The Trixpoint Paradox

by Jake The Army Guy

Rating: everyone
Tags: Trixie, Spike, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3847

Trixie needs to buy a gift for Twilight. This won't end well.

How far would you go for the perfect Hearth's Warming gift?

If you're Trixie... too far.

Written for Shakespearicles for Jinglemas 2024

Chinese translation now available thanks to the awesome AnQIRanA!!!

Published 2024-12-26 17:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2024-12-26 17:40:01 UTC

Here We Go Again

“Last call for Canterlot, with continuing service to Dodge Junction and Appaloosa!”

Hovering in the air, Spike sighed and looked up at the clock on the platform wall for what felt like the thousandth time. 9:13 AM, two minutes to departure. With a groan, he landed next to the pile of luggage that held the many presents for all his friends, and looked up at his traveling buddy. Well, one of them anyway.

“Are you sure you told her the right time?” he asked.

With an annoyed roll of the eyes, Starlight glared down at him. “For the last time, yes. I was very specific when I told her the timeline, so don’t worry. She’ll be here before the train leaves, I promise!”

“Yeah, but with enough time to not have to hang onto the back of the caboose?” Spike said.

Unable to fight a tiny snort, Starlight rolled her eyes and turned back towards the entryway for the station. The train’s engine let out a hiss of steam as it made its final preparations for departure. Across the platform, ponies were saying final goodbyes to their loved ones before boarding. It was Hearth’s Warming Eve once again, and for only the second time, Twilight Sparkle had invited all of her friends and family to join the big celebration in Canterlot before retiring to a more private party. To Starlight’s glee and Spike’s confusion, she also extended the invitation to Trixie this year, a mare that didn’t exactly have the best track record of behaving at parties. Spike knew he’d have to keep a closer eye on the punch this year.

Of course, it would be a moot point if Trixie didn’t get here in the next—he checked again—one minute or so. For a mare who now served as a teacher at the School of Friendship, Trixie never ceased to amaze Spike with how unreliable she was sometimes.

Finally, the trademark pointy hat and cape rounded the corner, and Starlight let out a sigh of relief. “Trixie, over here!” she said, waving her over with a hoof.

Trixie walked up to them with a lack of urgency that made Spike have to suppress a growl. “Not to worry," she said. "The Great and Powerful Trixie has blessed you with her presence.”

“Where have you been?” Starlight said. “I told you the train leaves at 9:15. Why are you only showing up now?!”

Trixie rolled her eyes. “Oh, you know Trixie. I always like to arrive fashionably late.”

“You’re supposed to show up late to the party,” Spike said, doing his best to keep his voice neutral, “not to the train taking you to the party.”

“Oh, semantics,” Trixie said with a wave of her hoof.

Spike looked up at the small bag hovering in the air next to her, noticeably smaller than the ones he and Starlight were bringing. “Um, are those all the presents you’re bringing?”

“Indeed,” she said, floating it down and opening it for closer inspection. “One for each of Sparkle’s little friends and...” Trixie dug around inside the bag, slowly at first, then more frantically as a dawning look of horror spread across her face. “Oh, no...”

“What’s wrong? Starlight said.

“Oh, no, no, no, no, no,” Trixie repeated, now prancing in place in a panic, rummaging around in the bag even harder.

“What's wrong?” Spike said, feeling Trixie’s panic seep into him as well.

Trixie looked at him with tearing eyes. “I... I forgot to buy a present for Twilight!”

Spike blinked. “But... you bought presents for all her friends?”

Having apparently not even heard him, Trixie began pacing back and forth. “This is bad. This is very bad! How could I have forgotten her?!” She abruptly stopped. “Well, very easily if I'm being honest, but still!” Her pacing resumed. “I can’t show up for her own private party empty hoofed!”

“All aboard!” called the conductor as he made his way towards the engine car.

Starlight sighed. “Look, we’re out of time. Just buy her something at one of the shops on the way to the castle.”

“What?!” Trixie blanched. “Do you have any idea how expensive that would be?! I couldn’t... wait.” Her pacing slowed, her tongue poking out from her lips in thought. “Time... time...” She gasped, and her eyes went bright and wide. “That’s it! I know a spell that can fix this!”

Both mares jumped as Spike screamed in terror and dove beneath a nearby bench, covering his eyes and trembling. After a few seconds, he peeked his eyes from between his claws and looked around. Finding only Trixie and Starlight staring at him in confusion, he coughed and flew back into the air. “Uh, sorry,” he said with a slight blush. “Force of habit.”

Shaking her head, Starlight looked at Trixie. “Look, we need to...” She trailed off as Trixie’s horn began to glow, dimly at first, but very quickly to an almost painful brilliance. “Trixie, what are you—”

“Watch and be amazed,” Trixie cried, then let loose the gathered magic and the world turned white.

“Last call for Canterlot, with continuing service to Dodge Junction and Appaloosa!”

Hovering in the air, Spike sighed and looked up at the clock on the platform wall for what felt like the thousandth time. 9:13 AM, two minutes to departure. With a groan, he landed next to the pile of luggage that held the many presents for all his friends, and looked up at his traveling buddy. Well, one of them anyway.

“Are you sure you told her the right time?” he asked.

With an annoyed roll of the eyes, Starlight glared down at him. “For the last time, yes. I was very specific when I told her the timeline, so... so don’t...”

The pair stared at each other for a few moments before glancing back up at the clock. 9:13 on the dot.

“What... just happened?” Spike said

“I don’t know,” Starlight said as she looked around. It didn’t seem like anypony else in the station noticed whatever just happened, as they were all going about their business. “I... it almost felt like—”

“Oh, Starlight!” From the entryway, Trixie sauntered towards the pair with the exaggerated sway she would typically save for her stage shows. She stopped and spun with a flourish, and from her bag floated a cheap looking broach, which she presented to Starlight as if it was her magnum opus. “What do you think?”

“What do I...” Starlight studied the broach, estimating that it may have cost upwards of five bits, then turned her eyes to Trixie. “What did you just do?”

“Well” Trixie began, examining her hoof with a look on her face that somehow seemed both aloof and smug at the same time, “when you said that I didn’t have any time to buy Sparkle a present, I simply remembered a way to give myself the time.”

Spike and Starlight looked at each other. It took a few long seconds for the meaning of Trixie’s words to process, and it was Starlight who put it together first. “Are you... did you travel back in time?!”

“Yes!” Trixie squealed, prancing in place like a proud puppy. “I’ve been studying more advanced spells to add to my shows lately, and I happened upon the perfect one for the old ‘disappearing/reappearing’ routine.” She raised a smug eyebrow at Starlight. “I told you I’d been practicing. Anyway, I simply jumped back by ten minutes to allow me the time to stop by that little curio shop a few blocks from here.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Spike said. “Are you telling me you traveled back in time... just to buy some cheap gift for Twilight?!”

“Well, yes. Pretty much that,” Trixie said.

“Are you... how...” Spike sputtered, then flew up into Trixie’s face. “Do you have any idea how stupid that was?! You could have caused some horrible paradox or something! Take it from both of us,” he said, gesturing towards Starlight. “Time travel always goes wrong in the end.”

“Trixie, how could you be so reckless?” Starlight said in a more calm, soothing tone. “Time travel is one of the most dangerous forms of magic, and it shouldn’t be used carelessly.”

As she spoke, the look on Trixie's face melted away, replaced not by annoyance or even shame at the dressing down, but instead by contemplation. A hoof found her chin. “Hmm, you’re right.”

Starlight smiled. “Good! I’m glad you understand—”

“I have to do better than this,” Trixie said, looking at the broach in disgust before tossing it into a nearby trash can.

“What?” Spike said.

“All aboard,” came the voice of the conductor.

“The sole princess of Equestria personally invited me to her private party,” Trixie said. “I can’t just show up with some cheap bauble! I need to get her a more meaningful gift!”

“Trixie,” Spike said, “it’s okay. Trust me, Twilight will like anything you give her!”

“It is not a matter of her preferences, my little lizard friend,” Trixie said. “It’s a matter of my image!”

“Little lizard?!”

“Now," Trixie said, ignoring the show of draconic anger, "what to get... ah, I know! I saw some lovely earrings in that shop across town!” She frowned. “Oh, but they closed for Hearth’s Warming two days ago. Oh, well,” she said in a chipper voice as her horn glowed yet again.

“Trixie, wait—”

“Last call for Canterlot, with continuing service to Dodge Junction and Appaloosa!”

Hovering in the air, Spike sighed and looked up at the clock on the platform wall for what felt like the thousandth time. 9:13 AM, two minutes to departure. With a groan, he landed next to the pile of luggage that held the many presents for all his friends, and looked up at his traveling buddy. Well, one of them anyway.

“Are you... kidding me?!” Spike leapt back into the air. Several ponies looked in his direction at his yell, but once again, nopony seemed to be aware of the time jump.

“I don’t understand,” Starlight said with a frown. “Trixie can be a bit careless and tends to not think too far ahead, but this is something else. Why is she doing this?”

“It’s Trixie,” Spike said. “Seems reason enough for me.”

“Are those my ears burning?”

Spike and Starlight turned to see Trixie yet again walking into the station, this time carrying a small felt box in addition to the bag of presents. Nonplussed by Spike’s glare or Starlight’s frown, she opened the box to reveal a small pair of earrings inlay with what was most likely fake rubies. “Much better, don’t you think?”

“Okay,” Spike said with an exasperated sigh. “Are you done?”

“Yes,” Trixie said.

“Good,” Spike said. “Now can we please get on—”

“Although...”

“Aaaand there it is.”

“Trixie,” Starlight said, “that’s enough. You need to stop this! It’s getting out of hoof.”

“A pair of fake ruby earrings isn’t nearly enough for a princess!” Trixie said. “What about... oh! A dress!”

“Seriously?” Spike groaned.

“Yes, a custom made dress!” Trixie cried. She then frowned. “Oh, but how long would it take to save up enough money?” She shrugged and smiled. “Oh, well,” she said as her horn blazed.

“Trixie, wait—”

“Last call for Canterlot, with continuing service to Dodge Junction and Appaloosa!”

Hovering in the air, Spike sighed and looked up at the clock on the platform wall for what could well have been the thousandth time. 9:13 AM, again. With a groan, he landed next to the pile of luggage that held the many presents for all his friends, and glared up at his fellow time captive. “Your friend, by the way.”

“Spike, I’m worried,” Starlight said. “I think there may be something seriously wrong with Trixie.”

Spike shrugged. “I’ve been saying that for years,” he said, then winced under the weight of Starlight’s stink eye.

Knowing what was coming, they both turned towards the entrance right as Trixie rounded the corner, now carrying a large hanger bag across her back. She trotted up to them with a smile that seemed just a bit more unhinged than normal. “Mission accomplished!”

“Yeah, I kinda doubt that,” Spike grumbled.

Trixie unzipped the bag to reveal a beautiful dress made of silk and lace, inlaid with gems that—thanks to his many trips to the quarry with Rarity—Spike knew would actually look very good on Twilight.”

“A custom made Verhoofce dress,” Trixie announced. “I had to save for two months to be able to afford it, then it took four more to get it custom made, but it was worth it!”

Starlight blinked. “You relived that past six months?!”

“Give or take a week.”

Starlight looked her over. Trixie’s horn seemed to glow ever so slightly despite her not casting a spell at the moment. Furthermore, her fur seemed a bit duller, and the purple of her eyes seemed to pulse every time she blinked. Whatever this spell was, it was having a noticeable effect.

“Trixie,” Starlight said, a slight waver in her voice, “how are you doing this? What spell are you casting?”

“Oh, I don’t recall,” Trixie said with a wave of her hoof. “Regression... mmm, something or other. Now, what’s important is that I have the perfect gift! I didn’t know Twilight’s size, so I ordered it a bit larger than I think Sparkle is. That silly dressmaker friend of hers can hem it up later."

“Good, great, grand, wonderful,” Spike said. He flew into the air and picked up his and Starlight’s bags. “Can we please just go now?!”

“Of course,” Trixie said.

Starlight let out a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank goodness.”

“Although...”

Spike let out something between a growl and a sigh, then threw the bags onto the ground, earning the loud crunch of broken crystal and wood.

“Spike!” Starlight said.

Spike just shot her a deadpan stare. “What? They’ll be fixed in a second.”

Trixie, who had ignored them both and stood stock still save for her eyes darting back and forth with a manic energy, continued to mumble to herself. “If I give Sparkle a dress that's too big, ponies may start to think that I think the princess is fat! I mean I do, obviously, but if it gets out that I was rude to the princess, I may never work in Canterlot again!”

“I can tell you her dress size,” Spike said.

“I have to find her dress size!” Trixie exclaimed, then her horn yet again flashed brilliantly.

“Last call for Canterlot, with continuing service to Dodge Junction and Appaloosa!”

Hovering in the air, Spike sighed and looked down at the neat pile of bags containing perfectly unbroken gifts. He then shot a smug grin at Starlight. “Told ya.”

“Um, Spike?” Starlight said. “We might have a problem.”

Deceased cookware couldn’t have deadpanned as hard as Spike did. “We don’t now?”

Ignoring the snark, Starlight chewed at her lip. “I think I know what spell she’s using, and if I’m right, we’re in big trouble.”

Spike tensed. “What, like ‘destroy the world’ kind of trouble?”

“No, more like ‘destroy Trixie’ kind of trouble.”

Spike relaxed. “Oh, okay.”

Starlight glared at him then turned towards the entrance to the platform. “Look, just stick close to me on this next one.”

As Spike landed next to her, Trixie came trotting down the hallway yet again holding the hanger bag. However, this time the visible effects of the spell were much more obvious. The fur around her shoulders had faded to a light gray, and a few of the hairs in her mane had darkened jet black. Trixie looked at them with pulsing purple eyes and a grin just a hair wider than Spike was comfortable with.

“And done!” she said, her voice shaking slightly thanks to the way her body seemed to be unable to stand still. “I simply had to sneak into that gaudy castle over there and look at one of the dresses in her closet.”

“You mean the Castle of Friendship?” Spike said. “We moved out of there almost two years ago!”

“Oh, what’s time?” she said flippantly, then clopped her front hooves on the ground. “Now, over the past few years, I began to think that the gift should be more personal. I think I remember Sparkle saying something about a necklace or amulet the second time we met.”

Spike quirked an eyebrow ridge. “You mean the amulet you used to enslave the town?”

“That’s the one!” Trixie said. “Now, when was that? Four, maybe five years ago? Eh, never mind, I’ll just keep jumping and coming back until I get it right!”

Trixie’s horn once more flared to life, but right before she unleashed the magic, a large bubble formed around her. The following flash was enough to make Spike have to turn away and cover his eyes with his arm. Once the light died down, he looked up at the clock on the wall, and felt a surge of relief when he saw it was 9:15.

“You did it, Starlight!” Spike said, turning back to look at them. “We’re out of the... whoa.”

Trixie stood still as a statue, however her body was flashing white at irregular intervals, like a malfunctioning strobe light. A small crowd of ponies had made their way over, only now noticing anything out of the ordinary. Hushed whispers turned into worried murmurs as the pulses of light from Trixie’s body began to speed up. Eventually, the whole crowd backed up as it looked like she was shining with a singular bright light.

“Starlight,” Spike said slowly, “what’s happening to her?”

Starlight, never taking her concerned gaze from Trixie’s body, began to slowly circle her. “This is what I was afraid of. It’s the Regression Obsession spell. Essentially, it allows the user to jump back in time to fix a mistake. However, it can lead to them becoming, well, obsessed with finding the perfect solution, thus making them jump back over and over.”

“Wait,” Spike said, taking to the air and hovering next to Starlight. “You’re telling me that each one of those flashes is her going further back in time?!” When Starlight simply nodded, Spike sighed, closed his eyes, and pinched the bridge of his snout. “You know, I really thought this part of my life was over.”

“What?” Starlight said. “Dealing with time travel?”

“No. Dealing with neurotic, magic-obsessed unicorns.”

“Hey!” Starlight elbowed him hard enough to send him wobbling back a few feet before his wings could recover.

“Ow!” Spike said. “That hurt, you know!”

“Seriously?” Starlight said, arching an eyebrow. “You’re a dragon. Ninety percent of things on the planet couldn’t hurt you if they tried.”

Spike folded his arms across his chest and stuck his snout in the air. “It hurt emotionally. Now, can you pull her out or not?”

Starlight rolled her eyes. “Of course I can.” She lit her horn, and with one more flash, Trixie’s body stopped glowing and rocked forward as if jerked to a halt from a dead sprint.

Starlight, Spike, and everypony else all jumped back at her appearance. Trixie looked horrible. Large sections of her coat had turned dark gray, and what appeared to be spikes of black crystal jutted back from her body as if windswept. Large portions of her mane had also crystalized, and arcs of purple energy danced and flickered between the strands of hair and stone. When she turned her blazing purple eyes towards Spike her gaze felt... heavy. As if the mind behind them had seen what should never be seen.

“Uh, Trixie?” Spike said. “How... H-How far back have you been jumping?”

When she spoke, Trixie’s voice was several octaves deeper than before, and had an odd modulation, as if several voices were speaking at once. “Not far enough.”

Starlight gulped. “Trixie? Look, I-I know you must feel like you have—”

“Know?” Trixie said, slowly turning her entire body towards Starlight, as her neck was completely encased in stone. “You know nothing.” Her modulated voice was cold and monotone, every word spoken with the weight of centuries bearing down on Starlight. “You don't even know how small we are. But I do. I’ve seen it all, Starlight. The rise and fall of civilizations. Entire species born and dying in the blink of an eye. The unending undulations of the cosmic fabric. I’ve seen it countless times.

“Time has begun to lose its meaning. With every jump back, my grip on my equinity diminishes. I fear I may no longer be pony, but I will not stop. I will continue going back, over and over, until it is done. I shall stand upon the rusted remains of this cold, dead Earth before I give up on my mission!”

Starlight blinked. “Your mission... to buy the perfect gift for somepony you don’t even like?”

“My goals are beyond your understanding, Starlight!” Trixie roared. “Now, I demand you let me go at once! This arduous task, this labor of infinity can only be carried out by me. I must go back and see the beginning of all things to ensure I—”

Whap!

Trixie snuffled and backpedaled several feet, and Starlight starred in dumbfound disbelief as Spike unceremoniously smacked Trixie on the nose with a rolled up newspaper from the nearby kiosk. As Trixie recovered, Spike flew over and hovered right before her face. He then pointed a single claw at her, his other hand on his hip, giving the impression of a stern nanny of all things.

“No,” he said firmly

Trixie blinked her blazing eyes. “Wh... no?! What do you mean no?!”

“I mean no.”

“How can you—”

“No.”

"I—"

"No!"

“B... B-But...”

“No...”

Trixie stared back at him for several long seconds, before a high-pitched whine leaked from the back of her throat. She stomped her hooves petulantly several times before the keening wail abruptly ended and her shoulders sank. Instantly, the crystal and stone on her body faded into flickering dust, returning her to her normal appearance. She hung her head, lit her horn to float the cheap broach out of the trash can, then stormed off towards the train. “Fine,” she pouted.

All was still on the platform for a few seconds, before the gathered crowd apparently decided that the show was over and once more made their way onto the train.

Starlight’s wide eyes followed Trixie until she disappeared into the car. Jaw firmly on the floor, she slowly turned to Spike, who had already flown back towards their luggage. “Wh... But... How did you know that would work?!”

Spike rolled his eyes. “I grew up with Twilight, I’ve known Rarity for over a decade, and we’ve been best friends for years,” he said, holding up a claw for each pony listed. He then picked up the luggage and turned toward the train. “At the end of the day, you’re all the same.”

Starlight’s eyes narrowed. “What? Mares?”

“No. Neurotic, magic-obsessed unicorns.”

“Hey! I... yeah, no. I can’t really argue that.”