The Not So Mysterious Mare Do Well!

by DisneyBird64

Rating: everyone
Tags: Mane-iac, Mare Do Well, Random, Alternate Universe, Power Ponies, Anthro, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, My Little Pony Comic
Length: 3781

Faster than a tortoise! Stronger than a newborn foal! Smarter than a carrot! It’s her legal name! It’s Mare Do Well!

Faster than a tortoise! Slicker than sandpaper! Stronger than a newborn foal! Has the acrobatics of a chair! Smarter than a carrot! Braver than a squirrel! What is it? A dry ice freezer? A tourist bus? A math book?

No it’s her real legal name! It’s the Not So Mysterious Mare Do Well!

Starring the self proclaimed heroic vigilante!

With the supporting cast of: The Mane-Iac Black Heart The Maniac, the Power Ponies: Saddle Rager, the Masked Matter-Horn, Mistress Mare-velous, Zapp, Radiance, Fili-Second and Hum Drum

Despite having lost her powers, influence and her namesake the Mane-Iac (now just Black Heart The Maniac) still wants to destroy the Power Ponies which she plans to do by using what remains of her Mane Spray Ray Of Doom (being the amount of a single spray cans and makes a few modifications to it)

Hum Drum worried about the Black Heart escaping prison and being basically laughed at by the Power Ponies (during laundry day and while getting the main lounge area painted) for worrying about such a matter (no pun intended) calls upon Mare Do Well to deal with this seemingly minimal threat.

If you’re wondering why I chose Mare Do Well as this bumbling vigilante it cause her name Mare Do Well is play on the term "ne'er/near-do-well a derogatory term for someone who is idle, worthless, or good-for-nothing, which luckily for the other characters Mare Do Well is just barely above that

Just like how Underdrake is a parody of Dragon Of Steel, the Mare Do Well parodies Superhero fics in general

Also she’s the first character in this new Sketch It! Universe

Published 2025-01-25 12:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2025-01-25 12:30:01 UTC

Paralyze Setting

In the city of Maretropolis not far from Manehattan, was Capital Super Prison which housed the city’s most notorious villains. Among them was the Black Heart the Maniac formerly known as the Mane-Iac.

The Mane-Iac’s arch nemesis the Power Ponies managed to convince the city that instead wrapping and tying her mane in chains, to use a special tonic developed by them. Said tonic not only reduced Mane-Iac’s mane size it also disabled her ability to control it. You would think that with this downgrade they’ll transfer her to a minimum security prison?

Well you’re wrong not only did they keep her in the maximum security prison, since she was no longer a ‘super’ villain all her henchponies abandoned and cut ties with her, once being released instead of hatching a plan to break her out simply aimed for a normal career.

On this seemingly not so faithful day, Black Heart dressed in an orange jumpsuit was laying on her bottom ‘bunk’ which was basically just a metal rectangle, no, mattress blanket or pillow. The conditions of Super Capital were questionable to say the least, the lights never turned off, no cell transfers unless it’s for Solitary Confinement, no recreational or court yard time tv and water including the shower that was also in the cell are all controlled by the prison itself.

Black Heart had been trying to find the right sleeping position for what felt like hours (in reality it was only like 30 minutes) but the presence of bright lights and lack of anything else to sleep made it incredibly difficult. Getting annoyed she ends up sitting up a bit too fast accidentally hitting her head on the top bunk.

She stops herself from screaming and checks up on the top bunk only to find it empty

“Oh yeah they’re in Solitary Confinement.” Her cell mate Pharaoh Phetlock was thrown in Solitary Confinement for attempting to start a riot, although the riot was less about escaping and rebelling against the conditions of the prison and more about rioting about the fact that he wasn’t given a drink with his lunch which prisoners were also served in their cells.

“I’ll find a way out of here…” Black Heart trails off pacing back in forth in her cell “And once I do I’ll finally destroy those POWER PONIES!” Her voice goes slightly above a whisper as she kicks the metal toilet only to immediately regret it. She hops around holding her hoof only to hit the back of her head on the top bunk knocking her to the ground. She crawls over under her prison window covered with 5 iron bars due to the combination of pain and frustration. She grabs one the bars, finally managing to get back on her hooves, she pulls on the bar in frustration only for it to come clean off. Carefully putting it down she tugs on the other 4 bars which all fairly easily come off, once Black Heart places the bars down she looks out the window revealing that she was on the 2nd floor and that the only thing between her and freedom was the ground.

Taking a massive risk Black Heart dives head first of the window landing in a pile of bushes which luckily for her weren’t filled with thorns. Dusting herself off of any thorns or dirt she run offs.

A few hours later

“ROLL CALL!” The sun was just about to rise when one of the guards shouted out the latter “Black Heart The Maniac?” After a few seconds of silence the guard looks into the cell, somehow not noticing the open window or it’s iron bars missing and finds the former supervillain missing.

“Hey did you put Black Heart in Solitary Confinement?”

“No there’s only one Solitary Confinement cell and it’s being occupied by Pharaoh Phetlock.”

“Uh oh”

Many blocks away from the prison, Black Heart was now wearing her orange jumpsuit, shirt and pants inside out turning them from orange to white to avoid any detection. The former supervillain finds herself back at her hideout the shampoo factory expect it was wrecked, trashed and even vandalized with spray paint stating “Maniac! Not so super villain! You suck! and Petty criminal!”

“They really took abandoning me to the next level.” The maniac thought as she entered the factory through a shattered window.

“I’m one step closer towards my revenge!” Black Heart stated walking into her wardrobe changing back into her signature purple bodysuit. She then goes over to the knocked over large version of her Mane Spray Ray Of Doom and presses down on the button or actuator which took quite a bit of strength due to no assisting force. It’s all for nothing though as nothing comes out. She’s about to start thinking of a new plan when she suddenly remembers something else.

“Wait a second I always keep multiple mini sprays!” Black Heart realized and opened a storage unit revealing a bunch of mini Mane Spray Rays Of Doom, she grabs one and press down.

“No!” She tosses it behind her, she presses down on another.

“Not that one either.” She tosses it behind her

***
98 cans later

“Zero!” She tosses the 99th spray can behind her

“Last one.” The former supervillain takes a deep breath and presses the button but to her surprise a small pink cloud comes out.

“Finally! With this can I can finally destroy the Power Ponies!” Black Heart The Maniac then breaks out into maniacal laughter, only to choke a little which she manages to save herself from.

“Alright that should be the last of them just placed my supersuit in the washer.” Matterhorn the pale light grayish rose unicorn with the grayish heliotrope colored mane and tail informed her fellow Power Ponies. She along with her teammates had already changed into casual clothing. The heroic group of ponies were all currently lounging in the lobby of Power Pony Tower as the top meeting floor, also used for recreational was currently drying after receiving a fresh coat of white paint.

Matterhorn sat at a table and started chatting with Radiance. Zapp and Fili-Second were ‘playing’ chess at another table n and Mistress Mare-velous was showing Saddle Rager how to tie a knot at the lobby’s counter.

“Remember Zapp chess isn’t about playing the board it’s about playing your opponent.” Fili-Second told the pale blue pegasus with a purple mane her tone surprisingly wise.

“How though?”

“Like this!” The light lime green earth pony with an orange mane stars laughing and throwing the black chess pieces which prompts the pale blue pegasus to do the same with the white pieces.

“Alright Saddle Rager when it comes to knot tying you make a circle then…” Saddle Rager blinks and next thing she knows a perfect knot was sitting before her “Now you got a perfect knot, got all that?”

“Yeah sure.”

“Everypony! Something crazy just happened!” Hum-Drum also dressed in casual clothing exclaimed bursting into the room with a newspaper in his hand.

“Let me guess the comic book store somehow ran out of comics?” Matterhorn guessed snickering a little

“No Black Heart The Maniac has escaped from Capital State Prison!” Unfortunately for the forest green teenage earth pony with a brown mane and tail this information only emits a bit of laughter from the Power Ponies.

“That no longer super villain and arch nemesis?” Mistress Mare-velous jokingly asked

“She escaped from a maximum security prison!” Hum-Drum reaffirmed to the light goldish grey earth pony with a light azure mane and tail.

“Fine we’ll give her that but I doubt she’s still plotting something to destroy us.” Saddle Rager the light grey pegasus with a light brown mane and tail stated

“I’m sure she’ll just rob a bank or mane care store, the cops should take care of her.” Radiance the light yellow unicorn with a purple mane and tail reassured

“Black Heart’s probably on her way here as we speak!” Hum-Drum worried

“Fine since you wanna worry so much Hum-Drum I’ll go down to the corner store down the street and comeback with some snacks to show that we’re safe!” Matterhorn declares

“But what about-“ The teenager gets cut off by the fully grown unicorn “Simple I’ll hit her with one of these!” Matterhorn using her magic spawns in an icicle.

Or I’ll blind her with this!” A red dot appears its source being the unicorn’s horn. Turns out the super suits only boosted the magical abilities of the Power Ponies. Matterhorn could deploy non lethal version of her attacks like icicles instead of a freeze ray or a taser shock instead of a power grid one. Zapp could spawn in a small thunder cloud or mini tornado aka The Little Whirlwind. Radiance can create basic constructs like melee weapons or projectiles. If Saddle Rager got angry she would simply word muscles on her arms, Fili-Second could still run faster than the average pony and Mistress Mare-velous was still skilled at lassoing and tying rope.

“Matterhorn hang-“ Hum-Drum couldn’t finish his concern as Matterhorn had already walked out

“Great now who can defend us from Black Heart The Maniac?” The teenager grumbled

“ME!” The remaining Power Ponies look over to see the silhouette of a pony holding the double doors open, they wore a cape with a large hat.

“Is it…” Hum-Drum trails off

“It is!” Radiance exclaimed

“Mare Do Well!” They all exclaimed

“The one and only! Follow me to-“ She walks into the lobby as a result the doors close on her cape “Wait hang on!” Rather than opening the doors she tries to pull her cape out and once she does she crashes into and breaks the table Matterhorn once was and Radiance was currently sitting at.

“Are you alright Mare Do Well?” Radiance asked “Of course all my moves are carefully calculated. Follow me to justice! Can’t combat my cunning nature!”

“Mare Do Well Black Heart The Maniac is after us!” Hum-Drum informed

“Black Heart the what?” Mare Do Well asked

“Maniac!”

“Sweet Solar!” The heroic vigilante exclaimed

“I know and she also managed to escape from Super Capital Super Prison a maximum security prison!” The teenager added

“What level of security?” The hero asked

“Maximum!”

“Super Solar!” Mare Do Well exclaimed

“You aren’t worried are you Mare Do Well?” Zapp asked skeptical of the self proclaimed hero’s bravery.

“Of course not who needs worrying when you have Mare De Well!” The vigilante ends up hitting herself a little too hard with her fist, causing her to gasp.

“Okay that was my bad, got a little to carried away.” Mare Do Well admits her tone a little strained

“So what’s the plan?” Radiance asked, prompting Mare Do Well without even taking off her hat off to start digging in it, pulling out a can of tomato soup and a wrapped ham sandwich before finding what she was looking for a wooden board, a hammer and some nails.

“Follow me to justice!” The other Power Ponies gather behind Mare Do Well as the latter surprisingly fast, without accidentally hammering a finger, nails the board to the door “Can’t combat my cunningness! There’s no way Black Heart can get past that!”

Sighing Hum-Drum opens the door revealing that it goes outwards rendering the barricade useless.

“Huh tricker than I thought might need some time to think.” Mare Do Well states as she starts staring at a wall/into space.

“Better think of something else before we’re tied up in a situation we can’t get out of.” Hum-Drum advised “Tied up that’s it! Any of you got some rope?”

“I may not have my lasso but I think I can make up it for it…ah here it is!” Mare-velous finds some plain white rope inside the counter and hands them to the other hero with Mare in their name.

“Since these doors opens outwards, I can tie one end of this rope around the handles and the other to something mounted in place so no one can get in!” Mare Do Well explained as she starts but struggles to tie a knot around the handles

“Need some help?” Mare-velous asked

“Sure everyone needs help at some point in their life.” Mare Do Well admits as Mare-velous in a matter of seconds ties a perfect knot.

“Can’t combat your cunning nature!” Mare Do Well compliments the Power Pony as she grabs the other end of the rope backs up aiming for a coat rack hook only to find it just barely out of range.

“Gonna need some extra muscle here!” Mare Do Well strained attempting to pull the rope towards the hook.

“I can provide that just get me angry!” Saddle Rager said

“You sure?” Mare Do Well asked

“Super! It’s is my special talent after all.”

“Is there any boundaries?” The hero questions

“None as long as it doesn’t go outside the rating.” Rager reassures

“Okay the mane care product you use makes your mane look stupid!” Mare Do Well said in a harsh tone however that just seems to make Saddle Rager sad and tear up a little.

“This isn’t gonna work!” Mare Do Well says and quickly realizes

“Then what will?” Saddle Rager asked wiping a few tears off her face.

“This!” Mare kicks the pegasus in the hoof making her scream in pain and anger, allowing her arm muscles to come out and break the sleeves on her shirt.

Mare Do Well let’s Saddle Rager do the rest handing the raging pegasus the other end of the rope, but once she pulls it the handles come off and hits her right in the face, she faceplants onto the floor losing her muscles as for the door is leaves 4 small holes.

“What’s that?” Hum-Drum asked noticing something

“You mean the door?” Mare Do Well asked, once again sighing Hum-Drum cracks the door open revealing Black Heart The Maniac heading towards the building.

“Is that Black Heart The Maniac?” Mare Do Well asked getting a head response from Hum-Drum who exclaims “She has the Mane Spray Of Doom!”

Not wanting to repeat last time Hum-Drum help Rager up as all the Power Ponies except for Mare-velous hide behind the counter, while Mare Do Well presses herself against the door as the former super villain enters.

Mare-velous grabs and goes to hit the intruder with a table leg.

“Not this time!” Black Heart exclaims before shaking the can once and paralyzing Mistress Mare-velous. Mare Do Well goes for the takedown in the form of sneaking up behind Black Heart but right as Mare is gonna punch her the criminal turns around, luckily Mare Do Well also moves in sync with the villain’s back. Black Heart leaves the lobby, Mare Do Well unknowingly following, going further into the bottom floor of Power Pony Tower and a few seconds later the Power Ponies come out from behind the counter.

“Think we’re sa-Uh oh!” Hum-Drum pulls on Mare-velous’ arm in a attempt to unparalyze her to no avail.

“She’s frozen like a statue!” Zapp remarks

“Looks like Black Heart made some modifications to her Mane Spray Ray Of Doom.” Radiance added

“Where did Mare Do Well go?” Fili-Second asked as a masked purple pony wearing glasses walk over to her “Hey have you seen Mare Do Well?”

The purple pony take off their glasses revealing Mare Do Well “Oh it’s you Mare Do Well!”

“Can’t combat my cunning nature! I wore a disguise so I could catch Black Heart off guard.”

“Wait a minute weren’t you just following her.” Zapp asked once again skeptical about the supposed superhero.

“Not sure how you all move from floor to floor cause that elevator could only hold one creatu-AHH.” Mare Do Well cuts her own complaint off as she freaks out a little out the paralyzed Mistress Mare-velous

“Oh yeah we’re currently trying to get the elevator renovated.” Saddle Rager admits

“Don’t worry Mare Do Well she’s just paralyzed.” Fili-Second informs

“Para what?”

“lyzed, paralyzed.”

“Sweet Solar! Paralyzed…” The vigilante trials off before radio frequencies are heard “Hang on, hang on! My Anti-Danger Hatband is picking up and sensing danger!” Mare Do Well exclaims pointing at the black band around her hat.

“Hide I’ll handle the danger!” The remaining Power Ponies hide as Mare Do Well pulls out a purple club.

“What’s that?” Hum-Drum asks

“It’s my ClubSandWedge it may look plastic but it can hit hard!” Mare Do Well presses herself against the doorway exiting the lobby as Matterhorn enters through the front door, holding 3 bags of snacks, 2 in one bag 1 in the other and head down. Mistaking the unicorn as one of Black Heart’s henchponies she strikes her on the head with her ClubSandWedge. Matterhorn drops all 3 bags, and looks up to see Mare Do Well but before she could say anything she gets the purple club to the face causing her to face plant onto the floor.

“Can’t combat my cunningness!” Mare Do Well exclaims for the 5th time in this story unknowingly throwing her club aside “You can come out threat neutralized! Never realized how ugly Black Heart actually is!”

“Matterhorn you okay?” Hum-Drum asked as he helped the unicorn up.

“Wait Matterhorn?” Mare Do Well questioned before realizing something else she feels around her outfit clearly panicking “Where is it?!”

“Where is what?” Matterhorn asked rubbing her head

“My ClubSandWedge! I lost it!” She exclaimed

“Think I can provide a replacement.” Radiance said before using her magic to construct a pink club “Here you go!”

“Huh not quite my colour, but it’ll do.” Mare Do Well admits gladly taking the semi-fake club, a few moments later Black Heart’s renters the lobby.

“Hey have you seen Bla-“ Mare’s question trails off into stammering as she finds the maniac right before her who simply laughs.

“This is just laughable not only are you Power Ponies currently weak, you really think Mare Do Well can defend you.” Black Heart shoves Mare Do Well aside and goes to paralyze Zapp only for the vigilante to hit her in the back of the hand with the pink ClubSandWedge, knocking her against the wall.

“Can’t combat my cunning nature!” Without even bothering to untie the knot around the door handles she attempts to tie up the semi knocked out criminal.

“Can any of you snap her out of it?” Mare Do Well asks pointing to the frozen Mistress Mare-velous

“We can’t!” Fili-Second informs as she, Radiance and Saddle Rager pull on each of her limbs to no avail.

“Don’t worry I think I can manage.” Unfortunately for this rest of the Power Ponies Mare Do Well very badly ties up the Black Heart and fails to notice and she was still somewhat conscious.

“Can’t combat my cunningness! All we have to do now is wait for the police.” Mare Do Well declares

“Or wait for our super suits to finish washing.” Matterhorn adds as all ponies fail to notice Black Heart getting up and tap Mare Do Well on the shoulder. Unfortunately the heroic vigilante is fast enough with Radiance’s ClubSandWedge as the criminal paralyzes her.

She makes quick work of Radiance, Zapp, Matterhorn and Saddle Rager even managing to freeze Fili-Second before she has a chance to run away. Black Heart then turns her attention of Hum-Drum backing him into a wall “Unlike last time I’m actually gonna use the Mane Spray Ray Of Doom on you Hum-Drum!”

“Why do you shake it?” The teenager asks

“Simple 1 shake for paralyzing 2 shakes for movement!”

“Thanks for the info!” He swiftly snatches the can from the former super villain shaking it once before spraying paralyzing her.

Shaking it twice he unparalyzes Mare Do Well and Zapp unfortunately this causes Mare to strike Zapp in the head, which also destroys the semi-fake ClubSandWedge.

Hum-Drum then unfreezes Fili-Second and Radiance but since Second was in mid run, she hit her head against the unicorn’s. He unfreezes Matterhorn and Saddle Rager who luckily weren’t frozen in a position to cause any problems. Finally he remove the spray’s effects from Mistress Mare-velous who hits him with the table leg.

“Take that you petty criminal!” The earth pony unknowingly says to the sidekick.

“Oh yeah let’s how you like it!” Hum-Drum angrily says hitting Mare-velous in the head with the same table leg but as he goes to hit her more Mare Do Well breaks it up.

“No more need for violence I know exactly how to solve this!” Mare Do Well says taking the table leg away and Mane Spray Ray Of Doom before shaking it once and using it on Hum-Drum “Pretty sure he’s the useless one the team.”

“WHAT!” Saddle Rager gets angry and is in mid transformation before Mare Do Well re paralyzes her. Zapp summons a small thunder cloud but before it can go over Mare Do Well’s head she sprays the cloud causing it to turn to dust which is blown into Zapp and Mare-velous.

Matterhorn summons icicles and Radiance constructs snowballs but before either can use them on Mare Do Well she instinctively sprays them.

“Can’t combat my cunnin-“ She accidentally presses down on the spray freezing herself.

A few hours later

Mare Do Well’s twitches her empty hand before she along with the rest of the ponies in the room are unfrozen. Unfortunately for the vigilante she gets punched by Saddle Rager and hit by multiple icicles and semi-fake snowballs.

Black Heart The Maniac runs behind the counter only to find Mare Do Well’s real purple ClubSandWedge, she sneaks up behind the Power Ponies but before she can use it, the blunt object suddenly becomes extremely heavy falling on her hoof she lets out a silent scream, going cross eyed and to top it all off Hum-Drum falls on top of her from all the commotion .

The Power Ponies stop once taking notice of what just happened

“Can’t combat your cunningness!” Mare Do Well once again compliments the now not so useless sidekick.

***

The Power Ponies let’s the police take Black Heart The Maniac away as Mare Do Well picks up her ClubSandWedge and Mane Spray Ray Of Doom.

“Think I’ll keep this for safe Keeping.” Mare Do Well announces.

“What do you plan to do with it?” Matterhorn asked

“I’ll figure something out.” The self proclaimed heroic vigilante answers scratching her head as she leaves the building.

Author's Note

Don’t worry this is just a exposition story (to show what threats Mare Do Well will go up against) her catchphrases will also be said less frequently