' "Is she at least a hot nut?"

Oh, no. I wasn't falling for that one! "Probably not. She's probably a dude, or old, or an old dude. Take your pick. But she's completely committed to the act."

"Whatcha' mean?"

Tilting my phone his way, I showed him the text stream, then the translator and a bit of back and forth with it using one of her older messages. "See, she's a 'Princess,'" I made sure to include the required amount of sarcasm.

"You've been doing this too? The, um, pony thing back?" The look he gave made me want to slap it back off his face. Yes, Craig, I'm a fucking dork too.

"She didn't respond back if I didn't."

He put up his hands. Maybe I was too snide. "Okay, okay, dude. But what've you been doing here?"

In hindsight, I really should have been copying everything into a separate folder, because it took a long damn time to pull everything again and back-translate it again. A process with which he was almost immediately bored, flopping back to gaze into the TV. Even the stove timer finished before I could.

"There's it all." I dropped my phone off on the coffee table, and went to tend to my dinner.

"Ooo, she's angry."

"Yup."

"Eh, it's okay."

I blinked, brows furrowing, and looked over my shoulder. "What?"

"This." He leaned back, holding out my phone and extending his other hand toward it. "Messing with this girl. You did okay."

It all suddenly clicked. Craig...

My roommate was tall and overly skinny, with a penchant for wearing whatever seemed cleanest. We had some differences there, but ultimately they were unimportant. As a rock station DJ, it wasn't like tidiness was ever a huge worry for him anyways, which was a perfect fit. From his jeans, open flannel shirt, scruffy beard, ratty hat, and unruly hair, everything about him was casual. His posture was always casual, his demeanor was perpetually casual, and his outlook was ever casual. But as my polar opposite, he made it work in ways I was supremely envious of. He could throw on whatever, amble to wherever, strike up a careless conversation about nothing, and still project himself better than I. Everywhere he went, and in everything he did, he knew what to say and do to get what he wanted; I had never actually seen anyone melt from a smile and a few simple nothings until I watched Craig work a bar. What he might lack in the cookie in the jar, he more than made up for in personal charm.

If I really wanted to take out my frustrations on Princess Unknown, Craig would know how.

"But you could do better." It wasn't a question.

Because the truth was obvious to all. "Duh."

"Then have at her." Yeah, I know; it was mean to vent by roping Craig into this, but I didn't particularly care. If he was game, then so was I. Plus then I could eat in peace.

The hotdogs got sliced, dropped into the mac 'n cheese, and then the whole pot came with me. Finally taking a good look at the TV… College football. Meh. "Well, have fun with her. I'll be in my room. Try to keep it PG 13. You can do that, right?" I fixed my roommate with a look.

"Hey, I work on the radio. You can't say shit there or you get fired."

"Right…" I paused before turning down the short hallway leading past Craig's room toward mine. "Oh, it's fucking hard to send her messages. Shitty connection or solar flare fuckery or something."

Craig, who'd sat up to fiddle with my phone, grunted. "Space is stupid."

I snorted, then waved myself off, retreating into my little rabbit hole; my sanctum. Dresser on the left, bed across from the doorway and against the wall with two windows, and my computer desk to the right, facing the door and overseeing all. The 'God Seat' style of arranging, as another friend had labeled it. Dimble followed languidly, and as I set up shop at my desk, he claimed my bed like always, occupying nearly half. The gray-and-black tabby was not actually that big, but he still acted like it, and could sprawl with the best of them.

Ponies or World of Warcraft? World of Warcraft or ponies? Despite the 'Princess,' my love of ponies was still very tempting… No, tonight felt like a World of Warcraft night. Some small group player versus player would be the harder activity, but all the more rewarding if I got to thoroughly trounce someone.

And it went okay-ish. No great losses, and enough victories to make it all well worth the effort. Craig's occasional laugh from elsewhere in the apartment followed me as I hopped from fight to fight, and at one point I swear he was hooting. Might've been at the TV. I hoped it was at the TV. I did not need him sexting on my phone, no matter how much he said I'd appreciate the help. And especially not with crazy Princess Lady.

It must have been an hour before I truly paused, taking note of the lukewarm, half-cleared pot of noodles. I really needed to fridge them before they got all crusty. So, after one last round, I scooped up the dishes, petted the cat a couple times, then tromped back to the kitchen. Craig was back to being stretched out toward the TV, my phone dark and forgotten on the coffee table.

"So, what do you think?" I asked.

"Eh. Murtold was a bad pick. They should have left him for someone else to draft. He averaged like three fumbles a game last season." Craig shrugged.

"No, I meant the crazy girl on my phone."

"Oh, her. She shut up a while ago." He tossed my phone at me, but thankfully my reflexes were good. I glared death and dismemberment at him.

"What?" He stared back blankly.

"Don't throw my new phone around."

"Right. Sorry."

What had he been up to? I had to know if his distant theatrics had been phone related, or… There was the message stream with Unknown. Craig had apparently tried texting her in English - a couple times, in fact - but she never took the bait. A bit of expressed confusion, but no leaving her chosen fantasy language, which had forced Craig to play her game. I snorted and rolled my eyes; I wasn't sure whether to be impressed or appalled. More of the latter, really.

Something, something, angry texting over who we really were. Yadda, yadda, the Royal Guard were aware we had broken into the network. Ooo! Were fellow role-players getting involved now? Wow. Blah, blah, give ourselves up for being disharmonious.

Well, I'll give her this: she was really selling the act. Maybe I was too quick to dismiss one of the Middle Eastern states - or even central south Asian! - as her home. They probably had more than their fair share of uptight, overly-pampered princesses. Right? Hmmmm… Which made me wonder whether I might have pissed off one of the ruling royals of an ally of the United States. It seemed unlikely, but I couldn't help some growing trepidation. And I did feel a little bad for Unknown. Craig might have had to play in her language, but the battle of words was his playground.

Then I remembered how stupid the whole conversation was. Maybe I really was too considerate at times.

And yeah, Princess Unknown was angry. Craig had slowly but surely teased her into a frenzy with witty comebacks and bold jabs. As funny as reading his messages was, it was a bit painful to read back through the conversation. Perhaps we had pushed her too far; her final message was just a weird, nonsensical tirade.

'You inconsiderate, colicky, friendless, patchy, blank-flanked, disharmonious mule! This conversation is over!'

Craig's response was simply... inspired.

'your mom's a blankflanked disharmonius mule'

I burst out laughing. You don't often get a legitimate chance to come back like that, and of course Craig had. I couldn't help myself. It was the funniest thing I'd seen in a long time.

"Like that?" Craig was looking at me with an amused smile.

"Fucking brilliant, dude."

"Yeah. Then she got all quiet. Was boring, and I'm not gonna' keep sending texts like some whipped boyfriend."

"Uh huh. I feel kinda' bad though. She just doesn't get it." I looked at my phone, debating whether or not to do anything about the conversation.

"Just leave it." Craig said, stretching his arms up and looking back at the game. "You're too soft. If she doesn't get it, then she doesn't get it. It's not your fault."

Except that it kind of was. And now that I'd had time to calm down, had space to be away from a crappy day, I did feel bad. It was just who I was. In my anger, I'd had us insult this person into a raving tizzy, and that made up my mind. Sliding open the keyboard - I did say I was behind the tech curve, right? - I began typing another message. Hopefully my phone would let this one through just fine.

'Hey. I want to apologize. My friend and I have been having some fun at-'

My phone was... glowing? It was! Not like the screen or the little lights under the keyboard, which were all already on: a pale yellow sun-shafted aura was around the outside, as though the thing was being backlit by something. And the glow was growing wider and brighter!

"Oh shit!"

I let go and jumped away, the phone thumping into the carpet . I hadn't felt a thing from the glow, but phones didn't glow, and there was no way I was putting my hand anywhere near it now. I stood stock still for a moment, staring down and a little glad that it hadn't broken, trying to compute and utterly failing. Phones didn't glow! But mine was! But there was no way it could do that! But-! But-? But-!

"Dude...?" Hearing Craig's high-pitched call from the couch snapped my head around.

Seeing him upright but scrunched back, also clearly reacting to the impossibility on the floor, was like a switch, and I leapt halfway across the room, closer to him. Craig shot up as I came to a stop, raising a hand and jabbing a finger toward my phone.

"What?" His way with words was amazing.

"I don't know!" I nearly shouted.

The glow on my phone had steadied, though the light shafts still gently shifted around. The air just above it seemed to… wiggle? Motion. Like a heat mirage lifting off from the phone until the area several feet above the floor shimmered and warped, causing the wall and hall entryway across from us to take a slightly refracted look. I had always liked the effect, but this was different. This wasn't some distant heat mirage. It was too confined, too organized, and too close. Then it moved.

The warping did what I could only describe as a small loop-de-loop before settling in the hall entryway about three feet off the ground. Even though it had moved, my phone still glowed, giving us two sources of weird to shy away from. Once the mirage had settled in one spot, the shimmer intensified and the air seemed to roll back from the area. It was not simply the air leaving the area - I shouldn't have been able to see that - it was more like sci fi renderings of how the very fabric of reality bends outward around a black hole. Was I staring in unabashed horror at imminent destruction? I couldn't deny the probability!

Then the whole distortion collapsed back in on itself with a loud thump, replaced in an instant by a creature. Facing us and a couple heads shorter than I, golden yellow and blue were its primary colors. Four long legs ended in hooves that were slightly darker than the yellow of its slim body, while a graceful neck held up a face with a distinct muzzle, and a vibrant light-blue-on-dark-blue mane spilled off one side in a series of neat waves. Vaguely dog-like, it was still clearly equine. I was staring at a pony. An honest-to-God, real life, My Little Pony pony. I blinked, my mouth dropping open.

As my eyes flicked back and forth, I began picking through specific details, trying to digest what I was seeing. I could vaguely see a tail behind it, colored similarly to the mane, truly massive feathers were laid neatly along both of its sides, a small silvery torc rested around the base of its neck, a long, neatly spiraled horn - which was also glowing! - rose from its forehead, and a silver-colored circlet rested atop its head. Its face and frame were fine-boned and defined by gentle curves; if Friendship is Magic was at all accurate, then this had to be a female pony. With the feathered wings, horn, and the regalia- A fucking alicorn?! Unknown had actually been a-?!

It took barely a moment to register everything and figure out that I was pretty well fucked!

A different flash - a pink one - distracted me from reviewing my short, very unfortunate life. As the glow around her horn and my phone winked out together, a shiny rectangular pink object fell right out of the air fucking in front of her to thwack against the carpet. Was that an iPad? What the fuck? With nothing else to go on, I looked back at the face of my would-be executioner.

Her eyes were closed. Forcefully scrunched, actually. Before my poor, overloaded brain could wonder at that as well, she opened her mouth and gave a piteous whine, her face contorting into a rictus of pain. Then she wobbled. This proved disastrous as her hind hooves slipped on the faux stone tiles of the hallway. Frozen, I could only watch across the insurmountable distance of my living room as she tilted slightly backwards and toppled, her head rebounding off the casing. Her hooves clattered against the hallway walls as she thudded bonelessly against the floor, legs folding up every which way in the confined space. Finally, like a dismal, grotesque climax, her wings slowly slid to half-splayed about her.

My body wouldn't move. I could only stare and cringe. There was a pony in my apartment. A pony. How could I ever comprehend this? This was straight up fucking impossible! A pony! In my apartment! Oh, God… She looked completely knocked out. Was that...? Yes, there was a little crimson on the side of her head. Please, please, please don't let her be dead! Getting out of this peacefully seemed impossible, because if this alicorn was dead, then so was I! I doubt even Princess Celestia, in her infinite mercy, would show any leniency after I mauled one of her subjects.

This might even be one of Celestia's relatives. Fuck! Not helping, brain!

Then, with flawless eloquence and a masterful grasp of the gravity of the situation, Craig turned to me and summed up both our thoughts in a single, sage sentence.

"Dude, your phone just shit out a pony!"

Author's Note

Welcome to the new(*) and improved version of chapter one! Now with better presentation, greater clarity, and smoother progression! Less cringe too, I hope.

This wouldn't be such a thing without my wonderful editors/spitballers:
Seven Fates
m1ntf4n

I'm always amazed that they both put up with me so well. (Don't ask...)

And fret not, the original version is preserved, just in case anyone still wants to hearken back to ye olden days. Okay... I like to. Here:
To Love a Pony 1 - Close Encounters (original)

Though, for the truly brave, the very first draft also continues to exist...

Oh God, don't read below this line!

I'm warning you!

Seriously, you don't want to do this!

Chapter 1 original draft -

“Will there be anything else?”

I had my eyes fixed on the computer screen in front of me, the blues, tans and reds of the second-to-last menu blurring together in to a solid mass. I studiously feigned an interest in it that was well beyond my mind’s actual capability. In reality I wanted nothing more than to smash my forehead in to the computer, hopefully knocking myself completely oblivious in the process. It wasn’t that I hated my job per say, I just found myself occasionally wishing that I could pull a katana out of my pants pocket with which to behead certain odious customers, and through that act steal their unholy power. I reminded myself – again – that such a thing would not garner me ultimate power. If the average intelligence of my customers was anything to go by it would just give me something messy and incurable.

Oh, and the police probably don’t take kindly to random, though totally justified, beheadings. That could be a problem. I would have to think about…

“No, that should be all for today. Thanks!”

This woman was entirely too chipper for my taste. But that was simply another very familiar trait of the ungodly horror standing across the counter from me.

“You’ve been a big help! I really appreciate it!”

I nodded, still studying the computer screen as though it held some piece of information that would be vital within the next few minutes for my continued existence. Perhaps it did. I could only maintain the friendly smile plastered below my nose for so long. That screen was artificial heart and lungs to said smile because it distracted my brain from finally getting around to pulling the plug. I didn’t want to seem unfriendly to the customer after all.

The screen flickered as I hit a button and I read the nice lady her total. I looked up and saw a light at the end of the tunnel. Finally! She would hand me her payment, I would produce a receipt, and then we would part ways, hopefully to never see each other again. Instead, the harridan produced a check book and scrounged around my counter for a pen.

I did what I could to wait patiently, desperately shoring up the smile that was the bulwark keeping my hatred from showing. I thought of daisies and warm sunny days without a care. I thought about logging in to World of Warcraft and taking down undergeared newbies with wanton abandon. I thought about last year’s trip to the Great Lakes and the frigid water that… Never mind. At least I was distracting myself long enough for her to…

“Who do I make this out to?”

My brain faceplanted against the inside of my skull so hard I’m sure that seismometers in China were wondering what had just happened to the American East coast.

With my brain fully out of commission my body went in to autopilot. The smile remained, but my eyes likely held a dejected lifelessness. Perhaps this was how the zombie apocalypse began; one man behind a counter, his psyche obliterated by the endless inanity of modern society. Chasing her down while moaning ‘brains’ made for a pretty picture, and I felt the slightest twinge of pleasure in an otherwise depressing emotional void. I pointed over my shoulder to the giant sign we had hanging on the wall over the counter. For the love of God, it was right in front of her in bold, shiny letters. I fully expected her to ask me how to spell it...

She began to scribble instead. I breathed a sigh of relief and began searching among the remains of my brain for some semblance of personality. I looked down as the screen flickered again. The colors fuzzed, blended, and then the entire thing shifted sideways. The defibrillation I was trying on my brain failed as everything I had accomplished over the last fifteen minutes disappeared in to an electronic black hole.

I was going to scream. I could feel it in the back of my throat clawing its way out from my gut. I had just spent the better part of my morning discussing the intricate details of this lady's purchase while she waited for me to make up her mind for her. Now I would have to spend even more time talking to her; putting on a happy face and a pleasant tone just so she would not know how much I wished to be doing anything else. With my fingers carving grooves in to my palms I took several slow breaths

The Horror! THE HORROR! THE HORROR!!!!

[5 - Part 2] Getting to Know You

Etherea again claimed my bed as her perch and by the time Craig and I entered she was peering through the blinds toward the street and the houses across it. The short hillside leading away from the building left us a little elevated - minimizing the obscuring powers of the local bushes - and I wondered if she liked the view better for it. She seemed enthralled. A tremor in her ears and wings brought back worries about her being seen, but she didn't seem alarmed, just nervous. For the first time in a long time I considered going for a beer to help calm myself.

As I crossed the room Etherea turned and met my eyes. I felt a small thrill as I was reminded that she had a pretty face; the vibrant purple of her eyes adding an enticingly exotic accent. Then the bottom dropped out of my stomach as I realised what I was doing. There was something wrong with me. She must have sensed my unease because she smiled slightly. It didn't help at all. In fact, her pleasant smile only worsened my conflicting feelings! As I struggled with one side of me fighting the other, while wondering whether the fight was worth it, I definitely felt a strong urge to drown myself in some alcohol.

So I called up the next episode on my waiting computer as quickly as I could, more than eager for the distraction.

With the episode playing I turned and found that Craig, instead of taking the obvious seat that was my computer chair, had opted to sit on the floor with his back against my bed. He wiggled his butt a couple of times, rolled his shoulders, and generally settled himself comfortably, completely oblivious to the alicorn staring at the back of his head nervously and leaning away. Why hadn't she said anything?

I groaned and shook my head. "Craig..."

When he cocked his head back at me I motioned toward Etherea with my eyes. The idiot didn't turn, no, he tilted his head back to rest on the bed. This put him even closer to Etherea and forced her to roll slightly on to her left side, her wing coming up between them defensively.

"Please don't touch me..." At least she was tense rather than outright angry. That she was making a concerted effort to keep her cool was greatly reassuring.

Craig quickly took his head back off the bed. "Oh. Roger. My bad."

Etherea held her pose and looked up to me with slightly wide eyes. The way her ears were flipping back and forth left her looking very confused.

"He means 'Yes, I will not do that. Sorry'." I explained.

"Yeah, that. I won't touch you unless you want it." Craig agreed over his shoulder at Etherea. I'm sure he didn't actually mean it the way it sounded. I hoped he didn't. Fortunately Etherea missed it completely, though she looked warily back and forth between the back of Craig's unkempt head and myself before settling herself back down. When she breathed a deep breath I silently mirrored her.

After resetting the episode because we had missed the opening - thanks Craig! - Etherea focused on the screen as the ponies were told about the impending royal wedding. I'd always liked these episodes so I was all set to follow right along with her, even if my enjoyment was hindered by the thought that she probably hated them. Craig didn't pay nearly as much attention, especially when I began to narrate. He barely waited until the opening credits before interrupting.

"So this is My Little Pony?" I caught Etherea mouthing the show's title to herself. "I knew the show was girly, but jeeze dude! Isn't this a bit much?" His face scrunched like someone had ripped a fart. Oh God, please don't let him do that either!

I answered without even thinking. "At least I'm man enough to admit that I like colorful cartoon ponies."

Craig's response came just as quickly, and it paired with the same goofy grin I knew so well. "Some 'man,' I don't think you could get a date to save your life. I keep telling you that this show is eating your man card. Girls probably think you're a faerie or something."

"Look, what happened after Rachel is all your fault. I can get dates if I want!" Now I was a bit upset. And it did not help at all when Etherea snorted!

"See?! Even... the ponies from your... dream world... don't believe you!" Craig was all but rolling on the floor laughing.

"Wait." Etherea broke in before I could do more than draw in a breath. "I did not... mean it like that! You two are simply interrupting." She paused ominously. "And I would very much... like to be left out of your little... lover's quarrel, if you please."

Both Craig and I gaped at her, him twisting his whole body around to do so. Her attention had not wavered but there was a faint self-satisfied smile on her muzzle.

"Heh. I'll give you that one 'cause you're a princess and a guest." Craig admitted with a chuckle. "But any other..."

"Hush." She cut him off. "I'm watching this. Alex, if you would not mind?"

I blinked as I blanked. What did she...? Oh right. Me narrating.

I expected that watching part one of "A Canterlot Wedding" would go over much like watching the first part of "Friendship is Magic" with me explaining what everyone was saying, Etherea fascinated but a little put off, and there would be a short question and answer session at the end. Oh, and Craig would be bored out of his mind. That, or he would magically become the most hardcore brony ever.

I ended up being right about one of those; it was no suprise that shortly after the beginning of the episode Craig flopped on his back on my carpet and alternated between fidgeting and rolling back and forth. Etherea, who I expected to quickly get fed up with his theatrics, ignored him for the most part. I knew it was a kind of cry for attention, but with both of his audiences paying him no mind he eventually gave up and settled for finishing my own work at numbering the bumps on the ceiling.

Etherea watched my computer with rapt attention, but it wasn't the same hesitant fascination that I'd seen. She hardly moved. She hardly even notice when Dimble hopped onto the bed to curl up on the end of her tail, and I worried that she might have even forgotten about breathing.

Even with her apparent paralysis I was eventually able to pick up some of Etherea's feelings even if her reactions made little sense to me. When Shining and Twilight had their first conversation she was relaxed and sporting a small smile. Cadance's appearance immediately wiped that spot of happiness away. In fact, as the episode progressed I noticed Etherea flipping between tender appreciation whenever Shining Armor was on screen and increasing anger whenever Cadance was.

I understood the second reaction, since Etherea must know who 'Cadance' really was. I imagined that seeing Chrysalis infiltrating Canterlot would be sort of like watching someone like Osama bin Laden take over my own government. But her reaction to Shining Armor? I couldn't place that one for the life of me. Did she have a thing for him?

A crazy theory popped in to my head right then. What if Etherea was really Cadance? It was a bit hard to envision, but Etherea had already pointed out that the show was wrong about quite a few things. I might not have just any pony in my apartment... I might have one of the ponies.

And yet I still doubted it. Etherea had immediately picked out certain ponies from my poster just by coloration. The real Cadance probably was actually pink and violet, so Etherea's yellow and blue marked her as some other pony, even if I still didn't know who.

Etherea could be Cadance's sister. Or she maybe a cousin. Unfortunately she hadn't yet mentioned any relation to any pony I knew, and other than nearly jumping down Craig's throat when he 'Oooo'ed dramatically at Twilight's abduction, she was steadfast in her attention to my computer. She might be paying more attention to us than I'd thought, but she still didn't want us interrupting. It put me on edge so withholding my questions was by far the wiser option.

By the end of the episode Etherea's poker face was again obscuring whatever she was thinking. Well, mostly. As the credits rolled I caught her blinking rapidly and doing her best to hide it behind a hoof.

"Are you okay?" I asked as Craig and I shared a look.

She nodded a bit too vigorously. "Mmmhmm!"

Pointing out that I thought she seemed to have just lied... Well, I wasn't feeling brave enough to toss her own comment about disharmonic actions back at her. Craig wasn't either; not with how he was looking away from Etherea and scratching the back of his neck. Normally he was more... rash. We locked gazes again and he shrugged long and slow.

"C-can I see the... rest of i-it?" Etherea's voice wasn't completely steady.

"I... um... Sure, I guess." What else could I really do? Deny her? No matter how awful I felt about showing her glorified versions of the worst events of her lifetime, she would probably see the rest of the episode at some point.

My fingers twitched in time with my nerves as I hit play for the next half of the episode. Etherea didn't seem to notice and lost herself in the show as I retreated back to my chair. Craig did, however, and a hasty whisper from me begged him to not worry about it. We both decided against any more noise when one of Etherea's ears twisted ominously toward us.

I'm not sure why I worried so much; Etherea had proven to be very level-headed even when she flew off the handle. She showed more emotion during the second half of the episode though. While the scene with the Twilight gatling-laser earned me a pointed look of disgust, for the most part what began as misty eyes evolved in to more eye rubbing and blinking. She eventually took to spending time staring at something beyond my computer that only she could see, so something was up even if she wouldn't admitted it. Craig wasn't oblivious to this either, and he began watching Etherea instead of trying to show just how bored he was.

My worry about what Etherea was going through still didn't prevent me from yawning a couple of times. And once the symptom caught my interest, I quickly also noticed exhaustion nipping me around the edges. Apparently my reserves of adrenaline weren't as endless as I'd thought. For the first time in, well, forever I found myself wanting to take a nap. Maybe a beer and then a nap. It was a bit of a struggle but I managed to keep my narrating uninterrupted.

The end of the episode brought a rousing moment of quiet and incited a fresh wave of anticipation as I thought about the looming question and answer session. Oh, and another traitorous yawn. Stupid body demanding a more complete sleep cycle!

Yet none of us seemed willing to interrupt the aura of quiet contemplation that lingered about us now that my computer lay dormant. Etherea was staring at her hooves with her ears pinned back and her wings pressed against her flanks while I desperately sorted through my thoughts in search of a way move the situation forward. Craig, surprisingly, looked deep in thought for some reason, which was probably driving him nuts. That was even more motivation for me to speak first.

I settled on my tried and true method of talking to Etherea: apologize.

"I'm sorry if that was upsetting. I hadn't really thought about how horrible those events must have been for you."

Etherea's head snapped up. "What? Oh no, that is... not what this is. I'm... I wasn't there, but it's still very important to me. It's..." Her mouth hung open as her eyes darted between Craig and I. After a little she seemed to make up her mind about something and took a deep breath. "It... it didn't happen quite like that, but that's more or less how..." she ducked her head and spoke quietly at the front of her chest, "...how my mother and father got married."

What...?

Wait a minute there. Hell, I probably needed an entire year to process that. I looked at Etherea in a completely new light. The pony resting on my bed was none other than the daughter of the Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and Captain Shining Armor? My eyes strained against their sockets as my brain tried to go in a thousand different directions at once.

Etherea stared back, her eyes no less wide. Her nose was still tilted down furtively and a part of her mane had fallen in front of her face like she hoped to hide behind it. A part of my brain registered that she seemed to be waiting for me to explode. I probably could have. Twice.

Craig quickly jumped in with some question or other about her relationship to her parents. He had finally caught on to exactly what her position of Princess might entail and began asking questions about her place in Equestria. She answered him quietly but never broke her attention from me, even as he began to ask very pointed questions about the types and extravagance of the parties she could throw.

I'm sure she could see the pieces of the day's conversations falling in to place in my head. The problem was they were doing so faster than I could analyze what I was realizing. I had Cadance's and Shining Armor's daughter in my apartment! That made her an heiress to the Crystal Empire, right? Something like that. She didn't just know the ponies from the show, she was related to several of them!

It certainly explained the almost faceted look of her cutie mark - she was a crystal pony. If anyone came looking for Etherea it might not be Celestia's royal guards, but whatever forces Cadance had in place. Great! More unknowns to worry about!

But, wait. If Etherea was Cadance's daughter... and she was fully grown...

I was blown away. My mind emptied and I slumped in my chair, the sudden void of thought shocking my body as well. Etherea went on alert, lifting her head high in alarm while I was busy kick-starting my brain. This was... I needed to focus and pull myself together. The fact that the show was practically ancient history - figuratively speaking - was freaking me out! Luna's return, Discord, the royal wedding, Sombra's defeat, Twilight's ascension, and so much more were decades old events by now! Who knew what had happened in the meantime?

Oh right! Etherea! Although...

Yet I still needed confirmation from her. "Wait." That simple declaration brought Craig's latest comment to a screeching halt. "How long ago did Cadance and Shining Armor get married?"

She frowned. "My parents' names and titles are Princess Eliz Una Doanlutza and... Prince Consort Essiya Reshua. And they were married twenty five years... ago and a couple of months after the changeling invasion."

"I..." She'd derailed me with that one. I couldn't have known her parents' Equestrian names so there was no need to snap at me. Even so I had bigger topics to fry. "Sorry." She nodded without taking her eyes off me. "If the changeling invasion was twenty five years ago, then, um..." What was Twilight's name? "Velroa Noris? She and her friends must be like over fifty now!"

"Lady Velroa Noris," damnit, she wasn't pleased, "is forty nine, but... yes, the Bearers are... older than you knew."

"Wait, wait, wait." Craig jumped in ahead of me. Etherea's frown grew as she raised her chin and opened her mouth, but she never stood a chance. "You've never had a problem with us not calling you Princess, so what's the big deal with these other people?"

Etherea's transition from righteously indignant back to bashful was shockingly quick. "Th-that's not-t the s-same!" she whispered.

"Uh huh. How's it not the same? You don't care about fancy titles, but you want us to treat your friends all high and mighty?" I couldn't see Craig's face, but his tone made it clear that he didn't believe whatever distinction she'd made was that important.

"Well, I... I did not want to make a big deal about my status s-so... you..." she hesitated before finishing in a rush, "So you would not try to take advantage of me!"

Craig confusedly twitched his head back and forth as he tried to figure that one out. "What...? Wait, how the hell would we do that?" He glanced at me. "It's, uhhh, not like we can make you do anything."

I was a little shocked myself that she thought so little of us.

"How?! In my situation I am pretty much at your mercy." Her eyes were darting back and forth without ever resting on anything in particular. "I-if you were to begin demanding things..." The look on her face as she cringed, the hunching of both sets of her shoulders, and the sudden curling of all her hooves under her... She was so very scared. I suppose I could imagine why as I felt a sympathetic tightening in my chest; she thought she'd just pointed out that we could easily exploit her situation for our benefit.

"You think we're going to try and ransom you or something? Whu... I..." Craig tilted his head to look at me over his shoulder. "Hey Alex, help me out here."

Suddenly I was the center of attention again. It took a long, painful moment before I was remotely confident that I wouldn't just add to the brewing atmosphere. "Eth... Princess Etherea. You're an alicorn, so I already knew you were a princess. After the past few hours what makes you think I would take advantage of that?" I paused to give her a chance to respond. She didn't, and instead cast her eyes down.

"Plus what I said earlier is still true. If you really, truly wanted to do something, especially with your magic, there's probably nothing either of us could do to stop you. One of the reasons I'm on edge is that I am worried about angering you. I don't think you have anything to fear from us. I really do just want to help you because I feel responsible for what you're going through." I waited as her eyes rose to look at me. I could practically hear gears turning as she stared at me with a blank face, pieceing together what I'd said, how I'd said it, and what it meant to the conversation. She was getting it, but I could only hope my smile and tone had been friendly enough. I could smell smoke too, but that was probably just Craig trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

"I... okay." Etherea's small smile was heartwarming. "I'm an idiot and should be quiet?"

Every thought in my head came to a screeching halt. Had she just used that little safety phrase on herself? Yes, she had. The only response I could muster was to nod dumbly. At least she was taking this well. Her soft giggle was music to my ears; Craig's complete confusion was priceless.

Still, I wanted to give her something to reassure her of my good intentions. "Well now that we all understand each other," except Craig, "I'm willing to use everyone's proper titles if it's important to you, though I still don't understand why. And then I have a question. Shouldn't we call Velroa, um, Princess Naois?"

Etherea twitched and her mouth dropped open. For a moment there was a look of complete shock on her face before she screwed up her muzzle and I found myself at the receiving end of a very pointed and thorough examination. As Etherea continued to stare at me I grew more and more uncomfortable. She didn't look particularly upset, which was a relief, but I'd apparently said something profoundly stupid.

"No... Why would she be a princess?" Etherea asked cautiously.

With nothing else to say, I responded as eloquently as I could. "Uhhh... Hasn't she been an alicorn for quite some time now?"

"What?!" The only thing Etherea could do for a full minute was blink rapidly at me. Naturally I shrank under the silent onslaught, my face heating up though I wasn't quite sure why. What was going on here? Was Twilight not a princess?

"No... I mean, no, Twi... Lady Naois is not an..." Etherea paused to literally chew on the rest of her response, "...alicorn." For a long moment there was silence before she straightened and jump-started the conversation again. "I suppose if anypony... is capable finding a way to become an alicorn, then it would be her. But short... of an edict from either Celestial Princess she would... not actually be a princess. Even if she had married in to the royal... family she would still be just a Princess Consort. But she has done neither of those things." She glanced pointedly at the dormant computer monitor. "In your show she's not even... referred to as a Lady, so why on... why do you think she should be a Princess?"

Okay. What. The. Hell?! Twilight wasn't a Princess? It was interesting finding out all of the differences between the show and the real Equestria, but at least the major events had been there. This was a huge deal, but it hadn't happened? Oh shit! What if that hadn't happened yet?! This could be very bad. Very, very bad.

But I couldn't just not say anything now. Trying to gloss over this potentially world-breaking, not-yet-happened event would just upset Etherea. Not saying a damned thing would normally be my fallback, but the cat was already out of the bag and she was staring expectantly at me.

"I..." my mouth jumped ahead of my brain, and me reigning it back drew a raised eyebrow from her. By now Craig was also looking at me expectantly. "Okay, so season two ended with the marriage of... your parents. Season three, the one that ended a few months ago, started with the return of the Crystal Empire," Etherea's eyes widened and she tried to flick her tail, heedless of the cat holding it down, "and finished with, um, Velroa ascending to be an alicorn Princess when she'd finally mastered the magic of friend... ship..." I trailed off as Etherea's face grew increasingly disbelieving.

Craig snickered and received a withering glare from Etherea. When she spoke it was carefully gentle. "Well, you cannot just become an alicorn - I suppose transmogrification probably could make you look like one, but you... wouldn't actually be one - you have to be born one. So that has not happened. Lady Naois is... the Element of Magic, she teaches... Mistress level theoretical magic in Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, and is happily married with two children. She is the most gifted unicorn... in ages, but she is still a unicorn."

Seeing my face falling - something I felt distressingly keenly - Etherea straightened and reached out with her right forehoof as though to placate me. "So your show has... gotten a few details incorrect. That's not a problem is it?"

"No..." It took a moment, but I really was fine with that. "I suppose it isn't. The show's just been right about enough of the major events that it's surprising." Etherea relaxed as I spoke, so I was doing well. "Plus, now you can tell us all about what things are really like. Fill in the blanks and the like."

"If you want to, of course." I hastily added as I considered that I might be taking advantage of her by milking her for information.

"I suppose I can do that. Especially... since we are apparently going to be spending some time together." As Etherea spoke I preemptively glared at Craig, but he just grinned again. "I am..." she took a deep breath while looking back and forth between us, "...Princess Etherea and crown daughter of the Crystal Empire." Another hesitation followed as she gauged our reactions. "My parents are Princess Delusha, the... crown of the Crystal Empire, and Prince Consort Essiya Reshua. Officially I'm first... in the line of succession, but I doubt I will ever sit on the throne."

At our confused looks she stopped whatever she was about to say and raised an eyebrow. I couldn't speak for Craig, but I was wondering why she didn't expect to ever be in charge. Craig and I switched to pondering each other, but naturally he spoke first.

"I'm just wondering what all that royalbabel means to people like us." he said cheekily.

"Ah." I turned to meet Etherea's waiting violet eyes. Finding her calm and amenable was doing wonders for my own nerves, and I found a way to turn my explanation for Craig in to a question for Etherea. "You're Princess Cadance's... um, that's how we know her, and Prince Consort Shining Armor's daughter. They are the ponies who lead the Crystal Empire?" Etherea nodded, "There is no king or queen above the Princess." Another head bob. "And you don't think you'll ever take your mother's position as leader. Why not?"

I'd clearly succeeded in explaining it to Craig because his cranial finger-digging ended. However Etherea was grimacing.

"I suppose we can forgo... the titles for now - I don't know what I was thinking." She blushed. "It actually sounds worse when you try... to be overly formal," she flashed a small smile at us and shrugged her wings, "and I'm sorry, but I'm not... really looking forward to hearing my parents' names like that every time... they come up. Just please keep in mind that you do not know these ponies. But..."

"Oh, thank God!" Craig breathed a heavy sigh of relief. "All those 'thee's,' 'thou's,' 'your majesty' this and that, and the bowing and fancy forks and things. Nuh uh! There's no way I could do it."

Etherea just stared at Craig and her mouth worked futilely to come up with a response. I understood Craig's difficulty with being formal, but I wasn't sure I could come up with a good reply either. It was pretty standard for Craig, and unfortunately trying to mold him into something else generally failed. How to explain that to Etherea without making him sound like a complete asshole? I'd get back to her.

"Yes. You're welcome. I guess." Etherea took the initiative instead. She dragged her attention back to me before continuing. "But back to your... question; alicorns can live for up to three centuries. My mother married... my father right after the Changeling invasion, since... she realized that she might lose him, and I was born not long after. She..." Etherea's muzzle dropped slightly so that she was looking at me through her eyelashes. "So, um... she married young for an alicorn. My mother is only in her fifties and I'm twenty four, so I'm not that... much younger than she is. That is why I probably won't sit; by the time I'm likely to I will also be... too old to."

For a moment none of us said anything. I wasn't sure whether to play up the positive aspects of that or the somber ones. But when put like that there was no real choice.

"Well, I'm glad they made the choice they did, I suppose. Wouldn't have it any other way." Oh God, that was corny. Judging by my companions' expressions they agreed wholeheartedly. Quick! Topic switch! "So anyway. What do you do as a princess? Do you have a purview like... um..." Another yawn interrupted anything further.

Etherea raised an eyebrow. I waved her off while trying to hide my gaping maw behind a fist.

"I do..." She hesitated again, though it wasn't as pronounced as when she'd told us who she was. Princess Cadance's daughter of all ponies! Even as tired as I was there was still giddiness somewhere in me. "What I said earlier about an older version... of my name meaning 'Daughter of Dreams' refers to that. My special talent is dreams. I have a natural ability... to influence them, but I wouldn't be 'Mistress of Dreams' because... ponies do not require my attention to have dreams. It's what my cutie mark represents - a pleasant dream." She shifted her wing so that we could see the image of a sun nestled amongst three clouds on the side of her haunch.

"Oh! So that's what your bu..."

"CRAIG!"

Craig stiffened and nearly fell over. As it was he ended up catching himself with an elbow on my bed while staring at me with wide eyes. Thank God I'd seen that one coming a mile away. I gave him my best death glare.

"I mean that's wonderful! Thank you for sharing!" Craig grinned broadly after righting himself.

I was afraid Etherea's face was going to get stuck in a permanent look of shock and confusion. As for myself, I could only groan at my roommate and blush behind the hand covering my face.

"Anyways," I managed to get out after a moment, "you were saying?"

Etherea hummed to herself for a second while she got herself back in the conversation. "So yes, my special talent is dreams. The regular dreams you... have at night, daydreams, and even nightmares are all... things that I can influence."

I noticed Craig's grin growing and I caught the barest of glances my way. Yeah, I get it. She's the pony of my dreams. I hoped he received that mental gut punch I sent him. If nothing else the idea of socking him hard made me feel a little bit better. However my little mental foray had made me miss part of what Etherea was saying. Now I needed to get back in the conversation. Right on queue she closed her mouth and looked at me expectantly.

"Uh... I thought dreams were part of Princess Luna's duties." A witty interjection it was not. Damnit!

Etherea shook her head to clear it of my stupidity. Or at least that's what it looked like to me. "Well, they are. But as far... as I know, as Princess of the Moon, she simply has an affinity for them and has spent time developing her ability. She may have a lot more... practice but they are my special talent." She perked up. "Oh, and spending so much time... in Canterlot put me in a perfect position... to aid Princess Luna with her duties concerning dreams."

One of the few genuine smiles I'd seen today found its way on to Etherea's face. I liked seeing her happy. I just couldn't look too happy for fear of giving Craig more ammunition. I was going to minimize that if I could help it.

"...actually lived in Canterlot most of my life." Etherea was talking again? Crap! I couldn't have missed much though since I hadn't zoned out for that long. "I was born there because the Crystal Empire was still out... of phase for another year. Even after it returned, and Teshiran was... destroyed, it remained too dangerous for a number of years to have my parents bring me with them when they visited."

Years? So either the Equestrian Games episode hadn't happened or it had occurred much later. I really couldn't see Shining Armor playing track coach while on duty anyways.

"Most of my school years... were in Canterlot because, quite frankly, the Crystal Empire was not equipped to provide a modern education. And right now... or up until yesterday," she grimaced, "I live... lived in the palace to... learn statesponyship under Princesses Celestia and Luna. It feels like that city is more home than the country I'm supposedly in line to govern."

I could feel myself relaxing simply because it seemed like Etherea was doing the same. Her short biography had been delivered freely and easily, so she seemed to have taken the previous conversation to heart and convinced herself to trust us somewhat. It was a sign that things might actually end up alright. All we needed to do was keep her a secret. From everyone in the world. And not get killed by a potential future rescue party from Equestria or the Crystal Empire.

And now thanks to my traitorous brain I was nervous again.

"What about yourself?"

Etherea's innocent question came out of left field and I jumped in my seat. Oh that's right, we were still doing a question and answer session and that meant she would get to ask about us as well. Quick, Alex, come up with an exciting, moving story about your life! Yeah right, never going to happen.

"Well, I'm Alexander Stepanowski, though I don't have any fancy titles or notable positions so you can just call me Alex." I shrugged dismissively.

"Stepn - ow -skee?"

"It's actually Step - an - ow -ski, and it's Polish." Unfortunately it was clear that throwing names around wasn't helping her. "Poland is a country nearly halfway around the world from here. My father's great grandparents immigrated from it about, oh, a hundred years ago, though I think the name got misspelled when they got here. That happened quite a lot, actually. The people running the immigration services back then had a bad habit of messing up any name that was too foreign for them."

Etherea's head tilted sideways as she considered me. "So does that mean that your people have been exiled as well?"

"Er... No. My great grandparents were fleeing..." I suddenly remembered that a century ago World War One had been brewing. Explaining that decade, and the three that followed, after I'd just gotten her to relax a little? "...um... It wasn't the best of times over there and this country was on the rise. It's actually a very common story. A lot of people seeking a chance for a better life look toward the United States because we've been one of the more stable and progressive countries around. My family isn't in exile; we're fully naturalized Americans. We've just kept the last name."

"Oh." She settled just a little more comfortably though the set of her ears and wings still showed no small amount of hesitance. I let her gather her thoughts and after a moment she spoke again. "Is there a distinction between... 'American' and 'United States of America?'"

"Nope. Not really. The continent we're on is called North America, and the country we're in is The United States of America. Our country occupies most of the area so we just call ourselves 'Americans.'"

"It," she ducked her head again, "sounds a little conceited like that."

I snorted in amusement; she didn't have to worry so much. "Yeah, it is. Not much I can do though." I took a short break to swallow another yawn, but I finished by smiling for her. "Welcome to the United States!"

"Best damned country in the world! 'MURCA!" Thanks Craig.

Etherea sort of reared back and shifted away from Craig again. Her wide amethyst eyes and fully-folded ears showed that in less than a second Craig might have undone many minutes-worth of making her feel less estranged.

Not for the first time was I dismayed at Craig's near constant jovial nature. Craig was certainly pro-United States, but I knew that he was also just playing it up as a joke. There were just some times when it was better to be more reserved, but my roommate had proven time and again that in most cases he wasn't interested. I knew he could do it, but I just wished he would choose to do so more often. If anything caused tension between us, it was this.

What I didn't mind was Etherea looking my way again. I think she was coming to understand that if she needed help figuring something out, then it would probably be best to ask me.

"It's best if you don't mind him too much. You'll get used to it." I kept my voice even and hopefully reassuring. I felt a small thrill when she nodded understandingly. There was some trust there!

"So you both are from here?" Etherea's question was really more of a statement.

Craig broke in before I could say anything. "Yup. Born here in Delaware, spent all twenty six years of my life here, and probably gonna' die here. I've never needed to be anywhere else, and never wanted to be either."

Once again Etherea sought my counsel once she was done paying attention to Craig. "For me, well, sort of. Craig's a native to this state, but I grew up in Wisconsin which is halfway across the country. I'm thirty but have spent only the last nine or so years here."

"Another state?" Etherea's gaze shifting around. It looked like she wasn't quite understanding the distinctions we were making. That was reasonable since we just kept throwing names at her. "I... I think I will need to see a map."

"I can..." yawn, "...do that. Though I don't have one on hand so I'd have to find one on the computer." I waved a hand in the direction of my monitor. "How about later?" She dipped her muzzle in what I took as assent.

She then spent a moment getting more comfortable, gingerly tucking her hooves back under herself and shuffling her wings slightly. I idly wondered just how big her wings were as I watched her feathers slide over one another. I'd seen her spread her wings slightly at various times but had yet to see her fully extend either one. Given that she was pretty large - at least as far as feathered-creatures go - and that the largest of her primaries looked to be as wide as my hand, I imagined her standing beside a Pteranodon and having a comparable wingspan.

I was tempted to ask about it despite the current topic. That desire was forgotten when I had to fight to not laugh as Etherea tried to adjust her tail and found it occupied by a cat. The look she gave over her withers as she considered the annexation of her rear-most extremity was something I would remember for quite a while. She flicking her mane when she looked back to us wasn't to help cover a blush. Certainly not.

"So..." Etherea was clearly interested in just moving past her embarrassment, "...how about special talents? You now know mine. What are yours?"

"Drinking beer, being the best damned DJ, and hav..."

"Humans don't have special talents!" My outburst was surprisingly loud even to me, but we weren't ready for the conversation about Craig's 'special' talents. Or at least I wasn't. Craig snorted while Etherea again passed wide eyes between the two of us. "At least, not the way ponies do. Sure we have things we're good at, but not many of us have a single skill that defines us. Like I work in a retail paint store, and I can do the job well, but it's just something I do. It's not the main part of who I am."

"It sounds like you just... have not found what really makes you happy." Etherea nodded knowingly.

"I... No, I know what I like, but it's not such a defining part of who I am."

Etherea's eyes roamed a short trip around my face as she pondered me. "I don't think... you understand what exactly a cutie mark means for a pony. It doesn't confine her to what it represents. It merely shows the... one thing she both best excels at and receives... the most enjoyment from. She can do other things, and most ponies do, but a special talent... is just that. Take me for example. My special talent is dreams, but that doesn't have anything to do with me being a princess." She seemed to hesitate again before mentioning her station to us, but it was so brief that I was left guessing.

"Well, then I guess..." What would my special talent be in a pony's eyes? Playing video games? Playing role-playing games? Drawing? It certainly wasn't making house paint for people; I wouldn't say that I particularly enjoyed that. I doubted I could claim a talent in My Little Pony...

"See," Etherea's voice brought me around with a start. "You look like a pony who has yet to find her... his talent."

"I suppose if I had one, then it would be something to do with art. I can draw pretty well and I like doing so. But I don't think it works the same way." Etherea's eyes narrowed. "You keep pointing out that our worlds are very different, and I think this is one of those things. Some of us do have special talents, but not all of us. And we certainly don't have cutie marks to show them off."

Etherea snorted derisively. "I sort of expected that since our... cutie marks have to do with our personal Harmony. But I cannot... believe that you do not have a special talent even if you don't have a... similar way of showing it off." Her mane swished back and forth across the sheets, mirroring the motion of her head. "You just need to find it and accept it. Your art for instance. It sounds like... you aren't developing it even though you like it. Why not? It could be your special talent."

"I don't think so. It takes me far too much time to get anything done. I'm meticulous. I can't just..." Normally I'd say 'vomit completed works onto the page.' A bit of a weird analogy, but it was the best one I'd come up with to describe people who could quickly create complete works from simple ideas. It was yet another instance of the kind of thinking/acting that humans did all the time that I doubted Etherea would appreciate. "...it takes me far too much time and effort to turn out something mediocre, much less something really good."

She watched me for a moment with the corners of her mouth slowly curling lower. "Not that I don't believe you, but I think..."

Craig took that moment to yawn mightily and stretch both arms toward the ceiling. The other two of us watched as he cracked his neck - twice - and then scratched his side before settling back on his elbows. Another awkward silence began but was quickly broken when I found myself yawning. Craig's grin reappeared and he turned expectantly to Etherea. She raised an eyebrow as Craig's smile grew.

This had to be the stupidest thing ever. I was tempted to rub my temples again at his very obvious attempt to disrupt the conversation. But I wouldn't let myself do that either. I wasn't...

And then I looked at Etherea - really looked that is - I could just barely see a tightness around her lips that extended all the way to the back of her jaw. Her ears were hiding back behind her head and she was sharing a staring contest with Craig. Good Lord, he'd gotten her too. Now I was curious whether she could fight it off and deny Craig the satisfaction.

But should I have ever doubted? It took a minute, and a couple of times I saw her cheeks working hard to keep her mouth from opening, but she eventually wrinkled her nose and let out a breath. Craig was still smiling triumphantly though.

"Well." I twitched in surprise as Etherea's soft voice broke the stillness. She rubbed a her nose with a hoof like that was a good cover for the faint pink visible just under her fur. "I guess we have... been leaving you out of the conversation Craig. I apologize for that."

"Nah. It's alright. You two are talking stuff that's way over my head. Harmony this, and cutie mark that." He sniggered while shifting his eyes ever-so-slightly my way. "You two just carry on and let me know when you get to something interesting." He lay back on the floor.

Etherea frowned again, though with her eyes downcast she didn't seem angry. "No. We've been excluding you and that's... not fair. In fact," and I again became the focus of those beautiful violet eyes - attention that made me twitch as I suddenly had to hide a familiar conflict of thrill and gut-twisting, "since it's clear that you... didn't sleep well last night, and we have spent... most of the day... um, discussing things. Why don't I spend some time getting to... know Craig and you can get some rest?" She nodded as though the decision had been made and then carved in stone.

"Nah, that's okay. You ponies are kinda' his thing, so I don't mind." Craig nodded my way.

"Well, I insist. I understand that... you are making accommodations for me, but I don't want you to run yourself ragged."

I didn't even get a chance to protest. Etherea lifted a very surprised Dimble in her magic while sliding off the bed. In very short order the covers were smoothed, the cat was re-deposited, and the variety of items danced along behind her as she nimbly skirted around me and over to the doorway.

"Do not worry, Alex, I will be fine. You... just rest. Come Craig. I must..." I wondered at the slight dipping of her nose and accompanying hint of a blush, "...excuse myself first, but then perhaps I can... learn more about my, um, other roommate."

And then she was gone, her tail swaying behind her in time with the motion of her haunches.

I was still trying to wrap my head around the situation when Craig left. The whole thing struck me as a very bad idea, but I was conflicted about whether to concentrate on the image of her walking or to protest her decision. I felt like arguing against leaving her alone with an unrepentant womanizer would somehow end badly for me, but I also knew that I couldn't be there all the time to hold her hand... hoof. She was going to learn some things eventually and Craig wasn't that bad as far as people go. Sure, he wanted primarily one thing from the opposite sex, but he was up front about it and didn't push it on the unwilling. He was caring in his own way.

So maybe things would be alright.

There were few things that scared me more than that thought. Nothing good had ever come after it. But my options were to take a nap or to protest. A nap sounded really good, actually, and I didn't want to appear petty by arguing with Etherea over something she had 'given' me. Plus, judging by the faint sounds of running water, she was in the bathroom again.

A nap it was then.

When I lay down I found another problem, and one that I leapt out of the bed and nearly marched my ass to the living area over. My sheets smelled of lilacs now. If I took a nap then I would be immersing myelf in Etherea's scent.

That brought to mind all sorts of thoughts. Thoughts about wanting to be near Etherea, to enjoy looking at her, and wanting to try to get to know her. Thoughts of how disappointing it was that doing so wasn't really possible. Thoughts of how messed up I was to be thinking these kinds of things in the first place. After all I was thinking about a pony, and only freaks and perverts were attracted to ponies.

I paced furiously for a time as I tried to come up with a solution. Unfortunately I was just running in circles and exhausting myself, and that only added to my need for a nap. I even considered grabbing some new sheets and curling up in the corner but it would be even worse to be found like that.

What it eventually came down to was Dimble leading me by example again - namely that he was curled comfortably atop the sheets without a care in the world. If he could do it, so could I. In theory at least. I was horribly uncomfortable while surrounded by an impression of lilacs, so even dozing took far too long as I tried desperately to not let my mind wander too far with thoughts of who the smell came from.

-----|||||-----

"Alex?"

I wasn't actually asleep. I was still anxious about, well, everything and I really hadn't been prepared for a random nap, so I'd only gotten as far as deep, persistent doze. I was still loathe to leave it because in this state my imagination was still free to roam without having to deal with the harsh truths concerning actual, living ponies. Here I could imagine the world of Equestria as cheerful and unblemished by my own actions.

"Alex, are you awake?"

But someone with a quiet, pleasantly feminine voice wasn't letting me stay in my partially unconscious state. I had a nice, cozy bed so I didn't really want to get up. The hint of lilac in my cloth cocoon was also kind of nice.

I suddenly remembered why I was smelling lilacs. The thoughts from when I'd first laid down returned with a vengeance because now I was essentially reveling in Etherea's scent while she was nearby. Yeah, I needed to get the hell out of bed. I couldn't let her pick up on the whole lilac thing - I wanted to enjoy living a while longer!

"Alex, please. Um, we would both like it if you could get up."

I cracked my eyelids at the pony peeking low around the frame of my door. For some reason everything was really blurry. In fact, my eyes were almost painfully dry. I could feel my contacts stuck in place, so my contacts were why everything was blurry. Yeah, sleeping with contacts in is a horrible idea.

I sat up and tried to work some moisture under the contacts through furious rubbing. It didn't really help much at all, but at least I was able to indistinctly make out Etherea's features. I couldn't really see it, but judging by her voice her face probably wore a hesitant expression. Was I really so scary? I suppose with the morning having gone so very well that I might be. I certainly would hesitate to wake her from a nap.

As I got to my feet I noticed that it was pretty dark both inside and out. The sun was low over the horizon so I'd been out for several hours. I did feel a little less tense, even if the last vestiges of unconsciousness were making all of my other perceptions a bit fuzzy. I tried rubbing my eyes again as I made my way out of the room, and of course it didn't work then either. I was going to have to rewet my contacts.

Ahead of me Etherea was backing away, her head still low as she looked behind herself. The hallway was narrow enough that it would be incredibly awkward for her to try turning around. But why hadn't she just done so in my room? Oh right, the fear thing. I sighed silently to myself, wishing hard that I could fix all this with a snap of my fingers. I left some distance between us so she could turn around in the bathroom doorway. I'd like to think she gave me a look of gratitude before walking away, but how much of that was a flight of fancy from my contacts I couldn't tell.

Still, I enjoyed watching those long legs carry her away even if she was a pony. And I felt so dirty for doing it.

The man with the long brown hair and hazel eyes who looked back at me from the mirror didn't seem any different, but I certainly felt different. Was that the face of some kind of sexual pervert? Or was there enough human in Etherea that I was just weird? 'Human in Etherea...' Fuck you brain, I did not need a refresher in what she looked like under her tail! I would have punched myself if I thought doing so would accomplish anything.

I may have gently removed my contacts, but I dug the washcloth deeply in to my skin with the pressure of my fingernails. Part of it was simply because I felt grimy from not yet taking a shower, but I was also feeling very dirty in other ways. Irrational? Sure. Cathartic? Definitely.

I entered the living area feeling more fully refreshed and found a very interesting scene. Craig had his legs stretched out before him and was slid down on the couch so that his butt was halfway off it - his customary position. Etherea had settled herself on the floor in the corner beside the couch. It was probably the best place for her, since she would be very hard to see from outside the apartment. It meant that she was essentially hiding in a corner though, which made me feel sorry for her even if I had no better solution.

"Hey man." Craig didn't even look away from the TV. Surprise, surprise, he was watching another sports news show.

I raised a hand in greeting. "What's up?"

"We're hungry and you said you'd cook, right?" Now Craig looked my way. Of course. I'd told him he couldn't just slap together the usual fare and now I had to do the legwork.

Etherea ducked her head after Craig's response. "Yes. I am a bit hungry." Well that did it. I was cooking.

I was hungry too, but at least I had a plan. Casserole and green beans. As I ventured over to the kitchen area, noting with some dismay the dirty dishes piling in the sink, Etherea followed. Slunk would probably be the better term. After passing Craig she ducked under the window and hugged the wall until she was past. I realized that was probably very smart because it would be ridiculously easy to see her moving around a lit room at night.

Dimble soon manifested nearby and I quickly got his evening helping ready, the fridge door becoming an effective visual shield. His food bowl got placed off to the side and out of sight of Etherea. There was little I could do about the smell of cat food, but the pony princess sitting between the kitchen island and the wall seemed to be preoccupied. She probably had a lot of questions after spending the afternoon with Craig.

"I have a question." Bingo.

"Shoot." The dishes I'd need for a basic casserole weren't needed for our regular meal choices, so at least I didn't have to wash them first. The cookbook my mom had sent me one Christmas joined the dishes as I went digging for ingredients.

"Huh?" was Etherea's insightful response.

Oh right, Equestrian translation problems. "I mean go ahead and ask."

"Oh." Etherea pursed her lips before continuing. "I wondered... well, is your society patriarchal? I asked Craig... about it earlier, but he..."

"No goddamned Patriot fans allowed in here!" came from across the room.

"Yes. That." She took a moment to glare over her withers at the lanky man on the couch. "It... I'm confused."

I chuckled. Good old Craig. "That's just him being him. He hates the Patriots football team and probably just heard the first part of the word and his brain filled in the rest like usual. And yes, most human societies are patriarchal."

Etherea sat quietly for a while after that. If that was the only question she could think of then her time spent with Craig hadn't gone as badly as I'd feared. Lacking any other distractions, I got the dish put together and in to the stove in relatively short order while a pony - a pony! - watched. I didn't know if she knew anything about cooking, but it felt like I was a chef on one of those cooking contests and I made sure to do it right even if it took a little extra time.

Once the dish was in the oven we made our way back to the couch. Etherea again crept past under the window and again I felt bad watching the contortions she went through. She grimaced when she noticed me watching, but once she was back in her corner she also made a point to lift her head regally as she tucked in her hooves.

I sighed and flopped on the couch next to Craig, who had, of course, scooted over so that I had to sit closer to Etherea. I was really tempted to punch him in the arm for his self-satisfied smirk.

We watched the TV for a little but I wasn't interested in the least. After all, who wouldn't be a little excited and distracted to have Cadance's and Shining Armor's daughter sitting next to them? Even as I marveled at that fact I also kept running the events of the day through my head and wondering what I could do to prepare for whatever was coming. The only definite thing I could think of was to keep the resident princess happy. Hopefully that would be enough; she really just needed to get home quickly, both for her sake and mine.

For her part, Etherea faced the TV with a patiently blank expression, but her ears constantly shifted so she seemed to be very bored. I began noticing a pattern as my suspicions about her lack of interest rose. Both ears would start out at attention, but her left ear - the one nearest myself - would eventually rotate toward me. After a moment her nose would dip, her eyes flick my way, and then both her ears would fold completely. After a little she'd go back to her original position and try to watch the TV.

I don't know why, but I had to do something.

"So Etherea," she jumped a little when I spoke, though she quickly covered it by elegantly arching her neck and tilting her head my way, "I know Craig, and I'm guessing you actually have more questions than just the one?"

The TV and I received a couple of quick glances before she responded. "I have been thinking on that. I was going... to ask how human society can function as a patriarchy," she flinched and looked away, "but that would have been... very rude to question your ability to, um... form a working system of government... without..."

She swallowed before continuing. "I realized that I know... so little about how this world works, so traditional Equestrian ideals concerning... societal positions... don't necessarily apply. That, and the Diamond Dogs tend to be patriarchal. Their pack society seems to work. To an extent. I'm... just not used to it."

Well of course not, princess. Your entire world is beholden to multiple female alicorns. Despite her blatant bias against the effectiveness of male-run systems I wasn't actually upset. It was easy to see where she was coming from and I shrugged dismissively to show her that there were no hard feelings.

She seemed to understand because she straightened and then continued. "I learned quite a bit... about this 'foot-ball' game, how violent it is," she grimaced, but fortunately didn't seem too disturbed - thank God! "and now know in exacting detail why... the Patriots have no chance of success in... the upcoming season. Even if there is clearly some bias somewhere." She looked over me at Craig, but her comment had gone clear over his head.

"Your tele-vision," it was a little funny to hear her stumbling over the actual English word, "is amazing. Craig mentioned your use of... elemental electricity to power it, but I... still do not understand how you can create such vivid real-time projections... without some manner of scrying and illusion spells."

I started when I found myself the center of her attention. "Yeah... it's complicated..."

Etherea's eyes dropped and her ears drooped . "Craig wasn't able to explain it either." That wasn't quite what I meant, but I didn't get a chance to clarify.

"I have no idea how all of that shhhh..." Etherea's mane flared around her neck as her head spun toward Craig, her eyes going wide. He chuckled nervously and I wondered just what had happened this afternoon. "...er, how a TV works."

Etherea's eyes caught mine but she flinched and quickly looked away. "Craig and I also had a few very interesting conversations on... other topics." Oh no. "I believe I've run... out of questions concerning human, um, mating practices..." She came to a sudden stop as the sound of my hand hitting my forehead filled the room.

I should have known better than to leave them alone together! "I don't know exactly what he told you, but I have a good idea. Trust me when I say Craig is hardly a model for human relationships."

"I don't know what the problem is. If you want to hang out as friends, I'm cool with that. If you want to get drunk and have the best damned night of your life, then gimme' a call. But I don't need a girlfriend, and I'm not gonna' get married."

My gaze slid in Craig's direction as my eyes narrowed. He hadn't just invited Etherea to join him for an evening of drunken debauchery after I'd explicitly warned him to be careful around her, had he? I suppose I hadn't specifically mentioned his near-nightly escapades. But seriously, was this so hard?

Craig hadn't moved a muscle and was still paying attention to the TV, so no, he hadn't really directed that at Etherea. The bluntness of his response probably wasn't sitting too well with her though. She was a pony after all.

"Ugh. It sounds like you would get... along famously with a friend of mine. I don't understand how you," I caught Etherea including both Craig and I in a pointed look, "can live without... some kind of stable relationship."

"Wait," Etherea leaned away as I sat upright to confront her, "don't include me with Craig. I'm not like him!"

"Yeah, you like to sit in the corner and nurse one drink the whole evening. Boooooring!" I could hear him rolling his eyes. "I still say you just need to get hammered and laid a few times."

I slumped back into the couch, trying to burrow backwards through it. I didn't want to argue with Craig in front of the visiting pony princess, but I also didn't have any good retorts at the front of my mind. He was probably right to some extent; I just didn't like the idea of going out and screwing some random girl because it was simply something to do.

For a long while there was silence in the apartment. I couldn't speak for Etherea or Craig, but I was stewing in my thoughts. I wanted some way to convince her that I wasn't at all like Craig, but I was hesitant to go in to detail about my own romantic interests with a pony I found attractive. I was terrified of what I might accidentally allude to or say considering my track record with stupid comments.

Etherea sat stiffly as I chased thoughts around my head until eventually drawing a breath in and slowly letting it back out.

"And there was something... else..."

Next to me Craig shifted as Etherea trailed off nervously. A glance his way revealed an interested eyebrow cocked our way. His scruffy face was placid at the moment, but I caught a twitch in his cheek.

" A, um, request. I... um... Earlier when you... Just before I took a shower you suddenly shouted before running off to talk to someone." She was blushing up a storm now. Forget showing a little pink around the edges, I was surprised she was conscious. I swear even her feathers had turned bright orange.

"Yeah?" I encouraged, though I immediately regretted how callous it sounded.

"You said... um... I-I mean, what you... I-it was..."

Craig snickered and that just made things worse. Etherea pulled her head back until her mane fell over her face, leaving little more than a bit of wide purple iris visible. Now I was getting alarmed. She was acting like...

Shit... Like she knew that for some reason I found her attractive. This wasn't good. What do I say? What do I...? My heart started racing as I went over my memories of the afternoon with a fine-tooth comb, looking for any hints I might've given. But there could have been so many!

Wait no, she'd mentioned my conversation with Carl. I hadn't realized my attraction then. This could be something else, so maybe I was still safe!

"Etherea," I hesitantly offered, still not knowing what the hell was going on. Or why Craig was starting to smile. "Are you okay?"

She started to make a motion that was half nod and half shake before giving up. "Y-yes. It's just that I... we ponies, um... We don't..."

"She doesn't like poop jokes."

"What?" My head snapped toward Craig and Etherea squeaked.

"That's...! Augh! I t-told you to not talk like that!"

"What?" Craig was completely unrepentant. On the other hand I was still very confused. "You couldn't say it and he wasn't getting it. You were just beating the weasel and I was getting sick of it."

What the fuck? "'Beating the weasel?'"

It was Craig's turn to look confused. Great. One more and we'll all be clueless idiots. "Isn't that how it goes? The weasel's going around a bush or something and then you hit it and it blows up?"

Weasel, bush, and blowing up? It was a classic piece of Craig-ese, and it took me a minute to translate it through to regular English. "You mean pop goes the weasel? And I think the other thing is 'beating around the bush.'"

"Yeah. That."

I rubbed the bridge of my nose. "So Craig told a dirty joke, and you didn't like it? I..."

Etherea shook her head so I still wasn't fully in the loop. "No. Well, yes. But what I mean... What I am trying to say is that-that, um, that Equestrians..." she took a deep breath before finishing in a rush, "...don'ttalkaboutthosekindsofbodilyfunctions! It's... It's just not done!"

Well shit. Oh wait, I shouldn't say 'shit,' should I? Or crap. Or... If she reacts this strongly to that kind of thing then there were a lot of things that I wasn't supposed to say around her. Funny how this was almost a worse reaction than she'd had to many of the things I'd said earlier. All this because she could stand a simple joke?

"What's the problem? All I did was ask if everything came out alright. It was a joke. Don't tell me you ponies don't have dirty jokes where you're from." I wasn't quite sure where, but I sensed a hole being dug somewhere. A deep one.

"Of course we... do. But Craig, that's not the issue! I told... you this earlier! There's a very large difference between 'dirty' and just... plain 'vulgar.' We don't talk about such things, at all, because it's... it's... disgusting!"

The man lazing around to my left rolled his eyes. "Well, it's not like we're talking about some kind of sick sex fetish. It's just a little poop joke."

I leaned back to be a little more out of the way while I tried to decide what to do. Were they really arguing over whether or not poop jokes were okay? Was this princess really so sheltered? That was probably a stupid question.

"Ew. Yes, at least we're... not talking about sexual fetishes." She exaggeratedly rolled her eyes back at him. "No. We're talking about you casually m-mentioning... d-defec-cation. It's not even close to the same thing!" She took a breath to calm her shaking. Then she looked to me. "Why... would you be fine with this?"

My careful neutrality wasn't working. Clearly, because I wasn't actively stopping Craig, I was against whatever Etherea was arguing. But what the hell was she after? She was still largely a shade of orange and was so worked up that I heard the sound of feathers vibrating against each other. She'd casually tossed aside the concept of sex fetishes, yet was completely hung up on the idea of bathroom humor. Actually, it was more like anything bathroom-related.

I had to be honest I suppose. "I don't really see what the big deal is. As far as jokes go it's not even that bad..."

"Not that bad?! T-that i-is the... m-most disg-gusting, f-foul-mouthed, repugn-nant... o-odius kind of language. You just do NOT t-talk about... such-ch things!"

"Dude..."

"Shut up Craig." He glared at me, but Etherea was on the verge of passing out from hyperventilation. I could please my friend or I could please the magically-gifted alien pony princess who was working herself in to a frenzy. "I don't understand it, but once again, since it's such a big deal for you I think we can make do. Forgoing bathroom humor while you're here, for as long as you're here, isn't that big of a deal." I turned to the man lounging to my left. "Right Craig?"

"I can't swear at work, and now I can't swear at home? Fuck!" Craig's eyes widened and he stiffened before looking past me and to the pony glaring over the armrest back at him.

But Etherea just frowned. Craig had just mouthed off with what was arguably the most vulgar curse word in the English language and Etherea barely batted an eye. I was so confused. In fact, she was calming down. Her ears were still folded, but her wings had settled and she was back to her normal golden-yellow self.

"Wait. So princess, talking about the things-we-can't-say isn't cool, but it's okay to say 'fuck?'" Craig nailed my thoughts even if I cringed at the way he said things.

"Talking about... rutting... like that is not appropriate for polite conversation, but yes the act... of procreation is a beautiful thing. Certainly, um, nicer than... that other thing."

"Rutting?"

I was already prepared to be the go-to guy for Craig, and I pulled deeply from my experience with fanfiction for an answer. "Fucking and rutting are the same thing." Etherea's frown developed in to a full-on muzzle wrinkling.

"Gotcha'. Hey princess, I completely agree. And don't take this the wrong way, but sex is the best!" And 'normal' Craig was back.

Etherea leaned away and raised a quizzical eyebrow at Craig. "Do not take this the wrong way...?"

"Yeah." Craig grinned and flailed a hand in the air above him. "I like my girls on two legs. Unless we're gettin' really frisky, y'know?"

Goddamnit Craig! You'd found something you both agreed on but just couldn't have left the conversation there! I think Etherea's look of puzzled horror was a good match for my own feelings. The same thoughts must be going through her head, though I suspected mine were a little more jealousy-based than hers.

And that brought back a whole host of things that I had been repressing off and on throughout the day. I still didn't understand why I had this attraction for Etherea. She was a pony after all. Though she did have four very nice long legs and a flowing tail to accent their movements... But she was practically a horse and I couldn't be thinking about these things right now, not with her sitting right next to me. I shoved them as hard as I could back to the rear of my thoughts. Reluctantly.

Dimble chose that exact moment to jump on to the armrest. It's like he knew the turn my thoughts had taken and wanted to comfort me. He wasn't a lap cat at all, but he loved being nearby. I obliged him of course, scratching behind his ears - knowing just the right spots to transform him in to a black- and gray-striped blob of happy cat.

I tried to move the conversation forward, feeling slightly more collected,. "So I guess that's taken care of. Got any other questions?" I did my best not to cringe at the potential can of worms I might be opening.

Etherea, who had been studiously absorbed in shuffling her hooves, lowered her head slightly before answering. "No. I think I am done."

She definitely had more to say but it was clear that she didn't want to be bothered any more. I turned my head and halfheartedly gave Craig a dark glare that he didn't notice. So much for playing at chivalry. So we sat in relatively peaceful quiet while hoping for the food to get done sooner. I really should have made something quick and easy, but I liked the idea of doing something special for guests, and a pony princess was a hell of a guest to play host to.

Which made me feel bad about the miasma of discomfort that hung around.

Unfortunately the only interruption was a call from Carl, him wanting to know whether I would work tomorrow. Demanding me to was more like it. I kept myself from swearing, but Carl had nothing holding him back and Etherea definitely heard. She frowned through the entire conversation and stared daggers at the TV.

I didn't really want to work, and not just because I felt safer keeping an eye on Etherea myself. Work sucks! But I needed the money and my vacation days weren't infinite. I was torn until Etherea broke in quietly and assured me that she would be alright. She actually insisted that I not let her negatively impact my regular life too much. Her consideration was sweet even if we both knew that her presence alone had already done that.

I also wasn't looking forward to facing my boss after suddenly calling out. He was pretty reasonable, so I didn't expect much, but that didn't mean I wouldn't catch any flak. Plus I already regretted the lie I would have to give him. Envisioning all the directions that conversation could take lasted right up until my phone warned that it was time to start cooking the beans. Unfortunately I had a lot of ideas and not many solutions.

Cooking the beans meant that dinner was on shortly. My two companions approached silently but separately, Etherea keeping some distance from Craig. It seemed to be more discomfort than anything, which I could understand.

"What's in this?" Craig said while poking at the pile on his plate.

"Noodles and cheese. It's like mac 'n cheese only less plastic. The green things are something called a veggie-table and are supposed to be good for you." I mentally cheered at hearing Etherea's amused nicker.

"You're trying to kill me aren't you? This is some plot to give me terminal gingivitis."

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "Terminal gingivitis? If anything they'll improve your breath."

I watched that one clear his head by a mile. His expression made it clear that he had no idea what he'd been talking about, much less what my response had to do with it. He eventually tossed a solitary noodle into his mouth and, determining that it was edible, retreated back to the couch. I was all set to serve Etherea before joining Craig by the TV when she decided to take a seat by the kitchen island.

She sniffed at her plate and shrugged her wings. "Smells pretty... good," was her quiet assertation, "maybe your special talent is cooking."

I shook my head before sitting and beginning to eat. And for a moment there was peace. Ah, the wonders of a good (not terrible) meal.

"Is there salt in this?"

I blinked and raised my eyes to Etherea, who I found chewing with her head tilted thoughtfully. "A little. Why?" Speaking of which, I added more salt to my helping.

She watched every motion of my hand, the morsel in her mouth momentarily forgotten. Eventually she blinked, swallowed, and continued. "It's... just interesting. We don't, um, usually use a lot of salt."

I raised an eyebrow at her, urging her to continue, but she just scooped up another bite with a floating fork.

"Good?"

She nodded.

I found myself noticing the little motions she went through with every bite, as though each one was its own, completely new experience. It seemed like there was probably some noticeable difference between food from Earth and that from Equestria. However, each bite also checked out, and I was happy that she was enjoying herself.

I was a bit disappointed that after finishing both her plate and two entire rose heads she almost immediately excused herself and, citing exhaustion, plodded her way toward my room. She did, however, catch herself in the entry to the hall. Backed her rear in to Craig's room, she looked back around the wall at us, her head drooping with a telltale laxness around her eyes. I suddenly felt the urge to yawn again.

"Alex, I assume... that you are allowing me to have your room again?"

I nodded. "I think we all assumed that." I felt a small spark of gratitude that she'd thought to ask despite what was really a foregone conclusion.

"Thank you, both of you. I..." she made sure to look both of us directly in the eyes, "today has not been... easy for any of us, and I really appreciate all... that you are doing for me. It means a lot that even though you did not know me, you... have been treating me like a friend. I am certain that both Equestria and the Crystal Empire... will thank you for your assistance."

I wasn't sure what to say to that. I appreciated that she'd noticed and cared, but I had no good response. A simple 'thank you' didn't seem like it was enough, but I didn't have the time to come up with something appropriate that wasn't either dismissive or overly gushing. Really, I was just embarrassed and that didn't help me any.

"Not a problem princess lady." Etherea's initial smile at Craig's reply turned a bit strained. "Pony lady? Mare. That's what it's called, right?"

Etherea ducked her head and waved a hoof at my roommate. "Yes. Yes. Um, I'm a mare. It's... Nevermind; do not worry about it." Her ears flip-flopped once as she paused. "Anyway. Again, thank you both. Goodnight, and... I hope you sleep well."

"You too." was all I could think to say. Craig waved happily.

I sat and stared for some time at the hallway, hearing the sounds of a pony in my bathroom and marveling at that fact. The image of Etherea's lithe, leggy form standing in opening with her beautiful purple eyes turned on me lingered much like many others that I'd been collecting throughout the day. It felt so wrong, but I couldn't help it. I enjoyed looking at her and I had to admit it.

But what to do now? There was no way for me to act on those thoughts. For one, she far too closely resembled an Earth horse and that was a dark path that I was fervently going to avoid. I couldn't imagine anyone else reacting well to that revelation either. Mom, dad, my two sisters, friends, distant relatives... The whole world really. Craig was quite a bit more adventurous in his sexual escapades than I'd ever be, and I had my doubts that even he'd be very welcoming to a pervert of my caliber.

But that didn't help me any. I still liked looking at this equine-like alien female, and I wanted to spend more time doing it. I was infatuated. And that led me right back around to where my thoughts had started. Getting nowhere this quickly was pissing me off!

I had to break myself out of it, if for no other reason than to distract myself. I stood up and turned to Craig who'd been toying with turning leftover noodles on his plate in to dirty words. "You're doing the dishes you know."

He looked at the small mountain growing next to the sink. "Really? What the fuck..."

"Look, I cooked. You get to clean then. If you want to cook, then I'll clean."

"Fine." He somehow slumped even further in his seat. "See, this is why I just sleep with women. Then I don't have to put up with none of the nagging to do this, do that, or put my socks on. I get enough of that here."

"Whatever," I said as I moved to the couch, "you need a strong man in your life, and if it weren't for me you'd be helpless."

He barked a short laugh. "Oh, someone's wearing their nuts on the outside today. Your time of the month or something?"

"Nope. Not enough beer in me."

"Really?" He eyed me as he moved over to the sink. I nodded. "Wow, dude. Never thought I'd see you drinking on a week night."

I caught the one he tossed at me with a grimace. I wasn't a huge fan of beer - it was just too bitter - and I definitely wasn't fond of shaken ones, but I wanted a little alcohol in me. There was too much to think about but nothing I could actually do, so I just wanted to relax.

The TV proved to be a decent distraction since Craig was occupied and I could find something more entertaining than his usual fare. Amazingly I noted when Etherea finally left the bathroom not by the sound of hooves on the floor, but by the creak of the door. And thinking of her brought a whole new round of internal suppression.

I was getting bad wasn't I?

Fortunately some show on the Discovery Channel about how carburetors are made and work distracted me long enough for Craig to finish in the kitchen. Once back on the couch it took him a whole minute of not talking to me to get bored enough to need to air out his thoughts.

"Helluva' day, huh?"

"Yeah."

He looked sidelong at me and frowned. "You okay? You've been kinda' down."

"Eh..." I shook my head noncommittally. "Just about everything about today sucked. She scares me, I'm scared for her, and what could happen in the near future scares me even more." Craig matched my glance his way as I paused. "Honestly, I wouldn't blame you if you took off for a week. It might be safer."

The somberness of his long sigh was completely un-Craig-like. "I know what you mean. I can't decide whether I'd rather stay and find out what happens, or get the hell out to a safe distance. But dude, you're my friend. I'm not that heartless."

"Plus she seems alright. Completely clueless, but alright." His head motioned toward my room.

"What did you two talk about anyway?"

"Oh. Um, the usual stuff. I told her about my mom and how much she hates my dad." his head wobbled as he rolled his eyes, "Talked about being a DJ, going to parties, getting drunk, and fucking girls. Kinda' funny how she thought you'd be the same way..."

I sighed. "You do realize that she knows absolutely nothing about us, right?"

"Yeah, I got that vibe. I had to explain football from the ground up. She's definitely not in to sports; seemed really hung up on how dangerous it was to have a bunch of dudes 'fighting aggro... aggril...'" His finger quotes faded as he struggled with the word.

"Aggressively. Fighting aggressively." I filled in helpfully like I often did.

"Yeah, that. She wasn't a fan." He took a moment to take a swig, and I followed suit. "She started asking about what we do every day. She was kinda' bummed that you'd called out of work and just hung around all day. She got quiet after that." His eyes shifted my way as he tilted his head closer. "I'm not sure what to do, man, so it's cool that you seem to know what's up. It's really weird though. I don't normally see so much sociality from you. Socialness? Sociability?"

"It's 'sociable.' You don't normally see me so sociable." I was staring unseeing at the TV but in my head I was frantically searching for a way out. That he was linking me to Etherea wasn't unexpected, and I was in for a good ribbing I was sure, but I was already on damage control. Don't say anything too hastily, and for the love of Celestia (Sure, invoke her, why not?) don't let slip that you find ponies attractive! "I guess I just feel sorry for Etherea. She's been ripped away from her entire world and I'm kinda' at fault. I just want to make everything better..." I cut off without saying 'for her.' Wonderful choice of words there.

Craig remained oblivious and nodded slowly while taking a sip from his can. Another pause stretched between us.

"D'you know how long she's gonna' be staying here?"

"Nope." I shook my head and sighed. "She said she's stuck until she can rest up enough or someone from her world can find her."

"Damn. Well, how about the rent? Is she gonna' help out?" I was all set to bury Craig under the weight of my glare when I caught the smile he was failing to hide. I hurriedly changed things up and rolled my eyes. Again. Craig's grin morphed in to a smirk, though he shortly returned to somber. It was so weird that I couldn't help but pay attention.

"D'you think any of those things you mentioned earlier are true? Pony diseases killing us off or the Feds coming to cut her open?"

An ember flared to life in me. I was suddenly angry at both Craig for talking about Etherea so callously and at the possibility of a very dark fate for her. I had to force myself to respond calmly.

"I don't know, Craig. Her government is probably up in arms since she's effectively been abducted, and ours has no idea that there's an alien invader among us. That can't end well unless we can get Etherea to step in first and help diffuse things. And there's always the possibility that something will rub off on her or us, but we won't know until it happens or doesn't. I don't know if we can go to the authorities either for that reason. I'd like to think that we wouldn't do that to her, but I just don't know, and there's no one I can ask." He thought about that which impressed me. I didn't expect much to come of it though. "Speaking of that, you feeling okay over there?"

"Huh? Yeah. I'm good. You?"

I wasn't actually feeling any different physically, but I put my hand to my forehead just to be sure. "Same here. No fevers, no aches, no desire to cough up a lung. So far we're okay, I think, and... Damnit! I forgot to change her bandage." I scuffed the carpet with a heel.

Craig shrugged. "She'd probably tell us if she had a problem. Said she was feeling better earlier this afternoon when I asked, though she complained that her horn hurt." He broke in to a grin and looked my way. "I told her you'd be able to help with that, but I don't think she got it."

Of course he had. Somehow even when he was talking about intimacy with a very obviously female person - pony - he had still found a way to call me gay. I slapped the back of my left hand against his shoulder.

"You even hit like..."

"I'll actually try if you finish that."

We took a moment to watch some commercials though it was clear that neither of us was all that interested. I couldn't speak for Craig, but I was too busy worrying over what might happen tomorrow. I'd agreed to go back to work and leave Etherea here with Craig. She'd seemed to get along okay with him, even if his eccentricities made her seem like a fish out of water. Then again, my first couple of months living with him had left me feeling the same.

It just seemed like going to work was a horrible idea but it had been partially at Etherea's insistence that I return to my daily routine. I just didn't like that I wouldn't be around to help with any problems that cropped up. Yet even if I didn't like it, it was probably better this way. If I were to suddenly change my whole life pattern then people would notice and wonder what was going on. That meant questions that I didn't want people asking in the first place. Secretly there was a real life Equestrian pony in my apartment after all.

"Hey." And of course Craig wasn't content to just let me think. "So that thing earlier, when you called Etherea stupid?"

I wasn't sure how to respond to that. Craig's usual bluntness managed to bypass the reality of the situation and left me struggling to recover. "Er... Yeah?"

"What the hell happened there? Why didn't she force choke you to death for that?"

"Oh, 'cause earlier I kept setting her off." He met my gaze as I turned my full attention to him. "I eventually told her that if I said something that upset her, she should just tell me I'm an idiot and to shut up. It's a lot better than pissing her off until she decides to break my face. She just used the same thing on herself. It worked, didn't it?"

"Yeah, I'd say. And shit, Alex, it's fucking genius!"

"Um... What?"

He levered himself upright and turned to face me. "See, what you did there, it's perfect. She tells you when you're pushing her too far. It's also sort of an insult so she gets to vent, but it's a friendly one so she knows that you're both still cool. That gets her to relax and keeps you on her good side." His smile grew huge and he slugged my shoulder. "Wow! I didn't know you had it in you Alex!"

"Damn... I didn't even think about all that." I refused to rub my shoulder so I rubbed my chin instead. "I was just trying to get her to tell me when I'd gone too far rather than showing me."

"I'd say it worked. When she used it earlier? She obviously gets it, and since you got to use it back that means she's coming around dude. And hey, anything that keeps the her from going Jedi on my ass is cool with me."

Of course Craig would put it that way. He was impressed with me to be sure, but it still all came down to whether or not he was going to be fucked in the end. I'd diffused the situation with Etherea to some extent which meant that Craig wasn't as worried about his own ass. I loved the guy, he was endlessly entertaining, but would it kill him to be a little less self-centered?

That didn't mean that I wasn't a little proud for the same reasons. First contact had happened, it had been a clusterfuck so far, but things were looking up because of what I'd done. Now I just needed Craig to keep his pants on and his mouth in check.

"Looks like you're making friends..." I narrowed my eyes as my attention shifted back to Craig. I didn't like how he'd drawn out that last word. "...with a girl..." right, this again, "...and now she's naked in your bed, probably rubbing herself all over your sheets. Oh Aaaaale...!"

He deserved the punch. My right hook didn't have to be so strong, but I wanted it to be. We normally went back and forth like this simply because I got flustered when teased about girls, but this was a bit farther than either of us usually took things. He was my friend though, so his shoulder took the brunt of my frustrations.

"Dude, she's a pony." I practically growled.

He was glaring at me and rubbing his shoulder (Hah!). However his smile hadn't fully departed. "You noticed, huh? Didn't seem to care last night. What was that you said? Pussy is pussy? You said she's got one you know. She hides it well though."

I needed to get out of this conversation because he was just hitting way too close to home. "I. Know. But come on man, now you're going too far. She's a pony and that's that," even if it wasn't, "so please, just let it go. I don't care if you want to make fun of me about Rachel, even if that was your fault. But we're not talking a human girl here, Craig. She's a pony, and that's..." somehow I couldn't quite bring myself to say 'disgusting,' "...it's only gonna' really piss her off."

That sobered him up a little. He regarded me carefully as what I'd said got filtered, sorted, disassembled, translated, and then reassembled in Craig-ese. "Alright. I'll lay off." He deflated as he sighed. "Man. I can't swear, eat you-know-what, or make cracks at my roommate. This sucks."

"You'll survive."

"Ugh." He stood and stretched, several joints popping in the process. "Well, I guess I'll just go in early again. Colonel Orange," the evening DJ, "is gonna' think I've lost it. But at least when I'm there and off the mic I can do whatever the hell I want."

I grunted and kept him in my peripheral vision as he prepared to leave. It was a really short process of nothing more than acquiring his favorite hat and shoes.

"Hey Alex." I looked at my roommate suspiciously as he hovered just inside the open door. "I know this whole thing is a kick in the balls, but you got through today, right?" He didn't wait for me to answer. "You can do tomorrow. You're a helluva' lot smarter than me, so if anyone can figure a way outta' this, it's you. And when it's over I'll get you so drunk you won't know human poon from pony, and then as your wingman I'll find you the best lay of your life."

Craig was being... sweet? Or as close as Craig got to that. I didn't know what to say; it wasn't that I didn't appreciate the thought, but I wasn't that type of person. But with no other options I simply grunted and shook my head.

"Er... thanks?"

"Fuck, I can't believe I said that..." wafted gently through the room as the door shut behind him. I couldn't help but laugh.

I went back to what I'd been trying to do all along; lose myself in the TV. I managed to tire myself out that way. Eventually. With my extended nap earlier in the day it took quite a while. And naturally the couch was my companion for another night, and as comfortable as it was I still had trouble sleeping. There was simply too much running through my head.

Worry about myself and what my feelings meant, worry about Etherea and whether she was okay, worry about being found hiding an alien... The list went on. I was also excited that not only did ponies exist, but the daughter of two prominent ponies, in both the show and reality, was sleeping just a couple rooms away from me! How cool was that?! My brain couldn't decide whether to be more nervous, or more happy.

As I lay there, a ball of tension roiling within me, I wondered whether Etherea was awake in my bed, worrying just as much as I was. I wanted to hug her and tell her it would be alright, for her sake and mine. But that thought made me worry even more.

At least tomorrow was another day. And Craig was right; I'd survived one day after stranding Etherea on Earth, and I could survive another.

Author's Note

Well, there we go. Alex and Etherea have met and they haven't killed each other. Now that the 'boring' stuff is out of the way I can start writing what they do about each other. Put on your hard hats, there's some class 5 rapids somewhere up ahead.

As to Alicorn Twilight... I don't like her and won't be using her. It feels like she's being rewarded for making friends in ways that have nothing to do with having friends. Add to that she'll now have this massive gap between herself and her friends which would probably make it a lot ahrder to keep them... The whole thing really cheapens all the friendship lessons, especially since quite a few of them weren't Twilight's. I don't have any proof, but as soon as I heard about Alicorn Twilight I suspected that was why Lauren Faust left.

As for this story, the AU tag is NOT because of that. It's more because Earth is an alternate universe from Equestria and quite a bit of time will be spent here. Would you believe I had a plan for the whole 'Earth knows about Equestria' thing long before I had an in-canon reason that supported it? You'll just have to trust me on that one for now.

And remember, My Little Pony is just a cartoon. Imagine trying to learn what Earth was like if all you had were episodes of G.I. Joe.

And I swear there are smaller chapters around here somewhere. 36k words is too much.