Applejack's Little Visitor

Chapters

A Fluttershy Interlude: Good Fences Make Good Neighbors
Out of the Mouths of Foals
The Birds and the Bees
Something Rotten in Sweet Apple Acres
A Foregone Conclusion
Lost in the Outdoor Market

A Fluttershy Interlude: Good Fences Make Good Neighbors

“Okay…you guys said there was a ‘problem pegasus’?”

Twilight Sparkle had come to the site of the fairgrounds. A few games and tents were set up, but most of the fairground was still just flags and white lines, marking out the skeleton of the carnival.

Twilight was talking to one of the carnies as she walked. “Yeah! This crazy lady just showed up outta nowhere, complainin’ about somethin’ or other. The Foreman told her to buzz off, so she sicked her animals on us. She even used her evil eye on one of us after he stepped on a squirrel! Then she said she was cancelin’ the festival. Even the sheriff showed up—and he was afraid of her!”

“That doesn’t sound like Fluttershy, except the evil eye part…”

They approached a strong, chestnut-colored pony with stubble. He was the Foreman of the crew setting up the fair. His eyes widened briefly as he looked her over, but he shook his head and resumed a steely expression. On edge? Twilight thought.

“You from the mayor’s office?” he asked.

“I might as well be,” Twilight replied, flatly. “I heard you’ve been having trouble with a pegasus summoning forest creatures and casting evil magic on you.”

“Well, ah’ wouldn’t say that, but she’s doing something! This site was supposed to be free of critters cause’ y’all got yer…weird sensitivities, but then this lady showed up and now they’re all back. And angry too.”

They stood at the edge of the site, and on the opposite side there was a line of animals, big and small, holding up picket signs and chirping, howling, roaring, and chattering. At the center of them was a light yellow pegasus with pink hair. She was chanting something that sounded like, “Something-something joint, no peppers past this point!”

“Whaddaya make of this?”

Twilight was perplexed but said firmly, “Don’t worry, I can reason with her.”

Twilight walked to the picket line. A pair of coyotes snarled at her, but she stood her ground and called to Fluttershy.

“Oh, Twilight!” Fluttershy answered, walking over on hoof as she often preferred. “Stand down, girls. She’s with us. I’m so glad you’re here—I don’t know what to do!”

“Fluttershy, why are you protesting the festival? I thought we cleared this with you ahead of time.” Twilight asked.

“Circumstances have changed, Twilight! You see…”

Fluttershy explained that she had relocated the animals from the festival site to her cottage as the planning committee requested. While everything seemed fine initially, the other night she was visited by a group of hungry critters. A swarm of rats bullied the other animals out of their food supply. This was odd, as the resident population of rats in Ponyville was tightly controlled—or according to Fluttershy, very accommodating to others needs, and freely exercised their reproductive rights. This morning, she discovered several dead birds that hadn't been eaten, a sign of free-roaming cats that had somehow appeared overnight. This was when Fluttershy decided to confront the Foreman with her issues:

Fluttershy approached the Foreman, who was busy chatting with his workers.

“...excuse me, sir…?” she said softly, but he didn’t seem to notice.

She tried again, slightly louder, “Excuse me, sir?” Still no response.

Finally, she inhaled sharply, her patience running out.

“EXCUSE ME, SIR!” she shouted, startling everyone nearby. The Foreman turned sharply, his eyes narrowing as he addressed her. She then covered her muzzle, and blushed in embarrassment.

“Can ah’ help you ma’am?” he said.

“Um, well, you see sir, there’s a problem.” She began.

“Yes?”

“Well, um, I don’t know if you’re aware of this sir, but it seems as though - around the same time you arrived in town - we’ve had a bit of a rat problem…”

“Aw, yeah.” He shook his head sympathetically. “It’s a real pain ain’t it?”

“Actually, we haven’t had a problem with rats in a while. We have a very good system for keeping them under control.”

The stallion’s face hardened, “Oh really? Well, we’ve got our own system that works, ma’am. If ah’ can make a suggestion, get yerself a cat.” He began to turn back around.

But Fluttershy continued, “Oh, um, that’s another thing! See, there’ve been multiple sightings around Ponyville of…dead birds.”

“Uh huh?” he said dispassionately.

“But usually when a bird dies around here, it’s either because they’ve been eaten by a hawk, or a snake, or a fox, or they got sick, or…”

“Could you please get to the point?”

“Oh! Um, well…” she became flustered at the Foreman’s angry tone. “The problem is…we think your cats are the problem!”

The stallion didn’t react, possibly because he expected her to want to say something else, or he was hoping she would just go away.

She continued, “But, uh, maybe you have some…crates you can put them in? Or give them bells? I’ve also noticed you haven’t put any collars on them—they could get lost, and have they all been spay-?”

“Alright, missy!” the stallion interrupted, “Look, me and mah’ crew are real busy gettin’ ready for this festival. If you could kindly git’ along now?”

“But sir,” Fluttershy circled around him and hovered in his path. “I mean, you care about the wildlife, don’t you? We take great care of our creatures here…”

“Then put in a complaint with the Mayor!” He rebuked her. “Sorry if you townies can’t handle a little inconvenience every once in a while, but that ain’t mah’ problem!”

He tried to walk past her, but suddenly heard a growling sound. The Foreman looked down and saw a white rabbit with eyes fixed on him (he assumed), that emerged from behind Fluttershy’s leg. The Foreman didn’t know what to think of this.

As the business with the Foreman was happening, it was breaktime for the campsite workers. They had prepared a big pot of chili under the lunch tent, and numerous workers took their bowls to sit in the shade. Many of them sat against trees, but the only ones nearby were past the boundary of the campground. When Fluttershy came to talk with the workers, a large group of hungry animals in her care waited at the edge of the site. The grass along the edges was luscious, untrimmed, and despite being so close to the camp their natural fear of ponies didn’t deter them from grazing. Many of the workers also left their scraps lying around, even accidentally spilled their chili in the grass…

Before the Foreman could brush off Fluttershy entirely, a loud commotion erupted near the campsite. Workers scrambled away from their lunch tent. Fluttershy and the Foreman turned in unison, their argument forgotten for the moment.

“What’s going on over there?” The Foreman said.

As the crowd thinned out, they saw Fluttershy’s friends swarming the campsite. They made a loud chatter, signifying fear or distress. Fluttershy’s natural instinct was to try calming them down, but there were so many.

She flew over the largest cluster of them, and flared out her wings, “Calm…DOWN!”

She flashed a supernaturally frightening look that instantly froze them in place…Some of them. The rest swarmed past her.

Her heart sank. “My Stare…it didn’t work!” To worsen her distress, she watched as they scattered further from the site.

“Of course it didn’t!” yelled the Foreman.

“But it always works! If it’s not working, that must mean something’s wrong!”

The Foreman scoffed and turned his attention to his fleeing workers. Fluttershy left her rabbit with the obedient animals, as she flew off to collect the stragglers. She tried her Stare on as many remaining groups as she could.

She then spotted a worker who was having a fit, as a squirrel climbed all over his body. It latched onto his face, then in a rage he threw it to the ground and stomped on it. He lifted his hoof to stomp again.

“NO!” Fluttershy cried, and rocketed towards the worker, before unleashing the Stare on him. “You stop right there, mister! That squirrel is scared out of its mind, and YOU think it’s alright to stomp on it and end its poor little life? You…” she trailed off.

Clutching the injured squirrel tightly, she rose into the air and let her voice carry out at full volume. “ALL OF YOU! Will you all stop RUNNING AROUND, and report back to your boss so we can sort this whole thing out?”

Even those in her peripheral vision could feel the intensity of her stare, and obeyed her voice as if she were Princess Celestia herself. The animals all stopped too, and followed the workers back. The Foreman scratched his head at this turn of events. Fluttershy landed primly in the center of her animal friends, still cradling the squirrel.

“Now listen, there’s a lot of things going wrong with this site, but one of them is that something here made my animals panic and run all over!”

“Them panic? What about us?” yelled one of the workers.

“Please sir,” she raised her voice, “be quiet as I figure this out…” She then descended to the ground, and spoke to the rabbit. “Angel Bunny? I need you to look around, and see if you find anything that might’ve startled these animals.” Angel gave her what looked like a salute, and started inspecting the grounds.

Fluttershy looked down at the injured squirrel. She knew despite the pain of broken bones, a wild animal usually powered through the pain. In her hooves it would’ve felt safe and rested. This squirrel still had a rapid heartbeat, squeaked in horrible pain, and his eyes watered.

“Wait, Angel!” Fluttershy called him over and held out the squirrel. “Is there anything unusual about this little guy?”

Angel sniffed it, and then flinched and covered his snout. He controlled himself however, and after a second continued his search with Fluttershy in tow.

The Foreman looked on with disdain, but his workers intently watched the rabbit’s every move. Angel eventually led Fluttershy to the edge of the site. They came to a patch of darkened grass where Angel thumped his foot. She took a whiff.

She glared at the Foreman. “This…this is why all my friends went crazy! This stuff, the peppers hurt them!”

“Well it ain’t our fault your critters can’t handle a little spice…” he said detached.

But Fluttershy then surveyed the surroundings, and spotted multiple littered bowls and utensils. “Litter…”

The Foreman sighed, “Okay, maybe the litter is our fault. But-”

“No! It’s clear that you and your crew can’t follow the rules we agreed upon! The festival is OFF!”

“What?” The Foreman yelled. “You can’t do that!”

“Well, it’s true I can’t cancel the festival itself. But, as the official wildlife warden of Ponyville, I deem this site an environmental hazard. You CANNOT have the festival here!”

“‘Wildlife warden’? Prove it!”

“You don’t believe me? Just get the constable down here, and he’ll settle this for us.”

The Foreman sent a worker to fetch the constable. As they waited, Fluttershy gave Angel and the squirrel a milk bath to wash away the spice. The Foreman provided the milk, already having enough problems because of this crazy, scary pegasus. A worker returned with a stocky unicorn stallion. He had a horseshoe mustache, and an old-timey police helmet so low on his head you couldn’t see his eyes.

“Thank goodness you’re here, officer!” The Foreman said. “This crazy pegasus brought a bunch of animals to our campsite, and now she’s saying she’s gonna shut down the festival ‘cause she’s a…‘game warden’ or somethin’!”

“WILDLIFE warden…” she corrected.

“Hush your mouth!” the Foreman snapped. He turned back to the Constable. “Can’cha please get her to leave?”

“Hmm, well,” said the Constable, “Oi’m not so shar’ about thah’t. See, Miss Fluttershoi IS the woildloife somethin’-or-other fer Ponyville,” The Foreman’s jaw dropped. “An’ if she says yah’ can’t build here then, Oi’m sorry, but moi hooves are tied!”

Fluttershy gave a pleased nod. “Well there you go, sir. Now please, remove yourselves from-”

“Wait-wait-wait! Hold up a minute!” The Foreman yelled, “This festival is important to Canter Creek, and Ponyville! Ain’t no way the Mayor and all the businesses in town’ll cotton to canceling this thing!-There’s too much money on the line!”

“Constable Bolo…please escort these ponies away from here!”

“Er...um,” the Constable looked back and forth, and saw he was surrounded by tens of angry ponies staring at him. “Oi’ don’t think-” he gulped, “Oi’ can…”

“We’re not leavin’!” The Foreman rallied his workers. Fluttershy launched into the air, and prepared to unleash her Stare from above. Suddenly, a harsh, high-pitched trill startled every pony and creature there.

The Constable withdrew a metal pea whistle from his mouth. “Fluttershoi! What did oi’ tell you about usin’ ‘the Starrh’ in non life-or-death situations?”

“Oh! Sorry officer!” She sheepishly began to lower, but then realized her animals had scattered again. “Oh no, not again! Oh…Angel Bunny!” his ears pricked up. “Run ahead and try to calm ‘em down, I’ll catch up with you!” He flicked his ear in irritation, then took off.

“And you!” She then turned her attention to the stallion from earlier, and hovered over him. “Take this injured squirrel to Dr. Fauna’s office, tell her what you did!-And if I don’t hear from her that she got it later…” She flashed her eyes, taking a year off his life. There came another whistle.

“That’s it Miss ‘Shoi!” yelled the Constable “Oi’m wroiting you a ticket!”

She looked back. “But that WAS life-or-death!”

“Got a quota to meet.” He withdrew a small book of tickets and a pencil.

The poor stallion, carefully, nervously took the now pacified squirrel in his hooves and ran off towards Ponyville.

Fluttershy followed after Angel Bunny, but not before telling the Foreman, “This isn’t over…” They returned with all the animals they could, and Fluttershy was displeased to find the workers still there, now all sitting in a line at the edge of the campsite. Constable Bolo wasn’t there.

“Where is the Constable?”

“In town, gettin’ the Mayor.” The Foreman sat on his haunches and crossed his forelegs.

“For all the things you’ve done YOU should be down at the station!”

“We ain’t leavin’ until the Festival’s over!” His workers echoed him.

“Well, I’M not leaving until YOU’RE gone!” She then turned to Angel, who was resting on her back. “Angel? Go back to the cottage and round up all of our…little friends.” She looked at the Foreman deviously. The rabbit could only raise one ear as he dangled his head over her side. He gave a low growl, so Fluttershy placated him, “Just one last job, Angel. Let Harry take over here and you can go rest at the house.”

Angel slid to the ground on her wing, then picked himself up and ran off towards Fluttershy’s cottage. She sat herself opposite the Foreman and locked eyes with him.

One of the workers cried, “Hey wait! You can’t use the Stare!”

“This isn’t the Stare. This is ‘the Scowl’, and it only works on ponies who have manners…and hearts!”

The Foreman was stone faced. He didn’t say a word.

At length, the officer still hadn’t come back, nor the Mayor. That was when a group of animals appeared on Fluttershy’s side of the line. Among them a pack of coyotes, a gaze of raccoons, a confusion of weasels, a herd of rabbits (far from the weasels), a murder of crows, a leash of foxes, a little house of prairie chickens, a clan of badgers, a clowder of bobcats, a mountain lion, and at the front of the assembly was an enormous black bear. The sight made more than a few workers either wet themselves, or stand up to leave.

As the black bear stepped up to the line however, it hesitated. It looked back and forth and began making frightening noises, repeatedly stepping forward then stepping back.

Fluttershy began to fret, “Harry? What’s wrong?”

By now even the Foreman, despite never feeling the full force of the Stare, was spooked by this pegasus’s uncanny abilities. Nonetheless, he stood his ground. Fluttershy calmly approached the fidgeting bear.

“Oh, of course!” she realized. “Poor Harry, you have it the worst of all—you can’t even get near the spice!”

Back in the present, Twilight was standing opposite Fluttershy. She now understood why the protest line of animals were wearing face coverings: the smaller animals had white patches on their noses, while all the larger carnivores were wearing full face masks.

“Fluttershy,” said Twilight, “you don’t think maybe that you kind of escalated things here?”

“I didn’t escalate anything Twilight! I’m just protecting the animals!” she stomped her hoof. “They wouldn’t listen to me, and now that poor squirrel is in the hospital and there’s spilled chili everywhere! It’s their fault the animals panicked in the first place, that pepper smell drives them crazy! Except for the birds though…”

Twilight couldn’t help but notice that many of the ground nesting birds that were removed had now returned to the site, and the other birds were using the workers as a restroom.

“Capsaicin,” she said thoughtfully.

“...What?”

“It’s the chemical that makes peppers spicy. Birds can’t detect it because they lack the necessary receptors, which is why they’re not affected like other animals. Of course, that’s not why all the ground nesting birds have returned to the site.” Twilight had seen a bobwhite quail sitting in the middle of the field, and a pair of plovers running around poking at the grass. “And their poor sense of smell doesn’t explain them using these poor ponies as a restroom,” she gestured to the songbirds perched on the workers. “-now is it Fluttershy?”

“You’re taking their side?” Fluttershy was scandalized.

“I’m not taking anyone’s side here Fluttershy!” Twilight said, “But from what you told me it sounds like you went about this the wrong way, and I know you have problems communicating with ponies.”

“What could I have done differently? I tried asking them nicely, and they wouldn’t listen!"

“You could’ve opened by telling them you were the Wildlife Warden! Then they would’ve had a reason to listen to you.”

“Oh…I guess, maybe I could have. I-I guess I’m…just not used to…showing off like that.”

“It’s not showing off Fluttershy,” sighed Twilight, “it’s you letting ponies know who you are, so you can do your job.”

“Well, then…why did they have to be so mean?”

“They were being assertive, Fluttershy. Since they thought you were just some random mare making complaints, they dealt with it in a way that’s worked before. You should have been more assertive too, but you kept it in until something happened that caused you to take the situation from a one to a ten in an instant!”

“But they still didn’t listen! Even after Constable Bolo told them who I was!”

“Because of how you handled things, and because this festival is important to them.” Twilight then lowered her voice, “Look, Fluttershy, I admit that you have some legitimate complaints, the rat and cat problem sounds serious. But a lot of what they’ve done wrong seems to just have been honest mistakes. Sometimes you just have to be the bigger pony, and I don’t think either of you have done a good job of that.”

“Well, that may be true…” Fluttershy started to ease up, but then resumed her frumping. “But that doesn’t change the fact that the chili festival is bad for the animals anyway! Harry hasn’t been able to leave his cave without a mask, and neither have the bats! I’m sorry Twilight, but even if they didn’t mean to do any harm, I can’t overlook it when ponies do something that makes other creatures miserable!”

“An understandable position.” Twilight said sarcastically, “But let me ask you something. Do you like fireworks?”

Fluttershy hesitated, “No, they’re too loud.”

“What about Nightmare Night?”

“No! You know it’s too scary for me!”

“So why don’t you go to town hall, and ask the Mayor to cancel them?”

“Well…because fireworks make ponies happy. And so does Nightmare Night-I guess.”

“So how do you deal with them every year? Aren’t you just miserable?”

“No I…I stay home, make a special pillow fort, and wait them out…”

“You adapt,” said Twilight. “It’s the same thing with animals. Don’t you think they have animals in Canter Creek? And even though Canter Creek loves spicy food, they still have rat problems. Because animals adapt.”

Fluttershy had lost all hints of her previous anger, and was once again timid and docile. “I…I don’t know what to say…”

Twilight walked over to Fluttershy, “There’s one more thing I should probably tell you, and it’s probably not something you want to hear; but even if you had gotten your way today, you still would have lost.”

Fluttershy looked up at her.

“If this festival gets cancelled, it won’t just cost the town money. This festival is bringing in thousands of tourists, ponies will be less likely to come in the future if it bombs—and that means there’ll be less money in the future. And if the ponies in both our towns find out it’s because of wildlife protection, then that means they’ll also be a lot less sympathetic to your cause.”

“Even the Mayor?” asked Fluttershy.

“Well the Mayor is a nice mare, don’t get me wrong Fluttershy, but her job relies on her keeping everypony happy. An upset this huge will mean she either: (a) changes her policies so she puts the business ahead of the environment, (b) fires you and replaces you with somepony else, or (c) she stands with you and loses the next election, then she’s replaced by somepony who puts business ahead of the environment AND fires you.”

Fluttershy had tears in her eyes. Twilight placed her hoof on her shoulder, “Now don’t worry, we can still fix this Fluttershy…”

“I’m…I’m so sorry!” Fluttershy began crying for real. Twilight sat with her for a few minutes

A bit later, Twilight came back with the Foreman in tow. Though Twilight’s words had calmed him slightly, his gaze lingered warily on Fluttershy, who hung her head.

“Alright, Fluttershy,” Twilight began, “I’ve heard Rusty Nail’s side of the story, and it seems both of you may have reneged on some parts of your agreement.”

Fluttershy raised her ears.

“You see, when he heard Ponyville would have a field completely cleared of animals, he was under the impression that meant ALL the animals. When they were setting up the tents yesterday, they encountered a problem with loose and uneven ground, because of moles.”

Fluttershy gasped. “Oh no! I completely forgot about them!”

“That’s why ah’ sent some of mah’ guys to buy traps this mornin’.” Rusty began. “And not just for moles neither. Y’all said we couldn’t set up a proper fence on that side, because the pegs goin’ in the ground’d hurt a couple’a burrows. But as ah’ always say, ‘good fences make good neighbors,’ and now we got varmints comin’ in an’ diggin’ through the trash!”

“W-What kind of var-...creatures?”

“Ah’ don’t know, ah’ve never seen ‘em before! They look like a badger did it with a fox, and then that badger-fox had relations with a monkey!”

Fluttershy then looked back at the gaze of raccoons, who shrank back in fear. “Hmm, sorry about that too then. I guess they’ve lost their fear of ponies.”

“Now Fluttershy,” Twilight spoke again, “Canter Creek and Ponyville will probably be willing to pay for the damage done by the rats and cats, as long as they get enough money to offset it from the festival. Do you think you can take care of the mole problem?”

“Oh…well, I can’t always get in contact with the moles. They move around so much. But you don’t need to buy traps, sir.” She addressed the stallion. “There are these new vibrating ground spikes that repel moles, humanely.”

“Really?” said Rusty. “Huh, good to know.”

“But as for the fence, I guess I can relocate the creatures to my house until we fix them. But all this chili smell business creates another problem: we’re supposed to have a petting zoo at the festival. But I don’t want the animals to be miserable while they’re there, and my animals at home will probably need me to make getting used to the smell easier. We might have to cancel it.”

“I might have a magical solution.” Twilight offered.

Rusty tilted his head, “That wasn’t already an option?”

“This is an Earth Pony town,” she quipped, “and I was only called in for an emergency. My idea is this: in the same way that you use paint to mark a boundary that ponies respect, and you erect fences that creatures cannot pass; I can create an energy barrier that lets air currents and ponies through, but blocks out animals andsmells.”

“You mean like a force-field?”

Twilight sighed, “Well, yes. A semi-permeable one.”

“Well alright!” Rusty smiled. “Magic force-field, sounds great!”

“The only problem,” Twilight continued, “is that it’ll take time to write the spell and prepare the stones needed to power it.” She paused. “And I think only Amethyst can fashion magic jewelry, but she’s busy right now.”

“‘Write the spells’?” Rusty was confused.

“Um, Twilight?” Fluttershy spoke up.

“Yes, Fluttershy?”

“Maybe you don’t have to go through all that…”

The grounds had been cleared of animals once again, the protest line had disappeared, and for now anything pepper-related was treated like biohazard material as work resumed. While waiting for the return of Fluttershy with her solution to the shield problem, Twilight joined Rusty to survey the site’s progress. One of the carnival games was already set up.

“An’ this here,” said Rusty, “is the dunk tank!”

“Why is the water green?” asked Twilight, eyeing it skeptically. “Is that from last night, or…?”

“Oh no, see, it’s pepper water. The guy falls in, he goes, ‘WAAAH!’ Way more fun!”

“Well…” Twilight raised an eyebrow, “it’s on theme if nothing else.”

“Would’ya like to test it out? Y’know, just so you know we didn’t rig it.”

“We’re going to check it every night to make sure of that,” she joked. “Just procedure.”

“Would’ya like to do it anyway?” he said playfully.

She shrugged. “Eh, why not?”

“Alright!” He hoofed her a baseball. “You gotta use yer mouth or yer hoof, no horn.”

“Got it!” She then took it with her mouth. This caused Rusty to crack a smile.

He then called for the dunkee. “Okay, you’re up Tyrone!”

“Ah’m comin’...!” called a nasally voice.

As the dunkee emerged, Twilight froze, and the ball fell from her mouth to the ground.

Rusty looked at her, “What’s wrong?”

Twilight leaned in, whispering. “Uh, Rusty, don’t you think this is kinda problematic?”

“Whaddaya mean?”

“I mean the creature being dunked. He’s…”

“Old? Yeah, a little. But it’s just him falling into water, shouldn’t be too strenuous.”

“Whuh-? No, I mean, he’s…”

“Is it ‘cause he’s a zebra? You know that’s a stereotype right?”

“That’s not what I’m talking about!”

“Then what is it?”

“Because!-the whole thing with dunk tanks, is they originated as this game called Farasican Dodger where-”

“HEY!” the zebra yelled, “Don’t you ruin this for me, ya’ little snowflake! This is a good gig! Now throw the ball!”

Twilight blinked, she was at a loss for words. Finally she sighed and turned to Rusty, “Fine. I guess he can stay.”

Rusty offered her the ball with his mouth. She wrinkled her nose, “No thank you. I’m just not comfortable doing this.” She then walked away, Rusty lowered his head in disappointment.

“Hah!” the zebra laughed. “Nice try there, lover boy!”

Rusty snapped his head up, and hurled the ball. It missed.

“Ha!” the zebra laughed. “You missed!”

Rusty growled, grabbed another ball, and missed again.

“Mah’ dead grandmother could hit better than you!”

Rusty snorted in frustration. He ran right up to the target, and bucked against it.

“Hey! What the hell?” The seat slowly lowered until the zebra slid off. “No-no-no-no-NOOO!”

There was a splash. The zebra then emerged from the water, bearing his usual morose expression.

“Huh?” Rusty said disappointed, “Why aren’t you screamin’? Doesn’t that hurt?”

“That’s just for the crowds," the zebra said flatly. “Besides, it’s bell pepper water…”

“We’re back!” Fluttershy called to Twilight, flying over the festival grounds.

“Where was she hiding?” Twilight asked.

Fluttershy landed. “Oh, she wasn’t hiding. She was just over at the Carrots’ place. Down here Screwy!”

Looking skyward, they spotted a pink earth pony flying through the air. She was wearing a yellow propeller beanie—not that it explained her ability to defy the laws of physics. This was entirely due to her chaos magic, which also gave her spiraled eyes. Clinging to her back was a small, lavender unicorn filly with blonde hair.

“Hi, Miss Twilight!” called the flying earth pony.

“Hello there, Screwball!” Twilight greeted her as she descended to the ground.

“What is this place?” The small unicorn looked around.

“This is the fairgrounds, girls.” said Fluttershy. “This is where they’ll be holding the chili pepper festival.”

“Ooh!” said Screwy, looking around. “Looks kinda like a football field right now…So why are we here, mama?”

Fluttershy smiled softly at the label. “We need your help with something Screwy. I’ll let Twilight explain.”

Screwy whispered to Fluttershy, “But daddy says she only speaks brainiac. And I don’t!”

“Well…”

“-And Aunt Dashie!” Screwy added.

“...Well, maybe they should learn not to talk about ponies behind their backs. I promise you she’s perfectly understandable!”

“Okay, mama.” Fluttershy sat with her as Twilight explained the situation.

“Now Screwball, the reason we called you here, is because your mama has a little problem. You see-”

“You’re PREGNANT?” Screwy turned to her mother, wide-eyed. Fluttershy burst into laughter, her wings shot out and she struggled to catch her breath. Twilight blinked, she had never seen Fluttershy laugh so hard.

“Ha-ha-ha! NO!-No sweetie, I’m not pregnant!”

Twilight continued, “Uh…yeah, now listen Screwy-this campsite is right on the edge of where you live-”

“Are YOU pregnant?” she pointed to Twilight.

“What? NO!-Uh, I mean, no Screwy. What is with ponies today?”

“Is Aunt Dashie pregnant?”

“No. Look-”

“Is Pinkie Pie?”

“No.”

“Princess Cadence?”

“I wish.”

“Miss Derpy?” At this, Screwy’s friend turned her head.

“No.”

“Then who is?”

“Nobody!—probably.”

“Screwy…” Fluttershy spoke up.

“Yes mama?” Screwy instantly turned around and shut her mouth.

“When Miss Twilight is talking, you listen, then at the end just ask the most important question you have. Okay?”

“Okay…” Screwy pouted.

Twilight waited a few moments before clearing her throat and starting again. She decided to dumb it down a bit. “The festival is right by your mother’s cottage. The smell of the pepper gets blown there by the wind, and it’s driving the animals crazy.”

“Really?” Screwy got excited.

“BAD crazy, Screwy!” Fluttershy clarified quickly.

“Oh…”

“Yes…” continued Twilight, “BAD crazy. What I need you to do is help me create a giant force-field that will keep the pepper smell inside, and keep the animals outside.”

“Unless they’re brought in by ponies,” added Fluttershy, “or they’re birdies flying over it. Do you understand?”

“Oh...” she said flatly. “Well, I mean,” she turned to Fluttershy, “I’d be glad to help you out mama, but why can’t daddy do this?” Floated lazily on her back. “This sounds kinda…boring!”

“Screwy…”

“Hey, I get that Screwy,” said Twilight, “but I don’t trust your dad. He likes to push ponies’ boundaries, and this festival needs to go smoothly.” Twilight then walked up to her, “And this doesn’t have to be boring for you.”

“Whaddaya mean?”

“You could…make it play sounds when ponies touch it? Show funny shapes like a magic eye picture…”

Screwy gave her a dull look, “I have real magic eyes, and I think magic eye pictures are boring. Can I make it flash different colors?”

“Uh…” Twilight said reluctantly, “that might give ponies seizures. Plus, the bands are probably already gonna be doing that.”

“-And it could disturb the animals even further…Oh!” Fluttershy then got excited, “You could make it so there’s no light pollution from the festival!”

“Look, guys-I mean Miss Twilight,” Screwy said, “this kind of magic is just so…blah! My magic is wacky and exciting! If it’s not gonna wow anyone…”

“How about this?” Twilight offered. “Help me make the shield exactly how I need it, and I’ll let you use some of your chaos magic at the festival.” She threw her hoof around Screwy, “You could really…spice it up! Can you say…floating bouncy castles?”

“Yeah, I can say floating bouncy cas-OH! That’s what you mean, okay-yeah! I can do that!”

“And I’m sure you have plenty of ideas too, right?”

“Oh, so many!”

“Well then, when it’s time for us to set them up, show me what you’ve got and - after I make sure they conform to EAAPA safety regulations - ponies from all over Equestria will see them!”

“Alright, then let’s get cracking on that boring shield!”

Previously, Twilight would’ve had to spend hours writing out the spell formula by horn, and copy it repeatedly around the perimeter of the fairgrounds. With Screwball’s help, all she needed to do was provide the atmostones, allowing her to finish the barrier in under an hour. The atmostones served as a safeguard, as the Discord family’s spells were uniquely long-lasting and didn’t rely upon mental focus. Still, it helped if they had the right incentive to do things properly.

“Alright, we’re done!” said Twilight.

“Whew! Fina—uh, I mean, glad to help?!” Screwball blurted.

Twilight chuckled. “You’ve done very well today, Screwball.”

“Hmm,” Fluttershy murmured, glancing at the little unicorn now fast asleep. “looks like this one’s pretty tuckered out. Screwy, could you take Dinky home?”

“Alright mama,” she moaned.

“And you better get started on your list of ideas!” said Twilight. “We’ll talk again later!”

“Okay!” Screwy took to the sky, carrying her friend, “Bye, Miss Twilight!”

Twilight waved goodbye to Screwball and sighed. “Well, glad we got all that sorted out.”

“I’m sorry again, Twilight,” Fluttershy said ruefully. “I should probably do some more to make it up to the workers…”

“For now, just be glad your job’s over. I still have to oversee the rest of the setup here, and document everything for the mayor…" Twilight grumbled.

“Oh, sorry to hear that…Maybe me and Screwy can take care of the rats and cats before dinner.”

“Oh hey!” Twilight just remembered what she was doing before this, “If you’re going in the same direction, could you head on over to Sweet Apple Acres?”

“Sure. What for-?”

Suddenly, in a burst of light, Screwball reappeared, “I’m back!”

“Screwy!” Fluttershy snapped, she walked over to Screwy and glowered. “What did I tell you about teleporting, young lady?”

“It was an emergency this time!” Screwy said defensively. “I swear!”

Fluttershy raised an eyebrow, “What happened?”

“Well I took Dinky home for bed,” Screwy then threw her hooves up, “but Carrot Top was there with her boyfriend,” she rolled her eyes dramatically, “and he started talking about his screenplay…”

“Screwy…” Fluttershy said firmly, “that is not an emergency. And it’s pretty rude to teleport away mid-conversation.”

“Well, what am I supposed to do?” she pled.

“Excuse me, guys?” Twilight interjected, “I’m sorry, but could you please go by Sweet Apple Acres for me? It’s important.”

“Oh, right! Yes Twilight, what do you need?” She turned to her daughter, “We’ll talk about this later…” Screwy sulked in midair.

“Well, this morning Applebloom-”

“HEY FLUTTERSHY! GUESS WHAT?” a familiar high-pitched rang out from afar.

Twilight flattened her ears, “No.”

“Pinkie?”

The pink party-pony cut through a group of workers at full-speed. “I’VE GOT GREAT NEWS!”

Twilight groaned into her hooves, “no…”

Author's Note

I was debating whether or not to make this a different story, given that it has a fairly self-contained narrative. I eventually realized people might be lost if I didn't include this in the chapter-list. I wrote this because I was having writer's block for the next chapter in the main story, but introducing Screwball into the mix could help.

Out of the Mouths of Foals

“Wait! Rarity let you watch that?!” Scootaloo reacted with disbelief at her friend’s words.

“I mean, there wasn’t a lot of swearing, and when there was she just covered my ears,” Sweetie Belle recounted. “Plus, most of the movie was just the lady going to the doctor, talking with friends at parties, lying down on the couch while she rolled a toy car on her belly…”

“But,” her friend Applebloom hesitated, “they showed her going to the hospital and having the baby?”

“Yes. I mean they didn’t show everything. She screamed a lot, and the doctor had his head under a blanket that covered her up, so I guess he must’ve seen it come out.”

“Out of where though?!” Scootaloo asked.

Her friends stammered and exchanged uncomfortable glances. Scootaloo then raised up her hindquarters and pointed quizzically to her rear.

“Ah’ guess,” Applebloom said.

“Well it was a wonderful ending anyway,” Sweetie Belle continued. “Seeing her holding her baby, and she and her husband were sleeping side-by-side in the hospital because they were so tired! Oh! And a couple of weeks ago, we went to see our relatives in New Jockey, and our cousin is having a baby! She was wearing the poofy dress and everything!“

“What’s her name?” Applebloom raised her eyebrow.

“Oh, I don’t know. But I’ve never seen something like that before in real-life!”

“What about Mrs. Cake though?”

“Oh…” Sweetie blushed, and lowered her voice. “Can I be honest? I didn’t even know she was pregnant!”

Applejack then thought for a moment, “Huh…okay ah’ can see that.”

“Hmm,” Scootaloo wondered aloud. “Hey guys, speaking of babies, did your parents ever tell you where babies come from?”

The other two were utterly confused by Scootaloo’s question.

“You mean…besides-?” Applebloom then slowly extended her foreleg backwards to point at her own rear.

“No…” Scootaloo groaned. “Not where they come out! I’m asking, how do you make a baby?”

“OHHH!” Sweetie and Applebloom nodded.

“My parents told me…” Sweetie Belle began dramatically, “That when a mother unicorn and a father unicorn have an intense and passionate love for one another, and they wish to have a child, both of their horns will spit forth rainbows of love. These ribbons then become intertwined, descend to the earth, and from the fertile vales of spring…I was born!”

“Wait…” Applebloom said, “That’s not what Granny Smith told me.”

“Also, where’s the part of how it gets into the mare’s stomach?” Scootaloo added.

Sweetie replied, “Well…maybe they left that part out and just told me the important stuff.”

Scootaloo had more, “And since when is your dad the magic type? He uses his hooves more than any unicorn I’ve ever met!”

“Well…” Sweetie was disquieted, “it’s a rainbow of love! Maybe it just does what it wants!”

Scootaloo then took the floor, “Well I talked to a bunch of pegasus kids at school, and they have a completely different story. They all say that they were born, because after ponies get married, sometimes they fly to the top of a mountain with a pool in it. The mare drops in a big rock, and because it's so heavy to carry it makes her cranky, and she can only carry it so many times before she turns 40. Meanwhile, the stallion brings two bags full of tiny pebbles. He can do this for as long as he lives, and it’s lots of fun to drop them in the hole. Whichever one of the stallion’s rocks manages to chip a hole into the mare’s rock, causes it to burst forth from the water as a new baby pegasus!” Scootaloo had a sudden realization, “Oh, but that also doesn’t address the whole coming-out-of-a-mare-thing...”

Applebloom then began to tell her own story, “Well Granny Smith told me that when two ponies get married, they’re given two magical seeds by the preacher - or government official - who got them married. Then they plant the seeds together in a secret garden. The plant grows for 10 months, and taking care of it is really hard work for the mama. She has to eat a lot of food and gets real fat! Then finally, when the plant is fully grown it blossoms into a beautiful baby earth pony, and the momma gets so happy her fat just melts away!”

“Okay, so…” Sweetie Belle said, “maybe this just means earth ponies and pegasus and unicorns are all born differently?” She naively thought this would end the debate, but just saying it out loud made her wonder, “But wait, Scootaloo, isn’t your dad an Earth Pony?”

“Hey, yeah!” Scootaloo was suddenly so incensed, “In fact all these stories just sound like fairy-tales! I think they’re all wrong!”

“Maybe it’s like a metaphor.” Applebloom offered. “Or maybe people just have babies when they get married?”

“Or,” continued Scootaloo, “It’s another lie, just like Santa Hooves! We spent that whole Hearth’s Warming trying to find evidence of him! We used spy-gear, surveillance cameras, body doubles—everything! Then we realized that all the presents were bought by our parennn-!” Scootaloo then realized she was sitting next to Applebloom, and hastily added, “-tal figures.”

As they were venting, a sky-blue pegasus with colorful hair had stopped in midair to listen.

“Well, maybe we don’t go to them for answers,” Applebloom said. Unbeknownst to her, the pegasus lowered herself into view. “And maybe we don’t ask other foals who’re just as clueless as us. We ask someone who's cool!” The pegasus’s eyes lit up. “Someone who doesn’t play by all the rules.” The pegasus struck a pose and donned a pair of sunglasses. “And who won’t talk down to us just because we're foals!” The pegasus’s confidence grew with each descriptor, striking poses and amping herself up. The pegasus gave a confident nod with her hooves on her hips.

By this time, Scootaloo had taken notice of the other pegasus, “Rainbow Dash!”

“Oh yeah, like Rainbow Dash. She’d be a good choice.” Applebloom remained oblivious.

“Better than good!” Rainbow Dash performed an outside loop and set down next to the fillies. “How’s it going girls?”

“Great now that you’re here!” Scootaloo ran to the front of the group. “We’ve got a question for you, Rainbow Dash.”

“Really?” she feigned ignorance, “Well little buddy, I’m an open book! Ask me anything! Unless it’s a nerdy question, save those for Twilight.”

“Well, heh-heh,” Scootaloo said, “this is more like a common knowledge thing. We’re just totally out of the loop on this so could you tell us…where do babies come from?”

Rainbow Dash froze like a deer in the headlights, and then in a matter of seconds had faded from existence. The Crusaders weren’t too startled by this. By now they knew that Dash was SO fast, she had gotten away quickly enough to leave an after-image of herself. They took it in stride and began talking about who they should ask next, but Scootaloo looked pretty heartbroken by it.

The next dozen or so ponies were basically the same. Some of them just ran away, some made excuses, others ignored them completely, but everypony tacitly refused to answer the young ponies’ question. There was a wall-eyed postmare who just poked their cheeks (in lieu of pinching), and said, “Daw! You’ll find out someday!” then whispered, "But use protection, trust me!” before darting away like the others.

The phillies’ next recourse was to consult the only mare in recent memory to have given birth in Ponyville, and to do so at a location where she couldn’t get away from them.

“Howdy there, Mrs Cake!”

They had walked into Ponyville’s premier bakery and patisserie, built to look like a gingerbread house with an interior of candy cane pillars and swirled taffy stickers on the walls. A chubby blue mare with a pink swirl of hair stood behind the counter, handling a piping bag full of buttercream with her hooves to decorate one of her cakes.

“Well, hi Applebloom!” she chimed, ”Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle. I’ll be with you girls in a second,”

AB looked to her friends in reassurance. The Apples were old friends of the cakes, even in ways none of the Apple siblings were privy to. This was Applebloom’s contribution to their search.

“So, what can I get’cha?”

“Aw, we’ll just take a couple uh’ sodas,” said Applebloom, trying to look as innocent as possible. “Uh, ah’ll take a lemon-lime. Sweetie Belle…?”

“Banana-cream!” beamed the unicorn.

“Give me a raspberry soda,” Scootaloo said.

“Real raspberry, or the fake blue kind?” inquired the mare.

“The fake blue kind.” Mrs. Cake then nodded and ducked behind the soda fountain as she poured their beverages.

“By the way Mrs. Cake…” Applebloom began, “We wanted to ask you about somethin’…”

“What’cha wanna know dear?” she asked.

“Well see, me and the girls were curious,” Applebloom nervously rubbed the back of her neck. She then noticed the impatient look on Scootaloo’s face, “Ahm! C-cause, yer’ a mom ain’t ya?”

“Sure am! Twins are turning two next month.”

“An-and that means before you had ‘em…” Mrs. Cake slid a tall glass of green soda with a lemon to Applebloom’s place at the counter, “You were carryin’ ‘em around in yer tummy right?”

“Oh-ho-ho!” Mrs. Cake gave a kind chuckle, “Well, yeah. I guess I did,” she blushed.

Suddenly Sweetie Belle leaned over the counter on her elbows.

“What did it FEEL like?” She begged the mare.

“Ohh!” Mrs. Cake was slightly taken aback, but nonetheless obliged. “Well, I guess if I had to describe it-”

“Wait, wait!“ Scootaloo interrupted. ”Sweetie Belle! Nobody wants to know that!” Sweetiebelle sank in her stool.

“Look,” Scootaloo turned to Mrs. Cake, “we already know that that’s where babies come from, okay? What we really wanna know is: how does it get in there?”

Mrs. Cake had stopped short of finishing Sweetie Belle’s soda. She couldn't break the sound barrier, so she was stuck as her eyes darted around and she tried to stammer out a response. She then noticed Pinkie Pie as she came down the stairs.

“Pinkie!” Mrs. Cake zoomed over to her. “Me and the girls were just talking about you! Why don’t you take these fillies for a joyride around town—on your fly-cycle?”

“Really?” Pinkie looked from them to Mrs. Cake.

“Sure! I know they’ll be perfectly safe with you. Maybe you can help them get their Cutie Marks for ah, flying…stuff.”

“Aviation?”

“Yeah, that!”

“Okie-dokie-lokey!” the pink pony began to bounce past Mrs. Cake only to be pulled back into a whisper.

“And when you’re done, just drop ‘em off at their folks' places alright?” Pinkie then pointed at her with a click and a wink.

“Alright girls, come on! We’re gonna do some FLYING!” She grabbed all three unwilling fillies under both ‘arms’ and ran outside.

“Wait!” Sweetie called back, “What about my soda…?” Then when she was further off, “-and my story!”

The girls were floating high above Ponyville on the seats of Pinkie’s flying machine. No windows shielded them from the harsh winds, so they had to shout as loud as they could to converse. Sweetie Belle could only shiver from the cold whilst having to grip her handlebars for dear life.

“ISN’T THE VIEW GREEEEEAT FROM UP HERE?” Pinkie shouted back at the three.

“Y-y-y-yeah! It’s-s-s rrrreally great!” Applebloom was still somewhat coherent despite her shivering.

“WHAT?” Again, only somewhat.

“AH’ SAID ITS REALLY GREAT!”

“I KNOW RIGHT?”

“Hey Pinkie Pie! I’ve got a question for you!” Scootaloo was the least afflicted out of all the ponies, and her voice rang the clearest despite the high winds they were experiencing.

“YEAH? WHAT DO YOU WANNA KNOW?”

“Can you please tell us where babies come from?”

“WELL EVERYONE KNOWS THAT SCOOTALOO! THEY COME FROM INSIDE THE MOMMA! LIKE A CHICKEN!”

“Yeah, we know that! But we were wondering how it gets inside the mom!”

“OH!” Pinkie didn’t sound surprised, but that didn’t make her answer any less disappointing, “YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT YET!”

“Why not?!” Scootaloo was now actually as incensed as her volume suggested. “It’s not like we’re gonna go out and make one!”

“I DON’T KNOW, YOU’LL DO A LOT OF CRAZY THINGS SOMEDAY WHEN YOU FALL IN LOVE…AND YOU’VE ALREADY DONE A LOT OF CRAZY THINGS TO GET YOUR CUTIE MARKS, HAVEN’T YOU?”

“None of us want Cutie Marks for being moms, Pinkie Pie!” Scootaloo briefly looked back at Sweetie Belle for confirmation, but her eyes were just shut closed as she waited for this ride to be over.

“WELL STILL, A LOT OF PEOPLE END UP MAKING BABIES ON ACCIDENT! JUST LOOK AT DERPY! TWENTY-FIVE AND SHE HAS TO LIVE WITH THE CARROTS ‘CAUSE SHE CAN’T AFFORD A HOUSE YET! SHE JUST GOT TOO CURIOUS I GUESS!” Pinkie kept rambling, “‘COURSE, IT NEVER HAPPENED ALL THOSE TIMES I EXPERIMENTED WITH MINTY…”

Experimented? Scootaloo and Applejack looked back at each other, utterly confused. Sweetie Belle actually opened her eyes and raised her head.

“What?” Applebloom went unheard again.

Scootaloo was on it, “You did what?”

“ME AND MINTY,” said Pinkie, “TRIED EXPERIMENTING TO FIND OUT HOW TO MAKE BABIES!”

“That green girl from the candy store?” Scootaloo asked.

“YEAH!” Pinkie laughed. “FIRST WE TRIED TO GET A UNICORN BOY TO MAKE A RAINBOW WITH HIS HORN—BUT IT DIDN’T WORK. THEN WE TRIED DROPPING ROCKS IN A MOUNTAIN POND—BUT IT DIDN’T WORK. NEXT WE BROKE INTO THE MAYOR’S OFFICE TO TRY AND FIND SEEDS TO GROW BABIES, BUT THEY JUST CAME OUT AS THESE WEIRD LEAVES THAT WE MADE INTO BROWNIES!” Pinkie was in full rant mode, and the phillies were in hell.

“THE BEST ONE WAS WHEN WE TRIED MAKING THE PERFECT LITTLE GIRL BY COMBINING SUGAR, SPICE, EVERYTHING NICE WE COULD THINK OF, AND A BLACK VIAL OF X-CHROMOSOMES INTO A BIIIIG CAULDRON! BUT IT DIDN’T WORK AND MINTY JUST GOT A HUGE TUMMYACHE AFTER THAT! WE AGREED I WAS THE MAN IN THE RELATIONSHIP!”

Scootaloo raised her eyebrow, Applebloom had just given up and laid her head down.

“WE THEN THOUGHT OF TRYING TO PUT THE MIXTURE IN HER ANOTHER WAY…” Pinkie was abruptly stopped as a second, angrier looking Pinkie Pie appeared in front of her with her legs wrapped around the front of the vehicle, stopping the original’s mouth with her hoof.

“OOH! THAT’S RIGHT, PINKIE PROMISE!” Pinkie turned back to the fillies, ”CAN’T TELL ANYONE WHAT WE DID!”

“Forever…!” the doppelgänger trailed off menacingly as she lowered herself out of sight. Even Pinkie seemed confused, and peeked over the prow to try and see where the other Pinkie disappeared. She shook it off quickly though.

“BUT HEY, I JUST REALIZED WE CAME UP HERE TO GET YOU YOUR CUTIE MARKS, AND I’VE JUST BEEN HOGGING THE WHEEL! SCOOTALOO, WHY DON’T YOU DRIVE FOR A BIT?”

“Wait, what-?” Scootaloo had no time to object as she was plucked out of her seat and strapped into Pinkie’s. The zany Earth Pony then took her seat between Applebloom and Sweetie Belle, and threw her hands up in the air as the fly-cycle dove.

“AAGH!!!” Scootaloo began to pedal like mad and slowed their descent. They began to pull up slightly, as she continued to strain like she was trying to use her own underdeveloped wings to fly.

“You got this Scootaloo!” Their speed and altitude had lowered enough that Pinkie could speak at normal volume, “Just let the fear of dea-…of getting REALLY hurt motivate you!”

“Well that was a bust,” Applebloom and her friends were resting on a Ponyville park bench. Pinkie had left them there with blankets and cocoa. “Ah’ didn’t expect Mrs. Cake to play hardball like that. Who do ya’ll think we should try next?”

Scootaloo had barely begun to catch her breath as she lay sprawled on the grass. She was in no mood to talk yet. Sweetie Belle was still shaken by the experience. It was some time before she could speak, but for emotional reasons.

“‘Cause, if y’all are listenin’, ah’ just wanna say ah’ don’t think anypony’s gonna answer our question. Nopony wants to!”

Sweetie’s shock turned to a weary brooding. For a while she just stared down at her cocoa, appreciating the swirls on the surface and intermittently taking sips. Eventually her drink was sipped down and the marshmallows gone, and she could see the leavings of cocoa powder at the bottom of her mug. And that’s when it hit her! If no pony is going to answer our question, maybe we ask some other creature!

“Say my name…” a ghostly echo came to Sweetie Belle’s ear.

“Discord…” Sweetie mumbled.

“Say my name…” the voice was louder

“Discord.” Sweetie said it again.

“Say my name!” the voice was at full volume

“DIS-CORD!” The name rang out with a supernatural echo.

A deep, haughty laugh soon followed. The leaves in the summer park swirled as a breeze picked up, and thunderclouds quickly formed over the surrounding area. Pale green lightning struck the ground, then the source of the voice - now a delirious cackle - arose from the earth: it was a bizarre creature whose serpentine body was an assortment of different animal parts. The thunder and lightning stopped as it bent down to greet the three.

“Well, if it isn’t my fellow Cutie Mark Crusaders. How nice to see you!” The creature looked down to see the prone Scootaloo, who could barely turn her head to look at him, “Looks like you’ve had a busy day…”

“Hello Discord, it’s good to see you too!” Sweetie Belle said politely. “Do you think you could help us with something? We’re kinda stuck.”

“Oh.” Discord seemed disappointed, but there was always something disingenuous about the way he spoke. “It’s the same old story! No one wants to hangout with Discord unless they want something from him!”

“No-no! You’ll like this, this is right up your alley! See, we need your help to do something that’s a little…subversive.”

Discord slowly turned his head with an audible creaking sound, “I’m listening…”

Applebloom had risen from her seat and came to Sweetie Belle’s side, “We’ve been all over town today asking every adult the same question, and none of ‘em wanna answer it! Each of our parennn-tal figures has a different story for it. Pinkie says we’re just not supposed to know it yet or we’ll get in trouble!”

“Pinkie Pie? Well that’s just hypocritical coming from her! I for one have NO problem revealing forbidden knowledge, and I’ve learned quite a bit throughout the centuries! For instance…” He then snapped his fingers, and the Crusaders were now suspended in a starry void.

“Did you know, there is an Alicorn for each of the seven planets?” Images of the other four Alicorns appeared before them, “But only ONE of them is a guy! Quicksilver, my man!” The small grey alicorn gave him a high-hoof.

“He’s cute!” said Sweetie Belle.

“Or…” he snapped again, and now they were falling through the atmosphere, then down into the dark Earth. “-That earthquakes are caused by giant snakes moving the tectonic plates?” They heard a loud rumbling, then the darkness was lit up by a giant orange eye. Scootaloo was wide awake now, and let out a horrified scream.

“Oops!” Discord snapped again, and they were now in a sterile white room with high ceilings. All around them were ponies in sunglasses and tuxedos. “This here is S.M.I.L.E. headquarters! There’s the director.” He pointed to a tall, blue haired white unicorn mare with eye makeup.

“Discord! What are you doing here?” She glared at him.

“Relax, Majesty! I’m just looking around.” he circled her with his hands clasped behind his back. “Since when has a little forbidden knowledge ever hurt anybody?”

Every pony around them either lit up their horn or trained a sidearm on him, “STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE!” The Crusaders put up their hooves.

“Fine.” Discord then swiped his finger, swapping the room out with an adjacent one. It was some kind of engineering lab where the central subject was a pony-sized exoskeleton with wings and a horn. The scientists were thrown by the momentum of Discord’s swipe.

“Hmm,” he inspected the robot chassis, “looks like someone’s getting a little big for her britches…Okay I’m bored now.” He snapped again, and they were back in Ponyville.

Sweetie Belle shook her head, “So you’ll tell us?”

“Certainly girls! I’m an open book, ask away!” Discord had transformed into an actual book as he floated in the air. It opened to reveal a smaller version of himself reclining on the pages.

“Y’know,” said Scootaloo, “Rainbow Dash said the exact same thing, and then she disappeared as soon as we asked our question.”

“That’s why I’m cool, and she’s not.”

“Okay! Disco-” Sweetie Belle began, but her mouth was covered by Applebloom.

“Hold on Sweetie Belle,” Applebloom cut in, “Discord, ah’ want you to Pinkie Promise you’re not gonna disappear, or send us away, or…just plain refuse to tell us! You HAVE to answer our question!”

“Seriously? Gah, fine!” Discord pouted. “Cross my heart,” he produced a treasure map of his body and drew a dotted line across his heart, “hope to fly,” clasped his hands and gazed hopefully towards a giant housefly with a halo around it, “stick a cupcake in my eye!” and finally he conjured a cupcake that he then shoved into his right eye. His tongue then popped out of his mouth like a cash register, holding his right eye.

“Alright…” Applebloom was satisfied.

“Discord,” said Sweetie Belle, “can you please tell us where babies come from?”

“Okay!” the draconequus grabbed his head and twisted it until there was a snap, then flopped over on the ground like a dead snake. He quickly opened his eye to check if they were still there though. Sweetie Belle glowered down at him as his tongue was hanging out.

“Et tu, Discord?”

Discord sighed, “I’m sorry girls…” Discord picked himself back up and twisted his head back to normal. “It’s just…there are just some lines that I don’t think Fluttershy would like me to cross—and neither would the audience. I don’t think she would trust me with Screwball quite so much if I didn’t have some idea of what’s appropriate or not. Answering your…innocent questions? I-it’s a slippery slope.”

“Aww…” the Crusaders were downcast.

The spectre of a displeased Pinkie Pie emerged from the bushes, having sensed the violation of her sacred promise. She stomped in Discord’s direction with fire in her eyes.

“Oh, away with you!” Discord merely flicked his wrist and Pinkie was sent flying into the distance. He composed himself, “Look girls, maybe I can…steer you in the right direction. Then you can find the answer yourselves!”

The Crusaders perked their ears up, even Scootaloo.

“But every time we ask them a question, ponies just run away!” Sweetie Belle pleaded.

“Then you need to ask someone-someplace where they can’t run away,” said Discord.

“But what if they send us away?” Scootaloo complained.

“Then do it in a place where there are so many likeminded souls demanding an answer, they cannot all be turned away!” Discord said this with finality.

There was silence, and the Crusaders still seemed lost.

Discord groaned, “Do I have to spell it out for you?” They nodded. “Alright, I’ll give you a hint…”

Before the bell rings at eight in the morn’,
Be there in a little red temple,
It’s a house with white gables,
And 24 tables,
All set for the town’s secondborn.

There’ll be a full crowd,
Excitable, Loud,
And eager for any disruption,
When everyone’s seated,
And you at the front,
That’s when you’ll make your introduction!

The pink haired mare with wisdom to share,
Predisposed to taking your side,
When she hears your dispute,
Give continued pursuit!
She’s stuck there, with nowhere to hide!

You’ve got your tools,
You’ll know where and when,
You know who to be asking your question,
I know you’re not fools but you know how to use-’em,
So good luck with your intervention!

“Pink-haired mare…?” wondered Sweetie Belle. “It can't be Pinkie Pie.”

“White gables?” Scootaloo said, “What are gables?”

“It’s those things on the side of a roof that-” Applebloom then gasped, “Wait a minute, ah’ got it! It’s-!” her mouth was then zipped shut by Discord.

“Uh-uh-uh! Save it for the cliffhanger missy!” He then cleared his throat, “Well friends, it’s time for me to go! I’ll see you at the next Crusader’s Camp Out! I’ve found the perfect spot in the Mesozoic for a picnic!” A wonky spiral gateway formed in the fabric of time and space, then Discord leapt forward and was gone. The zipper disappeared from Applebloom’s mouth and she gasped for air.

“Crusaders! Ah’ know where we’re going tomorrow…”

Author's Note

***Discord is friends here with the Cutie Mark Crusaders, based on their relationship in the IDW Comics.

***Also, I mentioned Screwball, but she's not related to Discord or Fluttershy.

The Birds and the Bees

As Discord had instructed them, the Crusader’s next target would be Ponyville’s own, little red schoolhouse. Having experienced a day of nothing but rejection however, the Crusaders endlessly planned and rehearsed for how they would confront their beloved teacher, Miss Cheerilee. They didn’t like it, but if Mrs. Cake was any indication, they would have to be firm.

The CMC came to class early. So early in fact, that the only other pony besides Miss Cheerilee was the teacher’s pet, a little yellow filly named…Noi? Maybe that was a nickname. She was the next door neighbor to the Apple family (as in, the neighboring carrot farm), but she and Applebloom rarely interacted.

They sat side-by-side, at the very front of the class. Scootaloo placed her books on her desk…then turned around and walked back outside, much to the confusion of Miss Cheerilee. As the rest of the class began to arrive, Scootaloo rode her scooter down the road and announced to all the stragglers to hurry into class, that something big was going to happen. It helped that this kept her inaccessible to the taunts of Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, who would be parting the crowd like a celebrity with their bodyguards.

There were still quite a few minutes before class when the seats had all been filled. Noi’s quiet study time was now over, as the classroom had become a noisy forum of younger colts and fillies. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon had taken their normal seats, which happened to be to the right of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. They merely cast a sidelong glance at them.

Scootaloo removed her helmet and stood in the doorway, “That’s everyone Miss Cheerilee!”

“Why, yes it is!” Miss Cheerilee had taken a mental roll call. She hastily added, “Thank you, Scootaloo…”

“No problem!” Scootaloo slammed the door shut with a grin. She then took her seat.

“Wait,” Noi spoke up, “So, if everyone’s here, does that mean we can start early?”

There were groans from the back of the class.

“No, no,” Miss Cheerilee allayed their fears, “there’s still plenty of time before class.”

“Teacher’s pet…” Diamond Tiara whispered.

“Yeah, but not for long,” Silver Spoon added, pointing at the Crusaders.

The Crusaders ignored her, and took Cheerilee’s announcement as the signal. Now it was time to spring the trap.

“Uh, Miss Cheerilee?” Applebloom took the lead, “Do y’think maybe you could answer us a question then?”

“Oh?” said Miss Cheerilee, “What kind of question, Applebloom?”

“Well, actually,” said Scootaloo, “It’s for the three of us,” she gestured to her right.

“Really?”

“But, here’s the thing,” Sweetie Belle began talking, “we already asked a whole bunch of ponies yesterday.”

“But every time we asked somepony,” Scootaloo continued her thought.

“They just ran away!” Applebloom finished hers.

“Or ignored us!” Sweetie Belle again.

“Or told us not to ask it!” Scootaloo again.

Cheerilee struggled to keep her composure, “O-okay, now is this a personal question? Something ponies might not want to answer?”

“No! All of our pare-uh,” Sweetie caught herself, “parental figures had an answer for it…”

“But they all had different stories!” Applebloom.

“And when I asked some of the other kids,” Scootaloo gestured to the back of the class, “they all had different stories too! Everypony’s lying to us, and we don’t know why!”

“Well-uh,” Miss Cheerilee said, “what is your question?”

They got her. The Crusaders looked at each other and nodded. “Miss Cheerilee, WHERE DO BABIES COME FROM?”

The same look of primal fear as the one Rainbow Dash got appeared on Miss Cheerilee’s face. Except this time, there was nowhere to run.

“Uh-um, girls…” she couldn’t even manage a nervous smile, sweat began to darken her fur, “that’s not…-really a question I should be answering…”

“Why not?” Scootaloo raised her voice.

Sweetie Belle argued, “You’re supposed to be our teacher! Isn’t it your job to enlighten us? Show us the truth and…make us smarter?”

“Especially when our own parents don’t even wanna tell us!” Applejack turned back to the class and spread her hooves, “Don’t you think we deserve to know the truth?”

The class began to murmur, Cheerilee raised her voice, “Girls! Please! I can’t tell you, it’s against the rules! Besides, it’s not appropriate for children your age.”

“Oh! So it’s that old excuse again…” Scootaloo interrupted. “You know there’s a lot of stuff you adults say isn’t appropriate for us. You say we’re not supposed to curse because they’re ‘bad words’, and I get that, but every time Aunt Lofty hurts herself sewing or Rainbow Dash hangs out with her friends, I hear a lot of swearing. And nobody cares!”

“Whenever I spend the night with Rarity or my parents, they’re always drinking wine or beer,” Sweetie Belle again. “So do Twilight and the others, and everyone knows about Miss Berry Punch!” Berry’s daughter sank lower into her chair at the mention. “But every cartoon I’ve ever seen pretends like none of those things happen! What’s the deal with that?”

“And what about death?” said Applebloom, “You tell us all about the different wars in Equestria history, me and my friends play with toy guns and watch those Star Horse movies where people get killed with laser swords or shot with blasters, and even those old Walt Whinny movies have people dying in ‘em. But just like with drinkin’, every cartoon that isn’t a Star Horse cartoon always says someone is ‘gone’ or ‘destroyed’ or ‘sent to the next dimension’, but we all know what they wanna say!”

A brown earth pony colt from behind them began to speak up, “Hey, that’s a good point. If I can jump on Kuroombas in Super Maremmano Brothers and shoot my friends in Overhock…-I mean, if I still played that game…”

Sweetie Belle sighed, “Not now B.M.!”

There came a low chuckle from the back of the room, “Huh-huh! She th’aid BM!” It was a taller light brown unicorn colt. Due to some sort of genetic disorder, he had elflike ears, and a moderate intellectual disability.

“Meh-heh-heh, yeah!” a shorter, more gravelly voiced grey unicorn colt right next to him joined in.

“See that?” Applebloom pointed, “Everyone knows about…P-O-O-P, and we’re 90% sure that having babies is scatological in nature.”

“Yeah!” Scootaloo again, “So what gives? Why can’t we know where babies come from?”

“We know where they come from!” the grey colt spoke up.

Scootaloo ran across top of the desks to the back of the classroom, “You do?!”

“Yeah, Snails told me!” He gestured to the taller unicorn. Snails had been held back quite a few times, but since he hit puberty it was decided he should take the same health class as everyone his age. “Tell ‘em Snails!”

“About what?” Snails wasn’t listening a hundred-percent.

“About the Birds and the Bees.”

“Oh, okay. Well you see…”

“Snails…!” anger crept into Miss Cheerilee’s voice.

“Uh, let’s see…Birds eat bees, right? And bees like flowers. But some bees like other bees, and some birds like other birds. And then there are some bees who were born birds, but prefer to have the body of a bee…”

“No! Not the metaphor version!” the grey unicorn interrupted. “Tell her the REAL version! It’s much funnier.”

“Oh! Okay, so girls have a-Oh wait, you’re a girl! Okay so boys have this thing called a-”

Cheerilee’s yardstick hit the desk like a thunderclap. "SCOOTALOO, SEAT. NOW."

Scootaloo had never seen Miss Cheerilee this angry. She dropped from Snail’s desk and circled back around to the front. Cheerilee followed after in silence. She composed herself and stood in front of the class.

“Now children, I will admit you brought up some good points. There are a lot of things us adults like to pretend you don’t know about that you do know about. But it’s not because we don’t think you can handle it. It’s because we don’t want you to have to handle it!” She gave a pause for her words to sink in. The Crusaders would’ve exchanged glances if they weren’t so scared.

“All of you get to spend this time before you grow up with lots of freedom! You might have to do some things you don’t like: Sweetie Belle, I’ll bet living with your sister isn’t always easy.”

“Eh, there are some…problems,” Sweetie Belle sighed.

“And I bet you like to joke about her to your friends, don’t you?”

“Sometimes,” she said sheepishly.

“Applebloom, you’re an apple farmer. I’m sure your family has plenty of good ones about how hard apple farming is.”

“Well, yeah.” said Applebloom.

“Tell me one!”

“Oh! Uh…” Applebloom then spoke with a snappier voice, reminiscent of her older sister. “It’s like ah’ always say! You can’t call yerself an apple farmer ‘til you’ve climbed a ladder in the rain, and lost your boot in the mud!” This earned a light giggle from Miss Cheerilee and a few other foals.

“Well, it’s the same with adults. When you’re an adult, you have to do a lot of things you don’t want to. Things that are complicated. So, we joke about them. We joke about things like drinking, like getting old, or how much money we make; all because they’re very complex things we have to deal with. It’s the same thing with…baby-making, but that’s one thing you don’t have to deal with! You shouldn’t have to. One day you will, but it will do you no good talking about the unpleasant things in life if you can’t relate to them. Does that make sense girls?”

The Crusaders were at a loss for words. Her argument wasn’t ironclad, but they had neither the time, will, nor advanced reasoning skills that Cheerilee had to continue this argument.

“I guess so, Ms. Cheerilee…” Applebloom said. “But, when will we know?”

“When you turn twelve. By then, many of you will have started to change, feel certain new emotions. We’ll have this thing called ‘health class’, and I’ll be there to answer all your questions. Can you wait until then?” she added with a cherry.

“All right…” the girls said in unison.

“Good. Because today what we do have to deal with, is your multiplication homework. Oh, and class? Let’s keep this discussion between us, okay? You don’t want to worry your parents. Also, even if they’ve told you stories that aren’t true, they probably have good reasons.”

“Well…now what do we do?” Applebloom said, as the CMC were walking away from school for the day, defeated. They had a lonelier, quieter lunch break than usual, so it wasn’t until now that Applebloom had decided to speak.

“Maybe we don’t do anything?” Sweetie Belle expected a more negative response, but her friends were barely surprised. “I mean, now we know why nobody wants to tell us, and we’re gonna learn it like four years from now anyway. So what’s the big deal?”

“Hold it right there! Where do you think you’re going?” the familiar voice of Diamond Tiara came to the Crusader’s ears.

Clearly, she and Silver Spoon had waited until they were some ways away from school, so they could now taunt and tease the Cutie Mark Crusaders with impunity. The Crusaders just kept on walking, but that didn’t stop the pair from flanking them with their typical snotty behavior.

“I did not get the chance to thank you three!” she continued. “I was already having a great day, but I really needed a good laugh. You girls just keep surprising me! Maybe you’ll be getting a Cutie Mark in comedy some day!”

“Oh, I don’t know, Diamond Tiara,” remarked Silver Spoon, “I think you have to actually try to be funny to get one of those! I think they’re just clueless!”

“That’s for sure! Hey Sweetie Belle!” Diamond waved a pointed hoof in Sweetie Belle’s face, “You wanna ask Miss Cheerilee who raises the sun everyday?”

Scootaloo felt like it was her face, “Hey, lay off Diamond Tiara! Don’t you have something better to do?”

“Yeah! At least we actually did something with our day! What do you two ever do?” Applebloom pointed back at her.

“Oh, just sunbathe by my pool in view of all the poor ponies,” said the spoiled filly. “Play my Splintendo games, order around the servants…need I go on?”

“Well at least we don’t need our daddy’s money to have fun!” Applejack clapped back.

“Well at least I actually have a dad!” Diamond Tiara snapped.

Everypony fell silent. Applebloom stopped breathing for a second, and her mouth hung open as her eyes shrank. Sweetiebelle held a hoof to her mouth in shock, then turned towards Applebloom, who was now sitting down and her head lowered. Even Diamond Tiara was shocked at what just came out of her mouth. Diamond gave Silver Spoon a guilty look, and her toady was at a loss for words. The pegasus looked to her friends - Sweetie now clung to Applebloom - then flattened her ears and stared daggers at Diamond Tiara.

Diamond stepped forward, “Okay…look, forget what I said! I just-”

Scootaloo stomped in front of Diamond Tiara, and leaned forward like a hunting dog. “You know what Tiara? Now I can see why you only have one friend!”

Diamond then forgot about her guilt and lowered her gaze at Scootaloo with a scowl. The pegasus pawed at the ground threateningly.

“Alright, that’s enough!” Silver Spoon threw herself between the bickering fillies, shocking Diamond Tiara.

The grey filly then turned to the CMC, “Look, if you really want the answer to your weird question, just go to the library! That’s how I learned!” The Crusaders blinked at that last statement, “There are plenty of biology books that have what you’re looking for—withpictures! Just pick out whichever of them are the biggest or most show-offy, like gold letters on the spine. There’s no age-restriction, and you don’t need to ask any adults for help!”

She then excused themselves, “Well, I believe we’re done here. Where to, Diamond Tiara?”

“Um…” Diamond searched herself, and regained her composure. “Right. Come on Silver Spoon!”

She then led Silver down the street with their heads held high. Scootaloo eased up after the pair went out of sight. She then went back to her friends and gave Applebloom a little hug. The CMC stayed there for a few minutes while Applebloom gathered her thoughts.

A little dragon held open the door to the Golden Oaks Library. “Oh, hey girls!” he said, letting in the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

As usual, one could find the resident librarian floating multiple tomes in a circle above her head as she reshelved them.

“Twilight!” shouted the dragon, “You have company!”

“Just a moment Spike!” she replied as she shelved the last of the books. She emerged from behind the foyer’s centerpiece.

“Hi, Twilight!” Sweetie Belle greeted her.

“Hello, My Little Ponies! What are you doing here today?” The CMC usually had weekly lessons with Twilight, and Twilight took great pride in being some kind of teacher.

“Well Twilight,” Sweetie continued. “We’re here to do some research.”

“What are you looking for?” she asked as she led them further into the library.

“Uh, just some books on biology.”

“Biology? What do you need that for?”

Uh, oh. We didn’t think about that. I can’t say it’s for school; then she could check with Miss Cheerilee! Sweetie Belle racked her brain for an answer.

“Well…!” Scootaloo swooped in, “I wanted to work on my stuntwork, so I figured I could read up on some bio-...bio…”

“Biomechanics?” said Twilight.

“Yeah! That! And Sweetie Belle figured she could make her magic better if she knew some more about biology too. And Applebloom…”

Applebloom took a moment to respond. She was still reeling from earlier.

“Whuh?...Ah! Potions!” she blurted out.

Twilight was perplexed. She looked to the other two in confusion. Scootaloo mouthed the words Diamond Tiara, and immediately Twilight understood. She continued with their query.

“Oh! Well that’s…surprising of you girls. Let’s see what I’ve got for you.”

Twilight led them over to a shelf on the other side of the room. There were plenty of picture books that looked like what Silver Spoon suggested near the bottom shelf, but Twilight just glossed over them and picked out three medium sized books from the higher shelves, along with one paperback handbook. They either looked old or had some really technical jargon on the covers.

“Here Sweetie Belle, I think The Living Arcane would be a good starting place for you. Applebloom,” the filly picked her head up, “since you’re working with potions, for now I’d stick with just reading A Biologist’s Guide to Potioneering. It’s not that I don’t trust you with a beaker…but let Zecora help you with the actual potionmaking, okay?” Applebloom’s mood was not improved by the reminder of her past failures.

“Scootaloo, here’s The Physics of Stunts and Acrobatics. Also, I know you and Rainbow Dash are more about involved learning, so I would recommend taking this one home with you,” Twilight held up the paperback, which read Flip, Jump, Land: A Pocket Companion for Daredevils.

The three fillies all thanked Twilight for the books with the most genuine smiles they could muster (given the situation), then nervously opened the books to find that all of them had extensive forewords and prefaces by old ponies they didn’t even know the names of.

On the other side of the library, Twilight’s dragon assistant retched and doubled over. He then let out a loud burp, followed by a burst of green fire that manifested into a scroll, sealed with a ribbon and a crest.

Twilight trotted over to him, “Who’s it from?”

“Uh, Shining Armor!” Spike stammered.

“My brother!” Twilight took the letter in her telekinesis and unfurled it. Her eyes scanned the text rapidly.

“What’s it say?” asked Spike.

She quickly finished reading, “He says he’s coming to Ponyville for a visit, and he’s bringing Cadence with him! Oh, it’s been so long!”

“Heh,” Spike chuckled, “No guard detail?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Shut up,” she sighed. “Also no, he’s busy this week. We talked about it.”

Sweetie Belle decided to get Twilight out of the room, “Thank you for your help, Twilight! I think we’ve got it from here.”

“Oh. Okay girls!” she nodded. “I’ll be upstairs, just let me know if you need anything!” She looked at Applebloom for an extra bit, then ascended the stairs.

Once she and Spike were gone, the girls set down their books and began combing the shelf for whatever books looked good. They all had simple titles like Biology in big letters. They didn’t really have subtitles, being more like brand-name books than entries in series. The content was much clearer however, and while for decency’s sake there weren’t many real photos, there were lifelike illustrations as opposed to rough sketches or pencil drawings.

The girls skimmed through the parts of each book showing the different parts of pony anatomy: the closeup illustrations of hair growing from the epidermis, the cross section of a pony’s snout showing its nasal passages, the diagram of a Pegasus’s flight muscles that taunted Scootaloo every time she saw it, and the anatomy of Unicorn’s horn that Scootaloo joked was probably covered in The Living Arcane. In each book, they found near the back a section about pregnancy, and there was always a diagram of the inside of a mare’s womb, with the foal curled up like it was sleeping. Sweetie Belle’s eyes lingered on these - and the month-by-month pictures of the mare’s stomach getting bigger and bigger - just a little too long for Scootaloo’s liking.

“Hey girls!” Spike made Applebloom jump. He was holding a large tray with three teacups on it, “I made you some tea.”

“Oh!” Sweetiebelle said, “Thank you, Spike…”

Scootaloo was confused, “I thought we weren’t supposed to drink in here.” She then noticed the pile of pastries, “-Or eat.”

“Well,” Spike said, “Twilight said that as long as you’re careful and don’t get it on the books. Here.” Spike passed around the cups, and handed a pastry to Applebloom. “Hey Applebloom, care for a Perry Mason?”

Applebloom numbly took the pastry in her hoof, then looked and saw a purple horn poking out from the stairs. Applebloom took a courteous bite where Spike could see it.

“It’s good.” she sighed (it was Applebloom’s favorite). Spike’s smile got slightly smaller and he walked away. Perry Masons were Spike’s special recipe, a variation on birnbrot or “pear bread”. They weren’t allowed at Sweet Apple Acres, for some reason.

Whenever Twilight or Spike came back down for anything, the girls made sure they saw they were reading the books Twilight picked out. In reality, they were actually reading the books they picked out inside them. Except for Scootaloo though. She had actually taken a keen interest in the Pocket Companion for Daredevils. That was one more book-shy pegasus Twilight had converted.

The CMC learned some interesting tidbits about equine reproduction. The most surprising of which was the fact that, despite widespread belief to the contrary, ponies can reproduce throughout their entire lifespan. Mares experience a monthly period of fertility known as estrus, or “the heat”, during which they are able to reproduce. Its primate equivalent - represented by the sentient Gizmonkies - eventually ceases due to menopause. Meanwhile, ponies merely have shorter and shorter but persistent cycles. This is how Applebloom’s grandmother, after comfortably cementing her career through the sale of Zap Apple Jam, was able to have her son Bright Macintosh in her mid 40s. She later became a grandmother around the same time as Diamond Tiara’s grandfather, who was himself from a younger generation than her. The thought that Granny could still have a baby if she wanted, was more than a little disturbing to Applebloom.

As for the information they were actually looking for, all of the books they picked out stopped short of mentioning the method of delivering a baby (though as far as they knew it was already a given). What’s more, while they now knew that babies grew from the combination of a mare’s egg and a stallion’s sperm, and that the latter travelled up a tube of some kind to get to the egg in a “uterus”, they didn’t know where the sperm came from. Having seen Twilight pluck their more advanced books from the higher shelves, the Crusaders accurately surmised that the information they were looking for was also higher up.

Applebloom, wanting to be useful, climbed up the ladder and combed through the higher shelves. Twilight descended the stairs at one point, so Applebloom had to quickly avert her suspicions by saying she was just looking for some “extra reading”. Aside from advising her to be careful, Twilight offered - almost pleaded - to select the volumes herself, but Applebloom said she was fine. Twilight decided at length to just set aside her control-freak tendencies, and let people make their own mistakes.

The CMC might’ve called it a mistake themselves. These volumes were tremendously more inscrutable for fillies their age. Only by reading through the denser sections as a group, and referring to a dictionary, were they able to decipher one. While they made a stink in the classroom about having older relatives who swore, or watching media with content above their ascribed age rating, some words just didn’t show up as much because they didn’t have any siblings to bridge the gap with their older ones. Only today did they learn that “sex” could also refer to something that wasn’t a trait, as was common knowledge for children in Equestria. Fortunately for them, as soon as a completely unfamiliar word referring to “reproductive fluid” showed up, there was an entry in the dictionary for that.

Despite all the reading, and the rather explicit diagrams of mare-stallion intimacy (some of them in pencil), they didn’t really understand the process. But their nerves got the better of them, so they were content filling in the blanks with their imagination. The miracle of life was just adults being weird, no magic - or pooping - required.

The Crusaders put all the books they removed without Twilight back where they found them, but left Twilight’s recommendations, bar one, on the floor. After checking out Scootaloo’s book, the CMC waited until they were outside before they had their “walk off into the sunset”-moment.

“So guys, mission accomplished,” said an unconfident Applebloom.

“What did we learn?” Scootaloo asked.

“That adults should just say ‘it’s gross’ and leave it at that?” Applebloom joked. Sweetie Belle giggled at this. Scootaloo waited a second and then started laughing nervously.

After she and the Crusaders spent the rest of their afternoon in town, Applebloom was now walking alone down the road back home to Sweet Apple Acres. She passed the carefully tended rows of apple trees by which her family made their living, and by which they were named. By which her parents were named. She then heard the sound of a tree creaking against a great blow, and Applebloom turned her head to see the silhouette of a solidly built mare with a fedora bucking against an apple tree. Every apple on the tree then dropped into a ring of strategically placed buckets below.

“Hey, Applejack!” Applebloom called out to her sister.

“Well, howdy there, sugarcube. Where were you today?”

Applebloom thought carefully before answering this question, “Aw, we just…did a little readin’ at Twilight’s place.” Please don’t ask ‘what about?’ sis!

“Shoot, pretty soon y’all’ll be spendin’ all yer time over there!’”

Applebloom gave a nervous laugh, “Heh, ah’ don’t know about that. We didn’t really learn much.”

Applejack paused mid-buck, then set her hooves down. “Applebloom,” she stepped forward, “what’s wrong?”

“Well-” Applebloom hesitated, but she realized there was something else that was bothering her. She sighed, “Applejack, what were mom and dad like?”

The mare’s eyes widened, “Where did this come from?”

“Oh, ah’ just made a fool of myself at school today, then Diamond Tiara came by and-”

“Diamond Tiara?! Shoot, that girl…Ah’ outta give her father a piece a’ mah mind!”

“No, she apologized!...Kinda.” Applejack raised her eyebrow, but Applebloom continued. “It’s just, ah’ don’t think anyone’s ever mentioned it like that before and…ah’ don’t think ah’ ever cared.”

Applejack looked down at her with a face of true concern. She bent down and gave her a hug, “Oh, Applebloom. Ah’m real sorry. You really wanna know?”

Applebloom nodded.

As a young one, you’d be forgiven for mistaking Bright Macintosh for his daughter Applebloom, as he had the same color body and mane. He was a big, strong stallion, and - like his children - responsible for much of the muscle work around the farm. Stronger still was his code of honor that he impressed upon them. Applejack inherited his hat(s). Their mother Buttercup was one of those ponies who was an artist with everything she did. She made everything she touched beautiful. What Applejack’s friends knew as the Apple Family’s homestead wasn’t nearly as picturesque before Buttercup came along. Granny didn’t have much taste for interior design, living on the road and in shacks for much of her youth. And Granny loved and missed her like she was her own daughter. She said there wasn’t another pony who could make an apple pie like Buttercup. They believed in their children more than anything. Even with all the farmhands and being the strongest stallion for miles, their father was always willing to let them take a stab at something hard and coach them. This encouraged his children to pick up a lot of skills from an early age, even before Applejack got her cutie mark. Buttercup often tried to encourage them to pursue more artistic endeavors, but the only one Applejack really picked up was guitar playing. One might say the older Apples invested too much of their willingness to learn into them, because after “the perfect pair” was gone, they were put off trying new things for a long time.

Applejack needn’t be so poetic with Applebloom. A simple “they loved you so much and so do I”, was enough to cheer up her little sister. They talked for a bit longer as Applejack continued her apple-bucking, until the sun began to give one last hurrah and Granny Smith rang the dinner bell. It was a cowbell.

“Aw, shoot! What time is it?” Applejack exclaimed, “Ohh, ah’ gotta get goin’! Go on in and eat yer supper, sugarcube!” She began scrambling to put away her gear and unload the last of the apples.

“Zecora’s again?” Applebloom said.

“This’ll be the last time, sugarcube. Honest apple! She’s helpin’ me train for one of the events this week!”

“Oh yeah…which one?”

“Can’t tell ya’, it’s a secret!” Applejack started galloping down the dirt road away from Sweet Apple Acres.

“But wait!” Applebloom shouted after her sister, “Don’t forget about tomorrow!!!”

“Ah’ gotcha’ Applebloom!” Applejack was now headed towards the dark shadow of the Everfree Forest, “Tomorrow it’s just you and me!”

Applejack had slowed her pace as she entered the boughs of the Everfree. She needed to be cautious; even this close to her friend's home, any number of dangerous creatures could be lurking. Fortunately, it somehow wasn’t so inhospitable that they couldn’t have a nice meal outdoors. Zecora was standing in the clearing near her hut, stirring a great bubbling cauldron with her ladle.

The zebra lifted the brew to her lips and gave it a taste. “Hmm,” she immediately felt a slight quake in her stomach. “The brew, it is strong. But it may be too much. Perhaps a few teaspoons of ‘New Mother’s Touch’.” She poured what appeared to be milk into the mixture.

“Hey, Zecora!” Applejack called out as she approached. Zecora looked at her while continuing to stir the pot. “Is everything set for tonight?”

“Yes, that is the case. Everything is almost in place.”

“Y’know, ah’m gonna miss this when it’s all over. It’s actually been kinda nice just getting to know you better, Zecora.” Applejack sounded oddly sentimental. “Ah’ wouldn’t mind it if we…hung out a little more in the future. Would you?”

“Not at all Applejack,” Zecora let go of her ladle and took Applejack’s hoof. “I feel the same way! You’ll see plenty more of me after today. But for now, fix the space. My brew’s almost done!”

Applejack quickly did as she asked, throwing a big white cloth over a stone slab set in the earth. She set many candles around it, then took out a bowl filled with a thick red mixture and began to paint a circular symbol in magic letters. Applejack took off her hat to don a long robe, then lay down on the symbol.

“After tonight, Applejack, it’s just you…” Zecora smiled, “and the bun!”

The candles made a shadow play out of the ordeal. Zecora pulled a great mass from the cauldron with a blacksmith’s tongs, and walked over to the table.

Applejack nervously spoke up, “Uh…you sure ya’ don’t wanna let that-…cool down a bit?”

Zecora’s voice darkened, “If we take any longer, its effects will subside. Listen to this powermonger, and open it up wide!”

Applejack’s shadow went limp on the table’s, an intense crimson glow infiltrated that of the candles. Zecora’s shadow overtook Applejack’s, there were muffled whimpers and groaning sounds. Zecora’s shadow withdrew, and Applejack’s began to writhe in pain. The Applejack wasn’t known to be a screamer, but whatever she was doing, it was damn close.

Something Rotten in Sweet Apple Acres

The morning greeted Applebloom pleasantly. She refreshed herself by opening the window and looking out across Sweet Apple Acres. It was Gala season (the breed-not the event in Canterlot, though it was around the corner), and from here the iconic red apples looked like berries on a bush, ripe for the picking. Of course, that just made Applebloom think of the breakfast that was already waiting for her downstairs. And a hearty breakfast with one’s family is the perfect panacea for a farm pony like Applebloom, especially after yesterday.

Applebloom fixed her bow on in the mirror, then crossed the hallway to the washroom to brush her teeth. She glanced at the door to Applejack’s room, but that it was shut told her nothing as it was usually that way-unlike hers. She descended the stairs to see the familiar sight of her older brother Big Mac flipping pancakes. The (vegan) bacon was already nice and crispy, and the table was already set with everything they’d need to greedily consume the fluffy disks of joy. Granny Smith greeted the young filly as she set down the toast on a plate. The toaster was the only electronic device in their old-timey floral kitchen, and even the toaster had a metallic covering that was only “modern” to Granny Smith.

“Mornin’!” Applebloom then looked around the room, “Where’s Applejack?”

“Meh…” Granny said, “Ah’ could’a swore ah’ heard someone come in this mornin’.”

“Hmm,” Big Mac began, “She must be sleeping then. Best let her.”

“Well, it’d be a shame if she missed breakfast…” Applebloom pouted.

“Don’ worry filly!” said Granny Smith, “Big Mac’ll just make hers later, an’ it’ll be nice an’ hot. Won’cha Big Mac?”

“Eeyup!” He put the last of the flapjacks on a long white plate.

“Give her the old breakfast in bed treatment, and you can bring it up to her!” Granny pointed to Applebloom.

“Alright!” Applebloom beamed. It was her day for one-on-one with Applejack, and this turned out to be the perfect way to start it.

After breakfast, Applebloom carried a huge tray, somewhat haphazardly, up the stairs to Applejack’s room. Her door was at the end of the hallway next to Applebloom’s, so she was never too far when her baby sister really needed it. That hadn’t been for awhile though.

She knocked, “Applejack! It’s me! Ah’ve got your breakfast!” No answer. That was enough for Applebloom. She cracked the door open, the lights were still off, and the usually spartan Applejack was looking uncharacteristically strewn out beneath her bedsheet. Applejack laid with her head to the side, facing away from the door. The light came on, and if only her sister could see her darkened eyes, she might’ve not thrown herself into such an energetic greeting.

“Mornin’ sis! Rise an’ shine!” she threw down the tray, “We thought we should let you sleep, so now yer’ gettin’ breakfast in bed!”

While it worked out that Applebloom had set the tray where AJ could reorient herself, Applejack was careful not to knock it over as she rolled over and sat herself up.

“Aw gee, that’s sure thoughtful of y’all, ain’t it…?” Applejack said half-awake. She looked over at Applebloom, and decided the first thing she needed to do this morning was to get up and hug her little sister. That, or use her like a teddy bear and go straight back to sleep.

Applejack slid over to Applebloom. She sat on the edge of her bedside, then slowly folded over her covers mindful of the syrupy pancakes. In doing so however, Applebloom stepped back with a look of shock and confusion on her face. Applebloom didn’t expect her sister to be the size of a…well, the size of a watermelon!

“Uh…Applejack?” she said.

“What’s wrong, sugarcube?” Applejack noticed she wasn’t within hugging distance.

“Well, you alright? You got a bit of a…” Applebloom reared up then made an orb shape with her hooves. Applejack looked down, then leaned back and saw what Applebloom was talking about.

“Oh! Uh…shoot!” She tried to hide herself, but then just laughed nervously, “Eh-heh, uh…aw horse, ah’ must’ve…overdone it at Zecora’s last night.” She rubbed the back of her head. This was strange however, not her nervous tics, but Applejack had never been encumbered this way by food before. For her, she never “overdid it” because it was never enough for her metabolism.

“But hey! Just a bit of today’s breakfast-” she tried to find an applicable proverb, “uh…out with the old and in with the new-is what ‘ah-…just said right now. Now come here you!” She pulled her little sister into a hug, and it allayed Applebloom’s concerns for now. Though now they had some extra cushioning.

“Aw, we’re gonna have so much fun today!” Applebloom was sitting next to her big sister at the head of the bed.

“Yep, and we’re gonna have lots of fun at the festival too!” Applejack’s mouth was full of pancakes, plural. “There’ll be tons of kin you ain’t never met before from Canter Creek!”

“Now ah’ know it’s only a few days away, but ah’ think with your help, ah’ can get in about a week’s worth of trainin’, and ah’ just might pull ahead a’ Rainbow Dash. Oh!” Applejack swallowed, “but you’ve probably got somethin’ you wanna train for too, don’cha Applebloom? Ah’ think there’s a woodworking contest or somethin’, and ah’ bet you’re more used to workin’ with wood than those Canter Creek kids out in the desert.” She nudged Applebloom playfully.

“That does sound fun. Sweetiebelle’s probably gonna be doin’ the singing competition, Scootaloo’ll be doin’ any of the sports stuff that y’all aren’t,” Applebloom thought aloud, “Oh, but ah’ don’t want to do just one thing!”

“Well, there’s also an art one! Maybe you could paint somethin’ nice.”

“Nah, ah’m outta practice. Besides, ah’ don’ exactly feel inspired by…peppers. Oh!” Applebloom suddenly got an idea.

“What?” AJ took a bite of her bacon.

“What if ah’ did one of the eatin’ things? We do it every year at the Sisterhooves Social!”

“Woah there, sugarcube,” Applejack took on a more authoritative voice, “that was just one pie! This’d be a bunch ah’ pies, an’ ah’ don’ think yer little tummy can handle all that. ‘Sides, this is a hot chili festival we’re talkin’ about! E’en at the sportin’ events they’re gonna have us eat a bunch a’ peppers just to mess with us.”

“Well, ah’ can handle a little spice. We’ve all been preparin’ for that stuff!” And by ‘we’, Applebloom meant everyone in Ponyville, not just her friends.

“They’re gonna be servin’ up peppers hotter than a sidewalk on Celestia’s sabbatical! And on ev’ry corner, there’s gonna be milk stands just so ponies can put out the fire in their muzzles. Hell, there’ll be ambulances and doctors at the contests ‘cause ponies have keeled over from too much spice! Is that what you want?”

“Ah'-…” Applebloom could almost feel herself starting to tear up, she was just so frozen with fear she couldn’t.

Suddenly Applejack noticed the look on her sister's face, then leaned over and hugged her tightly.

“Oh…ah’m sorry sugarcube! Ah’ don’t know what came over me! Ah’ didn’t mean t’be so hard with ya’, ah’ just don’t want you to get hurt, that’s all!” she almost sounded like she was going to cry herself now. This was truly bizarre. Applebloom had never seen her vacillate so quickly between anger and sadness, and Applejack never backtracked on disciplining Applebloom.

“Uh, it’s alright Applejack,” Applebloom awkwardly patted her sister on the back, though her ‘arms’ were pinned to her sides, “Ah’ get it. No need to get all-” she grunted, “misty eyed! Yer’ gonna make me cry.” Applejack released her death grip.

“Alright sugarcube,” she sniffed, then went back to her food, “so uh, what you been doin’ in school lately?”

Applebloom barely had to think about omitting yesterday’s business, “Oh, well we've been learnin’ our multiplication tables.”

“No kiddin’? How’s that been?”

“It’s been pretty good. Big Mac showed me how to memorize the times tables, plus he helped me with mah' homework.”

“Heh, that brother of mine! Him and his fancy mathematics—oh horse, this bacon’s so good! But it makes me SO thirsty…Oh, thank you Applebloom!” AJ took the glass from Applebloom and gulped down most of the orange juice. “An’ how ‘bout you Crusaders huh? Got anythin’ y’all are thinkin’ of doin’, ‘sides the festival?” Applejack then took a bite of quickly buttered and jammed toast.

“Well, we’ve been talkin’ about movies a lot lately,” again Applebloom omitted where their movie conversation took them the other day, “so ah’ was thinkin’ maybe we could rent a video camera, and make our own movie!”

Maybe it was the smell of the slightly blackened toast, but suddenly Applejack became aware of just how full she already was. She felt a retch coming on and tried to choke it back, causing her to shake the bed.

Applebloom rolled her eyes, “Don’t worry! There won’t be any pyrotechnics, and we’re all trained in first-aid after last time.”

“Eh…pll…bluh-!” AJ couldn’t open her mouth without letting it out. Her eyes began to water.

“Okay! Look, if we DO need special effects, we'll just ask Button’s help in usin’ Blender! ‘Sides it might not even be that kinda movie.” The lack of reassurance from Applejack caused her to continue making concessions, “How about this? You can be executive producer! We’ll pass everything by you.”

Sheets be damned, Applejack just stood up and shot out of the room with one hoof covering her mouth. Applebloom poked her head out into the hallway. Applejack ran into the bathroom ahead of Granny, about to brush before her morning nap. The door closed, but both Granny and Applebloom could hear her hacking and heaving.

“Heh, ah' miss bein' young.” Granny just laughed, but then turned to Applebloom and pointed at the door, “But ah’ don’t miss that!”

Applebloom still just looked at the bathroom door, very concerned.

Big Mac kissed the back of his hoof and put it on Applejack’s forehead, “Hmm, you don't feel like you’re burnin’ up, and yer’ sure you don’t feel cold?”

“Yes, ah'm sure. An’ e’en though yer’ red, that don’t make you a thermometer!” Applejack slapped away her brother’s hoof, “Ah’ll just take an alka seltzer and ah’ll be fine!”

Big Mac just slowly walked away, “Whatever you say, doc.”

Applebloom had gone ahead and started dragging hay bales into place for the obstacle course. Even though there wouldn’t be one at the festival, along with most of the events at a rodeo, it never hurt to sharpen your skills. Applejack then emerged.

“It’s beautiful Applebloom! Let me help ya’!”

With her lasso skills, Applejack was able to stack the bales quite high where they needed to be. Her neck muscles were strong enough on their own that she didn’t put any stress on her core. Applebloom actually had to try and keep up with her, so she briefly forgot her worries. Pretty soon the course was all set up and Applebloom was standing on the spectator side of the bale fence.

Applejack had begun to do her stretches, cheating out to her sister so she could see she didn’t have a care in the world. But Applebloom’s eyes just kept darting to her sister’s stomach as she started doing all her bipedal stretches. AJ’s looked like she had a pillow to rest her forelegs on during the cross-arm stretch, it didn’t look like it had even gone down since earlier. As another stretch caused her to bend backwards, Applebloom was briefly afraid she would break her spine, seeing something so uncomfortably huge obscure the rest of Applejack’s body.

“Alright now Applebloom, time to watch your big sister work!” She took off.

It seemed that she still had to acknowledge her new limitations, as her gallop had become more furious. She looked quite powerful doing so, as if her extra hoofsteps were her beating up the Earth, and you’d probably hide if you saw her coming. Unfortunately, the jumps were a different story. Before, she could run up a staircase of haybales almost as fast as level ground, but now she actually had to clamber a bit with each ledge to avoid tearing them up. Going down wasn’t that much faster, and by the time she got to the bottom she looked like her eyes were going to pop out. After all, it was like they were on the other side of a fleshy Newton's cradle.

“Do you want to know your time?” Applebloom asked meekly.

“Nah!” Applejack heaved, “Ah’ know ah’ can do better…” She’d finished the course in about a minute and a half, but all those barrels she knocked over brought it closer to two.

Usually when AJ finished an obstacle course, or even a long race like the one she’d be running in the festival, she wouldn’t be visibly winded. Sweaty maybe. That Applebloom could see her sister huffing and puffing at all was unsettling. Almost as unsettling as what happened next.

“Maybe we should take a break?” Applebloom suggested.

“Yeah,” Applejack wheezed, “sounds good!”

Ah’ was fishin’ and ah’ don’t like what ah’ caught! thought Applebloom.

Applebloom hoofed her sister another glass of OJ. For some reason, she felt so small next to Applejack right now.

“Ah! Now that’s refreshin’!” She started to hoof the glass back but stopped, “Hey, ah’ could go for another!” She walked past Applebloom.

“Alright, but ah’ think we’re almost out!” Applebloom said, following her into the kitchen.

“That’s fine sugarcube, ah’ll just pick some up later.” She opened the fridge and took the whole carton, then walked right back outside.

AJ was feeling really refreshed, and not just a little greedy as she shook out the last few drops into her mouth. She’d never gone in for OJ over plain old water, but today she was really craving it for some reason. After drinking all that liquid though, she suddenly needed to relieve herself. Eh, later. Ah’ can hold it in.

“Hey sugarcube? How about while ah’ take this breather, ah’ help you with yer thing?”

“Well, ah’ did have a few ideas,” Applebloom then unfolded a large printout listing all the events for the festival, with quite a few of them circled in green (because of all the red). They sat themselves down on the porch, which Applejack instantly regretted. Now she was sitting down on a full balloon. She spread her legs to ease the pain, and shifted her weight to her front legs.

“So, aside from the stuff we already talked about, there’s a couple a’ cookin’ competitions, like the chili cookoff, there’s a best salsa, best spicy pizza...”

“Well, ah’ don’t know too much about pizza,” said Applejack, “but there IS an Apple family chili recipe we try. If we think it needs work we can tweak it.”

“Ooh, that’s a good option!”

“Don’t think we really have a salsa recipe, and we can’t use one from a cookbook.”

“No, probably not.” Applebloom crossed out salsa. “Okay, so we can try out the chili thing later. Alright!”

Applejack rose to her hooves, but Applebloom wasn’t done.

“Well next on the list, ah’ was thinkin’ that even if Scootaloo’s competin’, it would still be fun to do some of the sportin’ events.”

She then looked up to see Applejack standing. Are we done? she thought.

“Oh,” Applejack realized, “Ah’m listenin’! Keep goin’.” It feels better standin’ up anyway.

Applebloom continued, “Okay, well there’s one thing that looks really fun to me in the sports section, and that’s the pepper sack race!” Applebloom held up the circled item on the list. “It’s like a normal sack race, but this time the sack is full of peppers!” Applejack then got a very worried look, but kept her composure.

“Uh…ah’m sorry sugarcube, but that’s not exactly somethin’ you should be doin’.” Applejack’s voice wavered, her bladder began to fail her.

“Why not? It’s not like ah’m eatin’ em, and they’re just normal red peppers.”

“Yeah…but, you’ll still be coverin’ your lower body in peppers, an-” Applejack started doing a potty dance out of desperation, “and that’s kinda a sensitive area.” She held her hooves over said area.

Applebloom then felt so stupid, “Oh shoot, you’re right! How could ah’ forget that?”

“S’alright!” she squeaked. “This’s why we’re talkin’ about it!”

Applebloom noticed her sister was still doing the dance, “Uh, Applejack?” She flashed a grin at Applebloom, but not a confident one, “Do you need to…?”

“YES!” She darted towards the outhouse and quickly slammed the door. She wouldn’t have made it upstairs.

Applebloom just sat there. What is goin’ on today?

“Hey Applebloom!” Applejack called from inside the outhouse, “You can keep talkin’ to me from out there! Ah’ ain’t pee shy!”

The little filly took her list and walked up to the outhouse. It sounded like Applejack was filling up a tub.

“Applejack, are you sure yer’ alright?”

“Ah’m probably just havin’ an off day sugarcube! You keep readin’ an’ later ah’ll just talk to Zecora! How about that?”

She acquiesced, “Okay…! Well there’s one more thing ah’ was thinkin’ of. You know how you’re doin’ the Miss Chili Pepper thing for Rarity?”

“Yep!” Applejack was completely lukewarm on the subject.

“Well,” Applebloom was suddenly glad they couldn’t see each other. It made this easier, “Ah’ was sorta thinkin’ about maybe…competin’ for Little Miss Chili Pepper?” she cringed after the words finally left her mouth.

There was a brief silence. Aside from the peeing.

“Hmm…well, Rarity seems to think me and Dash might actually have a chance for our thing. What with savin’ Canter Creek ‘n all! Do ya’ know who’s competin’ at yers?”

Applebloom had expected more resistance, “Uh, well the thing is, ah’ don’t think Diamond Tiara’s competin’! That’s why ah’ thought maybe ah’d have a shot!”

“Well then ah’ think you should go for it, if that’s what you want! And even if she does compete, ah’m pretty sure one a’ the judges is a Pepper, so you might be able to get by with a little family favoritism!”

Applebloom was shocked. “You really think so?” There was a flush.

Applejack threw open the door, “Applebloom, somepony once told me, the world is gonna-oop!” There wasn’t a sink in the outhouse. She couldn’t hug her sister yet.

Applejack spent the rest of the morning helping Applebloom practice for the physical events. They were all fine motor based games like cornhole and horseshoes, not anything like tug-of-war, which Applejack said was more of a team effort anyway. The Apple family had also received some extra supplies in advance of the festival, including the giant bell peppers that would be carved into lanterns. Applebloom decided to take a stab at it, donning a bandana and goggles to protect from the airborne capsaicin. The lack of an extra pair didn’t seem to bother Applejack, who sat right beside her sister as they each carved their own.

Applebloom went in for lunch at noon, but Applejack was still huge, so she decided to avoid eating for now. Instead, she took another stab at the barrel weave. Competing against Rainbow Dash taught her how to be agile despite herself, compensating for her muscular frame by developing an awareness of her momentum. Applejack wasn't any wider, but now she had a great pendulous weight that made turning harder. After figuring this out, she started clenching her abdominal muscles, which held things in place during the weave. She wasn’t as fast as usual, but successfully avoided nudging all the barrels, and was as fast on a straightaway as before.

Applebloom emerged from the kitchen. From the window she saw her sister was much more active, and was glad AJ was seemingly in better spirits after a hectic morning. She walked across the field to Applejack, but as she got closer…

“Applejack? Is somethin’ wrong?” she asked.

“Huh? Whad’ do you mean?” Applejack sounded like she needed to blow her nose.

“Yer eyes are all red and…are you cryin’?”

“Uh, Doh’! ‘Dis ids jud fwom duh’ peppuh’s eaweeaeyuh th’ugah’cube…” Applejack turned her head away. She looked down, and suddenly took a big mouthful of grass.

“Wha-?” Applebloom stammered for a second, “What the heck are you doin’?”

“Mmff!” Applejack took a long minute to respond. Even for an herbivore, it wasn’t natural behaviour. “Just eatin’ some grass! Gettin’ some calcium!-You know, for the peppers…?”

“Ah’...-ah’ don’ think that’s how it works-” Applebloom was cut off by Applejack vomiting again. It made her jump, “GAH! Okay that’s it! You stay here Applejack, ah’m goin’ to get Zecora!” she began running, “Ah’ll be right back!!!”

“Yeh-...” Applejack choked. “-You do that…”

Despite her panic, Applebloom had been to Zecora’s often enough to know not to burst in on her potion teacher. She gave a few light knocks at the door of the hut.

Zecora opened the door, “Well hello, Applebloom!”

“Zecora! Somethin’s wrong with Applejack!” said Applebloom, her ears pinned back.

Zecora calmly let her in, “Come inside, please be seated. I will locate what is needed.”

Applebloom climbed up on a stool. Zecora walked over to one of her shelves carrying an apothecary satchel.

“What are her symptoms, might I ask? This could prove a delicate task.”

“Well, uh,” Applebloom said, “Applejack’s been actin’ real weird this mornin’! She’s been cryin’ over nothin’, she drank all the orange juice, she has a big tummy!-It’s like a melon! And she’s thrown up twice!” The zebra paused. She glanced at Applebloom out of the corner of her eye.

“I think I know what ails our friend, I’ll see what I can do.” Zecora finished gathering her supplies, “I can’t promise that her symptoms end, this is something she’ll get through.”

Applebloom followed her out of the hut. “So, what’s wrong with Applejack?”

Zecora was hesitant, “I’m afraid…it’s not my place.”

“Why not?”

“Because that mare is a stubborn one.” Zecora was more authoritative. “For now, she will try to save face, so just ask her when she’s done.”

Applebloom looked back as they left, and could see from afar the large slab in the clearing. She thought nothing of it.

Applejack sat against an apple tree overlooking the entrance to Sweet Apple Acres. She had a huge jug of water at her side. Her face was wet with tears, her eyes were shut, and with her pained expression one would think she was having a really bad dream.

“We’re back!” Applebloom came up the hill, just behind Zecora.

Applejack began to get up.

“No Applejack,” Zecora said calmly, “stay right there. I don’t need a roof to administer care.” The zebra opened her bag and threw down a white cloth. Not unlike last night.

Zecora then laid out a set of doctor’s instruments. More rudimentary than what the Apple sisters were familiar with. There was a stethoscope, but it was made of carved wood (and possibly bone), with organic rubber parts. The sisters exchanged worried looks.

Zecora noticed, “It’s okay, they’re clean—because they haven’t been used. I suppose, that’s what happens when you live like me: reclused.”

“It’s okay Zecora,” said Applejack, “ah’ trust ya.”

“Just a routine inspection, my fellow equine.” She laid out the rest of her tools: a pair of scopes with magic lichtstones attached, a reflex testing hammer, a pair of metal speculums—the larger of which Applejack hoped they wouldn’t be using; then she withdrew a sleeve of plastic cups, and held one out to Applejack. “If you have no objection, fill this cup with ur-ine?” She gave a little smirk.

“Okay…!” Applejack took that as her cue, “Applebloom, could ya’ give us some privacy?”

“Okay Applejack!” The younger filly excused herself. She hadn’t even walked out of earshot, before she heard the sound of Applejack filling up the cup. She cocked her head, then glanced back for a second. Applejack was hunched over as Zecora looked away.

AJ then hoofed the zebra the cup and joked, “Here, ah’ got more if ya need it.”

“Beautiful piece of equipment.” Zecora then dropped a tablet in the cup, which turned a shade of red. “This sample is equally so,” she then noticed Applebloom and gave her a knowing look. “ But these are things that Applebloom was just not meant to know…”

Applejack followed Zecora’s gaze and snapped at Applebloom, “Hey! Ah’ said privacy!”

Applebloom was startled and disappeared over the ridge.

“That girl ain’t right…”

AJ told her to go off and play, but with checkups usually only taking a couple of minutes, Applebloom was fine just waiting around Sweet Apple Acres until she and her sister could move on to their next activity. She went over to the barn, where Big Mac and Granny Smith were carrying out routine farmwork. Big Mac had pulled a bunch of freshly rolled bales out front. To ponies and various other ungulates, these looked much more appetizing than the square bales Applejack used for her obstacle course. Granny was looking over the various supplies they had stored in the barn, thinking of what they’d do with it during and after the festival. While the barn might later be used as an event space, the festival itself would be held in a meadow just outside town. The family rarely rented out the whole farm for anything that didn’t concern their business partners, and the festival was more of a Ponyville-Canter Creek thing.

When it was just the two of them, Granny liked to run her mouth. Big Mac was never one to complain, or encourage for that matter.

The old mare then noticed Applebloom, “Well hey there, filly! You and Applejack made them peppers into jack o’ lanterns?” she pointed to the lanterns in question resting on some square bales.

“Yes ma’am! Applejack did the scary face, mine’s the other one.” Applebloom pointed to a green pepper with an expertly carved image of the Apple homestead from memory, framed by vines bearing peppers.

“Why that sure is purdy Applebloom, you got the touch! In’t that right, Big Mac?”

“Eeyup!” Big Mac said confidently.

“Well thank y’all so much!” Applebloom smiled

“You bring that zebra over here to checkup on Applejack?” Granny asked.

“Yes, Granny.” That zebra? “She says Applejack’ll probably be fine.”

“Hmm…” Big Mac grumbled, “Ah’ guess she’d know. Applejack was fine before she visited her…” Applebloom felt her ears droop a little. Despite not hearing the gossip about Zecora, her brother seemed to have some strong opinions about her.

Granny didn’t hear him, she just kept on talking. “Well ah’ for one am just glad Applejack’s got so many fillyfriends around town. Keeps her outta trouble!” Or, thought Big Mac, they keep her safe when she’s in trouble. Applejack’s friends would say she does that more for them than vice-versa.

“You know, ah’ was kinda worried this mornin’,” Granny admitted. “When Applejack started throwin’ up in the bathroom, an’ for a second ah’ saw her tummy-...then ah’ remembered how much that girl could put away!” She then laughed in her usual way: somewhere between a giggle and a snicker, in her creaky but energetic voice.

“You know Big Mac,” she continued, “did ah’ ever tell you the one time ah’ came home like that? Ah’ was pushin’ fifty! Darnedest thing…-ah’ spent the night out at that place by the tracks.” She laughed slightly. “Mah' pappy didn’t even want me lookin’ at it when he was alive! Mah' fillyfriends dragged me there a couple times anyway. Then one night ah’ came home sick and ah’ was out a hund’erd’ bits. Didn’t hang with mah' fillyfriends again after that, but ah’ kept gettin’ sick for no reason. Eventually it got so annoyin’ ah’ had to see someone about it. You know what they found?”

“Ee-...nope?” Big Mac was afraid of what the answer was.

“They found your daddy!” She beamed. At this, Applebloom picked up her head. She had barely been paying attention.

“That’s why y’all never met yer’ grandfather!” Granny began to sound somewhat wistful, “Ah’ was a self-made mare, never had time for nopony’s nonsense. But one day ah’ must’ve spent the night with a stallion, and before you knew it ah’ had a little freeloader growin’ inside a’ me! Ah’ coulda’ done somethin’ about it, but ah’ figured ‘Hell! Let him earn his keep.’ And that’s how ah’ became a family mare…”

Big Mac had paused a couple of times listening to this as he worked. He was a good listener, but he was at once terrified yet awestruck by what he’d just heard. He then remembered Applebloom was there, and gulped as he realized she probably shouldn’t have been exposed to that. Applebloom wasn’t quite as innocent as Big Mac thought she was - at least in the knowledge sense - but the topic of sex disgusted her coming from her grandma. Big Mac gave her a sympathetic look, as Applebloom slowly began to sneak away from them.

Applebloom was in a daze after what she’d just heard. She wandered around Sweet Apple Acres for a few minutes, her dog Winona ran around her and came up to kiss her a few times as she rustled her neck; eventually taking her back to Zecora and Applejack. She could see they weren’t done, so she stood behind a row of trees to avoid Applejack’s wrath.

Zecora was wearing a rubber mask, and rubbed and poked her snout against Applejack’s arms, legs and neck. Even though she had sensitive enough hooves, using one's snout and lips provided hornless equines with a more accurate way of palpation. She then donned her stethoscope, and held it up to Applejack’s stomach.

Applejack winced as Zecora prodded her stomach with her hoof. “Is this really necessary Zecora? We already know what’s in there…”

“I assure you this is vital,” Zecora said. “There’s a reason for my toil. My work is never idle, and I do not sell snake oil.”

“Mmm…” Applejack looked hungry, “Ah’ could go for some snakes right now, that soup you made was delicious. Ugh-” she moaned, “Why am ah’ so hungry right now?”

“Applejack, if you please,” Zecora was slightly annoyed, “I need quiet, and you need to breathe.”

“Oh! Sorry.” Applejack then took some steady breaths and relaxed. This caused her to expand outwards, and the stethoscope sank into her flesh, so Zecora drew back. She then resumed her examination as Applebloom watched.

Yeesh, she’s bigger than ah’ thought! If ah’ didn’t know any better…Applebloom shook the thought from her head.

Zecora then raised her head and removed her mask. “Well Applejack, I think that’s it. I have finished my exam.”

“And?” Applejack asked.

“You’re perfectly healthy, and I’ll admit, you aced the mammogram!” Zecora joked. That wasn’t the technical term for whatever she was referring to.

“Ah’ mean, what’s your prognosis? Can’t ya’...prescribe me somethin’?”

Zecora was resolute. “To do what—make it quicken? Is that what you want?” She poked her again, “To throw away all your progress my horse? Was your goal not in mind when you chose to embiggen? Now you won’t let nature take its course?”

Applejack retched slightly at her touch, she choked it back. “Y-You said this would take five days?”

“Five days - no more, no less - that’s how long you’ll carry this bun.”

Bun? Applebloom’s eyes widened. But wait! That’s what they say when…she then got a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach.

“And wait till you see, on the day of the fest, the faces of everyone!”

“It’s just…” Applejack groaned as she shifted to a more comfortable position. “With me throwin’ up an’ actin’ all weird, ah’ don’t wanna worry mah' friends and family! And ah’ don’t feel like ah’ can’t take much more of this, let alone five days!”

“As a doctor - honest truth - I thought I’d never say, ‘to feel better, drink a lot of juice,’ and your symptoms you’ll allay.” Zecora said. “The ones you love, I should feel, would accept a change in weight. And when they hear the truth revealed, I bet they’ll feel just great!”

“Well…even though this was mah’ idea ah’ still feel guilty about it. Ah’ mean, ah’m the Element of Honesty, but ah’m supposed to keep this a secret from everybody?”

Zecora flatly said, “You’re looking for a way out of this, and I promise you friend, it does not exist. See it through to the end. I’ll admit, it was rash, but just think of Rainbow Dash! She is why you made this choice, cause she would not hear your voice!”

Rainbow Dash? Applebloom thought. What’s she got to do with this?

Zecora spoke with conviction, “She’s a creature of such biggety, you shall teach her true humility!”

“Biggety?” Applejack had never heard that word before.

“Yes, the attitude of acting big. Is that not something that she did?”

“Oh!” Applejack then gave a sigh. “Yeah…ah’ guess yer’ right Zecora.” She then held out a hoof. Zecora helped her to her hooves. “Alright, ah’ can do this! Just five days, and it’ll…hopefully be worth it!”

Applebloom tried to process all this information. She and Applejack had gotten better at interpreting Zecora’s rhymes, but she alluded to some things in her conversation with Applejack that completely went over her head. Applebloom had also learned multiple times not to jump to conclusions, so she held out a faint hope she was completely wrong.

Maybe ah’ll just ask her-NO! Doesn’t want us to worry…But maybe some of us should worry! She said it’s in five days, but what if somethin’ happens before that? Ah’ can’t deal with this on mah’ own! SHE can’t deal with this on her own! I need to know for sure…

As Applebloom backed up, she felt a twig snap beneath her hoof. Applejack and Zecora turned towards the sound. Applebloom ducked behind the nearest tree and held her breath.

“Is someone there?” Applejack called out. She walked towards the row of trees. “Applebloom? Is that you?”

There was a rustling in the bushes.

“Young lady! If that’s you in there you better come on out! Come on!”

At Applejack’s last command, a brown and white Border Collie popped out of the bushes wagging her tail.

“Oh,” Applejack’s anger abated, “hey girl!” Winona ran up to Applejack who commenced with a vigorous petting session.

Applebloom had run back the way she came and then entered the backdoor of the house. She collapsed at the foot of the stairs. She hyperventilated for a few moments, before formulating a plan.

Applejack and Zecora were walking back towards the house, AJ having invited her in, when the door burst open and Applebloom began tearing down the road.

She stopped a distance away from them. “Hey, guys! Ah’m goin’ into town to pick up some orange juice for ya’ Applejack!” She then kept running.

“Hold on sugarcube!” Applejack began to run after her, but she couldn’t overtake her. “Why don’cha wait and we can grab our chili ingredients too? You can’t carry ‘em all!"

“Ah’ll get the Crusaders to help! Besides, you need rest, and you shouldn’t run!”

Applebloom didn’t slow down for her, and soon disappeared around the bend. Applejack gave up the chase, and stood panting while an excited dog circled her.

“Aw horse! Ah’ hope that filly’s not getting herself into trouble…”

A Foregone Conclusion

Applebloom burst through the doors of the Golden Oaks Library. She whipped her head back and forth like she was on the hunt, and her eyes landed on one of the low book holders by the entrance. They were filled with light reading or instructional texts, and what AJ ended up picking out was a black and yellow book reading Pregnancy for Morons.

Upstairs, Twilight and Spike heard the loud ingress. Twilight was in the middle of a book, so Spike went downstairs to attend to their patron.

“Applebloom?” Spike saw her seated in the entrance, madly flipping through the pages of the book. Spike fully descended, and got a look at the picture on the cover: it was a mare’s belly being cradled in her arms. “Wait, why are you reading that?”

Applebloom noticed him, so she angled herself away from him and hunched herself over the book. She tried to dismiss him, “Ah’-...ah’ need to know somethin’.”

Spike raised an eyebrow, then went back up the stairs. “Uh, Twilight…?”

Applebloom had picked out the right page in the table of contents, and turned to the section titled “How do I know if I’m pregnant?” She went down the list of symptoms, and her eyes began to widen. Nausea? Cravings? Mood swings?

“Oh mah’ gawd!” she said aloud.

“Um, Applebloom?” Twilight stood beside Spike on the staircase. “Is something the matter?”

“MAH' SISTER IS PREGNANT!!!” Applebloom cried, as she rocketed out the door. She ran right past Pinkie Pie, who suddenly froze mid-hop, turned her head one-hundred eighty degrees, and took such a long gasp; Twilight Sparkle was on Applebloom’s heels, but was pulled back by the gale force gasp and slammed headfirst into Pinkie Pie.

Twilight sat up and rubbed her head, then Pinkie filled her ear. “Twilight! Did you HEAR that? Applejack’s gonna have a BABY!-That means Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy, and Rarity, and Big Mac, and Applebloom, and you and me, we’re all gonna be like-...AUNTS!”

“Pinkie Pie…” Twilight began.

“-And an uncle! Or two!-Or three! Oh, this is so exciting!” Pinkie Pie shot up and wiggled her legs, “I GOTTA TELL EVERYBODY!”

“Pinkie Pie!” Twilight grabbed Pinkie’s tail with her magic and yanked her back. “Don’t you think you should wait until you hear it from Applejack herself? You don’t even know for sure what Applebloom said is true! She just ran out of my library after reading a book about pregnancy—she could just be overreacting, as usual.”

“Aw…” Pinkie’s mane drooped, “but I always wanted to throw a surprise baby shower!”

“Didn’t you do that for the Cakes?” asked Twilight.

“That doesn’t count…they were expecting it!” Pinkie pouted.

“Well, Pinkie…” Twilight rolled her eyes theatrically and shrugged, “There’s no such thing as a REAL surprise party!”

Pinkie was aghast, and gave another gale-force gasp. This time, Twilight was so close her snout got caught in Pinkie’s mouth. Pinkie noticed she was suffocating Twilight, and spat her out. Twilight fell back, gasping for air.

Twilight rose to her hooves, “What I meant…bleck!” She rubbed her snout clean, “Is that everyone knows when their birthday is! Unless they’re a baby, or they forgot, or they have no friends, nobody’s ever really surprised to get a party. It’s part of the social contract.”

“Twilight…” Pinkie moaned, “why do you have to ruin my fun?”

“I don’t think it’d be very fun for Applejack.” Twilight said. “She probably wants to tell her family first. If she’s even pregnant, that is.”

Pinkie’s ears then perked up. “Wait, I’m family! She can tell me!”

“You might be family, Pinkie Pie. Might. But...” Twilight said in a defeated tone, “You could go ask her and find out. Y’know, hug her neck and see if the party won’t be a complete waste of time?”

Pinkie then got a serious look on her face, “Twilight! A party is NEVER a waste of time!” She got up in Twilight’s face and locked gazes with her. “Even if the party is on the ‘wrong day’, every party is its own super-special work of art that deserves to exist! To be seen, to be smelled, to be tasted!” She held a hoof to her heart, “It shows just how much I care.”

Twilight was not moved, “Don’t you have, like, three other birthday parties this week? Not to mention, you’re already gonna be busy helping with the festival aren’t you?”

Pinkie sputtered, “Oh, pfft! I've already thrown those parties before! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, Twilight! Carpe diem! Besides, even if Applejack isn’t having a baby, who’s to say she’ll never have a baby? Or Big Mac? They could still use all the gifts we give ‘em someday!”

“Pinkie, you’re in denial.”

“Can’t hear you Twilight!” she began hopping in the direction of Sugarcube Corner. “Too many ideas! I gotta start party planning!”

Twilight watched her disappear behind a row of houses. She grumbled, “That pony!”

Twilight remembered she let Applebloom get away from her. Fortunately, Twilight knew for certain where Applejack would be. She could just go to Applejack first and-

“Twilight! Over here!” Spike called to her from the door of the library. He was standing next to a dark-colored mare, with red fur and a green mane.

Twilight walked back over, “May I help you ma-?”

“Miss Twilight Sparkle!” the mare interrupted her, “The Mayor needs you to oversee preparations for the festival!”

“Wait-what?” Twilight was caught off guard. “Why me? I thought she was handling it!”

“So did I!” The nervous red mare was beside herself, “But a bunch of paperwork piled up at the last minute, and on top of that she also has to settle a dispute between the business owners of Ponyville!”

“Well, can I at least stop by Sweet Apple Acres real quick?”

“NO!” The mare screamed. “Oop!–I’m sorry, but it’s like the Canter Creek ponies have never run a festival before! They don’t know a thing about zoning laws, and there’s this pegasus near the edge of the forest who's making a big stink about ‘the animals’ for some reason!”

Twilight gave up, “Okay…” Sorry Applejack. Maybe she’ll chew Pinkie out, so she’ll learn from this experience. She followed the mare down to the fairgrounds.

Applebloom poked her head through the door into a pink room, filled with hanging curtains, wall mirrors and mannequins modeling expensive looking clothing. The shop’s bell rang as she opened it, and a classy voice sang from the back. “Just a minute!”

Applebloom decided to speed things up and just went to the source of the voice, where a white unicorn mare with purple hair was working on a pair of dresses. It was Sweetie Belle’s older sister.

“Why hello Applebloom!” she looked over at her. “Are you looking for Sweetie Belle? She was in the park, last I saw her.”

“Thanks Miss Rarity!” Applebloom said quickly, then she turned around to leave.

“Are you sure you don’t need anything?”

“Nope! Thanks anyway!” Applebloom speed-walked out the door.

Sweetie Belle was standing on a small stage in the Ponyville Park, singing her heart out to an audience of the brown colt from yesterday, having actually managed to get him to put down the Game Colt for two seconds. Beside him was an even smaller piebald colt. Both seemed to at least appreciate her performance, and gave her applause at the end of it.

“Yeah! Yeah! Encore!”

Sweetie was delighted at the suggestion, and walked over to her beatbox to restart it.

“Hey-hey-hey!” B.M. waved his hooves, “I didn’t mean it!-Or uh, do you have another song?”

“Oh. Uh…” Sweetie had only brought the vocal-free CD for the one song on it she actually knew by heart. Lucky for her, Applebloom came running in yelling.

“SWEETIE BELLE!”

“Hey Applebloom!” Sweetie didn’t notice her panicked look. “I’m glad you’re here, now I have an excuse-”

Applebloom grabbed her, “Sweetie Belle, listen! Applejack’s-!”

She stopped yelling and noticed the “audience”. The smaller colt got a concerned look.

“What’s this about Applejack? Is she alright?” the small colt spoke in a Trottingham accent.

“Sweetie Belle, could ah’ talk to you over there?” Applebloom pointed offstage.

“Actually,” the brown colt spoke up, “I’m just gonna go, if that’s alright with you Sweetie Belle.”

“Button Mash!” Sweetie cried.

“Hey, I asked this time!”

“Well, yes but-!” Sweetie Belle was indignant, but Applebloom interrupted the weekly drama between her and Button Mash.

“Actually he should leave, Sweetie Belle. ah’ think this is gonna take up our whole day.”

“Okay. So…” Button Mash looked at Sweetie Belle.

She sighed. “Fine. You can go.”

“Thanks Sweetie Belle! Great performance!” He then walked off. “Gee, my mom was right! Communication!”

“That boy…” grumbled Sweetie Belle.

“Well, he IS just a boy,” Apple Bloom rolled her eyes at Sweetie Belle. “Now listen, Sweetie Belle, ah’ just found somethin' out!” She then withdrew the yellow book from her saddlebag.

“WHAT?” Sweetie exclaimed. “But-wait, no! That can’t be possible, wouldn’t you have noticed before? See, look here,” Sweetie Belle then pointed to the section on symptoms, “it says that nausea is most common in the early stages of pregnancy; and again, how is she so big now if she wasn’t before?”

“Look, ah’ thought the same thing,” said Applebloom, “but Zecora came over to give her a checkup, she used a stethoscope an’ everything and she said she had a ‘bun’! Like a ‘bun in the oven’!”

Sweetie Belle thought for a second. “Maybe she meant like, a piece of food. Or a really BIG bun!”

“No, Applejack said she had to keep it a secret from us! Cause she was afraid we would all worry! Zecora said in five days we would know the truth, and we would all be happy!”

“That’s…oh my gosh.”

“And Zecora said she chose to ‘embiggen’. Why would she do that-?”

Suddenly, Sweetie Belle placed her hooves on Applebloom’s shoulders and bounced up and down.

“Oh Applebloom, this is WONDERFUL!” she squealed.

“It is?” Applebloom’s voice shook.

“Yes! You’re gonna be an aunt!” Sweetie pulled her into a full hug, which Applebloom did not return. “It’s gonna be like having a little sister, I guess, since you’re so young. But aren’t you excited?”

“Ah’...ah’ don’t know.” Applebloom looked bewildered.

Sweetie went silent for a second, then leaned in, “How BIG is she?”

“WHAT?” Applebloom shook her head. “Sweetie Belle!”

“Hey, it’s a reasonable question…”

“You-you’re missin' the point Sweetie Belle!-”

Then two fillies then noticed the spotted colt was still sitting on the bench. He leaned forward with rapt attention, but flinched when he realized they were staring back at him.

“Oh! Um…sorry, did I do something?”

“We…kinda forgot you were there,” said Sweetiebelle.

“Oh,” the colt became downcast. “Just like always...”

There was a pause after this.

“So…” Sweetie looked at Applebloom expectantly. Applebloom rolled her eyes.

“About that big.” Applebloom pointed at the colt. His eyes widened.

“You’re so lucky…”

Applebloom knocked on the door to Scootaloo’s house, and was answered by Scootaloo’s Aunt Holiday. She was a friendly-looking Earth Pony with a tousled orange mane.

“Oh, g’day Applebloom, Sweetiebelle. Come on in! Scootaloo’s just upstairs.”

“Thank you, Miss Holiday!” Sweetie Belle said, as she shoved the yellow book back in the saddlebag. They passed by Aunt Lofty, a green-haired pegasus, who was busy at the sewing machine. Not everypony with a thread and needle cutie mark could be Rarity, and Rarity could hardly help mend every dress in Ponyville.

In the hallway at the top of the stairs, Holiday knocked on the door to Scootaloo’s room, “Sweetie-loo!”

A voice called from inside, “I’m busy!”

Holiday glanced at her friends, “Your friends are here, brumby!”

“Oh…” there was a pause, “-uh, okay! You guys can come in!”

Aunt Holiday opened the door for Scootaloo’s friends. Scootaloo was nowhere to be seen, much to their confusion.

“Shut the door!” came the voice again.

“I’ll be downstairs if you need anything.” Holiday excused herself.

“Thank you again, ma’am!” called Sweetie Belle. Applebloom started to say “Yeah, thank-!” but she was already gone and Sweetie Belle shut the door. Applebloom was just so preoccupied.

They looked around the room for Scootaloo, Sweetie got ready to open the closet when Scootaloo called from the opposite side of the room. “Just a second, girls!”

Applebloom walked towards the source of the voice: it was the bed, but Scootaloo was not on top of it. Applebloom crouched down and looked underneath, Scootaloo was sprawled out surrounded by extra covers, reading something with a flashlight.

“Scootaloo?” Applebloom made her flinch. “Why are ya’ readin' like that?” Sweetie Belle came to the foot of the bed, and peaked underneath. She used her telekinesis to draw down the covers, and looked Scootaloo straight in the eye. The flashlight made her squint.

“Oh!” Scootaloo wriggled out from underneath the bed. “I just…like to read like that.”

Applebloom raised her eyebrow. “What were you readin’?” Applebloom saw the Pocket Companion for Daredevils was on Scootaloo’s nightstand.

“N-nothing…”

“It looked like a magazine.”

“I said it was nothing! Okay?” Scootaloo snapped.

Sweetie Belle then spoke up, “Guys, it doesn’t matter. Now listen, Scootaloo! You’re not gonna believe this!”

Scootaloo turned to Sweetie Belle, Applebloom lowered her ears because she knew what was coming.

“Applejack’s PREGNANT!”

“WHAAAT-?” Scootaloo covered her mouth, she didn’t want her aunts to come in. “Really?”

“It’s true…” Applebloom had a truly sad expression on her face. “She’s gonna have a baby in five days.”

“Wait! Five days? How-?”

Sweetie Belle interrupted, “She went to Zecora! She gave her a checkup today and Applebloom heard everything!”

“Wow! Well then, who’s the stallion?” asked Scootaloo. “Is there a stallion?”

“Well, ah’ didn’t hear everything…” Applebloom’s head was held low, “who knows what they did?”

“Well that’s why we brought the book!” Sweetie Belle withdrew the yellow book and carried it over. Scootaloo looked at the cover.

“‘For morons?’” said Scootaloo.

“Well, to be fair,” said Sweetie Belle, “we did have to read like ten books and use a dictionary to know what ‘sex’ was. But this thing’s like a picture book for adults, it’s so easy to understand!”

“Huh…” Scootaloo shrugged, “okay.”

Sweetie Belle plunked down the book, then opened it to the page of symptoms they had read earlier. Scootaloo sat down beside Sweetie, meanwhile, Applebloom was too morose to get up from her side. The other two began flipping through the book, and talked about what they read.

“So this is how we found out she was pregnant,” said Sweetie, “Applebloom said she threw up a bunch, she needed to pee a lot, she got weird cravings…”

“Wait!” said Scootaloo, “But some of these are like early symptoms…”

“Maybe whatever Zecora did makes her have them all at once?”

“It also says her udders are gonna get bigger!” said Scootaloo with slight disgust. She turned to Applebloom, “Did they do that, Applebloom?”

Applebloom said numbly, “Uh…ah’ don’t know. Ah’ couldn’t see, she was too…” she weakly formed a circle with her hooves.

“How big is she?”

“That’s what I wanted to know!” Sweetie whined. Scootaloo gave Sweetie a look.

“She’s like-...Pip sized.” Applebloom threw up her hoof.

“Holy shit!” Scootaloo’s eyes then darted left to right, Sweetie Belle was shocked. “I mean, that’s crazy! What if she’s having twins?”

“Or it’s like Big Mac?” said Sweetie.

“Ew.”

Sweetie Belle was confused, “What’s ‘ew’?”

“Well it’s uh-” Scootaloo looked at Applebloom. She didn’t look up, so Scootaloo decided she must not know the mean rumors about her family, and neither did Sweetie Belle. “-Don’t worry about it.”

She continued, “But you know what I just thought, maybe there’s something in this book about how ponies like her can have a baby on their own!” She started flipping back to the table of contents, Sweetie Belle took over with her telekinesis. They skimmed through the book to find the section, but the most they found was a blurb saying “see Getting Pregnant for Morons”.

“Oh.” Scootaloo was disappointed. “Well, did you get this book at Twilight’s? Maybe we can go back for the others.”

“Eh…” Applebloom said nervously, “ah’ don’t know if Twilight’s gonna be happy to see me. Ah’ didn’t think she’d let me check it out so ah’ just kinda…”

“Wait, you stole it?”

“Ah’ll give it back! Ah’ panicked okay? Ah’ just figured things out and then Twilight came down to stop me from readin’, so ah’ ran out the door!”

“Okay,” Scootaloo whispered, “keep your voice down! We’ll-we’ll figure something out.”

“Yeah, and besides,” Sweetie Belle said brightly, “what’s important is that we help you get ready for Applejack. And this book can help us!”

Applebloom was stunned as her friends continued to enthusiastically flip through the book. Her surprise turned to bitter anger—she flattened her ears and arched her back.

Scootaloo answered, “Okay-yeah. Let’s look through the other sections and figure out what we’ll need to do.”

“Let’s start from the beginning!” Sweetie flipped to the start of the book and began reading.

“So, you’re having a baby! Or maybe you’re thinking about it. Either way, congratulations—this is the beginning of an incredible journey filled with excitement, questions, and probably a few cravings. Whether this is your first pregnancy or you’ve been through it before, Pregnancy for Dummies is here to guide you every step of the way.

Let’s face it: pregnancy is a big deal. It’s not just about nine months of carrying a little one—it’s a whirlwind of doctor’s appointments, hormonal changes, nursery planning, and advice (sometimes more than you asked for). This book is your no-judgment, no-stress companion for navigating it a-”

“WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO?” Applebloom suddenly exploded. “Are you fillies STUPID?”

Downstairs, Aunt Lofty and Aunt Holiday looked upstairs upon hearing the sound of a filly swearing, and the ensuing emotional tirade.

“Oh dear!” said Aunt Holiday, “That sounds serious!”

“Yeah. Well, I guess it’s my turn,” Aunt Lofty began to get up.

Aunt Holiday got up faster. “No, I’ll go! You have your sewing to do.”

Lofty flatly said, “It can wait, you’ll need backup.”

“I handle fillies like this all the time! You’re out of your depth.”

“Well, I could use the practice…” Lofty said coyly as she wedged herself into the hallway. Their snouts were close enough to touch.

Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle were frozen speechless.

Applebloom was going off on them. “You think this is some kind of SCHOOL PROJECT? Well it ain’t! This could change everything! What if Applejack moves away? What if somethin' HAPPENS to her? What if-?...What if-?” Applebloom had shifted from burning anger to abject sadness in a matter of sentences. She made a horribly contorted face as she failed to choke back the tears.

“Applebloom…” Scootaloo struggled to find the right words, but just as she began to speak the door opened. Sweetie Belle quickly shut the book and Scootaloo shoved it under the bed.

Aunt Holiday stood in the doorway, “Girls, is everything all right? We heard someone yell.” She used the most neutral yet caring tone, befitting a situation she knew so little about. Aunt Lofty walked in behind her, and surveyed the group as her partner had instructed.

“Hey,” Aunt Lofty noticed the tears on the yellow filly’s face, “why are you crying Apple Blossom?”

Aunt Holiday whispered, “Applebloom!”

“-Uh, Applebloom, what’s wrong?” Lofty sat herself down by her. Applebloom noticed and shrank in a slight fetal position.

Aunt Holiday cleared her throat slightly, and as Lofty looked over she gestured for the pegasus to give Applebloom some space. She did follow her lead however, and kneeled down to the fillies’ level and looked the other two in the eye. “Girls, what happened?”

No one said anything for a second. Scootaloo’s eyes darted from Aunt Holiday to Applebloom, while Sweetie’s were fixed on Applebloom.

“Scootaloo?” the mare began.

“I-it wasn’t me!” Scootaloo waved up her hooves defensively.

“Sweetie-loo, we’re not pointing hooves, we just want to know what happened.”

“Well, then why are you looking at me?”

Sweetie looked at both of them, she then spoke up. “It’s not her fault Miss Holiday! It’s just that…” she then looked at Applebloom for a second, and Holiday’s eye followed hers. “We were…talking about the festival! You know-and the events we’re gonna be doing. I’m doing the singing thing, Scootaloo’s gonna hit all the sports stuff, and Applebloom-...” What was Applebloom doing? “Uh…she said she was training with Applejack for it but, um, Applejack’s…sick.” Holiday cocked her head slightly, Applebloom raised hers a little. “And that’s why Applebloom’s sad and she yelled at us.”

Aunt Holiday looked over at Lofty, and signalled her towards Applebloom.

“Is that true, Applebloom?” the older pegasus asked. Applebloom turned her watery face at her and nodded.

“That’s really what happened?” Holiday sought to confirm. Applebloom nodded harder, her face was wrinkled, Lofty placed her hoof on her shoulder.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Holiday asked, to which Applebloom didn’t seem to have an immediate answer. She lowered her gaze and looked from side to side, as if between two choices.

Scootaloo sighed and also looked at the ground. “I guess it’s our fault too. We should’ve been listening!”

“Yeah,” said Sweetie. “Sorry we didn’t…” What else didn’t we do? “Sorry we-...acted like it wasn’t a big deal.” Sweetie rose to her hooves in determined Rarity-like fashion, “But-! We’re here for you Applebloom.” Applebloom raised her head as Sweetie approached, “We’ll help you any way we can—to get you ready for the festival, and to…help you take care of Applejack! You can tell us anything, because we’re your friends.” She held out her hoof to Applebloom.

While Applebloom’s face was still tense, her tears had slowed as she processed Sweetie Belle’s words. She looked at Sweetie’s outstretched hoof. After a moment she nodded, then took it. A few seconds later she pulled Sweetie Belle into a hug, which Sweetie returned.

“Aww!” went Aunt Holiday. “Well there ya’ go girls! In’t that sweet? And hey, we can help y’out too. Whaddaya need?”

“I think…” Sweetie Belle came up for air, “-they need groceries. They were gonna try out a chili recipe for the festival!”

“Well, we can take care of that.” Lofty rose to her hooves. “Do you have it?”

Sweetie turned to the filly she was embracing. She sniffled then shook her head, “Ubh, no. You happ’ to-” she wiped her nose, “-go to the house…”

“Say no more!” Lofty extended her wings. “I’m on it!”

“Oh! And orange juice! Lot’s of orange juice for Applejack.”

Scootaloo quipped, “Yeah, maybe a couple days worth. The gallons!”

“Well we can do that together!” said Aunt Holiday. “We’ll meet up at the grocer with your Aunt, and get it all in one go!”

“Thank you so much Miss Holiday.” said Sweetie Belle.

“My pleasure girls!”

“But uh…” said Scootaloo, “you might wanna give us a couple minutes.” She approached her two friends, still locked in a bearhug.

“Take all the time ya’ need.” Holiday walked out of the door after Aunt Lofty. She shut the door out of courtesy, but had left it open slightly to listen in to what they said when she was gone.

After a few seconds of swaying, Scootaloo spoke up. “Hey…Applebloom, we really are sorry. We meant what we said too.”

“Ah’ know…” Applebloom sobbed.

“We’re gonna help you get through this,” said Sweetie, “no matter what!”

Lost in the Outdoor Market

After what was a quick trip for somepony with wings, the ponies at Sweet Apple Acres witnessed a green haired pegasus in a turtleneck sweater (or “divvy” as her wife said it), land in the dirt yard in front of their house.

“Huh, what’s that pegasus doin’ here?” Granny Smith remarked. Big Mac hadn’t seen her before either.

The pegasus walked up to the door and knocked. The door opened, and she was greeted by Big Mac.

“Can ah’ help you ma’am?”

“Well, sort of. I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Scootaloo’s aunt—Aunt Lofty.”

“Why hey there Mrs. Lofty!” Applejack called from inside. “Come on in!”

Big Mac widened the door and she trotted in. She saw Granny Smith getting up from the dining room table and Applejack seated at the head of it. “What’s the occasion?”

“Hi Applejack,” said the mare. “I heard you were sick.”

“Oh. Well, yeah kinda.” Applejack rubbed her foreleg. “It’s no big deal, just had me some nausea this morning and…other stuff. Nothin’ you need to worry about!”

“Well, Applebosom was pretty upset.”

Applejack and the others perked up their ears. “Applebloom?”

“Uh-...*ergh*!” Lofty realized her mistake. “Yes-Applebloom! She was really worried about you. She yelled at her friends and started crying. Apparently it’s getting in the way of you guys getting ready for the festival or something?”

“Oh,” said Applejack, “well ah’ had no idea she’d take it so hard. We were planning to make a chili together later-anyway.”

“Well hey, that’s why I’m here. Holiday and I got the idea that you - I mean you’re all probably busy around here anyway - but you could stay here, and we can take care of your groceries!”

“Really? Gee,” AJ rubbed the back of her head, “ah’ wouldn’t wanna be a bother!”

“It’s not a problem! The Crusaders are helping too!”

“Well that’s mighty fine of y’all. Tell you what, Granny…” Applejack turned to the old mare, “What do you say to havin’ a couple of guests over for dinner tonight?”

“Hey now! I don’t wanna cut in on your time with…” Shoot! I forgot it again, “your sister.”

“Now-now,” Applejack pulled out her chair and walked around the table. “If y’all are gonna make me feel bad for acceptin’ yer generosity, it’s only fair that ah’ do the same.”

Lofty’s normally chill demeanor faltered. While Applejack was sitting, she looked perfectly fit and muscular. But now, without the table in the way, Lofty could see she had a noticeably rounder stomach. She couldn’t respond at all for a few seconds.

“She’s gotcha there filly! No backin’ out now!” Granny misinterpreted the source of Lofty’s surprise.

“...Um, well I…guess we’ll see you tonight then.” Lofty managed.

“Great!” said Applejack. She then walked over to the kitchen. “Ah’ll getcha the recipe!”

Applejack reached up to open one of the cupboards. She couldn’t quite reach it without straining, and when she tried to rear up it strained her even more. Her belly pushed against the counter.

Lofty couldn’t bear to watch. “I got it!” The taller pegasus pulled up on the counter. “Which one?”

Applejack reluctantly sank to her hooves, and sighed. “Apple Family Recipes…”

The Cutie Mark Crusaders were sitting together at Scootaloo’s kitchen table. Applebloom drew on a sheet of paper with a pencil and a set of crayons Holiday had given her. Sweetie Belle took a bite of one of Aunt Lofty’s famous cookies.

“Wow!” she said, “These ARE the best!” Sweetie’s mom was a baker, so that was saying something.

“Told ya’!” Scootaloo smirked. Her Aunt Holiday appeared behind her and tapped her shoulder.

“Scootaloo,” she asked, “can I speak with you for a moment?”

“Okay, sure thing.” Scootaloo hopped down from her chair, and Holiday took her into the adjacent guest room.

“What’s up Aunt Holiday?”

Aunt Holiday shut the door. “Scootaloo,” she said, “can you tell me what’s wrong with Applejack?”

“Um…” Uh, oh. Quick, try not to look like you’re lying! Reluctant—go for that! She twiddled her hooves and looked away, “Honestly…I don’t know.” She smiled shyly.

Holiday raised an eyebrow, “You ‘don’t know’?”

Now angry. “Hey, I just found out right before you did! I didn’t know Applejack got sick anyway! Ask Sweetie Belle or something, I don’t know!”

“What were her symptoms then?”

“Um…something about vomiting, something about her crying, getting tired.” Think out loud, that’s good!

“And if I asked Sweetie Belle herself?” Holiday narrowed her eyes.

“She’d say something more, maybe, but I don’t know for sure.”

“Scout’s honor?”

“Scout’s honor!”

Aunt Holiday gave her one last, long, look. “Alright, brumby.”

The door to the guest room opened again, and Aunt Holiday received Sweetie Belle. She asked her the same question, the answer was similar.

“Well, to be honest ma’am, I don’t think Applebloom knows for sure. We just know that she’s sick. You’d have to ask Zecora.”

“Zecora?”

“Yeah, she gave Applejack a checkup. All I know is that she said Applejack vomited a few times, and she got really tired running an obstacle course; which doesn’t really sound like Applejack…”

“Huh,” Holiday was a bit confused. Sweetie Belle’s answers came quite easily, but Holiday was still a little skeptical. “Okay. Well, I’ll be sure to check in with Zecora then.”

“Yeah…” Sweetie Belle knew bait when she saw it, “maybe then we can know if we should be worried or not.” Fortunately for her, Mrs. Holiday didn’t know how manipulative Sweetie Belle could be if she wanted.

After Aunt Holiday had let them both loose, the Crusaders excused themselves upstairs to gather their things. Scootaloo shut the door behind them, then looked at Sweetie Belle.

“You didn’t tell her anything did you?”

“I just told her I didn’t know anything and neither did Applebloom, so she should just ask Zecora what’s wrong.” Sweetie replied.

“Ha! Well then it’s a good thing I told her to ask you! That was some pretty good lying back there Sweetie!” Scootaloo turned to Applebloom. “So what’s our plan?”

“Ah’ don’t know what we’re gonna do.” Applebloom picked up from the first question. “Ah’ mean how do you get ready for a baby?”

“We’ll figure it out, Applebloom.” Sweetie reassured. “And I’m sorry I got so excited before, but I really do think that this book-” she withdrew it from under the bed, “-will have a lot of answers!”

“Until Twilight takes it back…” Applebloom sulked.

“Well, seeing as how Sweetie Belle seems so interested,” Scootaloo suggested, “why doesn’t she hold on to it? You can be our ‘pregnancy expert’.”

“Hmm, Twilight’ll still be lookin’ for it…Ah’ got an idea! But ah’ll need a spare saddlebag! Scootaloo…” she pointed, “get us some of yer aunt’s threads! Sweetie Belle…” she pointed, “ah’m gonna need yer sewin’ skills!”

Back at the campground, Pinkie Pie had shared the “good news” with Fluttershy and Screwball. Fluttershy’s mouth fell open in stunned disbelief, while Screwball’s face lit up with a giddy smile

“I KNEW IT!” Screwball exclaimed. She made a little jump and buzzed in the air with her propeller hat.

“Really?” Fluttershy said in disbelief.

“Probably!” Pinkie chirped.

“Wait, you mean you don’t know?”

“Not really, but…why waste a good party?”

“But Applejack might be embarrassed, and don’t you have three other-?”

“I cancelled them! Now I’ll just throw one big birthday party—it’ll be even more special that way!” she gave a carefree smile.

“Well…don’t you also have to help with the festival?”

“I’ll pull a couple of all-nighters!” Pinkie waved her hoof dismissively. “I’ve done it before.”

Twilight’s ears laid flat as she stood between the two ponies. “It’s pointless Fluttershy, she’s made up her mind.”

Fluttershy looked down for a second, then spread out her wings. “How about I fly over to Sweet Apple Acres, just to know for sure?” she said nervously.

Pinkie was holding a letter in her forelock, not paying attention. “Sounds good, Fluttershy!” she passed the letter to a grey postmare. “Here, take this to Shining Armor and Cadence.”

“NO!” Twilight screamed as she helplessly watched Derpy fly away. She looked at Fluttershy, “GO! Hurry Fluttershy!”

Fluttershy took off, but then she looked back and saw Screwball following. “No Screwy, go back to the cottage and wait for me there. We’re going rat hunting in a bit.”

“Aw!” Screwy pouted, “Okay Mama…” They then split up.

Twilight turned back to Pinkie and cleared her throat. “Meanwhile Pinkie, the Mayor has put me in charge of overseeing the festival preparations, and you have work to do!”

“Wait,” Pinkie paused, “I do? But the carnival’s not even set up yet. How am I supposed to decorate it?”

“I…I have to approve your…plans!-For, decorations!”

“Really?” Pinkie raised her eyebrow.

“Yes!” Twilight blurted. “I have to approve of a bunch of other plans for the festival first, so you should prepare a presentation!” Twilight then raised her chin and said firmly, “I’ll see you later tonight.”

“Tonight? Oh geez!-I better get ready!” Pinkie frantically scooped up her things. “See you tonight Twilight!” She bolted away.

“Phew!” Twilight sighed, “That should buy us some time!”

Fluttershy circled the sky around Ponyville towards Sweet Apple Acres. She didn’t like to fly too high if she didn’t have to, and flew just above the treeline when she spotted Aunt Lofty heading in the opposite direction. They stopped in midair.

“Oh, excuse me ma’am!” Fluttershy called.

“Huh, yes?” Lofty slowed to a hover, and looked down to see the other pegasus.

Fluttershy flew up to her, “Pardon me, but did you just come from Sweet Apple Acres?”

“Yes, uh-hey! Don’t I know you from somewhere? You’re one of Applejack’s friends right?”

“Yes ma’am!-Fluttershy.” she said politely, “I was just on my way to see her right now, is she in?”

“Oh! Well…” Lofty rubbed the back of her neck, “yes, but she just put herself down for a nap. She wasn’t feelin’ well.”

“Oh!” Fluttershy exclaimed. “Well, is she okay?”

“She said she had some nausea,” ‘Nausea’? thought Fluttershy, “but she’ll probably be fine later.” Lofty gave a slight chuckle, “You know how it is!”

“Um…okay.” Fluttershy wasn’t sure what to say after that.

“Anyway,” Lofty excused herself, “it’s nice to meet ya’ Fluttershy, I’ll see you around!”

Aunt Lofty flew off towards Ponyville. Fluttershy stayed hovering for a few moments.

‘Just nausea’? she thought. Why would Applebloom think THAT was a big deal? I should’ve asked that mare some better questions, maybe then I wouldn’t have to bother Applejack!

At length, Fluttershy’s thoughts calmed. Oh well, I guess I should just wait and ask her tomorrow.

Aunt Holiday and the Cutie Mark Crusaders had arrived in the market square, and waited right next to town hall where Aunt Lofty could find them. Aunt Holiday kept a lookout for her, while the Cutie Mark Crusaders huddled around a crude-looking leatherbound book. Sweetie held it with her magic and read in a slight whisper.

“Okay, so the first thing a pregnant mare needs is open communication and a support network.”

“What’s a support network?” Applebloom asked.

“A support network’s supposed to be somepony, anypony they can talk to!-Or ask for help if they need it. Like her family, or a husband or wife. It seems like all she has is Zecora.”

“Well, Zecora’s a doctor,” Scootaloo said. “Maybe that’s enough.”

“Hey Applebloom, you said she’s been seeing Zecora for a couple weeks now right?” Applebloom nodded. “Maybe this whole time, they were doing all this planning and training you’re supposed to do when you’re pregnant.”

“But then why was she exercisin’?” Applebloom was a bit louder this time, “Ain’t that dangerous?”

“Actually,” said Sweetie Belle, “the book says pregnant mares should exercise. Just…not too much. And drink a lot of water. Maybe that’s why she threw up.”

Applebloom got a pensive look. Just then, they heard Aunt Holiday, “Oh, there she is, girls!”

Aunt Lofty spotted the group in the market square, and gingerly set herself down in front of them.

“Hey you!” said Aunt Holiday. “You got the list?”

“Hey-…you.” Aunt Lofty stammered, “Yeah, I got it.”

Holiday’s smile faded. “Are you alright?”

“Oh, yeah-yeah. It’s just, uh…” Lofty’s eyes wandered, they lingered on Applebloom as she met her gaze.

Holiday took notice. “Is Applejack alright?”

“What? Oh no, she’s fine!” Lofty straightened herself up. “But…it looks like we’re going to Sweet Apple Acres for dinner tonight.”

“We are?”

“Yep,” Lofty gave her best smirk, “Applejack wouldn’t take no for an answer.”

“Really…? That doesn’t sound like her.”

“Well, I wouldn’t know. She just wanted to pay us back.” Lofty then addressed the white unicorn. “And if your sister, or mom, or whoever says it’s okay, you can join us too Sweetie Belle. Hope you like chili!” She then looked at the list, “with apples…”

Sometime later, the group had made their way to the farmer’s market. Lofty looked over the list.

“Now let’s see here,” Lofty said, “seems like your family’s all good on peppers, Apple...bow?”

Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle swooped in, “APPLEBLOOM!”

“Okay-Okay!” she held out her hooves. “No need to gang up on me!”

Lofty resumed, “You’re also good for corn chips and salsa, I guess. So that leaves the question…” she looked over at one of the stands, “do you wanna make the tomato paste yourself, or do you wanna buy it at the store?”

“Well,” Applebloom considered, “we probably wanna do that for the cook-off, but since we’re havin’ guests tonight we can grab us some paste too!”

“Well then, let’s grab you some tomatoes now.” Aunt Holiday led them towards the stand.

Lofty kept reading the list, “We’re also gonna wanna grab some onions and garlic.”

They walked up to the stall of a Bitalian vendor. She looked remarkably similar to the panicked red mare who worked at Town Hall, just with an apron, a visor, and an RBF.

“Alright,” Holiday picked up a tomato and rotated it with her hooves, “let’s see here.”

“Hey lady,” said the vendor, “no freebies here—if you touch ‘em you take ‘em.”

“She’s just makin’ sure it’s fine.” Lofty said flatly.

“You think I’d be duh’ one and only tomato venduh’ on ‘dis street if my product was bad?”

Lofty got ready to speak when Holiday blocked her with her hoof, “Say, how many of these does it take to make tomato paste?”

“What am I? A recipe book?”

“That wasn’t even clev-” Lofty was cut off again by her spouse.

Holiday said brightly, “Just give us your best estimate.”

The vendor groaned and started doing the math in her head. She smashed an imaginary tomato with her hoof and measured it out into an imaginary cup. She multiplied it centimeter by centimeter, mumbling to herself. “About thirty tomatoes a pint.”

“Thirty for a pint?” Holiday exclaimed. “That’s not even a litre!”

“I-I guess not? Look lady, if you don’t like it go back to Trottingham!”

Holiday furrowed her brow, “I’m from Horstralia.”

“Actually Mrs. Holiday-!” Applebloom chimed in, “Ah’ think she’s right. Cause when we’re making applesauce, it only takes two apples a cup, but that’s ‘cause apples’re a lot thicker than tomaters’.”

“Oh! Well, good thing we have you here Applebloom!” Holiday smiled.

“So…yah’ gonna buy somethin’ or just stand there? Two bits for three tomatoes.” the vendor said.

“Two bits is outrageous,” Aunt Lofty stepped forward, “that’d be like…20 bits!”

“Dat’s how it is, lady. Take it or leave it!”

Aunt Holiday thought it over, “Well…”

The group walked away from the stall unburdened by tomatoes, leaving a sour red mare cursing up a storm.

“It’s fine y’all,” Applebloom assured them, “we can just buy it at the store.” She couldn’t hear their response, as both aunts were covering all the fillies’ ears.

One thing they were happy to get at a market stall was a few containers of whatever spices they were lacking: cumin, paprika, cinnamon; all they needed from the market now was the protein.

“Okay what are…‘portobello mushrooms’?” said a confused Lofty. “I thought this was supposed to be a simple family recipe. What’s wrong with good old tofu?”

“I think the point is that the mushrooms already taste like whatever meat they’re trying to replace,” said Aunt Holiday.

“Ick!” Aunt Lofty gagged, “You gotta wonder which brave pony figured out something was missing from his food when he hadn’t killed something for it!”

Lofty was joking, but the actual origin of meat substitutes was from different races, such as griffins and boars - influential to the culinary world - which produced individuals who were uncomfortable with eating once living things. Products like eggs and dairy were fine, because those were more or less given freely. But there were times when even ungulates like cows and ponies couldn’t get enough protein from grasses, and legumes weren’t available. That’s how you get snake stew being willingly consumed by ponies like Applejack.

“The real problem is, the only mushrooms I’ve seen at the market are the white ones,” said Aunt Holiday, “and I don’t even know where to find ‘portobello’ mushrooms!”

She glanced around the market, then spotted a stand made of dark timbers, decorated with monster teeth, glowing mushrooms, and what was either a mask or the skull of a creature hanging above the counter. Holiday recognized the keeper.

“Hey, why don’t we ask Zecora?” she pointed.

“Oh, so that’s Zecora!” Lofty blinked, not expecting the infamous witch-doctor to be a zebra. “Well, we should at least say hi.”

The Aunts walked towards her stand, but Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle stayed right where they were as they looked back at Applebloom. The poor filly’s ears and bow sagged, and she looked like she was about to throw up.

“Uh…Aunt Lofty, Aunt Holiday?” the Aunts looked back at Scootaloo’s call, “I think Applebloom needs a little break, you guys go on ahead!”

The mares exchanged glances. Aunt Holiday addressed the fillies. “Alright girls, just wait over at the bookmobile where we can see you!”

“We will!” Scootaloo called back. Sweetie Belle took Applebloom’s hoof and walked her towards the bookmobile.

When the Aunts were a distance away, the sick-looking Applebloom was the first to speak, “Ah’ just realized somethin’...”

Her friends looked at her.

“How is she gonna help Applejack if somethin’ bad happens, and she can’t get to her fast enough? That zebra lives in the middle of the woods!”

‘That zebra’? thought Scootaloo.

“It’s okay, Applebloom.” Sweetie Belle patted her on the back, “it’s perfectly normal to be scared.” Sweetie then smiled, “But maybe educating yourself will help you feel better about it.”

“Is that what the book says?” Applebloom said flatly.

“Yes…” Sweetie sheepishly lifted the book towards them, “but if it’ll help?”

Applebloom sighed, “Fine. Let’s hear it.”

Sweetie beamed. She put her arm around Applebloom, then opened the book and began reading. “Fact Number One: Most pregnancies are successful. Equestria has a 90% rate of successful births, and only 2.9 deaths per 100,000 births. And Applejack’s very healthy, that’s a big bonus!” She held the book up closer to Applebloom. “Fact Number Two: Pregnancy symptoms like morning sickness, can actually be a GOOD sign. It means that she has a strong immune system that is working to protect herself and the baby.”

“Ah, Mrs. Holiday, welcome to my store! Are there any goods that you wish to procure?” Zecora waved over Aunt Holiday and Lofty, then gestured at her wares.

“G’day Zecora!” said Aunt Holiday, “We’re actually looking for some advice. Oh, and I don’t believe you’ve met her.” Holiday grabbed her partner’s foreleg. “This is my wife, Lofty!”

“Hi. Pleasure to meet you.” Lofty said bashfully.

“And you as well,” Zecora said, “now what advice do you need me to tell?”

Lofty gave a confused look, Is she doing a bit or something? Why the rhyming?

Holiday explained, “Well we’re helping the Apples get the ingredients for a chili, with Applejack being sick and all. We’re supposed to get ‘portobello’ mushrooms for the protein. Do you know where we might find that?”

Zecora stroked her chin, “Hmm, portobellos are chewy, yet hard to get right. May I see the list just to gain some insight?-I’m a bit of a cook myself.” Holiday passed the list to her, Lofty had begun to inspect the different jars the zebra had on display.

Zecora looked up and smirked as she saw the green mare’s hoof hover over a green concoction, “Unless there’s some malaise that’s bugging you, I wouldn’t suggest having that kind of brew.”

Lofty drew her hoof back. “Oh no, I was just looking at it.”

At length, Zecora spoke to Aunt Holiday. “Well I knew, without reading, the answer to your situation, for this recipe, can I suggest one alteration?”

“Um, sure.” said Aunt Holiday

“Mushrooms of this sort are not sold this far north, and I notice that you’re serving fillies. Tongue mushroom won’t do, it’s not right for this brew, why not have maitake for this chili?”

“‘Maitake’? Where would we get that?”

“The Honnalese stand is where they’ll be found,” Zecora pointed down the street at a sizable tent with a sign written in kanji, “and if you tell them I sent you, you might get a discount.”

“Maitake…alright, well thank you Zecora! Maybe I should take something off your hooves just for that.” Holiday took out her coin purse. “Do you have anything I can use at our next campout?”

“Let me see what I’ve got,” Zecora turned around and combed through her stock.

“Um, by the way,” Aunt Holiday said tactfully, “the girls didn’t seem to know. What exactly is Applejack’s problem?”

Zecora froze for a second, her ears flattened, she dared not turn around.

“Um, well…I don’t want to break doctor-patient confidentiality,” she nervously scratched her foreleg, “but I assure you her problems aren’t one of mortality.”

“Is it just something embarrassing? Cause I think Applebloom should know, just so she feels better.”

Zecora furrowed her brow, maybe this wasn’t as easy on everyone as she thought. She then shook her head and turned around. “Look, Applejack’s just never been sick before. Applebloom may be upset now, but soon nevermore. She’ll get back on her hooves, in time she’ll improve. If assurance she lacks, leave it to Applejack.”

“Oh, okay…” Aunt Holiday was somewhat disappointed. This seemed oddly callous of the zebra, but Holiday wasn’t going to fight over this.

“Now, for your camping trip, here’s a bag of cedar chips you can buy for just four bits.” Zecora placed them on the counter. “Throw them in the fire for a better smell, and biting insects they will also repel. If you spread these around the site, they won’t be caught dead taking flight.”

“Ah, that should do nicely. Here you go.” Holiday placed the bits on the counter as Lofty placed the chips in her saddlebags. “We’ll see you around Zecora!”

The couple walked away, and just after they left Zecora began to greet another customer.

“Constable Bolo, welcome to my shop. What can I get our honorable cop?”

“Nothin’ far’ me thanks,” he said in his usual wary tone, “Oi’m actually here t’make sure ya’ got all yer permits in order…”

“Oh, I see,” Zecora went full deadpan, “this old song and dance. Well I’ll have you know, I got my papers well in advance.” She ducked behind her counter and produced the papers in question.

“Just doin’ moy’ job ma’am.” The stallion lifted the papers with his magic and looked them over. Despite his low helmet, she could read his weakening expression and got a smug look on her face. “Hmm, you may have the roight to set up shop, but do ya’ have the roight to sell pharmaceuticals?”

“I can sell potions, I talked with the mayor. My degree's good at home and it’s also good here.” From her saddlebag she withdrew a license and hoofed it to Bolo.

He read it and sighed, “Well, not sure how Oi’ feel about that slant rhyme, but, Oi’ guess everything’s in order. A little piece of advoice’ though?”

Zecora groaned, “How many times must I say it? It’s a mask, not a head!” She pointed to a horned white mask hanging over the counter. “It clearly depicts the god of the dead!”

“Not that, though Oi’ doubt it helps yer case much. Oi’m talkin’ about the lack of privacy yer customers get.”

“Privacy?” Zecora said, confused.

The officer fidgeted and looked over his shoulder. “Oi’ mean, since yer sellin’ a lot of personal products, maybe it would be noice’ if nopony else could see ya’ boyin’ ‘em. Then y’d have a lot more customers.”

“Oh…Well I could sell at night, but then I couldn’t walk back. The Everfree is dangerous when everything is black. Maybe I can make this an outdoor clinic, and Farasicanize it as my gimmick.” She then looked back at the Constable, and gave him a sly look. “The reason you’re here, you wish not to be known, whisper into my ear, I’ll bring the cure to your home.”

“What?” Bolo gasped. He turned away and blushed. “I don’t know what’cha mean!”

“Officer,” she said incredulously, “you expect to deceive me that you believed me not to have all the right papers? Since you made an excuse just to tell me the truth, why turn back at the end of this caper?”

Bolo bit his lip, and looked around to make sure there was nopony listening. He then leaned in and whispered into Zecora’s ear.

Her eyes widened in surprise, then softened in understanding. “Oh, I don’t have a potion for that.” Bolo simply hung his head. “I’m afraid the lone cure is exercise, or maybe hormones that a doctor prescribes.”

Daring tugged at the hem of the scarlet dress, its silk clinging uncomfortably to her frame. The golden bangles jingled on her hooves as she shifted her weight, trying to look casual.

“You look stunning,” the prince said, his eyes lingering a little too long.

Daring forced a tight smile. “And you’re as charming as I’ve heard.”

He chuckled, offering her his hoof. “Come, my lady. Let us enjoy the night.”

Daring hesitated, her mind racing. She needed the key he wore around his neck, but the way he held her gaze sent a shiver down her spine.

She placed her hoof in his and let him lead her to the dance floor. The music swelled, and the crowd’s attention drifted away. “Careful,” she murmured under her breath. “I bite.”

The prince’s grin widened. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Hey, can we skip this part?” moaned Applebloom. “This stuff’s always just boring…”

“What do you mean ‘boring’?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“Ah’ mean this ain’t important—let’s just get to the next action scene!”

“But of course it’s important!” said Scootaloo, “She has to steal the key but that guy has it. Let’s just see where it goes!”

As they stepped into the center of the ballroom, Daring forced herself to move with the music, her hooves gliding across the polished floor. The prince’s hoof remained firmly on hers, guiding her in an annoyingly confident manner.

“You’re quite light on your hooves,” he said, his tone low and smooth.

“I’ve had practice,” she replied, careful to keep her voice light. Her eyes darted to the golden key dangling against his chest, glinting in the candlelight. It was close—so close—but snatching it in the middle of a crowded room would only blow her cover.

He leaned in, his voice barely audible above the music. “And yet, I get the feeling you’re not quite what you seem.”

Daring’s heart skipped a beat. “I’m not sure what you mean.”

“Oh, don’t play coy,” he said with a soft laugh. “I can see it in your eyes—sharp, calculating. You’re no mere guest. You have a purpose here tonight.”

Daring stiffened, her mind whirring as she prepared an excuse, but before she could speak, he twirled her, pulling her back into a tighter hold. “I find that purpose… intriguing.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Flattery won’t get you far.”

“Who said I was flattering you?” His voice dipped lower, his tone almost predatory. “Perhaps I simply enjoy a challenge.”

Daring smirked despite herself. “Careful, Your Highness. You might bite off more than you can chew.”

The prince tilted his head, a gleam of amusement in his eyes. “I’ll take my chances.”

“See? Something’s happening.” Sweetie addressed Applebloom. “She’s gotta get the key, but this guy has her figured out.”

“Ah’ still don’t think we’d miss much,” grumbled Applebloom.

“I think this is kind of exciting. You don’t know what’s gonna happen next! What do you think, Scootaloo?” Sweetie looked at the orange filly, who was still staring at the pages of the book, and muttering the dialogue under her breath.

“Um, Scootaloo?” Sweetie tried to grab her attention. Scootaloo just turned the page heedless of her.

“Scootaloo!” yelled Applebloom.

Scootaloo pulled her head up from her trance. “Huh, what?”

“You turned the page,” Applebloom said flatly, “and you stopped readin’.”

“Oh! I’m sorry.” Scootaloo said. “Y-you didn’t miss much though, he just led her out to the balcony and she’s trying to grab the key.”

As he chuckled, Daring’s eyes flicked to the key once more. She reached up, pretending to adjust her earring, and brushed against the thin wire tucked beneath her mane. If all went well, she wouldn’t even need to touch him. She just needed to distract him long enough to snatch the key.

The prince’s voice broke through her thoughts. “Tell me, my mysterious lady—what would you do if you had the world in the palm of your hoof?”

Daring paused, caught off guard by the question. “The world?” she echoed.

He nodded. “Power, riches, influence—everything. What would you do with it?”

She forced a smirk. “Not wear dresses like this, for starters.”

He laughed, a rich, genuine sound. “Fair enough. But I’m serious. A pony like you—sharp, driven—you must have ambitions beyond mingling at parties.”

Her expression faltered for the briefest moment before she recovered. “And what about you, Your Highness? What do you do when you have the world?”

He smiled faintly, his gaze distant. “You look for somepony who can make it feel smaller. More meaningful.”

Daring’s chest tightened, and for a moment, she wondered if there was more to him than the charming, calculating façade. But she quickly shook the thought away. This was her mission, and no amount of smooth talk would distract her.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” she said coolly, stepping closer under the guise of leaning on the railing. Her hoof brushed against the key, and her heart leapt.

“Careful,” the prince said softly, his voice like silk. “You wouldn’t want to get burned.”

Daring froze, her hoof still hovering near the golden key around his neck. She glanced up to find him watching her, his smirk as sharp as a blade.

“Burned?” she said, feigning innocence as she slowly withdrew her hoof. “What do you mean?”

The prince chuckled, pushing himself away from the railing with a casual grace. “Come now, my lady. A pony like you doesn’t end up at a ball like this without a reason.”

“I could say the same about you,” Daring quipped, masking her nerves with a wry smile.

“Touché,” he replied, pacing slowly around her. “But you’re different. The way you hold yourself—poised, yet ready to bolt at any moment. And your eyes… They’re not here to admire the view or enjoy the festivities.”

Daring’s pulse quickened as he circled her, his tone as calm and measured as a predator stalking its prey.

“So tell me,” he continued, stopping just behind her, his voice dropping to a whisper. “What is it you’re looking for tonight?”

Daring forced herself to laugh lightly, though her muscles tensed. “Would you believe me if I said good conversation and terrible hors d’oeuvres?”

He stepped in front of her, his smirk widening. “I’d believe you if you weren’t so clearly lying.”

Daring’s mind raced. He was testing her—trying to rattle her, make her slip up. She needed to regain control of the conversation before he pried any deeper.

“Fine,” she said with a shrug, her voice dripping with mock exasperation. “You caught me. I came here for the free wine.”

The prince arched an eyebrow. “And the key around my neck? Was that part of the vintage selection?”

Her breath hitched, but she quickly covered it with a laugh. “I’ve got a thing for shiny accessories. Can you blame me?”

His smile didn’t falter, but his eyes grew sharper, more calculating. “Then let’s make it interesting,” he said, reaching into his coat. He pulled out a small, golden chess piece—a knight—and placed it on the railing between them.

“What’s this?” Daring asked, eyeing the piece warily.

“A game,” he said simply. “You seem like the type who enjoys a challenge. So here’s mine: best me in a round of wits, and you can have the key.”

Daring frowned, her instincts screaming that this was a trap. “And if I lose?”

His grin widened. “Then I’ll keep the key… and your company for the rest of the night.”

She narrowed her eyes, the gears in her mind turning. He was toying with her, trying to distract her from her mission—or perhaps draw her into his own game. But what choice did she have? The key was her ticket to stopping Dr. Caballeron’s scheme, and time was running out.

“Fine,” she said, matching his smirk with one of her own. “But don’t expect me to go easy on you.”

“Good,” he said, leaning closer. “Neither will I.”

“Why doesn’t she just punch him?” yelled Applebloom. “Then take the key and fly away!”

“Applebloom…” Sweetie Belle whined.

“Because Daring Do’ can totally win a chess game!” Scootaloo rolled her eyes.

“But this guy’s fishy…” sneered Applebloom.

“Well,” Sweetie Belle said, “maybe she likes him?”

“Whuh?-No, Sweetie Belle! Darin’ Do doesn’t do romance!” Applebloom crossed her forelegs.

Scootaloo thought for a second, “What about the first book?” Applebloom’s eyes widened.

“Oh, yes!” Sweetie Belle said dreamily, “I love Ash Ironmane! He’s my favorite!”

“Hey, that was different!” said Applebloom. “They knew each other for a long time before that!-AND he was also an adventurer who could help her out.” Applebloom gave a confident nod. “This guy’s just like that Prince Blueblood guy, probably too worried about gettin’ dirty to go on an adventure!”

“What about that guy from the second book?” said Scootaloo, “He was afraid of getting dirty. And bugs.”

Scootaloo groaned, “Uggh! Velvet was so annoying! I wish that Grogar-guy tore his heart out.”

Sweetie Belle giggled, “Well, maybe Daring Do’ likes weak stallions.”

“All stallions are weak, Sweetie Belle.” Scootaloo said flatly.

A frustrated Applebloom interrupted, “But those were good guys!-And they didn’t start out liking each other—like you and Button Mash, Sweetie Belle.”

“Wow!” Scootaloo had stopped short of getting too personal before, only for Applebloom to do so anyway. Sweetie Belle merely glared, but let it slide because she knew Applebloom was just upset.

“The one time she liked a guy from the start, he turned out to be a fascist and betrayed her! Besides, what makes you think she likes this guy?”

Sweetie Belle was slightly irate, “Because he’s making her blush! That’s what you do when you like somepony.”

“Whuh-? Naw, she’s probably just embarrassed! This guy’s actin’ like Caballeron and sayin’ all this weird stuff like ‘the hunt is on!’-An’ all that.”

“That’s also just what ponies do when they like somepony. It’s called flirting.”

Applebloom cocked her head. “What?”

“Yeah, flirting. Rarity does it all the time. She does it to get stallions to do things for her, even if she doesn’t really like them.”

“Well…then it’s the same here! He just wants something from her, and she wants the key! She’s gonna outsmart him!”

“I just don’t think he’s a villain, Applebloom.” Sweetie Belle asserted, “He has nothing to do with Caballeron. He’s just said he wants to spend the night with her,” Applebloom froze at this, “and he might just give her the key anyway!”

“Oh mah’ gawd…” Sweetie Belle looked over and saw Applebloom looked like she was going to throw up again. “Ah’ just realized what that Prince wants…”

Sweetie crossed over to Applebloom, “What? What does he want?”

Applebloom turned green, she was actually going to throw up, “-*hurk* mah’ grandma!”

Sweetie Belle blinked. “What?”

Applebloom choked it back, her nostrils burned. “Ahem! Ah' mean-uh, Darin’ Do, he-…he wants to sleep with her!”

“Like…sleep in the same bed as her? Like a mom and dad? I guess that’s kinda romantic-”

At this, Scootaloo shook her head. “Oh geez, he wants to MATE with her!”

Both fillies looked at Scootaloo like she blew their dog whistle.

“That’s why all those stallions go crazy for Rarity, it’s not just cause they want to marry her or think she’s pretty, it’s cause they want to-” Scootaloo made an obscene gesture she must’ve learnt overnight, “-because it feels good!”

Scootaloo must’ve also grown a second head, judging by how Sweetie Belle’s eyebrow was trying to dig into her forehead.

“And I guess it must feel good for the mares too—I mean why else would they do it if there’s a chance they’ll have babies?”

“Like mah’ grandma…” Applebloom said dreadfully. Sweetie then redirected her gaze to her.

“Applebloom, I don’t WANT to know about your grandma, okay? Can we just keep reading?”

The other two stayed silent. Scootaloo took that as her cue, “Alright!” she then scanned the page for a few seconds, then turned it to the next one. Then the next one. And again, as she furrowed her brow. “Okay, this chess game is going on really long…I think we can skip this. Okay-”

Finally, with one last daring maneuver, Daring cornered his king. “Checkmate,” she said, smirking as she leaned back.

The prince stared at the board for a moment, then burst out laughing. “Impressive,” he said, his tone genuine. “You’re full of surprises.”

He stood, removing the key from around his neck. But instead of hoofing it over, he held it just out of reach, his eyes glinting with mischief. “One last question before I give you your prize,” he said. “Why were you really after this?”

Daring hesitated, her mind scrambling for an answer. Should she stick to her cover story or risk a half-truth?

The prince held the key aloft, the gold glinting in the soft light of the lanterns. His smirk softened, his tone dipping into something quieter. “Come now, my lady. Tell me—what is it you’re really after tonight?”

Daring felt her pulse quicken as his gaze met hers, steady and unyielding. For a moment, the noise of the ball—the clinking of glasses, the murmur of voices, the lilting music—faded into the background. It was just the two of them, locked in a silent battle of wills.

“I already told you,” she said, tilting her chin up. “I’ve got a weakness for shiny things.”

He chuckled, stepping closer. “Shiny things, hmm?” He reached out, brushing his hoof lightly against the golden bangles on her foreleg. “Then you must be feeling quite at home.”

She swallowed hard, but held her ground. “You’re deflecting. Are you going to hand over the key, or are we going to dance around this all night?”

“Why not both?” he murmured, his voice low and warm. He leaned in, so close that she caught a hint of spice in his cologne. “Unless you’re afraid I’ll get too close.”

“Afraid?” she scoffed, though her heart was pounding. “You’re the one playing games, Prince.”

“And you’re playing them just as well,” he said, his eyes glinting. “But there’s something different about this game, isn’t there? Something about you.”

Her breath caught. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t you?” he said, his tone almost teasing. He moved closer again, the key still dangling from his hoof, tantalizingly close. “Then take it. It’s yours. All you have to do is reach out and grab it.”

Daring’s eyes darted between the key and his face, her mind racing. She could snatch it now, end this charade, and make her escape. But something about the way he was looking at her—like he could see straight through her bravado—made her pause.

“What’s the catch?” she asked, her voice quieter now.

“No catch,” he said, his smile softening. “Just a question.”

She raised an eyebrow. “What kind of question?”

His voice dropped to a near-whisper. “If I asked you to stay, would you?”

The words hung in the air, heavy and unexpected. Daring felt her heart skip a beat. Was this another trick, another way to throw her off balance? Or was there something real beneath his teasing exterior?

“I…” She hesitated, cursing herself for the crack in her resolve. “You don’t know me, Your Highness.”

“Don’t I?” he said, his expression unreadable. “I think I know you better than you’d like to admit.”

Daring opened her mouth to retort, but no words came. She felt trapped, caught between the mission and the strange pull of the moment. She couldn’t afford to let her guard down—not now, not ever. But the warmth in his gaze was disarming, and for the first time in a long time, she found herself questioning her own instincts.

He reached out, gently taking her hoof in his. “Stay,” he said, his voice barely audible over the music. “Just for tonight.”

Daring stared at him, torn. Part of her wanted to laugh, to brush him off with a witty remark and snatch the key. But another part of her—a part she didn’t fully understand—wanted to take a leap of faith.

“Just for tonight?” she said, tilting her head and letting a hint of a smile play on her lips.

“Just tonight,” the prince murmured, his voice warm and inviting. He raised her hoof to his lips, brushing a soft kiss against it. “The world can wait until morning.”

Daring’s stomach fluttered, but she quickly buried the feeling. “Alright, Your Highness,” she said, her voice light and teasing. “But only if you promise not to step on my hooves.”

Sweetie Belle was like a live-studio audience “Ohhh! It’s happening!” Scootaloo was the only one laughing. Applebloom just turned away.

He laughed, a low and genuine sound, before pulling her into the dance. The music slowed, the crowd thinning as more ponies wandered off to mingle or sip champagne. Daring felt the prince’s hoof settle firmly on her waist, the other guiding hers in a gentle sway.

“You dance well,” he said, his breath warm against her ear.

“Of course I do,” she replied, her tone breezy, though her cheeks burned. “I’ve got more moves than you can imagine.”

Scootaloo raised an eyebrow. How had she never noticed all this innuendo before?

“Of that, I have no doubt,” he said, his voice dropping an octave. His hoof slid slightly lower, resting just above the curve of her hip. “But you don’t need to prove anything to me.”

Daring’s pulse quickened, her mind scrambling for a witty comeback. Instead, she found herself leaning into him, just a fraction, as the music wrapped around them like a cocoon. She glanced up, her eyes catching the soft glow of the lanterns reflecting in his.

“So,” she said, her voice quieter now, “what’s the real reason for this little party of yours?”

“The same as everypony else,” he said, his tone smooth but his eyes sharp. “A celebration, a chance to unwind... and maybe, for once, to share a moment with somepony who isn’t just here for my title.”

“Must be lonely at the top,” she quipped, though her voice lacked its usual bite.

He smiled, a little sadly. “You’d know, wouldn’t you?”

Daring’s steps faltered, but he steadied her, his touch firm. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You don’t have to say it,” he said softly. “I can see it. You carry the weight of your world on your shoulders, but even the strongest ponies need a chance to rest.”

For a moment, Daring forgot about the key, forgot about the mission. His words cut through her usual defenses, leaving her feeling exposed in a way she hadn’t anticipated. She looked away, breaking the spell.

“Careful,” she said, her voice wavering. “You’re getting a little too close.”

He chuckled, the sound sending a shiver down her spine. “Isn’t that the point?”

Before she could respond, the prince spun her, pulling her back against his chest in one fluid motion. The sudden closeness made her heart skip a beat. She felt his breath against her mane, the key dangling just inches from her reach.

“Tell me, Daring,” he murmured, his tone a mix of amusement and something deeper. “If this isn’t what you want... why haven’t you walked away?”

Daring’s mind screamed at her to take the key and run, but her body betrayed her, lingering in the moment. She turned her head slightly, their faces close enough that she could see every detail in his piercing gaze.

“Maybe I just like the chase,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

His smile widened. “Then let’s make it a night to remember.”

Applebloom breathed a sigh of relief as she saw Aunt Holiday and Lofty approaching them from across the street. “Hey guys! They’re done!” She got up as they had finished reading the chapter.

Scootaloo then got the jitters, “Ohhh, I gotta know what happens next! I’ll just see what the next chapter is like.”

Sweetie Belle concurred, the Aunts would just have to come to them. She stayed sitting with Scootaloo as she scanned the first page of the next chapter.

Scootaloo didn’t read the next part aloud.

The morning light crept through the ornate curtains, casting golden streaks across the lavish bedroom. Daring stirred, her senses slowly coming alive to the warmth of the silken sheets tangled around her legs. The air was still heavy with the scent of sandalwood and something faintly spicy—his cologne, lingering on her fur like a ghost of the night before.

She glanced over her shoulder, heart pounding, to see the prince still asleep, his chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm. His mane was tousled, the usual pristine elegance replaced by a rare vulnerability. For a moment, Daring hesitated, her hoof lingering on the edge of the bed.

“Well?” said Sweetie Belle “What’s it say?”

“She woke up in his bed-” Scootaloo stopped herself, her aunts were in earshot. She held the passage closer to Sweetie Belle, “-She woke up in his ‘dungeon’!” She winked at her.

“Oh my, how is Daring Do’ going to get herself out of this one, eh?” Holiday had walked up first, as usual. “Alright, brumby, it’s time to get a move on!”

“Yes, Aunt Holiday!” Scootaloo rose to her feet after Sweetie Belle. She shut the book, but for a moment she stared at the illustrated cover, at Daring Do’, posed with the Prince. Scootaloo never noticed it before, but she looked really…good. They both did.

“You wanna take that home, Sweetie-loo?”

“Wha-?” Scootaloo snapped out of her trance. “Oh! No thanks, I can just borrow it from Twilight later.” She then handed it back to the vendor.

“Well alright!” Holiday said. Lofty then held up the list.

“We got the mushrooms while you girls took your little break,” said Aunt Lofty, “now all we need is the vegetable oil, and Applejack’s orange juice, and then we’re all set!”

They then set off towards the one retail store in Ponyville, Rich’s Barnyard Bargains. There were other places in Equestria, where stores like these ran all the other businesses out of town by virtue of quantity over quality. In Ponyville, there were regulations in place, plus the owner Filthy Rich’s own sense of business ethics, that kept this from happening. No amount of nagging from his wife changed Filthy’s desire for Ponyville to remain the nice little town he always knew it as.

The group was just outside the store when Scootaloo spoke up.

“Hey, I just thought of something,” she said, “is Applejack even gonna be able to eat this? Isn’t it too spicy for her?”

“No, that’s a myth.” Sweetie Belle said, she withdrew the leather book again.

“It says here that-” Sweetie Belle then realized the Aunts were looking at her, “Uh…ponies with, uh…Applejack’s condition, can eat spicy food just fine!” She smiled nervously.

Aunt Holiday stared a hole into Sweetie Belle. “Sweetie Belle…Earlier, you told me you didn’t know what was wrong with Applejack.”

“Umm…” Sweetie stammered, “This is just a book I got to figure out what she might have!”

“Really?” Holiday said incredulously, “Where do you get it? You couldn’t have gotten it at the bookmobile, because you’ve had it ever since we left the house.”

Sweetie Belle could feet herself shrinking under Holiday’s gaze.

“Uh…” Applebloom slid in, “TWILIGHT loaned it to me!”

“Didn’t Zecora know what was wrong with Applejack? Why did you go to Twilight instead of asking her?”

Applebloom blinked.

“Applebloom…” Holiday walked up to her. “What is wrong with Applejack?”

Applebloom’s mouth hung open, she couldn’t think of what to say as Aunt Holiday cast a shadow over the CMC. That was when Lofty suddenly put her hoof on Holiday’s shoulder.

“Uh…Holly?”

Holiday was caught off guard, “What?”

Lofty turned her wife aside, placing herself between Holiday and the fillies. She cupped her snout and whispered to Holiday, “Look, I don’t know everything that’s going on here, but I think I know what’s going on with Applejack! Just wait until you see her this evening, and this will all make sense. For now just drop it, okay?”

Holiday was a bit bewildered. She looked into her wife’s sincere eyes, and despite the right side of her brain demanding an answer, she couldn’t help but trust Lofty. “Uhh-?...okay,” she sighed.

With that they made their way into the store.

“I’m sorry Twilight! I really have to take care of the rats, and I don’t know how long it will take! I’ll check again tomorrow!” Fluttershy flew home, having just told an exasperated Twilight that she couldn’t get ahold of Applejack.

The woods around Fluttershy’s Cottage were a virtual sanctuary for animals, nestled between the quaint charm of Ponyville, and the enigmatic, otherworldly expanse of the Everfree Forest. Everywhere possible, her property was decorated in birdhouses, including inside the cottage itself. Her house was perched on a hill within a copse of trees. Below the hill, a series of enclosures and habitats lined the stream that flowed past her house. The whole area was somewhat messy from the day's commotion, as the animals often forgot their manners when frightened, though Fluttershy was quick to remind them. At times like these, she was thankful for her sturdy chicken coop.

She wished she had reinforced her rabbit hutch similarly. Fluttershy opened the door to her house, then immediately began to hover above a carpet of bunnies. She had surrendered most of the floor to create a large playpen for them. Angel Bunny voiced his displeasure.

“It’s just for a few days, Angel,” she said. “There’s plenty of food for everyone, and they know to bury their ‘hraka’ in the litterbox. Now if you’ll excuse me…”

Fluttershy ascended the stairs and Angel followed her. Just adjacent to her bedroom (where the weaker rabbits were staying), there was a dollhouse on a table. She floated up to the house and put her hoof through the door. Suddenly, a bright yellow light shone from the doorway and enveloped her body, then she disappeared.

“Ooh! What about a snowglobe…filled with pepper flakes?” Screwball’s tail morphed into a snapping hand, and in a flash she was standing in a glass dome of swirling red flakes. “AAAAHH!” Her eyes glowed red as she screamed, a mix of agony and unhinged joy.

“Ha ha ha ha ha!” Discord floated in the air and gave a haughty laugh. “Brilliant! Too brilliant for this piddling festival…”

“AAAAHH-! Thanks, daddy! I think this could really get people-I mean, ponies to like me!”

“Eh? Is THAT the reason you’re doing this?” Discord murmured. “Just so ponies will like you?”

“Well no, it’s ‘cause my ideas are AWESOME and I wanna show them off. People liking me is just a bonus…”

“Okay…” Discord turned away and scratched his chin with his eagle claw. “I just want to be sure you’re not making a bunch of fair-weather friends, is all.”

Screwball looked up at him, “What’s a ‘fair-weather friend’?”

“A fair-weather friend…” he snapped his fingers, and then they were side-by-side on a picturesque field, “is somepony who’s there for you in the good times, when everything is sunny and going fine!”

“Oh, well that sounds good-!”

“Ah-ah-ah! I haven’t finished,” he snapped again, and they were now in the middle of a storm. “-But when the weather turns and things look ugly…”

They looked out and saw a house, the windows glowed with a warm inner light. The stall door opened and peeking out was a curly haired ginger filly. For a moment, Screwy’s pleading eyes seemed to provoke her sympathy, but then a stallion's voice came from inside the house, “Sweetie, close that door please!” She looked back at Screwy and gave her sorrowful look before closing the door.

“-They won’t even let you in.” Discord continued. He then lifted the weather and they were left standing in a puddle that stretched to the horizon. Screwball looked down at her reflection. “And the fact is, even if Celestia’s made things really ‘harmonious’ in Equestria, most creatures are still like that deep down. There’s just a lot of ‘good weather’ in Equestria, so to speak.”

“Twist isn’t like that,” said Screwball, “Applebloom said they just stopped hanging out because she didn’t feel like she fit in.”

“Well I wouldn’t know,” Discord shrugged, “I only watched that episode, like, once-Look it doesn’t matter! My point is, just be careful putting too much stock in being liked. It’s like I said before…”

“‘The only ones who matter’,” Screwball recited, “‘are those who are with you at the end of the day’...”

“And if you’re not doing anypony no harm, don’t worry about what anypony else thinks! Don’t let them get you down,” Discord then drew a smile on both their faces, making Screwball giggle, “and don’t let them see they get you down. Okay?”

Screwball said giggling, “Okay, Daddy!” He hugged her tightly into his chest.

The illusion completely faded as a golden light appeared before them. The snowglobe was standing in the living room of a pastel colored, colonial-style house. The orb lowered to the floor and grew out into the shape of a pegasus with a long mane. Fluttershy had appeared in the foyer.

“Why hello, Mr. Discord! So nice to see you showing affection.” Discord hastily let go of his daughter, and teleported them out of the snowglobe.

“Hi mama!” Screwball flew up to her, “So, is Applejack pregnant?”

Fluttershy’s eyes went wide, as did Discord’s. She gave him a nervous smile and addressed Screwball, “I don’t know yet sweetie, I didn’t see her, but let’s try not to spread around rumors, okay? If Applejack wants ponies to know that, she’ll tell them.”

“That she has an apple in the oven?” Discord laughed. “That would be news to me. I mean, isn’t she…?” Discord wiggled his hand.

Fluttershy composed herself, “Applejack-…is Applejack. Even if she doesn’t have a label for herself, we can’t give her one. Now-” she then looked at the snowglobe, “-what do we have here?”

Screwy smiled. “It’s a spice-globe!” She then teleported back inside and started scream-laughing again.

“Are you sure that follows the safety guidelines?”

“AAAAH-There’s a pepper sack race, mama.” Screwy teleported out of the globe again. “I tried out the pepper dunk tank too, and the only difference is you do that to somepony else! Do you know how much it hurts having pepper stuff on your privates?” Fluttershy averted her eyes as Screwy tried to show her what she was talking about.

“Uh, kiddo,” Discord cut in, “they’re not really ‘privates’ if anypony can see them when you stand up.” He pushed her back to her hooves. “Really nopony has privates unless you wear pants. Or if you’re me! Nopony has ever even seen my privates!”

Discord wriggled and contorted his body, sending Screwball into a giggling fit, “They’re the most private privates to have ever been kept private!”

Fluttershy looked him up and down and blushed for a second, but quickly shook it off. “Well, if Twilight thinks it’s okay then I guess it’s fine. But now it’s time for us to go, Screwball.”

“Oh, yeah I forgot!” Screwball got up and sprouted an oversized deerstalker hat and two-barreled shotgun. “We’re going hunting! Bye daddy!”

“Just wait outside for a second Screwy,” Screwball awkwardly waddled to the door, “I want to check in with Mr. Discord for a bit.”

Screwy stopped for a second and turned around, “But why do I need to leave for tha-” Fluttershy gave her a look, “-Okay! Bye Daddy!” She touched the doorhandle and was transported away.

Fluttershy and Discord were now alone in the dollhouse. There was a long silence.

At length, Discord spoke. “So, ‘Miss’ Fluttershy…”

“Sorry Discord, I didn’t mean to be cold. I just don’t want her to get the wrong idea…again.”

“It’s fine-it’s just a little weird.” Fluttershy raised an eyebrow, He’s never said “weird” like it’s a bad thing before! “You know if you asked me, I would’ve helped with the shield. No tricks.”

“I thought you said you wouldn’t like the precedent it would set if people started coming to you for things.”

“Oh, but you’re okay with that happening for Screwball?” he said indignantly.

“She did it in exchange for something else, and this is a great chance for her to express herself! Besides, would you honestly have been happy answering to Twilight?”

“Oh, heavens no! But you could’ve at least asked!” he pouted.

“And you’d have just been offended and said no.” Fluttershy said pointedly. “A good friend knows their friends’ likes and dislikes. Also, well...sorry to bring this up, but I heard from Celestia that you used to do stuff like this for her and-”

“No-no-no! You’re right.” He sighed. “Too many bad memories…”

Fluttershy took his lion paw in her hooves. “Hey,” he looked into her puppy-dog eyes, “things will get better someday, you just need to give it time.”

He moved his claw to return her touch, but suddenly there was a great explosion outside. The house shook and Discord toppled over on Fluttershy.

Fluttershy lifted her head, “What was that?”

“Romantic cliché number-five?” Discord said. Fluttershy got to her hooves and he followed her to the door. “Actually, who am I kidding? That was cliché number one!”

Fluttershy reappeared outside the dollhouse just as another explosion blew her hair back. Discord’s head popped out of the chimney. They turned and saw Screwball at the head of the stairs, loading the shotgun as a concerned Angel stood in front of her.

She swung it around at him, “Stand still, you wascally wabbit!”

“NO!” Discord wrenched the shotgun away from her just as it let off a shot between Angel’s ears, leaving a large hole in the ceiling.

“Screwball!” The stare was on full display.

Screwball pulled her tall hat down over her body and whimpered. “I’m sorry mama! I didn’t mean to do it, I swear!”

“Screwy…” Discord tapped her on the shoulder. Screwball looked up, shaking like a chihuahua as he arched over her and spoke in a calm voice. “I better not catch you playing with these Earth toys ever again, young lady. Because if I do, I am gonna give you SUCH a pinch!-Do you understand me?”

The earth filly started to tear up, then shook her head.

“Now look mama-I mean...‘Miss Fluttershy’ in the eye.” Discord stepped aside to reveal the glowering pegasus.

“Never again!”

Screwball sniffed, “Yes mama…”

Fluttershy then eased up on her Stare. Discord chucked the shotgun into one of his portals, then rubbed his hands together. “Alright then, let me just patch up those holes.” He snapped his fingers and they disappeared. “Do you want me to do your rabbit hutch as well? I can make it bigger, better!”

“Oh, don’t trouble yourself Discord! I’ll get plenty of money from the city for repairs. I wanna give those carpenters some business after all.”

Angel lowered his ears.

“Come on Screwy.” Fluttershy walked down the stairs, followed sheepishly by Screwball. “I’m locking the door, Discord. See you later!”

Discord detached his left arm, and waved them goodbye with his right. “Arrivederci!” He then noticed Angel standing right beside him on the steps.

“Oops!” he pushed him, and Angel fell to the floor covered in wild rabbits.

“Have fun with your little friends down there!” Discord called, then he disappeared with a snap

Angel just sat in the middle of the floor, dejectedly. Another rabbit began to invade his personal space, so he snarled and unleashed a flurry of furious slaps.

Author's Note

This chapter was a pain to write for so many reasons.

I had to make it so Fluttershy didn't single-handedly resolve the conflict, devise some way to keep Pinkie committed to her impulsive party-planning and Twilight busy keeping her under control, I got the worst case of writer's block trying to think of stuff for the market scene, and I had to write even more Zecora rhymes.

On the plus side, thanks to this long break I've been able to figure out how I'll be using certain characters and storylines for later, and introduced some new elements, such as the Daring Do' excerpts, that I'll be reincorporating into later chapters.