Ring!
The bell to end the school day finally sounded. Wallflower Blush rushed out of the classroom and down the hallway as it filled with students. She wanted to catch Sunset Shimmer before she left school grounds. This was the last day of school before Spring Break. Most of the students left for the school cruise in a few days, including Sunset. Wallflower knew that this was the only opportunity she had to talk to Sunset until they returned to school. Wallflower didn’t want to wait. She couldn’t. This couldn’t.
Her best bet to see Sunset was to get to Sunset’s locker. Wallflower was rushing through the hallways, weaving around the students. As she tried to turn down the hallway that had Sunset’s locker she struggled to make her way through the students coming out. In desperation, she started pushing through the students.
“Sorry,” she called back over her shoulder without slowing down. She had turned her head back enough to see a mass of yellow and red right in front of her before the collision. Wallflower grunted as she came to a sudden stop, bouncing off of Sunset. As she started to fall backward Sunset reached out and caught Wallflower before she fell to the ground.
“Hey Wallflower, are you ok?” Sunset asked, letting Wallflower get her feet under her before letting her go.
Wallflower gathered herself before responding, “Yeah, thanks Sunset. I was hoping to talk to you.”
“Sure,” Sunset said as they stepped out of the flow of students making their way through the hallway. “What did you want to talk about?”
Wallflower grabbed one arm with the other as she leaned against a locker. She watched the passing students go by for a moment before finally looking back at Sunset. “I was hoping we could talk somewhere more private.”
“Sure,” Sunset said. She reached into the front pocket of her leather jacket, pulling out a key. “I have an idea of where we can talk alone. Follow me.”
Sunset turned and started down the hallway. Wallflower quickly joined her at her side.
“Thanks for being willing to talk to me,” Wallflower said, rubbing the arm that she was holding.
“Don’t worry about it,” Sunset replied with a smile, “I’ve got the time to spare.” Sunset stopped at a door, entered the key into the knob, and unlocked the door. She turned to Wallflower. “Besides, I have some work I can do on the yearbook. I was planning on putting it off until after spring break.” Sunset opened the door and walked inside. Wallflower followed after her and closed the door.
Sunset walked to a computer and turned it on before setting her backpack down next to the keyboard. She sat down in the chair and gestured to the chair next to her as she looked at Wallflower. “Have a seat. What is on your mind?”
Wallflower slowly made her way to the chair. She took her backpack off of her back and took a deep breath before finally sitting down in the chair. Sunset sat patiently as Wallflower put her backpack in her lap and opened it. Wallflower reached into the backpack and pulled out an old notebook. The notebook showed some signs of wear but was otherwise clean. Wallflower eyed the notebook in her hands for a few moments before finally speaking up.
“I want to talk to you about something that happened two years ago,” Wallflower sighed. She then closed her eyes and bit her lip as her body started to tense up. She sat in silence for a few moments before taking slow, deep breaths attempting to fight the tense sensation building inside her threatening to take control of her body and stop her from speaking.
“Wallflower,” Sunset said as she sat up, “We don’t have to talk about this now. We can wait to talk about this until you are ready.”
Wallflower shook her head before opening her tear filled eyes. “It has to be now,” she squeaked. She took a few more troubled breaths as Sunset watched with concern. Wallflower opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out as the tightness had taken control of her throat. She put the notebook that was in her hands onto her backpack that was sitting in her lap. She then held her head in her hands and cried at her inability to speak.
Why can’t you just have a simple conversation? she cursed at herself.
Some time passed before Wallflower stopped crying. As she let her hands fall away from her face something warm caught them and embraced them. Wallflower looked up to see Sunset looking back at her with a gentle care in her eyes and a soft, warm smile as she held Wallflower’s hands. Sunset’s look shattered the tightness that had taken hold of Wallflower and she felt it slowly start to drain away.
“Feel better?” Sunset asked.
“No, but thank you,” Wallflower sniffled. She closed her eyes again and focused on taking slow, deep breaths. Relax. It’s just a conversation. She said to herself between breaths. The tenseness in her body continued to slowly ease away with each slow, deep breath she took. She took one final deep breath and opened her eyes again.
“Two years ago I tried to commit suicide.”
Sunset gasped as she let go of Wallflower’s hands to cover her mouth. The heat and comfort provided by them to Wallflower’s hands disappeared in an instant. Sunset’s gasp seemed to have taken all the heat in the room as Wallflower suddenly felt the air in the room get cold and heavy. The bubble of comfort that Sunset was providing she seemingly swallowed with her gasp. Before Sunset could say or do anything more, or the tension could start to grow again, Wallflower pushed on.
“One day I was in a really bad place mentally and opportunity struck at a busy traffic light in town. The light started to change. I could hear an approaching car roar as the driver accelerated trying to beat the light. They were never going to actually beat the light. They were going to run it. The light turned red and the pedestrian light changed. I then stepped out in front of the car making it look like I was crossing the street.”
Wallflower paused to see Sunset’s reaction the best she could through her water blurred vision. Sunset had her mouth covered with her hands as tears started to fall down her cheeks. Wallflower dropped her head and closed her eyes as tears started to fall down her own cheeks as well. She took a deep breath before continuing.
“Right before the car hit,” Wallflower sobbed, “Right before it hit I got shoved out of the way. The guy who saved me...”
Wallflower’s voice fell away as she started to cry cradling her head in her hands for a second time. She felt warmth envelop her as Sunset hugged her.
“I’m sorry,” Sunset whispered. Wallflower cried for some time within Sunset’s embrace. The entire time Wallflower could feel the remaining tension leave her body as she cried. As her crying eased into sobs Wallflower returned Sunset’s embrace with one of her own.
“Thank you,” Wallflower said.
The two girls ended the embrace and wiped the tears from their own faces. After gathering herself Wallflower continued with ease as it felt like nothing was holding her back anymore.
“His family invited me to his house after the funeral. They showed me his room and left me alone to look around. I found his diary on his desk,” Wallflower grabbed the notebook that was sitting on her backpack. “I couldn’t help myself. I read it. The morning of the incident he made one last entry.”
Wallflower paused for a moment, staring at the notebook. She continued, looking up at Sunset, “He was going to head out of town and into the mountains.” Wallflower paused again, looking back at the notebook. “He was going to commit suicide himself.”
Wallflower looked up to see Sunset had fallen back in her seat dumbstruck. “He thought that his family was going to take it hard. He was going to the mountains where he could make it look like an accident, if they could find his body. He was at the bus stop at the corner of that intersection waiting for the city bus to take him out of town.”
Wallflower looked down at the journal, eyeing the cover as she continued, “After all these years, I still don’t know how to feel about this.” Her voice getting more distant as she continued, “I don’t know what to make of it. Is he a hero? Did I help him commit suicide? Does him saving me not make it suicide at all or is it still suicide knowing that he was planning to kill himself later that day?” Wallflower looked at Sunset, lost. “I… I don’t know.”
Sunset sat in shocked silence as the weight of what she heard continued to fall upon her. It pained her that she couldn’t recall ever hearing about this before. Though, knowing her own attitude at the time, it was disturbingly obvious as to why. Anything that didn’t fill her then unquenchable desire for presumed power she ignored. Reminders of her past self had become easier to deal with over time. People became more willing to forgive her over time and the incidents in question had become easier things to accept. This was different and the revelation was suffocating.
Sunset began to question herself as horrifying thoughts started to run through her mind. Could her actions have played a role? Is she responsible for what happened? She mentally shook herself from those thoughts. This isn’t about you, she thought to herself, but do ask about it later. Sunset sat up as she focused on Wallflower Blush still sitting in front of her looking to her for answers.
“I,” Sunset sighed as she paused trying to find an answer. “I don’t know myself,” she finally admitted. “I don’t know what to say Wallflower. I’m sorry. I can’t imagine what the past two years have been like for you in trying to deal with this.”
Wallflower winced as her head fell. “That is ok,” she said as she started to run her thumb over the cover of the diary. "I was hoping that you might have an answer but I thought that it would be a long shot.”
Sunset started to reach for Wallflower’s hand. She paused when Wallflower suddenly looked up.
“To be honest. It wasn’t the reason I wanted to see you,” Wallflower said.
“Really?” Sunset's hand fell to her side as she looked perplexed at Wallflower.
“I wanted to ask you what I should do about something,” Wallflower looked back down at the journal. “His family doesn’t know about what he wrote in the journal. They don’t know about what he was going to do,” Wallflower looked at Sunset. “I am going to visit them tomorrow before they go to his grave. I don’t know if I should tell them or not. I don’t want to change how they see him, or what he did.”
“Well,” Sunset paused. She stole a glance at the journal before looking back at Wallflower. “My closest experience isn’t the same. The family that I have back in Equestria was happy to hear that I was ok. They don’t know the details of what happened nor when they will see me again. They only know that I am alive and ok. My situation just isn’t comparable to this though. I don’t know.”
Sunset paused, reading Wallflower’s disappointment as her head fell. “I do have a friend who might be able to give you some advice though.”
Wallflower’s head shot up. “Who?” She asked with a mix of excitement and reservation.
“Fluttershy.”
Wallflower sunk back in the chair. Her gaze fell to the journal for a moment before looking back up at Sunset. With as much confidence that she could muster she finally said, “Sure.”
“Ok, lets go,” Sunset said, packing her backpack. “We should be able to catch her before she leaves the animal shelter.”
***
Sunset and Wallflower approached the front door to the animal shelter.
“Here we are,” Sunset said as she pulled open the door and ushered Wallflower inside. “Let's go find Fluttershy."
“Are you sure she is here?” Wallflower asked walking inside.
“Fluttershy would never leave early. She is more guilty of staying late. Come on, let’s go,” Sunset said as she followed Wallflower into the animal hospital. As they enter the animal shelter Fluttershy walks in from the back with Applejack behind her.
“Oh, hello Sunset. Hello Wallflower. What can I help you two with?”
“Wallflower has a difficult situation that I’m not sure how to handle. I was thinking that you might be able to help us,” Sunset said as the two groups met.
“Ok,” Fluttershy said, turning to Wallflower.
“I reckon y’all don’t need me around for that,” Applejack said as she started making her way to the door.
“Actually,” Sunset said as she held up her hand to Applejack before she got far, “You might be able to help too.”
Sunset then looked at Wallflower with a reassuring smile and a nod. Applejack and Fluttershy followed Sunset’s eyes to Wallflower. Wallflower shrunk slightly and closed her eyes. A moment passed before Wallflower sighed, he shoulders visibly dropping.
“Ok,” She said, slipping her backpack off her back. She opened a compartment and pulled out the journal. “Two years ago I tried to commit suicide by stepping in front of a vehicle trying to run a red light.” Fluttershy let out an eek as she covered her mouth. “I was saved by someone who pushed me out of the way of the car. The car hit him and he died.”
Fluttershy let out a whimper as tears started to fall down her face. Applejack took her stetson off and held it to her chest. Sunset’s gaze fell to the floor. Wallflower held up the journal.
“This is his journal. The entry the morning of that day he wrote that he was going to head into the mountains and commit suicide.” Applejack and Fluttershy froze. The animals in the building even seemed to get quiet. The air in the room got heavier with the silence that Wallflower let permeate for a moment before continuing. “His family never read his journal and still doesn’t know what he was planning on doing. He wanted to go into the mountains so his family wouldn’t know what actually happened.”
Applejack closed her eyes and her head and shoulders fell. Fluttershy wiped tears from her eyes. Sunset’s still bowed head now held a grimace as she had her hands clenched. Wallflower continued on, “Tomorrow I was going to visit his family before they visited his grave. I...” Wallflower paused for a moment, looking at the journal before looking at Applejack and Fluttershy. “I wonder if I should tell them the truth.”
The silence between the four of them grew as the hum from the ventilation system became the only sound. Applejack and Sunset didn’t move as Wallflower looked back and forth between the three girls. After wiping away a few tears Fluttershy broke the silence.
“I’ve had depression for years,” She confessed as Wallflower and Applejack looked at her. Sunset kept her head down, turning it to the side as if it was struck as she took a step backwards. “Thankfully, I’ve never gotten that bad. I can’t imagine how difficult that is for you.”
The admission Fluttershy made was feeding the pain that was eating at Sunset inside. Not wanting to endure the pain any longer Sunset picked up her head and stepped back into place with the three girls. “I’m sorry but I have to know,” She said, looking between Fluttershy and Wallflower as the three girls looked at her. “Did I contribute to either of your troubles with depression? Did I make it worse?”
Fluttershy and Wallflower shuffled in place, Wallflower grabbing one arm with the other, as they exchanged glances. Applejack raised an eyebrow watching Fluttershy and Wallflower for their responses. While waiting she put her stetson back on her head. After a moment Fluttershy and Wallflower turned to Sunset. Sunset mentally braced herself for what she feared was coming.
“Not directly with my depression,” Fluttershy dropped her head as she continued. “But you causing us to break apart made it more difficult for me as they were a big part of my support group. Without them there for me there were a few times where it did get rather difficult for me.”
Sunset winced at the revelation. She braced herself further before looking at Wallflower.
“You weren’t any worse than everyone else,” Wallflower said, “You ignored me.”
Sunset deflated as she closed her eyes and dropped her head. While Wallflower’s confession wasn’t as much of a punch to the gut that Fluttershy’s was, they both troubled her. She had secretly been waiting for months for her past to finally catch up to her. She was almost dreading the inevitability of something catching up to her. As much as she had been expecting it and mentally preparing for it it was still difficult to hear now that some of it finally caught up to her. A hand on Sunset’s shoulder brought her out of her mind as she opened her eyes to Applejack’s concerned face.
“Sunset, don’t go lettin’ that eat you up. You’re a better person now.”
“Thanks AJ. Doing the yearbook has had me occasionally wondering about some effects of my past actions that I didn’t know about.” Sunset admitted. She looked over Applejack’s shoulder to Fluttershy. “I’m sorry,” She said as she then looked at Wallflower, “to both of you.”
Applejack stepped back recreating the circle that the four made.
“It’s okay Sunset. I forgave you a long time ago.” Fluttershy said, giving Sunset a warm smile.
“I forgive you too,” Wallflower added, giving a smile of her own.
Sunset closed her eyes as she felt the weight disappear from her. The relief from that burden allowed Sunset to relax her entire body. Her shoulders dropped and her fists finally opened. There were visible marks in the palms of her hands from her fingernails. She opened her eyes returning a relieved smile of her own. “Thank you both.”
“I’ve got a question of my own if you don’t mind my askin’,” Applejack said as she turned to Wallflower. “How was he plannin’ on nobody knowin’ if there are a lot of hikers on the trails in the mountains outside of town?”
Wallflower looked at the journal for a moment as she ran her hand over the cover. “He was an avid rock wall climber and climbed the local mountains. He had a few places off of the beaten path that he knew about.”
“I reckon’ someone could have still helped,” Applejack said.
“Depression is powerful,” Fluttershy said as she looked down at her hands. “I’m thankful for all the help that I have to help me get through my tougher moments.” Fluttershy looked to each of the girls with as warm a smile as she could muster.
“It wore him down,” Wallflower said. “He described depression as climbing with no top to reach and an endless fall into an abyss that only brought pain and misery. Each slip could lead to a fall back to the hell that he had just done so much to climb out of. Falling while climbing never scared him whereas falling into depression was the most terrifying thing for him. He was hoping that rock climbing would eventually help him overcome that.
“When he did fall he said that there was always a voice. It would suggest that all he needed to do to get the pain to go away was to undo the carabiner that would catch him when he did fall. Most of the time he would push the voice out of his head and start climbing again. Sometimes though.” Wallflower’s voice started to crack. She lifted her head with her eyes shut and a tear falling down her cheek. She opened her teary eyes before continuing. “Sometimes he would consider it because the task of climbing out again seemed too daunting. It even felt impossible at times. Those times. He just wanted any way out. He just wanted the pain to end and he didn’t care how.”
Another mournful silence fell between the girls for a time. Eventually Applejack spoke up, “To get back to why we are all here, you wanted to know our thoughts on what you should do, right Wallflower?”
“Yes,” Wallflower said with a nod.
“Well, I certainly wouldn’t want to cause the family any more pain,” Fluttershy said. “I imagine hearing such news would be rather painful.”
“The family does have the right to know the truth,” Applejack replied. “Keeping the truth from them is wrong.”
“Do you think you could really tell them this?” Fluttershy’s voice getting softer to the end.
Applejack’s head fell as she raised a hand to her stetson. She pulled her stetson down to help hide her face. Sunset raised her eyebrows at Fluttershy’s rebuttal. Wallflower simply stared at the journal in her hands.
Before anyone could say anything else Applejack picked her head up. “I don’t know Fluttershy. All I can say is that I would appreciate knowin’ the truth.” Applejack turned to Wallflower. “Wallflower, you got a difficult decision to make ahead of you. One that I hope I never have to make.”
Fluttershy’s and Sunset’s eyes turned to Wallflower. Wallflower's shoulders fell as she let out a sigh. “I still don’t know if I should tell them," she said looking at the journal.
“Whatever decision you make we will support you,” Sunset reassured her with a smile. Applejack and Fluttershy added their affirmations with smiles of their own.
Wallflower looked down at the journal and took a few moments to think of what she should do. She then raised her head and looked at the three of them. “Would you all be willing to help me by being there with me tomorrow?”
“Sorry Wallflower, but I won’t be able to. I’ve got some work to do on the farm before I go on the cruise,” Applejack said.
Wallflower let a slight frown creep onto her face. She turned to Sunset.
“I’ll be there with you,” Sunset said.
“I will too,” Fluttershy added.
Wallflower let out a heavy sigh. “Thank you," she said, giving a smile to Fluttershy and Sunset. She then turned to Applejack. "To each of you.”
***
Wallflower found herself standing in front of a house, journal in hand. There was a knot of nervousness in her stomach threatening to rise to her throat and choke her, just like what happened the day before when she first tried to talk to Sunset. The presence of Sunset and Fluttershy behind her was enough to help her to fight the building nerves. The morning wind was even blowing against her back as if trying to encourage her to push on. She closed her eyes and let out a long sigh before opening them. She looked over her shoulders. First to Fluttershy over one shoulder and then to Sunset over the other. Both gave her a smile and a reaffirming nod.
Wallflower turned back to the house and approached the front door, knocking on it. The wait for an answer started to feel like an eternity before the door finally opened with a woman behind it.
“Wallflower it is so good to see you," The woman said as she looked past Wallflower. "What can I do for you and your friends?”
Wallflower looked down at the journal in her hands as she took in a slow breath before looking back at the woman. “Mrs. Everheart, I have something for your family.”
Author's Note
A few notes.
- This was the last story I completed before I basically disappeared. It has been sitting around and I figured why not just post it. I've made a handful of edits before posting it in an attempt to make it at least a bit better.
- I had an additional section with Sunset asking about the driver and cut it because of a lack of relevance/connection to the core story. For the record the driver was wanted for trafficking illegal things. They were trafficking some of those things when the incident happened so they did a hit and run and got caught later. What they were caught trafficking gave them a lifetime sentence alone. Yes, this was deliberate design for maximum confliction in the story as possible. Without Wallflower doing what she did causing the chain reaction of events that it did the driver would have remained at large.