Soulmates and Those Who Don’t Need Them
When the words ‘Script Scrawl’ inscribed themselves on the inside of her pastern at the tender age of eight, Cheerliee was thrilled. Her soulmate was out there, and she now knew his name. She proudly showed off the elegant hoofwriting to anypony who would listen.
Her enraptured classmates, her quietly pleased parents and the amused lollipop pony leading her across the street on her way to school were all targets of her excitement.
She didn’t quite know what it meant yet.
All she knew is that she now knew the name of the pony she was going to spend the rest of her life with.
“Me and Apple Core kissed last night!”
When all her classmates reacted with excited oohs and aahs, all Cheerliee could muster in response was a dull pang of interest. Cherry Blaze and Apple Core each had the other’s name scrawled in chickenscratch on their fetlocks, it wasn’t exactly a shocking revelation.
As the gathered group of friends went around sharing their feelings on the moment and how they wished their first kiss with their soulmate would go, Cheerilee let her thoughts wander to other more interesting matters.
“Cheerliee!” Lyra interrupted her quiet musings. “What do you want your first kiss to be like?”
Cheerilee blinked. Her first kiss? It was with a sudden pang that Cheerilee realised that she had never thought about it. Her soulmate had always been somepony abstract in her mind. Never a solid presence, just an idea. The thought that one day she would actually meet them had never crossed her mind.
“I, um… I don’t know.” She admitted, feeling put on the spot, “I’ve never really thought about it.”
Whatever reaction she was hoping for, she certainly didn’t get it. Her friend scrunched up her face and gave her a funny look. “What do you mean you’ve never thought about it- of course you have!” And Lyra meant well- of course she did, she was a good pony, but she didn’t get it.
Not even when she came out as a lesbian in eleventh grade. Not even when she renounced her (stallion) soulmate. Not even when she moved in with BonBon. She just didn’t understand.
And so, when Cheerilee bumped into a lovely stallion named Script Scrawl at the library one day, she didn’t hesitate. She had found the pony she was destined to love.
The sex wasn’t bad. Actually, it was quite enjoyable. Script Scrawl was attentive in bed, kind and giving. It felt nice. Which is why she felt awful when he leaned in for a kiss and she instinctively cringed away. She quickly leaned back in, but not before he noticed.
Cheerilee felt that pit in her stomach open up again. She ignored it. She liked being with him physically, so that must mean she loved him.
“Cheerliee,” Script Scrawl started one day, a year into their marriage, “I have a question for you.” His tone was unsure, carrying the weight of many months of desperation on his tongue. Cheerliee’s heart dropped. He knew there was something wrong with her.
“Are you a lesbian?”
The question took Cheerilee off guard. Was she?
She liked sex with Script Scrawl. Quite a bit, actually. But she didn’t love him. And oh, that was the thing, wasn’t it. The part that hurt. She didn’t love her soulmate despite everything in the world telling her she had to.
She thought about mares she had met over the years. She could absolutely tell you when she found one hot or not, but when she tried to think of spending her life with one of them, she just couldn’t visualise it.
But what other option was there? If she didn’t love Script Scrawl, she must love somepony.
And so she made a choice.
“Yes, Script. I am.”
As much as Cheerilee adored foals, she was immensely grateful that her and Script had never had any. It would have made the divorce a nightmare. Those were the sorts of thoughts that swirled around her head as she sat at the counter in the lesbian bar Lyra had insisted on bringing her to as soon as she had ‘come out’ to her.
Cheerilee didn’t have the heart to tell her that mares never really caught her eye either, so she just sat at the bar, staring down into her drink.
“Hey, hot stuff.” A gruff voice startled her from her thoughts and she looked up. In front of her stood what Cheerilee could only describe as the butchiest butch she had ever seen. Lyra had informed her of all the lingo now that she wasn’t her ‘token straight friend’, whatever that meant. The mare had a striking yellow coat with her orange mane pushed back from her face, she wore a black leather jacket and tinted sunglasses that obscured her eyes. Nevertheless, Cheerilee could tell she was hot. The feeling surprised her, the sudden warmth in her core- this lustful need.
“I’m Spitfire. And you?”
“Cheerilee.” She was breathless as the other mare gave her a once over. Celestia, that was hot.
“Now i’m going to preface this by saying that I will break your heart. I’m not looking for a marefriend- just a good time.” Said Spitfire. “And believe me, you will have a good time.”
Fuck it. Cheerilee thought. If this strange mare broke her heart, at least she’d know she had a heart to break.
Later, after the sex, when Cheerilee was lying in the pegasus’s bed, her fur slick with sweat, she almost cried. She tried imagining Spitfire taking her out on a date, buying her a fruity drink, or introducing herself as her marefriend and she felt nothing but a deep, overwhelming discomfort.
Slipping out of the bed as Spitfire snored away, Cheerilee took her leave.
Turns out she was the heartbreaker tonight.
It happened one day. That was all it took. Just one day.
She had been giving the mandated bare-bones soulmate lesson that every school was required to go over. It was usually paired with sex-ed, and Cheerilee was dreading that substantially less. She actually felt like she was informed enough to teach that lesson. Of course, the class said nothing about homosexuality or transsexuality, every foal was assumed to be paired with member of the opposite sex and one who had been born that way.
Cheerilee felt Ponyville was progressive enough that nopony would complain if she added a few sentences to the docket.
“Of course,” she added, “soulmates aren’t the end all be all of romance. Some ponies find themselves happier when they pair with somepony who isn’t their soulmate,” she paused, “Just remember, there’s somepony out there for everypony, so if you don’t find love with your soulmate, it’s not a bad thing to search elsewhere.”
Celestia knows she knew that.
She almost didn’t notice a small, alabaster hoof reaching hesitantly towards the ceiling.
“Oh, Sweetie Belle, what’s your question?”
“What if you’re aromantic?” The small filly squeaked out, clearly nervous but determined to ask her question regardless.
Cheerilee blinked.
“Come again, Sweetie Belle?” She asked.
“You know, if you don’t want a romance. Rarity said we don’t have to listen to our…” Cheerilee didn’t catch the rest of the filly’s sentence. She was staring, bug-eyed and mouth agape at the young foal for a few moments, before quickly regaining her composure.
That was it.
That was her.
“Miss Cheerilee? Miss Cheerilee!” The filly’s worried cries snapped Cheerilee out of her trance. “Why are you crying?”
Cheerilee had wrapped up class rather quickly after that, stumbling over her words and ushering the foals out the door rather haphazardly.
It didn’t matter.
There was a word for it.
Princess Twilight Sparkle might not be the town’s librarian any more, but she still had the largest collection of books this side of Foal Mountain- and, more importantly, she wasn’t judgemental. At least, Cheerilee hoped she wouldn’t be, not about this.
Knocking on the castle’s door, Cheerilee briefly considered just ding-dong-ditching and forgetting that any of this had ever happened.
Before she could follow that thought to its’ conclusion the door swung open.
“Hey Cheerilee! What are you doing here?”
“Hello Spike,” she responded warmly to the small purple dragon, “I’m here to enquire about borrowing a book? It’s for a class.” She silently congratulated herself on the lie that tumbled out of her at the last second.
Pop!
Cheerilee was accustomed to the princess teleporting in and out of various locales, but that didn’t mean it still didn’t give her a fright whenever it happened. She’d much rather walk from place to place, an earth pony urge she wasn’t quite sure the princess understood.
“Cheerilee! It’s wonderful to see you! What’s this I hear about wanting to borrow a book?” The alicorn’s wings ruffled with barely contained excitement- Cheerilee held back a chuckle, she must have been an amazing student to have in class. “Yes, um…” once again her resolve faltered, but she pushed through the fear. “I was wondering if you had any books on… Aromanticism?”
If Cheerilee thought Twilight had been excited before, that was nothing compared to the way her entire face lit up at the mention. The knot in Cheerilee’s chest loosened as several books popped into existence in the air surrounding the princess. “Cheerilee! Are you teaching the children queer studies? That’s wonderful! It’s never too young to start learning about the lgbt community, and I’m sure you’re making some of your students feel very seen! I know Sweetie Belle in particular would love for you to teach about aromanticism and asexuality. Oh. Um, forget I said that please- that’s not mine to tell.”
Cheerilee almost missed the last part of Twilight’s sentence and hurriedly nodded her head.
She was feeling very overwhelmed. Being Aromantic made her queer? She had spent lots of time in lesbian spaces after divorcing Script Scrawl but she had never felt like she properly belonged. And what was asexuality? Was it the same thing but for sex? She definitely didn’t relate to that one, she thought with vague humour.
Twilight must have sensed that she was feeling slightly intimidated. “Here,” she said with a smile, “If you’re looking into aromanticism specifically, this is a good book to start with.” She floated a reasonably slim book over to her and Cheerilee took it in her hooves.
The title read ’Amazing Aces and Awesome Aros, a guide to aromanticism and asexuality for your foal.’
Just as Cheerilee looked up to thank her, Twilight pulled her into a sudden hug. “I’m so glad you’re teaching the kids about us, Cheerilee. Thank you.”
Cheerilee felt slightly dizzy on the walk home.
As she chucked her saddlebags by the door and carefully balanced the book on her left hoof, Cheerilee closed the door to her house.
She walked over to the kitchen bench, made herself some tea and sat down at the table.
She looked down at the book.
She took a deep breath.
And she opened it.
The first sentence immediately jumped out at her, it read the following; ‘We frequently tell ponies in Equestria that everypony will meet their soulmate, fall in love and marry them. This is not necessarily true. Many ponies who identify as lgbt+ will instinctually recognise this, having found love outside of their soulmate.’
Cheerilee continued reading, this was nothing she didn’t already know.
‘However, we still expect ponies to end up in romantic relationships, no matter who they are with. This can be quite distressing to those who fall under the Aromantic umbrella.’
Cheerilee’s ears perked up and she leaned in closer to the book.
‘Somepony who identifies as aromantic may experience little to no romantic attraction, this means they feel happy simply being a good friend rather than falling in love with someone.’
‘They are not evil for not feeling romantic love, they simply-‘
That’s strange, the ink was smudging. What could have caused that? She lifted a hoof to the page. It was wet.
Oh, she was crying again. She faintly hoped Twilight wouldn’t fine her for water damage to her books.
She couldn’t get through this tonight. Closing the book gently, she pushed it away from herself, giving herself some space. It was overwhelming. She had felt like she didn’t belong anywhere for her whole life, like she was some puzzle piece that didn’t fit.
But now?
She was home.
“I love your hair-tie, Miss Cheerilee!” Sweetie Bell squeaked out, eyes sparkling. Cheerilee looked down at the young filly and smiled, brushing her hoof against the green, grey and black ribbon that held her hair up in a ponytail. “Thank you, Sweetie Belle! I figured I should try a new style, I’ve spent too long wearing out ones that didn’t fit.”
“Now, everypony focus up. I’ve had a chat with Princess Twilight about establishing a new curriculum surrounding soulmates, and I think you’ll enjoy it.”
Carefully taking a piece of chalk in her mouth, she wrote on the blackboard the following words;
Soulmates and Those Who Don’t Need Them.
Author's Note
I’m not completely happy with this fic but I just needed to get the idea out. There are a lot of issues I can see and I don’t think I incorporated the soulmate idea quite well but it’s been sitting in my drafts for too long. Might rewrite this completely in the future or at least do some heavy editing. But for now, this is it.
