A Villainous *Insert Local End of Year Holiday Here*

by Viatorem

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Other, Tirek, Comedy, Queen Chrysalis, Cozy Glow, Random, Adventure, Equestria Girls
Length: 5250

Is Cozy Glow’s turn to be the *Local Reality End of Year Gift Giver/s*, a program created by the Interdimensional Villanus Fellowship. Per policy she can be accompanied by one or both parental figures.

Is the days between Hearth's Warming and New Years, and like every year Equestria has come to a standstill. Even a recently escaped trio of villains had decided to take a break, with Cosy Clow particularly looking forward to letting her machiavellian mind relax for a bit.

Until one morning she receives a letter from the “Interdimensional Villanus Fellowship”. Now Cosy, with the help of mom and dad Chrysalis and Tirek, with the guidance of Hanbi (summerian lord of evil and secretary of the IVF), must become the *Local Reality End of Year Gift Giver/s* for the villains in the different versions of Equestria… shenanigans ensure (set after the events of season 9).

Covert “art” by me, made at the last minute. I didn’t intend for it to look as bad as it does, I swear, this kidn of mess can't be made on purpose.

Written as a gift for Bandy as part of  as part of Jinglemas 2024, FiMFiction’s “secret Santa” event (my second time taking part in the event).

Bandy requested a:

I would love to see a comedy featuring Cozy Glow. The more villains, the better!

I’ll be honest, I suck at comedy so don’t expect anything particularly amazing, at best weird. Also the Teen rating is because some of my attempts at “jokes” mention adult things, nothing explicit just not for kids. 

Published 2024-12-29 08:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-12-29 08:40:00 UTC

Is your time to be the *Local End of Year Gift Giver/s*

Is your time to be the *Local End of Year Gift Giver/s*

Notice:

Date: 20,253,540,424 - XII - 28

Congratulations *Cozy Caïssa Glow*! This year you have been selected as your *Local End of Year Gift Giver/s*, corresponding to your *Local End of Year Holiday*. A program created by the Interdimensional Villanus Fellowship for us villains to give presents to our fellow villains, so as to not feel excluded from the traditions of the end of the year.

You’ll soon receive the sack of presents and list of deliveries. Please be advised that the I.V.F. is not responsible for injury or death during, or as a result of, your time as *Local End of Year Gift Giver/s*.

Signed:
Hanbi, Head Secretary of the I.V.F.

“Mo- Chrysalis! Tirek! Come here, I think we have a problem!” Cozy called from the threshold of the cave she and the other two had been hiding in since breaking out of their stony prison. The mysterious note on her hoof as she looked at the valley and Smoky Mountains, looking for whoever might have teleported the paper on top of her head.

“What now!?” Chrysalis approached Cozy, ignoring the fact that she had almost called her mom, again. Her voice was groggy and tired, although what made it clear she had just woken up was the sleeping robe she was wearing, robe Chrysalis had managed to steal from Celestia’s bedroom during their escape out of Canterlot.

Chrysalis still didn’t understand why Cozy insisted on waking her and Tirek at noon. It was the days between Hearth's Warming and New Years. With the exception of Twilight, her sucker friends and maybe Celestia, most ponies wouldn’t be awake until at least two more hours.

“This just appeared on top of my head.” Cozy explained as she gave Chrysalis the paper, at the same time Tirek approached the two, wanting to see what Cozy had called them for.

Before he could even make a guess as to what was going on, Chrysalis shoved the note into his arms. “Here, I can’t read it.” To be fair, her vision was completely blurry, so much so that the only way Chrysalis could tell Tirek and Cozy apart was because one was a pink blur and the other was red.

“Good morning to you too.” Tirek exclaimed with an annoyed sigh before getting his reading glasses from… somewhere, Cozy still needed to ask him where he kept them.

“Oh, it's from the I.V.F.” Tirek exclaimed as he read the note. “Congratulations Cozy, you’re officially a villain.”

If hearing that didn’t confuse Cosy, the way Chrysalis reacted to hearing I.V.F. did. “The I.V.F.!? Finally! Where’re the presents!?” Chrysalis asked excitedly as she snapped to attention and rubbed her eyes, frantically looking around the cave's entrance for gifts.

“I.V.F.? Isn’t that what couples do when they can’t get pregnant?” Cosy asked, confused, trying to at least get an idea of what was going on.

“No!... W-well yes, b-but in this context it means something different and-” Chrysalis tried to explain while continuing to look for the presents, her tone showing signs of exasperation. “Tirek, can you explain it to her since you aren’t helping me find the gifts?”

Tirek lightly shook his head. “Is the Interdimensional Villanus Association, basically a loose organisation, more like a club, for villains like us.”

“I don’t remember signing up to it, or anything like it.” Cosy was still confused.

“You don’t have to, the I.V.F. makes you a member the moment you become a villain.” Tirek explained as he read the second part of the note.

Again, the answer just created more questions in Cozy’s mind. “What? B-but I've been a villain for over a year! Hay! This is my second Hearth's Warming since I became a villain! Why didn’t I know about this sooner!?”

Tirek just shrugged. “I don’t know, they usually send a pamphlet with the basic information. They sent me some cookies with my pamphlet.”

“Just cookies? Ha! I got a gift basket!” Chrysalis exclaimed from outside the cave, still looking for the presents.

Fortunately for Cozy, the explanation to that question showed up in front of her. Literally, as a yellow sticky note appeared in front of her.

Apologise miss Cozy Caïssa Glow for not notifying you about the I.V.F. A recent audit revealed we had several problems with paperwork. We are currently addressing them, you will receive the pamphlet and welcome gif soon.

Also, to be clear, the I.V.F. existed under that name way before the procedure was invented. We sued to get the name change but our claim was rejected.

– Hanbi

“Finally someone gives me an explanation.” Cozy commented as she looked up the note and at Tirek.

“Maybe you can get an explanation as to where the buck is my present!” Chrysalis shouted to the air as she approached the two, having grown tired looking for her gift.

“Cozy has to deliver them.” Tirek explained as he extended the note to Chrysalis, rolling his eyes as she snatched it from his hand.

After reading the note, and rereading it again, Chrysalis looked at Cozy. “Hey, since you are here, can I get my present first?” Chrysalis’ expression and tone changed to match her request, even though she knew her puppy eyes and begging voice had stopped being effective on Cozy and Tirek long ago. But before either could reply with a deadpan expression, another yellow sticky note appeared in front of them.

Per I.V.F. policy the last present to be delivered will be that of the villains selected as *Local End of Year Gift Giver/s*.

I.V.F. policy also dictates all minors should be accompanied by one or both parental figures (or similar) when partaking as *Local End of Year Gift Giver/s* (please see other side of note),

(continuation), so Queen Chrysalis and Lord Tirek’s presents will also be detained until the end.

Since this is miss Cozy Caïssa Glow’s first collaboration with the I.V.F., and she didn’t know of our existence until now, I will also be assisting her with notes from time to time.

Hanbi

“Horse apples!” Chrysalis shouted as Cosy finished reading the note. Her complaints were cut short by the appearance of another note.

Actually Hambi giving you help is part of his reprimand, as he’s responsible for all the problems with the paperwork. Be assured he’ll not lie to you about this again.

The presents will be delivered in a second, be prepared

I.V.F. Council

Just as Cozy finished reading the note, she was teleported onto Tirek’s back. At the same time a bag of presents appeared on Chrysalis’ back, the three were also wearing fake reindeer’s antlers and a collection of ribbons and sleigh bells, with Chrysalis wearing them like it was an extremely oversized harness and Tirek as earrings.

“I-I t-think you made a mistake!” Tirek called with a low and fragile voice, trying to hold back tears from the sudden pain his ears were in.

His subtle beg seemed to be noticed, the last word was barely out of his mouth when Cozy and the earrings switched to Chrysalis, with Tirek now having the sack of presents and harness on. At the same time a new note appeared.

My apologies for the small mistake.

The *Local End of Year Gift Giver/s* follows the popular “Wild Hunt” model. As such, Queen Chrysalis and Lord Tirek will serve the role of Miss Cozy Caïssa Glow’s mounts. However to save time and resources, instead of flying to, you’ll be teleporting to our fellow villains residences.

Hanbi

Chrysalis just sighed hearing that. “We might be done with this soon.”

“Don’t tempt our luck.” Cozy added as she tried to hold onto Chrysalis’ back in preparation for the teleportation, she had a feeling Hanbi will put them on top of a tree or some other dangerous place.

“By the way, I didn’t know your middle name was Caïssa.” Tirek said, trying to distract from his own worry regarding the teleportation.

Cozy answer with a sharp and short, “neither did I.” With a new yellow note and a small scroll of paper appearing soon after.

Sorry, that name was supposed to be redacted. Again my fault.

The scroll has the names of the villains you’ll be delivering to, reading it will teleport you to their location. This should be a safer option. Note that the teleportation for the next villain will only happen after you deliver the present or part of it.

Hanbi

“I hope he's right,” Tirek said as he rubbed his ears.

“Likewise.” Chrysalis added as she flapped her wings, just in case they were teleported to somewhere she needed to get out of soon.

Cozy unrolled the scroll, before reading it. “Let’s just get this over with… okay, this has to be wrong.”

Whatever name Cozy read was right, as the trio was suddenly teleported to the backyard of a certain mansion in Ponyville. They were welcomed to the smell of something burning, and a rather nagging voice. “Great, first my useless husband ruins my free day, and now three uninvited clowns show up to make it worse.”

It was Spoiled Rich, who proceeded to spit whatever was emithing that burning smell onto the snow. “What the buck do you want?”

It seemed that Tirek knew exactly how to deal with this sort of situation, as uncharacteristically for him, he chose the diplomatic approach. “Afternoon. We’re from the I.V.F., we came to deliver your gift from the fellowship.”

Tirek turned to Cosy, who seemed to have taken it back until she realised what Tirek was doing. “Oh yes, it sais here that the bottle of cider and mug are for you.”

Chrysalis then used her magic and took both items out of the gift sack, levitating them towards Spoiled. Who seemed less than pleased, judging by her sarcastic tone. “Oh, is the mug my daughter gave me, the one I misplaced in the garbage, how thoughtful... Say, aren’t you a bit late delivering presents?”

“Actually the fellowship always delivers presents after Hearth’s Warming, apparently it makes things easier.” Tirek explained, giving Cosy another answer.

However, that seemed to make Spoiled more angry. “Wait fellowship!? You are the feather heads that keep insisting I’m a villain! I already told you to take me off your ridiculous club! This is harassment! I’ll have you-” Before she could continue with her tirade, a new note appeared.

(Please read this outloud miss Cozy Glow):

Miss Spoiled Milk, for the last time. Unless you reform yourself, the Interdimensional Villanus Fellowship will consider you a member.

Please stop sending us requests to take you off our lists. The backlock you single handedly created is responsible for all the paperwork issues I have had this (please see other side of note),

(continuation) whole year.

Also, I didn’t call you Miss Spoiled Milk by accident, your husband just filed a divorce request at the local Town Hall. He’s coming home with the divorce papers and a restraining order.

Cozy kept the note close to her, trying to hide herself and the grim on her face as she finished reading it. Likewise Chrysalis looked away to hide the small smile on her face, while Tirek tried to hide a chuckle with fake coughing. This whole thing about delivering gifts might prove to be more entertaining than what she expected.

Spoiled seem to take the news of her divorce well, that is if you don’t count the eye twitch. “Whatever!” Was all she said before snatching the bottle of cider from Chrysalis’ magic. Spoiled then took the cap off with her teeth, spitting it and drinking a quarter of the cider with a single swing while walking away.

“You forgot the mug!” Chrysalis exclaimed, shaking the item still on her magic hold.

“Keep it for all I care!” Spoiled shouted before downing another quarter of the bottle.

Taking that as their cue to leave Cozy unrolled the scroll. Once again she was welcomed with the sight of another unexpected name. And like before, that was enough to get the trio teleported, this time to what was clearly a study somewhere in Canterlot; and like last time, they didn’t receive the warmest of welcomes.

“What are you ruffians doing in my house!?” It was Chancellor Neighsay, who had hid behind his desk as a barricade and was toasting books, spells and whatever other items he could find at them.

“Hey! watch it!” Chrysalis exclaimed as a small wood glove bounced off her head, with the changeling hiding behind Tirek.

Cozy jumped off Chrysalis’ back, with the scroll open to where Chancellor Neighsay’s name was written, attempting to approach him. “Look! I also didn’t know that the fellowship was a thing, they’ll send you a pamphlet soon. For now just know that we’re here to deliver you a gift, not hurt you!”

Cozy’s effort was received with a pen to the head, and a shout. “Get back! You filly from Tartarus!”

That was enough to make Tirek lose his patience, dashing and slamming one hand on the desk. “Listen up, pony! We’re not her for trouble! We’re only giving you your gift from the fellowship!” With his free hand Tirek grabbed Cozy, putting her on the desk so Neighsay could see his name on the list.

The chancellor was taken back, although it had less to do with the realisation that he was outmatched, and more so with actually processing what Cozy and Tirek were saying. “Hold on, the fellowship? You mean the Interdimensional Villanus Fellowship? But last year I was told my first gift would be the only one, since I was no longer considered a villain.”

“WHAT!?” Cozy exclaimed furiously, before looking up. “HANBI! WHAT THE BUCK!? This feather head who couldn’t even take over a school, knew and got a gift from the fellowship before I did!? You realise I almost took over the world twice, right!? Hay! I actually succeeded in taking over the same school he failed to take over!”

Cozy’s tired was answered with a new yellow note, this time landing on Chrysalis' nose, to kept it safe from Cozy.

(Please read this outloud Queen Chrysalis)

My apologies Miss Cozy Glow and Chancellor Neighsay, as I mentioned before a certain mare has generated such a backlog we weren’t able to update or list. I assure you that I’m working on it.

In the meantime, because of how the scrolls works Chancellor Neighsay will have to receive at least part of his gift for you to teleport to our next fellow villain.

Hanbi

Cozy sighed while slamming a hoof on the desk, “I hate that mare so much!”

Chancellor Neighsay looked at Cozy, having a suspicion of who she was referring to. “Let me guess, Spoiled Rich?” His suspicion was confirmed when the trio answered with a simple “yep”, in unison.

“That mare is going to cause a war!” Neighsay said as he began to rub the side of his head with his hooves, just remembering Spoiled Rich existed was enough to give him a migraine. “Just give me the present so you can go.”

“With pleasure,” Cozy answered as she opened the scroll. “Says here your gift is 2 new fountain pens, gemstones and fish?”

Despite Cozy’s confusion, Chrysalis followed the instructions, getting the items out of the bag and onto the desk. However, she voiced her curiosity, “You sure this is yours?”

The smile that appeared on Neighsay’s face answered before he could. “Yes, in fact this is perfect! Emerald and Gaia are going to love this!”

He turned to look at the trio of villains, completely forgetting who they were to explain his excitement. “I joined a foreign literature class, thinking it would help me get comfortable around non-ponies. I met this lovely dragoness and gryphoness, one thing left to another and well, we have been sharing a bed since Hearth’s Warming.”

Tirek chuckled hearing that, “lucky bastard.”

Likewise Chrysalis exhale from her nose. “That explains the powerful love I detected since I got here, guess the old saying still applies.”

“Old saying? What do you mean?” Neighsay asked, looking at the ex-queen with a raised eyebrow.

Chrysalis gave him a mocking grim. “The best way of getting the love of a pony who says they put ponies first, is to turn into anything except a pony.”

This didn’t land well with Neighsay, who gave them a deadpan look, pointed at a window and exclaimed. “Get the buck out of my house!”

“Will do,” Cozy said as she prepared the scroll, only to stop before opening. “Before we do. Hey Hanby, can you make sure we won’t be visiting any reformed villains. I don’t want to stumble onto Discord and end up as a statue, again.”

“Likewise,” Chrysalis and Tirek said in unison. Their answer soon came as another yellow sticky note.

My apologies. The back of the scroll should have the names of villains from parallel versions of Equestria, they should be safe to travel to. Just keep in mind that you might encounter parallel versions of yourselves.

Hanbi

Cozy turned the scroll around, “Daybreaker and Nightmare Moon,” this time she made sure to read them outloud so Chrysalis and Tirek knew where they were going. The trio disappeared in flash, leaving Neighsay with the realisation that he had been talking with dangerous fugitives.

Cozy, Chrysalis and Tirek appeared in what was clearly Canterlot Castle, particularly the throne room, although the place was clearly different. Fires of a deep red and blue illuminated the place, the stained glass windows seem to depict a sort of war against two alicorns, and the ambient felt cold yet warm at the same time.

“From the I.V.F. right?” A voice called from behind them, all three turned to see a single throne that resembled more a bed, the base decorated with what seem to be broken versions of the elements of harmony. With Daybreaker and Nightmare Moon lying on it, oddly close to the other.

“We were expecting you,” Nightmare Moon added, making the other voice that of Daybreaker.

“Finally somepony knows we were coming!” Cozy exclaimed as she flew onto Tirek’s back, looking for the gifts of the sisters as Tirek moved closer to them. However Chrysalis lag behind them, there was something off about the sisters.

Cozy began to pull the presents out of the sack, a basket of fruits as well as a plushie of Daybreaker for Nightmare Moon; and of course, a slice of cake and a plushie of Nightmare Moon for Daybreaker. With the plushies almost confirming Chrysalis’ suspicions.

“Say you two, the last time I was the gift giver, you two were at war and about to be defeated by the coalition… How did you manage to win?” Chrysalis asked, although she seemed to know the answer already.

Nightmare Moon subtly adjusted her position, getting closer to her sister. “We realised that, for our empires to survive…”

Daybreaker turned to look at her sister, “we would have to unite beyond family ties.”

“Y-yeah… w-what kind of u-union?” The way they were looking at the other clued Tirek to what was happening, the question was more so a distraction as he quickly looked back to check if Cozy was still looking for the presents. She wasn't. She was flying to give the sisters their presents; sisters whose mouths were getting uncomfortably close to the other.

Cozy didn’t know what happened next, just that Tirek put a hand in front of her eyes, blocking her view. With Chrysalis making loud gagging noises that blocked every other sound.

“That’s real mature of you Chrysalis!” Daybreaker exclaimed, her voice becoming furious.

“Oh, so suddenly the love parasite has standards!” Likewise, Nightmare Moon’s tone showed she was less than pleased.

Things only got worse when Cozy realised Tirek accidentally made her drop the basket on the floor. Most of the content survived the fall, with the exception of the cake that now laid splattered on the floor. “Horse apples! Tirek! Look what you made me do!”

Grinding attention to the mess proved to make things worse. “M-my cake!” Daybreaker’s voice flander as she realised what had happened, a tear of fire rolling down her cheek.

“You’ll pay for what you have done!” Nightmare Moon shouted as she jumped to a standing position, her horn charging what a powerful magic blast.

Cozy quickly put out the scroll, fumbling with it to get it open. She succeeded at the last second, teleporting herself, Chrysalis and Tirek out of the room, the blast passing through where they had been standing and destroying the wall behind them.

The trio appeared in… well nowhere, they just were floating in the void, struggling to make sense of where they were. Soon in a flash of light they were joined by another trio, the same trio, although this time Cozy and Chrysalis were stallions while Tirek a mare.

Before either trio could say a thing, a new version joined them, this time however they were all humans. Followed by versions where the 3 were dragons, griphones, yacks, giraffes, zebras and so many other creatures or a mix of them.

It seemed as if the void would be filled with trios of Cozy, Chrysalis and Tirek, that is, until they all shouted in unison, “HANBI!”

This time instead of a note, an old tired voice seemed to call from everywhere and nowhere at the same time, “What? Bloody Kur! For Anu’s love, what did you do?”

Suddenly one by one the trios began to despair, with the version of the trio we have been following along being the last to be teleported, the 3 appearing in the woods, close to a campfire and a parked van.

“What was that?” Cozy asked as she looked up.

This time instead of a note Hanbi answered with his voice. “No idea. Is clear there’s something wrong with the I.V.F beyond the scrolls or paperwork, but I don’t know what it is.”

Hearing his voice didn’t seem to impress any of the villains. “Oh so now you can talk?” Cozy asked in a sarcastic tone.

Hanbi chose to ignore her, “just deliver this last present and I will take you back to your cave. I will have to do the rest of the deliveries manually.”

Cosy shocked her head before taking out the scroll, wanting to know who they were meeting this time. Her answer soon came in the voice of what appeared to be a young adult. “Adagio! Aria! The guys from the I.V.F. are here!”

The trio saw the Dazzlings emerge from their van. “It's not fair! Why do they keep their pony forms while we’re stuck as stinking humans!?” Aria complained as she got out of the van.

“At least they send a handsome minotaur,” Adagio remarked as she approached Tirek.

This didn’t please Chrysalis, who jumped between the two and hissed at Adagio. “Back off siren!”

“Yeah! You heard my mom!” Cozy added flying between Chrysalis and the siren turned human. “Get your hands off my dad!”

“Aww!” Sonata exclaimed, getting all the attention back to her. “You came with your parents. That’s adorable!”

Cozy flushed hearing that. “What? No! They aren’t my parents, they are… work colleagues… yes fellow villains.”

Aria looked at Cozy with a riced eyebrow, “You literally called them mom and dad.”

If looks could kill, the stare Cozy gave her would have disintegrated Aria. “Do you want your presents or not?”

“Yes, please!” Adagio answered as Cozy began to look for their gifts, with the humans approaching to get them. “Okay, first is Sonata Dusk.”

“That’s me!” Sonata jumped in place, moving closer to get her present.

“Okay, says here those sunglasses and… roadkill moose tacos? Are yours? … What?” Cozy was extremely confused as she gave Sonata a tupperware with the odd food.

With Sonata being extremely excited at the prospect of eating roadkill. “See, I told you cooking roadkill moose was a thing!” She said with an oddly smug tone while looking at Adagio, who just signed in annoyance.

“Anyway…” Cosy continued. “For Aria Blaze I got these star-shaped hair clips and… bag of bread from that Saddle Arabian bakery you robbed 1020 years ago?”

Despite being the coldest and apparently most stoic of the group, Aria basically pounced on the bag, almost pirring it open and taking a bite of the first piece of bread she grabbed, groaning as she did so. “Oh! Over a thousand years later and this is still the best food I have tried!” She then spit a stone that had mixed in with the flour.

Like before, Cozy chose to ignore whatever she had just seen, focusing on the last present. “For Adagio Dazzle I got some coffee and a new hoodie, surprisingly normal. Even though I don’t know what coffee is.”

“Is the only thing that keeps me going kid,” Adagio answered as she put on the hoodie. “Hey, not that I’m complaining but, does the I.V.F. give something besides trinkets and food?”

“Per policy we can only gift small items or one use items, as no not attract undesire attention by giving any fellow villain something that might help them.” Hambi answered, taking the sirens by surprise.

“Holy moly! Someone from the I.V.F answered.” Sonata exclaimed looking up trying to find him. “FYI mister, we aren’t technically villains any more, we’re sort of trying to find ourselves after losing our magic!”

Hearing that seem to have broken Hambi, as he started ranting, it was clear he was done. “Listen here stupid fish! Doing paper work is hard! I might be summerian, and we might have invented paper work, but that doesn’t mean we all like it! You hear!? I’m not one of those freaks like Ea-nasir that likes collecting paperwork! SO SHUT UP AND LET ME DO MY WORK AS SLOWLY AS I WANT!”

“Gee, someone doesn’t know how to handle pressure!” Aria commented in a mocking tone. In response a block of sticky notes appeared a bit over her head, hitting her on its way to the floor.

“You are lucky that I only have paper, if they haven’t taken away my clay and stone tablets you would be on the floor.” Hanbi said in a defeated tone.

After a few awkward seconds of silence, Cozy decided to speak. “Hey Hanbi, can you take us back to our cave?”

The sumerian lord of evil and head secretary of the I.V.F. just sighed. “Sure,” and within a flash the trio had been returned to the entrance of their cave. “The rest of the gifts are yours, kept the sack of you wish.”

Cozy immediately jumped back into the sack, emerging with Chrysalis gifts. “A bottle of liquid love, and a… leash for a pet plant?”

Chrysalis immediately snatched both items from Cozy’s hoofs, and just like Spoiled Milk, she immediately opened the bottle, drinking a third of its content in one go. “Oh! I wish the I.V.F could give me the recipe for this!”

Cozy rolled her eyes. “Anyway, for Tirek there's a bottle of liquid magic and a polishing set for nose-rings.”

Despite being the biggest of the three, Tirek took the items with extreme care. “Wait, I always get cookies, why the bottle now?”

“Well, Hanbi said the I.V.F can’t give things that could be useful to us, and well, magic in a bottle might have helped you get out of Tartarus.” Cozy reason before returning to the sack to look for her presents.

Emerging from the inside, she brought with her a: book about making living in a cave easier, an extra large pack of crayons and two trays of baked goods from Sugarcube Corner. “You know, sometimes I miss having access to things most ponies have. But between this I.V.F. thing, how fun it is to be evil and you guys, I think I’ll stick to being a villain thing, at least for a bit longer.”

“I mean, even if you change your mind, the I.V.F. will likely send you a gift regardless.” Chrysalis mentioned, while trying to hide the fact she was about to take a plank of petrified wood on a walk.

“Yep!” Tirek chuckled in agreement, while reading the instructions for his nose-rig polisher.

“Ha, with how bad their backlog is. I might end up convincing them that they still owe me my first present.” Cozy added in a mocking tone.

Unfortunately for the trio, Hanbi had managed to get his tablets back. Something he announced by teleporting one rock and play tables on top of their heads, leaving them knocked out cold for a bit.

Author's Note

Sorry for the delay getting this published, I’m a bit out of practice writing fics :twilightsheepish:

To [url=Bandyhttps://www.fimfiction.net/user/6715/Bandy]Bandy[/url], I hope you enjoy it. Wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t particularly like it, I feel this isn’t as good as my Jinglemas from the previous year.

Still, happy holidays mate, to you and to whoever else read this little mess of mine :twilightsmile:

Explained details:

1: The date in the notice came from the average of the two estimated age of the universe:

13,787,000,000 plus 26,700,000,000, plus the margin of error of 20,000,000 of the first number since the universe always turns out to be way older than we estimate, giving a result of: 20,253,500,000. As for the other numbers: 404 came from the “page not found” error, as we’ll likely never be able to tell the exact age of the universe in earth years, and 24 for the current year.

The rest is the date of the day this fic was supposed to come oout, the 28 of december, with the month written in roman numerals because we are still using their 12 month calendar. Also is in year/month/day because it’s so much more convenient when looking for something compared to d/m/y or m/d/y.

2: Cozy’s middle name: Caïssa. Is the name of a fictional goddess of chess: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ca%C3%AFssa. Thanks a lot to WaywardSon for the suggestion on Discord.

3: The “Wild hunt model”, is referring to the idea that the whole “Santa Claus flying on the night sky being pulled by reindeers”, might be derived from a Nordic tale, where Odin leads a group of hunters in the night sky. I recond watching this video to learn similar fun details about Christmas:

4: “Kur” was the summerian underworld, while “Anu” was their main god. Is a bit anachronistic to use them the same way we do with Hell and God, but it gets the idea across.

5: The roadkill moose thing is real, apparently in Alaska they even have a registry, if someone kills a moose you can be called to pick it up (IDK if they make tacos with it): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roadkill_cuisine#Alaska

6: You probably remember the whole “Ea-Nasir oldest letter of complaint” meme from last year (besides the whole "the more villians the better", this is one of the reasons as to why I put Hambi in the fic):