The Curious Adventure of Nicholas Cage

by LightningDust

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random, Human
Length: 6320

How will the famous actor cope being surrounded by so much joy and happiness?

-NOW UNDERGOING REWRITE-

A portal across time and space has opened, it's destination: Unknown. The world must send forth it's greatest minds to bravely step where no other man would dare.

Unfortunately they were all busy, so they kidnapped Nicholas Cage instead.

So how exactly will Hollywood's most underrated actor fare in a land full of kindness and harmony? Hilarity and random cursing is assured.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-06-04 10:23:03 UTC

Simple beginnings...

The moon was at half phase and its light glittered off the wet pavement. The rain had eased off and was now just a slight dampness in the air. As always the stars shinned bright in Hollywood in both meanings of the term. After the very successful premier of the latest film “Avatar 3” starring Nicolas Cage, the cast only thought it sensible to celebrate at the Castle Springs hotel. It wasn't too shabby, a pool there and a sauna there, good room service and a nice wine selection. The black limo pulled up in front of the building and the celebrities stepped out, instantly greeted by hordes of photographers.

The first to step out was none other than Miranda Cosgrove herself (not famous for her acting just to note), the supporting actress of the film. Her glittering red dress dragged along the carpet that had been laid out for the stars. The next to step out were a bunch of up and coming young actors no body care about. The true hero of this film was about to step out. Putting on his custom shades even though it was 12:30 am was the one and only Nicolas Cage. The paparazzi went frantic, jumping over one another to get a good shot of the actor. Nicolas put on his best fake smile and walked towards the hotel entrance quickly, waving at the mob at either side. Miranda was waiting for him at the door and greeted him with a goofy smile.

“Parasites” Nicolas muttered in such a low voice only Miranda was close enough to make it out. She just put an arm around him.

“Come on, they don’t matter, who cares? Let’s just have fun tonight.”

“Well I sure would like to.” Nicolas replied in his monotone voice used both on and off the cameras. He shrugged off a couple off staff that asked if he would like anything delivered to his room or anyone to help him with his black leather jacket. Nicolas walked through the large dining hall and out into the casino lounge. All the other cast members were enjoying themselves on the flashing pokey machines while old Orlando was trying his luck at Texas Hold’em. Nicolas knew that even an actor like Orlando could not match his poker face. The director, Michael Bay, gave him a firm handshake with both hands on his.

“Good work, Cage, good work. Those box offices won’t know what hit ‘em”

“It’s money well spent, Michael. Just be sure to throw in a couple more sequels while you’re at it.” They both gave each other looks of ‘I see what you did there’ before Nicolas walked past the director, leaving him standing by himself. He quickly threw off his fake smile and walked over to the overcrowded bar. Miranda had long gone off to talk to some other chicks, he didn't care. He sat up on one of the bar stools and removed his shades, slipping them into his front jacket pocket. The bar tender instantly left his other customers to see that Mr Cage was served.

“Anything I can get you?” He asked, trying not to sound too awkward. Cage gave him one of his signature looks that gave him no hint of any emotion.

“Scotch on the rocks if you don’t mind.” He said sternly. The bar tender nodded and went to prepare his drink. Cage looked around the bar and saw a bunch of overly intoxicated men with pool cues with drunk women draped around their shoulders. He snared in their direction and nodded as his drink was placed in front of him. The bar tender left him be and went back to the now irritated customers. He threw back his drink and went off to see how Miranda was doing with her ‘friends’.

Miranda wrapped herself around his waist and pulled him closer so that all her girlfriends could see.

“Aw yeah, so are you two like together?” One of the reasonably skanky looking females said.

“No silly, we are just very good pals. Don’t you remember he’s married?” Miranda then suddenly got a surprised reaction from Nicolas.

“I am? That’s right.”

“So you guys gonna join us tonight?” Miranda giggled at her friend.

“Depends what you had in mind.”

“Well, it involves dancing, picking up a few guys and probably getting wasted at some point. The order doesn't matter, so long as we are in bed by four if you know what I mean.”

“Sounds fun, how about it big guy?” Nicolas snapped back into reality and realized that someone else was talking. He quickly switched to default mode.

“Sure, anything you want.” Miranda perked up and tugged him along.

“All right, let’s go have fun!” Nicolas barely had time to get a word in.

“Have what?”

Nicolas flopped onto his bed with a resounding thud. He looked blankly up in the ceiling and concentrated on the throbbing headache that seemed to hammer at the inside of his skull. Miranda and him were split up for a few hours but he found her again when he came back to his room. She was busy upchucking something and he thought it best to do the gentlemen like thing and leave her be. She unlocked the bathroom door and waddled out into the bedroom. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and collapsed on top of the stunned Cage. After a slight hiccup, she begun to hum a slight tune and wandered her eyes up to his.

“Sooo, you wanna…”

“Tired.” Nicolas gave in a slow drone.

Miranda gave a pouty look of disappointment and collapsed on the bed next to him. Nicolas did not want to be rude but got up and went into the living room so he did not have to spend the evening with an excuse for a drunken supporting actress. She instantly fell asleep soon after, letting out heavy sounds of an elephant snoring.

Nicolas set himself down on the coach and switched on the wall mounted TV. He flicked through the channels to see if anything related to him was on. After he had come up with no results other than an episode of Police 10/7 he would rather forget, he simply left it on MTV. He stared blankly at the screen for the next thirty or so minutes till he slowly shut his eyes and drifted off into sleep. His head slightly tilted to the left and his arms resting on either side. The TV continued to throw out random sounds and the room fell still.

Outside the Castle Springs hotel was a black Toyota Hilux. It was precariously parked on the other side of the street with its two passengers keeping a close eye on a set of audio devices set up in Cage’s room. The man and the women were both dressed in US black combat gear and wore stab proof vests. The blond haired woman was the first to speak.

“No signs of movement. He may have gone to sleep now.” She looked over to the African American man on her left. He nodded and signaled to the door.

“Alright, now’s the time to move. You know what we need to do, just keep to the mission outline, agent Sarah.” The agent nodded back.

“Let’s go then, agent Johnson.”

They both exited the car and ran up to the hotel entrance. By now most guests were in their rooms so getting in would not be an issue. They made it past the front desk without a hitch. Once they reached the second floor hallway the two signaled to split up. Agent Sarah would make her way to the security control room and erase the memory from all security cam footage. Agent Johnson would find and deal with the target.

Johnson soon reached the fourth floor and located the target room, 126. He pulled out some small devise and pressed it to the lock. In a few seconds a green bulb flashed and the agent opened the door. Johnson saw his target sprawled across the coach. Gripping his gun, he crept behind the sleeping Cage and pulled out a small piece of cloth, pressing it against the actor’s mouth. He struggled for a few second before he was unconscious. Agent Johnson swung him over his shoulder and carried him towards the window. Pulling out a hook from his belt, the agent connected it to the window pane and begun to abseil down the hotel with Nicolas Cage still on his back. After the agent reached the road, he quickly retracted his rope and made his way to the Hilux with target in hand.

He arrived to find agent Sarah waiting for him in the driver’s seat. Johnson placed the unconscious Cage in the back and hopped into the passenger’s seat.

“Man, next time I’m driving.” He joked. A mobile phone begun to ring from the glove box and Agent Sarah went to answer it.

“Yes. Yes, we have him.” Johnson grew a satisfied smile on his face. “We’ll be there in 10 minutes; the stuff we gave him should have him out for hours though.” With that she hung up. Their mission was complete and their target secured, the two agents drove off into the night.

Underneath the Hollywood sign resides a top secret research facility owned by the US government, but funded by China. It is here where they conduct the experiments that the world doesn't necessarily need to know about just yet. When the two agents arrived (via secret elevator) they laid the unconscious Nicolas Cage on a gurney as he was wheeled of too medical where he would undergo their most ambitious test to date.

Dr Author Humphreys was responsible for the tests undertaking. He had in 2008 discovered the remains of suspected alien technology after his visit to the London Scientists Union. This technology was potentially revolutionizing, but there was a flaw. It was capable of sending a person across space at extraordinary speeds that a conventional craft could never achieve, but there was also the slight chance it could tear the passenger to shreds. A test subject was needed.

“Sir.” One of the Medical staff came up to Dr Humphreys as he went over the final preparations.

“Yes, what is it.”

“Why Nicolas Cage, I mean, of all people he seems...”

“Arrogant, cocky, inconsiderate, a bad representation to all of mankind? Yes, he may be all these things, but rest assured he’s going to a better place.”

“We’re gonna kill him?!”

“Quite possibly, well, most likely. There is still the chance he’ll end up on some world across the galaxy, but the chances of his survival are minimal.”

They strapped Nicolas onto a table in the middle of a large empty room, with the exception of the alien device sitting on one side of the room. Behind their bullet proof glass, the team watched as the first stages of testing begun.

The portal was set on its lowest setting to first see if he could survive exposure to the energies being emitted. Over the next few minutes all his vitals seemed to be perfectly healthy (except for the obvious presence of alcohol). They began to increase intensity, a portal forming on one side of the room in front of the device. Raw energy was flung from gaping hole in space, and soon the straps keeping Nicolas on the table were straining from the pressure. They set the dial on 13, its highest possible level. The result was catastrophic. The straps holding down Cage gave way, and he was sucked through the portal. Soon after it erupted, shattering the glass and cracking the very walls. Circuits were fired and readings were off the charts. When the portal had subsided, the scientists peaked from under the controls. The lab was ruined and there was nothing to show from it. Meters had been destroyed before any readings could be taken. To make it all worse their test subject was nowhere to be seen.

Nicolas woke with a biting hangover still at his skull. He covered his eyes as he felt the harsh sun beat down on him. It was at this point he realized he was no longer lying down in his hotel room. He was lying in the middle of a dirt road in the middle of what looked like an early Victorian village. He picked himself up and brushed the mud off his leather jacket. He slipped on his shades and tried to grasp the situation at hand. All attempts at this were halted when a strange pink miniature horse bounced up to him. It stood at a third of his height but didn't seem to be scarred of him. Its mane was like cotton candy and tattooed on her flank was an image of balloons. This was very strange right from the get go.

“Hi, how are you doing?” The pink horse asked. Nicolas instantly recoiled in surprise, his eyes widening to their fullest.

“DAFAQ!!!”

That's my piece!

“Are you sure Pinkie? Even for you that sounds a bit… random.”

“Twilight, I know what I saw and I saw a giant peach colored monster and it kicked me. What kind of thing would do that? I mean, I was nice and I tried not to be rude, he’s just a big meanie mean pants!”

“I’m sure we can clear this whole mess up once we get there. You said he ran off in this direction?”

“Aha. That’s it. He was all like 'GAAASP!’ and then ran off this way, right into the Everfree Forest.”

Twilight widened her eyes in shock. Whatever this thing was, it surely can’t have been too intelligent. The Everfree Forest was no place to go for a midnight stroll.

“Well okay then Pinkie, if you say so. We should see if Fluttershy has seen anything first. She walks by the forest groves nearly every day; surely she would have noticed something.”

“Oh, good idea! Then we can get something to eat. I’m starving! I could really go for some cupcakes about now, or pie, or muffins, pretty much anything I’m that hungry.”

“Yeah, we’ll think about food later. But first let’s see about your tall monster thing. I’d like to clear this up so I can go home and rest.”

“You mean read?”

“Possibly.”

The air in Fluttershy’s cottage was ripe with the smells of baking. The sweet smells of cocoa drifted through like a warm breeze. Angel drooled at the smell and the other animals seemed only too excited. The yellow mare hummed as she fluttered around the kitchen, cleaning up the utensils she had used with the help of a couple of humming birds. Suddenly there was a clang, Fluttershy turned around to see that one of the birds had accidentally dropped a fork and it had slipped under the stove.

“There there now. It was only an accident. Here, let me help you with that.” Her voice was smooth and calming, able to lift the dreariest spirit. She reached under the stove and pulled out the fork, placing it back in the sink to be washed again.

“You are all doing such a wonderful job today. I’ll make sure to leave a nice treat out for you tomorrow if I remember.” The humming birds chirped happily before returning to work. Fluttershy continued to hum happily, washing each dish as it came. The sun was shining brightly through the windows, giving the room a lovely golden glow. She basked in its warmth, giving her a tingly feel. It was one of those days where you couldn't be unhappy.

Suddenly there was a loud knocking at the door, all the birds dropping whatever they were carrying. Fluttershy rushed to pick up the dropped items, placing them back in the sink.

“Now now, dears. I’ll go see who it is.” She happily flew into the living room and went to answer the door. She was greeted with a ecstatic tackle from Pinkie that sent her tumbling till she lay pinned. Twilight followed in suite and smiled awkwardly at the scene.

“Howya doin’ shy? We just wanted to see how everything was happening here.” Pinkie hopped of Fluttershy and proceeded to bounce around the room in her usual random manner.

“Oh yes, I've had a wonderful day thank you. We’re just about finished making a lovely chocolate cake for our guest.”

“Guest?” Twilight looked up in surprise. “What guest?”

“Oh, you wouldn't have met him yet. I was walking along by the Everfree Forest collecting wild flowers when I saw him looking awfully worried and alone. At first I was scarred but then saw that he looked just as scared as I was. So I invited him back to my cottage for a quick bite to eat. He’s so nice, although I’ve never seen anything like him before.”

“Oh oh oh oh oh, was he really tall and have arms and legs and strange clothes and only hair on his head? “

“That’s sound like him. Really he’s no bother.”

“But wait, that means that Pinkie was telling the truth, and there really is a strange creature running around Equestria?” Twilight's eyes began to widen upon the realization.

Fluttershy was still smiling happily. “Oh no, he’s tucked up nice and cozy in the bed upstairs. He seemed awfully tired so it only seemed right.”

“No, you don’t understand. If that creature is here then that means something horrible may happen.”

“I-I’m not sure I know what you mean.”

“Urrrh! It means that this can only mean bad news, strange creatures appearing out of nowhere. I have to see this for myself.”

“Oh but you can’t, at least, not right now. He was awfully tired and needs his rest.”

“But this could be bad. This could even mean there are more of his-”

Suddenly a deep monotone voice echoed from upstairs, hitting the ponies with a sudden shock.

“Where’s that cake you said you were making?”

Fluttershy quickly answered back. “Oh, um, it’s coming!”

“Don’t worry ‘Shy, I’ll go get the cake ready.”

“Really Pinkie…  I mean, if that’s not too much of a bother.”

“Nah, cakes are my thang. Don’t you worry your pretty little head over it. Go make sure your guest is comfy.”

“Don’t you remember, he kicked you, and you are off to finish his cake?!”

“Oh, don’t fret Twilight. Anypony can be forgiven, even if they aren't exactly a pony.”

“I should probably just go up and see if he needs anything else. You know how some ponies are."

“That’s the thing though; we don’t know what this pony’s like, if he is even a pony at all. He could be a cannibal, or diseased, or worse. I have to check for myself before I contact Celestia over the matter.”

“Oh, does Celestia really need to be involved? I mean, she’s just so busy all the time and I’m sure one iddy biddy creature can go unnoticed for now.”

“Fluttershy this is serious!”

The shy mare recoiled, hiding her face behind her mane. Her voice was no longer warm, now silent and croaked. “Um… um… okay then. Go on up, it’s the first door on the left.”

“Finally. Let’s just get this over with.” Twilight trotted on up the flight of stairs, entering into Fluttershy’s small little bedroom.

Everything seemed normal aside from the lump of mass taking up the bed space. It was awfully tall, his feet hanging of the end of the bedside. On the small side table was stacked a number of empty and dirty dishes and glasses, Fluttershy instantly moving to take these back down stairs.

“I’ll be back in a second; I just have to take these downstairs. It’s just sleeping right now so try not to disturb it.””

“I think I know what I’m doing here.”

“Well… um… okay then.” She slowly trotted back down the stairs, carrying the precariously stacked dishes on her outstretched wings.

Twilight turned back to gaze and the mass of covered flesh, peering at whatever was sticking out from the short covers. It certainly wasn't a pony in anyway, it’s hooves replaced by these ghastly things with multiple opposable joints. She couldn't get a good view of the head but she could see plainly the tuft of hair that seemed to serve no purpose. She crept closer to the bedside, looking over to the face, half submerged in soft pillow. It was truly hideous; there were diamond dogs with a better complexion. It let out a soft sigh from its odd looking nose, its tone deep and monotone. What a curious little thing. Twilight peered in closer and closer till the eyes of the creature shot open. Twilight instantly let out a gasp of fright while the creature let out a very unmanly squeal. It then proceeded to throw off the covers, stand up in the bed and ready his fist in case of attack.

“I warn you talking horse, I know Karate!”

Twilight gave no response, her mouth falling slack and her jaw hitting the ground. This thing was talking to her, talking! It could speak common pony!

“Oh fuck, it wasn't a dream. Well fuck this.”

Turns out it new all of the relevant pony curses as well. What a delight. “Um… hello. My name is Twilight Sparkle. I am a…”

“Let me just stop you there; I don’t care. If you don’t mind I need to find a way to wake up from this nightmare.”

“I assure you this is no dream.”

“Well obviously the dream would say that to throw me off.”

“This isn't a dream.” She said blankly.

“I liked it better when horses couldn't talk.”

“I’m a pony.”

“And who gives a fuck?”

This was certainly no pleasant character, yet he seemed bewildered in this environment. What did he mean when he said when horses couldn't talk? There are other ponies out there who aren't capable of speech?

“Um, might I ask where you are from?”

“What is it to you?”

“Well, I can’t get you home unless you tell me where you’re from.”

“Fine then. I live in Los Angeles.”

“You mean Los Pegasus?”

“Was that meant to be a joke? Because it wasn't that funny.”

“It wasn't a joke, it was a city.”

“Fuck me it is. Where’s that nice talking horse I saw before. She was meant to be making me that cake.”

“You can’t just expect my friends just to make stuff on your whim.”

“It offered, I was just being a polite guest.”

“Polite!?”

Suddenly Fluttershy crept back up the stairs, so quietly no one noticed her till she spoke up. “Is everything alright? Oh my goodness!” She rushed up to the creature and rested his back down in bed. “You shouldn't be up just yet, you've had a long night and you need your rest. Pinkie should be done with your cake any second now.”

“Fantastic, at least someone understands.”

Twilight found this rather odd. “I beg your pardon? Don’t you mean somepony?”

“What? Somepony? Are you serious? Fuck that, I aint no pony and I aint gonna go round pretending I’m one.”

Fluttershy quickly stepped in before Twilight could respond. “That’s fine dear. Just rest your head and don’t worry about it. Everything will work itself out.”

“We don’t know that, Fluttershy. What if this thing is stuck here forever.”

“Fuck all I am. I’m not going to stay here for the rest of my life. We were about to start shooting on Transformers 5.”

“I’m not even going to ask.”

A loud voice that was unmistakably Pinkie echoed from the floor below. “It’s ready!”

“Finally.”

Pinkie trotted up the flight of stair, happily grinning as she turned to face her friends. She wasn’t carrying anything, not even the cake. In fact it appeared most of the cake was smeared around her face.

“Hey where’s that chocolate cake?”

Pinkie suddenly pulled out a small dish from behind her, a single slice of cake resting on it. “You mean this chocolate cake?”

His eyes narrowed, his heart began to race. She wasn’t going to keep it that easily. “That’s my piece.”

“You want this cake?”

“I want it!”

“You want this cake?”

“I want it!”

“You want this cake?”

“I want it!”

“You want this cake?”

“I want that cake!!!”

“You want this cake?”

“I want it!”

“You want this cake?”

“I want it!”

“You want this cake?”

“I want it!”

“You want this cake?”

“I want that cake!!!”

“Will both of you just shut the buck up!!!” Twilight let out an unexpected burst of anger, sending the chocolate cake flying into Pinkies face who quickly licked it up. Fluttershy hid behind the end of the bed, and the creature simply looked dumbstruck.

“Sorry, I don’t usually do that.”

The creature offered out a hand as if to shake her hoof. “The name’s Cage, Nicholas Cage.”

Twilight let out a deep sigh as she shook his hand. “Pleasure to meet you Mr Cage.” Her tone wasn't very convincing

“Now, is there any of that chocolate cake left?”

Pinkie instantly pulled out another slice from behind her back. “You mean this chocolate cake?”

Dun dun duuuun. “That’s my piece.”

Why the bees?

“I can’t take it anymore!” Twilight stormed out of Fluttershy’s cottage with a loud bang causing the nearby animals to flee into the brush. “I’m fed up with listening to that thing!”

“Twilight,” Fluttershy called down in her usual meek fashion. “I’m sorry. I know he can be rude at times but if you just gave him another chance I’m sure he’ll-”

“I’ve given him enough chances! I’m not staying in the same building as him let alone the same room! What kind a creature starts hitting on you after you just met them?”

“Um…  a very affectionate one who just wants a friend.”

Twilight rested a hoof on Fluttershy’s shoulder. “You know you’re one of my best friends, right?”

“I guess so.”

“And you know that as friends we need to be completely honest with one another.”

“Y-yes,”

“Well here is me being honest. You need to suck it up Fluttershy. You’re just letting him walk all over you, more so than Discord. At least that vermin didn’t make you run around like some kind of maid.”

Fluttershy hid behind the corner of her mane, trying to avoid looking at Twilight in the eye. “I-I’m not his maid.”

“He tried to make you wear that outfit,”

“But-”

“with lace.”

“Oh, I-I guess he thought it was funny.”

Twilight rolled her eyes enough to be painfully obvious. “Yeah, hilarious. Just don’t let him start treating you like dirt. You are a proud and respectable mare.”

“I’ll keep that in mind Twilight.”

“In the meantime I better send a letter to Celestia. She’ll probably want to look into this. Maybe she can send it back to wherever it came from, then everypony’s happy.”

“Okay then, have a nice day.”

“I’m sorry but could you please repeat that sentence.”  Nicholas Cage said in a rather mocking tone.

“All I was saying is that I need some help in the garden today, just a bit of work. I thought it would be fair since you plan on staying here for a while. You don’t have to do it… if you don’t want to.”

Nicholas Cage raised an eyebrow curiously at her proposition. He really didn't have anything else to occupy himself with, and looking at himself in the mirror got tiresome hours ago. “Fine, have it your way then.”

“Oh really. That’s just great. I already have everything ready outside if you would like to follow me.”

After rolling his eyes at the yellow mare’s enthusiasm he followed her down the stairs and into the garden. The animals seemed to be quite happily chirping and buzzing around as they arrived, some rushing over to greet their caregiver.

“I have so many animals to introduce you to. I’m sure they would all love to meet you. This little guy here is Fredrick. He’s a real sweet guy once you get to know him.”

“Let me guess…  squirrel?”

“Chipmunk.”

“Close enough.”

“Oh oh oh, and this is Isabella, she had a broken wing and I helped nurse it back to health. She’s been ever so thankful.” The small little bird landed on top of Fluttershy’s head and happily chirped as if in greeting.

“Humming bird?”

“Robin.”

“You sure?”

“Very.”

“Fine then, what else you got?”

Fluttershy looked all around her at all the animals that scampered around in the grass. “Well… there’s just so many of them to introduce. I guess I could show you later…  once we get the chores done I mean.”

“Chores? With a plural?”

The Pegasus shied away slightly behind her mane, almost hurt. “Oh I’m sorry; I should have told you what you were agreeing to. I’m so sorry, you don’t have to help if you don’t want to, I can handle it.”

“If I do them will you please stop whining like that? It’s getting on my nerves.”

She wasn’t exactly to sure how to react to that, but assumed he meant yes. “Um…  I guess so. I-it shouldn’t take too long. Just some work in the garden over here.” She gestured towards a small patch of exposed earth, a number of small sprouts waiting to be planted. “I have some tools in my shed I need to fetch first.”

Nicholas looked over towards the small shed nestled at the back of the garden, the white paint starting to chip of and the corrugated roof losing its colour. Nothing suspicious to be found here. Once he crossed the garden and entered the small dimly lit shed he was horrified to find…

…a very normal shed with very normal items. A bit anticlimactic but what can you do? Fluttershy’s tools were neatly laid out on the wooden bench, Nicholas grabbing a few that looked important before exiting.

Fluttershy was curious at the look the creature had on his face when he returned. “Is everything alright?”

Nicholas clicked back into reality, acknowledging the little miniature horses question. “Yeah, I was just surprised that there weren’t any skinned corpses hanging on the walls an everything. At least that’s what would happen in my dream.”

Fluttershy’s pupils shrunk to pin pricks, unable to fully wrap around her head what it had been suggesting. “L-let’s jus-just move on with the gar-gardening, shall we…?

Nicholas dropped the tools at his feet and brushed off his hand. “Well that’s my manual labour done for today. If you need me I’ll be inspecting your fridge again.” And with a swagger in his step he made off back towards the cottage door. Fluttershy’s protests only escaped as faint whimpers, but took a deep breath and did the job by herself anyway.

“It’s okay Fluttershy; he didn’t mean anything by it. He’s your guest after all, you can’t expect him to just do the chores with you. He has every right to relax after such a traumatic event. Oh goodness, I hope I haven’t made him feel guilty about it. I’m such a careless pony. After this I’ll be sure to back him another cake, just the way he likes it. Oh, I have an even better idea.”

“I thought you said this was a good idea?” Nicholas questioned as Fluttershy lead him to what appeared to be a number of Beehives. Fluttershy had brought with her a couple of funny looking hats to shield their faces, although it failed to cover his entirely.

“I- I just thought it would be a great idea for us to get some fresh honey for some baking. I know how much you love my baking after all.”

“Yeah, I guess it’s okay.”

“Wonderful, I’ll introduce you then.” Fluttershy’s smile broadened as she lead the creature towards one of the closest hives. Opening the lid she was greeted with an erratic buzzing as honey bees began to swarm around the area. Fluttershy had never been a fan of using a smoker, ever since Angel became a bit too curious with it one day. She thought her heart would necer stop racing.

Nicholas didn’t seem to be having a great time as she had expected though, at first looking a little disinterested but then slightly worried. The bee’s seemed to take a funny interest in him, one which Fluttershy simply smiled at. “I think they like you Mister Cage, I’m sure we’ll get all the honey we need for today.”

But then he began to swat them away as they got too close, backing away as more of them seemed to be drawn towards him. He began to flail his arms around wildly as more seemed to arrive, but only served to agitate them further. At the back of his neck he felt a sharp sting as the bees began to retaliate, another aimed straight at his arm. “Ow!  Fucking hell!” He barked as he continued to swat them away.

“Oh, Mister Cage, please try not to anger them. They can-”

“Why is it always the bees?! Why?!”

“I’m sure if you just-”

“Not the bees, anything but the bees!”

“Maybe if-”

“Ahhhhh, aahhhhh!!!”

“Oh dear Fluttershy, you just can’t seem to get anything right.”

“Oh god, noooooo!!!

Nicholas Cage sat on Fluttershy’s couch, wrapped up with a soft feather blanket and a hot cocoa to help make him feel better. This wasn’t helping, and the underrated actor sat there with a permanent scowl on his face aimed in no particular direction. His face, neck and arms were peppered with stings and sores, all of which Fluttershy had tried her best to attended to.

When the shy mare pocked her head around the corner from the kitchen Nicholas didn’t look up. “I- I made chocolate cake…  your favourite. Di-did you want a slice.”

He did not respond.

“Oh…  okay then. How about some honey c- no, actually that’s a bad idea. I’m sorry.” She sunk back into the kitchen with a frown that hung at her knees. She just couldn’t seem to get any of this right; everything she had tried had been a disaster. Maybe this just wasn’t for her.

“No.” She thought. “I have to keep trying. Remember what Dash keeps telling you, you can’t give up just because a few things bring you down. You’ve got to get right back up again.”

A sudden crash from the other room alerted Fluttershy that something was wrong in the living room. As she peeked around the corner saw Angel swipe the cocoa from Nicholas’s hands and proceed to hop around the room with him in hot pursuit. Tables were knocked over and pictures came crashing to the ground, even one of Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash as small fillies at summer flight camp.

“You stupid fucking rabbit, that’s mine! I’ll get you!”

The yellow mare sighed, giving the devious bunny a sudden glare which caused him to halt on the spot. “No Angel, that is not nice. Give Mister Cage back his cocoa now or so help me!” Angel nervously complied, jumping up and handing the drink back to the creature.

“Thank you. Now if you could be a big help I sure would appreciate it if you could help me fix up the room.” Angel gave a quick salute and hoped around to hang up the pictures he had accidentally knocked down. Nicholas resumed his seated position upon the couch as if nothing had happened.

“So you’re really okay with this Mister Cage?”

“Yeah yeah, let’s just make it quick.”

“Oh…  well if that’s what you want, we don’t have to be very long. I’m sure Twilight will be more than happy to see you again.” That last part felt kinda forced.

Fluttershy had only managed to convince Nicholas to come outside again after she mentioned a library. Heck knows why that got him interested; she was just spit balling ideas, but whatever works I guess. “Here we are then.”

With a couple of soft taps on the door Twilight rushed to answer it. “Oh hello Fluttersha-sha-sha…  what is he doing here? Don’t you remember what happened…   last time?”

“That’s okay Twilight, he’s much politer now. I think my methods are working on him.” Fluttershy seemed a little less than confident, which wasn’t very reassuring for Twilight.

She facehoofed. “Alright, alright fine. He can come in, just try to keep him under control while I’m working. Celestia has tasked me with figuring out how he got to this world in the first place and I need full concentration.”

“Oh of course, don’t you worry about it. I’m sure I’ll be able to handle just one of him. When you get to know him he isn’t so bad, isn’t that right Mister Cage?”

Nicholas was way ahead of her, rummaging around the shelves with a sense of determination and purpose. It perplexed the two mares who for the most part watched as he chucked books aside in search of what he was looking for. About another few minutes of this, through which Twilight had made them both a cup of tea, he seemed to have finally found what he was searching for. He didn’t make it too obvious, slipping the small book into his jacket and exiting the library quickly.

Twilight stood open jawed while Fluttershy covered her mouth in surprise. “Did he just…”

“Yup.”

“But why…?”

“I dunno.”

“Well which one did he take?”

Twilight trotted over towards the shelf from which he had discreetly taken the small book. “Let’s see; FAL, FAP, FAR…  here we are.”

“So which book did he take?” Fluttershy asked, looking out the door to make sure he didn’t get out of sight.

Twilight’s face sunk to a rather annoyed scowl, slamming her face into the shelf. “Daring Doo and the Book of Secrets.”