What Could've Been

Derpy's gray wings gave another flap to keep her aloft as she glided over Ponyville. Today was calm thanks to the always on-duty weather patrol, and with no major holidays coming up soon, her workload at the post office had been reasonably light. She was on her way to deliver her last package of the day, which was a new order of fabric for Rarity. At the current moment, she was pondering what she would do with the rest of her day off once this task was completed. Maybe take Dinky to the park, or simply relax. Both options sounded appealing.

That was when something smacked into her right side, nearly knocking her out of the air. Derpy yelped in fright, but with a few quick flaps of her wings, managed to right herself, and kept her grip on the box secured. Shaking her head to clear it, she turned to look at what had hit her. It turned out to be Flitter, who was in the process of clearing her own head as well.

"Oh my goodness, Derpy, I'm so sorry!" she exclaimed, flying over. "I was waving down at Lyra and Bon Bon, and I wasn't watching where I was going. I'm sorry!"

"Hey, hey, Flitter, it's alright!" Derpy insisted. "Nopony got seriously hurt, and I didn't drop what I was carrying." She held up the box to demonstrate. "I'm assuming you weren't carrying anything?"

"No, thankfully," replied Flitter, breathing a sigh of relief. "I should be more careful, though. I know you have trouble seeing on that side, and I have a tendency to get distracted by other stuff while I'm flying."

Derpy frowned a little, but said nothing. She didn't need to be told that fact.

"Well, like you said, no harm, no foul," Flitter continued. "I should probably let you get on with your job. Thanks for not getting mad at me!" She turned around and zipped away.

Derpy watched her fly away, before closing her eyes and shaking her head. "Shouldn't I be the one saying that last sentence?" she mumbled to herself.

She set off for Carousel Boutique once more, which wasn't more than a few yards away. Within the next two minutes, she was touching down in front of the small building, box in hooves. She knocked on the door. After a few seconds, it was enveloped in a light blue glow, and slid open, revealing Rarity's face.

"Hello, Derpy!" she said, smiling wide. "I wasn't expecting any deliveries today! Is it that fabric I ordered from Manehattan?"

Derpy checked the return address. "Looks like it," she replied. She pulled a sheet of paper out of her saddlebag. "If you could just sign right here, as usual."

"Of course, dear!" replied Rarity, taking the offered pen in her magic. She wrote her signature on the dotted line, elegant as usual. Derpy passed her the box. "Oh, there she goes again!"

Derpy noticed Rarity was staring at the sky, and followed her gaze. Above Ponyville, several indistinct shapes were zooming at incomprehensible speeds, one leaving a rainbow-colored trail behind it. It didn't take a genius to figure out that the Wonderbolts were having another training session, including their newest member. For Derpy, it made the sun feel a little less bright, if only for a moment.

"Same old Rainbow Dash," mused Rarity, oblivious to the drop in Derpy's mood. "She never stops training. She'll probably be doing sonic Rainbooms well into old age. Though she probably shouldn't, I don't want to think about what kind of effect that could have on her health."

"Yeah..." Derpy muttered back, then mentally kicked herself for not sounding more enthusiastic. The last thing she wanted or needed was more pity, especially from somepony like Rarity. Not only would she never treat Derpy the same, she'd tell her friend circle, and if Twilight, the literal Princess of Friendship found out, she'd never hear the end of it. "Well, I'd better get going. Enjoy the rest of your day."

She spread her wings and took off once again, barely hearing Rarity's voice returning her good-bye. Derpy was beginning to get that feeling in her chest when she felt very depressed, and it was like there was a hole inside her sucking everything good away. Now she didn't want to do anything with the rest of her day off. She wanted to lie down in bed and forget the outside world.

After delivering Rarity's package, Derpy made one last stop at the post office to clock out of her shift. Her coworkers probably noticed her mood was down from what it had been that morning, but nopony said a thing. That suited her just fine. Her desire to shut out the world had gone down a little, especially since she'd remembered Dinky, but she still wasn't happy. She set off for her modest Ponyville home and arrived with no further incidents.

Upon opening the door, she was greeted by Dinky, as expected. "Hi, Mom!" cheered the small unicorn, rushing over to greet her. "How was your day at work?"

Derpy put on a smile. Dinky didn't have anything to do with the cause of her depressed mood, and she didn't deserve to be put off by her mother. "It was good, my little muffin," she replied, nuzzling Dinky. "How was school?"

"Can't complain. Miss Cheerilee let the Crusaders give a talk on Cutie Marks." Dinky sighed, looking down at her still blank flank. "I know, I just need to find what I'm good at, it's just annoying when I don't know what that is yet."

"You'll get one before you know it, sweetie," Derpy reassured her. "It took me a while to get my Cutie Mark."

"Thanks, Mom." Dinky's smile returned in full force. "Could we go to the park this afternoon? I heard Rumble was gonna have a game of buckball in a few hours."

"Of course. But Mama's a little tired from work. Could you let me lie down for a few minutes before we go?"

"Sure thing! I've got a little homework to do before then, anyway."

She turned on a hoof and trotted off for her room, leaving Derpy to breathe a sigh of relief. She had hoped she wouldn't have to disappoint Dinky, and counted herself lucky her daughter was so understanding. Not that Derpy had expected any different, Dinky was a good filly.

Derpy set off for her own room, and gently pushed the door open. Like the rest of the home, it was reasonable, though lacking what Rarity would probably call "character," but Derpy didn't mind. She didn't need to decorate a room from top to bottom to make it feel like home. As long as she was comfortable, she was happy.

Walking over to a small bookshelf, Derpy pulled out a photo album. She flipped back to a picture dated many years ago, when she herself had been just a filly, even younger than Dinky was now. The photo was of her and several other foals, many of whom lived in Ponyville nowadays, following Derpy's first victory in the Cloudsdale Foals' Race. A Derpy who had matching eyes. She smiled sadly at the picture, a smile that shifted when she looked at Rainbow Dash, who'd come in dead last that day.

Memories began to bubble to the surface in Derpy's brain as she recalled those days. They weren't all pleasant ones.

Derpy Hooves was known as the fastest pegasus in Cloudsdale flight camp. She sped through the foals' races, smashing records and leaving other foals in the dust. Mom and Dad were so proud of her. Not that they wouldn't have been proud if she wasn't, but it felt amazing all the same.

"Keep it up, and you'll make the Wonderbolts for sure, sweetie!" Mom would always say to her. Derpy couldn't help but blush.

However, it wasn't until a few years into her racing that things started to change. At first, it was just the small increases in the time it took her to complete the course. Nothing to worry about. But then she began to fall behind. After her first silver medal, her parents reassured her that it didn't decrease their love for her, and she still could make the Wonderbolts if she worked hard enough.

They were wrong.

After that, Derpy won the bronze. Then fourth place. Then fifth. It wasn't until she explained to her parents that she was having trouble telling how far things were away from her that they noticed her eyes. That was when they brought her to Ponyville General.

"Strabismus."

Derpy didn't understand that word, but she got the gist of what it meant from listening in on her parents' conversation with the doctor. Her eyes were going in different directions, and it was affecting her vision. Her family had no history of the condition, but Derpy had always been at risk, due to being born prematurely. From what was understood about it, it was some sort of nerve condition. It meant Derpy would have trouble with depth perception for the rest of her life. She could still fly, but she likely would never regain her place at the top.

It meant she'd probably never be Wonderbolt material.

For the next few days, Derpy barely reacted to outside stimuli. She sat quietly in her room, curled up on her bed. She only emerged to eat and use the bathroom. Her parents tried to reassure her, but she couldn't respond to them. Those cursed words clung to her memory like parasites, eating away. The doctor had told her ways the condition could be managed, but she didn't want to live with this. She wanted to be somepony who wasn't broken. Somepony would could accomplish anything she wanted again. She tried to force her eyes to correct. It only caused her pain.

Eventually, her parents came to her with a dot of hope. Dr. Miracle Cure had suggested a possible remedy, a surgery that was still in the experimental phase. Results were...mixed, to say the least. But there was a chance. Derpy practically rocketed out of bed. Even if she wasn't beating Rainbow Dash anymore, she'd take any semblance of her old self she could get.

The surgery came and went. It was actually a pretty eventful day, with most of Ponyville General in an uproar thanks to some lie Applejack made up. But the process went off without a hitch. Finally, Derpy stood in front of a mirror, and removed the bandages.

She went back to sequestering herself in her room. This time, her parents could say nothing that would get her to move. Derpy didn't care enough. Why should she? That happy filly, the filly who'd had dreams, was dead. And the cause of death was natural.

Derpy swallowed as she remembered the most painful few weeks of her life. She could still feel the tears she'd cried into her foreleg as she hid. She'd wanted nothing more than to give up. Not just racing, but in general. She didn't even want to eat during those days. It wasn't until she'd nearly passed out from hunger that her parents had taken her back to the hospital. She finally agreed to see a counselor, and managed to regain some of her happiness.

She didn't regret any of what she'd done since then. Not marrying Dinky's father, even with his passing. Not finding her job at the Ponyville post office, nor staying in Ponyville, even after Rainbow Dash moved here, with the dream she'd usurped. Derpy didn't blame Rainbow for what had happened. The brash pegasus probably didn't even remember losing to Derpy all those years ago. It wasn't like Rainbow had cursed her to be the way she was. Overall, Derpy was much better off than she could've been, and she was happy.

But there was still that part of Derpy that wondered what might've been. That small filly inside who'd had her dreams crushed by something out of everypony's control. The filly who'd begged for a reason, only to be told there wasn't one.

Holding the album in both forelegs, Derpy climbed into her bed, facing away from the door. It wouldn't do to let Dinky see her like this. She knew she'd feel better in a minute, but now, she needed this. She closed her eyes as they began to water.