“Are you sure you want this…game?” asked Cream Heart as she stood in the gaming section of the Ponyville department store. All around her were games like MegaMare where a alicorn/changeling hybrid has to go around defeating various zones, collecting new abilities from each of the bosses in said zones, and then defeating the big boss. Then there was Twittermite Hunter, a game where you go around collecting twittermites from destroying various towns. Or there was the Super Plummer Sister, a game where you could choose between two Kirin sisters to travel the world trying to get the evil empire to take the kingdom's prince. Not to mention some games like Caribou War, where you can choose between various tribes to battle an army of caribou in order to save Equestria.
That last one she was a little on the ‘did they have to make that game so, er, graphic with everything’.
However, her question was the last chance she was giving her son, Button Mash, to change his mind about the game he now held in his hooves: The Awesome Game.
As Button nodded his head, Cream Heart did her best to hold back a wince as she took it into her own hooves. Slowly she turned it around to read the back, pretending to read it while her eyes remained fixed on the logo of twin unicorn brothers at the bottom. The truth was that she was already aware of this game and, from what she had found out, she would sooner let her son play Caribou War than this game!
It had all started at the beginning of the holidays when everyone was placing ads for everything. That was when she first heard about The Awesome Game. The add started out with a colt trying to beat The Awesome Game, feeling looking frustrated. The next moment, more colts and fillies filled the room trying to help him beat the game but seeming to have no luck. The, a rocking sound track started as a colt wearing a leather jacket came in. Said colt handed his jacket to a filly who swooned, nearly fainting, before the new colt got to work on the game. The camera focused on the colt with the rest of the children cheering him on as it seemed like he was making progress. Then, the rock music grew triumphant when a digital voice proclaimed: You Win!
“Thank you The Awesome Game,” said the colt before taking back his leather jacket and walking away, either thanking the game for the challenge or for the popularity beating it gave him as he walked out of the scene with several colts and fillies while the rest went back to trying to beat the game.
Overall, the ad was harmless with her only issue at the time being you never got to see what the game was about. Something that raised red flags with her as well as several other mothers in Ponyville.
What wasn’t harmless was the effect the ad had on Button! It started off simple, his asking about it and talking about it near constantly. Then, as the holidays drew closer, it escalated. Big time.
Flashback
Cream had just come home from a long day at work, having had to work a double shift due to management severely overestimating what their now smaller staff could do within the smaller time frame. At first, Cream and her co-workers were about to walk out leaving their bosses to stew in the mess they made for themselves, but the promise of more hooves after this getting done as well as triple overtime pay (along with their boss crying like a newborn foal) caused them all to sigh and get back to work. Though they did warn him that they would not do this again otherwise he would need to start looking for an entirely new staff.
At the very least, Cream Heart would worry less about the bills this holiday. That was a cheerful thought.
After quickly putting dinner in the oven, Cream moved over to her favorite chair and pulled out the book she had borrowed from Princess Twilight. A nice read to put her mind at ease as she waited for dinner to be done. What could be better?
Then, when Cream opened the book, she nearly did a double take. Each line on the page was a single sentence: Can I please have The Awesome Game? Over and over again, there it was. Looking at the next page, it was the same. And when she began flipping through the book, she found that every page was like this! Freaking out, she turned to look at the book’s cover only for her jaw to drop. While it had been the same color as the one she had borrowed this one read: Can I Please Have The Awesome Game by Button Mash.
Slowly lowering the book, Cream Heart could only think one thing: Her son had gone out of his way to make a fake book just to get a game. What happened to placing ads for the game in the mail or her catalogs? If only he showed this level of dedication to his studies.
End Flashback.
After that, ah, interesting approach to getting her attention and finding the book she borrowed, Cream Heart did what any other good mother would have done: find out more about the game. What she found was concerning to say the least. First off, it was made by the Flim Flam Brothers causing her to instantly distrust the game. She could still taste of rocks and leaves in the cider they had tried to sell the town when they were trying to take over Sweet Apple Acres. Or how they had tried to sell a cure-all to the town. Honestly, she could see them putting the same level of ‘quality’ in those instances into this game.
Turns out, she was right on the money! She had a few friends out of town who had already bought the game for their colts and fillies…only to regret it instantly. While they never went into specifics, the game was just unplayable and bad.
Of course, she tried to tell her son all this when she explained that getting the game was a bad idea. Though, she did say that if any of him friends did get the game then maybe he would get a chance to play it. And, if he still liked it, she would get it for him. It sounded like a fair compromise.
Well, it had to her anyways.
Flashback
Cream Heart yawned as she entered the bathroom. With her eyes barely open, she reached for the mirror to get to the small medicine cabinet right behind it. What she saw caused her eyes to go wide, scream, and back up until she fell into the pub.
What did she see in there? Well, it was her son. Not a picture or anything like that. But somehow he had learned from Pinkie Pie how to cram his entire body into a space that shouldn’t fit him. What’s more, he was staring at her with eyes that screamed ‘I have been here all night’ while holding a sign in his hooves that read: Can I please have The Awesome Game?
End Flashback
Back in the present, Cream Heart let out a final sigh as she lowered her hoof holding the game that had given her so many heart attacks. Then she eyed her colt, still excited and bright-eyed. She knew she could do what many would consider the right thing and say no. That you shouldn’t be rewarded for all the pestering and harassment. But with that said, she was just done with it all. And she had a much better lesson she could teach. One that might dig a little deeper into her bank account than she would have liked, even with the extra bits she had gotten. But if Button learned what she hoped, then it would all be worth it!
“Ok, I’ll buy this for you,” said Cream, in her best ‘I’m a caring mother’ tone. Then, just as Button looked ready to begin leaping around her in pure joy, she stopped him with a look that told any colt or filly to listen. “However, I want to make one thing very clear. I will not buy you another game until you beat this one. Is that understood?” Button just nodded his head vigorously.
After that, nothing seemed to dampen the young colt’s mood. Not the shocked look the mare at the register had when she saw they were buying the game. Nor the warning that, for some strange reason, they would not accept any returns on this game. None of that set alarm bells off in Button’s mind. Though, hopefully, in the future they would ring.
“Alright! Time for glory!” announced Button after making a beeline to his game station, still vibrating with excitement. As the colt powered up the device and turned on the TV, he couldn’t wait to beat this game. After all, playing games like this was his calling. It’s what his cutie mark signified! And if the game was as difficult and amazing as the commercials led it on to be, then the pony most likely to beat it would be him. Then, everyone would see how cool he really was. Like the entire CMC! Yeah, that brought him a smile.
He could almost see it now. Rumble or Tender Taps buying The Awesome Game thinking they would be the one to beat it. Only they couldn’t! They ask everypony for help, including the CMC, with no one managing to do it. Until they call on him! Everypony there will be looking at him in admiration and simple awe. Especially the CMC! That was the dream.
Finally, The Awesome Game was ready to play. Though it was off to a rocky start as he first had to watch what felt like an infomercial by the Flim Flam Brothers as they showed off some of their ‘limited time only products’ and how to order them. None of which were about the game or even future games. Instead it was for a cheese grater and anti-Applejack products. Weird. Hopefully, he wouldn’t get the same thing every time.
So, to pass the time while they talked about a product which was recordings of Princess Celestia snoring, Button decided to check out The Awesome Game’s manual. Might as well learn what the game was about and what he was supposed to do. Only, there was no manual. Just more ads!
“Ok, ok,” breathed Button as he set the ‘manual’ back into the case. “So you have no idea what you’re supposed to do. But, it’s fine. You’ve played plenty of games in the past where you had no idea how to play them and still came out on top. You got this.”
Then finally, the game started. Now on the screen was a pixel pegasus with a crossbow standing in the middle of a hallway. Ok, now he was getting somewhere. With a grin, Button moved the character who he guessed was him, over to the side. But, after moving two spaces…he just DIED! The dreaded words Game Over appeared on the screen and the game just reset.
“How?” was all Button could say as the infomercial returned in all its annoying glory. The hallway had been empty. Just him. There wasn’t even anything to indicate he was standing on a trap. Heck, he hadn’t even seen a trap go off in the first place!
Then, Buttons realized something he hadn’t before. Something that made sweat appear on his brow. The game didn’t have a main menu section. No continue or saved game slots. Meaning if you died at any point while playing this game or turned it off, you had to start all over again!
“Who would do something like that?” demanded Button, though not believing that anypony would make such an oversight. No, it was more likely that because he hadn’t saved the game that it just skipped the menu. Yeah, that had to be it. So, as soon as Buttons saw his character, he pressed the start button…and died.
“No, no, no, no, no,” chanted Button as the same ads from before played. Then, when his character appeared again, Button decided to make the most of it and just play the game. But more slowly. He moved one space. Nothing happened. Nopony died. Good. He moved another space…and then died.
By the time Button had seen the infomercial ninety times, the colt was done with this. This wasn’t a game. He didn’t know what it was. So, he did the only thing he could think of: complain to his mom.
“Mom,” he said after finding her in her chair, sipping on some sparkling cider and reading a book that Princess Twilight lent her. “I think there’s something wrong with the game.”
“Well, I tried to warn you,” replied Cream, not taking her eyes off the passage she was reading. “Remember our deal: I buy you that game and you don’t get any more until you beat it.”
When he heard that, the world seemed to crash all around him. He just stared at his mother with a look of horror in his eyes while she sipped on her drink, still not even bothering to look at him. Yes, he remembered that deal but he hadn’t taken it seriously! Besides the game was obviously bugged.
Then he narrowed his eyes as he walked back to the game station. Fine, if that was how it was, then he was going to beat this stupid, awful game no matter what it took. He would use all his skills, every trick he had in order to beat it. At least then, he would receive the bragging rights that were owed to anyone who accomplished such a task!
Try: 10,953
Button groaned as, once again, his character died. And with it, so too did a piece of his soul.
He had found out pretty quickly that no one would care that he beat this stupid, awful game. Why? Because two days after he had gotten it, the stores pulled them from their shelves. Either ponies were demanding returns despite the warnings they had been issued or the constant stream of negative reviews just made the game not worth carrying. Not to mention that Princess Celestia ordered the game removed as well. The only pony who was known to have beaten it was Princess Luna who just sat there smugly in a picture as Princess Celestia ripped into the Flim Flam Brothers.
Then, it was all forgotten. No one was playing the game anymore. No one was talking about it or were the ads playing anymore. It was just Button, playing alone in his room feeling like he was doing homework.
He had managed to figure one thing out. Whoever programmed this game made it so that if you made any wrong move, you died. That was it. And the only ponies who knew what the right moves were was the Son of a Discord who created the game and Princess Luna! So, Button had a notebook next to him with lines filled with arrows that went up, down, left, and right along with various A’s as well as B’s. He had to get them all right. Sure, it felt more like he was taking notes in school and memorizing them more and more as time went on. Sure, he hadn’t played any other game since he had started playing this nightmare. But he was going to do it. He was going to beat this game so he could get something new to play!
Try: 401,549
“That’s not how a crossbow works!” screamed Button who had finally gotten to level two where the enemies were. What they were, he had no idea. They looked like armadillos with spikes on their backs and tentacles for arms. But he finally found something new after walking around in that nightmare hallway for so long! He could finally shoot at something and let out some of this pent-up aggression he had been feeling.
At least, that had been the plan! Rather than the bolt from the crossbow going in a straight line, it zig-zagged across the screen. Then it would come out from where he had just come and had the chance of hitting his character! And if that wasn’t bad enough, the sound they made when fired was nonexistent.
“Who in their right mind, other than Discord, would design an attack to work like that?!?” raged Button as he spoke over the commercials. “So now I need to figure out the right position to be in or for those…whatever the heck they are in be where I need them to in order to fire. And if I miss, the bolt somehow gets behind me? Maybe even killing me? Just…just why?”
Then a new thought brought a fresh horror to the colt’s mind.
“I can’t back up,” he whispered as tears formed in his eyes. “If I do, I die. I can’t move in any way that deviates from the path.”
Try: 9,872,201
“ENDLESS STAIRS? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?” demanded Button with bloodshot eyes as he moved up a flight of stairs that seemed to go on forever. So far, he had spent nearly half of his Saturday just on these stairs with no end in sight. And to make matters so much worse, if he stopped for any reason he would die.
Try: 94,219,001
“Are we having fun yet?” came a voice from the screen, causing Button’s eyes to twitch. He no longer had any idea on what level he was on. He was beyond caring at this point. What he did care about was why there was a sudden random, featureless face appearing on the side of his screen. Seemingly only there to taunt him in a voice that was somehow creepy as well as emotionless!
“Great, the game is haunted,” muttered Button. “Maybe Flim and Flam took some souls with them when they pulled this game out of Tartarus!”
Try: 400,101,202
“Is there any point to living anymore?” complained Button as he now had to jump from moving platform to moving platform that would randomly dump him off screen to his death.
Try: 11,329,761,005
“You win!” came a voice from the TV, shocking Button. There had been no final boss. No puzzle. Just walking through a gate. It was the ultimate anti-climactic ending of the worst game ever created.
But while that annoyed him, he could still feel happy tears running down his face. He had done it! He had finished the stupid, awful game whose real name he refused to ever utter ever again. Finally, he could play something good!
Slowly he arose, doing his best not to knock over the towers of college-bound notebooks that surrounded him as he went to get his mother. She was in bed, but not for long as he dragged her out causing the mare to scream in alarm.
“I did it Mom, I did it,” he announced as he dragged his mother through the house and passing by things he had no idea what they were. How many years had he been playing the awful game? Who knows and who cared! It was done! “I beat the game. You have to see it! You have to-” However, Button stopped when he saw to his horror that the ‘intro’ was playing once more. The winner screen was gone, along with any proof he had won.
Seeing that, the colt, no, young stallion, fell to his knees and began to cry.
