The Princesses' Lovers

One day, a few months following the return of Princess Luna from her banishment upon the moon, Twilight Sparkle the unicorn was in the Royal Canterlot Library. She found a strange book there: it was old, with no title beyond an ancient, faded, and utterly illegible scrawl which may once have been words.

It had clearly not been read in some time.

So there was absolutely no way that our favourite, curious, knowledge-hungry egghead would read such a mysterious thing, yes?

…okay, who am I kidding?

She brought it to a nearby reading desk and flipped it open immediately, but even this talented young mare struggled to make sense of the text she found within. Where it was still legible, it mostly seemed to be written in old runes that she did not understand, occasionally interspersed with the odd word of common Equestrian.

Twilight leafed through the book’s pages for several minutes, understanding snippets here and there, eventually getting the impression that this was some form of history book, as it seemed to contain accounts of some ancient events.

Remembering that she had only come to this section of the Library to get a very specific textbook, and having no more success in understanding the book even after nearing its end, she was about to replace it on its shelf when the motion of closing the book gave her a glimpse of the next page. Here, finally, was a complete section in plain Equestrian!

“Alright, fine,” she sighed with a smile, and settled down to read once more.

She quickly wished that she had not…

We are alone.

Ventilus is gone. Astrapor is gone. Nightmare Mo Luna is gone.

We are alone.

Our sister, twisted as she was by the dark magicks which made her Nightmare Moon, has finally been banished to the moon. We wielded the Elements of Harmony against our own baby sister, and now the darkness she threatened, though it currently remains, is no more than a normal night-time. In a few hours We shall lower the moon and raise the Sun once more.

We never expected her form to be printed upon the damnable rock’s surface. It is as if she is looking down on me, judging me, pleading with Us for release which We cannot give her and I cannot stand it! I do not care that she brought it upon herself, which my many advisers have told me countless times and I myself screamed as I banished her. I didn’t believe it then and I don’t believe it now. I was trying to justify my actions. It was as much my Our fault that Luna was not cared for by our people as it was her fault for allowing jealousy to win her over. We could have done so much to help, but I simply hoped everything would sort itself out. When the time for morning comes I We shall be truly grateful.

Oh, damn the “We”! Damn the “Us”! I am alone now and I am not a “We”! We were a we, Luna and I, but I am still the scared filly who turned down monarchy for fear of the responsibility all those years ago!

I am now the sole ruler of my beautiful Equestria, doomed to make all the decisions by myself as was once intended. Indeed, my many advisers in their “wisdom” have suggested that now would be an appropriate time to take up the title of Queen, to prevent any risk of appearing weak before my subjects. “After all,” as one pointed out right before I lost my temper and threw him bodily from the throne room, “you have always been one of two Princesses, and without the two Princesses, somepony who is seen as stronger may be required by the people.” Patronising little bastard, talking to me about strength like I really was a little filly when I have lived for thousands of years and have now lost everypony I truly cared for! I showed him strength, that is for sure.

No. I am no more a Queen now than I was at the time of Father’s death at the claws of Chaos. I needed my sister then, and in truth I still do, for I am no Queen yet and I doubt I shall ever be.

Oh, but why do you lament so, Celestia? Surely you have other things to occupy your mind? What about going to Astrapor for comfort, surrendering yourself to his strong hooves as you weep into his wonderful mane? What about going to his brother Ventilus in order to comfort him? After all, mustn’t he too be in a great deal of pain from Luna’s abandoning good, abandoning him?

Well, it is as I have written. They are gone too.

The spell which Luna cast as her last free action ripped a hole in reality itself, and they were sucked into it. Who knows what happened to them? Who knows where they are? Are they even anywhere, or have they been blasted into nothingness?

I am the last living alicorn in existence. I am so alone.

I would write about my feelings of loss for Ventilus. My greater feelings of loss, love unfulfilled and missed opportunities for his older brother. And my dear, dear sister, even more alone than I, upon the moon. But I cannot, I am too tired and sad, and I can barely hold this quill steady with my grief. The paper and ink are enchanted, so my tears shall not blot the words, but it does not stop them from falling any less heavily. I am amazed I have written so much and so clearly, but now I must stop.

I must rest. I must weep. And wait. And hope for the impossible.

I want them all back.

I need them.

I cannot go on *I must be strong for my little ponies, and I*** shall *go on.*

I must.

I must.

Twilight snapped the book shut, looking about her fearfully. This was no history book! It was some sort of personal journal of Princess Celestia’s! The kind of book she simply could not read if she wished to maintain the Princess’ trust! And so, like the faithful personal student she was, she quickly put the book back where she had found it and just trotted away…

…only to trot right back, pull it out, and stare at it again.

This book was full of history, a history fully remembered only by Princess Celestia! And, seeing as such a personal tome clearly wasn’t meant to be there in the first place, maybe she should return it to the Princess! And then she could ask her questions about its contents, and what happened, and who Ventilus and Astrapor were–

But then she would know that Twilight had read it!

Whilst Twilight panicked at this revelation as only she could, she was too distracted to notice the approach of none other than Princess Celestia herself. The graceful white alicorn had been looking for her student, and quietly giggled in good-natured amusement when she saw what a state Twilight had again worked herself into.

Certain that a few calming words were all that was needed to restore Twilight’s nerves, the Princess airily called out:

“Good afternoon, Twilight!” and the poor unicorn jumped about six feet into the air with a squeal. This, of course, made her drop what she had been holding and revealed Celestia’s old diary. The alicorn stopped dead as she saw the old book, and Twilight braced herself for what, she was sure, was her impending banishment, and imprisonment in the place where she was banished to…

Recognition flashed through Celestia’s eyes, and they quickly flitted to Twilight, then back to the book, before settling back on Twilight. The Princess regarded her student with a blank stare which looked entirely out of place on her normally warm, happy face. Twilight didn’t like that, not one bit. If Celestia had been angry with her, fine, she probably deserved it. But the young unicorn couldn’t tell what her mentor was thinking or feeling. From her experience with the courts and such, Twilight knew that Celestia rarely masked herself so fully; and when she finally relented and opened up once more… Twilight shivered.

Woe betide whoever had caused the silence.

“…where did you find this, Twilight?” Celestia’s gaze had once more returned to the book, and her voice was quiet and full of… longing? Pain? Twilight couldn’t quite tell.

She tried to explain, justify to her teacher why she was there in the first place, why she had read the book and how she didn’t realise what it was until it was too late, but all that she could manage were a few disjointed words and phrases, finally finishing with a whispered:

“I shouldn’t have read it, I’m sorry…” The Princess remained still and silent for a few more seconds, and then it was as if a switch had been flicked back on and she blinked, at once becoming Twilight’s benevolent teacher again.

“Oh Twilight! Come here, come here!” The Princess’ welcoming forelegs were a gratefully accepted offer for the young, panicky unicorn. Twilight still did not understand why Celestia had acted the way she did, but much preferred hugs to fear of banishment, so she wasn’t complaining.

The two sat like this for a few seconds, until Celestia was sure Twilight had calmed down again, before the Princess sat up and looked her student in the eyes. Gone was the blankness from before, but it was clear that their impending talk would be serious nonetheless.

“Now, Twilight, I want you to understand that I in no way hold any resentment towards you for reading my journal. There was no way you could have known what it was, especially since most of it was written in such a way as to hide my feelings on the matters I detailed.

“With that in mind, although the events I have written about are not precisely secrets, my emotions in their regard are very personal things, and even hundreds, or sometimes thousands of years later, I still feel uncomfortable discussing many of them.

“You see, this book was where I would write about all the bad things in my life, as a way to ease the pain I felt about them. Yes, Twilight,” Celestia smiled as Twilight looked up at her in surprise, “sometimes I too need a little calming down, and when I do, I write it all down in this book. Or rather, I used to.” Her smile became bemused as she examined again the library wing in which they sat.

“Before it somehow became lost in the Royal Library. I am fortunate indeed that nothing too awful has occurred in the past thousand years, I do not know what I would have done without it!” They shared a chuckle and a final squeeze, and rose to their hooves once again.

After locating her intended textbook and agreeing on a time to meet up for tea, Twilight bade Celestia farewell and set off for her tower room. For a second time, however, her curiosity was raised to the fore, and for a second time she trotted back.

“Yes, Twilight? Did you want something else?” Twilight hesitated, unsure for a moment, before swallowing and taking the plunge.

“I was just wondering, Princess, and I know you said you felt uncomfortable discussing it but I just had this one little question and I hope you don’t mind-”

“Ask away, Twilight, I am sure you will be suitably tactful,” the Princess chuckled.

“Right, thanks. So… who were Astrapor and Ventilus, exactly?”

“Ah, Astrapor and Ventilus…” Princess Celestia flicked back through several chapters of her journal as she considered her answer, coming to rest on yet another tragedy in her long life. She closed her eyes and took a moment to remember it, all those years ago, for even though it was painful to recall, it did go part of the way to answering her student’s question…