Love In Tears

Dear Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo-

I’ve heard about the difficulties you’ve been having since I left. I hope you can read this together, but just in case, I’m sending you each a copy.

I’ve been working on this letter for days, trying to figure out what to say. I’ve been thinking about us a lot lately…everything we shared and lost…and Rumble finally forced me to sit down and put pen to paper. Threats to raid my stash of Hearth’s Warming cookies may have been involved.

All jokes aside, I don’t know if there’s a way to say what I need to say without hurting you more than I already have, but I have to try. You both deserve that much.

First, I want you to know that I love you. I always have, and I always will. Not in the way you wanted me to, maybe not even in the way I thought I did, but in the way that comes from sharing so many years and memories and pieces of ourselves. You were my best friends, my family, my safe place. That hasn’t changed.

But...the truth is, I’ve realized that the love I felt for you wasn’t the same as the love you felt for me. I wanted it to be. I told myself it was. And for a while, I believed it. I believed that because we were so close, because we fit together so well, it would work. I thought I could ignore the parts of me that didn’t fit into our “us.” But as much as I wanted to give you everything, I couldn’t give you what I didn’t have.

It’s taken me a long time to understand this about myself, but I need to say it: I don’t think I was ever in love with either of you in the way you deserved. What I felt for you was deep and real and true, but it wasn’t romantic—not in the way it needed to be to build a life together.

When I look back at us, I see so much good. I see us as foals, searching for our cutie marks, getting into trouble, laughing so hard it felt like the whole world was ours. I see the moments when we held each other up, when we dreamed and planned and chased after the future together. I see our hearts, strong as horses. But I also see the cracks, the ways I started pulling away without meaning to, and the way those cracks widened until they broke us apart.

I don’t know how to explain what it felt like to realize that what I wanted—a family with foals of my own, a partner who could give me that in the way I dreamed of—wasn’t something I could have with you. I hated myself for wanting something that would hurt you both so deeply. I hated myself for feeling like I had to choose.

But I did choose, and I know I hurt you when I left. I’ll never stop being sorry for that. If I could take away the pain I caused, I would, even if it meant carrying it all myself.

Rumble’s been encouraging me to reach out, to try to fix things—not the way they were, but the way they could be. He says I should have done it sooner, but the truth is, I’ve been scared. Scared you wouldn’t want to hear from me. Scared of making things worse. When I heard about you two breaking up, I wanted so much to encourage you to keep fighting for each other, but I knew how hollow that would ring when I was the first one to walk away. So I’ve just watched from afar, stewing in my own cowardice. Taking so long to reach out is one more thing I’m sorry for.

I’m not writing to ask for forgiveness. I know I might not deserve it. But I am writing to tell you that what we had mattered. It mattered to me, and I know it mattered to you, too. I’ll always treasure what we shared, even if it wasn’t meant to last forever.

I hope you find your way back to each other, but more than that, I hope you find what brings you peace and joy. You both deserve nothing less. And if, someday, you can find it in your hearts to forgive me, I would love to find a way back to the friendship we had before. No matter what, I’ll always cherish what we shared.

Love always,

Apple Bloom