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                 The Guard and the Legion                  
                    -by Liquid Savage-                     
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                PUT THAT COOKIE DOWN! NOW!!                
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PUT THAT COOKIE DOWN! NOW!!
“There you are. Somehow I’m not surprised.”
Midnight Blossom’s ears perked up, and she slowly turned around to see the source of the familiar voice: a rather irritated bat pony standing in the doorway. The impressive symbol on his faint purple guard’s uniform certainly reflected his rank.
Her eyes widened behind her stuffed cheeks, and she quickly swallowed before scrambling to her hooves. “Crescent Wind, sir!” she yelped, standing to attention. “I was just, uh, double-checking the stock, sir!”
“More like taste testing the stock,” said Crescent drily as he strode in. “The royal kitchen wasn’t on your patrol route tonight, Midnight. You should be in the gardens right now.”
Midnight pursed her lips. She was a bat pony like Crescent, but her basic guard uniform showed that she was simply one of the rank-and-file. Not only that, but it was also quite snug on her flabbier body. Being a natural glutton, Midnight wasn’t exactly as fit as Crescent, and she preferred to enjoy the benefits of her position over actually doing her job. Her favourite benefit being discounts at most eateries.
“I’m, uh, on break?” she tried, smiling nervously.
“You need to get this appetite of yours under control,” Crescent went on with the tone of a parent who had gone over the same lecture more than once already. “You are a Night Guard, one of the seldom chosen to serve the Royal Sisters. Your behaviour should reflect that privilege.”
Midnight kept her gaze straight ahead as Crescent marched around her. She felt him press a hoof into her stomach, causing a small burp. Her cheeks flushed red at the eruption.
“That, and if Princess Luna catches you raiding her cookie stash, not even I will be able to save you,” Crescent added drily.
Midnight swallowed at the idea of Nightmare Moon bringing her wrath down on her. Nopony got between her and sweets unscathed.
“I'll have somepony clean this up and I'll come up with an excuse for the Sisters,” said Crescent, his tone implying he was used to it by now. “You get back to your patrol. In the gardens.”
“Yes, sir,” said Midnight, a swift salute causing a ripple to travel across her thick flanks, and she turned and exited the kitchen.
Once she was out of sight, she slumped into a trudge and scowled ahead of her.
Tightflank, she thought. It's not my fault the Princesses keep all the good stuff to themselves. If you knew how good Luna’s cookies were, you’d be right there with me.
Midnight indeed went to the castle gardens as per her orders, but she wasn’t in much mood for marching around and inspecting bushes for spies. Instead, she sat pouting on a bench, her front legs crossed and her cheeks puffed out. The overhead light cast quite a wide shadow on the ground before her.
“I thought this job would mean getting free access to anywhere in the castle I wanted,” she grumbled to herself. “Free access to the kitchens, all the fancy food I can eat. But noooo – it’s all ‘Guard this thing, Midnight’, or ‘March over there, Midnight’, or ‘For the last time, stay out of my lunchbox, Midnight.’”
Grrruuuuooorrrrr…
She sighed and put a hoof on her stomach, feeling it sink in a little. “Not like anypony would’ve noticed a few treats going missing, right? Most of it would probably get thrown out anyway, with the Princesses being on a diet apparently.”
She looked around the castle gardens. As usual, she couldn’t see or hear anything in the darkness. If it wasn’t for Crescent having his eye on her now, she could have sneaked off home. Maybe stopping at Donut Joe’s along the way, if he’d restocked by then. And forgiven her for the incident.
That was, until she noticed what looked like a small pony entering the circle of light. A really small pony, the features on its thin, light brown body looking drawn on with frosting. A little brown horn stuck out of its forehead. Her nose twitched as the sweet scent of gingerbread and chocolate wafted into it.
“Wait a sec,” she muttered, narrowing her eyes. She noted how the small pony had some rather stubby legs that it seemed to have a bit of trouble bending. “Nah, you can’t be… are you…?”
It looked like one. It smelled like one. So it had to taste like one, right?
Midnight got onto her hooves and lowered her head to its level, causing her to stick her sizable rump up in the air. “You’re a… gingerbread pony? Like in the foals’ book?”
The gingerbread pony simply winked at her before turning and rushing off a lot faster than its legs should let it. Midnight watched it quizzically, seeing it stop and look back at her.
“You want me to come with you?” she asked. She looked around, making sure none of her fellow guards were watching, before she decided to follow it toward the gardens.
Maybe if I do what it says, it’ll let me eat it? she thought hopefully.
She was curious to see the gingerbread pony was leading her into the castle gardens. She silently thanked the strange creature for letting her pretend she was still doing her job. She plodded along the path, not keeping her eyes off her target as it made a sudden turn into the hedge maze.
“Aw, don’t move too fast in there,” she sighed as she followed it in. “I hate going in here. Always looking for lost foals or some rich mare’s purse. How do you drop a purse in a maze? What do you have it out for? ‘Hello, Lord Hedgeworth. Might I give you a few thousand bits to let me out right here?’” she went on in an exaggerated posh accent.
Is it even listening to me?
She shook her head and kept her focus on the gingerbread pony. Thankfully it was stopping to let her keep up, so clearly it was leading her somewhere. She couldn’t think where that could be – she had been to the centre of the maze, and all that was there was the dread of having to find your way back out.
Grrrruuuooorrrrr…
She sighed and slumped as she walked. The further she went in the maze, the hungrier she was getting. She hoped this wasn’t going to last much longer.
“Of course you’re bringing me to the end,” Midnight groaned.
The gingerbread pony had led her to the centre of the maze where, beneath a warm spotlight and surrounded by walls of assorted pretty flowers, was a large garden table with chairs surrounding it. The Sisters had decided to turn the centre into a tea area of some sort, to give visitors a break from traversing the twists and turns of the hedges.
Midnight was certainly grateful to see it. She saw the gingerbread pony standing on the table, which she took as an invitation to have a seat.
“I need this,” she puffed, plopping her rear down on a chair with a sigh. “My hooves are barking.”
The treat looked up at her, and its little chocolate horn started to glow a soft bronze hue. Midnight blinked from the small flash of light, and she gawked at the small mountain of cookies set before her on a large plate.
“What the…?” She looked at the gingerbread pony. “Did you do that?”
The pony nodded and pushed the plate toward her.
She grinned and grabbed one in her hoof. “Well, don’t mind if I do.” She popped it in her mouth and let out a soft moan as the cookie crunched in her mouth. The sugary sweetness made her tail wiggle with glee.
“Oh, that’s good,” she sighed after swallowing, and helped herself to another. “What else can you do?”
A little smirk appeared on the gingerbread pony’s face, and its horn glowed again. With another flash, Midnight’s eyes widened when she saw a second gingerbread pony appear beside it, giving itself a shake. It looked identical to the first, complete with chocolate horn.
“Oh, you can clone yourself?” She crunched on a few more cookies. “That’s pretty cool.”
And then her chest fluttered with realisation. “Wait, can it do the same stuff as you?”
The new gingerbread pony looked at her, and with a glow of its own horn, a platter of plump, fluffy muffins appeared on the table. Midnight’s nose twitched at the new smell of batter and blueberry chips.
“Oh, I like you little guys already,” she purred, grabbing a muffin in one hoof and a cookie in the other. “Keep this up and I might just spare you from my stomach.”
With a mighty gulp, Midnight’s stomach bounced a little rounder, filling out more of her lap. In fact, said lap swelled just a little thicker, along with her flanks. The two treats watched her, then looked at each other.
With a mischievous wink and a smirk, both their horns glowed, and two more gingerbread ponies appeared. Then four more. Then eight…
“Were there always this many of you?” Midnight wondered. “Pretty sure I only saw one of two a few minutes ago.”
She looked at the table, her brow furrowing at how it was filled edge-to-edge with gingerbread ponies all grinning up at her. In fact, she saw some below the table too, and a few scurried on the ground around her. It was like hundreds of them had surrounded her.
“Where are you little guys coming from, huh?” she wondered. Another flash of light caused a tall glass of chocolate milkshake to appear floating before her. She licked her lips at the fluffy whipped cream on top. “Oh, well, if you’re still taking care of me, who cares, right?”
She grabbed the glass in her hooves and tipped it to her lips, taking big greedy gulps. Her hind legs kicked happily as she chugged… being happily unaware that the legs of her chair were warping beneath her. Even when an ominous metal groan caused her ears to twitch, she didn’t pause for anything.
She eventually lowered the glass, her contented sigh making way for a deep, rumbling belch. And that belch was what queued a sudden snapping nose, followed by a great relief from her middle. She looked over her shoulder in time to see her guard armour fall to the ground.
“Oh, did the strap break?” she wondered, blinking. “What happened there?”
Any gingerbread pony she looked at just met her with a coy smile.
She shrugged. “Ah well, might as well get comfy.” With that, she set her helmet on another chair and kicked off her shoes. She smiled at just how free she felt without that snug armour sticking to her.
“The armour’s a problem for Future Midnight,” she decided, before rubbing her larger stomach. “Present Midnight could use some more to eat, if you guys don’t mind.”
And they certainly didn’t. A number of the gingerbread ponies put their horns together and, combining their power, conjured a wide sheet cake with strawberries and cream on top.
“Ooh, now we’re talking,” Midnight drooled, letting it float into her hooves and eagerly tearing into it. “Mmff, so good…!”
Her wings fluttered with glee as she gobbled up every crumb in the tray, her chewing and moaning doing a good job masking the louder metallic creaks underneath her. That was until she finished licking the tray clean, before a crashing noise that sent her hurtling to the floor with a thud.
“Oof!” she grunted. “What the…?”
She watched the crowd of gingerbread ponies disperse as a chair leg rolled away. Then she looked down at herself, and her eyes widened at just how massive her stomach had grown. It had reached past her knees and, combined with her bloated flanks, made her look akin to a blueberry with slitted pupils and fangs.
“How’d I get so big?” she muttered, mainly to herself. “So soon, I mean.”
With a grunt, she started rocking herself back and forth in an attempt to get back on her hooves. Her soft and near-spherical body made it easier to shift herself, but her sheer sudden weight gain meant she was practically pinned to her rump. She flailed her front legs and flapped her wings, her rounder face scrunching from the sheer effort of just getting to her hooves.
“Nnngh, c’mon…!” she growled. The gingerbread ponies had gathered around her to watch the spectacle, and she could swear she could hear giggling.
But eventually, Midnight managed to haul herself onto all fours. She was already on the chunky side before, but now she was practically a ball on stubby legs. Her stomach hung inches from the ground and stuck out between her legs, practically matching the curvature of her flanks. Her cutie marks had stretched out to fill out the new space. Her second chin had filled in with full force, settling with the layer of fat on her neck. Her cherubic cheeks dimpled as she gave an awkward smile.
“Crescent will have a field day when he sees this,” she said. “It’ll be desk duty forever. Though, that means doughnuts.”
The gingerbread ponies’ little faces lit up, as did their horns. With sparkly puffs of magic, big plump doughnuts started popping in from thin air around Midnight, floating around her temptingly. Some were topped with sprinkles, others with cream, and most were glittering with powdered sugar.
“Oh, you really take care of me,” she giggled. “Gimme some jelly-filled ones first.”
The doughnuts lined up in the air, each one bouncing into Midnight’s maw when it opened wide. With each gulp, her stomach swelled bigger and bigger, and it just barely registered in the back of her mind that she could feel it touch the ground…
“Luna, have you seen this?” asked Princess Celestia.
Princess Luna turned her head and saw her sister looking out the castle window. Her wide eyes told her something of particular interest was occurring.
Deciding to humour her, Luna craned her neck toward the window and peered out for herself. Her own eyes bulged.
“No, sister,” she muttered, “I have not seen this.”
“Shall we take a closer look?” Celestia suggested.
“I feel as though we must.”
The Royal Sisters teleported out to the castle gardens. Their royal guard had cordoned off the hedge maze with tape and patrols, but that didn’t stop visitors, and their employers, from gawking at the scene. Specifically, at the gigantic glob of grey fur and fat that was squashed out where the hedge maze once was. Four little stubs that resembled hooves wiggled helplessly inside their own pits of fat rolls. A pair of enormous, deflated globes dominated the blob’s back end, with what looked like deformed cutie marks stretched across them and a tiny tail flicking helplessly between them. On its back, flapping pathetically amidst a sea of back folds, was a pair of undersized batpony wings. A slope of chins cascaded down the front, topped by a face that was dominated by a couple of excessively cherubic cheeks. So cherubic that the batpony blob’s mouth was forced into a small smile, and her eyes were nearly closed. Though her features were hard to read, one would certainly get a feeling of pure contentment coming from her.
After a swift investigation, Celestia and Luna came to the same conclusion.
“I believe this is one of your night guards?” Celestia said with a raised eyebrow.
“I believe it is,” Luna confirmed. “In fact, I think I know which one it is exactly.”
Luna spotted another batpony by the castle-sized blob, and she swooped down to greet him. Upon her landing, he raised his head from his hoof, and looked at her like his soul had just left his body.
“Your Majesty, I-I can explain!” he said, pure desperation in his voice. After a moment’s silence, he let out a sigh. “I can’t explain.”
“Worry not, Crescent Wind,” Luna assured him. “For I can explain.”
Crescent blinked. “Say what?”
Luna pressed a hoof into the blob, causing a soft gurgle to emanate from it. “This is one of your rank-and-file, Midnight Blossom, correct?”
“Yes…?”
“The one who is constantly stealing from the royal larder?”
Crescent swallowed. “You… know about that?”
“There is little that happens in the night I do not know about,” said Luna, raising her chin. “I decided it was time to keep her occupied for a night, so I had a conversation with a lovely mage who lives out in the White Tail Woods. She showed me a spell that can conjure magical gingerbread ponies, and I knew they would keep her away from the kitchen, at least for one night.”
“Uh… huh,” Crescent murmured. He looked up at the globular guard. “Doesn’t this seem… a bit too big, ma’am?”
“Call it revenge for stealing my favourite cookies,” remarked Luna with a mischievous smirk. She hovered back up to Midnight’s face with Crescent in tow. “A glutton must learn her lesson. Don’t you agree, young Midnight?”
“Mmmuuhh…” Midnight mumbled through her pursed lips. “M-muuhhrrr… fuuuhhhd…”
“Is she… still hungry?” breathed Crescent.
“That sounds natural,” chuckled Luna, giving Midnight’s chins a gentle jiggle. “Those gingerbread ponies were made to leave her wanting more, yes?”
“What do we do with her?”
“We can keep indulging her a little longer,” Luna mused. “Perhaps make her an attraction in the gardens for a while, before you put her on the Royal Guard Diet Regiment.”
“Um, yes, Your Majesty,” said Crescent, before eyeing Midnight. “If you’re listening, I hope you realise how lucky you are.”
Midnight responded by causing the castle grounds to shake and tremor from a truly monstrous roar coming from her oversized stomach.
“Huuuuhhnngrreeehhh…” she groaned.
Luna watched a gingerbread pony climb onto Midnight’s mane, and she and the little treat exchanged a knowing wink…