Love In Tears

Sweetie Belle’s hoofsteps echoed through the house. She’d never truly realized how big the dwelling was, as if she’d woken up one morning and found herself as small as the day she first met Apple Bloom and Scootaloo.

Then again, she’d never had the house to herself for more than a few hours until recent months. Now…now it seemed that she would have it that way forever, with only memories to fill the emptiness. Outside, everypony was getting ready for Hearth’s Warming; in Sweetie Belle’s heart, she wondered if she would ever have cause for celebration again. With the School of Friendship on winter break for the holiday, she now had nothing to distract her from her own lonely thoughts.

Pearlescent, Sweetie Belle’s gray long-haired cat, gave a soft meow as she threaded her way through the young mare’s front legs, looking up at her mistress with big blue eyes. “Hey, Pearl,” Sweetie Belle said, giving her pet a few gentle strokes between the ears and trying to force a smile, even though the corners of her mouth felt as though they had thousand-pound weights attached. “I know…I miss Winny and Rainboom, too.” Moisture welled in Sweetie Belle’s eyes, her chest and throat constricting painfully at the mention of Apple Bloom’s dog and Scootaloo’s tortoise, the pets they had taken with them when they left. “I…I miss them all so much…” she whispered, her legs trembling.

With a sob that tore through her like broken glass, the pink-and-lavender-maned mare sank weakly to the floor, gathering her pet into a hug and burying her face in the long, silky fur. Pearlescent purred quietly and rubbed her head against Sweetie Belle’s cheek as her mistress wept, her rough little tongue flickering out a few times to lick up the salty tears. Sweetie Belle flinched back slightly from the ticklish sensation, the smallest of laughs escaping in a way that made her heart ache even more. “At least you still love me, girl,” she whispered in a quavering voice. “I love you, too.”

Pearlescent gave Sweetie Belle one last affectionate headbump against her chin, then wriggled out of her forelegs; like her grandmother Opalescence, she disliked being held too closely for more than a few moments. Sweetie Belle let the cat go, watching as she padded away into the parlor and hopped up on the bench of the baby grand piano. Sweetie Belle remembered when she received that piano…a Hearth’s Warming gift from the two great loves of her life three years previously. At the time, it was a beautiful, thoughtful gesture, a recognition of her musical talent and the years she had put into practice since she began learning the piano at age twelve. A source of joy, a perfect symbol of the life they were building together.

Now…now just looking at the instrument felt like a timberwolf’s jaws clamping around her heart, leaving her breathless and raw.

Sweetie Belle wanted to believe they had simply grown apart, that it wasn’t any one pony’s fault. But some days, it was hard not to think of Apple Bloom’s wish for a foal with a father in their life, or Scootaloo’s growing frustration with their inability to find common ground, and wonder…had it always been doomed to end this way? Had she missed the warning signs? Or was what they had simply not…enough?

In the parlor, Pearlescent hopped up from the piano’s bench onto the keyboard, broken chords ringing through the air. She always enjoyed walking over the keys, the discordant notes ringing out at all hours of the day and night. Sweetie Belle and her wives had quickly learned to keep the fallboard closed, particularly when Winny and Pearlescent were in a playful mood, chasing each other through the house. Now, it didn’t seem to matter. If anything, the chaotic noise helped remind Sweetie Belle that despite how she felt, she wasn’t completely alone in the house.

Wiping her eyes with a forehoof, Sweetie Belle slowly pushed herself back upright, following her cat into the parlor. Pearl looked up, tensing slightly; she had been shooed off the piano enough times in the past. “It’s okay, girl,” Sweetie Belle murmured, reaching out to run her hoof gently over the feline’s back, giving her pet’s tail the little flick at the end she always liked. “Scootaloo was the one who really got upset about the noise.” Her eyes flicked down to the black-and-white keys. “Still…”

Taking a deep breath, Sweetie Belle sat carefully on the bench, gently picking her cat up and setting her down on the bench next to her. Music had always been one of her main hobbies. Since her mid-teens, she sometimes made extra money playing or singing at weddings and festivals, and she now incorporated it into many of her lessons at the School of Friendship. In Sweetie Belle’s opinion, few things brought different creatures together faster than a sing-along.

Many times over the years, friends and acquaintances had said she could be a professional musician, but Sweetie Belle had seen from Rarity’s work with Sapphire Shores and other celebrities how lonely that life could be. Even with as desolate as she felt now, she couldn’t imagine embracing that feeling as a lifestyle.

Sweetie Belle swallowed hard, her eyes prickling again, and she fought down the painful lump in her throat. Many of her best times with Apple Bloom and Scootaloo had involved singing together, particularly when they were foals working on a project to find their cutie marks. Squeezing her eyes shut, she shook her head. No…she wouldn’t let the end of her marriage destroy her love of music.

Taking a deep breath, Sweetie Belle reached for the keys. Her hooves hovered for a few moments, as if the weight of her memories might shatter her resolve. Finally, she pressed down, the first note ringing out - a delicate, tremulous sound that seemed to echo her own fragile state. The next few notes were hesitant, off-key, but soon she found herself falling into a familiar melody. The song was one that had been requested many times since Twilight Sparkle (not yet a princess) first sang it at Shining Armor’s wedding to Princess Cadance. Twilight had even sung a slightly rewritten version when she officiated over Sweetie Belle’s marriage to Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, commemorating Equestria’s first officially-recognized throuple relationship.

As Sweetie Belle played, an inner dam seemed to break and memories flooded through her mind. Hiding under a table with Scootaloo and Apple Bloom when Nightmare Moon returned, not yet aware of what they would all come to mean to each other. Falling into conversation with Scootaloo at Diamond Tiara’s cute-cenera and stepping up to defend Apple Bloom when they saw Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon picking on her. Sitting down with them afterward to form the Cutie Mark Crusaders, toasting the formation of their personal club with party punch.

The words that slipped out of Sweetie Belle’s lips weren’t the ones she had serenaded so many happy couples with, but once she began singing, she found she couldn’t stop, keeping the melody to the slower pace normally reserved for the beginning and end.

“Love ends in tears.
We thought it would last a million years.
Three hearts, beating as one,
Until everything just came undone…”

The lyrics seemed to pour out of Sweetie Belle in a flood of raw pain, but despite the tears that began to leak from her swollen eyes again, her voice remained steady. She had her share of ups and downs with Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, as all friends did, but Sweetie Belle had thought they would always be able to pull through. Even when she and Scootaloo had fought over whether Harmonizing Heights or Seaquestria were better for the young hippogriff Terramar to live in and sworn never to speak again, Sweetie Belle had known in her heart that they would find a way. They had always found a way.

“Our love ends in tears.
We thought it would last a million years.
Love’s in tears.
Losing the ones that I hold most dear…”

It had been Scootaloo who started taking things beyond friendship when they were all sixteen. Sweetie Belle still remembered how it had felt…how Scootaloo had called a meeting at their old clubhouse. “I have something to tell you guys,” the brash, tomcoltish pegasus had said, seeming uncharacteristically shy and blushy as she refused to meet either Sweetie Belle’s or Scootaloo’s eyes. “I like you…more than as friends. Both of you.” She had taken a deep breath, finally raising her eyes to gaze into Sweetie Belle’s and Apple Bloom’s. “At first, I thought it was like sisters, but…it’s not. It’s something more. Deeper.”

Sweetie Belle could almost feel the summer sun streaming through the old clubhouse’s windows as she remembered how Scootaloo’s hooves had shuffled on the wooden floor, her voice cracking as she confessed her feelings. She remembered how her heart had leapt in her chest…she had been harboring similar feelings, but hadn’t found the courage to express them until Scootaloo stepped forward. Apple Bloom had been shocked at first, unsure how to respond; the Apple family was generally more conservative, and it had surprised them all when Applejack started dating Rainbow Dash. After a few days to think, though, she had tentatively agreed to give this new level to their relationship a try, and none of them had regretted it….at least, Sweetie Belle thought they hadn’t.

“The best of friends,
A bond we thought could never end.
Who knew how wrong we’d be?
Where once there was ‘us’, now there’s only ‘me’...”

When they grew old enough and were hired to teach at the School of Friendship full-time, they had all been thrilled. Teaching the array of creatures who attended the school had just seemed like a natural extension of what they did with their Cutie Mark Day Camp and consultations with parents and foals confused about a new cutie mark’s meaning. Their lessons had to be adjusted somewhat…by the time they were hired, ponies only slightly outnumbered other species in the student body, so they had to focus less on the mechanics of cutie marks and more on helping students find what gave them the greatest personal satisfaction and sense of self-worth…but it had been a fun challenge, particularly on days that Gabby Griffon was able to visit and share her own experience trying to become the first griffon with a cutie mark.

Just as when they were foals pursuing their own cutie marks, Scootaloo’s lessons tended to focus on the athletic and adventurous, while Apple Bloom followed in her sister’s hoofsteps to teach about practical endeavors and hard work, and Sweetie Belle preferred to lead her students in more artistic endeavors. Working together to combine their approaches, blending adventure with creativity and grounded wisdom…that had been one of the most rewarding parts of the job. Building their lessons, laughing at old memories and inside jokes, and most of all, watching their students thrive.

Now, those memories felt heavy as mountains, their joy turned bittersweet with loneliness and sorrow. In some ways, the fact that they all still worked at the school made their breakup worse. It wasn’t that Sweetie Belle wished Apple Bloom and Scootaloo unhappiness…even at her most hurt, she would never want them to have anything but joy in their lives. But seeing them at work every day, even from a distance as Scootaloo shifted her focus almost exclusively to the sporting field, Apple Bloom to the school’s workshop and Sweetie Belle to the music room, felt like her heart was being ripped out again and again. Rather than use the faculty lounge, Sweetie Belle now often ate her lunches in the music room, using eyedrops and careful makeup to hide how she wept through each lonely meal. Invitations from other staff to join them were politely rebuffed, their conversation and advice sounding like nothing but empty, well-meaning platitudes.

And yet, Sweetie Belle couldn’t imagine leaving the school. It was where her work felt most meaningful, where the bonds between herself, Scootaloo and Apple Bloom had once felt most unshakeable. The halls that once felt alive with possibility now felt cold and empty even when Sweetie Belle was surrounded by students who loved her, but if she left, it would feel like a final surrender, a close cousin to suicide.

“Our love ends in tears,
We thought it would last a million years.
Love’s in tears,
And now I’m left alone, my path so unclear…”

As the last note faded, Sweetie Belle’s voice trailed off in another wrenching sob, laying her head on the piano keys and squeezing her eyes shut once more. If no more tears flowed, it was likely because she felt as if every bit of moisture in her body had already been lost through her eyes. Pearlescent rubbed against her mistress’ side, her rumbling purr vibrating through the contact.