I wake up feeling... fine.

Not good. Not bad. Just fine.

Which is honestly better than usual.

I stretch, cracking a few joints before rolling out of bed. My usual routine follows—coffee, ignoring the impossibly vast hallways of the H.A.R.D.I.S., its occasional strange noises and shifting, and staring blankly at a wall for a few minutes while my brain catches up.

Then I remember what I agreed to.

I groan, rubbing my temples. Right. Fluttershy’s. Tea. Sitting awkwardly while she and Rainbow talk.

Not ideal, but it’s not the worst thing in the world.

I’ve done worse.

I pull on my cloak—because obviously, I need to keep up appearances even if I’m just going to sit in somepony’s cottage for an hour—and saddlebags and head out.

Fluttershy’s cottage is exactly what I expect it to be: small, cozy, and teeming with little critters that I pointedly ignore.

The door opens within seconds of my knock, revealing Fluttershy, who blinks up at me with a soft smile.

“Oh! You actually came.”

I frown. “You sound surprised.”

She shifts slightly. “Oh, um. Not surprised. Just… glad.”

Huh.

I clear my throat. “Yeah, well. Twilight’s insufferable, and I figured it’s easier to just get this over with.”

Fluttershy’s smile twitches. “Well, um… come in.”

I step inside, mentally preparing myself for the awkwardness.

To my disappointment, Rainbow Dash is nowhere in sight.

Fluttershy notices me looking and quietly says, “She’s coming. She had weather duty this morning.”

I just grunt in acknowledgment and move to sit on the couch.

Fluttershy flits into the kitchen, preparing the tea, moving softly and deliberately like she’s trying not to startle me.

Which is... odd, I guess she's always been jumpy though.

I let the silence settle between us, figuring she’ll talk if she wants to.

And, surprisingly, she does.

“So… how is your apprentice doing?” she asks as she sets a cup of tea in front of me.

I blink, caught slightly off guard. “Sweetie Belle?”

Fluttershy nods.

I shift, shrugging. It's just Fluttershy, what could it hurt? “She’s fine, I guess. Still excited about learning. Still eager to show me every tiny bit of progress she makes.”

There’s a pause, and then she asks, “Are you happy about that?”

I snort. “Of course. She’s a good kid. Bright. Eager. Too eager, sometimes.”

Fluttershy tilts her head slightly, listening patiently.

I lean back a little, crossing my forelegs. “She reminds me why I bother with all this. Teaching her is fun. She actually wants to learn from me.”

I glance down at my tea, my jaw tightening slightly. “Or… she did.”

Fluttershy says nothing, waiting.

I huff. “It’s just… when Discord messed with my head, when everypony was trying to get me to break, to admit something was wrong… she ignored me too.”

I pick up the teacup, swirling it absently. “I get why Twilight and the others did it. They’re obsessed with making every problem a group project. But Sweetie? She’s my apprentice. She always wanted to learn from me, always looked up to me.” I exhale sharply. “And she just… acted like I wasn’t there.”

Like I was nothing.

My voice comes out tighter than I expect.

I hate that.

I rub my face, trying to shove the emotion down before it goes anywhere.

Then, suddenly, there’s a soft clink next to my hoof.

I look down.

A cookie.

I frown. “What.”

Fluttershy, still looking as gentle as ever, just nudges it slightly closer. “You looked upset.”

I stare at her. Then at the cookie. Then back at her.

“…So?”

She blinks innocently. “It helps.”

I glance back at the cookie.

It does look good.

And… well. I am a little stressed.

Without really thinking about it, I grab it with my magic and take a bite.

It’s good.

I take another bite, letting the rich, buttery flavor settle on my tongue. I guess it helps. A little. Not that I’m about to say that out loud.

Fluttershy just watches, sipping her tea, looking completely at ease.

I clear my throat. “So… yeah. Sweetie Belle.”

Fluttershy hums, prompting me to continue.

I frown. “I mean, I get it. Everypony else was doing it. Ignoring me, I mean. But she was always excited to see me. Always begging for lessons. And then, suddenly? Nothing.” I exhale sharply. “Like I was just some random unicorn she barely knew.”

Fluttershy’s expression softens. “That must have really hurt.”

I scoff. “I mean, yeah. A little. Whatever.”

There’s a pause.

Then—clink.

I glance down.

Another cookie.

I narrow my eyes.

Fluttershy sips her tea, utterly unfazed.

I stare at the cookie for a long moment before I huff and pick it up.

I take a bite.

It’s still good.

Fluttershy nods approvingly.

I squint at her. “You’re acting weird.”

She just smiles.

At some point, I find myself helping Fluttershy with her animals.

I don’t remember agreeing to this.

One second, we were talking. The next, I had a brush in my telekinetic grip, gently combing through the fur of some round little creature that Fluttershy insisted needed grooming.

I have no idea what it is. Some kind of oversized hamster, maybe.

I glance over at Fluttershy, who is tending to a group of rabbits. “How did this happen?”

She blinks at me. “Oh, well… you were already here. And you seemed like you didn’t mind.”

I frown. “…I do mind.”

She tilts her head. “Oh. Do you want another cookie?”

She holds the offending sweet out.

I squint.

Fluttershy just smiles, completely serene.

"Yes... thank you." I say, popping it into my mouth.

I sigh and go back to brushing.

Later, she asks me to help her bring in a bag of feed from the shed.

I grumble but oblige, levitating it effortlessly.

She thanks me, looking entirely too pleased.

Before I can respond, she sets a small bowl of fresh fruit in front of me.

I narrow my eyes.

She just sips her tea.

I pick up a slice of apple and eat it.

It’s good.

Fluttershy nods approvingly.

I get the strangest feeling that something is happening here, but I can’t quite put my hoof on it.

By the time Rainbow finally shows up, I’m sitting at the table, eating another cookie, feeling oddly relaxed.

Rainbow blinks at the scene in front of her, then smirks. “Wow. She got you, huh?”

I frown. “Got me how?”

Rainbow just snickers, flopping onto the couch. “Nevermind.”

Fluttershy smiles and places another plate of snacks on the table.

I stare at her.

She sips her tea.

I shake my head. Whatever. Not my problem.

I grab another cookie.

It’s still good.

I shift in my seat, clearing my throat. “Well, this has been… something, but I should probably get going.”

Fluttershy, who has been busy setting out another plate of fruit, glances up. “Oh?”

I nod, standing. “Yeah. Big, important archmage things to do.” I gesture vaguely. “You know. Mystical matters beyond mortal comprehension.”

Rainbow snorts from her spot on the couch. “Uh-huh. Sure.”

I shoot her a look. “What, you doubt my responsibilities?”

She just grins. “I doubt you have anywhere better to be.”

I scowl. “I have plenty of places to be.”

“Like?”

I open my mouth—then close it.

Damn it.

Fluttershy, silent this entire time, nudges a small plate forward. “You could stay a little longer,” she says softly. “I just made these.”

I look down.

Mini sandwiches.

Neatly cut. Perfectly arranged.

I stare at them.

She made these? Like, just now?

I glance back up at her, suspicious. “That’s… suspiciously convenient timing.”

She blinks. “Is it?”

“Yes.”

She tilts her head, giving me the softest, most innocent look imaginable. “But you haven’t even tried them yet.”

I narrow my eyes.

Then, before I can stop myself, I levitate one up and take a bite.

…It’s good.

I hate how good it is.

Fluttershy smiles just a little wider.

I chew, glaring at her.

She sips her tea.

Rainbow watches this exchange with pure delight, kicking her hooves up like she’s watching a show.

I exhale sharply, sitting back down. “Fine. A little longer.”

Fluttershy just nods approvingly.

Somewhere in the next half-hour, I realize something else is happening.

Fluttershy is… closer.

I don’t know when it started, but she’s slowly whittling away at my personal space.

It’s little things at first. A hoof brushing against mine when she reaches for the teapot. Sitting just a little closer than before.

At first, I ignore it.

She’s just a soft-spoken pony—naturally quiet, unassuming. Probably just used to sitting near other creatures without thinking about it. No big deal.

Then it escalates.

I’m finishing off one of those stupidly good daisy and cucumber sandwiches when I feel it—her hoof, lightly brushing against my mane.

I freeze.

No.

I glance at her out of the corner of my eye. She’s still talking like nothing happened. Like she didn’t just touch me.

I slowly pull back, ears flattening.

She doesn’t push. She just hums softly, withdrawing her hoof as if I was never meant to notice. Like it wasn’t even a big deal.

I narrow my eyes.

I know what that was.

That was soft pony tactics.

I tense, watching her carefully.

Fluttershy, unfazed, continues chatting in that calm, soothing voice of hers, letting the moment pass like it never happened.

“…and then Angel was just so fussy about his salad today. I even tried cutting the carrots into little flower shapes like he likes, but no, that wasn’t good enough. He wanted them in hearts.” She lets out a tiny sigh, smiling fondly. “I don’t know where he even got that idea. I’ve never done hearts before.”

I relax—just barely—before catching myself.

No. No, I am not going to be tricked into staying longer.

I shoot up suddenly, nearly knocking over my tea. “Alright! This has been great—real fun, real productive—but I really gotta go.”

Fluttershy’s ears flicker, and she tilts her head slightly. “Oh.”

I see the disappointment flicker across her face. The quiet understanding. Like she just spooked a wild animal, and now it’s bolting.

Which is exactly what I am doing.

She doesn’t argue. Doesn’t protest.

Instead—clink.

Another plate.

A golden-brown blueberry muffin, still warm, the scent of vanilla and cinnamon curling into the air.

I hesitate.

I narrow my eyes at the muffin, then at Fluttershy. “You planned this.”

She just tilts her head, all wide-eyed innocence. “Oh? I was just thinking you might like something sweet before you go.”

I scowl. “That’s suspiciously convenient.”

She shrugs. “Well, you did like the sandwiches.”

I glare at the muffin. It smells really good.

And the worst part? She’s not even pushing. She’s not begging me to stay, not guilt-tripping me, not arguing. She’s just offering.

It's like she always makes just enough food to make you feel bad for leaving hungry.

It reminds me of my grandmother.

The subtle way she always managed to keep me sitting at the table just a little longer. The soft, knowing smiles. The understanding that I was going to leave eventually, but oh, don’t you want another bite before you go?

And somehow, that makes it worse.

I grit my teeth, forcibly looking away. “Nope. Not falling for it.”

Fluttershy just nods, completely serene. “That’s okay.”

I glance back. She’s just sitting there, calm, unbothered.

Her eyes flick to the muffin once more, then back to me. “You can take it with you, if you want,” she says softly. “If you’re in a hurry.”

I raise a brow. “Oh, so now you want me to leave?”

Fluttershy shrugs with that same mild smile. “You seemed very determined to go, and I wouldn’t want you to miss out on it.” She nudges the muffin a little closer. “I was thinking of baking more on Tuesday, too. Maybe some extra blueberry ones.”

I feel my scowl deepen. “You’re doing this on purpose.”

She tilts her head, all innocence. “I like to have fresh treats ready, that’s all.”

I stare at her for a long beat, and she just keeps that calm, unruffled expression. Finally, I sigh, snatching the muffin with my telekinesis and hovering it by my side. “Fine. I’ll take it. But only because you made it already.”

Her smile widens—just a tiny bit. “That’s alright.”

I grumble, turning toward the door. I make it two steps before halting and glancing over my shoulder. “…You said Tuesday?”

Fluttershy nods. “Yes. I’ll be baking.”

I hate how casually she says that, like it’s just a simple statement and not a trap baited with delicious pastries. “Well, uh… good for you.”

She waits.

I wait.

Neither of us says anything.

Rainbow, from her place on the couch, looks like she’s about to explode with laughter again.

I shake my head, huffing. “I… might swing by. Maybe.”

Fluttershy just nods, expression serene. “Alright. Have a good day, Kinetic.”

I open my mouth, close it, and finally stomp out the door, blueberry muffin in tow.

The second I’m outside, I feel the crisp air hit my face, and let out a low groan. “Why,” I mutter to no one in particular, “is everypony in this town a scheming puppet master?”

The muffin smells amazing.

I bite into it as I walk, cursing quietly at how good it tastes.

Tuesday.

I can’t believe I’m actually considering it.

I pop the last of the muffin into my mouth, scowling at my own weakness. Then I glance back once, just in time to see the door quietly shut behind me.

“Dang it,” I grumble under my breath.

I make a beeline for Twilight’s library, my scowl deepening with every step.

This is her fault.

She did something.

Because there’s no way Fluttershy came up with that plan on her own.

I stomp up to the library door, throw it open, and march inside.

Twilight is at her desk, buried in a book, but the moment she sees me, she smiles. "Oh, back already?"

I slam the half-eaten muffin down onto the table in front of her.

She blinks. “Uh.”

I point a hoof at it. “Explain that.”

Twilight tilts her head. “That’s… a muffin?”

“A weaponized muffin,” I correct. “An ambush muffin. A trap designed to keep me in Fluttershy’s house longer.”

Twilight’s lips twitch like she’s trying very hard not to laugh. “And did it work?”

I scowl. “I took it with me, Twilight.”

She snorts. “And then you ate it.”

I glare. “That’s not the point.”

She smirks. “I think that’s exactly the point.”

I groan, dragging my hooves down my face. “What did you tell her?”

Twilight hums, tilting her head as if considering whether she should actually tell me. “Well… I might have mentioned you would respond better if she treated you like one of her more skittish animals.”

I stare at her.

“…Are you kidding me?”

She shrugs, looking entirely too pleased with herself. “It makes sense, doesn’t it?”

I scoff. “Oh, sure. Because I definitely behave like a cornered raccoon.”

Twilight smirks. “More like a very grumpy stray cat.”

I throw my hooves up. “Unbelievable.”

Twilight is clearly enjoying this far too much, but then I say, “She tried to pet me.”

And immediately, her smirk vanishes.

She straightens slightly. “Wait. What?”

I nod, eyes narrowing. “Yeah. Just casually reached over and touched my mane like that was a normal thing to do.”

Twilight frowns, her tail flicking. “That… wasn’t part of the plan.”

I blink. “Hold on. What plan?”

She clears her throat and quickly turns away, flipping a page in her book like she’s suddenly very interested in whatever dry, academic nonsense is on it. “Nothing, nothing. Just… I may have underestimated how quickly she’d get comfortable.”

I squint at her. “Sparkle.”

She keeps reading.

I lean in slightly. “Twiiiliiight.”

She exhales sharply, setting her book down with a sigh. “Look, I thought she’d just ease you into things! Get you used to socializing in a way that wasn’t overwhelming. I didn’t think she’d—” she waves a hoof vaguely “—try to domesticate you.”

I groan, rubbing my face. “Great. So you admit this whole thing was your fault.”

Twilight crosses her forelegs. “Technically, I just gave her advice. I didn’t tell her to start—” she hesitates, searching for the right words. “—stroking you.”

I make a strangled noise. “Never say it like that again.”

Twilight smirks again, but there’s something slightly off about it this time. Like her usual smugness is covering for something else. She looks away, ears flicking. “Still. I didn’t think she’d, uh… escalate like that.”

I scoff. “Yeah, well, neither did I.” I pause, rubbing my temple. “I don’t even know what she wants from me.”

Twilight shrugs. “Maybe she just… likes having you around?”

I blink. “Why?”

Twilight gives me a flat look. “Kinetic, just because you think you’re a pain doesn’t mean everypony does.”

I roll my eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Friendship lesson noted.” I make a vague gesture. “Now fix whatever weird animal-training program you enrolled me in.”

Twilight chuckles. “I don’t think it’s that easy.”

I frown. “What do you mean?”

She hums, flipping through her book again. “Well, if you stop going over, she’ll probably just be sad.”

I shift uncomfortably. “That’s not my problem.”

Twilight side-eyes me.

I scowl. “It’s not.”

She smirks again. “Then why do you look so guilty?”

“I don’t.”

“You do.”

I huff and look away. “This is ridiculous.”

Twilight, of course, doesn’t let up. “I don’t see what the problem is. You go, you get free food, and apparently, you’re likable enough that Fluttershy enjoys your company.”

I groan. “I am not discussing this with you.”

She grins. “Too late.”

I open my mouth to fire back, but she casually says, “With Hearts and Hooves Day coming up, you might want to get used to ponies being more affectionate.”

My brain stalls.

I blink. Slowly. Then look at her. “What.”

Twilight is still reading, still pretending to be completely casual, but her ears twitch slightly.

I know that look.

That’s the look of somepony who wants something.

Oh no.

Nope.

Not happening.

I immediately start backing toward the door. “Well, this has been an enlightening disaster, but I just remembered I have actual work to do.”

Twilight finally looks up, eyes sharp with amusement. “Oh? And what’s on the grand agenda of our mighty archmage today?”

I scramble for an excuse. “Uh. Research.”

She smirks. “On what?”

I grit my teeth. “Physics.”

Twilight hums. “Mm-hm. Any particular branch of physics?”

I scowl. “Applied.”

She leans forward slightly. “And what’s the focus?”

I scramble for something that sounds complicated enough to make her drop it. “Uh… non-equilibrium thermodynamics.”

Twilight blinks. “…Huh.”

I cross my hooves, lifting my chin. “Yeah. Pretty important stuff.”

Her ears flick, and then she slowly smirks. “That’s fascinating.”

I narrow my eyes. “It is.”

She hums, standing up and stepping closer. “So how does it work?”

I freeze.

Crap.

I clear my throat. “Oh, you know. A lot of, uh, energy transfer… and, uh, entropy considerations.”

Twilight raises an eyebrow. “Go on.”

I shift uncomfortably. “Well, uh, non-equilibrium thermodynamics is all about… things… not being in equilibrium. Obviously.”

She snorts. “That’s the name of it, yes.”

I scowl. “Look, it’s complex, okay? You wouldn’t get it.”

She smirks. “Try me.”

I hate her.

I hate that she’s good at this.

I groan, rubbing my temples. “Twilight, I swear—”

“Oh, I’m listening,” she says sweetly.

I glare at her. “Fine. It’s about how systems that aren’t in thermal equilibrium still have observable patterns of energy dispersion, and you can model it to predict things like heat flow, reaction rates, and—” I stop abruptly when I see the way her expression shifts.

She looks… too interested.

Not just ‘this is an interesting academic topic’ interested, but something else entirely.

I narrow my eyes. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

Twilight quickly schools her expression into something more neutral. “Like what?”

I gesture vaguely. “Like that. Like you’re thinking about something.”

She shrugs, a little too casual. “Oh, no reason.”

I squint. “No, see, I know that face, Sparkle. That’s the face of somepony about to say something really weird.”

She taps a hoof against her chin, feigning innocence. “I just… think it’s interesting, that’s all.”

I cross my hooves. “You’re a professional researcher, Twilight. You think everything is interesting.”

She hums, stepping a little closer. “True. But I especially think it’s interesting when you explain things.”

I blink.

Wait.

No.

Nope.

I straighten slightly. “What is that supposed to mean?”

She smiles—too sweetly. “You’re very—” she pauses, as if choosing her words carefully, “—articulate.”

I narrow my eyes. “Uh-huh.”

She keeps looking at me like that. Like she’s really enjoying this.

I don’t know if it’s the way her ears flick when I talk, the way she tilts her head just slightly, or the fact that she’s suddenly way too focused on my mouth when I speak—

I immediately stop talking.

She raises an eyebrow. “Why’d you stop?”

I glare at her. “Because I just realized what’s happening here, and I don’t like it.”

Twilight grins. “What’s happening?”

I scowl. “Oh, you know exactly what’s happening.”

She just tilts her head, all fake innocence. “But I was just listening to you talk about physics.”

I back up one step. “Nope. No. Absolutely not. I’m not getting pulled into whatever this is.”

Twilight lets out a soft hum. “I don’t know what you mean.”

I glare at her. Hard. “Yes, you do.”

Twilight just smiles, slow and knowing. She’s enjoying this way too much.

I shift uncomfortably, suddenly hyper-aware of how she keeps dragging me back into the conversation.

Every time I try to leave, she says just enough to pull me in again. And I keep falling for it.

The realization hits me—this isn’t just Fluttershy anymore.

The ponies have gotten too used to handling me.

I narrow my eyes. “Sparkle.”

She blinks, all false innocence. “Yes?”

I straighten. “I’m leaving.”

She tilts her head, ears flicking playfully. “Are you?”

I scowl. “Yes.”

She leans forward, just slightly, gaze far too entertained. “You sure?”

I cut myself off immediately, pivoting toward the door.

Nope. No. Nope.

I am not getting played by two of them in the same day.

I march out, slamming the door behind me.

Twilight’s laughter follows me all the way down the road.

I storm off in a huff, muttering to myself, my cloak billowing dramatically behind me. At least the wind respects my authority.

Damn ponies. Damn their tricks. Damn their stupid smug faces.

I’ve adapted to their giant, overly expressive eyes by now. Mostly. I can look at them without that uncanny valley feeling, without getting weirded out by the sheer amount of emotion they pour into a single glance. But that’s only because I know they do it naturally. It’s not for me.

It’s when they look at me like that—like I’m one of them, like they expect something from me—that it makes my skin crawl.

I hate that look.

It lingers in my head longer than I want it to.

I shake my head sharply, wrenching my thoughts back into something less irritating.

I don’t even find them attractive.

That part’s never changed. I can recognize when a pony is considered conventionally cute—because everything here is cute—but it doesn’t do anything for me.

They’re not human women.

That’s what makes the whole Twilight thing even worse.

I don’t like her. Not like that.

I just like messing with her.

And she likes messing with me.

It’s… fun.

I stop in my tracks, scowling.

No. Nope.

I shove that thought aside and bury it. I am not about to get existential over a smug unicorn.

I need something to do.

Something productive.

I’m officially out of ponies to talk to who haven’t pissed me off today, so I head to the market and buy a notebook. If I can’t spend my day tormenting Twilight or dodging Fluttershy’s schemes, I might as well get some real work done.

Back at the H.A.R.D.I.S., I flip open the notebook and start copying down the runes from the golem I fought.

I don’t know anything about runes yet. But that’s what this is for—documentation, figuring it out later.

At least, that’s what I tell myself.

About twenty pages in, I stop, staring at the mess of symbols.

I sigh.

I’m not figuring this out on my own.

Which means I’m going to have to do a walk of shame back to the library for a book on runes.

I groan, dragging my hooves down my face.

I drag myself back to the library, mentally preparing for the inevitable smugness I’m about to endure.

Twilight does not disappoint.

The second I walk in, she looks up from her book and grins. “Back so soon?”

I scowl. “Don’t start.”

She leans her chin on her hoof, looking unbearably amused. “Oh, but it’s so interesting. I thought you had important physics research to do.”

I grumble under my breath and start scanning the shelves, looking for anything on runecraft. I don’t ask her for help. I refuse. I’ll find it myself.

I spend about fifteen minuets looking.

Then, having had her fun, Twilight’s magic plucks a book from a shelf and floats it in front of me.

Runes and Their Applications: A Mage’s Guide.

I blink. “What.”

She smirks. “This is what you’re looking for, right?”

I narrow my eyes. “…How did you know?”

She shrugs, far too pleased with herself. “I’ve seen Sweetie Belle working on some runes around town. And I know you don’t know runecraft. So I figured you’d need it eventually.”

I scowl. “Okay. First of all, stop being right all the time.”

She chuckles. “Can’t help it.”

I reach for the book, but Twilight keeps it just out of reach, her smirk widening.

I pause. Oh no.

I narrow my eyes. “What’s the catch?”

Twilight hums innocently. “Catch? Whatever do you mean?”

I glare. “You’re holding my book hostage.”

She taps her chin in mock thought. “Well, I could just let you have it…”

I cross my hooves. “Yes, you could.”

“…But,” she continues, ignoring me, “I think you owe me a favor.”

I scoff. “It’s a library, Twilight. You can’t just—”

“It’s my library,” she corrects, looking far too smug. “And let’s not forget all the books you never returned.”

I blink. “What?”

She grins. “Oh, don’t play dumb. The library used to run on an honor system before I took over. And you, Archmage Kinetic Flux, checked out three books and never returned them.”

I frown, avoiding her eyes. “That doesn’t sound like me.”

Twilight levitates a stack of old papers and pulls out a yellowed, dog-eared checkout slip. She flips it around dramatically and jabs a hoof at the name written on it.

Kinetic Flux.

My eye twitches.

She reads aloud, her voice practically dripping with amusement. “Teaching Magic to Foals: A Practical Guide. Practical Spells for Beginners. The Art of Magical Focus.”

I cross my forelegs, scowling. "Okay, but in my defense—"

"It's been two weeks," Twilight interrupts, looking unbearably smug.

I roll my eyes. "That’s not that long."

"The checkout was only good for a week."

I open my mouth to argue, then immediately close it. Damn it.

Twilight smirks, clearly enjoying this way too much. "So, consider this a late fee." She waves the rune book in front of my face. "You help me with a few errands tomorrow, and this is yours."

I frown. "What kind of errands?"

"Oh, nothing too complicated," she says airily. "Just some things around town. Carrying things, picking up supplies, helping with some organization."

I narrow my eyes. "That sounds suspiciously vague."

Twilight blinks at me, all fake innocence. "Oh? But you owe me a favor, remember?"

I grit my teeth. She’s up to something. I know she is. But… damn it, I do need that book.

I could just refuse and try to find another copy elsewhere, but that would take even longer, and I need to start decoding the golem runes now.

I really hate how well she’s playing this.

I sigh sharply, dragging a hoof down my face. "Fine. Fine. But just for the record? You’re the worst."

Twilight beams. "Noted." She finally levitates the book into my grasp, and I yank it from the air, stuffing it into my saddlebags before she changes her mind.

Twilight leans her chin on her hoof again, smiling way too smugly. "So, see you tomorrow morning?"

I groan. "Unfortunately."

She hums. "Try to get some rest. We have a big day ahead of us."

I do not like the way she says that.

I grumble under my breath and stomp toward the door. I got my runecraft book, but now I have to spend an entire day running Twilight’s errands.

I mutter curses all the way back to the H.A.R.D.I.S., already dreading tomorrow.

I set the rune book down next to my notes, cracking my neck before diving into the mess of angular symbols I copied from the golem.

Alright. Let’s see what we’re dealing with.

The book is... well, it’s a book. Not exactly a good book. It’s vague, full of flowery language about the ancient mysteries of runecraft rather than actually explaining how the damn things work or what they directly translate to.

So I have to infer. A lot.

I take a deep breath and start translating, scribbling down each rune into something I actually understand.

INITIAL CONDITIONS
creature_detected = false
distance_to_creature = unknown
creature_airborne = false
total_mass = starting_mass
hold_data = [body_parts]
body_parts = [head, arms, legs, torso]
target_position = [0,0]
golem_position = [0,0]
left_leg_facing = true
motion_state = idle
terrain_map = scan_terrain

DETECTION RUNE
if detect_creature()
→ creature_detected = true
→ target_position = get_creature_position()
→ distance_to_creature = get_distance(golem_position, target_position)
→ creature_airborne = check_airborne(target_position)
else
→ creature_detected = false
→ motion_state = idle

TRACKING RUNE
if creature_detected
→ track_target(target_position)
→ orient_left_leg(target_position)
→ motion_state = tracking

ATTACK RUNE
if creature_detected and distance_to_creature < attack_range
→ if creature_airborne
→ throw_arms(target_position)
→ else
→ melee_attack(target_position)
→ motion_state = attacking

REGENERATION RUNE
if missing_parts(body_parts)
→ nearest_earth = find_earth_source()
→ move_to_source(nearest_earth)
→ absorb_earth()
→ restore_parts(body_parts)
→ update_mass(total_mass)
→ motion_state = repairing

STRUCTURAL INTEGRITY RUNE
if unstable_structure()
→ hold_structure()

God that took forever.

I sit back, staring at the translated runes, running through the implications.

It had a logic flow. Decision-making. Condition checks. It wasn’t thinking, but it was following rules.

I run a hoof down my face.

Ponies don’t even know what mass is, yet some ancient rune-carver figured out how to make an autonomous, self-repairing, combat-capable golem.

What the hell?

I sigh, rubbing my temples. And now I need another book.

Because this? This is just a rough translation.

I need something that actually explains why these runes work the way they do.

I groan, already dreading it.

Another walk of shame back to Twilight’s library.

I find myself once again making the reluctant trek back to Twilight’s library. I don’t even bother muttering to myself this time. At this point, the universe has made it abundantly clear that resistance is futile.

Twilight is still at her desk, sipping tea and reading a book, looking far too smug for someone who should not technically know I was coming.

She doesn’t look up. “Three visits in one day?”

I exhale through my nose. “Don’t start.”

She hums in that way that means she’s starting but graciously lets me pretend she’s not.

I scan the shelves, looking for something—anything—that explains why the runes work the way they do. The book just told me what they did, not how they did it.

I search for a good ten minutes before Twilight finally decides to put me out of my misery.

"You’re not going to find what you're looking for."

I glance over. “And why’s that?”

She shuts her book and rests her chin on her hoof. “Because it doesn’t exist.”

I blink. "Excuse me?"

Twilight shrugs. "Runecraft doesn’t work the way you think it does. There’s no underlying theory behind it. No scientific principle or grand unified system. It’s just… trial and error.”

I stare at her. “…What.”

She smiles sympathetically. “Yeah. That’s how ponies have always done it. Somepony figures out a symbol that does something, then they refine it, see what makes it work better, and pass it down. There’s no why, just what works and what doesn’t.”

I blink slowly. “…That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Twilight laughs. "Yeah, I figured you'd say that."

I rub my temple. "Magic." Of course. Of course it just works without explanation.

Twilight tilts her head. “You do realize how ironic this is, right?”

I scowl. “What?”

She grins. “You, the famous archmage, relying on logic and physics for all your so-called magic tricks, are now stuck studying a system that defies logic completely.”

I drag my hooves down my face. “I hate this town.”

Twilight beams. “No, you don’t.”

I scowl harder, turning back to the shelves. “Fine. If I can’t get an explanation, then I at least need a better book than that garbage you gave me.”

Twilight hums, getting up from her seat and trotting over to the shelves. After a moment, she levitates a thick tome down and plops it in front of me.

"Runes and Refinements: The Art of Experimentation."

I stare at the title. I do not like the implications.

Twilight grins. “You wanted to know how runes really work? Here you go. This one actually has tests for you to try.”

I pick up the book warily. “And how much trial and error are we talking about here?”

Twilight smirks. “Hope you don’t mind exploding a few things.”

I groan loudly. “Great.”

She giggles and turns back to her desk. “Have fun!”

I grab the book and stomp back home, already regretting my life choices.

After hours of translating runes, my brain is done.

Trial and error. No theory. Just vibes. It’s like trying to debug a program when half the code is written in poetry.

I shove my notes and book into some drawers and stumble toward bed, too exhausted to even be annoyed anymore.

I will figure out how to make these runes without accidentally summoning something that will eat my face.

But for now? Sleep.

The next morning, I wake up to pounding on my door.

I groan, rolling over. “Go away.”

The knocking gets louder.

I fling a pillow at the door. “I said go away!”

A very smug voice calls out. “Oh, Kinetiiiic~”

I freeze.

Oh no.

I sit up sharply, already regretting everything.

Twilight.

Twilight is here.

And that means something terrible is about to happen.

I groan as I drag myself out of bed, running a hoof through my mane before shuffling toward the door. I fling it open, scowling. “What?”

Twilight stands there, grinning way too wide, looking far too pleased with herself.

I squint at her. “What are you so happy about?”

She blinks innocently. “What? Can’t a mare just enjoy the morning?”

I fold my forelegs. “No.”

She snickers, then gestures grandly. “C’mon. Errands.”

I groan. “You actually came to collect me?”

Twilight shrugs. “Of course! You made a deal.”

I grumble under my breath but step outside, shutting the door behind me. I start walking with her, still trying to shake off the grogginess.

Then I glance at her properly.

And immediately stop walking.

I stare.

Twilight has makeup on.

I narrow my eyes. “Okay. What is this?”

She blinks at me, all fake innocence. “What do you mean?”

I gesture vaguely. “The… the face.”

She tilts her head. “It’s my face?”

I scowl. “No, it’s different.”

Twilight smirks, batting her lashes dramatically. “Oh? You noticed?”

I hate that I did.

She never wears makeup. Never does anything that isn’t purely practical. The fact that she’s wearing it now means… something.

I point at her suspiciously. “You’re up to something.”

She gasps theatrically. “Kinetic, please. I would never.”

I cross my hooves. “Lies.”

She just grins. “C’mon. We’ve got a busy day ahead.”

I sigh and start walking again, still trying to figure out what exactly feels so off.

Twilight is being… weird.

Not bad weird. Just… different.

Like she’s expecting something.

I shake my head. Whatever. Just get through the errands and go back to translating runes.

Twilight leads the way, practically bouncing with barely-contained enthusiasm. I eye her warily. This is suspicious. This is very suspicious.

We step into the market, and Twilight starts her so-called "errands."

The first stop? A café.

I immediately raise an eyebrow. “This doesn’t look like an errand.”

Twilight hums, levitating a menu. “I need to eat, don’t I?”

I scowl. “You dragged me out of bed for your breakfast?”

She just smirks. “You’re here, so you might as well eat, too. I'll pay.”

I could protest. I should protest. But my stomach picks this exact moment to betray me with a low growl.

Twilight grins wider. “See? Your body agrees.”

I roll my eyes. “Fine. But I’m getting the most expensive thing on the menu out of spite.”

She chuckles, levitating over two menus. “Go right ahead.”

I scan the options, frowning. “You’re lucky I can’t read half this flowery café nonsense. What’s the difference between a Moondancer Latte and a Celestial Swirl Cappuccino?”

Twilight smirks. “About three bits and some extra foam.”

I grunt. “Figures.” I shove the menu away. “Just get me something caffeinated.”

She orders for us—some fancy tea for herself and whatever high-powered coffee she picked for me.

The drinks arrive, and Twilight happily stirs her tea, eyes gleaming with amusement. I chug my coffee like it’s an elixir of youth.

“This is a pretty slow errand,” I note.

Twilight shrugs, smiling behind her cup. “No rush.”

I scowl. “That’s exactly what somepony wasting my time would say.”

She just hums, taking a sip.

After we finish, we finally move on to an actual errand.

Or so I think.

Turns out, Twilight needs to visit a flower stall.

I squint. “What, is this for a potion or something?”

She hums. “Nope. Just flowers.”

“…Right. And you’re getting flowers why?”

She grins. “Decoration, food, haven't decided yet.”

I stare. “You’ve never decorated anything in your life.”

She chuckles. “Maybe I’m trying something new.”

I roll my eyes as she browses through bouquets. I glance at a random arrangement and snort. “Wow. Overpriced plant carcasses. Truly the height of civilization.”

The florist gasps in horror. Twilight just laughs.

She picks out a bouquet—roses, which I pointedly ignore—and hands over the bits.

“You sure are putting a lot of effort into ambience today,” I mutter as we leave.

Twilight smiles smugly. “Oh, don’t worry, you’ll see the effort soon.”

I do not like the way she says that.

Next stop? A bookstore.

Finally. Something actually productive.

Except, of course, it’s not.

Twilight doesn’t even glance at the reference section. Instead, she drags me straight to the fiction aisle.

I scowl. “Twilight. I don’t have time to read storybooks.”

She hums. “You do today.”

I hate her.

She starts flipping through books, clearly enjoying herself. I lean against a nearby shelf, grumbling. “This is the worst errand list I’ve ever seen.”

Twilight chuckles. “Maybe you just don’t know how to enjoy yourself.”

I scoff. “Excuse me? I enjoy plenty of things.”

She smirks. “Name one.”

I open my mouth—but can't immediately think of anything.

Twilight watches me struggle, grinning. “Exactly.”

I groan, dragging my hooves down my face. “Are we done yet?”

She hums. “A few more stops.”

I hate this.

The next hour is a blur of nonsense.

A scenic walk through the park. A visit to a sweets shop where Twilight insists I try a hoof-made chocolate truffle.

A stop at a little boutique where she doesn't buy anything, and just browses.

As we step out of the boutique, I finally notice something odd.

It’s not just Twilight dragging me around like a wayward shopping bag—everypony is out.

And not just out—paired up.

Ponies walking side by side, sharing sweets, giving each other flowers, leaning against each other like they aren’t even embarrassed about it.

I slow my pace, squinting at a couple holding hooves at a café. Another pair across the street are sharing a milkshake like absolute nerds.

I gesture vaguely at the display. “Okay, what’s with all the mushy stuff? Did I miss a memo? Is there a ‘be unbearably romantic’ festival going on?”

Twilight stifles a laugh. “Kinetic. It’s Hearts and Hooves Day.”

I blink.

Then scowl.

“Oh.”

Twilight tilts her head. “You do know what that is, right?”

I scoff. “Of course, I do. I just… didn’t realize it was today.”

Twilight smirks. “And you somehow didn’t notice? Even after all the flower stands, the sweets, the décor, the couples everywhere?”

I cross my hooves. “Look, I just assumed ponies were always this disgustingly affectionate.”

Twilight snorts. “We do have boundaries, you know.”

I glance around again. A stallion is blushing as his marefriend nuzzles his cheek. Across the street, a pair of pegasi are sitting together on a cloud, tails intertwined.

I make a face. “Gross.”

Twilight chuckles. “Aw, does our resident grump have no appreciation for romance?”

I scowl. “I appreciate it just fine when it’s happening somewhere private.”

Twilight grins, sidling up beside me. “Okay, then. What’s your type?”

I blink. “My what?”

She shrugs, far too casual. “What kind of mare would actually win over our fearless archmage?”

I almost tell her I don’t do romance, but she’s looking at me expectantly, and if I say that, she’ll just dig deeper out of pure spite.

So I think about it for a second.

I don’t care about looks—not in the way ponies do. They’re not human. No flowing manes or big, sparkling eyes are going to make me like them more.

I roll my eyes, mulling it over. “I guess… I have to like them.”

Twilight raises an eyebrow. “That’s a really low bar, Kinetic.”

I smirk. “You’d think so, wouldn’t you?”

She giggles but stays quiet, waiting for me to elaborate.

I exhale through my nose, glancing around at all the obnoxiously affectionate couples. “It’s not just about being ‘nice’ or ‘kind’ or whatever ponies put on their little love checklists. There are plenty of ponies like that, but if I can’t stand talking to them, what’s the point?”

Twilight hums, tilting her head slightly. "So you're saying you don't want them to be nice to you?"

I scoff. "I don't need somepony to agree with me just because it's polite. Where’s the fun in that?" I glance at her. "If I say something ridiculous, I want somepony who’ll call me out on it. Maybe throw it back at me, make it interesting."

Twilight’s smirk twitches wider. “So you like feisty mares?”

I roll my eyes. “I like ponies who can keep up.” I flick my tail. “Somepony who isn’t just nice, but… I dunno, sharp. Quick. Sweet in a way that still stings a little. Like honey with a kick.”

Twilight stares at me, ears flicking.

I frown. “…What?”

She clears her throat, looking off to the side. "Nothing. Just… for somepony who acts like they hate feelings, that was kind of poetic."

I scowl. "Yeah, well. Don’t get used to it."

She giggles, and I swear her eyes are glowing with amusement.

I shake my head, dismissing whatever weird energy is hanging in the air. “Alright, Sparkle. Your turn. What’s your type?”

Twilight hums, pretending to think about it, but there’s something in the way she smirks that immediately puts me on edge.

“Well…” she starts slowly, as if she hasn’t already thought about this. “I guess I like somepony smart.”

I snort. “Obviously.”

She grins. “And a little snarky.”

I blink. “Huh.”

“A bit of a bad boy,” she continues, eyes flicking toward me in a way I don’t quite register.

I scoff. “Bad boy? Really? You?”

She smirks. “What? I like somepony who’s challenging—somepony who doesn’t just go along with what I say, but pushes back. Keeps me on my hooves.”

I squint. “That sounds like it could get annoying real fast.”

She shrugs, still smiling. “I like arguing like that.”

I roll my eyes. “Nerd.”

Twilight laughs. “Somepony who’s a little insane, but in a productive way.”

I blink. “That’s a concerning requirement.”

She waves a hoof. “Not, like, dangerous insane. Just… y’know, somepony who’s too smart for their own good. Who gets caught up in their own ridiculous antics and doesn’t always realize how crazy they sound until somepony points it out.”

I frown. “Your dream stallion sounds like a real piece of work.”

Twilight giggles, tilting her head. “Oh, he would be. A real headache.”

I smirk. “Yeah, sounds great. Some stubborn, insufferable stallion who never lets you have the last word and probably gets himself into trouble every five minutes. Just what every mare dreams of.”

She sighs dramatically. “I know, right?”

I snort. “Real keeper, that one.”

Twilight grins. “He’d be interesting, at least.”

I scoff. “That’s one way to put it.”

She hums, still smiling. “I didn’t see the appeal at first, either.”

I arch a brow. “Oh?”

She nods. “Yeah. At first, I’d probably just find him infuriating—which, to be fair, he is—but then… it gets addictive.”

I blink. “Addictive?”

Twilight shrugs, looking entirely too entertained. “Something about the back and forth, the challenge. Figuring out what makes him tick—how to get under his skin. It’s fun.”

I squint at her. "That doesn't seem healthy."

Twilight grins, eyes glinting. "Maybe not. But the best things never are."

Twilight’s voice takes on a mischievous undercurrent. “I like the idea of outmaneuvering him,” she says, eyes dancing. “Outthinking him. Trying to see if I can one-up him when he least expects it.”

I blink, suddenly unsure if we’re still talking about some hypothetical stallion. “That sounds... borderline competitive.”

She laughs. “It is competitive. But it’s fun.”

I shake my head. “Yeah, maybe for you. Feels like you’d be constantly at each other’s throats.”

She hums, not denying it. “Keeps things interesting. If we’re always on our hooves, always trying to outwit each other, at least we’re engaged, right?”

I grunt. “All that bantering—how’s it supposed to lead to an actual relationship?”

Twilight’s confident smirk wavers. She hesitates, then sighs. “I... haven’t quite figured that part out.”

I raise an eyebrow. “You have a plan for everything, Sparkle. You’re telling me you don’t have a master strategy to land your hypothetical, borderline-insane stallion?”

She rolls her eyes, cheeks faintly pink. “Maybe I was hoping things would... work themselves out once we’re both invested.”

I scoff. “Bold of you to assume he’d ever ‘invest’ in all that.”

Twilight grins, looking far too sure of herself. “Oh, I’m persuasive. He’d come around eventually.”

I open my mouth to retort, but before I can, she leads me around the last corner and—finally—we’re standing outside the library.

I exhale in relief. “Thank the stars. Does this mean I can go now?”

Twilight chuckles. “Yes, I suppose you’ve fulfilled your end of the bargain.”

She reaches into her saddlebag and pulls out the bouquet of roses she bought earlier. Without ceremony, she offers them to me.

I stare at them. “What... what am I supposed to do with these?”

Twilight shrugs, a tiny smile on her lips. “They’re yours. I bought them, but... consider them a parting gift.”

I frown. “But... you bought them. For... food or something. Why would you just give them away?”

Twilight waves a hoof dismissively, her smile still in place but her ears flicking slightly. “Oh, I’ll live. I’m sure you’ll find some use for them.”

I stare at the roses like they contain some kind of hidden puzzle. “I mean… I guess I can just, uh… put them in a vase or something?”

Twilight nods. “That’s the spirit.”

She’s still smiling, still composed, but—there it is. The tiniest twitch of her eye. Barely noticeable.

I don’t pay it any mind.

Instead, I roll my eyes and turn on my hoof. “Right. Well. Good talk. I’m gonna go before you decide I owe you more favors.”

Twilight chuckles softly, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes this time. “See you soon, Kinetic.”

I walk away, roses floating awkwardly in my magic.

The moment I round the corner, I let out a deep sigh and shake my head. “Ponies are weird.”

I glance at the roses. What the hell am I actually supposed to do with these?

I could throw them away, but that feels… rude. Twilight didn’t have to give them to me.

I groan. I’ll figure it out later.

The H.A.R.D.I.S. is exactly how I left it—vast, empty, and uncaring about my personal dilemmas.

I step inside, tossing the bouquet onto a nearby table before flopping into a chair.

What a weird day.

At least it’s over.

At least I can finally get back to important things—like runes, and golems, and not dealing with whatever Twilight was on about today.

I close my eyes, exhaling deeply.

Tomorrow, I will make progress.

And whatever that was?

I’m not thinking about it.

Author's Note

Roughly the actual code (MATLAB-based).
% --- INITIAL CONDITIONS ---
pony_detected = false;
distance_to_pony = inf;
pony_airborne = false;
total_mass = initial_mass;
body_parts = struct('head', true, 'arms', true, 'legs', true, 'torso', true);
target_position = [0,0]; % Pony's position
golem_position = [0,0];
left_leg_facing = true;
motion_state = "idle"; % Can be "tracking", "attacking", "repairing"
terrain_map = scan_terrain(); % Function to analyze environment

% --- DETECTION RUNE ---
if scan_for_pony()

pony_detected = true;

target_position = get_pony_position();

distance_to_pony = get_distance(golem_position, target_position);

pony_airborne = is_airborne(target_position);
else

pony_detected = false;

motion_state = "idle";
end

% --- TRACKING RUNE ---
if pony_detected

track_target(target_position);

orient_left_leg(target_position);

motion_state = "tracking";
end

% --- ATTACK RUNE ---
if pony_detected && distance_to_pony < attack_range

if pony_airborne

throw_arms(target_position);

else

melee_attack(target_position);

end

motion_state = "attacking";
end

% --- REGENERATION RUNE ---
if any_missing(body_parts)

nearest_earth = find_earth_source();

move_to_source(nearest_earth);

absorb_earth();

restore_missing_parts(body_parts);

update_mass(total_mass);

motion_state = "repairing";
end

% --- STRUCTURAL INTEGRITY RUNE ---
if not_stable_structure()

hold_structure();
end