Equal Nights

by Test4Echo

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Starlight Glimmer, Sunburst
Length: 15820

All else being equal, does Starlight truly deserve her life now?

The end of the year fast approaches, and despite a warm and wonderful Hearth's Warming with friends and family, Starlight Glimmer still feels that tug of guilt weighing down her life. How can she be confident about her leadership when specters of her past still occasionally plague her? What good is a new year only an hour or so away when it's still tainted by regret?

Starlight may have progressed much, but sometimes, a pony needs somepony else to rely upon. One who sees where the truth really lies.

As always, edited by EverfreePony. Thanks again for the assist. :twilightsmile:

Cover art by Stardust0130.

Published 2025-01-27 02:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2025-01-27 02:00:00 UTC

Unbalanced Reminders

Only the whispering clatters of wind against glass carried through the darkened room, with nary but a few, faint glitters of starlight and gentle background illumination to fill it. As it was made entirely of crystal, the faint light sources bounced and reflected inside it, which made it appear like a freshly frozen lake. A single occupant, a mare, slept soundly on a couch, her slumber undisturbed by the windy weather outside. She only turned over once and smacked her lips as the glass banged from another gust. Her heavy breathing mixed in with the ticking of a clock on the mantelpiece in the room.

Hanging over the single window looking out into a field were a number of dry, slowly shedding evergreen boughs. Their needles were a mix of still verdant green and decaying brown. However, they still released various scents, which combined into a fume that filled the room to the brim with a warm, homey aroma.

Aside from the silhouetted shape of Ponyville's School of Friendship, which was dark save for a small number of brightened windows of students who were still awake, there was no sign of life in the snowy vale outside. In the distance, the mountain peak of Canterlot shot straight into the vast, clear night sky. Against the inky backdrop, the spires of Canterlot Castle could be seen.

A gust whipped up a few specters of snow outside the window sill, rattling the glass and clattering against it with the weak scratches of the minuscule flakes. Dust devils, or rather, ice devils, were carried up into the sky briefly while the whirling gale finished its sweep across the hills to soon form a fresh, miniature drift. Within seconds, it was kicked up again by another blast of frigid air.

A number of tendrils of frost tickled at the edges of the glass itself, their reaching fingers spreading slowly like a spiderweb. As it was battered by a northerly gust, the frost spread another inch or so upon the glass, although the wind itself was barely able to break through the window's seal.

A large Hearth's Warming tree decked out with ornaments and tinsel garlands glittered because of the starlight outside. Its tinsel also barely caught the yellow glow of some dorm rooms in the School of Friendship, which made it shine like gold. Currently, the string of lights that were wrapped around the tree remained unplugged from the recently-constructed Ponyville magic power grid.

Still, the rest of the tree practically glowed in radiance, its topping star sparkled in the night. Underneath the tree, there were a number of shreds of wrapping paper, as well as a small bag which was about half-filled with more. Scattered throughout this figurative graveyard of trees rested an assortment of items, ranging from practical to niche. The empty fireplace nearby held a smattering of cards on its mantlepiece.

Faint mumbling and grousing carried from the mare in the room as she rested on the couch, but she quickly fell back into her slumber. After a few seconds, she rotated on her makeshift bed, and a draping cape partly slipped off and to the floor. As it did, the hoof that made it fall off brushed against the nearby coffee table, and an empty bottle clattered to the ground and rolled a few inches. As it clinked across a couple of tiles, the pony gave a couple of snorts and then went back to sawing logs.

On the coffee table itself, there were a trio of glasses, each emblazoned with a cutie mark, and there were also the same number of empty plates, which were dirtied with crumbs and a couple of empty candy boxes and chocolate wrappers. If a pin dropped, it could have easily been heard.

Draped above the entrance door's frame, a banner welcoming the new year was dimly lit by a warm glow that snuck under the bottom of the door. Like the three glasses that were on the coffee table, it was decorated with three different cutie marks. On the back of the door itself, a long, cyan robe with some stars hung limply on a coat peg.

As there was another gust of wind that hit the window, the mare murmured something else in her sleep, but remained soundly snoring. The howling gale threatened to envelope the room as it rattled against the glass. However, after only a couple of shrill whistles from what could slip through a few crags, it rapidly died out.

Soft hoofbeats could be discerned in the distance. Somepony was heading toward the room. After a few seconds, a shadow blocked some of the light in the doorframe, and then somepony fiddled with the door. There was a small creak as it slipped open, and a silhouetted figure of a unicorn walked in. When the door closed, she blinked momentarily as her eyes adjusted to the light, then she sighed before coming in further.

Sniffling a couple of times, she meekly trotted toward the figure on the couch and then stopped. She held a hoof to her head. With a grimace, her horn lit with a bit of cyan magic, and Starlight Glimmer eyed the sleeping pony. She clicked her tongue. Trixie lay revealed in Starlight's magic's glow, soundly snoozing and breathing steadily, with a weak smile on her lips.

Starlight wiped at her eyes. Dark circles lined them, and her posture remained slightly slouched. For a brief moment, she stood still before she cantered a couple paces further. She pressed a forehoof against her head. Wobbling slightly, she shook it and then she rested against her hooves on the loveseat as she simply watched her friend.

With even breaths, Trixie slowly stretched and then tried in her sleep to adjust her cloak, which was acting as a makeshift blanket. Starlight only furrowed her brow. She glanced at the clock. About half an hour to midnight. Nickering, she internally mused how her friend, the "Awake and Alert Trixie," had decided to pass out before the big rolling over of the year.

And yet she was the one who boasted about the time she had supposedly stayed up for a week without rest, working on some trick that would have "blown Twilight Sparkle's fetlocks off," or some such. It didn't take much to know that that was the biggest lie outside of Santa Hooves delivering presents for Hearth's Warming.

As she watched her friend, Starlight's heart felt like it was squeezed a couple of times, and she held back a couple of choking sniffs. Her mind was like it was galloping a mile a minute. Even the low-level buzz and haze that had numbed her earlier had begun to fade and left her brain busy. Still, when she pressed a hoof down on the crystal floor, it was like it was floating just a couple inches off it.

She blinked away the sensation. Switching her attention to the mantle where the clock was, she squinted and left her steadying position on the loveseat. Although she didn't quite stagger to the hearth, she also didn't really walk, either, and more felt as if she hovered above and arrived at the hearth.

Interspersed in the decorations, a number of pictures had been set up. She could make out a percentage, yet they still gnawed at her regardless. One was taken shortly before she had left Canterlot after Twilight's coronation. Although it was from a reporter and said media pony was approved by the Crown to be there at the time, it was during a rather candid and unscripted moment where Twilight had pulled her into a large hug, almost on the same level as Pinkie Pie's.

Starlight's ribs smarted as she took in the image.

In her mind's eye, she could still recall the words of encouragement Twilight had given her. Starlight was a quick study and she had loving friends to help her. As the "loving" came back to her, Starlight also barely recalled the emphasis that Twilight had placed on it. Also the slight elbow in the ribs after letting her go.

Jolted out of her thoughts, Starlight furrowed her brow as a deafening snore escaped Trixie's nose. Quite possibly, it was more overpowering than Pinkie's patented "I can't believe I've never seen you before and now I need to let all of Ponyville know and plan the biggest bestest 'Welcome to Ponyville' party ever" gasp. Otherwise known as: loud.

Biting her lip, Starlight closed her eyes and let out a quivering sigh. Her temples practically pounded in her skull. When some of the fuzziness subsided, she switched to another picture and grimaced as the image caught her glancing at Sunburst, who was in the middle of fishing something out of a box as he started to fill his office as vice-headmare of the school.

Her cheeks burned, in both the shot and as she looked at it. Echoing laughter of Trixie, who had been the one to take the picture, bounced around in her head. She cringed. Regardless of Trixie's teasing, she still had her oldest friend back and spending all the time he had around her. Her heart fluttered, but her throat also grew tight.

As much as he had emphasized after their first reunion that her past hadn't mattered, it still gnawed at her occasionally, up to the last minutes of the year and probably beyond. She squeezed her eyes shut, one of the verses of her old town's anthem haunting her thoughts. The smiles, the false happiness, the hatred she felt.

Soaking in the memory for a moment, she shuddered and broke away from her fascination with the picture of her helping Sunburst move in. The others were harder to make out, since they were further from the center of her magic's light, but she did spot a photo of her and Trixie, celebrating her appointment as headmare, and then an old, faded image of her as a filly with her father.

She winced and stepped back. Inwardly interrogating herself on why she went to those, she nearly tripped over one of the gifts that was still resting under the tree. Furrowing her brow, she moved the offending bauble aside. It was a small mirror, which was for Trixie. "You can admire yourself even more in it," she had quipped to Trixie with a playful snicker. Trixie had shot both her and Sunburst annoyed glowers, but she took it in stride with a small huff. After all, the joke gift was at least partly correct.

While she had her attention on the gift pile, she swiftly moved the rest to be out of her way. Aside from the kite with Trixie's face on it, which Trixie had claimed was for ensuring that they'd never forget their friendship, and totally not because she had about five dozen crates of them in a warehouse and the cost was beginning to eat at her living conditions.

What she did with the bits she got as counselor, Starlight could only imagine.

When the path in front of her hooves was clear, Starlight paused, glanced back at the hearth, and then shrugged. A surge of energy bolted through her horn, briefly highlighting the grooves in it, and then leapt from the tip to impact the hearth. Almost instantly, the logs held within burst into a bright, cyan flame, before they cooled to a more natural orange.

Small crackles and pops from the wood sent soothing, warm bursts of musky scent into the air. The noise caused Trixie to snort and cough a couple of times, but Starlight's friend remained fast asleep. Starlight glanced at the clock. Twenty-five minutes until midnight.

She peered at it briefly. Mind working overtime, she checked the door that she had come in from, and then to the window. Internally, her body yearned to be given rest. Even the mere thought of going to bed caused her to yawn, which thankfully didn't wake Trixie. However, after a second or two more of contemplation, she huffed and calmly marched toward the window.

She winced when there was one final clang, and she looked down to see she had kicked beard trimmers—a gift from Trixie to Sunburst—halfway across the room. She cursed herself. The kick had been so forceful, it managed to knock off the sticky note that had been left on it. "So you don't look like something died on your chin," read the message, in Trixie's flowing, almost impossible to discern magic writing.

Carefully floating the trimmers back to the tree, she slipped the note back on and then silently hoofed her way over to the window sill. The last couple of paces she stumbled, and her hooves felt like they were made of rubber. With a small grunt, she plopped down, directly in the view of the window, and rested her back against the couch on which Trixie slept.

With a silent sigh, she closed her eyes and listened to the beating of the wind and the ticking of the clock. Interrupting all of these was Trixie's snoring, which infrequently caused Starlight to twitch in irritation. Still, all the calming noises had yet to put a dent in her brain's haggard rush.

From somewhere else in the castle, there was a sudden crash, and she jerked her eyes open. As blood surged through her and her heart pounded in her chest, her mind focused for nary a moment on Sunburst. Longer than to be expected, but not infinite in length. She flushed, slightly.

As she was going to ignite her horn to teleport out, she heard a muffled, "I'm okay!" come from further into the castle. She breathed a small sigh. Sunburst had wandered off to do his own thing after finally finishing their last round of Dragon Pit. When Trixie had been knocked out of the game, she had also departed, and clearly ended up here.

Starlight held back a smirk. Of all the multiple sitting rooms and dens which were in Twilight's—her—castle, she had to choose the same one that Trixie had as well. After a few seconds had passed, her slightly addled thoughts returned to Sunburst, and she opened her mouth to call out. However, before she could, he exclaimed, "W-Why does she have the, the alphabetization all wrong?! Doesn't she know all books in a series go together?!" There was a frustrated grunt, and then another tumble of things onto the floor, and he repeated that he was all right.

There was another grunt. "And she, she didn't f-fix the numeration!"

With a small snicker, Starlight's cheeks briefly grew hot as she listened further to his ravings. "He's so hot when he's in an organizing mood," she mused to herself before she blinked and shook her head. Heart beating more rapidly, she tittered aloud and mumbled under her breath, "Get real, Starlight."

Whimpering, she flattened her ears against her head, and switched her attention to looking out the window. In her head, she replayed the last few hours, with the Dragon Pit ending in a narrow win for her. Since it was the last day of the year, and the rest of Twilight's friends were busy with their own celebrations, it was just her, Sunburst, and Trixie in the castle. In the end, not a bad group. Better than having to meet a million cousins who appeared overnight in the Apple's annual gathering. Especially considering they had one for Hearth's Warming every year, and a different set of a million cousins appeared out of the woodwork.

At least, that was how it felt, anyway.

The one year that she went at Twilight's pressing was enough. After saying "howdy" to the twentieth cousin, five times removed, who had a similar name to the last ten, it was enough. At least there had been a reprieve in the drinks and the food, if nothing else.

As her mind filled with that memory, she grunted and closed her eyes. Focusing again on the evening, she felt her throat tighten as she recalled Sunburst's quip about how she was handling the school well. Was she really, though? Wasn't she just flying by the dock of her tail? Certainly was like that some days.

While it had been a somber mood for her, the other two had not particularly noticed, especially after Trixie had suggested to toast and use one of the bottles that Twilight had left behind as a gift for Starlight's "independence." Not enough to make mistakes, thankfully, but enough that it should have cheered anypony up. Maybe in Dragon Pit it had an effect, but now...

Starlight whimpered again as her head pounded. The game was supposed to last until after midnight, and internally, it was meant to distract her, but with it ending early, she had been left with little else to do. Although Sunburst suggested something else, like Knowledge Hunt, but the very thought of having to stand for another trouncing from him had made her stomach churn. Still, there were a few minutes left in the year, and if she could get her thoughts off things for a while...

Before she could finish her pondering, Trixie gave a couple of snorts and rolled over. "Sunburst," she muttered. "You can tell the Stealthy and Tight-Lipped Trixie all about your troubles with Starlight. She promises she won't tell." She gave a couple of huffs and snorts, then went silent again. Starlight merely huffed. For a second, her mind raged, and her blood ran hot, then she sighed. It wasn't like Trixie meant it. Probably. Maybe.

She'd have to be sure when Trixie was awake. Only to check. Perhaps also a friendly reminder. Just a small one.

Would Twilight prosecute her if she claimed temporary lapse of sanity?

Catching herself grinding her teeth, she inhaled deeply a couple of times and mimicked Twilight's de-stress technique, which she had seen the alicorn do hundreds of times. Especially after the "Neighxican food night incident".

After a couple of repeats of the hoof pumping motion, she felt some of the fire in her chest extinguish. Bashfully cupping her head in her forehooves, she let out a small moan and furrowed her brow. If Twilight were there, what would she say to Starlight's reaction? Maybe Twilight would brush it off as the same sort of jealousy that had engulfed her for a while when Sunburst had become more wrapped up in geeking out with Twilight than her.

However, with his permanent residence now in Ponyville, bunking in Twilight's castle of all places—it made sense, since there were dozens if not a hundred or more rooms there—and spending time around her all day, there was a bit more than just friendly jealousy. She merely bit her lip at the thought.

Granted, sorting out her internal feelings for Sunburst wasn't a priority. Whenever she went in that mental direction, her chest might have briefly felt butterflies, but then they all burned as she was reminded by her own brain of what she had done. Maybe she stopped doing the truly horrible things she did before Twilight got through to her, and perhaps she wasn't actively dominating other ponies' minds like when she was learning about friendship, but still, there were other times that she probably proved to be a bit too... immature?

Blasting Discord to smithereens, even if it only destroyed his body—and a large swath of the schoolyard, but that was easily covered up—as well as angering Trixie by selling her wagon thoughtlessly were two more, if lesser, examples. Discord definitely deserved it, though.

Oh, and there was that time that she maybe used some of her old indoctrination techniques on a student so they'd stop pestering her every five minutes. About random things. While she was working with other students.

At least they never asked inane questions about if a woodchuck actually chucks wood.

Either way, her mind remained restless as she fidgeted, the slurry of memories swirling together and appearing as one, soupy, amalgamated mess that did one thing: prick her heart. Had she truly learned anything under Twilight? Was she really cut out for being headmare, when sometimes it was difficult to discern her "reformed" mistakes from her "unreformed" errors? She sighed and stared out the window, watching the snow occasionally be whipped up from the gales, and the ever-advancing tendrils of frost on the glass.

She sniffed. Hearth's Warming was over, and unlike the last couple of years, with Twilight there to keep her occupied with either the decorations, removing of decorations and replacement with New Year's decorations, and preparing for various events in Ponyville, there was nothing to fill her thoughts. Other than herself.

Merely the concept of Twilight being miles away in Canterlot sent her heartbeat racing. While Hearth's Warming, and the days following it, should have sent joy and peace into her being, it barely touched her. Sure, on the day itself, it was a pleasurable time. Exchanging gifts, getting a new kite, forcing Trixie to speak consistently in first person for more than a few minutes for once in her life, those kinds of things.

However, what little excitement that was there faded after the presents were unwrapped. Then it was off, without even time to fully deal with the scraps of paper, to have lunch, and then Trixie roped them into a private show for displaying some of her latest tricks she was planning for her summer tour.

She glanced at the tree, and the garbage that was still underneath amidst the presents, and she huffed. Absentmindedly, she grabbed a couple of the pieces of paper, crumpled them in her magic, and then tossed them into the half-filled garbage bag. She snorted. Good for her. She'd done something useful.

Exhaling and rubbing her forehead, she grimaced and gripped her throat. She swallowed loudly. As her breath came a bit slower, she closed her eyes and pondered. If she wasn't feeling joyous, then what was she supposed to experience? Anxiety? Anticipation? Anger? None of those truly held her emotions. If anything, between small bouts of sniffles, she had little sensation at all.

She glanced back at the clock. It was only twenty minutes to midnight.

As some wind rattled at the window, she faced it again and briefly stared at her faint reflection. Her mane was slightly frazzled, although given how late she was staying up, it was expected. Same with the circles and dim shadows they made under her eyes. Those were, however, dulled, and she wiped at them as a couple more tears welled in their corners.

Shivering as a small shot of cold went through her rump, she vigorously rubbed her forehooves up and down her chest. A bit of the friction helped warm her, although her fur still bristled. Another racket caused by the wind on the window made her jolt in surprise, and Trixie snorted and grumbled softly under her breath.

Briefly, she gazed in silence at the rolling hills, and then she took in the school. A few more of the lights had gone out, and she flicked her ears a couple of times. In her mind's ear, she heard the voice of her father cry, "But Sugar Plum, you'll catch cold or pneumonia if you go out like that!" At that, Starlight winced and pulled herself tighter into a ball.

As she looped her forehooves around her hindlegs, which she had drawn close, she whimpered when she recalled her own voice, although far younger in tone. "Stop babying me!" There was a huff. "It's only a little snow, and why do you care what happens to me or not? Not like you did anything with Mom!" All the while, as her brain replayed the old memory, Starlight stared out the window. Two weak tear tracts dribbled down her cheeks. With a dry, limp smack of her lips, she licked them and watched the blowing snow outside.

There was a pause in the memory, which, if she recalled correctly, was there when she lived it, too. Although the visual aspects were almost gone, she could still see the hurt on Firelight's muzzle, the grimace and slightly pained flinch that he had given. Still, though, her younger self hadn't stopped.

"Just because I'm still a filly doesn't mean I can't look after myself!" Starlight heard her voice snap. "Besides, if I freeze, big deal. Just thaw me out or something."

"That's not how it works, Honey Bumpkin," he had replied, which had earned a furious "ugh" from Starlight. In spite of the memory, Starlight managed to smirk, if only a smidgen, at her early start of one of her frequent expressions of annoyance or disgust.

"H-Here, please put on your scarf that Stellar Flare made for you. It'll keep you a tad warmer." There was another pause, and Starlight winced at the next words that came to her. "Please, Squirrel Cheeks? For Daddy?" There was another groan, however, what visual flashes she still had reminded her she had put a scarf on, if only so he'd stop trying to do it himself and effectively putting her in a noose waiting to be snagged on a tree limb.

She pressed a hoof against her neck. If she remembered right, the scarf was incredibly soft and downy, although it was still warm and not at all scratchy. Maybe she had that scarf somewhere back in Sire's Hollow? Giving it to Sunburst to see his reaction would be amusing, probably.

"I'm going," she had retorted after putting on the scarf. For a second or two, the memory went silent again, but she recalled herself grumping, "But maybe you don't care how long I'll be."

"Pumpkin Pudding! How could you say that?!" Firelight had exclaimed, and as she replayed the old memory, Starlight's heart felt like a spear had pierced it or a brand had seared it. More than likely she had given no response, or had glowered. After a brief pause, he had asked, "Will you be out with some of your schoolmates? I-I heard there was a big snowball fight being planned and—"

"Yeah, something like that." Her voice rang through her ears, and Starlight grimaced and gulped. It was a lie, of course. Instead of spending time with her "stupid classmates," she had practiced some spells she had read about in the library at school when everypony else was out in recess. While it had been years, she still recalled them, since they were some of her first.

Maybe it was from her own anger, or it was something she was more innately talented in magic as a foal, but she had gravitated to a couple of pyromancy spells. Hence why she didn't bother with any articles of winter clothing. If her slowly fading memories of her foalhood were correct, she had left a cleared, singed area of ground in the forest outside of Sire's Hollow.

In the back of her mind, she cursed herself for being as idiotic as she was at the time. If she had been unlucky, a timberwolf or cockatrice would have easily dealt with her. Instead, she had been fortunate, and there had been no wildlife that night.

As her mind died down from her recollection, she remembered Firelight mumbling, "O-Okay, well, if you see any of their parents, let them know I say 'hi.'" There was a pause. "I-I guess I'll just take the family photo by myself, again." A weak whimper echoed in her ears. "U-Unless you want to be present this time and—"

"Dad!" she had barked, her voice laced with barely constrained rage. After a couple of snarls had escaped her throat at the time, she had hissed, "I don't need to be in it! I don't want to be in it! I just want to go 'play snowball' with my 'friends!'" There was another nicker. "AND! AND! You'd just dress me up more, and squish my cheeks, tell me that you 'love me, and have me do stupid things for the camera! It's no better than what you did when Sunburst left. Or with Mom!"

Tears trickling down Starlight's muzzle, she whimpered as the last bit of her memory played out in her mind. "Leave. Me. ALONE!" Although it wasn't a voice, she could still remember clear as day the impact of the door of their house as she bolted from it and slammed it. If she had thrown it any harder, it probably would have been knocked off its hinges.

In her mind's eye, she could still perfectly envision the mortification on Firelight's face. Pale, sweaty, and simply shocked, he had wilted as she had spun for the door, and he didn't even protest any of her defiance. As the last clear image faded from her memory, she swallowed and felt the lump in her throat. Wiping at her eyes, she sniffled and hung her head.

She worked her jaw a couple of times. "Thanks, me," she griped to herself. That one hadn't resurfaced since she had reformed. Or supposedly reformed, anyway. All he had really wanted was to have a picture of her for Hearth's Warming with him. Would have used it in the family cards he sent to friends and relatives. Instead, he either was solo, or used an old photograph of Starlight in lieu of her actual presence.

With a grimace, she asked herself which one was more awkward, looking back at it from a grown mare's perspective. Regardless, she rested the back of her head on the couch and forced herself to remain calm and collected. Her shoulders already shook a tad, but her focus on them eventually made them cease. Was there a way she could use her time travel spell and not mess up the future by fixing a past mistake?

Before anything more could jump to her mind, however, she heard Trixie mumble after a couple of fitful sniffs and smacking of her lips, "No, no, the Deceptive and Conniving Trixie is certain that Starlight won't see her coup coming. The Great and Powerful Trixie shall have a hundred..." Whatever was left in the magician's dream-filled mind slipped back into her unconsciousness.

Starlight quirked an eyebrow upward. After a couple of seconds, there was another sniffle from Trixie, and she declared, "Don't worry, Sunburst. Trixie will keep you as her assistant."

Blinking a few times, Starlight managed to withhold her frustration, just long enough so that her horn wouldn't blaze into an inferno and fry Trixie on the spot. It still sparked and sputtered a few times, as she gritted her teeth and frantically repeated Twilight's calming exercises. Again.

When her heartbeat finally returned to normalcy, her mind drifted to Twilight. She flinched as she imagined what her mentor was doing in Canterlot at the moment. Was she also counting down the minutes to midnight, or had she still work to do and didn't even care?

As she paused, she inspected the clock again. Fifteen minutes to midnight.

Glancing back out at the world, she worked her tongue in her mouth and mused. When the new year came around, would it be any different? Beyond, of course, the major changes that had taken place already. Between Sombra's destruction and the sealing of Tirek, Cozy Glow, and Chrysalis in stone, there was no obvious danger to Equestria and to friendship or Harmony. Ironically, all the peace in the land was distracting.

Watching a tiny shadow cross one of the windows in the school, Starlight wilted a tad and nibbled on her bottom lip. Although there were teachers, and darn good ones at that, all the students there ultimately relied upon her, as the one to fully coordinate the school year. Yes, Twilight had left notes, and she had left a few lessons. More accurately, a few thousand lessons, but that didn't make it any easier. There was still the necessity of organizing them into her plans, making sure that they flowed correctly, and made sense for the entire year.

If she accidentally mixed lessons in honesty with lessons with tactfulness too early, it could confuse them, for example.

And, aside from that, she still had... tendencies. As much as it had been a joy to be a counselor to the students, restraining herself at times from simply belting out obvious answers to their problems and fears was a nightmare. Especially when it did happen. And Twilight either made Starlight apologize or worse: write friendship reports to her for a week.

Even the mere thought of that made Starlight shiver, and she ripped her focus from the school. After the brief pause, she growled softly and used her magic to teleport in an envelope. It was decorated with Hearth's Warming trees and snowflakes. Adorned in the center of it was an image of Twilight's cutie mark, and there was a slight tinging of the corners of it.

It had been ripped open already, and she mechanically slid out the letter which it held and unfolded it. As she did, her blood pressure spiked again, and she nervously scanned it. Sunburst had asked what it was when she got it, and she had simply stated it was a last-minute suggestion regarding the new school year from Twilight.

Of course, that fib was one week ago, during Hearth's Warming. In her head, she asked herself how many times she had gone through the contents, and every time she couldn't answer. She merely gulped as she began.

"Starlight,
"Happy Hearth's Warming and I trust that you'll have a good new year, too! I know that you and I only exchanged letters a couple of weeks ago, just before the school semester wrapped up for the holidays, but hey, I thought, 'Why should it just be before the end? I mean, it's not like it's just been your first year, and I wanted to check up to make sure that the school hadn't burned down or anything!
"It's not burnt down, right?
"Spike, edit that part out. Don't want Starlight going all, well, Starlight on us again. Remember what happened when she substituted for Rainbow for one of the phys ed classes?
"Where was I? Oh, right, uh, I only wanted to see how you were doing on your first Hearth's Warming alone in Ponyville! Okay, you're not alone alone, since Sunburst and Trixie live there with you, and you have Maud and Mudbriar nearby, and my friends, and—Actually, let's just scrap that and say it's the first time I've not been around to make sure you were having a restful Hearth's Warming.
"Hopefully your day went well, as I'm planning to have Spike send this later in the evening on Hearth's Warming. At the castle, it's going to be raucous, I think. I can't remember the last time I was at one of Celestia's celebrations, since I usually thought they were dumb or I was living in Ponyville, but boy, do the notes she left for me imply she had a fun time!
"Fancy Pants is usually the one who organizes it, although since Pinkie had some free time, I asked her to help him out. According to her, she "improved" some of the best parts, as well as the rest, but I have no idea what that means. Is there really something that tops chocolate fountains or hayburgers? Maybe chocolate hayburgers?
"The rest of it I'm not going to spoil for myself, because it seems like Pinkie and Fancy did some sweeping changes overall, and what Celestia had written down for me—in exquisite point form, might I add—looks to have been only suggestions for the majority of it.
"Spike, I already know you're drooling about gem trees being part of the festivities, and no, if you ruin this letter, it'll come out of your pay to replace the paper. I don't care if you don't make anything, anyway. It'll still come out of that. Got it?
"Why are you still writing—
"Whatever. Anyway, this can all be fixed later, when I pen this letter myself. Don't give me that look, Spike. I will just rewrite this to edit out all you're—
"I'm digressing."
At the lengthy monologue that was recorded by Spike, Starlight couldn't help but at least smirk. In her mind's eye, she could envision him scrambling to write down all that was being spoken by Twilight, and probably had taken it upon himself to write even those asides as a bit of a rib against Twilight.

Sure, she might have been a bit too terse, but Twilight probably wasn't being serious. Probably.

Getting back to the letter, she furrowed her brow as Trixie gave a couple of loud snores and managed to rattle the couch with the excessive vibration. Starlight huffed and shot a withering glower at the piece of furniture's back. Not that it'd help any.

"Hearth's Warming is massive here in Canterlot. I forgot just how much they like to deck out the historic downtown or even the suburbs here. Yes, I remember my parents' attempts at making our house look as inviting and cozy as possible, with giant, fake snowflakes hanging outside on our tree, or with candles or magic torches—so there wouldn't be fires—along the troughs of our house, but that was pretty tame.
"Might have also been because I liked making snowponies in existentialist experiments, such as onlookers watching with fascination as one was being rammed through by a toboggan. Our neighbors always gave us weird looks when the pegasi left enough snow to make some snowponies. Frankly, I found it all quite fascinating, since it allowed for endless scenarios to be depicted, but that's neither here nor there.
"Aside from not having expressions of modern art and indulging a young filly's curiosity, the decorations in the city are out of this world. Right in the center of the city, in Eon's Square, there's a gigantic Hearth's Warming tree completely filled with lights and ornaments. To scale! Along every side street are nothing but lights on the signs and streetlamps. Some of the more traditional sections of the old city use candles and torches, but with the opening of the crystal-powered power plant in October, a number of locations have embraced the change and used modern lighting.
"When I walked down the streets, it was like I was still in the middle of the day, not the night. Pretty sure there's more light here than the rest of Equestria combined, right now. And there were singers on the streets, performing their own renditions of most of the carols I remember.
"Dozens of cafes are open late right now, too, so that visitors and tourists can spend more time in the display. Personally, pretty smart, although might have to look at legislating that so ponies who work there get time off for their family, too.
"Before I wrap up, I thought I'd let you know, there are some new decorations in the castle's garden that have been set up throughout the maze and along the different paths. Of course, we have the Dread Three's prison as a central piece, as it lets us easily watch in case the magic encasing them starts failing, or maybe Discord gets any ideas about using them again. But on top of that, the caretakers of the gardens wanted to do something special for my first winter here.
"Since the pegasi have been busy leading up to Hearth's Warming, there's been plenty of snow and ice, and I think the head gardener, Green Horn, thought it was perfect for some redecorating. When I woke up one morning and took a look out of my old chambers I had here, I saw a complete set of ice sculptures and I had to check it out. When I got there, it was clearly of me, standing proudly atop Celestia—I mean my throne room's dais
"Where I had landed in the garden was just at the public entrance, and further in, I saw statues of each of my friends. Honestly, I was shocked and touched. It took me a solid minute for my mouth to finally close, I was that agape! Like, I thought maybe they'd want to commemorate Celestia and Luna's service, but mine?! I only just started ruling less than half a year ago!
"There were some other sculptures, too. Not just me and my friends, but also Celestia and Luna. A couple, actually. They were just a lot more subdued than mine or my friends'. While mine was proud, and the rest of my friends' were mimicking that, or perhaps another strong emotion, the two of the Princesses were moving. First was Celestia hugging Luna with her wings, like how I described our fight with Nightmare Moon almost a decade ago.
"The other was just the two of them, sitting side by side. They weren't wearing any of their regalia, so I think this might have used a photo they sent or something. I've not gotten a letter from either of them yet, and I wonder if maybe they went on another vacation adventure like they did earlier this year.
"That, or mine got lost in the mail or something. Either way, they weren't the only ones who made appearances. When I went further in, because I knew there were more, I saw that there was one of me and my friends facing down the Dread Three, but then there were some others. A couple were of you, Starlight! Did you believe you'd ever see that?
"In fact, I've not sent anything about this to Fluttershy, yet, because I'll have to tell her that one of them with you in it also has Discord, as it depicts you all scrambling to destroy Chrysalis' throne in her hive. If Discord learned about that, his head would grow three sizes the day he heard about it!"
Although she had read those words dozens of times already, Starlight still felt her throat lock up as she re-read the description of the battle between her and Chrysalis. Rather out of fear or impact from nearly being stopped by the changeling, it was more that her mind niggled her. Did she really, as somepony who almost destroyed the very fabric of time and space through her careless use of Star Swirl's spell, really deserve to be honored like that? Was a statue absolutely necessary?

Grasping at her throat again, she swallowed loudly and scolded herself, albeit it was a rather weak attempt. In a halfhearted whinny, she furrowed her brow and steeled her posture, but she didn't really manage to keep her eyes from watering.

As she brushed her eyes and soaked the fur on one of her fetlocks, she gave a small cough and went back to the letter. The last few paragraphs only caused her chest to feel tighter.

"So, yeah, that was my one morning. I've prorogued Day and Night Court until the new year, because I think everypony deserves a bit of a break. Like, I know that I've been busy, and so have most of my cabinet—especially Raven—and I would like to still be swamped with work, but that's me, and, I sorta have realized that taking a breather can be good, too.
"After all, now I can think of more lessons for you to implement next year at the friendship school! There was so much I didn't have time to finish before Celestia handed the reins of Equestria over to me, and of course all the nonsense that Discord unleashed when he pretended to be Grogar..."

Starlight grimaced at Twilight's enthusiastic declaration. More paperwork. Amazing. She peeked at the clock before going back to the letter. Twelve minutes until the new year.

"It's been popular, to say the least. I think it's for the best, too.
"I hope that you've been having a relaxing couple of weeks when the school finished for the year. Sure, I only led for one winter, but I didn't take any breaks when I was headmare, and I was definitely super stressed. Can't even tell you what it was about! I forgot! That's how stressed I was!
"Also, please don't worry about how ponies perceive you. I know that sometimes that still happens. I've heard nothing but nice things from some of the Hippogriffian delegates, since their children go there, and when I met with Grandpa Gruff once regarding how Griffonstone can be helped to financially recover with Equestrian aid, he said that Gallus was shaping up to be a fine griffon. Even Neighsay says that you're doing well! Neighsay!
"I've been catching up more with my friends, or at least sort of friends, from when I was in Celestia's school. Moondancer especially, since I've at least somewhat kept in touch with Minuette, Lemon Hearts, and Lyra. However, all four of them I've been trying to keep in better contact with.
"I could probably keep rambling at this point, but Spike's giving me a look, and I think it means he's hungry for some gems or something. I'll wrap this up and wish you a Happy Hearth's Warming again and we'll talk in the new year, maybe. You can always teleport your way up here whenever you want! My door's always open for one of my friends!
"Your friend, Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Equestria, Guardian of Friendship, Bearer of the Element of Magic, Sentinel of the Night, Keeper of the Day..."

Starlight's eyes glazed slightly as she finished reading the list of titles that Twilight had written behind her name, and she groaned. Allowing the letter to drop from her magic's grip, she swallowed deeply and closed her eyes. With a whimper, she winced as a few tears rolled down her face.

Her gut felt like it had been stabbed. Even Neighsay was being kind about her? That Neighsay? The one who had nearly caused the destruction of Equestria's magic because of his arrogance and dislike of non-ponies and those who supported them? As she contemplated a bit further, the torn sensation, which throbbed and seared, only managed to grow further.

As she fought back some of the nauseating sensation, she winced as she reminded herself of the two letters that were still on her night stand, opened, but unanswered. While Twilight was doing the work of completely rebuilding and strengthening old friendships, and probably making more out there, Starlight was just left behind, with her clique that she rarely went outside of.

Sure, she wasn't against talking with ponies. After all, she was counselor during Twilight's short stint as headmare, and it wasn't necessarily making friends that was the problem, either. Why was it that it had to be old acquaintances that she knew, who wanted to keep in touch, that had to be the ones insistent on maintaining contact?

Pressing her head further into the back of the couch, Starlight sighed and felt it rock slightly as Trixie shifted in her sleep. When those two letters had first arrived from Double Diamond and Night Glider, she had been the one to get the mail from Derpy, and her face had drained of practically all color. Although Derpy had tried to ascertain what was wrong—believing she had delivered the wrong mail or the like—Starlight had refused to give much explanation. Other than it not being Derpy's fault, that is.

She winced again. It wasn't that she didn't know that all of her old village's inhabitants had forgiven her, it was simply a basic question of why were they so eager to keep in touch? Every time she worked up some courage to reply to them, it ultimately vanished without a trace! Sometimes she could start penning something, then her mind blanked, or her magic sputtered out and refused to start again. Rarely, the night was spent wheezing and coughing as she worked to steady her thought again.

Double Diamond she had led around with promises of being her second in command—which he wasn't—and Night Glider was convinced just with a never-ending lie of her leading an eventual replacement for the Wonderbolts once all of Equestria saw that her idea of equality was correct.

And then Sugar Belle...

At that, Starlight flinched and whimpered. Sugar had been more resistant at first to the idea of true equality, but time in Starlight's indoctrination chamber had fixed that. For a while, anyway. When she went in, she was still fairly cheery and inquisitive; coming out... A shudder worked down Starlight's spine. It had taken a couple of others to drag her out. The crying didn't stop for a couple of days afterward.

Merely even going to the market now, at least when Sugar joined up with Big Mac to help staff the stall they had, had become a chore. If she ever caught sight of Sugar, her chest felt like it had been ripped open by a spear, and her breathing grew arduous. Worse still when she had to get something at the stall itself.

As Starlight weakly stared out the window, her eyesight bleary with tears, her memory flashed to a couple of weeks prior. In the cold of winter, snow falling around her, and the mid-afternoon sun already on its descent toward the horizon, she had had to visit the Apple's stall for a few items for Hearth's Warming. Of course, Sugar had to be there, and Big Mac had stepped away to try and find Apple Bloom.

At first, the recollection was a blur, as she could recall nearly hyperventilating while she observed from a distance as Sugar helped a few other customers. However, before she could have fled, Sugar noticed her and waved at her, completely oblivious to the storm that was whirling in Starlight's head. She even laughed when a clump of snow fell off part of the awning of their stall and capped her mane with a white crown. It was like she didn't even care she was greeting her former overlord and dictator.

When she had slunk her way toward the stall, Sugar prodded her politely for what she needed, and even made some small talk. Stuff about Big Mac being busy with the farm, Apple Bloom wrapping up school, and the like. Not once did she ever make mention of the village, at least in a negative light. Apparently she had gotten cards from Double Diamond and Night Glider as well, and was in the middle of writing them back.

Before Starlight could leave, she hoofed over with the apples, pastries, and cider a single card, which made Starlight's blood curdle. As a pit had rested in her stomach, she meekly had given a smile and then left, all while forcing the glad tiding sent her way from Sugar Belle from her head.

Like the other two villagers of Our Town—renamed to Harmony's Peak—she had given a heartfelt letter to her, wishing her the best of the season. And just the same as Double and Night, Sugar thanked her for all that she had done for Equestria, but also spoke of how Our Town had assisted with her life. If she had never been convinced to join the town, she'd have never met Big Mac.

Thank her for a mistake? She snorted. More tears streamed down her cheeks.

What was there to be thankful for, when it was because of her that Equestria and Harmony had nearly been wiped out? When she read Double's letter, he talked briefly about Night, and vice versa. Between them both thanking her for them being there to meet each other, and how Night gushed about some of Double's sportspony abilities with the snow and Double expounded on Night's skill at keeping the skies just the right way for the holiday, Starlight didn't need to be a genius.

Maybe they thought they were being subtle, but Starlight could infer easily enough that they had been seeing each other for many a moon. Frankly, the fact there hadn't been a wedding invitation sent to her yet was impressive.

Were their circumstances really so different from hers, though? If not for her mistake, she'd not have been bested by Twilight, smacked about as hard as could be in a metaphorical sense and met up with Sunburst again. As her cheeks flushed at the thought of him again, she swallowed a lump that built in her throat. She still had effectively enslaved ponies and forced them into something wholly against the ideals of Harmony.

What was really her plan, anyway? All she could still recall of her feelings at the time was fury.

As that sensation resurfaced, she shut her eyes. The window crashed and banged from a sharp gust of wind against it as she did. Even a small tickling of the breeze managed to sneak through a crack near the sill. When it brushed against her fur, she shuddered and suppressed a pitiful whine.

She was regressing. Twilight had only been gone a few months, and she was falling back into her old, guilty self, just like she had been when Twilight first brought her to Ponyville. Growling and baring her teeth, she hugged her hindlegs tighter still. All these emotions, just over being headmare and getting a few letters?

As she chastised herself, she mentally admitted that the headmare part was plausible, but the letters were absurd. Yet, even if she mentally knew the truth, internalizing still proved challenging without Twilight to point it out and how far she had come. Reading it was one thing, but hearing it, being reassured was another.

Still, she bit on her tongue, and the pain momentarily focused her. In her hazy vision, she spotted that snow had begun to fall more heavily. The dark silhouettes of some pegasi darted around the sky, quickly pushing clouds into position. She smirked. How many ponies were watching out their own windows, waiting for the perfect, romantic moment for the new year to be ushered in?

Before she could really ponder it further, though, she hissed as another memory resurfaced, as she watched the flakes fall. Similar to the squall that had whipped up within her village the first winter that they had established it. At the time, only Double Diamond and Sugar Belle were there out of the ponies she knew in any capacity. Night Glider hadn't even seen any of the pamphlets that were to be given out during Hearth's Warming in Stalliongrad.

When Hearth's Warming Eve had come, most of her villagers had gone out to chop a tree down and decorate it, while she was working on writing up the pamphlets. Since she had been so involved in her penmanship, she hadn't noticed the few laughs or neighs as the tree had been erected and slowly decorated. However, when she had heard the carols being sung, her ears pricked up and she listened momentarily.

Despite it being years prior, the emotion of fear and anger that it had sent through her was still as fresh as if yesterday. It only took seconds for her to recognize the tunes and dart out of her home, and she had simply stared at the tree for a moment. Adorned in silvery, if poorly crafted, homemade bulbs and some ice crystals that a pegasus or two had formed in the clouds, it glittered in the homes' candlelight.

At first, she had merely gawked, but then her rage had taken over. She winced as she recalled herself bellowing, "What is THIS?!" Almost instantly, she used her magic—channeled through "Staff of Sameness"—to rip down some of the ornaments. After she had stomped flat a couple, she had ordered them to tear it down.

"Hearth's Warming doesn't celebrate equality! It celebrates using ponies' differences! It champions ponies holding different ideas and agreeing to disagree! That isn't equality! How can you claim to all be the same, when you bring back a symbol of the markgeoisie?!" When she had finished her outburst, she had glared at each of them, silently daring them to name who had first suggested it. All of them had bowed their heads shamefully. Even a couple of sniffles had filled the air from those who had been more frightened.

At last, Sugar Belle had been the one to come forward, after a few furtive glances at Double Diamond. Briefly, Starlight had contemplated some other form of punishment, but even then, Hearth's Warming still had a bit of an effect on ponies' demeanors and hers. Instead of perhaps more time spent in her re-education chamber, she had only required Sugar to be the first to start tearing down the tree.

Although not every face came to her memory, the collective emotion of shock and despair did. Downcast faces, wilted ears, begrudging stares back at her, slumped postures. The works. Even a few whines and moans did make its way to her as the entire village had griped and groused while they tore apart the tree. Within only a few minutes, it had been stripped bare and for a moment, was left to stand silently.

In her mind, Starlight mused at the memory that maybe it was some twisted metaphor that Celestia, if she had any divine sense, had left. An indicator to Starlight of how empty her whole concept of equality was, anyway.

After the ordeal, Sugar had gone to her home, and Starlight had dismissed it. Although, as she had stayed to make sure that everypony went into their residences and the tree was disposed of, she had caught a few muffled weeps from the nearby, part diner, part house.

As those light, choking sobs echoed again in Starlight's mind, she flattened her ears and jumped at a loud snore from Trixie. There were a couple of smacks as Trixie shifted in her slumber, and then she heard Trixie mumble, "Starlight! Only the Stable and Sober Trixie has a peanut butter cracker addiction. Find your own..." She coughed a couple of times and went back to snoring.

Rolling her eyes, Starlight sighed and slapped her head against the back of the couch again. Tears rolled down her cheeks, and a couple of soft moans and sobs escaped her lips. As she hit the couch, it jolted, and Trixie gave a loud start. There was a bit of ruffling and shuffling, and then Trixie managed to partly reach one foreleg over the back of it. It vainly swiped in the rough direction of Starlight.

"As much as the... Correct and Accurate Trixie is pleased that... that Starlight has proven her right," she began with a loud, obnoxious yawn. "Could Starlight please make out with Sunburst elsewhere? Move the mistletoe, or something. The Tired and Exhausted Trixie needs her magic sleep." There was another couple of grunts, and then it quickly was resumed by steady breathing.

Starlight merely blinked.

Trixie teased them, sure, but was she actually that blatant? As she thought about it, Starlight's cheeks turned an even hotter pink. Maybe she'd have to do something, eventually. In the summer, perhaps? Romance was rather cheesy around Hearth's Warming and later Hearts and Hooves Day, anyway.

Smearing a few drying tears on her cheeks as she fluttered her eyelids, she swiped at her watering eyes. As much as it was a struggle, she did manage to keep her sniffles and mewling quiet, although the waterworks still managed to flow in spite of her determination to remain calm. Through her teary vision, she shot a glance at the clock and noted it was ten minutes to midnight.

When was the last time she was truly the epitome of calm? Even when she acted like it for her students, usually she was either thinking of what she would actually like to say, or she was contemplating something else that needed to be done in the school. Such as Trixie-proofing the fridge again, after she managed to break through the wards guarding Starlight's lunch. And Sunburst's. And everypony else's.

The excuse of Trixie requiring it all to ensure she had energy for a performance that night in the gym wasn't enough. Especially since she had already eaten twice what she normally did at breakfast. And made herself a massive lunch already.

Leaving an IOU card was also just an insult, too.

Furrowing her brow at the memory of her friend's insolence, Starlight flared her nostrils. She shot a glare at the back of the couch, then held back a small chuckle. Admittedly, it was amusing, and it wasn't a big deal. Irritating, sure, but funny nonetheless. Also, she did truly make a wonderful show for the students that signed up to learn afterward. Although Trixie was loath to admit it, Starlight could always tell by the glimmers in her eyes that she enjoyed seeing their faces light up in wonder.

Starlight smirked. Some of her tears had subsided, for a moment, but then her brain decided to have one more thought resurface. Trixie's face at losing her cart. At that, Starlight's ears went limp, and she whined before curling closer to the ground. She kept her determination, however. Despite how her chest welled and was like a ship lurching on the sea, she maintained near silence.

Tears soaked her forelegs' fetlocks as she rested her chin on them, and she peered out through the window. By now, snow had accumulated along the edges of the panes, like wispy creatures seeking to give hugs to the glass. Not even the lights of the School of Friendship could pierce through the growing squall outside. All that was visible were the sheets of snow, occasionally smattered with a tiny ball of ice that could click against the glass.

For a moment, Starlight's sobbing continued to rack her body, but they slowly died into a series of hiccups. The last almost forced her to cough, but after a couple of gasps, it died. While her throat ached and her fur gradually started to mat where the tears had soaked in, she shiveringly breathed in and out. She perked her ears up. Almost total silence filled the room.

Aside from the now-softer snoring of Trixie, there was the steady tick-tock of the clock on the mantle. The glow from the fire that Starlight had lit danced on the floor, appearing like rivers of magma underneath the surface of the crystal. From what illumination the fire provided, the window sill and ceiling glistened with warm radiance.

Infrequently, the fire crackled and popped, releasing some weak fumes of burning firewood into the room. The earthy scent, now that Starlight could focus on it, eased her mind, if only slightly. Still, the rest of her body felt numb. All the memories resurfacing, perhaps by her own stupidity to wander off from Sunburst, drove her to one question: why?

Sure, maybe Twilight had graduated her. Maybe she had saved Equestria from the largest threat to it since Tirek. And maybe that crisis had only been bested by Discord pulling the most asinine move to grace the planet. That possibly deserved recognition. And perhaps she was able to give instruction in friendship problems, and she had prevented Celestia and Luna from performing a "War in the Heavens 2: Sisterly Spat Boogaloo," but did that really make up for all the missteps she had taken over the years?

With every student she helped, with every creature who said that they learned something about friendship, was that enough to atone for all her evils? Was she really any better than the three villains locked away in stone at that very moment?

Why was she the one chosen for the headmare position? Sunburst would have been better. Tartarus, probably Trixie could have done a better job at times. At least she wouldn't lock up in uncertainty when faced with whether to choose between a course emphasizing on giggling at ghosties or chortling with ghosties.

Whatever "ghosties" were.

Letting out another sigh, she switched her attention back to the clock and groaned. About eight minutes to midnight. And all she had to report for the last half hour was being melancholy and mopey. With a snort, she gazed back out into the weather. As a few flakes splattered against the window, she powered her horn, and there was a loud pop.

After a few seconds, she floated over a bottle of wine and stared at it. It was already half-emptied from she and her friends' time playing games. Third one of the night. Gazing at it momentarily, she huffed and closed her eyes, visualizing the table where the cutie mark-emblazoned glasses were. Dragging hers over, she poured herself enough to fill about half of it and downed it in one guzzle.

She grimaced. Didn't really burn going down, but after a couple of seconds, some of the haziness to her mind returned. Not enough to really drown any of her thoughts out. She huffed and poured another glass, which she imbibed just as rapidly.

Before she could do anything else, though, there was a series of hoofbeats at the door, and then a soft knock. A few seconds later, the door creaked open, and Sunburst meekly inquired, "Starlight? Are you in here? You went off and looked, well, you, you looked kinda distraught." Starlight didn't answer, but her magic still held her wine glass and bottle.

It wasn't like she was hiding. Much.

There was a pause for a moment, and then the door closed. Starlight began to float the bottle over her glass again, but it was halted by a light yellow field. As it was prevented from pouring down, she merely gave a snort and furrowed her brow. She set down her glass.

Gazing out into the night, she let her eyes trace a few of the whipping flakes of snow as the slight buzz in her head made her hold back a yawn. Expressionless, she merely stiffened and pressed harder into the back of the couch as she heard Sunburst slip in beside her to her right, and a second or two later some of his body heat warmed the air near her.

She didn't look. However, her cheeks flushed faintly. From the wine or from his proximity, she didn't really know.

Silence reigned over the two of them, as she felt him shimmy a smidgen closer and then stop. She barely caught his form out of the corner of her eyes, and he had sat down much like her, back propped against the couch, hindlegs stuck out like gangly spindles. In the back of her mind, she snorted at how human-like it was. Should she tell him some day about her small stint in the human world and with Sunset Shimmer?

She mentally shrugged. Even she couldn't quite comprehend how that world worked, what with no magic, save for the limited incursions it had and the powers Sunset and her set of friends retained. Perhaps another day.

With her thoughts ceased, she merely sighed and glanced at the clock. Seven minutes to midnight. Why did it feel like the night was dragging on longer and longer? Before she could contemplate further, she felt Sunburst gently prod her with a forehoof. "So, uh, you ready for, for the new year?"

She didn't answer. Sealing her lips tight, she hung her head and avoided his gaze, which she was certain was nothing but warmth and an invitation to play with his beard. Maybe not that last part, but it was perfect material to fondle and bat back and forth, and it only made him all the cuter.

She grimaced. "Maybe I did have one too many glasses..." she pondered to herself as Sunburst titled his head a couple of degrees.

"Starlight?" inquired Sunburst as he more firmly prodded her with a forehoof. As a frown spread across his muzzle, he adjusted his spectacle and followed Starlight's gaze out the window. He arched a brow. Whirling his head to look at her again, he moved an inch closer and pitifully pouted. "Is something wrong?" When she didn't answer, he questioned a bit more insistently, "What's on your mind, Starlight?" He leaned back a bit.

Eyeing her, he visually appraised her appearance, and her rather ragged and matted fur that streaked down her cheeks and neck. Starlight didn't reply. In fact, when he reached out a hoof to wipe at a couple of tears that were still flowing down her muzzle, she winced, although she didn't move away.

She shuddered at his soft touch. When he withdrew, she held back a choking sob and grimaced. Some fresh tears trickled along her cheeks and carved new ruts in her fur. Internally, her heart thrashed and felt like it was attempting to beat out of her chest, and she coughed a couple of times as a building sensation of nausea threatened to overwhelm her.

As she struggled with her lurching stomach, she heard him ask, "What's wrong? Are, are you okay?"

Meekly, she gave a nod, then stopped. Pondering for a second or two, she finally whimpered and shook her head. He nickered in response. Both were completely still for a moment, then she mumbled between chuffs, "Why did Twilight trust me with all this?" At his confused whinny, she added, "Like, I-I guess I get why, but doesn't she realize I-I'm, like, o-one mistake away from, just, like, turning b-back into an e-evil pony and—"

"Starlight! Twilight t-trusts you because you, well, you saved everypony once! Y-You held your own against a supercharged Chrysalis, for Celestia's sake!" Stomping once on the ground, Sunburst made the bottle of wine, which he had placed to the side, and his own glass, rattle. Trixie snorted at the sudden noise, but remained asleep.

Gritting her teeth together, Starlight avoided Sunburst's irate glower, and she whimpered, "But... I still almost ruined the world! I-If she hadn't stopped me, if s-she hadn't trusted me to do the right thing, i-if I'd gone through with—"

"Listen to yourself, Starlight!" Sunburst interjected, which made her blush and glance at him, eyes wide and watery. As soon as she gazed at him, he hung his head and scratched the back of his neck. Dead air sat between them for a moment, the weak tension almost palpable as he occasionally flicked his tail and shamefully coughed into a hoof.

"Uh, what I meant to say was, uh..." He trailed off briefly. Working his tongue around his teeth a couple of times, he finally groaned and flattened his ears against his head. "Is just, well, you didn't. You saw your mistakes." At that, he rested a hoof on her shoulder, and she flinched away. A small whine escaped his throat.

"How much have you had?" he prodded after a pregnant pause.

"What?" Starlight stuttered, her mind blank about his question. When he gestured to the bottle of wine, she merely huffed, "Not enough to forget everything running around up here." As she tapped her head a few times, she set her glass next to his, and she mumbled, "Celestia, or I guess Twilight, knows that it's busy enough making me feel awful."

"No, no, the Humble and Gracious Trixie could never accept the 'best unicorn who doesn't need wings to make her amazing' award," they both heard Trixie moan in her sleep. Whipping their attention in unison to the back of the couch, Starlight glanced at Sunburst and then forced back a snigger. Trixie muttered a couple more things about ruling the world, and then went silent, save for the soft snoring.

With a hint of mirth, Starlight quipped, "Been like that since I got here." Brushing aside the edge of her mane so she could peer at Sunburst better, she faintly grinned to match his own half-cocked smirk at Trixie's dream state. In the back of her mind, she thanked Celestia that at least she was in the shadow of the hearth, so that she could more easily size him up without being noticed.

Sure, some mares would have appreciated a hunkier stallion, like Prince Blueblood—as the tabloids in Ponyville always loved to point out—or a rugged frontierstallion, but Sunburst was Sunburst. Maybe not as fit, but certainly more interesting than the prince. Also, the beard. Always the beard.

"W-What's this?" he suddenly inquired, jabbing a hoof toward the letter that Starlight had received from Twilight. Internally smacking herself into next week, Starlight spotted that she had left it on the floor, as it had simply fallen from her magical grip after she had gone into another funk.

For a second or two, she played with a couple of different half-truths or complete fabrications, but ultimately just muttered, "It's from Twilight." She could have teleported it away, incinerated it, or banished it to the Everfree Forest, but instead, she just let him snatch it, and effectively gestured for him to take it as she slumped back against the couch.

With a curious nicker, he floated it over and unfurled the letter, and then hummed. It only took him a minute to read through it, and then he glanced up at her. "Was this that 'suggestion' that Twilight offered about the last week of school before Hearth's Warming?" he inquired, which earned a defeated groan from Starlight. Although he didn't respond, his expression spoke all that he needed to. "I see."

For a moment, he shuffled where he sat, and then floated the letter back over to Starlight. She wordlessly snatched it back. As the seconds dragged on, and the clock ticked down, she licked her lips and clicked her tongue. Sunburst huffed and looked away. As he watched the snow himself, he stated, "Twilight was nice, but, well, you'd think she'd realize that flattering you so much would get you going."

"Yeah..."

"You've been worrying about this all week, haven't you?" Like a trained archer splitting another arrow's shaft as it already stood perfectly in the center of a bullseye, Sunburst's words managed to pierce directly into Starlight's heart. With a faint squeak, she nodded her head and buried her muzzle in her chest. When Sunburst caught it, he neighed in empathy and sighed.

"Well, I was thinking of a way to give this to you, and it's probably not the best time, but, well, maybe somepony else will help you feel better." At that, he hopped up and trotted around to his cloak, which was still hanging on the door. Rifling through the pocket that was on the underside of it, he trotted back and then presented his item he carried to Starlight.

It was another letter. Unlike Twilight's or either of her former villagers', it was without a cutie mark holding the envelope closed. In fact, it was without any form of identification at all. Gingerly, she levitated it over after Sunburst let go, and she raised her eyebrows. There was no clue as to who sent it, as even the envelope barely carried the smell of Sunburst's cologne he sometimes wore to the school.

Not nearly as attractive as his mane's natural scent, though.

At that thought, she blushed, curled slightly inward as her face and neck went hot, and then she gazed back down at the letter. Despite his silence, Starlight could tell that Sunburst eagerly awaited her opening of the letter, and she sighed and obliged. In a single slash of a bit of hardened magic, the seal of the letter was sliced open and she withdrew a single piece of paper. She gasped as she started to read.

"'Hi Sugar Plum!

"'I know you are probably a bit embarrassed that your old daddy decided to send you a letter, but I couldn't get you off my mind! Everypony here in Sire's Hollow is still talking about how you helped save Equestria and stood up to that scary changeling and centaur! And then you became the headmare of Princess Twilight's friendship school, too! How could a proud father not talk about that?

"'I'm sure that you were going to tell me on your own time, but Sunburst told me after you kids had settled down back in Ponyville.'" When she finished reading the sentence, she lowered the letter enough so she could glower at Sunburst. He simply shrugged. As a weak titter escaped his muzzle, his cheeks went beet red, and he nervously tapped his forehooves together.

"I... thought he'd like to know? Besides, I told M-Mom about me, and slipped in about you, too. If, if I didn't tell him, she would, and you know how'd she'd spin it around me." At that, he chuckled uncomfortably again, and Starlight huffed before bringing the letter back up to read.

"'You've probably been so busy being the best headmare that ponies, and other creatures, could hope for, so you shouldn't worry about not telling me. I understand. You're a big mare now who doesn't need to rely on ol' Dad anymore! Just make sure that you brush your teeth at night. I wouldn't be a father if I didn't remind you of that.'"

Starlight only groaned at the advice. With a withering stare, she silenced Sunburst's nicker.

"'Everything's going great here, Sweet Tooth. The town has really come together since you and Sunburst visited last year. Stellar has helped organize some new events to celebrate Hearth's Warming and the new year, while I've done what I could to find some of the old decorations from the late ninth century! Did you know they used pure porcelain from Neighpon for the candle holders for the tree here? Absolutely beautiful! Maybe you should come visit next year, so long as you're not too busy being the fancy headmare?

"'I won't ramble on too long, but I wanted to write this to let you know that I'll always love you, Pumpkin Cheeks. I know I can be overbearing, and you showed me that, but I have to indulge a bit. Everypony here is proud of you and Sunburst, especially me. When I thought I'd lost you, I couldn't bear to think what happened, and at first learning you had tried to remove cutie mark magic, it broke this father's heart. But you've become such a mature mare, my little Star. I know that whatever you do from here, you'll succeed with the help of your friends. Maybe some fatherly advice, too.'"

There was more, but Starlight's eyes began to water and she choked on the last few words. Instantly, Sunburst grabbed the letter and set it aside, and then scooted toward Starlight. For a second or two, he uneasily watched her as some more racking sobs escaped her throat, and then he hummed and leaned forward.

Racing down her back, tingles of fear left her entire blood feeling like it was being shocked with a hundred mules of magical energy. She gasped once, but still couldn't stem the tears, although it wasn't all because her chest felt tight from her memories. Deep within, something felt lighter. Her thoughts weren't quite as demeaning, nor did she even dwell on her mistakes of yesteryear or her time as dictator. Even her nascent filly memories weren't disparaging.

While it wasn't explicitly stated, Firelight clearly harbored nothing against her despite her horrid actions of past Hearth's Warmings while she lived there. No mention. Just a father's love.

She sniffled.

As she did, Sunburst made a few shushing noises and pulled her a bit tighter into his chest. Although her brain was frantic, and her heart pounded against her sternum to break through and flee, she didn't fight back. In fact, she basically leaned into him, allowing her forehead and muzzle to be buried inside his chest fur. For the briefest moment, she breathed in and caught the scent of a shampoo. A mix of cedar and nutmeg.

It was nice. Festive. Totally him.

While her thoughts were filled with his aroma, she heard him make a couple more soft shushes and then release her. She still remained glued to his chest for a few more seconds, and then she whimpered and pulled up. Through teary eyes, she merely smiled and murmured dully, "Thanks."

"W-What are, uh, friends for?" he inquired, stumbling over the last couple of words as he glanced away. If his cheeks were any brighter, they'd be practically on fire, Starlight figured. He coughed into a hoof. "He, uh, wanted me to give you that after the new year came around, so, in like, uh, a-about five minutes. But, well, you looked like you could use it now."

Bashfully rubbing at one of his ears, he then adjusted his spectacles, squinted at them, and took them off. He rubbed them against his chest, in an area that wasn't soaked with tears, and then put them back on. They caught some of the hearth's fire and flashed bright orange for a moment, and Starlight smirked.

Glancing back at the clock, she saw that it was about three minutes, and she turned back to him, her eyes slightly lidded as she moved a bit closer to wrap a foreleg around him. He let out a small whinny of surprise, but bent to hook a leg around her, too. When their sides met, she let out a small sigh and felt her muscles relax as some of his body heat washed through. Her own heart was frantically pounding against her chest, and she could barely feel his own knocking against his ribs. Both their faces were bright red.

She cleared her throat. "So, uh, time flies, huh? Feels like the year's only been a few months."

"Yep. Just, speeding by."

At that, the two went quiet again, avoiding each other's gazes while still maintaining their embrace. After a few seconds, Starlight crept slightly closer, so she could press her entire side against his. He let out a small "meep" and jolted, but still held her hug. She floated her wine glass a bit closer.

Clicking her tongue, she asked, "What do you think of me so far?" At the strange look he shot her, she backpedaled and added, "I-I mean as headmare! L-Like, have I been doing good, o-or—"

At that, he simply smirked, and her heart melted a tad. "Starlight," he started with a cough, "you're the best the school's had, although..." Momentarily pausing, he leaned in a bit and whispered, "I c-could be a bit biased." They both snickered. "Princess Twilight may question my scientific rigor."

As Starlight's laughter died, he sighed and then tightened his embrace on her. Although her chest suddenly knocked around like a bunch of butterflies had been spooked from within, she didn't protest, nor fight, nor really anything. In fact, she practically flopped against his shoulder and rested her head on it as he moved her. He squeaked in surprise instead.

While she wiggled in next to him, she could feel his heartbeat skyrocketing more, and she prodded, "I'm sure there's more to that, right, Sunburst?"

"W-Well," he began with a stammer. Uneasily adjusting his spectacles again, he straightened his posture and tried to avoid staring into Starlight's eyes. "M-Maybe. I-I just, you know, wanted to say that you've been doing, uh, doing great, and that so long as you want me in the position as vice-headmare, or stallion, or whatever you want to call it, I will." Immediately his cheeks grew redder, and he continued to stare out the window at the snowfall. "J-Just know that I'm always around to talk. Don't walk off like that again if you're feeling bad. Like, I, I've made mistakes, too, and talking through it with friends makes it easier, okay?"

"Okay," she quipped and nuzzled into his neck. Moaning softly, she followed his gaze out the window. Already, the snowfall was beginning to thin, as the clouds that the pegasus weather workers brought must have only had enough for a short dusting. Granted, it was still enough to blanket the outside portion of the window sill with an inch or so.

Some of the sky had begun to peek through again, which allowed the distant starlight to glitter and sparkle across the freshly deposited ice crystals. Every grain seemed to light up, either with the bluish-white of the night sky, or the golden glow of the few remaining lights of the School of Friendship. Additionally, the wind had calmed, leaving the remaining flakes to descend gently and lazily, with little deviation.

Starlight traced the largest ones, and she shifted her foreleg on Sunburst's side. Briefly, she toyed with the idea of fondling his beard, but eventually determined not to do so. At least not without asking first. Perhaps with a nuzzle or the like.

In turn, he started to carefully rub her shoulder with his forehoof, and he glanced at her. Staring back at him, she blinked her eyes a couple of times as she felt herself draw slightly nearer, but then she stopped. Instead, she allowed her head to rest against his neck and shoulder, and she brushed some of her mane against his chin.

He snorted, nervously.

Suppressing a smirk, she forced back one last sigh as she watched the snow descend. A few of the students who had stayed at the school exited the doors to the building, looking around, from what she could discern, at the night sky. A second later, one—a griffon—took to the skies, and she caught the student pelt another with a snowball. Within seconds, the entire group comprised of six creatures from pony, to yak, to changeling, were battling it out. Incredibly muffled laughter barely filtered through the glass.

Starlight grinned.

Looking up at Sunburst, she stated, "I guess I should say that I'm lucky to have you. As a friend. A friend, of course. Definitely." She bit her lip.

With a slightly disappointed whinny, Sunburst quipped back with some pained mirth, "Well, you, you were the one who I should be thanking. I'm lucky you found me." Snorting and scraping a bit at the floor with his free foreleg, he declared, "I-If you hadn't been taken along by Princess Twilight, the Crystal Empire might have been buried in snow, and I would have been stuck becoming some, uh, c-crazy wizard hack, or something!"

"Don't remind me," she retorted with a grimace. "Can't you at least accept the compliment so I can distract myself?"

"From what? If you're a good headmare?" he inquired, glancing back down at her and reaching out with his forehoof. Almost reaching her head, he stopped and then put it back down, before exhaling in a defeated tone. Seconds passed, and then he finally mumbled, "I was just telling the truth. Maybe you should l-look back at how you were and who you are now." He shrugged. "A-And, maybe you should, you know, work on things where you can."

With a bemused frown, Starlight huffed, "I know that. Still trying to figure out how to do that." Then she paused. With a nicker, she asked, "Wait, what are you referring to?"

"Well, I might have seen those two letters on your nightstand when I was helping Trixie clean the castle." He huffed and rolled his eyes. "A-And by 'helping Trixie,' I mean I did the work and she 'supervised.'" Flexing his free hoof a couple times, he nickered and grunted. After a brief pause, he looked down and asked, "Those are ponies you know? Why, why haven't you answered them?"

"Who says I didn't?" countered Starlight with a bit of a defensive scrunch of her muzzle. Granted, he wasn't really going into her room, unless he was, in which case, her heart fluttered in both annoyance and excitement, but how could he tell?

"Because you never sent anything to Harmony's Peak?" he quipped, and Starlight mentally slapped herself. Of course he would know, since he usually was the one to deliver the mail to the post office for Derpy or whomever to send on its way. Clearly catching her grimace, he at last brought his hoof back up and then gently patted her on her mane a couple of times. "Y-You should speak to them again."

"I guess..."

"And if you don't do that tomorrow, I'll make you do it tomorrow." Nickering and tittering, he resettled his embrace on her and then pulled her a bit tighter. Involuntarily, Starlight moaned and whimpered, and felt her heart flutter a tad more at the warmth he provided. A shiver worked down her spine.

Pulling back from him, she defiantly brayed and arched a brow. "You and what magical army will make me?" She poked him in the side. "Don't forget that I know how to travel through time, you don't." Puffing out her chest a bit in pride, she stated, "How will you keep me there?"

With a shrug, Sunburst retorted, "Oh, you know. Big Mac invited me to fill the gap that Spike left when he had to go with Twilight to Canterlot, so, you know, I've got my O&O DM to back me up." At Starlight's confused expression, he stated with a smirk, "It's Discord. He'll probably tie you up with spaghetti or something."

Mockingly pressing a hoof against her chest, Starlight exclaimed, "How could you?! It's not like I destroyed his physical body or anything that one time he angered me!" Under her breath, she mumbled, "Because he totally deserved it." Pressing a bit more into Sunburst, only to see him grow more flustered, she tittered, "How do you think he'll hold me back?"

"Because you'll agree to this, because you're already feeling better." He snorted and leaned in a bit closer to her. As his breath practically touched her muzzle, he declared, "Because you've learned from them. You've matured from them. And now, with just a little bit of help from a friend, you've seen that, right? It's why Twilight chose you. Because you're an example of what friendship can do!" Playfully tapping her on the nose, he withdrew, and she let out a whinny of annoyance. Maybe it was the buzz in her head from the whine, but he was making sense.

Sure, she'd internalized all of Twilight's lessons, but accepting them entirely still was an ongoing process. Maybe those memories, and others, would continue to resurface over the next few years, but that's all they were: memories. Everything she had been through had forged who she was, and, even if she wasn't perfect, Twilight still trusted her to lead. As soon as she realized that, Starlight choked and swallowed nervously. Maybe Twilight had missed one last instruction to get that through her skull.

Besides, it wasn't like she hadn't learned a thing or two. For instance, Trixie snored. A lot.

"I suppose you're—" she started with a sniffle before there was a sudden clanging from the clock over the mantle. Both she and Sunburst whipped their heads around to see that it was directly over midnight, and then there was a sudden yelp as Trixie jerked upright and rubbed her eyes a couple of times. She met Starlight’s and Sunburst's shocked stare, and blinked once.

With a meek whimper, she exclaimed, "The Alert and Cognizant Trixie was not sleeping! She was merely—" She paused and licked her lips "—she was merely checking her eyelids for cracks. Yes!" Without warning, she groaned and hissed, rubbing her forehead briefly and then giving a whine. "Her head is also not feeling like it wants to tear itself off and bury itself in ice."

Starlight snickered and then went back to looking out the window. After a few seconds, she pressed her head into Sunburst's neck again, and she mumbled, "I'm glad you're here." She jolted slightly, although avoided jabbing her horn in his chin, and added, "Because it's cool on the floor. Totally. Nothing else."

Sunburst stiffened. With a small nicker, he exclaimed, "Yes! Definitely. Most definitely."

From the couch, there was a pained, somewhat tired moan, and Trixie grumbled, "Oh, just kiss, the both of you. The Pained and Agonized Trixie can't stand hearing you dance around each other any longer!"

Sheepishly falling silent, Starlight peered up at Sunburst, who was blushing profusely, and just about as much as she probably was, and she tittered. While Trixie's orders had been clear, she merely nuzzled deeper into Sunburst's neck, smelling another blast of his shampoo, and sighed. Her chest felt like it was on fire, as were her cheeks, and both her hindlegs quivered a couple of times involuntarily. Sunburst fidgeted.

Momentarily letting them both just hold the embrace, Starlight finally asked, "There's more in that bottle, right?" He meekly floated it up and poured them both a glass. As she took her drink, she leaned up and pecked him on the chin, and she giggled when he whinnied and shot upright.

"Happy New Year, Sunburst," she mumbled as she pressed again into his side. Sipping on her wine and feeling its heat radiate through her, she smiled when he wished her the same. She took the bottle, topped her glass, and his, and then yelped when a mistletoe fell almost in front of her muzzle.

"Now kiss, for real!" Trixie ordered, and Starlight scowled. Wriggling her eyebrows, Trixie merely quipped, "Wink!" She brayed when Starlight tossed the wine in her face. It only took a couple of seconds for her to start screaming. "The Humble and Supportive Trixie's gone blind!" she shrieked and fell back from the couch.

As she continued to writhe on the floor, Sunburst glanced to Starlight and asked, "W-Why did you—"

"I can use a healing spell. She'll be fine." At that, Starlight leaned closer and planted her lips on Sunburst's. In an instant, her world was alight with their soft, squishy warmth, and she let out a moan of delight before finally pulling back. All Sunburst could do was gawk, and she simply stated with a snort, "Now, to make Trixie happy, just kiss me." She winked. "Bursty."

After blinking a couple of times, he finally declared, "U-Uh, i-if that's what you—" Before he could finish, Starlight just huffed and wrapped her forelegs around his back and pulled him closer. He yelped, but with renewed gusto, he leaned in, and Starlight's world felt like it had exploded in fireworks.

FIN

Author's Note

Well, one of these days, I'll get a New Year's-based fic out by New Year's. :rainbowlaugh: Either way, this was simply a little idea that got into my head, and since I've not written a good, ol' StarBurst fic--even if it's lighter on those elements this time--for a while, I ran with it. Was nice to flex the writing muscles for an idea that was outside of a competition. :pinkiecrazy:

As always, thanks to EverfreePony for assisting with the editing process, especially on the heels of my Jinglemas fic. They've been a strong help for years now, and I always appreciate the time they take to look at my drafts. :twilightsmile:

Until next fic!
T4E