Surprisingly with no Butterflies
Popping in with ease, Discord manifested next to Pinkie with the distinct noise of party poppers and cheesecakes. The sound made Pinkie Pie giggle as she turned, bringing the bouncy mare face to face with the Spirit of Chaos.
“So, what are you doing, my favourite chaos apprentice, Pinkie?” Discord asked, his eyes rising as he glanced about after teleporting. His eyes drifted over Pinkie’s bouncy mane and to the rest of the room…
It brought a smile to his face as he recognised his domain in Pinkie’s basement, lines strewn about across multiple blackboards and an assortment of pretty pictures of ponies presenting their presence in Ponyville, boxes of various party equipment strewn about from games, decorations, and a lot of unused banners and words to stick on them!
Pinkie blinked out of her thoughts as she jumped and hugged at Discord’s presence, her voice ringing loud and clear, “Oh you know! The usual!”
Pinkie slid out of the hug like jelly before Discord could even respond, jumping over to a nearby blackboard, pointing at it as the strings on the blackboard seemed to pull and bend more than physics would have otherwise allowed, “Just planning forthisyearshearthswarmingperfectgiftgivingprocedure!”
Discord smirked at her excitement as he leant forward, his body contorting in the air as he simply felt the sheer radiation of chaos from Pinkie as she vibrated in place. Her expectant baby blue eyes watching as Discord looked over blackboards and their strings of magic… He brought a claw up and pulled on one of them as they led straight towards a picture of Twilight Sparkle.
“Mhmmmm… are you planning a conspiracy theory?” Discord joked with a smirk as he glanced to see the red string somehow connecting all the way from Derpy to Mister Cake and all the way to Rainbow Dash through another six blackboards.
Pinkie chuckled as she jumped around, pointing at the strings all strewn about. “Well can’t you tell, silly? It's not a conspiracy theory! It's a gift-giving conspiracy!”
“Gift-giving conspiracy?” Discord scoffed as he reached over to the bends of reality and pulled out a rather unfashionable photograph of Rarity, “Well, I must question how it relates to Rarity and Matilda.”
“Oh simple!” Pinkie grinned as she leant over, stretching further than anypony should as she took the photo back, pinning it back to a blackboard “Chaos theory!”
“Chaos theory?” Discord piqued as he leant over, wrapping himself once more around the bark of Pinkie’s neck. “Now you have me interested. Is it more of the philosophical one or the mathematical one?”
Pinkie laughed as she booped him. “Oh if it was the philosophical one, I’d be taking your job Dissy! Because it’d be more than just me planning parties I need to start planning lives but lives have a lot of sad parts but thatwouldtakeallthefunoutofmebecauseIlikemkaingponiessmilebutyoucantsmileallthetimeinlifebecauseithas—”
The Dracqneouqus merely chuckled, taking Pinkie’s muzzle and replacing his own. “And it would be chaos!” he said in her voice. “So, the math one then?”
Pinkie jumped up and grabbed Discord’s muzzle, putting it on her face, “That would!” Pinkie giggled as she spoke in his voice, still the Pink pony jumped as she did a little spin before leaning back at a blackboard, “Indeed! The math type of chaos theory!”
“The math one now, really? I didn’t know you consider your friends as functions,” Discord tittered as he snapped his fingers, reverting his changes and causing all the photographs to turn into little algebraic notations, but with cutie marks instead of variables.
“Oh don’t be silly, I don’t!” Pinkie said with a roll of the eyes as she picked up Rainbow Dash’s piece of paper. “Oh, didn’t know she was a step function! But how they react to my gifts is a function, Dizzy!”
And as if to emphasize the fact, Pinkie grabbed a blackboard, and tapped heavily on it. Which happened to detail how Discord would always bend over backwards to please Fluttershy if she made a pouty face at him.
“You see, how do you react when you get a gift?” Pinkie Pie bounced over up and stood off the ground in front of Discord, grinning as she gave him a boop on his muzzle.
“Well, I suppose I act all happy about it, before teasing them about it.” Discord smiled as he booped her back again. His form twisting as he moved and wrapped around to allow himself to sit on himself. “Well, unless it’s from dear Fluttershy.”
Pinkie nodded. “Indeed, you act a certain way! And most ponies are predictable!”
“Oh I do so agree!” Discord laughed as he made a click of the tongue and the room felt just a bit off.
Well, very off as everything as the two of theirs gravity shifted ninety degrees to the left. As Pinkie gave a surprised laugh as she landed, standing perpendicular to a blackboard.
“They are rather predictable, which, well, I can see why I would be bored with it,” Discord said as he came face to face with her. “I can’t tell why you would need to map them out as functions… well, unless you want to cause chaos?”
He said as he gave a pouty face as his face transformed—without chaos magic mind you—into a pleading face to make anypony acquiesce to his requests… well anypony weak-willed at least!
“No, no.” Pinkie giggled at the sight. “It's part of the gift!”
Pinkie jumped from blackboard to blackboard, before landing on a connection from Rainbow Dash’s line. “See here? Rainbow Dash, once she gets her present. Of course she’s going to be happy about it and want to use it and show it off! That’s how she celebrates! Because, if she doesn’t brag, that isn’t Rainbow Dash!”
Discord slithered over, looking over at the line as it connected all to the way to Applejack's representation on the paper. Ignoring that it was a polynomial function, he nodded, “I see! And I suppose that since she’s connected to our favourite background pony here, she influences how Applejack celebrates?”
“Exactly!” Pinkie clicked her tongue with an excited nod, “Applejack usually is rather humble and enjoys it privately or with family! But…”
She gestured with a hoof as she dragged the orange string from Applejack that connected back to Rainbow, “...if Rainbow Dash comes and brags about it to Applejack, Applejack has to brag back about hers! That’s just how the two of them work, both of them Are hardheaded, but they love one-upping one another! And once you get the two of them bragging…”
“They get into a competition,” Discord connected with a wide grin as he followed that string. “And once they get into competition more ponies come to see what they got, and they discuss about each other and they all come together!”
“Exactly!” Pinkie jumped with a grin as she jumped from the blackboard to the sounds of triumphant kazoos, landing squarely in Discord’s arms. “See how brilliant it is?”
Discord gave a chuckle as he clicked his fingers again, fixing gravity as he spoke, “Well, I suppose it might come close to what I have planned.”
“Oh really?” Pinkie said with a jumping smirk, “Could it even come CLOSE to my mad, amazing, superduper wonderful and most HELPFUL Hearth's Warming Plan?”
“Well, you see,” Discord remarked as he floated over to where Fluttershy’s pin on the blackboards was, “I was planning on giving Fluttershy a gift! She was talking on and on about wanting to get a better feeding trough for some of her animal friends.”
“Oh! You mean for Mister Windings and Missus Linings?” Pinkie asked as she jumped over to him.
Discord nodded with a chuckle as he snapped his fingers, and a small apparition of a feeding trough appeared in his claw, “Well aren’t you a smart filly! You deserve a treat!”
And out of his left paw came a lollipop, that Pinkie grabbed and took a lick of, “Oooh! Cranberry!”
Discord laughed before continuing, “Mhm, now, my plan is to give her this trough to make it… well, easier for her to treat her animal friends out to their usual gourmet meals! And also a nice little tea set!”
“Two gifts?” Pinkie said with a laugh, disposing of the lollipop into her mane, “How generous!”
Discord laughed with a titer. “Indeed… and then, I will sit smugly as I do have one more gift to give, and that is to our preeminent purple pony princess! A singular notebook!”
“A notebook?” Pinkie paused, as she tilted her head at him, “Why a notebook?”
“Exactly!” Discord titered as he made away with the apparition and developed the sight of a notebook in his claw, one that had the Twilight’s cutie mark on it, “It's a really nice notebook with an indeterminate amount of pages, and its going to stay! Stay forever in her mind!”
PInkie zipped over to Twilight’s polynomial function on the board, pausing to look over it and the lines entering into it, “Huh… I didn’t see you giving Twilight a gift!”
“Indeed! And I’ll only give her this once without any explanation!” Discord said with glee. “Think about it, the Spirit of Chaos giving the Princess of Order a notebook! She’s going to go nuts about it, thinking there might be a prank or something of the sort!”
“But wouldn’t that distract her from everypony else’s gifts?” Pinkie asked as she held Discord’s translucent, glittery string. “It might send a cascading effect throughout most of Ponyville!”
“Mhmmm! It is chaos after all,” Discord smiled. “But, it would be most useful for her! THink about it, a semi-infinite notebook!”
“I know, Dizzy,” Pinkie said as she beheld the strings, “But I think you should explain it to her, that would be confusing… because, if you don’t. Think about it, she would be busy trying to find tricks in it!”
Discord hovered over, looking at the various strings that all sprung out of Twilight, “Hmm… yes, but the trick is that there is no trick, would it not be a memorable gift?”
“Memorable yes… chaotic, yes…” Pinkie rubbed her muzzle. “But it’d bring bad vibes to everypony else! Twilight would be worried, and then Spike foremost would be worried, and that would ruin the mood around the Crusaders! Even if I give them my gift right after!”
Pinkie jumped over as she traced the lines, as Discord raised an eyebrow into the stratosphere, “And then that would cause the Crusaders to want to cheer Spike up, instead of focusin’ on their new gifts of matching toys! And then that would distract Rarity and Applejack over their own gift giving as they can keep an eye on them, and that would cascade to Rainbow getting involved! Maybe that might make help Twilight but it also might make Twilight panic, and once Twilight panics that means more ponies get worried, but would it getCelestiainvolved!OhnoAndthatmightmeanalltheponiesgetinvolveandtherooyalguardandthenthewholeofEquestriagetspanicsandthen—”
Discord stuffed a paw into Pinkie’s maw, “Fine… fine, I’ll tell Twilight about it.”
Pinkie twitched into a smile as he withdrew his paw. “Awww, thanks Discord!”
Discord pouted as he hovered next to her, “Though, I still want some level of chaos. Can’t I just say it's a magical notebook and leave it at that? Think about it, if I’d implied it is bad with a surprise addition… she’ll think it's bad right?”
“Well…” Pinkie began to trot in place. “Mhmmm… oh!”
She clapped her hooves. “I got it! You have to give her it… when other ponies are around!”
“Other ponies?” Discord asked in confusion, “But that would reduce her reaction, it’d made it look like a… normal gift!”
“But…” Pinkie gestured with her hoof, smiling at Discord, and suggesting he continue… Discord scrunched up at the gesture. It felt demeaning…
But, she was Pinkie.
Discord’s brows furrowed like a snake, “But… then that means the effects of the chaos would be less I suppose. Obviously right?”
She kept making a rolling gesture with her hoof… what was he missing?
“... Less chaos, less reaction because she has ponies around, stopping her from worrying off her silly little purple head,” Discord murmured. “But…”
He smiled at Pinkie, “That doesn’t mean she would still be surprised by the book, and remember it well that it was yours truly once she realises its nature… and that's not even factoring what type of chaos she could end up doing on her own doing research afterwards!”
“...and it wouldn’t, cascade out into a mess for everypony's Hearth's Warming!!” Pinkie giggled, as she gestured at the blackboards. “See? You can get what you want! Twilight doesn’t panic, and Hearth’s Warming will still be surprising and fun!”
Discord hummed before chuckling and smiling at Pinkie, it was a warm, balmly feeling in his chest at that, “Well I suppose so… but, this is fun… we should do this again. What about Hearts and Hooves day?”
Pinkie could smile with glee, her own infectious smile and glee giving that feeling a boost that could be best described as marshmellowy and great, “Oh you betcha! And we could plan so much!”
Pinkie whirled and somehow emerged out of the spin with a folder in her hooves, “So, who’s your favourite crackship?”
Discord could only feel the twitch of his lips curling up into a smirk at his friend.
Author's Note
Merry Christmas to you all, and Merry Christmas Mindscape. I hope my (first!) attempt at writing Pinkie and Discord was a good gift.
Have a happy new year.
