Goldhoof

by Chipmunk

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, Adventure
Length: 1192

Queen Chrysalis is back in Equestria, and the secret agent Pony Joe is the ponies only hope.

Queen Chrysalis and her changelings are planning to raid the Canterlot Bank, and obliterate Equestrian economy. To save Equestria, secret agent Pony Joe will need to forfeit his Mareami holiday, evade killer cakes, get past Chrysalis' attractive changeling generals, Carrot Top and Berry Punch, and keep his emotions out of the line of fire. All whilst using mainly donuts. Simple, right?

((Yes, he'll be called Pony Joe in this fanfic, not Donut Joe))

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-16 23:10:02 UTC

Donut Ersatz's

The suit-clad, amber stallion spy galloped through the corridors of a large white facility, his heart pounding. He knew that if he should fail this mission, ponies would be in danger, even more so than usual. A group called the 'Donut Ersatz's' had founded, and were participating in illegal donut dealing, using unstable ingredients. Joe swore that as long as there was blood in his veins, HE would be the only donut maker in Equestria. But that was what the group was taking advantage of, they were going to ruin him, rendering him broke and homeless: vunerable.

He bucked his way through a group of guards, dressed like royal guards to intimidate, and pulled out a few donuts to throw at any others, taking them out at distance. Laughing to himself, he cursed his luck: this was supposed to be 'a simple mission to recover a gun'. Buck. His superiors had probably known of the Donut Ersatz's, and sent him there to test him. That wouldn't be out of character for them, they were always making him do ridiculous things.

Whirling around a corner, he came crashing into an office; luckily for him, or perhaps not, the people inside were the chairmen of Donut Ersatz's, and looked surprised to see him there. A white unicorn stallion, after getting over the shock, stepped forwards, and sneered at Joe, "You commoner, you don't have the skill, or money to beat us! Soon, you'll be ruined, and unable to act as a spy any longer!" Joe assumed that was Blueblood, the benefactor, and a prince. The others looked fairly normal: with the exception of two twin unicorns, who looked like the type to start something.

Joe, offended by Blueblood's remark, advanced on the conceited prince, with the intent of putting him in his place; but stopped when he noticed the shadow above him. Slowly, he turned his head to face the huge, white pegasus beind him. The stallion had tiny wings, and was so burly he looked more like a bull than a pony. "Holy buck...."

The prince stepped up beside Joe, and bucked him square in the face, causing Joe to buck back. The fight was breif: it was clear that Blueblood was not built for fighting, and the prince nodded at the pegasus. "Snowflake." With a cry of 'YEEAAHH!' the stallion leapt at Joe, who, whilst not a muscle machine like 'Snowflake', had agility and stealth on his side. The spy rolled out of Snowflakes path, alowing the pegasus to crash into the table behind him. Though it barely halted him, causing Joe to have to move again, with Snowflake clipping his jaw this time. Coughing, he backed up to the window, and let Snowflake charge at him, sidestepping at the last moment, causing the pegasus the get thrown through the two story window. Pegasus. Joe had forgotten that part.

Knowing he wouldn't be able to beat the monster in front of him, Joe formulated a plan. "I didn't want to do this. But you made me, Blueblood." With that, he whipped out a jam dount from his suit, and bowled it under a table, before galloping out, into the corridor.

"What?", cried a confused Blueblood, "Was THAT supposed to do?" He got his answer when he heard the ticking noise, and noticed the donut flashing. "Buck." He grabbed one of the twins by the neck, and shook him violently, wanting something to take out his anger and fear on.

Joe hurled himself through another set of doors, in a bid to escape the coming explosion, that could easily kill him. He had the mercy to alert some people in there, and obviously all of the innocents, and they were all panicing to get out of the death trap. Running past another office, he noticed a map of the establishment, and peered up at it to find his location. Apparently, he was nowhere near the exit, on the outskirts, but not near the exit. So, looking up at a window, he knew what to do.

But he knew too late.

The bomb exploded, as he leapt through the window, smashing it. As the explosion engulfed him, everything went black, and he could only hope that Lyra, his current partner, would find him.

"Joooeeeee? Wake uuup!", the slightly loud voice echoed in Joe's pained ears. That'd be Lyra. With a groan, the exhausted pony lifted a hoof, and then dropped it again when he saw that it was covered in a red, sticky substance.

Jam. He HATED it when the jam got in his fur, it took weeks to get it all out. Just the thought of the sticky stuff all over him, trapping him, made Joe feel a bit sick. Everyone had a secret fear though, and it was nothing to be ashamed of.

"Joe, you ok?", he heard the obnoxious voice again.

"Yes, and I'll be even better if you stop screaming in my half-dead ear."

"Heh, sorry, it's just that I'm so excited! We- uh, you- just took out an entire factory of donuts!"

"Yes, Lyra, we-"

"And then that HUUUGE explosion, that was great! I hope that douche Blueblood got what he deserved!"

Joe gave a heavy sigh; he would never get used to Lyra's over the top blabbering. Looking around, however, he realised why she was so excited. The entire factory was almost completely gone. 'Ha, there's no way Blueblood survived that jam', he though to himself, quite smugly. Evidently, he was wrong. The stallion burst out from under rubble, and galloped at the spy. Joe simply pulled out another, smaller explosive donut, and knocked the prince out, ready to have him imprisoned by police.

Lyra sat with Joe, massaging him whilst grinning, clearly charmed by him. Using his magic to summon a tissue, he began to wipe himself free of the sloppy jam, and sighed.

"Hay, Joe!", he heard a tomboyish voice call him from above.

"HAY, Joooeeee!!!", ugh. That one was loud, and slightly slurred. He already had a good idea about who was speaking. Flitter and Cloudchaser, two fellow spies, and sisters. They had been working with him on this one

"Hay, so yeah", Flitter began, "This was stressful, wasn't it? Anyway, is Blueblood done?"

"He's right over there. Ready for arrest."

"Great! Hm, so, since this was so stressful, I was thinking we, me and Cloudchaser, should take a holiday! But because we're so kind and generous, we want to ask if you and Lyra want to come, too!"

"Yeah, we could do with the 'company'", Cloudchaser added with a wink.

Joe sighed. As much as it would hurt his ears to be surrounded by 3 noisy mares, he DID need a break from it all. Plus, it would give him a chance to get properly cleaned up, and attract some more mares. With yet another sigh, he brushed back his mane and stood up.

He looked over to Lyra, who nodded, wearing a huge grin on her face. She clearly wanted to go, and Joe didn't like letting ponies, especially his friends, down.

"Where did you have in mind?"