I hummed to myself as I washed some empty jars I used to store bird seeds. I felt content, comfortable. The warm sun was shining through the half closed blinds from the window in front of me
Hearing the tweets of my friends, reminding me what the jars were for. I really need to buy more seeds. I sighed, luckily I've already fed them, maybe tomorrow
I grabbed a glass of water from the tap after drying my hooves, realising that I'm hungry I grabbed a salad from the fridge. I went to the living room placed the salad on the coffee table and started eating
As I ate I can't help but feel certain sense of worry in my gut. Worry might not be the right word, it felt like I was stuck, stuck here in my own cottage because I'm was suppose to prepare for...
No. Pinkie's visits weren't a bad thing
I glanced up at the clock, ten forty-two. Three hours give or take
With a heave and lurch off of my couch, I went up and started preparing
She looked at me with those bright baby blue eyes, so bright, so intense, so hopeful. She looked at me like I was her only hope to save the world
But there was something else in that look. Pinkie has always been really good at communicating what she was feeling and other then hope and anticipation there was something else that was very clear. Fear
She was scared, worried, anxious. Feelings that I knew very well and I was in the center of it all
"Uhm" I squeaked out, which was a mistake
Pinkie's ears immediately drooped ever so slightly and her smile faltered making the fear that she was feeling more visible, "I mean I don't want to-"
"No!" I interrupted in a moment of unthinking bravery, only to shrink back, "Hold on, I mean-"
Decisions decisions decisions! This wasn't the type of thing that was supposed to be thought of in the moment, I need time. I don't want to hurt her but- but-
I took one glance at her, I didn't even realised I was looking at the ground -probably with a horrifying expression of indecisiveness - I expected to see Pinkie sad and/or angry at me for taking so long to answer
But she wasn't, she had an expression of anticipation, and slight worry. Dear Celestia I was worrying her! Her hooves were the most still I've ever seen them, with her tail swishing side to side behind her to some imaginary beat. She was waiting, attentively, patiently
She was waiting for me
"I- I-"
Why did I open my mouth!
She leaned forward ever so slightly as I said that, I could practically feel burst of emotion that was going to explode the moment I say any real sentences. I was really affecting her that much
When the words died down in my mouth, she frowned
"It's- it's okay Fluttershy, I mean- I- I- know this is sudden and... Well I don't- I just... Wanted to let you know, and if you wanna or don't wanna I'll be fine" She said with an unsure reassuring smile
I don't know Pinkie! My mind wanted to scream out
My mouth was dry and it felt like I've been sitting here for hours, the soft grass below me suddenly felt prickly
I kept looking at her. Pinkie was my friend and I love her. But do I love her like- like- that?
I don't know
I still don't know
We've been together for two months by now and... It was- it wasn't that-
I sighed through my nose, now I'm scaring myself just by thinking again
I dusted the table for the third? Fourth? I dusted it again
I looked at the time, one forty
I finally decided to sit back on the couch and relax. Now finally feeling my sore hooves from feeding and cleaning, a lot of cleaning
I sank back at the couch and closed my eyes, Pinkie is coming. It really wasn't all bad. At least she knew when she was coming now...
I was sitting comfortably on my bed, my hooves were sinking into the fabric of them almost melding into one from how content I was staying in this position
The air was cool with the light shower outside, I kept the blinds half opened for the light and also to have the light warmness of the sun peep in
I had a warm mug of jasmine tea on the stand, and a new issue of a visual novel that I was aching to read all week in front of me, letting myself get lost inside of it
Knock knock knock
Reality struck me like lightning, I jolted up. My hooves still hesitating to move from the spot I'm currently in
Visitors?
My brain racked to remember if I'm supposed to have somepony over
I looked at the calendar. It's Tuesday, not Rarity
The mailmare? No, I've told her to drop any package in front, and I didn't order anything
Salespony? Harry is supposed to handle that
KnockKnockKnockKnock!
I reluctantly sprung up from my bed at the increased intensity of the knocks, silently grieving the lost of my euphoric position on it
As I went down the stairs my brain was still trying to figure out who was in the front door, my head was buzzing as the knocks got more intense
I walked as fast as I could to the front door and swung it-
"Surprise!"
I flinch back as I got blown by a soft blast of pink and yellow confetti. As my eyes adjusted to the surprise, I saw Pink, then I saw Pinkie Pie, then I saw... Cake?
My mind was still trying to process it all as my eyes flicked from cake to Pinkie to cake and Pinkie to cake-
"Happy one week anniversary!"
The dots automatically connected in her head, she now saw the big red 'ONE WEEK ANNIVERSARY OF FLUTTERPIE WOO HOO YEAAAAAHHHH!!!!' frosting on the pink and yellow cake
"Oh- oh hi Pinkie" Was all I could say, what else was I supposed to say?
Oh shoot, I was supposed to say more, "Uhm thanks, and yay for us, woo hoo"
I was still dazed, and was still grieving the luxury of solitude. But this was my... Girlfriend and this was a celebration
"Uh sorry Pinkie I just wasn't prepared for you uhm- come in"
She walked into my house with a spring in her step
"Uhh do you want some... Tea? It's all I have"
She placed the cake on the coffee table which had no space for the plate and it's edges were tipping off of the side and could fall with any- I looked away she didn't know she-
"Sure! Anything from you is Fluttershy fantastic!" She beamed
I smiled, then looked at the cake again, "Okay- you can put the cake on the kitchen table"
I went to work on the tea, pouring water for... The both of us, this was an 'Us' day now, the mug upstairs was a mug for a day that's already ended
"Did I catch you at a bad time?" Pinkie's voice startled me by its proximity
"Oh uhm-"
"You could be honest with me"
"Oh well I was just reading- It's nothing really just-" I bite my tongue, "It's fine"
"Just what?"
"Well next time maybe you could warn- uh schedule- just- tell me when you're coming" I smiled at her nervously, communication was one of the important part of a relationship
She saluted like a royal guard, "Can do colonel Flutter!"
The rest of that day was a blur, but she remembered that crystal clear. It was a moment that she repeated as a 'good' step in their relationship
And that was... Good. Right?
Why was that a question?
Dating Pinkie was... It wasn't- Was good!
It was good, really good sometimes....
"Uhm Pinkie? Not that I don't trust you is just that, is it safe?" I asked, smelling wet rock and feeling the cold humid and probably dark temperature
"Yeepperino! One hundred and sixty two percent safe with Pinkie's safety seal of approval"
Hearing her voice be so excited was nice, it felt safe. Pinkie always had that effect on ponies, being an unstoppable force of joy and optimism that I always envy
"Oh okay then" I said, hoping that that didn't sound unsure because I didn't mean it like that
"But if it really bothers you we could turn back"
I hesitated, "Uhm no let's- I want to see what you found"
"Yay!" She picked up the pace as she guided me through whatever that is were in
The 'path' was really uneven and I felt that we were going at a dangerously quick pace. I almost tripped multiple time, key word being almost, because Pinkie caught me every time
"Okay- woah woah woah stop here" Pinkie had hoof on my chest just as I was about to take another step
"Can I open my eyes now?" I heard water rushing
I felt her hoof brush under my chin before lightly pushing it up so I raised my head, "Yepsiabsopositivelylutely!"
I opened my eyes and-
Oh- oh my
I was looking at the bottom of a large crevice, with lush greenery growing around it. Light was streaming from the crack and there was even a small stream of water off of the walls making a quaint little stream through the rest of the system
With the sunlight and the water stream gave the air a sense of coolness different from the cold and damp cave system that the we traveled through
I was taken aback, how couldn't I?
I took a step forward only realising that I had a smile plastered on my far. I layed down, closing my eyes enjoying the peaceful serenity of the nature
Pinkie pressed up against my side, startling me. She scooted away a couple of millimetres away to give me some space
"Sooooo" Pinkie started, laying on her back looking at me, "Do you likies?"
I smiled, a smile that felt warm, which made my heart lurch, "Yes Pinkie"
"Yayyyy!" She cheered hugging my neck
"Pinkie how did you find this place?"
"I have my ways" She said proudly
I snickered, it's a shame that we didn't bring any food with us, this would be a lovely place for a picnic
"This place reminds me of you"
I paused before responding, "Oh?"
"It's pretty, calm, serene. It's nice right?"
"Very"
"It's the same feeling that I get whenever I'm around you"
I felt my brain firing off, all of its emotional and logical working at lightning speed to give that statement the perfect response in just under a second
"Oh...."
A pang of cringe course through my body, I huffed through my nose frustrated that my mind would replay that memory through up until that moment
I shifted in my couch to shake the feeling off but that didn't shake the frustration. Tha was the most clear cut romantic situation I have ever been in, it's like a cut from a romance novel and all I could say was-
Knock knock knock
13:00
I snapped myself out of my reverie, that must be her. I walked up to the door and-
"Surprise!" She said with that beaming smile of hers as a subdued amount of confetti rained from above
I smiled, of course I did, it's still Pinkie after all, "Hi Pinkie, come on in"
I squeaked as she pecked me on the cheek before going inside, she giggled at that. She loves it when I do that
To me it was another mental reminder that our relationship was different
She sat down and placed the snacks that she always brought on the table, chocolate banana bread, my favourite. I made tea, we drank the tea, at the snacks, talked about our day
It was nice, it felt like I was doing something right
Except, we were close. Physically close. It didn't mean much, all of the six of us were always close
Pinkie Pie was warm and comforting, somehow even with all the shenanigans she pulls on the daily she still put time, care, and attention to her fur. Along with working at a bakery gave her a homely pastry scent to her, that was... Supposed to be comforting
But this always feels different- No this feels the same as all the times we all hugged and... That's not what I'm was supposed to feel
Pinkie had her eyes closed as she had her head over me, she once said I was like a fluffy pillow that always made her feel... Serene
Serene is not a word that anypony associated with Pinkie Pie, anypony except her. This was a side of Pinkie that nopony gets to see, a relaxed and calm one
And it's also one that I don't deserve seeing
"It's not going well is it?"
I bit my tongue, Rarity could be so blunt sometimes
I looked down at my tea, I was fidgeting with my hooves, making the table gently rock making little ripples in the tea that were-
"Darling" I flinched, Rarity said that in the tone that sounded both comforting and achingly concerned
She Left a gap of silence, she knew me well enough that I would only talk if somepony expected me to
"It's just- Wel I-"
I lined my mouth, feeling the dryness, wishing that I had gotten something cold to drink instead. No words that my mind could think of would be convincing enough, not even to myself
I looked up at Rarity again, I don't know what I expected but her look struck me again and now I felt bad for not saying anything
"It's... Fine" I sighed, avoiding eye contact again
"Are you... Happy? With her?"
Am I happy to be the target of affection by one of the most caring, sweet, and passionate ponies in Equestria. Dear Celestia, I'm awful
"Of course I-" I stopped when I looked at Rarity, I took too long to answer, of course she would see right through that
"I mean I'm not unhappy"
She sighed, "That's not a good thing Fluttershy"
I licked my dry lips, "She's happy though and well-"
"Fluttershy..." Rarity whined
"-I'm okay with it, we have a sort of thing going-"
"Fluttershy"
"-and I'll-"
"Fluttershy!"
I clasped my mouth shut, that didn't work. It never works on her, usually I would do that if somepony was interrupting me but Rarity never interrupts me, I was disrupting her
"Do you love her?"
My gut sank so low that I actually felt sick and the tea wasn't helping
I sighed, a small tiny breath to let out barely a fraction of the sickness I was feeling
"Of course I love her, I love her so much, I love her the same way I love you, the way I love Twilight, Rainbow, Applejack!"
"So you do know it's different"
"Is it really?" I asked myself, "She seems so happy, I can't take that away from her"
"Darling, Pinkie adores you, you are the center of her life"
"And that's exactly why I can't leave her, I don't want to break her heart" I swallowed my spit, "I'm fine Rarity, I love Pinkie, I'm happy with her"
She looked at me still with concern eyes but nothing from her mouth, maybe she was-
"You know she's not blind right?"
I gulped, with a silent prayer I said, "What do you mean?"
Rarity took another half hearted sip at her tea, "A couple of days ago Pinkie surprised me with a visit, she tried to bounce around the topic but it was clear she came to me about you"
"She asked what would be and I quote a what 'super extra special amazing fanatabulous' thing that she could do to make you happy"
"We bounce of ideas, apparently she already tried all of the things that I suggested and she was running out of ideas"
"Eventually we came out short and she left more deflated than she came in"
I wanted to say something, but Rarity carried on
"The next day Twilight told me that Pinkie borrowed seventeen relationship books"
I didn't want to say anything anymore, more than anything I wanted to sink to the ground and disappear from existence
"Pinkie is doing all she could to make you for her a fraction of what she feels for you darling and you're just..."
Rarity fell silent and looked away, she was far too nice to continue the sentence. Though I heard her loud and clear
I sip my tea to ground myself back to reality, and placed the tea down with a clink, I knew that was going to get her attention
"Pinkie"
Pinkie leaned down on me, her hooves wrapping me back up, "Yes Fluttershy?"
I wrapped one of her hooves with both of mine. This was the threshold I could easily say 'nothing' or 'I love you' and everything will be okay and we didn't have to-
"I need to tell you something"
I almost flinched at how cold my voice sounded, I felt Pinkie's hooves shifted, they were tense and-
"About what?" She said, feigning innocence but I could practically feel the fear building up inside her
I can't- I can't- I can't do this like- like-
I used both of my hooves to gently put Pinkie's hooves down, letting me break out of our cuddle. I slipped out of under her, and face her
"Fluttershy?"
My mouth felt dry, "Pinkie I-"
I looked down, I catch a glimpse of Pinkie softly scratching my couch. She was still my friend, I need to be there for her for- for- this
I grabbed both of her hooves, they were limp on mine
"Pinkie I- I really don't wanna do this really I-"
"Then don't!" Her hooves suddenly flared to life, tugging mine, "Please"
She looked like on of my injured critters, she begging, pleading with me
"I can't do that Pinkie"
"Fluttershy please, just let me- give me a chance to be better, I don't- I can't- I don't want-"
"Pinkie... " I tapped her chin to let her look at me
I felt my heart ache when I saw a stream of tears already running through her nose
"Fluttershy I- I-"
As if it was instinct, I caught her when she leaned forward. She fell limp on to my side, her hooves wrapping all around my back
My shoulder quickly turned wet as she stoped holding anything back
"I'm sorry- I'm- I'm sorry- I'm-"
"Pinkie, it's not your fault" I said as softly as I could, gently patting her back, "It never was, I just- It's just- I don't-"
I felt her tense up more, as her hooves go a little bit tighter on me. The words fell off my mouth, worried that I'll say anything more to hurt her, dear Celestia I am awful....
"I- I- I love you Fluttershy"
I sighed, and breathed in feeling my eyes grew wet as well
"I love you too Pinkie"
Author's Note
I can say I wrote Tpab now :3
'Woww the Twipie shipper wrote Pinkie in another ship and it didn't end well wowww' Hehehahah yeah... Sorry
It's not tha I don't don't fw Flutterpie, it's just that I thought of the title first and wrote a story around it. As a peace offering there's a visual novel dating sim game... Thing, called the 'The Difference Between Us' (I'll link it when I figure out how) that is just a fluffy fluff fluff Flutterpie piece
Also this is the first time I wrote in first person in a whileeee, and the first time using song lyrics for chapter titles again the play on words was just too fun. Originally I wanted to have a modified version of Thundercat's verse on 'Wesley Theory' in the beginning but... It was too cringe even for moi lol
Anyway, I hope this is up to snuff for the contest, because goddamn people are cooking with the fics and I submitted it with my patented 'Last Minute Submission™'
Again sorry if the author note is too long hopefully it didn't bother the fic too much. Criticism is greatly appreciated
Cheers!
