Rainbow looks for hot chicks in the wrong places.
View Online
Rainbow looks for hot chicks in the wrong places.
Rainbow Dash was looking for two things.
1 - Adventure.
2 - Hot chicks.
She could do without one if she had the other– But preferably she really wanted both.
She landed on a quaint little village, and did what she always did, which was to make an impression.
…This particular impression was to accidentally crash land upon an innocent bystander.
“...Well there goes a perfectly good cupcake.” Pinkie pouted at the mud her snack now laid in.
“Hey there, citizen and/or villager of whatever this town is!” The pegasus announced with a grin, spreading her wings, dusting herself off.. “I’m Rainbow Dash– Please point me to the nearest place where I can get a good adventure!”
“It lived a good life. All thirty minutes worth… Never eaten, no, she never got the chance…” Pinkie mourned, shaking her head, sitting down, beholding the fallen cupcake. “She will be missed. She had a family. She was loved.”
“Yo. Pink one. Any adventure around town? What are you, the…” She beheld the pink pony up and down puzzled at her outfit. “...The town jester or something?”
“...Once!” She declared with tears in her eyes. “But with my fallen beloved… I may never laugh again!!” Her lips quivered as she forced herself to look away from her now inedible snack.
Rainbow Dash watched in complete disbelief as the earth pony ran away sobbing, paused to eat a cupcake she had stored on her mane, then continued to run away in utter tears.
“...Okay, definitely no adventure here.” She pouted and took flight. “Adventure, adventure… Thisaway!”
She flew in an indeterminate direction, completely unsure of where her instincts were taking her, but following them nonetheless.
And then boom– With a crash, she had fallen upon a mannequin, and knocked over several others for good measure, finding herself inside a boutique of sorts.
“Hey lady!” She dusted herself off. “Know anywhere around here where I could find some adventure?”
“Why, you ruffian, you rapscallion, you dastardly–” Rarity had to inhale sharply, as she put on her best customer service smile, and tilted her head. “...Are you perhaps here to purchase something?”
Rainbow shrugged, snickering. “Hah! Nope. What good would I have for buying a bunch of fru fru dresses?”
“Get out.” The seamstress ordered.
“But adventure–”
“--OUT.”
She obeyed with an awkward smile, taking off, heading to the outskirts of town.
With her eagle eyed vision, she found a farm, and a mare working diligently at apple picking. As good of a place to look for adventure as any.
“Yo! Farmer lady! You know of any good adventuring I could get anywhere nearby?” She asked confidently.
“Hey! Get down from there, git! Don’t be putin’ yer hooves on my apple trees!” Applejack complained, shooing her. “Do I need to get a broom or somethin?!”
“Chill, dude.” With a skilled flip, she landed on the ground, unflinching. “I’m looking for adventure, you know any place I can find any–”
“--Why in the world are ya lookin for adventure in my orchard?!” She grimaced in annoyance. “Idk what yer tourist-ass thinks our little town is, but it ain’t what yer thinkin. There ain’t no bounty boards or quests or missions anywhere around here for y'all, and if ya want to lend a helping hand, make yerself useful, and help us out with chores–”
“Nope!” She declared, taking flight. “Nope nope nope. Do you at least know anypony I could bother about finding some damn adventure around here? If not adventure, at the very least, hot chicks?!”
“...I got chicks in the barn?” She tilted her head in confusion, pointing behind them.
Rainbow Dash frowned as she saw chickens idling about.
“Ok, I’m out of here.” She declared and flew away.
This was going to be her last stop in this little town, she promised herself, as she pestered a librarian that seemed already clearly annoyed at her.
“C’mooooon you’re an egghead, you must at least know of SOME adventure in the region. What's a girl gotta do to get some action around here??”
Twilight, who was having to reorganize a shelf Rainbow Dash had landed on, was beyond frowning. “For the last time– If you’re looking for urban legends, that’s on that shelf over there– If you’re looking for myths, it's over there– If you’re looking for bounties, we really don't have any!!”
“I don’t wanna read!” Rainbow Dash let out a prolonged, frustrated groan. “Seriously?! I wasted my whole afternoon in this dingy town! Don’t tell me there’s no adventure around here or hot chicks, and you’re all this boring!!”
That was the last straw. Quietly, with an unthinking smile, Twilight pointed at a map. “...Here’s something. Legends say there’s a beast that shambles in an abandoned castle, to the northeast of this valley– A beast that hunts ponies that wander alone, and feasts on their blood. A monster in a castle– That’s an adventure, right?”
Finally, after a long, boring day, Rainbow’s face lit up. “...That IS an adventure! I want to beat up an evil beast!!! Alriiiiight!!” And just like that, she took off.
Twilight breathed out a sigh of annoyed relief. “...Good riddance. Hmph. Spike, where are you, can you help me with thi–”
Rainbow Dash poked her head from out the window. “...Yo egghead, where did you say this evil castle was at again?”
With a pout and a frown, Twilight pointed at the map again. “Northeast.”
“Awesome! Bye!”
It was an imposing sight. The sun had dipped below clouds, the valley was empty, covered by trees– She could see a small abandoned road below as she flew, nearly completely covered in foliage.
And the castle, near a lake, surrounded by forest and mountains, was nearly entirely hidden, and yet, unmistakably blanketed in darkness.
The Pegasus smiled at the sight– Definitely a cool backdrop for adventure– there was not a single light within she could see.
With an agile flip, she crashed through a stained glass window, and landed skillfully in one of the dark halls of the keep. “Alright, beast! Come on out for an ass whooping!”
No response. Complete silence– It was eerily, bitterly, coldly quiet.
And Rainbow did not care nor feel afraid. She glanced around herself, into the darkness.
Her hoofsteps were softened by the carpeting she walked on, the castle seemed to be in relatively good shape.
And now the only light was from the exterior, the night and the moon coldly lighting these dark halls the adventurer now braved through.
“...Come on out! I’m ready for a fight!” She defiantly announced, as she walked deeper into the halls.
With a huff, she stopped. It really was pitch black.
Skillfully, she grabbed hold of one of the unlit torches on the walls.
Holding it by the mouth, she lit it up strategically with a few annoyed forced sparks, scrapping it in metal.
As soon as there was any light, she heard distinct shuffling right before her, in the darkness. She thought she could see a distinctive very un-pony shape evade the lights of her flames, but only for a split second.
“Hey!” Rainbow called out. “Quit hiding!”
There was no response, and with it, she took off after whatever had just hid from her.
Unfortunately, she did not know or understand the layout of this winding maze, and was quickly lost in it.
Through exasperated breaths, she lit another torch with the one she held, trying to make heads or tails of where she was going.
She placed her own torch down, and realised that wherever she was, it seemed fancy. A room made for dancing.
“Heeeeere beastie beastie beastie…!” She called out quietly, in annoyance, gazing at the dark halls around her. “...Let’s dance…!”
Strangely, incredibly strangely, at long last, a voice spoke to her from the darkness, and it surprised her for several reasons.
One, the voice coming from directly above her.
Two, the voice was much, much softer than most monsters she had fought before.
That made her pause, and look up in surprise.
This ballroom was large, impeccable so– And what was above her was nearly impossible to distinguish.
And it spoke to her, all the same.
“...You’re not welcome here.”
It wasn’t a demand, or a request, or even a threat. It was barely hostile.
“...Hello?” She squinted, seeing a reflective pair of eyes up above, looking down at her from the darkness.
Instincts told her she was in danger. Her gut told her there was nothing nearby that would hurt her.
“Leave.” The voice called out, raspy, still not threatening.
“Hey, whoever you are up there, this castle isn’t safe, y’know?” Rainbow crossed her forelegs, tilting her head. “There’s rumors of a beast hanging around here. But don’t worry, I’ll totally whoop it’s butt!”
Complete and utter silence.
“...Yo, did you hear me? I said it’s not–”
The beast was upon her. Landing with a force that blew one of the torches she had lit, sending a gust of wind, the monster was standing directly in front of her.
Rainbow assessed it quickly. Quadrupedal, large, and many bat-like features.
As this thing bared her teeth at the pegasus, She was unmoving, studying her.
“...Did you not understand me?” The beast snarled. “You are not welcome here! L-leave!”
Rainbow had to take a few seconds to measure her response towards this thing before her. “...Sorry. But I’m not leaving, I’m looking for a beast.”
“...The beast has found you.” The monster spread her wings even further, blanketing the pegasus in darkness. “Leave.”
“Nah, you’re not the beast.” Rainbow grinned. “You’re a hot chick.”
The monster locked her wings firmly in place, in complete confusion. “...What”
“...So you were a pony before? Dang.” The pegasus followed the bat creature before her. “And you were cursed too?”
“Yes. It’s not safe for you or anypony else to be near me.” She warned, avoiding looking at the pegasus as she moved through the dark halls of her castle, lit by Rainbow’s torchlight. “I get especially thirsty at night… And you smell tasty.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment!” She smiled, not feeling even a little bit threatened. “It’s weird that you don’t think it’s safe around you. You seem fine.”
“I WAS CURSED TO THIRST FOR BLOOD EVERY SINGLE DAY AND NIGHT!” She finally turned, flaring her wings, her red eyes glowing in the dark, yelling in anguish. “YOU MUST LEAVE OR I WILL HURT YOU!”
Again, it wasn’t a threat, or even a warning, and Rainbow didn’t really feel scared in any way.
“...What did you say your name was again?” She raised an eyebrow with a small grin.
With a grumble of annoyance, the bat creature turned onto the dark again. “...Fluttershy.”
“Aw. Cute name!” She hopped along, brushing off any ire. “So, you think you’re cursed?”
“I AM cursed.” She declared with a raspy growl that was closer to a whimper. “Just look at me!”
“You seem fine to me!” Rainbow shrugged. “The wings look cool, the teeth are awesome, the ears are pretty cute–”
“Why aren’t you scared?! Everypony else is!!” She winced, backing away.
“Lady, I’ve seen pleeeeenty of monsters in my day. I don’t really get scared.” She grinned confidently, nodding. “So, how’d you end up like this, then?”
“...My brother was cursed by a Zebra witch...” She resigned, leading them to a garden outside, where the moon was the primary source of light. “I-I didn’t take this castle, I promise! It was empty when I got here, m-me and my friends have been taking care of it…!”
“Hey, it’s fine, I’m no snitch. I’ve squatted once or twice in my days!” She shrugged. “But wait– You have a brother that’s a vampire bat too?”
“Um… No.” The beast’s shoulders slumped as a distant bat flew closer, and made a few sounds she could clearly understand, and subtly replied to.
“Okay, I'm confused. He got cursed, but you– What?”
“...I pleaded with the witch to curse me instead.” The beast sighed mournfully. “I wanted to protect him.”
“...Wow. And uh, where is he now?” She skeptically tilted her head.
“...I don’t know…?” She looked down sadly. “Probably back home with mom and dad. Maybe looking for a job…?”
“Fluttershy– For the love of Celestia– You took a hit for your bro, and he isn’t even trying to help you out?! Why aren’t you back home with your folks??!”
“...Our hometown chased me off with pitchforks and torches.” She shriveled into herself. “I didn’t want to impose…!”
“Wow. This is a whole bummer! No adventure here, just depressing.” She shook her head with disappointment. “I just feel bad for you, honestly! …Well, at least you said you had friends, right?”
“...My friends…!” She murmured quietly, looking up at the night sky.
A flock of bats flew overhead, all squeaking and echoing in the night.
“...Most of my friends are scared of me now… But the bats are loyal.” They were sitting on the rooftops around them, looking at the visitor. “...They’re always loyal…!”
“Dude. Your only friends are animals?” She grimaced with pity. “That’s it. I’m sticking around. You need a lesson or two in confidence, and I just happen to be an expert on the subject!” She declared with unending, questionably deserved confidence. “And hey, I don’t mind sleeping in a big castle! Show me to my room, please!”
“...What.”
Rainbow Dash assessed Flutershy’s living condition like one would a wing man. How to spruce it up, how to spice it up, how to improve upon a formula that’s failing?
Animals were somehow the cooks, the housekeeping and the guards of the castle.
Most of them, despite being invested in helping the bat pony, avoided being in the same room as her. Few were brave enough to, like a specific bunny that seemed to be closer to her than most.
She was tender and sweet, when she had the chance. Rainbow could see that clear as day– Being a beast did not suit Fluttershy, she was thrusted upon this role and couldn't avoid it.
Rainbow saw her feeding. Sometimes in the morning, sometimes at night, Fluttershy would shamble out of the castle– She seemed different. Animalistic. Moving without any hesitation.
The pegasus would watch carefully from afar, as silently as she could, as the pony-turned bat would spot prey, pounce, and feed.
Then she would cry. She would cry and apologize profusely, the animals she fed on rarely survived.
“...So… Why don’t you ever leave?” The pegasus asked carefully, as she watched Fluttershy tend to a garden carefully, and spread seeds for birds to eat– Birds that would not come near her.
“...Where would I go?” She shrugged emptily, not paying the question much mind. “Most ponies fear me. And with my endless need to feed… At least here I won’t hurt any of them…!”
“I mean sure, but… Your bro is still out there, that witch that cursed you is still out there.” Rainbow pouted, coming closer. “If you want to reverse this, you’d have to talk to them, right?”
She hesitated, for a moment.
Then with a sigh, took flight. “...Follow me. I need to show you something.”
Rainbow Dash took off after her, they flew towards one of the highest towers, and through windows, into a dark room.
She glanced around carefully. This seemed like some sort of astronomy tower. In the center of the room, there was a shiny rose, protected by a glass casing.
“Neat flower. What’s this room about?”
“This rose… It's the source of my curse. If it’s destroyed, or if the last petals fall, I'll be a monster forever…!” She spoke mournfully, beholding the shiny flower. “...I don’t know what to do…!”
“...Wait, this little flower is your problem?” She squinted. It seemed magical– But not by much. “And does it have something to do with reversing your thingy?”
“...I don’t know. If it does, my brother didn’t tell me, or didn’t know…” She looked annoyed. “...Or wasn’t paying attention when the witch spoke to him about it.”
“What a jerk.” She huffed. “Dude, this crap is NOT fair. You should go find your brother or your witch and just like. MAKE them go back to how you were!”
“...I don’t want to impose…?” She pouted.
“Fluttershy! Dude! My guy!!! Girlie!!!!!!” She was exasperated. “You need to live for yourself!! Do you honestly want to spend the rest of your bat life alone in this castle watching a few petals wilt off of this thing? That’s not just lame, that’s a waste! You got super bat powers, you could absolutely go out there and whoop some butt!!”
“B-but they all fear me…! I’m a monster…!”
“So what?! You’re still you!!” In gesticulating with her wing, she accidentally knocked the glass casing off its pedestal.
The rose fell to the floor, the glass shattered.
The flower was now dead.
“...Whoops.”
Fluttershy fell completely silent, her eyes widened, her lips pursed, quivering.
Rainbow Dash went through several stages of grief in that moment, or how she would more eloquently put it, ‘several stages of whoopsie’.
There was one thing that was perfectly clear to her, though.
You break it, you buy it.
Fluttershy deserved better than this.
“Um, S-sorry about that...You’re still you, Fluttershy. And you deserve better than this. Y’know, even if, haha, you’re a bat monster forever!” Rainbow affirmed with a bit of hesitation. “...You’re still you! And you should do whatever you want! What do you want to do right now, Fluttershy? For yourself, not for others, what do you want to do right now?!”
“I want to drink your blood.”
Silence.
Fluttershy seemed bigger. Her eyes were redder. Her wings slowly unfurling themselves.
“I want to drink your blood, Rainbow Dash.” Fluttershy reaffirmed, unmoving. Subtly, she licked her lips, her fangs bare. It was unclear if there was hatred or threat in her voice.
Quietly, Rainbow Dash spared another glance towards the dead rose.
If making it up to this mare meant being her personal blood bank, she didn’t really care.
“If you drink from me regularly… You don’t have to drink from your friends or other ponies, right?” She asked carefully.
“If you live.” The bat’s response was raspy, simple.
“And if I’m your personal blood bank… You could leave, right? We could leave?” She pondered.
“If you live.” She reaffirmed.
Rainbow didn’t think about it much– As she often didn’t.
“Eh, whatever, I got blood to spare, I’ll take those odds. So, how do we do thi–”
Fluttershy pounced, and pinned her to the floor.
Rainbow Dash was completely immobilized, and she didn’t really mind.
More of Fluttershy’s friends began returning when she didn’t need to drink from any of them anymore. They helped keep the castle tidy, helped feed a blood-deficient Rainbow Dash, and helped setting up the two of them as they got closer.
Her mood improved, too. The Pegasus saw a side to her she suspected was there. She hummed and sang to herself frequently, and especially to the animals.
The adventurer refused to be slowed down. Her heart wasn’t weak enough that it’d lack blood, damnit. She did need to eat and drink more to make up for the difference, but she had always been an athlete– A good diet came a long way. A few more naps during the day were hardly an issue, and Fluttershy watched over her the whole time, ensuring she was well.
They did a lot together, now.
Their castle was lit up all the time. Fluttershy’s animal friends played instruments, and they danced together in that empty ballroom. Energetic, slow, lively, close, together.
A lesson in confidence well taught, Rainbow was proud.
But there were other matters they both needed to attend to outside of this place.
When they were ready, they left, in search of Fluttershy’s family, and the witch that cursed her. Even if there was no cure, it was still worth meeting them– On their own terms.
“Hey there, citizen and/or villager of whatever this town is!” The pegasus affirmed with gusto, landing with agility, with the sun rising behind her. “This here is my girl, Fluttershy!”
“Hi.” The bat pony affirmed with a confident smile, waving at the terrified passerby, her heavier landing sending objects tumbling and a gust of wind nearby, and she smiled all the same. “We’re looking for adventure.”
Author's Note
...I mean that's probably not what he said to piss her off, but it could be. I can't prove otherwise.
Also I meant it, I did NOT rewatch beauty and the beast before doing this parody, I kind of just went with the afterimages of what I remembered of it lmao. I wanted it to be funy.
Not gonna lie. If you're familiar with my work you might have noticed this is a huge downgrade from my usual output
It's just something short I cooked up, not as serious as my others work but I hope you enjoyed regardless. frankly, I had the idea as a funny parody, but like. 80% through I realized that the idea had potential for a long-running slowburn story that focuses on the characters slowly getting into each other...
...And then I realized I'm too lazy to write it myself. I don't wanna!!! Too much work and I got other stuff I want to write! Which unfortunately, makes this final product seem oddly rushed as hell. I actually considered not posting this bc I had so little confidence in it compared to what I usually write.
But writing is writing. It will be posted for now and if I regret it I'll unsubmit it!
Either way I think that Fluttershy being the manic pixie dream 'I can fix him' girl is kind of old and trite. I never liked that trope in general, but especially on how people use it for Fluttershy-- It feels like a huge disservice to her character.
Maybe when I was conceiving this fic I was annoyed at 'the bride of discord' and wanted to take a jab at it? Idk. Maybe if I was around at the time that those fics were being made I coulda been there to counter it with a long form version of this.
...But nah, in the end, I just wrote somethin short. I don't really feel confident on it, but I hope you enjoyed regardless.
I love Flutterbat and she deserves better! She could tooootaly have been a bigger part of the show, I woulda loved seeing Fluttershy with a darkside.
...Maybe I was just lazy when writing this bc I wanted to go back to Shimmerverse already, lmao. Soon, very, very soon. 3 arts out of 4 done for that, heh. But for now, I suppose I'm technically taking a writing break! I won't update Tartarus Heist until I'm done with Shimmerverse.
Anyways, glad to have done an Flutterdash exclusive, even if I'm not super proud of the end result.
