Rainbow Dash kicked the rock in front of her with force as she slowly walked down the path that led away from the farm. The rain pouring down onto her multicolored mane, droplets dripping down constantly from it. She sighed as she looked up at the grey and cloudy sky, stopping right in her tracks as she let the rain soak up her feathers. Every now and then, distant rumbling from the clouds could be heard, followed by sudden flashes of lightning. She tried to keep on going, but her eyes were fixated on the ground, watching as more water droplets fell from the edges of her mane and onto the dirt path. Her head felt numb, and the whirlwind of thoughts wouldn’t stop. She should’ve known it was a stupid idea. This wasn’t fair towards Applejack. Rainbow Dash forced herself to take a few more steps forward but it felt as if she was pulling a wagon filled with boulders. She glanced at a nearby tree, and with some effort managed to fly and lay onto one of its branches.
Her thoughts instantly started replaying every sentence she had yelled out. This argument had to have been one of their worst ones ever. And it was all her own fault. She would never admit that in front of Applejack, but it was true. In fact, being reluctant to admit her own wrongdoings was the reason they had that argument. Rainbow Dash shifted her gaze toward the farmhouse in the distance. It was barely visible, but she could see the faint light coming from Applejack’s room despite the cascading rain. She wanted to fly back into the warmth of her room and apologize, and say she was sorry. But it was useless because Rainbow Dash knew she’d repeat the same mistake over again. She’d let Applejack down, again. As if she hadn’t done that enough times already. Anytime she said those words, they felt empty. What worth does a “sorry” have if you don’t even live up to its meaning? Rainbow Dash tried to keep herself from tearing up as she remembered Applejack’s words before she had stormed out of the living room.
“I really want to make this work Dash, but you’re making it so hard. All I’m asking for you to do is to please stop being so reckless! Consider how I feel!”
Rainbow Dash sniffled as the memory of Applejack’s voice echoed in her mind. Applejack wasn’t wrong. But she always forgot to think twice before she answered her back. Applejack’s concerns were reasonable, yet she had shrugged them off and blamed her for overreacting and being overly worried. Her own harsh words kept echoing through her mind. Snapping at the pony who loved her so much, saying how Applejack should mind her own business and just not care. Rainbow Dash knew she could go overboard with a lot of things. Most recent was probably that flying trick she had decided to perform on their fourth month anniversary. It failed, and she ended up in the hospital with a fractured wing. Applejack wasn’t too happy about it. She didn’t want Rainbow Dash to go out of her way for her and put herself in danger. Rainbow Dash remembered the look of disappointment, and she knew Applejack was trying so hard to stay calm and not snap in front of the nurses and doctors. She waited till after Rainbow Dash had recovered and tried to bring up the topic carefully. And that’s when this argument broke out.
“I’ve broken my wing plenty of times! It’s no big deal! I’ve crashed tons of times yet I’m fine. Are you saying you don’t appreciate all the tricks I perform for you, and you only?!”
“Why don’t you understand what I’m trying to say?! I just want ya to be careful and not go overboard! Why can’t we just have a peaceful anniversary where I don’t need to worry about ya pullin’ some idiotic stunt to impress me?”
“IDIOTIC STUNT? I put in effort, AJ! All for you to say it’s idiotic?! Fine! Forget about those stunts you find stupid then, maybe YOU should do all the work for our next anniversary, so you know how it feels having all your efforts be reduced to zero!”
“I don’t think we will last long enough for our next anniversary, Dash…”
Those words pierced through her heart once again. It terrified her. She had failed. Failed being the most awesome girlfriend Applejack would ever have. Why couldn’t she just listen to her for once? Why did she keep messing this up? She loved Applejack to pieces. She’d give up her own life for the sake of Applejack and she despised seeing Applejack upset and broken. Yet, despite all that, she had caused those exact things to happen. She ripped off a leaf from a nearby branch and started shredding it into smaller fragments. The waterfall from the clouds up above continued pouring down all over Ponyville but the tree Rainbow Dash was on still provided a bit of shelter. She couldn’t fix this. She didn’t know how to fix this, or herself. Her eyes glanced at the farmhouse in the distance again, the light in Applejack’s room no longer there. She was probably asleep. Rainbow Dash couldn’t help the tears from streaming down again. All she wanted to do was cuddle up next to Applejack on this rainy day, maybe have some hot cider and play board games, yet she was out here all alone. She had left Applejack all alone, with just the company of the harsh words she had yelled at her before leaving.
Applejack had suggested maybe meeting up with Twilight to get some form on counselling with their problems. But Rainbow Dash had been too stubborn to go through with the idea. She didn’t see how it was so serious. Or maybe, she was just too prideful to admit the fact that she was in the wrong.
“Counselling is lame, pssh! This isn’t a big deal, let’s just watch a movie or something”
Always pushing problems down. Rainbow Dash was aware there had been too many times she had tried to change the topic when counselling was brought up. Applejack had been serious. She kept going on about how these problems would get worse if they didn’t fix them right away, but Rainbow Dash had just shrugged it off.
Rainbow Dash sat up slightly on the branch and wiped some tears off her cheek. She didn’t have the courage to break up with Applejack, but she also knew that staying with her would hurt Applejack more in the long term. She didn’t want Applejack to step up and break up with her either. That would just lead Rainbow into a spiral of misery, and she’d hate to even be in the same town as Applejack after. She also didn’t want to hear those words from Applejack’s mouth. It was too painful to even imagine. She could try listening to Applejack and go to counseling together, but Rainbow Dash was still hesitant. The process was too long, and who knew, it might not even work. What if Twilight’s suggestion in the end would be to just…break up? Rainbow Dash didn’t want any of that either. She groaned and pulled at her own mane slightly. If she went back to Applejack, she’d probably forgive her, but that would only mean another argument a while later. Applejack would get hurt again, and Rainbow Dash couldn’t bear to let another meaningless “sorry” give Applejack false hope. She knew she’d mess up again.
If she had to choose between her own feelings and Applejack’s, she’d choose Applejack’s. If she couldn’t live up to her own promises of being a good girlfriend, she didn’t deserve to be with Applejack. It wasn’t an easy choice to make, but Rainbow Dash knew hurting Applejack further was the last thing she wanted. She knew what to do now. As she stood up, ready to lift off from the branch, she gave the farmhouse one last glance. Applejack would probably not like this idea, but in the long term, it would be best for her. Rainbow Dash smiled slightly, it was a painful smile, but she had to do this for Applejack.
And then she flew off.
Applejack was surprised when the mailpony knocked at her door and handed over a letter in a light blue envelope. She furrowed her eyebrows as she read the name of the sender. Rainbow Dash. Applejack knew she hadn’t seen Rainbow in a few days, but she had been busy discussing with Twilight, trying to figure out a way to make the situation between Rainbow Dash and herself better. Applejack had just expected Rainbow Dash to show up again, like she always did after their heated arguments, and she had planned to take it easy on her and understand why she was so reluctant to the idea of counselling. So, when she realized the letter was from Rainbow Dash, she was a bit surprised but went ahead and opened it. Maybe Rainbow was trying to pull a light prank as a way of apologizing, something Applejack didn’t really mind.
But Applejack’s eyes widened as her eyes read through the words on the paper. Eyes tearing up the further she read. Every word on the letter was like a stab in the heart. Her heart dropped, the lump in her throat made it hard to swallow. The only thing she could let out was a quiver, the letter dropping onto the hard wooden floor of the living room. Tears falling, landing on the words written, smudging the ink they were written in.
The words Applejack wished she had never read. The words Applejack couldn’t even believe were written by her Rainbow Dash. The words she had never ever wanted to hear from Rainbow Dash, ever.
“Hey AJ. I’m sorry. I really am. But I can’t keep lying to you. You don’t deserve meaningless apologies. I love you. Which is why you won’t see me in Ponyville anymore. I moved back to Cloudsdale, and…I guess that’s where I’ll stay. Just, forget we even had something, or at least try to. Please don’t try to reach out. You deserve somepony better, please. I want you to be happy…you said yourself we might not make it to our next anniversary…so, maybe it’s better this way. I thought about it, and…being loyal doesn’t always mean to stand by someone’s side, sometimes it just means to let go, so that they can move on. I don’t want to be the reason you hurt Applejack, I probably am right now, but that’ll change. I love you but my feelings have no worth if it means causing you pain every time I mess up. This time, I really mean it, I’ll apologize, because I’ll never get the chance to screw up again.
I’m sorry, AJ”
